The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 177: A mate called Fraggle

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

This is an episode of firsts for Mr Pete Donaldson. Within it, we hear of the first time his Dad left him adult-less with only a friend called Fraggle for company, the first time he rode a bike, and, more disturbingly, the first time he realised that elephants have huge breasts. And yes, you read that correctly.There's also time to take in a truly remarkable story about a search party, some further chat about kebabs, and yet more dolphin anatomy. We apologise in advance for that last one. Some things just run and [e-mail] for all your good stuff.***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It is the Luke and Pete show with Pete Olsen and Luke Moore. Hello. Hello Luke, you alright? Dr John died. Oh yeah, saw that. That came out of nowhere. He was, I have no great capacity or experience with his music, but he was always on the BBC when he did Glastonbury. Yeah.

And you get told that someone's a legend enough times that he becomes part of your brain. My favourite ever part, I will come on to talk to you in a minute, but you just reminded me, my favourite ever part of the BBC Glastonbury coverage was, it's bad, Was Edith Bowman talking to Ed Sheeran on the sofa.

Now, I'm not having a pop at Ed Sheeran, but he's not even playing music. He's sat on the sofa talking while you could hear Neil Young headlining in the background. Hmm.

He's legendarily a poor live watcher, wasn't he? Old Neil Young. I'll go and see him in a couple of weeks. I'm not actually because I've got work

and I was alive, but I have got tickets and I'm furious. Give them away to people on the Luke and Peach show. No. For free. Give them to a friend. Get in touch.

Hello at LukeandPeach.com with the reason why you should have the Peach tickets for free. No, I'm not. Dr. John, so I'm fortunate enough, fortunate enough to work

with the great Danny Kelly. Right. The encyclopedic knowledge that he has of music. You too, with your memories. He's brilliant listen

don't put me in the same sentence as him he's a legendary broadcaster yeah but he's a bit older than you you know you'll get there maybe I think I'm on the way down now anyway

he's just built I'm sure he won't mind me telling everyone he's just built a a barn at his house in Ireland that's gonna be the end he's just

he's just built a barn. And he needs to get it. The reason he's built it is to put his record collection in it. Nice. And if you need a barn for your record collection, then you have got a lot of records.

He records he's got over a thousand records just by the whalers. Jesus. Because of all the different imprints and all the different bits and things they've done and different territories

all that kind of stuff when your collection gets to that sort of scale to sell it would be to chin off a lot of money I think yeah

because there's just too much volume you're basically selling them by weight at that point I don't think he will sell it I obviously can't speak

on his behalf I think he was selling thousands of whales I might have got that wrong but anyway email it if you want Danny Kelly's recommendations but I think he was said a thousand of the way. I might have got that wrong. But anyway, if that's an error, that's my error. Email it if you want to know Danny Kelly's record collection. But anyway, so he was telling me all about Dr. John.

On the radio a couple of weeks ago when we did the show, I did with him on a Friday, the news broke that day. So we did this, and he does this thing called musical homework, where despite it being a sports show, out of every break there's a different musical theme. And we did it about New Orleans artists because of Dr. John and I was exactly

the same boat as you and in many ways I still am the only thing I knew him from was that Perfect Day single he's on that right yeah exactly but every single song

that we played that had anything to do with Dr. John it was like this is good so I might have to there was a song called Walking on Golden Splinters

which is so good that I may have to investigate that further. So commiserations to him and all those associated with him. Commiserations to him. There was a big, obviously a big procession in New Orleans. He did a lot of stuff with the Stones as well,

by the way. Okay. Yeah. Procession in New Orleans, carry on. It was just a big procession. There's always a procession in New Orleans, it's any given day. You can pay a couple of grand

and do your own procession where you just have a marching band and you just walk down the street it's pretty cool whenever you want whenever you fancy you can literally

close down a street can't have a meeting now I'm walking down the street with a drum I've paid for a big procession do you have to pay? well to get the band get the permit

but you can just do it do it yourself yeah it's affordable that's all I'm saying a lot more cities should do that. Shouldn't they?

Just to like, shut down a street. Yeah, I think so. I mean, my street's half shut all the time because of all the cars down there. Um, Pete,

I've got something for you. Something. Specifically for you. Yes. Which is going to tickle the fancy, um, pun intended, of our listeners who particularly enjoyed the story a number of weeks ago.

A little burble there. Sorry, a little burble in my chest cavity. That happens a lot when I do voiceovers. Hopefully nothing serious. Voiceovers, we'll have a pre-trasnivy next week. Yeah. It happens a lot when I'm recording voiceovers

for the channel D-Max on the telly. Give us an example of your voiceover for D-Max voice. Hang on, let me, I can literally get up a script. Because your voice is amazing on the old voiceovers. You're like,

I'll tell you what, if you were right up there with the actor who plays Chris Finch in The Office, you would be Chris Finch. Does the job. I'll tell you who else is big

in the voiceover game, Pete. Joanna Lumley. Oh, she? She does a lot? She does a lot of stuff. She's very iconic though. And the woman who plays Cersei in Game of Thrones as well. Oh yeah, she does a car she's very iconic though and the woman who plays Cersei in

Game of Thrones as well oh yeah she does a car advert she's got lovely eyes those Alaskan

bush people are back from nine as Birdie and the boys and girls head for the Alpine High

next Fast and Loud that's good it is good to see it coming out of your mouth is very very satisfying

a tank guarded by sharks a tall order, but one that I'm sure the boys are equal to. It's tanked. That's a show about some people building aquariums.

Do you write the links yourself? Yeah, I've got to. It takes fucking ages. The queen is dead. Long live the king, singing. Here's one. Here on D-Max next, it's life below zero

as the Alaskans explore some seriously remote locations and over on Quest, one of the arteries of Europe laid bare. The Autobahn! Did you do that? That's great.

The Autobahn. That's great. Anyway, so Pete, a few weeks ago we talked about the guy, not the guy, sorry. The guy. The woman who started

masturbating a dolphin for medical research purposes. Yeah. And the dolphin then sadly went on to commit suicide. Yes. In what we think might well be an unrelated incident, but we don't dwell on that.

Somebody takes it. I forgot that I'd said he left to suicide, not... Yeah, saying thanks for the wanks. Thanks for the wanks. Yeah. When we found out that he had committed suicide,

and dolphins have to consciously breathe, by the way, so the way he commits is always just stop breathing. See you later. Not doing it anymore. And you said that he beached himself because he was looking for other people

to wank him off which I thought was disrespectful to an intelligent animal and an animal that will live long in the memory an animal to be frank that's contributed more

to society than most human beings ever do right okay anyway flip out a lawn imagine my surprise when I came across this

so to speak on insidescience.org Reliable News for an Expanding Universe who published this on sort of early last month or the month before. Research suggests

dolphin clitorises are like human clitorises, only better placed. Where are they placed? At the entrance of the vagina where it is sure to be rubbed during penetrative sex. Didn't a queen get her

clitoris moved closer to her? She was like a forebearer. She celebrated as a person who wanted to experience more sex for pleasure rather than procreation

in a very closed off conservative Britain. One of the queens or a member of the royal family had a clitoris moved south. Might be one of the mac and that one. But just so it would be

rubbed you in sex. I feel like you should have more information than that about it. Imagine, imagine like, women, imagine a woman getting

moved closer to where the penis goes in. That's guaranteed orgasm from a penetrative sex every single time. Yeah. Magic. Yeah. Bloody magic. When is your new sex talk show coming out?

I don't know. Are you going to do it in the style of your D-Max voiceover? Next up, Fast and Loud, which is how I like my sex. Dolphin clitorises are like human clitorises, but better placed. See you at nine. Anyway, but they... I've never seen one. So it's an interesting story.

It's relevant to something we talked about before. But in the article, it says the researchers only studied 12 bottlenose dolphins that were found already dead. So, is that reliable enough? Pete, I think you should conduct your own research. Hang on, so we know that clitorises are very like human clitorises because they're better placed,

simply because of 13 bottlenose dolphins. No, they look like human clitorises, and they also apparently have been studied to engorge with blood, much like a human clitoris does. But they're in a slightly different place, which makes it more likely they're going to stimulate the dolphin. Why are you so unfair with the dolphin sex life? It's just,

we shouldn't be dillying with their dollies. Because that scientist started wanking one off. And now we're in a rabbit hole we can't get out of. Why is it because we've got friendly fists? Now we're in a dolphin hole we can't get out of. Is this why they, you know, I found out the weekend. We can't get out of this blowhole.

Just make hay while you can. A mate called Ash pointed out he works, actually, redacted, forget that man's name, I found it at the weekend. We can't get out of this blowhole. Just make hay while you can. A mate called Ash pointed out he works, actually, redacted, forget that man's name. He may or may not have worked on a certain Disney adaptation recently that may or may not have involved an elephant. I mean, you can pick three or four there. But he said that elephants have tits. Yeah, you sent me a picture uh, elephants have tits. Yeah. You sent me a picture.

Female elephants have tits and they are big, busty boys. Not boys. Big busty boys, uh, on the side of an elephant. Now, if you Google,

just Google. Now you do not punish an elephant for having big boobs. Big boobs. They have just elephant tits now I didn't know this and I was like describe them to our listeners

they look like tits but they're on elephants and so like they were having this they had to have a meeting sort of saying well what would a a meeting

a sexually mature a meeting a sexually mature what a production meeting yeah a sexually mature female elephant look like and like it or not they would have tits.

A mummy elephant has tits. And they were like, well, we can't put that in the film. That's just distracting. Yeah. That would take them out of it. But I think, I would argue, it would be a bigger educational tool to sort of say, elephants have tits. You cannot have a pair of elephant tits stealing the show in a film.

It is. It's like when they, it's like when in Transformers. Place a tasteful bra over the tits. A Thai Prime Minister's, a Thai King sports bra.

Yeah, it's just, to look at it, I mean, I'm talking about elephants. I'm sure we can find a way of sharing this on social media for people

I wouldn't but like yeah there's a female the son has got a elephant's have fabulous tits well the son's done that the son's got a bit basically there's this

elephant with particularly large boobies it's exactly as you imagine yeah and then it just goes on to weird porn to be honest great

this dolphin story ends by saying of course we can't prove that an animal experiences pleasure just by examining its anatomy

what's the point of that then what is the point of any of this oh dear and the scientist ends there are three

female elephants rearing up and they all three of them have some breasts some

milky swingers as a child might say can I just finish this that was a that was a worthy distraction Elements have tits

Elements have tits I want to finish this by one of the scientists in this article finishes by saying they're probably functioning in providing some kind

of pleasure to the female dolphin well I could say that you know show me a picture of it. I could show you that. I could tell you that. We want hard science here, so to speak.

Anyway, I thought that might tickle your fancy and be an extension. It certainly did. To the disgraceful way in which you... Operate your life. Yes, and dealt with that sad dolphin story. No. And can we make it clear before we go to emails,

none of this is related to the sad passing of new orleans musician dr john he might have written a song about you never know it might be one of those posthumous releases uh right emails next sorry but they can sense the others down below as they get hungry they need to return to the sea. Walrus there, bouncing off an elephant's boob. Julian Assange there. Julian Assange there. As a walrus.

I promised last show that I would get to an email by a guy called Jason. I didn't get time to do so. From the Wield Warriors. Might be. Yeah, I never watched that really when I was a kid. I never really got into to do so. From the Wield Warriors. Might be. Yeah. I never watched that really when I was a kid. I never really got into it. Did you get into it?

Did I? It was a bit of a shitty one, wasn't it, where Jason and the Wield Warriors. It was no Ulysses. No, you're talking. Ulysses was excellent. No, you're talking.

Jason's emailed in by sending an email to hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. You can do the same whenever you want. We'd love to hear from you. And he says the following, Hi Luke and Pete,

just tucking into a succulent Chinese meal and I thought I'd send you this email. I'm a huge fan of hilarious surnames and the joining of them through holy matrimony.

Growing up in New Forest, I worked in a restaurant from the age of 16 until I was 21. Beautiful part of the world, New Forest. Every Sunday, without fail,

the same two couples would come together for dinner Mr and Mrs Dix and Mr and Mrs Ball come on hilarity ensued when such lines at the reception desk

as high with the dicks have the balls arrived yet I'm not having that they didn't say that they know exactly what they're doing taking the piss since leaving university

I now live on the outskirts of London and know of a local woman with the surname Cox it transpires through mutual friends that her maiden name was Swallows. Oh, dear. What a missed double-barreled opportunity. Do you and your listeners know anyone with humorous surnames

or surname couplings? This might be a fun topic. Love the show. All the best, Jase. It reminds me of a while back I realised that there are loads more double barred football players

names now than there ever used to be in the past but loads I did a quiz on the radio once where I said is this the name of an 18th century

British politician or a current footballer and it is impossible to tell between them impossible yeah I like it though

will you go double barred when you get married if I married someone I'd just take their name why because they've

probably got a better name than Donaldson but what about the legacy of the Donaldson legacy your dad would be gutted

Jesus you're the only son say again you're the only son yeah I don't think he has any great love for the family right

but your sister's not a dancer anymore is she what's in her name no she's a Juanez and her so her child will not be a dancer

baby Emma said my name unprompted this week it was lovely she's 14 I've been excommunicated I'm back in the fold I spent the weekend

with my niece a weekend or two ago she's three and a half now very good value. It's wonderful. Did you... You have to get in proper negotiations with them. Bribery.

Yeah, it is. She just wants to eat ice cream and chocolate all the time. What do you want for lunch? Ice cream. But you can't have ice cream. Chocolate. You can't have that. And then it'll just be something random.

Sausages. I want sausages, please. It's impossible to plan for any of it. chocolate you can't have that and then it would just be something random sausages I want sausages please it's impossible to plan for any of it anyway what were you going to say I can't remember now what was it oh yeah she also

rode a bike for the first time or like literally had one of those little tiny wee bikes which is a lot of fun I really distinctly remember riding a two wheeler

for the first time do you talk us through it I remember being on Greyfields and Hartlepool there was a lot of gravel I really distinctly remember riding a two-wheeler for the first time. Do you? Talk us through it. I remember being on Greyfields and Hartlepool. There was a lot of gravel at the end of this field and my dad made me just,

like, gave me a push and I went as fast as I could and it's weird. I kind of forgot about it for a little while and he said, that's quite a defining moment

of your life. I imagine my dad probably remembers it quite well as well. I feel like I should be able to remember it but I can't and it's one of those things where as a kid i don't know if your dad said the same thing and my dad said to me the faster you go the easier it'll be yeah right yeah and it is true but it's kind of hard as a kid to understand how that could be possible because going fast essentially danger so so i remember stacking it a few times.

But the problem is, we didn't have a field near our house. We had like a back alleyway, which is all concrete. So when you learn, and you learn the hard way, boy, let me tell you that, you learn the hard way.

And my sister's first bike ride is famously in the Moore household, captured on video cam. Oh, nice. Yeah. You know, when I said a couple of weeks ago, my parents took very irresponsible decisions

with the redundancy money my dad got. Did he get a video? Yeah, they also bought like an 800 quid video camera. Didn't they have a telly? Didn't he work in telly? Yeah, he did.

He used to steal bits and then build till he was at home. But I think to be fair, the video cam came along as part of the Disney experience. Yeah, okay. Well, you've got to immortalise these things,

you know. Exactly. And so we've got it on video of my sister riding the bike for the first time nice and she stacks it and it is hilarious uh she's only about four or five and uh when the camera my dad's filming her not helping her just filming her and he gets up close and she looks up at the camera it's a famous thing in the moore household she just goes I hate bruises sometimes if we're trying to tease her we say that to her I thought it was

going to be something badass like I live for speed yeah I'm a speed freak not like that not like that she's a mother she's a mother

she's a mother mother I remember my my dad I spoke to my dad about it the first time that I went to go see Newcastle United

player and obviously when you first arrive at a football match you can't believe I spoke to my dad about it the first time that I went to go see Newcastle United play. And obviously, when you first arrive at a football match, you can't believe... It's not just about the majesty of a particular building. And obviously, St. Joseph's Park is quite iconic. It's gigantic. And it's right in the centre of town. As soon as you get through that Pai Fang,

I think it's Pai Fang in Chinatown, it's just there. It's beautiful. But just seeing that amount of people in one place, like just the scale that so many people arrive at a stadium at any one time. You will have never seen that. I've never seen that amount of people before.

I had never seen that amount of people before. And my dad, it was also his first football match. He didn't actually go in. He went to the pub for two hours. So he took us all the way up Newcastle, me and a guy called, a kid called Fraggle. How far away is that?

Say again? How far away is the journey? If it was on a normal train, maximum 25 minutes, but it's one of those little hopper trains you talk about before, the little bus ones. So it's about 45, 50 minutes.

And why the hell have you got a mate called Fraggle? I had to, mate. I'm not saying he's outrageous. Who is he? Little Ginger Boy. What's his real name? I can't remember it. Why was he called Fraggle?

Because he looked like Red from Fraggle Rock. He was Little Ginger Boy. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, God knows. But he... Did everyone call him Fraggle?

Yeah. Was your dad calling him Fraggle? I presume so. That's amazing, isn't it? Get away with it. But I remember my dad, he took us to Decastle and he went to the pub

and he hadn't really sort of told us where to meet after the match right so he came out from the pub like two hours of

like pile of them away come out of the pub how old were you? I couldn't have been older than 15 14

so you know I shouldn't have been alone in in the middle of a load of drunk men coming out of a football match. Yeah. And we come out and my dad was legit. He was like,

it started to sink in that he had no idea how to figure out where his son, he said he was genuinely shitting himself because he just lost us because he just didn't, he didn't tell us where I got, no mobiles, he said he was genuinely shitting himself because he just lost us because he just didn't, he didn't tell us where I got, no mobiles,

he didn't tell us where, he didn't tell us where B, we hadn't figured anything out. I don't know how he managed to find us, to be honest. How did, what happened?

I think I just went back to the place where we'd kind of seen him last and he eventually turned up but it was, I wasn't worried but my dad in retrospect

was like I absolutely shit myself there I've never seen so many people you know why because when you rocked up home on your own found your own way home your mum would have been

fuming with him that's why yeah that's right that's crazy I remember a mate of mine a mate of mine's dad had a reputation as being a bit of a

man about town shall we say and he took his son my mate and another one of my mates to the cinema yeah so saturday morning whatever i'll take you to the cinema he went to the cinema local one to us not there anymore gonna watch a movie i can't remember which one it was i said to them why don't you go sit down the front you know because it'd be a film you'll you'll enjoy so go down the front and they're only like 12 or whatever so they went down the front

he said i'll sit the back. I'll sit the back. I won't cramp your style. I won't embarrass the boys. You know, sat the back. When the film finished, right, the lights come up and this old man was indeed sat the back, wearing different clothes. What's going on there?

So your face has gone home. He's either gone to a lady friend's house or he's just gone home. That's spectacular. So the thing is his mum is saying why don't you tell your boys to the cinema for the afternoon or whatever have a bit of quality time

he's first of all thought right cinema I'll get out of there for two hours I haven't got to spend any time with him and then he's just had a shower and got changed what's gone on there? because like because like

surely his son would be like to his mum, he came back but he's wearing different clothes. It's hardly the perfect crime. No. Wear the same clothes.

Probably have wet hair. Yeah. Anyway. Have you got any more stories about irresponsible dads? Remember the dad who, remember the guy who made him this dad

used to dunk him in the sink? Rings a bell. Yeah. We've had loads of stories of abuse. Yeah. What about,

what about this from Alec Lodge who's emailed him a few times I think and he says this is funny episode 172 you mentioned a woman

who was found alive and well after being missing for two weeks and it reminded me of a story I heard a while ago of a woman who joined a search party

for herself. Oh yes. Do you remember this? Yeah. This is 2012. Terrible search party really. A woman yes. Do you remember this? Yeah. This is 2012. Terrible search party. A woman on a visit to Iceland,

the story goes. This is from The Independent seven years ago. A woman on a visit to Iceland has managed to add a new twist to the concept

of self-discovery after taking part in a major mountain search operation for a lost tourist before admitting to police that she was the missing person everyone was looking for.

I wish I was there when the moment sunk in. I'm going, sorry, are you? Yeah. She didn't turn back up for, she failed to turn up for a tour bus.

They started combing the area and then they put a call out saying an Asian woman described as five foot two and wearing dark clothing and she was like, uh, hang on a minute.

Not in me. The best part about it, right on a minute the best part about it right this is the best part about it by the time she realized and told them even though she was part of the search party herself it was 3 a.m brilliant it's not like 10 minutes that's probably gone on for hours people are tired and fed up. He's in Iceland as well, probably freezing. Unbelievable. That is magnificent. It really is.

Want a quick one from Sam? Yeah. Hello, Sam. Hiya, Luke and Pete. With regards to your recent chat about kebab shop etiquette, I must point out the venue that will no doubt be living long in the collective memory of anyone who's been to University of Sheffield in recent years. The Broomhill Friary is owned and operated by Dan,

who's the nephew of local legend and Ned Stark himself, Sean Bean. Oh, good. This is Dan Bean. Dan Bean! Sean himself

has been on hand to serve chips and scraps in the past and the menu is named in his honour with the Borough Mayor special which is featuring the Lord of the Onion Rings.

I'd love Sean Bean if he insisted on that happening. So you can do it but you've got to name all the items after the characters I've played. love a Sean Bean if he insisted on that happening. So you can do it, but you've got to name all the items after the character you've got to play. When Saturday comes,

have some chips. The menu is on it. Lord of the Onion Rings is very good. There's a Sean Bean meat feast. That sounds a bit pervy. Yeah. Particular favourites.

Pick a touch for reference. As a forward-thinking kebab shop operator, Dan Bean has variously in the past acted as an agony uncle for the student paper and has launched plans

to host a vegetarian menu for his more eco-conscious clientele. Keep up the good work Sam in London. That's nice. Yeah, nice little bit of local colour there.

Sean Bean seems like a good egg. I'd love to have him on this show. He does, yeah. He features in the Hitman video game as the Unkillable. I love the Hitman video game as the unkillable

I love the Hitman series of games they're really really good they have a series of timed events where you go online with the Hitman and you've got a killer's man and if you fail you can't have another go at him it's a really time sensitive little game

so Hitman is a game where you train and you work as like a trained killer? Yeah. Assassin? Yeah. And you've got to

kill certain people and it's about putting costumes on. So it's a bit like Grand Theft Auto. Different assignments as well. Yeah, kind of. Yeah, yeah.

There's different missions but you've got to be meticulous in your clearing up hiding bodies, putting costumes on, allowing chandeliers to fall on heads. Oh, it is magnificent. I love it.

One of the special games is you've got to kill Sean Bean. Yeah. Because obviously, legendarily in every film and TV show, he dies in every one. So this time, here's the unkillable.

Right. You can't kill me. Did you ever run at him? I never run at him. I muffed it up. It was chaos. It was fucking... It's going to be a bloodbath.

It was chaos. So who... Sorry for the stupid question, but who plays Sean Bean? Who's actually doing it? Sean Bean. What do you mean? So what I mean is,

you're not playing against a person who's playing the character. Okay, it's a computer generated thing. Yeah, artificial intelligence okay fine I know what AI stands for well you didn't sound like it no I didn't to be fair

that's brilliant and do you know if anyone managed to kill him or not oh yeah everyone manages to kill him because they're meticulous and tidy and as you know I'm not

so how close did you come what did you end up doing did you put your foot in a bucket fell down the stairs I think I tried to kill him with a pen maybe you tried to kill him with a pen tried to kill him with a pen maybe you tried to kill him

with a pen tried to kill him with a pen why would you do that I couldn't get the poison in the food because people were watching and it was just

disaster sounds like a scene from Breaking Bad that's brilliant alright mate listen let's get out of here hello at

lukeandpetecher.com to send us an email we'd love to hear from you we've got loads of emails to work through but we will carry on diligently doing so if you've got an opinion on the position of a dolphin clitoris get in touch

if you've got an opinion on the size of elephants tits get in touch you want to recommend a dr john album yeah get in touch um and uh if you've got a mate called fraggle let us know and we'll see you again next time around see you later babies babies this was a radio staccato production