The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 186: Spicy Richard

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

Pete's been hobnobbing with celebrities again, this time around it's The Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan, Primal Scream's Bobby Gillespie, and Bagel Man. Elsewhere, we hear more tales of school injustice, try to work out what went wrong with Judy Finnegan's wardrobe malfunction at the Brit Awards in 2000, and then recount a chilling tale about quicksand just a few miles from where Luke grew up. Terrifying.As ever, there's loads more besides, so strap your headphones on, block out half an hour in your diary and enjoy. And to get in on this swindle, hit us up: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

all right long eggers synesthesiacs yes pete donaldson and luke moore here for the luke peach you're doing our thing in an extremely hot room 186 baby yeah you're wearing a normal green t-shirt and i'm wearing a rather sweaty football shirt. I don't get this. I mean, Charlie, our colleague, does this as well. You guys wear football shirts to do everyday tasks. To me, it feels strange. Yeah, you say that it gets too sweaty,

but I would argue that you... It's just an uncomfortable thing to be wearing. Maybe I just don't work as hard as you on the football field in fact I almost guarantee I don't I don't play football anymore oh why not I lost to the game

why have you I was thinking about coming back and playing again right and then I watched a video you did for the Football Republic

recently where you ate loads of spicy chilli sauce and talked about it and you described me as awful and terrible I said everyone was awful and terrible apart from everyone was awful and terrible

apart from Marcus yeah but that's still saying I'm still included in that yeah exactly but next to Marcus we are awful and terrible Marcus is very good

at football I had that on YouTube just whilst getting ready to go and play a game a charity game to raise a lot of money I had my boots

in one hand my kit in the other and my wife was like are you looking forward to the game yeah I really am let me just watch this video I'm just going me just watch this video.

I'm just going to finish off this video with my friend and colleague Pete, who I respect. And then you said that and I just dropped it. Yeah. Burst into tears. My wife had to call the charity

and said I couldn't play anymore. And the charity then said... Folding, folding, folding. This is the charity's words, not mine. Don't shoot the messenger. We simply cannot continue raising money for sick children

if you don't attend. We'll be having words of Mr. Pete Donaldson. So that's why, in a nutshell, I don't wear football shirts anymore. That's why I don't read emails, quite frankly. Yeah. That messed up my guts for some days. So describe to people what you did. On the internet, there is a TV show or a show called, I think, Hot Sauce.

Hot Ones. Hot Ones, yeah, yeah. And Football Republic, an internet football startup, have ripped it off and ripped off the idea where they get people to eat hot food, hot wings in the original, but they've modified it to hot, to pork pies dipped in hot sauce, which I love a pork pie. Yeah. Bloody love a hot pie,

pork pie. A little bit of spicy chutney, lovely old job. It's the idea that you eat the really hot chilli sauce and it gets steadily hotter and hotter and you have to answer questions about your football team.

Exactly. Or just, just be able to talk or process information, which I find difficult at the best times. But how hot was it? It was ridiculous. Like,

again, it just knocked my guts out for six, like for like four or five days. It was disgusting. Really? It was ridiculous. Like, again, it just knocked my guts out for six, like for like four or five days. It was disgusting. Really? It was like my stomach was just constantly going. Did you not try and cheat it just by having a tiny little bit? No.

Well, I did that thing where you cheat and you put it. I didn't do a Homer Simpson and fill my mouth with wax. Yeah. I put it at the back of my mouth, which seems to alleviate some of the pain from the heat. But it's just unconscionable. It's probably not good for your taste buds, is that?

No, unconscionable. It always reminds me of the story, possibly apocryphal, possibly told before on this show, but with nothing if not repetitive,

about Richard Maitley on This Morning. Have I told you that story? So, you know, I don't know if they still do it. I think it's presented by Phillips Gofield and Holly Willoughby willoughby now but that show this morning and it's like a magazine kind of sofa show right in the mid-morning and it used to be richard and judy yeah and

richard madeley we all know about if you're listening to this from overseas he's just kind of alan partridge type character yeah um who does this he's just weird anyway i'm sure he's a lovely chap but he's a strange strange guy um but he's always trying to be sort of cool and down with the kids and and apparently they were doing the link before the ad break and then they were throwing to a cooking part of the show they were cooking part of the show a live recipe type thing and so they they did the link they threw to the ad which is like three minutes and Madeley moseyed over there. And they were doing a bit on hot sauce. And they had this hot sauce.

I forget what it's called now. But the idea of it was you put one drop of it in a casserole to spice it. I mean, that's how important it is. That's the dilution we're talking about. Apparently, Madeley went straight over there, teaspoon straight in his gob. And he's got like two minutes to recover before they come back from the ads. Yeah, that's not happening.

I think they had to sack it off I think Judy had to go solo because he was in real trouble and then her bra fell out that was weird

wasn't it what was the story with that she was presenting an award or something was it like the Brits or something they were presenting

some pretty maybe a TV award or something and she had a dress malfunction and her was it done on purpose why would it be

done on purpose a bit of it be done on purpose? A bit of PR? They were the most famous wife-husband duo in the country. Janet Jackson did it with Justin Timberlake, and they're very famous. They did do that, yeah. I think it could have been done on purpose. Why would it be done on purpose?

I told you, PR. She's a woman of advancing age with a not necessarily flattering bra on and just bang, out come the whappers. Yeah. Get a load of these, Wald. Get the PR line out.

What's the age of loaded, I suppose? Check these bastards out every weekday from 10. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the 90s, wouldn't it? So weird. No, it was later than that. Either way, yeah, nobody's doing that. I forgot what I was going to say. You were thinking about Judy Finnegan's

boobigans. There was a lady called Judy Finnegan. She had whiskers on her chin again. The wind came along and blew them in again. Poor old Judy Finnegan. Begin again. Begin again. You've got to start again, haven't you? Yeah, you've got to start again. It's the song that never ends. For those of you who want to get in touch,

hello at lukeandpeachshow.com Have you ever want to get in touch, hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Have you ever shown anyone your bra? I have. This is episode 186. It's Thursday

the 18th of July. And that's what I was going to say to you. So on Monday,

I've got two things to talk about. But I'll do the first one first. On Monday I said I

didn't even get to tell you what I did on Friday. I know what you did on

Friday. I don't know what you did on Friday. I was working. did on Friday. I don't know what you did on Friday. I was working. I watched I Know What You Did Last Summer with Jennifer Love Hewitt. No, I went to go and see Bob Dylan and Neil Young at Hyde Park.

Oh, yes. I've heard reviews and they are very similar to other reviews I've heard of Dylan. It's really interesting, I think. I love Neil Young and I love Bob Dylan. Legends. Don't even tell you that.. Legends. Did you buy a Pono? No, he's not. He sacked it off, hadn't he? Did you buy a Pono, though? He sacked Pono off now.

You can give it the big licks and say, I love Neil Young. Did you support his lossless compression MP3 player? I only listen to music on Pono, and the only music I listen to is Neil Young's early 80s electronic record, Trans. Have you heard Trans?

No. Trans is an amazing album. Right. It's like a record he said he made for his kids, which is possibly true. I mean, I don't know. He made it in 1982. But you know when suddenly loads of people,

whether they be filmmakers, writers, musical artists, in the early 80s, just got really into the idea of the future? Yeah. The 80s idea of what the future was going to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neil Young made Trans. Modern futurism. And idea of the future yeah like the 80s idea what the future was going to be yeah yeah new york modern futurism and um the reason i part the reason i love it is because um it was just so different to anything else they've ever done and people who love new york then were chucked into this weird um you know kind of nightmare where they had to decide whether

they liked it or not and then defend it to other people. Was it a bit like Little Space Boy and all the kind of stuff you do to the Pet Shop Boys? Yeah, but it's much more severe than that. Because David Bowie was interested in, I guess, drum and bass and 90s music and electronic stuff. Neil just went off on one. So the songs are called

We Are In Control and Computer Age and for example example there's like an eight minute song um called sample and hold nice it's just loads of weird stuff going on he's had a doubt but having said that having said that people say that um that it's actually stood a test time it's actually quite interesting to listen to now. And Neil has always had this sort of streak in him where he's really rebellious. He released a 50s-inspired, do-what-boogie-woogie

rock and roll album called Everybody's Rockin' just to get out of his record deal. Oh, nice. That's the last album he had to do. Everybody's Rockin'. Yeah. Look at him on the front. Look, he's taking a piss. Look, rocking. Yeah. Look at him on the front. Look, he's taking the piss.

Look, he looks like Shaken Stevens on the front, right? So he's got a history of just doing really weird stuff on purpose. And he started, got like a new sample set for his keyboard.

I've got some boogie woogie. So Pono was a big thing of him trying to make a high, it was like a high definition MP3 type player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying that he was upset that people were listening

to reduced qualityquality songs, so he wanted to crowdfund the making. I mean, he's probably worth about £100 million. Crowdfunded it anyway. It bombed. But he loves things like trains and cars. And to be fair to him, I think he's got two disabled sons, Neil.

And I think part of the reason he wanted to make Trans is because he wanted to stimulate their senses as well. So it was kind of a noble thing. But he played on Friday night at Hyde Park with Bob Dylan. Did he play any trans tracks? No.

Right. But here's an interesting slant on how powerful artists of that level are. Oh yeah. Have you heard the story? I'll tell people this just very quickly

just in case they haven't heard it. So Barkley Cards sponsor British Summertime. Whoever booked the show booked Neil Young and Bob Dylan so Neil Young planned then Bob Dylan

after headlining Neil Young got wind that Barclaycard was sponsoring it and Neil wasn't very happy with Barclaycard's record when it comes to the environment

said they were fossil fuel investing dickheads or something right the whole thing was going to go to shit Barclaycard stepped aside well that's absolutely ridiculous well I mean stepped aside I was like heads or something right the whole thing was going to go to shit but he can't step to side well

that's absolutely ridiculous well I mean step to side is like well we don't have a show otherwise and you know

we're going to lose a lot more money than the sponsorship and the advertising you're going to make out of that but if that was like Bombay Bicycle Club

he'd be like well don't play it then it's up to you we'll find someone else they can't do that because it's Neil Young they're the main hitters they're the big hitters

and I will say this about Neil Young the songs he performed on Friday night were in the same postcode as what you hear on the record.

Bob Dylan was up after. No, yeah. And although he's a legend and it's enough for many people just to be in the presence of Nobel laureate

Bob Dylan, the greatest songwriter to ever live probably in, certainly in the Western world, some people may have a problem with that, but I think he's part of the conversation. And as Tiger Woods said when he was asked is he the greatest songwriter to ever live probably certainly in the western world some people may have a problem with that but I think he's part

of the conversation and as Tiger Woods said when he was asked is he the greatest golfer of all time he said well you can ask us to be a part of the conversation

Bob Dylan is a part of that conversation and so for many people it's enough for them just to hear him or see him the interpretation of the songs

I'm going to say I'm going to be generous here because I had a lovely time I was about four pints of Pimms down by the time Bob Dylan came on. Problematic. Yeah.

People are in the crowd, Pete, Googling what song it is. Yeah. And he honky-tonks on the old piano. Yeah, but at least when you go and see Brian Wilson, who's gone, he's got an amazing,

and of course, Bob Dylan and Neil Young have amazing bands around them. Neil Young's band is the son of Woody Nelson, Promise of the Real. They're a good band. Bob Dylan's got an amazing band, obviously, because they've been touring non-stop since the 80s. Brian Wilson's band is the Wonder Mints. And he just comes out. He acknowledges that people are just there to see him.

And he just tunes in every so often when he wants. And everyone else does everything else. He sure talks a bit like this. Yeah. Hello Glastonbury. So we had a lovely time but it was

strange to hear Bob again for the third time singing in that fashion. Remix. He's just remixing constantly remixing. Yeah it is.

Would you enjoy that? No I've heard it's dreadful. Constantly dreadful. Though I did buy tickets but I couldn't go because I was working at a festival.

You know that people also, Pete, music critics, get themselves in a rut or tears. Yeah. Oh, I imagine they find they don't. I reckon there was a lot of music people who were probably in the golden circle for this gig and they didn't know what the hell to write. They'd be like, do I say this is good

or do I say this is an abomination, which it probably was closer to. So no one, the thing is, no one gives Bob Dylan, whether it be a live show, a new record,

or whatever, bad reviews. It just doesn't matter. He's got to the point now where he's above it. You know the royal family famously don't sue anyone for libel.

They see themselves as above it. They don't want to get involved. That's sort of like Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, the late David Bowie. They just never get bad reviews. It just doesn't happen.

Because I think people don't want to be... Realise their importance. They're a sacred cow. People don't want to slay them. So that's why it doesn't happen. So there's no point reading reviews unless you're interested in what went on. There's no point getting some kind of

critical assessment of it because it's impossible but I had a lovely time anyway well I was at Nozzle Live watching so you were in Lisbon right bands were you in Lisbon

watching bands of less repute yeah I was in Lisbon again I love a bit of Lisbon it seems but yeah beautiful festival Nozzle Live it seems

just regularly find yourself there my second Nozzle Live I can't remember who blummin' headlined oh the Cure headlined on the Friday. They were very good. Saturday, no.

Who headlined Saturday? Vampire Weekend did Saturday. Of course. And then Sunday was the Smashing Pumpkins. Got a bit of time with Billy Corgan.

What was that like? Billy Corgan's always very nice to me. Because people think of him as being a bit strange, don't they? He is a bit strange. He loves wrestling, doesn't he?

Yeah, he loves wrestling. Let's talk about wrestling with him I did talk to him I asked him his opinion on Cordy Rogers new AEW outfit

and he's like yeah I used to work with him on NWA and what was the other one no it wasn't what was the one

that was on challenge either way one of the outfits he was involved in because obviously Billy Corgan

owns NWA and he sort of said I'm pleased he's managed to reinvent himself as like this sort of businessman

this is Cody Rhodes Dusty Rhodes one of the few and yeah he's very complimentary but he said it is very competitive because he's lost

so much money in wrestling because he absolutely loves it so the story is my impression of Billy Corgan is probably is coloured and possibly because he's lost so much money in wrestling because he absolutely loves it. So the story is, my impression of Billy Corgan is probably, is coloured and possibly unfairly coloured by his reputation when they were making,

when Smashing Pumpkins were making Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness where apparently he was this maniacal dictator. Oh, he'd just run in and go, give me the fucking bass and just play it himself. And apparently he was laying like hundreds of guitar tracks down on his song. To be fair,

I haven't seen this much of him in a little while and I forgot two things. One, Billy Coghlan is a fucking great guitarist. Yeah. And number two,

he's actually quite funny on stage. Is he? He's actually quite aloof and yeah. I'm not sure if I like that though because I think there's certain types of music

where I don't want to hear the people speaking in between the songs. That's the thing. He doesn't speak between the songs. That's the thing. He doesn't speak between the songs. Well, he does. He's kind of like Marcel Marceau mime. He'll just go over to where the big screen is and stand in front of it

and look up at himself and then go, oh, I'm on the big screen. Yeah, I'm a bit of a convert to the live performances of the, obviously they're back together as they're almost what they were in the 90s kind of James Iha

is it Iha or Iha yeah I guess he's of Japanese descent so it probably would be Iha but he yeah they're all back together apart from Darcy

who has gone off the rails a little bit yeah I'm surprised because Jimmy Chamberlain went massively off the rails as well he had a huge problem with drugs

but they're all back together they're all back together they're all cool so yeah I think that modern music is in a state in which

that the only way you can make money is through licensing and also touring and so I think that has that second part

has mended a lot of bridges that wouldn't normally be mended when it comes to bands splitting up. And they realise, I can't make any money now. There's a monetary imperative. Let's get back together.

Let's get this horrible band back together. And the only picture I saw of you from that weekend, last weekend, was a picture of you with Bobby Gillespie on a roof. Oh yeah, where he looked like a, like I'd found a craw on the roof. Yeah. On a roof.

Oh, yeah. Where he looked like I'd found a craw on the roof. Yeah. I really think that he is important in that he's very clued up politically, I think. And he is consistently disappointed with how his ramblings are portrayed. Like my good self, I would say. Right. You found the kindred spirit.

But his delivery is incredibly slow. So I think people just sort of find him actually quite difficult to listen to. But, yeah, I quite like him. I quite like Bobby Gillespie. But again, I don't like his band. Let's have a break, Pete Dawson. And then when we come back, we will come back to the real world and talk about some

emails from the listeners. So, basically, what I was thinking of was oh, fuck, I can't believe you've done this. I can't believe you've done this. One of the most underrated viral videos on YouTube, I would say. That posh kid he gets a slap across the head.

He's up there with Bagel Man. Why is it okay for women to say, oh, you're five feet on dating sites? You should be dead. He's angry. That video ends with him challenging everyone to a fight and someone fighting him and beating him. It's one of those situations where you think,

yeah, I'd probably fancy myself against him. Describe to me what's happened. Everyone will be aware of Bagel Man. I wasn't aware of him. I'm out of touch. I'm out of touch. It's a man in jean shorts and a stripy top getting very upset in a bagel shop

about some unrelated matters. His dating life. He sounds like an incel. But he's far too old to be an incel. Look, incel knows no boundaries when it comes to age. What's the operation of an incel? Oh, mate, I don't know. Well, you're 30. What, mate, I don't know.

Well, you're 30. What, 38? I'm a celebrated bachelor. It's a different thing. Confirmed bachelor. It's a different thing. No, celebrated. Celebrated. Vaunted.

Sorry, Sean. All kinds of things. But yeah, he's very upset in a bagel shop. He's hurting. He's clearly hurting. He's not a tall man, and I know that hurt, but he is particularly vivacious with his opinions about his

how badly his life is going but he yeah and then a man crumples him and then he goes outside and he's interviewed at various stages by very tall female interviewers

because the TV station that is mean so I don't and he basically he says that he's the new Martin Luther King that's where his argument falls down a little bit right and then is he assassinated after that TV station. That is mean. And he says that he's the new Martin Luther King. That's where his argument falls down a little bit.

Right. And then is he assassinated after that? But the thing is, Peter, the only objection I have to this, and I understand

it's public domain, so I'm absolutely fine clearly with us talking about it, but I don't really like the idea of sharing photos or videos of people without

their consent. What do you mean? Like as in? So if I see a guy who looks a bit funny on the train, yeah, I just take a photo surreptitiously. Yeah, no,

I don't. Yeah. I don't share it publicly. I think that's poor form, isn't it? No, but if you, yeah,

but this guy was shouting racist and misogynist stuff in a bagel shop. So he needs to learn his lesson. Then he got, then he gets a crumpling, but he clearly goes around doing this sort of thing quite a lot. Um, and it's just funny because he's small. But, yeah.

Can I also say, just very, very briefly, that when he challenges a man who's much larger than him to a fight, the man accepts and Bagelman crumples like a house of cards. I've never seen a man hit the deck so quickly. You'd think if you were going to be that

forthright in your desire for a fight, you'd have at least partially prepared for it. Well, he's offering everyone out and then somebody takes the bait. Do you remember that guy, I think, Victoria Station? A gargantuan man who was off his face on cork. I'm going to say that now.

Let's make that absolutely clear. Let's make that absolutely clear. He may not have been, but fucking hell, whatever he'd taken was, must be chemically very close to it. Yeah. But he was like,

offering everyone out. He was going, I'm fucking, blah, blah, blah. It was on the video. It was on the video. He was like, absolutely fucking mental.

And he's going, I'm going to fucking do everyone in. Nobody was tackling him. No. And everyone cheered when the police tasered him at London Bridge Station. I love the idea of a police officer just going,

nah, fuck that. Get the taser out. Tasers can be dangerous. They can, yeah. Was it Daley Atkinson who was sadly killed after some kind of issue with a taser? That rings a bell. Yeah, he wasn't very well anyway, though, was he?

I don't believe so, no. Yeah. But, yeah, it was... When people get tasered, they go stiff and go down like a sack of shit. There was a police chief, was there not, who to publicly show that tasers were safe, volunteered to be tased.

Right, okay. I think... Jackass. Is it tased or tasered? Oh, I don't know. Anyway, one of them. Tase on day, who sang Chocolate Rain. Yeah, maybe.

Shall we do an email? Yeah, all right then. It's hello at lukeandpeacher.com for those of you who aren't regular listeners. If. Shall we do an email? Yeah, all right then. It's hello at lukeandpete.com for those of you who aren't regular listeners. If you want to send an email in, the reminder email address is hello at lukeandpete.com.

One chap who's done just that is Jake. Oh. Who said, this is quite an interesting one, Peter. I think you'll like this. He says, hi guys,

I recently listened to episode 172, so 14 episodes ago now, where you talked about quicksand. Quicksand. This reminded me of an experience I had while I was at university. I studied marine biology at the University of Portsmouth. The university has three campuses, the main one in the city centre, Langstone campus on the eastern edge of Portsea Island.

And one in the sea. And Institute of Marine Science on a peninsula in Langstone Harbour, not far from Langstone campus. One day, I was at a Langstone campus, and I had to get to the Institute of Marine Science. Usually, it's about 40 minutes to walk between those two campuses. So I know the area quite well, but he's actually helpfully attached a picture. Okay.

I'll just describe it to you. So it's like that. That one's there, Pete, and that one's there. Water, tidal. Yeah. You have to go all the way around or you can go across. Oh, yes. But you've got to do it in a boat.

Well, we'll wait and see what Jake did. He had a wacky idea. Usually it takes about 40 minutes to walk between these two campuses due to the roads doubling back on themselves. Due to its location on the peninsula, I noticed the IMS, the Institute of Marine Science,

was just across the bay from where I was and I thought I could save time by walking across the beach time was out right what could go wrong I began the seemingly

shorter journey and before long the shingle began to give way to larger rocks it was low tide so when the rocks would normally meet the water there was just

a muddy silty layer of sediment not to be deterred I began walking across the rocks as I progressed these rocks began to be spaced further apart I began walking across the rocks. As I progressed, these rocks began to be spaced further apart, and I had to jump between them to continue.

This reminded me a bit of the scene in the B-movie with Kevin Bacon tremors. Yes. Disaster struck when I jumped from a rock onto what I thought was another rock, which turned out to be an area of dry, light-coloured mud. I immediately sank up to my

waist i had my phone in my hand and not quite being aware of the danger i was in i casually texted my friend saying i was going to be late to class it was at this point i felt mud seeping through my shirt around my belly button and realized i was quickly sinking oh no thankfully there was a bush growing on the thin grassy edge of the bay and i managed to lean forward so my stomach was flat on the mud and pull myself out using the bush years later as a high school science teacher i have realized that i increased my surface area therefore diffusing the pressure across a larger area which prevented me from sinking and pressure equals force divided by surface area i was cut severely by the thorns on the bush and absolutely covered in mud but i had

a practical assessment that i couldn't miss so i showed up bush and absolutely covered in mud, but I had a practical assessment that I couldn't miss. So I showed up to university anyway, covered in mud and blood, only to find out the assessed practical was shifting through seal shit to find fish ear bones for three hours. Not sure if it was really quicksand, but it felt like it. And reflecting years later, this was almost certainly the most stupid and dangerous thing I've ever done. Hope you like the story. Keep up the good work, Jake.

That is terrifying. Yeah. And it also reminded me of an incident i was involved in just down the road from there was it quicksand related yeah so across the other side of the harbour from portsmouth is a town called gosport where i grew up i was born in portsmouth but i grew up in gospel um and so literally it's hard to describe but around the side of the harbour from exactly that incident so i presume it's the same mud so i know exactly what it means this gray sticky mud at low tide

it does go cracked and kind of the top maybe centimeter or so does bake in the sun so it looks like a rock yeah and i was on a shipwreck um out the little harbour bit, a place called Hard Way. People from that area will know it. And I was about 20 or 30 metres out, jumping on

rocks, onto this shipwreck. But I couldn't really remember the way I'd got onto the shipwreck. I was with another friend, and a

couple of our friends were on the shore still, and they were throwing rocks. It's like a fucking Enid Blayton.

No, it was probably absolutely true. It was like a rusted old Blayton I'll promise you it's absolutely true it was like a rusted old kind of ship I don't know why it wasn't massive you're collecting steel for your giga coaters yeah and I tried to jump back and I probably sunk up to my shins and me

and my mate had to really struggle back and I was really worried because I thought shit my mum and dad are going to kill me because I've basically ruined these trainers ruined these jeans I'm in big trouble when I got home though, my mum and dad are going to kill me because I've basically ruined these trainers, ruined these genes. I'm in big trouble. When I got home, though, and my mum was out and it was only my dad, and he looked over his paper and just went,

oh, yeah, boys will be boys. Go and put them in the washing machine. You'll be fine. Don't tell your mum. I didn't. So I could have easily gone the way of Jake. Right, okay. But that's terrifying, isn't it?

Well, don't they sort of, don't they do, didn't somebody sort of make the point that everybody has a situation where they think that avoiding quicksand is going

to be way more important in their lives. The thing is it's definitely not quicksand. It's similar. I understand

what Jake means but it's more like a Oh sorry I was just preparing a bit of audio. Break into song. It's definitely

not quicksand but it is a very very sticky and dangerous mud. If you've ever been to Glastonbury when it rains and it dries up a bit and you

keep losing your shoes in that stickiness it's like that but about 20 foot deep. That is horrible. That genuinely gives me the chilly willies

quite frankly. Thanks for that Jake. Good story. Love your job. Well I'm sorry I'm glad you didn't die. That's the main thing.

Julian Assange. Darren Smith has got in touch. Hello Darren Smith. Hi guys. Emailingange. Darren Smith has got in touch. Hello, Darren Smith. Hi, guys. Emailing you from hot and humid Durham, North Carolina. I would like to vent about a truly humiliating experience I suffered at a fine secondary school in Oxfordshire

when I was maybe 14 years young. I was in the middle of a very fine game, or having a very fine game for the school's football team against our local rivals, when I spotted my mum on the sidelines gesticulating furiously towards me. She had no intention of attending the game and it caused me to wonder why she had shown up.

I ignored her frantic waving at first, but it wasn't long before she was more vocal. Come here! You're in big, big trouble! Oh dear. I continued to ignore her until half-time, at which point she walked on the pitch and demanded that she take me home that very moment. Very embarrassing.

That's embarrassing. That is embarrassing. Turns out my parents had received a letter from my school informing them that I was to be suspended for hitting a girl. They were shocked and appalled, as well they might be. I fiercely protested my innocence, but my claims fell on deaf ears. They simply couldn't get over the fact that I hit a girl. Turns out it was all a huge administrative error and the culprit was

someone in a lawyer who shared the same first and last name as me. The school office had simply sent the letter to the wrong address. The wrongdoing was only acknowledged the next day when I tried going to school and my parents wanted to check if I was actually allowed to be in there. We still won the footy game. The other team was

proper shite, but imagine in the middle of a game being accused of striking a lady. And also, absolutely, and my best friend Jimmy, there was a kid with exactly the same name in the year below. Oh, no. Is that why he decided to be a fruitarian?

So that he could be set apart from the other one that wasn't? Possibly, yeah. He's not a fruitarian anymore, though. Yeah, but that's how I know him. A preposterous lifestyle. I think even he realised after a while it was ridiculous. But, you know, when you...

Can you stop doing that, please? It keeps restarting. Just mute. I'm getting used to this new wire I've got. This new system. New system. Which is basically your laptop. Well, yeah.

Which you use every day. Yeah, but I don't worry about the sound coming out. So I was legitimately more scared of my parents than I probably was the police when I was a kid. Right. And if your mother came in the middle of a football game and took you away, I'd be thinking, my God, this is serious.

My mum was very sort of hands-off, so I don't think I'd be that... I'd be a bit concerned that she'd even turned up, to be honest, so yeah. Yeah. Was most of the discipline did he no no i never did anything wrong that anyway i'm i think they would only discipline me when they were in the house with me they would never come out like they'd never go out to find me um like that would be a weird situation that they they could even know where I was really. Yeah. Yeah. I remember once, my mum has always been quite tough.

I remember once walking back from school with my friend, James, not Jimmy, another James. Right. And we got accosted by these guys who are a lot older than us. And they gave us a couple of slaps, just pushed us around a bit. And I already had a broken arm at the time so i had my arm in a plaster cast and um got back to the house obviously i was a bit scared i was probably crying i was only about 10 and um my mom was like what's happened i told her and she's like right okay fine stay here and she got her bike out from the shed and started cycling around trying to find

the two kids who did it. Mother Justice. Yeah. She reckoned she found them. They gave them a proper dressing down, took them home to their parents, said they should be ashamed. All this stuff.

And I was like, man, bloody hell, how are you going to make this worse? Yeah. If they find out, it's me. I want to get another kick in.

Yeah. But we live quite near a really rough part of town. And they were probably from there. And to put it in perspective, one of my earliest memories is walking back through there with my dad and a woman

chucking clothes out of a window to a man in the front garden who was complaining who then was saying sorry, sorry,

sorry and then got so angry that he set a car on fire. So that's the kind of area we're talking about. Wow. Sounds like the X-Men's academy. Yeah.

So I'm pleased to hear that that emailer's tale was a tale of a mistaken identity and he wasn't in trouble. And more importantly, he didn't strike a woman. No. Do you reckon that your mum just pretended that she'd given the address down on the phone?

Yeah, just to set your mind at rest. She definitely went out on her bike. I remember it like it was yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know what happened because I was too scared to go. It's weird that I remember sort of being in a situation

I was probably a little bit older but and my friend had a broken arm and we had to run to a to a to knock on someone's door because

there was some big lads like it was something like 18 we were just kicking shit out of it like us like just they just walked past us

and then they just like I remember one of them shouted somebody stop me like the mask. So it was then basically whenever that

yell came out I hope it wasn't that terrible. I bet he thought it was really cool. Somebody stop

me and nobody could because they were ferocious with their punching just punched everyone. That's horrendous.

It's weird what angry young men will do. The question you never wanted to hear when you're walking through this area near where I lived was the question angry young men will do the question you never wanted I have a wank they probably were doing that as well the question you never wanted to hear

when you're walking through this area near where I lived was sometimes you'd hear wait mate wait mate you'd tell her and they'd go what shoe size are you

and you'd be like fuck because you wanted to say the shoe size but they couldn't steal your shoe right okay yeah yeah because they would they would just take your trainer

if you walked with new shoes on or trainers they would just try and take them just don't tell just don't don't give them your number the you walked with new shoes on or trainers they would just try and take them just don't give them your number the thing I resent looking back on it now

is you're going to take my shoes off and check anyway so why are you even asking me jump in the quicksand you'll never find them I should have

anyway that's enough time for this week we'll come back on Monday this weekend is the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing first time man

so on Monday we're going to bring an astronaut in we're going to kick the shit out of an astronaut. So on Monday we're going to bring an astronaut in. We're going to bring Buzz Aldrin in and he's going to punch his face in the face. Yes.

Have a good weekend and we'll see you on Monday. See yous. This was a Radio Staccato production. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so.

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