The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 15: Conversation Lozenges

Episode Date: September 11, 2017

Luke's been to Atlanta checking out whale sharks, and while he was there Pete was back in the good ol' UK judging a dog competition with an 80s pop star despite never owning a dog in his entire life and not knowing any of the breeds. It's great work if you can get it.Meanwhile, the boys also talk about the origins of Lovehearts as well as everyone's favourite tongue-replacing parasite. And don't worry, these two things are unrelated.Bother us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

so that cool urban vibe can mean only one thing we've asked someone cooler than us to create a theme show tune i'm'm Ross from Friends. And I'm Chandler from Raymond Chandler's books. Could he be any more happy to be here? Hey, how you doing, Luke? It's Luke and Pete Shaw, and mine is Pete Donaldson, and I'm with my friend Luke Moore. Extended colleagues, I would say.

Extended colleagues. We've known each other quite a while. Long time. We still don't hate each other. Too long. Peaks and troughs. Peaks and troughs. Episode 15. Episode 15 known each other quite a while. Long time. We still don't hate each other. Too long. Peaks and troughs. Peaks and troughs. Episode 15.

Episode 15 of the little peach show. 15 is an album title from the band Buckcherry. I was not expecting a reference to the band Buckcherry, but I got it and I enjoyed it, Luke. Thank you for that. Hard rock, turn of the century band Buckcherry. Turn ofstomach, mate. How are you doing? You all right? Good. I can't even think of a single one of their songs. I'm all right. How are you, mate? I'm all right. When I hear the word Buckcherry, I think of the band The Saw Doctors,

a band I have no idea what songs they do. I'd never heard them before, but they were always in the section where the Spin Doctors were in WH Smith back in the day, and when I wanted to buy my Spin Doctors CDs, they were always in the section where the Spin Doctors were in WH Smith back in the day. And when I wanted to buy my Spin Doctors CDs, they were always in the way. Two things I can give you about the Saw Doctors. One is they always used to play Glastonbury. I don't know if they still do. Two, they're Irish. That's it.

Are they Irish? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, I believe so. Well, I'm learning something already. As an Irishman yourself, how do you feel about that? We're only a minute into the show. Did we talk about my Irish heritage? That I did a spit in the tube thing and I found out that I was more

Irish than I thought. No, you haven't told me that, but you do a good line in... Spending money for no good reason. Well, that, definitely, and you genuinely do, but also in doing things and then not telling me and they're always of really good interest. I always thought that you were of Welsh descent. I am. My mum's Welsh

but then I did that spit in a tube and find out where you're from DNA test and Does it give you your address and everything? Apparently I'm 1% Polynesian. I don't know where the hell

that's coming from. That's very specific isn't it? Very good. 1% Polynesian pretty much something like 60% English and the rest is Irish

and I had no idea and I said ma'am apparently I'm quite Irish and she said yeah both your great grand the rest is Irish. And I had no idea. And I said, ma'am, apparently I'm quite Irish. She said, yeah, both your great granddads were Irish. I was like, well, I could have said myself 60 good there. My wife has... My wife. My wife is of Italian and Irish descent as well.

And she did... Is it 23andMe? Is that the company you used? It was... No, it was like Ancestry.co.uk, I think it was. It probably goes to the same lab, let's face it. I think she used 23andMe

and I think, I think she had like a 1 or 2% sub-Saharan African in there. So I think it really is, it really is a melting pot for the world

in which we occupy. 2%. Yeah, there you go. I'd love to do it, by the way, because I, my great aunt

researched my family tree and two facts that came out about it. One was that she found a man in the census around the mid to late 19th century whose occupation was imbecile. What, his occupation? It wasn't like a town idiot? Just listed as imbecile, yeah.

Is that an occupation? Secondly, I think I had some Romany, some travelling Romany. I'd like to know about it. But listen, I haven't checked it. I've seen your car. It's two halves of different cars. I love it.

I did used to have a car that was two halves and I didn't know. A cut and shot? Yeah, for about a couple of years, yeah. The TV show Dream Team. Do you remember the TV show Dream Team? I do. Do you remember Shane from Boyzone? Yes, I do, yeah.

He once turned up to the filming of Dream Team with two halves of two different cars. And I think we all know how that was going to end. Wow. So, yeah. How do you know that? Because an ex-girlfriend's brother used to write for Dream Team and he was told never to change his haircut in between filming.

And one time he turned up with a completely different haircut. And he said, I got paint in it so the joke is he was told not to get a haircut but he got a haircut it's not a joke it really happened

do you mind just filling while I just turn the temperature in the studio down a little bit I can't figure out how to do it I tried turning it down it started making

a crazy noise and it kind of went kaput I could smell burning but that could just mean me having a stroke I don't know but it's I'll give it a go see how we go see how we just mean me having a stroke. I don't know, but it's...

I'll give it a go. I'll see how we go. All right, here we go. See how we go. You've got a very thick weave on. I know I have, yeah. We've only just got through summer, mate. On my head, you mean?

All over. Shall we do it? All over. It's peach fuzz. Shall we do It's Been? Let's go It's Been. Hey, hey, check this out, Luke. It's been!

That is a perfect volume. Almost a temperature. Perfect volume. That's perfect temperature. Yeah, I'm very impressed with that, Pete. Well done, mate. It's all right. Well done.

Yeah, I've got a thick shirt on today. I don't really know why. I think I got carried away thinking it's the end of the summer when it isn't necessarily yet. It's kind of half and half, isn't it? And I've got a cold as well, so I'm up and down. I've just come back from doing the announcements for the Q Awards. Right.

And I think I took too many cold and flu. And I think I swore too much in the announcements well when I was with you earlier to fight off the cold and flu you ate in my presence an entire chilli pepper with the seeds yeah I styled it out but in reality

I was dying inside it worked though it worked you kept sipping from the water I remember seeing if you're going to eat a chilli you're going to sip a little bit of water. But that's not what you're supposed to do. Everyone listening out there will probably know this already, but in case you don't, water is not what you're supposed to have when you actually... There's milk in it.

It's milk or yoghurt, yeah. Yoghurt. Who just does yoghurt on them? Just in case you've got some yoghurt lying around. A little petty fellow in your pocket. What are you playing at, you pervert? So do you want to go first? Or shall I go first?

You go first if you want. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. I went to Dragon Con in Atlanta, Georgia. You went to some kind of Comic-Con thing where people dress up as things. It was blooming magnificent. It was actually, it was really good fun.

The last time I went to one of those, I went to a video conference called Gamescom in Germany and the smell. Right. When it's run off just of men. When they let the public in, it was all, it was B or Central. Yeah, I think the difference

between these types of things in Europe and then in the US is in the US, they genuinely are almost 50-50 men and women. Yes, that's,

yeah. It's really part of the main, it's not even really subcultural, I would say, it's just main cultural now. Yeah. It's not necessarily, or if it is a nerdy thing,

then I guess it's as many female nerds as it is male nerds. But it's a fascinating place. It's in Atlanta, a few hotels out there, the Hyatt, the Marriott, and the Hilton. And they all link together through a different sort of, it's a walkway type thing, or a series of walkways. And there's 82,000 people there, so it's very, very busy.

In the hotels, is there like a rule against body paint? Because I imagine all the fixtures just covered in like, if you dress as like one of the, who's that blue X-Men lady? I can't remember her name. I can't remember.

It's not really my area. Phantasm, I'm going to say. Yeah, that's definitely what she's called. She's blue. She's covered in blue. And she's going to say yeah that's definitely what she's called she's blue she's covered in blue and she's going to blow she's going to

blow everything speaking of blue there are quite a lot of people dressed as the guy in Guardians of the Galaxy with the whistling arrow oh that's pretty cool

and that's all blue that's all blue paint it's a good point actually I didn't think about it at the time there was loads of people with body paint on them I didn't see anything

come off. But it was interesting because in the evening, it's basically just a party where everyone gets drunk but dressed as characters. And there were some genuinely impressive characters. One guy who's a good friend of my brother-in-law who was there, he 3D printed an entire Wall-E costume. You showed me that and it looked very, very good.

It was built around a mobility scooter. It was definitely a bit bulkier than I remember Wally. The thing is though, Pete, inside it,

he had, so he had two A dead body. Yeah. He had two cameras on the outside so we could see where he was going,

powered by an iPad that he was having in his hand and it had a fan in it as well. Amazing. And he 3D printed the whole thing. Not the iPad. But yeah you know but um it was really cool when he put when you

push him down the stairs that i mean that was it was it was uncalled for in hindsight but i'd taken on i'd taken on like i'd taken on board a lot of alcohol so everyone just gets drunk in the main areas i thought it was just like a uh they're like panels and stuff yeah so in the evening it's a bit of a party and during the day there are panels and I went to a couple of fascinating panels and the one I want to tell you about for those who haven't attended or know what it is

it's like Comic Con but I'd say it's probably got a little bit more of a sciencey bent than Comic Con right okay and this one this panel I went to was with a professor in cryptography from somewhere I forget where

who did a talk on the world's oldest unsolved codes. Okay, right, yeah. Have I told you about this? Uh, no. It was fascinating. Maybe you did, but it was in code. Yeah, you can decipher what I'm saying.

So essentially, she gave a list of, I think, about eight or ten of the world's oldest surviving unsolved codes. Right. So either through a combination of not really knowing where to start with them or what they're even for... Yes. ...to more modern ones that are just evaded solving for a while. So like the Voynich... Is it the Voynich Manuscript?

The Voynich Manuscript is one of them. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. So the Voynich Manuscript is a book which appears to be a guide to something. It's got a lot of intricate paintings of flowers and herbal stuff in it, but it's in a completely different language and it doesn't really seem to be any sort of form to it.

And the Guardian tough word search. Yeah, and one of them was actually the Sudoku in Saturday Sun. Which I was keen to get involved with, but it was beyond me too. And the appeal of the Big Bang Theory. Yeah, that is a... That will never never be cracked that is a conundrum there was no one there was no one dressed as anything to do with the big bang theory oh really and there was also no one

dressed as avatar which surprised me uh again i mean the avatar characters are about seven foot tall aren't they my wife said yeah don't overestimate it's impossible to underestimate exactly how little cultural impact Avatar had as a film. Which is fair enough. But one of the codes which I found particularly fascinating was an unsolved code on a sculpture in the CIA building called Kryptos. Kryptos! And the CIA, when they commissioned this piece of art to sit in the grounds of Langley, Virginia,

commissioned a sculpture and they wanted a code in it. And the guy who designed it designed the code so difficult that no one's been able to solve it. I mean, to be fair, you're in the big leagues if you're having to, you know, make a code for the CIA. You could just make it up and go and people would be like, well, I can't solve this. But what I was thinking, well, that is possible. But what I was thinking was, it's in the grounds, right? And you can see it from the work cafeteria. They don't want to be selling codes on their lunch break as well.

But that's probably why. It's the last thing they want to be doing on their lunch break. It's a boss man's holiday, isn't it? Yeah. I'm working all day already. So anyway, if you have sold either the Voynich manuscript or Kryptos or any of those ancient ones from Egypt... To get in touch.

Yeah, there's one that was discovered on Crete as well, which I thought to myself, it was these two tablets with these codes on them. But I thought, I don't even know if you can tell if that's a code or not. What, it's just people messing around? Yeah. Do you remember in the 80s, there was a big Vogue 4 hidden treasure and stuff,

and there was that rabbit, it was a golden rabbit or some wank like that, and it was just, it was like a, it was a book, I think, and somewhere in the UK, a rabbit, a golden rabbit, a platinum rabbit was buried and it was worth like, sorry, 20 grand, 30 grand,

something like that. No, I think it actually existed, but it really did capture everyone's imagination. With stuff like that, I was playing a video game recently and they had one of those kind of,

one of those kind of like clues, five women in a room, they each have a a piece of a piece of cloth a piece of fabric what colours the one with the red

is sat next to someone from England and the one on the right and it's just really confusing I'm like I can't be bothered no like my time

is too well it's not it's not too valuable but I just can't be bothered with it I can't be bothered with riddles I can't be bothered with magic I don't like magic really it's just a waste of everyone's too valuable but I just can't be bothered with it. I can't be bothered with riddles, I can't be bothered with magic, I don't like magic really, it's just a waste of everyone's time. The fact that you can't be bothered with it is absolutely your decision

but please do not make out to me or our listeners that you've got other things on because that is not true. I get confused with the little maze in the Screwball Scramble. I'd take the lid off that. So I can see what's going on. Yeah, it makes sense. I work for a company who I won't name

because they haven't paid to be sponsored, who did quite an interesting thing. The SS? No, no, no, no, no. Peter. Where this company dropped, it was a football-based company, and they dropped a parachute payment,

literally a payment from a parachute, somewhere in the UK. Oh, that is... You first, to find it it you got to keep it right i didn't get permission from the landowner so the farmer kicked off and i think a lot of a lot of silly bother could have been avoided was not avoided that's the thing with um balloons have you ever been in a balloon before hot air balloon hot air balloons because you can't really uh with any level of accuracy figure out where you're going to land you can sort of roughly know where

you're going to land but you're probably of roughly know where you're going to land, but you're probably going to miss by a good mile or something. And if you land on the farmer's, you know, corn patch or whatever, the bloke invariably, who is running the balloon thing, usually has a bottle of whiskey and is... Oh, right, okay. So he pays off a landlord with a bottle of whiskey, maybe 100 quid or something, and he's like,

sorry, I crushed your child. I didn't know they called them corn patches. They were corn patches. Sounds like you put in a verruca. What's your it's been? Hit me. Well,

two things. I went to a dog show over the weekend. Oh good, excellent, always fun. I judged the best dog, the best dog

that's good with kids. You judged a dog show? I helped judge a dog show. You're not qualified. No, I'm not. I've never had a dog. Did you tell them that? It was me, my mate Sarah, and Sunita from the 80s,

who got changed into a dress and stilettos, and the dress was made of dog biscuits. What, actual dog biscuits? No, I think they're like vinyl. Fake ones, okay, yeah. But, I mean, what's a dog to know? No. One way or another.

Well, smell, sense of smell. Very good sense of smell. Good point, good point. But, yeah, I had a lovely like vinyl. Fake ones, okay, yeah. I mean, what's a dog to know one way or another? Well, smell, sense of smell. Very good sense of smell. Good point, good point. But yeah, I had a lovely time just hanging out with dogs. Welcome to the dog show where your dogs are going to be judged and where one of the judges has never even owned a dog. You're not an authority on this. Yeah, and to be honest, a radio DJ judging a dog show that involves children,

not a good look. No, it isn't. Not a good look. It reminds me isn't. Not a good look. It reminds me a bit of when Alan Partridge did the Voice of the Fate. Fire, fire, the fair's on fire. I just don't like people, then. For those who are, for the avoidance of doubt, Pete was not at any stage implemented in Operation U-Tree.

No. And doesn't expect to be in the future. Who got the best award? I was really taken with, it was a rescued dog from the future. Who got the best award? I was really taken with, it was a rescued dog from the Ukraine. Okay. So, it's... They're playing the sympathy card.

They shouldn't be allowed to say that. I know. There was a fluffy dog. The thing is, I don't know what the breeds of the dogs are. So, basically, they said, all right, so which one do you like the best? And they said, Dashund.

Yeah. I actually announced it through the mic as Datsun. It's the Datsun. I love the way that you're using terms like fluffy dog. There was a fluffy dog. There was a fluffy dog. One that looked like he had like a mohican. But the whole thing was supposed to be how good they are with kids.

This one was so shy. It wouldn't go near anybody. Did you give it the Molineux? I gave it the Molineux. It's just shy. Dachshund. But you know, the best thingux? I gave it the Not Anybody. Just shy. But you know, the best thing about

watching crafts on TV, I watch it every year on TV, is, and it is childish, but I'll make an apology for that, is when they describe

a dog and it's a female dog and they'll say something about the dog and I go, and she really is a lovely bitch. They don't need to do that anymore.

It's fantastic. That word's taken on a life of its own. It has. I'm also obsessed with, look, the National Institute of its own. It has. I'm also obsessed with, look, the National Institute of Standards and Technology.

Okay. That's come out of left field. Because I watched a video on the internet, as so many of my interests begin. Basically, it's a place where... Is this why you put something in the running order for me to look at? It's a YouTube link with a description, literally, dried piss.

Yeah, that's pretty much it yeah i didn't click on that that's how the video opens right so i mean i'll stick on i'll stick on the opening uh the opening few frames so we can hear it that's an advert for asda your video beginning three one discover mark george right there we go let's pause this chap you've probably seen this guy before His name is Tom Scott But he does some wonderful work Online and beyond

Can you see that telly from around it You can't I can sort of see it Anyway Basically it's a man in a lab Yeah There's a lot of Dockets

Dockets What are the little dockets Dockets Basically a lot of shelving With a lot of items on it In jars and stuff Dockets are pieces of paper A lot of items

Well a lot of items on it in jars and stuff. Dockers and pieces of paper. A lot of items, well, a lot of items on shelves, basically. Okay. And this is his opening gambit. This is a packet and bottle of freeze-dried urine. Thank you very much. There we go, that's all we needed. Start with your best, get their attention. So what is the point of this, Pete?

It's a National Institute of Standards and Technology. It's a place where people can buy materials that have been rigorously checked to be the purest example of that material is it a government-run agency so it's a government agency there are competing brands and stuff but this is the one run by the u.s government and it's fascinating so that when manufacturers like buy or produce other examples of that same material uh they know that the material in question has the same chemical composition uh as as the purest form of that thing it's usually for like calibration purposes

or the urine's a good example if you are testing for drug addled urine it's basically like a control yes it's a control thing and so you can buy a small vial of freeze dried piss basically

for $983 that's how much it costs not worth it well it's mainly the certificate that comes along with it. It's not actually the item itself. It's the certificate that comes along with it. But it's the National Institute of Standards and Technology. And you could buy just everything you think of.

So let me give you an example then. So if I find a jar in the back of the cupboard, and it's got no label on it, and I think, this looks to me like crunchy peanut butter. Right. If I go to the National Institute of Standards and Technology, I can get a control of peanut butter, check out the chemical composition and if it's the same, dig in. If it's the same, dig in.

Well, dig in both. You've already got the control. If you've ordered the control... It cost me $900. I'm not eating it all at once. So yeah, all these materials are like really precise examples from like cocaine to the aforementioned powder of piss, peanut butter, whale blubber as well.

And what I liked about it in the video, the whale blubber is kept in the same place as the peanut butter. So weird. Right. So very weird. I don't know why you'd need a control for whale blubber. Well, it's because they're at the top of the food chain, so that can kind of... So if you find a whale that's been beached,

that's obviously got almost a snapshot of what it's eating because it's the the apex predator isn't it i guess it eats everything no whales only eat very small i'll come on to this in future weeks but whales only eat very small like krill or plankton depending on the whale yeah i suppose so yeah i suppose it's garbage just it can so it can eat like 20 000 calories in one swallow or something yeah I bet, yeah. Well, if you've seen them, well, they are big. Yeah. They are big lads, aren't they? I mean, isn't there no knob in four? Fucking big lads. There was a whale washed up at Leon Solent Beach once.

Where I'm from. Okay, right, okay. Yeah, just one, seriously, 15 years ago or whatever. Actually, it's probably longer than that. That's when I was living back in the South. Let's say, how old am I now? About 20 years ago. Yeah.

I woke up in the morning. My mate was like, oh, yeah, what are woke up mornings mate mate was like oh yeah what you up to so nothing come down to the beach all right went down to the beach loads of people there but probably the whole town now it's a very small town anyway uh couldn't really see what's happening and walked down a bit further a massive whale was was had been washed up on leon certain beach it was probably i mean it's hard to say but it was massive dead yeah it what happened was because the chat i'm not the channel the solent yeah it's quite a busy, but it was massive. Was it dead? Yeah. What had happened was, because the Solent, it's quite a busy shipping lane,

it had been hit by a tanker or a dredger or something and been killed and been washed up. And that to get, like, about four JCBs to put it on the back of a flatbed truck and drive it off, because they can explode. Yeah, because all of the, when it dies, obviously all of the chemicals inside creates gas. Well, it's happened a few times, hasn't it?

But do you remember, I remember when, it was a famous video back in the 90s, I think, early 90s, where a town had a similar problem. They had this big, bloody big well and they decided to blow it up with dynamite. See, that's what I want to be a part of.

Did no go well. No, I bet it didn't. I would probably, if I saw a well, I'd probably climb inside and it's going to help me run around. There'd be so much room in there. They're not that big.

They're big enough for me to run around in. Little game of tennis in there. Speaking of that, right, this just reminded me of something. When I was in Georgia, Atlanta, I went to the Georgia Aquarium. Right. Have you been there?

No, I haven't. It's absolutely amazing, and it's just reminded me, they've got four whale sharks in there. They've got a tank so big, it's got four whale sharks in it. That's, that's, I'd just get one.

And, well, I'll tell you what happened. I'll tell you what happened. I tell you what happened I put a photo up on my Instagram actually so you can see how big they are if you don't know how big a whale shark is which by the way is massive

have you got like something to compare it to like a can of coke or something there's loads of people standing in the foreground a can of coke that's how you compare penises we haven't got time

for that now would you go to the National Institute of Science and Technology and see what I'm looking for I'm looking for the dictionary definition of a penis, please. Get me a wagger, because I'm being criticised for mine.

Left, right and centre. And these whale sharks, they were... I think they were taken from some Taiwanese fishermen or something. And Georgia Aquarium did a deal with UPS. Right. UPS, the packaging guys. Yeah, and so if you ship these over for free,

we'll give you a sponsor's right or something or whatever on the tank. Which they did. And they got a jumbo jet 747 and they adapted it and put the tank in it

and they flew them over. Unbelievable. The thing that reminded me. Piscine. SeaLife. I know, right? UPS. How does a plane,

I'd love to know what the maximum load for a 747 is because it seems pretty heavy to me for that to be taken off. You can keep a lot in there. Have you ever seen like... You know when they put the...

When you put all your bags in the hole, effectively, on a plane. You like to think that it's like this massive kind of shell that's all organised and stuff. It's just literally just a pocket. It's like a pocket that looks like it actually forms the contours of the actual so it's smaller

at the sides and bigger at the you'd think that there'd be like some organisation it's not. Just pile everything as quickly as you can.

Right. It's really confusing. What were you expecting though? I was expecting like like another level of the plane. You know like the part that you live in

effectively for ten hours or whatever. I thought like another one of them basically. know like the part that you live in effectively for 10 hours or whatever I thought like another one of them basically depending on how long the flight is 11 to finish the point 2

5 depends where you go depends where you go just to finish the point the thing that reminded me of it is that if you know a whale shark is able to scoop up huge amounts of krill

and plankton and stuff in one go I think it's krill actually little tiny shrimps right their esophagus is only the size of a 50 pence piece so it all goes through huge amounts of krill and plankton and stuff in one go. I think it's krill, actually. Little tiny shrimps. Right. Their esophagus is only the size of a 50-pence piece. So it all goes through one little tube?

It all just filters through, yeah. So I couldn't climb through it? No. The whale shark isn't as big as, you know, obviously like a blue whale or something. You could probably squeeze yourself into an adult whale shark's mouth, but that's as far as you're going. Could I, if I wore ice skates,

jam my feet through its guts and walk around like it's a suit and go to Comic-Con? Is it already dead? Yeah, well, after I've punctured its guts with my ice skate feet. I don't see why not. I don't see why not.

It would be quite heavy. And skate my way through Comic-Con, leaving shark entrails everywhere. The smell would be outrageous. It would be. So you were on the National Institute of Standards Technology website, and I went to Atlanta, and that's that. That's that.

Let's have some emails. Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. Never argue with the customers, Luke. How many more times? I know, I know. Would you like some emails, Luke? Yeah, sure. I'll do the first one, anyway. All right. customers, Luke. How many more times? I know, I know. Would you like some emails, Luke? Yeah, sure.

I'll do the first one anyway. All right. Hello, Luke. Hello, Pete. Wrong order. Don't like that. About 20 years ago, I was working... This is by Richard Bushell, by the way.

Richard Bushell. Richard Bushell. About 20 years ago, I was working away through a pack of love hearts when I got one which had the message, You prat. Surely not. I let this happen I can't I can't

prove this verify this I've thought about this every time I've had love hearts since that day but I've never seen that message or anything similarly abusive ever since

I remember it quite clearly because I was about eight and I had to ask my mum what a prat was but like Luke with the Kit Kat as the years have passed I've started to doubt

my memory has anyone else received an abusive love heart message please somebody get in touch but like Luke with the Kit Kat as the years have passed I've started to doubt my memory. Has anyone else received an abusive love heart message? Please somebody get in touch. Hello at Luke and Pete show.com Hello at Luke and Pete show.com In America they're called sweethearts and they're sold

Oh it's slightly different. They're sold around Valentine's Day and I was doing a bit of research into them and they come the idea and tradition of love hearts or sweethearts come from things called conversation lozenges. Fuck off. I'm being serious hearts come from things called conversation lozenges.

Fuck off! I'm being serious. Oh, it's the conversation lozenges. I'm being serious. Oh, lovely. And they started out... Conversation lozenges! Spit in my mouth, Paul.

Let's have a chat candy. But they started off in little biscuits with messages written on paper in them. You crap. And as technology advanced, they started written on paper in them. You crap. Yeah, and as technology advanced, they started printing on the biscuits themselves. But what was funny

is that I found a website which had some examples of the first messages printed on them. Were these like 1930s? When was this? I think in wartime there's some extreme messaging.

No, it was before that. I think late 19th century, I think. Oh, right. Thumbs up for slavery. No, listen to this. Some of them late 19th century, I think. Oh, right. Thumbs up for slavery. No, listen to this, though. Some of them are really funny. Let me find it.

Here we go. Right. First one. I am not too young. Oh. Young girl, get out of my mind. Another one. Mother knows I am out.

Mother knows I'm out? Yeah. What does that mean? Is that like an out of the closet thing? Or is it like... Listen to the next one. Can you polka oh polka was big back then i've got two more one is i'll see you home right all of these are

threatening the final was brilliant please send a lock of your hair by return mail right that is dreadful absolutely dreadful so this is richard bus You could have done a lot worse than you, Pratt. Could be worse. Yeah. Can you, Pratt? Polka. Well, there's some new, there's new love hearts that came out a few years ago and they're all just junk.

I'll read Pet. That's the sort of thing you say all the time. Yeah, but I don't want it on my candy, do I? No, I suppose not. Marry me. Hot wheels.

Hot wheels? Hot wheels. That doesn't make any sense, That doesn't make any sense, does it? No, totally. Take a selfie. Yeah selfie it's got modern I hate when I do that stuff

YOLO yeah YOLO YOLO's on there tweet me Skype me miracles happen 60 years of love what

I mean 60 yeah that is 60 years of love and how do the Welsh cuddle it's kutch kutch

kutch me that's presumably in Welsh-only factories. I don't know. Or Reet Pet. I prefer the old ones. I swear, for a little while, there was one that said, fax me. And that was like, yeah, jeez. Well, I don't know.

You say that, and I'm sure you're right, but in 15 years' time, people will be laughing at Skype me, won't they? Well, Skype... How has the brand name got on there it's an unloved brand i mean it's useful and everyone uses it but i mean skype me should be conference call me it shouldn't be it should be facetime me it's like putting tannoy me on instead of pa me it's a brand do you want an email in return i would like an email in return thank you um hi guys this is from emmett he says you guys speaking about the parasite which causes frogs

to grow extra limbs reminded me of this little guy that extra limbs thing on the frogs was a few weeks ago yes he says

Simothoa exigua is a type of parasite that enters a fish's gills eats their tongue and then replaces it Jesus I know it's quite horrible but I kind of like

how smug he looks sitting there with a devious grin and he's included the photo and to be fair it does look quite cute but I kind of like how Smuggy looks sitting there with a devious grin, and he's included the photo. And to be fair, it does look quite cute, but that is horrific. Love the show, lads. Keep it up. I mean, disgusting. Yeah.

I mean, it does look kind of cute, but it does kind of look... It's a bit like Ninja Turtles with Kerrang. Yeah, it does look a bit like that, yeah. What was the name of the guy that Kerrang was in? He's a big muscle man, isn't he? A big, roidy guy, isn't he? Yeah, what was he called? I can't remember.

Did he have cool glasses as well? He had, like, weird futuristic glasses and a belt. Right. And pants. Bebop and Rocksteady had cool glasses, didn't they? Oh, there was a Bebop and Rocksteady at Dragon Con. Oh, was there? Yeah, yeah, it was good.

I'll get you titles. There was also an amazing array of good quality macho man Randy Savages as well, which is great to see. But yeah, anyway, this is a parasite, Pete, that replaces a tongue. We don't like one of them. I would probably have a, like a swiss army knife. What, if you could replace your tongue with anything? Yeah, because I'm always looking for, basically my micro is broken,

the button on it is broken, so I've got to get a screwdriver and jam it in. I mean, it's probably quite dangerous, but I've got a screwdriver that I keep next to the microwave that I jam into the button. Okay. They're about 30 quid, microwaves. Say again? They're about 30 pounds. Yeah, but it's fine.

It's part of the button. I would probably replace my tongue with a toothbrush. That would be good. Yeah. Or one of those fuzzy brushes you get in airport toilets. Yeah, the ones you can eat in little bowls. And they've got really grimy toothpaste. They're disgusting. I've never had one. Of course I bought one. Yeah, the ones you can eat in little bowls. And they've got really grimy teeth. They're disgusting.

I've never had one. Of course I bought one. Yeah, of course you did. And one of those rings you put around your penis that you get in the condo machine. Moving on from that, if you want to get in touch with any other tongue-replacing parasites or anything else,

it's hello at lukeandpete.com and don't get in touch with Pete about penises because he's already mentioned them twice this week and I don't want to encourage him any further. More penises! Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. It's one small step for man.

You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope. Good morning. Good morning, Luke Moore. Good morning to you too. It's quite late actually, isn't it? Yeah. We've both had a long day.

It's morning somewhere, mate. I'm full of cold, I'm full of Lemsip. I actually bought from Premanger a clementine. No, a nectarine. Okay, yeah. a nectarine. Okay, yeah. A nectarine. And the woman said, would you like me to wash the nectarine for you?

Part of the service. Was she doing the nectarine? I don't know. It reminds me of... And also she asked if I needed a receipt. And I was only buying a nectarine. I will never need to prove that I bought a nectarine. Can I bring this back?

It doesn't fit. And it's dirty. It's dirty. It's dirty. Someone I'm not going to name because it would be unfair to protect the innocent or keep them in anonymous.

It's your dad. No, it's not. There's someone I've definitely said it was my dad. Someone I know used to, it's just bizarre behaviour, used to wash an orange before they peeled it.

That's insane. Yeah, because you, I really wanted to say to them, what are you doing? Yeah. How about that? What do you think about that? I'm a man who eats an apple.

I ate a car as well. Yeah. That's quite deviant. I've seen a guy I used to know used to eat the whole apple and use the stalk to pick his teeth. That's, that's not good.

No. There we go. Fruit, fruit behaviours. I saw a man eat a cream egg and he had like a, he ate it in the messiest way possible. He had like. I saw a man eat a cream egg and he had like a he ate it in the messiest way possible. He had like a handkerchief and he sort of managed to make

a literal meal and figurative meal out of eating a flipping cream egg. How did he do that? He just had it all over his hands. Just put it in your gob mate. Unwrap it. Put it in your gob. Job done. But he managed to get it about five bites out of one cream egg. Madness. just put it in your gob mate unwrap it put it in your gob job done but he managed to get it he managed to get about

five bites out of one cream egg yeah madness people it's a big thing isn't it for people to be annoyed about other people's eating habits yeah

I actually know someone as well speaking of cream egg who didn't used to like chocolate but liked the cream egg fondant so he used to bite the top of the cream egg off scoop it out

scoop it all out with a finger and then give it not with a finger and then put the chocolate in the bin or give it to someone else. Not that anyone else would want to eat it. I was at Alexander Palace over the weekend

watching Interpol or a little while ago and he, he, I was getting a drink and I said, Alexander Palace, I hate it.

It's on a hill. It takes ages to get there. Terrible. You either change it wood green or blow up. Terrible venue. Terrible. The sound's terrible.

It's dreadful. I've seen brand new there. I've seen Interpol there and I thought both times dreadful sound. Anyway, when everyone was getting the drink,

it just took too long to get bloody drinks. They had two beer machines. Better be careful everyone's just buying lager. Yeah. You know, cheap crappy lager,

well, expensive crappy lager and they've got like just two crappy machines. One urn of beer or a, you know, urn.

An urn of beer. My beer. And, of beer. My beer! And they just had one lad and they're all like about 16, these kids are about 16, kind of 18 I guess. And they're pressing the button and the beer's coming out really, really slow. And they're running out of beer. They're just running out of beer.

The beer is not keeping pace with the amount of people who want the beer. Anyway, this one lad's job was to just take the beer from the person who was want the beer. Anyway, and this one lad's job was to just take the beer from the person who was pouring the beer and put it on a table for other people to serve, to the people, the punters who wanted the beer, right? Was there a bottleneck?

Well, there was a massive bottleneck every time. And he would, at one point, because it was all plastic glasses, he would pick up the beer and it would squeeze slightly so the foam would get on his finger. And every time, I want to do this 20, 30 the foam would get on his finger and every time, I watched him do this 20, 30 times, he would lick his finger. That's outrageous.

He would lick the beer off his finger, get the nice little buzz. Was he pissed? Well, presumably after all that. But he would, but I wouldn't care,

like his supervisor was watching him, like talking to him while he was licking his hand. I was like, stop licking your flipping hand, mate. How,

we're allowed to throw on this show by the way. Fucking hand. I went for a gin and fucking tonic anyway, mate. We're allowed to throw on the show, by the way. Fucking hand. I went for a gin and fucking tonic anyway, so. Pete, how expensive was it to buy a beer in Alexandria Palace? The reason I ask that is because last time I went to Alexandria Palace, I don't think they had a licence, and they used to give you vouchers, and you had to go and exchange the voucher for a beer.

And the whole thing was so tedious, it was unreal. Yeah, it was for two lagers. It was 10 quids. It was about 12 quid, I think. Expensive. Why did you start talking about that? I can't even remember. Can't remember, no. Washing nectarines. Oh, yeah. Washing oranges. Yeah.

Men Carter, though. Men Carter. Well, Andrew Tate's come up with this entry for this week's Men Carter. Would you like to read it out? Because I realise that I'm incredibly stuffy-nosed. So I find myself rather hard to listen to at the moment. Yeah, I'll do it. Apologies. That's all right.

I think they prefer me anyway. A little email here from Andrew Tate. Have you already said that? Yeah. Oh, you have, okay. He says, Hi, lads. This is fast becoming a favourite show of mine,

so thanks for putting it together every week. Well, that's a sort of opening and it's going to get you in the job. It's going to get you read, isn't it? It's going to get you read out. He says, I love the Baltic states of Estonia, Lithuania and Latvia in the same way Pete loves all things Japanese

and Luca adores Southampton. I see what you do there. I see what you've done there, mate. He said, I'd like to tell you two stories that we don't really know about in this country. First, I'll tell you about the Baltic Way, also known as the Baltic Chain.

Ooh. On 23rd of August 1989, to mark the 50th anniversary of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact between Soviet Russia and Nazi Germany, two million people formed a human chain across Estonia, Lithuania, and Latvia in peaceful protest at the continuing occupation of their countries by the Russians.

Two million people. All put together. The last occupying forces left the Baltic states in, I think, 1994. Some locals in the region I talked to take this later date to be the end of World War II. It amazes me and inspires me that so many people would risk their few freedoms

and maybe more to become what we consider free. Now, I looked at this Baltic chain. I mean, it's over 400 miles long. And in 1989, pre-internet, how did everyone get together? Exactly. It's a hell of a flash mob. To put that in perspective,

that is like a single unbroken chain of human beings from London to Glasgow. And I know that because I drove to Glasgow fairly recently. It was just over 400 miles. So there you go. And every few feet from London to Glasgow. And I know that because I drove to Glasgow fairly recently. It was just over 400 miles. So there you go. And every few feet I throw to person. I did not. I was nothing to do with it. And he said, secondly, the Forest Brothers were the generic

name for locals of the Baltic states who disappeared into the forests when first the Nazis and Soviets, then the Nazis, then finally the Soviets swept across the region. They may have been fleeing religious or economic persecution, fought for the wrong side, or various other reasons. There were tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people at one time or another hiding out in the dense forests. Some did form small sabotage bands and attack the occupiers. A large proportion formed resistance bands

actively fighting the opposition forces. At one point, the authorities calculated up to a third of the population of the region was supporting these Forrest brothers. They were mainly wiped out by the early 50s, sadly. He said, the person I want to draw your attention to, however, is what's considered to be the last Forrest brother, who remained hidden from the authorities for over 50 years. Janus Pinups, yes, real name, deserted the Red Army in 1944 and hid in the forest near his home until 1995. 1944 and hid in the forest near his home till 1995. Wow. Only his closet family, closet?

Only his closest family and friends knew his location and later his real identity when he had to get medical help. So yeah, from 1944 to 1995, Janusz Pinups was the last Forrest brother who deserted the Red Army in 1944. And I read up about this. The reason it's like this is quite interesting. So he was in a battle with the Red Army,

with the Soviets, and he received a concussion and was knocked out. Right. And when he woke up, everything had gone. The battle had moved on. He was just on his own. Oh, so it must have just looked like a corpse, maybe. Basically, yes. I guess a dead body's lying around and all sorts of horrific stuff like that.

But he just woke up and was like, well, I'm not going to go find the battle again i'm off i just walked off and i never and never and essentially i guess he i guess he saw it as a perfect time to sort of desert from the army and and he disappeared into the forest and that was that and he um there was also a apparent according to according to the account i read he uh was very very careful and wasn't ever seen outside during the day or anything like that um and he built a series of underground bunkers to maintain his anonymity. But in the 80s, right? Check this out. In the 80s, so a good 30 or 40 years later,

he accidentally, or for some reason, he had to be outside during the day, and he ended up walking past a bus stop. And there was a man waiting at the bus stop, and he recognised him. He was like, are you... And he was like, no. Oh, I'm you, uh... And he was like, no. Oh, I'm sure you're... And he was like, you look exactly like him.

No, no, no. And just legged it and he never went back again. And it was only in the mid-90s. I think he might have broken his ankle or something like that. Right. Or the occupying forces finally left

and it was all taken care of that he was able to then sort of come out and say what had happened. Is that how the Jungle Brothers were made? It is, yeah. And then now, yeah, and he formed a hip-hop group, Jungle Brothers.

What an incredible story. I think he died in about 2004, so about almost 15 years ago. Probably from like a really city disease. Like, nothing he could have caught in the forest. Well, you've probably caught it. Probably, I've probably got it. You're always ill, Peter.

Yeah. What do you think about that, Donaldson? I'm up for it. No, I'm not suggesting we do it. What I always ill, Peter. What do you think about that, Donaldson? I'm up for it. What I'm saying is that I think running into the forest and living in the forest isn't really an option for us. I just think it's nice that that's an option for a lot of people.

If shit goes down, I'm running for the forest. Yeah, I mean, I don't think... Which forest would you pick out of all of the many we have in the UK? Well, it's difficult because the national parks in England are...

I mean, the national parks in England are sort of lived in. They've got villages and towns in them anyway. Yeah. And, you know, if you went somewhere...

Centre parks. I mean, you could go to Epping Forest. I mean, you're not more than about 20 metres away from the road at any point in Epping Forest. Somewhere like Scotland you'd be too cold. Yeah. That from the road at any point in the Epping Forest. Somewhere like Scotland,

you'd be too cold. Yeah. That's the thing, isn't it? We hear about people surviving. We talked a number of weeks ago about a couple of guys surviving in the Cambodian jungle for 50 years. I mean, it's impossible to imagine

someone like you or I doing it because we just don't have any of the basic skills of finding the clean water, starting a fire. I read the other day you can start a fire with a battery. You can just use it, get a piece of wire.

That's the thing, you can start it with a battery, but you need a piece of wire. What, in the forest? Because literally you don't get any wire in the forest. Well, if you're wearing a watch or a belt or, I don't know, I'm sure you could unwrap the terminals, and to be honest, the foil that they wrap batteries in is probably metallic and probably conductive.

One of the best ever Breaking Bad episodes is, is it called Four Days Out? Right. Remember that episode? Where they go out into the boondocks and they cook meth in the RV, the crystal ship. Right. And they, I mean just one thing leads to another and the

generator packs up. Oh no, I'll tell you what happens. They accidentally start a fire, and the generator catches fire, and Jesse chucks all the water over the generator, which shorts it out, and they're stuck there. It's a brilliant episode, and Walt fashions together like a battery.

Isn't it really annoying that I loved Breaking Bad, and I love all these shows, but the only episode I can really remember was the one with the fly in it. Oh, yeah. The most unloved episode. Is that an example of a particular type of TV series episode? Yeah. To save money for another episode, yeah.

Oh, no, I think it's just the writers flexing their chops, so to speak. Is it called like a Lyft episode or a a cupboard episode or something like that? I know like the League of Gentlemen, the show that they did after the League of Gentlemen, they did one just in a cupboard. And I think it's a silent movie one as well where nobody spoke. But I can't remember. It's called something like a capsule episode or something like that. Right, okay, because I actually thought it was quite interesting,

but I assumed, because I've often suspected with Doctor Who, which is quite a high-budget TV series, but it's a BBC show, right? So they have to save money somehow. So if they want to do a big finale, they sometimes, I think, will do a really sort of low-budget episode. I imagine to save money.

And I always thought Fly, which for those of you who haven't seen it, I won't spoil you, but basically, they're stuck in a lab making meth and there's a fly in the lab

and they're worried it's going to contaminate the meth. So they end up spending the whole episode trying to catch the fly, basically. Essentially, I just viewed it

as a money-saving exercise. But I'm also fairly sure that a lot of people think it's one of the best episodes of TV ever because it's so tightly written. But essentially nothing happened to it. No, exactly. I mean, a lot of...

It was like... What films was I watching? Hit for Late. That was quite... That's kind of like similar, isn't it? It's all set in one place, isn't it? You know what? I just think...

This is another conversation entirely, but I think that Tarantino, he's so self-indulgent, it's unreal. That film was about an hour longer than it should have been well he sort of uh likes to remind people of uh different genres that nobody really remembers anymore he's really obsessed with like japanese cinema and old spaghetti westerns and stuff and he brings these sort of characters to be fair though he brings these kind of characters back uh actors back that uh perhaps don't have much of a career anymore. It gives them a shot in the arm.

I don't think any of those things you just listed are a reason to make a film three and a half hours long. Just have it a little bit shorter. I didn't think it was that bad to be honest. I think most films are too long anyway. I do, and there's too many films around. I think this podcast is too long. I agree, let's stop it.

Let's get the hell out of it. Let's stop it, man. Thank you for joining us. We'll be back next week with Luke and Pete Shaw number 16. Hot diggity dog. See you later.

See you later. Give us an email. Hello at lukenpeachshaw.com Outro Music