The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 191: A bin bag of bees

Episode Date: August 5, 2019

If you had the chance to incorporate a long egg into a recipe why wouldn't you? Luke and Pete find themselves incredulously discussing why a celebrity chef wouldn't take the opportunity.Elsewhere there's a rather unorthodox approach to removing a swarm of bees from a house, a police chief being tasered, and news on what the baby from the David Bowie film Labyrinth is now up to, 35 years on.And, to tell us what you think of a man working as a Michael Keaton lookalike or indeed anything else for that matter, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

watcha it's the luke and pete show with me pete donaldson and i'm also joined by mr luke mill how you doing look more what's better than recording a podcast um recording a podcast and it uh the microphone's actually working recording it twice recording it twice listen we've got no excuse not to do a belting episode this time around because we've already done this one. Well, we've already done this one, but also I was very ill in the night because I'd gone to the wrong Chinese. It's the wrong Chinese place, Gromit.

So I'm not feeling top tip. Regular listeners to this, you mean tip top? A top tip is like a bit of advice you give someone. Regular listeners to the Luke and Pete show will top. A top tip is like a bit of advice you give someone. Regular listeners to the Luke and Pete show will know that Peter's tradition is to get a show.

Is that fiddling on the roof? Maybe. Is the tradition of running around on the roof, is that a tradition? You shouldn't be on

the roof. That's not a tradition unless you are a sweeper of chimney. And you should not be fiddling up there. Only, now, my dad works in a solicitor's and one of the cases he had to deal with fiddling and you should not be fiddling up there only now my dad works

in a solicitors and one of the cases he had to deal with was he's an admin assistant in his later life

after his chemical works and mining little adventures my dad's very much like a video game character that turns his hand to anything

over the years like mine you got tea down your front there he had to deal with or serve papers to a man who was masturbating

in his front window. Right. And the solicitor, his defence, had to work out the angle of being able to see his wanger. Right, yeah. From the ground.

Evidence is important. Evidence is important. So they were working out how much of the person they could see. So they were getting his assistant to walk up to the window, the same height of the defendant, and check whether he could see his junk.

And you couldn't, so he got off scot-free. I bet he did get off. So I'm saying that the fiddler on the roof, from the vantage point of the ground, or even a fairly high window, you probably wouldn't be able to see him wanking. Depends on the angle of the roof as well, though high window you probably wouldn't be able to see him wanking. Depends on the angle of the roof as well though.

But when you said tradition then you sounded you really reminded me of Mark E. Smith lead singer of The Fall. Obviously the dearly sadly departed Mark E. Smith

and because you sounded a bit like him and one of the best ever intros to any song ever. I forget which one it is now. It's a full song

and it starts with Mark E. Smith going into the mic and going right, notebooks out plagiarists. It's a fall sign, and it starts with Marky Smith going into the mic and going, right, notebooks out, plagiarists. This is a brilliant intro. He's one of those blokes, isn't he? To Depeche Mode, the fall, I need to get into all of these bams.

Marky Smith, well, I think it's an autobiography called Renegade. It's a brilliant read. I mean, some of the advice in it is amazing. Like, you never have more than two chairs in your house because you don't want the place turning into a damn hippie commune. He got rid of, he used to have like a little Marie Kondo style clear out of everything every couple of years,

which made compiling best ofs quite difficult because he didn't have masters. Just threw them all out. Did he? Get out of it. Wow, amazing. There was a story recently in the US of a big fire

that wiped out a load of masters that will never be recovered again oh really yeah I forget which artists were involved Mr Blobby

but anyway Mr Blobby yeah it was Mr Blobby it turns out the only ones that have been ruined were the Mr Blobby single Informer by Snow

yes Jump by Chris Cross they'll never get remixed and the original print of Cool as Ice The Vanilla Ice movie Nobody will ever, ever, ever be able to sample those tunes And those samples

It turns out Terrible business Can I just say that Informer by Snow And Jump by Chris Cross are both tunes They are Did you see that Katy Perry got in trouble for copying a Notebooks out, plagiarists Yeah, copying a Christian rapper

Which is very much stealing from the blind really It's very uncool Yeah, copying a Christian rapper, which is very much stealing from the blind, really. It's very uncool. Yeah, I mean. But I think that's terrible blurred lines. Who's that fellow, Robin Thicke? Yeah. And his terrible performance, his excruciating performance in court

has set an ugly precedent, so everyone's going to have a go now. I think he's set an ugly precedent in a lot of ways. Yeah, exactly. It's the red-pistachio. But him doing that have a go now. I think he's setting an ugly precedent in a lot of ways. Yeah exactly. It's the rapist charter. But him doing that and making a jury be so

turned off by a man so that he lost all of that money means that everyone's going to have a pop at whoever. Who would be

more turned off? An audience looking at Robin Thicke in that situation or an audience looking at you after that Chinese lifestyle?

I just think that with stuff like that, you need an expert jury. You can't have... I know you've got expert witnesses and experts who could talk about samples and chord progressions and stuff like that. But I think you need an expert jury in cases like that because there's knowing music

and then there's just knowing musicology. So you'd like it to be more of an industry tribunal kind of thing? Hugely, hugely, yeah. Anyway, so as I was saying, people who listen to the show regularly will know that Peter's tradition to himself is spending between £50 and £60 on a succulent Chinese meal.

It does me two goals. You get through the week or whatever. But things's sadly, things have sadly gone awry last night. So last night, overnight to this morning?

Well, I knew that it was the launch of the Football Rumble Daily so I thought, how can I sabotage this by eating some rotten meat?

It was very nice but yeah, something went very wrong and I woke up with a terrible tum-tum at six o'clock in the morning going,

oh dear. Have you been back to sleep since I've been back to sleep since yeah well congratulations yeah I know

I've got some actually quite troubling news do you remember Nadia from Big Brother that was a contestant on Big Brother

yeah the transsexual yeah I mean Nadia from Bake Off not to be confused yes she does a recipe section well she does I yes she does a recipe

section well she does I think she does she does a TV show called Nadia's Time to Eat I think anyway wasn't Nadia Muguru

the first transsexual on television kind of as in I believe that may be the case a mid market kind of I believe so kind of show

I'm not a big fan so it would be difficult for me to know but I wouldn't be surprised anyway Nadia on Bake Off also does a list of recipes on the BBC website, which is a fantastic resource,

not least their Newsround section, which obviously sent our show Haywire on Thursday. As soon as I mentioned the words POSBRI CLUMP. You actually, as the mics fucked up, to excuse my parlance, you said, technically speaking, and then our speaky technicals just exploded. Well, it's Pawsbury Clump. There's a volcanic eruption from Pawsbury Clump

that previously thought dormant volcano on the news round section of the BBC website. But anyway, Nadia Hussain does recipes on the BBC website as well. In the food section, of course. And she's got a recipe on here at the moment for meatloaf roll. And it was just served up to me in the BBC website as well. In the food section, of course. And she's got a recipe on here at the moment for meatloaf roll.

And it was just served up to me in the BBC carousel. And obviously, they know me well. They just serve up food pictures to me. And I click on them. And this was a meatloaf, but it had an egg in it. In the cross-section photo. Like a long egg. I thought it could be a long egg.

A long egg. It could be a long egg. Chief Keef Cooks. Keef Cooks. could be a long egg. Chief Keef Cooks. Keef Cooks. Maybe Nadia's a disciple of Keef Cooks. So I checked out the method in the recipe. It's quite Jesus-like, is Keef Cooks. Yeah, and I was greeted with this.

Ready? Line up the hard-boiled eggs in a row down the centre of the rectangle, short end to short end. Nadia, you've already, you're already cooking some really terrible British foods. Rather like a long Scotch egg. It's not a long egg. It's not long.

You don't have to indulge, just cook anything. You don't have to cook that. That's awful. The long eggs come across. She's arrived late into the box and she's spooned the long egg over the bar.

Terrible. Such a missed opportunity. Let us down there. No, because you'd have to mess around with the waste pipe as Keith Cooks used to make. He used to make

the long eggs with the waste pipe. Don't say waste pipe, Keith. That's not the word to use. Don't say waste pipe when you're talking about food. I beat myself up about stuff a lot

and I think I know. It's one of my favourite entertainers. Keith Cook's being aware of our work and us talking

about him makes me a little sad inside because he said it was a little bit ill mannered he said or something

the memories live on yeah and I feel very guilty about that it was affectionate though wasn't it it was affectionate who else has talked

about Keith Cook's are you talking about Keith Cook's sometimes I you talking about Keith Cooks? No. Sometimes I think people mistake my manner for being scathing or disappointed or kind of like piss taking, but I'm not always like that. Sometimes I'm just genuinely interested.

Well, I'm actually glad that we re-recorded this show. I mean, we're not reusing the thing, so we're just doing another show basically. Because of all the racism you put in the last one. Yeah, I know, yeah. I just, I mean, I had to get rid of that.

The microphone just went, you know what, Pete? I'm saving you from yourself here. Yeah, yeah. Well, we missed out on... Sorry, go on, you go first. You go first. I went to a really, really fun party,

like a garden party, on Saturday in Nebworth. And the dad of the person I went to the party with, it was actually Joe. You remember we did the Windsor Knot? Yeah. Joe, Josh Krebbel's. Yeah.

He's one of those Windsor Knotters. Yeah. Actually, they were both there, but it was his birthday, his 30th. And his dad is a Michael Keaton lookalike. Like, not lookalike as in... Like a professional one. Like a professional on set

double is he? yeah that's amazing he plays Michael Keaton does he actually look like him? yeah he does like a lot from the back as well

like you could not tell the difference in the back so I was like just following him around going wow this is so cool that's brilliant what a great job so I've become obsessed

does it pay well? yeah I think so and like you know you get to hang out with apparently like Danny DeVito and that were on set going, Hey, it's Michael Keaton. That's amazing, isn't it? How cool is that?

He's really nice. So I met a Michael Keaton double. So if you see in the long shots of Dumbo, which I think might be out now or out soon. That's been out for a while. I didn't know he was in that. I thought it was a Colin Farrell, Danny DeVito vehicle. Yeah, I think he's there. I think he's some kind of ringmaster. I think he know he was in that. I thought it was a Colin Farrell, Danny DeVito vehicle. Yeah, I think he's

there. I think he's some kind of ringmaster. I think he's the malevolent ringmaster. Right, okay. I think he would play that role fairly

well. One thing that was missed out on the now infamous Lost show is that we talked a lot about rolling of R's.

R, yeah. And I can't do it and you can. And you were saying how it adds a lot of impact to a statement or a speech or a song. Rit Petit. It's a good example. It's the best example, I would say. It's the best example.

Probably the best example you can think of. And I was saying, the guy from that new band Fontaine's DC does it. Right, yeah. Quite a bit new band Fontaine's DC does it quite a bit and obviously Julian Assange does it when he's arrested for eating a suck

of a Chinese meal he says this is Democracy Manifest right this is Democracy Manifest oh that's quite good I enjoyed it Democracy Manifest

that's it exactly he's got a bit of the Oliver Reed about him that guy he has a little bit apparently it's really confusing

like somebody pointed out that it's a three camera little bit. Apparently, it's really confusing. Somebody pointed out that it's a three-camera setup, so I think it might be staged. Why do they have to steal everything good away from us? No, it's not. It can't be. I'll tell you it's not staged. I'll tell you why.

Why has he got three cameras then? Well, because the story, if you look at the backstory, he is a guy who had been running from restaurants without paying the bill for years. And it was kind of quite a big crime story. And they realised they finally found this. All the news networks went. Why would one network bring three cameras? Bring three cameras, Luke!

No, they probably submitted footage to a central database, and then someone came in and edited it. Edited it, yeah. They're usually really... But it could be a YouTuber who's cutting it together. Really? That seems strange.

So I used to work with a guy who insisted, and it was the most cynical thing in the world. I hate to be a democracy manifesto truther, but I fear we might

have been done on this one. What do you think about this one then? Because you know a lot about the internet. A guy I used to work with used to always say, and this is probably maybe two years ago,

that nothing on the internet, nothing, is organically viral. Nothing. What do you mean? So it's all paid behind it, money behind it, content provided, all that kind of stuff. No. You disagree with that?

I disagree with that, yes. All right, good. Dan Thomas, I hope you're listening. Yeah, Dan? What's Reddit for, then, mate? I disagree with that, yes. Alright, good. Dan Thomas, I hope you're listening. Yeah, Dan? What's Reddit for, mate? I've got a bloke in here who's part internet.

I'm going to downvote you in a minute. Maybe he meant anything commercial, perhaps. Yeah. Yeah, anything like that. That's part of the budget of getting the bloody video,

isn't it? Unless you're footballing around with Daily and you smash it into 250,000 views with no money behind it at all. Why are people looking at that? Because you're in it. Oh. And you've got that Chinese guy daily and you smash into 250,000 views with no money behind it at all. Why are people looking at that? Because you're in it.

Oh. And you had that Chinese guy stalking you in the background. He was Chinese, yeah. Yeah. I've noticed that a lot of street photographers just basically hang around Chinatown. And if you're living in a city that has a Chinatown, you're probably... Living just enough, just enough for the city. For the Christian shred of beef in Chinatown

if you've got Chinatown in your city you're probably thinking hey it's a big old bit of town

or Korea town or whatever in Los Angeles we've just got a little street haven't we it's a tiny little street in Soho

you live in it don't you I live behind it it's Shaftesbury Avenue between me and it and yeah it just seems

street photography street photography modern street photography is just find a Chinese person take a picture of them if you go to any if you go to any

street photography kind of receptacle any Instagram street photographer all they're doing is going up to Chinese people in Chinatown and taking a picture of them

it just seems to be the thing to do my favourite Instagram photography account is the one, I forget what it's called now. It might just be the Visit Scotland account, which is essentially just amazing photos of Scottish castles.

It's amazing. Really long exposure, waterfalls, so that the water looks really formy. Yeah, all I do, sometimes they'll recycle the same castle once every two or three days. I don't mind though.

There he is again. Yeah, I don't mind, though. There he is again. Yeah, I don't mind. Liberty Bell. Before we go on to taking a quick break and then going to emails, another story that I really wanted to include, Peter, that you will be interested in is, what about this? Someone went and found the baby from Labyrinth. Okay, right.

So you know the baby that is kidnapped in Labyrinth, the David Bowie film. And he's now 35. Right, okay. Okay. He's a puppeteer. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah, what a story. I've got a lot of time for that.

He was apparently absolutely fascinated by the fantastic characters that surrounded his childhood. And now he makes short films and features. Usually he specializes in trolls. But he's also worked on blockbuster films such as the Narnia movies. And he says he's always been immersed in this fantasy world and has vivid memories of the faces of goblins, trolls and other fantastic creatures.

He also remembers peeing on David Bowie's lap. Liar. It's a lie. Complete bullshit, that. Because I think he was about six months old. I'm not having that one. But it's fascinating. Has he managed to resurrect Hoggle? Because I think he was about six months old. I'm not having that one. But it's fascinating. Has he managed to resurrect Hoggle?

Because I think we spoke about this before. Hoggle has been left to come into some sort of state of disrepair. You know, Hoggle is actually at the... So, we've talked about this before, but very, very quickly. Hoggle was left as an unclaimed piece of baggage, or at least one of them was, and is on show at a thrift store

in, I think, Huntsville, Alabama. Really? Yeah. There's three of them, though. Right. There were three used. Well, there was one that's not been kept very well

because of the form in his nose and stuff is all... You know, like, if you ever buy an old computer off of eBay, you'll occasionally get this bright yellow fire-retardant form,

which looks like, I don't know, asbestosos or something yeah um and it doesn't keep very well uh and it and it just kind of crumbles into a fine dust i think that's what happened to hoggle's nose um so the whole um the whole um face of hoggle give it a google hoggle now type that into google and you'll and you'll find find some horrible pictures of Hoggle in some state of disrepair Labyrinth Hoggle now

alright look at him look at the state of him oh that is horrific that's really really sad there's your childhood baby I can't look at it

there's your childhood baby but then they they managed to they managed to kind of redo it up and he looks bloody awful look at the state of that.

Does he look anything like it? He looks like he's been on crack. I should have left it. Alright Pete, let's take a quick break and after that we'll come back with some emails. We'll come back. She's going to report me for saying bugger, you know. Oh, just wait till I see your mother. You're in real

trouble. Oh, I say, well if you're going to go and see her then tell her this buggerer shape, fuck shape, fucking sphincter. There we go. If Brian Blessed did grow up to be slightly an old man, right wing kind of character, I'm glad he hasn't expressed it yet.

I think he's one of those people who's a bit above the whole political thing. Right. Because he seems to be someone who just operates on a higher plane. You know the royal family refused to sue anyone for libel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like that, isn't it?

I killed a man. I killed Diana. Peter. Diana. Do you want a Julian Assange update? I remember hurtling through Paris in a taxi. Please don't. Are you going to continue with this?

What? I'm just saying the taxi driver said, Hey, lads. Yeah, lads. Do you want to go through the tunnel? And I'm just saying the taxi driver said, Hey, lads. Hey, lads. Do you want to go through the tunnel? And we're like, Oh, all right then. And then he took us through the tunnel.

That's what taxi drivers do in Paris, it seems. Yeah, on the way to where you were going. Would you like to je regarde le crash site? You've got no shame, Mr. D'Arcy. Why have I got no shame? Why are you... I said, yes, please. I would like to see that.

I'm calling this show England's Rose. That's Danny Rose. Hello at lucanbeatshow.com is the email address, of course, for those of you who want to get in touch about anything at all. We always love to hear from you. We sometimes do. Loads of people in the iTunes reviews say, the best part of the show is they're reading out other people's stories.

So make of that what you will. It's self-'s self propagating content I would say yeah that's what I'd call it yeah Julian Assange update Pete from Jamie

JA hi guys I really enjoyed the pod you make they ensure my days at work on my lonesome travelling the streets of London go that much quicker so I'd like to say thank you

and keep doing what you're doing he doesn't explain what his job actually is there but travelling the streets of London could be anything. A couple of episodes ago, Luke stated, there hadn't been a Julian Assange update for a while, so I thought I'd drop in to provide what I can. I've just moved to a new place,

and on my route into and back out of the busy streets of the capital, I passed Her Majesty's Prison Belmarsh, where the great man is incarcerated. Although not really an update on the man himself, I can confirm he has acquired a strong contingent of disciples willing to protest for him outside the prison walls, which seems to be growing and growing and growing. I first passed the spot a couple of weeks ago

where a solitary supporter stood with his banner in hand. A couple of days ago, I passed again and noticed a 200% increase in followers. That's right, a 200% increase. There are now three men doing their part to get my man Julian released. Please find photos attached of the guys, any attached photos.

So people now know that Her Majesty's prison, Belmarsh, is housing Julian Assange, and they're spending their time outside there with banners. What do you think about that, Peter? I think the whole situation is fascinating. I mean, again, you start off saying, oh my God, he's a man of, you know, people, releasing things that we should know about.

And then, oh no, he's a puppet for the Russians. He's a Russian asset. He's a Russian asset. Can I find, I mean, how many people in the world now aren't Russian assets? Can I find, I mean, how many people in the world now aren't Russian assets? Hardly any. I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not perjuring myself. No. I'm not perjuring myself. I'm not getting involved, to be honest. Can't get involved. Exactly. Hear that?

Yeah. Are you blinking the words torture in Morse code there to the camera? You know that story? What? About the guy

who was kidnapped, well, you know, he's caught as a prisoner of war in the Vietnam War. Oh, right, and he blinked out the old... He blinked out torture in Morse Code when he was giving a statement to the government.

Torture! Yeah. He could have said, I love you. Amazing presence of mind. Yeah. Isn't it? Incredible, really. Do you know what I'm blinking?

Yeah, that's... Help! The light's too high! That looks like you sexually propositioning someone. Julian Assange, I was reading that he... Oh, I'm literally reading from the piece, I'm not going to pretend. Julian Assange maintained an unusual amount of power during his stay at the Ecuadorian embassy.

Apparently, he had full control over visitors. He created a list of people who were allowed to enter the embassy without showing identification or being searched by security. Who does he think he is? Who do you think he is? And he met them in the women's bathroom to enter the embassy without showing identification or being searched by security. Who does he think he is? Who do you think he is? And he met them in the women's bathroom to avoid the cameras. And then he was carried out

in an undignified way with a wispy beard. What do you reckon they gave him? I mean, they must have been handing him contraband. You reckon? Yeah. Maybe.

Maybe. Would you like to be one of those policemen that was tasked with just standing outside the embassy for five years? Presumably they rotate that around because that is a waste of a career. I mean, there are jobs like that in the police service that I imagine people don't really relish.

But, you know, do you want to be chasing scooper gangs or do you want to be just standing around for a bit? Like when Lester Freeman was in The Wire, was put on desk duty in the end of fashioning those very beautifully made and rendered pieces of doll's house furniture. He,

it wasn't Lester, it was that guy who goes, sheeit. Clay Davis. Yeah, Clay Davis. He was in Hackers, the TV show,

TV show or the film? Oh, which is the subject of the first episode of Clash of the Titles, right? Correct. That's why I was watching which is the subject of the first episode of Clash of the Titles right? that's why I was watching the trailer

to Alex Zane's new Stakhanov podcast Clash of the Titles if you like movies and you like Alex Zane and to be honest you should like both of those things

because Alex Zane is a lovely man and movies are important and good check it out what about this from Will hi chaps

in show 186 you briefly mentioned a police chief being tasered to show they were harmless. The man in question is former North Wales police chief Richard Brunstrom, an eccentric chap dubbed the Mad Muller of the Speed Taliban by the tabloids due to his stance on motoring offences. The Mad Muller of the Speed Taliban. It's not even catchy.

I just think that they couldn't say Nazi anymore. Mad Muller. 20 years ago, they would have called him speed camera Nazi, but now they have to call him Taliban. Apparently, the video is, although very short, is very brand Luke and Pete show, as it shows quite a posh man in pain trying not to swear. Bloody hell.

Do you want to hear it? Yeah, I would, actually. All right, okay. So this is the chief of police at the time, chief of North Wales Police, Richard Brunstrom, being tasered by one of his, by one of his, what would you call,

one of his supplicants. Ready? Here we go. Bloody hell. Right. That was long enough, thanks. Bloody hell,

right, that's long enough, thanks. That's long enough, thanks. Excellent. Well, if you're the police officer

being asked to do that imagine that in the morning have you got a spare half an hour yeah yeah sure what do you want me to do

do you want tasering your boss what good is going to come from that yeah you're not going to it doesn't matter worst case scenario

you're going to get a heart attack doesn't matter how into it you are or how into it he is he's not going to look unkindly. Because you gave him pain.

Something in his brain will go, that man gave me pain once. Every time you cross him in the corridor, he is going to go, there's the guy that tasered me. And you're never going to get a promotion. But I tell you what, what are 13 seconds, though? What are 13 seconds? Highlight of the career. What a rush.

Dave says, hello, chaps. Last year, we had to call in a little old fella to dispose of a beehive that had appeared in our loft. He came into our house in full regalia and rummaged about upstairs for about 15 minutes

before coming back down the ladder with a bin bag chock full of bees clutched in one gauntleted fist. A bin bag of bees? That is incredible. That's not a professional at work, is it? No, it's amazing.

Lovely chap that he was. He kept the bag in hand all the while as we were writing him a check. Oddly enough, there's something about a man in full protective gear holding a bag full of

angry flying insects which encourages a person to include a healthy tip. I mean, yeah, because that to me feels like it's not official beekeeping like apparatus.

What do you mean? A bin bag. Well, why would you have any other do you mean? A bin bag. Well, why would you have any other kind of bag? I'm confused. Because bees can't get out, can they? You should have a container. You should have a big plastic container or something. Right.

What? How would you put a container? What kind of container would you use? Like a hard plastic container? Like Tupperware or something? But how would you get that onto... How would you get the lid on? What are you talking about?

You get the bees in there. Right, say you've got a beehive, right? Say it's roughly the size of a gigantic pineapple. And it's stuck to a ceiling or a wall. And just as sweet, by the way. And just as sweet. Yeah.

If not more so. And so you get the bin bag over the top of it and you pull it off the wall and it's in the bin bag, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, now there's a bear's paw in it. Trying to get some of that delicious honey. But Tupperware, you'd have to put it against the wall and it's in the bin bag, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, now there's a bear's paw in it trying to get some

of that delicious honey. But Tupperware, you'd have to put it against the wall and then you'd have to put the lid in. I don't know how many times I have to tell you this,

but life isn't a cartoon, Pete. Well, clearly this man has chosen. Bin bags are not the apparatus du jour of a beekeeper. If there are any people who have had any more

experiences with beekeepers, if they've ever used Tupperware. My father-in-law's a beekeeper. I've never seen him with a bin bag. He's never had to remove... He loves the hives. He wants them there.

Right, I'm telling you something now. The bin bags, he's just putting the hive in there and all the bees will be in there with the hive. I think I've actually got a video of him on Facebook collecting a bee swarm from a school. Right. You want to see it? Yeah, I would.

You want to see if there's a bin bag involved? All right, yeah, I would. Yeah, cool. All right, we'll just feel for a sec. I'll find it. How to remove a bee hive. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, come on. All right, we'll just feel for a sec. I'll find it. How to remove a beehive. Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, he's using the Tupperware box. Look. Let's have a look. Yeah, but he's just... There's no hive there. It's just a load of fucking bees on a pipe. If anything, it's harder. On a pipe.

If anything, it's harder. He's like grabbing them with his hands. The deviant. He's doing a very good job there. He's doing a lovely job. Yeah. Bit of smoke. Get him in the Tupperware. The deviant. He's done a very good job there. He's done a lovely job. Yeah. Bit of smoke. Get him in the Tupperware.

See you later. Anyway, I don't think if a guy turns up to remove, in this case, a pest, I know bees are very important, but it's essentially

removing a pest from your home. If they've got a bin bag in their back pocket, I just think they're amateurish. Look, it's perfect. I've seen loads of

beehive removal sounds like a frightening concept there's a good band but I great band it doesn't have to be screamo band

make sure you aren't allergic that's step one step two protect yourself beekeepers veer leather gloves blah blah blah step three

locate the beehive yeah there you go the best time to perform beehive removal is early spring good to know yeah

what to use chemicals good insecticide erm to remove a beehive located inside your walls tap with a hammer and listen for the bees

answering buzz ooh tap with a hammer yeah yeah alright one more quick email before we go there we go

dispose of the removed beehive by placing it in a plastic garbage bag you securely tie. There are different schools of thought is all I'm saying. Right, one more

email before we go. Blind, are you? This is from Jazz and he says, Jazz or Jase? He spells it J-A-S so I'm going to go with Jazz.

Hi guys, love the show. What about this? Way back when I was in junior school, I think I was about nine or ten years old, there were a group of us

who used to walk home from school together as we all lived close to each other. As you can imagine, we used to get up to all sorts, football, tomfoolery, etc. Anyway, this one afternoon as we walked home, we bumped into another group of kids that one of my friends, Craig, knew. It was all very amiable and we sort of knew them, but the exciting thing on this particular day was that one of the boys had a bike, a grifter. Do you remember a grifter?

Kind of, yeah. So a grifter was the one up from the rally chopper. Is that the one that had a gear with a handle? On the crossbar. Correct, that's right, yeah. So it had a gear stick down there, Pete, rather than on the grip shift, yeah? We hung around for a bit

while Craig got a croggy off his mate. I'm not sure if you can get a croggy with a grifter because the gear stick's in the way, but anyway. Croggy's in the back. Yeah. Oh, is it? No, Croggy's the crossbar, isn't it?

Nah. All right, fair enough. That's a backie on the back. Nah, Croggy, mate. All right. They cycled about a bit while we stood around chatting and watching them do some stunts

in inverted commas. Now, the back reflector light on this particular bike was held in by a very long, very sharp spike. So, as this lad and Craig went up to a curb, the jolt of going up the curb

not only knocked the light out of the fitting onto the floor but also knocked craig off his bike unfortunately he fell onto this long sharp spike there was a hushed moment i mean it seems remarkable that there was a long sharp yeah in a product marketed to children um there was that's the 80s was that on was that on the bike or was it in the street, presumably, though? No, it was used to hold the reflector onto the spokes.

Sorry. There was a hushed moment. Craig screamed, looked down, said, oh God, look at my underpants, they're ripped.

No one uses the word underpants. Underpants. To which one of my friends retorted, fuck that, look at your bollocks. Unfortunately for Craig, he had landed on the light

and speared his scrotum on the spike. In fairness, you couldn't see that much although there was a lot of blood. The next few minutes were a bit of a blur but I remember unfortunately for Craig he had landed on the light and speared his scrotum on the spike in fairness you couldn't see that much although there was a lot of blood the next few minutes were a bit of a blur but I remember

running to Craig's house getting his parents and the ambulance whisking poor Craig to hospital luckily I think he made a full recovery however he did walk

with an awkward limp for a few months afterwards that is the only time I would appreciate the Japanese pornographic practice of blurring out genitals. Oh, yeah.

I don't want to see that. That's strange, that. It's horrible. That is very strange. Very strange. That's about it. I mean, there's only one way to end a Luke and Pete show, and that's a child ripping their ball sack open.

So cheers for that. If he does it again, I'll do it again. Hello at LukeandPete.com to get in touch. We'll be back on Thursday. Have a lovely week. Don't forget to check out all the shows on football round with daily you're gonna love them stay in

touch we'll speak to you soon love you lots Pete hope you feel better soon I hope the fucking mics work this time this was a staccato production