The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 181: Back in a bath of Bannatyne

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Pete and Luke return with their final summer best of. They'll be back this Thursday with more daft nonsense. In this special, Luke submerges himself in a bath of Bannatyne, and a man eats some seriously old scran. Have you ever eaten anything really old? Email us: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

all right then i'm back with the final look at beach show summer best of this show began a couple years ago as a something to do while the football ramble wasn't doing its thing turned out i think i think we did the football ramble most of the way through the summer anyway so it wasn't really that much of a holiday but either way I'm back with a little best of and I've got called pretty much right

throughout all of these clips so apologies I would like to say hello to Cameron from Washington DC who got in touch I said I'd be reading

out a couple of emails just to keep you know a little bit of the freshness coming in if you want to get into the show

as always it's hello at LukeandPete hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. I'll just get on my vocal booth. Did a little burp, thank you. Right, hello to Cameron from Washington, D.C. Hi, friends. Long-time listener, long-time emailer. No batteries around me to report on. Back in university, I did Valentine's Day grams,

where people paid me to go around the school and play guitar slash sing to their significant others. Not bad little hustle, is it Cameron? By far the most popular song request was Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder. I love the song and I have no problem performing it, but I'm not sure people realised that it's actually a song about a newborn baby. Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she precious? Less than one minute old. Now, do you fancy going to prom?

Unbelievable. Can't wait to see you guys in the States. Sorry about you going to the States under our football ramble, guys. Thank you, Cameron from Washington, D.C., for your upsetting email. If you would like to say hello, it's hello at lucanpeachshaw.com.

We'll be back this coming Thursday with more Lucan Peach Shaw, but instead of the highlights of two years ago, it's going to be fresh content. This is from Nick, actually. N-I-C, Nick. I didn't take it. I don't think he signed off with his surname.

Hi, Nicky boy. Give us what you got, yeah? He says, following the chat around prosopagnosia in last week's episode, that was with Duncan Bannatyne. Do you remember the inability to recognise faces? Somebody tweeted Duncan Bannatyne today. Did you see that? I did see that, yeah.

Going, did you see what those boys are saying about you on the podcast? Why do people do that? It's show-offs, aren't they? Show-offs, but also I was going, what did we say about that? That's the problem, isn't it? Can't remember. That's the problem, isn't it? Can't remember. That's the problem, yeah. Bannatyne won't listen.

No. He's worth 700 million or something. He's not going to care. He's busy pushing his commanding officer off his boat. We only said, to be fair, that he had an ice cream van and according to his own website,

he's got prosopagnosia and he was dishonorably discharged from the Navy. All of which is true. Okay. Bring your law firm, Bannatyne. Anyway. I had a badger's head.

So if you can't remember what happened last week, Prosopagnosia, St. Duncan Bannatyne, apparently suffers from, according to reports, and it's the inability to recognise faces. Okay. So even if you know someone well, occasionally you cannot recognise who they are. Yeah. Anyway, Nick says, following the chat around that, I'd like to present for Menkata another fascinating psychological phenomenon that may have passed you by. Synesthesia. Do you know synesthesia?

I'm familiar with it, yeah. Okay, so for those who are listening who don't know... Yes, in short. Anyway, and that's it. But if you're listening and you don't, it's a phenomenon in humans, Nick says, where one sensory pathway is joined with another sensory pathway, so when one is stimulated, the other is triggered involuntary. For example, sounds are experienced as colours.

He says, I studied psychology at university. I remember watching a video in a lecture about a synesthete, which that's the name of people who suffer from it, who experience words as tastes and smells. And there was a video of him going on the tubes of Covent Garden Station, and he said, Covent Garden tastes strongly of sausages. It sounds fake, but apparently it's real.

So how many is he, German? Synesthesia is sometimes suggested as a source of genius and certain great composers, Chopin and Liszt, experienced sound as colour and would choose chord progressions based on the shades and hue of the colour they saw while playing. He said, maybe old news to you. Certainly old news to you, Pete, but thought it was worth sharing.

It was fascinating. Keep up the good work, Nick. Now, Nick included a link to a list of some other notable synesthetes in his email, and I thought you'd be interested, Pete, to know that the following people have apparently suffered from synesthesia. Tori Amos. Oh! Remember her?

Conflict girl. Never was a conflict girl. She has red hair or, as I call it, sausage hair. Tell you what I'll do, I'll, um, taste strongly of sausage. I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll list these people who've got synesthesia and you can give me an alternative fact, a different fact, not an alternative fact, an actual fact about them. About them, okay, right, yeah. So starting off, Tori Amos, she said red hair, that's fine. Yes, red hair. Next up, um, Michael Jackson.

I think he used, he had one, uh, silvery glove. Okay, there we go. So we're starting off. Tori Amos, you said red hair, that's fine. Yes, red hair. Next up, Michael Jackson. I think he used... Careful. He had one silvery glove. Okay, there we go. Next up, this is a tough one. Duke Ellington, famous pianist. He... I have no facts about Duke Ellington.

Okay. Richard Feynman. I don't even know who Richard Feynman is. Fantastic physicist. Right. Apparently... What a fantastic physicist. Apparently he used to see equations in colours. Imagine that. He did, apparently. That is confusing. Right. Apparently... What a fantastic physicist. Apparently he used to see equations in colours.

Imagine that. He did, apparently. That is confusing. Yeah. Marilyn Monroe. She had a dress that would occasionally rise above her knee. There you go. Vincent van Gogh.

Don't do the obvious one. Cut off his colourful ear. He actually used to see ears as colours. He was like, oh, my ears are black. And two easy ones to finish, two more notable synesthetes to finish off. Kanye West. Just invariably quite mad. Yeah, and Hans Zimmer.

Oh, I have interviewed him. Okay. And the microphone didn't work. Oh, dear. And I didn't tell anyone. He's still waiting for that to come out. We've all been there. He did the music for Dunkirk, didn't he? He did, yeah. And I didn't tell anyone. He's still waiting for that to come out. We've all been there. He did the music for Dunkirk, didn't he?

He did, yeah. It's a very good soundtrack. He did. And also, I noticed that, what's that famous one he did for, not true, what am I talking about? Two Romance.

Yeah. Oh, did he do that? That kind of xylophone-y kind of thing. It's got used in so many things. Such a copy of another piece. Such a big copy. Before we move on, and maybe even leave our listeners alone, I would say Dunkirk, to finish off with Dunkirk,

to bookend the show, if you will, because Hans Zimmer's come up here. Yes. I would say it's the first film I've seen where the soundtrack is probably more important than the dialogue. Okay, yeah. Everyone's talking about how amazing it is. It's very claustrophobic and very sort of affecting.

I really want to watch it. I want to watch it in 70... Is it 70 millimetres? Don't talk to me about that, mate. 70 millimetres. I watched it with... Again, Tommy, you come up earlier on the show. Right.

He works in that sort of business. He was talking about 35 mil and 70 mil and all sorts. And I was like, look... Shut your mouth, mate. I want to get... I want to see a man's head come off. Just let me watch it. Yeah.

I've heard it's got loads of bloody explosions in it. I've heard it's got a bloody bandalite in it. Yeah. All right, then. Well, let's get out of here. If you want to get involved and do our job for us, because to be quite frank,

you've merely been in the heavy lifting. The show's getting better. We've enjoyed it. It's hello at lukenpetershaw.com. Yeah, and do post us a review of our show if you like it on iTunes. I did notice It's hello at lucanpetershaw.com. Yeah, and do post us a review of our show, if you like it, on iTunes. I did notice a review. I don't tend to read below the line, as they say very often, because it's depressing. But we love all the reviews you'll get. Apart from one guy who said, the show's rubbish or something, and if you want proof, look at the shows, they're just getting shorter.

They're getting shorter and shorter. What does that mean? I don't know. I'll take it up with him, mate. It wasn't like last week, it's like an hour or something i don't know gentlemen this is democracy manifest has this man got a youtube channel of eating old food well you've spoiled the surprise but yes a man from america on youtube who specializes in eating really really old food anyone who's ever known you in any capacity would have had to guess that piece. It's inhuman. I love this guy. So what sort of stuff does he eat?

Well, he's part of an online community who swap old, what they call MREs, Military Ready-to-Eat Rations. Right. So he basically locates, finds, borrows, buys old rations from back in the day. They're obviously food that aren't designed for gourmet taste. They're designed to just pack as many calories into a small amount of space. I'm presuming they're designed to last a long time as well. Exactly.

So some of the rarest stuff he's eaten is Italian army rations from back in the day that contained little liquor miniatures and stuff. And because these rations are raising quite a bit of money on the grey market, there's actually criminal investigation units inside the army set up to find out who's selling like rations are raising quite a bit of money on the grey market there's actually criminal investigation units inside the army set up to find out who's selling these rations off the back of a lorry to people so it's not only just old stuff, he also eats

the modern ration from like the Israeli army or the Russian army just to see the difference between what you get in each pack and stuff. I can perfectly picture what this man looks like what does he look like? Describe him. I'll show you a video of him. Quite nerdy. Quite nerdy looking.

He's quite handsome, quite healthy looking. Where's one of those caps with an American warship on the front? USS Freedom or whatever. He might have been wearing a wife beater with an American flag on. He's my hero. He's such a dude. As I said, he's very tanned. It might be hepatitis. I don't know. It might be salmonella. Yeah, there we go. But he's my hero. He's such a dude. Okay, right. As I said, he's very tanned.

It might be hepatitis, I don't know. It might be salmonella. It might be something else. But Steve makes the big point of saying that he doesn't have health insurance. Right. And he's eaten all this old food from back in the day. Boasting.

I'm pretty sure I saw on the 100th anniversary of a battle in the First World War, I'm pretty sure I saw a sort of rationed tin, boozy tin being eaten or something, and the guy was like, yeah, it's not that good. This isn't delicious. I think it was just corned beef and biscuits or something. Well, I think, yeah, I mean, that is,

it's usually like really fatty meat and usually a lot of kind of saltine kind of biscuits. Yeah, saltine's exactly to give you what you need. I mean, on that note, I said earlier, I'm quite sort of a laissez-faire when it comes to worrying about fruit being out of date, particularly, but I would say overall, you're a much more adventurous eater than I am.

Yeah, but I won't eat anything that's gone off, though. Like, I'm pretty diligent about sell-by-dates and use-by-dates and stuff. It's almost perverse how often you want to eat weird food. I mean, I've been with you before when we've been, I don't know, on a Sunday morning or whatever before a football match, and I've seen you

pile into a full-ste steak tartare with a raw egg before football, for example, which to most people listening to this, if not all, will think that is ridiculous. I'll level with you. It's not the ideal. It's not exotonic. I was having a Lucas Ice Sport and a banana, I think. You're tacking it to a full joint

of raw meat. Just very heavy. It was a big portion. It was too heavy. I remember the last time I played football, the second last time I played football, I ate a full creme brulee just before I started. Do you know what I mean? I thought, I'll give myself an hour. Is this a YouTube channel?

Turns out you need longer. Just me playing football, vomiting off some mystery food. Oh, you can't book me for that, ref. I've just had a creme brulee. Speaking of fruit, by the way. I'll just make this red card and a yellow one. I was reading a,

I'm reading, or I just finished reading David Niven's memoir. Yes. The Moons are Blue. It's a great, I mean, this is not new news.

It's a classic Hollywood memoir from the golden age of Hollywood. And he tells a funny story in that about fruit where he says that it's either him or his friend were invited, this is way back

in like the 30s. Him or his friend were invited to play cricket at a Duke's country estate. Because they knew he played a bit of cricket, right? And it was like the Duke of Gloucester or whatever's massive country retreat. So there's a bit of an event happening, a bit of a day thing,

and we want you to play cricket. We heard you're good at cricket and we'd love to have you part of the team. And he was like, oh, yeah, all right, fine. I don't think he really wanted to do it because he didn't really like the high society side of it. So he got there the night before and got put up in this amazing room.

And in the morning, he was quite nervous and he looked out the window and there's a massive throng of people on the grounds and stuff. And he said, oh, God. So he walked downstairs and just had treated himself to a little walk around the grounds to delay the inevitable, basically. And as he was walking through the little orchard,

he came into a little greenhouse, walked through and saw these different fruit trees and everything, and he saw a single peach hanging on a tree. He thought, oh, do you know what? I'll have that. I ain't going to miss that. Well, this is biblical. Grab the, grab the, grab the, don't.

Forbidden fruit. Wait, wait. Grab the peach, starts eating it, right? Turns, finishes the peach, walks around to the edge of the group, and he says, right, okay, everyone, how are you doing? This is so-and-so. He's like, yeah, right, nice to meet you.

Why don't we start on the cricket? He said, well, we'll start in a minute, but the press are just on their way over there. The press pack are going to be here soon, we'll do all the photos and everything, and then we'll go. And he was like, what do you mean, the press pack? What, it's just a cricket game? He said, yeah, it is a cricket game,

but it's also just to commemorate the Duke's achievements. And he was like, what do you mean? He said, well, the biggest achievement he's just had recently, he's just become the first human in history to grow a full-sized peach on a miniature peach tree. That's wonderful. He just turned on his heels, went to the room, grabbed his stuff and just left.

Just picked up a cricket bat and just smashed himself in the face. Well, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry. If that was me, I would have definitely eaten it as well. I would have gone looking for laburnum, I think. Just munching down the seeds, yum, yum, yum. The good thing is you can probably get lost in a place that big, so just leg definitely eaten it as well I would have gone looking for laburnum, I think Munching down those seeds, yum yum yum The good thing is you could probably get lost in the place that big So you just leg it as quick as you can I do wonder whether it was

I guess back in the day you wouldn't have security cameras You could get away with a lot more stuff Oh yeah, big time Like any crime, look around to see if anyone is around Nowadays you've got to look for cameras and stuff We cannot use this vehicle to advocate crime. I'm not advocating it. I'm just helping people plan crimes. Roll back the nanny state and then commit crimes.

Yeah, plan better crimes, guys. Watch out for cameras. So, this guy's got quite a relaxing voice. The sounds of the packets getting opened. It's quite similar to those ASMR videos. Are you familiar with those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's just, like, whispering women and men kind of, like, rustling papers and stuff like that. What's the point of that?

It's kind of relaxing. Well, there's some people who are particularly susceptible to it. Yeah, some people are particularly susceptible. It's a little bit sexually exciting for people because it's like, you know, in your ear kind of thing. But, yeah, it's a little bit like that. It's quite relaxing to watch and you sort of doze off watching him eat some pretty difficult stuff could you sort of um submit your own um your own sort of ration pack for him to try yeah i mean people send him stuff all the time so and he just puts in his mouth which is

right we should start doing that on this show i think in many ways uh he basically knows the food is okay to eat because the pack if uh oxygen's got to it, the packs will just swell up to like twice their size. Makes sense, okay. So the amount of times he's like opened a tin and there's just been like, it's been strawberry,

you know, tin strawberries or whatever, it's just been black. How did you find out about this guy in the first place? I don't know, just on my travels. But he's quite popular,

he's got a hell of a following. How many subscribers are we talking? Oh, he's got loads, like absolute, complete millions. Some people from the forces, some people from the forces... Oh, my goodness.

Some people from the forces, like, email him going, why are you doing this? I never wanted to see another one of these as long as I live, because obviously they had to live off them for such a long time. But, like, people who... Like, in some of the packs, there's things like powdered lemon, so that people don't have scurvy and stuff like that, because it's the only way to get vitamin C into their diet.

It's incredible. That must be old-fashioned. Surely these days you get, like, tablets and pills. Yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously. But it seems to be, one of his best episodes was him eating a hardtack, which is like, it's like a biscuit, saltine sort of biscuit, but very

dry, very nutritious, but they can be stored for ages. He ate one from the US Civil War, 1863. I was about to ask, that's so funny, that is fascinating to start with, but I was about to ask my next question would be, how far back would he go? Because, I don't know if you're familiar, but down on the south coast

the Mary Rose Museum. Right. The Mary Rose, obviously Henry VIII's flagship, sank in the Solent in the 16th century. And it was perfect, almost one half of it was perfectly preserved because it sunk instantly into the silt. Right, OK.

And now, obviously, I think in the 1980s, they raised it and they've treated it, and it's now a pretty good... Well, it's actually a brilliant museum, and they've got all that stuff in there. And they've got stuff... Obviously, I think there'll be either fossils of it or there'll be some sort of variation on what it should be,

but they've got, like, chips, biscuits and stuff like that. Well, after a while, things like that soak up rock and carbon, so they've just become carbonated. That's probably what it is. Carbonated or just carbon, basically. This is the famous tree in the Natural History Museum that I love, and I think I'm the only person who actually goes in and just looks at that tree,

because everyone just walks past it. But it's a tree trunk that, back in the day, obviously you've got the sequoia at the top of the stairs, the big massive one that's like a thousand years old. But there's a tree stump that got basically just filled with carbon. It's soaked up so many minerals that it's just this kind of like stone tree. But it looks like a tree. But every atom of it is now being replaced by a different kind of carbon,

like a hardened diamond hard carbon. It's fantastic. The oldest tree ever to be discovered, I think I'm right in saying, was cut down by some students or some scientists accidentally. Right. And they only realised it was the oldest tree in existence after they cut it down. When David Niven turned up and went,

I'm here for the big tree fest. No, when they counted the rings or whatever they would do for a tree of that age. And they were like, uh... Oh, yeah. Super glow. So no one got any normal nails. Sorry about that.

Yeah, so, yeah. Once you've chopped a tree down, there must be a way of kind of surgically sticking it together. Because that's how you kind of do bonsai trees, isn't it? You kind of... Is that why you were kicked out of university? I was kicked out of Goy.

I was going to try by knocking that down. Kicked out of Richmond Park. All I'm saying is there must be a way we can fix this. That's why that bird turned up in your house, because I cut down his tree. Are you the owner of Fenton, the dog? We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke.

If he feels sad about Mum and Dad, we'll both look after Luke We'll both look after Luke If he feels sad about mum and dad We'll both look after Luke So shall we watch a bit of this guy? Yeah, okay, great This is a near complete piece of hard tech Packed by G.H. Benton Company In Milton, Massachusetts In the summer of 1863 So explain what we're watching here, Luke

So the American chap is taking a... Use his name, Steve. Steve. Steve. Steve1989 MRE info. He's using... He's taking a 160 or 155 euro, whatever it is, cracker out of a plastic sheath. And, um...

I mean, it's absolutely remarkable, really. Hard tack, it's called. Very faint. Um, it looks absolutely remarkable, really. Check that out. Hard tack, it's called. Very faint. It looks like a piece of clay from a quarry. Yeah. So it looks like it's been quarried. It kind of tastes like... It tastes exactly the way it smells. It tastes like mothballs and old library books.

That's what it looks like. I'm not surprised. Why are you surprised? It's a thick cracker made of flour, water and occasionally some salt. It wouldn't properly store. It would last for years. Well, obviously it's 100 years.

It looks like the skin of an old man is not very well. But rigid as heck. It looks like you're eating a bit of stone. An incredible man doing some incredible things, really. I mean, I don't know if I agree with that.

Put it in your mouth. It's a man eating an old cracker. So now, I mean, 1943, World War II, British RAF emergency flying ration. Yeah. On the top it says, read instructions carefully, which I quite like. This is a World War two British Royal Air Force emergency flying ration mark just said we just said that Steve honestly yeah you've eaten a bad cracker there Steve just a put it in your mouth Dave

that's didn't present it I've only found one other one in all the time searching for these this specific ration can I just say, if it's uncommon, you shouldn't be eating it. It's either an antique or it isn't. Yeah. Do you know what I found the other day? What? Oh, a 1944 ration. There's only one left in the world.

Oh, can I see it? No, I hate it. I hate it. Oh, you know what I've dug up? I've dug up the missing link between chimps and humans. What have you done with it? Fucked it and ate it. Can I see it? Yeah, if you want. This you done with it? Fucked it in the head. Can I see it?

Yeah, if you want. This is the bathroom. Yeah, it's in the can. Two years old and going on 73. So, without further ado, let's check this out. So he's opening what looks like a cigarette case filled with very tidily arranged old nosh. Can I just say, you know when you go into a restaurant and you look at the menu and you really can't decide

what you want to eat? Yeah. I mean... It's got everything, hasn't it? What I like, one of the bits of advice in the lid of the can says, never drink seawater. You shouldn't be in the RAF. You don't know that. You shouldn't be in the services, alright? Steve would fucking do it. Pirates have

known that for hundreds of years. Yeah, Steve would drink it. The energy tablets should be taken only on instructions from the officer in command. Instructions to this officer are printed on the carton and repeated on the leaflet inside. Oh, the energy tablets. A little bit of Lucas Ed. Do you reckon when he goes out for dinner with his family, they're like,

what do you want? What can I get you? I'll have the steak, please. How do you want it cooked? I'll have it medium. Okay. How do you want it cooked? I'll have it medium. Okay. How old is the steak? Have you got a 70-year-aged steak?

The best videos are when he unpacks corned beef that's been around for 50 years. Oh, God. Foul. So I'll draw the line there. I think, that being said, you see there's only one pack of energy tablets. This one has two. And the barley sugar and gum are missing. All that's in this...

Someone's been at my ration, says Steve. All I can say is, I do think Steve's actually a bit more of a better bloke than I thought he'd be. He's quite softly spoken, isn't he? Yeah, he's actually quite nice to listen to, isn't he? He's quite engaging. Unlike us. How often you find one. This man promised us the fact that he was going to eat loads of food.

Right. But he's stopped at the energy tablets. Let's watch him get these down his Gregory Peck and then let's watch him eat some really old meat. He's backing out here. He's stressing out that there's actual drugs in this plumbing packet. I think if you've got to the stage in your life

where you're eating 70-year-old amphetamines, you probably want to just have a little bit of a recalibration of your priorities. You know, and they said that the 90s was good for ecstasy. How good is it for his barbs? Placed by dexedrine, dextroamphetamine, sulfate. He's got his tweezers in there. This is Adderall, but this is the original Adderall. The original crank.

Let's try out this candy. Hmm. Smells like a nice malted milk tablet with a little bit of motor oil. That never killed anybody. Eh. Um. Oh. Yeah.

Well, it's just like a oh. A really weird waxy Tootsie Roll. Yeah, well, yeah, that's just super bitter. You are, mate. It even has that. May I remind you that this man has no health insurance. So I'm going to, Pete, I'm going to click onto one about,

it looks like a massive chunk of meat from the Vietnam War. Right, okay. So, I mean, that's... Well, the actual sort of meat from the Vietnam War. Right, okay. So, I mean, that's... Well, the actual sort of picture at the start of it, it looks like a horrible... It looks like bully beef, doesn't it? Like a big roll of beef that you'd get back in the day, but this is

quite old. How old is this one? It's from the Vietnam War, so early 70s, but it looks to me like, you know when you get a massive thing of salami in the deli counter at a supermarket so it looks like it looks like that probably about the same age to be honest yeah it said the same thing but hang on has he bought that from asdok put it in an old box it's got a yellow sticker on it but this thing you know i'm pretty sure the main course is cooked it's it's. It's dropping, like, bits of rust everywhere. All right, so let's check this out.

First, starting off with an accessory packet. You've got your cigarettes, matches, chewing gum, toilet paper, coffee, creamer, sugar, salt, and an interdental stimulator. Huh. Is that one of those sticks that you poke into your gums to make them do stuff? Imagine you know you wear around an interdental stimulator. Huh. Is that one of those sticks that you poke into your gums to make them do stuff? Imagine you know your way around

an interdental stimulator, Pete. I don't even floss, mate. I'm fast forwarding to him eating the beef. Seedless blackberry jam. And I don't think this thing's leaked. It does have bug carcasses on the side that...

Whoa. Look at that. It does have... It does have bug... Oh, my God. It does have bug carcasses on the side. Look at this.

To this, um... So what he's done is he's put... It's got mould all over it. Yeah, don't eat that, mate. It does have bug carcasses on the side. Look at this. So what he's done is he's put... It's got mould all over it. Yeah, don't eat that, mate. Why put myself through it? Well, it really has a salami or bologna. It's like a tall, it's like a small can of cat food. Yeah, like a roll of, like, you know those kind of, like, goat's cheeses you get?

But, like, one that's been sat in the sun for about 30 years. That's how it always was. I think my life was better before I knew about this guy. And this is what you constantly do this to me. He's moving the chunk of meat on an old spoon from the Vietnam War and close up the camera. Again, if you ate that, I don't know what it would do, necessarily. I mean, I've never eaten mouldy canned meat,

nor am I ever planning to. What? Then you shouldn't have the channel, mate. Because that's exactly what I'm doing it in for. Right, so what's he done, exactly? He's had a bit of sugar, a bit of salt. He's just opened it all. It's poor.

It's a poor pile-up. Poor Shoy. Poor Shoy from Steve. So if you do want to check out Steve, he's Steve1989MR8info, and he's quite well known. I mean, the thing is, how does he get such a big following with that username?

I think you just start with something. You don't really want to change it. I think he should really be following through when he opens to eating things. He'll be following through later, mate. I've got something, Luke, called railway madness. Okay. Which was reported in Britain back in the day.

Apparently during the 1850s and 60s, there were reports of train madness. Right. Basically, men, and mainly men, going insane when trains are in motion. What? Well, they're on the train. They're on the train. There was just a spate of random attacks on fellow passengers from guys who experienced the jarring motion of the trains coupled with insanely loud noises.

Obviously, it was very loud back then. There was no kind of insulation. So it would trigger people to go ranting and raving and attacking people. So basically, people would just go insane on the trains because they'd never experienced anything like that before, I guess. This is not like these mythical things like fan death and all that sort of stuff. No. It did actually happen.

Yeah, so one Scottish aristocrat was reported to have ditched his clothes aboard a train before, leaning out the window, ranting and raving. After he left the train, he suddenly recovered his composure. He's just excited. He's just excited about the train, isn't he? It's a new thing back then. That's crazy, isn't it? I mean, it's incredible, really. I mean, absolutely

unspeakable. I mean, insert obvious joke about anyone who's taken a southern rail train in 2016. Yeah, exactly. I'd, absolutely unspeakable. I mean, insert obvious joke about anyone who's taken a Southern Rail train... Yeah, exactly. ...in 2016. I'd be surprised if nobody got involved recently. But there were some wonderful sort of depictions. There used to be a newspaper called the Illustrated Police News, which would draw pictures of crimes that had taken place that month.

There's some fantastic, it's worth a Google, depictions of ruffianism, as they would call it. Ruffianism in a railway carriage. Just basically just blokes in big old store pipes, perhaps chitting each other. So, yeah, just well-dressed guys fighting. Are you the sort of guy who gets excited by trains? I mean, I've been on trains with you a number of times. In my memory, you're asleep a lot of times.

I do. I'm quite good at sleeping on trains and planes. I think it might let you as I might get into planes a bit. We went on a train journey once. Yeah, I know. I've got a few friends who are into planes and do you know what, that flight radar website now is a fascinating thing, you can see them everywhere did you see that advert that was on

Piccadilly Circus that had a little boy sitting down playing with his toys and then he suddenly stands up and walks across pointing at the sky, walks across the frame and he's pointing at the BA flight that's from Heathrow flying across the sky. So it's all synced up.

So it's all synced up to where that plane is in the sky and the kid's pointing at it. That's brilliant. It basically says underneath the kid

that's the BA to I don't know Honolulu or wherever the hell it's going. Literally advertising it to terrorists. Showing them

exactly where to go. Have a shot. Yeah that's unbelievable but I was just going to say on the train thing the most recent time I took a train with you, you got grumpy because we were being noisy. Not in a sort of bawdy way, but I guess you were just tired.

And then so you walked down a couple of carriages along and got your head down. Yeah. And then I and one of us had to go on and physically grab you from the train, otherwise you would have missed a stop and you'd have gone all the way to, I believe, Glasgow or whatever it is.

Yeah. Do you remember that? I do, kind of, yeah. So you're not a man to get excited by trains. No, I was. Sadly. I've got this wonderful, I use a suit roll quite a lot to transport my suits around,

and my many suits. Transport my suits around. Transport my important suits, and if I've got two seats, I can basically make myself an L-shaped sofa if I manipulate the suit roll in such a way that I use the suit roll as a head kind of cushion. That's the problem with me.

I'm obviously 6'3 and quite large. Yeah, you can't get comfortable anywhere. No, the amount of ridiculous advice I get from my 5'1 wife when we go on planes. She's like, well, what I do is I just pull this up and I bring a blanket over me and it's like a little sit-up bed. It's like, yeah, 5 foot one, a hundred pounds.

Do you remember when we went on the book tour for that book we put out about football and the company who we released it with, they booked us a sleeper train from Glasgow to... It never stops hurting, Luke. Still annoyed about it. From Glasgow to London and I basically said, I'm going to get my head down,

can you get me the sleeper train back to London? So we both got on the sleep get my head down, can you get me the sleeper train back to London? So we both got on the sleeper train. But you didn't get on the sleeper train. Well, as in, they booked us tickets to the sleeper train. Except,

they didn't book us on the sleeper with the beds. No. They booked us on a chair in the sleeper train to save money. Can I just say, I think it might have been

an honest mistake, but can I just say that, obviously, fast forward to what actually happened. You didn't go on the train. No. You had a massive tantrum about it. A flounce. I had a flounce.

Yeah, and you were on the Megabus or something. Which is worse, by the way. Is it fair to say that I'm usually all right with travelling. I just, for like, what is it, ten hours? I'm not having that. Rubbish. What I would say is it's fantastic because you didn't turn up and obviously you were put to sleep next to me

so I had two big seats to myself. Still didn't get a wink of sleep. I slept most of the way because I had a big double bed on the Megabus. Imagine if you were on the sleeper train carriage and the railway madness would happen. People ranting around you, trying to kill you. Luke, what I would say is that I had two muffins as well on that Megabus. I recommend the Megabus.

They give you three ones. Three bottles of water and muffins. According to the Scotsman at the time, people would carry weapons on the trains back in the day to prevent railway madness. And the 1864 Railway Bylaws Act stipulated that so-called insane persons should be isolated in their own carriage.

Yeah. Only fair. That's the minimum I expect. In my mind, I'm thinking of David Niven again when he's in Around the World in 80 Days. Have you seen that? Playing cards on that train going across the US and they get jumped on by a

bunch of American Indians, Native Americans, who are obviously played by actors who aren't Native Americans, because it was like the 40s. Yeah, not much excuse for the lad from Short Circuit who's actually not even Pakistani or whatever the hell he was from. Oh, yeah, I remember that.

They browned him up. That was in the 80s as well. Incredible. But in that scene, from memory, in that scene in Around the World in 80 Days, he has a bit of a set-to with an American cowboy, and they're about to have one of those when you go back-to-back and do two paces and shoot, and as they're about to do it, the Native Americans jump on the train and try and grab him.

So it reminds me of that. I mean, so back in those days, I mean, guns were all over the place. I know I was talking about completely different consonants. Yeah, fascinating stuff. Well, apparently some companies installed, like, the windows in carriages, and they were called, guess what they were called, right? After a man, Franz Muller, performed the first train-based murder. He just murdered someone in a, you know,

they had those little kind of sort of portioned-off partitions. A portion partition, like a little kind of thing where you have like four seats. A man, Franz Muller, killed someone on a train. Guess what the little windows were called? Muller windows. Muller's lights. Oh, really? Muller's lights.

How good is that? That's great. Really good. So that rice pudding dish is, well... Well, that's a Muller rice. I mean a yoghurt. All right, Muller light then. A light milky yoghurt is named after a murderer's window.

One thing I will say about the sleeper train from Glasgow to London is that in the particular cabin I was booked in, it's the only time I've been on a sleeper train, if you're booked into a cabin, you get the bar. You get a nice bar and a little mini restaurant type thing and they serve you proper sit-down meals. It looks amazing. But if you're in the little seats bit, the coach bit, I guess they call it. I don't know what it's called, but you just get a nice bar and a little mini restaurant type thing, and they serve you proper sit-down meals. It looks amazing. But if you're in the little seats bit, the coach bit, I guess they call it.

I don't know what it's called, but you just get a seat, as we were just talking about. You get a tiny little bit of the bar, which doubles up on the other side of the door, on your side of the door. It's a little almost like when you go to a non-league football match, and you get a little canteen, meals on wheels type, burn-a-van type thing. And you can like a little canteen, like Meals on Wheels type, right,

burger van type thing. And you can have all the food they have in the nice bit. But it's just an FU to what you've... But they give it to you in like polystyrene things. And they give you the wine in like little plastic things. And you can see them through the glass. And you can see them just, you know, dabbing their mouths with their napkins as they go off to bed after their nightcap.

And you're just sat in this horrendous seat. Fantastic. It's the worst experience in British travel, I'm telling you. All right, then. That was a load of fun, wasn't it? We'll be back on Thursday with more live show fun. Just a quick one from Dan, who's emailed in. Pete's chat about sticking his corpse in a beehive

made me think about the legend of the mellified man, which is one of those weird little corners of history that might be worth a men cart. A men cart was a thing we did back in the day where we would find a story that we liked and we would play the theme tune to Encarta, the popular mid-90s CD-ROM encyclopedia, and we'd basically read it out. It's nothing more complex than that. But a mellified man, a mellified man or a human mummy confection was a legendary medicinal substance created by steeping a human cadaver in honey.

The concoction is detailed by Chinese medical sources, most significantly the Ben Cao Jiangmu of the 16th century Chinese medical doctor and pharmacologist Li Shizhen. Chinese medical doctor and pharmacologist Li Shizhen. Relying on a second-hand account, Li reports a story that some elderly men in Arabia nearing the end of their lives would submit themselves to a process of mummification in honey to create a healing confection. This process differed from a simple body donation because of the aspect of self-sacrifice. The mummification process would ideally start before death.

The donor would stop eating any food other than honey, going as far to bathe in the substance. Shortly, his faeces and even his sweat, according to legend, would consist of honey. Delicious. When this diet finally proved fatal, the donor's body would be placed in a stone coffin filled with honey. After a century or so,

the contents would have turned into some kind of confection, reputedly capable of healing broken limbs and other ailments. This confection would then be sold in street markets as a hard-to-find item with a hefty price. Check out that mellified man on the Wikipedia. It's disgusting, not for you diabetics, but it's a little bit delicious. Here you go. Thanks for the show. Always a good listen.

No, thank you, Dan. It's all about your dispatches. It's all about your emails. And if you would like to add something to the pile, the funeral pyre, the honey-doused funeral pyre, a delicious Chinese meal, hello at lucanpeachshow.com. We'll be back on Thursday with a live show from Lucan Peach Show Land. See you then. We'll be back on Thursday with a live show from Luke and Pete's showland.

See you then. This was a Radio Stakhanov production.