The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.52: Having a tab on the toilet

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

We can't believe it's taken this amount of episodes but finally we get around to the conversations we had about sex education when we were kids, and as you'd probably expect there are a few startling revelations from Pete Donaldson involving his Dad and his friend's Dad. We also find time on today's episode to laud John Cleese despite his problems, Pete gets very confused about the lyrics to a Lisa Stansfield song and we also read through plenty of your emails. Business as usual, really. But hey, it's what you all know and love so let's roll with it.To get in touch with your own sex education stories, it's: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Flavour! How dare you? Flavour? What? Flavour. Have you tasted something? Flavour. Is it metal? Metallic?

Do you remember Flavour Flavoured, that reality show? Uh, yes. Was he marrying someone? He was looking for love, wasn't he? With some horrible women. There's two really good ones. One was Brett Michaels from Poison doing Rock of Love, which is amazing.

I mean, it is amazing. And the second one was Flavor Flavor. I forget what it was called now. Probably Flavor of Love, I guess. It's time for love, surely, because he's got a big clock around his neck, isn't he? Yeah, true. The only thing I remember from...

Clocking off with Flavor Flavor. From the show I'm gonna call Flavor Flavor I can't remember if it's called that or not is that one of the women he was living in this

massive house with loads of women who were all trying to become his wife and one of them it's a strange looking show one of them took a shit on the floor

that's right yes do you remember good anyway Luca Pichot episode 199.52 we're almost it's almost like we're making a

a comment on the arbitrary nature of episode numbering what do you mean yeah it doesn't mean anything you introduced this this style just so your little

admin brain can get be satisfied well when I when I first had the idea to do this show with you

I thought when it comes to admin organisation knowing where I am with it I need all the help I can get so I thought it might be a admin, organisation, knowing where I am with it, I'm going to need all the help I can get. So I thought it might be a good idea to name the episode, sorry, number the episode. Yeah, but when it comes to actually putting together

like best ofs on the rare occasion, I think we've had to do it twice in our history or maybe two or three times. I mean, the numbering hasn't helped in any way. No, but it's not all about that, Pete. It's not all about that. No, it's all about when people say they want to reference a show in an email to us,

or they want to tell their friends about it, or that kind of stuff. Listen to 175. Yeah, it's easier. Listen to 175. Because if I say to you, for example, right, oh, Pete, go and listen to the Luke and Pete show.

Right, okay. Let me guess. Give me an arbitrary number, and I'll guess what was on there. No, I'm not going to give you an arbitrary number. That's the point. The point is,

see again, you're not on the same page. You just don't get it. The point is, if someone tells their friend in the pub on a Friday night, oh, you should listen to the episode where they talked about the guy

who did this, that, or the other. Oh, what's the episode? Oh, it's called A Pin Bag of Bees. A Pin Bag of Bees. People are searching for that. Right. I watched the episode. Oh, it's called A Pin Bag of Bees. A Pin Bag of Bees. People are searching for that. Yeah. But if they go, bang,

it's episode 162, Sid the Racist Neighbour. 162 is straight in there. I don't even remember Sid the Racist Neighbour. Well, you know, it's episode 142, Brexit Fondue.

You know, people get it. They know where to go. That sounds like, remember the TV show, Doug? He used to have a band called, oh, I can't remember the fucking band now. I remember the show,

I remember the show, Doug, yeah. He was in a band and his main song was Killer Tofu. Who are you? Killer Tofu. So yeah, that was... Well, they're called The Beats. The Beats, yeah.

That rings a bell, yeah. They're called The Beats. Roger! As in Beatroot yeah B-E-E-T-S nice I like it I like it

speaking of I had an amazing sort of two minutes on the internet this morning right wow

first of all someone shared something into my Twitter timeline which was George Harrison Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr

in the early 90s-ish in a beautiful back garden overlooking a pond or a lake I think one of them might have had a guitar they were just having

a little sing song years and years after the Beatles had finished and after John Lennon sadly died nice little thing it was quite cool imagine that

imagine going to a garden party and the Beatles were actually there. It's not that kind of party. No, it wouldn't be. Forget it! Then, no word of a lie, I scrolled down a bit further and saw a two-minute

rant of Ringo Starr in the present day advocating for a no-deal Brexit. Yeah, he's peace and love. Brexit. Roger Daltrey, he's involved. Oh, mate, he's been Brexit for a long time. I had an early shout for Cleese being a problematic individual. And. Roger Daltrey. He's involved. Oh, mate, he's been Brexit for a long time. I had an early shout for Cleese being a problematic individual. And no one was having it.

No one was having it. He's a Liberal Democrat, though, isn't he? Nah, he's very vocal about certain things. He's a little shit. He's always been problematic in my eyes. And he's got there. He's got there for me. He's had quite a few wives.

He has had quite a few wives. He has had quite a few wives. The only reason why he's still working is that he's just got a lot of payments to make. I think I'm right in saying that there was... What a talent, though. Oh, amazing. If you watch Fawlty Towers, what a talent. And, I mean, obviously he was only a core writer, but the amount...

It's worth listening to. Oh, God, is it The Rule of Three? The Rule of Three podcast. Mark Haynesnes who does the it's the wrestling podcast with me Wrestle Me he does

he works on a podcast that's called the rule of three where they get they get leading comedic people in the business

people like Charlie Brooker and stuff to talk about I haven't been asked you haven't been asked now to talk about their favourite shows and stuff and Robert Popper

got brought on ex-head of ITV comedy and a couple of other things. You wrote Look Around You. Didn't Robert Popper write

Friday Night Dinner as well? Yes he does. He's currently writing the new series I think but he was talking about 40,000 like they

just take one episode of 40,000 and break it down. It's beautiful and they look at the script compared to what actually happened and stuff. What a piece of work

some of those are. It is incredibly good. It's only, I think, 12 episodes in total, as people always say. I think two quite short series. But John Cleese is one of those guys where you can just see the talent

emerging from every port. Everything he does is really, really funny. He's a genius. mean i remember um i remember being at a um it might have been a ramble live show and someone one of our listeners who we like who we love obviously loved dearly and i had a few drinks drink had been taken shall we say and he kind of collared me and said um something about how he doesn't doesn't like all the puns that we do right i know you don't like all the puns that we do.

Right, okay. I know you don't like puns either, but... I don't like puns, no. And he said to me, you know what John Cleese said? I can't remember what it is. Something like, oh, puns are kind of the last refuge of the unfunny or whatever. Which apparently John Cleese said. Right. And I was like, my instant response straight away was,

I'm not fucking John Cleese, mate. Well, okay, what you're doing is criticizing me for not being a comedic genius. Well, I'm fine with that. I'm not fucking John Cleese mate well okay what you're doing is criticising me for not being a comedic genius well I'm fine with that I'm comfortable with that but Cleese

yeah Fawlty Towers is amazing Cleese is an absolute legend you know Milligan Cleese Everett Sessions

Connie both call her Fawlty Towers you can't discount her being a massive part of it but I was going to say that he's been through several wives.

One or two are the same age as his daughter, I think. Been through. No, he has. And never underestimate the truth behind the reformation of a classic band or comedy troupe or whatever. I'm fairly certain, fairly certain, that Stone Roseoses reforming might have had

something to do with a very punitive divorce financially I think yeah every band will get there especially nowadays

where you can't make anybody through music it's all about touring but John Cleese did do quite a good tweet last week as well where he said

he was backstage at Innsbruck and he said he said this to the stage manager before he went on he said just a this to the stage manager before he went on he said just a quick one

do you know if this audience will know me because I think it was like an evening with John Cleese do you think they'll know me more for my

Monty Python work or for my Fawlty Towers work what kind of audience would it be and apparently the stage manager said to him

I've got no idea who you are so I don't know so maybe he was a young fella. A lot of time for that. But Monty Python is absolutely massive in the US, you know that? It's huge.

They did the Hollywood Bowl, didn't they? Yeah, but I don't remember ever really seeing Monty Python on the TV when we were kids. I did because I was a massive fan, but I don't know where that would have come from. Maybe videos. It was on BBC Two a fair bit. But I mean, obviously it was, I mean, by the time we were sort of cognizant, it would have been

like 10 years old, wouldn't it? Yeah, but stuff gets repeated a lot. I mean, 40,000 on the TV all the time. Monty Python was never on TV. Yeah, only because you've got a lot, yeah, but think how many

few channels we had back then. Sure, but why is it not on TV now, Monty Python? It's not really part of the public consciousness. I don't know. Maybe it's expensive. It's on all the streaming services, isn't it? Is it? I think it's on Netflix. Anyway, public consciousness I don't know maybe it's expensive it's on all the

streaming services isn't it I think it's on Netflix anyway in the US they absolutely love it remember Crisp Andy yes I do remember Crisp Andy

the man who's never had a crisp and it's kind of he's never had a crisp maybe start with a gateway Pringle which as Luke says

is not technically a crisp it's a gateway drug gateway drug gateway drug to crisps yeah he sent in this story and do you know what

when I first saw this story which let's be clear is horrific right I immediately thought of crisp Andy so the circle was complete when he emailed it in

I was very pleased he did so circle of crisp yeah like an onion ring yeah like an onion ring. Yeah. Like an onion ring.

Do you remember those? I do. You don't have to make the sign. Terrible breath fresheners though. Yeah, crisp and evil. It broke around the start of September. Experts are warning about the risks of extreme fussy eating after a teenager developed permanent sight loss. Yes.

After living on a diet of chips and crisps. Eye doctors in Bristol care for the 17-year-old after his vision had deteriorated to the point of blindness. Since leaving primary school, the teen had been eating only French fries, Pringles, and white bread. I remember this guy.

As well as the occasional slice of ham or sausage. Now to me, the kid is 17, technically a child. Parents have got to swing for that. Not swing, that's harsh. Parents have got to bear responsibility for that. Maybe swing a, grab a big bag of onions and swing them into his mouth, possibly.

Yeah, he needs to eat some vegetables. Yeah, it was like, yeah, his sights started going like, just, he didn't like the texture, he didn't like the texture, apparently, of veg, which is just embarrassing for the parents. But he might have a kind of mental issue around it. I would say going blind after eating all the crisps is an eating disorder. Yeah, 100%.

He's been going to the GP since he was 14, apparently. He was diagnosed with vitamin deficiencies then, was put on supplements, but did not stick with the treatment or improve his poor diet. Parents need to ask questions of the parents there. But I don't think Crisp Andy is correct when he emailed saying,

see, I told you crisps were dangerous. I think this is kind of an extreme case. No, exactly. Don't eat them every day. I was talking to Sam Fender, young singer-songwriter. His album's out this week, I think. He had an eating disorder when he was a kid.

He was a fat kid and he wanted to get... He asked a girl out and he said, you're too fat. So he went on a let's not eat anything kind of situation, which a lot of young men and young women go into. But he said he used to throw his... That's quite comedic. He used to throw his toast out the window, out the same window.

Right. Rather than eat it. Rather than eat it. So, like, after, like, six months, after six months, the neighbours cut their hedge and just found... Loads of toast.

A mountain of toast. Incredible. What a discovery. You don't expect that, do you? Why is there so much toast under this tree? You don't expect discovery. You don't expect that, do you? Why is there so much toast under this tree? You don't expect that. You do not expect that. You do not expect that.

If you're listening, make sure you get enough vitamins in your diet. Just look after yourselves. Life's too fucking short, isn't it? It is. Jesus. Life's too short probably to listen to this. Let's not take a break yet, Pete. Why?

You're out of your mind. You've already started introducing emails. All right, let's take a break. They're seeping in. All right, fine. First step is to find the right position for you. Put your hands down and lower your chest to the ground. Just do that and pretend that you're holding poop in.

And it should sound a lot like this. There's a man eating crisps there as well. There's a man eating crisps. A very apt email jingle for us there. What's the best position for you, Luke? What, eating crisps there as well. There's a man eating crisps. A very apt email jingle for us there. What's the best position for you, Luke? What, eating crisps? Popping one off. Popping one off.

Popping one off. Pete, you are a regular breaker of wind in this office. No. Be honest. If it has to come out, it may as well come out so everyone can enjoy the noise because it's inherently hilarious. I don't have a problem with it.

I think it's funny. Other people in the organisation do have a problem with it. I think it's funny. Other people in the organisation do have a problem with it, though. Who shall go unnamed? It's Marcus. Yeah. What about this email from Chris? He says,

Hi, Luke and Pete. He thinks the devil's doing it. Running the domestic... Oh, sorry. I'll start that again. This is from Chris and he says, I'm running domestics batteries

in my Amazon remote. Domestics? With an X. Nice, I like that. Like the band Styx. Sounds a bit naughty. Naughty. Just to mention,

on circumcision. Oh, where's that come from? Over here in the States. Come on now. Before my son was born, I was poring over the decision whether to circumcise or not. Yes.

To speak a little to the health benefits, I'm not conclusive. Not to mention circumcision is a legitimate surgery on a two-day-old child, so naturally I posed the question to my friends. Essentially, the answer to my question of pro or con to circumcision was, I just did whatever I have.

So basically, if my mate had the snip, so did his son. The reason being is at a certain point, your son will see your old chap, and if it looks completely different to his, it is a traumatizing situation for him. Hey, hey dad why does yours look completely different to mine any answer to that question is traumatic so to avoid it you just continue the family tradition in short i don't think it's a scientific solution but instead it's just to avoid an awkward question four years down the line so you know little lads had the snip just like his

dad right thanks chris i do not want to cast suspicions over a man and what he does with his line so you know little lads had the snip just like his dad. Right. Thanks Chris. I do not want to cast suspicions over a man and what he does with his children. Just don't show your kids your

knob. Peter. What? It's an important part of people's development to understand. To look at your

dad's knob. What the human body is all about. I don't remember seeing my dad's knob that much to be honest. Just don't show

your knob. How many times have you seen your dad's knob? I remember walking on an having a tab on the toilet

and as Willie was like dangling into the wall he was doing a shit and he was reading the newspaper and I remember I remember seeing that

but we had one of those like little that is not educational it's not educational is it what how old were you at the time 25

but it must have been when I was very young because he gave up smoking quite early because he had asthma. But I remember having a tab reading... I mean, imagine how annoyed he must have been, me turning up and going, you can't smoke anymore. That must be one of...

I don't smoke, but that must be one of life's greatest... You probably saved his life, Pete. You probably saved his life. Reading the newspaper while having a shit and having a tab what a fucking treat

what a treat that is little bit of dad time and I ruined it have sandwich on the side have sandwich on the seat really strong black coffee yeah probably

my dad yeah my dad would drink a coffee while doing a shit in the morning so the educational part of you finding out about your own reproductive organs essentially consists of you walking

on your dad, smoking and reading the paper on the toilet. Yeah, and seeing a friend's dad's pubes that were very grey when we went to Cubs. How did that happen?

Another bit of abuse at Cubs. How did that happen? Swimming, went swimming. Right. But, um, I'm thinking, oh, they're grey pubes,

aren't they? Well, I didn't have any pubes. I mean, he was a very grey man. He was a young gentleman, but he was a very grey man. Yeah. Yeah.

When I was younger, my parents took me to the... Ended up with a Thai bride. Oh, really? When I was young... I moved to Sunderland like a fucking Alan Partridge character.

Are you finished? Yeah. I'll just write those down so I forget the synopsis. When I was young... I hope he's not listening to this, son. My parents took me to the science museum and taught me all about all that kind of stuff.

It was like an educational thing. It was quite awkward at the time, but I appreciated it. So your parents didn't give you any information? What information do I need i'm not i'm not doing surgery what do i need like i've got i've got a pp if i get it out it's a problem that's what i need i get out in front of people it's a problem and i've learned that lesson the hard way it wasn't hard was it it was it was bloody pete so you're saying that like because

you're not a surgeon you weren't you didn't need to receive any kind of education around reproduction from your parents because you never planned to be a surgeon. Well, by the time it becomes important, I will have learned it elsewhere at school or something like that. But you might not get the right information. I can't remember my mum's day. The point is you can trust your parents. My mum's fear of me getting a girl pregnant

has halted so many sexual congresses in my past. And rightly so. And rightly so. Tell us more. Just, she was just paranoid. No, don't get pregnant. Don't get...

Mum and Dads make having kids sound like the worst thing in the world. Like, the worst thing in the world. Like, they just, you know... I mean, in situations a long time ago now, but, like, they're going,

oh, I don't really like condoms I'm like well I'm still fucking using one aren't I for a million different fucking reasons yeah responsibility

where's this I mean I don't have any with me have you got any so you're basically you didn't get any kind of interaction

about that kind of stuff apart from seeing you down the toilet and seeing a bloke who you didn't even know yeah his pubes in this room I mean presumably

it was the changing room haha alright fair enough but yeah no fair enough we're up in Sunderland well thanks for the email Chris oh did you see

I posted on Twitter this video of of you're plugged in you're plugged in the system aren't you on your computer

go to my go to my Twitter I posted this wonderful little video of it was Frankie in the Heartstrings account retweeted it from 1980 computer um go to my um go to my twitter all right i post this this wonderful little video of um um it was frank in the heartstrings account retweeted it um from 1980 um this tv um company interviewing a lot of people in the sunland town center asking um if they would be bothered if someone was gay

or walked down the street um yeah holding hands or whatever yeah and they're expecting fucking fire and brimstone fucking bollocks. But what they get is actually quite adorable. Play it out. Oh, I'll play it out now. I'm plugged in, aren't I?

Plugged into the Matrix. Plugged into the Matrix. Some people's reactions to the idea of homosexuality because many people find it difficult to accept anything not regarded as normal.

She's got a lovely accent. Being homosexual means to you. Yeah, I don't know. Homosexual? I heard't know. Homosexual? I've heard about them. I've heard about them. Do you know what it means, being homosexual?

Yes. My daddy told me that a long time ago. What an accent. Like most people think. Just ordinary people, as far as I'm concerned. Are you being personal? Yes. Are you being personal?

Doesn't mean a lot to me, really. There's nothing wrong with them. Because it's what they want to do, not what everybody else wants them to do. They want to be different. So if they want to be homosexual, then be homosexual. It doesn't bother me one little bit. It shouldn't bother other people either. It's their life. I don't find any fault with them.

I mean to say, I feel it's disgusting myself. That's gone south. They can't help it can they Can't help it can they Alright if you get on with them you know Cause you can get some Hard puffs like you know Alright Get some wildies

How would you feel If you found out That your best friend was gay He is Not with me though So like they're expecting Like people are sort of going That's fucking disgusting No one cares No one gives a shit with me not with me what so like they're expecting like people

that sort of go that's fucking disgusting no one cares no one gives a shit no one cares I love the bloke that's going I is

not with me not with me what oh I love it love it that's from 1980 adorable the year of our birth yeah

you're 81 aren't you surprisingly good looking like lads there loads of really good looking people in Sunderland 1980. Yeah, they won't look like that now. Also, that accent is really soft and actually quite nice to listen to. That's lovely, yeah, the listening accent. A lot of my teachers, my dad's from Seaham, which is just over the way.

He's got quite a nice accent. But a lot of my teachers... We've heard him on the show, haven't we? We've heard him. You have, yeah. A lot of my teachers we've heard him on the show haven't we we've heard him you have yeah a lot of my teachers were from Sunderland so a lot of the kids

had slight weir sign accents what about this email from Kevin actually it's not from Kevin I don't even know why I said that it's from Kenny

and Adam Richardson also got involved here and emailed in with exactly the same suggestion weirdly enough right so last week Pete I said

is there a better group of songs with the same suggestion, weirdly enough. Right. So last week, Pete, I said, is there a better group of songs with the same song title as Come Together? Right, okay. You've got The Beloved, you've got Spiritual Eyes, you've got The Beatles, obviously. Well, both Kenny and Adam got in touch talking about Around the World slash All Around the World.

Can I stop you? Yeah. It's Come Together, the actual name of the harmony, the Beloved song. I think it is, isn't it? I think It's come together, the actual name of the harmony, the beloved song. I think it is, isn't it? I think it's Sweet Harmony, isn't it? Is it? I think it's called Sweet Harmony.

Oh, is it? Sweet Harmony, let's run together. Oh, you're right. I didn't know that. We play that on Absolute Radio with alarming regularity and I'm not really sure why.

I'd never heard it before I joined Absolute. That's actually blowing my mind. I thought it was called Come Together. That one? Yeah. That's completely blown out of the water anyway. Sweet harmony, let's go together. That's enough. Adam and Kenny have said

Around the World slash All Around the World. You've got Oasis. Right. You've got Reluctantly Peppers. Off of the album California Cajun. That's a stinker. Daft Punk. Yeah. East 17. How did that one go? off of the album California Cajun that's a stinker Daft Punk yeah East 17 how did that one go

been around the world but there's no place like home oh baby had they been around the world it was a big hit is it

and Lisa Stansfield in around the world I can't find my baby it's a classic so around the world we'll give them this but it's kind of around the world classic so around the world we'll give them this but it's kind of

around the world slash all around the world we'll give them that Kenny and Adam have got in touch with five big hits that have got that song title if you can beat that

it's hello at lukeandpete show.com that's not a bad show actually I'd like to see a where in the world is Carmen Sandiego with Elisa Stansfield

but it's a detective video game where she's trying to find her baby she's going to where she's trying to find her baby. She's going to all different places trying to find babies, solving puzzles. Where would you go first? Romanian orphanage. Disappointing.

Why? Disappointing answer. Why? Because you'd find that's where the babies are, isn't it? Yeah. Why is that a disappointing answer then? Quite 80s for one. Quite an 80s answer.

It sounds like it might be quite offensive as well. Why? Well, there's a lot of orphanages in Romania because of the displacement of people back in the day, isn't it? She's not talking about an actual baby. She's talking about her boyfriend. Well, start with a... Why is she calling...

Why is she saying baby? She's just confusing people, isn't she? She's confusing you. That's what people are saying. They call their girlfriend or boyfriend whatever baby, isn't she? She's confusing you? That's what people say, isn't it? They call their girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever baby, don't they? I thought she'd lost her bed. No! Oh, Martin, that is a bombshell, Pete.

A baby shell. What would that... You would never have made that mistake if your parents gave you a proper sex education when you were a kid. Ha, ha, ha! What a confusion that is. Oh, dear. Do you think she's actually looking for a baby?

I think... I think I kind of figured out that's what she meant, but I'm just, I don't know. No one's going to be convinced by that explanation. Have you got another email, or do you want me to do one? I'll do a quick one. Hello to Nicky. Hello, Nick Turner.

Oh, hang on. I mean, that's the email address, but it's Mike and Sunderland at the end of the email, so hopefully they're not bothered about me saying Nick Turner. Ignore what I just said. Hi, guys. Following on from my previous email about my nosy neighbours and their high-level decking.

Pete, will it save us a lot of editing if people went along with that? Well, that stuff I've just done, just ignore that. Just ignore that, yeah. Following on from my previous email, I don't think seeing a Roman... There's a lot of orphanages in Romania, aren't there? And if that's one of the things they're famous previous email I don't think seeing a Romanian there's a lot of orphanages in Romania aren't

there and if that's one of the things they're famous for I don't know have you been to Romania no

well I have there's loads of them well I'll defer to you then it was a salt mine and just a load of orphanages

alright fine hi guys following off from my previous email about my nosy neighbours and their high level decking leaves my

eyes struggling to find another place to look when chatting to them over the fence other than their groins. I have an update. Remember we had that guy who had problems with the neighbours' decking? A little bit too high.

The latest news has given myself and my family much mental strife and presented us with a rather troublesome fork on the path to harmonious neighbourly relations. They said neighbour recently gave my wife and myself a key to their house to help look after their cats while they're away. The problem is therefore this. Do we use the key purely to look after the cats or do we use it to also have a bit of a snoop behind enemy lines

thus falling into the trap for tit for tat? I need help in making this important decision. But before you answer please be reminded of a couple of salient facts. One is that when we gave them a set of keys to our back garden a while back to look after our rabbits,

they allowed their young son to play with a football in our garden and kick it over the fence to the neighbour on the other side. It doesn't sound bad until I tell you that they never told us about it

until the other neighbour asked if it was our ball and then only boldly admitted it when we asked if the ball was theirs. But you don't actually know for sure that's what happened, though. He could have booted it over your garden entirely from his garden.

It landed in that garden. Maybe they admitted it. The second and perhaps most important fact is that they certainly would snoop around our house if the situation was reversed. Right. You don't know that, Mike and Sutherland. Listen, as a general rule, don't go snooping around people's houses. It's weird.

Right. Definitely two of our neighbours we've been given a key to to go and feed their cats or do whatever and I have not once looked anywhere. No, because it's weird. Airbnbs?

What are you talking about airbnbs? I've never done airbnb. I've told you this and you found it strange. Yeah. I've snooped in an airbnb. Well, I mean that's possibly different

because they're almost asking for it aren't they it does it was a man it was in a packet what difference does that make I unpackaged it packaged it

did you yeah I did no I didn't didn't you once go to an Airbnb and there was a bloke in the dark on a rocking chair in the house yeah

and in the same in Abilene in Texas. That's why I never do Airbnbs. There was a cupboard full of ammunition. Like a lot of, like more ammunition. You know when you see a lot of ammunition? That's a lot. That's a lot. That's a lot, isn't it?

I go to actual B&Bs. I like staying in a B&B. Oh, fucking A. I cannot stand people coming downstairs and then, you know, people looking at you while you eat your dinner, eat your breakfast. Piss off.

Give me a buffet. Give me a buffet and don't look at me. I like the anonymity of just a hotel or an Airbnb. Just let me stay. But you've just said there's a bloke in a rocket ship with a load of ammunition staring at you. That was an unwelcome aberration. Okay, right.

That was an outlier. That was an outlier. But sometimes, the best B&B owners, in my experience, they're very friendly, of course, and you get a quick once-over of what's going on and what happens, and then they just leave you alone. I think it's overstated, the fear you need to worry about when it comes to that kind of thing.

I've seen that show where the Airbnb owners... You mean Four in a Bed? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Is it Four in a Bed? I mean, think of the kind of people you get on that show, though. Don't stay there, obviously, because they're mad. There was one that had cameras everywhere, like in every nook and cranny.

It was so weird. It was like that film Sliver. I remember that film. Weirdly, it sticks in your head. Is that Michael Douglas? No, it was... No, because it had Sean Stone in it. Right, okay.

I think it was Sean Stone's in it, and it was one of the Baldwins, I think it was Billy. It sticks in our mind because it had Sean Stone in it, I think, and it was the film after Basic Instinct, and I think lads lads our age were expecting

more of the same it was Billy Baldwin yeah and it was the UB40 I can't help falling in love with you

that cover well they used that I think it was yeah but it's just weird that it was a film about a man who had a load of

cameras in loads of hotel rooms I can't remember why he had that imagine being in charge of a film I don man who had a lot of cameras in loads of hotel rooms I can't remember why he had that imagine being in charge of a film I don't know what the fucking job is

imagine being in charge of a film and saying get me UB40 I really want to use I Can't Help Falling In Love With You it's a beautiful song Elvis Presley

all the rest of it no no no we're doing the UB40 version why in what possible situation is the UB40 version of that song going to be more impactful than

the original that's mad that is mad do you remember when Elvis's there was a bit of copyright that ran out on some of Elvis's stuff

is that how we got a little less conversation a little more action yeah we got a little less conversation there was another Elvis

song used I think and they were just looking for double bubble one last payout before it went I think the copyright rules have changed now haven't

they I think they they restarted changed now, haven't they? I think they restarted it. Same with the Beatles and stuff. Imagine being able to use the Beatles and Elvis in your stuff for free. That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Yeah, because I'm fairly certain Paul McCartney was in the vanguard

of a campaign to extend the caucus. At one point it ran out after 50 years, didn't it? And everyone was sitting on a time bomb, weren't they? Let's squeeze this last email in from Sean, then, in Portsmouth. And before I do it, I should also say thank you very much to Steph Wild, who sent us a really cute pic of her two-month-old son. She's been listening to Luke and Pete while doing his feeds in the middle of the night and all the rest of it.

So strength and Godspeed to you, Steph, for that. Beautiful-looking son, very cute baby. Congratulations to all of you there. and all the rest of it. So strength and Godspeed to you, Steph, for that. Beautiful looking son. Very cute baby. Congratulations to all of you there. You shouldn't be listening to that at such a young age. I mean, it's probably going to corrupt him, to be honest. But it's your decision. You're the parent.

Sean in Portsmouth got in touch saying, during recent shows, I found myself thinking I must email in about this and I keep forgetting to do so. So I'm firing off an email now while it's in my brain. On the subject of weird things being confiscated, you remember we appealed to teachers to tell us about the weirdest things they confiscated from their pupils.

It was a number of episodes ago now. Sean says, I'm a teacher and towards the end of the last academic year, I confiscated from a pair of 15-year-olds a two-litre bottle full of water

full of cut-up portobello mushrooms. I assume they were trying to brew up some magic mushrooms so they could trip out in a maths lesson but had gotten their recipe from a less than reputable source. I took it away from them but did not inform their head of year

because I'm no narc. In terms of weird pet complaints from the subject. That reminds me of like, you know when little girls make, little boys can do it as well, they make perfume by just putting roses in

water, in a bottle of water and it just doesn't smell of anything. There was a rumor that went around schools in my area when I was a kid that if you remember that non-alcoholic lager,

Caliber. Yes. If you cracked it open, Billy Connolly used to promote it, you crack it open and pour a lot of sugar in it, it activated the alcohol. It activated the alcohol.

And then loads of kids would go around pretending to be pissed sean finishes by saying in terms of weird pet complaints before my teaching career i worked in a well-known pet superstore people would often come in for medical advice on their pets in the hope of not having to go to the vets and fork out hard-earned cash i imagine that happens a lot actually the most bizarre of these was when a lady came into the store to complain that her parakeet's feet had changed colour from a normal reddish pinkish white

to an electric blue obviously as a bunch of pet shop workers we had no clue what would have caused this and when I was unable to help but not wanting to give up

she cried out I've recently bought a new perch for the cage could it be that that the perch was just made of unstained natural wood so presumably not

keep up the good work Sean in Portsmouth very nice that the perch was just made of unstained natural wood. So presumably not. Keep up the good work, Sean in Portsmouth. Very nice. What do you think about that, eh? I enjoy the email. I have very few comments on it. We've had one more Pete email in and another Luke get in touch. I can't remember the name.

I can't remember the tally, but I think I might be ahead. They should get together and do their own podcast. That'd be brilliant. Like Bizarro World. I mean, it might be better than us, so maybe don't do that. And it would probably confuse sponsors.

So we wouldn't get any money. Look, the amount of chat we have with the sponsors, they're invariably confused with what we do anyway. It's fine. I think we're confused with what we do anyway, aren't we? It's hardly surprising. What is our USP? I don't really know.

Yeah, about 40%. Let's get out of here. It's hellolookandpeete.com to get in touch we'll look forward to speaking to you on Monday have a lovely weekend you're almost there now Friday tomorrow

we'll see you next time Peter stay out of trouble I wasn't in trouble I'm never in trouble don't look at old man's pubes do you know do you know why

the Romanians had so many orphans have you been googling this while I've been talking no right but I couldn't remember the guy's name so I googled Ceausescu Ceausescu yeah you could have just asked me had so many orphans. Have you been Googling this while I've been talking? No. Right.

But I couldn't remember the guy's name, so I Googled it. Ceausescu. Ceausescu, yeah. You could have just asked me. I'm a human Google. Ask me something else. What was his first name?

Nikolai. Is that true? I think it was. I think it was. Was it? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Nah. It was.

Nah, it wasn't. It was. Hang on. So you have been Googling it. It was Nikolai. No, I couldn't remember his name. it was Nikolai no I couldn't remember his name it was Nikolai he just banned

contraception and abortion because he thought that having more people would mean economic strength

general secretary of the Romanian communist party from 1965 to 1989 now you are googling it

interesting what we were saying earlier about Dostoevsky let's get out of here see you on Monday have a great weekend you guys thanks for listening we love you all 1965 to 1989. Now you are Googling it. Interesting what we were saying earlier about Dostoevsky, isn't it? Right. Let's get out of here. See you on Monday. Have a great weekend, you guys.

Thanks for listening. We love you all. Leave us a nice review. Five stars if you don't mind. We should be exiled. It's the least you can do. Sponsored by Nikolai Trzyszko.