The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 180: The molasses against the classes

Episode Date: June 27, 2019

Pete and Luke are taking a break for one solitary week (and one normal-sized day) this summer, so Pete's got his razor blade out and sliced up a cheeky little special. Warning: contains Stewart Donaldson, unleashed and in your ears. Have you ever been chased with by a man with a machete? Email us: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

all right then i'm back in the hot box in my kitchen you can probably hear my fridge squeaking away there's nothing in there i don't know why i've got it turned on to be quite frank i've literally all i've got is salad cream uh some hot sauce, and a bottle of Campari in the freezer. It is not even worth turning that on, is it really? Embarrassing. Anyway, yes, I'm Pete Donaldson. This is the Luke and Pete Show with our second of our best ofs. Thank you for joining us again on Thursday. Just a little something-something to get you into the weekend, quite frankly.

We'll be back on Thursday with a brand new live show uh sort of pre-recorded but you know what i mean um thank you for joining us and uh here's a quick email before we get into it uh this is from stewart um all right boys just a quick one catching up with the pod recently i was amazed by your story of a woman wanking off a dolphin while it was on lsd because when i was on lsd i got wanked off by a dolphin. We deserve that. What I've done, Luke, is compile some of the more exciting, more salacious agony ant letters from the world of agony artery on the internet.

Do you want to know what makes me qualified? I've got four different weather apps on my iPhone. Have you actually? I bet you have. Yeah, I have, yeah. So, I've basically got a load of agony ant kind of letters that people have sent in to Agniant. Deirdre sort of stuff.

Deirdre sort of stuff, yeah. And this is the sort of thing we'll test even the hardiest advice givers. So, we're basically just testing each other out here. See what level we're at. Yeah, see what level we're at. Okay. This is from the Mumbai Mirror. Okay.

Possibly previously the Bombay... Bad boy. ...newspaper. Bombay Express. Bombay Express. I am a 63-year-old married man. Are there any medicines to sexually excite a woman? I'm laughing because you're never going to be married. Rude. Are there any medicines to sexually excite a woman? Right. Is that the question? I'm a 63-year-old married man. Are there any medicines to sexually

excite a woman? have a 50 year old neighbor who could benefit from it as she has lost her desire to have sex what how do you even know this i know they must have had a chat over the over the wall this is authentic he's authentic apparently is yeah okay i can only go off what i've been given um i i mean do you want me to give my advice to that or does it continue, the advice that this person from the Mumbai Mirror said, her gynecologist can help her. I'm curious to know why you're so concerned. Yeah, that's absolutely fair.

But I'm absolutely fair on behalf of the agony on there, but I will say it is rude to answer a question with a question. I guess it is, yeah. Accept it. You don't want to pull that thread. Also, I would sort of say say if a woman is not sexually excited go straight for the medicines yeah are there any medicines i mean if we're talking about women who aren't sexually excited i think you should probably leave on this uh here's the next one i am 43 years

old okay i'm donning a lot of hats here my wife believes that i'm having an extramarital affair but it's not true can we just can we just crib a jingle of you to say i'm 43 years old i am 43 years old i thought yeah so my wife believes i'm having an extramarital affair but it's not true every day she applies nail polish on my penis to check if i'm being unfaithful i feel a burning sensation and it hurts me please help that is i mean there's a lot to unpack there i don't know why that would prove or disprove whether you are being fearful. Because nail polish, I'm not a particular expert in it, but nail polish isn't something that comes off very easily. Only if you use nail polish remover.

Yeah, right. Even worse. You want to put something on the penis that's easy to remove. Yeah. Because any activity at all is going to remove it and then you're going to know. Oh, is that why? I don't know. You're thinking, like thinking like exactly you're in

You're in the same kind of headspace as this crazy woman But the thing is anything that's easy to remove from a penis is gonna be removed by either a pant or a trouser So she I mean, it's she's she's barking a wrong tree there. I'm right. Okay, you might as well just go down the road Just following him Yeah, got things on she's busy woman. Yeah, you're much more versed. You're much more Experienced in nail polish and IMP I Pete, I would've thought. Not on the, uh, winky. No, no, no, no. I used to, uh, very occasionally apply it whenever I thought I was Brian Mulcair. Yeah, I think we went through that phase.

Yeah. Yeah, we went through that stage. Hartlepool, did no like it. Bit of, uh, yeah, doesn't go down well in the old home- No. Doesn't go down well in the old home town. So if you can beat that, do get involved. If you can beat that. Beat that. Just keep it good. Keep it good.

Keep it on the... Keep it on the down low. What newspaper was that last one from? Uh, I just... You said the Mumbai, the Mumbai,

whatever it was. It was copyright John Hamblin. I don't know who John Hamblin is, but... Okay, well, good luck to him.

Good luck, good luck, good luck, John. Good luck, John's John. So if you can beat that, if you can do better than that, if you've got a problem at work, if you've got a problem at home, if you just want to say hi. If you've got a problem with us.

Just delete the podcast. Unsubscribe. Are you familiar with the gloopy substance that is molasses? Yes, I am. Molasses, yeah. Do you want to tell people what it is that they don't know? It's a by-product um sugarcane refinery it's like a i would call it like almost a um very thick dark brown uh syrupy type um almost like treacle it's like uh it tastes a little bit like licorice it's like thick spreadable licorice sweetened out though isn't it yeah yeah not quite as bitter

it is delicious i love it i used to have it on bread every now and again. That's bad, isn't it? Yeah, it's quite bad. And that's why I have diabetes. And no teeth. So you're putting molasses into the Menkartan 2017? No, I'm not putting molasses. It might already be in there, to be fair.

I'm putting the Great Molasses Flood of January the 15th, 1919. Well, tell me more, because I genuinely know nothing about this, and my interest is bloody peak. So basically... The Great Molasses Flood. In Boston, in 1919, on that fateful day, obviously very cold, there was an unholy £26 million worth of molasses that flooded the entirety of the north end of Boston,

engulfed in molasses, travelling at 35 miles per hour, ripping houses from their foundations. It killed 21 people, injured hundreds more. People just suffocating. In molasses? In molasses. And obviously the rescue effort of trying to rescue people out of what is basically black quicksand is almost nigh on impossible. How did this even happen?

So basically there was a company that was in the business of creating medical alcohol. Back then, obviously, a prohibition was coming in. Yeah. And so they tried to outpace the prohibition order, which was actually ratified the next day with good cause, obviously. Right. And they overstocked, I think it was from Puerto Rico,

they just brought a whole load of molasses in to refine into medical alcohol because they wanted to beat the ban. But the tank they chose to put the molasses in was not even worth the word tank. It was dreadful. It was a dreadful tank. A travesty of a tank.

It was a travesty of a tank. And it basically just killed a lot of people, spread it into subway platforms. They tried to make out that the tank had been blown up by anarchists. But what actually happened was fermentation. There was colder, older molasses in the tank in the first place. Where was the tank? On land?

So, yeah, it was on land. Basically, I've seen pictures of it. So I was thinking of like an oil stick, like a ship had turned over. Yeah, no, no, no. It was literally just on... It was quite close to the course, but it was on land. Imagine the Battersea um gas tanks you know there's kind of like tanks that go right okay at the old gas works um and yeah the walls

of the tank were way too thin and apparently it was due to the fact that the uh the the iron steel mix um contained on manganese right so it was all manganese's fault the tank in the first instance would constantly leak anyway and that's why they painted it brown, so no one would notice that there was loads of molasses being leaked. And people would actually... There's a lot more sort of fast and loose back then, wasn't there? Yeah. Well, or slow and goopy. Well, yeah.

Well, you said 30 miles an hour. That's a lot of fast. Well, yeah, apparently. I think some MIT students, about two or three years ago, they tested out how fast molasses or things of that viscosity would suddenly start rumbling down the street. And apparently, yeah, that's about accurate, 35 miles an hour. Bloody student.

The famous Boston elevated railway was twisted up by it as well. Right. It's just very hard to clear the entirety of Boston from the molasses because obviously it's very sticky. It's mainly sugar. Well, I had two questions. One was that. Seawater was the answer. Apparently normal water wouldn't do it.

Right, okay. So the fire brigade had to bring in seawater. And the second thing I'm sort of fascinated about is that, was the tank of molasses so big that people of Boston, or of that area of Boston, knew, oh shit, it's those molasses? Or did they just think, what the fuck is that? What is that? No, apparently the people who used to live near the molasses tank,

and I can't believe we're talking about molasses tanks this early in our run of shows. I know. They would go over to the tank and where the big bricks in the tank... Or the porridge. Would come and collect it and take it back home for their house. I think they would refine it into their own alcohol and make their own illegal alcohol. Speaking of that train at Boston, Boston's a fascinating city for a number of reasons,

been there many a time, but one of the things that's just reminded me of is that do you know that they had such bad traffic congestion in Boston that they took one of the highways and they just sunk it into the ground? What do you mean? They basically just dug a massive trench and sunk it into a tunnel and just built over the top of it.

Oh, that's clever. So they put it through, they basically put it in the ground to relieve their congestion. It's like the Shibuya can it. Oh, that's clever. So they put it through, they basically put it in the ground to relieve air congestion. It's like the Shibuya canals. Stop going back to Japan. Sorry, I was just, you know, well... Did the molasses reach Japan?

No, wrong coast, it's the wrong coast. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll be more than happy to put the Great Molasses Flood of 1919 into Menkata 2017. I think it's a worthy entrant. Apparently for years afterwards, the whole area smelled of molasses. Gentlemen, this is Democracy Manifest.

Speaking about my dad and his horrible stories about his brothers and, you know, just horrible things in his life, something we did for another show back in the day, not back in the day, last year, for our A-Cast specials. It was basically me interviewing my dad. And for better or worse, perhaps a good percentage of you guys might not have heard it. So, look, what do you reckon? I bust out a little bit of me versus me dad in hope of kind of understanding me a little bit more.

Yeah, I've heard this and it's bloody good, so I would recommend it. So give him a slice. Knock out. So I'm just basically going to ask you a few questions about your life and also give the listeners a little bit of an idea about our beautiful relationship, Dad. Oh, no, we're not talking feelings. No. All right, OK, right. I've got a few stories, right, that I remember from my childhood that you have mentioned, right? Mm-hmm.

And I just basically need a couple of explanations, basically. Number one... Right. In the Navy, when you filtered metal polish through a loaf of bread? A sock. What? Sock.

Just one sock? No, it was a couple of socks. OK. You said it was a loaf of bread. No, I didn't know. That was what they do in the penitentiary. State pen to do that. This is a Navy...

Well, no, it wasn't even a Navy thing. It was just an experiment we thought we'd try. It would taste absolutely disgusting. Right, so... And nobody got rat-assed of it, no. So it was metal pot... I mean, it's a wonder you didn't get brain damage. You've got to...

No, well, anyway, it didn't work. It was untainted. You couldn't't work. It was untreated. You couldn't drink it. It was horrible. Right. But it was just worth a try because somebody had read about it. And you get bored in the middle of the water.

All right, then. So it was in the Navy, and you were on a boat, and you were drinking metal polish. Yeah. It's like the bottle of vodka that made me... Well, it wasn't vodka.

It was anisette. We bought a bottle of Anisette illegally, and we snuggled it back on board. And me and my mate George went down the switchboard, the electrical switchboard, and drank it, basically. And the next morning, hungover, turned to, went to work, went of the workshop and George had the epileptic fit. And I thought, oh my God, that's just going to happen to me. And I was panicking all morning. It was his first epileptic fit.

But we weren't sure about this, as I said, because the label was stuck skew with on the bottle so it was a written under that under that a crown cap you know like a beer bottle cap right and it was a big bottle of really strong anise set uh anyway i was i was panning it all morning because i thought oh my god that's what's going to happen to me i'm gonna have a fit oh you were worried about your friend that you gave him some some Anacet and he had an epileptic fit? Oh, no, well, actually, the chief had a brilliant idea the first day, and he says,

don't let him bite his tongue. So the chief put his hand in his mouth and George bit his finger while he was having the fit. Good Lord. And you were literally all at sea? Yes, yes. Drinking Anacet in the switcheroo? No, no, no, this is in Malden, this.

Right, OK. What I like about that is, Dad, I came at you with a drinking story that involved you drinking Brassor, and you managed to one-up me with epilepsy. No, well, actually, his sister had it, but he'd never had it before. It was his first fit, and that was it.

Well, basically, he got booted out after that, Actually, his sister had it, but he'd never had it before. It was his first fit, and that was it. Well, basically, he got booted out after that. Because you can't have him climbing about the yard down there and having a fit, can you? Right, so you gave him a bottle of Anisette. No, we bought it. We were both apprentices, and we didn't have much money. We went to this backstreet place

that bought this rubbishy stuff anyway. Fantastic. Yeah. You once told me a story where you were on a night out and you pulled back a curtain and there was... Oh, yes, that was St Vincent, that.

St Vincent, yeah, in the West Indies, yeah. You pulled back a curtain... No, what it was, in the West Indies, yeah. You pulled back a curtain? No, what it was, we were out on it, we were out basically just down this dirt track and it was just a bar, it was just basically a bar with a block behind the counter and a couple of tables in a shack, really, and we were having a drink and then I says,

oh, I'll just go up the toilet, there's like a curtain, and I says, toilet, mate? He says, oh, I'll just go up the toilet. There was like a curtain, and I says, toilet, mate. He says, oh, yeah, just throw there, just down the passage. So I pulled the curtain back. And there was like all the corridor, but it was like curtains either side. I thought, well, where's the toilet? There wasn't like gents or ladies or anything. So I just pulled the curtain back, and there was this manhaving there.

I didn't realize it was a knocking shop anyway, it was a brothel anyway and I didn't realise anyway this big lad he jumped up naked and pulled out a machete, I thought well why would you go why would you go to a brothel with a machete

I mean, makes no sense anyway, I just turned tail and just ran and ran and ran. My mate just watched me run through the bar and just carried on drinking and just watched this bloke chase after me. Why did he go from loving to fighting so quickly? I don't know. I don't know why he got upset.

I said, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bust up the party. Like, I thought he was the toilet, you know what I mean? Anyway, sadly enough when I was running I distanced, I'm surprised I out-distanced him, I think it was because he was there, he'd give up after a bit Anyway, I kept on running

and it was in the dark and I fell down the monsoon ditch and cracked my ankle Anyway. Never mind. Um, finally for now, air rifle. Air rifle, yes. You once accused me without... Yes, of breaking my air rifle.

...without proof of breaking your air rifle, and you said the only way it could have been broken is if someone had fired it. Now, Dad, I can exclusively reveal I never touched that air rifle. I know. Actually, I realise that now. Well, later.

But I wasn't going to own up to you. It was the fact that it was a cheap Italian air rifle. Don't have a go at the Italians. No, no, no, no. They used to churn them out like salmon that were rubbish. Basically, I just went for the cheapest option

and basically you get what you pay for. Literally broke it yourself? Well, not strictly speaking. It was the cocking mechanism. Well, it was the cocking mechanism and there was a loading tray, which really didn't really work

because it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't a problematic sale on it anyway. Basically, it was a bag of garbage. And I should never have bought it. Well, you shouldn't have blamed me for breaking it. I just took my rage out on you. Well, as long as you didn't turn the gun on me.

Because that's what you're there for. Dad, you've been incredibly good value. Thank you very much for joining us. Right, OK, then. Right. All right, Dad, well, you get off to bed. Rightio, then. Sweet dreams. It's time, it's time for the email section, Luke. I was just gonna say, it's good to hear from you, from your old man, but yeah,

let's move on to the emails. I mean, before we get into these, um, one thing that's important to point out is that we have been absolutely bombarded with toilet slash fecal matter related emails. Yeah, I'm thinking of doing like a post special next week. Okay. Alright. They're all largely based around workplaces as well. Yeah. Epidemic level.

It's disgusting. It is disgusting. One other thing, you can't read more than a few of them. No. I mean, it's too much. Not while you're eating. Do you remember that website back in the day of ratemypoo.com? No. There was a website. Were you getting involved with that, Kepa? No, I wasn't, but it did a sort of, I mean, I guess before viral sort of content really existed, it did the rounds. People were sharing it on email

and stuff. And it was like people would basically take photos of their passing of faecal matter and upload them to the internet and people were rating them out of ten but the thing was, it was like, oh look at that, that's funny, it's a novelty I've got three of them, you're like, I feel sick I can't look at them, it's a bit like that

There's nothing more beautiful than your own poo and there's nothing more disgusting than someone else's Emails I once interviewed Chris Pratt of that? There's nothing more beautiful than your own poo and there's nothing more disgusting than someone else's. Uh, emails. I once interviewed Chris Pratt of Parks and Rec fame and he told me this is out in the open I'm sure, but he sends

Nick Offerman all sort of Parks and Rec pictures of his poo and Nick Offerman sends pictures of his poo to him. Wow. And they still do it even to this very day which I quite like. What a bromance. What a brom a bro let's not go down that route ourselves pete you and i yeah we're more colleagues aren't we so it's not um first email up is from john who's from portsmouth so okay heavy special this week and we're getting into themes by accident really aren't we we're falling into them there's a food one a while ago yeah by accident anyway he says hi pete and luke

how are you um i've written in to do a follow-up on your discussion on ghosts. Okay. Which I think you might find interesting. This is way back in week one. You talked very interestingly about, if I may say so, about Japanese ghosts. He says, I currently study music technology at university and one of the aspects

that we study is acoustics. Your chat about ghosts made me think about standing waves. Standing waves occur when half of a wavelength of a low frequency is the same as a dimension of a room so low frequency wavelengths can be meters long basically this can cause either a drop or a gain in the perception of that frequency humans can only hear between the frequency range of 20 hertz to 20 kilohertz so any sound that has a frequency below 20 hertz cannot be heard there was a study done in 1998 which mentioned objects vibrating and ghostly apparitions being seen in a haunted lab

where an extractor fan was found to be emitting an 18.98 hertz frequency this is the same frequency at which the human eye can resonate and the room's length was exactly half a wavelength of that frequency thus causing a standing wave what are the chances of that well which may have caused an optical illusion. Yeah, it's a weird coincidence. Infrasound can also produce feelings of anxiety, sorrow and chills. For example, if you've ever been to a particularly loud gig and stood close to the subwoofers,

you'll know you can also feel the sound moving when there is enough power behind it. Infrasound frequencies are very strong and can travel for miles too. So he said Japan, plus lots of volcanoes and earthquakes, could equal yokai. So that would be my guess as to what's happening when people see ghosts fantastic yeah that's from John

he said I hope that's not too dry for you John you have explained yourself very well there because I am not at all scientifically minded as much as I like to think I am and I get that and it sounds interesting he could be talking nonsense it taps into what you've said consistently throughout this process this series where you've said that you're a science man,

you're not interested in the ephemeral, the paranormal, if you like, that type of stuff. So it does seem to be that John has cracked that and he's solved the mystery of ghosts. If you look into an owl's ear, you can see its optic nerve. So what I would say is there's enough crazy shit happening in nature to not worry about the other stuff. Don't worry about it, it's fine. I find that

fascinating. I also find it interesting when people try and deny evolution for example which can be really summed up by one word which is heredity i mean it's essentially heredity we're talking about and i also and what reason i'll bring that up is because some people say what about the human eye what about the eye and it's impossible to imagine

how an eye so complex could have come about and i actually think the opposite i think it'd be very very easy to understand how um you know light light sensitive cells on the side of a fish, for example, billions of years ago, would benefit that fish. And so therefore, that's how it starts. And they get slowly more complex over a vast, huge amount of time. I think the problem is that people can't understand

how long that process has taken. Quite, exactly. Human mind isn't able to fully appreciate that, I don't think. You have to take a bit of a leap, don't you? But, yeah, so I find that pretty... are taken. Quite, exactly. Human mind isn't able to fully appreciate that, I don't think. You have to take a bit of a leap, don't you? But, yeah, so I find that pretty, I mean, one of the things

that's interesting about this sort of stuff is John's done a great job there, to the layman's ear of describing that. Don't bring ears into it. No, we're great enough for that.

But do you think that there's just too much stuff in the universe for people to ever be able to understand? Or do you think that ultimately, given a long enough time frame,

science could explain everything? Well, no, because then, surely, you'd have to explain the scientists, wouldn't you? Who could? Isn't that that kind of old kind of thing, where it's like, if the human brain was simple enough for us to understand, on a molecular level, we'd be too stupid to be able to understand it.

So it's a paradox, basically. Yeah, okay, right. What about this email from Joe? He says, hi, Luke and Pete. First time call a long-time listener. Well, we've only done five says, Hi, Luke and Pete. First time call a long-time listener. Well, we've only done five episodes, so I'm not really sure you've been a long-time listener. He says,

Last week's episode spoke to me. You don't hope so, do you? I think this was an email going a few weeks back. He says, I now question, does the show exist, or do I put my headphones in and daydream because I hate my job? We are not the Tyler Durden of podcasts.

We do genuinely exist. I mean, this is how we do spend our time, depressingly enough. He says, flying back for a business trip on Friday, I watched a fruit fly making its way around my plane. All I could think about was, was this fly was flying around a giant human-made fly that was also flying?

Would this fly enjoy its visit to Baltimore? Can't answer that. He says, anyway, my question is for Luke. My landlord installed a piece of plastic under our deck. He says these questions for me, but actually I think you can answer this better. He Luke. My landlord installed a piece of plastic under our deck. Well, he says these questions for me, but actually I think you can answer this better. He says, my landlord installed a piece of plastic under our deck so we could go outside and grill when it rains.

However, a family of pigeons decided the small gap between the deck and plastic rain guard was the perfect place to nest and now attacks anyone who exits the back door. How should I prove I am the dominant species on this planet? Thanks, Joe. Stamp them into a jam. A show of strength.

A show of strength. Yeah. Or you could sit the pigeons down and explain to them that, look, I'm trying to barbecue out here, lads. Yeah. Leave me alone. Or chuck one of their family on the barbecue to show them what could happen.

Yeah, show them all the ranges of birds you've eaten recently. Yeah, different shows of strength. I'll tell you what I could do. I mean, it might be a bit of a trek, but I could call on my two cats, Hercules and Magnus, to go out, because they're brilliant at catching birds. Yeah, well, not the one that was in your house. Well, they were nowhere to be seen then.

That was disgraceful. That was bad by them. That was a dereliction of duty. Bad boys. One thing that's clear to me now, and wasn't clear to me before I got the two cats, is that I didn't know whether it would be worse cleaning up a dead mouse or a dead bird.

Do you now know that? A dead bird is much worse. Right. Because there tends to be a load of struggle, and the feathers go everywhere. Yeah. Have you ever considered how many feathers are on a normal-sized bird? No. Because I think...

I've never been that bad. I was sort of seduced into thinking it might be about 20. It's about 5,000. And they're everywhere. I was sort of seduced into thinking it might be about 20. It's about 5,000. When you see them mashed into a floor or a road, have I told the story about the bus running over a pigeon? No. I was sort of thinking, I always think, you know, in a crisis I'm pretty good. I reckon, you know, if something dreadful might happen or someone fell ill,

I could probably, you know, I've got fantasies of if someone got disemboweled i could push the guts back into the body and and like marine style make the person lift their knees up to their chest what are you talking about and keep the guts in this is you're the man for the job here right well i'm thinking i'll know what to do i could probably do a tracheotomy but all of those fantasies just went up with a puff of pigeon blood when I saw a pigeon just get run over by a bus on Oxford Street and it just went bang. Right. And I knocked me for sick to be honest. Sick. I was sick. I was nearly sick. Were you? I was nearly sick. Did you actually witness it? Yeah. I watched the pigeon and I went that's close to the bang oh god i'm gonna be sick did it did it almost like explode on the screen like left for dead too but was it but was it like was it was it a bloody mess

it was a bloody mess well it just went bang under the wheel it was just the way no no i didn't know it didn't window no it went under a wheel i mean that's how stupid the bloody pigeon was. They call me Hangin' Johnny Away, boys, away And they says I hangs for money And we'll hang, boys, hang First I hung me mother Away, boys away, and me sister and me brother, and we'll hang, boys, away. And I'll strung him up with leather, And we'll hang, boys, hang.

Then I'll home me granny, Away, boys, away. Then I'll strung her up so canny And we'll hang, boys, hang Now we're all hanging together Away, boys, away And we'll hope for better weather And we'll all hang, boys.

All hang, boys. Just sung you a little song there. A little sea shanty. The whole thing. Song there. All right, then. That's the end of the show. Thank you for joining us for a little best of Luke and Pete show.

We'll be back next week. We'll be back this coming Thursday to do our thing. But you've got one more best of on Monday in the can so to speak so have a cracking weekend don't do drugs, don't fall down any stairs and look after your mum or dad or children or dog or

I'll leave it there This was a Radio Stakhanov production.