The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.61: Don't be a tit

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Welcome back to The Luke and Pete Show universe, an environment in which opinions can be expressed freely, secrets can be kept, and Pete Donaldson's lessons for living a good life can be heard in full.This time around it's TV shows, how to disguise a cat as a dog, gravy and much, much more.There's also a top tip from a listener on how to commit a murder legally, but Luke and Pete aren't convinced of the veracity of the claim. To have your say on that, or indeed anything else, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

do you mind we out here sorry money so money my colleague just said something unbelievably offensive off air and i would like to distance myself from those comments. Who? You, Luke Moore. He didn't really. Luke Moore. On the Luke and Pete show, Pete Donaldson with you as well. It is a Monday, and we're in a green leather-bound room. Rich mahogany table. Rich mahogany table.

I'm only going to call you P-Money from now on. Why? Because you were Donnie, you've been PD. I think P-Money's the natural next step. The natural evolution Pokemon style. Yeah. P-M Donny you've been PD. Yeah. I think P money is the natural next step. The natural evolution Pokemon style. Yeah.

P money. Yeah. How do you feel about it? Well I mean my life's work is very much to give away all of my money. Yeah.

Exactly. Book my flights for America for the Ramble Live tour last night. Yeah. Because I was shooing the ones that were provided to us

because they were not convenient for me. I haven't even got the details about that. No. Alright. They couldn't move them. They couldn't move them. I haven't even got the details about that. No. Alright. They couldn't move them. They couldn't move them.

So I was like, right, I'll book myself. Gosh darn it. Pay your own money. Pay your own way. Pay me your money. Can't take it with you

as they say. Big news in Luke and Pete world is that on Friday night, obviously, Football Round World Live did a show at Shepherd's Bush Empire. Lots of fun.

Yeah, baby. And Father Moore was there. Yes, I met Father Moore for the first time. Was that the first time? Maybe the second time. I don't think it's the first time you've met him, but it's the first time you've had a beer with him, I think.

Right. And he spent quite a lot of time insulting you, didn't he? He said very few words to me. I said, hello, Father Moore. Sorry, I didn't say hello earlier. And he said you've done quite well for someone with

not much upstairs yeah he did say that didn't he yeah and in that moment I found out a lot about Luke Moore I think

but the thing is why is Luke how he is my dad is a lovely man and he and he rang me not at that point well he

he was carrying himself with the air very much of a man who'd arrived in London at three o'clock and had been in the pub ever since. Yes. But on Sunday morning, he called me to apologise

about what he said to you. And I said, Dad, don't worry about it. He would have taken it in great spirit. He said, I took the piss out of his haircut and I told him he didn't have much upstairs and I feel bad about it.

If he was that pissed, why would he remember? I think sometimes people do still remember things but they're not all blackout drunks like you. I love being a blackout drunk. But why wasn't your dad there?

Because he lives in the North East a bit, the Newcastle show. Oh, is he coming to the Newcastle one? He's coming to the Newcastle show. Brilliant.

I mean he had to really argue the point. I shouldn't have to argue the point though Luke. Is that why he should be there? Yeah, sort of saying you are literally the only

Rambler Rambler dad Rambler parent who's never been asked to come and watch us fucking do stuff yeah what did he say to that

who's this he went I wouldn't understand any of it new phone who did new phone who did this he said I wouldn't understand any of it I said well it doesn't matter it's two hours of your life dad

yeah give it up give me some of your time baby he's normally in bed as well isn't he at that point he is usually in bed so I mean that's probably part of it as well. But, yeah, they're going to come up, stay in a hotel,

maybe have a bit of breakfast with them, and then I'll be off. Very nice. My dad doesn't really understand any of it either. He's not really a big football fan, but I think they still enjoyed it. Yeah. I did a little dance. Made a little love. Made a little love.

Get down tonight. Yeah, it was a good night. People should still get tickets now. There's about seven or 8 shows left in this country and then there's 4 shows in the US and Canada ramblelive.com are we kind of

half way through now yeah past half way in this country we're not past half way I think we will be on Thursday looking forward to doing more shows

you know what it was a bit of a 2 weeks in I was like wow I don't really know how recording artists do this every night because it's it's really

I finished and I'm drained completely drained it's exhausting isn't it's really i finished and i'm drained completely drained exhausting pretty exhausting but um and you know how do people fit in drug abuse and alcohol abuse in between that's what i think that's why why they do it happens i mean i remember i don't think i'll say the name of the band because i don't want to get someone in trouble but a friend black eyed peas it wasn't a black eyed pea right a friend of mine Black Eyed Peas it wasn't the Black Eyed Peas right a friend of mine managed quite a a big band N-Dubs kind of quite a big

influentially very very important band that kind of stuff and it was they were a five piece can you stop scratching your shoulders

unsettling me what are you doing I don't know it's got itch stop picking at your own skin it's weird why just do it later

I'll do what I want and and they he said it was a nightmare because they were a five piece and a couple of them were really into getting pissed all the time.

Right. One of them was into cocaine and speed and the other two were into heroin. Just like, they never, they never wanted to do

the same thing at the same time for obvious reasons. Yeah. It was just an absolute disaster. It was impossible. Like us? No, not really.

In many ways. Yeah, but we don't take any drugs, do we? So there's not any difference. We kind of like our own space. I take a lot of Sudafed like Donald

Trump. Have you seen he's got European strength Sudafed in his bag? No, it's in his drawer, wasn't it? His drawer was full

of Sudafed and the only stuff you can get in Europe because apparently it's not available in the US. Yeah, Sudafedrine is very harshly managed regulated because you

can make all kinds of... Amphetamine. Amphetamine, yeah. What's the one that Walter White and I love? Meth. Meth. I think meth was some variant as well. So if you ever try and buy Sudafed in America,

it's weaker and it's not as good, and you've got to go to a pharmacist and go through loads of hoops. That's why you've got to flip to a methylamine cup. But, yeah, very interesting. you've got to go to a pharmacist and go through loads of hoops that's why you've got to flip to a methylamine cup but yeah very interesting because he's obviously

famous for being very sniffy and that's exactly what Sudafed does whenever he does a big speech he's always like that

and that's what Sudafed does it just turns all of the snot into very thin watery fluid so you're just constantly going

basically presumably to unblock your passages. Yeah, but he's taking it for a high, because it's just... I'm just getting the proper drugs, mate. Yeah. I'm sure the president's doctor could prescribe something a little bit more interesting than Sudafed, for crying out loud.

I bet you'd be able to get, like, quality cocaine. Well, you'd be able to get, like, some amazing medicinal nonsense. Lovely old job. Speaking of methamphetamine, have you seen El Camino?

I've not, no. I was supposed to be, I was planning on watching it because I was supposed to be interviewing Jesse. Oh, were you?

Aaron Paul, that'd be interesting. I've had a few interviews lately that have cancelled. I mean, they've cancelled company-wide,

so Magic haven't got the interview, Planet Rock haven't got their interview, Karang haven't got their interview Planet Rock haven't got their interview Karang haven't got their interview etc etc but he cancelled

the It cast It chapter 2 cast cancelled as well I don't know what's going on why don't they like me Luke what's going on

how long have you got God Blink 182 on Wednesday have you they're a funny couple of people Mimi's favourite El Camino is I'd quite like you

to interview Aaron Paul because I'd like to know what he's like he seems lovely I've interviewed him before he's nice he was a bit of a child

kind of it boy for a while he hung out with Michael Jackson a bit weirdly oh did he less said about that the better

El Camino I've found I'm not going to spoil it to people so if you're listening and you haven't seen it well first I'll give you a quick praise better. Yes. El Camino, I found, I'm not going to spoil it to people, so if you're listening and you haven't seen it, well, first I'll give you a quick praise of what it is. El Camino's a van, isn't it? It's a type of car, yeah.

And it's a standalone feature length, I suppose episode slash movie, written and directed by Vince Gilligan, who created Breaking Bad. It's about what happens to Jesse post-Breaking Bad. Yeah. I'm not going to spoil it.

If you haven't seen it, go and watch it. It's good. But a couple of observations from me that are spoiler-free, hopefully, is that I was fascinated by the tempo and the pace of it and the tone of it. And I'll tell you why. Vince Gilligan, of course, made Breaking Bad,

then he made Better Call Saul. Better Call Saul is one of the slowest-paced TV shows I've ever seen. It's more of like a character study show rather than anything that's driven by any kind of discernible plot in my opinion and the reason i found this el camino interesting in that context is because if you watched the very first episode of breaking bad the pilot i understand why this is the case because you want to get a show commissioned you have to kind of set it up show people what you're trying to do pack a lot in and and it's and it has to be people

have to kind of buy into it right so if you generally speak in pilot episodes which then go on to be broadcast pilots are quite action-packed and lots of stuff happens but if you watch that go back and re-watch that first episode of breaking bad i think it's just called pilot the amount of stuff that happens in it in one hour is unbelievable it's unbelievably fast i think it's just called pilot the amount of stuff that happens in it in one hour is unbelievable it's unbelievably fast i mean it's the whole premise of the show and it's an old show so i'm not so concerned about spoiler in this particular part he finds out he's got cancer he goes on a he goes on a drug bust with his brother-in-law he sees a news alert on tv he finds jesse he starts cooking meth shit Shit starts going wrong. He buys the RV.

All this stuff happens in one episode. Now, if you go and watch Better Call Saul, and in this case, El Camino, it's like it's been written and directed

by a completely different person. But the only thing that's sort of linking it back is, of course, the characters and the setting

and the plot or the post-plot. I find that fascinating that someone in that amount of time can completely reinvent and change themselves as a writer and a director. It's baffling to me.

Isn't that what you want to do though? But you need to earn that agency. You need to earn that trust from the people who write the checks effectively. Maybe what you're suggesting that's what he wants to do all along but he couldn't.

Yeah, exactly. I don't think it's better, Pete. Personally. Well, I mean, but I would say one of, I think probably the best TV show

in history, probably Mad Men and that is a very, very ponderous show where nothing happens so that when something slightly out there happens

you're like, fuck! Yeah. You know, you earn the punches. You earn the big set pieces, I think, a lot more. I couldn't really... A man gets his foot run over by a bloody lawnmower. Bang! Shit!

I couldn't really get with Mad Men. It's brilliant. First few seasons I liked, but I kind of lost interest. For me, it's Breaking Bad, it's The Sopranos, and it's The White and my faves Dad you're such a dad I'm a dad

I'm like a dad without any kids I was speaking of El Camino as well I'm Breaking Bad Robert Forster sadly passed away last week famous as the

Bale Bondsman and Jackie Brown he's nominated for an Oscar for that he's brilliant in Breaking Bad he plays the is he very tall he always looked very tall

quite tall amazing face he's in the Tommy Lee Jones ballpark in terms of face He plays the... Is he very tall? He always looked very tall. Quite tall. Amazing face. He's in the Tommy Lee Jones ballpark in terms of face. He's in the Twin Peaks reboot as well. A really thoughtful actor. Another fascinating aspect of that, he plays a character in Breaking Bad, a really interesting character.

It's kind of a, I'd call it like an extended cameo, I suppose. But one of the things that fascinates me, he's clearly such a brilliant actor Oscar nominated before he got rediscovered through Quentin Tarantino

with Jackie Brown he's just acting in B movies it's quite weird that isn't it there but for the grace of God go so many different actors

I'm pretty sure John Travolta was down and out before he got back with Pulp Fiction right yes it can kind of happen for actors that way

can't it? Well you've got to be discovered somewhere but George Clooney No but Travolta had done all this stuff before of course Saturday Night Fever

and all the rest of it and then 93, 94 whenever he comes back with Pulp Fiction who were you going to say there? Well I was thinking like Mark Hamill

he was doing things like video games like Wing Commander and the voice of Joker and then obviously he slides back into Star Wars. He's not been given

any other roles in anything else I don't think but yeah, very interesting. Yeah, alright, so yeah,

do check out El Camino. It's definitely worth watching. As my dad texted me at seven in the morning on Saturday, just finished El Camino. I'm seriously thinking about watching the full series

of Breaking Bad again. Yeah. I think I might be a recovering meth head after one small hit it made me feel it made me like fall back in love

with the Breaking Bad universe again and it made me realise that actually Albuquerque I've never visited it but Albuquerque is as much a character

in that show as any of the actors are I mean the setting to it is so important isn't it where's Albuquerque it's in New Mexico yeah this is like an

absolutely fascinating place you know I think that's it from me on TV shows you've been watching Succession right been bashing through Succession

it's good I'm about halfway through the second season at the moment he did yeah I didn't realise it was written by the guy who created

Peep Show he did yeah Jesse Armstrong yeah Jesse Armstrong is it Jesse Armstrong Sam Baird I think Jesse Armstrong

is doing his own thing now. Armstrong's the one who definitely created Succession. Yeah, I think Brian Cox is a brilliant actor as well. Fantastic. It's very good. Again, great cast. Nobody is... It's very rare where literally nobody's a redeemable figure.

Maybe it just reflects society no one is likeable in that show at all maybe Greg Greg yeah Greg's funny Greg the idiot

I like the guy who does this kind of accent in it that's massively funny he's brilliant he used to be in Spooks isn't he Darcy

isn't he Darcy in Private Prejudice as well he's brilliant in it he's so funny he's so weird so uh but then Greg

has quite a similar voice but it's he uh but uh it's's so funny he's so weird so uh he's just very very well played but then Greg has quite a similar voice but it's he uh but uh it's kind of like quite similar voices it's got a bit of the um

west wing about it hasn't it yeah yeah anyway look have you got any thoughts on any of that kind of stuff it's hello at

lukeandpeachow.com we didn't plan to do a little TV special at the start a little TV round up like a little TV round up we kind of fell into that so

I'm really I'm trying to get to see the Tim Heidecker Mr. America where he tries to run for District Attorney I want to say. But obviously he can't

because he has no legal background at all. But it's like he announces it. It's this big PR push. You can see it on YouTube. You can watch it on Amazon. You can watch it on iTunes.

You can watch it on Google Play. None of these options are available in the United of Kingdoms. Bloody Kingdoms. It's a piss take. It's like, is it the new Disney stuff? All of the new... Is he Tim and Eric? Is he Tim from Tim and Eric?

Yeah, Tim and Eric. Okay, right. It looks really good, actually. The trailer looks really good. Some of his stuff is a bit hit and miss, but this looks alright. But, yeah, I'm just tired of... Look at how Disney has dealt with the Star Wars stuff. Is it

the Midichlorian? Whatever the Boba Fett set piece show is going to be. Everyone's very excited about that. What is he? I can't remember. I don't know what you mean. Midichlorian's a thing in their blood, isn't it? It starts with an M. Midichlorian's a thing in their blood, isn't it? It starts with an M.

Midlorian, either way. Yeah, all of that stuff's happening, and they're not going to release, I'm fairly certain they're not going to release the new Disney channel Star Wars stuff in the UK for like half a year after it comes out in the US. Are you kidding me? If you're a Star Wars fan, you're going to torrent it. You're going to watch it illegally.

Mandalorian insane Mandalorian Mandalorian why do you think they've done that just a really old school view of how the fucking world works

I don't know I do not know back in the 90s you'd be all the rage I remember going to the US on holiday with my parents and you'd get a film

that wouldn't be out for ages and nine months later you'd be back in the UK and you'd be like I saw that already and you'd be like the coolest kid in school for about five minutes then you'd be back in the UK and you'd be like I saw that already and you'd be like the coolest kid in school

for about five minutes then you go back to being bullied again let's have a quick break and after that we'll do some emails I took my holidays and filed in Scarborough

very little because I just say I took 99% of my holidays in Minehead in Somerset

and my dad got made redundant we got a bit of money spent it on a holiday to Florida it was a recklessly of my holidays in Minehead in Somerset and my dad got made redundant. Yeah. We got a bit of money and spent it on a holiday to Florida. Yeah. It was a recklessly irresponsible thing to do.

Well, I hope he's rude to the Americans. But now I've got an American wife. Get your hand off my penis! Get your hand off his penis! Julian Assange there. That is his penis.

That is his business. Don't touch it for crying out loud. It will bite your hand off. Good to hear from Julian. And we had loads of emails about robots this week. Hello at LukeandPete show.com as I keep saying. Do not be shy about emailing in. We love to hear from you.

We talked about robots a week or two ago. Lots of people have emailed in about them and the things that they're already up to. There was a robot chef making omelettes in a hotel in Singapore. There's a band called Compressorhead playing Motorhead's Ace of Spades. I've seen them.

They look good. It's actually quite terrifying because they're perfectly in time. Yeah. It's kind of a bit weird and loads more. Pete, can I interest you in this quick headline? Go on. Do you want to read it out?

Yeah. Police robot told woman to go away after she tried to report crime, then sang a song. What more do you want to read it out? Yeah. Police robot told woman to go away after she tried to report crime, then sang a song. What more do you want from your police officers? Not dissimilar to actual police officers in some cases. What song was it?

I don't know. And one of the guys who came... Oh, I do birds suddenly appear. You know, you know, I get really into things, right? Right.

It's just reminding me. At Shiversbush Empire, one of the guys who, I don't really know how he was in the bar afterwards because I think it was like a wristband affair, but he was there anyway. Good on him. Nice fella.

I think he was called Mark. He was a police sergeant. And he started talking to me that he was a police sergeant. And so, you know, I get quite into stuff. So I just kept asking him questions. And, um... Is this a crime? Is this a crime?

Yeah, I was... Is this a crime? Touched him there. Is that a crime is this a crime yeah is this a crime I was touching him there is that a crime and uh I said to him um what do you

how do you view it when like people swear at you or whatever because sometimes it's like he says to be honest it's all about context

yeah so if you sang a song in his face um then um perhaps he wouldn't arrest you but if it was a sweary song maybe he would

but he was telling me that um fuck the police there's an old law that a pregnant woman can take a slash on his helmet. Is that a story? He said it's true. And he says what happens to a lot of people

when they're out at night and they're having a bit of fun and there's a pregnant woman there, everyone always wants them to have a photo with the helmet. And he generally lets them do it. But if you wish to steal his helmet, of course, then you'd be in trouble for that. But anyway, this email I wanted to start with

this time around, Pete, is from James. And it's very remiss of me not to follow up on this myself, but James has done the hard work for us and has picked up on this from a show a week or two ago. He says, Hi guys, big fan of the show, but I wanted to highlight something that I think was unfairly skipped over in the last episode.

Off the back of Mo's overloaded email about taking his cat to Italy, do you remember that? Yes, I do. Pete offered the solution of, in quotes, disguising the cat as a dog. As there was a lot to discuss in that email, I feel this got lost a bit, so I'd like to ask Luke to get Pete to clarify exactly how he'd do this, and if it failed, what other animals would he attempt to pass the cat off as at the border that's from james so you said the easy solution to this cat problem is to disguise the cat as a dog what are you doing i would put glue on the cat's nose okay already that's horrific it would be shiny arguably their most important sense uh is it? Hearing and sniff. No, a cat's eyes, aren't they?

Now you're in something here. Long distance only. Right. Cat's long distance vision is fantastic. And night vision is good. That's why sheep's eyes are wide. Cows' eyes are wide, aren't they? So they're close up there.

Eyes are rubbish. So what are you doing with the glue on their nose? To make it look shiny, like a shiny dog's nose. Yeah. Clip their little whiskers. They can't let that grow back. What? They don't grow back.

Shut up. Now they can't fit through gaps. They're whiskers. Come on. Now they can't fit through gaps. Why? Is that how they figure out when they can fit through gaps?

Do you not know that? What? A cat's whiskers are exactly the width of their body. Right. That's how they use them to see if they can

fit through gaps. Just try and get fit. So you'll never see a cat with a dead stuck in somewhere. Well, my cat put its head in a hedgehog once, and I'd take him to the vet. His head into a hedgehog? His face into a hedgehog, yeah. What was he trying to do?

He. He. I don't know, just sniff on it. Sniff it, I guess. A little sniff. So would you put some floppy ears on it? Yes, you'd have to extend the ears. When you sort of think about it,

I can't sort of think about... I'd put some kind of wagging device on the tail. Little motor. Yeah, because cats... Like a little metronome. I'd attach a metronome

to the cat's tail to make it wag. Voice box? Oh, yeah. How would you make it sound like it was barking? Listen to me. I haven't got a voice box.

You just fucking keep quiet. Yeah, exactly. I would you make it sound like it was barking? No, listen to me. I haven't got a voicebox. You just fucking keep quiet. Yeah, exactly. I'm struggling to sort of see how dogs... Sound down its tongues? Is it smooth? No, dogs' tongues are quite... They're smooth, aren't they? Nah, they're rough.

Rough. I think you find they're smooth. Nah. I've been looked by a dog quite recently. Have you? So I have a bit of that. Tell us more. How did you know it was a dog and not a cat disguise as well?

Exactly, I didn't yeah. In my private life but yeah that's yeah. There you go James I hope that answers your question.

Don't put glue on cats noses. Any part of it. Yeah. Wood glue goes clear after a while so it would look like it's nose is

all shiny like a dog's. My cat's nose is shiny sometimes if it's been outside. It's because they're pissed.

I've got an email from Edward. Hello Edward. Do you look knows it's shiny sometimes. It's been outside. It was because I pissed. Yeah. I got an email from Edward. Hello Edward. Dear Luke and Pete off the back of the KFC gravy chat in the last couple of episodes.

I thought I'd bring to the table another worrying peep behind the service industry curtain. We spoke about gravy a little while ago. Yeah I remember.

Obviously KFC having like little scraps and stuff in the bottom of the fryer. It tastes delicious, but it's apparently horrific. Well, I had some chip shop curry, baby. I love that.

But is it normal to put tiny chunks of fish in there? Because there were definitely tiny chunks of fish in there. So, it's really interesting you say that because we recently started getting curry sauce from our local fish and chip shop and I find it goes really well with the fish, not just the chips, the dip. Obviously, it goes really well with the fish as well.

So I wouldn't be surprised if it's flavoured in some way. Have a check. And fish curry is a thing. It's beautiful. Yeah, have a check in your curry sauce before you dip chips in it or whatever that there is fish in it. Because the person I was eating it with,

they said, no, there's no fish in this. I said, there is, there's fish. I can taste it. So maybe they do just put scraps in there just to flavour it up a bit. Yeah. Lovely.

That's what gravy's all about, right? My mum makes her gravy in the meat pan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where she's roasted the meat. So that's obviously getting a lot of meat in there. Decent. Ed Hodge says, having worked in the kitchen of a bar

belonging to a large and famous chain, I know about the shortcuts that some of these places take. However, the worst I've heard of is in Wetherspoons, where a friend of mine who once worked there told me that the fried eggs are delivered to the kitchen pre-cracked, pre-fried

and frozen, ready to be heated up in the microwave. There's no need for that. I know, like, don't McDonald's they get delivered like that? Maybe they're just cooked in like a circular kind of thing to make them particularly uniform.

But frozen, ready to be heated up in the microwave. That seems... The thing is... It's the easiest thing in the world, surely, to make an egg. Out of all the fried breakfast items, a fried egg, easiest. Depends on the size of your microwave. I'm thinking that if you've...

It's just laziness because I'm... Obviously, I haven't got the details, but I'm going to stick my neck out and say it probably takes about three minutes to fry an egg if you've got a big

hot plate which they will have in the kitchen you could do 15 of them at the same time hugely what's the point of that I can't really figure it out

Brexit Wetherspoons they hate themselves and they hate you don't go in there last time I went to Wetherspoons it made me sick the beer made me sick

I had three pints in there and it made me sick. I actually literally vomited the next day. Lightweight. It was continental strength Belgian 12% lager. I've been poisoned,

mother. I've got an email there. Luke, to round us off. What about this from Joe? This is a really good one and it's got so good that I've written

a little note saying, is this true? Please get in touch and one. And it's got so good that I've written a little note saying, is this true? Please get in touch and confirm this because it's no disrespect to Joe. I'm sure he is speaking the truth. Yes. But I would like to get this confirmed because it seems mad. He says, hi guys. I'm going to go straight into this one as it's a little lengthy,

but there's a place in Idaho known colloquially as the Yellowstone Zone of Death. Oh no. And due to the way justice must be served, as stated in the US Constitution, at this location, it's technically possible to get away with any crime. Here's a bit of scene setting. The vast majority of Yellowstone is in Wyoming,

but a tiny sliver of land just crosses the border into Idaho, and this is where things start to get interesting. Let's say you do a little murder in the Idaho section. A little bit of the murder. Just a little bit. Oh, a little bit of the murder. The district court that oversees Yellowstone resides entirely within the state of Wyoming, even though your murder location is in Idaho,

and this is the crux of the quirk. If you're caught, which shouldn't bother you because you can't be convicted, you'd be arrested and taken to Wyoming to be tried. The US Constitution, however, demands that any trial should be held in the state where the crime itself was committed, which in this case should be Idaho.

So you demand your constitutional right to be tried back in Idaho, where they then take you because it's your legal right. A local jury would then be called up, but herein lies the next problem. The constitution states that an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed is required. In this case, the state is Idaho, but the district is Wyoming. Wyoming is therefore eliminated and all jurors must be called from the small 50 mile square region of Idaho. For you, the murderer, this works out very well because zero people, no one

lived there. It's federal land, no one's allowed to live there. Therefore, unless you allow them to try you in Wyoming, which you don't have to do, you

legally cannot be tried at all. That's insane. All the best and happy murdering, Joe. I'm going to take you there, Donaldson. You know like the

system here at Stakhanov headquarters, HQ, stuff like the printer, stuff like the system here at Stakhanov headquarters, HQ, stuff like the printer, stuff like the play-out iPads, stuff like the capture device that records our beautiful tones right now. The system's changed over the past couple of years. So, you know, the things that worked about a year ago probably don't work now. So we've had to update our documents and stuff.

Do you think the constitution is fit for purpose nowadays? It just seems to be... Well, it's got full of amendments, of course. Yeah, I know, but just start again. Just go, look, this is how we're going to do things. Let's start with a new constitution that works in 2019. Let's do it. It's an interesting point because I've often thought that

the Ten Commandments, people talk about the Ten Commandments and say how they're amazing and they're really kind of a great way to live and everything and it always makes me think

a couple of things one is have you read the Ten Commandments because a lot of them are fucking irrelevant right like

thou shalt not what is it thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. Yeah. It doesn't really come up very often. Thou shall not covet neighbour's wife. That's problematic.

Thou shall not covet neighbour's slaves or animals. Yeah. Again, problematic. Exactly. A couple of them are good. Thou shall not murder. Thou shall not steal. Remember the Sabbath day.

Keep it holy. Yeah. So, it's not really that relevant now. Well, and even then, there are 10 million different interpretations of those particular laws and 10 million ways of writing them which infers different meanings.

And people will say, oh yeah, but they're written by people in the Iron Age and everything like that. But that's not the point. The point is there are several people, probably millions of people in this world that live their lives based on those things. And you can think of a better list of commandments in about five minutes.

Treat people as you want to be treated. Be kind. Be generous. All these kind of things. So perhaps you're onto something there. But I would say the Constitution's got several amendments to it and it probably does work. It was designed to be an imperfect document. It was designed to be knocked about and for people

to argue about it. That's kind of one of the cornerstones of American democracy, I think. But it only works, of course, I think, when you've got people in power and in place to implement it honestly and properly. And of course, that doesn't happen now. Because America doesn't have elections. It has fucking auctions. And that is hugely problematic. However, I would like people to get in touch and tell us whether you can do

what Joe's suggesting you can do there. I don't want anyone to do it. Has anyone done it? That would be the next question. That would be the

next question. Has anyone tested that particular thing? I'd like to be a test case. If it goes well, I'm good. If it goes bad, I'm

going to be sentenced to death. Exactly. So there you go. High risk people. Interesting email though, nonetheless. Hugely.

I would like to just have one commandment don't be a tit and that covers everything that does cover everything bit rich what do you mean I'm not saying I'm following any of them

well hang on a minute what sometimes you are a tit just because I've written them doesn't mean I have to you know I'm just saying that the whole

Christian faith can be summed up don't be a tit that's I mean that squares away everything really doesn't it don't be a tit not really because it depends mean, that squares away everything really, doesn't it? Don't be a tit.

Not really, because it depends on other people's interpretation of how you... Everyone's different, aren't they? Yeah, but what is... What about treat people... What is coveting?

Treat people as you wish to be treated. What is... Yeah, don't be a tit. Yeah, right. You've condensed it down to four words. Yeah, don't be a tit.

And we all know what this episode's going to be called this week. No tittery. Yeah. Yeah. Tit equals band. Tit equals band. Tit equals band.

Right. Let's get out of here, Luke, because we've got things to do. We'll be back on Thursday with more. Luke and Pete, show fun. See you in a bit. This was a Stakhanov production. This was a Stakhanov production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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