The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 182: Back with a Boston Crab

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

After an extended break involving several 'best of' episodes, Pete and Luke are back in the studio and talking through all your old favourites, as well as some new stories besides.This time around we go over Pete's experiences in Japan (clue: it involved a lot of rain), hear about an amazing loophole in the law preventing driving solo in the car pool lane, and marvel at Pete finding himself on the end of a savage wrestling move at school.Elsewhere, there's a listener experiencing a disgraceful injustice, big talk about geoblocking of video content, and hot tubs on tour. That'll make sense when you actually listen...To get in touch, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Peloton all- Call yourself a runner. Peloton all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. So we're doing this. So we're doing this. Sorry, mate. Go. Go. Turn your phone off.

Unless, of course, you're listening to the Luke and Pete Show. Episode 182. I wasn't actually asking you to turn your phone off. I just got the phone out of my pocket and I thought I'd better turn mine off. You've probably got better studio etiquette than I have. Although I do notice a lot of uncovered water carriers over your side of the desk because you've been interviewing somebody. Yes, I've been interviewing Mesut Ozil's agent.

Oh! Off the press. I hope you asked him about his decisions. This is a little bit of extra information listeners to the Luke and Pete show get. I mean, that's not even been announced yet. That is like a good little Easter egg for people listening. Very handsome.

Just, I love men. Very handsome. I love men. I just love men. When a man is that swish and confident... Swish is swish, isn't it? Yeah. Does it make you feel a little bit intimidated? Not really. It makes me sort of think I need more room for white crisp shirts.

I need well-fitted white crisp shirts. Because me, I'm a shorts and at this point a Japanese football shirt kind of guy in the summer but I fear as I rapidly approach my horrible 40s as I am going to call them, I will have to turn to the jean and white shirt and sunglasses and tan. This is quite an interesting episode for us, Pete, because people who are... I'll be a judge of that. Okay, well, we've given ourselves the this is a quite an interesting episode for us pete because

people who are that okay well we've given ourselves the best chance of making an interesting episode the the situation is of course people have been listening to and hopefully enjoying the best of episodes that we put out for the start of the summer because you and i or a combination of you or i were away and now we are back in the studio back in the habit live and direct as wad would say with a carafe of water in front of us carafe it is a carafe as well of water in front of us and um we're back in it we can see we still got it still got the magic i got the magic people have been chipping off haven't they what saying um we're not doing enough of listener emails which are the best

bit so we're gonna probably ignore that well let's do some listener emails i haven are the best bit. So we're going to probably ignore that. Well, let's do some listener emails. I haven't seen you in a Luke and Pete setting for a long time now. So I'm interested to know what's changed, brother. Um, I got soggy in Japan. Um, somebody made the joke that Japan is so rainy at the moment.

Godzilla has retreated back into the sea where it's drier, uh, for a holiday in which I spent, um, 10 days on the, uh the coast of Kyushu. It basically rained every single fucking day and was a waste of all of my money, time, effort. I did get drunk a lot because that was the only thing to do.

Was it literally raining every day? It was literally raining every day from the start of the day to the end of the day with maybe an hour's respite per day, if you were lucky, which is rather upsetting when you spend all that money. What were you able to do instead apart from go to the pub? Did they have pubs? They had pubs, yeah.

Are they more like bars though? I took a friend to... Was there an Irish pub where you were? Yeah, there were a lot of places. The Hub, I think I spoke about it before. The Hub is the big I spoke about it before. The Hub is the big British pub kind of parody.

Is there British diaspora there? Are there kind of immigrants there? Yeah, there's loads. We actually went on the last night

in... Because you've said before, sorry Matt, I'm not a big expert in Japanese culture as you know but you've said to me

on more than one occasion, they don't have a huge amount of immigration there. but there's enough British people there to sustain a British pub, is there?

No, it's a British kind of pub in the same way that we would visit a French restaurant. They visit it because the beer's quite nice and it's quite busy and there are enough foreign people for Japanese people to practice their English. That seems to be the case in point. Hello, ladies.

Hello. Please come and practice your English with me. Is that what you say yeah definitely just give a sign on the sandwich board right now just saying that

in Japanese well actually the obviously the Japanese have got a terrible underpopulation

problem they need more people they need more immigrants but they're so closed off Shinzo Abe

began a you know like in Peru I think in Brazil as well obviously got a big Japanese diaspora

diaspora I have a real problem saying that word for some reason and others too yeah they offered them like a five year visa

for anyone I think fourth generation Japanese and it's like yeah but like it's five years you know what I mean like come work for us

do some menial jobs because you're like 18 or 19 and then fuck off back home it's embarrassing well there's no and in the first

three months prospect of renewing it in the first three months I don't know but in the first three months literally nobody took him up on it really

isn't that incredible yeah great great from Brazil as well from Sao Paulo could you have engineered yourself into there somehow

I think if I can't engineer an Irish passport with an Irish great-grandmother, I think I'd find it very difficult to prove any kind of Japanese citizenship or back. What would be the situation if you wanted to move to Japan? Visa-wise. Well, you'd need to... your visa's sponsored by someone. So you'd need a job to go to, perhaps. You'd need a job to go to or a language school to teach at. But obviously language schools are very poorly paid.

Right. And who wants to speak like me, quite frankly? Yeah, so what else did you get up to? Why I, man? Went to the Russian Museum, obviously. You appeared on an episode of Set Meals, as we pre-promoted. Popped in and had a bit of food with Sam. Some chicken hearts on sticks.

And his co-host said that I spoke a little Japanese, which is correct, technically, but it still burned a little. You've been practicing it for 15 years. It was outrageous. It was very nice, and they took us to a beautiful place where they cooked meat.

Right. And it was very lovely. I had a bit of horse meat as well later on. Oh, yeah? What was that like? The flank was just fat, but it is quite nice horse meat. It. And it was very lovely. I had a bit of horse meat as well later on. Oh yeah? What was that like? The flank was just fat but it is quite nice horse meat.

It's interesting you say that because I always think of a horse as being a very lean animal. Well I guess the flank is like it's just all

I think the path that they choose to put in the because it's all uncooked it's not cooked at any point so it's just like that. Other stuff I had certainly but yeah. Chris Broad from Abroad in Japan the podcast I did with him he was trying to taunt me because it's all uncooked. It's not cooked at any point. Oh, right. It's just like that. Other stuff I had, certainly.

But yeah, Chris Broad from Abroad in Japan, the podcast I did with him, he was trying to taunt me into having some horse. And I'm like, mate, I'll eat anything. Don't, like, you're not testing me.

Yeah, you're not testing me. You or John, who we work with, because you guys will eat anything, famously. Put anything in my mouth. Famously. Yeah.

I get a lot of emails about the ice cream Coolish. I mentioned on a couple of podcasts that I enjoy a particular kind of ice cream out there called Coolish that you literally cannot get anywhere other than mainland Japan. And so every single day of the holiday, I enjoyed Coolish just to get all my Coolish in for the year. But I get a tweet every day or two about somebody in Japan with a picture of Coolish going, here, Pete, I a picture of Coolish going, here Pete, I'm having some Coolish.

So I think I am due some shares in the lot here. Try and get the franchise for the UK, mate. Ice cream, I think. There's an ice cream van next to the field

on the way back to the... Oh, maybe he's got a hookup there. Yeah, maybe you should do that. Just feel for a minute because I just need to close the curtain because there's like

a light shining off the windscreen of a car and it's making me blind. Alright then, what kind of car is it? Describe it to us. Describe it to us. An old estate car.

What makes an estate car? Is it like bigger than the caboose to keep some dogs in? An estate is a car that's got like an elongated boot so you can get

more stuff in it. It's kind of a family car type thing. Nice, I like it. I've got a quick news story for you. Go on. of a family car type thing. Nice, I like it. I've got a quick news story for you, Luke. I'm enjoying this one. On Monday,

Nevada Highway Patrol trooper Travis Smacker, who was a great name, pulled over a minivan in the high occupancy vehicle lane. You know, like the kind of carpool lane. A hov. Because nobody else was visible inside

except for the driver. Turns out, get this, the driver works for a funeral home and was transporting a body. So he gets away with it on a technicality. Does he get away with it or not? He immediately tells me he's got the remains of a person in the vehicle behind him.

I'd be taking that loophole all day. All day long. It's a person. How many times do you get to admit that to a police officer and not immediately get a gun drawn on you? If the police officer then said to me, well, yeah, but it's not a person anymore because he's dead, I would be like, how dare you?

Oh, have some respect. You put him in a carrier bag, mate. You put him in a bag for life, ironically. Just get a little urn. Put it on the windscreen. Yeah, a smacker. Yeah, basically, I kind of glanced in the back and confirmed that. So was this guy just loose about the hoose in the caboose of the estate car,

this bloody dick? Anyway. That's a good story, that. I feel like you should get away with it. Well, it was in the cargo area. It was a body bag strapped to a gurney. Kind of threw me off a little bit, and then he just made that funny remark, something along the lines of, so he won't count.

Nevada's high occupancy vehicle rules do not clarify whether an occupant must be breathing and leans on federal law which is not much clearer um so for the nevada highway patrol trooper jason uh baruchuk uh this person was obviously a descendant a descendant a decedent uh and in the cargo area of the car so they they would not qualify in the HOV lane. So if you are thinking of defeating the high occupancy vehicle lane in your town or in your state... We know you've all seen the film Weekend at Bernie's. Exactly. It's not going to work this time.

Say the name of the Nevada State Trooper again. Travis Smacker was the original one. No, the other name after that. The second one. Jason Barachuk. You sound like the girl from Little Mix trying to do a Jamaican accent. Barachuk. You sound like the girl from Little Mix trying to do a Jamaican accent. Barachuk. Barachuk.

Barachuk. Good. That's a good story. And it's also nice to hear a story involving some kind of member of the US law enforcement, which doesn't end in a death of someone from an ethnic minority. Good news. Good news. The news story I found that sort of caught my eye, and it was partly inspired by a chat that we had

with Jim Campbell yesterday. Finnish inventor. And do you know what? When you do this type of show, the last thing you want to be doing is saying Finnish names because they are the hardest. They're the hardest. Not as hard as the Bardiknik,

clearly a Polish name that I tried. So I'm going to have a go at this. Finnish inventor Jana Kapilajeto has sailed his self-made floating hot tub across the Gulf of Finland, travelling the 90km journey from Helsinki to Tallinn in Estonia in just over 10 hours. Lovely.

Picture that's great. They're having a lovely old time. One of them's got a Stetson on. Oh, so it's like like because we had this yesterday that's what I'm saying me and Jim were having an argument about what constitutes

a hot tub I would argue that is a boat with a hot tub in it in the same way that there was a stand up

who did a show in Edinburgh that I interviewed once who exclaimed that he crossed the channel in a bathtub except it wasn't

a bathtub it was a bathtub that was it wasn't a bathtub. It was a bathtub that was clearly converted into some kind of boat. It was not a bathtub. We need clarity on this, because that, to me, is, again, the kind of loophole you're talking about there in the carpool lane, I like.

The kind of loophole like that, I don't like. No, exactly. This guy, to be fair to him... He's turning it into a catamaran, and I'm not having it. But this guy here, to be fair, it's a self-made floating hot tub. So he's not just got a hot tub and stuck it on a boat.

Yeah. As far as I know, the video's not available in my country, sadly. I mean, can I just say, it's a video... Geolocking is frustrating at best. I can get on board with the idea that you pay a billion pounds for rights to something and someone else has paid

some other amount of the rights in the other country and you don't want a cross-pollination situation. I get that. This is a self-made video of a man who's built a hot tub and stuck it on a boat or whatever he's done and sailed it across the Gulf of Finland. I don't think it needs to geo-block it. Joined up, there should be a data set that joins up different

versions of the same video that can serve whatever adverts serve that country best and it should replace it algorithmically or dynamically at point of source. When I was watching the when I was reading about the Women's World Cup while I was in Japan

all the videos were just this is not available in your country. Well, you know what? Don't pretend there's a video there then. Just block that. Just take that content out, remove it, don't even offer it as an option. I usually waste my click. Those little touchpads,

they've only got a finite amount of clicks in them. So has your finger. Exactly. Yeah. Like the Tommy Cooper joke when the guy goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, it hurts here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. He says, you've broken your finger.

I watched Tommy Cooper die yesterday. I don't know don't know i watched it died on stage yeah it was uh it just sort of crumples it's not nice it's not nice um nice i was gonna say to you peter oh yes one one loophole around uh geo blocking of video content that uh i wanted to talk about but i'm conscious that i might be ill-equipped to do so no i I'm conscious that I might be... You're equipped to do so? No, I feel like I might be letting the cat out the bag. I want people to benefit. So people who are listening to this,

the Luke and Pete show tight-knit community, don't go spreading this. They're tight-knitters. But if you've got a Sky Go account, i.e. you watch Sky Sports on your phone or on your laptop, it works in other countries. It works... When we were in Lisbon recently it worked there right and it worked also in greece yeah i'm just saying that's surprising right because there will be greek rights holders in greece who will probably have something to say

about that um yeah you'd think that well i guess there's no work in the us though would it be would it be yeah i will i guess it will be in the US would it be would it be yeah I guess it would be in the reverse I guess you couldn't get a Greek whatever their rights holders are their online version of that and you couldn't transport it

to the UK because obviously the UK is the most expensive one I thought it might be an EU thing or something yeah maybe yeah anyway we'll leave you

to ponder over that while we take a quick ad break after which we are going to talk VPNs yeah talk a bit more about download rights mechanisms Anyway, we'll leave you to ponder over that while we take a quick ad break, after which we are going to... Talk VPNs. Yeah, talk a bit more about download rights mechanisms. Lovely. Mechanisms.

See that chap over there? Get your hand off my penis! We got a lot of emails about Julian Assange. Julian Assange there. We got a lot of tweets, sorry, about Glastonbury. Oh, good, we'll talk about that. Yeah, there's loads of flags. Oh, there was one flag at least.

They got reported a million times in the Luke and Pete Shaw account, at Luke and Pete Shaw on Twitter. And, yeah, it basically picks up. Get your hands off my penis. A lot of people. This is Democracy Manifest. A lot of people. This is Democracy Manifest.

A lot of people signing off their emails now Julian Assange as well when you had a little pop at me there and I noticed it about download rights mechanisms that was conversations we used to have at Sky

when I worked there DRM they'd call it it would be about how you mechanisms I don't know why because I think it was nascent

it was like trying to stop people doing that well I know what DRM I think it's mechanism download rights management maybe maybe that management so stuff your mechanism up your mechanism and that's what I'll be doing Well, I know what DRM is. I think it's mechanism, isn't it? Download Rights Management, maybe? Maybe that.

Management. So stuff your mechanism up your mechanism. And that's what I'll be doing on Monday's show. We've got an email here. Obviously, the email address is hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. So do get in touch. We've got loads to get through because we've been doing best of episodes and all the rest of it.

And we've sometimes, quite frankly, need to have a break. So we went on a little break. Suck it. um suck on that um but this email has come from sriram who says hi gentlemen your talk of childhood games has brought back rather traumatizing memories of a practice that used to be quite prevalent over here in india referred to as birthday bumps it was customary for a group a group of your friends and quite often some people who weren't even your friends to lift you by your arms and legs and kick your backside as hard as they can.

So that's interesting because birthday bumps in the UK growing up wasn't that, was it? It was on the floor, kind of... Sort of throw you up and down by your arms and legs. No, it was on the floor kicking, yeah. It wasn't that where I grew up. It was an acceptable practice for the victim to receive one kick from each

so-called friend for each year the victim had been on the planet. That's a lot of kicks, isn't it? That is a lot of kicks. I think it would be fair to say, he says, Sir MD,

it wasn't a pleasant experience. Anyway, he says, I was at the receiving end of said game many times, but the year of 2005 when I was 13 especially stands out in my memory.

In my school, each student was handed a diary at the beginning of the year. At the end of the diary, there were a couple of pages reserved for remarks by teachers and one page for remarks by the principal, which is a headmaster to you guys. The concept being that if a student was being naughty, the teacher would write a remark in said student's diary,

which is to be shown and signed off by the parents. So it could be quite terrifying, really. I mean, I remember hiding all the school reports that I used to get. How did you get away with that though how did you get away with well in it so for the first part of school obviously i couldn't get away with it but towards as i got a bit older this is something that's come up in my family time and time again and my parents kind of get the piss taken out of them a bit by my sister and some of the other family members because i told my mum at one point that the school would stop doing school reports for people of a certain age yeah and it was all

covered by parents evening and they sort of believed me right there's only when we moved house when i was about 18 or 19 maybe a bit younger that um we were cleaning out my one of my wardrobes and they found the i told you about before the plaster cast of my wrist yes it was just stinking the place out of the plastic bag and they found the, I told you about before, the plaster cast of my wrist. Yes. It was just stinking the place out of the plastic bag and they found all the old school reports. But the thing is, the school reports weren't actually that bad.

They were just saying, Luke needs to try harder and he spends all his time talking. A very underwhelming version of Eminem's cleaning out my closet. Yeah. An old plaster cast and some school reports he'd hidden.

I'm sorry, Mama. I never meant to hurt you. You haven't. You've just been a dick. All right. Yeah, so it I never meant to hurt you. You haven't. You've just been a dick. Alright. Yeah, so it could have been a big deal. So, Surami says, in India, teachers are generally very well respected, and a remark would be considered a serious offence

and probably lead to serious consequences. A principal's remark was, however, much, much more serious, and was reserved for quite serious violations of the school's rules. In 2005, during our lunch recess, I put in a valiant effort to escape my friends and avoid getting the shit kicked out of me unfortunately it so happened it was almost impossible to escape their superior numbers and pack tactics after the deed was done i was lying face down on the ground rubbing my protesting

ass when we hear a familiar voice from up above it just so happens that my friends had managed to catch me exactly below the office of the principal. Having heard and seen the incident, he summoned all of us to his office with our diaries. Justifiably, my friends all got remarks in their diaries stating they had been engaging in violent and illegal activities within the school premises. That's quite serious.

I, on the other hand, received a remark that I had been participating in violent and illegal activities. That's not fair. You have no idea how difficult it was to convince my parents that I was not part of a gang, but rather had been the innocent victim. To this day, this incident still rankles me. And I would say this is a prime example of what I would term a school injustices. I would love to hear from other listeners about some of the ways in which the school justice system fucked them over.

Apologies for the long email. Love the show. Reg show regards sriram pete you are annoyed by that i can tell by your face i'm furious i was told that um indian schools were fantastic uh they've got mufti day where everyone uh it's like uh everyone can wear what they want on a friday is that right i think reminds me of that kirby enthusiasm episodeiasm episode where Larry and the guy who also plays the granddad in Up, the old guy in Up, gets pissed off because they're dressed down Friday in the law office. And he says, well, I'm not letting you handle any of my accounts or affairs if you're going to dress like that. But yeah, I believe that is correct. Yeah. And then this happens. and then this happens.

So I thought Indian schools were a place of learning and casual clothes on a Friday, but I did not realise the headmaster, because the headmaster's got loads of cases to deal with every day. But the annoying thing is, it's like when M. Bison visits Chun-Li's village and kills her parents in the film. In the film, yeah. Who could forget the film?

Apart from me, till just then. That was the defining moment in your life. For me, it was just Tuesday. in the film that says who could forget the film apart from me until just then that was your that was the defining moment in your life for me it was just Tuesday so for that principle

he just goes I'll just write a bit he participated in some crowd violence and some school illegal activity but to that kid Shriram

he's like well I'm fucked my mum and dad's going to bloody kick the I'm going to get two birthday bumps and what I would say

is and it's my birthday yeah that headmaster should be the man he's a to bloody kick the... I'm going to get two birthday bumps. And what I would say is... And it's my birthday. Yeah, that headmaster should be the man... He's a man of letters, right? Yeah. He should be able to interpret a situation. Exactly. And see a kid lying face down

getting the shit kicked out of him. Yeah. And not write him up for that. Maybe he thought that she rambled into S&M. Was it? Maybe it was like a sex cult. He's a... Yeah, I mean, he was a child.

Well... Have you... Any school injustices that you kids can't get into SNM they don't know everything nowadays

it's true actually exactly they are into everything can't understand a word of saying can you these days Pete what school injustices

befell you you must have I was put into a Boston Crab once by a bigger boy and I tried to is that the leg one because I get confused between that and the Cobra Clutch the a bigger boy. Is that the leg one? Because I get confused between that and the Cobra Clutch. The Cobra Clutch is under the chin.

Oh, yeah. The Boston Crab is like the... The Boston Crab's on the top, like really snapping your arse. It's horrible. It's like the straight version of the Sharpshooter. Right, yeah. Where they pull your legs right around. You mean as in like...

Bret Hart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who did the Boston Crab? I don't know. Was it Rick the Model Martel, maybe? Might have been, yeah. Anyway. Either way. Describe it to listeners, just Crab I don't know was it Rick the Model Martel maybe might have been yeah anyway either way describe it to listeners

just in case I don't know it's just a painful folding up of a man really or a boy but the wrong way right yeah it's not right

your body doesn't go that way it's not designed that way so to speak who did that to you and I would like to point to the record I was not into S&M who did that to you

a bigger boy I was running over and slapping on the back. And it turned... Name him, name him. I can't remember. He was just a bigger lad. What, in the year above?

Broom school. Yeah, he was a couple of years older than me. Why were you doing that then? I don't know. Ask him for trouble. Yeah. Were you showing off?

I was in the lion's cage. I was showing off. Yeah. And he came and put me in the box of crab and it was so painful I started crying and then the teacher

brought both of us to the principal and the principal asked what went on and I I came up with an amazing story I was doing gymnastics

I'd done a couple of weeks of gymnastics because my sister was doing gymnastics so my mum was like let's palm her off Jim Lynn her name was

her name was Lynn and she did gymnastics at Mount Ipswich Leisure Centre on a Saturday morning. Right. Before I graduated to the Royal Leicester on a Saturday.

Yeah. And I said, I was, he was helping me with my gymnastics. Why did you say that? You should have dubbed him in.

No, because I feared retribution. A murder. A murder. Exactly. Exactly. Rules of the playground. I can imagine

all the older kids sat around in their common room smoking cigarettes going, what do you think of this Donaldson kid? Is he going to stand up? Is he a stand-up guy? Is he going to break? You didn't dub him in at all?

No, I didn't dub him in at all. What did the older kids say? Well, I don't know. I never saw that child again. Maybe he was expelled. Anyway. Turned to a life of crap. I'm delighted to say.

Here he is. Is that why you close the curtain? Yeah. So how did they even get you into Boston Crab? He was just so much more stronger, so much more powerful than you. I mean, most,

I reckon if I walk down the street, there's not a single person who couldn't get me into a Boston Crab. Yeah, I find you quite easy to physically manipulate. No, I just go limp when you go near me.

Yeah. Yeah. Path of least resistance. I'm like Gandhi when Randy Luke is around. Yeah. But we, because one of the things

I remember from childhood, I used to love wrestling until I was about 14 or something. And I used to watch wrestling on VHS tapes at my mate's house down the road. And I remember,

obviously then, the next thing you want to do is just practice the moves and stuff. But I remember when I realised that wrestling was staged, I know it's not,

people don't like it when you say fake but you know what i mean um it's entertainment effectively um i realized that when i just was able to understand how difficult the moves are to get on someone when they don't want to have it put on them do you know what i mean yeah there's no way you can get someone a sharpshooter yeah unless they let you yeah so you have to then so what i used to do is you'd be like okay let me put a sharpshooter on you there and they'd be like oh all right but you have to when i tap out you have to let me and then in return i want to get you in like a cobra clutch or whatever and that's like at that point you're thinking hang on a minute if you can't get a kid in one

there's no way you're going to get a full grown man yeah there we go have you got an email there peter i do feel some solidarity with Sriram though because it's really it does affect you because your brain is so susceptible to learning and to experiences at that age

it probably does affect you quite badly when you're on the wrong end of an injustice hugely have you seen this one it's from

it's an EW which I think is like a new kind of set up run by Dustin Rhodes and this chap he's done a coffin drop from Derby.

I don't know the wrestler to be honest because I've only watched Is this going to be horrible to look? Well, not horrible. Oh, right on the edge. He jumps off

the top turnbuckle doing a coffin drop and instead of landing on a flat surface, he lands with his spine right on the old on the corner

of the mat I don't think he's probably got all kinds of problems after that here's a quick example of a school injustice before we move on

to another email at junior school there was a kid we used to love football of course and there was a kid who loved cricket and I quite liked cricket

as well but I mean it wasn't my thing he was kind of known for cricket and he would do that obnoxious thing that kids would do

where you would, you know, like if you're not particularly interested in something, you would then say you hated it and he actually hated football. Yeah. But he would say to like

eight or nine other kids in our class. I love men at work. Yeah, no, not that. He was saying he hated football. And so then,

one of the other kids said, oh, well, you know, this is really bizarre, but I promise you it happened. Do you know, Pete, in cricket, when the match kids said, oh, well, you know, this is really bizarre, but I'll promise you it happened.

Do you know, Pete, in cricket, when the match is finished, the players run to the middle and grab the cricket stumps as souvenirs before the fans come on to

grab them. Right. If it's like a big game. Okay. So if it's like, I don't know, the World Cup final or

an Ashes or whatever. Who takes precedent? Who takes the... I think the players are closest. I think the batsmen will get one or whatever. I think the batsmen will get one. Whatever.

I don't know. And so one of the kids in our class at junior school said, oh, yeah, you know why... To this kid called Brian who loves cricket. You know why the players grab the stumps? It's because they run into the change rooms and they shove them up each other's arses. Yeah, I see.

I like it. A lot of time for that. Yeah. It's classic 10 year old junior school banter yeah right he got so upset about that he like told his parents and then told the teacher and the headmaster got involved and all of us had to go into the office of actually wasn't it wasn't i don't think it was the um head teachers ahead of year or whatever it was right into the office and like explain ourselves and I remember thinking well one

even at the age of like 11 I was like this is beneath us this is beneath you one I didn't even say it two I don't know why he said it I don't even know

this is a problem is it I mean what's going on there was no swear words involved because back then the swear words were the thing there were no swear words involved and I felt quite a keen sense of injustice about that

maybe the head teacher believed that it's never held me back Pete maybe the head teacher believed them what they do what I had no idea cricket was so rotten to the core yeah as we walked in Maybe the head teacher believed that, Pete. Maybe the head teacher believed them. What? They do what?

I had no idea cricket was so rotten to the core. Yeah, as we walked in, she was on the phone going, yeah, the cricket team, stop it. Stop the cricket team. We can no longer have a cricket team because we're worried about internal injuries of some of our kids. It's a sex party. I mean, at least you've got one end to choose

and it's very important which one you do choose. Exactly. Have you got an email before we go, Pete? Yeah, hello to... Oh, we've got a Julian Assange. Hello, Pete. Ever since Playground Grounds was introduced as a short topic,

I've been anticipating mention of one of my childhood favourites, Hot Rice. Oh, I saw this one. Yeah, this is an interesting one. Hot Rice. Having heard no mention of it as of yet,

I started to wonder about the popularity of a game I naively assumed was as ubiquitous in UK schools as British Bulldogs. It really wasn't, though. I mean, I've never heard this before but I've looked at the website

that Julian Assange has linked. Of course he's linked, he's Julian Assange. Hot Rice is basically a game of tag, played with a ball it begins with a huddle of children who stand in a circle, toe to toe with legs spread a little at least in Leeds, the ball is bounced in the middle in time to a mysterious scatological incantation

and that incantation goes thusly Hot Rice Bounce Twice Shit Pies

Taste Nice Yeah I have a vague recollection of playing this game I don't remember ever being called

Hot Rice No me either or Shit Pies Taste Nice or Once Twice Hot Rice and the ball And the ball, if the ball goes between your legs, you're out, right?

And the person left... Rings a bell, yeah. And I vaguely remember that because you end up using... Did he say that you end up using your heels as flippers like a pinball machine? Because that's what you kind of do.

So you're like that. Yeah. And then you just do that. Oh, right. To kick the ball out again. But if you get a good purchase on it, you can smash it straight through someone else's legs

like a nutmeg type thing yeah this is great for this show for this because I completely forgotten about that game it would never have

come up again ever for the rest of my life if Julian Assange hadn't emailed in about it thank you very much if you've got any more

childhood games that we haven't mentioned so far get them in hello at lukeandpeach.com indeed if you want to email about anything at all

we're all ears aren't we Pete yeah in the words I actually found the childhood thread childhood school thread a little bit

a little bit dull do you maybe don't email about the hot rice one it's got me back on the plate so to speak don't email about

your childhood experiences unless they were genuinely disturbing or very funny. Yeah. Bloody, if you've ever put a cricket stump up your bum, I want to hear from you. Put a condom on it first. It has to be good because otherwise... Keep it clean, guys.

I have enough trouble getting Pete to work anyway. Use a lube. Yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? If you'd like to say hello to us, hello at lukenpeetshow.com. And we'll be back on Monday with another episode

of the Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore vanity project, The Luke and Pete Show. See you then. I didn't realise there was any vanity involved in this. Well, it started out like that, but it's sort of gone now. It's now a marriage of convenience. Inconvenience.

This was a Radio Stakhanov production.