The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.92: The world's best toilet

Episode Date: January 30, 2020

Pete has found what he believes to be the best toilet that's ever been created, a toilet so good that it can safely and easily dispatch several hundred acorns. And yes, you read that correctly.Also on your all-new episode of today's Luke and Pete Show, we find out about a public footpath that's been re-routed due to a prevalence of naturists, we find out more about the great Bob Hawke, and then there's some chat about fracking.We also set you some brand new homework, so don't miss that. Make sure to get your submissions into [e-mail]!***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or your preferred podcast- provider. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's the Lugabee Show, it's a Thursday, it's near the weekend, let's get funky, let's put on a track for all you ravers out there. I'm missing radio, Luke. Oh, with the rinsing sound! Yes, you entertained some millennials in the office a little earlier on the people

who work for Kostokhanov with a blast on the shared bluetooth speaker of zombie nation it was not greeted

oh that's quite good quite a good impression it's quite good it's not greeted oh that's

quite good quite a good impression it's quite good. It's not great. It's quite good. Quite a good impression. It's quite good. Well done. One for all you ravers out there. Awful song. Awful song, awful times.

I really wanted them to call for a rewind, but they didn't. They did not. Call for the P4 guys. I mean, you've made me out there to be an annoying, uncool, cringey kind of guy. Mm-hmm. Fair? Is that for you standing by that? Have you got anything to disavow as of that notion? No.

No. I've got nothing. You've got nothing. I've got nothing to defend myself with. How are you? How's your week been? I'm good. I'm on the verge of travelling to see my family in Japan.

Oh, yes, your secret family. Secret. Well, not so secret. Sorry about that a lot. How many children you got now? Little Jimmy. Selfie. Why would you call

him Jimmy where's that come from well you know they look very much like me so it'd be weird to give them Japanese names

wouldn't it poor little lambs poor little lambs so you'll be you're on your way to Japan later today ooh la la the reason I know that

is because you filled in the group diary wrong which made me make plans for us to do something and then you said you couldn't then you got very obstinate about it and then i corrected you saying you didn't fill the diary in properly and you backed down well i set the um i clearly set up that particular um appointment quite late in the day and the thing about the iphone is it defaults to whatever time you set

up the meeting it just says right So, have a bit of that. Have you ever shat out five pounds of thick gelatinous gummy bears out of your arse? I wasn't expecting you to go that way with this, but carry on. Have you ever pooped five pounds of gummy bears out of your bum? Five pounds in weight? Yes. Why are you thinking about it? I famously don't really like chewy sweets.

Oh, do you not? We talk about this every time you bring Haribo in, I'll tell like chewy sweets oh do you not we talk about this every time you bring Haribo in I'll tell you that when do I bring Haribo in I'm not a Haribo man some guys do don't they some guys do

some of the guys bring it in some of the guys bring it in everyone goes oh I love Haribo and I'm like I don't like it hurts my teeth hurts your teeth how soft are your teeth why is someone

shitting out gummy bears basically there is a amazing market leading toilet a steel toilet Basically, there is an amazing market-leading toilet, a steel toilet that can never be defeated, a high-abuse steel toilet, and I am obsessed with it.

Right. It can flush five pounds of gummy bears. It can flush 40 golf balls. It can flush anything you throw at it. It will flush. Who made it? I don't know. And how did you throw at it it will flush who made it I don't know and when did you

how did you come across it so to speak I can't remember but I wrote I put a link to it into my email and I wrote the word laps

the Metcraft HET toilet yeah you can you can basically flush whatever you want is it available for general purchase

can you get it in your house I don't want no one wants a steel metal toilet in their house do they they've filled it with 600 air cons you can basically flush whatever you want. Is it available for general purchase? I believe it is, yeah. No one wants a steel metal toilet in their house, do they? They've filled it with 600 air cons. 600? Yeah. Oh, I like this toilet because it reminds me of when I was in prison.

No one wants that in their toilet. Look at that. Look at that. Look at the state of it. And it's flushing. All the air cons have gone. That's brilliant. Have you ever seen anything more beautiful than that?

It's like when Alan Partridge goes on that barge. Pound of mashed up Dundee cake. One flash, all gone. Perhaps you've got elderly relatives. Peace of mind, I'm sure. Particularly if you're travelling with elderly relatives on board. What about this for a story? This caught my eye. I want that toilet.

Yeah. I mean, how much is it? You found out how much it is? It looks like I'd need infrastructure to support it. Surely it's the plumbing, not just the toilet. Well, no, because I think presumably the pressure would come from, now I'm not a plumber, it will not surprise you to learn, surely it's the pressure of the water rushing past the U-bend

rather than the pressure above, because gravity just takes that down, doesn't it? the U-bend rather than the pressure above because gravity just takes that down, doesn't it? No, I think it's to do with the strength of the ball cock in the cistern, no? No, all the ball cock in the cistern does is tell the valve whether to open or close because the ball cock just says,

is this pool of water, is there enough water to administer a flush? Oh, so that's what it is then. So it's the weight of the water above flushing it down. Yeah. So that's what you want. You want a massive tank above it. You want a lot of...

No, well, yeah, you want that or you want also the pressure of it going under. So, yeah, I don't know. How would I make... How would I flush 500 air cons down a toilet, guys? Plumbers? I think... How can I modify my toilet to do that?

I've built the houses of friends and family members and I'm not going to do that I've been to houses of friends and family members and I'm not going to name them a shame because it's not their fault weak ass toilets yeah you've got to think twice about what you're going to do

how you're going to play it bring a butter knife nah that's grim it's just the fact that you've used the term butter knife that I don't like it but you can't

you have to cheese knife with a little porky going in you have to a whisk oh no that's worse but if I said if I said to you You have to... She's now got a little porky going in. You have to... Toot! A whisk. Oh, no, that's worse. But if I said to you,

you're going to go visit a family member and... Actually, no, make it more awkward. It's going to be your significant other's family for a weekend or whatever.

And the toilet is... It's like a 50-50 whether you're going to be able to flush a shit or not. Yeah. How are you approaching that situation? Battery powered

Nutribullet. Pre. Now seriously what would you do? Do a little poop poop in one of them pour it in. Would you plan your

your shit so that if you go to out for dinner or for a cafe you'd go then? Um. Because you are someone who gets crippled

by embarrassment. I'm bad but you're worse than me i can't yeah but i i don't poo that often so it's not it's never been that much of a problem though as i get older um when it comes it needs to come it does it does it's non-negotiable it's non-negotiable my body goes peter i know we've not had this conversation in a couple of days but now it's time my friend and so how would you approach it what do you mean you're just going to

risk it you're going to risk it for a biscuit risk it for a biscuit just get it out and what happened if you did block the toilet would you go and speak

to the owner of the house and say I'm sorry about this I've never blocked a toilet it was not you just get your hand out get your hand pull out the people are listening to this

what do you mean you don't put your hand down the toilet well how do you clear a blockage of a toilet plunger well if there isn't a plunger. They should be

providing the plunger if they know their toilet's bad. Exactly. So, if they haven't got a plunger, they've only got themselves to blame.

Attack it with a plunger. If you haven't got a plunger, you've only got yourself to blame when there's a man who belongs on the fringes of our society

walking around your house with a shitty hand. Well, I'll wash it after. Your fault? Are you going to wash it?

No, I'm not going to wash it, actually, because it's your fault. Get your plunger. Yeah. Buy a plunger before you need it, when you need it get in touch best advice hello get in touch let us know how you approach that tricky thorny social issue but i was going to

say before we got sidetracked by that that i read on the bbc website in wales a public footpath that cuts through the middle of a naturist campsite is finally to be rerouted. It runs alongside 15 caravan pitches in Carmarthenshire. And after a process that lasted the best part of two years, the existing public footpath will be blocked and a new route will be introduced. And the woman who runs the campsite with her husband, Mike, Joe and Mike, the naturist campsite runners, we're relieved it's over and done with and the path's going the campsite with her husband, Mike, Joe and Mike, the nature of campsite runners.

Joe and Mike, the nudies. We're relieved it's over and done and the paths are going to be diverted. What do you think about that, Pete? What do you mean? Well, public footpaths are a very old and ancient part of British life, aren't they? Yeah.

I think they date back hundreds of years. You can't... There was famously one that went through Sting's house. Oh, really? Through his garden. Yeah. And people were just...

Obviously, because they want to piss off Sting who wouldn't people just kept walking through it and he got pissed off but there's nothing you can do about it because the law

I think supersedes the kind of housing thing I like that yeah I do as well I quite like it but what would you do if you were a naturist and people kept

walking through do you want to be seen or do you not want to be seen I'd just take my clothes off walk through it they wouldn't know where you were, would they? Yeah,

but I mean, surely the naturist, surely that footpath has been there longer than the naturist have decided to get their bollocks out. Yeah,

so why should they change it? Yeah. But I mean, presumably a naturist, you're not embarrassed by the things that you're doing. Yeah, I don't really understand why...

Unless you're a naturist who's wearing clothes and then you're just embarrassed by the idea of not keeping up your end of the bargain. In great... In bargain. In great... What I would do is I'd probably just unzip my flies as I'm walking through,

flip the old cock and balls out, say, look, I'm one of you guys. I'm one of you guys, but I've got business to attend to. I'm off to a wake. Do naturists not want people who aren't naturists to see them because they're not part of the swindle? Is that what it is?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know naturists, see them because they're not part of the swindle is that what it is I don't know I don't know naturists you know deal with life it seems slightly childish

to me the whole kind of thing is it a bit like drug takers like so basically if you're in a room with a lot of drug takers yeah

they want to be around presumably they want to be around other drug takers yeah they want to be around other nudists so do they think that clothed people

spoil their vibe? Yeah, I would say so. But don't build your little caravan park next to a footpath. And what happens if you found yourself into a situation

where it was all nature? Would you just get involved? Yeah, I'd get involved. Yeah, I would. Bit of a giggle. Chat about your tattoos? Chat about my tattoos. You famously have trouble

getting your trousers off, don't you? The lizard. I've got rather large calves and rather tight trousers. Trousers, exactly, yeah. Apparently in the

great bit of local journalism, BBC reporter interviewed several people that live next door to the campsite who said they had no problem at all with the

naturists. No. I bet they didn't. Perverts. Yeah, naturists are never a fine figure of humanity are they?

One of the people in the interview was the same bloke who Fiona emailed about on Monday yes you guys sat eating snacks

to be honest it saves me a job I just look at my window it's the snacks I don't get yeah what snacks what snacks are appropriate

for that situation do you eat when you refrigerators get down to what can you I'm never doing the same if I'm jerking to I'm never doing the same if I'm jerking it I'm not eating

it's not happening it's a completely different headspace there's nothing to suggest he was jerking it why is he sat in a chair looking at a load of 18 year old

girls in a house it's a question you often come on now it's a question that often gets asked come on now who's eating lasagna

then yeah ready meal don't get plastic with you who Who's eating lasagna then? Yeah. Ready meal. Don't get plastic with you. Who's eating a full tray of lasagna then? Disgraceful. There is no appropriate meal for that situation. No.

Disgraceful. Do you reckon he's trying to throw people off the scent? This is where I like to eat my volavons. Banana. Banana. Volavons. One other story that caught my eye just before we get on with this whole nonsense is in Spain as well.

This is a story that came out a week or two ago in Spain. Someone flushed a lot of air cons down a toilet. Yeah. Blocked.

A naturist toilet. When I was in Seville a lot of places still have that old hustle where they you can't put the toilet roll down the toilet. Oh lots of places

in Greece you can't either. Tedious. Sort your pipes out guys. In Greece you can't either Tedious Sort your pipes out guys In Greece you can't do it Can you drink the water In Spain though?

Yeah Nowadays you can They don't advise that In Greece either Oh, okay I thought it was an EU thing Like the EU brought it up To standard

But not everywhere apparently Yeah Anyway, in Spain Do you know where The most delicious water is? Iceland Plain toilet No, train toilet

Oh, God. There was an interesting story about that. So brackish. A farmer in Nebraska recently, I think he either gate crashed the meeting or he was invited to the meeting or something and he found a committee or the council

who had signed off on fracking in the area and he was against it for lots of different reasons and he said to them would you drink water

that's been contaminated with the runoff of fracking and they obviously were like yeah no worries of course I will it's been found

to be fine and he was like oh good news because I fucking brought some with me and he poured it out and gave it to them cool and it was all it's like fl to be fine. He was like, oh, good news, because I fucking brought some with me. And he poured it out and gave it to them. Cool. And it was all...

It's like flammable, isn't it? It's horrendous. There's pictures of people being able to light their taps on fire and stuff. So, good on him. That'll be coming.

Don't you worry about it, guys. That'll be coming. We're on the fast track for that, baby. Anyway, I was going to say, in Spain, in the Balearic Islands, they've just passed a law banning pub crawls and happy hours in the Balearics.

Yeah, they've made their money, haven't they? It's an attack on the nighttime economy. But isn't that a weird thing? Because I know people from lots of nations, Britain firmly included in that, go over there and behave appallingly. But I would imagine that a large proportion of people there don't behave that badly. I mean, I've been there a few times and I don't

commit any crimes or anything. I've never been on a booze cruise. I've never been on a pub crawl, rather. I don't think I've ever been on a pub crawl. Which is weird for you, because you love moving quickly. Yeah, I know. It's ideal for me, but I've never been on a pub crawl that would... I can drink my own beer.

I can create my own problems. Yeah, true. You're a one-man pub crawl. I'm a one-man pub crawl. But do you know what I think is interesting? They've banned it because presumably they make quite a lot of money. So it's a bit of a deal with the devil, isn't it? Well, it's like 20 years...

It's like when the people of Holloway Road started buying up property and moving into property, and they made all the nightclubs close down that used to open until three or four in the morning. You talk about Big Red?

That was, no, no, no, it was like kind of dance hall, kind of like reggae nights and stuff on the Holloway Road and they closed them down

and it's just really annoying because it's like, well, you knew that. That has existed for a lot longer than you've owned that house. A lot longer than you've rented that house. A lot longer than you've rented that house. Annoying.

Yeah. Annoying. Is it like that, though? What? Is it similar? What do you mean? It's not similar, is it? Well, presumably, they've been doing this for the last 25 years.

But I think what's happened is local people have just started to fed up of it. Right. So, free bars, adverts for alcoholic drinks are also forbidden, along with alcoholic vending machines. Are they not? Yeah. I didn't even know that was a thing. Are they not part of it, though? Presumably a lot of them will be employed by the same bars.

Yeah, it's weird. And also shops apparently selling alcohol in Ibiza's West End and Playa de Palma in Magaluf must close between 8.30 at night and 7 in the morning. Yeah, they don't do any business. I mean, yeah, but that should be... Who buys beer from a thing from a from a um a shop like that we're not all independently wealthy like you no before they go out like you buy that before you go that's like that's walkie beers

so you buy them before you walk out you walk out and then you hit the bars that's the famous the old glenroda they all walk it what glenroda one for the road isn't it walkie beers walkie beer shower beer where do you rank them in the thing where's walkie beer compared to a shower beer shower beer is the lowest of the low

no I love a shower beer behind only you can't have a shower you can't have a beer in the shower with you it's not you're going to stag do later on

are you going to be drinking in the shower no because this is only a one this is the perfect stag do for me it's a one dayer all dayer

it's a Mikey Rayer a Leo Sayer. It's a Mikey Rayer. Grow up. A Leo Sayer. You'll be asleep by nine. Only in the Walthamstow district of London where there's some

lovely pubs. And I cannot stress this enough. I will be home and in bed by 8pm. Pathetic. Yeah.

I won't turn up till 4pm. That's a perfect stag do for me. But I'd love people to email in and we'll have a little break in a minute we'll

come back and do some emails and we'll set some more homework but i would love people to uh email in ranking the types of beers now i don't mean the brands of beers i don't mean like a pete

danson i'm a hiney man i don't mean that i mean the type of the ways you drink them so your shower beers yeah your walkie beers can i interest you in in an empty four pint of milk washed out, filled with orange juice and some Glenn's vodka?

That's down there for me. You just described Friday night in the Donny house. For a long time, that was my Friday night. With friends. Other types of beer. A football beer. Having a beer at the football.

Having a beer at the football, Having a beer at the football, yeah, yeah. A Christmas Day beer. Not a pleasurable beer, though. You're having to drink it in like 10 minutes, maximum. You're having to absolutely wolf it down.

Unless you're in non-league, mate. Unless you're in non-league. You can drink it in front of... I heard that. You can take a dog in. Yeah, you can. There was a lot of consternation around,

I want to say Bromley, the last time I was there. I overheard a few old boys complaining that if the team got promoted, they would no longer be able to drink beer in the little barber in view of the pitch. What's the point? They didn't want it to happen. What's the point?

That is a shame. Why are you stopping an old man having a nice beer watching the football? What, do you think the only people who should drink it, they have to be over 45? Beer on a plane? Another one? No, too fizzy. Too fizzy. You love a fizzy lager. Yeah, we don't. Beer on a plane? Another one? No, too fizzy. You love a fizzy lager.

Yeah, we don't like it on a plane. I'm a bloody Mary or a Sake. Airport beer. No, never. Some people love an airport beer. Waste of time. They start so early, Luke. I don't like it.

Get in touch with us. Hello at LukeandPetecher.com and we can build a definitive list. Shower beer, airport beer, walkie beer, hospital beer. Hospital beer. Let's have a break and afterwards we'll do some emails.

Alright then. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or fifty,

Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access Membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. With the right equipment, you can make your own sausage at home. Make your own sausage at home. Make your own sausage at home.

Why not? If I was forced, if someone broke into my house with a machete and said, look, I'm going to slice you a new one, Pete, if you don't make me a sausage. Yeah. The only thing I could possibly make is make some super noodles, jam it in a condom that's all I can do yeah my house is so bereft

of meat products or any products it would have to be super noodles in a condom so that that is again quite depressing

I don't subscribe to the thing that we used to do when I was a kid where you do your shopping on like a day and it lasts you for the week because I don't really know

what I'm going to be doing day to day I normally buy the food on that day't really know what I'm going to be doing day to day. No. I normally buy the food on that day then cook it. So I wouldn't have any meat left.

If a sausage terrorist took me around to my own house now and said I'm holding you hostage so you make a sausage. No corned beef, no spam,

no kind of tinned goods. Probably going to have to do some kind of porridge oats type thing. In a condom. With yoghurt.

Oh, no. That's the worst. If you went... There's a bit of homework. If you went to your cupboard right now, what would be in your sausage and how would you make it? Yes! Come on. Love that.

I'm typing that up. I'm typing that up. An old pipe. Let's do the homework now. An old bit of pipe filled with just smashed up prawns. How would you make a sausage using only the items you currently have in your house? Nice. It's got to be edible.

Got to be edible. It has to be edible. And I also want to set you to homework, you guys, before we get into emails, of what is your going to bed slash bathroom routine? And is it out of the ordinary tell us about it i don't want you emailing in hello at luke and peach.com just going oh wash my face or brush my teeth when i get into bed what are the things you have to do what you do every night or you lie in bed thinking oh damn i didn't do it and you have to go back and do it that kind of stuff yeah mine's mainly asthma related oh yeah? I'll usually go to the washing machine and realise I've

left a little washing in there. I think I'll do that tomorrow morning. I hate that. I hate that. It's the worst feeling. You can't,

and the only options you've got, get it out or have to wash it again. It's going to stink the next morning. No, no, no. Just don't open it.

Do not open the thing and it's hermetically sealed. So you've got about a day's grace before it starts to absolutely cinemapongol. Like some kind

of laundry sarcophagus. Yeah, just don't open it and it doesn't hit the air and the microbes don't start going wild. Do it for long enough when you open it up

get diseases. Get diseases. That's why they found King Tut. Did somebody get diseases when that happened? Yeah, I believe so.

So when King Tutankhamun's tomb was found... Do you reckon they were just fucking about there? Do you reckon they were just fucking about there? Well, what happened was... Honestly, dear.

Yeah. Tutankhamun gave me HPV. You're getting a bit of necrophilia action. I'm not saying they had sex with a corpse. I'm just saying

he may have philandered. Oh, okay, right. Well, the story is I understand it. They found it, Tutankhamun's tomb in the Valley of the Kings. Tuti's tomb.

They opened it up. I think this is in about the 1930s. They'd been there for a long time. Yeah. And they said, oh, look at it.

It's mad. It's the most amazing tomb we've ever found, et cetera, et cetera. And then people started dying. And so they instantly thought, it's a curse.

Right. But I think it was like a load of diseases. Yeah. Coughs and sneezes spread diseases. Plus, Tutankhamun. Loose lips sink ships. I'm actually going to see King Tut in a load of diseases. Coughs and sneezes spread diseases. Plus, toot and carmen. Loose lips sink ships.

I'm actually going to see King Tut in a couple of weeks. Oh yeah? What's he up to? He's in town. He's on tour again. What, his death hat mask? Yeah, I want to say British Museum, but I'm not sure. Are you sure you're not going to be visiting Deluxe Paint 3?

I can check my calendar. Cool. Hang on. Let's do that. Yeah. When is Luke going to be looking at the death mask of Kindle definitely not next weekend because I'm going to

for lunch with some friends when is it it's not the 18th 15th that's a spa day you criticised me for not putting anything into this show and you're just reading up your calendar

yeah I can't remember anyway we didn't even get it we didn't even get the calendar you do an email and I'll find it. Fuck me. Fuck a duck.

Do an email, for God's sake. I was concentrating on the excitement of your bloody calendar. I can't get it. The toilet's up now. Here we go. Right then. We've got an email from Mark Ogden. Harking back to a previous subject.

A long time listener to the show and the Ramble. I went to the Ramble live show in Manchester last year. That was a good date. Just checking in with a Gladiator update. This email is about ace, real name Warren Furman. He made a guest appearance in a morning assembly at a primary school my mum works at. This is late

January 2020. A recent Gladiator sighting. I can't believe we're still doing Gladiator. We saw Ace the Gladiator in 2020. How would you even recognise him? I don't know, but a short clip ofator. We saw Ace the Gladiator in 2020. How would you even recognise him? I don't know, but a short clip of him in action was on the hit show was played moments

before he walked out. Turns out he's now a devout Christian, good friends with a priest in the local area. Warren then proceeded to put on a suit of armour and after giving some kids

plastic swords, he then instructed them to softly strike him across the armour. The lesson was the power of God can deflect the pain inflicted by others,

apparently. Tedious. For some kids, it was all too much, and they started crying, and they were taken out one by one. It seems the Lord can work in mysterious ways. I don't mind if people like God, but I don't want to be hearing it.

He dated Katie Price and worked as a construction manager. I want to hear more about that. Exactly. I don't want to hear your painful metaphors about... I want to hear about some sharp sand. There was an amazing, and I do mean amazing, long read in The Guardian.

I read it yesterday, so it might have been a week or so ago. Did you put it in your calendar? I put it in my calendar, yeah. About the massive, massive scandal rocking some of the earliest papyrus scrolls. More Egypt! Of the Gospels. Right.

Allegedly by a scholar at Oxford University. Right. They found, I'll link it up on the Twitter, but some archaeologists dug up a load of, like an old town. Right. Dated from like the first century or something,

AD, and found an absolute treasure trove of all these old manuscripts and it had Gospels old poems of hitherto undiscovered sort of first print kind of things and on papyrus of like these famous Greek poets and all that anyway so many of them that to be categorized and studied and it's a really difficult thing to do apparently because sometimes you only have a little bit of papyrus about the size of a postage stamp with a little bit of our ancient writing on it yeah and you've got to try and decipher it and then what's happening is there's a company in the u.s called hobby lobby who do a load of um uh as you can imagine like craft type stuff on the high street but they're

owned by a very religious family who are collecting as many um artifacts of religious significance as possible to to put in their museum and they're trying to buy these things up but then these the original society found them saying no no they need to be looked after and kept and all the rest of it and studied and there's talk that a certain number of scholars are selling them because there's so many of them they're just selling them and saying

I couldn't find that one kind of thing and it's an amazing scandal it's rocky and the reason it's so interesting rocking archaeology because you don't feel like they're the type of people

who would be doing that kind of thing because they're like academics and you think of them as having a scarf around their neck and having a beard

and being very nice maybe a bit pervy but that's it so anyway it's worth looking at I'll share that on the Twitter and if anyone would like

to buy some papyrus yeah hello at residentbeachshow.com you can make some this is an interesting email from Max tea bag on a bit of A4

put it in your sausage put it in your sausage Max has emailed saying emailing last Monday's show and the mysterious note found after attending the Boomtown Festival.

Oh, yes. It reminds me of a note my dad received over Christmas. The attached message was posted through the door a couple of days before Christmas, and neither my dad or stepmom have any idea who sent it or even who the accused person is. Right. For added context, they live in a tiny, tiny village

in literally the arsehole of nowhere and have lived there for 15 years. So how someone got their address is very odd. And the attached letter, I'm going to try and find it, is, bear me a second. I did have it up here. Now I've lost it again.

Here we go. Yes, it's, the attached message is this. Right. I'll just read it as it's written. It's typed. Yep. So there's no handwriting to analyse.

It says Rob I don't think Mac's dad's called Rob. Rob not sure if you see my other notes so I've written again to tell you that your Mrs. Mel

has been shagging Mark Walton. It's been going on for ages. Me and my Mrs. are fed up of her taking the piss out of you. They've been seen

together loads of times and they don't care. Mac's in Bristol.. Max is in Bristol. So it's in Bristol. So they've got the wrong house. Yeah, and the wrong name. I would at least do a little Facebook search

about that. So Max lives in a little village or he lives in Bristol. His mum and dad live in a little tiny village in the middle of nowhere. Type it up. Stick it in the newspaper.

Stick it in the local paper. If you can solve it, then... Solve the question. And before you do one, Pete, I just want to do this email as well, Stick it in the local paper. If you can solve it, then... Solve the question. Hello, Luke and Peter at the club. And before you do one, Peter, I just want to do this email as well, which is from Andy,

who says, very much enjoyed the Bob Hawke chat. Remember Bob Hawke? The blue plaque, sculling of the Isle of Wales? Yes, okay. And he went on to become the Prime Minister of Australia. Yes.

Well, I've got an email here from Andy who says, sadly, Bob Hawke passed away last year. However, you will no doubt be pleased to know that his appetite for sculling beers remained undiminished into his later years. I'm sure others would have sent this in, but here is a 70-plus-year-old Bob Hawke

necking a pint on YouTube. Now, I'm going to play it to you. I'm going to put it in perspective. Bob Hawke, ex-Prime Minister. He looks very old in this. He's over 70. He's at a cricket match between Australia and India. And a random person grabs him when he's walking up the steps

and asks him to down a pint of beer. One for the country, Robert. Hands him a pint in a plastic glass. Gets it down himself. And, listen. The crowd goes wild. There might be a more typical Australian scene in that, but I have never seen it.

Watching an ex-primer as the skull I paint yeah one for the country Robert one for the country he doesn't even falter doesn't waver

doesn't even think about it just does it hand a pint to Boris Johnson what would he do I reckon he'd probably do it because you know actually he's not even the ex-primer

hand it to John Major oh I don't want to do this I think everyone would have a go even the next prime minister. Hand it to John Major. Oh, I don't want to do this. I think everyone would have a go. Would you have a go? May wouldn't do it. No way. No way, May. No way would she do it. She'd never slam it.

Alright, good. Cool. That was interesting, wasn't it? Lee Russell! Quick one before we chip off. Long time ago, sorry, long time no see, email, just been catching up and you guys wanted a local story. This is from The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Kingsbridge on Facebook. A local man, who I must say is a crazy person, flipped his car on a bend which is three to four miles away from the sea down here in South Devon.

The police turned up to block one side of the road in order to move the car and questioned by the police as to how he'd managed to flip his car. He told them that he swerved to

avoid a squid. Safe to say the man had been on the sweet Mary Jane, aka PD's Hubble Vip. Yeah. Calamari, you believe it. Calamari, you believe it. He was a real sucker.

It's not really going to wash that, is it? No. That's enough for us for this week reminder of your homework how would you make a sausage using only the items you currently have

in your house yeah and your going to bed slash bathroom routines tell us about yours the weirder the more wonderful the best

the better but don't make them up make them believable hello at lukeandpeach.com to get in touch about that and anything else and we are at lukeandpe Peach on Twitter you

can leave us a review on iTunes whenever you like that would be helpful have a great weekend have a smashing weekend bye you This was a Stakhanov production.