The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.80: Sausage meat and trifle

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

Pete's been binge watching TV shows for a comfort blanket after he's had to rein back his Chinese takeaway addiction. You cannot go on spending £50 a week on Chinese food forever, it's just not sustainable. And if you learn just one thing from today's episode make sure it's that.There's also an airing of grievances, Masterchef chat, lifting the lid on yet more Gladiators, more time discussing Pete's Only Fools and Horses obsession, and the dangers inherent within the sausage meat scene.Don't be pigheaded! Email us: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Hello! How's it going? I'm good, I'm sorry, I just pointed at you there, didn't I? That's what I do on the radio all the time, pointing at people. Oh, what? So I say, start. Yeah, so you can talk now. Go! There we go. Yeah, how's it going, mate? I'm alright, mate. I'm, er, I'm funky. I at people. Start. Start. You can talk now. Go. There we go. Yeah.

How's it going, mate? I'm all right, mate. I'm funky. I'm fresh. I'm ready to get going once again for some more. Some more.

I'm looking peachy. What podcast are we doing here? Looking peachy. What WrestleMania is this? You're not even

convincing yourself there, are you? Just confused. How's a week of Tory government treating you? Oh, mate. I am homeless and loving it. I'm just confused. How's a week of Tory government treating you? Oh, mate! I am homeless and loving it.

I'm not paying any tax because I don't have a house. Yeah. Don't have any income. Don't mind it. No, that's not true. Don't mind it. I know you take a hearty amount of income.

I, um... Not from this company. No, I cancelled my Deliveroo subscription. Oh, right. Cutting my cloth accordingly, my Deliveroo subscription oh right cutting my cloth accordingly my friend how much is that a month? it's a tenner but it works out

because you're paying a delivery fee every time and if you get four meals a month yeah you said that to me before but how on earth is that going to make a difference to your household income on a monthly basis what do you mean?

it's a tenner I went to chicken to get my own chicken at the weekend, so that's what I'm going to do. Surely actually saving the money would be not spending 55 quid on Chinese every Sunday. Correct, correct. But that's not a sacrifice you're prepared to make. I'm not going to go, I'm not going to have Deliveroo take my money.

Well, I could just go into Chinatown, get a takeout, and it'll just mean I under order because I'm a terrible over orderer and it's getting to the point where it's not doing my body any good and I can't be dropping

50, 60 quid on a Chinese every Sunday there are people listening to this who will be absolutely astonished well that's London

waiting as well there's London waiting for wages but there's London waiting for Chinese food yeah but there's not a London waiting I mean I think if you canvassed people

and asked them what an acceptable order from a Chinese for one person would be the par would probably be between 15 and 20 pounds there's not a 300% waiting in London

prawn crackers congee sometimes fried rice if I can be arsed spare ribs crispy shredded beef lemon chicken you're already getting

to the 50s there mate in London it's just that in central London that's just the way it is that's how three meals though it's the way it is well it does last

for another meal but it's yeah it's excessive and I'm not losing any weight like but the point is that surely if you want to cut your cloth

accordingly and save money not having those things is going to be the way forward. You want to get some food and cook it yourself. Take your storage out of the oven

start cooking yourself. I have been cooking a lot more recently. What have you been cooking? I had a baked potato in the week. Because I've got

some I can't believe it's not butter in the house so I thought I'll have that baked potato. I tried to make some hash browns unsuccessfully.

It's been a long time since I've made hash browns. Tell us about that. How do you make those? What do you mean? Potatoes. Yeah but how do you make some hash browns unsuccessfully. It's been a long time since I've made hash browns. Tell us about that. How do you make those? What do you mean? Potatoes. Yeah, but how do you make a hash brown?

I don't know how to make a hash brown. I'm asking you this now. Egg, potato, onion. That's your major. That's your main bit. Well, pack them together like a little bit like patties and then fry them or... Yeah, the problem is they get very wet,

so you've got to kind of like get a kitchen roll. But the problem is it's just... Potatoes are already wet when they... You've just got to kind of somehow dry them. roll but the problem is it's just potatoes are already wet when they you've just got to kind of somehow dry them how would you do on Marcus Waring or Monica Galletti's skills test

what's the skills test I told you before it was the best thing on telly you've got 15 minutes to do to fillet a fish and make a

salsa verde no I wouldn't do very well nor would I you're giving knives away we heard on Monday you're giving knives away you don't need them

yeah well the problem is like when you when you sort of go right so somebody likes cooking and that's all they talk about usually

and eating so like buy them a knife buy them a nice knife Japanese knife because they're one of the better ones bare minimum

you're dropping like 35 quid bare minimum and our limit for the Secret Santa was 20 quid what did you do then? so I had to go over and above

that's the thing for those listening I felt like Michael Scott in the office buying Ryan an iPad an iPod colour an iPod video I don't know that reference

so I'm going to press on alright but I think just so people are aware when the Secret Santa's drawn in Stakhanov Towers, believe me when I tell you, you are hoping and praying you get Pete.

Because he will spend whatever he feels like spending. And you could end, I'm not exaggerating, you could end up with like a computer. You could end, no, but you think, but if you think about something,

right, what do they need? What are they like? And then you get that. And if that's out of the price range, you're like, well, it's a bit of a compromise, isn't it? No, you're supposed to think creatively within the limit. That's the point of it. No, that's one of your little games, that you'd like

buy them a bottle of locusts or some shit like that. That's what you're all about. No, that was a different game. That was just punishment. I bought Jim Cowell two excellent books. True. And it came to £19.98. Oh, hello. So get on that. Oh, you're in the £9.99 section.

Books are expensive, aren't they? Not for the amount of joy you get out of them, though. No. You probably get a solid week's reading out of those. What if it's a naughty book? What if it's a book that you shouldn't be reading? Like what? Give us an example.

Lady Chatterley's Lover. Why shouldn't you be reading that? Mein Kampf. Oh, I just bit the inside of my mouth. You shouldn't be reading Mein Kampf I said something a bit naughty on the WhatsApp thread last night and everyone gave me pelts for it

and then the lights went out wow I had a massive power cut for five seconds and now you've just mentioned Mein Kampf and bitten your cheek and bitten my cheek yeah

the world's giving me punches back the big man upstairs has got his eye on you mate I watched The Irishman this week. Oh, yeah? Have you seen it? No, I've just heard it.

I'm whinging about how long it is because they're fucking babies. No, I didn't mind that. Watched it in two sittings. Yeah, exactly. So it's fine. Oh, I don't like things that are long, but I will watch

42 episodes of 90 Day Fiancé back to back. It's good. What's 90 Day Fiancé? It's like a TLC show that my wife and I watch. What was I going to say? Yeah, it's good,'s that your dear fiance that's like a TLC show that my wife and I watch what was I going to say yeah it's good The Irishman

one thing I would say about it is that do you know how they made it you had to chat about how they made it yes all the de-aging

and all that business yes they de-aged De Niro Pesci I want to say and someone else doesn't matter

and because it's set in different time periods Pacino Pesci I want to say and someone else doesn't matter and because it's set in different time periods Pacino is the other one and what's really interesting about it is

it kind of works to the point where you forget about it and it looks great and it's a really cool thing but it doesn't work when they're moving

because they still move like old people yeah I think so it doesn't need to throw a punch at one point but they're just work when they're moving because they still move like old people. Yeah, I think so. It doesn't need to throw a punch at one point, but they're just kind of like... Well, there's a scene where they kick someone in and it just looks ridiculous. It really takes you out of it.

Why wouldn't they have just got someone a bit younger? You know, same build, but who could actually move a little bit. Yeah, it's like a stunt double effect. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. You put someone's head on someone anyway. I don't know why they couldn't have shown,

because Scorsese is a brilliant director, obviously. He could have just shown what was going to happen and then just panned the camera away. And that would have still...

Oof! Yeah. You just punched me like a 25-year-old. But at one point in the beating up, he's stamping on someone's hand. Yeah.

And he's like stamping like the old guy in The Simpsons it's like it's not going to hurt your hand it's not going to hurt him it's a bit WWE

so that aside but the thing is there's no one better than Scorsese at doing those kind of beautifully lit amazing gravitas

kind of discussions between like heavyweight actors like you know who else Stephen Graham who's fucking brilliant he's such a good actor does he play an American amazing gravitas kind of discussions between like heavyweight actors. Like, you know who else? Stephen Graham, who's fucking brilliant. He's such a good actor.

Does he play an American? He does, yeah. Is he an American actor? Because obviously Scott says he cast him in... Boardwalk Empire. He plays an Italian-American called Tony Pro and he's excellent in it. He's really good. He's just a great actor.

My Tony Pro. He sounds like that, yeah. He sounds like that, yeah. You sound a bit like Harry Hilda in it. It sounds like that yeah you sound a bit like Harry Hill doing it it sounds similar yeah but anyway

it's a good movie I enjoyed it it's also I mean it's obviously set I presume it's a fictionalised

account of a non-fiction instance of Teamsters and Jimmy Hoffa and all that kind of stuff so it's got a lot of

nods to history in it as well so it's well worth a watch I've not watched anything apart from The Office US I'm just going through all of the shows I don't know why

it's like a comfort blanket for me maybe I'm just you know maybe I'm having some tough times and the dark recesses in my mind

I just want something comfortable but I feel alright What shows fall under the term comfort blanket for you because I'll probably say mine

I never re-watch stuff mine's The Thick of It The Inbetweeners UK Office Alan Partridge they're my comfort blanket go to shows yeah no

I never re-watch stuff invariably but that is it's just something that I'm just catching myself doing for three hours every night have you played any video games

nope I downloaded there was a video game, not expo, like a video games award show over in California last week. And there was a video game company that produced a game called What the Golf? Right. A cutesy kind of like wacky golf game.

And they told everyone by bringing into the auditorium golf balls and they rolled them down the auditorium like through people's legs and stuff all the way through the rather dull broadcast of this award show why?

they said because the award show was very boring which it kind of is but also I mean it made me I heard about the story and it made me download

the video game Hot the Golf is it good? I've not played it yet it's one of those things the thing about mobile gaming is I'll install stuff and they'll never touch it again

I thought you liked that goose game excellent wonderful yeah wonderful is it Pete Donaldson's game of the year? it's my game of the year

Control is my game of the year which is about a sort of psy-ops kind of woman who can bend the world and move the world around.

And she's like the CEO of a company that's doing some weird paranormal stuff in other realities. And it's beautifully put together. By the same people who did Max Payne. Remember that? Okay, yeah, I do. And they, I can see you're kind of like

glazing over a little bit. No, what formats is it available on? Is it available on Switch? PC and the PS4 and the Xbox I believe the big boys

no Switchy no Switchy damn mate it's too technologically advanced for the Switch it's a beautiful game it's a beautiful game

so yeah my game of the year is Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild Breath of the Wild I think there's a second one coming out now yeah there is

they're making it yeah they are making it cool alright good stuff. And so when do you finish at Absolute Radio? When does this come out? I finish this Sunday live, last live show is Sunday.

Interesting. Okay. Might go out with a tirade. Might do a, who's that guy who did a tirade? There are people who are against me. On air. Well, Danny Baker did one,

didn't he, complaining about paying conditions on a live on the BBC? Did he? Right, okay. And of course, there was that guy

who shot himself in the head at the stock exchange. You could do sort of something in the middle. Right, the guy shot himself in the head. Bud Dwyer.

Cut your own arm off, something like that. Yeah. Are you having a leaving party? To be honest, one of the DJs did just spill coffee all over the desk,

so I probably won't be fluiding everywhere. It's incredibly destructive. Why don't you have a leaving party on Christmas Day? Yeah. I see you turns up.

I see you really like me. I see you really like me. You're mamma and me dad. I won't be invited but if I was, I wouldn't be there. No. I've got nothing else

for you Pete Donaldson so why don't we have a quick little break and then we'll work through a lot of these emails. So the first step is to find the right position for you. Put your hands down and lower your chest to the ground. Just do that and pretend that you're holding poop in,

and it should sound a lot like this. The payoff's always so good. It's the crisps. I'm still not bored of it. It's good. It's still real to me, damn it. You're not bored enough of it to change the jingles?

Nope. No. And why would you be? Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com is the place to email us. We've got a lot of stuff to get through, but please do still send them through.

We'll get to them eventually. Pete, do you want to go first? I'll go first. I can't go first. Oh, I'll go first. I just get concerned that people hear too much of me, and then I get blamed for it, but in reality it's because you're an absolute...

All of me! You're a husk of a human being, and you can't get your shit together. Is that unfair? You're just a big old gas bag. Yeah, I am. Right, hello to Sam in Nottenham. Evening, guys.

Long time listener to The Rumble and The Luke and Pete Show. First time email. I thought I had to get in touch to contact you about the Christmas dinner extras chat. Although I've never heard of sausage meat as an extra on the plate,

an ex-girlfriend's family would serve hot ready, sorry, hot ready salted crisps. What? With all Sunday roasts and Christmas dinner. What the,

where does that come from? Whoa, I've never encountered this anywhere and upon asking why they would serve this, they assured me that it was a Midland tradition. Can you or anybody else

let me know if this is correct? Also, Luke is an, as Luke is a avid watcher, a master chef, who's your favourite

for the win? Will it have won? I'm a bit behind. Right. So I'm not going to, I don't know if I can say because it's going to instantly make me look ridiculous because I've been away and then my wife was away for a bit and right so I'm not gonna I don't know if I can say because it's gonna instantly make me look ridiculous

because I've been away and then my wife was away for a bit and we watched it together I'm only at the I'm not at the semi-final stage yet right

so who would you have said at that point was the best I really like this one girl left in there I really like her she's called Olivia she's very good

and there's another guy I want to say called Stu who I think is good as well yeah don't fucking spoil me you're tapping away please don't spoil me

I'm just saying she in the next round she served veal and got kicked off for being rotten yeah yeah

out of order I've never heard ready salted crisps anywhere near a roast dinner and I think I'm just trying to think in that position if I was going to

someone's house for dinner for the first time and they said come over have a glass of wine on the Sunday roast I'd love that get there

they serve up ready salted crisps I'm definitely going to respectfully and politely ask what the situation is here what do you mean as in well I would mention it would you not mention it

yeah I mean he doesn't say does he is it Sam it is Sam yeah he doesn't say but is that in lieu of roast it Sam? It is Sam, yeah. Yeah, he doesn't say, but is that in lieu

of roast potatoes, do you think? No, God no, it'd just be on the side. What, in addition to roast potatoes? In addition to roast potatoes.

What would you do if your mum served that up at Christmas this week, next week? I'd be thankful. And crumble them on top of everything to give it a bit of flavour.

I'm sorry, ma'am. She doesn't listen. When I was a student, did you ever used to have that little drinking game called the three-course meal? No. Was it a four-course meal?

Four-course meal. So what it was, was you'd have your starter, main, dessert, and cheese and biscuits courses. Right. And it's four pints. If you listen at home, don't do this. It's probably really irresponsible.

But the chat was that the average human stomach couldn't take four pints of liquid. Right. I don't buy that. Well, I don't want people to do it because it's probably quite dangerous, but it's what used to happen at university when I was there.

And so you'd have your four-course meal. So the first course was, I believe, a pint of lager. Right. Second course was your main course. It was a pint of Guinness with cris course was your main course was a pint of Guinness with crisps on top right

right and the third course was your dessert which was your cider and the fourth course was your cheese and biscuits and there was a pint

that was this it was a pint of lemonade so basically the idea cloudy or cloudy or Schweppes no but Schweppes so the point being

that tip show over the edge it makes you puke because there's so much gas going on. And that's the only time I've ever heard of ready sort of crisps being eaten outside

of the packet environment. I think I could handle that, to be honest. There's no way you could do that. Mate, there is... I've done like five pints of odd brick in the seal. I swear I have.

Yeah, but not... You've got to down them. Yeah. You've not downed five pints in a row before. I know I have. Yeah, but not, you've got to down them. Yeah. You've not downed five pints in a row before. I know you well enough to know you've never done that. You've literally never done that.

I've drank four or five in rapid succession and not gone to the loo and went, Jesus Christ, I've not gone to the loo yet. And then it begins. Did you feel bloated?

What? Did you feel bloated? Yeah, of course you do. Yeah. I remember people doing that at house parties when I was at uni and most of them,

to put it in perspective, most of them had to be done in the bathroom. It's just horrendous. It's horrendous behaviour. I don't endorse it. And I certainly did not endorse Ready, Set, and Crisp

when I'm fucking roast dinner. We should do it. As soon as they make contact with the gravy, it's over. No, yeah. Yeah. It would provide

an unwelcome kind of like, it'd be like eating a contact lens. I think Sam should get back in touch after he's got an explanation from his wife's family, his wife or his girlfriend's family, because that is mental. But while we're on the subject of roast dinners.

I'll show you Olivia Beck. It's not, I don't know anything about it. It's her biog. She was born in Worcestershire. Worcestershire. Who? And educated in Shropshire. Your favourite from the Masterchef.

Oh, stop this. I'm not doing it. Right. in Worcestershire Worcestershire and educated in Shropshire your favourite your favourite from the Mastership oh stop it stop this I'm not doing it right you're such a silly when it comes to spoilers we had a big row once in this very studio

because you wanted to talk about the end of Game of Thrones a day after it came out I didn't want to talk about the Starbucks cup in it in Game of Thrones

that massive Game of Thrones touchstone that everyone that had so much to do with the narrative. But I didn't know at that point

Daenerys Targaryen was buying her coffee at Starbucks. So it was a spoiler for me. While we're on the subject of roast dinners, this one from Simon's good because Sam mentioned

sausage meat there and there's an email here from Simon on that subject. He says, Dear Luke and Pete, I want to weigh in on the sausage meat at Christmas topic.

Firstly, my family has always had this. It's epic, especially when paired with cranberry sauce, but then again, what isn't? However, I have a story that centres around Christmas sausage meat. What a sentence. My parents spent about 25 years of their working life in the Middle East as my dad was a civil engineer and worked out

their designing roads and bridges. And because of this, we spent a lot of time in Kuwait and Qatar both as kids and then after we left home. One recent Christmas we visited my folks out there and as a family

we snuggled and a family member smuggled some sausage meat with them. Smuggling sausage meat. I mean it sounds like it should mean something else. For some reason

my mum cooked this in a small countertop convection oven rather than the main oven itself. And while it was cooking, I opened the door to see what was in there as I was looking for oven space, then closed it and pressed the start button again. No harm, no foul, or so I thought. We had a textbook Christmas dinner, followed by a lazy afternoon and an evening tea of leftovers.

My brother retired reasonably early, complaining of not feeling great. I went to bed my usual time after everyone else had already gone. I was awoken at about 1am by a sound I can only describe as what I would imagine an exorcism sounded like. After investigation, it was my brother being repeatedly and violently ill. We concluded he must have picked up a bug that had developed that afternoon, so I went back to bed. About 2am, i woke up feeling like

every part of my incise wanted to escape and i rushed to the toilet and replicated my brother's feet coupled with vicious diarrhea my brother then woke and had a repeat performance in another toilet cue a few hours of both of us keeping the whole house awake with our illness and to make matters worse the water at my parents place was driven by a water pump which chose that moment to break luckily Oh, no. Luckily, my dad is a bit of a DIY master, so he coaxed it back to life. The next 48 hours was pretty rough,

and it was generally concluded it must have been the sausage meat that I interrupted cooking, although I dispute that to this day, as when I opened the oven, it hadn't been on that long, and so if the oven hadn't started again, I think we'd all noticed we were eating cold, raw sausage meat.

Anyway, don't let my story put you off sausage meat. It truly is the king of Christmas side dishes. Merry Christmas, Simon. I like that Simon sent us that story partly because of its relevance, but also as an airing of grievances, which of course Christmas is traditional for.

Yeah, he's done well there. He's ruined everything. What would you say is the grievance you'd like to most air with me at this Christmas, Pete? What do you mean? As in what? A time to air grievances? Yeah.

Just don't get worried about spoilers. I'll never do it. What are you going to say? What's the cut off for spoilers, though? If you want to talk about a show on this show. A year. A year? Okay, so a calendar year

since the last episode came out. Yeah, and then that's absolutely fine, I think. I think that sounds reasonable to me. Yeah, it is. I'm a reasonable man. You know me. You know me. Max got in touch with a picture of... He was in Belgrade a couple of weeks ago and he found on a wall a picture of

what can only be described as Rodney Trotter. For some reason. Yeah, just a drawing of Rodney Trotter and the reason that's weird yeah just a drawing of Rodney Trotter and the writing in is it Cyrillic yeah I think so the writing says

Rodney Uplonker in the language in the local language that's brilliant did you see David Jason's performance on The One Show I did yes

he's you'd like to expand on that at all? A man out of time. A man out of time. Yeah. Yeah. If you imagine

if he got in trouble, it would be seismic. Men of a certain age losing their fucking shit. Most of them voted Brexit. You have a pathological hatred for

Only Fools and Horses and I find it interesting. I do. You send me the most interesting of Only Fools and Horses nonsense. I did a little mash-up between Frasier and... You did. Frasier and audio Frasier. You're going to have to ghost on to sell this

to an unsuspecting listening public. One of our number in a WhatsApp group really, really likes Frasier to an almost insane level. Psychotic level. Yeah, agree. To a degree that I, it doesn't deserve as a TV show.

But, and Luke likes to taunt me with images and things about only frozen horses. So I decided to marry the two in what could only be described as a hilarious passage. You know...

What a plonker. Oh, Frasier, look over there. It's my fair Daphne. My love is as boundless as the sea. Oh, I appear to be falling through a bar. Niles, you appear to have fallen through an Art Deco walnut bar with brass recesses. Oh, dear, Frasier, I don't... Well, I'll have you know, Frasier, I actually

bought the chandelier at a knockdown price at Bonhams. The damn wretch didn't even know what he really had. Well, Niles, you have to get it home first. I'm a policeman and I'm going to throw my dog Eddie at the chandelier. He'll probably shoot a gun. Do you policeman and I'm going to throw my dog Eddie at the chandelier and probably shoot a gun. Do you know what I'm going to do if you die? Right? What?

I am going to persuade all your family and friends that you and I had a secret bond that we first met only over four years ago. At your funeral

I'm going to find someone that you hate and I'm going to recreate the Del Boy falling in for a bar scene at your funeral. If I outlive you I'm going to do that at your funeral. Make bar scene at your funeral. If I outlive you,

I'm going to do that at your funeral. Make a set of a little bar next to my coffin hole and push my coffin through it. That's what you would have wanted, everyone. In a trench coat going, play it cool, Rodney, or whatever the fuck he's talking about.

And trigger. And then I would, yeah, your funeral cortege will be the London Paris Peckham, New York Paris Peckham kind of three-wheeler uh it's what you would have wanted isn't it yeah um what about this from let's have a look at the

name tom i promised on monday we'd catch up on some gladiators chat um people who've met gladiators back in the 90s etc um and tom says even chapsaps you ask for occasions when listeners have met any of the gladiators well picture the scene it's June 1995 I'm 8 years old and after my mum was made redundant she did the same

as Luke's dad and paid for me and my sisters to have a once in a lifetime trip to Disneyland although because of the gender pay gap she could only afford Paris

so after spending a week having the time of our lives it gets to our final day of the trip and because most of the signs back then were all in French, we didn't realize the last day of the trip happened to coincide with the opening of the brand new ride, Space Mountain. Cool.

Iconic. This being one of the most legendarily known rides in Disneyland, the grand opening was quite the spectacle, with even the newly installed president, Jacques Chirac, in attendance alongside the following list of 90 celebrities. Boyzone, Danny Bear, and Andy Peters. Why are they all English? Or British?

Oh, Boyzone are Irish. Anyway, the creme de la creme for any eight-year-old was the sight of several of the gladiators walking the red carpet for a ride on Space Mountain. Call it what it is. Montagne de la Spas. Yeah, Montagne de la Spas. Unfortunately, there was no jet or wolf, but Scorpio, Hunter, Shadow and Lightning

were all in attendance. Big red. A truly magic holiday made all the more special by some beautiful people, clearly on steroids. Keep up the good work, Tom. Can I say that or no? Ah, come on. They're all gigantic.

They're all gigantic. I've got another Gladiator one as well. Just very, very quickly. Hit me, baby. From Dave in Oxford. He says, to keep up with the show's advent calendar of Gladiator meetings,

I can help you tick off Nightshade. I met her while in the Birmingham Ikea during the peak of the show's popularity in the mid to late 90s. She seemed very amiable and happy to talk to a star-struck child, despite most likely wanting just to get on and pick out her flat-packed furniture.

Key up the good work, Dave. So, I mean, most of the gladiators have been seen by our listeners in real life at some point.

And I think that's something to be very proud of. Come again with that one? Nightshade. Yeah. In Ikea. Right.

You having that? Why not? Well, because there's an email about Shadow. She should change her name to Lampshade. Hey! Carry on. What were you going to say?

They've got some very interesting news. It'd be quite a good game, I think, if you got the names of IKEA products that seemed to have no bearing on anything. And then you had to figure out what kind of thing it was just from the name. Oh, on my radio show, I used to do a legendary,

and it is legendary, quiz every week. Oh, give it a big licks. No, I don't have a radio show. Piss off. I've got a radio show. I've had it for five minutes. Sort of thing you should have done

on your radio show and you wouldn't have lost it. Pete, I used to do... Congratulations to Arbinder for winning MasterChef. Are you fucking welcome? I'm not, I'm not.

I looked at the list at the start. You fucking prick. You absolute prick. I was trying to think of a name that couldn't be Andy Arbinder. There's a lot of them at the start, isn't there?

Domingo of Little Oakley. Craig. Debbie. Pete. Exorze. Pete. He's handsome. Hello, Exorze.

Yeah, he's very handsome. He might win it, actually. He's very good. Peter. I don't know if he's still in it. One of the quizzes I did was Swedish footballer or IKEA item. Racist. Carry on.

Talk spot. Apparently, Shadow was spotted in Tesco's about 10 years ago. He and the security guard got a call of the in-store radio to urgently run over

the front of the store. The sight that greeted him sent shivers down his spine and also a tinge of nostalgic excitement. Yeah, Shadow had some tough times. Had some tough times. Shadow,

a couple of family-sized trifles under his arm trying to run out the shop. The police arrived. Thankfully now, Shadow, Jefferson King, is a reformed character and works for a drugs rehabilitation charity.

Excellent work, Shadow. But I think trying to leave a store while being dragged down by a couple of security guards, quite gladiatory. Do you not think? Gladiatorial. Gladiatorial.

No, you can't say gladiatorial. It's gladiatory because the product was gladiators. Gladiator. Gladiatorial. Yeah, okay. Gladiatorial. Also.

Gladiatorial. Crucially, that's the actual word as well. When I was working at Safeways, which is now Morrison's, part of my job, I don't know why they got me to do this. People listening will probably think

it's because they wanted to see me get a shoe in. But the area I worked in had quite a big drug problem. And they only had one security guard. They probably wouldn't get away with saying this now, but they used to say, if the security guard legs it out after more than one person nicking stuff,

can you go after them and help that's not right I did that about three times really I remember after prized bottles of whiskey out of people's hands

and stuff they the Sainsbury's next to my gym which is the only literally the only supermarket I visit just because it's right

next to my gym and I they used to have the honour system to defeat all honour systems on the self-services there was no waiting there was no

scale so it knew what you had White Towers down there is like that yeah it's just kind of like you know they just assume that and it is much quicker

when you don't have to wait for the scale to register something on there but after I think it's in a pretty high kind of like loss retention kind of

area of town so obviously because you see people nicking stuff all the time that seems to be quite frank and they've started putting the scales there

and it's like you've defeated how good this shop used to be now you can't nick anything I used to run what was that they didn't have onions

on the setting so I had to put it through as what are you doing buying onions what do you mean for the aforementioned hash browns don't tell me you put it through as what are you doing buying onions what do you mean for the aforementioned hash browns

don't tell me you put it through as aubergine that's twice as expensive no I put it down yeah I put it down as something expensive so they couldn't shout at me because I'm so honourable

great looking to your side for Mr Sainsbury's by the way that shadow story about the supermarket I saw that in the email inbox but I couldn't stand it up online legally so I decided not to do it

okay fine what do you think just leave it in if we get sued by shadow that's probably quite a good PR I saw that in the email inbox, but I couldn't stand it up online legally, so I decided not to do it. Okay, fine. What do you think? Just leave it in. If we get sued by Shadow, that's probably quite a good PR. Yeah. Is it? It would be our level,

wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Probably what we'd expect. What was I going to say to you? I think that's it, actually. Yeah, that's it from me. Yeah, so I did used to... Might not have got the car.

I used to have... Yeah, true. I used to have to help the security guard, who was a lovely fellow. I think he was called Neil. Big, tall guy. Prized bottles of whiskey to help the security guard who was a lovely fellow, I think he was called Neil, big tall guy, prized bottles of whiskey and vodka out of people

who had stolen it. I mean, it's very sad. It's a very sad situation. And they would always steal things like the high value stuff, like weirdly, like not nappies would get stolen because they're quite expensive,

I guess. Alcohol, of course, all the rest of it. That is quite bulky though. Razors, go for the razors. That's why they're behind the till, I guess.

Yeah. They used to have an honour system at one of the train stations for's why they're behind the till I guess yeah they used to have an honour system at one of the train stations for papers where you just put the 50p

or whatever it is in the box because people would be hurrying to get a train or whatever I don't know if they still do that

they don't in like a lot of Japanese offices I don't want to bring up Japan again but in Japanese offices they just have like the honour system

on they don't necessarily have a lot of vending machines there's not a lot of room so they'll just have a little table where there's loads

of snacks and treats and stuff and you've got to put your 100 yen in for whatever you want how much is 100 yen? it's like 75p hmm

I didn't say what the product was no what is the product? half and a half half Oreo I don't know Coolish oh I love Coolish alright let's get out of here

alright let's do this thanks very much for listening have a lovely weekend we'll be back on Monday with more of this inane nonsense to get in touch

hello at lukeandpeachshow.com we eagerly anticipate and enjoy all of your emails so do send them in if you've got anything you want to say or

bring up on the show thank you very much what kind of name is Curtis Curtis don't I he's one of the Lorena I'm just trying to find

someone who might you might be aware of Malin I know all of them I've watched the show there's 48 of them Luke you can't know of. Malin. I know all of them. I've watched the show. There's 48 of them, Luke. You can't know all of them.

I can't remember all of them. Jesus. This was a Stakhanov production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so.

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