The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 19: Rotisserie Alex

Episode Date: October 9, 2017

Pete's back! That should be all you need to know really, but in episode 19 you can also hear all about the following subjects:- Samurai swords- Dads- Calling up communal phones in rural Ireland- Encryption- Ann Summers- Traditional Japanese hotelsIf you can't find something in that lot to enjoy then there really is no hope for you, dear listener!Fill us in on what we're missing: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Luke and Pete Shaw number what? 19 19, we're back I'm the bass player from T'Pau Are you now? Was that the name of the guy from T'Pau? The bass player from T'Pau. Are you now? Was that the name of the guy from T'Pau? The bass player from T'Pau? Was called 19.

No, he's just called the bass player from T'Pau. That's his name. I don't know what his name is. Would you want me to check? I can check for you if you want. No, that's the last thing I want you to do. I don't even know if they're a bass player. They might not have.

I don't know. I was once, I've ever told the story where I was once at a party, like a getaway kind of thing for my company, and the singer out of Tapao, she had a couple of drinks. Carol Decker. Carol Decker, she had a couple of drinks and shouted at the stand-up.

She shouted at the stand-up, stop being racist. And he hadn't been racist. Right. But obviously, once someone's accused you of being racist, it's hard to recover. Yeah, hard to recover. From that boathouse. The bass player was called Paul Jackson

Well, hello at lucanpitchshow.com If you can make that for trivia If you are Paul Jackson Maybe he's listening, maybe he's got not much else on Here's an experiment for you If you're listening to this show and your name is Paul Jackson Or Jack Paulson Get in touch, I want to know what our reach is Well, my ex-boss used to be is Paul Jackson, right? Or Jack Paulson. Yeah. Get in touch. I want to know what our reach is.

I used to, well, my ex-boss used to be called Paul Jackson. There we go. Could have been the same guy. Could be. Music. Yeah, maybe. But before we go into all this stuff, though, Pete, I just want to welcome you back, my man.

Yeah. I cheated on you last week, didn't I? Yeah, you did. I was thinking about you the whole time, though. With DB Chapoy. Chapoy! Yeah, Chapoy, Doc Brown. Doc Brown. He was good, though, didn't I? Yeah, you did. I was thinking about you the whole time, though. With DB Chapoy. Chapoy! Yeah, Chapoy, Doc Brown. Doc Brown.

He was good, though, wasn't he? He was excellent. I enjoyed your chat about sand. Yep. Starting big. Yeah. About ten minutes on sand. Do you know what?

He actually just pulled that on me. I didn't know he was going to do that. It wasn't planned. He pulled some sand on me. You know what? A rapper pulled a bottle of sand on you. Pete, people who actually listen to that will be absolutely stunned to realise

that stellar piece of content wasn't scripted. It wasn't planned. What? Yeah, I know, right? Oh, my days. Straight off the dome piece, that one. So, yeah, it's kind of confusing. And to Ben's eternal credit,

he was also a keen listener of the show and he was a little bit confused what was going on because we had to record two shows in a row so I basically said I would just come back from Japan and I was you mucked up your dates I must have

muffed up my dates so I am actually back from Japan now and everything's fine we're learning about Tapao yeah I enjoyed the the Ben and Luke show for a little while

anyone who's ever worked with Pete in any capacity will know he does have a tendency to struggle with dates. Yeah, massively. Is that fair? It's fair, isn't it?

I just think time is very much fluid, and I am also fluid with it. It is, yeah. I'm a non-Newtonian fluid that you can walk on if you want. I'd love to study your fluid mechanics. One of my favourite bits of the show was when you guys were talking about the pilots, when they talk about how high they are in the sky.

And I was thinking about this. I was listening to this while I was on a plane. And I was thinking, it is quite a perverse thing to tell you, because taller than, like, 20 feet, I don't know what's a mile in the sky. I can figure out what a mile covered on the ground is. Yeah. You know what I mean? I know what you mean.

But pointing up, we're 20,000 miles, 20,000 feet or whatever. You're like, I have no frame of reference for that at all. No building is that tall. So I think I'm right in saying that if you're flying at whatever,

let's say 30,000 feet, I think that's like five and a half miles in the air. Yeah. But again, seeing something horizontal... There's no point in saying is there seeing something horizontal is really very different to seeing something um vertical if you've ever been in a gym if you see a man in the showers and he's got a a rather tumescent

a rather large a rather large horizontal penis you're like that's a big that's a that's a big penis good good good on you lad but if it's pointing up there's problems he's getting thrown out of the gym i don't think that analogy works. What? In this scenario. What I was going to say was, I mean, that has knocked me sideways, you saying that, but it's probably what you said.

Big penis, man. When you think about it, Ben is absolutely right. It is odd for them to even say that because there isn't really no reference. Great, good, good. Still up here. Yeah. There was a woman on a flight to New York

And she was going Could you open the blinds please I had the blinds open Can you open the blinds please I opened them, I went, well we're still up She went, it's good to hear What? That is strange, so how was your trip?

Are you going to do your trip on It's Been or are you going to say now? Let's do a Pete Olsen Japan trip review. It's been. Correct volume. I did the correct volume last week. Because you put it in post. Up yours, dollars. Don't let people throw it behind the curtain.

That's poor by you. I went to Sakata, which is a very, very quiet town. It was like a zombie movie, honestly. It was incredible. Just nobody out on the streets, daytime, on nighttime. It was so quiet. Even though I was there like Monday through Thursday. So why did you go there then?

Because a mate recommended it as a beautiful place to be, and it certainly was. It's sort of dwarfed by this active volcano, this massive volcano that you can barely see on most cloudy days. But it's it's twin with delaware would you believe that is strange and much like delaware it's quite spread out people sort of drive everywhere and everything's kind of like in um malls i suppose but it's very very quiet very eerie does it have an interesting corporate tax arrangement like delaware no what's the corporate tax i think a lot of i'm going off piste tax? I think a lot of, I'm going off piste here, but I think a lot of businesses are registered in Delaware

because there's some sort of weird tax situation there. Because a lot of stuff's done on a state by state basis. Right, okay, and they're favourable options. I believe so, yeah. It's a place where it's the heaviest snowfall in the world. That's another great fact. Which is huge. What part of every road has these kind of

fences that go down and up. So that during snow season, they go up and they protect the road from like... Story upon story. And some houses and some buildings, important buildings, they have entrances and exits on the second floor. That is fascinating. Because you get that much snow. So what part of Japan is it in? If you go up towards Sendai, towards Hokkaido,

it's in the Yamagata Prefecture. Take a left. Take a left. It is literally take a left. Go to Sendai, take a left for three hours and then you're there. But it's beautiful. I stayed in a fantastic ryokan, kind of classic Japanese hotel,

you know, shoes off, kind of mats on the floor. I usually wake up with a really sore neck and a sore back, and, you know, in agony about my guilt and stuff. But when I slept on those kind of floor mats, nothing. The Japanese way of life is kind to you. I think it is, apart from the fact that you frequently have to sort of tuck your legs, you sort of fold your legs underneath you and eat like that. Like primary school.

Oh, God, it's painful. And this is Sakata, yeah? This is Sakata. It's beautiful. Did you say that they have some entrances and exits to buildings on the second floor? Yeah. That's mad, isn't it? Yeah.

Mad. But it's the birthplace of Hiro Nakajima, the guy who played Godzilla for three decades. Really? Who got shipped out at the back end of his career to work in the company bowling alley. The man who literally defined the company. Yeah.

Well, maybe he liked bowling. It's a reward of anything if he likes it. It's like, you know... It was on the lot. It was on the film. So his employee, like the fellow employees will have seen him who will have worked on the Godzilla films.

Him, you know, just setting up the pins. What size are you, mate? Massive, mate. I'm Godzilla. Just going back to that snow thing, because it reminded me of something. You're speaking about the highest level of snowfall anywhere in the world.

Do you remember, it would have been probably two or three years ago now, there was an unbelievable dumping of lake effect snow on the city of Buffalo in New York State. Right. And it was almost farcically big. It was like 12 feet high overnight or something. And when they carved through with the plows and everything, it was like a wall of snow on each side on the road.

Yeah. That was amazing. But some idiot politician in the US who was trying to make some point about global warming by saying, oh yeah, global warming, climate change, look at all this snow, right? But actually, ironically enough, that snow was in fact a direct consequence of global warming purely because the climate was warming up to such an extent

that the amount of water being taken off the Great Lakes was far greater than it was normally, which then meant snow was dumped onto Buffalo. So it was in fact... So his little snowball display in the Parliament just kind of... That was separate, but it was a similar thing to that, but it was actually directly related to global warming.

I just thought that was interesting. They don't listen, though. They don't bloody listen. No one listens to us, Pete, and no one listens to those poor scientists either. I'll tell you what I did also. I met two mummies. Or saw two mummies. They didn't really meet me.

Right. More on them later. They'll be my Mencarta induction, I think, this week. Right. I went to a fox zoo. Oh, I saw that. That was great. Which is an enclave of foxes that live together.

So this is fascinating. I'm going to fill the listeners in a little bit. So I saw a lot of videos you sent me and pictures. And maybe people who follow you on social media, God bless them, brave souls that they are. God fear them. Would have seen this. And you were interacting with various different foxes

on quite a sort of close level. What are foxes actually like? Are they more like dogs or are they more like cats? I think they're more like dogs, because they're a bit bitey. They're quite bitey like dogs. But think they're more like uh dogs but a bit because they're a bit bitey they're quite bitey like dogs quite sort of were they friendly when they want to be there well that's that's the thing about uh i don't know the way um uh certain um companies in japan keep animals i do question slightly right their zoos aren't usually that well kept from what I've seen. But the foxes

seem to be happy enough. And, you know, there was shit loads of them and they're all in one place and they all, and there was a big enough enclosure. That's the thing,

I mean, the big kind of thing about zoos and keeping animals in captivity is, you know, the big thing is, you know,

they want to be free and stuff like that. But technically, animals only ever move on when they've exhausted their food supply. So animals naturally would not usually move from the spot that they're already in. No, some would.

Some have huge territories. Lions have huge territories. Yeah, but only because there's no animals bloody near them. That's the thing. They would actually stay where they were if they had a constant supply of food, which studies have shown that they would do. I'm not saying that I don't really have any stock

with either camp, bearing in mind that I did work in a zoo as well. So I do think they are the greatest thing in the world. I think there's an issue, which is that some animals almost certainly would be safer in captivity. And so if you want to learn learn about that species protect it and hopefully get to a position where you can reintroduce it when when i don't know whether it's like a geopolitical situation is to calm down or a um a sort of environmental situation where they can get more natural habitat or you know different bits and pieces like that um then

of course i think you you it's a responsible thing do. And also it's good for education as well. Yeah, well, I mean, there's no bushmeat trade in the zoo. No. Even though I tried to start one. Yeah, despite your best effort. I found a gorilla. Yeah, despite your best effort. It wants to eat it.

I went to an onsen. Okay. Like a hot spring kind of... You know when you see those monkeys in Japan with snow all around them? Yeah. Red face ones. Red face ones. Yeah, just in the water. say there's monkeys uh in japan with snow all around them yeah in red face red face the first

ones um in in the um uh yeah just in the water is that in japan there's a lot of hot onsens a lot of volcanic activity in japan obviously and um i did like this hot spring kind of on it's called an onsen where you just walk around in the in the buff with like a kind of well literally just a towel on your head like you have a little kind of like um square tiny towel and you put it on your head and you just walk around and you sit in the pool the hot pool and then move to another hot pool and then you get in the sauna and then um there's a telly in the sauna were you completely bollocks i was completely bollocks i was as i was as naked as the day i was born it was fantastic i wasn't emotionally ready for that but it was uh and then you jump into a really, really cold pool.

Oh, okay. And that is the most invigorating thing. So I've started having my showers, like, quite cold. They do that in Scandinavia, you know. Yeah, they come out of the sauna and they jump in the snow. Did I tell you... Speaking of the foxes thing, did I tell you about the cats of Istanbul? On the last week of show, did I talk about that?

Yeah, because they... So there's this weird symbiotic relationship between cats and human beings in Istanbul I think partly because they're I guess sacred animals in Islam And they almost They live in this situation where they're not fully wild And not fully tame

So the people who live in Istanbul put little houses out for them And leave bowls of food and water out for them And they just go where they want They don't have collars on them or anything But they go into little cafes It's quite weird. Imagine if a dog just turned up and went, what the fuck is going on here?

How is this allowed? You see dogs as well, and all the dogs have got tags on their ears. So they've been tagged. But there's a weird sort of symbolic relationship, to use that phrase again, on some of the bridges over the Bosphorus where a lot of people, they're fishing,

and they either catch little fish and they use them and they give them to little, almost like hot food cafes, where they sell them in like little sandwiches, or I guess they take them home, or they sell them to trade or whatever. But obviously the cats know about this. They've learned. So there's loads of cats there as well, and they give them the fish they can't sell, or whatever, they chuck them the fish.

And I sent you a picture of that cat with a fish. Yeah. That's basically what. I thought it was only our cats. No, no, no. Kind of feral. I didn't take one with me. Anyway, so the foxes sound fascinating.

Yeah. So those little, what is it called, an onsen, did you say? An onsen. I'm not allowed in something like half of them because I've got tattoos. Oh, okay. These tattoos are linked with the Yakuza and people don't want gangsters in their onsens. But presumably there's gangster onsens, so... Could have gone there. Could have gone there, couldn't they?

They could just go there, and I could just be allowed in, because I'm clearly not a member of the Japanese mafia. No. Is onsen a Japanese word for hot spring, then? I don't really know. Probably Chinese. He's known how far it goes back. Okay, right.

But, yeah, it's a beautiful... So you had a good time? It really... I wish I could go to more onsens, and I was annoyed that I wasn't allowed to go to Onsen World because of my terrible tattoos So there we go Mate listen you made your bed with those

And now you've got a lie in it A very unattractive bed Have you had a good week? It's been good Not too much to report I watched an episode I tell you what Maybe we can get into this now

There was a situation in my house the day before yesterday where I was watching an episode of the popular sitcom Parks and Rec. Have you seen it? Have you not finished it yet? No, not finished it yet. Get in there. Have you seen it? Yeah. Okay, so for people listening out there, you haven't seen it.

It's not a spoiler. It's one scene about six seasons in and it's not a particularly in terms of the storyline it's not a particularly. It's one scene in about six seasons in, and it's not a particularly, in terms of the storyline, it's not a particularly important scene. But anyway, there's a scene where Ron Swanson goes to Scotland. Yeah, and it just seems to be a big advert for the whiskey. Yeah, but don't pop my balloon just yet.

So he goes to Lagavulin Distillery, which is what he always talks about in the show, because Leslie Knope sends him there, who's the main character. And it's a real whiskey, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely.'s actually real and the product is real right and he goes up there and he sits on um a cliff with a lag of willin and he reads a ruby burns poem yeah he reads um i wear my love young lilac fair and uh it's a bit of classical music i think think Abide With Me in the background

which is a beautiful song and I honestly emotionally it just brought me to floods of tears that is that was a wreck

an absolute wreck why? I don't know it did everything all the planets just aligned and so I just felt really emotional

about it it was a beautiful scene really nicely done the poem itself is obviously beautiful as well the music and the scenery and I just felt really emotional about it. It was a beautiful scene, really nicely done. The poem itself is obviously beautiful as well. The music and the scenery. And I just thought to myself, I'm going to talk to Peter about this because I want to know. I couldn't work out whether you were a crier at TV and movies or not.

No, almost never. I, um... What was it? Up. Yeah. Start of Up. That is a classic I mean proper tear jerk As well

You're just like Oh god But then Yeah I'm rarely moved To tears to be honest Maybe When Cheers

Finished Oh my god I cried my heart out So the first Ten minutes of They extended the music Luke Made it all sad Where everybody knows your name

I was convinced That Woody Harrelson Song that But he doesn't it does sound like yeah but the first 10 minutes of Up is a classic

right where he she leaves him a note saying thanks for all the adventures now go have some more that's a really beautiful thing oh don't right

I know but if you are someone who has cried at TV or film in a most hopefully in an entertaining way they do get in touch

hello at lukeandpeteshow.com we'd love to hear from you. I watch my dad's hanging. Oh, don't say that. Not in our audience. That elephant hanging.

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Remember it? Yeah. That's actually on Wikipedia as one of their public demand videos. Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers.

I feel like we should have a proper, almost like message slash email slash letter related jingle for this. Oh, okay. Do you want to get off your ass and make one? No. I'm sure it very much is your domain. Let's go, let's go. It's emails after this.

Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. Emails. I was about to say, I wasn't confused as to what was happening. Right. But I just thought, because the reason I'm not doing an email jingle is because you make me do all the synopsis, all the titling,

all the uploading. All the uploading. And all the social media. Clicking a button. A bit like someone else doing most of the work there. It's a computer program. It's a computer program, and the lines that take the ones and the zeros to Iceland where we are held. And I also do the social media, Peter.

Do you? Yeah. I don't follow us. And the social media is forward slash Luke and Pete show. And we have today on Twitter got 3,485 followers at time of recording. Well, get involved. If you're listening, follow us. At Luke and Pete Show.

Because that sounds terrible. It's all right. It's not bad. It's all right. Yeah, it's not bad. We're not a Twitter concern. We're a podcast. Exactly.

I don't care that much about that sort of stuff. No. But, yeah, so we do emails. And we've got so many good ones. You know, we worked through a load of them, and we filtered them out, the ones we didn't necessarily want to read. And that's no disrespect.

They just weren't necessarily the subjects we particularly want to talk about at this point. We still couldn't get lower than about eight. Honestly, there was so many. Yeah. So blummin' many. So do you want to kick off with your favourite? Well, actually, not your favourite. Just the first one you're going to read.

No, why don't you give me a name of someone that you'd like me to read and I'll do it. All right. That'd be better. I like Dave Shaw. All right, let me find Dave Shaw's then. Dave Shaw. You're right, it's a very good one. okay right yeah so this is from dave it's quite a long one but we'll maybe we'll stop for a little break in the middle um if we need to take a breather he says uh this is on the theme of crap jobs now if you remember listening to last week's show and if you haven't

yet i recommend you do so uh ben told a brilliant story about how he quit a job uh in spectacular fashion which sort of continued the crap jobs thread. This is from Dave Shaw, and he says, I thought I'd had my take on crap jobs. When I was a student, I took a part-time job at a call centre in a town called Bangor, about 10 miles from Northern

Ireland's capital, Belfast. Not particularly unusual that students have these kinds of jobs. I'm sure a huge percentage of people my age have found themselves being a phone monkey in some soulless windowless hell at some point in their lives. Now, I've actually done this myself, so I know exactly how you feel. A big part of the financial ecosystem

during the late 90s in Hartlepool is call sense, because we have a rather inoffensive accent and we don't sound clever enough to swindle people. I thought it was because it's quite a trusted accent. It's trusted because we don't sound like we could swindle people i thought no i thought it was because it's quite a trusting act it's trusted because we don't sound like we could swindle people because we sound stupid scousers uh is a no-no uh scottish i think they're they're quite loved yeah well i did this at a very well-known high street bank uh call center down in a place

called whitely and if you're from the part of the world i'm from you'll know where that is it's quite a soulless um new sort of town type thing. New town, right. Yeah, it's got a load of sort of industrial estate stuff in it, or commercial estate, I should say. And it was actually quite fun, because they hired a load of people at the same time, so me and a lot of my mates went and got the job. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so it was fun. Anyway, so Dave carries on to say, the unusual part was the particular campaign that I worked on. I worked on behalf of a charity contacting people and asking if they would like to sell some raffle tickets worked on behalf of a charity contact contacting people and asking if they would like to sell some raffle tickets to raise funds uh for a charity the charity in question was the irish death society death ironically enough turned out to be a very difficult word to understand over the phone about 75 of people repeated with incredulity irish

death society which would probably be the least imaginatively titled Celtic vigilante group you could think of. It does sound like a firm, doesn't it? So in case this isn't translated over the airwaves, death as in people who can't hear, not death as in you are now dead. The worst part of the job, says Dave, was that we had to phone parts of rural Ireland where you would speak to farmers with accents so thick, not even their own mothers would have a clue what they were saying. speak to farmers with accents so thick not even their own mothers would have a clue what they were saying this was about 10 years ago however there were still parts of the countryside where people would share phones a fairly common practice in that part of the world i'm led to believe and i didn't know this at the time so i called many one of the many numbers on the database one evening

and asked for a mr kelly and i was told that the person on the other end was not mr kelly but if i waited a second they would go and get him from up the road. Before I could say, oh, I don't want to trouble you, it's not that important, the phone was dropped and I was left waiting on the other end for about 20 minutes

and when Mr. Kelly finally made it to the phone, he was one of the aforementioned unintelligible farmers. I informed him where I was calling from and his exact words were, Irish Death Society, oh well, I've had a good innings I'm 95 years old. So essentially

as part of my job I managed to make a 95 year old man walk down the rural Irish road at night to simply in his mind inform him

that he was going to die the poor bastard. That's from Dave Shaw. That's not that bad a job though is it? Well what I like about this is that man is

probably dead almost probably dead. Almost certainly dead. So the call centre worked. In many ways. This reminded me of a situation that I may not be fully abreast of and I'd love someone to get in touch and tell us. I thought I'd read a number of years ago that there was

a particular parish or local council in rural Ireland. I know this is Northern Ireland but I think this was in rural Ireland where in Republic of Ireland, where they were refusing to pass drink driving legislation because they were worried that people would get so

isolated that they wouldn't be able to go out to the different pubs because that was not the only thing you could do and there was no other way of getting there or back and so they continued to refuse to do it. I'd love to know if that was true They do say that it's a city law, let's say, in those tiny country roads. But that call centre thing is cool because I actually quite, in a weird way,

quite enjoyed working in the call centre. I remember we used to, what you'd do is you'd sit there with headphones on. Is it just like call calling? No, no, but this was an inbound one. Oh, that's all right. Then you'd just be solving problems. Yeah, so you'd sit there with your headphones on,

and you'd get a ding-ding, and a call would come through, and it would be a bank customer. And they would say, oh, can you help me out and tell me why this cheque hasn't cleared or whatever. It's that sort of stuff, right? One time I got a call from a guy. He called up and said, oh, yeah, there's a cheque I've written, and you took out £22.40 when it. When it was actually £22.20.

So can I have the 20p back, please? And I was like, all right, yeah, okay, no problem. And obviously under a certain amount, you can just do it. Yeah. And I checked up his account. No word of a lie, he had £8 million in his current account. Holy moly. Well, you know, that's how you make it, don't you?

Look after the pennies. Yeah. And there was another situation, I think, where we were working on a weekend where there was no supervisors there, and we all agreed that we had to get a a certain phrase into a call right okay and i'm the call the call i got um i had to ask a guy whose car doesn't work and if he had been past or close to any secret military facility to which he said well if it's secret how do i know about it i don't know he got

involved he didn't take it as wimsy he didn't take it as a clear affront to his professionalism and yours. But the way he came back to me was like, can you tell me where they are so I don't do it again? Because if he just wipes my card, I won't know about it. I think that when people tell you to keep your mobile phone away from your card and stuff like that. Is that true? Of course it isn't.

It's bull crap. But people always tell you not to do that. And it angers me because I don't have the outgoing nature to explain why that's bullshit. Why don't you tell us now? Because you don't know. It just doesn't happen.

It just doesn't happen. What about if you take your mobile and put it through one of those x-ray machines at an airport? I think they're still alright. Yeah. They must be. Everything's fine.

Everything's fine. You can use your phone on a flight. It's just people who don't understand technology. Amber Rudd, for example. Yeah. She doesn't understand how... Encryption. Encryption works.

But she'll certainly want us to not have it anymore. Yeah. Give us a backdoor. Give the government a backdoor to WhatsApp. Give the government a backdoor. If you're giving the government a backdoor, do it. Everyone's got a backdoor to it, it anymore. Give us a backdoor. Give the government a backdoor to WhatsApp. Give the government a backdoor. If you're giving the government a backdoor to it, everyone's got a backdoor to it, you idiot. Yeah.

And she's the head of the goddamn whole game. Head of the whole game. That's her nickname. Head of the whole game. That's her title. Oh, she makes me angry. Speaking of announcements, rude announcements like Ben did in the... Where did he work?

He got bleeped out, didn't he? Yeah, he can't tell us. He can't tell anyone. Yeah, he can't tell us. can't tell anyone Yeah he can't tell us Can you do the shout out Do they still even exist still? I think Yeah they do

My mum really likes them Yeah Right Alexandra Oh yeah I request a fun alias So Oh yeah I've seen this

I've got that As a working title for her Chicken Alex Or Whole Foods Alex Okay Yeah You'll see one in a minute Alright her, Chicken Alex or Whole Foods Alex. Okay. You'll see one in a minute. Rotisserie Alex. Rotisserie Alex, perfect.

Hi, guys. I work at Whole Foods in California, and the other day, Saturday lunchtime, store was as busy as all hell. We make announcements over the intercom to promote sales, and suddenly we all heard loud talking bordering on yelling. All of us cashiers thought it was a promotion until it cuts through. There are no humane ways of raising chickens!

The man is on a megaphone and has a sign and is screaming for like three minutes. The couple about to check out of my register looked at each other and the guy in line was like, Oh yeah, I should get rotisserie chicken. So he's actually had the opposite effect of what he should have. I love that. I do like that a lot. I remember being in bed... Thank you for that, Chicken. I wrote this for Alex.

Chicken Alexandra. So there we go. I remember being in bed and sort of half asleep Saturday afternoon. Beautiful sunny day. And I could hear somebody on a megaphone talking about the offers on Ann Summers. I live next to an Ann Summers and a fish and chip shop. Everything on my doorstep, Luke. Yeah, all you need.

All we need. And the man who was on the megaphone talking about the fresh new offers in Ann Summers, he was doing quite a professional job. But it's a bit weird on a Saturday afternoon to have Ann Summers, to people who don't live in England or Scotland or any of the home countries, home nations they sell dildos and pants basically don't they

it's like a it's like a naughty naughty shop lingerie and sex shop really yeah it's very European in a very British way

is that where we went into to get that gimp mask for you and we had to do that thing no the way we bought we bought a dog gimp mask

we bought a dog gimp mask that you said was on offer for like 30 quid, and it wasn't. It was like 80. It was really expensive. You got to the counter, you didn't want to change your mind. And we bought a dildo that the woman asked if I wanted lube. Yeah, this was for her.

Oh, she pointed at this stage. Are you going to put up your bum? No, this is for a live theatre show. It's a very important prop for something we had to deal with. Yeah, you still pen-shared me with it, though. Oh, come on! I accepted the lube with good stuff. No, you didn't.

As I accepted your capacious whatever. So, come on. So, this guy's going on about the Officer's Hand. He's like, oh, look at this beautiful set of, you know, kind of blah, blah, blah. And this is on sale. But then he started talking about, like, you know when women buy pants, there's like a little strip of, they're trying on lingerie or something,

there's a little kind of like a... Hygiene strip. Hygiene strip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he started talking about that. Started going, of course, if you take it off, you can't return it back to the store

because people's fannies have been on it. Oh my God. And I was like, this is taking a turn. Who is this guy has this man gone rogue he was just a mad man he was just a mad man

with a megaphone I've seen him do it a few times around London just a mate just a mate just a mate yeah Pete are you up there

so megaphone intrusion we're talking about here megaphone intrusion so when I was at Dragon Con in Atlanta there was a parade outside and there was a guy getting involved

you know they have those for those guys who talk about the end is nigh and how you shouldn't be gay and be religious and that stuff. One sort of placard isn't enough. They have to stack loads on top of another and the stick gets really long.

Like a totem pole. Yeah, basically, like a totem pole full of all these mad things. Yeah, full of hate, basically. But he was getting, like, a pretty short shrift because it's a... It's like a science convention, partly. So there's a lot of rational type people

was he like a flat out he was just getting hammered he got to the bottom it was the first time I've ever seen someone be so like outnumbered that he just legged it

he's like I'll see you later I'm going this is not my crowd it's like Jesus at a Ricky Gervais convention yeah basically yeah something like that

or a Richard Dawkins convention I remember seeing I was in Pride in Nashville, walking around, and this, you know, fucking God it hits, this kind of chap was doing his business with a big megaphone, and then these two blokes just got right in front of him

and just started macking like you wouldn't believe. Oh, God, right. It was so funny. And he was like, well, you're all going to hell. And they were just fucking eating each other's faces it was brilliant and not uh a little sexy i saw a um i saw a great picture of um a load of people protesting about um homosexuality saying jesus hates gays and then there's a guy dressed perfectly as jesus with a sign saying i'm fine with it i'm fine with it

yeah all right next email next email this is taking a turn again, Pete. I'm starting to think it's your fault, because it didn't take a turn when I was with Ben. That's why I'm at all the same. Because you were... Whose house were you in? Were you in your house or his house? No, we did it at the studio.

Oh, did you? Yeah. The picture looked like you were at a house. No, that's the waiting area at Acast. Oh, okay. I see. Right, so give me another email, Pete. What do you want me to do now?

All right, then. Let's have Kia Halaji. All right, cool. Kia Halaji, come on down. Hi, so give me another email, Pete. What do you want me to do now? All right, then. Let's have Kia Hallergy. All right, cool. Kia Hallergy, come on down. Hi, chaps. My first ever job, okay, another job one, was selling swords. Swords!

In a shop in Southampton called Smells, Bells and Doodars. Right. And I used to go to sell them to shop in a little bit sometimes. Do you remember Smells, Bells and Doodars? No, I don't. The SPD. And I even Googled it because I wanted to check, but I in a little bit sometimes. Do you remember Smiles, Bells and Doodads? No, I don't. The SPD. I even Googled it because I wanted to check, but I couldn't see it. Anyway, Kia says, the shop, as the name suggests, is one of these types of shops, Pete, which I know you love.

Sold incense, candles, bells, miscellaneous random crap, including but not limited to, jewellery, hippie CDs, crystals, bumper stickers, hand-carved boxes, Buddha statues, Gothic ornaments, dragons, fairies and all that, and most interestingly, swords.

Samurai. Oh, steady. We've gone from stuff that you'd see in your auntie who's gone through some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her house. Yeah, yeah.

To swords. Yeah, samurai swords, reenactment swords, movie swords, knives, medieval. Her house. Yeah, yeah. To swords. Yeah, samurai swords, reenactment swords, movie swords, knives, medieval swords, wooden training swords, ornamental swords, and full-on will-kill-a-guy swords. I've seen a shot like this. There's one in Tintagel in Cornwall, and it does all that stuff, and it does swords.

It's weird. It must be like a weird crossover thing. It's a kind of old-school-y kind of, yeah, magic and runes. And Keir says, it was my job all day Saturday and all day Sunday to simply station myself in the sword aisle, clean them,

and try my hardest to sell them to the strangest of individuals. I'm sure you can imagine. Oh, good. I can't imagine the sort of people who frequent... Well, I'm about to tell you. Highlights include a guy with a ponytail, leather jacket,

and facial piercings that would come in every Sunday and talk shit. His thing was that he'd always smell the swords. Another was the time I sold a 700-pound fully functional samurai sword, the only one we ever sold. The customers really needed to feel it move, so my boss Roger advised me to take him out the back to the alley and let him swing around.

I still remember hugging my colleagues goodbye as I accepted my fate, thinking at least it'll make it onto the local news incredible uh loving your work uh kia pete was that guy you because you did a youtube video once about swords i remember oh there's like a there was like a youtube there's a lot of people online who would demonstrate really sharp swords so they'd sharpen the swords and then they would attack uh actually, they sold and made swords or made them sharper anyway. And they would attack common items like watermelons and water bottles and stuff like that. And just big slabs of meat and stuff.

Yeah, I remember seeing the video. And I compiled it into a kind of parody video called Dads with Swords. To the tune of Girls on Film by Duran Duran. Dads with Swords. To the tune of Girls On Film by Duran Duran. Dads With Swords. Dads Midlife Crisis. Dads With Swords. Etc, etc. One of the lines was

Pete, you know you're not allowed to take that sword out to the car park. It was a man he was like throwing a sword through a piece of meat

from like in the car park. It was a good video to be fair. We should put it up. Yeah, we'll stick it up could have been your YouTube channel

the way your own channel could have been my own YouTube channel the way that's true just men are tagging and actually

there was a Sword Aficionados podcast that started and they asked me to use the theme for their podcast did you say yes because it was

I think they even called the podcast Out of the Swords did you get some sweet moolah I said yeah no well all of that moolah would have gone to

the aforementioned band, wouldn't it, really? Did you get some Jean-Ralphio cash from it? I got no residuals. Got no residuals. In the words of Jean-Ralphio, I made my money the old-fashioned way. I got run over by Alexis. Him and his sister are the best characters in that show.

Is your YouTube channel still called Pete's Deval? Might be, yeah. Him and his sister Are the best characters In that show Do you Is your YouTube channel Still called Pete Stivel Might be yeah That guy's a naughty thing Isn't he Worth checking it out Check it out

Pete Stivel Any more emails Or should we move on Let's move on Let's get on To the next section Of the show We'll both look

Off the loop We'll both look Off the loop If he feels Sad about mum and dad We'll both look Off the loop It's got full points From and dad We'll both look off the loop It's got full points from you guys, didn't it?

That little stab. It did, yeah. Last time. And before, I should have said this earlier, but if you do want to get in touch with more emails, about anything really, we're doing jobs at the moment, we're doing, well, as Rotisserie Alex just demonstrated,

you can email about anything. I suppose that was related to a job but not that closely but family dinner conversations all that stuff it's hello at lukeandpeachshow.com don't forget it

local local colour street heroes people who just sort of now that's a great thread are kind of celebrities in their hometown the man who goes in

and shouts about chickens he's probably got form in that area so there was a guy this is a good subject actually, there was a guy, I don't know if I told you this already, one of the worst things about this show,

and there are many, is that we can't remember. We both have terrible memories and we both have limited stories. Yeah. Which is, it's a killer. We can do a maximum of 400 episodes of this.

But there's a guy in South London, I used to live off the Wandsworth Road in Vauxhall, South London, and every morning I used to walk into uh to vauxhall station towards uh central center of town yeah and obviously i wasn't the only person doing that there were thousands of people doing it there was a guy who obviously didn't have a job but had taken it upon himself to every morning i knew it was every the same time every morning because obviously i was catching a train so it was the same um he would walk the opposite direction yeah with a lab coat on with a load of slogans on yeah going up to

different people going morning sheep oh yes morning sheep i think you have mentioned this guy but um but those kind of people who do the same thing all the time or are just always around uh the guy at um archway station who looks like tim westwood always trying to get a quid out of people right he's clearly on drugs but he never looks worse for it which I'm more surprised about I've like I lived there for like

four years and he never looked any different I was like right how old probably about mid thirties but he looked alright for it

you usually get progressively worse is this like a Tyler Durden situation is this you is this your Brad Pitt in the fight club he got sexier as he did he continued his meth journey there's a guy in Halston Harshy oh he's rushing around Is this like a Tyler Durden situation? Is this you? Is this your Brad Pitt in the Fight Club? He got sexier as he continued his meth journey. There's a guy in Halston. Always rushing around.

Was he? Always rushing around. Guys who want, like, the, you know, the sadly afflicted with drug addiction. Always running faster than everyone else. Well, those drugs can be very Moorish. There's a guy in Halston who everyone I know is Gimme a Pound Man. Gimme a Pound. And he used to say that to everyone. Gimme a Pound. and there's a guy in Halston who I know as give me a pound man give me a pound and he used to say

to everyone give me a pound and there was one point where it was a bit further away but I could see what was happening it was about 10 metres

away or whatever and the guy was saying to a woman give me a pound give me a pound and she was saying no give me a pound I'm hungry

give me a pound I haven't eaten for a week give me a pound give me a pound I'm really hungry I want to get a sandwich give me a pound over and over again

so she eventually gave him a pound and he literally without hungry. I want to get a sandwich. Give me a pound. Over and over again. So she eventually gave him a pound, and then he literally, without missing a beat, walked straight into the betting shop. Not even trying. Maybe that's where the sandwiches are kept. Yeah, they might have some good ones in there. You just don't know.

But do you know, where I grew up, there was a village along the road where John's from, our friend John. And they had some amazing people there. They had a guy called Hamish who used to pretend to be blind so he could basically get near to girls bad

blind man stick and everything that's bad that innit there was a guy who used to ride a bike around called Raisin Dave he was supposed to

look like a raisin and he had a radio on his bike there's loads of them loads of these types we had Lawrence a man he's a bit of a

harlequin legend he sadly died now that's quite a tragic story though isn't it yeah well he started wearing his mum's clothes very harlequin legend he sadly died now that's quite a tragic story though isn't it yeah well he started wearing his mum's clothes when she passed away but he was

bearing in mind we're not the most there's not a lot of out gay people there's not a lot of not the most progressive town it's very

you know you have to if you see a person of colour you go what the fuck are you doing here it really is

the arse ending nowhere but we just had a local transvestite who just a person of colour, you go, what the fuck are you doing here? Like, it really is the arse ending nowhere. But, we just had a local transvestite who just, you know, he would just walk around

and, but he was just Lawrence and he would go to the football matches and in a Crystal Palace shirt we'd lean off to the Hartlepool United matches and he was a big Hartlepool United supporter

but he was just, he was, you know, he was a bit mad but he was, he was troubled but, he was just he was you know he was a bit mad but he was troubled he was troubled but um he was i i quite liked the um the inclusivity of the town kind of nobody ever give him any sort of flack effectively right yeah so i went oh that's lawrence being mad yeah but he's

dressed in his mother's clothes i'm not interested in um in us like um sort of belittling like vulnerable people or anything i'll be more interested in I'm not suggesting you're doing that but I'm just saying when people want to get in touch I'm more interested in like local legends Celebrity yeah Yeah all things that have happened

Stories The Camden best of luck man who used to just go best of luck That sounds brilliant I don't know him On a lesser good note

a man who threatened to attack me with half a DVD calling himself Dougie Fresh at Camden Town Station once. No, more of that sort of stuff. He sounds like a great judge of character, that guy.

Well, bearing in mind that that's not exactly... Do you know who I am? I'm Dougie Fresh. I'm thinking, I've finally said that name. It's taken, mate. It's probably not THE Dougie Fresh. No, I know. You can't just call yourself Dougie Fresh and have at it. So let's get out of here. If you want to get in touch with the show, as we've already said, just email us at

hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Hello at Luke and Pete Show. You're correct. Yeah, you were guessing me there, I was going to correct you then because you

normally give out the wrong email address. You normally give out an email address for another show that's not this one. No, and I sometimes mix up, Luke always

goes first. Yeah. Luke always comes first. Because you're annoyed because you normally say Pete and Luke which is bad

it's not Alphastar it's Leonard McCartney all over again I know it is right let's get out of here we'll see you next week cheers mate Outro Music