The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 196: Burying elephants

Episode Date: August 22, 2019

What do they do with zoo elephants after they've died? Pete thinks he has the answer, but Luke isn't convinced. What Luke is convinced about though is the hilarious nature of Pete's gaming chair, something he feels may be putting off prospective romantic partners due to the cache of chilli beef that's fallen down the sides. Disgusting.On the listener front, we hear from another man who thinks he's seen a UFO, we hear of someone who almost had a disastrous experience with a surgeon, and there's also room for a burgeoning new topic - strange things confiscated by teachers.Oh, and if you see a wedding cake on your travels, don't put your face in it. You'll understand why after listening...Email us: [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

what's the frequency kenneth uh i don't know man 104.9 baby 104.9 is that xfm oh yeah i think it is actually yeah shit you've not worked there for years. No, what's... What's absolute? I can't remember absolute. You don't call it out these days. It's all digital, right? What's 0898? No. 0898.

0898. 50, 50, 50. Yeah. Episode 196 of the Luke and Pete show. Apologies to my current employer. That was a bit of a mind fart. Yeah, no worries. No, it was nothing. No, it was nothing. No, they're not from of a mind fart yeah no worries no it doesn't matter

no they're not not from that station they don't have good content if it hit them over the head they've got you on their station for goodness sake

what's been going on Pete how's your week going not a lot has happened I've been busy all over the gaff again I've been on

drive time so I've just been not really knowing what to do with my evenings I do a film quiz on Tuesday

that was a lot of fun but other than that it's been quite quiet so when you come I don't mean this to be mean or to sound annoying but when you come home

to your own flat on your own is it a bit is it a bit shit yeah it is why don't you just move in with a woman or a man alright I'll move in

with a woman or a man I'll put an advert on Gumtree. Weird man demands companionship. How weird would you make yourself out of 10? If someone called up and said, hello, you said weird man in your advertisement. I don't mind a bit of weirdness,

but I just want to get to the bottom of how weird you are. Can you please give me a mark out of 10? And 10 is like fucking Charles Manson. And one is the boring guy who works in accounts what are you? Don't kink shame me No I won't but I'd be a four I

reckon Yeah on that scale I'm quite a solitary animal I would say I agree with that What pushes you up into a four?

The exotic masturbating I do The danger The costumes The theatre of it all you also have a very extensively

equipped gaming chair as well yeah that is that is a bit I've noticed that when I eat my Chinese sometimes there'll be a little bit of beef

that'll fall down the side of the gaming chair which I never had before and I've discovered there's quite a cache of cache of discarded foodstuffs down the side.

I was like, wow, gamers are disgusting. And I am, obviously, a gamer. Is that something that you think is attractive to romantic partners? Not really, no. Anybody with a gaming chair has got to really, you know, you've got to have a big house to be able to hide that sort of thing away. Is it a red flag, do you think? If I was to find myself single and I went round to someone's house

and I found that they had a gaming chair, should that be a red flag? I think as long as it's got the plastic bit on the bottom that has wheels, there are those ones that are a bit like rumpus roomy. They just have a thick base and they just sit on the floor. And they probably have speakers in the back as well. You haven't got that? No, I haven't got that.

Why not? I think that's because that's childish. That's quite childish and it's for a gaming room. That's for a rumpus room. That's for people who own a shed that they call their man cave. Children. Fucking children. So in the US, because the prevalence of basements is very, very wide and large, you get a lot

of people who are able to have that kind of setup in their basement because it's just a sort of dead room really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you get a lot of people um who are able to to have that kind of setup in their basement because it's just a sort of dead room really yeah yeah and so you get a lot of really good setups there's some great audiophile setups there's a great twitter um uh page that um i forget the name of it it basically goes through um reddit there's a section in reddit where it's just mainly blocks sort of showing off their um their setup like they're basically a bedroom or their you know their feng shui style sort of showing off their um their setup like their bedroom or their you know their feng shui style sort of living room

what for masturbating where's that come from I thought you said sex threads on reddit no like a thread it's just a thread I didn't say sex thread

I can't remember what I said ok right on this occasion I did not say ok but it's like an interior design kind of uh oh for men who've

who've single and got their own thing going on yeah ok right yeah exactly so yeah it's it but it's like an interior design kind of uh for for men who've single have got their own thing going on yeah okay yeah exactly so yeah it's it's it's but it's basically just people sort of uh sort of showing off their setup might be like their audiophile you kind of set up their how they've got their television set up um how they've got how they've worked their leds and stuff sure and it is always fucking obscene and it's just people sort of replying going, please don't buy that. Why is it obscene? MailLivingSpaces.txt.

It is. It's just wonderful. Yeah, just some of them are just... You kind of wonder how these men manage to solve their lives. It really is something horrible. Yeah, living room of an audiophile. There you go. That looks pretty good. Does it?

Yeah. It's got a big picture of a whale, blue lampshades and just the speakers. Yeah, this is not a dedicated listening room but my living room.

The couch, yeah, there's always like a catch. The couch is like an Arkea Frierton where I sleep. There is a law board out of sight and that's about it.

Wow, it's a minimalist. And so the reply is, you sleep on a couch. It's because he spent so much money on the audio equipment, he has to sleep on a couch. My God. I think what it is, Pete, is a great example of what happens if men go unchecked. Yes, massively.

Isn't it? It's quite, and this guy is trying to defend his setup. He's got a beautiful audio system. It's quite a comfy sleeper sofa, and I have a memory foam topper on top of it. It's good. Blue crayon says, bruh. And no donkey brains replies. It's quite a comfy sleeper sofa, and I have a memory foam topper on top of it. It's good. Blue crayon says, Bruh.

And no donkey brains replies. It's good. He uses the expensive equipment to make lovely ocean sounds to cover the sound of his crying. But there are some glorious, disgusting male living spaces. Look at that. Just a beer,

a phone charger, and what looks like a... It's like a footstool. It's like a footstool that he's sleeping on. Yeah. He's updated it since, though. He's put a little coaster underneath the beer. Yeah, so if men get to a certain age and they've got no partner

to kind of set them on the right path... Shouldn't need them. No, but that's what happens, isn't it? There was definitely a decent length vice photo journal of a guy who spent

all of his photography time photographing single men's bathrooms right okay yeah and it was I don't think I'd

fare well on that one to be honest it was awful it was really really depressing we'll take this one he's gone for a minimalist dad

at an under 12 soccer game but they take in the piss no don't think so I don't know why the folding

kind of chair is facing a window though that's a bit problematic I'll see up to Pete something else

is a bit problematic have you seen this news story about this public toilet in Wales oh yes I have seen that actually for those of you listening who haven't seen it the headline is Something else is a bit problematic. Have you seen this news story about this public toilet in Wales? Oh, yes, I have seen that, actually. For those of you listening who haven't seen it,

the headline is as follows. Paul's called public toilet plan includes anti-sex measures. Public toilets plan for a seaside town will include design features aimed at deterring vandalism, rough sleepers and sexual activity. Violent movement within the toilet would activate a water jet to soak users, automatically open the doors, and sound an alarm. That's problematic for me, because you know how I celebrate my poops, because I don't do many of them. I do

most of my poops with a do-do-tsh, do-do-tsh. Buddy, you're a boy, you're a big, nice man in the street, gonna make a big shit one day. It's the only way I can poop. You need to build yourself up to it. I'm getting water spread, aren't I? You come in with a big shit one day the only way i can poop so yeah you need to build yourself up to it i'm getting spread well i'm getting water spread you come in with a a big sort of like silk dressing gown on boxing gloves i'm ready so yeah let me just repeat that violent movement would activate a water jet to soak users automatically open the doors and sound an alarm you're not

going to go in there that's the thing that's That's my problem. If you're desperate for the toilet, if you go in there with any kind of pace, even just to the urinal, well, great, now I'm soaked. Warning. Warning. Wanking. Wanking. Handjobs. Wanking. Warning. Step away from the car. It sounds like

Daily Mail Island over there. I don't know what the hell's going on in there, but they don't like bumming. I mean, at a serious point, the provisions for public toilets are certainly in central London fucking awful. And there's a reason why there's just fucking human shit

in the streets at the moment because there just aren't any public facilities. There's lots of premonitions. I'd point out that a lot of premonitions don't even have toilets, which is very frustrating. Yeah.

I'm saying there's no way for homeless people to go shit. Yeah, you're confusing it. And this sort of crap doesn't help. I don't think Pratt are to blame for that, though, are they? You're kind of confusing two issues there. If you're selling food,

I think you should have a washroom in there. What, for homeless people? For homeless people, for anyone who's using the facilities. So I think the council does need, the local council needs to take more responsibility. I'll come at it from a slightly different angle though

because in this story the town council, now Porthcawl I don't know that area of the world very well we've had a lot of chat about how particular areas of the country and Wales is very much included in this, it's going to be far worse off after Brexit because of the lack of EU

subsidies, the town council in Porthcawl are happy to pay £135,000 on stopping people doing this kind of stuff in public toilets. It's kind of a bit like, hmm, is there another way you could be spending that money? I think you'd be surprised how much public facilities actually cost. I mean, that's probably going right, but with the extra weird fucking extra features anti-cottaging

fucking the added features I mean and also it's like they've got like pressure plates that if you're like

if it senses that there's two people in one cubicle it's like mate there are people who are the weight of two people yeah

easily I'm easily the weight of two teenagers you're not you're about eight stone wet through, Don. All right, mate.

So what you're saying is people aren't going to be able to take drugs either? Well, exactly. So people can take drugs. I mean, they've solved the trekking drugs thing because they put those blue lights up so you can't find a vein. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that's why you find blue lights in old public toilets because in the 80s, late 80s,

they put a load of blue lights in so you can lock it in. Mmm. But that's a solitary pursuit. I'm talking about the pressure pad thing for people taking cocaine. Why would they be

getting cocaine in the toilet, in the park toilet? That's just what some people do, isn't it? Well, I mean, I don't know where you got a party, but I don't

go to a park. It's annoying actually. I go to a park with a rap. A rapper Charlie. I spend a lot of my partying in public toilets in fourth call. This is going to really mess me up. I'll have you know.

Incredible. I also, I mentioned it on Monday. This is not related to any kind of public toilet activity, but I mentioned on Monday that I went to Cambridge for the day. And I did. It was on Saturday. I went out there with my good lady wife.

Cambridge is a lot busier than I remember it. Certainly. Is there still a lot of bikes there? A lot of Chinese people. A lot of Chinese tourism there. I mean, as soon as you come off the train station, all the signs are in Chinese as well. Yeah.

I don't know why it's so popular with Chinese people, but it is. It might just be the history and the colleges and the Harry Potter type vibes. Harry Potter! But I went to, it's funny to me because you get seduced

into that mindset where you think, because you live in London, you think, right, as soon as we get out of London for the day, it's going to be beautiful and quiet. Everywhere's going to be

absolutely desolate. Yeah, it's absolutely round. Too central, mate. But not only that, they can't deal with it. In London, we can sort of deal with it. They're used to it.

Right, they don't have the infrastructure. No. So an example of this would be, they don't have the infrastructure. No. So an example of this would be, what's one of the things you want to do when you go to Cambridge? And me and me haven't been there before, so we were going up there.

Go on a punt on the river, right? Yeah. That's one of the main things you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's loads of different places you can go on a punt, and we went on to TripAdvisor, found one that looked good.

Get in the queue. Right. I don't want to get on my high horse here, but it's not a great combination when the punting service itself is being run by lily-livered, wet blanket, never-had-a-real-job students who find it not only impossible to organise anything,

but cannot communicate to Chinese tourists who don't speak any English. So what you then had was, you have this punt that says it sits eight people on the river and there's a party of

like four Chinese tourists. Yeah. Right. Or five. They can't get across to them that you can have your five

in there but because there's a queue a fucking mile long three other people a party of three are going to go in there to fill the boat.

Yeah. So they end up just not bothering so you stay there we waited for an hour and didn't get anywhere near a boat right because

it was full of and this boat's going past you with two people in it it's absolutely scandalous of fuming this might be your worst argument do you know

can I make it can I make it even worse right by saying that the reason they're so shit is because the footfall there is so large that they haven't got to be good

and they'll still absolutely kill it money wise because it's 20 quid a throw or whatever just buy a punt yeah there's so many people over and over again yeah it's sickening

but I didn't let it bother me as you can tell I'd scuttle all of them I'd scuttle every last one of them. I did think about it would be good to see someone go in the water. That would make me feel happier.

I didn't see that Newcastle fan trying to steal a boat in East Anglia. No. At Norwich this week. How has this not made a ramble this week? It was a young lad and he was trying to

humorously steal someone's boat on a canal. But of course, he put two feet in the steal someone's boat on a canal but of course he put two feet in the boat and put two hands on the side of the canal and the boat

just kept on moving backwards and backwards and backwards until he was just stretching out stretching stretching stretching I don't think I actually saw him actually go in

I think his friend helped him out but oh the panic oh I love it it's almost worse so I go oh fuck it I'm getting in the water

and just churning it all off. Just going, look, I'm going to be wet for the rest of the day. I can imagine you doing that after a couple of beverages. A couple of bebs. Beverages. Yeah, I'm not a water-based water bear. I'm not a guy who belongs in the sea. Shall we have a few emails? We'll take a break.

So basically, what I was thinking of was, oh fuck, I can't believe you've done this. I just found out that... Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so.

If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Gary Neville's wearing the same glasses as me that's an unwelcome that's going to

draw some unwelcome comparisons as much as it pains me to say it you actually look better in them oh cheers mate I appreciate that

you've got that NHS John Shuttleworth type vibe going on I love it John Shuttleworth yeah he's good hello at lukeandpeachshow.com

is of course the email address to get in touch with us loads of people have been doing it. We're very, very grateful. I can't get through all the UFO emails. Everyone's got one. Everyone's got one, yeah.

Shall we kick off with a weird football? Yeah, 100%. Alex, I was just wondering if we could get any further emails on this topic. I'm an English teacher. He wants to talk about strange confiscations. Confiscations. During the last week of summer, there's some term each year. School is somewhat of an interesting place to be,

but staff and students are itching for term to end and things sometimes get a little bit weird as a result. At the end of the most recent academic year, I perhaps confiscated the weirdest object I had seen a student have with them so far in my career. Admittedly, it's not that long. One morning during the last week, I noticed a group of lads kicking something around

in the maths block. I have attached an image of the object below. It's that. They were kicking that around. A baby doll's head. A baby doll's head. Being used as a football. Hairless head.

It sat on my desk all day. I'd informed the student he could come collect it at the end of the day. I didn't for a second think that he would and was already imagining how I would make use of it turn it upside down and perhaps use it

as a pen pot alas I was unable to do so to my surprise the student actually came to collect it at the end of the day when I asked him why he wanted it

he confirmed that it was in fact his sister's and at that morning he'd chosen to decapitate his sister's doll for the sake of a game of football in the maths block

my god I want to have a kick about I don't have a ball let's steal my sister's doll for the sake of a game of football in the maths block. My God. I want to have a kick about. I don't have a ball. Let's steal my sister's doll's head. It's like that classic scene in Curb Your Enthusiasm where he agrees to cut the doll's, baby doll's hair.

Right. And he has to go and find a replica doll to replace it. And he ends up stealing a doll's head. Fantastic. That's absolutely sinister, that. Did you ever take anything into school sort of weird?

I'm sort of trying to think that. I remember there was dress up day and my mum and dad and my mum wouldn't necessarily let me get involved with the oh yeah

that's right it was dressy up day and I hadn't as you can imagine planned anything for dressy up day. Right. And I didn't even

mention it to my mum to be honest because I'd forgotten about it and then on the morning I was like oh shit it's dressy up day I'm going to be disappointed if because I'd forgotten about it. And then in the morning, I was like, oh, shit, it's dressy up there. I'm going to be disappointed if everyone dresses up.

We didn't have a dress up there at our school. We had a maffy day sometime. No, no, this is like costumes. You had to wear a costume. And I, first of all, went, mum, I need to dress you up. I'll get one of my sister's dresses. My mum said that probably wasn't a good idea. I was like, welcome to 2019, bitch.

Yeah. It was literally like 1987. Yeah, fucking, I was blazing the trail, yeah. my mum said that probably wasn't a good idea welcome to 2019 bitch yeah it was literally like 1987 yeah fucking I was blazing the trail yeah you're so woke

so what Hartlepool's most woke kid me and Lawrence the Hartlepool supporter and then I went with I just stole a couple

of towels and said I'm going to be Julius Caesar just went in hang on went in coming in towels I've got I've going to be Julius Caesar. Just went in. Hang on. Went in, coming in towels.

I've got questions here. What? One, why are you not going bed sheet for Julius Caesar? Why bed sheet? Because a toga is traditionally made like... Is it? I thought it was made like more of a toweling sort of situation. Are you mad?

Yeah, I'm looking at pictures now. I think, yeah, it probably was more of a sheet. That's number one. Two, how on earth do you know who Julius Caesar was when you were like seven? I don't know Things just kind of Go on your head Please tell me

There's photos of this No of course there isn't Because the best The top three I don't know I wanted to celebrate The fact that My first choice was a dress

And my second choice was Dirtying her towel So I took a lot of towels Into school I don't think I even Put them on in the end But I was going to Why is there a dress up there?

You need to send letters home if you want things like this, don't you? Yeah, I think that's right. I think that is traditionally how it was done at my school. They would send a letter back and you'd have to give it

to your parents. I would say that many children did no dress up, so I didn't feel like I was missing out. Well, I think it's kind of mean if you're from a poorer family. That's the whole idea

around school uniform, isn't it? Yeah. Really? I mean, it makes you behave in a certain way and feel like you belong around school uniform, isn't it? Yeah. Really? I mean, it makes you behave in a certain way and feel like you belong to the school,

but also it doesn't stigmatise people who can't afford expensive clothing. Huge, that's why you're not allowed fancy trainers. Oh, is that right?

Well, yeah, that's why you don't have, like, that's why you wear shoes rather than trainers. We were allowed to wear black trainers at school. Oh, really? Yeah.

Pump it up. So you're allowed to pump it up. And in the summertime we were allowed to wear a polo shirt instead of a shirt and tie. Oh, look at you, special.

South Coast, mate. It's warm down there. Enjoyable. But on the dressing up thing, Pete, I wish there was a photo because my two favourite photos of you are one of you sat with your arm around a chimp, which is amazing,

and two, weirdly, although you maintain this was a photo taken in Hartlepool, you've got a photo of you on top of an elephant. Oh, yeah, yeah. Both of them were taken at the same situation, I think. It was a rotten old in Hartlepool you've got a photo of you on top of an elephant oh yeah both of them were taken at the same situation I think

it was a rotten old elephant wasn't it both of them were taken at the same situation what your dad came home pissed with an elephant and a chimp no yeah

it was a circus a travelling circus I think there's a fair going on over the over the heath I don't imagine it's got elephants and chimps in it

no it probably isn't to be honest it's a mad thing back in the 80s that was acceptable yeah but I mean that elephant

it will be long dead it looked on its last legs on its last thick legs well I wish it was still alive because we could ask it about you and it would

remember it would remember what I was like as a younger child kept on talking about Dressy up well he's a right little shit

when I worked at Twycross though obviously when you bury an elephant you know it's kind of hard to do because they're massive. There were two auspicious lumps

in the ground behind the education centre in Tricross and it was where they buried an elephant or two. Really?

Yeah. I never really thought about that. Presumably, I always assumed they would be donated to medical science or something.

Yeah. Well, clearly not these two. I don't ever assume you should be doing that. Just chucking it in the back. Big mound of earth. What's that? It's a dead elephant. Right.

Where's your licence? I want to see your licence here. Well, that's what they said anyway. Is this your roundabout way of saying that you were in charge of dealing with the dead elephant? I took my BMX. Have you ever ollied over an elephant? I don't think it should be like an episode of The Sopranos with you and your couple of mates

with car headlights under cloak of darkness burying him. You did me doidy. Yeah. At least take the ivory. You did me doidy, bumble.

Incredible. What about this email here, Peter, from James, who says, hi Luke and Donny. Yeah. I've always really enjoyed your shows

and I've got an email regarding UFOs. This was about 10 years ago. I've always really enjoyed your shows, and I've got an email regarding UFOs. This was about 10 years ago. I worked as a manager for Royal Mail and worked in an office in leafy Surrey. I would walk two miles to work and started at 5 a.m. So while walking down a quiet road in the middle of the night with fields to one side and a nice detached house to the other,

my attention was caught by a large light above one of the houses. It was just up ahead of me, and it was just above the two-story house. The light was as bright as the moon and about the same colour, but it definitely was not the moon. It was circular and about twice as big as the house. Almost immediately,

the light shot off silently into the sky at tremendous speed, leaving behind a trail of falling sparks in its wake. I just stood there gawping for a minute before finishing my journey to work. I'm not saying this was aliens, but it's nothing I can explain. I'd also not been drinking.

Cheers, James. He also says, thank you very much for keeping those of us who somewhat struggle with life laughing. Well, you're very welcome, James. Thanks very much for saying that. On the UFO thing, Pete, I think we should put together some kind of database

because these people, I mean, James here, perfectly normal chap, working for Royal Mail. He's a manager. He's got a management position. He's to be trusted. Doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'd be on the piss on his way to work. How is this happening? Houston?

No. King's Cross slash on the way to Angel. There is a pub that used to be open at 6am for the postal workers. This was 4am? That's all I'm saying. Well, okay, well, you know. He's anticipating. And he's in Surrey. He's all I'm saying. Well, okay, well, you know. He's anticipating. And he's in Surrey.

He's miles away from there. He could have popped in for a... You try getting a beer at 4am in the leafy Surrey. No, God. Can't get one at 4pm. No, exactly. Most weeks.

I am interested in whether this is the mind playing tricks on us or whether there's something afoot. I think it's the postal workers playing tricks on us. My general sort of go-to explanation

for these kind of things are that, is there a military base nearby? Are there some kind of unannounced military craft that we don't know about? Because if you think about it, that's probably fairly feasible. But the stealth bomber, or the Lockheed Blackbird, I mean, they're

decades old, so there must be some new stuff coming along that we don't know about yet. And there are plenty of airbases in the UK. In fact, there's a US airbase, isn't there, out in Suffolk, Mildenhall? You know, some things could be going on there. Are we not just backing our sight and sound? Are we not backing our senses a bit too much here?

Yeah, well, that's the other question, isn't it? How much does your mind just go crazy? Loads of times. All the time. I've got a little indivisible friend. I call him Luke 2. Is he more of a... So handsome. Handsome who thinks he's more of a laugh than me.

Pete, on that as well, if you think about when you walk down the street, your brain is amazing at just filtering out things that you don't need, right? The amount of information that's piling into your brain through all your senses just by walking down the street. House, house, tree, car, road, pavement,

sunshine, wind, everything. Birds. I'm in a meeting. Yeah. I can filter out everything. I have seen you in a meeting filter out everything. I have definitely seen you do that. Just really focus on the camera software. Yeah, you're not

doing anything at all. The plot thickens. Hello at LukeandPetra. Yeah, you're not doing anything at all. The plot thickens. Hello at LukeandPetra.com if you've got anything to add to that. I will try and build a database of where the sightings occurred. It'd be helpful

if people told us the date so we can sort of map and chart it and then get to the bottom of it. And this will inevitably end with our deaths when we storm some kind of US airbase

and die. that never happened in the end did it we should do that for episode 200 should we take our life into our hands storming area 51 yeah um here's an email from connor christie oh um hello chaps with the recent talk of medical mistakes uh what about this i've always had an issue with one of my eyes one is near unperfect and the other has a squint a bit of double vision and short-sightedness you can try to correct this with glasses but if it doesn't work it requires surgery so picture this i'm booked in i turn up for surgery i get the gown on get the socks and i have to have a quick chat with the surgeon he has a nice chat to relax me

then gets out a pen to start drawing on my face to highlight which eye to operate. He begins to draw on my face. On the wrong fucking eye. Oh, good God. He then asks me to confirm which eye it was, and to my amazement, they'd written down the wrong one on the form. Imagine waking up with two shit eyes. Fantastic. That is a never should happen moment.

It's a never event. I'm so glad Connor was awake for that. Because imagine if he'd just been asleep and they'd just done it anyway. Ugh. Wouldn't be great with it. That gives me the willies.

Imagine if he just woke up and he had like a massive butt implant. Big old booty up there. Yeah. I'd kill for that kind of behaviour. And as the surgeon, as you come around

with your big butt, the surgeon just walks off and goes, by the way, at some point you with your big butt, the surgeon walks off and goes, by the way, at some point you might want to get that eye looked at. I've got an email from Ben. Hello, Ben. Listening to your recent episode, 192, I think it was,

you told a story about a man tackling a lovely example of some topiary and hurting his shoulder. It's reminded me of a similar yet more horrifying story that I'd like to relay to you on your listeners. I wasn't in attendance when these events happened. My friend and his girlfriend were, and they told me the story. Any doubts I had of whether this story was true were squashed when I saw the horror in their eyes

as they told me it. They attended a wedding that took place in a sunny Spanish island, Menorca, I believe. A lovely day was had by all. Wedding was beautiful, weather perfect, outdoor venue was superb. Towards the end of the evening, they were taking some photos with a photographer

around the wedding cake. Unfortunately, given the hot climate the cake being left out for the duration of the celebrations and the fact it was a cream cake when the happy couple

tasted it they realised that the cream had turned and the cake was inedible oh grim oh no not to let a good cake go to waste

nah nuts no no we're going wrong not to let a good cake go to waste though someone had the great idea of doing a funny thought for the camera,

like pushing somebody's face into the cake. Hilarious. One of the bridesmaids volunteered to be the person to plunge her face into the cake. On the count of three, she went for it. The camera flashed and she face-planted the cake. This is where the horror began. As soon as her face hit the cake, she let out a blood-curdling scream, lifted her head back up to reveal a fountain of blood pouring everywhere.

To use a phrase that Pete may be familiar with now that he's a bona fide wrestling fan, she was wearing the crimson mask. What nobody in attendance had realised was that there was

a metal spike running through the cake to hold the tears in place. And the act of plunging her face in the cake, the poor girl in fact plunged her face directly onto the said

metal spike. The spike had deflected off the girl's nose bone and gone directly into her eye socket prompting the blood bath. Fortunately, and quite unbelievably, the spike had gone right in the corner of her eye socket, so it completely missed her eye and anything else of vast importance. So despite

the blood and gore, it was actually not a very serious injury, physically speaking. Psychologically speaking, I can only assume everyone in attendance has been scarred for life. I guess it's a relatively happy ending. Kind of ruined the wedding though. No surprise, the event had clearly haunted the souls of my friend and his girlfriend. And if I'm ever in the presence of anyone who wants to fool around with a cake, I'll be diving across the Rude Bodyguard style to stop them.

Keep up the good podding, Ben. Ben, that was horrific. Has that ruined the wedding, though? Has it ruined it? You've just impaled a bridesmaid. Not boring, is it? It's not boring, no. It's a story.

Yeah, true. She didn't get hurt, she was fine in the end. In the end. And the sponge cake would probably work as some kind of buffer. Sponge. Sponges, you know, soak up the blood. Yeah, that is pretty horrific. That is pretty horrible, isn't it?

Pete, this is a great story that came along earlier today that I thought I'd include. In Alaska, a man in Alaska was out looking for firewood a while back and he found a message in a

bottle. Yes. It turned out to be 50 years old and it was from Russia. And it said, sincere greetings from the Russian Far East

Fleet Mothership VRXF Sulak. I greet you who finds the bottle and request that you respond to the address Vladiv Mothership VRXF Sulak. I greet you who finds the bottle and request that you respond to the address Vladivostok 43 BRXF Sulak to the whole crew. We wish you good health and long years of life and happy sailing. 20th of June, 1969.

It had travelled all the way from Vladivostok up to Alaska. Nice. It had taken 50 years to do so. That's fantastic. Yeah. I got, well well I didn't actually Absolute Radio did and I was reading

the post and it's up for grabs this Japanese bloke in Shinjuku had sent a you occasionally get these from like ham radio enthusiasts

or radio guys yeah because Absolute's on AM that obviously travels a fuck load of distance yeah and I guess you know in the future AM

probably isn't going to exist so we're going to get less of these. But yeah, this transmitter had managed, this guy had managed to pick it up in, I believe, in Japan. Wow. The AM frequency.

I don't know how that's even possible, but he says that was the case. And yeah, he picked up a bit of Absolute. Or it might even have been, it might even have been an internet stream, so that's less impressive. But either way, you get an email you get a letter every now and again from different

parts of Europe and Germany and Russia where all the ham radio enthusiasts are basically saying hi I picked up your I picked up your music on this frequency can you let me know can you confirm that this is definitely a viable FM frequency or AM frequency could I definitely

have done this? Do you love a bit of that, do you? Well, I just like the idea of someone halfway around the world going, I've just heard you on AM frequency. And what an amazingly attuned piece of machinery that guy's got. It's cool. And he's given us, obviously,

also an international postage stamp sort of thing. I think you go to the post office and you exchange it for British postage to send the letter back that's cool which is what I'm intending to do but I know Fulwell that'll sit at my fucking desk

and I won't do it he'll lose it down the side of your gaming chair they've tracked down this guy anyway he sent this message in a bottle Captain Botsanenko who's now 86 years old

oh I'm done with his life told about it he reportedly burst into tears and said that doesn't look like my handwriting oh yes it is look

East Industry Fishing Fleet, E-I-F-F. And it turns out that he was overseeing the construction of a boat and then he sailed on it until 1970, so it was him.

Oh, I like that a lot. Great story. Great stuff. Pete, when we are finally and inevitably, and trust me when I say this, it can't come soon enough, part ways,

we should keep in touch by messaging and bottles I'll send one up to Thames where we could get some cool walkie talkies yes from Argos

a bit like Stranger Things yeah I've not seen that stop mentioning things I haven't seen alright let's get out of here mate we're back on Monday

with episode 197 have a great sorry I'm tired Jesus have a great rest of the week it's almost the weekend so you're nearly there. Enjoy the weekend when it comes and we'll see you next week.

Look after yourselves. Don't, and each other. Don't dive bomb any cakes. This has been a Stakhanov production. On each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership Separate.

Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running.