The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 175: Wedding swelling

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

Hello there, nice to see you. This time around on your hot-off-the-press Luke and Pete Show, Luke's been to the Deep South and has come back as brown as a berry, Tom Cruise has had a gauntlet laid down to him by Justin Bieber, and we have a man who has suffered an unfortunate event just before his wedding.Elsewhere there's prosecco with watch batteries in it, Disney chat, and another story about The Levellers (at least we hope you haven't heard that one before...)All the very best, we'll see you on Thursday! Hit us up on [e-mail] in the meantime.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

we're back luke moore and pete donaldson here for the luke and pete show 2019 baby six months in it's the attitude era yeah episode 175 pete yeah a brave new era some are calling it a brave new era ooh my voice I've just been to Disney actually which one which one which the main one

the one with the advert Disneyland yeah that was to the tune of a whole new world from Aladdin right yeah yeah I was at a wedding

over the weekend and that's why my voice is like this because I drank Prosecco all day and night and did it have acid in it? a lot of people

like to pop a raspberry in their Prosecco we put a little tot of sulfuric acid I put a little watch battery yeah just let it

slowly fizz away like bling bling fizz it was good but there was a lot of Disney there's a lot of Disney love in the room

and she had Pakistani girls she was a lot of Disney there's a lot of Disney love in the room and she had Pakistani girls she had a lot of henna and she had a you know the Miyazaki I think it's Miyazaki

My Neighbor Totoro no the cartoon she had a little Totoro built into her is this like Howl's Moving Castle and all that kind of stuff

yeah yeah that's sort of she had a bit of that in the henna beautifully on it so there was a lot of Disney songs at the weddings my sister was married

a few weeks ago I can't remember if we talked about it you've been to a lot of weddings recently I know doing a lot of stuff and they all come up once

and she used to work at Disneyland Paris and so there's a bit of a Disney theme going on there but I was in Disney World in Orlando up until Friday

just gone so my goodness me it was hot. I mean, you don't look particularly tanned. Just, it might turn into a tan at some point. You look a bit red. Can I tell you something? I was very, very diligent throughout the entire, I've been to a lot of the southern states of the US over the last week and a half, which I'm sure we'll come on to.

And I was very diligent with sun cream and that kind of stuff, because you can't muck around there. No. And I was very diligent with sun cream and that kind of stuff because you can't muck around there. Yesterday, I went with my family to the 75th anniversary D-Day celebrations at HMS Daedalus, near where they live in the south. I forgot to put your sun cream on. I've got sunburn.

Don't sleep. Do not sleep on it because it gets you. It's cloudy, about 16 degrees. Is it not a real fuck you when the thing that brings life to everyone else

burns you so readily so I feel like I shouldn't put factor 50 on because I don't want to lose all the vitamin D

benefit right and my face and arms are generally okay so I'll put like 20 on that's fine I always put 50

on my nose I mean fine yeah so I've got this face cream which has got sun cream protection in it, right? But I didn't put that on yesterday morning because my parents

and I forgot to take it with me. Anyway, that's boring. But what I was going to say was it's just quite ironic that that's how I got sunburned. I've been away for a week and a half. Everyone's going to assume that it was in the south of the United States. It wasn't. But we were at Epcot in Disney World on Wednesday. The Epcot

Centre. What is the Epcot Centre? Is it indoors? No. Is it that big golf ball? It is, yeah, that's part of it, yeah. That big golf ball, right, okay. Yeah, that's what... Because you can get segways and go around them.

A friend was recounting a story about a segway. Yeah, I think you can get... So Epcot is an acronym for Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. It's very 90s, right? But that golf ball is the centrepiece of it, but it's like a big park, because it's got a big...

Half of it is lots of different countries big park so it's got a big half of it is lots of different countries from around the world in microcosm yeah and half of it is like technology rides and that kind of stuff

but anyway we were at Epcot bear in mind my wife is Italian American right she's very very olive skinned at one point in Epcot

she turned to me which has never happened before and said should we go out to the hotel for a bit? Because this is hot, isn't it? I was like, yeah, all right. Looked at my phone. It was 105.

Which is, for those of us living in Europe, is 40.5 degrees Celsius. There's nothing about what the Indians are dealing with. Is there a heat wave there again? That's insane. It's like 51, 50-something. It's almost the highest recorded there. Well, I can't imagine that, because 40.5, hot heat wave there again that's insane it's like 51 50 something it's like almost the highest recorded there

well I can't imagine that because 40.5 I mean we were wearing sunglasses all day and we just had to go back and rest our eyes yeah the brightness

and the heat of it it's not good for you I don't think no it's yeah I was getting sun cream just smearing them in my eyeballs

well I mean there'll come a time not so far away, that you just can't go outside. It'll be like the middle of the desert. You just can't go outside, Luke. On Highbury Fields over there. Can't do anything on Highbury Fields over there.

So I was away for a week and a half. I went to Epcot. I went to Disney World, which I kind of loved, by the way. There is a raft of people our age and older who are absolute Disney fiends. Yes, there are. And they appreciate... i think i'd appreciate the craft and the um uh the attention to detail that goes into everything i think i was

there and i was thinking about you and sam our visual guy and i was thinking you guys would absolutely love the just the quality and the consistency of the branding of it yeah it's so well done and one of the things I noticed while I was there, so I'd been there when I was a kid and I hadn't been there since I was about 15. Right.

And my brother-in-law got married in Huntsville, Alabama, which is about, I don't know, an eight or nine hour drive away from Orlando. But it's far cheaper to fly to Orlando.

So my wife and I, we were like, look, let's fly to Orlando. Let's travel around the South for a bit. And then at the end of the week for a couple of days, we'll go to Disney World, right? Might as well do it while you're there and she's she's into

it and i thought yeah that'll be fine i wasn't massively looking forward to the disney world part of it i'll be honest right but when i got there it was i kind of loved it in a way i wasn't putting why is there not to love i wasn't like putting like mouse ears on like jumping around the characters but i thought it was pretty impressive and it's a place where the escapism level is very high so as soon as you walk in there you can see why

people love it and I did a lot of reading because I'm a pervert for this kind of stuff I did a lot of reading up on Walt Disney after I came

back not the racist stuff the branding thing and what he had in mind for it and do you know in Disney World from no point where you stand, anywhere in this massive park, which is acres and acres, can you see anything of the outside world?

To the point where there's even restrictions on high-rises being built near it. Yes, okay, right. So, wherever you go, I always spend a lot of my time, when I realised this... Trying to peek. Yeah. Trying to peek. Yeah. Trying to peek at the outside. But you can't. It's like the village.

It is like that. It's like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. And obviously a lot of the stuff you go on and a lot of the experiences you have remind you of being a kid if you're lucky enough to go there when you were a kid. My parents,

my dad was laid off his job manufacturing in the 80s, usual story. And my parents. Thatcher! Yeah, exactly. Adelda and Thatcher, yeah. Yeah, my parents. In a move that I didn't really appreciate at the time, and my parents Thatcher! Yeah, exactly. Yeah, my parents

in a move that I didn't really appreciate at the time, but now I look back and think, whoa good on you. Rather than putting that nest egg away for the future not knowing my dad's going to work again, they took us to Disney World and it was amazing. Damn right. This could be your last trip, kids. Exactly. We might all starve to death next year.

So it brought a lot of memories back for me obviously my wife loved it as well it was kind of it was great and the whole deep south of the US

as far as I explored it I didn't go quite as far west as Mississippi I went to Florida, Georgia Alabama Tennessee and South Carolina

it's just a remarkable place it's amazing it's a remarkably hot place it's amazing did you visit Atlanta in the end because I guess I've been there before I've been there before Atlanta's a great city but yeah Oh, it's amazing. It's remarkably hot. The food's amazing. Did you visit Atlanta in the end? Because I guess there was not...

No, but I've been there before. Yeah. I've been there before. Atlanta's a great city. But yeah, the food's amazing. You can eat there really cheaply and you can eat there well. The proper, honest,

home cooking side of food there is brilliant. Oh, huge. I've found that if you try and go to a nice restaurant there, you get a lot of restaurants there that are trying to be nice but don't quite pull it off.

But the street food kind of side of it particularly in Athens, Georgia we went to this place called Dogon Good BBQ just run by a guy and his son

and it's kind of pulled pork pulled chicken ribs mac and cheese collard greens grits all that kind of stuff

it's just amazing and you can eat like a king there for like 20 bucks I don't know why can't we eat grits here I really like grits it reminds me of congee it really sets off and you could eat like a king there for like 20 bucks. I don't know why, why can't we eat grits here? I really like grits. They're just,

it's like, it reminds me of like congee. It really sets off the rest of the meal. I don't know the answer to that, but I guess would be that it's corn based, right? So they have a lot of corn based stuff, like cornbread and cornmeal and grits.

Corn dogs! I don't know if we have that available to us as easily or as cheaply. I don't know, that's just a guess. But anyway, shrimp and grits. It was a great trip. I know you've been down that that available to us as easily or as cheaply I don't know that's just a guess but anyway shrimp and grits it was a great trip I know you've been

down that part of the world as well it's funny when people are just excited for you being there because you're from the UK so if you go to Orlando I don't care obviously

why do you think I've got to rule Japan all the time are you a fucking alien yeah but if you go to I mean my brother-in-law got married in Huntsville,

in Alabama. And it's not very often that British people would probably go to Huntsville. Not en masse. But they got married at the Space and Rocket Centre under the massive,

last built, unused Saturn V rocket. Nice. It was an amazing place for a wedding. And my father-in-law, Larry, Big Larry, we've talked about before, who you've met, he gave me a present forin-law, Larry, Big Larry we've talked about before,

who you've met, he gave me a present for you. Oh, Larry. So here we go. Is this here? Larry C. So we'll get you to put it on for a photo. Oh, bless his little cotton socks.

There you go. Oh, thank you very much. What do you think you'd describe to the listeners if they're still listening? It's a T-shirt that says, Fuck you, Pete. It's not. It's a beautiful NASA shirt.

NASA t-shirt. NASA t-shirt. Ring, spoon, soft style. Get your ass to Mars. Get your ass to Mars. I've actually got a NASA hat from, I think we went to NASA. Where is NASA?

They're dotted around. So there's one in Huntsville, obviously, where we were. Have I been to that one? Houston, obviously. Famously, Houston. Yeah, of course it was Houston. Cape Canaveral, yeah. Beautiful. Thank you very much. You're welcome. It's very kind. It's a beautiful wedding, I have to that one then? Houston, obviously. Famously, Houston. Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course it was Houston, yeah. Cape Canaveral, yeah.

Beautiful. Thank you very much. You're welcome. It's very kind. It's a beautiful wedding, I have to say. What a beautiful wedding. Yeah, I don't know that song, but yeah. It's that High Hopes song.

Oh, I love it. What a beautiful wedding. Hey, hey. Your favourite band, The Levellers. Ha, ha, ha, yes. Why do The Levellers cause such control? So fucking hard. No, but why do the levellers cause such but why do people hate

them so much because they look like swampy the M4 protester so what is it because

of cultural appropriation because of dreadlocks and stuff nah I mean most of them

are redhead good luck with that actually thinking about it I once got

I might have said this on the show before the actual I haven't told a specific story but I was so my Good luck with that. I once, actually, thinking about it, I once got a, I might have said this on the show before, the actual, I haven't told a specific story, but I was,

so my mate at uni, in the first summer after the first year of uni, he said, what are you doing this summer? I said, I don't know, I ain't got any plans. He said, come work with me and my dad. All right. So he lived in Peterborough. So I travelled up to Peterborough.

And this old man, who's sadly passed away now, actually, actually, it was his mum as well both the family all the family sort of worked there ran a security company right I won't name them group four

for some of the practices that I'm about to talk about and did he get given a knuckle duster he was like he was like come and work with us brilliant

what you do is you go to gigs and you just stand there and and what happens is you get paid at the end of the day you haven't really got to do anything you just put a polo shirt on it's fine and i was like even then bear in mind how thick i am now even then i was like they just have some sort of license for this come on buddy come up to mine went to his first gig we did was the child died died. No, no. In 1992, no one died. In 1993, no one died.

No, we went up to... We ended up going back down to Earl's Court and did two nights of Madonna's World Tour. Right. Which is amazing. All that to do was show people to their seats, up in the gods, turn around and watch the show, right?

Yeah. It was great. Did you get into the groove? Mate, let's just say Madonna proved unapproved her love to me. And that was fine. Anyway, did that. Next gig was going

to the Cambridge Folk Festival. Right. I had to stand backstage checking people's passes. Yeah. And that was alright until the levelers turned up. I obviously didn't know

who they were. Well, I knew who they were but I couldn't picture them. This was before the internet, right? So I probably had only seen them three times in my entire life.

And I wouldn't let one through because I didn't have a. This is before the internet, right? So I probably had only seen them three times in my entire life. And I wouldn't let one through because he didn't have a pass. I was obviously at a job's worth. But I mean, ultimately, if you're paid to do a job, you've got to do a job, right? Yeah, definitely. And he massively kicked off. Right. To the point where he threatened not to play.

And I think they were headlined. And I was like, oh, no. The worst thing about this is I haven't even got a license. So if there's like an investigation here, I'm going to lose my job. My mate's going to lose his job. Parents are going to lose his job parents are going to lose their job no one's going to investigate he didn't have his pass it was fine

the guy coming up said yeah that's the guy from the levelers just let him in I'll put it on my greyhound put it on my whippet to which point I'll have got on a string

I tell it to Will McKenzie from the in-betweeners we're like well there's no point having a pass system then so that's why I only ever run in with the levelers I think you might have

mentioned that on the podcast before but I appreciate that it was a good levelers I think you might have mentioned that on the podcast before but I appreciate that it was a good story and I enjoyed it the same time I probably exaggerated because the longer it goes the worse it gets and we'll see the same story again

but it'll be a better band it'll be the Beatles on Savile Row and one other thing that that folk festival is notable for, in my memory, is one of the other security guys there. I forget his name now. He was the most sunburnt man I've ever seen.

He actually got a proper sunstroke. Like burns and everything. It was terrible. He just stood in the sun all day. I think he was a bryce. Stood in the sun all day with no sun cream from like dawn till dusk

that's the only time I've ever got really ill on holiday is when I was in Houston and I didn't put any sunscreen on what happened I was foolish

no it wasn't Houston it was where do people do the country music Nashville Nashville there we go what happened

I just walked around I just felt really I was just puking and stuff puking isn't that weird do the country music Nashville Nashville there we go yeah what happened are you sick I just walked around I just felt really I was just puking isn't that weird when you're seriously ill be it from

radiation poisoning sunburn cold like every every kind of thing just ends up with your body just going

I'm going to puke out all your food it wants to just get whatever I think the body stinks of something and they want to get out. Yeah, yeah.

How did this come about? It was probably, oh my God, so the wedding I went to the weekend. Oh yeah. I think they sent you a post. Oh, this is a crazy story, yeah. The jam and Azra,

beautiful wedding, what a beautiful wedding. The jam turned up and he had been in hospital for the last two days. He'd only got out at like 10 a.m. to make the 1 p.m. wedding. I've written here for the notes hospital for the last two days he'd only got out at like 10am to make the 1pm wedding I've written here

for the notes for the synopsis wedding swelling wedding swelling he did have a wedding swelling so he was in hospital till 10am that day yeah

and the doctors were like really wanting to get him out to his wedding and stuff but his fit he looked like Joseph Merrick

he was massive allergic reaction bee sting no infection shrimp infection right ok first of all I'm thinking straight away bee sting second of all seafood yeah of America. He was massive. Allergic reaction? Beasting? No, infection. Shrimp? Infection. Right, okay.

First of all, I'm thinking straight away beasting. Second of all, seafood. Yeah, it was just a horrible infection. Bless Jan,

when he gets ill, he really gets ill. We went to Iceland once and he was just sick for the whole thing. Infected three of our friends. Didn't get me though.

Impervious. Robust. Robust. Vitamins. So what happened the photos didn't look great to be fair to him

no yeah well it started raining and I was like oh it's a shame because they haven't done the photos yet then I was thinking

I don't think photos are really top priority at this wedding because he looked ridiculous so what they could have done is taken a lot of

photos of the celebration all the people there and everything like that photoshopped them yeah or do what I did Mimi and I did for our wedding because we got married Photos of the celebration, all the people there and everything like that. Photoshop them. Yeah, or do what I did,

Mimi and I did for our wedding. Because we got married in the evening, it was dark. Three days later, we put our gear back on. Put our gear back on and went out. Yeah,

you could do that. Yeah. Could have done that, couldn't you? I mean, now he's got a big scar on his face where they had to drain the fluid. That's so unfortunate.

He's going to be okay though, right? Yeah, he's fine. I think he's gone on his honeymoon. Yeah. With a big, with a still quite inflamed though, right? Yeah, he's fine. I think he's gone on his honeymoon. Yeah. With a big, with a still quite inflamed face,

but at least, and an open wound that will drain. He's broken three ribs and an ankle. So can't do any exploring on this honeymoon. Gutted. That's terrible, isn't it?

Because the big thing is the photos. I was talking to my sister about it. When you sent the photo through, yesterday, I was with my sister and I was like, oh, what do you think about that? What would you have done

if it was you and her husband and she was like oh yeah I just want him to be okay blah blah blah but I could tell she was thinking he'd have ruined the photo

oh but the dad 900 quid for a photographer I had to I had to ring my dad the next day because I fear I might have cheated on him with another dad

ah disappointing because the father of the bride was the most adorable man he's also in birthdays me weirdly but he

I don't know I know that but he would he did this wonderful speech where he just couldn't get through the first couple

of sentences because he was just in bits and he's like oh lads have you got kids oh will you

see a daughter like that really it was so adorable he was from France but oh beautiful baby daughter have you got kids? Oh, when you see a daughter like that. Really? It was so adorable. He was from France. Oh really? But,

but. Oh, beautiful baby daughter. That's why it's good when you get married because you get like a whole new dad. A whole new dad. I can show you my dad. That was good. Enjoyable.

Sorry, that doesn't count. But if you, if you just meet a friend's dad and you get really into him. Yeah. Then is that, do you feel upset for Stuart?

Yeah, I just feel bad. What did Stuart say when you spoke to him? Well, I didn't say, I've done something dreadful, father. Are you sitting down? He'd be in the pub, so he's a bit more annoying than he usually is. He's too much Brexit, was he? You can always tell. You can always tell.

He's like, oh, fuck, he's going to yap. Check out this Hollywood Actors Wikipedia page from the 60s. That's what he said to you. I'm not going to do that. That's what he said to you. I was on air at the time. So you said,

I want people who may be newcomers to the show to understand this properly. You were worried that you cheated on your dad with a friend's dad. Yeah. So you called your dad because you felt guilty. Yeah. And your dad was in the pub and said,

look at this Wikipedia article about a 60s actor. And that's a normal conversation. And that reminded me why that dad was probably a bit better. Yeah, and there are people out there listening to this right now who don't understand my fascination with you and your dad. If I don't steal after that, there's no helping him. Do you remember he sent us a text saying, send me a picture of your belly button.

Yeah. Just completely out of the blue no reason for it no reason I sent it I also like that you've got your dad saved on your phone

as dad new mob 2 yeah I've still got contacts that I've sort of transferred over in a digital stack digital style yeah

from like the late 90s on the old Nokia every time I've got a new sim I've just copied them over, copied them over. So I always tell those ones

are from old school times. Am I still... My dad's new mobile was his dad's first mobile. Am I still Luke Ramble on there? No, I think you're Luke Moore. Oh, wow. Marcus Football Ramble,

Jim Football Ramble, Lord Ramble Football Ramble. It's all in there. Right. There's Football Ramble. Okay. I know a lot of Johns my dad's speech

for my sister's wedding was actually very very good I was proud of him he did a good job but it would have been difficult to be emotional to not be emotional right well

the groom did a speech as well he was talking like no you could kind of hear what he was saying talking like I had a speech impediment you kind of hear

what he was saying it looked like Beauty and the beast because it was like um you're speaking to a man who had a beauty and the beast tell his oldest time dinner at disney world the other day oh nice so was there talking candlesticks and stuff try the grease stuff it's delicious no not really no but it was fun anyway carry on there uh no it was uh he's quite um he's quite uh not emotional but he's quite anyway carry on no he's quite he's quite not emotional but he's quite sincere

so when he was doing the I can't remember what the vows were but it was like I will always cherish you blah blah blah I don't know what the fucking

thing it says I will always cherish you I will always look after you but because he was so kind of like he's quite charismatic when he speaks when he's actually

feeling something but because he had like a kind of two faced kind of like Batman. He's like Phantom of the Opera. Yeah. And there was a big bloody organ behind him as well.

Could have done it. Classic. He's on the mend now and that's the main thing. That is the main thing. Let's take a break and while we're in that break, we'll think about what love and happiness truly mean and then we'll come back and do some emails. Okay.

See that chap over there? He's got your hand off my penis! Classic. Julian Assange there. Julian Assange there. A classic. Now, we pre-rect a few shows because I was going away, so we've got a big pile-up of emails.

Yes. Do you want to do one first, Peter? You got one already there? I'll do one first. Yeah, okay. Yeah, just turn this iPad back on. Well, actually, I want to start with a tweet. Okay.

News just in. Today, in the last few hours, Justin Bieber has challenged Tom Cruise to a fight in the Octagon. Luke. Please tell me this isn't real. Tom, if you don't take this fight, you're scared and you will never live it down. Who is willing to put on the fight?

Dana White? I presume Dana White is some kind of boxing promoter. So basically, this would be, to all intents and purposes, like a man fighting his dad. Because Tom Cruise is 56 years old. Yeah, John Bieber. John Bieber is 25. So do you know Justin Bieber was born in London?

Was he? London, Canada. Oh, shit. Done you up there. Was that what we did at the Ramble Live show? Oh, it was Hamilton, Bermuda. Hamilton, Bermuda. Yeah, you're right.

I've just pumped this into Google because I had no idea this was happening. Pump, pump. First news headline. Yes. Justin Bieber challenges Tom Cruise to UFC fight. Conor McGregor offers to host. Straight in there. Straight in there.

The problem is he'll charge about seven million for that. I like that Conor McGregor offers to host. Straight in there. Straight in there. The problem is he'll charge about seven million for that. I like that Conor McGregor stole his walk off Vince McMahon. He's a big fan of Vince McMahon so he does that

funny little walk. But Conor McGregor yet to rip both his quads while doing it. That's amazing. So what do we think is going to come out of that? Where's this come from?

I don't know why Tom Cruise would get involved. Because he's got that, excuse me, Tom Cruise has got that famous Hollywood ratio head to body's got that, excuse me, Tom Cruise has got that famous Hollywood ratio head to body,

small body, big head, which is perfect for the leading male on the screen. I didn't realise that. Most actors have that. Right. And it's just got,

it's got a big old target to aim at, isn't it? It's true. Yeah, you might as well have a big target on it. But they've, Justin Bieber and Conor McGregor have worked this out in advance

because not an hour after Bieber sent this, McGregor says on Twitter, if Tom Cruise is man enough to accept this challenge, McGregor Sports and Entertainment will host the bout. Where's this beef come from? Why does Justin Bieber want to fight Tom Cruise? Does Cruise have the sprouts to fight like he does in the movies? Sprouts.

But in the movies, Conor, he's just acting though, isn't he? Yeah. It's like being a different person. That's what acting is. I would say that Tom Cruise has got everything to lose,

but would it be in the cruiserweight division? Like that. There's no way Bieber's a cruiserweight. You've lost all the boxing fans by saying that. Great news.

Well, that's good. That's a great way to start off the email section, Pete. Not technically an email, but a dispatch from Justin Bieber. Yeah, good to know. Do you a great way to start off the email section, Pete. Not technically an email, but a dispatch from Justin Bieber. Yeah, good to know. Do you want me to do an email then? Yes, please.

Do you remember a while back we were talking about the quality of tap water? Okay, yeah. Good. Otherwise this email would be difficult. Did you see that news story that we're in America where a town's drinking water out of everyone's taps was purple? Water was coming out purple. It's just what happens when you privatise. What do you want commuted?

It's so crazy. It's bright purple. They must have been doing some tests or something. But the water company just went, yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Just dilute it. What with? Yeah. The water's purple. We're just dil yeah it's fine if you it's fine just dilute it what with yeah the water's purple

we're just diluting it with more purple what you pricks it's like a guy that mad right wing guy I forget his name I want to say

Ben Shapiro right is that right is that a name that's a name yeah Ben Shapiro yeah maybe it's him can I talk to him

like this yeah he's an idiot he's an idiot yeah remember when he was on Andrew Neal yeah this is the guy that's exactly the. He's an idiot. Yeah. Remember when he was on Andrew?

Yeah, this is the guy. That's exactly the guy. another video surfaced recently of him trying to poo-poo the idea of people being concerned

by rising sea levels by saying, do you really think people within 10 miles of the coast won't just sell their houses? And people were like,

to fucking who? SpongeBob SquarePants? The fish. It's not going to fucking happen? You know. Anyway, tap water. Felix has been in touch.

He has. He says, I don't worry about you saying my last name because it's too hard to pronounce, so I won't. He says, I live in Vienna, which is notorious, notorious,

speaking of Conor McGregor, for its high-end quality tap water. Oh. Even though it's a major city, the water comes directly from the Alps, and every Viennese person is weirdly proud of the quality of their tap water. I mean, that's a fundamental thing to shout about, really, isn't it? Get this. He says, I remember an encounter in South Africa

where we tried to convince a lovely person to come to Vienna simply because of the high-quality tap water. Of course, the person didn't find this argument particularly convincing. But I mean, that is... That's the most basic of products. And if you get that right, you can only, you know, it's Faberge eggs after that, isn't it? What's the best high end sort of tap water you've ever drunk?

Mine is in Iceland, definitely. Nah, it stinks of sulfur. No way, it's straight off the glass here, mate. The first bite is with the schnozzled. I'm not having that. People drink water with their eyes and it looks very, very good. It stinks of sulphur, the tap water.

You think? I didn't find that at all. Massively. Everything stinks in Iceland because of the tap water. Really? Yeah. Nah, for me it was great.

Stinky. What's yours then? Certainly not Hartlepool. No, Hartlepool's alright. I found it quite crisp, but that could be just the added fluoride. I went for a teeth cleaning

last week. Oh! She was not forward, she was not backwards and coming forward and raking that fucking hard little brush across the gum.

I don't like it. I was bleeding for ages. I was like, Jesus Christ! It's not great. Jesus! I don't like it either. I said,

Jesus Christ, love! Who am I Richard Keyes and I've got to finish off with this one because it's on the same subject and Jack has emailed in

and he's applied science to the hard soft water question he says I hope my subject line has caught your attention I'm just hoping

you weren't being sarcastic when you asked listeners to email in with their examples of hardest or softest water as an ex-chemist this is an area I can really get on board with but my competitive side when you ask listeners to email in with their examples of hardest or softest water. As an ex-chemist,

this is an area I can really get on board with, but my competitive side is imploring you to utilize a recognized scale for water hardness to help measure the water hardness softest champions. This would be parts per million of calcium carbonate equivalents. He's put in brackets PPMCACO3. As part of a previous job of mine was to measure water hardness

to gauge the performance of our products, I reckon I've got a good idea of the top and bottom of the scale, hence the subject line. The hardest was in Norwich at 440 PPM, CA, CO3. The softest was in Loo in Cornwall at just 25 parts per million. Right. I bet you get a lather from that. He says,

I firmly believe there is nothing harder or softer than this in the UK, but I am happy to be proven wrong. I would feel very sorry for the poor

limescale-encrusted kettle of the person with harder water than those who live in Norwich, but they may well be out there. Very interested to hear our friends from the US as they understand

there can be very hard water there because groundwater reservoirs are very popular. That's from Jack. In Vermont, up in New England they understand there can be very hard water there because ground water reservoirs are very popular. That's from Jack. In Vermont, up in New England, the water can be very, very soft to the point you can't

get the soap off your hands. Oh, it just feels oily all the time. Good for you though because you do moisturise quite a lot. I need to.

My skin is terrible. Terrible skin. I wasn't born with the best skin. I'm greasy. I'm a greasy boy. Speaking of chemists, I was watching a video

that you can see on my computer now. Pouring different acids on my hand. That's ridiculous. A boy is basically explaining how he's going to pour. This is 12 minutes long. His hands are going to be finished. He's going to be like in that scene in Robocop.

Well, he's sort of doing different. What's he got there? Something kind of acid. Can we hear it? Pouring acid on them really isn't going to make them any uglier. The moment that the acid touched my skin I started a timer

and I'm going to hold it here as long as I can until I start feeling a little bit of pain. I swear I spent an afternoon in it. Reminds me of that Anthony Bourdain part of his book in Kitchener the Confidential where he decides that he wants to get hands like the guy he works alongside at the broiler station in some place in New England. Remember that story?

No. So the Bourdain story is he starts off as a, I don't know, like a commie or something at a restaurant. I've got the name of it annoyingly. I didn't realize he wrote nonfiction. He did. No, fiction. Sorry, fiction. Yeah, he did write a few novels, yeah.

In Kitchener Confidential, he starts working at this restaurant. And it's a mad, fiction. Yeah, he did write a few novels, yeah. In Kitchen Confidential, he starts working at this restaurant and it's a mad service. Busy. I think it's in the 80s. Crazy guy. What's going on is crazy.

Hot. Usual stuff. And he's working with these old experienced, like long in the tooth, tough chefs. Hard drinking, hard cooking guys, right?

As you'd imagine. And he nicks himself and he's just come from chef imagine. And he nicks himself. And he's just come from chef school. So he's taught that, you know, hygiene reasons. Get yourself a band-aid or whatever, yeah, plaster. Actually, no, do you know what? Actually, it wasn't a cut.

It was a burn. He said, get yourself some burn cream. Get yourself some plaster. He goes over to the head chef or the sous chef or whatever and says, oh, by the way, I've just burnt myself. I need a... A little myself. I need a plaster. I need a plaster and some burn cream. And the sous chef or whoever it was shouts over to the guy on the broad station, this big old guy. He looks like he's been working there for 100 years and says, hey, Tommy, new kid needs a burnt cream plaster.

And apparently, in Bourdain's's book as he writes it the guy says come over here kid he goes over there and the guy puts his hand in the coals of a red burning hot piece of like crockery or whatever just picks it up of his hand and puts it on the side then shows him his hand and and the way bourdain describes the guy's hand it's like horrific like an old pizza yeah basically and bourdain says oh and that hand. It's like horrific. Like a pizza. Like an old pizza. Yeah, basically. And Bourdain says, oh, and that's when I realised

I want my hands to be like that. I was like, no, that's not the message to get here. You should be out of there. You should be leaving. That's when he knew he had the food bug. So that guy's got a lot to learn. That's what I say.

Fantastic stuff. All right, should we wrap up, Pete? Let's get out of here. It's been a fun show. I've enjoyed that. Let's get back on Thursday for episode 176. It's been bloody lovely

to be back and yeah we'll see you then see you in a bit this was a radio staccato production