The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 166: Queen cubicle

Episode Date: May 9, 2019

We're back and ready to bother you within an inch of your lives with 30 more minutes of premier nonsense. This time around, we pass comment on the new royal arrival before Pete chats about someone encountering the actual Queen in a toilet, and there's an absolutely ludicrous amount of emails about brands of cheap cider.Elsewhere Luke takes Pete to task quite literally by setting him a quiz about urban myths, and after that there's a showstopper of a story about a woman trying to teach a dolphin to speak.Don't miss it, and also while you're at it, email us before the well runs dry! We'd love to hear from you: [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Oh, Luke's just done a sneeze. Episode 166 of the Luke and Pete show. I'm the sneezy boy they call Julian Assange, and that man there opposite me is Julian Assange. Yeah, I think I need a hoover in here. I don't think I've hoovered in here for a while.

Is that what's making me sneeze? I think so. I'm very particular to a bit of dust, so every time I do a voiceover in a hermetically sealed box, voiceover box booth where people, I always sort of see cleaners, they sort of think that they can't go in and hoover because it's, not they don't want to,

they just think, oh, that looks like a bit important, I best not go in there. Yeah. And you end up with a very dusty room. Would you like to be buried in this room? Not really, no, it's very dusty for one. We've both died. We've died in here a few times.

I was about to say. Yeah. I'll bring my own hoover. Let's talk about dust 90% of dust is dead human skin isn't it according to Malcolm Tucker

in the thick of it is it that's what he says you know 90% of dust is dead human skin that's what you are to me

give yourself if you give your because you've got quite a little you've got a little beard a little nascent beard if you give your little face a bit of rub,

I reckon you'd release so many little spores. It would just catch the light. Anything? Shall I do it in front of the light? Achoo! Let's do it in front of the light. Rub your little face. Rub your little face real hard.

Right in front of the spotlight. Yeah. I can see a little bit, yeah. They're flying all over the place. There we go. Little moose spores all over the place. Disgusting! Your behaviour last night was disgusting.

Is it nascent or nascent? Because I heard you and someone else say nascent this last couple of days, but I've been saying nascent. I think it's nascent. Shit, I should know that. Oh, shit, son. I'd never criticise someone for saying something,

saying a fancy word incorrectly because it just means they've read it. Yeah, exactly. I had the same problem with outlier, which I was calling outlier for a number of years, but there we go. It's an Outlier. It's because I'm autodidactic, Pete.

It's a bit like, it's autodidactic. Is it really? I think it might be, actually. How are you doing? You all right? Pretty good. Why are you asking me how I'm doing? Because I want to tell you how I'm doing.

How are you doing? I'm doing all right. How are you doing? I'm doing all right. I saw two Scooter men having a fight. Did you? I saw two Scooter men having a fight in Soho but they were like

bombing it up Barrick Street on scooters but they were like sort of pushing each other while they were going so they were actually

doing it like road rush yeah it was like road rush it was like really slow road rush it was very exciting and did anyone hurt themselves no they just sort of like,

they realised that pushing each other on moving scooters was probably a foolish thing to do and they just got on with their deliveries, quite frankly. Can you name the companies they were working for? No, because neither of them

were Addison Lee and so they're therefore instantly forgettable. Oh, so they weren't like delivery or... No, no, no, no. They were couriers. Interesting. Your couriers can be very aggressive,

particularly the cyclist couriers the cyclist couriers yeah they've got to go with their big old piston thighs yeah weird brand of bag what was that

the same kind of waterproof bag thing Henty's Henty's a good cycling brand any interest in the new Royal Baby Pete

the new arrival in the Royal Family I tweeted some things got fired. No, you didn't. No, I didn't. I'd never fire you. It was, yeah, I don't know.

I mean, what's it called? Charlie or something? I can't remember now. Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. Gets very posh near the end, doesn't it? It's a real kind of, it's a real ski jump of a... You notice that a lot of football,

young football players have got double-barrelled surnames now. I was successfully able to do a baffling quiz on the radio, which was, 19th century Pia, or current youth team footballer in the Premier League.

Oh, that's a good idea. It's absolutely impossible. It's impossible to know. Yeah. Yeah, it's fine. I won't rehash it here because that would be probably a little bit lazy,

but there are a lot of footballers who've got double-barrelled names now, but as the first born son of a Duke Archie could have become Earl of Dunbarton you can't give an

L to a newborn baby can't be an L it sounds weird Dunbarton's lovely yeah or he could have been Lord Archie Mountbatten Windsor but instead

he'll simply be Master Archie Mountbatten Windsor yeah I was genuinely trying to figure out what his name would actually be but yeah the Mountbatten

Windsor is a hefty old chunky middle name, isn't it? Prince Harry said, this is an actual quote from Prince Harry. It's great parenting. Fucking hell! I've seen everything. I've been to war. He says, it's great. Parenting is amazing.

Same in two days, mate. Same in two days. You've never done any parenting. Don't be rude. At least he's done two days. I look after my niece all the time, thank you very much. Two days with the new baby. You ever looked after your niece?

Yeah. I do this little thing where she grabs the wooden duck that my mum's got and I go quack quack. And if that's not parenting I don't know what is. If that's wrong

I don't want to be right. No. So you don't have any really interest. There was a nice picture released of the Queen and Prince Philip and Harry and then Meghan

and Meghan's mother. I quite enjoyed that. I thought it was nice. Yeah, it is. There was a good story on Pod Save the World where a ex-Obama official was talking about when they meant Prince Harry and stuff, and they got on rather well.

But there was another story where this quite high-up Obama guy was at this posh up Obama guy was at this posh party and Putin was there and obviously it was Putin and Obama at each other's throats and they were

having a conversation at some party or two at each other's throats or just having a chat just having a chat but because of heightened tensions

the world's press was focusing on you could feel the tension so everyone they just started talking at this do and so all of their

I think on spads is it sp of their um i think i'm spads is it spads yeah and all the spads sort of ran over to sort of listen in to what they're doing i have to say which is a really weird thing they can't have any peace um and then when i finished crying out loud and so this bloke went to the toilet and he was like you know that you do that thing where at a party you're trying to you're not sure whether you've can't figure out the toilet door situation yeah or there's someone in there so you keep rattling rattling

open the door after and just gave gave up and then after 30 seconds the Queen of England imagine given the Queen of England wow where's the where's the where's the Queen's

you know detail why they're not going shit the queen's having a shit do you mind but I imagine the queen at some point she seems like the kind of character just be like look I understand the protocol

yeah be in the building I've been queen for 60 years you work on the website I'm going to the fucking toilet yeah right I don't need your help

alright the emissary of George is not going to stab me at the minute actually I do need your help can you come back in that is absolutely that's a great thread

anyone listening hello at lukeandpetecher.com you can have a think about it as well and I'll do the same what's the most surprising

famous person you've ever seen in a toilet I went I was at a pretty fancy hotel bar in New York one year

New Year's Eve and someone had done an absolute piss show in there before I got there all over the seat really that's disappointing

unisex toilet as well piss everywhere piss all over the seat and I'm going you know what I have in the past wiped up other people's effluvia

but I'm not going to do it now I don't need to pee I'm just going to wash my hands because I had sticky juice on it and when I came out Louis CK was walking in after me

oh did he expose himself to you he did exactly the sort of story that was good about five years ago you can't say it now yeah people are waiting

then what happened well I really let Louis CK down there because there was piss all over the seat and he must have thought that I'd done it that's the problem but now

I'm glad I didn't I'm glad I didn't wipe it now can I just say when I walk into a toilet and I encounter that situation I always clean it because I'm terrified a toilet and I encounter that situation, I always clean it because I'm terrified people are going to think it's me.

That's the problem. Not on this occasion. I had sticky hands. I couldn't be bothered. I watched a film last night, True Stories, the David Byrne-directed Talking Heads non-fiction,

sorry, fiction film. Right. So there's a documentary called Stop Making Sense, which I've not seen. I think this was made afterwards. So David Byrne, buoyed by the success of that

went on to make a fictionalised account of a small town in Texas and you may ask yourself why wouldn't I

make a fiction version of this film how did I get here John Goodman plays the lead underrated it's very weird

and very you sort of look I really like Tim and Eric and Eric Andre and all of the kind of adult swim stuff um and they really have taken their cue from stuff like that and also the uh performance outsider artist poppy on youtube if you're not familiar with it's this young girl uh who looks like a little pop star um and she speaks in a very syncopated kind of

weird way do you like the internet i like internet. And it's all spooky and weird. What does syncopated mean? No particular rhythm, but a very musical rhythm sort of thing. Right, okay. But, sorry, a very particular rhythm

and a musical rhythm, but she doesn't, it's just really fucking eerie. Yeah. Over and over again. Okay. I like the internet. So it's almost like a simulator.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Was the film any good? It was very interesting, yeah. It was way more watchable than I thought it was going to be.

I recommend it. I quite like David Byrne and I quite like John Goodman. I don't think he should be tarred with the mad political Roseanne Barbrush

either. No. Well, he took that money, NBC relaunched it. Was it NBC? I think it was NBC. Took that money.

But the thing is though, Pete, if you and I have vastly political differences and we have different opinions and in 15 years time someone asks us to reform the Luke and Pete show, I'm still going to do it. I'm not expecting you to have a full-on internet meltdown, and then me be blamed for it.

But if you do do that, that's your problem, right? But the difference is, you can have political views, but when it goes into, oh, black people are shit, that's when you've got to go you know I probably don't want to work with that person I don't want to be I may get this massive payday

and it's going to cost me money not to do this job and I'll make it very clear that it's costing me a lot of money to do this job but you think that

he knew that she was like that gosh I mean you're on set you're on set a lot of the time got your own trailer got your own trailer

yeah where racism can't get in I saw a brilliant I saw a brilliant I saw a brilliant on set video of so did you know that

because Avengers now is finished this particular cycle is finished they've lifted the embargo on videos taken by the actors on set

yes so one of the Chris's they're all fucking called Chris one of the Chris's has released a few videos and they're mucking around so it's quite funny because of the situation they, they're all fucking called Chris. One of the Chris's has released a few videos and they're mucking around set. It's quite funny because of the situation they're in.

I saw a really good one. You know the guy who plays Grey Worm in Game of Thrones? It's called Raleigh Ritchie. Alright, okay, yeah. He's a... I'm typing Grey Worm.

He's a hip hop artist. I think he's a rapper. Oh, yes, he is. One of his songs is really fucking good. There's a video where he's in a lift. I've not heard him.

I think he considers himself to be a singer-songwriter first and foremost. He's got a good voice. Anyway video where he's in a lift I've not heard him I think he considers himself to be a singer songwriter first and foremost got a good voice and anyway so he's doing this rap right on this megaphone

obviously the director's megaphone or whatever and they're changing the scene or whatever and there's downtime and he's rapping right

and it's brilliant and then the camera pans around it's just on a camera photo and Missandei in full outfit is dancing in the background it's just brilliant it's just so funny and Pete and Missandei in full outfit is dancing in the background it's just brilliant it's just so funny

Pete I had a was that on Game of Thrones then? no it's a it's an outtake of the Avengers right no it's happening in the Avengers as well

they're doing that kind of stuff as well but the one I saw particularly was about Game of Thrones it's unrelated I was just setting the scene okay set that scene I've got a little thing

I found here do you want to touch it it'll grow well yeah um it's called the unbelievable urban myth busting quiz now sometimes i like to set quizzes to you because i think the answers are invariably hilarious and this one is eight questions about um kind of like old wives' tales slash urban myths, things that may or may not be true that people just say, and I want you to answer them. Okay? You ready?

Okay. One of eight, number one. Watching TV up close is bad for your eyesight. I'm going to say yes. That is true. Okay. Okay, we'll find out at the end. You can boost your brain power by eating fish. No. Okay. Okay, we'll find out at the end. You can boost your brain power by eating fish.

No. Okay. But I mean, sure, these are emerging kind of like studies here in the Daily Mail, and it's just like, some people say yes, some people say no.

You'll find a study that'll say it's fine to really get your face right in a telly. You'll swallow eight spiders and you'll sleep over the course of your life. I'd say more. That's incorrect. More of them. Okay. You'll catch a cold if's incorrect. More of them. Okay.

You'll catch a cold if you go outside with wet hair. No. Though the Donaldson family definitely subscribes to that view. Yes, I think everyone does.

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning. Right, why is this? Why is this happening? What do you mean? What do you mean?

What's shepherd's delight? Have you not heard that? What's shepherd's warning? Have you not heard that? Of course I've heard that. But can I say yes or no to it? It doesn't make any sense. But is it true you not heard that what's shepherd's warning have you not heard that of course I've heard that but can I say yes or no to it it doesn't make any sense but is it true or not

is what true shepherd's delight well it just basically means that if it's a red sky and that's going to be nice weather the next day if it's red sky and the morning

it's going to be bad weather I just yeah but shepherd's delight as a phrase I'm going to think maybe for that one no if I came down from heaven

that is where you came from yeah and sort of went right this is how English language works shepherd's delight yeah

shepherd's going to be delighted I don't know why sounds like a sex move eating cheese before bed gives you nightmares

nah well then again it might give you I've had kooky dreams on cheese but again I don't think not enough studies have been done on

them because they're ridiculous studies that only get sponsored by travel companies. What are you saying? No. Penultimate one, cows napping is a sign that rain is on the way. And the final one, carrots help you see in the dark.

I get sleepy when it's a bit warm and close, so maybe cows who spend all of their time outside probably do feel a bit like it's definitely sleepy it's definitely if the temperature raises by a couple of centimeters but a guy a couple of uh degrees it's definitely um it's definitely believable that an animal of some description would be able to detect changes in atmosphere pressure and stuff you've already said no nowots help you see in the dark? I don't know. I don't know.

Okay. Alright. You got four out of eight. Alright. Okay, you were wrong on four. I mean, where are you getting these shitty little quizzes from?

Apparently TV, watching TV close up doesn't hurt you, your eyes. Right, hang on. So if you put your face right, so real HDR, bright light, and you put your face right next real hdr bright light and you put your face

right next to it that and you do it for hours on end that is in no way going to damage your eyes by making them drier just from the heat just from the radiation not called not according to this quiz pete i just think i just don't trust you i written it uh snopsing and you're incorrect you're incorrect about the fish because omega omega-3 vitamins found in oily fish increase the flow of blood to your brain you were incorrect about um the red sky at night and you were also incorrect about uh cheese no one's definitively proved that eating cheese will cause nightmares there have been studies that say it can bring on extremely vivid dreams um we'll call that a chunk of brie before bed research. They're having a bit of fun there. They're having a bit of fun.

This is a science done by a scientist that has been given 100 quid by Take a Break magazine. It's actually the children's part of the BBC website. Right, exactly. So there we go. The jokes are on you there.

Shall we have a little break and then do some emails? We've got some good ones this week. Bloody hell, I can't wait for one of them. How can people get involved if they want to get involved? Oh, hello at lukeandpeachow.com to email in. And we'll read every single one of them. We might not read them all out, but we read every single one of them.

So do email in. If you've ever thought to yourself, do you know what? I'm going to email about that. And you never got around to it. Now is the time, damn it. Compile it on your phone and send it using your iPhone. There's no excuse. Lovely. She's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, phone and send it using your iPhone. There's no excuse.

Lovely. She's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, just wait till I see your mother. You're in real trouble. Oh, I say, when are you going to go and see her? Then tell her this. Bugger shit, fuck shit.

Fucking sphincter. Do you hear the sound? Never goes for C. No. That was his deposition. I like that he gets to sphincter. Yeah. As quite high up

in the list of swear words. It's satisfying. If I said to you, blurt out 10 swear words straight away, you're not getting to sphincter. Yeah. As quite high up in the list of swear words. If I said to you... It's satisfying. If I said to you, blurt out 10 swear words straight away, you're not getting to sphincter. No. I got it now. It's not even a swear word, is it?

No, exactly. Yeah. I enjoy it, though. It's a very enjoyable word to say. Sphincter. Yeah. Anos. Anos.

Sphincter. What were we saying again? Syncopated. Syncopated. Sphincter. Good band. Good band. I'm a bit... So, syncopated. Syncopated sphincter. Good band. Good band. I'm a bit...

So, syncopated, I didn't explain it very well. It's basically, it's in a rhythm, but they swap the notes, they swap the beats around effectively. Does that make sense? I'm just going to Google it.

Google it. You do an email and I'll find out what syncopated means because I think there's people screaming at their headphones right now. I just don't want emails about it because we could do with emails about this. Tim van der Hoek.

Tim. Hello, Tim. Regarding the continuing discussion... Oh, this is about the dolphin. Yeah. Yes. ...of dolphins and their question levels of intellect. May I submit the following to the debate?

Essentially, there is a tale of a woman while trying to teach dolphins to speak at an ultimate futile attempt came into contact with a particular amorous male dolphin called Peter. She's a scientist, not just a woman, right? Yeah. Yeah.

No, she says she's not a woman because she's a scientist. No, I'm saying that... You're trying to say there's enough women in science. Is that what you're saying? It's not a comment about gender. What it's a comment on is it might be a bit odd for a random person just to walk up and go, I'm going to teach that dolphin how to speak.

It's important to stress this is for scientific research. Well, not a great pupil, Peter would, in the words of his tutor, rub himself on my knee, on my foot, on foot on my hand or whatever and i allowed that i wasn't uncomfortable with that as long as it wasn't too rough the situation soon advanced to the point where he wasn't learning at all and in order to help his focus the researcher began to relieve his desires manually it would just become part of what was going on like an itch just get rid of that scratch it and we'll be done and we can move on um i have a similar working practice in many ways i know uh now i am not a marine biologist but i put to you that a dolphin can without the aid of language or intoxicants convince a human

to give it a hand job uh a feat i can only pull off with frustrating irregularity it must have a fairly high degree of emotional intelligence at the very least. Tim, I would wholeheartedly agree with that. Yeah, and sadly, I believe that dolphin, whose name was Peter, I think went on to commit suicide. Why? You actually, is that true? I think it is, yeah.

How did he manage to commit suicide? And how do you even know? Thanks for all the wanks. He left a suicide note. The scientist in question said to the Guardian, she got a phone call years later, saying that Peter the Dolphin had committed suicide. Yeah.

Such a weird story. This is in the 1960s. It's a really weird story. Such a weird story. First of all, it's tragic. And also, committing suicide, what did he do? Just beat himself? Like, there's only one way a dolphin can commit suicide.

That was going to be my next question. Yeah. I don't know how it did it. Can't hang a dolphin, doesn't have a neck. Yeah. Where's he going to get pills from? Or a gun? Yeah.

He can't use a gun. There's no way you're getting a fin in this sort of trigger. Overeating? I don't know. There's only one way. You beat yourself and you just, you know. He probably came on land for another handy. He was on the lookout. He was he was on shawley um do you remember um

do you remember uh there was um do you remember there was an animal rights activist arrested for uh indecency oh with a dolphin that is so good it was in it was back in the 90s and i remember and i remember the story vividly. Animal rights activist Alan Cooper, I'm reading this from a news website, the Herald Scotland, was yesterday cleared of a charge of indecency with Freddie the Friendly Dolphin.

A lot of this going on pre-2000, pre-millennium. Yeah, animal rights activist Alan Cooper was cleared of a charge of indecency with Freddie the Friendly Dolphin, and then he announced plans for a celebration swim with him.

That's weird. Cheers rang out from the packed public gallery at Newcastle upon Tyne Crown Coyote. It was a big story in the North East that this man...

I've just got a picture of Peter the Dolphin and the bollocks like that big. Just saying, someone please. Blue bloods. Yeah.

Blue bloods. Pete, syncopation, music, a shifting of the normal accent, usually by stressing the normally unaccented beats. What was this? Syncopation. I was into, I got there in the end, didn't I? It's kind of what you said. Mr. Cooper, a seven-blood gardener of Welbeck Street,

Gorton in Manchester, he had pleaded not guilty to a charge of outraging public decency by masturbating Freddie's penis while swimming with him in the harbour. For God's sake. It was normal for the dolphins. Mr Cooper denied the charge, claiming it was normal for the dolphin's penis to be exposed while people swam with him and that he came into contact with it accidentally.

Oh, right. I will continue. I have suffered, after the verdict, he said, I have suffered severe have suffered after the verdict he said I have suffered severe mental anguish during the past year I will continue

my mission to see that the captive dolphins of Flamingo Land and Windsor are returned to the natural home in the open sea because Flamingo Land

is a big part of the North East child's psyche but it's one at Windsor I thought you said the only one was in the North East I think it's Flamingo Land and Windsor Reserves I think it's called that maybe I don't one at Windsor. I thought you said the only one was in the North East. I think it's

Fleming Island and Windsor. I think it's called that. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe Windsor. I don't know.

But maybe there are some dolphins in Windsor as well. So yeah. I feel like we've done this thing we sometimes do on this show.

We've opened up a real can of Pandora's box here. Do you know what I mean? Not worms. Why are more people than I ever expected

masturbating dolphins? During the trial, a defence claimed that the people who complained had been encouraged to do so by Mr Peter Bloom, manager of the Dolphinarium at Flamingo Land

in North Yorkshire. He had acted as a backseat driver in a bid to smear Mr Cooper because of campaigns against dolphins being kept in captivity. That's an interesting technique. Yeah.

You own a load of fucking dolphins. If you don't release those dolphins, I'm going to wank every single one of them off. No, no. That's the thing, though. The guy owns the dolphins. Some guy's coming at him going, you need to fucking release those dolphins

because they're beautiful creatures that belong on the sea, not at Flamingo Land. All right, fucking dolphin. You wanked off my dolphin. Yeah. It's a really weird defense. Yeah.

It's like Elon Musk and the accused pedo miner. No, but, yeah, that was very odd. The cavingk and the and the accused pedo minor minor no word yeah that was very odd it was a caving rescue guy yeah the pedo submarine yeah but then it was revealed that um they'd given the kids to calm them down to get them out to regulate their their heart and to calm them down as they were you know obviously a very traumatic traumatic experience to get them in story gets worse yeah what a world we live in, eh? Yeah. I don't think that shouldn't be happening.

That shouldn't be happening. They shouldn't have got in that cave. So, okay, so we've got the whole team there. We're going to rescue these kids and everything and there's a scientist

and doctors and that. What have you got? I've got this wrap of K in my back pocket. It's a bit soggy because I've been in a cave. Just give them that. Shouldn't be happening.

Should not be happening. I don't want to be in a K-hole. I'm already in a cave. Yeah. Oh, the right K-hole no you weren't no seriously I was and what about this then from

Nick in South Shields who says following a brief mention by the emailer who saw his mate's tooth knocked out in the last episode I was reminded of something

that never fails to confuse me I am from the Kent slash Greater London border in Bromley but now I live in South Shields in the Northeast. Every time I tell people out here what the game is called,

where you knock on a front door and run away before the knock was answered, everybody falls about laughing. What did you used to call that? Nicky Nocky Nine Doors. Okay. I called it Knock Door Run. Right. Okay.

The reason is that down my way growing up, we always called that game Knock Down Ginger. Yeah. But everybody up here calls it Knocky Nine Doors. Yeah, Nicky Nocky Nine Doors. Please tell me I'm not going mad, and that other people also call it Knockdown Ginger. Yeah. But everybody up here calls it Knocky Nine Doors. Yeah, Nicky Knocky Nine Doors. Please tell me I'm not going mad and that other people also call it Knockdown Ginger

or indeed, can you ask people what they called it in their corner of the world? The emailer in question called the game Knock and Run, which is also a new one on me. So we call it Knock Door Run

down in the South Coast. Nicky Knocky Nine Doors. That's weird. Nicky Knocky Nine Doors. It'll be like tag. I don't know. Did you call it tag or tig or what? Tig. Tig. Yeah, we called it tag. Did you call it tag or tig or what? Tig.

Yeah, we called it tag. Did you call it, there was a variation of the game called block. Block sticker, block sticker, one, two, three. A little bit like that, where you had to get back to home base on tig. It was kind of like hide and seek,

but you had to get back to the base before that person could find you. I found that. I would very much like to play that game again because it's fun. Yeah? Yeah. Might be a bit odd.

One of my, I think one of my cherished kind of memories from my childhood was definitely playing block. The tension of being found and then when you get found, it's a race back to the base. Yeah.

And if you beat that person back, you're out the game. You release everyone else, right? No, no, you're out the game then. If they get back, if the guy who's counting, if he gets back before you, you're out the game. Or if he sees you and gets back and tags you no no you're out of the game then if they get back if the guy who's counting if he gets back before you you're out of the game

or if he sees you and gets back and tags you out you're gone I find it all fascinating I've found that game incredibly tense and exciting

did you used to play kick the can kick the can so basically it wouldn't be a can it would be a football but you put a football in the centre of the bit

and then someone would be it and then you'd get someone else to kick the ball as far as they could and then when would be it and then you'd get someone else to kick the ball as far as they could and then when the guy or girl was going to get the

ball you'd hide they'd put the ball back in the spot and then they'd come and find you and if they found you as soon as they

saw you they got to run back to the ball and if they touched the ball you were out and you were in like prison basically but if you got

back before them and booted the ball again they could all be released that's cool. That's a variation of block, I think. Yeah, for some reason,

it's called kick the can, though. But there's loads of ones like croggy. That's just when you're on someone's crossbar, though. Yeah, or a back. Is it called a backy down there? Yeah.

It used to be a croggy or a backy. A croggy or a backy. There is variations of knockouts I think it's called cuppy down here cuppy no we used to call it knockout Wembley

knockout Wembley yeah I used to love knockout what did you used to call it we should have a register kind of day of games that'd be great

what did you used to call it up there when one of your mates wanked off a dolphin yeah winky wanky nine doors what about this

oh well yeah one thing I should say as a point of admin actually is I put a call out an emotional call on Monday right

for people to put my mind at rest that I hadn't made up a brand of cider in my youth called graphite loads of people got in touch

Tom from Reading said you could buy graphite in Reading, although he hasn't stipulated about whether you can still buy it. And Mark said this, as something of a white cider connoisseur in my youth, I can confirm that graphite was widely available as far south as my hometown of Plymouth.

Not only that, but there are a wide range of brands who boldly defied the traditional naming scheme of the word white, followed by the name of something white, as in white lightning. Best among these were Ice Dragon. Ice Dragon, nice. And the intriguingly named Three Hammers. Three Hammers. Whereas there was also one called Polaris.

You're going to get hammered, are you? I'm going to get three hammers. Yeah. Sadly, after overindulging one night out, the next morning I found that just the smell of white cider was enough to make me feel sick. I never recovered a taste for it, and so a promising career as a sommelier for hobos was cut short. That's from Mark.

I'd love to know if you're out there and you know of what kind of ciders are around now, what the kids are drinking these days, because I've not seen graphite for 20 years. No, I went to a posh it used to be it was in a public toilet and they basically did that

they did out one of those old kind of Victorian public toilets and they saw him was wiping bread around the toilet. Oh dirty.

And they'd made a posh cocktail bar in Kentish Town and they'd actually made like a strong board like a distilled strong bore kind of

cocktail in a can of strong bore. Like so they just drink the fucking just, the Strongbow. People just hate you for that. Just drink the fucking... Just drink the Beau, mate. I used to drink Beau all the time. So they'd distill the...

distill the apple cider or whatever to its... to like a sticky kind of thing and then they'd put ingredients into that and then they'd put it back into the can. Right. And you'd drink it out of the can

and a paper bag. Couple of fag butts in it. That's really pretentious and actually quite snobby. Yeah. And I just like that there was a time in my life where I wouldn't

drink Strongbow because it was too expensive I mean that's basically the reason yeah that is awful isn't it that is awful and let's finish off

with this although I haven't got it actually because you've already read it I was going to read out the dolphin you got one left I think I've got

someone here I'm going to write my notes. Hang on. For the synopsis while you're doing that, Pete. Oh, yeah.

No, actually, to be honest, I had down your graphite email. All right, good. So I'm absolutely ruined. All right, fine.

I've ruined that. I've absolutely fucked it. We've come to the end of our time anyway. To be honest, I was pushing my luck

a little bit, trying to squeeze a little bit more out of it ahead of the weekend. Okay, right. But, you know, we don't have to do

that. Have a great weekend, guys. That was episode 166 of the New Compete show on Thursday. What is it? The 9th of May ahead of the weekend but you know we don't have to do that. Have a great weekend guys. That was episode 166 of the Luke and Pete show on Thursday what is it the

9th of May today the 9th. Have a lovely weekend. We're running out of emails a little bit. Get involved guys.

Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com Do get involved and we'll catch up with you again soon. Have a great one.

See you on Monday. Alright then. this was a radius to carl production