The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 183: Otterly ridiculous

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

In which we lament the passing of Eddie the Sea Otter, talk about the nature of time, wonder what's going on with the Stranger Things kids, and try to put together a comprehensive list of animals that have been known to masturbate.There's also something about Quentin Tarantino, but to be honest my notes for this episode are a bit threadbare because Pete wouldn't stop talking about bonobos and it was distracting me. We read a few emails as well though, I know that much.To send us an aforementioned email: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I don't care what people think about where I live. That's on the front page of the BBC website right now. A woman talking about the pride of living in a council house. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with it? Nothing wrong with it. Thatcher with it. I wish Thatcher, Thatcher's dead ass, hadn't introduced the right to buy scheme

because it decimated a lot of social housing stock, which means we have what can only be described as a housing crisis, certainly in the capital. Yeah, certainly one of the reasons. Episode 183. Hello. Up to the compete show. It's Monday the 8th of July. I tell you what, I know this is a really boring thing to say.

And we started off talking about Thatcher, council houses, and now I'm going to say something even more boring. How good are hospitals at treating hidden killer? We've descended to the point where you're just reading out the BBC website now. And we promised we'd never do that. What does the aphorism on the wall of the studio say, Pete? Do not read off the BBC website. Well, Kim Kardashian, big picture of her.

Did you see that she tried to trademark the word Kimono? Weird. That's big, innit? That's big licks. That's a big punt. That's a big punt, innit? Have you got so much money, you just want to spend it on whatever you can?

What, fighting a legal battle? You're never going to fucking win. Yeah, that's crazy. Come on. To tell you the best example of that, as we always say on the show, is Michael Buffer's Let's Get Ready to Rumble.

$400 million he's made off that. Has he? Yeah. Wow, that's good. And Anton Deck had to change the name of their single, Let's Get Ready to Rumble, to the rumble spelled R-H-U-M-B-L-E.

Rumble. Because of that. Still sounds the same, doesn't it? I was going to say to you, Pete, and this is dull, so I'll get it out of the way. It is astonishing to me how fast the years go now. We are over halfway through this year already.

I feel like I'm only just getting... You know at school when you used to keep getting the year wrong and the date when you used to write on your exercise book and it took you about three weeks to get used to it? It takes me about eight months now. June went very quickly. Well, actually, it was May, June. Yeah, June went very quickly, I seem to it. It takes me about eight months now. June went very quickly. Well, actually, it was May,

June. Yeah, June went very quickly, I seem to recall. I managed to get to the middle of June very, very quickly. When were we in Menorca? That was May, wasn't it? End of...

24th, 25th of May, something like that? Yeah, end of May, yeah. Feels like about three years ago now. End of May, I've done the Idlewhite Festival since then, I've been to Japan,

off to Nozzle Live this weekend. It's busy. Busy, busy, busy. The nature of time, Pete. Speaking of the nature of time, actually, have you seen that there's a new season of Dark out? I don't know what that is. So Dark is a little recap for people who don't know

or perhaps have come listening to the show a bit later. I believe we talked about it earlier in the run it's a show set a drama series set in the fictional German town of Winden in the it's really difficult

to explain but a kid goes missing and they find a kid's body and they think it's that kid but it's not a sinful past

of a town no it's not that really it sort of is that but the kid they find is a kid that went missing in 1986. Right. And he's still the same age. Hang on.

And then it starts to open out into this drama series set in the 50s and the 80s and the present day centered around this cave system where a nuclear power plant's on top of it and people are moving back and forth between time zones.

Ah, okay. I didn't see that one coming. It is epically well done. Right. It makes it so believable, even though it's quite fanciful. It's clever. Anyway, there's a second season back

and the great thing about Dark, and I think I recommend anyone to watch it if you're looking for a new series to watch. It's subtitled in German, but it's fantastic. And it's so complicated and so clever that when you're watching it you find it um pretty difficult to follow but you can kind of it's one of the things

where you sat there with your wife or your girlfriend or boyfriend whatever you have to pause every so often and start having a conversation about to work out what's going on you have to pull your brains but when it came to watching season two of dark i said to mimi oh season two of dark style we should watch it all right great sat great. Sat down on like a Sunday, put the first episode on, got about 10 minutes in and we were both like, nah,

we're going to have to watch the first season again. So we've gone back and started watching the first season. Just watch a YouTube compendium, that's what you do. Well, it's got a very big recap at the start of season two. And you still couldn't?

No, no. Give it a bash. Why did they call it Dark? I know why they call it Dark, instead of Dunkel. Dunkel. Hey they call it dark. Instead of dunkel. Dunkel? Hey, watch this new TV show, Dunkel. I found out what dark is in German.

It's dunkel, I believe. Is it? Yeah, dunkel. Have you just checked that? No. How very rude of you. You don't speak any German. I know the word for dark. Jesus Christ. Dunkel. Yeah, you're right. Good on you. Thanks. They should have called it Dunkle, shouldn't they? Well, it just sounds like a stupid word, doesn't it?

Dunkle. Anybody who's got anything about them went, yeah, we're not calling our TV show that. Have you seen Dunkle? Have you seen Dunkle? Yeah. It's on by the well. And New Stranger Things is back, isn't it, as well? Oh, cool.

I haven't started watching that. I've never seen that. Are those kids not growing up now? Millie Bobby... Is she called Millie Bobby Brown? Yes. That's funny, isn't it? Yeah.

Because Bobby Brown's a man. The kids are all quite annoying in real life. The kids are epic. They're like really precocious. Isn't the little one that looks like a hamburger or a character from a Happy Meal, hasn't he got a prank show? Yeah.

And it's a bit... It's a prank show about people who've got no jobs. It's a bit ill-willed. I may very well be reading the headlines from the Daily Mail in the same way that I was never

I was told that I was never to watch Beavis and Butthead by my mum and dad because my mum and dad had read in the Daily Mail that it was all about

two little boys sniffing glue which I don't ever remember happening that's implied though isn't it it's kind of implied

what that they're sniffing glue well they're doing something yeah they're like high we're like Venus and Butthead

yeah we are a bit actually we review music videos rollercoaster see what the original of that song

by the who made did that song originally love rollercoaster I don't know who the original was but obviously it was covered by the red hot made, did that song originally? Love Rollercoaster. I don't know who the original is, but obviously it was covered by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Love Rollercoaster.

Your love is like a rollercoaster, baby, baby. What were you going to say about the Stranger Things kids? I wasn't going to say anything about the Stranger Things kids, but it was the Ohio Players. Very, very good collective.

But it was on their album, Honey. And for the cover of the album honey they had a woman a covered in honey and she's covered in it and um and also inside the actual album art i'd like um this woman covered in honey um and there's a scream in the bees in yeah and then wasps arrive it's disgusting um. And then in the actual original Ohio players, I don't want to say Ohio, like Ohio, because Ohio players version of it,

or rather the original, you'd probably call it. It's kind of like torturous, like scream in the middle of it. Right. And the apocryphal tale is the woman in the honey screaming because she can't breathe because she's covered in honey. She can't breathe, she can't scream. No.

Well, I mean, it's all bollocks because, I mean, people just... I mean, because what they do is, what you do when you record an album is you film the cover art at the same time. Yeah, exactly, yeah. In the same studio. Ah, I'm covered in honey!

How are the recording sessions going? No, not great. There's just honey and all the equipment. There's honey. Yeah. Someone's put honey in the mini-moog. On the Stranger Things, I love Stranger Things as a show.

I think it's great. But it's just so well done. But the kids who play the actors, the kids who play the characters, they're just so precocious. And you know when you get... So I think Millie Bobby Brown might be some kind of UN ambassador or something. Hasn't she got a rather

unnatural relationship with champion pappy, Drake? I don't know. She'll never win the Super Bowl. What's that got to do with it? Doesn't... Whenever Drake meets

a sportsman, their team invariably lose the final. No, but that's been overturned now because the Toronto Raptors won the NBA championship. But either way,

doesn't she text back and forth with Drake and she's rather young? I think she's like 15 or something. Yeah. I don't know, Pete. I have no idea. Drake should not be texting a 15-year-old. I'm sorry, guys.

No, I agree with that. The point I was going to make, though, was you know when you get kids, that Greta Thunberg is an example, where she's giving a message about the environment. I can see why it's powerful because she's saying, my generation

are going to suffer here I get all that but what happens is when you go too over the top it just puts people's backs up doesn't it and I know that

it probably shouldn't but you're just doing more harm than good as a grown man you should be able to separate I think you should be able to separate

well I'm not annoyed I'm not personally annoyed by it but it's just what message are you trying to send here are you genuinely trying to get things to be here? Are you genuinely trying to get, um,

things to be better, or are you just trying to get a celebrity, because they're on telly, to get involved? Yeah. And I think the people, it happened before with, um,

it's happened before with kids, like famous kids before, it's like people just don't like to see it, because they think they're being pretentious. And, and, and so it, it kind of,

it limits the message, if you know what I mean. Are you just forcing, you just want just want them infantilised until they are, you don't want them delivering an adult message because they're not adults yet. Yeah, there's plenty of time to be an adult and there are plenty of people out there who think that. What about the kids in the Scotiabans

who's going around doing some fantastic work for that? But I get that, I absolutely get that. And that's, I think, with respect, I think that's a slightly different case because it is kids directly suffering. There's a high school student who's just graduated who is running for public office in America.

Yeah. That seems a bit young. Yeah, you have to be 35 to be the president. Yeah. Presumably you've got to be 18 because high school goes to 18 in the US. That's why Orsi is going to have to wait until 28 because she's quite young.

20, 28. 20, 28. Yeah, but I mean, it's not realistic at this point anyway. Have you seen the candidates? I have. Did you see the primary debate? My God, everyone's dropping shit all over the place. And just as a reminder, on

the other side, the candidate is Donald Trump. So I've definitely seen him. Peter, I was going to say, just changing trains slightly. Can you call me Mayor Pete from now on? Mayor Pete. I quite like it. Pete Buttigieg.

Pete Buttigieg. You know, we talked, one of the most, dare I say, the most famous Luke and Pete show moments is the woman who's masturbating the dolphin in the name of scientific research. In recent memory, yeah. In recent memory, yeah. In recent animal versus woman masturbation experience memory, yeah. One memory yeah in recent animal versus woman

masturbation experience memory yeah one of the more recent stories definitely be among the top five or ten in that category I'd say

well do you remember and you all know this better than anyone else do you know the meme gif of the otter

doing a slam dunk basketball net no but I can imagine it's like an otter in a little pool okay and they've given him a little basketball net and he's got a little ball.

Yeah. And you give him a fish or whatever they eat and he can slam dunk it. Right. Okay, cool. That is Eddie the sea otter. Okay. And he was rescued as a pup

from the California coast in 1998. Does he need to be rescued? Yeah, I think he had some sort of injury. He's being rehabilitated. Spots. Yeah. Spots- of injury. He's being rehabilitated. Spots. Yeah. Spots-based injury. He had something like...

This is it. This is it. He had arthritic elbow joints. Hang on. So he's got arthritic elbow joints, and they're asking him to do nothing but nets for fish. That's why he's doing that. That's why he's doing that.

Right. Specifically why? To keep it loose. Because what would happen is, in the wild, if he doesn't use them, but nets for fish. That's why he's doing that. That's why he's doing that. Right. Specifically why? To keep it loose, to keep it... Because what would happen is in the wild, if he doesn't use them, he'll just...

He'll lose them. He'll die because he won't be able to get food. Anyway, he was in captivity. Yeah. He got to the age of 21

and he's just died. Oh. Eddie the sea otter was considered the oldest and most talented sea otter on the planet. Male sea otters seldom live past 15 years.

Right. What's his three-point record? Look at it. What's his layup game like? I've got the video here, look. Okay. You can watch it. Sea otter hoop dreams, the video.

Hoop dreams. Is this going to be on a website where it has an advert that pre-plays? Look how good he is. Well, show me the blummer thing, god damn it. I want to see the otter. Oh, that is cool. That is pretty cool.

He really does give it a big old leap. And there's something about an otter which makes him cool as well, right? He's a long otter, isn't he? He's a long boy.

Sea otter, big. Sea otter. Do you know the best otters are giant otters, those ones you get on the Amazon? They look like a man in an otter suit.

They also hold hands, don't they, otters? They do, it's very adorable. To keep from drifting away when they're sleeping and they also break shellfish open using rocks on their own chests.

Giant otters are disgusting. But anyway, many apparently... It's fucking dreadful. Every last picture on Google of fucking giant otters are disgusting. Do you want to get to the kicker now? He used to... Unfortunately, he used to be quite keen on the old masturbation.

Okay, right, yeah. And so, he would get excited. Downtime, mate. You know, if you're a professional sportsman, what are you going to do? Play Fortnite?

He would get excited on the old basketball tip. People would be there. They'd go, go on, Eddie, do your basketball bit. All right, give him a fish.

Do the basketball thing. He'd get so excited, he'd have to end up giving himself a little treat in front of the crowd. And, yeah. They should have given him a little guitar and nobody would have noticed.

And the best ever quote is... Could have been strumming away for days. An Oregon Zoo spokesperson said, yes, that was Eddie, who displayed... That was Eddie? Yeah. Oh, that'll be on my obituary. But we don't think he should be doing it

in front of zoo guests. Don't make him slam dunk then. Is there an animal in the animal kingdom that, I feel like we stumbled upon something here. Is there an animal

in the animal kingdom that won't masturbate in public? Is that not, is that not the most rock and roll kind of fucking otter? He gets rescued

because he's got arthritis. How you know, how you isolate one otter over any others and go, you've got arthritis, let's make you slam dunk for money and fishes and fame. Yeah.

And then him putting two fingers up to the man and using those two fingers to whack off. It's enjoyable. Do you think the dolphins, do you think dolphins would be giving themselves a little treat if they didn't have flippers? If they didn't have flippers. I reckon there's probably a situation in the world

where a dolphin has probably penetrated some kind of other animal, like an animal of its, not of its own species. Yeah. They said there's nothing new under the sun. No. And dolphins have been witnessing, they have been witnessing penetrating

each other's blowholes, haven't they? Endless. Beautiful. I'd love to see a big sort of fractal daisy chain of dolphins fucking each other's blowholes.

What animals would you, no, what other animals? Do dolphins have blowholes? You're thinking of whales, aren't you? Of course they do. Do they? Yes. Do dolphins have blowholes?

Obviously, yes. Alright, I'm going to Google a good dolphin. Dolphin blowhole. Of course they do. What do they use it for then? Blowhole. Are you okay? I thought only, oh yeah, blowhole. Of course they do. What do they use it for then? Blowhole. Are you okay?

I thought only... Oh yeah, they do. Of course they do. Looks like blood's coming out of that one. What's he being up to? That one. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Oh, it's the onion. It's Seaweld. Seaweld crowd applauds for dolphin playfully spraying blood from blowholes that's funny that is funny

they're very good we've learnt something there haven't we otters get involved so we can add so in terms of the in the

sort of pantheon of animal masturbatory activities yes dolphin via proxy because they've got

flippers via gra and otters yeah if you've got flippers via gra and and otters yeah if you've got an animal to add to that list

and you can provide documentary evidence to support it yeah hello at lukeandpetecher.com I've witnessed an intergenerational bonobo

a mutual masturbation fest bonobos I'm adding them bonobos are big masturbators they are bigger than chimps I don't think anyone

is really surprised to hear that mother and daughter Luke that's disappointing but I don't think anyone is really surprised to hear that. Mother and daughter, Luke. That's disappointing. But I don't think that anyone is surprised to hear that that particular part of the animal kingdom is indulging in masturbation. I would love to see a gibbon do it because they've got extremely long arms and they could wrap their arms, I reckon, twice around a leg and then still have a pop. They could go around their body. They could put their arm

around the back of them and then round the front coming in from the left. Actually, can I do that? And a spider monkey using the prehensile tail, the fifth limb's tail. If I...

I reckon, right, if I was just a bit more flexible... Can we stop this? I could get... See, there's... I can use... You're using your fingers as scissors, though. So if I was just a bit more flexible can we stop this I could see there's I can use you're using your fingers as scissors though so if I

so if I was like there I reckon I could sort of go like that yeah that's expert level can you take us to an ad break now we'll call you some emails after this

but they can sense the others down below as they get hungry they need to return to the sea. What are we having to make now? There it is. Wait for it. The sound's always satisfying because you know it's coming. Hello at Luke and Pete show is of course our email address. We've had emails about all sorts of different things.

Peter, do you have anything to start with that doesn't involve masturbation, preferably? It involves a winky. John, hi, little Pete. Upon hearing last week's story about... He's written Quinton Tarantino, which I'm enjoying very much. That was a while back, wasn't it?

Quinton Tarantino, not washing his hands. I had the same experience with the ex-Australian medium-paced bowler, Damien Fleming. Oh, I think I rememberming. The year was 1995. The place, Melbourne Cricket Ground. I, a boy of 15 years, walked into the toilets. They were empty. Bar one.

Damien Fleming at the urinals. He was just finishing up as I started doing my business. He then zipped up and walked straight out, not bothering to wash his hands. From that moment on, my friends and I would always refer to not washing your hands after doing a wee as doing a Fleming. Yeah, okay.

We've all done it. Catch on. Sometimes you don't like the look of the sink. A lot of pubs don't have hot running water. They think that it's like a step too far for some fucking reason. I'm going to go further than that, Pete. I'm going to say that every pub either has no running water

or fiercely boiling hot water. I'd never have the boiling hot water. There's a little sticker saying caution, water's really hot. Don't drink this. I'm not going to.

Speaking of Quentin Tarantino, he's now putting a line out that he's retiring after 10 movies. Presumably because he's got a movie coming out in a couple of weeks. But he has said that.

Yeah. He has said that. Well. He has said that. Well, every band says that they're going to have their last UK tour, and then I think Slayer did one their last UK tour this week. Have you interviewed Quentin before? No. He can be quite problematic, apparently. I think he seems all right, as long as you're not a dickhead.

Right. You're fucked, then. In one of those junkets, I think I said before, a friend told me about a story of an Irish journalist who was interviewing Scarlett Johansson in a high-pressure, five-minute fucking one-in-one-out junket in a Soho hotel. She had strapped herself with nappies under her clothes,

and during the interview, she pulls out the nappies, hands them to Scarlett Johansson, so they get the money shot of Scarlett Johansson, who was rumoured to be pregnant at the interview, she pulls out the nappies, hands them to Scarlett Johansson, so they get the money shot of Scarlett Johansson, who was rumoured to be pregnant at the time, but she hadn't admitted it or come out saying that she was pregnant.

That money shot of Scarlett Johansson with nappies in her hands. That's weird. And that's what they wanted. But the problem is, in those situations, you don't own the cameras. The cameras are provided

by the film company. The video content is wholly owned by the video by the film company until you leave the building with the with the cards in your hand so you ain't gonna get those fucking cards love that's really that's a really weird thing to do as well yeah bizarre if you if your job if you're even if you are the foulest of the foul celebrity journalists um if you are in the morning or you know in a fucking cafe near a toilet strapping

nappies to yourself yeah have a word with yourself something's gone wrong yeah I find I find that whole part of the media strange because

obviously we work in the media and some people are like well it's just a job you just gotta do it and the people who will doorstep victims of crimes

and who will look for a line or a quote from someone that's had something terrible happen to them. And I know people who've gone down that road in their careers. They started off as journalists and the journalists have gone down. They've been freelancers and they've ended up working for the Mail or the Express or one of these types of publications. And they'll say, if you give them a chance, they'll say, well, you know, it's a job, isn't it?

Someone's got to do it. It's like, well, no, you don't. You don't have to do it. Why has it got to be you doing it? You don't have to do it. And the example, sorry Pete, just to finish, the example is that

when we do interviews here with people generally from the world of football, there's a trust involved. And to me, it feels like a really short-termist strategy to do that kind of stuff

because you're probably never going to get another gig. You're never going to work again, are you? Yeah, but you're not, it's like a really short-termist strategy to do that kind of stuff, because you're probably never going to get another gig. You're never going to work again, are you? Yeah, but you're not... It's not your... If you're representing one of the tabloids, it's not your rep, it's the rep of the actual tabloid itself.

And the grubber you get, and the more game you are for little stunts like that, the higher you rise very, very quickly, because you're known as a team player who will literally debase themselves on behalf of the sun. And before you know it, you're the fake shake. Exactly.

Here's a story about a man who works in a professional kitchen with a psychopath. Oh, hello. And it comes from Adam. He says, hello, chap. Some input for your Anthony Bourdain story in episode 175. I think it might have been the anniversary

of Anthony Bourdain's death last week. No. You should read Kitchen Confidential if you haven't already it's brilliant um it's got a really bad cover that yeah it's kind of a 90s type vibe isn't it um yeah he's like he looks like a pirate with a big knife and long hair um anyway adam says i used to work in the kitchen of a small country pub when i was 17 and i witnessed one of the most traumatic experiences of my life oh we had a relatively new polish chef who didn't have great english he cut himself quite badly on the inside of one of his fingers one of those really thin but deep cuts that never seems to stop bleeding now look i don't know if it's true or not it's a great story

and on this show i don't like the truth to get in the way of a good story so i'm reading it anyway i have no reason to doubt adam i'm I'm sure is a lovely and honest chap. He says, he went to the head chef and was clearly gesturing for a plaster in broken English, to which the head chef grabbed his hand and pushed his wound

directly onto the hot plate beside her, handing him some cling film to wrap the blister and tell them to get back to work. Yeah. Siddling it on a hot plate. Didn't Bourdain have that thing where didn't you tell me about Anthony Bourdain

wanting to have the worst hands in the world? Yeah. He saw that as like an aspirational thing. Adam finishes by saying I don't know if this is common practice in kitchens

but it's safe to say I was a hell of a lot more careful with knives after that and kept it to myself if I ever had an injury. God only knows what I should have done if I had a headache.

There we go amazing right and that is a theme through Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential it's like ruined hands well no he's a bit like

if you're coming in to do a shift I need you he makes it very clear that of course in this case the head chef was clearly female

but he says look it's a very masculine environment we need to we need to get down what we need to we need to get down what we need to get done and we can't have moaners and he said sometimes you know obviously women fit into that perfectly if they're a certain type of employee but the job is the job and we can't have moaners and excuse makers and late people and cry babies and that kind of stuff

so i suppose in those days it was it was part of it i think you need a better system uh hello to mike hi mike been meaning to send you this for a while a couple of it I think you need a better system hello to Mike hi Mike been meaning to send you this for a while couple of completely unrelated things you may be interested in I imagine one will appeal

more to Luke and one to Pete I'll let you figure out which ones well you're only in the Pete one I'm afraid so fuck you a few years ago

me and a couple of friends discovered this list of excellent stories of people who had unfortunately died while masturbating oh here we go this is a masturbation special I still remember my favourite tragedy relating to a man who had unfortunately died while masturbating. Oh, here we go. This is a masturbation special.

I still remember my favourite tragedy relating to a man who had fallen in love with his tractor. He has appended to the story. It's wonderful. It's worth suppressing, but it is wonderful. A 42-year-old Asian man was found hanging by the neck, suspended by a rope, attached to the raised shovel of a John Deere

model JD410 diesel-powered backhoe tractor. Good to get the model in there. The descendant, have some respect for the deceased, I guess. The descendant was suspended in a semi-sitting position by a cloth safety harness strap wrapped around his neck and clipped to a rope that was hooked to the raised shovel of the backhoe tractor. A towel was between the loose-fitting strap

and the victim's neck. A long piece, I mean, it's a lot of very specific situations about how to kill yourself with a piece of rope, I guess. But, either way, a broomstick was taped

to the other end of the pipe and was partially under the descendant's buttock. So, basically, he'd managed to kill himself by using the tractor, by manipulating the tractor

into killing him, effectively. Does that make any sense? On purpose? Yeah. I thought you said it was going to be masturbating. While he was masturbating, yeah. What?

Surely he didn't want to die though. Oh, well maybe he was just doing that danger thing. Yeah. Yeah. Either way. The Victoria MP business. The victim kept a journal of love poetry dedicated to his tractor

that he had named Stone, outlining a desire for them to soar high together. The victim was unmarried and lived with his parents on their farm. He also had a reasonable expectation of privacy for an extended period because he engaged in his behaviour in the evening down by the barn. Cause of death was

determined to be accidental autodidactic asphyxiation with carbon monoxide intoxication as a contributor. Right, yeah, it's called adds to the fog. It's called objectophilia isn't it? Right. It was a Channel 4 documentary series about one guy guy was obsessed with cars or in love with cars.

There was a woman who was in love with the Eiffel Tower. Yeah. Like properly in love with it. It would be, it would go way beyond I quite like the Eiffel Tower. Yeah.

Why would we find that any stranger than someone who was in love with, I don't know, fucking Cliff Richard or something? I don't know. It's still iconography isn't it it's still an iconic kind of thing

well presumably it originates in the same part of the brain for example yeah I mean it's a sad story a love of form that particular one there yeah

ones that end in death tend to be the more sad ones I find when I was in Japan I was the the it is a train lovers paradise Japan a lot of train fans the arcade machines the arcade, Japan. A lot of train fans, the arcade machines,

the arcade always have a lot of Denshi to go, train cabs, you can play a little arcade game and pretend to be a train driver and stuff. There's a lot of love for train drivers. And I think it's mainly because the local Japanese trains, you can actually stand at the front of the train and watch the driver get on with driving the train

oh that's cool like a big window about the size of that sort of square we've got on that wall there about the size of that telly you can sort of see exactly what the driver's doing

and it's actually quite fascinating is it are they doing a lot because I feel like they won't be doing much well you've still got to like keep an eye out for stuff haven't you

you've got to do your announcements and that but I mean presumably we're going Sydney. I thought it would be, a lot of it would be automated,

so that if you go through, come to a red signal it stops you automatically. Probably, yeah, but you've still

got to have your Wits about you. Isn't your mate a train driver now? Lucio, yeah. Yeah. Capital Radio DJ,

ex-Capital Radio DJ, yeah. What made him go to train driving? Just didn't know it. Just didn't know it. I think it's a thing, I think it is a thing that you get into as you get older. I think I might get into planes. Big't know it. I think it's a thing, I think, I think it is a thing

that you get into as you get older. I think I might get into planes. Big fan of planes. I think you're already into planes. Oh,

speaking of planes. Uh oh. This is a, this is a, I mean, you know the story I was telling you a while back,

as I was on this show I was just telling you it, about the Air France flight from Brazil back to, I think back to Paris. Right. That crashed in the Atlantic. Yeah.

And I said it was because the guy was pulling the lever back. Yeah. And it sounded a bit fanciful, but someone got in touch and sent me, I think it was on Twitter, and sent me the, they eventually found the black box recorder and it's been transcribed on a webpage.

Right, okay. And it is absolutely terrifying to read. It's like the most macabre awful tragedy tragic story and it is really as simple as the fact that one of the major contributing factors pete check this yeah they had three pilots one of which was sleeping at the time who woke up and tried to sort it but ultimately couldn't right there was an inexperienced pilot here and a slightly more experienced pilot there and the kicker is this on that particular type of plane the idea that when you've got a hold of a joystick it moves the other joystick didn't exist

right so if you and i are piloting the joysticks are in the middle yeah or whatever they call them and if i move mine yeah they're not necessarily in the middle but if they're there if i move mine yours also moves so you can see what i'm doing but these ones ones didn't have that. And the guy down to his right, when no one could see it, was just pulling the nose up the whole way. And it just sank into the thing. No one can understand why he did it. No one can really explain it.

And it ended up crashing into the ocean. Wow. I'll try and find the link and I'll tweet it. Absolutely horrifying story because you think, God, that's how close you are to that type of tragedy when you're flying somewhere. Yeah close you are to that type of tragedy when you're uh flying

somewhere flying yeah i mean i mean that does sound bloody horrific to be honest because do we talk about last it's been a while since we've done a show did we talk about um the mh flight um you know i haven't read that mh17 no no mh17 was the one that got shot down was it yeah that was the yeah no what was the so what was the one there was Malaysian Airlines ones it disappeared you sent me a link but I haven't read it yet

yeah it just sounds very much like the pilot did a naughty which is tragic well I did a show fairly recently about mental health

and one of the things the guy I was with was saying was that you know the mental health thing really is thrown into focus clearly it's much more it's talked about being talked about much more now and how important it is but you know it's mental health thing really is thrown into focus. Clearly, it's much more, it's talked about,

being talked about much more now and how important it is. But, you know, it's easy for, he was saying, it's easy for you and I to sit here being broadcasters talking about it. If you're a pilot or a train driver or, you know, you work in the military or whatever. I mean, it's very high pressure. And if you're sustained, I know there are probably checks and tests and stuff, but really they need to understand a lot more about it because

if that's an example of a mental health issue it should never be happening mental health issues I mean you know again it's like you said the pressure and the sleep deprivation

all that stuff we got a quick email from Thomas here hi it's Thomas here from Melbourne, Australia we're going Melbourne Australia

in 2016 at the sweet age of 17 I discovered the joys of the app Uber. Since then, I've ridden in an absolute fuckton of Ubers in many countries around the world. After doing some digging, I found a plugin for Chrome

that breaks down your total spent, total distance travelled, total hours, etc. in an Uber. And while you were talking about that plane, I put this plugin into my Chrome browser. Can I do it? Because I am incredibly good at multitasking. It does take... it's rather involved

for a normie like you, Luke. Okay, you tell me later. I thought, well, basically, I've typed all of my details into a random plugin that I've just put into Chrome, so I'll probably have a few more rides on my account by the end of this. Is this an elaborate ruse from Thomas?

Yeah, since Pete doesn't have a license and how many times he's mentioned his use of Uber, I'd be interested to hear his stats. I like being able to call on Uber or talk about Uber on this show because if I talk about Uber on national radio, oh, did Black Cavalier get very angry? Same with me.

Are you going on Uber? Do you want to be raped by a Muslim man? What's the... Do you want to be raped by a Muslim man? No, thank you. What's the... I don't want to be raped by any man. What's the... What you want to be ripped by a Muslim man? No, thank you. What's the... I don't want to be ripped by any man.

What's the... What's Thomas's... Is his name Thomas? Thomas! What's his stats? For context. Well, he's not given us... Oh, for fuck's sake.

What do you email him for then? Because I've got mine, you absolute nut man. Yeah, but I want context, don't I? All right. Well, you can find... His status screen is out of his,

but I deleted it, so I thought mine might be a bit more interesting. Okay. God damn it. All right. We'll go back and see. Most popular cars.

What do you reckon? Prius. Yeah, Toyota. You're getting Ubers in London, you're getting Priuses, mate. Mercedes-Benz comes in second. Yeah, I can believe that. Volkswagen, third. You don't get...

22 of those. Do you not get tucked up into that Uber exec vibe? No, I mean, that is obscene. Total spent. Guess how much the total is. Right, hang on a second. So how long have you been on Uber? I want to guess this.

How long have you been on it? Since 2015. 2015, I only did 23 rides. Okay, so we're saying a couple of years. 2016, it really kicked it again. Three years then. I reckon you've probably spent on Ubers. I know you.

You burn through money like it's gone out of fashion. I reckon you've probably spent on Ubers. I know you. You burn through money like it's gone out of fashion. I think, I reckon you've probably done four grand. Four and a half grand. Correct. Yeah. Bloody hell.

Four and a half grand. What's your longest trip? Has it got that? The most, well, the most money I've spent was actually in Korean Won in any kind of,

in any kind of particular... How much? 161,000 Korean won, but it's obviously very small. Japanese yen is quite high as well. Taiwanese dollar. Yeah, GBP is a little bit less than that. What's your Uber rating, by the way? Oh, God.

I think it's probably quite low because I do just hand... I just sort of go, get in the Uber. I'll get you on. There was a survey about the things that most affect your Uber rating with drivers. And the one that...

Sivian, guess what came back? Is it not giving tips? No. Farting. Nope. I mean, you shouldn't be doing that anyway. Suggesting that all Uber drivers are rapists. Slamming the door.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright with that. My Uber rating is 4.71. Is that good or bad? It's not bad, is it? Sounds like if you're talking about it on a fucking podcast. Total days I've spent in an Uber.

Nearly five days. Oh, imagine that. Five days in an Uber. I get car sick after about half an hour yeah incredible but Rides by City

London top 163 rides in London there's some beauties in there seven in Atlanta Nashville six Taichung five

Krakow four most rides with the same driver so I've had some same drivers twice. I love that. Who is it?

Svetoslav is probably breaking some kind of GDPR here, but Anthony, I've had two rides with him. Mohamed, two rides with him. Do you remember that or not? No, they just say it's most rides with the same drivers. But with three rides, Svetoslav Rangelov, I've ridden with him twice. So good. I love this sort

of thing it's great great news if you've got an uber story get in touch hello at Luke and Pete show dot com if you can beat my rating of 4.71 I think Pete's

is lower that's why you won't say it how do you find your rating just go on to your profile on the app uber right on uber and give us it before we go because

we've got to get out of here apparently my third favorite drop-off location is in Houston. You're not getting a tip. You were bloody quite on our alert, mate. And I usually tip everyone. Right, how do we get it?

Settings? It's there. It's right at the top. 4.75. Oh, you beat me. Have I? Yeah. So I'm 4.71. Pete's 4.75. Get in touch if you've got a better one than that.

Get in touch if you've got a low one. Tell us how low it's got to go before you don't get picked up anymore. Let me know if you've got a better one than that get in touch if you've got a low one and tell us how low it's got to go before you don't get picked up anymore let me know if you've got a higher rating than 81 surge rides that's quite a lot yeah I'm like fuck it I need to be somewhere

we'll be back on Thursday for episode 184 until then keep it frosty alright then all right this was a radius to kind of production