The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 163: Paulo the Heartbreaker

Episode Date: April 29, 2019

Luke and Pete are back from Lisbon, and quickly warm up into telling some tales of their experiences there. There's also chat about watching movies when we were underage, Pete introduces us to the weird world of Lasagne Cat, and we marvel and wonder at the point of hotel safes.For your part, you guys wade in with emails about Pete's attractiveness, an awful handshake scenario, and plenty more besides. See you on Thursday for more of this guff!To make a contribution on any of this stuff, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Luke and Pete Show, Pete Donaldson with you, joined by Luke Moore, and we are back after a relatively heavy weekend in Lisbon, but we're having a lovely time, aren't we, Luke? Yes, it's very nice to be back. I like getting back to London. I love travelling, love going to new places, never been to Lisbon before, so it was interesting, but it's always nice to get back as well. Bloody nice to sit here with you, mate, as well going to new places. Never been to Lisbon before, so it was interesting. But it's always nice to get back as well. Bloody nice to sit here with you, mate, as well. Yeah.

To be honest. In an airless room. Yeah. With Jim Campbell's diseases. Everywhere. Everywhere you look. It's supposed to be going on, apart from we went to Lisbon, just sort of rocked out in there for a bit.

It was quite fun. Tell people your highlights from Lisbon, mate. I enjoyed the little bit of football I enjoyed the sunshine I enjoyed the sagres how do you

pronounce it sag sag yeah it's spelled s-a-g-r-e-s but it's pronounced

sag bastards and the Portuguese language is a pretty interesting one isn't it well I had to

shout I was saying to a man who speaks Russian that it sounds like Russian Spanish and he's I'm none of it and I'm going come on now let's stop being silly yeah I was saying to a man who speaks Russian that it sounds like Russian-Spanish and he's, I'm none of it.

And I'm going, come on now. Let's stop being silly. Yeah. It is. I don't care what you think. It is. But yeah, it's a really interesting place. I've been there five times now.

Wow, brilliant. I'm going again in July, so I can't stay away, quite frankly. Good for you. Yeah. For those who haven't visited Portugal or more accurately Lisbon

it's very hilly it is pretty hilly I'm just trying to think if it was more hilly than when we went to Naples together I think they're roughly similar I would say

I think I said at the time I know it's very easy to defend these cities so that's why these cities get built there but I would also when I was thinking of building a city

I'd be like oh sod this the pipes are going to get cracked. You wouldn't, I don't think you would, I mean, with respect, I'm absolutely categorising myself as this as well. I don't think many cities would get built if they had the work rate and the motivation of you and I, mate.

No. I can work rate, but I'd probably just concentrate on broadband internet before the actual, like, sewage. High speed. High speed broadband fibre internet so oh yeah there's no sewers anywhere

and I can't get there's nowhere to flush away the turds you know but you can go on Google and get an answer pretty quickly about whether there are

any sewers or not and it turns out there aren't yeah or go on YouTube and figure out it yourself dickhead yeah

figure out making your own sewage do it yourself exactly why not try some sustainable living and grow some roses from your own manure?

We went out for a nice meal together, didn't we, Pete? It's the first time you and I have had a meal together for a long time. Yeah, we had a taste of the menu. It was very pleasant. I find it curious sat next to you when it's a nice meal because I know that you really enjoy it, but you also hate yourself for liking it. I enjoy the food.

I just yap about it. You don't like people talking about food do you on the television you know I have problems talking about it on the telly I don't mind I don't mind having a meal and having a discussion

about it but it's when you're watching it on telly I just find that bizarre turn the telly over mate you what turn the telly over can't it's on every

fucking channel Luke 24 hours a day here Luke I come with terrible news what's that on the way to the studio I discovered that punk is dead What's that? On the way to the studio, I discovered that Punk is dead.

How do we know? Because the man who works at Oxford Circus, a TFL worker who works on the Oxford Circus, usually Victoria Line, sometimes just in the mid foyer, who always had a big old Mohican, he has got rid of the Mohican and he's got a sensible haircut now. He's been there for years. Right. He always kind of draws the eye because he's got a of the Mohican and he's got a sensible haircut now he's been there for years

he always kind of draws the eye because he's got a bright red Mohican but now he doesn't have a bright red Mohican he just has a kind of salt and pepper normal older man's barnet was John Lydon available for comment? Punk is dead. He comments everything else he's very vocal isn't he ow ow mate

he wants to turn up to an interview, and despite telling him... Have you interviewed John Lydon? Okay, Johnny Rotten. I've been in the room when he's been interviewed a couple of times. He was nice one time, problematic the other. One was at eight o'clock in the morning, though, so he came in with his friend,

and he proceeded to smoke constantly throughout the interview, even though we told him it's going to set off a fire alarm. Yeah. So I had to go and get cups and cover the smoke alarm in the studio. Well, you were the lackey that had to do that. I was the lackey. No, I just like anything that's technical. I'll sort this out.

I'll square this away. You like to solve a problem, don't you, Pete? Yeah, I do. Yeah. And you're going to get round to your own problems? Never. Never? Because you can't solve them with HMI cables.

And we went to see sporting play in Lisbon of course against Vitoria Gimarese and we had we sampled some of the local snacks at the

football stadium didn't we as well what was the snacks you had some it was called a bifana oh yeah it was just a

bacon sarnie a very thick bacon sarnie with no tomato sauce on it or anything. One of the things I like about going to a new city is finding out, not as in, I'm not a huge foodie, and I do like food, obviously,

but clearly, but I'm not a huge foodie, but I like to know little subtle differences. The thing about, interestingly, going to even a gig or a concert or something, but certainly a football game in a different country is it's like the same but different the universality of it is obviously what gets everyone there and why football is so popular but the different things they do at the game is fascinating to me because of course where my women and to one yeah i mean european games are so many more women and families just brilliant to see because as again i said

before obviously this isn't a football show but football shouldn't be the you know the last Yeah, I mean, European games, there's so many more women and families, which is brilliant to see, because as, again, I said before, obviously this isn't a football show, but football shouldn't be the last bastion of the working class white male. It should be available for everyone. That's the betting shop. Yeah. The other thing is that you're allowed to drink beer at the game, of course, which makes it a little bit more enjoyable in the sun.

It's obviously warm as well, which is nice. Not the beer, the temperature. And instead of getting a pie or a burger, you get a very interesting bacon sandwich, but the type of bacon sandwich you probably wouldn't get anywhere else. And finally, on this white-hot Lisbon food chat, when we went to a seafood restaurant last night, it was nice, it was good.

It was an Anthony Bourdain recommended place. You know, God rest him. Rick Stein loves it as well. I forget the name of it. I'll tweet it later. But they served up a steak sandwich for dessert. Yeah, we had that on the Friday. Everyone was getting dessert.

I got like a horrible creamy nonsense thing. And Sam and Lord Ramble got a veal sandwich for afters, which is a strange dessert in many ways, yeah. Yeah, it's very strange. It was delicious, though, to be fair. Yeah, the steak sandwich was amazing. I mean, it's not really what I expected or needed at that point. I had about six glasses of wine and three beers, and I was stuffed.

I probably wouldn't have had a dessert at all. But it was one of those restaurants where the guy actually if I grab my mobile phone and I've got a photo of it I'll be able to tell you the name I spoiled myself last night while you were having delicious seafood with 12 spicy wings oh yeah I saw you in the picture the restaurant was called

Ramiro Marischia Servajaria Ramiro I think it's just called Ramiro but it was one of those restaurants where there's no there's. I think it's just called Ramiro. But it was one of those restaurants where there's no, there's no pretense. It's just really deliciously fresh seafood. And you go in there,

you take a number, you wait for an hour, like you would do in Naples that time. You go in, the waiter comes in, and he's a very charismatic, I'm not going to say forceful, but he was like,

he was in charge. And he just gave us an iPad with all the different seafood that was available that day. And we just, oh yeah, what was in charge. And he just gave us an iPad with all the different seafood that was available that day. And we just said, oh yeah, what would you recommend? And he went,

you have this, this, this, this, and this. And we went, all right then. And he pressed the button.

Yeah, basically. And he brought it over. But he also brought the steak sandwiches for dessert. I mean, I didn't want dessert. He was like, one,

two, three, four, five, and just brought them back up, brought them all over. And that's why he's the most popular waiter, because he,

he just sells a lot more stuff. Do you know what else he did the waiter? The restaurant closed, I think. I think it stopped taking orders at 11. I think you're supposed to get out by like 11.30 or whatever. And you know in the UK, whether it's a bar or a restaurant or whatever, they'll come round and go,

hello, yeah, terribly sorry to bother you. We're literally going to set off the fucking smoke. We're going to set off all fucking smoke we're going to set off all of the fire extinguishers if you don't get the fuck out of here if you don't drink up that hundred pounds

worth of booze I've just sold you in 15 minutes I'm going to take it away from you and I'm going to call the police in Lisbon it was like oh yeah

this tap this tap oh and do you want some more beers on the house we'd already paid the bill do you want some more beers on the house

five more beers and brought beers over and we sat there drinking beers for another half an hour more beers and brought beers over and we sat there drinking beers for another half an hour. Oi, oi. More relaxed. Yeah.

Luke did a classic thing whenever I've seen him in a European city or any city really that's not London. He falls in love with a boy. Oh yeah. Fell in love with a taxi driver.

Said it must be fun but it bears repeating. Fell in love with a boy. There's just a lot of very handsome people in Lisbon. Yeah. I can appreciate

the physical form of both women and men. He was laughing that you were wearing shorts. Yeah. We got on well, didn't we? You did get on like a house on fire. Yeah, except you... So, you brought this to the table, not me,

so I make no apologies for this. Okay. I'm sat in the front of a taxi. People listening who've listened for a long time will know our dynamic, you and I. And I'm sat in the front of a taxi next to the driver, handsome guy, a bit younger than me. Yeah. The sort of guy who would never be a taxi driver in the UK, you and I. And I'm sat in front of a taxi next to the driver, handsome guy, a bit younger than me. The sort of guy who would never be a taxi

driver in the UK, by the way. I don't know why he was a taxi driver. He'd be like an Uber driver. Yeah, maybe, maybe, to be fair. In fact, he was an Uber driver, wasn't he? That was what the cab was. And Pete sat in the back. So picture the scene, everyone listening. I'm sat there making small talk with Paolo, as his name

was. And I'm not having a go at you, Donaldson, but I'm better at small talk than you. I find you won him over, but the small talk at the start was tedious. How did I win him over, do you think? With just bloody-minded, just doing it a lot. Sledgehammer. Yeah, just keep on going.

He's the hazelnut and I'm the sledgehammer, just smashing him over and over again. Yeah, you definitelyelnut and I'm the sledgehammer. Yeah, you definitely want him over at the end. But I want to give, I'm not going to put. It started icy, that's all I'm saying. I'm not going to put details on this because it wouldn't be fair to you. So I'm not going to be unfair. But I want people to understand the kind of guy you are behind this persona. You clocked that me and Paolo were getting on quite well.

Right. And so you started sending me very problematic whatsapp message incorrect so he would say so he would say incorrect and try to undermine our burgeoning blossoming friendship luke halfway through was sending me a message about problematic things and then i sent back a representative image of the problematic thing um and then he got all coy about it no but i think paulo no i think i think that you as ever go too far who started it i started it but in a quite appropriate way i was the catalyst that brought it you went too far anyway it's not it's we're still very much uh friends and i'm sure we'll stay in touch interestingly is that me and you he had a sister he's got a sister this taxi

driver who lives in the isle of Bute off the west coast of Scotland. Yeah, that's a weird one, isn't it? Very strange. And I said to him, I've ever gone to Bute, and I love visiting the west islands of Scotland, as you know. I said, have you ever go to Bute? Have you seen a Portuguese girl?

That's definitely my sister. She's the only Portuguese girl living there. So anyway, it was good. Do you want an update, Pete, on our youngest listeners? Yes, please. So we've been inundated with emails of people just saying, telling us their age. It's horrific, to be fair, given the content.

But it's not our responsibility, I don't think. Podcasts aren't classified, are they? No. Do we tag this as explicit? Maybe. It's never explicit, it's just informative. Yeah. So Ewan, hello to you.

Ewan's 15. Dre is 16. Martin is 18. Hello to you, Martin. Another Ewan who's 17. Hello to Kieran who's also 17., who's 17. Hello to Kieran, who's also 17. Jonah, who's 18. Lucas, who's 15.

And Jordan, who is 17. So a lot of young listeners. This is naughty. I don't think I ever listened to anything this naughty when I was a child. What was the thing that you, what was the forbidden fruit when you were a kid? It was not forbidden fruit,

but it was like kind of, I remember sort of like, realistically, like when BBC Radio 1 used to do quite naughty stuff, they used to do Radio NME

at like one o'clock in the morning and it was just really graphic and really naughty and really rude. It was like, he'd have his vlog

coming on and he'd go, I'm Peter Andre and I like dirty whores. It was just really weird. It was just really weird. I was like, that's naughty, isn't it? What radio station was it?

Radio 1. Right. Obviously obviously Blue Jam which is obviously a precast of the jam the TV version of Chris Morris they would do some really extreme stuff

you know stories of just horrible things what time are we talking it was one in the morning on a you know on a random Thursday

but I remember staying up listening to that on the radio there's some actually quite interesting comedy shows on that later, on Radio 1. Now they obviously don't do any of that. I remember when I grew up,

our family grew up opposite another family. I was good friends with the son and they had three daughters as well. My sister was friends with one of them. And they became like a close family to us. And the woman, the mother of the family was like the matriarch of the street because it became like a close close family to us and she the woman the mother of the family is like the matriarch of the street because it's like a working class terrorist house all on top of each other kind of thing and my mum would invariably trust her to she called diane

to look after us so if i went over there and my mum would be like i'll just pop an ounce i'll just stay with diana whatever and be fine but my mum found out like about three or four years after i you know came of age that Diane was quite strict and a very very responsible lady and a brilliant mother to her four children

and all the rest of it proper salt of the earth type but they've always everyone's always got a weakness right and hers was for heroin no yeah

she was she was prescribing heroin street heroin to underage people no no she was very very relaxed about kids watching movies that were 18s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I used to, I remember going over there and watching Alien and Aliens,

and it was all fine. And Aliens. And stuff like Lost Boys, which was a little bit scary, but it was fine. I was only 15, and I'd have been like 12. Anyway, that was all fine. It never really came up. I didn't tell my mum because i knew she wouldn't want me watching it but it didn't really affect me and then i think over a course of like a week or two i watched with um

her son my friend james he was a bit older than me but not that much older we watched um a nightmare on elm street right followed by robocop yeah oh that was too much i said i got i was upset well were you i was really upset with Nightmare on Elm Street it scared the shit out of me and my mum could tell something was wrong and I think she it was fine

because I think she thought something was seriously wrong but it was actually I just watched a naughty movie I watched a naughty movie mummy I went to shop my friend's mum no I didn't

I didn't I didn't I didn't rat anyone out but she obviously knew I came upon a movie she knew where I was so she put two of us together I think she had a word

with Diane. And then about six months after that, our cat ate their two finches. Oh. Pet finches. Can you own a finch? Yeah.

Can you own a finch? Or is it the way your trousers are hanging? And so that meant relations became strained. Yeah. But eventually we got over that. Wow.

And then we moved away so it was fine. Nothing to do with the finches. Oh, that's fantastic. Have you ever seen, there's a bloke who makes Lasagna Cat on YouTube. I didn't expect you to say that. No. It's basically a parody of the Garfield cartoons.

He calls it Lasagna Cat. Right. It's a live action version of Garfield. It takes some twists and turns and it's right up my street because it's just obscene and weird and massively unprofitable. Has he got an actual cat starring as the main protagonist?

No, it's like a man in a Garfield costume, I seem to recall. And there's John as well, and they do little sketches and three panel comics. in a Garfield costume, I seem to recall. Right. And there's John as well, who's like, obviously, and they do little kind of sketches and, you know, like three panel comics. Anyway, I think it's that guy did a version of Robocop. Where just Robocop can't and won't stop shooting people in the balls.

Like, just constantly balls exploding all over the place. I don't know how people in the balls. Like, just constantly, balls exploding all over the place. I don't know how you'd find it. We'll find it. We'll link to it. How does he do the special effects of the balls? Well, it's like a kind of like, it's a scene from Robocop, and he's going,

don't ever go with me or whatever. Yeah. And he goes to shoot, and he's about to shoot like a terrorist. Someone is a hostage taker. He's taking a woman hostage. Yeah. And he blows his balls to pieces, and it's a really shoot like a terrorist someone who's a hostage taker has taken a woman hostage and he blows his balls

to pieces and it's a really graphic balls are exploding and then he shoots another guy in the balls and everyone's just

balls are just exploding it's good should I make a note of that for this synopsis exploding balls the scariest bit of Robocop when I was a kid was when

ED-209 the fucking terrifying machine gun robot goes haywire in a meeting. Yes, I don't think I've ever seen Robocop. You have five seconds to comply. That one. Yeah. Yeah, I remember for the video game, see.

Robocop 3 on the Amiga was very good. One of the first 3D sort of games, and I used to play that. What, like Duke Nukem or whatever? It was more, it wasn't quite as advanced as that, but everything was very grey Wolfenstein 3D not even as advanced as Wolfenstein 3D

it was more like you could fly around could Robocop fly in the third film I can't remember seeing the third one I don't think many people did my interest in the franchise

had waned by then as I approached adulthood not enough balls being shot off no exactly let's have a break and then after that we'll do some of your

excellent emails and probably some of your excellent emails, and probably some of your shit ones as well. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm pretty chilled out about this, actually. I've had five pints of Guinness, and my wife's just left me for another man. I can't mention her name. Jackie, I'm sorry about that.

So, actually, you know, the fact that it's a four-hour delay on a flight doesn't bother me. That man on his way to Malaga it's brilliant that because he looks exactly as you imagine him to look based on that clip and he's trying to look like

he's getting one over on his wife but he actually just looks really tragic I love very straight men trying to tell trying to perform things yeah it's like saying yeah he can't really do it no

he can't sort of go Jackie oh I'm so sorry like he doesn't even give it that much delivery's poor yeah delivery's poor from the man

yeah even if he just give it a Jackie like that you know have you seen the right stuff where that man keeps ringing and abusing his wife

brilliant yeah that's great delivery I mean it's actually very abusive and objectionable but the delivery let's be fair let's respect the art it's, it's actually very abusive and objectionable, but the delivery, let's be fair, let's respect the art. He does it three or four times,

and how he manages to do it is one of the lost magical arts. I guess it's one of those magic tricks you got. Sneaking through that firewall. He's done very well there. He's had two phone calls at the same time there. Sneaking through that assistant producer's firewall. I like it when people phone up talk shows or Five Live or something

and they go, yeah, I was talking to your researcher off air and it's like, I don't think I've ever met a researcher. Yeah. They're not researchers.

They're just people who put you through the fucking phones. Yeah. They're APs. I work very closely with the APs at TalkSport so I'm not going to

slag them. I was one. Oh, so was I. That was my first job in radio, yeah. So I'm just saying that we were never researchers. I think that gives it as a lofty term. Our work encapsulates pretty much everything, all the work that nobody else wants to fucking do.

Yeah. You're ringing in, you're talking about them as researchers because you're so pompous that you think that part of their research is talking to you because you're so interested. Yeah, exactly, yeah. I was talking to one of your researchers

who was getting to the real crux of my point and I'm going to basically spend five minutes giving you it again. They're not researchers, they're assistant producers who, God bless them,

we've both done it ourselves, they make tea, they generally keep busy and they answer the phone because no one else wants to do it. I, back in the bad old days of radio, when it was a good old days of radio, I, as an AP,

got somebody phoned up on a show. I'm not going to mention who it was. And I went, right, when you get on, shout the F word. Feel free to shout the F word. And they went on and they shouted the F word.

Why did you do that? Because you'd have got fired. F words are brilliant. You'd have got fired if you'd have found out it was that. Well, I didn't because when they went on air... Stop the radio station you're still working at,

because that's going to be problematic. It was a long time ago. But I was like, there was a reason why they had to shout a certain word. I was like, feel free to say a swear word. Terrible behaviour from me. That's bad. But they shouted a swear word, and we went, I'm so sorry. It's live radio, we're sorry.

I think, Pete Pete if they said to you what do you think the job entails and you said getting calls to say swear words on air I don't know

if you'd have got the job no no I don't think you would anyway so hello at lukeandpetech.com to email in and let us know what you're thinking

swear words are funny on the radio Mike's just I'll start with this one Pete if I may just because it's a very quick one if you want the ad break time code is 1722 by the way cheers mate it's a very quick one. If you want the air brake time code, it's 1722, by the way.

Yes, mate. It's quite all right. Locked back in. Locked in, yeah. Mike has emailed in saying, Afternoon, guys. With the greatest respect, fan of your Uber as I am, I've never particularly had a man crush on either of you before.

None taken, Mike. He said, with that being said, though, Pete's new Twitter photo is making me reconsider. Oh. Given that Pete once said I looked handsome in my Twitter photo, I thought I'd return the compliment. So I'm going to go on your Twitter now

and see what it looks like. That's interesting because I... I'm using your computer, so it might take me a while. I forgot mine. To get through the sludge. That's interesting because I... Oh, yeah, you do look good.

You're with Chris Broad from Broad in Japan. I changed that Twitter profile because I genuinely thought I looked bad, but I thought looked interesting you look emaciated i look yeah i look like um i saw tepeche mode play the isle of wight festival last year and they're all getting on and they've all done a lot of drugs yeah and they look like shit um so all of their um video kind of close-up video stuff on the video screens uh is all black and white very high contrast very high high black and white um exposure kind of stuff so they all look really sort of bleached and um i was fascinated by that

and and and i thought i looked like a rough old goth so i thought that's uh that's an interesting look i haven't i have no i think i take a picture once a year that i think that looks if not interesting i look presentable i cannot take a picture of myself in my life. I look dreadful all the time. I think you look about 20 years older than you are in that picture. But you look fine. I think you're quite photogenic because you've got quite pronounced bone structure in your face. I thought you were going to say goiters.

What does that mean? It's like a lump in your... Goiter. Goiter. No, you've got a good jawline. Yeah, but... You know Paolo. You know Paolo.

Paolo. Yeah. It's getting hot. is it getting hot in here but thank you very much to that Mike emailer Mike

for saying nice things about my face and my body and my soul yeah I think he knows your soul's black as night that was me

that was me in America Mura which is America town Mura meaning town I believe in Japanese in Osaka

where I was teaching some of the local teenagers how to say, Wai-ai-man. So they've gone, Wai-ai-man. Yeah, I saw a video of that. So then now they've got like a load of, so every time somebody goes to America Mura,

who listens to Around Japan, the Japanese podcast, and also watches Chris Broad's YouTube output, and they've seen me do the Wai-ai-man. I've had a couple of videos of people just going, why I'm on in American Mura, which I quite like. Maybe I'll start some kind of thing that people do. Apparently there's a thing in Osaka that if you go up to anybody,

and I mean anybody, and start to shoot them with your finger, they'll go, ah, you shot me. It's like a cultural thing in Osaka. It's what they do. And that's why I go back to Japan. You didn't do it, but I did it then. Yeah, because I'm not Japanese.

Is that a snub-nosed Uzi? That's another thing I've been enjoying recently. I put on the WhatsApp group for the Football Ramble all of my recent YouTube watching and there are so many YouTube... Listen, experience has taught me

that I will not be clicking on those. That's the annoying thing because I think you'd get a lot out of these. Well, actually, we should tell... We are going to do another email in a minute. Right. But we should tell everyone listening

that there was a big schism in the kind of WhatsApp group. Right. Where me and John won't click on links that haven't got a preview. Yeah. And you refuse to, in quotes, and I'm quoting your words back at you there, I refuse to handhold you both through the internet.

If they're a YouTube link they're going to be fine. But we compromised by you actually putting the previews in. I enjoy watching a magnet fisherman so basically he's got, it happens quite a lot, they basically just cast a line out with a really strong

neodymium magnet. I've never heard of this before. Well, basically, they just throw, instead of a lure or a wriggly worm to catch a fish, they throw a magnet in

and obviously they pull back whatever they've got. So they go into canals and stuff and they pull out just whatever old shit that people have thrown into the river. And so it's things like

scooters and old road signs and ticket machines where people have like circular sawed like a ticket machine off and stored must be a very strong magnet though

oh yes it's ridiculously strong with a really strong wire probably pull your iron out your blood if you were putting it in your body

it's actually quite dangerous if you get two together you would crush your hands you would really hurt yourself right and yeah he pulls out but he pulls out

like Uzis and stuff and old unexploded mortars and stuff from walls it really is fascinating I think if I was of a certain age and was a little bit more

sociopathic I think I'd probably get into that you've charmed me I might click on that one do an email for Pete's sake no a lockpicking lawyer a man who just does

lockpicking oh speaking of that by the way oh so you're interested now I was thinking in the hotel room I was in the weekend it's got obviously

as many of them do if not all of them at a hotel safe right and you know I'm sure everyone knows this but if you want to put your belongings

in the safe in the hotel room you set the code and you lock it up and you're off right yeah now my memory for things

so I've got quite a nice bit of luggage and it's got a combination lock on it right and before I left it took me about two hours to remember the combination four, six, so I've got quite a nice bit of luggage and it's got a combination lock on it. And before I left, it took me about two hours to remember the combination. And so I was thinking with the hotel safe,

which I didn't use, I thought you put the code in or whatever. Yeah. And the idea is clearly that no one, including the hotel staff, can get to your ship

because the only people who think, no, but of course it is. Nah. Because the only people who come into your room are the cleaners.

Yeah, and they know how to get into it. That's my point. So I thought to myself, what happens if are the cleaners. Yeah, and they know how to get into it. That's my point. So I thought to myself, what happens if I forget the code? What are they going to do? And there's a classic scene

in Now People Just Do Nothing where he's got all his money in a safe and he forgets the code so he chucks it off the top of the block and it explodes everywhere. Anyway,

I looked up what happens and it just says this, like on the internet, it just says, hotel sales can be broken into using a simple code. Enables an override code to be entered in the safe in case the guest forgets their code.

I mean, the manufacturers... Or a physical key. The manufacturers just give that to the staff at the hotel. So it's almost completely pointless. Well, what they usually do is they don't reset the original code that comes with the safe, which is usually like 0000. And if you're buying

bulk safes, can you really be asked to program 300 safes to delete the original code and set a manageable one? You know, manage your use of Passover and stuff. There's keys, there's again magnets you can just use to slide the bars across and stuff. It's just, they are

in the grand scheme of decent protection they afford nothing I'm more annoyed about the little squares of carpet they put in there what's that about

weird very strange why would they do that they're not going to walk in there are they I think it's presumably not to

scratch your precious jewels hello to Nicholas Gaffney Nicholas Gaffney's got just hello to Peter and Luke

your latest pod reminded me for no apparent reason about a night I had in my local roughly 15 years ago now that is why this podcast is here yes 100%

to remind you of things you endured 15 years ago I'm 31 now but I was being a good boy I promise I was and I've always been a pool player especially in pubs

and at the time it was great fun taking money off of silly drunk bastards who thought I was too young to give them a hiding which I always did one night though whilst my relatives were getting tanked up at the bar,

I was waiting for the next person to show up on the pool table after beating the last person. Winner stays on rules. A short, quite rotund man steps up and puts his quid on the table. He asks me, are you good then? I said I've been told as much, and he smirks and calls me an arrogant wanker. I think, well, this guy is on his way to passing out, and I ignore the comment. Several shots in, I'm winning.

He asks me another more provocative question, which I can't remember now, but my response made him angry. He shouted at me, do you know who the fuck I am? I manage Morchiba, you little prick. Wow, what a claim to fame that is. I've made three million in my career.

What have you done? Down by the sea. Is that Morchiba? It's all part of the process Is that one? To which I replied I always get them mixed up with the The brand new heavies

A little bit To which I replied Well if that's the case Why are you in a shitty little pub And clapping trying to convince a child How important you are I cleared up my go And he left soon after

Whether he really had been their manager I don't know But why would anyone choose that band If they were going to brag? Yeah. You wouldn't make that up would you? Yeah.

Gareth Gates also came in once he got heckled so hard he had to leave. Oh poor Gareth. Not very nice. Yeah. I just like the fact that yeah he absolutely

hammered him at pool and um Well good stuff. To be fair though the gigs he ran in does sound like he fancies himself a bit. He can play pool.

It's a great pub skill. I'm quite good at pool. Are you? Yeah. You reckon? No, I am actually quite good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Decent.

I'll play any listener. Sounds like we need a Pete and Luke pool tournament. I'll play any listener on their own patch. I'm terrible at pool, but it's a bit like FIFA. I'll start off doing all right but then I'll just get bored of it. Yeah I can imagine

it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it. I can imagine it.

I can imagine it. I can imagine it. It's not exciting just tapping them. Boring. No. And I think you don't get on well with things

that are the same every time and that's why it's a miracle that you've done so many of these episodes with me. What about this finally from Roy. We'll squeeze this one

he says. Roy Doe. He says hi to both Puke and Leet. I know it's a little off topic but I want to share this story after Luke

has mentioned a few times recently his past in the music industry let's be absolutely clear I was on nodding terms with the music industry you're a banana ramen

aren't you although someone actually sent me I haven't got it on my phone someone actually sent me my friend who I used to run

music nights with club nights sent me he found in the bottom of a box in his house the one of the very first flyers we did back in 2006. Oh, cool. None of the bands on there meant to do anything,

so I was a bit disappointed. You sure? Yeah. Because the bands were on there. Yeah, but could they have not changed their name? Yeah, possibly, I suppose. It was The Scare, who were quite a big, exciting Australian up-and-coming group.

It was a band called the Dirty Backbeats who did get signed but didn't do much and they were good and another band called Orlando and the Show Machine

oh that was Coldplay's yeah right anyway so yeah Roy this is from Roy he says I was once about 8 years ago young and free

and played guitar in a band we were booked to play a venue in Manchester and were aware that in the crowd there was a prominent journalist who was going to review us and the review would be published in the National Music Mag and we would obviously be shot to stardom.

The other guitarist for the band, let's call him Dan, was a bit of a cocky sort and decided he would go over to the journalist and say hello before the gig. As he scoured the venue, he noticed a young journalist sitting at a table in front of him. The journalist had their back to him. He approached and then when he was within earshot said the journalist's name and stuck out his hand to greet them. As the journalist turned around, Dan's hand was in prime handshake position.

Unfortunately for someone who was standing up. And so the journalist stayed sat down and as they locked eyes, Dan's thumb from his outstretched hand went straight into the journalist's mouth. Awkward apologies ensued and we never did get our right up.

It could have all been so different. Was it, I mean, I guess if it was in a horizontal position Sounds quite sexy to me. Sounds quite, sounds a bit. How does that even work? Did he slide it,

did he rotate his hand so it was in like a horizontal position? So if I stand up and I'm trying to shake your hand. Yeah. So you spin, you've got to spin, so spin round.

Right, okay, hang on. Put your back to me. Yeah. So you spin, you've got a spin chair, so spin round. Right, okay, hang on. So you've got, put your back to me. Yeah. Right, and I'll go, Pete! Oh, your thumb went right in my mouth. It does work.

It does work. I actually poked you in the eye almost as well, but you've got glasses on. I haven't actually washed my hands for about six hours. Oh, dear. Yeah, and I've been touching Marcus, because he's ill.

Anyway, thanks for that, Roy. Hello at lucanpeach.com to email in. We've got a big backlog, but we'll get through them as quick as we can.

If you are younger than Lucas and Ewan, who are both 15, please don't tell us. It feels weird. It really does. We'll be back on

Thursday with episode 164. Have a lovely week, and we look forward to talking to you soon. Say goodbye, Peter. Is this actionable?

talking to you soon say goodbye Peter is this actionable