The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 30: One Elephant Outstanding

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

A big hearty Christmas-load of glad tidings to all of our listeners as we release episode 30 of The Luke and Pete Show on Baby Jesus' birthday, no less.This week, words in other languages that have very specific meanings, Pete's insight into how to become a good continuity announcer on the telly, playing Trivial Pursuit and an incredible, and very specific, emergency call.Send glad tidings to us and our king: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's episode 30, probably going to be dirty, in the room with Luke and Pete. Dirty 30, Dirty 30, Luke and Pete are older than 30. What I like is that Doc Brown supplied us with some music. Yeah. And we produced that little number. That was completely off the dome piece. Off the dome piece. Off the cuff, mate.

Yeah. Yeah? I'll do a Charlie Sloth rap battle. Who? What? That big fat guy who likes trainers. Yeah. Yeah, okay.

I know who you mean. Yeah, where he does like... I can't remember what his house... It's not his house. It's his studio, isn't it? You do like a freestyle. I think it's just a Charlie Soft freestyle. It's how that Pratt Pratt man did his thing.

And you always get every... Gosh, I'm straight. Every single one of those shows always starts with a... I think that's a Tim Westwood. Only Tim can do that. Tiger Tim can do that. The bomb. The bomb.

Dropping the bomb. Tiger Tim. I'll tell you what, I did that when I did that thing in Kenya I spoke about last week I popped in to see a radio DJ head mic technique

was it good it was dreadful he was like hello yes we're back in the studio with Pete Donaldson was it Jim Campbell

Paul Jim Campbell is a stand up and he also does the football ramble and his business is microphones and business is good in Jim's world but he can't use a microphone sometimes.

No. I once watched Jim do some stand-up and he didn't realise the microphone was unplugged for most of the show. Could have been part of his shtick. Well, people were so distracted by the fact that the microphone would sometimes come in and out

because of a loose XLR connection, that they were kind of like leaning forward in their seats, willing him to click that XLR cable back in. And I think I even did motion at one point. It came across fine. He's a very talented man. But yeah, terrible mic technique by Jim Campbell. How do you write?

Because you are very particular about sound quality, which it will be a surprise to many people listening to our shows editing less so but what sound quality what do you think about my tech mic technique uh yours is pretty good i don't understand people with bad mic technique when they've got headphones on yeah you can hear what they can hear that you're louder or quieter than any yeah so um it's me hello hello you're back again it's not right is it uh it's not right um not right but it's me. Hello. Hello, you're back again. It's not right, is it? It's not right. It's not right, but it's okay. We had a great reaction to your trip to Kenya, Pete. I think people were touched by it. I think as much as it will be awkward for you to hear this

because you're not a man who is necessarily predisposed to hearing praise, but I think it went down very, very well and people respected you for bringing it to the table. So well done to you. Well, it was a very small action by a very small man, me. Yeah, small figuratively and literally. I'm a little boy. What I would like to bring to the table this week, because I guess it's probably my turn for It's Been.

Yeah, bring something to the table, Luke. At the end of episode 29, we introduced something into Mankata. Is it Le Peuil du Vide? Yeah. Oui. And what that was, was an expression where, it doesn't really happen in English very often, but foreign languages are very good at summing up things,

summing up events or habits or moments in just one word. And I found, I spent the last week finding other ones, other examples of this, which I thought you might quite enjoy. Nice. So I'm going to bring a few of my favourites to the table. So just briefly, Pete, because people might not necessarily remember last week that well, just tell us quickly about the Menkata entry just to remind people.

So basically there is a phrase in French that basically, you know when you're sort of up high, say you're on a window ledge or something like that. I don't know many people who find themselves on window ledges, but say top of a cliff or something. La per du vide is when you have a self-destructive thought. You think about jumping off the cliff or you think about driving into oncoming traffic. Or in my case, if I've got a scalpel in my hand, jamming it into my eye. This keeps popping up. What does it literally translate to?

It would, staring at the void or, yeah. Yeah, staring at the void. Okay, fine. So here's a few other examples that I think you, the call, you, Pete, and the listeners at home might enjoy. First up, Kummerspeck. Kummerspeck.

Which is German and means excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally translated, grief bacon. Grief bacon. Yeah. Luke, that's magnificent. I've got a lot of time of that. It's great. Got a few more here.

Giggle, I think that's pronounced in Filipino, is the urge to pinch or squeeze something that is irresistibly cute. All right, Trump. I just do it. I just do it. In Georgia, they say the word zeg, which means the day after tomorrow.

And I think it literally translates to overmorrow, which means two days hence. I think overmorrow might be an old English word that we don't use anymore. We've got l'esprit d'escalier, which is the staircase wit, which you were talking about before. A too late retort thought of only after departure.

And there's another one I really like, and I was trying to find it. Do you want to... Oh, here we go. Iputka. Iputka. In a language called Oluwa, which I've not heard of before, is a word which is used to describe walking in the woods at night and having a phantom sensation of something crawling on your skin. Oh, that's nice.

I mean, there was that word... I can't remember the bloody word in Japanese, but it was the word that you use, and it was testing out a new samurai sword on a random victim. Oh, yeah, you mentioned that a few weeks ago. A long time ago. I think I remember the second episode or something like that. I've got one more here,

actually. In Indonesia, they say the word menkolek, which is a word to describe the trick where you tap someone on one shoulder

and go around the other side. Nice. You like that? I'll menkolek you. I bet you've, let's put that in menkolata.

Calm down, it was just a menkolek. Imagine that. Fantastic. Fantastic. That's it. That's it. It was just a Mencolect. Imagine that. Fantastic. Fantastic. That's it. That's it. That's your It's Been.

I haven't done a It's Been this week. I didn't do one last week because it got a bit deep. You did. You did. Yeah, you didn't do. It's been. There you go. It would have felt a bit odd to do it last week, I think.

Hey, so Jack's been in touch, Luke. Okay. It's been for Jack this week. Jack Keywood, he has been informing us about the Toronto elephant. Yeah, our sections are all over the place. Is this emails or what? It's emails. It's emails.

Okay, good. But he's given us a glimpse of his life. I love this email. It is one of my favourites we've had, I think, in a little while. Because last week I went to a circus. That's true. Did you actually go to a circus? Yeah.

Was it like an ethical circus or a human circus? No animals there anymore. No animals there anymore? Nope. I don't think you can have them in English circuses. One of my earliest memories was sitting next to a chimpanzee dressed like a human. Oh, yeah. I've seen the picture of you.

Yeah. It's hard to know who's who, really. Do you remember that? Do you remember? Because this is another interesting thread. A lot of people will say they have their first memories from when they're two or three or whatever. But what it actually is, is they're remembering a photo of an incident. Okay.

Do you actually remember the incident? My, no, I remember my dad having some candy floss on a stick and me finishing the candy floss. And to get rid of the candy floss, there was a bowl of water for a fire behind the stall for the candy floss. And he just put the stick in the water. And I remember watching the candy floss disappear.

And I thought my dad was magic. That would be quite troubling as a as a child what the candy floss just disappears ah because i suppose i've never really seen that happen before yeah if you well if you obviously it just dissolves isn't it it's just sugar but um if yeah if you do that and you're a kid you're like jesus christ but um do you know what they call it in america uh let me guess pink clouds there are there are certain phrases in america in america which are like very very literal, like sidewalk. Oh, it's cotton candy, isn't it?

Correct, cotton candy. Cotton candy. I think most people know that. Yeah, but you didn't. Well, I just did. I just pulled out my eyes. Got there in the end. Pulled out my eyes.

I would have, had this been a game show, I would have, had this been Rick Edwards, friend of the Luke and Pete show, on a game show, he would have only accepted your first answer. I know. And then he probably would have said something snide. I wouldn't go on the chase.

I've started watching a couple of episodes of the chase. I used to announce it on Challenge, and I stopped and now started watching the chase a bit. It's quite good. How do you announce it? See what they've done. Give us a little insight into how you would announce from continuity on a TV station using the chase as an example.

Bradley Walsh is back for some more questions and answerings. It's the chase. Very good. Very good. The Chaseh is back for some more questions and answerings. It's the chase. Very good. Very good. The Chase USA is back and the beast is loose. Let's hope he got a big plane seat on the way over. His challenge. It's not as good.

The Beast was the only one who managed to get on the Chase USA. Everyone else just got chinned off. Who else was on the USA one? Well, as I say... They've got their own chasers. They've got their own chasers, I think, and Beast was the only one who managed to make it over. Why, because he's particularly good? I don't know, because I guess US trivia is a lot harder, isn't it?

Well, this is the problem. It's completely different, isn't it? So I regularly... I say regularly. When I'm over in the US with my American family, I will play Trivial Pursuit with them.

Oh, the American version. And it's impossible. It'll all be about different strokes and stuff. Well, the problem is, so Trivial Pursuit, if you go history or you go geography

or you go one or two others, literature maybe, it's a little bit more universal. Yeah. The problem is getting your segments on sport, which is basically all baseball questions.

Yeah. TV and entertainment, unless you get a movie, which you might... Bill Cosby. Yeah, it'll be stuff like, what is the name of the actor who appeared in the first two seasons

of Roseanne or whatever and played her next door neighbour. It's impossible to know. All of those shows had a next door neighbour, didn't they? Home Improvement was the famous one where you never saw his face. Wilson. No, that was Tom Hanks in Cast Away. That was the ball, Wilson.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Wilson. It was usually black sitcoms that did it, but there would always be a troublesome neighbour who would come round and then they'd get thrown out every time.

Roger, out of Sister to Sister. The guy in Fresh Prince? Jazzy Jeff? That was Jazzy Jeff. He would always get thrown out by Uncle Phil, and also...

Uncle Phil, little known fact, Uncle Phil... Big known fact, because I know exactly what you're going to say. ...was played by Suge Knight. Oh, shut up.

They look similar And also Mr Cooper used to have Remember hanging with Mr Cooper He used to have Like a troublesome neighbour Child used to come round And he used to go

Why is this kid in my house Clarissa explains it all The boy used to come up Through the window Was that a black sitcom No it wasn't But it was an American sitcom Teenage sitcom

Speaking of Dawson's Creek That's how he used to get in that girl's house. Is it? I think so. Sounds about right. Yeah. Speaking of Suge Knight, you know the story about him.

So for those listening at home who don't know who Suge Knight is, he's the record label impresario, death row records boss, who brought a load of West Coast sort of gangster rap to the mainstream in the 90s. What balls have you got to have to deal with so many naughty boys? Well, he was essentially a gangster. Yeah. But more recently, I have to get this right in case he sues us.

I mean, that would be quite cool to be sued by Suge Knight. I always think about this. I always think, like, it's probably good if we get sued. So I believe he certainly seriously injured someone or possibly even killed them in a car. Mate, I saw this video. It is horrific.

Yeah, so he drove over someone and killed them in a car. Is that right? I don't know whether he died, but certainly he was at the wheel and just driving into a forecourt like a crazy man. My point was going to be

that his defence was that he had gone blind. Right, okay. And when he was led into the courtroom... He didn't fucking look blind. When he was led into the courtroom, he had the glasses and Right, okay. And when he was led into the courtroom... He didn't fucking look blind. When he was led into the courtroom, he had the glasses and the stick and everything. Did he? He did the whole performance.

Well, what I would say is that... He's in jail now. I mean, you don't have to... I mean, you can be blind or non-blind. You don't have to put your foot on the fucking accelerator, do you, mate? I think he did it on purpose. I think he had some beef with us chaps.

Yeah, I think he might have done that. I think us chaps had done him a wrong-un. Yeah. Yeah, never mind. Done him a wrong-un. Done him a wrong-un. Jack Keywood, we're in the middle of bloody telling a story about the Jack Keywood brought forth. Oh, sorry, yeah, we were.

Basically, I found this recently, and I thought it might interest you guys. It has interested you guys. Basically, it's a 911 call in Toronto where an elephant escaped the local zoo and was found wandering around a residential area. The call is quite amusing. The footage is amazing. The footage is amazing, yeah, because they've layered on top of the footage of an elephant just, you know, just hanging out around people's houses,

like just in a normal neighbourhood. Hi, we've found an elephant walking down the street near the community centre, the Ray 20. Correct? We've found an elephant walking down the street. Pause it. Right. Right.

This 911 guy working in the call centre... He's having none of it. Here we go again. He is having none of it. It's another prank call. Yeah. Down the street, like the ones from the circus. The circus.

One of them got loose and he's walking down the street. How big are we talking here? It's an elephant, mate. A cocoon elephant. It's like the ones that like to have it like the circus. That's like the people right now.

Pause it again, Pete. Right. One of my friends is like... I'm going to explain. I hate the way he says, you know, it's another thing like you get at a circus. No, it's another thing like you get in Africa. Yeah.

An amazing, magnificent beast. Yeah, but he says, I mean, to be honest, it looks like a rough old bird. But, yeah, but he does sort of say it's the one at the circus that you get to ride on. Depressing. Yeah, just depressing, isn't it? It's following him, and he's leading it back there.

But they're huge. We'll see what we can do here. Okay. If there's any cars clear in Newmarket, we have a report of an elephant currently walking down Eagle Street from Raid 20 Complex. This is hanging out. 11.35, I have to clear it.

We've located the elephant on Crossland Gate. Apparently, somebody has led one of the elephants back to the tent. One of the elephants. There's more than one, Luke. One elephant outstanding. She put a code before that. There's no code for that. The first guy's the best.

Just the one outstanding elephant. The first guy's his first down the job. Check this bit out. They only have three, and one of them is back in the pen. Go ahead. I've got outstanding elephants on Crossland Gate, and it's just eating somebody's treat. Outstanding elephant

on Crossland Gate and, uh, it's just eating someone's tree. The first guy, it's his first day on the job, I'm sure of it,

because he gets the call and he goes, okay, how big are we talking? It's an elephant, mate. The next bit he goes, right, we'll see what we can do.

And I picture him frantically looking around the office going, elephant, elephant escape. Where's E? A, B, C, goes, right, we'll see what we can do. And I picture him frantically looking around the office going, elephant, elephant escape. With E, A, B, C, D, E, elephant escape. It's not in here. It's not in here. And at one point there, one of the policemen says, one's back in its pen, they've only got three.

Only. How many elephants have you got? Only got three. It's a bit like that iconic scene at the end of Jurassic Park, The Lost World, where the dinosaurs escape into a sleepy suburban town and the T-Rex at one point looks through the window at some people sleeping. Unlovable film. It's when that film lost me.

Lad, Gav, I know every time Jurassic Park is on, he tweets the same thing. There's a film about a park for the dinosaurs. A bit far-fetched, but I'll stick with it. And every time it is on terrestrial television, he automatically tweets that. And people lose their minds. People lose their minds.

One of the greatest ever tweets is a picture of the end credits of Jurassic Park. With the guy who's listed as dinosaur supervisor. And someone's put a comment out of the end credits of Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah. With the guy who's listed as dinosaur supervisor. And someone's put a comment underneath saying, the guy's called, like, Phil something. And someone's put underneath saying, Phil, you need to start taking your job more seriously, man.

People died, Phil. You should have been supervising those dinosaurs. There were raptors in the kitchen, Phil. The best one this week was, is it Tommy Robinson? He was the Britain's first dickhead. Yeah, Tommy Robinson, yeah. He just tweeted, I'm never drinking again.

Somebody replied, Have I got the religion for you? Tommy Robinson. There we go. I wonder what podcast he listens to. Your Friend and Mine. You look a bit like him, to be fair. No, I don't.

Oh, Richard Spencer. It's the other one. Yeah, exactly. Go on, what's next? I need to retire that haircut, to be quite frank. Shall I do an email? I'm waiting for curtains to come back. Yeah, go on.

Curtains are back, mate. Did you not watch The Apprentice the other week? No, they're not. They are back. I've got an email here from Ashley French. Let me find it. Frencho! Je regarde l'Echelon.

Fresh, fresh. Keep filling with your French. Keep filling with French. Oh, yeah, that's right. It's this one. It's about Christmas Eve drinking again. Yay! This is the story.

The thing that's made me sad this week is that the Wesley nightclub in Hartlepool burned down. Oh, dear. I mean, they suspect arson. You say this every week, it feels like. I suspect insurance. Yeah. Yeah, it's been...

The Wesley nightclub is this big... What's it called? Say it slowly. The Wesley nightclub. Wesley? It was an old Lutheran church, I building. What's it called slowly? The Wesley nightclub. Wesley? It was an old Lutheran church, I believe. Why is it called Wesley? Because the followers...

What's the part of the Christians that were Wesleyans? Don't know. Whatever it is, anyway, they all went there. It was the Wesley nightclub, and it's this massive building in the centre of town, right next to the Hartlepool Mill building. It's got these massive columns like it's the Parthenon

or something and it's not been opened for about 15 years now and it was always where, it was just a big nightclub basically. It's where I saw Leo Sayer once. Did you?

You make me feel like dancing. I want to dance from that away. Yep. And I can't imagine how much that man got. Because around about the turn of the millennium,

like 70s nights were so big. Like so big. We had Anthony from Big Brother being part of one of his disco shows that he used to do. He played one of the clubs in Hartlepool. But the Wesleyanite Club was a real formative experience for me and now it has no roof. For someone has burned it down.

Very flammable carpet, you'd imagine, though. I can't think of any other song that Leo Sayer did. Oh, he did loads, mate. Leo Sayer... No, but... No one can. He's got a few in his locker.

Yeah, no, I don't doubt that. Yeah. And Alexander O'Neill played as well. So you... Oh, I like Alexander O'Neill. Great voice. Criticise my pain,

criticise my lifestyle. I'm fed up because all you want to do is criticise. There we go. Don't just throw your eyes.

But it was just an MC, but it was just like a man with a mic and a backing track. I haven't finished. I haven't finished now. I haven't finished now.

It's so accurate, I just worry about the PRS. I worry that an algorithm is going to take down the Luke and Pete show. See, Alexander O'Neill, he performed on the roof

of Capital Radio when we both worked there as well. Did he? Yeah. God, he'll do anything for five grand. Guess what song he did? Was it the song he just sang?

Criticise my lifestyle. He did that one. I'm going to criticise his lifestyle. He's doing gigs in Hartlepool. Fucking idiot. He might have been on Big Brother as well, Alexander O'Neill, at one point. That rings a bell. Yeah. There we go. Anyway, Ashley French. Anthony

from Big Brother, who did the Affirming to Discord thing, he was on the air that McCoursey was on. Remember McCoursey? Yeah. She came out of the house and she wanted to be a UN representative her agent said imagine saying that

to your agent lofty ambition I mean like I mean Geri Halliwell managed it yeah she did

but terrible Angelina Jolie yeah I remember McCoursey David Beckham McCoursey

was an obsession of mine William Hague he was very much a politician but McCoursey was an obsession of mine because she... William Hague! He was very much a politician. But McCoursey was on Big Brother's Big... Whatever the accompanying show was. The one that you keep getting passed over for? Yeah. Big Brother's Little Brother?

Whatever it is. Big Brother's Bit on the Side? I think that's probably the one, actually. Yeah, okay. George Lamb. Remember him? George Lamb. And it was a woman called Zezzy I4

now she was remember when New Rave was big there was a magazine that was dedicated to New Rave and it was

called the Super Super or Super Super and it was this massive garish fucking shit show of a piece of crap with like artists and

musicians and stuff and getting interviewed it was a piece of crap you look back and go I'm glad those days are over but Zezzy. It was a piece of crap. You look back and go, I'm glad those days are over. But Zazie I-4 was a woman who was, she got a bit,

she was the editor, I think, for a while. Certainly a chief staff writer. And she was on Big Brother's bit on the side or whatever it's called, with George Lamb. And she interviewed McCoursey. And this woman was so wonderfully terrible at television. There's nothing on the...

I don't think there's anything on YouTube with Zazie, but her star burned so bright for about two years and she was never seen again. Zazie I4. Okay. And she was interviewing McCoursey, and McCoursey kept talking and kept talking, and she was clearly getting it in her ear

that she got an ad break in her ear piece and so she ended the interview by going oh my god shut up here's the ad break oh my god shut up I think I do remember did she do T4 as well

yeah yeah yeah I do remember all that gaff but she was truly terrible but I saw once at the Brits and I had to get

a picture taken with her I loved Zazie she was my favourite thing on the television do you remember and we should have oh my god shut up in the middle of an interview

when we had Rick Edwards on there we should have asked him about it what rated all the T4s no when he did I think he probably went with her once

once or twice he probably did but he had a gig out in Korea right when he had the World Athletic Championship yes

and he did it with is it Autis Autis Dealey yeah and Autis did the World Athletic Championship and he did it with is it Autis? Autis Dealey yeah and Autis did the most amazing link you've ever seen where

he obviously hasn't got an autocue and he's been told by the producer to wrap up you must remember this I do remember this it's coming to the end

of the production it's channel 4 and he's in the stadium and he just goes and it's and as the sun shines on in the studio it's coming to the end of the production. It's channel four. And he's in the stadium. And he just goes, and it's, and as the sun shines on in the studio, it's Jessica Ennis.

Good night. Yeah. He says it's time to go. Jessica Ennis. Good night. Cause he's clearly in his earpiece. The producer shouted, Jessica Ennis.

And he's went, I've got nothing on that. I've got nothing on that. Jessica Ennis. Good night. Well, I'll find this email from. I've got nothing on that. Jessica Ennis, goodnight. When I find this email from Ashley French, can you find that clip? I love it. It's brilliant.

It's so funny. Well, don't poo-poo it because it's genuinely a really funny bit. And if you could find the Makozi thing as well, that would be fantastic. But I do remember Azizi.

Zezzy. Zezzy. And I do remember... Some respect. Sorry. I also do remember T4 going through a lot of odd presenters around that sort of new rave period. Because interestingly enough, in that new rave period,

I was actually working for Claxton's record label. Right, okay. And I've got nothing more to add. Didn't meet them. No inside story. Don't know what they were like. No. Vaguely remember their song Atlantis to Interzone. That was a cracker, to be fair. to add. Didn't meet them. No inside story. Don't know what they were like. Remember, vaguely remember

their song Atlantis to Interzone. That was a cracker to be fair. It was a good tune. But anyway, if you can't find it, I'm going to just go straight to the Z-Math Mash to the French. He says, Hi guys, I have a good story

slash warning about Christmas Eve drinking. Now this is something that keeps on going and going. Back in 2004, I was 18. And so I thought it was prime time to go to a town drinking for the first time ever on christmas eve because i grew up in rural somerset there were three of us we've been to the local uh weatherspoons no doubt drinking lots of x more beast ale

um and we were set to go to the local club envy uh which plays 90s cheese and the odd bon jovi tune i'm sure everyone's had a similar experience. Anyway, on the way down the road, five lads walked past staring at us. So being a fair bit naive, we just stared back. We get around the corner and they've doubled back on us. And after a bit of, what are you looking at? One of my mates is legging it off.

A fight erupted. And I thought after a fair few punches thrown that these guys must be so drunk they don't realise that I don't want to fight. So I thought if I lay on the floor, that'll make it a bit more obvious. I mean, not the greatest technique, is it? That's a Donaldson tactic, that. Bad move, he says.

I got kicked in the head a lot. I got home and when normal people would expect sympathy, my mum went predictably apeshit at me saying I should never have gone to town drinking and that with my fat lip, broken nose and black eye I have indeed ruined Christmas. It's that phrase again. The next day at my nan and grandad's

I had to field lots of questions from cousins and aunties and every single photo from that year I've had to turn to the side so you can't make out my black eye and broken nose. I learnt no lessons and will continue to go out every Christmas Eve and hang over being

almost part of Christmas and I'm now 32 years old. Great show. I have no battery things to hand as I'm not at home. Ashley French. I mean, what I would say is that I also get that speech before I go out from both my mam and my dad. Because, I mean, there are some nut jobs

in Hartlepool and I've noticed like some men go out and like it's weird like you'd think that like that generation is kind of finished but they keep on going certainly where I'm from

if they don't have a fight it's not a good night if they've not had a bit of aggro yeah I would say it's much more dangerous in terms of fights

breaking out in provincial places than it is in London oh yeah hugely you don't have a fight in London. Oh yeah, hugely. You don't have a fight in London. Good Lord. The big thing about sort of the thing, I suppose I will go out for a few beers on Christmas Eve, no doubt, but I always used

to think, and I vividly remember when I was, say, 18 or 19, I would remember looking over at people who were quite a lot older, thinking, what are you doing? Why aren't you home with your family or whatever? And why aren't you doing stuff older people? No, but that still stays with me to the point where

I don't really want to be in that boat, if you know what I mean. Well, here's, I think this is the clip. Oh, you've got Altus. Somebody who doesn't like Zazie I for

has compiled a load of clips. I think it's just Zazie not being able to remember something. Did you do this? Is this your compilation, Pete? Yeah, never mind. Is this your new Dads with Swords? You can tell we don't rehearse this stuff, can't you? No, exactly.

You've got another email for me, Peter. I've got another email for me Peter I've got another email for you I've always got another email for you my emails are inexhaustible to be quite frank I want to say hello

to who's this hang on he's over the page Ben hello Ben morning fellas I'm a little slow

at getting stories in please find attached a picture of HP sauce available to buy pack and save in New Zealand I used to shop there when I lived there.

Rangioria. It works out to do about £2.40 a bottle and still tastes fantastic. I think it's pronounced Rangoria. Rangoria? Yeah, I think so. Whilst I was at uni, this is the worst slash most boring job. While I was at uni, I had a summer

jobs at Banks Brewery in Wolverhampton and in one such summer job, my summer was spent putting widgets into cans of Hartlepool's finest drop, Cameron's Strong Arm. That is the Hartlepool beer. Do you know it? Yeah. What type of beer is it? I've never heard of it. It's very rich,

very red. It's pleasant. It's not unpleasant. Do you like their version of Newquay Brown? They stopped making it for quite a while. Actually, I think Newquay Brown occasionally gets brewed in Hartlepool. Cameron's Strong Arm. Cameron's Strong Arm. Is it strong? I think the logo is a strong man with a hammer, I think.

Cameron's Strong Arm. I'll try and find a cannibal that I have a tasting in the New Year. Is it like their version of Newquay Brown Ale? No, it's just an ale. It's a ruby red ale. What's the Middlesbrough and Sunderland alcohol? I don't know. Oh, God, what's Sunderland?

Sunderland used to have one. I think Vox, but it's not, is it? Clearly not. Oh, God, what's Sunderland's beer? Sod it. Can't remember. Doesn't matter. Anyway, the widgets in question,

that was putting it in these cans of Cameron Strongarm, was a plastic dome with two wings. And to get it into the un-topped can, you put one wing in and then the other. Using a chisel-like device, we then had to push the widget to the bottom of the can. I assumed all this stuff would be done automatically. I thought widgets.

Carling Premier used to have a widget in it. And Worthington. Wasn't it originally John Smith's with Jack D? Oh, yeah, widget. It's got a widget. I think Vox is the Sunderbickers. Didn't they used to sponsor Sunderland football team D. Oh, yeah, Widget. It's got a Widget, yeah. I think Vox is the Sunderbickers. Didn't they used to sponsor Sunderland football team?

They did, yeah, but I thought Vox might have something to do with a car, but then I'm being silly, aren't I? Yeah, I think it is the Vox. As you can imagine, an un-topped can is razor sharp, and I managed to cut myself multiple times. Again, I just thought machines did all this. Why are you not wearing gloves? Why are you not wearing... Chainmail gloves.

Chainmail gloves. That's what we used to have to use when we opened cans violently in the sandwich factory. So I lost several of those blue industrial plasters over the course of a mind-numbing summer as we did pallet after pallet. Some of the older guys would disappear and come back a little rosy-cheeked

after popping over to packaging for an hour. The young ones never got invited to that, though. Cheers, gents. Ben. I don't know if I'd want... I'm opening myself up for ridicule here, but I've got a boring, monotonous job. I don't know if I want to get drunk during the day.

Does it make it go faster or does it make it go slower? You just get really sleepy and really sort of like, oh, groggy. It can keep the buzz going, though. Awesome. They say that the service industry, and specifically waiters and stuff, and people who work in kitchens, all off their fucking heads on uppers,

on cocaine and whatever. Really? And they sort of pretend that they don't have a massive cocaine problem, like the restaurant industry, but they definitely do. That's why I was really surprised that... Who's that angry Scotsman?

He's not really Scottish, is he? He shouts at everyone. I don't know who he was talking about. Oh, Gordon Ramsay. Gordon Ramsay. So you did. He was doing a thing, sort of going,

going around his restaurants, checking that people had been using cocaine in his toilets. Which sounds like the sort of thing you do when you've been caught by a newspaper. Right. I'm obviously not saying that's the case, but whenever there's a big expose of

a celebrity, I'm addicted to tablets or whatever, they've always been caught doing drugs. They've always been caught sleeping with someone they shouldn't have been. And the newspaper basically give them a plea deal. They give them a deal and go, we've got these pictures and you look terrible in them, or you can come to us and do a heartfelt

expose that I just had to get from my chest with the sun, etc., etc. And obviously, this was just a documentary that Gordon Ramsay did, but it did sound a bit like that. I can probably shock you by saying that I actually quite like Gordon Ramsay's TV programme. I love Kitchen Nightmares. I love specifically those ones that he goes in in America and tells people

that they're food shit on YouTube if you go on if I type in youtube.com the full page is just all little clips

recommendations of him going into restaurants and going what the fuck is this what the fuck he's just pulled out an old tub of gravy

from the freezer what's really interesting if you want to get the classic difference between British TV shows and American TV shows, watch a British Kitchen Nightmares and an American one.

They're so different. It's unbelievable. And the one he always does on the American one is at some point during the episode, he'll burst into the kitchen and just go,

I'm shutting you down! And there's a musical coming and they walk into the restaurant and go, I'm terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen a musical coming and they walk into the restaurant and go I'm terribly sorry ladies and gentlemen but I'm having to shut the restaurant because a man I've never met before has just told me to

he's not part of health services he's not part of hygiene but he's angry he's angry but he just comes in and he goes but when he the whole show starts

with him being served food doesn't he doesn't it they're sort of going here's the filet mignon. And he goes, what? That is a filet mignon? Yeah.

That looks like carpet. And he's really nice to the waiter or the waitress, but he's horrible about the food instantly. Thank you, darling. Looks like slop. What's that? It's a raspberry coulis. Looks like sick.

He always says to the waitress, thank you, darling. He always says that as well. It is funny it's a great bit of entertainment I think I'm a big fan of that man what were we originally talking about?

I can't remember me either getting drunk on the job and then I think I brought the drugs I've got an email here from a quick one from

Letty just sound Letty I think I might be short for Letitia you know hello from Vancouver hello tell your boy in Seattle that I'd be short for Letitia, you know. Hello from Vancouver. Hello.

Tell your boy in Seattle that I'd be happy to mail him some HP sauce. My parents live near the US border, so I could even mail it domestically for him, save him the trip. Very kind of you, Letty. That was from a guy, that was reference a guy a few weeks ago who would do a six-hour round-trip drive from Seattle to Vancouver to buy some HP sauce. To put on his tough salad and scrambled eggs. They're calling again.

Frasier reference there. Frasier reference there. A long overdue Frasier reference. I really like the name Letitia. Do you? I might call my child it if it's a girl. What child? Letitia Donaldson.

Pete, you need to follow the life partner first. My Japanese one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. If there are a lot of Japanese children running around with English names. Oh, that was a good one. Obviously, when I was in Kenya, obviously a lot of the kids have English names. So it's like Elizabeth or Jack or, you know, normal English names.

And there's African names. The bloke who works for Practical Action, the charity, said that last time he went to that part of Kisumu, he met a Rolex. Oh, really? Now that is a brilliant name. So I know that in some parts of Africa it is the done thing to give your children English-sounding names.

Yeah, but like brands and cool names. I think it's just any English word. Yeah, just badass names. Rolex. You get a footballer that's called Danger Fourpence. That's interesting. Rolex. Good get a footballer that's called Danger Fourpence. That's interesting. Rolex. Good luck, Jonathan.

Before I forget on the HP Sauce vibe, Dylan Haynes also got in touch and he said that he went into the supermarket to look for HP Sauce and he's included the photo saying,

I found HP Fruity Sauce. I know, yeah, like an extra kind of, yeah, what's that? I love HP Fruity. I prefer it to normal HP. HP Fruity. Because HP can be a bit too spicy sometimes.

A bit too brackish. It can be quite, I don't know, a bit sort of strong. Yeah, a bit, not spicy, but just a bit overpowering. Dylan says, this HP Fruuity sauce claims to be deliciously mild and tangy. Is it worth a try? It bloody is worth a try, Dylan.

It's approaching a Branston in many ways. It's worth so much of a try, I just dropped my pen in excitement. And he says his batteries are Deci,

which I've not heard of before. Deci, we've not had a Deci. D-E-S-A-Y, Deci. So HP fruity, get on it, it's not bad.

Get on it, let's do it, Carter. Let's do it loud it I like that we've got a new studio I've got a new little dingle dongle to use

and I still muff up the I don't know how you get it wrong every time let there be justice for all let there be

volume for all let there be this for all I'm small step for volume you don't understand Willie was a producer say simply very simply more volume I'm small, step for volume. You don't understand. Willie was a producer.

Say simply, very simply. More volume. Good morning. Say simply, very simply. Please, can we have a louder jingle? What have you got? Sri Ram. Hello, Sri Ram.

How are you doing, mate? Sri Ram has come up with a fantastic Menkata inductee. And it's a beauty. I would like to bring your attention to the British World War II veteran, Mad Jack Churchill. I love this. Who was the only man who fought the war with a sword and a longbow. I've heard about this.

The man sounds mentally ill. He sounds amazing. Yeah. Absolutely amazing. Bad ass if he does well. A madman if he gets killed on the first battle. He probably just wouldn't be remembered, would he?

Yeah, good point. I shall list out some of the few things that Fighting Jack, as he was also called, managed to pull off in the war. So this is the guy who enlisted in the British Army around the turn of the 20th century for World War I and World War II.

Is that right? I believe so, yes. Yeah, okay. Well, it was certainly the World War II. Is that right? I believe so, yes. Yeah, okay. Well, it was certainly the second one anyway. Well, the reason I say that is because when I was looking him up

after Shri Ram got in touch, he left the army before World War... I think he left the army in the mid-30s. And when war broke out in 1939, he rejoined.

And the quote is, I was backing my red coat because the country got into a bit of a jam in my absence. A bit of a jam. A bit of a jam. But anyway, go on, carry on. Was it the 38th?

39, the World War. Second World War. I thought it was 38 to 45. Oh, you embarrassed yourself there. Oh, dear me. Never mind. So, this is some of the things that Fighting Jack managed to pull off in the war.

He charged Nazi garrisons, waving his sword and screaming, Commando! Yeah. He recorded the longest confirmed kill with a longbow. He stood at the fore of a landing craft while playing the bagpipes before proceeding to charge the enemy in a kilt. That was on D-Day, wasn't it, as well? I mean, in a kilt.

A kilt's probably a decent shout if you're having to move through the water quickly. Not going to bog you down, is it? If you've swum out there in a kilt, do let us know. Was interned in a VIP prisoner of war camp because the Nazis thought he was related to Winston Churchill. He proceeded to escape from said prisoner of war camp and also he captured over 30 prisoners at Sword Point. He apparently absolutely loved combat.

Now, I don't think anyone is realistically suggesting that war is a good thing and that there's not horrendous things that go on in every war right but jack churchill seemed to just absolutely love it and um apparently um when when victory in europe was assured he was sent to the pacific theater because the battles against japan were still being waged. But by the time he reached India, Hiroshima and Nagasaki had already been bombed and the war had ended. Apparently he was quite the sanguinary. It wasn't for those damn

yanks. We could have kept the war going another 10 years. He loved a scrap. He's the one out on a Friday night wanting to fight. He escaped from German captivity twice as well. I love this quote from someone who said that

I think it was when he died. He died at a ripe old age, about 90 or something. And he said, Jack Churchill was one of those unusual men designed to lead others in combat and such men are often restless in times of peace. There we go. I bet he spent the rest of his life restless. I bet his wife the rest of his life restless.

I bet his wife hated him. Anyway, absolutely hated him. Mad Jack Churchill. Mad Jack Churchill. Apparently, I've never seen Bexel battery sold anywhere in India, says Sriram. But lo and behold, I find two AAA Bexels sitting in my TV remote. Bexels are taking over the world.

Don't doubt it. Don't deny the Bexels. If I was going to invest in any battery brand, it would be Bexels. Do get in touch TV remote. Bexels are taking over the world. Don't doubt it. Don't deny the Bexels. If I was going to invest in any battery brand, it would be Bexels. Do get in touch with us, hello at lukeandpeachow.com for all your main car suggestions, your general emails,

your Christmas Eve shenanigans, including Christmas Day hangovers. Christmas stories, Christmas arguments. Actually, the next episode will be Christmas, will it not? Yeah, it will. I mean, I thought we were going to the next episode will be Christmas, will it not? Yeah, it will. I mean, I thought we were going to take

a week off for Christmas because obviously this one is going out just before Christmas. Okay, right. So we're going to have a week off. All right, fair enough.

That's decided. We'll see you when we see you. Motion passed. Done. We'll see you in the new year. We'll see you soon. Have a cracking Christmas. Have a cracking new year.

We love you very much. And we couldn't do it without you. Yeah. You want to end like that? Yeah, I do, yeah. in Christmas have a cracking new year we love you very much and we couldn't do it without you yeah you want to end like that yeah I do yeah alright

and a happy new year to you too Luke Moore and to you sir We have a gloriously sunny day here in the studio. We've seen some action this morning as well. Jessica Ennis, good night.