The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 29: Tokyo Binge

Episode Date: December 18, 2017

Pete is back from his charity trip to Kenya, we hear from more listeners who have 'ruined Christmas', a man who struggled to make jokes while learning English, and an unfortunate soul who self-medicates with onions and insists that it works better than any more traditional remedy.There's also time for some more Booze Britain chat from a man very close to the franchise and a blast from the past in the shape of turn-of-the-century gross out series Jackass.Tell us of your Johnny Knoxville-esque daredevil exploits: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And five, four, three... I mean, you've recorded this bit, haven't you? I know, but you're not supposed to say two or one. Go. Luke and Pete Shaw back once again. Renegade Master is... Well, he's popped to the low, hasn't he? He's not here. 29. We're on episode 29, Luke. That countdown at the beginning that you may or may not include in the final edit

always reminds me of the film Wayne's World. They get bought out by the big media company. Yes. If there are any big media companies out there listening in. We're a little bit like Wayne's World, aren't we? You Wayne or Garth? I'm very much Garth, for I wear spectacles. True, actually, yeah. And I'm great at drumming.

Secretly, but nobody knows. Is it Kim Basinger? Does he go with Kim Basinger at one point? I always say Bassinger. Oh, no. How do you say the popular tennis brand, Slazenga? Yeah, but when you're growing up

and Kim Bassinger is very much a growing up type person. when you're growing up and Kim Basinger is very much a growing up type person. Yes. When we were growing up there was no way

of checking these things. Oh what, of checking the pronunciation and stuff? Exactly, I know,

yeah. It's like I was calling George A Campos Jorge. Yeah, okay. Jorge.

That's a popular one the old Mexican conundrum, I suppose. I had to read the news, no wait, I had to read the news. No, wait. I had to read the sport, which is kind of news about sport, isn't it?

On the radio a few weeks ago. And I've always had problems with Jose Jose Mourinho, but I thought I'd had it nailed. But when I got to this point in the news story, I did a soft J instead of a hard one. And who doesn't like a hard one? Certainly not me. I know. How have you been, Luke? You all right?

Good. I am absolutely desperate. For a waz. No, I just went to the toilet, actually, Peter. As you well know. Good man. Stop showing off the lizard. Did you wash your hands?

I did, as always. Oh, speaking of, I actually sliced my finger on a paring knife yesterday. You said paring knife, and I actually had to Google paring knife. Is paring where you separate bone from flesh, if you're cutting? Well, in this case, absolutely. had to google pairing if is pairing where you separate bone from flesh if you're cutting well in this case absolutely um i don't i don't know what the specific role of a pairing knife is i just know that i've got a knife in the kitchen that my wife calls a pairing knife so i off also call it a pairing oh my god you're gonna have so many like americanisms that you have never sort

of experienced before and you're just gonna assume that that product is is known as that i don't think that isn't americanism though is it well no it probably isn't but i'm just saying that i have never sort of experienced before, and you're just going to assume that that product is known as that. I don't think that is an Americanism, though, is it? Well, no, it probably isn't, but I'm just saying that I've never heard of it. And I'm pretty clever, Luke. I just thought it was a small knife for chopping little vegetables and stuff, which is basically what I was doing. And I sliced my finger, but that wasn't going to be my point. My point was going to be that I can't wait,

and nor can all the listeners at home, to hear about your much-talked-about trip to Kenya. I don't think it was much-talked-about. Take it away, Pete Donaldson. I don't think it was much-talked-about. It kept getting delayed because of the elections. But you were there? I was there.

I went there for a weekend thanks to a charity called Practical Action who are mainly involved in... Well, they're involved all around the world. They do stuff in Bangladesh and Darfur and places like that. And, yeah, at this point, they're working on a clean hands initiative in a place called Kisumu, which is the third largest city in Kenya.

And it's kind of a victim of its own success in that it's got too big. And so the informal settlements have got too big. An informal settlement is basically a polite term for slum slash shithole. So we were just basically spent time talking to the people in the slums of Kasumu, Abunga, and I can't remember, Nyelanda? Nyelanda, I think it's called. Massive places, some of the most fascinating stories,

fascinating people I've ever met in my life. And yeah, it's pretty rough down there, to be honest. A bit of an eye-opening experience, a humbling one perhaps? You know what, I think anyone who is in any way politically minded should not be shocked by poverty. Anyone who plays the capitalism game and gets involved in that kind of caper, which of course I do and we both do,

shouldn't be shocked by what it does to people in slightly harsher conditions. But I was surprised at the way people went about their business, so to speak. I mean, Kisumu in particular is right next to Lake Victoria, which obviously borders Uganda and a couple of other places as well. And it's got a very high water table, which means that when toilets get dug,

they basically flood very easily. Right. And these townships, well, these informal settlements, these slums have terrible toilets, terrible drainage. So people, once the toilet gets full, they just dump their effluvia in the streets. And they're not really streets. They're just, you know, it's just a field.

It's like Glastonbury or something. It's just crap everywhere. Dirt tracks, basically, yeah. Just dirt tracks. There's just shit everywhere. And livestock graze on the human feces. Kids play playing it. When rainy season comes, people have to sweep shit out of their houses,

and it's just a horrific, horrific situation. And the problem not only is the problem of the infrastructure and the lack of clean water, people illegally hook up their own water supply to the mains, which means that when it floods, the inadequate piping to homes, and there's only a few of these people doing it, means that the dirt gets into the water, then poisons the water for everyone else.

Everyone gets ill. Cholera is a big problem. Diarrhea, mainly with children. When children get repeated bouts of diarrhea, they don't get their nutrients, and so stunting sets in. So you've got these tiny little burns unfortunately who were just incredibly malnourished and i met these this fucking horrendous story of this i met this woman called elizabeth and she is i think she's about 17 18

and she looks after her sister her mom and dad died i presume of hiv um when they were very young and she looks after her sister who has crippling arthritis and also HIV so she goes to work from like 6.90 to 8 in the evening comes back and has to look after her sister

and get her to hospital and get her the treatment she needs for both her HIV and arthritis they don't have toilets they don't have any way of keeping their hands clean keeping their food clean and diarrhea and any kind of disease like that for someone with hiv is obviously a big problem because your immune um system is incredibly compromised and i had a bit of a fucking break

that would be honest not because not because i didn't expect it it was just because i just ran out of things to ask because i can ask about the conditions i was there to talk about this clean hands initiative with uh practical actions it is an excellent charity and they're not you know ran out of things to ask because I can ask about the conditions. I was there to talk about this Clean Hands Initiative with Practical Actions. It is an excellent charity and they're not, you know, allied with any church or any kind of organisation like that.

For every pound that people give in, the UK government give in a pound. It's such a great cause. But I sort of ran out of questions because, like, what the fuck do I ask her? Because I have no frame of reference. I'm like,

I'm used to interviewing indie bands and people from films and I'm going right and me and you and you Luke and I am anything

but malnourished overnourished if anything but you don't wash your hands but yeah and I'm sort of going well what can I ask her

I can't ask her well she doesn't have free time she doesn't have any free time her life is an unending series of fucking shitty events taped together so your frame of But, yeah, and I'm sort of going, well, what can I ask her? I can't ask her, like, well, she doesn't have free time. She doesn't have any free time. No. Her life is an unending series of fucking shitty events taped together. So your frame of reference almost doesn't overlap at all,

and it's a very sobering experience. I just don't know what to ask. I mean, and, you know, this incredible fucking woman who just, well, girl, who looks after her sister who's incredibly unwell. But, yeah, and to be honest, but then there's things that I never thought I'd expect to see

where it was like basically all of the shacks are just shacks nailed together bits of corrugated iron but then there's businesses inside the slums and I didn't expect that

I expected it just that's where people live What type of businesses? Well just like dried fish so like little kind of you know like little white bait like little fish

that people have taken out of, like, you know, fished out of Lake Victoria and they let them dry and it flies everywhere. Like little small bits of meat. But it's going to be a small localised economy because there's so many people living there. But it's like the weirdest shit. Like a bloke has a PlayStation

and he charges like 10 pence for a game of FIFA or something. Premier League's massive out there. Someone's got a hooky connection with the with the tv company and they're um and they and they've got a little shack and they charge 15 pence for people to come in and watch them in yes if anybody from don't give the address out intellectual property yeah wants to get down to nielander and arrest that man but uh and uh yeah and and you know there's illegal breweries and you know obviously just people you know men men getting pissed but i mean to be honest substance abuse is something that i thought i'd see a lot more of and i didn't see any to be honest the most surprising thing is was

that people just getting on with it people who worked in the cities uh and it is a big city um didn't have uh you don't have any of these facilities but their clothes are impeccable like they were cleaner than my clothes i was like how are these people who were dying of you don't have any of these facilities but their clothes are impeccable like they were cleaner than my clothes I was like how are these people who are dying of fucking malnutrition managing to clean their clothes on going to church

going to work in suits and stuff some people all the while surrounded by fucking chickens eating shit you know kids with little I chatted to one kid who pulled out a fucking guinea pig. This beautiful, malnourished guinea pig.

And he was like, I was like, is that your pet then? What's his name? He's like, yeah, his name's whatever. And yeah, he's my pet until we eat it. And I was like, oh no. That's a shame. And then I fell in a drain.

So an eye-opening experience, but something that essentially very, very humbling humbling i suppose and something that makes you feel very lucky to to be where you are i guess yeah mass yeah massively it's an amazing experience and you've done a bit of good there you're probably downplaying your own role in that but you've done a bit of good there you've raised awareness you've raised some money you've educated some some people about things like are important like hand washing and all that sort of stuff right well i mean um you know i i, I think I've been allowed to plug the JustGiving page, am I?

Yeah, of course. AbsoluteRadio.cuddytok forward slash Kenya. That's AbsoluteRadio.cuddytok forward slash Kenya. I'll pin it to my at Pete Donaldson Twitter page as well. But they do some fantastic work building toilets and more importantly, just giving people education about preparing food properly, cleaning hands, because that's the thing that means that kids don't get to go to school because they're fucking shitting themselves inside out, you know.

Yeah. To speak rather candidly. Yeah. But it was great meeting some proper characters on the thing. This woman that's matriarch of the whole thing, and I won't bore people very much longer, this matriarch who kind of knew everyone. Like, she'd been a volunteer since, like, you know, the fucking 60s or something.

The things she'd seen, good Lord. And also a schoolteacher who I think was trying to marry off one of her daughters to me. Oh, really? She was like, why are you not married? Why do you not have a wife? Did I ask you that? I was like, why are you not married? Why do you not have a wife? Did I ask you that? I was like, I have five daughters.

I was like, all right, mate. So do I. Fuck in your box. I can't follow that, Pete. I think we should move on to the email section. But it is worth pointing out that this show was spawned by the fact that you and I are both fascinated by the world around us, the wonderful and different experiences we can enjoy. And some of these experiences

are going to be very, very difficult to take and very humbling, and you've experienced that today. So I'm not going to follow that up with an it's been of my own. I'm going to go straight to an email. Let's go straight to an email. I mean, to be honest,

all emails are about Poe and me anyway. So, I mean, it's almost a theme, isn't it? Well, I think we're getting closer. Acerbic dysentery. We're getting closer to Christmas now. And I want to bring this one in. I want to stop this. I want to stop this show.

I just want a week off. And this email from Chris Gower. Right. I am going to deliver to you guys. It's a Christmas-themed story. Okay. Straight after this jingle. All right.

I've got a jingle, have I? I see. That's too quiet, isn't it? There we go. Who's looked after me when you were in Kenya, though? You don't know. You don't care. You didn't call. You didn't write. Who has been looking after you? I've been mucking around on my own.

Mucking around on my own. Bats off the walls. Okay. But it's okay. Playing PlayStation for 15p a pop. It's okay. I've been looking after myself, don't worry. All right.

This email from Chris Gower. Hello to you, Chris. He says, I know the Christmas ruining hangover well. Well, I mean, this has been a theme for quite a few weeks now. And with every passing story, I'm loving it more and more. People ruining Christmas, making their lives so much more difficult

at a beautiful time of year. It's that beautiful aspect of the human condition where you can go out with your friends on Christmas Eve, get yourself home by 11. You'll have a lovely time and you'll enjoy Christmas Day. No. We're staying out as long as we can. The late Bernie, who used to work in a bar that I used to work in, used to go to quite a lot.

I'd still do, I guess. He died recently. And he always used to say, nothing good happens after two o'clock in the morning. I agree. And I agree with that. He also followed it up with, nothing good happens after two lines of cocaine. But that was not reported in the newspaper when he died. No, they've cut that out.

I used to say that about four in the morning, and it keeps getting earlier and earlier. And now I'm about to about midnight now. My stomach can't handle two nights on the pop. I'm fine the first one. Second night, though, I'm dropping Rennie's like nobody's business. You should be ashamed of yourself. But you are 46, It's fair enough.

Double dropping. Chris Gower. He says, my friends and I would regularly go out on Christmas Eve, mostly because the town I'm from, Camberley and Surrey, is the kind of place no one really stays in. So Christmas Eve was the only guaranteed night you'd see all your old schoolmates as they came back to see their family for Christmas. I'm going to digress a touch more.

I used to be an Asda delivery driver in Camberley in Surrey. Did you know? Yes, I did. I think we heard some stories from Camberley your delivery route. We didn't name check Asda though. It was a great time. If you are listening Asda, you were

exceptionally good employers to me. It was the point where supermarkets felt like they should be doing this home delivery thing, but the technology wasn't really great. They didn't really know what they were doing. So basically, they would just load up your van, and you deliver your eight deliveries,

and as soon as you're done, you were done. And you get to keep the van as well. Oh, right, okay. For your next shift sort of thing. And if anything falls out of those little crits... Yeah, exactly. Why is it always Mars bars going for sale? On Luke's delivery.

An example of one of the things they would say to me. But I thought Camberley was always quite nice. I know what Chris means though. It looks like it might be quite sleepy. Anyway, he says, we typically hit it

as hard as possible, most of us going on to bars or clubs despite our parents warning us against ruining Christmas with a hangover. A memorable one for me

was the days when a three red bull and six vodka pitcher used to sell for a tenner and Wetherspoons. Donaldson, taking you down memory lane there. Hello. You're coming over all nostalgic. I remember when the Hartlepool Wetherspoons didn't know how premium Coronas were

and they were 80p a pop. There we go. We weren't allowed a lime though. 2016. I was wide when I came home and being in my childhood room came over all nostalgic. I began rif when I came home, and being in my childhood room came over all nostalgic. I began rifling through my first ever CDs

and listening to them in bed. However, as my house had incredibly creaky floorboards, the best way to do this was to lean from the edge of my bed over to my CD tower and pull them out one by one to avoid alerting the parents. Bearing in mind that Chris is absolutely wired at this point. He's had so much Red Bull, he's probably shaken all over the place. The taurine, his blood that Chris is absolutely wired at this point. He's had so much Red Bull, he's probably shaken all over the place.

The taurine, his blood type is taurine at this point. I think I'd just gone through Warren G's I Shot the Sheriff, and was reaching out for... The original. For to bounce with the massive, when the corner of the CD snagged in its slot. Open-mouthed, I watched as the entire 300 capacity CD tower came

crashing down from the shelving unit on which it was perched. Some blame should be taken by my parents for allowing me to arrange my own furniture as a child and a cascade of CDs deluged me causing a deafening noise that seemed to go on forever. I threw myself back to the head of my bed throwing my duvet

over myself in the hope I could persuade my mum and dad it was just a freak occurrence and they shouldn't have expected IKEA furniture to last a decade. Even after the initial crash, stacks of CDs would dislodge every now and then, scattering themselves loudly further around my room. Either way, seconds later, I heard the telltale signs, bathroom light switching on at the other side of the house, angry footsteps, muffled voices. No one even bothered to come into the room but mum did spend the entire next day

reminding me that i woke her up at 4 a.m and she didn't even bother to try and sleep after that it was and still is used to remind me to not get too pissed if i go out on christmas eve so i don't ruin things i've got spotify now that's why i think i'll be safe i mean what i would say is that i would probably do that sober anywhere i'm quite a clumsy man and and to be quite frank i love a cd tower they're the sort of things you only ever see in charity shops nowadays i wish you would come back i used to have one which you you span on a um on it's like on its own axis oh like a kind of like yeah yeah i know what you mean yeah we used to have them at the radio station i also my punk rock cds however i just took out the cases because i am amazing uh and i had a uh i had a shoelace that would so i could wear it i could wear all my cds like a medallion if i so wished did you do that scratched him up

like a bugger none of them none of them are in any way playable be honest did you wear it out no i didn't wear it out you are such you are such an eccentric child it's amazing i love that i love little tidbits like that anyway chris you firmly did ruin christmas that that year so well done to you any other stories about ruining christmas are always welcome we might have a few more in here yeah i do like um the kind of christmas uh kind of uh period where everyone sort of comes back and you can always tell lads or lasses who come back um after their first year at university and they think they're top dog they think they're uh they think they're they're going to be uh suddenly 300 more attractive because they've been to university for a year

you got hello experience there mate massively yeah did it work for you no not at all no not at all fair enough so there you go um you got you got an Donny? I got one. Let's go for... I really like this one because it's adorable simply because the gentleman in question, English is a second language, and I love it. Okay. Much like us. Yeah, exactly.

Hi, look at Pete. My name is Jacob Bobro, and my household uses Duracell batteries. Nice to know. Every last one, every last bit. Nice to know. Every last one. Every last bit. Could prove expensive. I'm a high school student in California but lived in Slovakia

for the first 14 years of my life. My family knew they wanted to escape the corrupt nature of Slovakia. Big talk. So I had to learn English as a second language. I started attending an English international school in Bratislava to get my English on a conversational level. I got through the different sounds in words fairly easily thanks to my consumption of English books and television,

but homonyms, words with different meanings, were my doom. On my first day, my first class was history. The class was learning about the space race and the Russian Communist Party was mentioned. My smart-ass 11-year-old me thought a great idea to make friends in a new school would be calling out a funny comment. So the next time the teacher mentioned the Communist Party, I shouted out, A Communist Party? Did all the communists go to the club and dance? Then I proceeded to laugh at my own joke as 28 other classmates just stared at me, not a smile to be seen. The teacher replied with a stern, no, and continued off with his lecture.

I did not speak a word during class for the next three weeks until I acquired some friends, which I quite like. That's nice from Jakob there. Thanks, Jakob. Have you ever stood up in class and shouted something out? Were you that type of student, Donny? I don't think you were, were you? I might have. Would you see me with that in?

Oh, no, I was definitely the class clown. All of my all of my reports involved the word could do better if he stopped trying to be funny mine

I had one one of the things that annoyed me a lot about doing A-levels at a sixth form college right was that they used to send reports home

to your parents even though you weren't legally obliged to be there oh that's yeah that could go fuck itself yeah and I got I got a report

from my English English A-level teacher saying, yeah, if he spent less time trying to be the class clown and more time getting his head down, he might do okay. I mean, that's generic, isn't it? Yeah. And all the charisma, I would say. You probably said that to loads of people.

But, yeah. Anyway, I'm mucking around for a living now. Exactly, up yours. I mean, yeah, similar sort of thing. Like, A-level history, they were predicting me D, saying I dicked around too much. I mean, to be fair, I think... I got an A, up yours.

I did actually get a D in English. So she was right, absolutely. I did smash that plane into the mountain. There's like a special type of arrogance, of which I was definitely guilty of, of school-age sort of boys, isn't there? Right. You don't fully realise,

I mean, actually, in context of what you started off the show this week saying, you don't really realise or care, indeed care, about how lucky your life is and what good you've got it. And every time someone tries to tell you that, you think, oh yeah, whatever.

But it's absolutely true. I mean, I look back on it now and cringe a little bit at the arrogance of just mucking around. Oh no, I mean uh i agree with that but i also wish i um i wish i didn't care about what people thought of me and that that held me back for the longest time like right throughout university even the first couple years yeah i was so insular if someone that that knew me from school or uh latterly university sort of sees what I do for a living, you know,

radio and podcast and stuff. They're like, what? Like, you used to have your little, I think we used to talk about this before. Like,

I used to have my dinner and go and hide in my room and listen to Macy Gray play Carmageddon. So, but, Are you interested in what I think of you now?

No. No, fair enough. I mean, people can probably assume. Do you want an email from Larg? Larg is not a name. Get lost. He's from Norway. Oh, okay people can probably assume. Do you want an email from Larg? Larg is not a name.

Get lost. He's from Norway. Oh, okay. Fair deal then. Out of order by you. Sorry, I didn't realise he was from Norway. He might not be from Norway, but he says his name is a Norse name. I love emails from people who have to brackets explain their name.

We've got a lot of that because I think we just stack it every time, to be honest. So Larg says, it's said like the beer, Lager, just without the R at the end, and it's a Norse name. Oh, nice. And Larg has got a small inner ear canal. Oh, steady. Would you like me to make a particularly small one,

or what are we talking? He's emailing about... HB pencil. Larg, if you could next time, in future, if you could measure the circumference of your ear canal,

we would know what we're dealing with. He's talking about alternative remedies that we mentioned on an earlier show. I don't remember that. Yeah, no would know what we're dealing with. He's talking about alternative remedies that we mentioned on an earlier show. I don't remember that. I think we were talking about, you were saying you were a big fan of olive oil,

ear candles, we did talk about ear candles and their inefficiency and stuff like that. If anyone could prescribe an alternative remedy to improve my memory, I'm listening. Yeah, you've got a good memory. You always say you don't. I actually quite want your memory. Okay. Quite want your memory. And that's a good example of You always say you don't. I actually quite want your memory. Okay.

Quite want your memory. And that's a good example of me not being able to remember correct words. Spend a day walking around in my shoes, Donny. You'll change your mind. Regarding last show's email about the alternative remedies that was mentioned, I thought I'd provide a small one for myself. As far as I know, this does not help against earwax. Okay.

As a man with a small inner ear canal. It's such a weird sentence. I know. As a man with a small inner ear canal. It's such a weird sentence. I know. As a man with a small ear canal. Fluid buildup was always a troubling affair when I was younger. Right. I have had a drainage tube installed in my ear on three separate occasions, and that is not ideal.

But it's better than losing your hearing completely. I agree. Pete's actually losing his hearing. So he will agree as well. I'm going to call as well. However, here comes the traditional remedy to the rescue. Since this is an inherited trait, the village where my dad comes from had the solution.

We don't live there now. As then we would have known all along that this traditional remedy is onions. Capital letter, onions. More specifically, the gas and or juices of onions administered into the ear.

Since rediscovered, none has had an ear infection in my family, which considering I was not the most drained person in the family, is quite astonishing. They probably didn't get an ear infection because no one's gone nailing because they stink of fucking onion. That is a possibility. Larg never gets ill. Yeah, there's a good reason for that.

Yeah. Tube carriage cleared. Onion man is here. To be fair to Larg, and in his defence, he does say, I have no science behind this. And I'm aware that such claims of wondrous medicine normally come from crazy cat ladies and alternative people, but sometimes there is something there.

I'm neither of those things, and I cannot deny these results. Cut a slice of onion, put it on a piece of plastic wrap, place it on your ear with the plastic covering around your ear and the onion slice, use a headband to hold it in place. It is a miracle for ear infections, and if it is a placebo, so be it. I don't want an inner ear infection again. I have no battery devices near me at the moment,

so I've got no grounds to speak of. Great podcast. Keep it up. Greetings, Larg. Well, you know, that had a lot in there. Larg, so I've got no brands to speak of. Great podcast. Keep it up. Greetings, Larg. Well, you know, that had a lot in there. Larg, and I love you for who you are. That is an email. But not for how you smell.

That's my favourite email for ages. I can smell a Larg or an onion from here. Whenever I could smell onions, it always meant either someone was cooking with onions or someone had painted. They used to do that a lot. They used to do that a lot back in the day. You used to cut an onion in half

and stick it on two plates. I've never heard this. To get rid of the smell of paint. My dad used to do it all the time. He will have read it somewhere. But all it does is replace the smell of paint with the smell of onion.

And I prefer the smell of paint to raw onion. I'm not having that in my house. Onion's lovely. I just wish it didn't hang around so much. I bought a thing speaking on this

sort of tangentially to this subject I was when I was in Vermont there's an amazing book shop there called the North Shire Bookstore

right it's fantastic and it sells it's got a section where it sells other stuff as well and it had this thing called magic soap which is like a small

metal disc right but thick and with rounded edges okay It had this thing called magic soap, which is like a small metal disc. Right. But thick and with rounded edges. Okay. And you use it to rub it all over your hands when you've been cooking with onions and or garlic. Right. To get the scent off your fingers.

Yeah. Because it's very difficult to get the scent off and it actually works. Is it like a colloidal silver or something? Yeah, I don't know what metal it's made of. It only costs like $10 or something, so it can't be that expensive. Yeah, it cost me $40,000. It's made of a solid, solid platinum.

And it does seem to work, weirdly enough. The silver's like a, what do you call it, when you, well, it's TCV, an antiseptic, isn't it? Yeah, silver is, yeah.

Silver. Yeah, antibacterial, I think. Antibacterial, that's it. And I was going to say, oh, yeah, on the subject of ears, have you ever had your ears irrigated? No. It feels good. Anti-bacterial, that's it. And I was going to say, oh yeah, on the subject of ears, have you ever had your ears irrigated? No.

It feels good. No, my dad's a big proponent. Apparently the thing to do is not that. It's a microscopic hoover that they use very, very specifically. And that's the only thing that apparently you should be doing. Oh, that's weird,

because I was told the opposite to that by the nurse who did mine. She said that they used to do that. I mean, she was doing it. said that they used to do that. I mean, she was doing it. She said they used to do that, but what they now do is fire quite warm, soapy water into your ear, which fires the wax out

because the sucking thing is not recommended anymore. But the problem is the water can't, there's no precision to the actual water jet, so it can't hit your eardrum and fuck it up. Right. Either way, I think Well, you're deaf so you don't care. Well, it's just repeated use of headphones, I think, for the past

ten years. Can't be helped. Can't be bloody helped, but I am rather deaf. So, yes. Hello to... Who have we got here? Do you want the Booze Britain one? Oh, okay, yeah. Someone was on Booze Britain. So I did promise this on... For those of you following us on social media,

I did promise an email about Booze Britain from someone... Booze Britain! ...who was actually on it. Yeah. But I was slightly wrong as far as this guy knows a lot about it and how it's made.

Yes. And one of his very close friends was on it. Is that right? Yes, I think that's correct. Okay, so apologies. It's still a very exciting email nonetheless. It was the most favourited tweet we've ever had. So the people are anticipating this.

Chris says, battery, alkaline. I mean, that's a crappy brand. That's a terrible brand name, isn't it? Alkaline. Rubbish. I wasn't on Booze Britain, but my best mate at the University of Exmouth was friends with one of the guys

who worked on the production of Booze Britain. There we go, that's what it was. Yeah, that's our link. As a result of this friendship, he was given the offer of being on an episode for Series 2, tacitly subtitled Binge Britain. That lot of spin-offs, Pete. Yeah.

The Gloucester episode I talked about in such hushed tones was Booze Britain 2 Binge Nation. Binge Nation. Tokyo Binge. Yeah, basically so he was given the offer of being on episode for series 2

but was also warned you probably should know you'll get the free booze but they will actively try to make you look like the worst people alive. Don't need any help. No, definitely not.

Apparently the entire process consisted of producers spending the whole time off camera other than just plying them with drinks saying, I bet you can't do that. I bet you can't do this. Also, the official worst episode of all is the Newquay episode which, have you ever been to

Newquay? Yeah. I mean, it's horrendous. It's horrible, stag do wise. I feel very, very sorry for the people of Newquay. It's a nice town. It's all about the Newquay! Is that their limpid shit? Nice. Was that one of your CDs around your neck? That was one of my CDs around my neck.

Oh, dear. So, basically, this episode culminated in one of the fellas drinking a pint of his own piss in a takeaway, if I remember correctly. It was a fish and chip shop, wasn't it? Well, they are usually bring your own booze. What? Is it a fish and chip shop? I think it was either a kebab shop or a fish and chip shop. I remember correctly. No, it was a fish and chip shop, wasn't it? Well, they are usually bringing on booze. What? I think it was a fish and chip shop.

I think it was either a kebab shop or a fish and chip shop. I remember the episode well. Had they run out of... Dignity? Yes. Mirandina. Orange cork. Yeah, and then he pukes up the urine and his mate drinks the vomit. Yeah.

It's last days of Rome. I guess this would have been the days of Jackass and Dirty Sanchez. The lads called themselves the Tanks. So they were probably trying to get signed up for the Bravo equivalent. Either way,

truly last days of Rome stuff. Some people mention that Bravo still exists in some territories. It does in Australia and New Zealand apparently. But you know, you remember that

Jackass slash Dirty Sanchez era, Pete? It was that and it was a follow-up. I remember going to see them at Glastonbury. No, I know, it would have been fucking Red and Money. Yeah. And they were after the Suicide Girls. Oh, I put a little cross of

tape on my boobs. I'm a suicide girl. Here's the Dirty Sanchez boys. Is that your Tinder profile? But Pete, I was never really into Dirty Sanchez. I don't think I've ever seen an episode of it, but I used to really enjoy Jackass. Jackass the movie, too,

or Jackass the movie, is genuinely one of the funnest films. Like, if you sit down and watch the first two Jackass movies and tell me that's not a lot of fun, and tell me that's a bad movie, you're wrong. It's a good movie.

I think I would agree with you, yeah. I watched, I remember watching on, it was probably on Virgin, because they don't take out scenes. I was watching, but they've got those screens that if you sort of deviate from a 90 degree viewing angle,

you can't see anything. Who's this? Virgin Atlantic. Let's not get all air party, but yeah, Virgin Atlantic. If you sort of deviate left or right, you can't really see the screen. So it means you can watch.

Same with BA, I think. So you can't, not nowadays. So you can't watch other people's screen. You can't watch other people the screen. So it means you can watch... Same with BA, I think. You can't... Not nowadays, but... So you can't watch other people's screen. You can't watch other people's screen. Unless they're directly behind you in another seat. And there's a scene in, I think, Jackass 2, the movie, where there's like a little toy sort of train going around

kind of like a village. And at the top, there's like this cliff. But then you suddenly realise that the cliff is not a cliff, it's a man's arse. And then a man projectiles shits all over the scene with this really

dramatic music and it was a kid behind me watching me and I was like I'm scum I am scum

did you enjoy it? still a great film I think it was the one with the big hand remember they were coming down the corridor and a big hand hits them in the

I can remember a lot to like about those first two Jackass movies. I can't really remember specifics, but I enjoyed a lot of them. Also, it all kind of tied in with... Is it Bamagera? Bamagera? I can't remember. And that fellow died driving his car too fast and drunk, I think. They used to be in the Tony Hawk games.

Johnny Knoxville had a lot of star quality to him. Yeah. If you've ever listened to Mark Maron's interview with him, he had a fascinating life. And he continues to have a fascinating life. And Steve-O is in big trouble these days, is he not? No, he's a reformed character. No, he's great now.

He had big issues, didn't he, with drugs and stuff like that? Oh, he wasn't very well. He wasn't very well for the longest time but now he's clean but I remember he came in to the breakfast show once and he opened his bag

and this was like the height of jackass fame he came in he'd just come back from a club or something and he was like still pilled up

and he talked like this oh god and he opened his bag and all that was in his bag were cans of Red Bull and Monster Munch which I think, a diet.

I mean, he would have been mid-thirties then. Yeah. Terrible. Terrible diet. Yeah. Is there a scene

where Johnny Knoxville wrestles a bear? Yeah. That's quite impressive. Doesn't he wear like a bear suit or something? Quite impressive that,

yeah. Yeah, but yeah, Jackass, a strange, it was a strange period of time. It was like kind of post-loaded, post-Spice Girls,

but kind of when new metal was dirty and women were exploited. And it was not a great few years for humanity, really. I think you'll find women are still exploited, Pete. And then emo came in and we respected them. More, we respected them more. As we cried into our pillows. Do you want another email?

And then have you got a main car? Yeah, let's do a main car after an email. Okay, so I've got an email here from Tom McClavity. McClavaglogs! Of Donaldson's Dairy or whatever it is. Sounds like the start of a nursery rhyme. He's rocking some Alkalisk batteries. Alkalist?

Alkalisk. Alkalisk. Which he says are... Sounds like someone out of a Hergé cartoon well apparently they're

Ikea's own brand oh so there you go they are that's what he says a bit Nordic what did you say what country did you just say they are a bit Nordic

yeah what country did you say before that can't remember no Hergé no Belgium that's Belgium Hergé

is he yeah Hergé's Belgium ah it's all the same it's not Nordic it's all fucking mainland Europeé. Is it? Yeah, Hergé's Belgian. Ah, it's all the same. It's not Nordic, is it? It's all fucking mainland Europe, isn't it? It's Benelux.

Benelux. Was he Belgian? I thought he was... Yeah, but it was all about Vikings, wasn't it? Hergé is Tintin. No, all right. Who the fuck did Asterix then? You're talking about Asterix, aren't you?

Yeah, Asterix. Who did Asterix? I can't remember. Do you want me to check? Asterix. We'll just check, otherwise we'll get loads of emails about it. Asterix.

Asterix. You know my next question's going'll get loads of emails about it. Asterix. Asterix. Asterix. Asterix. You know my next question's going to be who did the Moomins? Yeah. Those weird kind of mainland Europe cartoons that were unlovable. Asterix was French, but I can't really,

I don't really know who did it. But anyway. Who was it? That's annoying. It doesn't matter. We'll get emails. Tom McLeverson. Don't send us emails.

From Australia. Says, I was a bit scared about emailing him because I've been burnt by Luke before who was unhappy with an email to the Football Ramble. Don't listen to him. From Australia. Says, I was a bit scared about emailing him because I've been burnt by Luke before, who was unhappy with an email to the Football Ramble. Don't listen to him. Yeah, don't worry about it. Don't take it too serious.

This better be good, though. Nevertheless, I thought I'd quickly tell you about chest shapes. A few weeks ago, the two shapes you were talking about. Isn't that a Keane song? It's a Pulp song. Yeah. We were talking about, were we not talking about pigeon chests and stuff? Yes, yes.

So that's why. Concave chests. The two shapes you were talking about on this podcast are called pectus excavatum. I mean, that's an obvious. Excavatum. I mean, that's an obvious kind of like, I don't know Latin, but I could probably figure out what that looks like. Sounds like a Harry Potter spell. Sternum is deep in the chest and pectus carinatum, sternum protrudes out.

Right. Pectus excavatum can be associated with problems such as leaky heart valves and lung compression and is sometimes treated with magnets, vacuums and surgery. There are also conditions called barrel chest, silent chest and the feared flail chest. Magnets,

vacuums and surgery. At least two of which Pete could have had in his time. You've got a funny shapedshaped chest, but I wouldn't be able to diagnose it. What do you mean? I've got a normal-shaped chest. I'm quite booby. Pigeon. I have not got a pigeon chest. I've got boobies, if anything. So have I. I can build

pectoral muscles like nobody's business, but the problem is my nip-nips are so pointy. If someone could diagnose my... I'm wearing two layers. You can still see my nipples through them. You can see my nipples through a cardigan. How many layers do you have to wear to get nipple hidden?

Three. Three layers. And one of them has to be a thick woolen mix. There's a Japanese product that allows men to cover their nipples. What fabrics would you say are best for covering nipples? Tin foil is the only thing that would work for me, I'm afraid. That is erotic. Let's do Mankata.

Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. It's one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman Say simply Very simply With hope Good morning

Good morning Good morning Good morning, yeah Just a really quick one to finish off to be honest Andres Sanchez got in touch By way of extension this week's back and forth About that glorious French expression, l'esprit d'escalier,

which I absolutely murdered. I remember the d'escalier bit, but I couldn't remember l'esprit. I think I said d'esprit. Oh, yeah. Self-destructive thoughts or something.

Things you think about on the stairwell later on. Oh, okay. Like a comeback. I wish I'd said that. We got an email from Andres Sanchez about destructive thoughts. Did you hear about that? Yeah. oh okay like a comeback because I thought oh I should have said that we got an email from Andres Sanchez about

about destructive thoughts did you hear about that yeah yeah when what the l'appel du vide yeah yeah well that's what

I'm going to do that's what I'm going to put in in camera oh okay cool so you know that's what we're doing now I've jumped the gun there you've jumped the gun yeah

which kind of fits in with what we're going to talk about I thought I might offer the following to Men Carter for this week did you know, Luke? You did because you read the email.

I saw it. L'appel du vide is when you have a self-destructive thought for a split second, like swerving your car into oncoming traffic or imagining yourself jumping when you're standing at the edge of a cliff, even though you'd never really do it. The phrase literally translates as the call of the void, which I think is stunning. L'appel du vide.

It's amazing that there is a phrase for that, and the French are very good at summing that up, aren't they? They're very witty, succinct phrases. We don't really do that very well in English, I don't think. But that is interesting, and I think everyone can relate to that well it's like what I was talking about early on

if I ever use a scalpel for anything I always think about jamming it in my eye and think that would ruin my life disrespectful given what's happened

to my finger this week well I wouldn't do it with a parer a paring knife a parer maybe a paring knife is just to cut up pears you can only use it

with pears it's spelt differently there so the joke's on you well the joke's on you because there's a Netflix TV show about a woman who stabs a man with a pear knife. I don't know if that's true or not. Well, the joke's not on you, but yeah. I like to think it is.

Shall we get out of here? Drop us an email. Drop us a Christmas email if you fancy. Show at the... No, what are we talking about? What show are we? I've done a you. What show are we doing?

Absolute Radio. Very rare. A rare slip from the youngster. I'm more professional on emails than you normally. You've done it on the continent today as well. I'm surprised you didn't do that. I know. Where are we?

Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. No, I think you're fine. It is, isn't it? Yeah. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com for all your emails and interesting things you've come across Christmas themed ones

are always welcome because you know it's nearly Christmas obviously do they know it's Christmas time though absoluteradio.co.uk forward slash Kenya

oh yeah and don't forget that as well kick in a couple of shekels if you would it's unlikely to talk about your charity work Pete as well because I never really do

any that's why right let's go bye I don't really do any, that's why. Right, let's go. Bye. Outro Music