The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 167: Intercom games

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

Luke and Pete muster back in the studio for another audio missive, delivered fresh to your ears like a new piercing from Claire's Accessories (are they still around?). There's a Peter the Dolphin update, a touching gift for Peter from Luke, and some, dare we say, quite good Louis Theroux impressions.Elsewhere, we talk a bit about TV shows and Bryan Adams before hearing about something quite chilling that's manifested itself on Pete's intercom at home. To continue the recent run of frankly excellent emails we've been receiving of late, it's [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm not even going to let the music fade out. I'm starting the show, Luke. Wow. It's a three-alarm fire. Are you at your mind? We've got to fill half an hour here. We're starting it early. Episode 167 of the Luke and Pete show.

It's Monday the 13th of May. I'm Luke Moore. That man there in a rather snazzy shirt is Mr. Pete Donaldson. If I was to look at that shirt without knowing what time of year it was, I would say it's May, baby, and summer's on the way. This is like me sort of saying this is quite warm, but also quite light at the same time. So it works in many different weathers.

Do you know what? Look at the material of it. It looks like, did you ever have, and this is not me slating your shirt because it's a lovely shirt, but do you ever have, when you were growing up, you'd go to a party, a birthday party at someone's house, and they'd put out that quite, they bought it specially, but it was quite cheap, tablecloth, papery.

That's what that shirt's kind of reminding me of. Yeah, I'd have that, yeah. Slight bumps on it as well. But yeah, summer's on the way. I'm looking forward to it. Can't wait for it to get a bit warmer.

It's been miserable the last few weeks. It really has been. It's really got my guts. It's really got me down. Saturday was very changeable. We had hailstones on Saturday. Yeah?

We had hailstones in centre of town and then it became sunny. Sure that just wasn't in your heart? I mean, I'm fairly certain I can't control the weather, but, you know, the jury's out on that one. But I've arrived on Monday.

I don't know what it is about Monday. It doesn't matter what I've done, what I haven't done, whether I've gone hard, whether I've gone soft. I'm just Monday, man. I'm finding them more and more difficult as I get older. Yeah. I'm just feeling a bit more listless and a bit more, even though I've done now.

Rapidly approaching the grave. Yeah, but'm finally, I'm just feeling a bit more listless and a bit more, even though I've done now. Rapidly approaching the grave. Yeah, but like, why Monday? Life tends to slow down. Why Monday? I work Sundays though. It's not like my working week starts on a Monday.

Because you know you've got to see me again. Yeah, it's a dark cloud in my heart. The black dog following you around. It's like, your quote there about the weather just reminded me of something Nick Cave said,

where he said, I can control the weather with my moods, I just can't control my moods. Oh, that's good. I like that. Yeah, clever, isn't it? I've got something quite exciting to tell you. So the other day, so my brother-in-law is getting married in the Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville, in Alabama. I think I mentioned it maybe. We've certainly got an email or two about me going to Huntsville. People say, oh, do you want to be here um so i've definitely mentioned it at some point right um but the reason they're

getting married at the space and rocket center is because um my brother-in-law works for nasa right and uh his wife to be is also a scientist working she was at nasa i think she might be somewhere else now up in dc anyway they're very clever and And because they're getting married at the Space and Rocket Centre, they wanted a kind of theme. They said, you know, if you want to, when you're with your, I mean, it's a formal occasion, but if you want to have a nod here or there to space or rockets or technology or whatever, that'd be nice.

So I guess some people are going to go along. Mimi's got like a dress, which is like a universe-themed dress. Yeah, okay. So I thought what would be nice for me is I've got a nice suit to wear, but I thought it would be nice to have a little pocket square with the nod to that. So I bought a pocket square. Anyway, when I was there, I saw a pocket square

that I thought you would like. Oh. So I bought you one. You bought me a pocket square. That's very kind. So I thought it might be good for one of those themed events and award ceremonies you go to. Right, okay.

You might want to wear it. If you don't like them, you just re-gift it I suppose. What's this? Oh it's got a little yeah that would be perfect. I never get invited to the gaming

BAFTAs but the what do you call them? Why don't you describe to the listener what it is? It's two people fucking.

No you're going to say that. It's not. It's a beautifully rich thick pocket square with a little controller. A little video game controller. I call them joypads. Yeah, I said that to a young person this week and I've instantly regretted it.

You can't say joypads anymore, no? No, because A, it sounds like a sex toy. B, it's just a bit old. It's like joystick. Get your joystick. Anyway, so that's quite neutrally coloured, so I thought it would go with anything you wear. Yeah, I think that's cool. Thank you very much. You're welcome. It's like joystick. Get your joystick. Anyway, so that's quite neutrally coloured, so I thought it would go with anything you wear. Yeah, I think that's cool.

Thank you very much. You're welcome. It's very kind of you, Luke. I will give you the money. No, don't be silly. Is that what you say to people who give you gifts? Yes. I'll give you the money for that.

No, it's Christmas Day. You haven't got to do that. Put your wallet away. I'm trying to figure out what kind of controller it is. It looks more like an Xbox. Yeah, it's a bit more Xbox-y. Maybe like one of those third-party ones. Have I made a faux pas?

It might be one of those third-party ones that nobody wants to use. If you were my teenage son now, you'd go, you know I play PS4, and throw it back at me. There's that wonderful Lemmy sketch where he's going, oh, it's the same bike that Steve down the road has.

And he goes, oh yeah, it's his bike. He got a new one for Christmas. Yeah. He's like, ah! And the dad goes, yeah, get for a little shite. Yeah, that's Yeah. He's like, and the dad goes, yeah, get for a little shite. Yeah, that's right.

He's going, you'll get nothing, nothing. He's going, dad, no. I've got a little bit of breaking news just come through. Oh.

Came through on my laptop news update. My laptop computer. Jeremy Kyle show suspended indefinitely after death of guest ITV announces. That's exciting.

That's bleak. That is exciting. What, they died on... Pete, more news as we get it. Fascinating. More follows, more news as we get it. Very, very sad. Very bleak. I'm not sure. I don't know. I mean, it's sad that someone's died, but I mean, we don't know who it was. It could have been on... because they were doing a naughty thing. It could be.

We don't know. Nobody's asked that. Does it make you feel uncomfortable to receive gifts from me? Yeah, it does, yeah. Yeah, I thought it might do, yeah. That's part of the reason I did it to you. Yeah, it was worth the extra tenner. Did you manage to get somebody else,

the thing you actually went for, though? Yeah, I got myself a thing, and I got myself a tie as well, but now I'm thinking the tie's going to be a bit overkill. I might just do the pocket square and a neutral tie. Yeah.

I mean, basically, I'm going to do whatever my wife tells me to do. That's essentially how it works, but we'll see um lovely old job well um i have spent the weekend merely watching a bit of telly i've done nothing really uh in part of any import i tried to start watching that chernobyl but i can get into it oh right yeah do you know why it's clearly a dramatization of the chernobyl disaster in the late 80s, or mid to late 80s. And it's set where it happened, of course.

And I think since I've watched Gamora, I now need these kind of shows to be in the local language with subtitles. And it's all in English, which to me just completely breaks the magic of it. Well, their sort of explanation, as far as it was retold to me, was that we had quite an international cast and also the accents are from all over the place,

from like the Ukraine to Ukraine East. And they wouldn't be able to do a good job. So I'm thinking, well, get some fucking actors who can do the accent then. Yeah, exactly. Get some actors from the area. Yeah. Just like, don't disrespect a language.

They do this all the time. I mean, they did it with Death of Stalin. I mean, they can argue with their case and stuff, but I don't disrespect a language. They do this all the time. I mean, they did it with Death of Stalin. I mean, they can argue with their case and stuff, but I don't necessarily buy it. I care less when it's a comedy. If you can't do the accent, I thought the accents that they brought in were quite interesting,

because obviously it was the fellow who was in Dead Man Walking at the weekend, the sort of jocks like this. He sort of quite, but he put on a sort of very sort of bald, kind of like Northern accent. Dead Man's Shoes. Dead Man's Shoes, sorry. Paddy Considine. Paddy Considine, is it? jokes like this he put on a very bald northern accent Dead Man's Shoes Dead Man's Shoes

sorry Paddy Constantine Paddy Constantine is it? I can now tell what you're talking about even though you don't even give me the

name of the correct film Paddy Constantine's brilliant he obviously did a northern kind of alright you bastard sort of voice for Dead Man's Stone

which I quite enjoyed because obviously people will be taken from different sections of society in these pieces so yeah I agree

that kind of works but it massively disrespects but it only ever happens to that part of the world because it's sort of

the I am you've earned your vodka now kind of accent just sounds shit get somebody who can actually fucking do it then

there's no excuse really is there I think it's hire local actors I mean you're telling me that a country the size of Ukraine or Russia or whatever, you can't find people to do it in the local language.

I mean, Gamora completely changed the game on that front. Gamora, the only regret I have about Gamora is I can't eat my dinner when I'm watching it because I've got to read the subtitles. I'll make my peace with that. So I tried to watch that over the weekend, but I didn't. I ended up just, I just sacked it off. I can't find it on my. I can't find it on my illegal... Is it back on Sky

kind of being broadcast broadcast? It's a novel. Yeah, and sorry, no, Gamora. It's not out yet. It's not out yet. It's out in June, I think. Yeah, I mean, it's been out in Italy, I think, because they just need to. But then I wouldn't trust the... I would presume, for that reason, knowing fully well that it is quite popular

elsewhere in Europe, they would probably delay getting official subtitles. Exactly, that's the beauty of it. So James Horncastle watched it, but he watched it with Italian subtitles, because he can speak Italian, and obviously it's in Neapolitan. There's no version of it out now with English subtitles. But there will be fan conversions.

How much do you have to want it? How impatient have you got to be? Yeah. Just wait. Wait until next month. There's nothing else on TV to watch, is there? No. I've still not even watched the last week of the ones.

Oh, have you? I've seen it. I'll obviously watch the most recent ones tonight. Weirdly enough, because I'm going to be in Greece for the next week, it means I'm going to have to wait until I get back to watch the finale of the whole thing. Will it I'm going to have to wait until I get back to watch the finale of the whole thing.

Will it not be being shown on telly out there? In a hotel I think I'll have a premium TV out there. Premium TV. I was watching a lot.

Also my sister's getting married. I'd be in trouble if I missed that. I watched a red wedding of your own. I watched a lot of Louis Theroux.

People obviously get very excited about Louis Theroux and with good cause because he's very good but I don't really I've not really watched a lot of him since I was a bit younger and he's still doing the same thing really isn't he Do you think that this

heroin you're putting in your arm is bad? Do you think that maybe I could have a go at that? Would that be good for me to do that? Do you think that you getting beaten up by your boyfriend is a good thing yeah

so clearly not Louis I mean you're living in a tent I mean are you happy in a tent no

but he's just constantly do you know what's great about it is that some of it by far a lot of his best work is done in the US

because they are if you watch the people he's a subject of documentaries they are 50 confused yeah about why this guy who to them sounds like he should be a member of the royal family is interested in them yeah but he also dresses so smart and he looks so neutral he's the most unthreatening man to ever live that they they get completely disarmed by him yeah constantly. Constantly. But they just fill spaces and he just sort of just looks at them with his eyes sort of going,

oh, this is a terrible situation for you to be in. Yeah, I've been on the ice for four years now. I lost my job. I used to be a computer programmer. And he's like, oh, I mean, you must have been making quite a lot of money then. Yeah.

But he's just constantly faced with people who need a fucking hug and he never gives them a hug I spent most of watching Louis Theroux just shouting give her a hug give him a hug they're crying give them hugs when you're making documentaries whether it's like a natural world documentary or one of those you're not supposed to interfere are you

I would hug everyone that's a really controversial point because you know back in the day when gonzo journalism started coming around with tom wolf and um hunter s thompson and all that kind of stuff um they used to take the non-interference of what was happening to like a ridiculous degree and so in some ways they were completely immersed themselves in it but they wouldn't want to break that by saying, stop, what are you doing?

So there would literally be people overdosing and they wouldn't get involved, you know, or people being sexually assaulted or whatever. And they wouldn't, and they wouldn't get involved. Some of the stuff, an easy decision to make on those ones. Yeah. Some of the stuff the hell's angels were getting up to,

you know, and they would not interfere. Popping wheelies. Yeah. Yeah. Popping wheelies. Pulling skids outside the butchers. Giving each other Chinese burns. Yeah, yeah. Popping wheelies. Putting skids outside the butchers. Giving each other Chinese burns.

Oh, naughty lads. I think Louis may be just adopting that policy. But, you know, part of the reason I find Theroux fascinating is because he was able to break into this industry with just, you know, the greatest travel writer of all time was his father. Yeah. And so it's very interesting. No, no, no, I didn't mean that

because he's very good. But is that most people recoil, and I know you do, particularly, from any kind of awkward situation. And it's a perfectly natural way to be. You want to remove yourself from a position or whatever.

Ironically, given that we're doing this show every week. But Louis seems to thrive on the awkward situation. He seems to have come up with a tactic to completely disarm the other person and let it just wash over him. So sometimes you'll see him literally

sat in the church yard in Brixton, surrounded by three alcoholics, one of them who's literally taken a slash on the floor, and he's like, right. I mean, do you really think you should be doing that here? You know, he doesn't care. Like, where most people are like, right, stop the cameras

let's go because this is dangerous this man has just done a wee in a churchyard yeah is that your best example so what did you yeah I couldn't think of anything else

what episode did you watch it was the one about prostitutes and the other one about heroin and obviously just everyone all the big hits

everyone seemed to start their heroin journey from like pills they were just all just pill popping, stealing from their grandmas, all the hardcore pills

and stuff. It's going, oh God. You really sound like you were. I take the odd paramol. I take the odd cordine of a Sunday. That little sentence there,

you really sound like Rivers Como then. Why would that come up? That's the sort of thing you would say in a Weezer song. He's, you sort of look at his

kind of output. He's done two albums I think now Weezer song? He's, he's sort of, look at his, his kind of output. He's done two albums I think now in Japanese. Right. He's a proper, as you would call in the business, a weeble,

like a proper wet Japanese neonophile kind of. Are you? Yeah, but like, I don't like the music. I don't like the video games.

You've got a bit of fire in your belly still as well. Say again? You've also got a bit of fire in your belly as well. I've yet to make my pinkerton but it's yeah

I was like wow you're still doing that and you're you must be 50 yeah yeah so do you think I mean you started

off this weekend quite tired even though there's no reason but do you think this is going to be a good week I don't know

I'm on different hours I don't generally like working in the day on my radio station so I like to do my normal show you're like midnight caller I'm like midnight caller I'm on different hours. I don't generally like working in the day on my radio station. So I like to do my normal show. You're like Midnight Caller, aren't you? I'm like Midnight Caller.

I like to solve crimes and get out there. And so it's quite, I've got to move a lot of stuff around. So it's good. It's fine. It's fine. It's all good. And whereas a lot of people are kind of

regular normal workers by day and crime fighters by night, you are sleeper and eater by day and worker by night. Do you reckon you could write a memoir about your life on the margins under cloak of darkness in Soho for these last 10 years

or however long it's been? Well, I've only been there for five years, but yeah, I mean, somebody, actually somebody put something on my door. I saw this, and we should talk about this, because this is partly related to the Luke and Pete show. It is massively related to the Luke and Pete show.

Tell people what happened. So every now and again, people will just leave by virtue of the fact that people seem to find my door fascinating. I think there's sex workers in there. They seem to ring my doorbell at all hours of the day and I've just learned to ignore it

now and unless I'm expecting someone I answer in the door why don't you just unplug it I can't unplug it what do you mean unplug it

we're sure there's a buzzer kind of end to it in your flat so it's an intercom oh okay so you can't which is hardwired so yeah so you can't

but I mean it's fine it's all good I've learned to deal with that but people keep leaving things on my intercom from cans of cork to bifters to bottles of Jamaican wine. Is it like a less exciting Jim Morrison's grave? Yeah, it's like little offerings for me, it seems.

And every now and again, I'll take a picture, but I've noticed that over the road, you can clearly see what is over the road, which is a posh booze shop. And I was like, all right, okay. People can really tell where I am. And so somebody actually left, one person left a Nando's card,

a Nando's loyalty card. Is there anything on it? I don't think so, no. Check it out. There might be a few quid on there. I'm not walking into Nando's just to be told there's nothing on there. No one's leaving anything of value on there.

And when I came home on Wednesday, somebody had taped using an unused plaster, so, you know, a little mercy. Which makes it bleaker. A little mercy there. A handkerchief, which I presume was also unused, with written pen, a little message saying, a succulent Chinese meal, I think.

So they're basically saying I listened to one of your podcasts and I know where you live. It's the perfect situation. Well done on getting into that anyway. After that, presumably there was some sort of security detail, some close protection. There's at least four flats in that building.

They've got a one in four chance of stabbing me. True. And I like those odds. How many of the people living there are male? What do you mean? I was saying... New building,

how many are male? They'll have to open all the doors to find out, won't they? It's like an advent calendar. You don't know what's behind it. A terrifying advent calendar. When you leave the house,

though, they're going to know, well, he lives there and that's a man and that could be Pete. If it's you and three other women, the point I'm getting to is you're the only man

living there, so you must be Pete, therefore you're dead. No, I'm saying they... I'm getting to is you're the only man living there so you must be Pete therefore you're dead no I'm saying I would they'd have to if they see me going in fine they've seen me they might

know who I am anyway so but the whole situation is there's four flats one in four chance of killing me I also think to add further to that if

they've taken the time to stick a succulent Chinese meal message on your intercom they've probably got the wherewithal to Google your name and see exactly what you look like. Yeah, exactly.

The only thing working in your favour is that you look like everyone. Exactly. So, yeah, you can have plenty of doppelgangers like Saddam Hussein. I've been watching a lot of CIA kind of people online on YouTube, old CIA guys, just sort of looking at films and sort of seeing whether disguises would be used like that like watching films like Mission

Impossible you know like he's always got a fake mask yeah he's like well that wouldn't really work I mean because you want to be less conspicuous and you can only add to

the face you can't remove and like talking about disguises like that was fascinating yeah I'd be pretty interested in meeting someone who was who specialized in

disguises for the CIA maybe it's brilliant if you if you read like a stock of this picture i know it isn't um cia but if you read john lecarre stuff the best parts of the bit where well actually if you even read ben mcintyre which is obviously all true it's kind of really interesting the way they'll leave signs for each other they know they do dead drops and stuff well they always used to to. And it'll be something like, oh, if you see a paper bag on a railing with a bit of green cotton around it, it means the whole thing's off.

Get out of there. Get out of there. Yeah. I find that wonderfully exciting. And when Gordievsky was rescued or smuggled out of the Soviet Union, his sign was, I think it was to be carrying

on a certain street corner. In one of the most surveilled societies ever, standing on a street corner waiting for a of the most surveilled societies ever standing on a street corner waiting for a bus with a plastic Safeway carrier bag and if the guy who

was supposed to smuggle him out had seen him and wanted to give him a sign when he walked past he left a Kit Kat on the dashboard of

the car and then obviously they smuggled him out yeah crazy that's gonna melt yeah and I've heard for you to be you be smuggled

out the country it's a piece of paper taped with a plaster to your Instagram. Get me out. I'd love that. It's a forced holiday. Get you out of there, yeah, exactly, yeah. All right, shall we take a little break, Pete, and then do some emails?

Because I'll tell you what, people have answered the call, and I'm very excited at some of the stuff they've sent in. How to make a long egg. Keith Cook's there. Julian Assange a long egg. Keith Cook's there. Julian Assange's there. I was blinded by Julian Assange.

Julian Assange's there. He does have lovely white hair. So lots of people have emailed in asking about the Julian Assange trope. And it's hello at lukeandpeachshow.com if you do want to email in, as we say every week. If you're new to the show,

please do send us an email about anything you like to hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. The Julian Assange trope is that, so we found a video we liked of course it had been found before, we didn't discover it but it was an Australian man being wrestled

out of a restaurant for not paying his bill and being arrested and I think we shared it on the at lukeandpeachow Twitter feed and someone pointed out, one of our listeners that when Julian Assange was arrested from the Ecuadorian embassy, he looked a lot like that man.

The Democracy Manifest man. So then when we played This is Democracy Manifest as one of our jingles, we would always say Julian Assange there because it looked like it and that kind of escalated. Not a good enough joke to be explained, in my opinion. But if you're going to go down that road, we can't do any jokes. We got an email saying,

I'm a fairly new listener. I know who Julian Assange is. However, I don't understand why you said Julian Assange there after every clip that plays after the break. Love the show.

Are Julian Assange there? Good to hear from Julian Assange. It's good. He's got access to emails in prison. Yeah. And once again, if you do want to email, it's hello at Julian Assange.

Pam Ransom getting in touch there. She's obsessed with Julian, isn't she? Look, he's a caged man. Like, you know, it's exciting, isn't it? It's like, you know, all those women

who fell in love with Ted Bundy. Yeah. I don't think Julian Assange is a serial killer. No. It's pretty harsh on him. Well, he's exposed many government assets.

You don't know, do you? True. Maybe the knock-on effect is as severe. Pounder Anderson was a huge part of my teenage years. But anyway,

let's... Is that right? Yeah. She didn't know it. Huge or just medium-sized? She was almost a dictionary definition average-sized part

of my teenage years. Let's go to the emails. What do you want to do first? I've got loads of things to choose from. We can do childhood games. We've got... Yeah, just choose one, mate.

Okay, right, here we go. What about... Oh, should we do a Peter the Dolphin update? Okay. Because we did him a week or two ago. Peter the Wolf.

Yeah, and Peter the Dolphin. Go back and listen to episode 165 and 166 about the guy it was a woman a scientist who was training a dolphin

one thing led to another it's part of the routine she ended up having to masturbate the dolphin don't shoot the messenger it happened don't wake the messenger the dolphin later died

the email story was sent originally by steady steady what it didn't die from hand jobs oh no no no sorry yeah

it's not lethal to dolphins, I'll tell you... It's not lethal to dolphins. No, I'll tell you how it died in a minute. The original email was sent in by Tim Vandenhoek, and he's replied with some further information. He said, Hi, guys. I thought I'd add a few details

to round out a very strange saga all round. Luke was indeed right when he said that Peter the dolphin committed suicide when the project was winding down. I mean, this gets bleak, mate, so strap yourself in here. He did this by essentially stopping breathing. are apparently conscious breathers i.e they have to actively think and decide to breathe uh they lack the same inbuilt reflex um that humans and most other mammals have which would make them gasp for breath so when peter knew that his days

of lounging by the research pool and getting hard jobs were over he mentally corked his blowhole and sank to his death. All this made me wonder how dolphins manage to survive a night's sleep, and that led me to reading that they are hemispheric sleepers. Only one half of their brains are asleep at any given time, while the other part stays awake and manages breathing. Because only one half of their brain is

conscious while in slumber, dolphins quite literally sleep with one eye open, bobbing at the surface in a semi-zombie state. Oh, wow. And as if interspecies hand jobs and suicide were not enough, PETA was also likely dosed with LSD during the research, Pete. Oh.

The lead scientist was licensed by the US government to use LSD in experiments, and some MKUltra-esque open-the-minds true potential scheme in the harebrained attempt to teach dolphins to speak. Sadly, though, the LSD had little scheme in the harebrained attempt to teach dolphins to speak. Sadly, though, the LSD had little effect on the marine participants as different animals

metabolised drugs in different ways, possibly explaining why I'm getting nothing off these gazelle barbiturates. Lack of hallucinations is notwithstanding. I think we can all agree

it was quite a summer for Peter the dolphin. So, a bit more information there, Pete. Handjobs and psychoactive substances? I mean, I don't know. It's easy to look at things through the lens of the modern day and be morally bad.

It's like the Beatles of the dolphin world. Yeah, should you really be dropping a micro dot on a dolphin's tongue? You know, that's abuse, right? The dolphin thinks it's getting a nice sweet, and it's getting a bit of... A nice sweet? Yeah. Oh, can I have a nice sweet, please?

I don't know how dolphins feel. Mind you, if you get to the point where you're actually literally wanking them off I suppose the morals are out the window anything to calm them down he probably doesn't even know he's a dolphin with all that LSD

I lived with a guy who was in not Dyke House that was a school from my youth what is it Grange Hill alright yeah

I've never spoken about this guy before where's that come from who was it who did he play he was famous I can't remember who he played, but he was famous. Do I know him?

You might have seen the episode. No, but do I know the guy? Have I met him? No. Okay, right. And he would, in the TV show Grinch Hill, he played a character that was,

he'd been given some tattoos, little kind of square tattoos. Oh, I think I remember this episode. And he licked them. And then he was, he put the tattoos he put the tattoo on his body

and then it was in the class and he started flipping out the teacher was going what's wrong with you Keith or whatever

his name is and he's like I'm not mental and then he threatened to throw himself off the balcony and the disabled

girl helped him some kind of message to say disabled people are cool too yeah and rightly so yeah but it's just a weird thing to sort of say, disabled people are cool too. Yeah, and rightly so. Yeah,

but it's just a weird thing to sort of go, like I wouldn't think that a disabled person could give a child that kind of go. I'm thinking that they're somehow incapable of being pleasant

even though it was just a spina bifida or something. Yeah, I went to a school which was so rough that we all... I remember at the time being rather upset

with the inference, that's all. I did that, I thought, oh... What's this got to do with giving LSD to dolphins mainly the LSD

but I live with a guy who was famous for taking LSD when we used to get pissed we used to make him do the I'm so angry at my teacher kind of throw all his stuff on the floor

in the kebab shop what a chap completely undermining his career as well is he now the main what is he now is he Don Draper in Mad Men? Did he turn out to be?

Well, he's in Los Angeles and he's writing for the Daily Mail. So there we go. He writes the Daily Mail celebrity. I don't know how to react to that. Fraff. Because the first part of that I'm very impressed by.

The school I went to was quite rough and at one point we all got sent home for the afternoon because a troubled child in the year below me um was standing on the balcony on the fourth floor of the english block threatening to throw himself off christ yeah does that make it rough or just you know well even at the time i remember thinking i'm not sure this really should be happening at school um i don't know what's

happened to the guy now i hope he's well um i's well I don't really know if he had the support he needed shall we put it that way but the school was rough first year of first year of my mate's school mate's uni a lad threw himself off the

terrible in Lancaster did you have fights every day at your school not you personally but were there fights every day yeah there was like the odd yeah it was quite

it was quite tasty but it was more just like lads from other schools coming oh was it there was another school I remember a big lad there was like the odds yeah it was quite it was quite tasty but it was more just like lads from other schools coming oh was it there was another school close by I remember a big

lad who was like just turned up out of school and I was like I was like 12 and this lad he must have been about 18, 19

I was just walking to class when it was really quiet in between I bet you were so cute as a 12 year old and this bloke this bloke just

started kicking me up the arse like 2 or three times. He just attacked a child for no reason. Right. And that is troubled. That is a troubled man. Shouldn't be doing that, should he?

He shouldn't be kicking children up the arse. Was he 18 or was he really about 14? No, he was big. He wasn't wearing his school uniform or anything, so he wasn't going to the school. Very strange behaviour. Yeah. I remember getting a few scrapes myself,

outnumbered here or there. But I didn't cry or anything. Sorry. I remember getting a few scrapes myself. Outnumbered here or there. But I didn't cry or anything. I just thought, sorry? Very British. I realise I'm very British in these situations. Did you just ignore him? Sorry, what are you? What? No! Ah! What happened? Did you leg it? No, I didn't even leg it. I just walked off. Like, he didn't sort of chase me. He wasn't like

Right. He wasn't like enraged. Was it Michael Brown? The footballer Michael Brown who used to trouble you as a child. He used to trouble you as a child. He didn't trouble me as a child. I thought you met him when he was really good at football and you got upset.

I mean, he was literally playing for Manchester City when we played on the park. So yeah, he would have been good. I'm surprised he was allowed to play because the Burn Valley

was not a great place to play soccer. Different time, mate. And a man turned up with a hammer and threatened one of his friends. That's what I was thinking of, yeah. Quick one before we go from Jay who says, hi guys, grew up in

Danville, California, a quiet outer suburb within the San Francisco Bay area. And in reference to the game of knocking on doors and quickly running away, we would

call it doorbell ditching or ding-dong ditching. I'm sure this is fairly common for most of California and possibly even the US. Cheers, Jay.

So the reason I brought that to the table is just it's nice to get a universal look, kind of a global look at what we would call the same game in different places because language is fascinating for that. A Tucker's look. Yes, absolutely. And so in Danville, California, it was called doorbell-ditching. Doorbell-ditching.

But I would imagine in the US it's quite hard to play it because the gardens are massive you need a car and the houses are very separate very sort of like spread apart the great part

about doing it where I grew up is the house were terraced so you would just run along all of them bang bang bang bang and you're away

you're like Brian Adams waking up the neighbours and I was going to run to you that song's a bit weird isn't it yeah it's about cheating on your wife he's just sort of going to run to you that song's a bit weird isn't it yeah it's about cheating on your wife

he's just sort of going I want to fuck you you're not my wife like that is basically the song isn't it he's a very he's a very celebrated

photographer now isn't he photographer now took a picture of he's good friends with Lady Diana wasn't he Lady Diana

Lady Diana Lady Diana yeah alright cool look let's get out of here Pete and we will see everyone on Thursday don't he? Lady Diana. Lady Diana. Lady Diana. Yeah. All right, cool. Look, let's get out of here,

Pete, and we will see everyone on Thursday. All right, then. I hope you have a lovely week and you feel less tired and I hope you make use of that pocket square as well.

I really appreciate that. It's very touching. You're welcome. Hello at LukeandPetecher.com to get in touch. We'll be back on Thursday with episode 168. Don't go changing,

you guys. You are perfect as you are and that's exactly as it should be you are beautiful no matter what they say this was a Radio Stakhanov production

do you need a massage there?