The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 171: Puffer fish drugs

Episode Date: May 27, 2019

How would you like to be disposed of when you're dead? That's the Alan Partridge-esque question the chaps attempt to answer on this, your all-new episode of The Luke and Pete Show. And, in addition to that, we hear from a man who is descended from a great reservoir founder, we discuss animals getting high, and get some insight into the current situation regarding Julian Assange, There.There's loads more of your emails as well, so make sure you stick around for that.See ya on Thursday!To get in touch, it's [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Monday, Monday, so good to me. If I remember the lyrics correctly, which I'm fairly certain I don't. How are you doing? This is Luke and Pete Shaw. We use that line surprisingly rarely, given that we do a show every Monday. And we don't plan it.

And there's no Thursday songs, really, is there? Thursday's Child by David Bowie. Yeah. I love that song. You carry on with your intro. I'll see if there's any songs about Thursday. Monday, Thursday, Destiny's Child. I'm getting Destiny's Child mixed up with...

Was there a song about days that Destiny's Child did? Like, Monday, you were a dick to me. Tuesday, we got back together. Well, there's Craig David. We chilled on Sunday. Apparently, Jess Glynn, who I know of, but I've not heard a single note of, did a song called Thursday.

As did Harry Nilsson back in 1976. I can't live if Thursday is without me. Pete, was there not like a kind of emo, sort of screamo band called Thursday? Thursday. Yeah. And they did a famous song called Cross Out the Eyes. And I'm fairly certain they had a little kind of dance move to it. They always go, cross out the eyes.

Na, na, na, na. cross out the eyes na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na good check it out mate

GF4 GF4 good alright can we just stop this show and listen to some fucking Thursday stick it on

that'll waste three and a half minutes and then we'll do some Finch we'll worry about the rights later yeah how have you been alright

good mate pretty good pretty good we spent the weekend in a villa which we enjoyed immensely I had a little swim

yeah that's the main thing and you're not as strong a swimmer as I thought you'd be I've told you more than you're quite breathy

I'm a little asthmatic I'm a little... Asthmatic worm. I'm a little doggy paddle boy. A little asthmatic worm. It's not about being asthmatic, is it? It's just about technique. Yeah, that's true.

Doesn't Michael Phelps have asthma? Or have I just made that up? No, I told you before. Every time I tell you this fact, you get annoyed about it inexplicably, where a lot of top swimmers are asthmatic. Because they were told, get in the pool, weakling.

Washington has become the first state in the US to legalise human composting. Sorry, what? Washington. Human composting? What is that? Like, it's just doing a shit? No, people can now choose to have their body

turned into soil after their death. Oh, that's cool. So as an alternative to cremation or burial, and obviously because graveyards are becoming more and more scarce, at the end of the composting, loved ones are given the soil which they can use in planting flowers, vegetables, or trees. Oh, that's nice.

Kind of poetic, really, isn't it? It's a little bit, yeah. I would like to be turned into confetti and fired out of a confetti cannon. Let's talk about our own burials. Seriously, what would you like to do? I just don't know. Science. People can laugh at my tattoos and my wink-winky, so... How's that going to benefit science? about our own burial seriously what would you like to do I just don't know science people can

laugh at my tattoos and my wink winky so how's that going to benefit science this bloke had terrible tattoos and an average size penis

give the scientist something to giggle about yeah I think they've seen it all before mate what are you

offering to science it's not like you're the elephant man right okay the best I think the most interesting thing to science from you

would be I'm going to say forehead this man's MSG we've both got foreheads right okay and I think the way

your brain works which is when I first met you I remember thinking after working with you for a little bit that I've never met anyone whose brain

works in quite the same way like you would literally we would experience the same thing whether it be a meeting

a night out, whatever. And your takeaway from it would be completely the opposite to mine. And I found that fascinating for a very long time. I mean, it's just tedious now, but then I found it fascinating. But surely you're just sort of going, oh, this man's thinking so much differently. Yeah, I am though. But you just assume that everyone thinks like you. That's why you find it so strange.

No, but I've never seen anyone else like it. Right. I think when they crack open your swede, your That's why you find it so strange. No, but I've never seen anyone else like it. Right. I think when they crack open your swede, your brain's going to be in there backwards. The front, ah, they're trying to lobotomy me. Ah, I didn't even get my front of the lob, prick. It's at the back. I can still be evil.

But yeah, I think that, yeah, I would just do what you want with me, really. You don't care. Do what you want. But yeah, I know you don't care because you'll be dead, but at the moment you're very much not dead. Right. Certainly it's on recording. So you must have

an idea about what would be nice and what wouldn't and what you'd like to have, because there's a lot of different options, aren't there? I mean, for example, the sky burial, the famous Mongolian thing where the vultures come down and eat you. Okay, yeah. And there's a Norwegian Viking. Very violent. It's like a Viking burial where you put your body out to sea in a boat.

I think I quite like that. Yeah, I don't mind to be honest. I just... Is it important for you to have a resting place for your loved ones to be able to go and visit?

I'd like to be put in a beehive. Like just sort of like... A giant beehive. Just a giant beehive and they would make like the honeycomb around my body. Sting you back to life?

Sting me back to life. I've become bee man. Yeah. Bee roll. And yeah, they would make like the honeycomb around my body Sting you back to life? Sting me back to life I've become bee man Yeah Bee roll and yeah they would make the honeycomb around me What a chilling scene

and then they could open it up after my you know all of my skeleton's gone and there'd just be the imprint Waste of honey Covered in bees No one's going to be eating that

No one wants to go near that honey That is true actually Yeah It's probably more likely to attract wasps Yeah Because they exclusively eat meat, don't they? Or some of them do.

Giant beehive, yeah? Disgusting, yeah. Okay. All right. I don't think you can say that. All right, cool. You don't have an interest in the Mongolian sky burial, no? No.

Sky burial is just what? Some vultures come down and peck at you. It's a bit more dramatic than that. I mean, where I'm planning on dying, they'll probably come and do that anyway. I'll probably be eaten by someone or something. So it's a practice where the dead body is placed on a mountaintop to decompose

while being exposed to the element. So you can, normally you're eaten by carrion birds, but you can be eaten by scavenging animals and all that kind of stuff. I think it's traditionally a Chinese and Mongolian thing, but maybe it's done in Tibet as well. I think surely the... But the thing is, can I just say, sorry,

but very, very quickly, there's a huge difference between being placed on top of a mountain delicately in Inner Mongolia, surrounded by beautiful scenery, perhaps the Himalayas in the background, and just being left on the side of the street

in Soho for a couple of foxes and some rats to chew at you yeah but there's only so many there's only so many mountains

there's only so many beautiful places I know for a fact I'd get stuck in an absolute stink hole they'd find like some dirty place next to a dirty old tree

that perpetrated some terrible acts. Wasn't there a situation with the Sky Burial I think it was fairly recently where it became almost like a weird and quite gothic tourist attraction. People were going there and watching it.

And I think that was because I think it's bracketed around with some kind of religion possibly to do with maybe to do with Buddhism I'm not sure. That was kind of sort of what were they calling

kind of verboten you shouldn't really do that. Yeah, you shouldn't really be doing that. Yeah, I think I quite like those guys those guys I don't know where it is

I forget to be honest where they put them in a coffin and then they exhume them every year and dress them in different clothes. I've got a friend

trying to find clothes that I would wear. So I've got a friend Good luck guys. Yeah, well exactly. He'd just probably dress them in different clothes. I've got a friend that would... Try and find clothes that I would wear. So I've got a friend of mine... I mean, good luck, guys. Yeah, well, exactly. He'd just probably bury you in your clothes. I've got a friend who,

when he sees... I'm not going to name him because it's probably unfair. I can't work out whether this is amazing parenting or actually quite troubling. And I'll give him the benefit of the doubt

because he's a lovely chap and he's a really, really good dad. He, when... When he's driving along with his kids doubt he's a lovely chap and he's a really really good dad he when when they're driving he's driving along with his kids got two sons right and they're of the age where they're interested in stuff like boy he's like they're like 10 and 8 or whatever so they're interested this kind of stuff if they're on a trip somewhere and they see roadkill notably when the

mum's not in the car yeah they get say the badger or the fox and they put it in the car right and they take it home and they bury it in the garden and they make a note of when they buried it and a year later they dig it up

and they explore it and stuff I mean and the kids are well into it yeah I mean it's an interesting it's an interesting little concept isn't it

I mean it could go both ways, couldn't it? It could go either celebrated surgeon or the other way. To incorporate celebrated surgeon. You're leading your horse to sooner kill a water there, aren't you? I think what he's doing is very, very effectively delivering both his sons to a crossroads. And saying, there you go, make your choice. It's like Chase HQ or Turbo Outrun. You can go left

or you can go right. 50-50. It's completely up to you. What a fascinating thing to do. So basically his garden is pockmarked and full of dead animals. Yeah,

and when I've been around they've actually got lots of cats around, lots of foxes. He actually listens to the show so he'll know they've got skulls on the mantelpiece and stuff.

Wow. They're not like a particular gothic family. That's Tim Burton shit. He's going to be like a great, they're going to be mantelpiece and stuff wow they're not like a particular gothic family that's Tim Burton shit he's going to be like a great they're going to be like great directors and stuff

yeah that's going to be cool they're going to be like Marilyn Manson that's pretty cool I like the skulls on the skulls because you're using it

for something aren't you because that's just going to go to dust isn't it yeah nice to have a look at a dead animal I find

I kind of fall down the side of it it says it's a quite interesting sort of science project yeah but um if an animal dies naturally I don't I have no problem with that stuff they're not actually killing them animal. I kind of fall down the side of it. It says it's a quite interesting sort of science project. If an animal dies naturally, I don't... Oh, they're not killing animals. They're not actually killing them. That's what they tell you.

That's how it starts. I've seen a 10-year-old with a cricket bat hanging out outside an Austin Allegro. Getting home to your wife. I have no idea how this happened. It's a butcher's knife in his neck. And anyway, I was going to say my particular thing

I'd like to have out into a boat someone fires a fire arrow and it lands in the boat and bursts into flames

I would like in it's not even the last episode it was the episode before that where a few people may have lost their

lives you talk Game of Thrones again they get put on you love Game of Thrones more than me it's not even the last episode, it's the episode before that where a few people may have lost their lives. You talk Game of Thrones again? They get put on, they go, you love Game of Thrones more than me. They get put on a big funeral pyre all together, all the people who have died in the army.

I'd like to get put with all my buddies, all dead and that. And then at the last minute he goes, he shouldn't be there. And put me out on fire. No, he's rubbish.

He's not earned his right. He's not earned his right to be there. No, he pissed me off a couple of years ago. I'd like to be under the cover of darkness, buried in like a war griff. Yeah? Like a war griff. And then at the last minute they go,

he's not on the record. Who's he? And then they have to dig me up. I'd like to be put in the walls of a quite hurriedly rushed, mafia-backed construction project in a load of cement in the foundation. I would like to be buried in the scene of a true crime podcast. Is that right? Yeah.

To really fuck with their heads. I'd like to be paraded around Leicester Square with my pants pulled down so everyone can look at me and my penis. I'd like to be made into a milkshake that could be thrown at a politician.

Yeah, thrown at a liberal politician. A liberal politician. Good, I'm pleased we covered that off, Pete. What were you going to talk about this week? Because we've just done

about 15 minutes on that. I think we're good. Let's take a break and then we'll go to emails. All right, then. What is the judge eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

A lot of people sent us the fact that... Julian Assange. Julian Assange. A lot of people sent us the Australian politician who put up signs. Obviously,

the Australian elections happened a couple of weeks ago. Oh, did you vote last Thursday, by the way? Yes, I did. Good. For you. For UK of weeks ago. Oh, did you vote last Thursday, by the way? Yes, I got it. Good. With you. For UKIP.

And yeah, I saw loads of people had put up these posters with that man going, this is democracy manifest. Interestingly enough, I'm going to read it and you can tell me

if we need to cut it out. Okay. Someone's emailed in with a genuine Julian Assange update. Okay. Claiming to know what's going on. What's going on?

I said, hey, yeah, yeah. She writes a lot of songs for other people now, that woman. She does, yeah. That woman. What's her name? I can't remember her name. Linda. It's not Linda, is it?

I think it is. Linda. Linda LaPlante. Linda. It's her name. Linda Perry. Linda Perry It's her name. Linda Perry. Linda Perry. So yeah, an email from Jimbo, we're going to use his first name, who's claiming to have

inside knowledge of the current Julian Assange situation. Now, Julian Assange, this is a caveat, is a man who attracts a lot of types. Shall we say? Is that fair? Yeah. So I have no idea if this is true or not. Glamour putters

like Sam, not Sam Fox, what's her name? Pamela Anderson. Sam Fox is your one. Pamela Anderson, yeah. So Jimbo says, hi guys,

some inside gossip on your man Julian Assange there. My mother works at Belmosh Prison where Julian Assange there is currently incarcerated. Wow. The other day

my mum texted me to say both Pamela Anderson and Vivian Westwood have been in to visit him. What made me laugh about the text is my mum felt the need to put from Baywatch in

brackets after Pamela Anderson and British fashion designer in brackets after Vivian Westwood because if I wouldn't know who either of these people were I'd take it upon

myself to be an official Julian Assange there watch via my mum and update you with more gossip the moment I get it. Well I mean Vivian Westwood has... If he gets shanked we want to know about it Julian Assange there. Watch via my mum and I'll update you with more gossip the moment I get it. Well, I mean, Vivian Westwood has... If he gets shanked,

we want to know about it as soon as possible. ...has slammed the UK over the Julian Assange arrest. So, yeah, I guess she has been in. So... Who they incarcerated for merely attempting to eat a succulent Chinese meal.

He just wanted a succulent Chinese meal for crying out loud. This is Democracy Manifest. Oh, you got your hand off my penis! Yeah. I can see you know your judo well.

Hello at LukeandPetra.com to get in touch with anything, particularly a Julian Assange there update, but otherwise, whatever you want to get in touch about. Kevin has got in touch.

Has someone beat me to talk about the dolphin story? Oh, the talking dolphin story, rather. I thought I'd mention the story about young dolphins deliberately getting high on puffer fish toxins. I don't think he should be referred to as the talking dolphin because he never actually spoke.

Yeah, he did. He got a couple of handies. Yeah. And that was it. Yeah, basically, these young dolphins deliberately get high on puffer fish toxins. The behaviour was discovered by a film crew shooting for a BBC documentary

and captures the dolphins chewing on the fish to release the toxins and passing it among each other. Absolutely chilling. That's class. Well, I remember

a documentary, I think possibly also commentated by David Whispryman Attenborough or rather David Tennant in this case. Lemurs of Madagascar back in the day. Oh, is it fermented fruit? No, I've spoken about this case. Lemurs of Madagascar back in the day.

Oh, is it fermented fruit? No, I've spoken about this before. Like the millipedes. Oh, okay. They release this toxin just like a puffer fish. I think it might be like, well, something dreadful anyway. But they rub the juice that these puffer fish, that these millipedes exude.

They rub it on their fur as a kind of like insecticide, but a great side effect is that it really fuckedes exude. They rub it on their fur as a kind of insecticide, but a great side effect is that it really fucks them up. So they're just absolutely off their head. So they're really way more enthusiastic than they normally would be about grabbing and biting these millipedes that are just spraying out

this horrible acrid fog. That's funny. But you just see them smearing on it and then for the next hour they are just done. Chill. They are just chill as fuck. In a K-hole. They're having a lovely time. In a millipede hole. Do you know what the difference between a millipede and a centipede is?

It's quite boring. I'm going to say... The problem with trivia is that it just leaves my head as soon as it's actually got in there. So centipedes have one pair of legs per body segment. And millipedes have two pairs. Oh, yeah.

And obviously that's quite, if you're creeped out by them, clearly you can't really get that close very easily. But if you want to know as a general rule, I think it's that centipedes are very fast and millipedes are quite slow. Ah. So you can kind of tell that way. It's because they've got, centipedes have only got two, so they're slower than.

No, they're faster. Oh, they're faster. I don't know why. They've got fewer legs, but they're faster. Weird. I've also seen some chimps. I think it's chimps. I know you're very particular about the difference between chimps and other primates, but have

you seen that... I think chimps have been observed to wait for certain fruits to ferment. Oh, right, so they get pissed. Yeah, because some of the trees, they'll grab them because they need the food, but certain trees they'll leave alone, so they ferment so they can get off their box I reckon that's probably more likely to be a monkey maybe

because to get a chimp drunk you'd need some fucking a good amount of fermented fruit some of them are probably lightweights they're not all Alan Brazil are they

Alan Brazil I'm always giving it the big one on I guess his breakfast show saying that oh the radio on DJ oh he could only do it

for four years you know oh what an absolute puss puss like you know doing breakfast as you know if you can't handle breakfast

you can't handle anything and then somebody replied going you don't turn up for the first five minutes of your show don't worry about it he's been doing it

I think that's the longest running I'm going to say the longest running breakfast show in Europe maybe I think what's that like 20 years something like that I think that's the longest running, I'm going to say the longest running breakfast show in Europe, maybe? I think. What is that, like 20 years?

Something like that. I think it is maybe as many as 20. Don't last very long on that gig, to be honest. It's tough. It's a tough old job, that's why. Not easy. Bunce. That's why it's bunce-tastic.

What about this? Would you do breakfast, Pete, if you got offered it? I did do breakfast. I was on breakfast. I know, but you're a sidekick. I mean, actually, for your own show. If I had breakfast money yeah definitely

what is breakfast money cut the chips sausages never have chips a runner a runner yeah no breakfast money

is proper breakfast money I'm the head of I'm the head of the radio station right I'm sitting down with you yeah and I'm saying

right we love what you're doing at the moment what show are you doing at the moment evening 10pm until 1 in the morning yeah okay

so you're already inconveniencing yourself anyway for a pittance. For a derogatory amount. What do you want to do breakfast? What do I want to do breakfast?

What do you want? What do I want? Write a figure on that piece of paper. Breakfast money is in my opinion £200,000 a year plus.

Minimum. Otherwise it's not worth ruining your life for. Congratulations, you're the worst negotiator ever. You just secured yourself a contract worth £200,000 a year. Yeah. Would you do it? What, for £200,000 a year?

You're a night owl though, aren't you? Yeah, but I could turn myself into a... It's just a different time of the night, isn't it? Just treat it like that. But you're finished by 10, go home, have a little snooze. And especially presenters,

they don't stick around. They don't sort of hang around. You're not like a producer because I've worked on a breakfast show but the hours were six in the morning to two in the afternoon. So it was a good old shift.

But as a DJ, you're only there for the hours that you're needed. So the production staff at the breakfast show I'm familiar with, they start at four. Yeah.

Show goes on there at six. Yeah. And they're done midday. Yeah. Maybe, yeah. It's still a long old shift, really,

if you're a producer. The thing that blows my mind is some of the APs I know, obviously young people, young, young. Idealistic. Yeah, but they still go out and get pissed and stuff.

But they just stop drinking at like 6pm and go to sleep. It's the same thing. It they just stop drinking at like 6pm and go to sleep. It's the same thing, it's just shifted forward a few hours. I used to, the heavy sleep

of a breakfast radio huaca 2pm until 4, oh, there's nothing like it. It is lovely. I remember going through a phase when I AP'd

on the Talk Sport Breakfast Show about 12, 13 years ago now. In the winter, your car would come for you at like 3.45, it would obviously be dark. you'd get into the office and those offices then

didn't really have much light and the studio had no window really not in the bit you were in and you'd work through till like I say midday the only daylight

you would see would be the 5 minute walk back to the tube station and the 5 minute walk home from the tube station because you'd fall straight asleep wake up again

it'll be dark again yeah that is curious isn't it it's killer you feel like you're getting no vitamin D I think I'll be able to take that sort of thing

in my stride a bit more now but um well for 200 grand a year you're better yeah because that's a lot of money for people that's way too much money

for someone of your talent to even be honest yeah but what if you're bringing in promotions what if you've got like a breakfast sponsor that's bringing in like half a million quid a year

on your coin, mate? And you're going to all the meetings. You're schmoozing the hype, are you? You're paying for yourself. Yeah. Get your Groucho membership back again. Get in there. Get your fancy suit on.

What about this, Pete, from Matt Walker? Okay. Who has made the, I'm going to say, inadvisable error of using his full name. Uh-oh.

He says, Dear Luke and Pete, having begun episode one on Saturday the 9th of March, I've relentlessly ambushed my ears with your dulcet tones, stopping only to take on water and work for 45 hours a week. Finally, I've caught up with the latest episode, which is 167 at the time of writing, and feel worthy of writing in.

It is the existence of your very show that actually leads me to write into something Pete said in episode 104 accidentally caused an awkward and slightly embarrassing of writing in. It is the existence of your very show that actually leads me to write into something Pete said in episode 104 accidentally caused an awkward and slightly embarrassing situation for me. So this is going back to episode 104 now. He makes it sound like it's a Ramadan kind of fast. Yeah.

He's pausing only to work and check on water. He's treated it like that. He says, I am a service and repair engineer for a boiling manufacturer. So I spend my time darting about in and around Manchester and Sheffield. I have my private phone linked to my stereo in my work van

so that when I put the keys in the ignition, it picks up where I left off in the world of podcasts. On the day in question, I just repaired a boiler at Holland's Methodist Church in Oldham. Lovely. Having dealt with a sweet old lady named Gwen, the kind who offers you enough tea and biscuits to feed Daenerys Targaryen's dragons,

who was standing chatting at the door of my van. And as we said goodbye, I put the key in ignition. Cue peep, proclaiming, I'll smash through your back catalogue, you prick! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Take that, Methodist! I quickly yanked the cable out of the stereo to disconnect my phone, but it was too late. She gave me the look of

a parent, you know the one, I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed that you dread as a child. I apologised and quickly made my getaway like the cretin I am. You should have doubled down and just went fuck your biscuits and revved the engine. That's making it worse. So he asked will you record a sweary message

for Gwen. Okay. No, he doesn't. Gwen! He doesn't ask that. I enjoyed your biscuits, thank you very much and I hope your church goes from strength to strength. Yeah. One nation under God. Now, fuck off. He finishes by saying,

sorry it's a bit long and probably a bit boring, but I love your show and I hope you make many more for us all to enjoy. Cheers, Matt Walker of Manchester. I was not expecting those sentiments after a man who's devoured so many look-a-meals. We've ruined his professional life. And he's still thanking us.

He's still thirsty for more. Unbelievable. He's his own worst enemy. Have you seen, by the way, speaking of emails, I got an email the other day saying,

and this is the most PR, I haven't even opened it so I might be wrong but I don't think I am, the most obvious PR joke email ever from Uber saying, introducing Scuba, the world's

first rideshare submarine. That's not happening, is it? You're not doing that. No, you're not doing that. No one's going to use that. Stop infiltrating my inbox with your PR nonsense. There's apparently like an Uber for bands. You can book a band,

they rock up and the Uber for bands takes a load of money, and you make a very small amount of money. Right, I bet. There's an Ubercopter in Cannes. An Ubercopter? Yeah. Yeah, but again, it's just PR.

I can actually see it flying over them. It's scalable. Yeah, I know, but it's just PR, but it's not scalable. So people like you and I say it. Yeah. So Far Sounds is an Uber for live music startup that just closed a £ 25 million round of investment for its product,

which books house shows where musicians show up and play in your living room for you and your friends at around about $1,000 each. Right. And yeah, so... Should we start a band? And then the paying musicians get a small cut

of that particular amount. So there we go. Email? Got another one? I've got one. Well, Dan from Australia actually makes the point that Brian Adams' Run To You.

Yeah. I saw that it made the point that it's all about a man wanting to cheat on his missus. So when the feeling's right I'm gonna run all night I'm gonna run to you.

The music video very much implies that rather than running from his wife to another woman he's actually expressing a desire to get away from his unbelievably

attractive lady and strum away on his guitar for a while. That, or he's fucking his instrument. Right, I never considered that. Nah, the thing is, I think the video director just went, you know what? We can't do this.

We can't have you cheating on a woman because that's not great for your image, even though you've written a song about it. Yeah. Let's have you wanting to fuck a Fender Strat. As they call it in the trade. As they call it in the trade. Get one of them on Uber.

He's a Strat man, isn't he? Probably. I said a black strait, really basic. You look at him and you're like, oh mate, get yourself a fucking

Ibanez. Get yourself a flying V, mate. What a bizarre, what an out of the, what a weird dig that is. Get yourself an Ibanez, Brian. I've got a Gretsch.

Basic bitch. I was going to say, a couple of famous songs that people assume are about girls are actually not about girls. And they are... They're about heroin. Yeah.

Are they? Golden Brown. Yeah. And There She Goes by The Lars. Right. So Golden Brown by The Stranglers, I think. They're both about heroin.

Oh, nice. So it's funny because There She Goes is obviously a staple of radio play because people assume, I suppose, that it's about, you know, in love with a woman, but it's actually about heroin she goes is obviously a staple of radio play because people assume I suppose that it's about you know in love with a woman

but it's actually about heroin and listen hello at lucanpicture.com if you know of songs that ostensibly

sound like love songs but are actually about drugs because I imagine there's probably loads of them I reckon there are loads

and the strangest one actually isn't just about heroin it's also about the former Chancellor of the Exchequer and Prime Minister of Great Britain

they never sing actually Theresa May who is obviously under pressure at the time of uh well last week she was under pressure uh for leaving um her post she was she's really close to um going past gordon brown's record as uh as leader of gordon brown you just want to hang in there wouldn't you just want to hang in there, wouldn't you? You just want to hang in there. But yeah, they never sing about coke. They never sing about coke. And they never sort of... Because that's your basic rock star drug to take. But they never sing about that because it's a bit gauche

and nobody likes a coke head. But they love heroin. They love singing about heroin because it's a life ruiner. Another song that's actually about heroin is the song Heroin by the Velvet Underground. See? Have the balls to sing about it properly,

you pricks. So don't email in with that one. Let's do a final email, Pete. That was at the end of Dan from Australia's email. That was the end from Dan from Australia. I've been cutting them down a little bit to a salient point because some emailers

make the same point as other emailers. That's uncharacteristic. I know, right? You normally just don't bother. Shut up! Let's finish with this one from Bryce, which is a bit odd, but I think it's suitable make the same point as other emailers that's uncharacteristic I know right you normally just don't bother shut up let's finish with this one from Bryce which is a bit odd

but I think it's suitable for the esoteric nature of this show that people know and occasionally love Bryce from Portland, Oregon says on the back

of episode 168 I have some reservoir chat to bring to the table right we were talking about reservoirs and my father-in-law Larry texts me about reservoirs the local

the reservoir I run around, which is local to his house. He said it's actually got security cameras and security guards there so you can't just jump in it or chuck bleach in it or whatever. Anyway, Bryce says, Gerber Reservoir was named

for my great-great-grandfather, Louis Gerber, in the high desert of southern Oregon. Louis purchased much of the land surrounding the reservoir in the late 1800s and consolidated them into the gerber ranch which is still in operation today by my great aunt in 1923 sold the reservoir to the u.s government where the island was used as a bombing test range during world war ii and it's actually got a wikipedia page if you fancy having

a look as well so um a man who is the um descendant of a reservoir magnate. Yeah. I mean, I saw that email and I'm wondering why you chose that one. Why? We're just talking to a man who knew or is a descendant of a man who owned a reservoir. Yeah. Gold that. Fucking gold, mate.

That's radio gold. I'm telling you. Oh, well. Oh, we'll leave it there. We'll leave it there on a high point. You're telling you. Oh, well. Oh, we'll leave it there. We'll leave it there on a high point. You're telling me you're not interested in that?

We heard from a man whose great-grandfather owned a reservoir. Yeah. Right. Is that what we've become? I'm naming the show after it. I actually put,

because you know what I do for the emails? I do a little in bold sentence which sums up the email for easy access when I'm going to see

what I want to read next right so for example for the button phobia one we did a while ago another interesting phobia a Julian Assange update

they're quite self explanatory I've got some others that we didn't get to like I won't ruin it for the one we did a second ago Pete lets down an old woman

as usual and for this one, I've just put Reservoir Old Dog. See you on Thursday. Could you not go Reservoir Hour? Bring the music in then.

Reservoir Hour. Like output hour. Reservoir Hour. Our Reservoir Hour. See you on Thursday. See you later. This was a Radio Staccato production. It's the Cardiff production. Own each step with Peloton.

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