The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 24: Wake up!

Episode Date: November 13, 2017

First up, Luke has locked himself out of the house. After that all of you, literally all of you, are sleepwalkers or so it seems. As a result, we trawl through a load of your tales of the mischief you've all got up to while unconscious. There's also time to explore the legal precedent for committing horrific crimes while asleep and subsequently getting away with it.Basically it's a crime/sleepwalking special. Do us a favour and, if you like the show, make sure to hit 'subscribe' and leave us a review. Both Luke and Pete would really appreciate it! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Hello and welcome back to the Luke and Pete Show. I'm Pete Donaldson and I'm joined by Mr Luke Miller. Hello everyone, I'm back again as well. It's episode 24. No Rick Edwards this week. No Rick Edwards this week. No Rick Edwards this week, gosh. What a pleasure it was to have him. You were very, I'm going to say sexually aggressive

on the Luke and Pete show Twitter page towards how sexy Rick Edwards is. He is sexy, I just don't think sexy tall men need reminding. Said a short unsexy man. I am charming. The opposite to Rick Edwards, I agree. I am charming in my own way. I completely agree with that. I didn't use any of the words

that you'd necessarily associate with sexual aggression. I just said he's an attractive man. Let's get on Google Images. Let's make the most of that when we're promoting the show. Because we can't promote the show with our ugly mug. You shouldn't have made that weird kind of scrapbook. I know, that was a bit much.

In retrospect, that was a bit beyond the pale, but you know, you live and learn. Did we ever find out what kind of batteries Rick Edwards was rolling with? No, I did show him the LG Bexels. Oh yeah, LG seemed kind of quite wedded to the Bexel

boys. Absolutely, and I think from now on, because we've developed a bit of a community here on this show, and we're very grateful for it, of course, when people email in, and we're going to get to a few emails in a bit as per, and they should write their name, their city, and the battery brand they find in whatever remote control is closest to hand.

So, for example, Lukemore, London, Bexel. Yeah. Peter, London, Raymax. There we go. Exactly. I think it works nicely. Or sometimes Maplin's Own. Yeah, Maplin's Own.

Well, you are a very, very frequent visitor to Maplin. It's overpriced. I don't particularly like the shop. I think the staff are too aggressive when it comes to asking me if I know what I want. I know what I want, mate. I'm an expert. Have you got a loyalty card? No, I don't.

Is there a loyalty card there? There probably is. Actually, no, to be honest, because people go in there all the time. It's the only high street kind of electronics retailer. You imagine the sort of guy in charge of Maplin saying at this point, don't need a loyalty card when you're the best in town. When you're the only game in town. They are the only game in town.

To go back to your Bexel point about... Overpriced drones. LG, yeah, well, quite. And CCTV. I've got a... Less said about that, the better. I've got an LG TV at home. Popped it open, Bexels.

We've got an LG TV in the studio. Popped it open, Bexel. So I think there must be a deal going on. An LG Bexel loyalty bonus. Aaron Inglethorpe on Twitter hooked us up with a proper naughty battery website. Some choice brands on there. Huge.

Huge, yeah. King Norm. Excellent. Tiger Head. Yeah. Tiger Head's good. That's one of the few batteries with an actual logo

that they've actually thought out instead of just a really badly Photoshopped font. Tom Goodhue got in touch on Twitter and included a picture of a lovely pair of super vinnies. That is what people call Vincent. I hope that people call them. Yeah, well, my name's Vincent, but everyone calls me super vinny. Hey, Luke, do you want to know what's been floating my boat this week? Give me a jingle for an It's Been, because I've got a great It's Been this week, but you want to know what's been floating my boat this week? Give me a jingle

for an It's Been because I've got a great It's Been this week but you can go first. Alright then. It's been. Very nice. Very nice.

Nice to hear it. The art of the sailor. You know like sailor tattoos, Luke? Yeah. I've done ports with pizza, yes. Not the man with the bell.

He's got lots of weird tattoos. I saw him the other day. Did you? Oh yeah, was he in an away match? Yeah, we'll talk about that on the Ramble this week. Tune's got lots of weird tattoos. Oh, I saw him the other day. Did you? Oh, yeah. Was he in an away match? Yeah, we'll talk about that on the Ramble this week. Tune on to that. Fair dues.

Yeah, you know like when you see sailors with tattoos and anchors and stuff like that? Apparently, it's all part of a big cord. Right. So the swallows, the spiderwebs on the elbow, they involve? Yeah, all of that stuff. I'm not sure about the spiderwebs on the elbows, but certainly like... Swallows on the hand and the shoulder. So swallows on the...

What do you call it? The sternum? I think it's sort of the shoulder blade, sort of chest area. Yeah, the chest area. Yeah, one swallow tattooed for every 5,000 nautical miles they travelled. So there is like an actual code behind it.

Like a Russian gangster tattoo. And if you've got like a ship between your nip-nips, a full-rigged ship that's rigged up all nice, apparently it means that you've been around Cape Horn. Oh, wow, okay. So all of these kind of... These aren't compulsory, presumably.

No, I think... No, there's a lot of... It turns out there are a lot of people who have done 10,000 miles in Shoreditch, turns out. Right. When I said shoulder blade, that's what was at the back. I meant the clavicle sort of area. Is that where the swallows are?

You are very pigeon chest. You may as well have two shoulder blades. A bit rich. Not really. I'm not pigeon chest in the slightest. I've got right titties. So have I. I've got big old tit-tits.

Oh, no, because I always get confused because pigeon chest, I thought it was like a concave chest, isn't it? Well, I get confused between concave and convex, so you're asking the wrong man there. Obtuse angles. Yeah.

Yeah, if you have got an anchor on you, a single anchor means that a sailor has crossed the Atlantic or was a merchant mariner. Or that you run a craft beer place in Hackney. Yeah, exactly. These are all like prime Hackney tattoos. Hula girls. These are US sailors who have been to Hawaii.

Okay. I'm having that. So all of them then. A nautical star so a sailor could always find their way home. That's not actually useful. No. Because it's on your body. That could be anywhere.

Do you know why it works, Pete? Yeah. Home is where the heart is. Home is where the heart is. Beautiful. So who told you about this stuff? A website. Okay.

Sorry, no. An old man in a sailor's tavern that i frequent i often think of you on your own at night googling uh sailors tattoos tattooed men yeah sounds about right what are you doing this week well i've got a i've done what i always do and this is the bane of my life i've built it up haven't i and okay before the jingle i said i've got a great one well it's not necessarily a great one, but what happened to me a week or so ago, did I tell you this? I don't think I did because it was on a Wednesday and I don't normally see you on a Wednesday.

Right. Wednesday morning of last week. You call that your holiday day. Yeah, exactly. I get time off. I locked myself out of the house. Right. And I know that's not a sort of particularly-

That's very brand me, to be honest. I know. Locking people in, locking myself out. And it's not particularly of note on itself. sort of particularly that's very brand me to be honest locking people in locking myself out but it's not particularly of note on itself of itself i understand people will lock themselves out of their houses all the time but to give you a little bit of um of information about why it was sort of i guess comedy and quite tragic um i live on the first floor of a house which is you know it's a maisonette so the ground floor and the first floor are separate so i live on the first floor my name is luca yeah and there's no and there's no um there's no back

access to the house so i have got a back garden but you can't get to it apart from through the house you can't get to any of the gardens okay apart from through the house so i knew that um the only way i was going to get into the house because my wife's at work was to get in through the back bedroom window. Right, okay. But obviously I can't get to the back of the house because it's a massive 40-house long terrace. Yeah. So I knocked up my next-door neighbour, Julie, very nice.

I said, Julie, I've been an idiot. I've locked myself out of the house. Can you please let me through your house so I can jump over three gardens to get to my back garden to try and get into my bedroom window, which, by the way, is on the first floor. Right. And she was like, yeah, that's fine, you idiot, come in.

She ushered me through the house, put me in the back garden of her house, and said, right, I'm off to work now, best of luck. Hang on, so that's basically,

I'm not sure whether you've improved your situation here. No, exactly. Because you've been locked in the back of the house that you can't get back out of anywhere.

So now it's a zero-sum game. Now it is shit or bust. I either get into my house or I'm stuck in the garden. Right. So anyway, I jump zero sum game. Now it is shit or bust. I either get into my house or I'm stuck in the garden. Right. So anyway, I jump over two fences to get to,

so I'm now in my back garden. I'm thinking hot fuzz. Yeah, it's a bit like that. It's a bit like, you know in Breaking Bad with all those scenes with Walter White

when he had to get back to his own house without being seen and do stuff and go again. It's a bit like that. So anyway, I get to the back of the house

and in my back garden is a step ladder but it's not very big. And the way the gardens are set out is that I have to then, because the gardens are separated long ways, I then have to put my step ladder in the garden of the house below to get to my bedroom. So I put the step ladder up. It's nowhere near tall enough and the ground is so uneven that it just wobbles every time I go up it. So I thought, God, I can't get in.

What am I going to do? To cut a long story short, I'm pottering around trying to work something out two two gardens down the other way i see a massive window cleaners ladder on their hat on derrick's shed derrick's a guy who's a couple doors down why do you know all of your neighbors because we've got a community anyway we got everyone's at work pete Everyone's at work. So I think, right, I'm going to go and get that ladder. I jump over two more fences the other way. By this time, I am covered in crap, right? And I've got a bruise on my knee because I banged it over the wall. I try and grab this window canister's ladder, and it is unbelievably heavy.

I was like, to the point where I was thinking, I know I'm not that strong, but I don't know how anyone uses this ladder so i can't really even move it is it kind of is it longer than the width of one garden so you could just lay it over and kind of yeah spider-man over an entire garden i didn't think of that but it was it was massive yeah um and anyway i then realized the reason it was so heavy is because it's full of water which which of course made it completely uneven. So I managed to... How did it get... What, is there a cavity in the side of the ladder?

Just little holes in it that are just filled up with rain. Just filled up with rain, right, okay. So anyway, I grabbed that ladder, get it down, it's full of water. So every time I move one way, all the water gushes to the other end and I can't control it. So I'm just banging the shit out of everything.

Anyway, cut a long story short again, I get into my downstairs neighbour garden, put the ladder up alongside the bedroom window and control it. So I'm just banging the shit out of everything. Anyway, cut a long story short again, I get into my downstairs neighbour garden and put the ladder up alongside the bedroom window. But the ground is even, uneven as I said to you before. So I can't get up the ladder

because it's too wobbly. So I have to move the ladder to about three or four feet to the side of my window to get an even bit of ground to get up the ladder. So I get up the ladder okay so i get up the ladder i'm just about reached and pull my sash window open it's really easy to put open and it's open

so great i open it right then i have to jump across and shivvy my way into the house right so i do that get so happy that i've done that by the way at this point i should probably remind you that i had my backpack with me and a massive kid's magna doodle because i was bringing that in to give to john for his son something to uh something to do in it so i had to carry this with me everywhere i went right so anyway i got into the um i got into the house oh yeah brilliant done it excellent done all that um get all my stuff together i changed my jeans because they're dirty leave get all my keys get my phone everything leave the house think oh shit i've left the bedroom window open and I've left the ladder there. So I have to go back again,

take the ladder all the way back over again, put it on the outhouse, the shed outside, Derek's house, a couple of doors down. Well, how did you get back in after that? Have you got a, oh, I guess you've got a back door. You've got a back door. Anyway, so that's what I've been up to over the last week and it was absolutely tragic. My wife thought it was hilarious. Yeah, it was embarrassing.

I mean, I would say that your wife is way more kind of equipped physically to do what you did there. She'd have been brilliant. In that she's small and live. She used to be a gymnast as well. Yeah, exactly. And you are an immovable brick wall, effectively.

25 stone lump. It was terrible. Absolutely terrible. So anyway. Fantastic stuff. So if I was going to draw a tattoo on you, it would be a ladder and a Magna Doodle. No, it would be a Magna Doodle.

I'd get a Magna Doodle, but put a little needle through it and give you a little tattoo. Magna Doodle on the back and a ladder on your arm means that you've locked yourself out of the house with a Magna Doodle. It's a very specific tattoo, that one.

Only a few select tattoo artists can do that one. Well, if anyone can beat that, hello at Luke from LukeandPeteShow.com. Let us know where you're from and what batteries you've got in your remote. Yeah, exactly. And I think we're also in the process now of building up a bit of a network of experts. I was looking through old emails and other bits and pieces. And we've got, like, for example, we've got Ben Goldman, who's been in touch a few times.

I think I might read an email out of his next week. Okay. He appears to be something of an egg expert or an egg-spert, I suppose. Annie, do you remember Cheesy Annie? Oh, yeah, the cheese expert. Annie the cheese expert. To be honest, if she's going to be a cheese sommelier, which is how she described it, she'd get used to being called Cheese Annie, I'm afraid.

Cheesy Annie or Cheese Annie. Cheese Annie is better than Cheesy Annie. and we've also got um let me find she doesn't want me called cheesy annie no let me find it but we've also got um alex rotisserie alex we named a show after who was at the um he works at whole foods she's like uh right okay she's an expert in rotisserie i don't know whole foods whatever tasting uh rotating meat what i'm saying yeah what i'm saying is we're building up a bit of a community and I quite like that

I mean it's mainly food based but we'll oh yeah it is if we've got any burglars listening yeah I'd like to actually

hear from anyone who's actually legitimately burgled a house I don't know why you go off peace like this why

we can't encourage crime literally nothing's stopping us. I'll burgle my own house. Exactly. I remember in my student house, there used to be one room that was accessible if you jumped on the shed

and usually they'd have their window slightly ajar and you'd open it up. It was a lad called Paul who would always lock his door. So if you wanted to play on his computer, you'd just climb up there and jump in and just, you know. And did he have any idea you were doing that? I think he had some pretty good ideas because another housemate of mine,

which I hope nobody's listening to this, may have had sex in his bed for a bit of a thrill, a bit of a drunken thrill. And how did he find it? I don't think he knew. Sorry, how did he find it uh i don't think he knew i don't think he knew sorry how did you find it i did can i to take this it's not important what i uh enjoy to take this mount down a more uh somber boulevard right um i've actually had my house burgled while i was in it oh that's that's horrible. So what did they take? All your Bexels. They took... Every last Bexel.

They took quite a few CDs, DVDs, a piece of art. A piece of art. Yeah. Off the wall. And yeah, basically we were asleep in the bedroom

and I left, it was me, my fault, I left the window open in the living room. Right. We were on the first floor though, mind. Yeah.

And they shimmied in, unfurled a sleeping bag that was in the living room, because I think we had people to stay in there the night before or something. Right. Filled that sleeping bag full of CDs, DVDs and stuff. This is about six in the morning. Yeah. And my ex-girlfriend and I heard them and disturbed them. They legged it back out the window down the side of the house, dropped a load of stuff,

so I was able to collect it back up. But yeah, but having a house burger while you're asleep in it it's horrible isn't it I remember my we used to go on holiday to Butlins I might have mentioned this

on the show before but we used to go on holiday to Butlins which one? Filey it might have been an off-brand one maybe a Haven

or something I remember the Tiger mascot might have been a Haven holiday it could be a pontons even. Pontons was the crocodile, wasn't it? Right, yeah.

That's right, yeah. And we used to go every now and again and my, I remember somebody had burgled the shed or tried to burgle a shed. Right.

And my mum spotted because she's a very late sleeper and she's just worried about everything all the time. She noticed that somebody was trying to get in the shed at like three in the morning.

And so my dad went, don't worry, guys, you go off on holiday and I will fit a burglar alarm and watch out for burglars. My dad clearly not wanting to go on a caravan holiday. Good on him for exploiting the anger. I know, massively. And so he would have spent the whole week just smoking and drinking and just, you know, being a right rotten sod. Something you're going to employ when you have a family of your own?

Well, I'll probably go and do the smoking, but I'll certainly do the drinking. I can't imagine how lovely it must be to be a father of two and have the house just completely so decimated with noise and craziness. Especially with you, because you were a very difficult child. Well, no, I wasn't. I was lovely. It's kind of why my dad goes to bed. craziness. Especially with you because you were a very difficult child. Well, no I wasn't. I was lovely. But yeah, that's it. It's kind of why my dad goes to bed at about he's sort of modified his sleeping

pattern so that he goes to sleep about six or seven at night and wakes up at one in the morning and just has the house to himself. He loves it. So he never sees his wife, his life partner. But the thing is, going to bed, so in the summer going to bed when it the summer going to bed when

it's light and waking up when it's dark it's just odd my body would never get used to that it's going but going back to the smokers that you could never smoke because you've got asthma right no it doesn't it's completely unrelated i've always it always irks me why are you so annoyed it's because because for the same reasons why people thought i could never play quasar laser because of the dry ice. Completely unrelated. Quasar Laser? Quasar Laser. Talking of off-brand laser quests.

My dad's got worse asthma than me. He smoked for like 30 years, something like that. Okay, he doesn't smoke now. And then took snuff. I remember my dad, when I was about 14, I had the sniffles and my dad came back from the pub drunk and he gave me some snuff to sort me nose out. I'm like, Dad, that's literally cigarettes. That's not what you need. Do you know, when I've been visiting my wife's friends out in the

US, and some of them live in a more rural part of Connecticut, and I've been there when a couple of them have been chewing tobacco. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they put it in their lip and spitting. Very odd. That is a fast-tracked agum disease, isn't it, really? If you chew tobacco, get in touch at helloatlukeandfetra.com. Well, again, that's quite hipstery, isn't it really if you chew tobacco get in touch

at hello at lukenfetra.com well again that's quite hipstery isn't it the old is it I've never seen that

sailor tattoos and well not chewing tobacco but those little those little snoo tea bags that Swedish people put under their

between their lip I have never been in like the most fashionable parts of East London look in the urinal you will see these

little tiny wee tea bags of chewing tobacco. Well, not chewing tobacco, like kind of sucking tobacco. I don't really call it. Maybe I just didn't know what they were. Little wee tea bags. Little wee tea bags.

Have you ever been in a bar when in the urinal they've just thrown ice instead of... That's annoying. Why does that happen? I don't know. It doesn't get rid of the smell, but it's just a waste of ice

and kind of the technology that allows people to freeze water. It's just a waste of ice, really. It's probably a cheaper alternative to a urinal lozenge. I, for about a year, whenever me and my friend would go to the toilet in a bar or nightclub, I would pick up these little urinal kicks and throw them at my friend. Pete. Because it's funny.

Because they don't expect you to do it and it's funny and you can wash your hands afterwards. It's not appropriate behaviour in a discotheque. No, but it's funny because they don't expect you to do it. They think it's disgusting

because you think it's disgusting. It is disgusting. It is empirically disgusting. Yeah. But they never expect you to do it. Just throw it at their back. This horrible vaginal... Vaginal vaginal sorry urinal i don't think i should have to hear that while i'm on my own in the room with you i just okay i just no not that just the behavior do you remember in

american psycho uh the book when he puts chocolate on it and i remember the bloke was going it's just so minty it's just so minty Pete it's just so minty Luke just let it happen and the other thing the reason I don't like it is because the listeners will know as well as I do that this sort of

little occasional tip that you throw in there is the tip of the iceberg about your behaviour it's the tip of the urinalberg yeah right shall we do some emails let's do some emails

shall we take a shot to Sajan first let's have a bit of this we'll both look after Luke We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke. If he feels sad with our mum and dad, we'll both look after Luke. And we're back.

This is Luke and Pete Shaw. I'm Pete Donaldson. Luke Moore has joined me this year. Why don't I get to say I'm Luke Moore? Because... Let's get a situation going where you say, I'm Pete Donaldson, and I say, and I'm Luke Moore.

All right. Do it again. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I'm Luke Moore. Good on you. There you go. You wanted to do... Didn't you do well? Thanks very Moore. All right. Do it again. I'm Pete Donaldson. And I'm Luke Moore. Good on you. There you go. Didn't you do well? Thanks very much.

I'll get used to it. You said to me before we came on that you wanted to do an email section solely, exclusively about sleepwalking. Well, we had a good few emails about sleepwalking, so I thought it'd be quite nice to kind of have a little sleepwalking special. Somnambulism special.

Somnambulism special indeed. Do you want to kick us off with a little bit of sleepwalkery? Yes, so just so I know because our admin is absolutely dreadful. I've got an email here from Luke from Frisco, Colorado. I've got one from Evan Armstrong and I've got another one from

Israel. Are they the three we're going to do? Let's do those then. Okay, which one do you want first? Let's have Israel's because it's a humdinger. I'll do Israel's first. Israel from Chicago. Hello, Israel.

You haven't put your battery around, but that's okay. We'll have an amnesty on that for now. Moratorium next week. Maybe that's his second name, Putnams. I'd put some Putnams in my remote. Israel Putnam. He's got his own brand of Putnam's. I'd put some Putnam's in my remote. Israel Putnam. He's got his own brand of batteries, a set of Putnam's in his remote.

Pump it up with Putnam's. Do they have LG Electronics in the US? Are they worldwide? That's pretty ubiquitous, yeah. You can't really launch a universal brand, a unilateral, an international brand without bothering the North Americas. My friend Dan, who is a very good friend of mine,

spends a lot of his time in the Far East with work. And he said to me that GP Ultras, do you remember those? What, the batteries? Yeah, he's a listener to the show as well, and he was talking about GP Ultras. And if I just find his message, he was saying to me that GPp ultra are actually quite a big um quite a big company and um he said that they um they own this was episode 21 we were talking about wasn't it he

said they own a um a um another another sort of variation of their brand called gp acoustics right okay and they bought kef speakers and kef speakers are some of the best speakers around and you can buy GP Ultra batteries separately, and you used to be able to buy them in Richer Sounds, apparently. So apparently there are loads of factories of them in China. Okay. What I would say is that a lot of... We can't get away from batteries.

We try and we try. We can't get away from batteries. They get drawn back in. What I like about... I think you'll find that a lot of brands, big brands, get rebranded when they go into a new territory. So like Nintendo, you can buy a Nintendo DS in China, bearing in mind that I think the Chinese government have only just started allowing official console releases in China, not that long ago.

But Nintendo is very much like, it's called IQ in there, IQUE. So you don't buy a Nintendo DS, you buy an IQDS, I believe. And didn't the Nintendo console in Japan used to be called a Famicom? Yeah, exactly. So over there it was, yeah, Super Famicom rather than Super Nintendo. That's right.

Or SNES. People get very upset about, I think there's a definite disconnect between North America and England slash Britain. very upset about i think that there's a definite disconnect between um north america and england slash britain uh we call it snez and uh the us only ever call it the super nes what a waste of time yeah i love it that's my favorite console of all time and you embarrassed yourself a couple of weeks ago by calling um overwatch a twin stick shooter yeah i didn't realize good point um i didn't realize that twin stick shooters are like those kind of

little 2D shoot em ups you know from back in the day like R-Type and stuff like that but you know you can rotate

I presumed because you use the twin sticks and you shoot I think that's the very you know is a great description

for a 3D shooter turns out not anyway Israel is waiting on Tenterhook think of him on his train to work in Chicago. On his little Putnams.

They're going to read my email and we haven't read it. So here we go. I hope the email gets read out before my Putnams run out. Yeah. Israel says, sorry, I'm just moving my chair

because I want a bit of a break in the carpet and it feels a bit uncomfortable. Sorry about that. Israel says, hello fellas, regarding your chat last week, might have been the week before

by now, it'd be helpful if people email input the episode number because we have we have no memory of any of them um regarding your chat last week about peeing in drawers and such i've got a story um when we were growing up in the 80s my parents were always into herbs and non-traditional medicines now israel of course would call them herbs herbs de-herbs things like making making us all take daily spoonfuls of raw bee pollen and such like that and one item they were fond of was sassafras tea i believe it's pronounced sassafras tea supposedly it had great health benefits one day they were driving along with

my older brother and sister through the countryside where we lived and spotted some natural sassafras growing on along the road now for people listening to this israel at this point has put sassafras growing along the road. Now, for people listening to this, Israel at this point has put sassafras in inverted commas. So there might be something awry here. I wonder what sassafras is, though. It's actually banned in the US now. Sassafras oil is banned in the US because apparently it's got carcinogenic potential. So anyway.

That's in everything. Toast, as? Feeling their kinship with our hunter-gatherer ancestors, they pulled over and harvested the bounty. And when when they returned home they made some tea out of it and drank it later that night my parents heard a commotion upstairs and went to investigate much to their surprise they found my sister who was about seven years old trying to stand on her doorknob to reach a phantom purse that was supposedly perched on top of the door and my brother who was about 10 had wandered into the bathroom,

opened the laundry chute, and was urinating through down to the floor below. Two words for you, Luke. Added value. Yeah. Sounds like this sassafras has got something in it. Needless to say, it's like some sort of deranged home alone. Needless to say, this was a story that we loved to need in my parents within later years, wondering how they could have been so thick as to grab a random plant from the side of the road and

mash it up and give it to their children. I was only a little baby at the time so I didn't have to suffer the hallucinations but there were plenty other opportunities for weird

remedies and medicinals in my future including ear candles, poison ivy scraping and other things that I won't go into here. Love the show. Keep up the good

work Israel. I mean two things. Do Chicago people actually use the word herb or would they say herb? No, herb. Everyone in the US says herb. Really? My wife even says it now. Herb? Yeah. I think the best guess I've got on that, and I've done no research at all, but my best

guess, thinking about it now, is that because herb is I think a much more prevalent man's name in the US, they must have gone with herb to change it. Oh, to distinguish it. To distinguish it, yeah. Did you notice that the KFC Twitter page follows only seven people?

And they're all Herbs? They're all Herbs and Spice Girls. That is, really, is that true? Yeah, but the thing is, the person who noticed it, he made a big deal out of it on, I think, Reddit and stuff, and it got upvoted and everyone found out about it oh what an amazing thing and then it was discovered or by reddit

which may or may not be true that this bloke worked for a pr firm that may or may not have been involved with the the corporation that sort of thing so they have to spoil everything or reddit have to presume that they're spoiling everything, which in turn spoils everything. And you and I are fortunately, well, maybe unfortunately, I suppose, old enough to remember when the internet was actually fucking cool. Yeah, it used to be the wild west, and now it's just safe, and people just putting inspirational messages over pictures of the seaside and stuff. Should I Google inspirational messages?

Yeah, type in inspirational messages. Inspirational quotes into Google and I'll tell you the first three that come up. All right? Right. First one. Dreams and dedication are a powerful combination. D&D.

Dungeons and Dragons too. Don't worry about failures. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try. That's a bit Wayne Gretzky. I think you should listen to that one. And the third one, change your thoughts and you change the world. Change your thoughts and you change

the world. I mean, you could say that the parents of Israel did just that, but they helped. That's Israel the email, not the country. Maybe if Israel did chill out a bit, have some sasfafran or whatever it's called. Everyone might calm down a bit after some sassafra, I don't know what it's called.

Everyone might calm down a bit. I've changed my thoughts to feeding my children nondescriptive herbs at the side of the road. To be fair to Israel, it's great that you emailed in with that. It's a great story. It could have been a lot worse for the Putnam family. They could have been facing down a long stretch

in Chalkie. Or in the ground. Well, after murdering their children. My friend Mike's middle name is Putnam. down a long stretch in Chalky. Yeah, or in the ground. Yeah, exactly. Well, after murdering their children. My friend Mike's middle name's Putnam. How about that? Paul Putnam was

the Curious Orange and the Tizer Head. Well, I don't know what either of those things are. Curious Orange was on This Morning With Us, You're Not Judy.

Lee and Herring, I do remember. Lee and Herring. He used to scream and he was also the Tizer Head that used to come on before CDUK

on a Saturday morning. What a great pair of jobs. Great head actor. What's he doing now? He's usually seen in a pub in Highgate. Actually, at one point he said, you look like Joseph Goebbels to me. Okay. Which is not incorrect.

More like a young Stalin, I would say. Yeah, young Stalin. I'll take it. Actually, no, because young Stalin was actually quite sexy. Yeah, I realised that as I was saying it. Young Lenin, maybe. I'll commit to it actually quite sexy. Yeah, I realised that as I was saying it. Jung Lennon, maybe. I committed to it. Ear candles.

Have you ever tried that? They were very in vogue in the late 80s, early 90s. Well, do you know what? I did have a problem with some earwax about 10 years ago. He stole my lunch money. Yeah, he was a local bully, earwax. He used to eat your earwax. And it was like Stephen King's It, but not as bad. We eat earwax. He used to eat your earwax. No, and it was like Stephen King's It,

but not as bad. No, he, we eat earwax down here. Yeah, we, so I went to the, I went to the pharmacy

and said, look, I've got this problem with earwax. And the pharmacist said, oh, try this, this Otex. Yeah.

And the, the softener, isn't it? Well, the science behind Otex, I believe, is that earwax, I think,

is ever so slightly acidic. Right. And Otex is alkali. So when they meet is ever so slightly acidic right and otics is alkali so when they meet the idea is they dissolve mention alkali because rick edwards up his nose you will maybe that's what i used him as no yeah he had a 20 a day otics but anyway so i used that it didn't really work and um when i went to the i eventually went to the doctor's have my ears irrigated after using olive oil to soften it yeah and the doctor said to me, don't ever put that O-Tex in your ear. O-Tex, whatever you do, it's terrible. I don't know how they get away with selling it.

That's number one. Point number two, do not go within a country mile of an ear candle. It's absolute pseudoscience rubbish. Nonsense, isn't it? Yeah, well, is it like suction or something? It burned up all the oxygen, so it sucked out earwax and stuff like that. But it's just crap. Absolute crap. So I've never used one. It's like a wicked candle

that doesn't drip. So have you used one? Yeah, my dad he was a big fan of the old ear syringe. Maybe I could do with it a little bit because I am very deaf. So maybe I am one of those people who have too much earwax in. Well the earwax when you need to get it irrigated,

it'll come to a point, well, it does for me anyway, where you'll start to have a bit of a sore throat and things will feel a bit swollen. Oh, maybe not. And you need to soften it with olive oil. You might as well try putting some olive oil in your ear and see what happens. My doctor always said...

Should we do that for a live show special? Don't put anything in your ear bigger than your elbow. No, smaller than your elbow. Sorry, smaller than your elbow. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, makes more sense. Do you want to do another sleepwalking email? All right, then.

Are you going to do one? Yeah, I'll do one. You've done a bit of work. Do you want Evan Armstrong or do you want someone else? Let's get Luke from Frisco. Yeah, okay, cool. Because I just love Frisco, Colorado.

Frisco! So I thought Frisco was short for San Francisco. I reckon it is, isn't it? Yeah, okay. Who's Cisco? He's, yeah. He was up blocking that is, isn't it? Yeah, okay. Who's Cisco? He was up blocking that band, wasn't he, before he did the Thong Song? Thong Song.

What band was he in? No, do you want me to check? Not Bonthugs and Harmony. What was he in? He was in like... I remember they reformed and he said, Good night, we are Cisco, instead of saying the name of the band.

Did he really? He was in a band called Drew Hill. Drew Hill, that's it, that's it. Thong Song is a classic, by the way. Yeah. Hasn't he done Thong Song 2017 or something? He'll probably release it this year. If you go and see Cisco live,

I imagine he does it about three times. Luke, Drew Hill were good, though. I think one of them had a stick. He was a really fat guy who had a stick, or I'm thinking of another band. I can't picture Drew Hill. Let me Google image him now. Google image Drew Hill

and one of them is one of them's got a stick. He's a big fat guy. He's a big fat guy and he's got a stick for obvious reasons. One of them looks like a cross between

Puff Daddy and Ice-T. One of them is so obviously Cisco and the other one's got a skull painted into his hair. The scene is so typically Cisco.

A bit like that dart player, Peter Snakebite Wright. He did a big poppy thing, didn't he, this week? Peter Wright? Yeah. Is he the guy who has, like, coloured hair and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway, carry on.

Luke from Frisco. Luke from Frisco, Colorado. Hello, gents. In my career as a habitual sleepwalker, I have done the following whilst very much asleep. I've turned on the shower and soaked up completely. Oh, that is much. That's a very sexy start.

That's nice, isn't it? While listening to Cisco. Yeah, lovely old job. I've parked my bicycle in my bedroom. Wow. Incredible. Have you ever had a kind of loft conversion where you've had your bike

next to your bed? I don't like that kind of thing. Well, I was just trying to think that actually carrying a bike up to a bedroom when you're awake is quite hard. So God knows why he's done that

unless it's a Brompton. They're still quite heavy though, aren't they? Brompton's USP is making them easy to carry. Exactly. Muttered, I'm sorry, Luke Moore,

over and over, much to the chagrin of an extremely bemused girlfriend because he's been listening to our other podcast, The Football Ramble, for eight years. Okay. I don't know what to say to that. I'm sorry, Luke Moore.

Yeah. Like, I've heard I'm sorry, I'm Luke Moore before, from Luke Moore. Look, we're all sorry, mate. However, none of these come close to my sleepwalking adventure, or rather, the sleepwalking adventure I had one night almost ten years ago to the day. My pal, Carl, he's put that in inverted commas, I don't know whether that's a nom de plume or what,

has invited me and a couple of friends to his house to play ping pong and drink warm beer in only the way that young US American teenagers can. Carl's parents were very much home and very much okay with the underage drinking as long as it happened under their roof. After a good few hours of silly drinking, during which some of us rubbed some exposed fiberglass insulation onto our testicles, just to give you a bit of insight into the evening. Hang on.

I have a few questions. I'd never sleep after that. Rubbing exposed fiberglass insulation on their testicles. Yeah, you know that stuff you put on? Yeah, I know what it's like. The stuff you avoid like a plague when you go up into the loft. I know, like extreme wrestlers throw it at each other and go, ooh, that must have hurt.

Maybe that's a thing in America. Maybe, maybe it is. Yeah, anyway, that's how the night went. The four of us then headed upstairs and collapsed into one bed. Wow. Here is where I have to divide fact from what I remember. Fact, at some point in the night, I woke up to use the bathroom. It'd be my first evening at Carl's house.

I was not well acquainted with the geography of the house, so when I was done, I returned to the bedroom with a bed that had people in it. The people were not Carl and our friends, but rather Carl's mum and dad. Now, given that Carl and I were of fairly similar height and weight, and that it was sometime between the hours of 2 and 6am, I completely understand why Carl's mum and dad

took 15 minutes to realise that the boy curled up next to them was in fact not their son. Well, listen, if you count... I feel better about my little story from a couple of weeks ago. When you chuck that in at 15 minutes, people just sort of gloss over that. Take the time to think about how long 15 minutes is. It's quite a long time. Listening to this show, it's long enough.

They shooed me out of there like a misbehaving cat and I stumbled back to the correct bedroom. I remember waking up at around 6am to slink off to a morning church service.

I had a vague memory of Carl's mum saying, no, this isn't right. Go back to your bed. I've seen porn like this at some point. In fact, nowadays,

most porn is incest milk porn. Stop it. All right. I just think it's wrong. I just think it's wrong. What is wrong with the youth of today that they're obsessed with having sex with members of their family? I'll tell you what's wrong about this.

You keep going off piece with this mad stuff. We haven't planned this. Stick to the email. I just... We haven't planned any of it, have we? No. It's somebody in the night. No, this isn't right.

I thought it must have been a bizarre dream, so I dismissed it and went off to church. What a weird start to your church service. A few hours later, while walking out, I saw that I had a voicemail from Carl, so I listened. What followed was a two full minutes of shrieking laughter, intermingled with shouted phrases from Carl, such as, you crawled in their bed and they thought you were me. from Carl, such as, you crawled in their bed and they thought you were me.

The next time I saw Carl's parents in public, I gave a bumbling, mortified apology. The question remains, I do remember Carl's mum telling me to leave. Does this mean this was merely a case of drunken navigational error or was I sleepwalking? I think a bit of both. I think that's fair do, isn't it? Well, you know what?

That final sentence, I mean, the rest of that is entirely horrific mostly down to you don'ton but the final sentence there is a really interesting area i think because we've i'm sure you have i know i definitely have you're in a situation with you if you sleep quite deeply and you have quite a big quite a sort of uh intense dream yeah when you wake up and you go about your normal day, so you go and get in the shower, you go and get some breakfast, you go do stuff, sometimes it's very hard

to understand that what you've dreamt about hasn't happened. And it takes ages to wear off, doesn't it? It's almost like an anaesthetic taking a while to wear off fully. So I think it's not...

I'm constantly, with ladies that I have known, always getting shouted at after they wake up yeah I'm just trying to dream about you possibly something different yeah

and combined with things I've done as well yeah you can't get out of it that easily but what I'm trying to get at is I suppose that it's not a binary thing

it's not sleep or awake there are several stages in between I would argue I'm sleep podcasting right now yeah we both are we have been for years. Shall we have one more email and then we'll chip off? Yeah, one more from Evan about sleepwalking

because Evan is a... I think he's studying this, something about this at the University of San Diego, so we'll hear more now. Evan says, Hello Luke and Pete from San Diego. Hello Evan. I would like to first off state my appreciation for the many hours of

listening I've enjoyed across your multiple podcasting platforms wow the MPP as you can see what a start to the email he said the Luke and Pete show has got me through a rough summer internship researching cases for my first taste of what it is like to be a lawyer so I figured I would give something back that I learned in my criminal law class last year. What I like about lawyering and soliciting and stuff like that is that the sexiness of being a lawyer and the sexiness of being a man or woman of the law, of the courtroom, is really sexy. But the actual reality of training

and the actual reality of doing what you do can be the most arduous thing, idea anywhere. And I think I'm right in saying it's different between the US and the UK. In the UK, you can prepare the case and then you brief a barrister. Right. I think in the US, they do it all. Yeah. In the US, I don't think you specialise on a different area of the law either.

Okay. When in the UK, you do. I think that's right anyway. I think I'd probably prefer the US system to see everything through to the end and to have a bit of variety. Because I guess if you prepare a case and then you put it in the line of the barrister

and the barrister has a bad day it's a nightmare but anyway Evan perhaps will be able to tell us more about that he goes on to say

last year we had a discussion on what is known as somnambulistic homicide this is what you had described last week I think that was in episode 22 about the French detective

who you know you all heard it I suppose the good news for everyone is that I need not get into a discussion on whether this is a form of homicide or manslaughter or murder because the answer is that it is neither or none of those things. We read a case known as Cogden's case, which I believe is a common case for all first-year law students

to read in both the US and in England because American justice is closely modelled and often resorted to the precedent of the English courts. The case occurred in England in 1951 and the facts are thus. The lady, Cogden, was prone to having sleep fits, in quotes, and went so far as to see a doctor about them. The most severe of the sleep fits before she saw the doctor involved her walking into her

daughter's room and brushing spiders off of her that she believed were attacking her. Crack. Definitely crack. Yeah, crack. Crack yeah crack spiders they're famous we crack around in 1951 probably called something else wouldn't it cockade's been around for a long time coca-cola yeah yeah one night after she saw the doctor there was a discussion about the korean war and before she went to bed her daughter called out to her mum don't be silly the war isn't on our front doorstep yet mrs colton went to sleep and dreamt the war was, in fact, all around her. She dreamt that soldiers were all around the house, and one in particular was in her daughter's room attacking her,

the same daughter from the spider incident. Mrs. Cogden doesn't remember anything else from the dream, and the next thing she remembers is waking up at her sister's house next door, thinking she'd hurt her daughter. What actually happened was Mrs. Cogden left her bed, fetched an axe from the wood heap took it into her daughter's room and struck two blows to her killing her mrs cogden was found not guilty though by the crown who accepted that she was not insane but rather that her actions were completely involuntary because she had no control over the action she had in her sleep that is the most horrific story. So far. Depressing, horrific.

It has everything. She said the common law, the basis of English jurisprudence and some American jurisdictions and the model penal code, the basis for the majority of American jurisdictions are in accord with this result. They say that because someone is asleep they are incapable of realising the

results of their actions. Anyway, cheers for the hours of entertainment and keep up the good work. That's so sad. Evan does add a little addendum to this and says, I personally said when I heard this, I thought it was ridiculous that someone could think that soldiers were outside and around the house and that she could still walk all the way to the wood heap to grab

the axe. So, holes in the story, perhaps, but we are not justice experts and Mrs Cogden, I presume, is sadly passed on herself because it happened in 1951. So who knows? I like that Evan,

well, not necessarily, but I think I like that Evan kind of is going, nah, bullshit. Yeah, I'm not having it. Yeah, I'm not having it. Just another example of the baby boomers ruining the world.

Right. That culminates, yeah, there are many of those. That culminates in the end of our sleepwalking email special. Yeah, I think so. It's been lovely. It really has.

It's been sleepy. One of my favourite video games on the Amiga was Sleepwalker. That was fantastic. I used to play that. Great little game. You played the cuddly toy. You had to stop the kid waking up. I think it was a comic relief tie-in, possibly with Quavers.

It was the second Quavers game, the first being Pushover. Listen, this is what I remember about it, and this is your area

so you can correct me. The game starts with a kid getting out of bed asleep, getting into all sorts of mischief and you, either his best pal

or his cuddly toy, have to do certain stuff to stop him waking up. And if he wakes up you lose. I think whatever the mascot was or whatever the cuddly toy was,

was voiced by Lenny Henry in the comic relief cartoons. I might be massively wrong on that one, but it was very much like Lemmings, where creatures would just move from left to right or right to left, and you had to get them into getting home or staying safe. So I used to love Lemmings but I had a, first of all, I had a BBC Micro.

Right. You wouldn't have got it on that, would you? No, and then I had a PC, one of the very first home PCs, like a 386 or something like that and I used to love Lemmings but my friend

had Sleepwalker, I think on the Atari ST. Yeah. Would that sound right? Atari ST or Amiga, yeah. Yeah, and so I played it around his house. Yeah, I remember it well.

Beautiful. Very fun. Fun times, Pete. Lemmings were great. I used to be obsessed with Lemmings. I used to have a... I made a little T-shirt of my... In the town in Hartlepool,

they used to have these letters that you could buy and sort of iron on. And I loved the video game Lemmings so much, I made a I Love Lemmings T-shirt. Reprehensible behaviour. Was it... I used to draw them. I'll draw you one now.

Was that T-shirt on heavy rotation with your global hyper-colour T-shirt? It was on heavy rotation with an official Lemmings 2 t-shirt? It was on heavy rotation with an official Lemmings 2 t-shirt. They also released a single as well. That's how big it was. I remember it being massive. Absolutely massive, yeah. Oh, no. The piece exploded. That's right, yeah. There we go. Alright, then.

Let's get out of here. Hello at lukenpeachshow.com if you want to say hello. Or just tell us how much you loved Lemmings. Yeah, and do get in touch with us. We'd love to hear from you. And also, do leave us a nice review on iTunes and make sure you subscribe and tell all your friends because that's how these types of show live and die. Indeed.

So thanks for that and we'll see you next week. Bye. Outro Music