The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 199.98: A grandad, a spade and an innocent heron

Episode Date: February 20, 2020

It’s Thursday, which means a brand new episode of The Luke & Pete Show. Luke’s bought a new video game and Pete’s unimpressed by his choice. Meanwhile, Pete enlightens us with some rather alarming age gaps in Disney characters’ relationships. Elsewhere, there’s some chat about a Lou Reed playlist, a new type of beer enters the conversation, and we run the rule over reality television.We’re also talking about weird things you’ve found in your gardens, and there’s a particularly shocking story involving a grandad, a spade and an innocent heron. You probably know where that’s going...Your homework for this week is to tell us about your most memorable encounter with a telemarketer! Hit us at [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

liver disease it took lou reed from us who's next hello it's luke big show me pete donaldson and i'm joined by luke mo How the devil are you, sir? I'm all right, thanks. Liver, as far as I know, intact, fully operational. How's your liver, mate? Yeah, all right. Yeah, cool. Yeah, I'd love to do a little scan.

Retrospective. Like you can on No Man's Sky, where you can kind of check everything's okay. Yes. Luke asked me what video game he should buy because he likes Zelda. So I gave him a couple of excellent examples and he decided not to go with any of my recommendations and buy the much maligned No Man's Sky. And I'll come in on that for a couple of reasons.

A man who plays very few video games decides to get into one of the more complicated ones. Well, point number one, when I asked you for your advice, you patronized me.

So now you'll probably just like this little mini platformer that'll take you five seconds to complete. I said, I said, all of these are like

little bite-sized games like Inside. I can't remember what I actually recommended. I don't want a little bite-sized one. Don't patronize me.

Because you think I'm a gaming basic bitch, which I am. Anyway, I then bought No Man's Sky, chucked it on. Yeah. I was like, fucking hell bite-sized one. Don't patronise me. Because you think I'm a gaming basic bitch, which I am. Anyway, I then bought No Man's Sky, chucked it on. I was like, fucking hell, this is complicated. What the fuck is this? I've spent more time googling how to do things

than I have playing it. What do you want from me? I'm still good at it. I'm still loving it. Still loving it? Yeah, I am. It reminds me of when I was on the plane back from Tokyo,

I watched the rest of Adastra. Is it Adastra? Yeah, yeah. I've not seen it, but I know what it is. It just seems a bit like, oh, it's quite complicated, all getting to the moon and then going to Mars and then getting to Jupiter. Yeah.

And the things you've listed there are merely inside our own solar system. I know. Imagine what it's like in no man's sky. Yeah. Have you encountered any interesting creatures? It's good. I think, I'm a man of many faults, Pete,

most of which you've unveiled on this show, if people didn't know about them already, which is absolutely fair enough. But one thing I'm not scared of is kind of challenging myself. Okay.

So I've committed to it. So I'm busy anyway, so I only kind of do it to wind down for a couple of hours every so often, which is not conducive to playing No Man's Sky,

by the way. It takes two hours to build a little fucking refiner. Uh-huh. So I've not really got very far, but I'm enjoying it. It's basically an update of Elite, really.

It's that kind of thing. That's why I love it. A bit of Elite. I was going to say to you, two games I absolutely loved as a kid, Elite and Exile. And it's kind of a combination of those, which is brilliant. It's great. It's loads you can do. it's kind of a combination of those yeah which is brilliant

it's great it's loads you can do uh it's lots of fun it's very good now apparently it was terrible when it came out yeah so what's the story behind that they over they over um over promised and under delivered as a lot of um video game companies do uh but to their eternal credit they um stuck around and improved it exponentially. So the one thing I am unclear on is the fact that I expected,

so I've set up my little base on my home planet and I'm exploring and doing lots of bits and pieces, doing little challenges, but I expected to see more people,

other gamers, playing around, coming and looking at my base or building the base near me or something. I feel like I've got the whole plant to myself.

I feel like I've got the whole of Noshama Gamma to myself, mate. Noshama Gamma? Is that what you called it? No, I haven't called it. Can you rename it? They gave me that planet. I don't know, to be honest.

I don't feel comfortable. I can't lay claim to a whole planet. That feels a bit totalitarian. Well, I think the big thing is that the actual world is so vast and there are so many different planets that it's actually quite hard for anyone to meet. Should have thought that through. Should have made it smaller so people could actually meet.

Many ways, like the universe we're living in at the moment. Exactly, but that was one of the criticisms that I think it was promised that players would every now and again bump into each other, but it's still apparently a very rare event. Yeah, it's definitely. I see people sometimes rocking about the local space station doing stuff.

Cool. But you can't really interact with them. And the one thing I do have a problem with because I'm of a certain age is that it's hard getting my head around the fact that I obviously can't finish this game. I can't complete it. Right.

So like, it's not, with Zelda I was enjoying it because I knew there was an end game and there's a big boss, which I defeated. I can't, there's going to be no big boss unless was an endgame and there's a big boss, which I defeated. There's going to be no big boss in this, I don't think. It's a game for children. Well, listen, it's fine.

But No Man's Sky is very much not a game for children. I'm now adult gaming and I'm out of my depth. But anyway... Can I introduce you to Dwarf Fortress, which if anybody's familiar with it, Dwarf Fortress. It is legendarily known as the hardest game, or certainly the most complicated, nuanced, and just complicated game in the world. Sounds great.

It looks like shit. I thought that Super Ghouls and Ghosts was officially the hardest game ever. It's quite hard. It's really hard. I'd love to run around in a suit of armour, and then if I get hit or knocked over i i just did my pants um saturn you know that ring apparently some people believe it's jesus foreskin okay first of all i thought because of your accent you were saying satin as in knights in

white knights in white saturn the girls and girls night yeah some people think the saturn is jesus is foreskin okay apparently that's in some kind of weird scripture. Okay. You got any more info? Nope. No. Why not? Leave it out there.

I just wanted to say the word foreskin. Let other people fill in the blank. Let everyone else fill in the blank. It's a community-focused show. Imagine how many coins you could fit in that foreskin. Don't put coins in your foreskin. That's such an 80s and 90s thing to do. We know more about hygiene now.

You shouldn't be doing that. Imagine the bacteria that are on coins. Actually, I mentioned the fact that Lou Reed died of liver disease. He made a playlist of 27 songs just before he died. Not on Spotify. Why is Lou Reed using Spotify? I think he might have. This is worse than when he injected heroin live on stage.

Is that what he did? Yeah. That is. People are upset about it. Well, people don't want... It's a bit on the nose, isn't it? A bit on the nose. Yes.

He didn't inject it into his nose. Right. It was his arm, I think. Cool. Fucked Up. One of the bands. Good band. Good band, yeah.

Nicki Minaj. Yeah, good. A bit of Nicki Minaj. Great. Yep. Hamelin Wolf. A crazy and lover cover of the Beyonce classic by Anthony and the Johnsons. I don't know what that sounds like, but I imagine it sounds like...

I'm going crazy right now. I'm going crazy right now. Sorry, I thought you had played it. I know, right? I did. Looking so crazy in love. Got me looking, looking so crazy in love. played it so I know right my Anthony Johnson's was the last

so clever was the last record that Lou Reed put out the collaboration between him and Metallica

called Lulu, which is one of the most unlistenable things you can ever imagine. And the good news is it's only 87 minutes long.

Sorry for everyone there. Put that on Napster. I think it's one of those things where Lou Reed probably got in touch with Metallica's management

and said, oh, I want to work with Metallica. They're great. And Metallica have got into a situation where they thought, it's one of those things where Lou Reed probably got in touch with Metallica's management and said, oh, I want to work with Metallica. They're great. And Metallica have got into a situation where they thought, it's Lou Reed. We can't not do it. Yeah. So we have to do it.

It's a cultural obligation. And we've got to go along with whatever he says. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It'd be like if Steve Coogan came in here, but was mental and said, I want to make this show. He'd be mental to do it. He would be mental to do it,

to even come anywhere near it. And we would, we would feel like, cause I'm quite, I'm quite robust about going back to people and about their ideas. Right. But even with, with him,

I think even I would be like, okay, yeah, we'll just do it. And it would be the worst thing ever. Cool. It's a similar thing. Anyway,

the story that caught my eye this week on a slightly different tack is, um, that's one of the stories. I'm just going to read the first line of the story. That's from last week. A badger that fell through the ceiling of a super drug

had been sheltering from Storm Kiara in a ventilation shaft. Oh. The animal shocked staff at the outlet in Northampton's Grosvenor Centre.

By giving them TB. When it came through a ceiling panel before running under the perfume counter. Nice. Imagine you don't a ceiling panel before running under the perfume counter. Nice! Imagine you don't expect it. Gone straight for the Bulgari.

For me, this is the expectation here. If a ceiling panel comes down in any shop you're in, it can happen. I'm thinking cat maximum. I probably think pigeon. Yeah? Would they have enough?

Or mouse. Mouse. Or rat. Heavy, fat rat. Badgers are big. I saw a badger right behind the bins at my mate Lewis's house once and I shit a brick

I absolutely shit a brick they're one of those animals that are everywhere but you never see them you see foxes all the time but to see a badger would be a real treat I think but they're big old

fatties aren't they and apparently there were perfume bottles strewn all over the floor but the badger was fine wasn't injured and she's now in a safe place where she can be released back into the wild. Cool.

It's a badger. Should a badger be knocking about a Northampton shopping centre anyway? Is that a damning indictment of what we're doing to the environment around us? Is it like those turtles that are attracted by the lights of the city? So they are going in the wrong direction instead of going for the moon. Turtles? Is that the edge of a ninja turtle? Yeah, maybe.

Attracted by the big city because they love pizza. Exactly. Oh, you see that guy on American Airlines being a dick? Yeah. What a knobhead. What a knobhead.

Seriously, you talk about the guy with the reclining seat? The man who's sat at the back. We love a bit of air travel. What an absolute cunt. Sat at the back. He was a complete prick, that guy. Sat at the back. The a complete prick that guy sat at the back

the woman had reclined her seat so instead of being the bigger man literally and just winding his neck in he proceeded to

all the way through the flight punching the back of the woman's chair like a fucking but the thing is has he not I mean I haven't read the actual story

I've just seen the video has he not said to her at any point, oh, by the way, just so you know, my seat can't go back. So do you mind just, if it would be at all possible, would you mind not reclining?

Possibly, but I would say in that situation, tough titties, innit? Yeah. It is tough titties. It's been a big week for playing stories because there was that woman who was a representative. She was an advisor to a politician in the US and she got upset because there was a crying baby on the seat advisor to a politician in the US and she got upset

because there was a crying baby on the seat across the aisle from her and started complaining and the flight attendant was kind of along the lines of,

look, I'm very sorry, ma'am. There's nothing I can do. It's literally a baby. Yeah. And the parent says, oh, my baby's not going to cry

the whole flight. Don't worry about it. She loses her mind and says to the flight attendant, give me your name and your number. I'm going to report this. So the woman gives

her name and her number and she says, yeah, you'll be lucky you'll be in a job tomorrow. And then the flight attendant just flips, because they're on the runway still, the flight attendant

just flips like that. I want this person off the flight. And the woman goes, I can't get off the flight, I've got a really important meeting. She's like, tough titty,

get off, get off. And she's like, I'm really sorry, I won't say it again, I didn't mean it. I've got a really important meeting. She's like, tough titty. Get off. Get off. And she's like, I'm really sorry. I won't say it again. I didn't mean it. I'm under a lot of stress. Oh, is this filmed? Yeah.

I want to see that film. She got fired as well. She got fired from her job. Someone did some investigative reporting and found her name had been taken off the website that she's supposed to work for. Leave of absence was used. So it's been a big week for plane stories. Just don't flip out.

Look, we're all in the same box. Don't worry about it. We're all in the same metal cylinder. All in the same metal cylinder, baby. And Peter, we should also cover this story here, which I thought was a really nice one. Okay. Of a woman who celebrated her 18th birthday

at a pub called the Hartford Mill. I don't know where it is. I was in Cambridgeshire, in Cambridgeshire. And you think, okay, fine. Yeah, fair enough. She had her first legal drink in that pub. The nice part of this story, on the 14th of February 2002, so Valentine's Day 2002, her mother went into labour in that pub.

Nice. Unexpectedly, of course. The family then moved to Vancouver in 2006. So she flew 4,500 miles all the way back to her first legal pint in the pub in Cambridge at the Hartford Mall. Nice. The photo taken, obviously they've invited the press down there, or they've taken photos with a phone camera or whatever. She's drinking a pint of what looks to be quite tepid bitter.

It's not a young person's drink. Would you choose that? Not as a Canadian. No. It looks like, at best, Doomba. I'd have a natty ice. In America's hat. It doesn't look nice, does it?

She said, I mean, these comments are disappointing from her. She says, I've always believed in the English and European way of introducing young people to alcohol safely. She's very wide of the mark. Yeah, plus it's well away from the cold fizzy beer in Canada. Doesn't like cold fizzy beer. Pete. She would not go out with a drink for me.

With me? Or me. Yeah, I mean, she's 18. You're way too old for her. doesn't like cold fizzy beer Pete she would knock out the drink for me with me or me yeah I mean she's 18 you're way too old for her but when I saw the words cold fizzy beer

the first person I thought of was you because all you say is just give me a cold fizzy lager yeah exactly until I die it's what I want

so good on her good on her I saw talking of people travelling a long way to do weird stuff I was watching an episode of

you know like that Aussie border patrol or whatever where they're at airports and they're basically

just questioning people isn't it literally called Aussie border patrol probably should be Aussie border patrol and they're asking why a woman from Thailand

is flying back and forth to Australia 17 times a year the answer is heroin. Surprise is heroin in a vagina. Yeah. But there was another guy who was saying, basically, he was from Canada,

and he'd flown all the way to Australia, and he was there on a working visa. So what's that, 12 months he was allowed to be there? Yeah, I'm not sure. And then he broke, and he just stayed there for nine years. And so then they found he presented himself they threw him out the country

and gave him a ban he came back on like a three month visa stayed for nine months got thrown out again he's in Thailand then and he's coming back

he's trying to get back in after his three month ban's gone trying to get back in and he's going yeah he's trying to get back in after his three month ban's gone trying to get back in and he's going yeah I'm just coming to meet some friends just coming to meet some friends and she's going

I found a business card saying that you're the head of a fruit and veg importer in Australia and he's going and he's got this beautiful guy Canadian slash Australian lilt

I like his chutzpah and he's going no I just got there. They're made on the spur of the moment business card. And they said, honestly, just ring any of my friends and they'll tell me I'm based in Thailand. That's where I live, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And so she rings up his friends. And his friend, she, I think, presents herself not as a border patrol, just as someone in authority. And they go, yeah, he's really important. He is a big fruit and veg importer in Australia. Absolutely mugs him off. He gets banned for another three years. See you later.

Do you know what I'd say? You're from Canada, mate. You've got a fucking Australian accent. That's the ultimate piss take. You've flexed here for so long, you've picked up the accent. Right? At least put it back onto Canada

I love it when you speak to me I love it that's brilliant I admire his I admire his chutzpah it was good just I mean

just after that level I mean even from South Asia like exhausting exhausting flight and then you're just having to be grilled

by a woman who's out taking none of your shit in Australia and New Zealand they're very very particular about border stuff well yeah about that bringing stuff there was a woman who's out taking none of your shit. In Australia and New Zealand they're very very particular about border stuff. Well yeah about that

yeah. There was a woman who was bringing a lot from her ranch. She was bringing in imagine the most amount of spices you've ever seen in your life.

How crap has the food got to be that you've got to bring so much fucking saffron through. All of these border patrol programs it's not about drugs it's not about this.

It's about people bringing in fucking seasoning. Spices. And they look suspect because they're powders. You can buy that there. And I would take that

personally because what you're saying is your food is shit. Yeah, exactly. I think there's always a reality show out there for someone. See, I've got, the

problem with, I think it was Bob Mortimer who said this first. National treasure, I love to do a podcast with Bob Mortimer. You're listening, Bob. He's not listening. Get in touch. Now you've had a podcast with Bob Mortimer. If you're listening, Bob, he's not listening.

Get in touch. Now you've had a flirtation with someone else. You want a bit more, don't you? I don't mean to replace you. I wasn't thinking that. But if it works for both of us, Pete, it's fine. The thing I was going to say is, I think it was Bob Mortimer who said this first.

He said that part of the reason he doesn't make more TV programs is because he gets the impression that the executives in TV companies just don't watch TV. He says that they'll always watch a big Netflix drama series or a big kind of,

a big high budget type BBC Sunday night thing or whatever. But he says generally, they don't watch TV because every time he speaks to them, because he said, I love watching TV. I'm ashamed to tell you I love watching TV. I watch it all day.

I watch this, that and the other. And he said, but every time I speak to a TV exec about a TV programme I've watched, they haven't seen it. And I was thinking about that. I agree with that massively. Yeah, same. And I was thinking,

surely the MO of reality TV is that there's going to be something out there for someone, right? I'm not talking almost like the MO of reality TV is that there's going to be something out there for someone right I'm not talking about all this kind of this horrible stuff that's been going on recently

with people on Love Island and the dreadful stuff that happened with Caroline Flack I mean you should be interested in something enough

you'd want to watch a reality TV show about it and clearly with you it's Border Patrol for me it's 90 Day Fiance I love watching it it's a great show it's border patrol for me it's 90 day fiance I love watching it it's a

great show what's that one is that like it's like it's like they come from so people come from other countries usually right

into the US or someone in the US has fallen in love with someone in another country and they've got 90 days to get married before the visa runs out

right so they can get a K1 or something okay now I will say I have issues around the ethics of the exploitation of people

on that particular show but generally speaking on 9 times out of 10 it's just very entertaining they're desperate to I have issues around the ethics of the exploitation of people on that particular show. But generally speaking, nine times out of ten, it's just very entertaining. They're desperate to get married? I mean, I was confused. Well, you never know. That's the jeopardy of it. So you never know if they're sincere or not.

So they found these people in the wild who are already in a relationship and they're going to get married. Right. They've met on the internet or whatever. Yes. Yeah. Oh, so it's like a first meeting or like a second meeting or they just...

Sometimes it can be they've been online dating for years and never met each other. So the producer's sort of going, go on then, get married. Get married. No, no, no. They've made the decision themselves.

Right. They just have... So the point being that if you and I... So you live in... Vancouver. No, no, that's not my word it's Canada you live in

in Estonia right and I live in America we've fallen in love online and we've chatted online for like a couple of years yeah the moment you touch down

for in the US yeah we've got three months to get married or you're out clock ticks yeah so the idea being

that when you move the relationship from being online to physically, does it work or not? Yeah, but you have to in three months. Could you not just

pop over for a bit and then go back and then pop over? What do you mean? No, you can't. Oh, you can come on a tourist visa. Yeah, tourist visa

and then go back, yeah. Yeah, but it's the particular type of visa. If you come on just for a holiday, you can do that and go again. Some of them do do that.

It's a confusing present. Do you want to be in a relationship with me long distance, Pete? Not from Vilnius. No, not Vilnius. That's not in Estonia. Doesn of them do do that. It's a confusing present. Do you want to be in a relationship with me long distance, Pete? Not from Vilnius. No, not Vilnius. That's not in Estonia. Doesn't matter. Talin. Talin. Let's have a break and we'll spend the second half Talin you all

about your emails. On each step with Peloton, from their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in.

Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes, led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton all-access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. It's okay for macho men to show every emotion available right there, you know, because I've cried a thousand times, I'm going to cry some more. I'll never get over the voice.

I will never get past it. It is the most remarkable voice in all of recorded history. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to get in touch with the emails. Pete, you're going to set some homework by the end of the section as well. So if you haven't prepped that, you better do it. Okay, cool. What about this from Russ who says, Hi chaps, I'm writing to bolster the case for a new type of beer.

So, you know, we were talking about different types of beer, how you enjoy them. Lots of people have got in touch with things like airport beer and you know if you listen regularly you know all this yeah russ would like to put forward get this the bus stop beer the bus stop beer i feared the worst and i started reading it as well but he said my brother in law lives in the sleepy town of Rostocky just outside Prague at the bus stop towards the city there's a little hatch

in the wall a stout knock on the hatch will as early as 6am cause the shutter to open and a foaming stein of fine pilsner to be thrust forth it costs less

than the bus ride and nobody bats an eyelid thank you very much Russ he says for the record a shower beer is not as good as a bath beer either because it's too hectic

yeah you're going to splash the water into the beer aren't you yeah I think you've got to be very disciplined with it bus stop beer

you having that if you're on holiday it's a bit of a walkie beer for me that's a bit of a I remember sort of being in Ibiza and we were waiting

for a bus to take us into town I remember that yeah KT if you're listening yeah I just wanted a nice for a bus to take us into town. I remember that. KTV listening. I just wanted a nice beer while I was waiting for it. Fizzy and cold.

Fizzy and cold. Fizzy and cold. Sorry, I just got really distracted by the surprising age gaps of Disney couples. Go on. Do you want them? Yeah, of course I do.

Not necessarily an email, but I did prepare this, so I'm going to bloody stick it out. There are some beauts in here. Hercules. Right? Hercules is it. Put this in, Katie. Who put the glad in gladiator? Hercules.

Who put the glad in gladiator? Hercules. I've never seen Hercules. Is it any good? Yeah, it's decent. It's one of the more modern ones, isn't it? Yeah. Hercules is 18 it any good? Yeah, it's decent. It's one of the more modern ones, isn't it? Yeah. Hercules is 18. His lover is Meg. 28. That's rare.

It's the other way around, yeah. It's rare, isn't it? Yeah. Cinderella is 19. Prince Charming. How old do you reckon he is? 50. 21.

Oh, Prince Charming. Sorry, I was thinking I was thinking of someone else um so Frozen Anna and Kristoff 18 and 21 respectively

Tarzan how do people know this by the way um it must be in the law somewhere it must be in the some kind of uh

yeah uh there's a lot of very problematic ones um Aurora Sleeping Beauty she's 16 Prince Philip 20 not There's a lot of very problematic ones. Aurora, Sleeping Beauty.

She's 16. Prince Philip, 20. Not the Prince Philip. No, not the Prince Philip. No, not the Prince Philip. He's not 20. Definitely sketchy in many parts of the world. Mulan.

Mulan. Mulan. Yeah, I think it's Mulan. All right, Mulan. Mulan. Mulan. She's 16's Mulan alright Mulan Mulan Mulan she's 16 Shang her lover

19 yeah the worst one I think the worst one in real life is is Pocahontas isn't it which was

Pocahontas is no 18 but in Disney he's 20 John Smith is 20 now the worst one get this one

Snow White is 14 Prince Florian But in Disney, he's 20. John Smith is 20. Now, the worst one, get this one. Snore White is 14. Prince Florian, 31. You're going to prison, Prince Florian. Well done, mate. Well done? Well done. You fucked it.

Not that. You can't say that. Well done, you fucked it. It's like I have a jack back on here. How much did you have to edit out? The edit with Jack was unreal. Yes. It always is you fucked it. It's like I have a jack back on here. God, the edit with Jack was unreal. Yes. It always is. Love it.

But what I'm saying is... I'm going to download the originals. I'm going to release the originals. I'm going to release the master tips. In real life, when John Smith met Pocahontas, she was troublingly young. Right. I know that because my wife knows lots more about things than I do. She told me, but also I checked it

and I think Pogon has died at like 20 and married him back in the UK at 17 or something. So, very young. This also rears its head with Tom Cruise who regularly is

on screen married to women ridiculously younger than him. All the time. The film American Made, I think he's 55 at the time or 54, and his wife in that, Sarah Wright, was 33 I think at the time. There's another one, Edge of Tomorrow.

He's madly older. Edge of Tomorrow was reviewed on Clash of the Titles, an excellent film podcast. Yeah, it's also available older. And someone made... Edge of Tomorrow was reviewed on Class of the Titles on Excellent Film Podcast. Yeah, it's also available on the Stakhanov network. Go to stakhanov.studio or wherever you get your pods. Someone pointed out to me, again, might have been my well-learned and very clever wife, said if that was the other way around,

if it was the woman who was 54 and the man who was 34, whatever it is, that would be the plot of the movie. That would be what the movie was about yeah I think there's only like Daniel Craig who obviously is in the Bond film

who has obviously he has a lot of lovers because he's James Bond but he's had a couple of actors who are roughly his age I'd be more comfortable

if you're not using the word lovers in the studio with me lovers I was going to say something to you as well and I forgot what it is now. Oh, do you remember all that furore

around Keanu Reeves dating a woman his own age? People lost their shit about it. Have you seen her? She's got a great hair. Keanu Reeves is 50-odd. Yeah. I mean, it's not ridiculous. It's incredible, isn't it?

Yeah. Incredible. Wind it in. Do you want a little bit of burying stuff email action? Yeah, that was a homework that was sent a few weeks ago, the things that have been buried in the garden. I like the echoes from history. I like that. I like the sort of... This was email action. Yeah, that was a homework that was sent a few weeks ago. The things that have been buried in the garden.

I like the echoes from history. I like that. I like the sort of this was sent three days ago though. Ian Harrison. Good morning chaps

after hearing a recent episode. We don't do episode numbers do we? No we don't. About random things being buried it sparked a memory

about a friend's grandad. When my mate lived at home with his parents they built a pond in the back garden for his younger sister who

had special needs as a place for her to relax in the warmer months. The family garden backed into his grandparents' property, and one summer's afternoon, his grandad was looking out of an upstairs window when he spotted a heron taking fish from

his granddaughter's pond. Oh, this happened to my grandad? Really? My grandad got really annoyed by a heron a number of years ago, coming into the pond taking this fish. Taking the fish. Apparently this has happened more than once so he decided to wait for the heron

at a mate's house one afternoon and sure enough it rocked up looking for a quick meal and it got more than it bargained for. My mate's grandad

rushed out of the house with a spade and gave the fleeing heron an almighty crack with said spade. The heron hit the ground with a thump

and the grandad strode over to inspect his handiwork when unexpectedly the heron flapped a wing. You can't do that! How did grandad respond? He basically sliced off the heron's head at its neck.

Yeah. Yeah. You should, I mean, where was this? Because if it was before the Wildlife and Countryside Act of 1981, this is problematic. Feeling proud of himself, he was gloating about his exploits when the family returned from work later that day. My mate's mum was horrified and told him

that what he'd done was illegal and herons were protected. Yeah. Feeling perturbed by his revelation, he proceeded to pop the heron's corpse in a bin bag and under the cover of darkness, he took it to the woods next to the local park and buried it.

Undignified. Absolute Netflix documentary level. Undignified. Yeah documentary level undignified yeah wow Archie in Haslingdon can I just can I just say

I'm not laughing at the idea of a heron being brutally killed I'm laughing at the idea of a of a grandfather turning the

spear on its side yeah just in front of his grandkids drawing it above his shoulder I'll deal with this

yeah that's not great that is not great love it. That is not great. Love it, though. Love the story. Thanks for letting us know, though. Don't respect the sentiment. Don't shoot the messengers.

These things happen. As people will say on other podcasts more successful than us, they walk among us. Tyler C's been in touch. We'll squeeze this email in before we go.

This is a throwback to an even earlier topic, Pete, the topic of dad pranks okay um and it's from tyler in milwaukee he's emailed in a few times i think he says this is a throwback to an earlier episode but your recent banana chat brought it back to mind a friend of mine's dad used to take a small pin and stick it through one side of an unpeeled banana not all the way through he would wiggle it back and forth. He would repeat this several times down the banana.

As a result, when my friend would open the banana at school, it would already be sliced. Right. For years, he and his brother thought they had special bananas that came already sliced in the peel. How good is that? That's pretty cool. That's a nice thing.

That's a nice thing to get out of it. Not too devious, but a high-quality dad prank. Thanks for that, Tyler. Yeah. Hello at LukeandPete.com to get in touch. Pete, what's the homework this week? The homework this week is, let me just get my little list of things up. Oh, crumbs.

Have you had, ever had, an upsetting or satisfying or fantastical interesting conversation or relationship or situation with a telemarketer? Nice. Someone trying to sell you something online, over the phone, or in real life. Yeah, knock on the door. Telemarketers. Have you ever bought anything from one? Have you ever got involved sexually with one?

Yeah. Have you ever lampooned them and kept them on the line for ages? Can I extend it? That's a great one. And I'm looking forward to the responses to that. I want to extend it by saying what I do when a telemarketer calls me

is I say hello and they say, is Mr. Luke Moore there? And I say, I'll just check if he's available making myself to be some kind of PA I hit the mute button leave the phone there and see the longest

I can get them for that's wasting our battery isn't it sometimes I'm at home they'll plug it in cool nine minutes

I've had it before and the reason I respect the nine minutes do you want to know why because that person doesn't want to be doing that job. They're on a call. They're technically doing their job.

They know what I'm doing. I know that they know what I'm doing. They know I know what they're doing. They're just having a lovely little time. They're having a rest. Probably making a cup of tea. Might have gone for a shit. Nine minutes.

No harm done. Good on them. Lovely old job. So have you ever had a weird, interesting, upsetting, satisfying or notable interaction with any kind of telemarketer? Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Get in touch.

Tell us. You can also reply with the older homework stuff as well. We like to hear about your parents and how much they hate you. That's always good stuff. Garden nonsense. Garden nonsense. Whatever. Don't kill any birds that are protected.

No. Don't kill any birds. Don't kill any birds. See you on Monday. That's a chicken this was a Stakhanov production