The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 156: Toenail removal

Episode Date: April 4, 2019

Hello everyone and a very warm welcome to this, your latest episode of The Luke and Pete Show! You're very welcome! Come in and make yourself at home.On this occasion we cover a plethora of different subjects, including but not limited to, celebrity spots, Pete's Dad's obsession with comedian Rich Hall, dining etiquette, international carrot day, and having one's toenail removed.And if you can't find something to enjoy in that little lot, God help ya! To get in touch: [e-mail] and @lukeandpeteshow***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, but look, they're so affordable and well behaved. It's the Luke and Pete show. Pete Donaldson and Luke Miller would like to state for the record that none of our subsidiary companies employ slave labour or endorse it. Just because you saw Hamilton, now you're an expert, are you? I've not seen Hamilton. No, you haven't. I know. Have you seen Hamilton, Luke? Tell us all about Hamilton. I saw it. It because you saw Hamilton, now you're an expert, are you? I've not seen Hamilton. No, you haven't. I know.

Have you seen Hamilton, Luke? Tell us all about Hamilton. I saw it, it's good. Okay. It was excellent. I'd like to see it again. Well, why don't we go together and we can sit in a box

and have a little kiss kiss. You can go down on me in a theatre like Alanis Morissette. Right. I can't see how many seconds we are in because you haven't put the software up there. Does she speak eloquently? What was that?

And would she have your baby? You sound like a character from Sesame Street. Alanis Morissette. I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother. Because I love the Jimmy. Someone's had their vitamins. I've not. I've had I've been

I've had my hair cut Yeah Richard Spencer again The man Richard's gone for the RS Yeah Classic Going there with a big

Radio Stakhanov Richard Spencer You take your poster off the wall at home Take it straight in Don't say anything And you just say You need to keep up

with your alt-right figures though I don't need the more recent ones than that Gordon Peterson is the new one He's a thoughtful Canadian But he's not the same as like one. He's a thoughtful Canadian. But he's not the same as Richard Spencer.

He's definitely on the same political outlook, but he just knows words. One of the most pleasing videos I've ever seen was that guy punching Richard Spencer in the head. There's another really good one there. It looks like they're in some kind of underpass and there's a bloke in a fucking leather jacket and my haircut with one of those like a swastika band

like those red swastika bands bloody hell like proper Third Reich shit and and this this black guy just comes up to him

and this guy puts his hands up to go no no I don't mean bang out like a light it is

beautiful no reasoning with these type of people Peter they just smack him in the gob lovely old job it's episode 156 like a light it is beautiful no reasoning with these people they're just smacking in the gob lovely old job it's episode

156 of the Luke and Pete show it's Thursday the 4th of April we've just warmed up a

touch since yesterday I was bloody freezing I went to the football yesterday bloody cold

there was sleet in the air it was sleet is in the air every time you look around

it was really hot at the weekend and then it just sleet arrived it the air every time you look around it was really hot at the weekend and then it just sleet arrived it's bloody very weird absolutely lovely at the weekend

on Saturday it was Mother's Day for you yeah so my mum's birthday's on a Friday and I've talked to you about this before

and then it was Mother's Day on a Sunday and I went to see my mum and we went to Portchester Castle did I tell you that right okay

Portchester Castle's brilliant yeah it's a real jewel in the south coast. I saw a picture of your good lady frolicking in her castle.

Yes it wasn't her castle although I think she would very much like it to be. It's been there since like the 11th century. It's so old and of course

for Americans it's a massive thing because you don't really get that much old stuff in the US. So I read once I think it was Bill Bryson said

there's more there were more 16th century buildings in one village in Yorkshire than there is in the whole of the United States. That's hilarious. Yeah, it's crazy. Why did they smash it all up? It must have been buildings.

I think, well, because, I mean, it wasn't really properly, it was Native American people before then, wasn't it? Yeah. That's probably why. They kicked it down. Yeah. Kicked it down. By the way,

one thing I did forget to tell you on Monday is that when I took my mum for lunch on Sunday, sat on the table next to us was Anthony Middleton from SAS Who Dares Wins. The other really handsome guy

with the beard. No. Literally not a clue. I don't like Bear Grylls. Sorry, I do like Bear Grylls because I'm the voice of D-Max. I don't like Bravo 2-0. I don't like Bear Grylls. Sorry, I do like Bear Grylls because I'm the voice of D-Max. I don't like Bravo 2-0. I don't like men who have delusions of territorial army.

No, not a clue. Not a clue. Do you think he's handsome? I think he looks like... Who's the fella who plays the vice president and Batman? No idea. Oh, Christian Bale. He looks like a big Christian Bale. Christian Bale.

He looks like a big Christian Bale. The Vice President. With a beard. By the way, my mic's very loose, Pete. I need to tighten it, really. I don't know how to do it. It keeps falling down again. So people aren't going to be able to hear me properly.

We need a toolkit in this house. Sorry, I'll just have it up like that. Like, look, I'm going to get up. It's no problem. Anyway, but isn't it funny when you go, I think it's because I was having a deal with my family and you see it and you're a bit like, and you say to your mum and dad, oh, look, that's so-and-so.

And your dad obviously goes, who? And your mum gets really excited. It's quite interesting to see him. Graham Gooch once went for dinner with mum and dad and an ex, and Graham Gooch was sat on the table behind us. And then I said, I'd like the scallops. And the maitre d' slash slash waiter said do you mean scallops get out

and I was like I'm not frequent in this establishment ever again if you're going to do that my dad was furious he doesn't like eating out at the best of times

he nearly flipped the table it's a faff it's a faff but you know what I think and this is brilliant when you go to a really nice restaurant

which doesn't happen very often for me but sometimes it does it's a special treat taking my wife to Long Clume in the summer for a birthday it's two things I love right one is that for me, but sometimes it does. It's a special treat. Taking my wife to Long Clume in the summer for a birthday.

Two things I love, right? One is that they don't come over with the food and ask who's having what. They just know. Yes. They put it down in front of you. You haven't got to worry about it, because they obviously go that extra step for the service. I'm worried about it. Because to me, that's important. You're the waiting staff.

Okay? You're only expecting the tip at the end of this, which I'm happy to give you. You should know this, right? You've got a notepad there. What are you writing down on it? You should know. And they always know in a really nice restaurant. And the second thing is, I think it's beyond rude,

and this applies to waiting staff and other diners. I think it's beyond rude to criticize any aspect of what someone else has ordered. So if you and I are having dinner and my dinner comes down and you look at it and go, oh, that looks horrible. Never say that.

Who has ever said that? People say that all the time when you go out for lunch and stuff. Yeah. When I used to work at Sky... It's because you eat soil. At Sky... A big bowl of soil, please.

Listen, you can see me. I don't eat soil. When we used to work at Sky, we used to all go out for lunch like a big team. And a few of the people there, very uncouth, be like, oh, that's not very nice. Well, don't worry about it. You worry about yourself.

It's the Sky canteen, mate. And the second thing is when waiting staff, when you finish and you haven't eaten it all or whatever, they say, oh, you know, it's not like that. Don't be asking me. Don't be asking me. I'm paid for it. It's nothing to do with you.

So it's nice when waiting staff at good restaurants are good, I guess is my point. And that saying, that scallops thing, is absolutely unacceptable. Yeah, it is. Waiting staff, it's the groucho,

waiting staff in, waiting staff in... You took your dad to the groucho? Yeah, that's right. I wanted him to say Graham Gooch. In many ways,

he's the perfect guest because he's so uninterested. He won't be weird around celebrities. I don't think celebrities go in there anymore.

Rich Hall, if he saw Rich Hall. If your old man saw Rich Hall in the old man saw Rich Hall in the grouch my dad and me bonded over a great love

of a fellow with the dreadlocks used to do Crank Calls Victor Lewis Smith standard writer the guy who famously in private

isolated the office yeah yeah that's the thing about TV criticism you don't know what's going to be a hit so you just

you sit there you should have your own opinion. He did have his own opinion. It was completely against the prevailing wind, let's say. So Victor Lewis Smith, go on, carry on. I'd rather a million of those rather than half-arsed, fencing reviews. I think reviews of things have got much more lenient

and positive over the years. It cannot be a coincidence. There's more movies out there than ever before, and every single one of them seems to be brilliant. Yeah, but then you go online and on Twitter and social media everything has to be

brilliant or terrible. Correct. There's no mid-ground. Correct. It feels like in the film industry now every so often a film is sacrificed

to the sort of the gods of being shit because that's absolutely terrible and it's made out to be a lot worse than it actually is

and every other film is amazing. And then all the editors come up and absolutely terrible and it's made out to be a lot worse than it actually is and every other film is amazing and then all the editorials come up going well actually it's pretty good a retrospective that's why there's no

mid-sized blockbusters like you can't exactly you can't afford well Netflix is kind of moving into that space isn't it like box sets

have moved into that space but then it's a little bit more disposable I think Netflix is like it's just there's always something else isn't there there's always something else there there. There's always something

else there. Every conversation about Netflix goes like this. Have you seen the O.A.? No, I haven't. But have you seen

fucking the Madeline McCann documentary? No, I haven't seen that. Have you seen, it's just a constant, have you seen this? No, I haven't.

Have you seen this? No, I haven't. Have you seen this? And it's just endless. You've just described Luke and Peach, haven't you? Tell the Victor

Lewis Smith story. Just said hello and took a picture with him and said, look, Dad, it's the guy we used to like on the tips. Is he ever happy? Is he ever happy? Yeah, yeah, he knows. They're coming down to visit soon, aren't they? He's coming down by himself to watch Rich Hole.

For one night only and then call him back up again. He could surely just watch him in Newcastle or Sunderland though. I don't know why he can't. I think it's easier from Hartlepool

it's easier to get down to London and back than it is getting to Newcastle and back. How is that even possible? I think the trains

have been striking for a while and also the trains are all converted buses. It takes like on a normal train Hang on a minute

the trains are converted buses how is that possible? on very rural routes, rural routes, the trains on the coast coming from Hartlepool up to Newcastle

certainly were, in the first instance, converted kind of bus carriages, effectively. Right. And they would convert, put basically rails on them. Right.

And the design Right. has maintained. So, when you think of a train, you think of an engine and you think of, like, you think of an engine and you think of like three or four carriages.

Yeah. Bare minimum. With the Hartlepool to Newcastle branch, one carriage and it's got the train built in. So you've got a train with the carriage built in, basically. So a bus on track.

Yeah, it's so weird. It's so weird. Is it good? No, it's really slow. On a normal train it would take half an hour to get to Newcastle

and what does it take there it takes 50 minutes it's a joke it's a joke and there's one every hour are you going to bring Stuart down here and show him the studio

no why would he you should man what is it Thursday he won't get here he could pop up maybe yeah he should do

he should see my life's work where I spend most of my time in an airless room with a man who looks like oats. We got Larry, my father-in-law, to come in and record some lines.

Have you ever used them? Oh, I forgot. We'll make a note of it now. I haven't got anything to write on. Yeah, this is, listen, listeners, this is the story of my life. Pete, I haven't got anything

to write on. Yeah. You're like Michael and Alan Partridge. I've got a spoon in the bathroom but I've got no cause to use it. I've got no cause to use a pen. You haven't got a spoon.

There's like 50 pens out there. We'll talk about this later. It's International Carrot Day today by the way. You have access to an editing suite.

I do. So you could do it yourself. It's International Carrot Day today. Where's this come from? People are just encouraged to make

recipes with carrots, eat carrots and hold carrot parties, whatever that means. That sounds filthy. What are you thinking? I'm thinking a snowman doing a

like a snowman based human caterpillar. Okay. Just his nose up his bum. Just nose up every other snowman's bum. Do you like carrots?

If you ate more of them would you be healthy? That would be the catchphrase in the film before he penetrates. Do you like carrots? Do you like carrots? This will make you

see in the dark. It won't because you like carrots do you like carrots this will make you see in the dark it won't because you put it on my anus yeah it could make you sniff in the dark carrot enema

yeah if there's no air movement could you presumably couldn't if you shoved if you were a snowman and you shoved your snowman nose

up another snowman and bearing in mind in this world the snowmans do poops up their bum you wouldn't because there's no movement of air I don't think you'd be able to smell anything. Their poops would just be snow, though, right?

It'd be like that. You wouldn't be able to smell anything. It'd just be snow, right? Yeah, but it'd be like, to the snowmen, it would be disgusting because the snowmen would still excrete filth that would be unpleasant to the nose, the carrot nose. But then you would have the overwhelming smell of carrots. And to be honest, if parts of your body are made of carrots, you're probably

quite regular with the old poopies. How many podcasts have we recorded this week? We did four, five, six on Monday. We did six podcasts on Monday. We did four on Tuesday. You did six on Wednesday. Wednesday, yeah, I did.

And this is where we've got to. To today. Shall we just stop? No, no. We can't stop, Pete. We're like a shark. We'll die otherwise. I thought you were going to press a button then.

I am going to press a button. All I've got is this nonsense. Here we go. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in.

Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. No way to go with that guy. He's gone too high. Happy current day everyone. In a similar vein... Happy current day, everyone.

In a similar vein to our creative genius. Carotid genius. Someone who is very much in our bracket of creative genius. What's in a snowman's body? Stop this. The carotid artery. All right, don't stop. Carry on.

How do you kill a snowman? Nick his carotid artery. Yeah, slice across his carotid artery. You've got to say carotid kill a snowman nick his carotid carotid artery slice across his carotid artery you've got to say carotid otherwise it's just carotid or grab all of his scarf and carot him

yeah yeah that works as well yeah that works as well alright I was going to say in the same creative genius bracket

as you and I particularly you it's 25 years ago tomorrow that Kurt Cobain died did you know that already

I did know that because Absolute Radio United are doing a song an hour fascinating do you remember where you were when you heard

that he died I don't because I think so I was 13 I think I was one of those who I really liked music as a kid

but at 13 I was more Guns N' Roses Metallica and straight kind of pop stuff right and then i think i was one of those annoying people that when he died i then was like oh fucking hell i i vaguely heard in the vana and i'll give him a go and i really liked him so i don't think i really liked them until he died um but then having said that no i think i don't think i did because the first album

of theirs I got was the MTV Unplugged in New York which for me is probably the album of theirs I enjoyed the most

and it's one of the greatest live albums of all time in my opinion so I don't think I got into it until a bit later on how about you?

Probably the same to be honest I remember when I was when he died and I remember sort of owning a couple of singles and it was probably

just you know all apologies and come as you are because I was learning to play the guitar and they're quite easy Smells Like Teen Spirit yeah it wasn't

too commercial too commercial man I knew Smells Like Teen Spirit of course I knew that song and I think my memory of him dying was when I was at school

and there were a load of people who were obviously upset about it because they were like the disenfranchised, well, it's disenfranchised you can get in that part of the world and upset

and it's kind of alternative. And then you know what happens at school, particularly with, I mean, it seems to be particularly with girls, like everything just becomes really mawkish and people want to be seen

to be upset about stuff. Right. And it just sort of spread around the school like wildfire and I think at that point, huh? Exactly. When Rod Hall died. Absolutely. I remember exactly where I was when I found that school like wildfire and I think at that point when Rod Hall died I remember exactly where I was

when I found that out and I think at that point if you had gone up to the people and done like a Tim Lovejoy on them and said like

what's your favourite song or whatever I don't know if anybody would have had to say anything other than Smells Like Teen Spirit Yeah but you're kids aren't you back then you have to be

you want to belong Being a child is not an excuse for evil. You couldn't pay me, if someone gave me a million pounds to go back there, I didn't even have that bad a kind of school life. I enjoyed school. I had mates, I had fun times, but, oh God, not knowing

who you are, what you are, just this kind of weird little worm. I've got to be like everyone else, man. I do look back on people who had it really tough at school and think now that's awful. Because I didn't particularly have it

tough and I didn't really get that involved. I wasn't the same sort of, I wasn't as gregarious as I am now then. I was obviously quite an awkward kid but I kind of just stayed out of the way

and I had like a foot in like different camps because I quite liked music but I also played a bit of football and I wasn't a massive cool guy

but I wasn't a complete nerd I was kind of in the middle taller you probably could handle yourself as a thing I couldn't I was an absolute string bean and I had terrible hair

and massive buck teeth so I think people just didn't really people certainly didn't see me in that way but I was able to string bean and I had terrible hair and massive buck teeth so I think people just didn't really people certainly didn't see me in that way but I was able to almost hide in plain sight really I had like a small group of friends

and that was really it but there were people who had had it really difficult and I remember seeing something fairly recently on Facebook there was some sort of school reunion

I didn't go but there was a Facebook group set up about it and there was someone on there who was just doing post after post after post about how much they hated school,

how much they got bullied. It was really awful to read it and I didn't really know that person that well but at the same time, it was kind of a bit like, at the time, you're quite oblivious to that. Or getting involved.

One of the things that did happen at school which came out a bit later on when I was about 17 or 18, Or getting involved. One of the things that did happen at school, which came out a bit later on when I was about 17 or 18, I remember I went to a sixth form college down the road from where my school was. The school didn't have a sixth form college. So when I was 16, I went to leave my school and go to sixth form for another two years. And for those who are listening who aren't in the UK,

at that time, you didn't go to school until you were 18. You had an option from 16. And I went to college to do A-levels. So I had to walk a different way. And when I walked a different way one day, I was walking down towards the college. Opposite the college was a council estate, and there was just a couple of tower blocks.

And there was a lot of police there. I was like, that's mad. You've never really seen anything like that around. I mean, you do see, I mean, there's crime and stuff. It's quite a rough place, but you wouldn't see a massive operation like that very often. Anyway, to cut a long story short, it came out that one of my closest friends at school, who was expelled from school like year eight or year nine for being naughty all the time,

basically, and I sort of lost touch with the guy. So that was about 14, 13, 14. At 16, he murdered his stepdad. Right. Because he, all through school, he was being like physically abused, beaten,

treated like really badly, mistreated. And he kind of fell through the net in this sort of child protection sort of system. And one day just snapped and killed his stepdad. And as far as I'm aware,

I think he's still in a secure hospital slash prison now and the reason i really hit home for me it's not about me but just as an example um because i was as a kid i was completely oblivious so i would just completely take for granted that every morning i'd wake up my mum would have made me a packed lunch she would have pushed me on my way she would largely have been there when I got home. My parents cared about me. And I would be put in this class with all these people from all these different types of backgrounds near where I grew up. And some of them, for example, this guy,

just had the most unimaginably bad childhood ever. It's no coincidence, obviously, that he was expelled from school partly because of that. And you're oblivious as a kid, aren't you? Because you're so self-obsessed. Yeah, but then you sort of mix in, like, you forget how, well, you don't forget. Like, you know, what a privilege to have a background having a relatively,

well, yeah, or parents who have the finances and the resources to care about you. Some people don't have that luxury where they don't have the time, they don't have the money, they don't have, they work in three jobs, they don't have the time to kind of invest in them, they don't have time to make packed lunches

and you've got to kind of fend for yourself. People don't have, they work in three jobs. They don't have the time to kind of invest in them. They don't have time to make packed lunches and you've got to kind of fend for yourself. People don't always have that. So, yeah, and you're all put into this big old pot at school. You are. And just kind of. You absolutely are, that's right. And your values and what has moulded you up to that point is kind of challenged at every step of the way.

And for me, it was kind of a double-edged sword because I didn't get the education I wanted looking back on it because the school was quite rough. But at the same time, it did teach me to be really hardworking and to be a bit quite robust. And I think if you went to a really nice school,

a public fee-paying school, a fee-paying school and that kind of stuff, maybe you wouldn't be that prepared for the sort of bad world out there. Yeah, I went to quite a nice school and I think of stuff. Maybe you wouldn't be that prepared for the sort of bad world out there. Yeah, I wish I went to quite a nice school and I think I wish I was, I wish I'd been taught to be a little bit more

robust. I might have been a better performer at this point because I didn't really start doing anything until I was like 27. I've been very disappointed with you actually. I know, I've let everyone down. Let's do some emails. I wanted to be better at the carrot up the arse chat earlier on. No, you were very good at that. I think to be better at the carrot up the arse chat earlier on. No you're very good at

that. I think that was a creative high point for both of us. I'm really a passenger in this show anyway just

trying to make you say something funny. Let's do emails. It's hello at lukeandpeacher.com of course for people who want to get in touch.

I've got one I really want to do here. Well I haven't got an email I've just got a couple of things that I want to put in

Mankata. What do you want to do first? Do you want to do Mankata? No got an email I've just got a couple of things that I want to put in Mankata but I mean what do you want to do first do you want to do Mankata no do some emails because I've got a shot at Mankata so a man describes his vasectomy procedure

in detail and oh god has our life really come to this yes it has this is from Grant and he's from your neck of the woods Pete

Gateshead apparently hell yeah Gateshead Gateshead and all kinds of trouble the football team are they it's hard to see it

they'll get a lift when we go up there with the Ramble and perform there it's funny because when we did the Ramble I was shot up there at Newcastle before

it was brilliant and I'm still quite friendly with a couple of guys we met on that show and they're coming again oh lovely I bumped into one of them at Borough Market

the other day anyway Grant says I know this was mentioned on the Football Ramble, which is obviously one of our sister shows, but I'm also sending it

to the Luke and Pete shows. I think it might suit your show better. In 2012, I had both a vasectomy and an operation on my ingrowing toenail. A tosectomy. And the operations

were just four months apart. A lot of people are surprised when I say that the most painful operation was without doubt the toenail operation. Also, I didn't even have the whole toenail removed, only a small slither on the side. The vasectomy operation itself

wasn't that painful at all. It requires two injections, one in each testicle. The first injection hurt a tiny bit, but that was it. This is the worst bit. Later, Ken, baby. You can feel a lot of pulling and tugging.

Oh, stop it. Fuck off. I won't take throws, you cunt. Sorry. But no pain. Oh, good God. Mind, when the fluid from the injections entered the ball sack, it was a very strange sensation.

What about the pulling and tugging inside there? Yeah, I don't need that. No. Don't need that. In the aftermath of the operations, although the pain from the vasectomy lasted a bit. In the aftermath of the operations, although the pain from the vasectomy lasted a bit longer,

the pain from the toenail was far more severe. The vasectomy pain was kind of a dull ache. The pain from the toenail was a constant, sharp, stinging pain. Chisel your toe off.

I can understand exactly why that would be more painful. Chisel it off. Grant says, my advice to any man contemplating a vasectomy is that it's not as bad

as you think, plus you get a week of putting your feet up. Thanks. That's Grant. Do you know what? I've never had an operation on my toe, but playing football once,

I got into a bit of a running battle with a guy I was playing against, which Pete, you won't be surprised to hear. Is it a battle when you can't catch them? I probably booted him a couple of times. But seriously though though at one point I was marking him for a goal kick

standing behind him of course and I was jostling and he just turned around just stamped on my toe

with the stud of his football boot so bad that had to go off got home it was completely black and it eventually fell off

the toenail and he re-grew again it was awful so painful it was really painful I toenail and it re-grew again it's awful man it's so painful it's really painful I don't mean funny that was very accurate presumably

unnoticed by the referee oh yeah yeah 100% I wouldn't have complained either a murder a wall of silence from me

I'm like Hector Salamanca in Breaking Bad I'd rather shit myself than talk to the feds. Oh, fantastic stuff. Do you want another email before you do your main character? All right, here we go.

Yes, please. Oh, by the way, we've had a lot of fallback, the fallback, sorry, a lot of comeback on the stickophobia. Okay. Remember the stickophobia? Yeah, people sort of, or other people, stickophobic.

Yeah, people are getting in touch. There's a few people we emailed in, and I picked up this one because I thought it sort of moved the conversation on a little bit. So this is from Adam. He says, hi guys, just listening to episode 154 with the guy who has a phobia of stickers and asking if anybody else has the same fears. Well, I'm getting married later this year,

and my fiance also shares this phobia. I'm not sure of her reasoning for the fear, but I know she hates them, and her job as a primary school teacher is made just that bit harder because of it. Her poor class is banned from having them, as far as I'm aware. Stickers, obviously. I would suggest that the chap in episode 154 and my future wife are a little bit strange for figuring these things.

However, I myself have a bit of a phobia of something almost as strange. Glitter. Oh. I don't think that's Gary Glitter, which would be perfectly... Yeah, read on before you look back. He says, I think this is a bit more reasonable as glitter is horrible little stuff that sticks to you without the need of adhesive.

It is near on impossible to clean up. It gets under your nails and can probably be breathed in unnoticed or need to get stuck in your lungs for years. Oh. Okay, that last one might not be true, but who knows. Till next time, Adam.

So I don't think it's right to talk about it as strange or odd. Human beings are very, very complicated things, and these things can be irrational, but it doesn't mean they're any less legitimate. And if you're phobic of glitter or phobic of stickers or whatever, I think that's just part of the spice of life, isn't it? Imagine if you coughed up, like, 20 years later,

a big phlegmy ball of sparkly glitter. Yeah. That would make it a lot more palatable. I feel like there was a story recently of a dog because you know dogs will just eat anything right um my my father in law's dog ate a whole i think he ate no he ate a whole a whole block of butter nice and there's a girl i used to work with whose dog ate like 40 eggs raw eggs with the shells and everything but anyway

there was a dog I'm sure that got stuck and then he went down the gym got stuck into a whole tube because I don't know if I told you this actually I'm all over the place today but the same dog

Aspen is a rescue dog he's wicked he's a big old unit and he got so excited playing with a sock that he ate the sock and we were like

oh god it's going to get caught in his intestine or whatever. Hopefully he's going to be okay. And we were keeping an eye on him for his wheezing and that kind of stuff. About 10 o'clock that night,

took him out for a walk, shat the sock out. Fantastic. Yeah. But anyway. Did it have a poo in it? Oh yeah. There was poo all around it.

All right. There was a dog who ate a whole lot of glitter and his poo's come out like glittery. How much to put that sock on? Do not try it. Do not try eating a lot of glitter. Do do it.

Do do it, Pete. Do do it. It would work. Yeah, it's got to come out, hasn't it? Your body can't process glitter. Imagine if you started taking on a wonderful glittery torn to your skin. Yeah, you'd just start trying.

You'd start looking like... Ciaran Marie's beard. Yeah. Or you'd start looking like Thierry Henry's beard yeah he started looking like who's the big blue fella out of the

Watchmen Mr. Universe I can't remember his name Dr. Manhattan Dr.

Manhattan yeah also the guy in Guardians of the Galaxy played by your mate Batista

yeah I can't remember is it Kratos or something it's a bit of glittery beards the Card of Giant Luke do you want to check out The Cardiff Giant, Luke.

Do you want to check out the Cardiff Giant? Sure, sounds interesting. Oh my goodness, mate. Oh my goodness, mate. What's that? What is it? So basically, it was one of the most famous hawkses in American history.

It was a 10-foot tall, petrified man. It was uncovered in 1869 by workers digging a well behind the barn of a man called William C. Stubbe Newell. Right. And basically, it was... He was the sort of guy from Pompeii who was caught having a tug. Yes, I love that guy. Oh, well, it's coming. Think of the sexiest thing you can.

Wow. He probably wasn't having a tug, though, was he? He's in the position where he is. Yeah, but it's... Yeah, that's unfortunate, isn't it? The giant was the creation of a New York tobacconist named George Hull. He was an atheist,

and he tried to create the giant after an argument at a Methodist revival meeting about Genesis 6.4, which stated that there were giants who lived once on the earth. How big is this sculpture? Oh, it's not a sculpture. I think it's...

Well, it's 10 foot tall, so it's a giant representation of a man. It looks a bit like the, that other race in the film Prometheus. Yeah. Doesn't it?

Very smooth. Yeah. Very ribby. Very ribby. So basically, Hull decided to hire men to quarry out a big block of gypsum

in Fort Dodge in Iowa, telling them it was intended for a monument to Abraham Lincoln in New York. He then shipped the block to Chicago, where he hired a German stonecutter to carve it into the likeness of a man

and swore him to secrecy. Various stains and acid were made to make the giant appear to be old and weathered, and the giant's surface was beaten with steel knitting needles embedded in a board to simulate paws, which is wonderful. During November 1868, Hull transported the giant by railroad to the farm of his cousin, William Newell.

By then, he had spent nearly $2,500 for the Hawks, which is nearly about $50,000 now, adjusted for inflation. They dug a well, or hired a man to dig a well anyway, and they found the giant in 1869. I declare, some old Indian has been buried here, said the men. Some old Indian. Some old Indian.

Right. Newell set up a tent over the giant and charged 25 cents to people who wanted to see it. Two days later, he increased the price to 50 cents.

He's not going to make the money back though. No. I don't care how long it's there. People came by the wagon load. Archaeological scholars pronounced the giant a fake and some geologists

even noticed that there was no good reason to try and dig a well in the exact spot the giant had been found. Yale paleontologist Othniel C. Marshall termed a most decided humbug, and some theologians and preachers defend its authenticity.

He sold his part interest in the giant for $23,000 back in the day equivalent to half a million wow to a syndicate of five men headed by David Hannum

they moved it to New York for exhibition and obviously it was just a load of shit didn't P.T. Barnum get involved? say again? P.T. Barnum got involved yes he did

the famous guy yeah as the newspapers reported Barnum's version of the story, David Hannam was quoted by saying, there's a sucker born every minute. And so Hannam sued Barnum for calling a giant a fake,

but the judge told him to get his giant a swear and his own genuineness in court if he wanted a favourable injunction. Difficult one. So a difficult one, because the guy's dead and full of... stone, I guess. But this guy is like,

he's a bit of a legend around certain parts but yeah I've never heard of that before he's just but I mean more than anything else Jaron's got a big old wanger hasn't he he's got a lovely old

on the slack there was a great sort of period of time mostly Victorian where all this stuff was going on oh there's a film well it's not that famous it certainly isn't Hartlepool

one of the most in the great art museum which has moved a couple of times since I went there when I used to go back in the day, the Great Art Museum used to be on the marina way, next to the Hartlepool United football ground. There used to be a mermaid, so it was like a skeleton of a woman and a skeleton of a fish. And that was the only thing I can really remember from the Hartlepool Museum was a hokey little mermaid

sort of skeleton kind of mix. You do wonder where those bones came from though. Yeah. Of the human, not the fish. I think people in that sort of era were kind of... Or destiny.

They kind of knew enough about the world to sort of get involved and do stuff and build things and that kind of stuff but not quite enough to know what was possible

and what wasn't possible. That's what it feels like. So you get a lot of this stuff. They believe a lot of things like mermaids and Bigfoot and all that kind of stuff seems to happen around that kind of time. Would you donate your body to nonsense? Yeah, I mean, to be honest. I'd give my thigh bones to the drummer of Slipknot.

Yeah? That would be really spooky, wouldn't it? Your thigh bones are quite brittle already, aren't they? They shatter immediately. Yeah. Ha ha. I think once you're dead, you're dead, aren't you?

So it doesn't matter. Yeah, I don't care. Yeah. I hate to bring up Louis Siqueir because he's obviously had his trombles. But he's sort of saying you can do what you want.

Once I'm dead, you can do what you like with my body. I think I was literally going to say to you, to me it just comes down to whatever my family wants. I'll be gone.

Yeah, no. No, it's not down to them it's still my property I don't think you want to be around until I get a toss mate turn me into horrible glitter did you say Nick Knowles earlier

where's that come from but it felt like you said Nick Knowles Nick Knowles no Dick Knowles out of Slipknot oh okay right I thought you said Nick Knowles

Dick Knowles out of Slipknot has left and I think he's suing the band. You do like to see the Slipknot members going into court, do you? Without masks. I had a funny story about Nick Knoll the other day and it was a charity cricket match

and he wasn't very good. And so someone who is good at cricket, obviously not me, I wasn't involved at all. Was it Graham Gooch? Yeah, in the Groucho They renamed it the Goocho Offered him some advice about how he could play better

and he got so pissed off he left the game Brilliant. Nick, there's a certain class of presenter like Nick Knowles that will presumably die out at some point, but not quite yet. It's kind of rich pickings. It's kind of the type of stuff that, like,

golden era Alan Partridge taps into. The reason that's such a good character is because, obviously, we've all got a bit of Alan in us, but that presenter class are very much like... I mean, I've witnessed kind of behaviour from presenters before, and they're mostly older men, to be fair, and it's just like, that mean, I've witnessed kind of behaviour from presenters before and they're mostly older men, to be fair. Yeah.

And it's just like, that is pure partridge. However he found, however he observed that in the first instance to get that character, he's absolutely brilliant. But also,

I think they're good presenters because they are so arrogant. They think that everything they think is important and has to be said. I realise

the irony of me sitting in a room doing the exact same thing. But they have to be like that. But they have to be said I realise the irony of me sitting in a room doing the exact same thing but they have to be like that but they have to be like that they're good presenters because they can keep things going so it's like Keezy

you know it's no different to the idea that you know the great Ray Wilkins who passed away a year ago today said where he said

you have to be a kind of Jekyll and Hyde character he said when you're on the pitch you've got to be as nasty as competitive as they come and you've got to want to win you've got to be really you really want to win said when you're on the pitch you've got to be as nasty as competitive as they come and you've got to want to win you've got to be really you really want to win

but when you come off the pitch you should be the nicest person in the world and the amount of times I worked with Ray a few times the amount of times people would say you know

stuff about who are you who are you and he'd always say I'm nothing don't worry about me I'm nobody but I'm just giving you my opinion

but on the pitch he was a fierce competitor it's the same with a presenter like that on camera they should be assertive, they should be confident, they should be authoritative. But off camera, they should be as normal

as you and I try and be. And I've been in situations before in studios where presenters have openly shoulder-barred me out the way in a sort of, this is my territory kind of thing, you're only a guest here, to the point where it's just quite embarrassing it's embarrassing

and that's what they get into trouble saying stupid things and being pervs and that kind of stuff because they've got no limit on that they don't check their own behaviour and Richard Keyes

you're right he's a brilliant presenter he's so good and he used to do all that golden age of Sky Sports stuff without an autocue the problem is

he's a complete prick and you know he's not able prick. And, you know, he's not able to make the transition between being a normal, nice person. The thing that always sees presenters off, in my opinion,

is at the point where you think you're more important than the content that you're introducing. You're just linking things together. You're linking stories together.

You're linking bits together. And the day that you think your opinion matters more than any of that, and the reason why you came. Nobody watched Sky for Richard Keyes. Nobody now watches Sky for the post-match analysis.

They watch it for the football. They watch it for the Sky. When I interviewed David Jones, he's a Sky Sports guy, now that's the first thing he said to me. I know that. Mark Chapman's the same. Brilliant. He said, I understand people. I'm not here for this. I think we agreed that he was the grouting in the tiles and then that's why

really you should still listen to this show because it is you know largely rubbish but we are nice people out of the studio

you are a nice person outside the studio and so stick with us yeah anyway Pete we're probably I can't see how much time we've been recording

I think we've done a longer show than usual which is quite nice because I can't see the time because you won't let me see it so I can't move it on. So what have we learned? Don't let Luke see the time

you get a longer show. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to get in touch at LukeandPeteShow on Twitter. We had some new batteries last week, by the way. A new player entered the game.

We'll be back on Monday. Have a lovely weekend. That's addressed to you, Pete, as well as our listeners and we'll speak to you soon. I can feel it tugging on me. You are all over the place. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.