The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 164: Irn Bru bars and bustrains

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

Yes, that's right, BUSTRAINS. Listen in to find out more, but rest assured that it's not a typo. Also featured in this all-new episode, a beluga whale has been spotted wearing a harness and so is obviously some sort of cetacea spy, but how intelligent are whales and dolphins *really*? Listen to two completely unqualified men to find out.Elsewhere, we discuss people being abused at the London Marathon, the technical proficiency of Game of Thrones (don't worry, no spoilers), British awkwardness yet again, and plenty more from you, our valued listeners.Don't miss it, you'll regret [e-mail] is the destination for all your missives! We'd love to hear from you.***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Isn't Paula Abdul small? I didn't expect you to start with that. I know, I always try and throw you a curveball. We come together, it's opposite to track. I just saw an animated gif of Paula Abdul performing, I think today or yesterday. Really? And she's very small and I had no idea. I didn't know she was still working

I didn't know how tall the cat on cat was so I couldn't possibly have any scope how are you Luke Moore this is Luke and Pete Shaw I'm the Pete of the Luke and Pete Shaw Luke is the Luke

of the Luke and Pete Shaw da da da da yeah what up mate I just googled episode 164 I just googled news Paula Abdul and she was apparently

performing at the Billboard Music Awards ah I didn't it said the BBMAs and I was like I I don't know. That sounds like something I'd type into a pornography site. Yes, it does. I've seen you do it.

Seen I do it. Seen me do it. So episode 164, yeah, it's Thursday the 2nd of May. We're bloody happy to be here, aren't we, Peter? You don't sound it, Luke. Well, I am happy to be here because it's been a very good news week for the Luke and Pete show. I found two news stories, which I know one that you'd already found as well, which is classic Luke and Pete show stuff. found two news stories which I know

one that you'd already found as well which is classic Luke and Pete show stuff. Classic Luke and Pete. The second one I

think you're going to be excited about. C-L-A-P-E-S. Yeah the first one is, shall I just read the headline?

If you would. Whale with harness could be Russian weapon say Norwegian experts. You're a Russian weapon mate.

So a beluga whale which are beautiful animals. They look very friendly. Very friendly faces. You're a Russian weapon, mate. So a beluga whale, which are beautiful animals. They look very friendly. Very friendly faces. I saw a few of them at Mystic Aquarium in Connecticut. Mystic Aquarium? Is that like a mystic river? The town's called Mystic, so I guess that's why.

Less interesting. I didn't see anything mystical when I was there, really. But the beluga whales were good. They were decent. And this is the type of whale that is suspected to have been trained by the Russian Navy as some kind of special ops force. Now, Pete, you're going to have a big say on this, I know. Right. I can't help but think whenever I hear about whales and dolphins being very clever.

Whales and dolphins. Is that an Earth song by Michael Jackson? Terror vision. Their intelligence possibly has to be overstated. Yeah, because you never see them. They've got no hands, for example. Well, that's not their fault. Imagine being super intelligent and not being able to hold anything.

You'd be furious. You'd be furious, wouldn't you? Intelligence seems to be, the level of intelligence or the mark of being intelligent appears to be, can you be subservient to me? Yeah, exactly. And have a friendly face, not complain. And I will follow this with examples.

Neither of us are evolutionary biologists, not animal behaviorists, but I will follow it with an example, right? A dolphin is not swimming around in an aquarium drinking drinking not drinking jumping through hoops

and all that kind of stuff right because it's clever it's doing it because it's going to get a fish yeah it's no different to what a dog's doing well it is clever

in that it gets the fish eventually but yeah has a dolphin ever invented anything has a dolphin ever invented anything no has a dolphin ever been seen kind of trying to use a tool

to get some ants out of an anthill like a chimpanzee has? Or like a crow. Have you seen that stuff that crows do? What do they do? I've unplugged that

because it's buzzing. It's giving it a buzz in my ear. I can't hear anything. Well you can't now because I've unplugged it. No, there's nothing there. And with crows

I saw some footage, it's probably available online, where they placed a bit of foil, like a shiny thing that the crow wanted. Right. And what they needed to do was raise the water level because it was floating on some water.

Okay. To complete a connection and get the crystal. Yeah, basically. Yeah, basically like that. And they were witnessed to be flying off and actually filmed grabbing sticks and stones and dropping them in to raise the water level to get the piece of foil, which is obviously problem-solving intelligence.

I work with people who couldn't work that out. And the video finished by saying that it's roughly seven or eight-year-old child intelligence. That's decent. Yeah, but then there's all the rest of it. I mean, there's got to be other interests, you know what I mean? You want to not just be interested in getting food. There's obviously other things you want.

True, true. Kids, seven-year-old, eight-year-old kids, you can't just bribe them with food. I mean, certain kinds of food you can, obviously, but yeah, no, I'm not having that. Crows are stupid. What stuff do you think... Because the news report about the whale was saying that it was obviously very used to humans. It looked like the harness was for some sort of camera.

It was actively trying to pull straps and ropes from the side of the boats they were on. I think in many ways, we sort of think of this as kind of a nefarious kind of reconnaissance. Because obviously that part of the world has to deal with a lot of Russian excursion, so to speak, a lot of submarine activity,

a lot of just being dicks, effectively, because it's an important part of the war workhouse. But I do like the idea that the Russians are just having a bit of a giggle. They're just having a bit of a troll. Well, you think it's a bluff? Yeah, I think it's just bollocks. It's just like, look, they've got better ways

of kind of strapping. They've got better it's a bluff? Yeah, I think it's just bollocks. It's just like, look, they've got better ways of kind of strapping. They've got better things to strap cameras to for recon. No, but I disagree, but I'll tell you why. Why? Because of course

they can do that other stuff. If you think about it, if your main priority in this area is to get information, is to gather information, then what you can do is you can fly drones over,

you can fly planes over, you can get spies and people to work as agents undercover, that stuff all that stuff's expensive and dangerous right and it's and it's and the and and and the flaws to it are fairly obvious with a dolphin or a whale you put a camera on its back and train it to take a really keen interest in any boat it sees fair enough you can have a guy back at have a guy back at base having to go through all the footage, but you're probably going to glean quite a lot of information on boats, for example,

and submarines that you can't get anywhere near otherwise. So it does make sense. Mate, the Chinese have got satellites and they're best friends with the Russians. I'm just saying it's a bit of a scattergun kind of trolley way to go about it. It puts the fear of God into us. Is every Russian a best friend of the Chinese person? Yeah, exactly. They hold hands. Is that right us is every Russian a best friend a Chinese person

yeah exactly they hold hands is that right I'm imagining a man in a full Cossack dress next to a man with a kind of rice filled hat

that is exactly what I'm imagining right now do you think that you'd be very good at training dolphins no I can't Norm will listen to me man or beast

can you swim not particularly well what would you rate yourself? So if zero is the ship goes down you're dead instantly. Right. And ten is like

Olympic level swimmer. I was at a beach in Ibiza once and we had a big we'd sort of hired this me and four lads it was like a group holiday but like

the four lads went out on a beach excursion What year? On a big ten years seven years ago maybe. four lads went out on a beach excursion what year on a big 10 years 7 years ago maybe okay went out on a big excursion

big boat one of those things that you would pedal and it would sort of go forward a little bit it was like a paddle a pedalo but it had like

two levels so you could sit on the top and slide off lovely old job lovely old job did you get sunburned but I no

but I jumped off and the lads Lovely old job. Lovely old job. Did you get a sunburn? No. But I jumped off and the lads started pedalling and I was genuinely... There's that point where you're like, I'm swimming as fast as I can. I'm getting very tired. When do I start doing a very non-British thing

and say, please stop? Yes, that's how I nearly drowned. Did you do that or not? No. What happened then? I can't hold them eventually because I'm...

I used some inner strength I never knew I had. But there was a part of me that, I'm not very good at swimming, am I? You're scared? Yeah. So what would you give us

out of 10? A strong three. Three, okay. I can't float. People, some people can just float on the top of the, they just put their arms out

and they float on the top. Yeah. I have to inhale more air that deserves to be in my lungs than any other time and really sort of concentrate. Can I say something that I always say that really annoys you? What?

Swimming's really good for asthma. Yeah. You don't believe that, do you? No, I don't believe that. It's just exercise, an aerobic exercise. Most Olympic swimmers, well, not most, but a lot of Olympic swimmers are asthmatic. Yeah, I have asthma and I'm not an Olympic swimmer.

I agree. Plenty of asthmatics are to Olympic swimmers. Plenty of asthmatic. Yeah. I have asthma and I'm not an Olympic swimmer. I agree. Plenty of asthmatics aren't Olympic swimmers. Plenty of asthmatics aren't on a Gary Matheson. All Olympic swimmers are asthmatic, but all asthmatics

are not Olympic swimmers. Yeah, exactly. It's like racist and Brexit. Yeah. Essentially, isn't it? I would rate myself as a fairly decent swimmer. I mean, as far as I could,

I could, a lot of it's related to fitness, obviously, but I could go and do, you know, 25 lengths of a pool now. Right. Probably. running yeah um I do it I'm doing my back I'm quite good at backstroke but I think everyone is aren't they that's always the strongest stroke isn't it sorry that just sounds like a chat line because my face because my face is in the water I don't like to say anything it's much easier when you've got goggles and it's also

much easier it's also much easier to float when the salinity of the water's higher. Yeah. I recently, in the last 10 years, have gone snorkeling and wow, that's a lot of fun. So much fun. That's for me a one-way ticket to sunburn as well. I've got another story I want to bring to the table.

I'm hoping you haven't seen it. Right. But you will enjoy it in a kind of horrific way. You haven't seen this, but you will enjoy it uh in a kind of horrific way you haven't seen this but you will enjoy it yeah i saw something else he says it's not only you have seen this and you won't enjoy it um one of the official paces at the london marathon have you seen it uh it's just the slow paces yeah yeah um so for those listening who aren't fully interested in you know long distance running or indeed organized running events which is absolutely fair enough there's certain people

called paces that go out there and they run at a specific pace with a sign on their back so you know because it can be hard in the in the adrenaline of the event to maintain a good steady pace it's really important in a long distance race of course you know that if you run alongside them they're fine an example and aside if you allow me, when I ran the Great South Run last time, I saw the, I think, nine and a half minute mile pacer.

I thought, yeah, I ain't sticking around with this guy. Legged it off. And then, yeah, the last mile or two was like no country for old men.

Just a relentless stalking of me until he overtook me about 50 metres from the finish line so it's always good to use a pacer if you can very community minded that isn't it sort of going

they clearly like running yeah I think they just get a free ticket right yeah but I mean what a free ticket to a race which they don't

even bother but it costs like 30 quid to do it kind of going quick but they probably want to run it anyway not that slow not like 6

but they don't assign the time to you randomly, do they? No, I thought they do. No. They say to the person, what's your normal pace? And they say, I don't know, like eight minutes a mile. Great. Have you got experience of running eight minute mile races for a long time? Yes.

Can you keep that pace for that time for this? Prove it. Do an amorph suit. Right. That's your PB, is it? Yeah. You're doing five minute miles all the way around. It's not going to happen.

Anyway, some people run very slowly. I'm one of those people. Liz Ayres, who was asked to run the course in seven and a half hours to keep that pace up for seven and a half hours. Is that walking? I mean, it's pretty slow. Yeah. It's pretty slow, but the distance is pretty big.

So what's she getting out of that then, big boy? She's a sense of community spirit. You just said it wasn't community spirit. It was a freebie. I think it can be. It can be both those things. We're not usually exclusive. Anyway, she was asked to run it in seven and a half hours.

It is slow. Clearly, people who run the London Marathon deserve a huge amount of respect. We're not denigrating them. Not that block in the clock. However, some of the people who were marshalling the event were denigrating them very much because Liz Ayres, the official pacer for 7.5 hours for the London Marathon, says that she was treated horrifically during the race and so were her fellow runners.

She says and claims that runners were called fat and slow by contractors and volunteer marshals and one woman received chemical burns from the clean-up operation that began around her. Yeah, because we always hear about the old grannies who finish it in 10 hours or whatever they might just get around and they're just like oh i'm not good um but i am 90 um and i do sort of wonder like when does the click you when can you sort of go we need to start cleaning this up

this is a city cost you 39 quid to do it yeah to get chemical burns my grandmother what was she putting her hands on what my grandmother my grandmother? My grandmother, my nan, who has now sadly left us, she ran the London Marathon a number of times. She even was asked to be in the Flora advert for it when they were the sponsor. Nice. Because she was, I think she... Addicted to Flora.

Yeah, because she was a very, very keen Marjorie enthusiast. No, because she was... Greased up. Very, very fast for her age. She ran it like in her 70s. Is that where your pedigreeree your running pedigree comes from my pedigree is non-existent hers is very good

okay yeah so no because you're on the butter mate no yeah she basically got a lifetime supply of margarine which was left to me so now I've got to eat it

what a bequeath yeah the moor butter mountain love it when we sat around the meeting with the where the wheel was

to be handed out everyone was just going okay now we need to assess and now we need to assign and talk about the very difficult issue of who gets the lifetime supply of flora and margarine out, everyone was just going, okay, now we need to assess, and now we need to assign and talk about the very difficult issue of who gets the lifetime supply of flora and margarine, and we're all just going,

please, mate, please, mate. Please. And it goes to Luke. Yes. And so that's what happened. And you made a slip and slide in your back garden. It's like when Homer Simpson

got all that sugar. Sugar. Yeah. First you get the sugar, then you get the power. So what do you think, what's been your favourite news story out of those two, Pete?

I do like the idea that they've got, I mean, they do have to clean up at some point, but they shouldn't be calling people fat and slow. Especially when they're just clearing up, you know what I mean? You shouldn't really be doing that anyway. They're independent contractors. If you were just running down the road, and you were running slow,

and I didn't know you, I wouldn't be going, Oi, slow coach! Why would you do that? No, and also, yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's just a couple of choice words, but it is disappointing. Some people have let themselves down there and their companies, but I mean, these will be independent contractors.

They won't be employed by London LGA or anything. There'll be some group for subsidiary that do clean up. But the thing is, the real problem here is everyone will be on zero hour contracts and then be clearing up after these runners

and they'll be pissed off. But don't defend them. I'm not defending their action, I'm just saying it's a shit job. Well, fine, but some people, I volunteered at,

so my nan was quite a decent runner when she was a lot younger. Obviously, I was a lot younger. And we would go along and marshal, volunteer to marshal. A lot of them are volunteers. I would volunteer to the Great South Run.

These aren't marshals. These are clean-up crews that were doing the mocking. She said runners were called fat and slow by contractors and volunteer marshals. Well, if they're volunteer marshals, they shouldn't be. They're not in the spirit of it, really, are they?

Also, because the reason I raise it as well as a semi-serious point is of course London Marathon is one of the biggest charity events in the

calendar so if you find that people are now dissuaded from doing it charities are going to lose out as well

it's just a terrible thing to do terrible it's the sort of thing I can imagine you doing

Pete after a few sherbets if you don't mind me saying it's a bit early for me isn't it I'll still be in bed yeah what are you doing this weekend what's the plan I you don't mind me saying it's a bit early for me isn't it I'll still be in bed yeah

what are you doing this weekend what's the plan I'm off to Cardiff for the first time for a night out never been to Cardiff for a night out who are you going with

some buddies it's in another buddy's house I was like I asked it's a bit awkward isn't it what do you mean you don't go to Cardiff I haven't got anything

going on this weekend you work Friday nights oh yeah true actually and I don't like it. And no, yeah, I just said, have you got any advice for like Airbnb's?

Because I don't know the area really because I've never really been out in Cardiff and she went, I'll just stay in my house. I'm going to be in London so give us your keys.

Brilliant. That's alright, isn't it? Airbnb for free. You know I love spending money. I'm a bit like, what do I do with that? Give the money you would have spent to us.

What do I do? Before we move on to the little ad break and then do emails, don't worry everyone, I'm not going to spoiler it, but are you up to date on Game of Thrones? Yes, I am. Don't spoiler it. No, but I would like to talk in depth about the compression artefacts. Okay, yeah, I'm sure you would.

I think the best way to not fall into this trap of what's a spoiler and what isn't... It's not a spoiler to say it's very dark. Everyone's been talking about it being very dark. We spoke about this during the World Cup, that technology is not as far advanced. The aspirations of the director, the aspirations of the broadcaster, the technology is not quite there

for a perfect viewing experience. The problem with modern television is a lot of it is streamed, and so people think that they can go on the internet and go to HBO now, certainly in America, and get themselves a big slice of Steaming Game of Thrones, episode three of season seven?

Eight. And it's very dark. It's a fight scene. It's very dark. And the problem with I think it's H2 3, 4, 6, 4 compression

which I'm fairly certain is the one they use is that it only changes pixels when they need to be changed sort of thing so if you've got a really black dark screen scene

it's actually the computer spends a lot of time going has that gotten lighter or is it still the same color has it shall we change the pixel now we'll do it now and it might be a bit late it's just the way that things work so say if you've got a scene say if someone says that camera over there yeah uh we'll be shooting in the same sort of format i reckon uh and um basically the only pixels that'll be moving is my arms when I move them around. But the rest of the scene, like that light up there, is not changing. That bit of wall is not changing.

So it conserves disk space and broadcast space by not changing those pixels. But it just changed these pixels. It's why, if I suddenly let off a party popper and there was like confetti everywhere, there would be a massive degradation in quality. Because the pixels... So much is going on. So much is going on. And pixels are changing all the time. They're going, oh my God, right, that pixel was there, there. there was like confetti everywhere um there would be a massive degradation in quality because the so much is going on and pixels are changing all the time they're going oh my god right that pixel was there there so we've got to move that over there and it's got to do it with more computational power so in game of thrones uh the dark episode episode three um they had real problems um where

people were downloading and watching and streaming on hbo yeah uh in a lower quality, it looked a bit crap at times. So the ambition has outstripped the... Yes, the actual technology. Because I watched it in the dark, curtains closed, because I'd seen episode two, I knew it was going to be a dark episode, a battle episode,

and I've got a good telly. Right. But were you watching it on Sky? Yeah. Yeah. So that would be pretty decent quality. So I watched it on Sky Atlantic, but I downloaded it, so it was already there. Yeah. So that would be pretty decent quality. So I watched it on Sky Atlantic but I downloaded it

so it's already there. Yeah. The TV's a 4K HD and it's big and I noticed it's like I'm being smug and obviously not for the first time

and all that. When I first saw this stuff you're talking about which makes perfect sense and was a really interesting explanation. It wasn't but I'll tell you. No it was.

No it was. I get it now. I didn't know what it was before. My initial reaction was like, what's the problem? The first article

I read about it was with the cinematographer who said all these different things about how, you know, we want to do this, we want to do that.

We are happy that you saw what we wanted you to see, but the problem is, I suppose, you're saying that he's not really acknowledging that people

are watching it on computer screens and stuff. And that's a challenge for the TV industry, right? It's not about computer screens. You can watch a shit stream on a big telly. It just depends on where you're getting it from. And especially when everyone's accessing the same servers at the same time, servers become slow.

The quality drops from 1080p to 720. And when you get into that kind of level, you're going to see more artifacts. You're going to see weird stuff happening. But the actual cinematography of it, I're going to see more artefacts, you're going to see weird stuff happening. But, the actual cinematography of it, I thought was magnificent. I agree.

Because if you are fighting in the dark, you don't know what the fuck's going on, everything's happening, flashes, punches, kicks.

So it was a beautiful piece of cinema. I'm going to say something quite controversial here, because I originally wasn't going to talk about that, I was actually going to say something quite controversial here. Cause I originally wasn't going to talk about that. I was, I was actually going to say, um,

one person who hasn't been, um, applauded enough in this whole game of Thrones exercise. Right. The last eight seasons is Ramin Djawadi, who is the, who soundtracked the whole thing. Right.

Yeah. The, the soundtrack throughout has been amazing. Um, the soundtrack for that episode, I hope this is not a spoiler to say this, is the finest music for any episode I've ever seen. That's big time.

I think it is. I think it genuinely is. I think it's perfectly done. I don't think you could add anything to it or take anything away from it to make it any better, which is the definition of fucking perfection, by the way. And I think he deserves a huge amount of credit for one scene particularly,

which I won't talk about for obvious reasons. He is, in my opinion, because I checked out his other work, and there's a couple of things that have come up

that I hadn't noticed he had done. He must be one of the finest composers working in TV today. He is so good. If you go back and watch Game of Thrones season one, or in fact,

you don't even need to go back and watch it, you go back and find the of thrones season one or in fact you don't even need to go back and watch it you go back and find the playlist on spotify and listen to it it's a beautiful piece of work he's the best thing the best i'm of some ways a bit of a bit of a nerd about soundtracks the best compliment i can pay him is it sounds like a really modern ennio morricone which is who is the you know obviously in many people's eyes the gold standard and I understand why. So yeah, I really wanted to give him a bit of credit

because of course all the credit and the applause normally go to the actors and directors and the writers but he's been brilliant and he's played such a big role in how successful that series has been.

That episode of Monday, I've enjoyed so much. I've watched it twice now. I can't think of an episode of TV that I've ever enjoyed more. You know, there are other TV series out there

which I'll possibly rate above Game of Thrones but that episode, just the scale of it the scale is unbelievable isn't it like 55 consecutive nights filming it's crazy, it's absolutely crazy I know they've got the money but the wherewithal and the effort is amazing there's very few TV shows or battle scenes I'm not a big fantasy guy

I'd never watch any of the bloody Tolkien stuff but the wit of the bloody Tolkien stuff but the weight of the confusion and the fog of war and the

weight of bodies I think and I'll leave it at that it's amazing it is wonderful but what I like about the soundtrack thing is like

these soundtrack guys they did it they did it years ago or they did it like a year ago or a year and a half ago and they were planning for such a long time

but they'll just float onto the next project you know what I mean and they won't even give it a second second Blair who did the composition for the

On The Consonant theme which he did from scratch on a brief and he's worked on lots of really big stuff I was really I mean obviously to say

I suppose possibly because I've got a particular interest in music and that kind of thing the way you really I mean obviously to say I suppose possibly because I've got a particular interest in music and that kind of thing the way you can I mean it's one thing to be in a band

where you go do you know what I'm going to be in a punk band and punk's my favourite kind of music and I'm going to play this angry music

and it's just going to come out and it's kind of a cathartic sort of release it's one thing and I'm not denigrating that but for someone

to be able to come to you and say okay what do you actually want what's the kind of show it is how do you want it to you and say okay what do you actually want what's the kind of show it is how do you want it to sound

and you give them these really and I remember at the time being quite embarrassed the lack of detail I was giving to him and he came back

with stuff that for me was absolutely perfect it's a really great that's literally how it all works I guess isn't it yeah it is

Pete let's take a break because we are way over time and after that we'll talk about some emails five pints of Guinness and my wife just left me Pete, let's take a break, because we are way over time. And after that, we'll talk about some emails. Five pints of Guinness, and my wife just left me for another man.

I can't mention her name. Jackie, I'm sorry about that. So actually, you know, the fact that it's a four-hour delay on a flight doesn't bother me. Julian Assange, then. Julian Assange, then. Guinness isn't that strong. No, it's not. I could happily drink that amount of Guinness and not be rolling around the place. If you're trying to lose weight

and you still want to have a beer or two, Guinness is your one. Yeah, not fizzy enough. No fizzy. Give me some fizzy Guinness. Low alcohol content. Low calorie content, you see. Show at thefootballramble.com is not the email.

That's the email address for another show we do. And this email address is hello at lukeandpete show dot com and the following people you're about to hear from have emailed into that address Pete do you want

to go first just a quick one from I think it's pronounced Tara Horner he sent an email about what 20 minutes ago

saying your youngest listener and then followed it up with the same email but with the alternative subject title

definitely your youngest listener how old I'm Tarahona I would love to charge the position of youngest listener at 15

oh dear I'm 15 I'm residing in New York City I'm an avid charity supporter and I found your podcast of the

football ramble I've been listening to it since I was 12 oh come on my father introduced me to it so it's sins of the

fathers on that oneins of the Fathers on that one. Sins of the Fathers. On our Youngest Listener chat, someone emailed in this week earlier on claiming to be a fetus. Richard says,

Hi Luke and Pete, following show 162 and the discussion around wrong names and British awkwardness, I thought I'd email in. I've been visiting the same Turkish barbers

for the last three years. It's a wonderful establishment and the two guys in there, Ali and Russell, are brilliant. Get a room, mate! Noticing their names. I even helped them move a couch in when they first opened unfortunately i don't know how it happened but they simply think i'm called josh yeah you haven't changed it we never actually introduced ourselves and one day ali called me josh and i just went

with it it's now gone on too far it's gone on for far too long now and i have to constantly remember each time i visit that i must answer to j Josh and live in dread of another customer I know addressing me by my real name. I'm much more likely to change my name by deed poll and ever admit my mistake. It's all Josh. That's a really pretty way of looking at it. It's like when I was at that job overseas and I didn't have a visa so I had to

work under my mate's name. Right. And everyone was calling me that name and obviously I wasn't responding to it. And I had to make up some story about how everyone calls me Luke. And with no explanation. Was that not, that was in Australia, wasn't it? New Zealand. I was going to say it would be quite ironic doing something not even getting chucked out of Australia.

Yeah, it was. Haring in mind how that country started. Richard Cook from the Western Islands. Remember him? Yeah. He's a friend of the show. He's emailed in just with a screenshot from Iron Brew, the official Iron Brew Twitter account.

Okay. This is particularly of interest to you, Pete. Right. Because Iron Brew bars are your thing, right? Right. And they haven't been around for a while. I mean, they haven't been my thing for a while either. Well, they've been around for a while.

Well, they would be part of your Sunday night traditional meal, wouldn't they, if they were? Iron Brew have emailed, as have tweeted, saying, confession time. We never made Iron Brew bars ourselves and we don't own the recipe. What? We licensed out our flavour and name

to a now no longer trading company. Well, then have it back then. The bars are lost forever. Shut up. That's what they said. Could they not like get an old one and like, you know, reverse engineer it?

I'd love that. Yeah. That's a great idea for from there. Reverse engineer it. Reverse engineer it, yeah. I'd love that. Yeah. That's a great idea for a podcast, reverse engineering things. Yeah, there's a YouTube channel that does that, where they try and make artisanal versions of popular sweets, like Smarties and stuff.

It's really fucking hard, because obviously all these processes have been refined and manufactured on a manufacturing process, kind of just with machines and stuff like that yeah it's like the secret recipe for Coca-Cola right

it's on the side of the can I suppose but it's impossible to make it because you don't have the quantities and the process

and how you yeah it's like Walter White's meth Peru and stuff in it you know how they get smarty

shiny go on they just put them in a skip and well it might be skittles actually put them in a skip

and just give them a little shake. A clean skip. Yeah, a clean skip. Just one outside the house. No, you have a clean skip. It's got some old wood in it. How clean is your skip?

Skips are fascinating things. Did you ever have one when you were a kid? Yeah. There's one outside my house at the moment. It's weird seeing all of your stuff from your house that's now in a skip. You're like, how is this allowed? All of my things. All my trinkets. I felt like that when I moved. You're like going, how is this allowed? All of my things. All my trinkets.

I felt like that when I moved, excuse me. Oh, sorry. That's all right. I've been working hard. The thing I was going to say was when you move house

from like a rented house to another house, so obviously you never felt like an ownership of the home you lived in because you never owned it. But all your stuff you do own is in these boxes.

And I remember at one point when I moved last time, it was probably about, I don't know, 15 boxes? Right. Outside in a pile? And you think,

that's the accumulation of everything I own? Yeah, but I mean, what's the difference between that and owning a house? It's a very British idea, isn't it?

You've got to own your castle. I just, I don't care. All my stuff, I look around my house and I go, if this burned to the ground, I would not grieve

for any of these items no it's because you hate yourself no I hate my items and myself you said to me listen you said to me over dinner on Saturday night

right Luke you know Kurt Cobain said I hate myself and I want to die right well I hate myself and I want to live

so I can hate myself more you actually said that I put that on a t-shirt it was a gem it was a gem it was a Donaldson gem. What a gem. Yeah. Do you still feel like that

or is it just the depressant factor of alcohol? It's Thursday, mate. It's Thursday. It's the freaking weekend. It's true. Slash on Absolute

for the weekend. Off to Cardiff. Hello. Yeah, well then you'll be in Cardiff. Let's squeeze another email in because I think there's another one and I've selected this specifically again

because I think you'll enjoy it. Okay. It's about bus trains. Sorry? Bus trains. Bus trains are the ones in the North East, yeah. It's from Matt and he says, I think it's another one I've selected this specifically again because I think you'll enjoy it it's about bus trains sorry? bus trains oh bus trains the ones in the north east yeah it's from Matt

and he says going back to your chat about converted buses that are now trains they're also called paces paces I didn't know that oh stupid fat lazy idiots

yeah I mean they are fat and lazy trains so yeah yeah do you know what I like to do with them I like to spray chemicals in their window

oh some of them they're filthy he says I can confirm they still exist in the north west and more often than not yeah do you know what I like to do with them I like to spray chemicals in their window oh someone fucking would they're filthy he says I can confirm they still exist in the north west and more often than not are the way I get between Manchester and Wigan on my daily commute

they are as shit as they look they're noisy fuming and freezing in winter not so bad in summer though because they're very breezy it's probably what you'd expect from something

bought in the 80s as a temporary measure and not replaced since think about the delays you got on Southern Rail last year, but add the fact that by the time the train turned up, it was one of these crocks of shit. I've attached a picture of a typically empty carriage I'm sat on.

Sorry for the rant, they're just terrible trains. Thanks, Matt. Terrible trains. We could get into a conversation about the chronic lack of underfunding in the North, couldn't we? But it's probably not that kind of show. But I thought you'd be interested in that anyway. Nationalise it. Oh God, here we go.

So every train can look like that. That's what I want. Who are you going to vote for in the European elections, Pete? Well, of course, Lord Buckethead, if I can. Exactly. If we're going to treat politics in such a way, let's have Lord Buckethead. He's spoken more sense than anyone.

Yeah, I don't mind it. I don't mind it. I like it. I saw a video the other day of a guy, I think from the Monster Raven Loony Party or whatever,

and he was asked to give a little stump speech. And his speech was something like, I have absolutely no political interest. My only job here is to amuse and entertain. I wish to say nothing political.

And that was it. Did Frank Sybotten ever run? Quite refreshing. Surely Frank Sybotten ran at some point. He'd probably win nowadays. Yeah. Well, he couldn't be any worse than the current lot, eh? Satire, Pete.

Hashtag satire. Satire gun is loaded. Bang, look out. All right, let's go off and visit Julian Assange. Really? That was episode 164 of the Luke and Pete show. Have a lovely weekend. we'll be back on Monday with episode 165

please do get in touch hello at lukeandpete.com and also if I can squeeze this in before the music runs out leave us a review on iTunes be nice yeah be nice

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