The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 162: Sid the racist neighbour

Episode Date: April 25, 2019

Want to know what you can expect on this, the latest episode of The Luke and The Peter Show? Well, I'll tell ya: Abbey Road, racist neighbours, baseball, David Bowie, Mick Jagger, perverted tree surgeons and much, much more. What's not to like?In addition to all this, there's national treasures and yes we know we've done that before but it's a fresh take, and we hear from a man who has been frankly disrespected in his place of work. Nasty.To get in touch: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the Luke and Pete show I'm Pete Donaldson and I'm wearing sportswear I'm not wearing sportswear but that doesn't make me any better or any worse

than Pete at sports true good point well made yeah we're back with some more Luke and Pete show fun. It's the Luke and Peter show. Why didn't we call it the Luke and Peter show? Because down here, I'm not known as Peter.

I'm known as Pete because Londoners are lazy. But you always introduce yourself as Peter. Yeah. Don't you? That's like a kind of interesting thing about you. That's like a fancy kind of name, isn't it? Peter. Hello, Peter.

Hi, I'm Peter. Yeah. How have you been, Luke? You been all right? I'm pretty good had a full week yeah it's been busy actually I've been in the studio

every day I won't be flying out to Lisbon with you tomorrow boo I'm flying out a day later boo because tomorrow

I'm doing some stuff with Dimitar Berbatov not again Danny Kelly you two are right and so I won't be available until Saturday

yeah Dimitar's asked for me to work with him again so what can I say you know I was asked to work with Catfish and the Bottle Men you said no I said what's the money like

I obviously said that I recorded at Abbey Road Luke alright they said can you come down do some we're doing a couple of songs can you introduce them yeah fine can you also do the radio we're doing a couple of songs can you introduce them yeah fine

can you also do the radio advert for it for the song as well out now on Spotify out now on radio out now on this Finchie from the office not available

and so I can technically say I have recorded a voiceover at Abbey Road was it Abbey Road or was it the Ecuadorian Embassy when I went studio 2 baby

I took my father-in-law... Larry, who you've met, I took him to Abbey Road. It was cool, man. He absolutely loved it and I thought it was just wicked to be there. Is there not like a tour available? You can sort of go around.

But you know, one thing that's interesting about Abbey Road Studio in West London is that it's kind of off the beaten track and there's not really too many signs, if any, actually. There's one at Maida Vale. Right, pointing you to this famous

studio that made famous for the Beatles of course in this quite off the beaten track as I say part of London anyway

there's a couple of zebra crosses on that road there's one a bit further down which people sometimes mistake it for and I noticed the last time I went

down there there was signs saying this is not the one it's further down. When you go down there any time of day and I know this

because I used to live about four roads away and I would sometimes get off the bus and walk down that road and it would be maybe it's back in my disco dancing days

Donny. Disco dancing days? Yeah. Maybe three in the morning. Triple D Moor. Three in the morning. Yep. There'd be people there.

Yeah. The thing that baffles you about that is you can't get the classic happy road photo at night there. Yeah. And the thing that baffles you about that is you can't get the classic happy road photo at night, mate. No. So what are you doing there? It doesn't make any sense. What are you doing there?

Unless you've got a really, unless you can stand really still and you can put the ISO really high. Yeah. No. Get a tripod in the middle of the road. Low, really low. But it's got to the point now

where I don't think anyone with any local knowledge of the area would drive down that road because you're stuck at that zebra crossing for a long, long time. That whole area just reminds me of obviously doing a couple of gigs at Abbey Road and announcing the band's coming out.

Was it a thrill for you or were you just kind of a little bit browbeaten by that? Oh mate, I've worked there like 10 times now. Yeah, so you don't care anymore. But I do like the, you know I like my magnetic tape and analogue kind of recording devices.

There's always a reel-to-reel in the corridor and you're like, oh, this is good. Why don't you touch it? I mean, you can touch it, but I mean, you shouldn't really. Take your own headphones, plug them in, get cracking. In my final year of uni, I learnt how to edit using reel-to-reel tape.

Yeah. It seems mad. Razors. Yeah, it seems mad. A little bit of chalk and razor. But there was another night that I sort of, but then I also, I remember walking,

it was six o'clock in the morning, I'd had a heavy night. We'd ended up at Rich Person's house, probably only about three or four years ago now. Ended up at Rich Person's house and I was going to see Daniel Kitson in the evening

and I had to cancel going to watch Daniel Kitson because I just had, I'd had too much to drink. It was six in the morning and I'd come out of a party and I was like, just, I just felt. You've had too much to drink. It was six in the morning and I'd come out of a party and I was like, just, I just felt You've got 12 hours to sort yourself out though.

Yeah, I was just done. I was just like, you know what? I'm not going to enjoy that later on. So then I rescheduled If I were in your position, mate, I'd have gone home, head down, woken up about one, got a good bit of scran down me, sorted myself out, perhaps gone for a run. I had to go off to work though. Oh, okay, perhaps gone for a run. I had to go to work though.

Oh, okay, so you were straight to work. Straight to work at one o'clock. I was just like, this was a bad idea. In which case, that's just not happening. Fair enough. I didn't indulge, but the party in question was this massive townhouse. I think this guy was in the record industry or something,

or he was the son of somebody in the record industry. Storming out of work. Plenty of drugs everywhere. Peter. So everyone was just off their head. Not you, though. You don't indulge. No, I did.

I was quite forthright about how good I thought Jeremy Corbyn was to a coked-up man, though. Really? I've since reversed. I was on the cork emotionally, if not realistically. Out of the two of you, who do you think, looking back, is more ashamed of that? Oh, dear.

Yeah, oh, well. Never mind. But Abbey Road is a place and it's an interesting place. It's an interesting place. I love it when we talk about things that just come out of the blue. We haven't planned that. It's good. Episode 162 today.

162 is also the amount of games played in a regular season of Major League Baseball, which is kind of interesting. Oh yeah, you forget that they play like Monday, Wednesday, Monday. They play all the time, don't they? It's crazy. regular season of Major League Baseball which is kind of interesting. Oh yeah you forget that they play like Monday Wednesday Monday like they play all the time no that's crazy. 162 games for each of the 30 teams in

the American League and the National League which means over six months there are 2430 games. You can always get to see a baseball

game isn't it? It's weird. It's absolutely insane. Sumo wrestling the season only lasts for like a couple of months.

I'm fairly certain like only a couple of months. I'm fairly certain. Only a couple of months and then they're done for the year. Well, don't forget. And they're just eating. NFL is only September to February. And there's a big gap in between the final playoff games

and the Super Bowls a couple of weeks. So I think they don't play a huge amount of games. But why does the Premier League seem fit to add game upon game? Oh right, the football wants to add game upon game? Oh, right, the football, do you want us to add game upon game upon game?

When the NFL was obviously, you know, not almost as profitable, but certainly a very profitable product. Why would you not want to add to that? Well, I think there's a couple of reasons off the top of my head. One would be there aren't any competing associations. Right, yeah. So it's all done by the NFL.

And secondly, I think there are serious limitations about what can be done physically by the athletes. Don't forget they've got big, what they would call rosters anyway, far bigger than Premier League squads and I think as I said on some of the football shows we've done and also on the radio

a lot of football these days tends to be the players being the pawns although they get paid really well and I'm not trying to sympathise with them on that level but they tends to be the players being the pawns although they get paid really well and I'm not trying to sort of sympathise with them on that level but they appear to be becoming more and more

the pawns in a grand chess game between these competing associations massively yeah but baseball 162 games there's a lot of room to go

before the football kind of gets to that level too many but in baseball you don't ever do anything do you? throw it or hit it it's quite a lazy spot

it's a lazy spot to be honest people just get getting leathered I remember going to watch one on a Sunday in Atlanta and just eating

Atlanta Braves yeah let's go the Atlanta Braves I like Atlanta I do like Atlanta I'm going to be passing through near there in May but I just

it was a 0-0-0-0-0-0-1 match somebody got one run at the end I mean I don't even understand what that means 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-1 match. Somebody got one run at the end. I mean, I don't even understand what that means. 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0. Nobody got any runs. I do a book club feature on TalkSport every Tuesday,

and we talk about the books we're going to do. But sometimes the other guys suggest one. I go, yeah, let's just do that, because you've got to mix it up. And this week we had to do Moneyball, which is a really interesting book. It's a really interesting concept, and a lot of the

themes within it are universal. But I mean, I had to preface it by saying, by the way, you will not find a man in this whole building that knows less about baseball than me. So I just want to get that out the way early. I've never been to a baseball game. I didn't know you big in Japan, really. I don't

know why you... Batting cage as well, quite big in Japan. That's a fun night. We talked about that curse of that thing being at the bottom of that river, didn't we? Oh yeah, the KFC kernel. Yeah. Yeah, so...

What were you going to say? I can't remember now. I've lost my thread. You didn't realise that I... I didn't realise that you didn't like tennis. Oh, I hate tennis. Yeah. I think it's the worst sport going.

Why? I can't get into it. I quite like a bit of tennis. Have you known again? Posho, isn't it? I'm surprised you like it. No, but I quite like... You of tennis have you known again posh though isn't it I'm surprised you like it no but I quite like you're a proper pinko

if it's on and it's like if it's on and it's getting to the end of like Wimbledon's and stuff I mean I can't hack it any other time

but I watch a bit of Wimbledon and it's a good day out if it's sunny to me you can judge get pissed on Pimms you can judge well this it used to be

yeah I'm up for that but times have changed now because I... Because, and we've talked about this before, most public events are now vehicles for people just to behave appallingly. Yeah. So we put that to one side. It used to be the case that you could judge the quality of a sport by its crowd.

Right. And tennis crowds, my God. The sense of humor of a tennis crowd is kind of like the worst thing in the world. Yeah, it is. Andy Murray's playing and someone shouts, come on, Tim!

And everyone laughs. It's pathetic. It's poor. And they say, oh, what's that happen? Oh, a tennis ball got hit into a ball boy's head. It's not funny, is it?

Cliff Richards is going to do a sing song. Nick Kyrgios. Nick Kyrgios. Kyrgios. He's the bad boy of tennis. Yeah. He doesn't take no prisons.

He does underarm serves. He does his F word every now and again. He shouts at the umpire. Sometimes does a naughty swear. He sometimes uses indoor language. Indoor language, outdoor. But if there's a roof over the... If it's clear, who knows?

We're off to Lisbon this weekend to change the subject slightly. What are your plans? Oh, brigado. Yeah. I saw the Arctic Monkeys playing Oz Al off to Lisbon this weekend to change the subject slightly. What are your plans? Obrigado. Yeah. I saw the Arctic Monkeys playing I was Alive in Lisbon last year and after every song.

Obrigado. Was it? But if he's speaking on behalf of the banshee, that's obrigado. I don't know how it works. Obrigado, woman. Obrigado, man. I remember at some point,

I've got a very, very, and I need to emphasise this, a very, very weak link to Arctic Monkeys. Right. And that is that I was working at the label

when they put their first record out, which for those of us who are old enough listening to remember, was massive. Yeah. And I was literally, the link is so weak

that I was really just putting press releases into envelopes and stuff. It was pretty basic stuff. I had nothing to do with it really, but I was present. You know, I was in the room, releases into envelopes and stuff. It was pretty basic stuff. I had nothing to do with it really, but I was present. I was in the room, if you like. I mean, you were post-MySpace, so their journey had gone somewhere before that even happened.

Yeah, I know that. Yeah, absolutely. And they had an option to not sign a record deal at all, but that's a different story. And you know the same way that with podcasting? Yes, we are like the Arctic Monkeys. You're correct, Matt. No, in podcasting, there are certain are like the Arctic Monkeys you're correct no

in podcasting there are certain people I'm not going to name names Marcus Jim no no no love Ramble no no no

there are certain people who um were present in the room when something in podcast podcasting happened right so there were no podcasts around the big bang happened and there were a few of them

one which was the Ramble was one of the successful ones but there were other ones as well, which the Ramble was one of the successful ones, but there were other ones as well. And the people who are in that room, in my experience now, have dined out on the fact that they're in that room for years to come and are now commanding big salaries as podcast experts. I'll tell you afterwards who I'm talking about.

Who is doing this? But anyway, I'll tell you afterwards. Who regards podcasts as being important? I'll tell you afterwards. I know for a fact there's a guy, and I'll tell you his name fucking afterwards, Donaldson, if you don't doubt me, who is currently on a six-figure salary

as a podcast expert, in quotes, because he was in the room when a big podcast launched and he had nothing to do with it. Can you give us a clue on the podcast? No, I'm not going to do that. Is it serial? Arctic Monkeys. Is it porn or?

Oh, Arctic Monkeys. They had a reputation as being really fucking great lads, and I'm not going to do that. Is it serial? Arctic Monkeys. Is it porno? Arctic Monkeys. They had a reputation as being really fucking great lads. I'm sure they are. From Sheffield, all that kind of stuff. Salt of the Earth types. And actually a lot of their early success was predicated on that, right? They were writing songs about normal everyday things

in suburban life. Mega Dobbers. Quite. The bingo pen you use. Yeah, absolutely. Compare it with a betting pencil. Their first record is named after a passage from Saturday Night Sunday Morning, that Albert Finney movie, is it? Okay.

So they're really like, can't be sold the other time. And I remember being somewhere where they played a big show with a guy I knew from that time. And Alex Turner came out, and this was probably a few years ago. They're playing at arenas. Alex Turner come out, and this was probably a few years ago, they were playing at arenas, Alex Turner come out, looking like he does,

you know, good on him, but he came out and he went, how you all feeling London? And it was like, okay, you've turned into one of them, have you? You've done that now. Turned into one of them?

Well, you can't just be a little Sheffield oik. He used to be AOP, didn't he? What's the passage from AOP to how you're feeling, London? It's sort of sashayed. His voice sort of talked a bit like this, you know. Yeah, we started the album over here

and then we turned a bit back into the Beatles and then we're American. Yeah. Howdy. Now we look like Elvis. But, yeah. I've got a beer in my bonnet today. I didn't realise you brought it out.

Sorry, but I mentioned the Arctic Monkeys. I'm having a go at podcasters. I'm got a beer in my bonnet today. I didn't realise you brought it out. Sorry if I mentioned the Arctic Monkeys. I'm having a go at podcasters. I'm having a go at Arctic

Monkeys. Why don't we have a go at Reverend the Makers? Yeah I can do that. They're still

going are they? Yes I believe so yeah. Yes good on them. Good on them. Yeah why

not? Great band. Great act. I've got no beef with people just as you can probably tell by people

milking stuff as long as they can. I love that the Rolling Stones are still doing stuff. It's great. It's their songs. Do what you want with them.

You own those songs. He just had, Mick Jagger just had an operation, didn't he? He was spotted in, I think wearing double denim in his garden saying, I'm going for a walk.

I've just had my ticker tickled with I've got a bit of David Bowie. Isn't it like, it means I'm Mick Jagger. Isn't it like that? Oh, I ain't hoping in the garden.

Yeah, that's it. It's like an American trying to learn a British accent. And what's your David Bowie? Is there clear

blue water between them? Hello. You can't do without singing. Everyone, anyway, by doing a David Bowie impression,

you're aping another podcast anyway. Am I? What? Not along with Adam Buxton. He's just constantly

about Bowie. Oh is he? Yeah. I've got a good story about David Bowie. Do you want to hear it? Alright then. It's actually Danny

Kelly's story but I'll tell you anyway. He won't mind me telling it. He won't mind it. When Danny Kelly was editor of NME they had, I think it was in

the 90s and David Bowie was bringing back this, he came back with this record. It might have, they had, I think it was in the 90s, and David Bowie's bringing back this, he came back with this record. It might have been Heathen. I think it might have been Outside. One of those 90s records, anyway, where you've been away for a bit and come back. Did it have Thursday's Child on it?

Have you told this story in the podcast before? Don't think so, no. Don't think I have. I think I remember you telling me it in this room, so I'm just wondering whether Mike's one at the time. Oh, really? Have I told it? Whack through it as quick as you can. Maybe yes, maybe no.

Danny Kelly was the editor-in-chief. David Bowie wouldn't do a photo for the cover for his new record, so Danny Kelly went and got a photo of him looking quite old, went to a print shop. Back in those days, you had to go to a print shop to get Photoshop.

They Photoshopped the lightning bolt on his old face which he wasn't happy about apparently but Dan didn't know he wasn't happy Dan got a phone call from Bubba

Bubba's publicist I almost said Bubba's publicist then um no Bubba's publicist went round his house and because he thought

he was going to do an interview for the for the record he was excited got into this massive ridiculous kind of reception room or whatever sat down

David Bowie walked downstairs in the dressing gown they'd never met each other before Kelly Danny's a really big Bowie fan room or whatever sat down David Bowie walked downstairs in the dressing gown they'd never met each other before Kelly Danny's a really big Bowie fan

of course as everyone is David Bowie sat opposite him pointing at his face and went you've been a very naughty boy

and threw the magazine in front of him and how did he say it you've been a very naughty boy he sounded like

a serial killer it's the we aside Jack of David Bowie's if that was Side Jack of David Bowie's If that was to, yeah I'm David Bowie George

I'm David Bowie and I'm going to release an album soon George You've not got any closer to catching me yet, George Your men aren't very good, are they, George? Yes, there are some drum and bass songs on the album, George Anyway Little Wonder You little wonder, little wonder, you.

If that story was garbled and too fast. No, it was good. I liked it. Send me a tweet and I'll, I don't know, I'll tweet it or something. Do you know what I'll do? I'm talking with Danny tomorrow. He's going to come in and do some stuff. He can do it.

He can tell the story himself. Can you do a Danny impression? He's just got a normal voice, hasn't he? He's got quite nasal. He's not just like that. It's sort of... Yeah, I'm Danny Kelly. Yeah, okay. And you are the listening millions. He's brilliant. He's brilliant, Danny. Anyway, let't he? He's got quite nasal. He's always like that. It's sort of... Yeah, I'm Danny Kelly. And you are the listening millions.

He's brilliant, Danny. Anyway, let's take a break and we'll do some emails afterwards. They can sense the others down below. As they get hungry, they need to return to the sea. That is the sound of a walrus bouncing

off the floor. Julian Assange there falling off a cliff. You call David Attenborough Sir David Attenborough possibly the greatest living Brit. You call him

the whispery man don't you? Whispery man. I just can't be arsed with it all. So if I said to you Sir David Attenborough is a national treasure

would you agree with that? Yeah, probably. He kind of invented television, didn't he? Yes. But then I always sort of think, be careful of who, be careful of false idols.

You've got to wait until they're dead before you say that. Apart from Bob Mortimer, who is genuinely a... Who would be off the top of your head straight away? Bob Mortimer. Male or female?

Bob Mortimer, less Ferdinand. Who is Jack the Ripper? Top five, top five male or female living national treasures. Bob Mortimer, Les Ferdinand. These are just people you like, aren't they? Yeah. Yeah, but they'll never let you down. They will never let you down.

David Attenborough will never let you down. David Attenborough will never let you down. David Attenborough, yeah. Danny Kelly. He's a fellow who, oh, gosh, his name. He's in, he can't be international, can't be American, got to be British. Who? What are you talking about?

National Treasures. Yeah, he got to be British, yeah. Can't be adopted. Louis C.K. Who are you talking about? I can't think of a third one. I'll tell you what hello at lukeandpetecher.com

with your list of national treasures we've done national treasures we did it about a year ago we can do it again listen the people who complain Richard O'Brien the people who complain

he's British the people who complain I'm addressing the listeners I was going to say Terry Crews but he's American so I can't have it and he let himself down with some comments recently

I'm addressing our pissant listeners directly here alright pissant listeners directly here, right? Alright, pissant listeners. Those who complain that we repeat stuff on this show from a year ago.

Suck it up. Six months ago. I'm sorry, have you never watched a TV show or listened to a radio show before? That shit gets churned out all the time.

And it may be with different characters, it may be with a different kind of mood, but it's all the same. Everything's the same. Yeah. Nothing's different. Oh, my text is the same everything's the same nothing's different

oh my text is the same on radio exactly you know the last time someone what's that smell text me 8-12-15 the last time

is your dad dead 8-12-15 what's that smell yes it is my will to live and my career going up in flames Pete

the last person to do something genuinely different creatively I'm going to tell you now who 2002 dizzy rascal I thought you'm going to tell you now. Who? 2002 Dizzy Rascal.

I thought you were going to say Eiffel 69. That's the last time I've heard of something blue. Eiffel 65. That's the last time somebody did something interesting. Creatively different. Right. Dizzy Rascal 2002. You're just discounting grime and discounting... Well, Dizzy Rascal was one of the fucking gold fighters of grime.

Yeah, but like proper grime nowadays what are you talking about that's drill it's called drill now Pete get with the kids yeah hello at lucanandpetech.com I've been told not to get with the kids

I'm a radio DJ it's not a good look yeah it's true for the emails and some people have emailed in Pete is going to enlighten you all with his first selection

from the email inbox yeah it's Kieran Judge hello CJ hi Luke and Pete ice cream fugitive Kieran here still above ground at the time of writing I've muffed it up already I've said his full name sorry Kieran Judge. Hello, CJ. Hi, Luke and Pete. Ice cream fugitive Kieran here, still above ground at the time of writing. I've muffed it up already. I've said his full name.

Sorry, Kieran. Oh, yeah, you fucking outed him again. I thought I would mail and share about a horrendous mistake my mum made with a Christmas card for our neighbours. In the mid-90s, we lived in north-east London in a bustling multicultural neighbourhood where everyone just got along fine

in that typical London way of basically leaving everyone alone. Yeah, I remember it well. Our neighbours moved abroad and rented their house out, which led us to have a variety of neighbours in a very short space of time. My mum would always make newcomers feel welcome

by baking a cake, having a chat, and being generally friendly slash nosy. Oh, you couldn't do that these days. You used to go gluten-free and dairy-free. Oh, yeah, stab you in the face, mate. You've got to bring round your bloody gluten-free nonsense. Stab you in the face with a Victoria sponge. Our other next-door neighbour was a man in his 70s

who lived alone and had certain views, which we can file under the category troubling. In short, he made Alf Garnett seem left-wing. Problematic. Sid was a lonely man who would regale me of the times where you could leave your door open, play football on the street, and despite all the hardship,

everyone was happy, until, of course, the foreigners moved in. This view is particularly awkward because our family is Irish, and our mum and dad moved to London in the 60s. But of course, our family is white, so we were just about okay

despite having, in his eyes, a ridiculously large family. I have two brothers and a sister that made parking a nightmare. I was 16 at the time and I can't say I liked Sid much, but I felt a little bit sorry for him

and my mum would often cook him dinners which I would drop around after school. Mum sounds like a complete dynamo. She sounds great. She's social glue. She's community.

Haroldite. She's the grouting to the social tiles. Wow. Much to Sid's disdain, a German family moved into the rental house just before Christmas one year, and my mum went through her welcome routine, cakes for the adults,

sweets for the children, offers of babysitting, etc., etc. Being so close to the festive period, my began the task of writing her Christmas cards. She could not remember the name of the father of the German family and made the huge mistake of asking Sid. Oh dear. We didn't find out.

Sid probably called him Fritz or Adam. We didn't find out the mistake until about two years later when my mum told to drop in a birthday card to Fritz that was by the phone table. Fritz? I said, who's Fritz? mistake until about two years later when my mum told uh to drop in a birthday card to fritz that was by the phone table fritz i said who's fritz my mum replied slightly annoyed our next door neighbor's number eight is our next door neighbor's number 18 uh i replied uh i replied mom he's called heinz yeah so it turned out that my mum had been referring to him as fritz in conversation posting cards for christmas and birthdays through our neighbor's door addressed to fritz and family

when i explained this to my mum, she was absolutely mortified and immediately went down to apologise. Thankfully Heinz was a lovely man, accepting mum's apology and laughed it off. He thought it was a joke the whole time and didn't correct it as he didn't want to appear rude. Wow. This is so awkward. What a saucy tale, Pete.

Yeah, my mum moved out of our family house about ten years. Heinz? Heinz? Heinz saucy? Heinz? Carry on. My mum moved out of our family house about 10 years Heinz Heinz Saucy Heinz carry on my mum moved out of the family house about 10 years later after this incident and a number of neighbours

came back to wish her well all had a story to tell about Sid who had passed away by then highlights being the Romanian family I'm not going to I'm not going to

not yet definitely not we also at the end we also learned that he referred to us as the spud pickers. Speaking of old people, Pete,

you know whose birthday it would have been? He'd been 96 today. One of your favourite internet things ever. The guy would have been 96 today. Can you guess? Sorry, who would be 96 today? A man who you, who was the subject of one of the best things on the

internet, in your opinion. Oh, 96. Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Mr. Pigden. Oh, it's his birthday today. I think I saw something. Ian Wright posted it.

Mr. What's his name? Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr.. Mr. I'm a little cry. I'm a little cry. I'm a little cry. I'm a little cry. I'm they said you was dead yeah that's one of the most emotional videos it gets you going every time doesn't it Pete Ian Wright any time I am hungover I'll watch that video and have a little cry

Ian Wright being reunited with his old school teacher his inspirational school teacher I thought it was Mr Pinkerton Mr Pigden did you know that speaking of Pinkerton slash Weezer

slash Rivers Cormor Rivers Cormor released two Japanese or at least one Japanese language albums do you know he's obsessed with Japanese.

Any good? Young Japanese girls. He'll do it. It's a bit weird. Isn't it a bit weird? It's a bit rich. A bit rich for me. Massively rich for me.

I'm just not interested in them sexually. No. I like their beers and their cultures. And you like getting run over by their moped riders.

That's Korea. That's Korea. And what about this from Finn? Finny. I've titled this email... A young man emails in, and oh God, please don't let this be the start of something. Oh God.

Hello, for those long-time listeners, first-time emailer, as they like to say, my name is Finn, and I'm from Brisbane, Australia. One of the most boring cities I've ever visited, but that's a different story. After hearing all the chat about the bids for the oldest Luke and Pete show, listener, of course, on Monday, I think we had a 69-year-old listener called Nigel,

I decided I would like to bid for the youngest Luke and Pete show listener. I am 19 years old. Oh, get out. We've got plenty of younger listeners than that. I don't think we should have anyone younger than that. Why? Because it's watershed. Stop talking about my...

It's the end of the show. Bye. Stop talking about my arse my it's the end of the show bye stop talking about my arse then why my arse it's not your arse it's your constipation Finn says

hopefully this can start a thread of us youthful listeners sending in more correspondence thanks guys love the show Finn

Finn I don't really want to hear if anyone listens to this show is under 18 right because of some of your output Donaldson and John McNamara hi guys i have a story that i feel would enrich your lives in my

young years i worked for a tree surgeon company in northern ireland i saw this email in the inbox i skipped we took a beam machine chap i didn't do what i normally do which is delete it to stop you seeing it who was now we're all going to pay the price. Who was an impressive operator. His skills were so good that within a month or so, we felt confident in sending him out to do small jobs on his own. We had a pruning job in a residential area. Very simple, really.

So he sent Bill down to do the work on his own. A few hours later, the phone rang and I answered it. It was a disgruntled priest. Phone rang and I answered it. It was a disgruntled priest. He asked politely if he was speaking to Michael Large Treeworks, to which I replied, yes. Blame the company there. Blame the company.

They're never going to get any booking again. Please don't mention the company name on it. Look, don't fucking write it. Don't write it. Don't put it after. Because you're going to read it in chronological order. Yeah. It doesn't add anything to the story no

and to be honest the way it was resolved was how you would resolve any story how you'd resolve any situation like this at work

he must know you were going to read it out he must know then he proceeded to tell me I'm not even going to believe

sorry John but it's just the way it goes then he proceeded to tell me that one of our workers was at the top of a

large beech tree pleasuring himself when Bill returned he admitted the indiscretion and he didn't see too much wrong proceeded to tell me that one of our workers was at the top of a large beech tree pleasuring himself. When Bill returned, he admitted the indiscretion and he didn't see too much wrong with it. Well, I mean, that is, I mean, come on. He was, does he think that people don't look up like dogs?

Yeah. He was promptly sacked and we never saw him again. That's the end of the story. John, wonderful. And then he follows up. Brings a whole new brings a whole new, like, meaning to the word seedling. And then he follows up. Brings a whole new meaning to the word seedling. And then he follows seedling. Lovely. Look at that little acorn up there.

But then he chooses to follow up this email with some names to describe the act. Sycamore sausage slapper. This is the headlines in the Sun newspaper. Tree tugger. Tree tugger's easy, yeah. Poplar penis puller. Yeah. Silver birch sausage badger. Yeah. Bit complex

that one. Yeah, yeah. John, I enjoyed that story. Sorry for mentioning the company, but I mean, if you're gonna... He's not that sorry. He was fired for doing something dreadful and I think that's exactly how he should have dealt with it. He came, he was a great worker and a one carer as well. So

that's the good news. What's the bad news? He's wanking up the top of a tree. I love it if you, I wanted the email to end by him loudly protesting that he was on his lunch break. I'm on a break. This is my time! This is my time! Would it be worse or better? I think I saw a homeless man doing

that in the street yesterday. Not good. He was going for it in a sleeping bag. Would you like to end with an email of a man being disrespected in his own workplace? Yes, please. Okay, this is from Keith. Is this from a tree? It is not. I'm just doing my business.

I'm Keith and I'm a majestic oak tree. I never believed what someone was doing in my head. I was booked in for a haircut last week. And I asked for no gel. Anyway, this is from Keith. He says, Hello. Hello.

I wanted to chat about getting names wrong. Something you talked about in episode 161. As my name is frequently misspelled, the I and E are often transposed, he says, or mistaken for other K names. The most famous of the latter occurred at my first job out of university. I was hired at a PR firm of about 50 people the week before their annual holiday shindig,

at which the CEO recited a poem that included everyone's name. It's one of those workplaces. That she mistook my name as Kevin was forgivable, as I'd only been there a week and did not have regular interaction with her. my name as Kevin was forgivable, as I'd only been there a week and did not have regular interaction with her. However, the next year, my name was once again read out as Kevin

during the holiday poem, which led our IT manager to create an email address, Big Kev, which would always forward to my inbox. Right. Keith, I don't think people are respecting you. No. I think that's out of order.

I think you deserve better than that. Keith is not a difficult name to work out, to learn, and I think, frankly, people should make Keith is not a difficult name to work out, to learn. And I think, frankly, people should make more effort. I pronounce it Fritz. Yeah. What does Sid think? What does Sid the old fur next door think?

I just think that when people sort of make a big deal about getting someone's name wrong, if you know that a name is coming up and you're talking that person, you know, I get footballers' names wrong constantly, but if you talk to somebody like face-to-face and you, there's nothing to stop you going, sorry, how do you pronounce that? I'm really sorry.

How do you pronounce your name? And just say it properly. But what happens if they say Emma? Right. Well, then you've got the name Emma. It's fine. Yeah, but they know you're taking a piss. Well, you wouldn't do it at that point.

You'd know their name. That falls down if it's a difficult name. It's an easy name, sort of. I met from Sri Lanka at school and she was called

Wandragla. Great name. And the teachers would almost relish in how hard they found it to pronounce it. And if I can do it

as an eight-year-old. Giving it the old, yeah, you've only got one name to remember. I've got to remember 30. Good point, yeah. I used to have to remember 20 not in Hartlepool

they're all Smith or Jones or other members of TV I genuinely don't take any offence at all when someone forgets my name

it's not a big deal but I am quite British and awkward about it when I forget someone else's but yeah that's just part of it part of the theme

of this show over the years has been awkwardness British awkwardness I guess it's just part of it and wanking up trees. Yeah.

Anyway, on that note, let's get out of here, Pete. Let's go away and enjoy the weekend. We're off to Lisbon. I'm sure we can talk about it on Monday when we're back. Have you ever

indulged in onanism at altitude? Text in. What's the text number, Pete? Oh, I don't know. 0795 8 and 0.

He said my own name, my own number there. What's the worst text that you've Oh, I don't know. 07958... He said my own name, my own number there. What's the worst text that you've done on the radio? As in the most... What's that smell that's up there? No, when you think,

shit, my life is the absolute pits. Have you had a calippo yet? That was quite recent. What's that smell? What was the answer? That went really well. What can you see? What can you see was good.

What's that smell was good. Mate, I'm just giving you a gift to you for your talk spot show. It's just, you know. Yeah. really well. What can you see? What can you see was good? What's that smell was good? Mate, I'm just giving you gifts here for your TalkSpot show. It's just, you know. Yeah. We're kind of a little bit more,

we're TalkSpot's a bit more highbrow. Anyway, let's get out of here, Pete. Press that button, will you please? I brought my other tablet in today so I'm a bit confused. I can then do the outro.

We'll be back on Monday. It's hellolukeandpeach.com to email in and talk to us. That's too loud. Oh, I turned it off. If you've thought about emailing but haven't done it, do it. We love hearing from you.

There's plenty of you out there that haven't got in touch yet. Please do so. Hello at lukeandpeacher.com. It's been a pleasure. Thank you, Pete. And we'll see you all on Monday. Bye-bye. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.

You little wonder, little wonder you. David!