The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.95: For sale, emoji trainers, never worn

Episode Date: February 10, 2020

With Pete still in Japan, we’re kicking off Monday with special guest Jack Dean, also known as the driving force behind ‘JaackMaate’s Happy Hour’!Jack sat down to talk about what it’s like to be a Youtuber, why Norwich is way better than London and to justify his habit of dunking toast in his tea.There’s also more debate to be had about the ultimate beer, as this week the rather questionable suggestion of a ‘hospital beer’, courtesy of a listener, comes under scrutiny, and there’s some serious discussion about Sunday League Football, winding up elderly relatives, and finishing Escape Rooms. Get involved with the show: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to the Luke and Pete show with me Luke. It's the show that's not really a show, a half hour deep dive into absolutely nothing and as regular listeners will know I'm usually well captained by my old mate Pete. listeners will know I'm usually well captained by my old mate Pete. But Pete is in Japan at the moment, travelling around, getting up to no good, and also recording some episodes of Abroad in Japan, which is another Stakhanov podcast you should absolutely go and subscribe to now, whether you love Japanese culture or not. There's plenty in there to enjoy. Search Abroad in Japan wherever you get your pods.

I had Set Meal Sam deputising last week in a fine bloody job he did too telling us all about perfect burgers, how to make scrambled eggs and what it was like growing up in the valleys of Wales. Well, this time around I'm joined by another

legend of Stakhanov podcasting. It's Jack Dean! Hello, mate. Of Jack Makes Happy Hour. Can I just say, Pete's always in Japan, isn't he?

I know. I used to be a fan of, well, I still am a fan of the Ramble, but before I ever met you, I was a fan of all of you guys. It seemed like every fucking week he was like, I shouldn't swear on you, should I? Yeah, you can do what you want. Oh, good.

All right, fuck, I'll get out of my system now. How are you? I'm good, mate. I'm very well. And yeah, Pete is always away. We normally pre-record these in advance for when he's going to be away, but we've just been so busy that we thought, you know what? Let's just get some other people in. Let's just get some fresh voices in.

So when I go away, he's going to get someone else in. Oh, okay. So you've picked people you kind of work with here at the network. Yeah. What kind of people are he going to bring in? Probably Alex from the canteen, the geezer from the London Underground station. I have no idea.

I don't know. I mean, hopefully it'll be someone else from a stack show so maybe Alex Zane or Mark Haynes or someone like that but Jack you are

someone who is you're probably the most famous person in this in this stable of podcast turn your phone off that's the first part oh it's Lloyd's Bank saying I've gone into my overdrafts

it's rapper Lloyd Banks you live your life via YouTube right yeah That's the first part. Oh, it's Lloyds Bank saying I've gone into my overdrafts. It's rapper Lloyd Banks. You live your life via YouTube, right? Yeah. So tell us what that's like. What do you mean, what is it like? What's it like being a YouTuber day to day? Yeah, because you do Jack Makes Happy Hour, which is a podcast that comes out once or twice a week.

Yeah. On Stakhanov. Yeah. And we do it with Stevie and Jordan. Jordan, yeah. And people can go and listen to that if they want to learn about that it's a great show it's lots of fun but but this came about because you're a youtuber yeah how old are you now i'm 26 i'm 27 soon so you've never had a proper job never had a proper job well i have had a proper job i worked at bella italia serving

pizzas for about six months but that was during my time as a youtuber so people used to come in and think it's not going very well. Do they recognize you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. On my first day, I spilt cream all over this man's coat. And I was terrified. I went bright red in the face. And then I went home and somebody tweeted, Jack made serve me at work today,

threw cream all over my dad. I was like, I can't be here much longer. The kid was like, he's probably doing that for his YouTube video. He's doing that for his channel. Yeah, I went pranked. And the crew came out from the kitchen. So what is it like living your life on YouTube

because to me I feel like it'll be a fucking nightmare it is yeah yeah I'm kind of like well you know Luke

I nearly called you Pete then no I don't take it too serious so there's a lot of YouTubers that are that live in YouTube

so their whole life is they have to hang around with other YouTubers they have to hang around with other YouTubers. They have to do this, have to do that. I'm just, I basically see myself as unemployed. And I occasionally make the odd video. That's the way I see it.

Because I think you can be consumed by it quite easily. Obviously, Alex, a good friend of mine, who was an original host of the Happy Hour, he said himself, once you live by the law of YouTube, that's all you can think about and friendships start being a bit fake

because, for example, I'll go to YouTube conventions, the first thing people say when they meet you is, how many subscribers have you got? That's not a normal opening question. So it's a very artificial kind of network. So I try to just... And the normal question should be, in a proper friendship,

how many beers have you already had? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a good segue. Yeah. I wasn't even planning that. So you are, of course, a regular listener to all of our shows. So you know all about the favourite type of beer.

Yeah. You've got something to bring to this table, presumably, because I'll tell you what we'll do after the ad break, as normal,

we'll do a lot of emails. People have emailed in their droves about the different types of beers. I do feel a little bit kind of conscious that there are people

out there who don't drink beer who won't be able to relate to this. But when you say what type of beer are you, can you bend the rules a little bit? And if you're a cider man, can you say what type of beer are you, can you bend the rules a little bit? And if you're a cider man, can you say what kind of cider are you? Yeah, but I'm talking about the situation of beer.

Of course, yeah. But what about if you... Oh, okay. So not a beer, but a cider instead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you... No. Yeah, I think you probably can because I was talking to someone the other day about this.

I said I was coming up on the show. And we then started talking about different types of satisfying drinks like the sundowner G&T. That's not a beer, but it's got to be right up there. Yeah. After a long day's work or you're on holiday as the sun's going down,

you have a nice G&T with a little lime in it. Yeah. That's a great version. I like that. I was once sent, part of my job is obviously to do brand deals and I was sent numerous too many crates from vk you know like the alka pop is that still going yeah yeah yeah

well it's not are you are you thinking about wkd no i'm thinking about vk there's different colors yeah yeah yeah and uh they sent me loads of crates and then i didn't have any beer in the house one day so i come back home from probably recording the show and was just drinking VKs around the house. On your own? Yeah, that was a low point, I'll be honest. And they still sell them? Yeah, they still sell them, yeah, yeah. They sent me some custom VK trainers.

Never worn. They're horrible. Thanks very much. I'm obviously never going to wear them. Yeah, they had emojis on. Did they? Yeah, yeah. It's like someone's gone,

what do YouTubers like? Alka-Pops and emojis on. Did they? Yeah. It's like someone's gone, what do YouTubers like? Alka-Pops and emojis. Get them on a train here. Like I'm a 15-year-old goth. I'm 26. Do you think you have in any way a normal life? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It would be easy to not have that,

but because up until recently, my fiancée Fiona's just worked in retail and we just sort of lived together in a little place in norwich i've met i've maintained that but um yeah yeah i'd say so what was it like growing up in norwich fucking brilliant was it good norwich is class yeah yeah well when i was like going you know when you go through your like edgy 18 19 years yeah i was like i hate norwich when i I want to come to London where dreams are made and then I got to London

and hated it did you? yeah I don't like it I'm not a fan you always come in and go out again don't you? straight away

yeah I don't want to hang about a lot of my London friends you know we've got to catch up soon we've got to have a beer it's like yeah yeah yeah never going to happen

I just want to go straight away like after this I've got to go into central London for a few things dreading it dreading it that's weird because I just want to go straight away like after this I've got to go into central London for a few things dreading it dreading it

that's weird because I really like living here do you yeah but that's because you're a man about town isn't you

I don't know about that I can see you've got Heelys on exactly down the street you know me so people who've listened to the show

but can't picture me just picture like a really old Michael J Fox Fox in Back to the Future. That's me. Skateboard or Heelys down the street. Well, you did say before we started that you look like my dad. I feel like when I see our faces up on the screen. Because with Pete, I can look at Pete and go, yeah.

We're the same age. Yeah. He's weirder than me, so it makes me feel comfortable. This whole thing is about me feeling less insecure because Pete's mad. Right. And I think, well, I'm not mad, though. No. I've got loads of faults, and loads of people online hate me.

They should probably have the same. Yeah. But Pete's mental. Yeah. So it's fascinating to me to talk to him about the way he thinks about things. Yeah. A friend gave me a vape that was illegally imported from California, like a little all-in-one vape that was breath-activated

when you suck in. Like that. The weed comes out. And, yeah, people talk about weed like it's the most creative drug. I wrote one thing when I was off my head last night. Marine Kong Karate. Right. I was imagining,

I think, some kind of King Kong character dressed as a karate master at the docks so yeah that's the limits of my 1960s era

sort of Beatles journey it's like 1998 all over again Pete I say this all the time you know Pete a little bit people

talk about the fact that we play up how crazy it is but I don't think we do I think we downplay it a little bit. Yeah.

See, I don't know, because I've never seen the crazy side of him, but every now and then you'll see a little spark or a little line that you think, I wouldn't have ever said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I barely know him. He does this thing where he says something outrageous

and then he looks at you and he knows that you're thinking what you're doing. And he'll go, before you can say anything, he'll go, what? What? What? That's not challenging you to question. It's a bit similar to last night I was around my nan and grandad's

and that they are of a different era. A bygone era. You'd hope so, wouldn't you? That'd be weird. If they're the same age as you, that'd be weird. How old's your grandad? 27. And I purposely just, obviously obviously this would never ever be something

i'd do publicly but i'll just sit there and it'll all be like a lovely sunday setting and i will just say like the most outrageous thing i can because of just how accepting they are on it they go yeah yeah it's like why are you not challenging me on this that's mental and like i i'll read read things like, so when you, I follow a lot of these Brexit pages just because I find it quite funny. And there was one,

did you see the one where they said that the Muslims were going to change the name of Big Ben to Massive Muhammad? And I read that to my granddad. He's like, disgusting. I knew it would happen. It's been in the pipeline for ages. Yeah, that's funny.

Oh, dear. What I like with my granddad, he's amazing. That's funny. Oh, dear. I like, with my granddad, he's amazing. He's just an amazing bloke. And I like, like, introducing him to, like,

younger things. Yeah. And he's really into it. So, like, it's actually been a bit of a thorn in my side because I'll introduce him to something like

a smartphone. Right. And then he'll want one. Yeah. So I got him one for Christmas a few years ago and now he's saying that the smartphone

screen's too small so he needs an iPad. Can he have one for Christmas? Of course ago and now he's saying that the smartphone screen's too small so he needs an iPad. Can he have one for Christmas? Of course he's got no idea how much they are. So I'll go and

buy him one for Christmas and then I'll get phone calls every five minutes about how to work it. Anyway but I showed him Jurassic

Park. I don't know if I might have said this on the show before but I showed him Jurassic Park for the first time and he's watching it and

the power lines go down and the dinosaurs get out. And I said Grandad you seen what's happened it. And the power lines go down and the dinosaurs get out. And I said, Grant, have you seen what's happened there? The power lines have gone down and the dinosaurs are going to get out. And he's like, and there's people in the park. I was like, yeah. And he goes, it's going to be a bloodbath.

He's just so into it. So sinister. He's just loving it. Did he think it was a documentary? Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's brilliant. But what have you been up to recently, Jack? We normally sort of run through what's been going on. How's your weekend been? Good, mate, good. Obviously, it's brilliant. But what have you been up to recently, Jack? We normally sort of run through what's been going on.

How's your weekend been? Good, mate, good. Obviously, we had that storm yesterday. Oh, yeah. We were one of only three matches in Norfolk that had our game still go on. So you played Sunday League football? Yeah, played Sunday League football. And it must have been hit hard because Norwich is really flat.

Yeah, yeah, just a load of fields, a load of fields. And our skipper didn't turn up yesterday, so deputy here. What kind of captain is he? I stepped up. He's been on the show before. He's a leader. He's a leader.

He's a cool leader. I wouldn't go... Apart from when it's a bit windy. Yeah. I wouldn't go Terry. I'd go more Pirlo-esque. I don't know if Pirlo was a captain, but he looks like him.

So he just... What, he kind just leads by example. Yeah, yeah. So I stepped up to the plate. Is that a phrase? Baseball plate. That's a baseball plate. Oh, right.

Okay, you always learn something on this show, don't you? That's what I like about it. It's normally incorrect, but you do learn something, yeah. No, yeah, so the ref took me and the other skipper into the changing rooms and was like, I'm calling this off. And we was like, no, no, you're not. We've got a team out here. Some of our players travel an hour to play this.

So we played. What are some of the towns they would have come from? Bungie, this. Yeah. Are you familiar with these? Bungie's a good name for a town. Yeah, well good. What's it like? It's alright. We've got Wyndham. Google how you spell that. That'll blow your mind. Is it W-Y

N-D-H-A-M? No, it's Wy it w y n d h a m no it's y mondham wow it's pronounced windham windham i think it's just in norfolk people go windham yeah okay do you know what i mean when you say you're from norwich you're actually from norwich i am from center norwich center okay so you are yeah pisses me off when people say they're from norwich and they're from like heather set is from, like, Heatherset. Is that one of your more niche complaints? I'm from Portsmouth, but I grew up in Gosport, but I feel like no one knows where Gosport is.

No, I've heard you mention this a lot on your shows, and I don't have a clue. No. So I can paint a mental picture. Where is it, then? So, Portsmouth is on sort of this side of the harbour. Right. You've got Portsmouth Harbour like that, and on this side is Gosport. So it's the other side of the harbour. Okay. You've got Portsmouth Harbour like that, and on this side is Gosport.

So it's the other side of the harbour. Okay. But it's got a PO postcard. It's its own town, really. Yeah. It's a big town of about 80,000 or 90,000 people. Right. But you know, I mean, I just felt like

when I first moved to London, no one really gave a shit about the small town I was from. So I just ended up saying Portsmouth. And of course, because I support Portsmouth as a football team, it's kind of easy for people to kind of get it. Yeah. But I feel like maybe I should give Gosport a bit more respect.

Yeah, you should. Yeah. Now Matt Ritchie's playing in the Premier League. He's from Gosport. Is he? Yeah, perhaps I should give it a bit more respect. He's a player as well, isn't he? Absolute player.

On the radio once, we had him on on the phone, and I asked him what his local pub was. And he said, I haven't got a local pub. And I was like, that's probably why you're a football player. I'm not. Yeah. But anyway, so what happened in the changing room? No, we just convinced the ref

because the ref was a younger lad and we were like, you're not calling this off. And we managed to convince him. The whole game, he didn't want to be there. He kept going,

skipper, skipper. And I'd turn around, he's like, we've got to call this off. Did he? All the way through the game? Yeah, yeah. But we were against the win

first half and we were only 2-1 down. And he comes up to me and was like, we're calling this off at halftime. I was like, you're fucking joking. We're against the wind, and we're only 2-1 down. So I convinced him to carry on. We lost 3-1.

Oh, really? Yeah. So all the way through the game, he was saying? All the way through. He must have asked me eight times. Eight times. Did you say in the change before the game, don't worry, ref, we play on the deck anyway.

Yeah, yeah. We like to keep it on the deck. Yeah, yeah. We have to keep it on the deck. Yeah, yeah. He came up to me at half time, he went, just seeing that

Man City versus West Ham's been postponed, but East Tudman versus Heatherset isn't. No, our goalkeeper took a goal kick

at one point, went out for a corner. We can see the corner from him. Is he a bad keeper? No, the wind.

Yeah, I know, I get that, but is he a bad keeper? Oh, he's shit. He is terrible. He's from Boston in New York, and he just rocked up, didn wind. Yeah, I know, I get that. Yeah, oh, he's shit. He is terrible. He's, yeah, he's from Boston

in New York and he just rocked up, didn't know anyone and went, can I play? He was like, yeah, go and go. He had the ball

once in his hands ready to do a drop kick and he just held onto it for ages. I was playing centre-back at the time. I was like, Travis,

Travis, kick the ball and he just sort of looked at me and was like, I got this, I got this. I went,

you've got about three seconds left. He just looked at me and laughed i'm not i'm not joking you have six seconds to do this and he's the kind of keeper where the ball would go out for goal kick but he'd try and drop kick it out and all sorts it's an embarrassment he doesn't even know the rules of the game doesn't know the rule where did you say he's from boston you said boston in new york uh brooklyn oh brook yeah that's confusing. And we have got some American listeners and they will never listen again

if we go Boston, New York. I meant Brooklyn. I meant Brooklyn. How did they end up in the glorious town of Hederset? I can't believe you retained that information there. That's good. You're a model pro. I've had some guests on Happy Hour before.

They've told me their name and I forgot it 20 minutes in. And it's awkward. So you are a pro. No, it's john carry on he he he he's uh he's on the base raf base just outside okay norwich at lake and heath so you've got no other candidates for goalkeeper no no i'll be honest when you asked me to um come in and fill in for pete on this show i didn't think i'd be doing a five-minute segment about Travis, our American goalkeeper. That's how it goes, mate. Yeah, yeah.

I like it. Do you know, I did an escape room yesterday. Yeah, did you? Have you done one? Yeah, I've done so many. So one thing that made me realise is that when I found out I was getting this escape room thing for Christmas, it was me...

You got an escape room. Yeah. Just a bill in your house. Yeah, get out of that, you cunt. Is that what your dad was cleaning the anvil? I've double-locked it, yeah. My dad cleaning the an escape room. Yeah. Just a bill in your house. Yeah, get out of that, you cunt. Is that what your dad was cleaning the anvil? I've double locked it, yeah. My dad cleaning the anvil is another story. I'll tell you that in a minute.

It sounds rude, but it's not. My parents got myself and my wife, my sister and my brother-in-law an escape room present because they thought it would be fun. And it was really fun. But when I found out I got the escape room, I realised,

I think I was the only person under the age of 40 on earth who hadn't done one before yeah a lot of people have done it mate oh fiona my partner she absolutely loves them we must have done six in the past year have you always got out of them always yeah we did we did in 48 minutes i was quite proud of did you did you quite a tough one as well yeah where'd you do this secret studios in east london all right i've never done one in london i've done two in prague recently you're scared of london aren't you yeah true london's an escape room for me get out as quickly as i can any train any train yeah yeah in prague yeah done two in prague yeah

but funny story this set we did the first one it was incredible it's the best escape room i've ever did three rooms laser beams you have to go through everything it was it was incredible so afterwards we kept we we uh we booked another one straight away for the next day we smashed through it because one of the locks right uh this is not going to paint me in a good picture at all but i remember there's a certain type of lock you can just open if you listen to like the combination when clicks. I come from a rough part of Norwich, right? And we were doing the first room, and I could just hear the lock clicking. So I just opened this lock, impressed Fiona,

and we got straight through to the last room. I was like, we've bypassed so much, we're going to get the record here. We were stuck on this one key for ages. We couldn't find this key. We was looking up at the TV where they show the hints. Couldn't find the key. Couldn't find the key.

About five minutes from time, we'd wasted half an hour trying to find this key. The guy that's running the escape rooms come in in broken English going, sorry, forgot to put key. Fuck me.

Money back? No, I think we got 50% off, which is a piss take. I've ruined the experience for you you can have half your money back thanks mate yeah yeah you're making money that's outrageous yeah when we turned up there was another group of like 20 people that was doing one as well right so um he put us i knew it was going to be bad from the start because he put us in the room and forgot to tell us to look at the screen for the story so it's just like this is not good no it's not good

no but they are good and I do encourage anyone out there who's not done one to do one can I spoil people listening by saying something about the one I did yesterday

go on I don't want to I'll say it anyway I won't give the name of the escape room so I don't spoil it I've just said it's in East London

so it could be anywhere it's East London so there's probably about 50 of them you're in this room and it's like set up as a kind of horror one obviously you're in this room. Yeah. And it's like set up as a kind of horror one.

Obviously you're in this room. It's an escape room. And anyway, at some point, I won't put too fine a point on it, but you've got to unlock a lock to get into a wardrobe. Right.

It's fucking funny, right? So you get to that stage and it's a combination lock and to get the combination you need to find the code and you've got to do a lot of other stuff to get the code, right? As you start doing the code,

someone bangs on the wardrobe from inside it what so you're like what so tell me they don't have an actor in there the whole time i'm not going to tell you but i absolutely shit a brick i bet you did because you do not expect someone to be in a fucking wardrobe no it was awful but it's really really good so there is someone in there then i ain't gonna tell you but it was mental all right tell me i'll tell you later yeah i'll tell you that but i like the fact that you said you really impressed fiona by uh picking the lock imagine going back to her parents the first time what's he like well he's a thief he is a thief he's a thief but apart from that he's all right i've got no argument no you haven't all right after the break we're gonna do some emails people can obviously email in hello at luke and pete show.com to get in touch. Loads of you have already.

Just the other side of the break, we'll do those with Jack as well. Bear with me a sec. My mama thinks I'm lazy. My friends all think I'm crazy.

I think that's O-Town. Does that mean anything to you? Nothing. I think it's O-Town, a boy band that Pete discovered that he really liked a while back.

We discovered a boy band called E-Mail. Did you? In in the 90s but it's spelled m-a-l-e like a male all right so so was it a play on yeah oh and we went down this route of different really bad boy bands so when do emails come in then what do you mean oh yeah so i think i think probably around that time what 90s i think from mid to late 90s yeah gee i remember the internet coming in but i don't know if i thought emails were a bit before but do you remember a world before internet yeah i remember where i remember my nan getting dial up do you remember that the horrible dialect yeah that was because i remember being because pete and i often talk about this i remember i'm old enough to to remember that when i first saw the idea of the internet

on the news being like this is unbelievable yeah i cannot get my head around how mad this is what so what was your if you can remember that time how different is the reality of the internet to what you thought it was going to be well on one hand is because obviously it's improved since anyway but it's obviously on one. Well, on one hand, because obviously it's improved since anyway, but it's obviously on one level amazing, but on one level much worse. I think people predicted how mad the world was going to go because of it.

Because what's happened is, if you've got a guy in a small town, let's say, Hederset, right, who has got some pretty problematic ideas about women or ethnic minorities, that's probably going to be or ethnic minorities yeah that's probably going to be old-fashioned that's probably going to be limited to like the local pub they'll be all over it there yeah yeah actually yeah okay it's a bad example you understand what i mean

yeah whereas now he can find a hundred thousand of the other ones who like think like that otherwise he never would have met yeah and they can form a movement start a movement yeah all of a sudden the president of the United States is Donald Trump so it can be pretty problematic but anyway, emails hello at lukeandpeatshow.com so Jack I know you won't be well across all the stuff we've talked about recently because you're a very busy man

but I will give you explainers on these emails as we go if you feel like you need them one of the pieces of homework we set a couple of weeks ago which we set every Thursday so you and i will set that later in the week um pete said that he would like our listeners to um create the best sausage they can but just with stuff that's in their house at this moment that is so pete it is so pete and none of the suggestions have been anything less than horrific right there's not been one edible one.

So the latest one comes from Jo Brand. Sorry, Jo Brown, not Jo Brand. She does Bake Off. It says, one slice of ham, spread peanut butter evenly across the diameter. Peanut butter and ham. Roll that up, and bosh, you've got yourself a salty, nutty sausage. Don't mind it, Luke. Would you eat that?

Yeah. Would you not? Have you put that in there because you think that's a disgusting suggestion? I. Don't mind it, Luke. Would you eat that? Yeah. Would you not? Have you put that in there because you think that's a disgusting suggestion? I just think it's a little bit niche. Yeah, of course it's niche, but I mean, you're making a fucking sausage from things you find in the house.

Yeah. It's got pork in it, I guess. That's a start. Unless you've got, like, sausage meat and casing. That's true, yeah. They're all going to be quite niche. One we heard last week was take a banana skin off a banana

yeah fill the empty banana skin with oatmeal Luke's explaining this to me his hands are down by his crotch I put my hands on the table

and then seal it with honey what but then you're eating the skin I know that's mental yeah

no it's not good I'd prefer the little salty nut sausage here. Clip that out. Did you have a rumour in your school as a kid? I'd love to know if these rumours went through generations. Did you have a rumour where if you boiled down and cooked banana skins for long enough,

you can make drugs out of them? No. That was like an urban myth at our school. Was it? Yeah. No, no. What were some of your urban myths at school? Did you ever do the one where i

don't know if this isn't an urban myth this is a health and safety concern but um where you'd breathe in and out like 30 times put your hands across no so then you'd go put your someone hit you in the chest or something someone would press you against the chest until you passed out did you ever pass out uh i did but then now looking back on it i can't remember if i was just pretending to fit in. But did you not have, like, I have a myth about, like, people who put, like, well, this did actually happen at our school.

Someone put drawing pins on the bottom of the swimming pool. No? Yeah. Wow. And then, yeah, things like that. But how do you, is that a myth, or did you? No, that actually did happen, thinking about it. But, like, stories about, like,

yeah, you kick down banana skins, you can make drugs, or if you went to the, so I remember some kids at our school going to the shop and buying non-alcoholic lager. Right. And then putting sugar sachets in it, saying that that activated the alcohol, you could get pissed. That kind of stuff. That is such bullshit, isn't it? What about, do you remember them little aliens you could get in the little pods?

Yeah. Do you remember somebody said that if you put two of them in the freezer overnight, they have a baby? That is ridiculous. That is ridiculous, man. My mate reckons that actually happened. And people say they're more backward in Norwich.

So you're happy with the sausage. What do you think you could make out of your, in terms of a sausage in your house? Well, I've been trying to cut down a little bit on meat.

Not loads. I love meat. It's all I eat but um on friday we made um we had vegetarian hot dogs and i didn't i was eating the hot dog like and it was just like a normal sausage just a carrot in a in a banana skin and it was um it was actually nice and i asked i didn't i didn't want to know what was in it until i finished it because it put me off yeah and apparently it's like tofu and beans and shit like that so i imagine if i had to make a sausage i'd just get some baked beans mush it up roll it up imagine that

a baked bean hot dog yeah what are you putting in though to keep it in because at the moment that's just beans isn't it yeah that that is i mean i'll give you a pass on this but i mean thinking about it just beans beans, roll them up. Who's rolling up beans? You're going to have to stay within the realms of like accepted laws of physics here. What about if I got some bread and I rolled it into like a thin bit of bread

and I put that in? So it's like a bean sandwich. Have you ever had a bread ball? No. You get a slice of bread, you roll it up. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a really basic pizza express dough ball that you don't cook and it's just bread.

Yeah, and you have no garlic butter or oil on it. It's disgusting in every way. I think I'd only done that when I'm feeding the ducks and you want to launch one. Don't give them bread. What? It's bad for them. You should be giving ducks bread.

Really? No. I live, there's a river outside my house so i just i i used to just frisbee bits of bread out of the window no don't give them bread i thought they loved bread think about it jack before humans come along a duck's eating bread is a duck do you think got the skills to be able to bake a loaf of bread and then eat it no but i don't think that's never crossed my mind that's not how i base things like when i feed my, but I don't think, that's never crossed my mind. That's not how I base things. Like, when I feed my dog ham,

I don't, I actually know that's completely different, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. You shouldn't be giving ducks bread. You are right.

It's bad for them. You are right. Do you think anything about evolution has taught them how to digest bread? No. No, exactly.

And I heard that if you give, have you heard the one about pigeons and rice? I don't know if I want to hear it. Is this horrific? If you give them rice, apparently they explode. I don't know if I want to hear it. Is this horrific? If you give them rice, apparently they explode. I don't know if that's true, because I think just by coincidence,

I would at some point have seen a pigeon explode by then. I never have. No, because apparently the rice expands quickly. It does if you... Yeah, rice does expand when you cook it. Yeah, so if you give loads of uncooked rice... Don't do that either. Be nice to animals. Yeah, I try to. I thought givingooked rice... Don't do that either. Be nice to animals.

Yeah, I try to. I thought giving bread to a duck... Was being nice. You see that in the movies. That was in Rosie and Jim once. That's not a movie. Talking of bread, we talk about this on Happy Hour a lot.

I dip my toast in my tea. Is that weird? I've never heard of it before. I knew you did it because i've heard on your show but i don't know if anyone else has ever done that what did you learn that from your granddad yeah uh my mom does that actually so sam from set meals who came on this last week yeah he's an advocate of putting butter in coffee yes because when i dip my buttery because when i say i dip it in tea i dip it in tea coffee whatever just not hot chocolate that's taking the piss but I'll put like

toast in the coffee then I drink the coffee and I swear to God it's the nicest coffee I've ever had I think butter gives it a bit of a sheen and a bit because you know when you see like chefs making amazing meals

on like cooking shows it's basically a lot of it's just salt and butter right yeah it's really rich really fatty really salty yeah

and that's what people like it's just a nice experience to eat it yeah so it's probably something to do with that yeah i've never i would probably not do that though okay well i know this isn't the the we're not suggesting the homework yet and we've got some good ones um for next thursday for next week yeah uh for this week yeah yeah yeah um but just as a little mini one if i can just break the break the laws of the show get Just go and have a try. Go and dip your toast in your coffee or your tea.

Yeah. And another little hack, take your toast out halfway through, butter it then, then put it back in, carry on the toasting process. The butter's gone

into the bread. Lovely. That's a mind blow, that. Yeah. That's amazing. That's good, that. I never thought that. Will it not drip

into the electronics? I've never fucked that the electrics nah alright hello at lukeandpeach.com

let us know you're getting all that toast and tea bite your toast halfway through I'm going to double check that's not a

health and safety thing before if you've got a grill do it on the grill do it on the grill yeah but I do it in the toaster

all the time did you see as well somebody turned their toaster on the side put the cheese on you can do cheese on toast in the toaster that's really good as well, somebody turned their toaster on the side, put the cheese on. You can do cheese on toast in the toaster. That's really good as well.

Because when I make cheese on toast, I put it under the grill one half, turn it over, then put the cheese on. Do you? Yeah. Because then you've got the bottom toasted as well. Right, yeah. But then the bit under the cheese is not as toasty as the underside. Tell me about your scrambled egg method, because Sam was very passionate about that last week.

I don't really, I can't really do scrambled egg. I just get Fiona to do it. Anyone can do that. Anyone can cook scrambled egg. Not me. So basically, your scrambled egg technique

is officially, my fiance does it for me. Yeah, yeah. Well, what do you want me to do? Talk you through how I make scrambled egg? Yeah. Two scrambled eggs, or three, however many you want. So you whisk whisk them round you put them in a cup yeah bit of milk bit of pepper bit of milk yes that deadens the flavor that's it don't we put

milk in there oh i've got to have words of air then don't put milk in there and then you pour it into a hot pan full of butter yeah and then you just whisk it until it's ready and you i've heard that you should always take it off the pan before it's done. Yeah, because it carries on cooking. You don't want to over cook it. Residual heat. Sam's very passionate about no milk, butter, loads of butter in the pan, loads of salt and pepper, but fold the eggs.

Don't whisk them. I've heard you should fold, yeah. Traps the air or something. Apparently so, makes them fluffier. Anyway, what about this from Brad, who's got in touch, saying, okay guys, hearing the bit today about the man burying his bicycle he thought was stolen reminded me of this.

This is an email from last week. A guy who, an old fellow thought his bike, this bike was stolen so he just buried it in the back garden. I don't know why. He says, no names have been shared

to protect the guilty but will just say a relative of one of my relatives once bought a Chevy Camaro because he had always wanted to drive one it didn't matter at all to him that he couldn't afford the car after a few messages from debt collection for not paying the monthly installments but before the repo man came around to take the car away he did what any sensible adult would do he took a large excavator and

dug a massive hole in his land out in the middle of nowhere buried the car and then called it in his stolen to get the whole deal settled and wiped clean. I've got some issues with that. Well, it's fraud. Yeah. It's one of them.

Yeah. And he can't afford the repayments but he can afford to take out a large digger. He must just have the digger.

Sell that. Get the car. Imagine if he's rented that and can't afford that so he's got to get a bigger thing to bury that. Like a Russian doll in his back garden.

It's like that YouTube video of the crane trying to pick the thing out of the harbour, and that goes in the harbour, they get a bigger crane and pull that out. Where does it end? Yeah, no, that just seems like you're making a rod for your own back there. You are. Don't get the car if you can't afford it. You're giving yourself more admin. Yeah.

Aren't you? Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't. Also, by the way, if he's's i mean brad hasn't said this but if the person who's done that has done that to go right once they all go away i'll get it out again drive it again is it still going to work with that mud in the engine and stuff no that's going to be quite heavy quite a heavy soilage you've got on the top there yeah have you got an email jack um i have got an email yes. He says rapidly trying to find one.

Yeah, because they were the two I was going to choose. I'm sorry, mate. I've stitched you up there, haven't I? That's all right, mate. It's your show. I'll start one over for you there, look. It's one right there.

I'll start it for you. Can I do hospital beer? Yeah, cool. All right, cool. This is a type of beer that people like to drink, right? Yeah. Hospital beer?

Yeah. Sounds a bit bleak. You've probably chatted about this on previous episodes. What's your favourite type of beer? I like a sund sundowner gnt i like a end of the day's work hot day beer yeah i like a shower beer i like a train beer yeah see train beers always make me feel ill it's the movement yeah it's the movement are you very good at that i'm not suggesting you have a problem but are you very good at just having the one beer yeah i'm not suggesting you have a problem, but are you very good at just having the one beer? Yeah, I'm not bad at that. Are you a two, three man?

No, I'm quite good. I can just have one. Yeah? Yeah. Fair enough. I mean, I'll be honest. I prefer to have two or three, but I can't have one.

But you know, there are certain rules about when you can have beers, and they go out of the window in certain situations. One is at a wedding. Right. Have a beer at any time at a wedding. No one's going to say anything. No.

Because you're there all day anyway. Yeah. Airport? Yeah. Have a beer whenever you want to. Yeah, that's weird, isn't it? You can get to Wetherspoons at like nine in the morning. Earlier?

Yeah. I've seen people on stag, none of them are enjoying it, but I've seen people on stag weekends there at four thirty in the morning having a pint of Guinness. Yeah. I'm going on a stag in two months time

and the guy was like, yeah, we'll meet there at seven, we'll get a beer down there. That sounds horrific. I don't want that. No, I don't want that. No one's going to be enjoying that. No. They're just doing it to keep up appearances. Anyway, do your email.

Sorry, mate. Hospital beer. Amazing. Hi, chaps. I really enjoyed the chat about all the different types of beers on last week's episode. At one point, I think Luke mentioned a hospital beer and it got me thinking about a particularly wholesome beer event from a few years back. I have never mentioned a hospital beer. It would be hugely disrespectful

to the people I'm visiting in the hospital. I was working in a local pub in the provincial northeast. Have I said that word? Provincial, yeah, that's fine. Northeast Scottish town of Stonehaven. I had a request from the daughter of Ernie, a gentleman well into his 80s. The kind of man who would wear a suit every day and go to the pub for a pint and a half of beer. A rarer breed of pub

man you don't see as often nowadays yeah you don't do you do you see him in your local pub uh no no no no no when i worked at bella i was telling you about we had a guy used to come in all the time he had medals on he was like a war veteran and then one day this taxi driver come to pick him up and he was like don't believe a fucking word he says he's just bullshit well first of all i've got alarm bells ringing because his local pub is a Bella Italia. Who chooses that as a pub? He used to just come and sit at the bar every day.

Right. Stop me from doing my work. Right, anyway. Unfortunately, Ernie couldn't make it for his usual evening pint due to a hospital trip. Sad. So had insisted his daughter fill up a flask with a couple of pints of bitter from the pub.

Canned bottle just wouldn't do it. Apparently, the nurses in the hospital had agreed to turn a blind eye to questioning what was in Ernie's hydro flask. I'm sure this was technically illegal, but we gladly obliged and poured a couple of pints of Belhaven Best into the flask,

and away she went to bring it to him in the hospital. While I'm not sure this is the secret to lasting health, I can confirm Ernie did make a speedy recovery and was back on the premises again that summer. Keep up the good work. Not sure. Should the nurses be doing that?

No. Nah. I don't know I want to be looked after by a nurse who says, yeah, I mean, look, kneel by mouth because you've got your operation tomorrow, but what, a pint and a half of Belhaven best in the flask? That's fine. Yeah.

That's fine. Let me just check the chart. Yeah, that's fine. Hello, doctor. Isven best in the flask that's fine yeah that's fine let me just check the chart yeah that's fine hello doctor is that all right yeah it's fine shouldn't be doing it no I just don't think the the

idea of a like the concept of a hospital beer it shouldn't be right cancels each other out doesn't it well I think if he's in that's his local pub and he's in there

every day and he's going in for a routine kind of thing he can have a couple days off the beer yeah yeah nothing bad's gonna happen no no have you heard that story about the old lady that um she she was she was she was dying and um she was i think she was nil by mouth and uh she she'd asked one of the nurses she'd always have a little nightcap of whiskey and um what because she was

reaching her final moments uh or final days i should say uh she asked the the nurse if she could have a little bit of whiskey to go to sleep and the nurse was like sorry i can't do it can't do it like it's illegal if i do it and then went home felt incredibly guilty so thought fuck it like what else has she got so went to the shop got her got some whiskey and uh left it by her bedside table and the next morning she come back and uh the woman hadn't drunk it so she feared the worst and then the morning she'd come back and the woman hadn't drunk it so she feared the worst and then the woman woke up

and she went you haven't drank your whiskey she went that's Jack Daniels it tastes like piss bless her very good on that bombshell

we are going to get out of here that is Monday's episode of the Luke and Pete show me Luke and Jack over there we'll be back on Thursday with some more good stuff.

We'll set some homework as well. Thank you very much, Jack. It's been a pleasure. Get that Jack Daniels down, yeah? And we'll see you on Thursday. This was a Stakhanov production. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner.

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