The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 36: You are now entering Dildo, Newfoundland

Episode Date: February 5, 2018

Your two eponymous antiheroes are back for another episode of LAPS as all the kids are now calling it (pronounced 'LAPS'), and first stop is Pete trying to convince his Dad Stewart to go on holiday with him.After that, they hop across the Atlantic to visit some of the most questionable place names in the US and Canada after the reveal of King of Prussia last week. There's also enough space in the studio to squeeze in an interesting Mencarta.A Mencarta involving hats, dockers and a WHOLE LOAD OF FIGHTING. What more do you want?Your boys are always keen to hear more of your chat, it's our lifeblood. So don't be shy: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Hello there, it's the Luke and Peach, your episode 36, Luke Miller. That's your age, isn't it? That is my age, yes, for a few short months, and then I will be a little older. Last year I was convinced that I was 37 and then I realised I was only 36 and I felt like a new man, I really did. If you're new to the show, that's

Pete Donaldson and quite typical of his input. Exactly, even though I am the second name in the duo. Yeah, and I'm Luke Moore and it's lovely, and I do mean lovely, to have you along with us. We've got a fantastic show. That's silly. We've got a good show. We've got a good show we've got a show we've got a show we've got a show you can be the judge it's not fair that we're our own critics anyway so that's fair enough uh well

somebody's gone wrong with my ipad sort of situation it keeps on giving a little buzz so uh i'm gonna have to do the it's been vocally which i've never done before luke it's true it's always been a proper studio thing. It's been. There we go. Yeah, it's getting there. Someone once told me, and we will do It's Been because you've put the bat signal out there now, so we have to do it.

But someone did tell me when I was but a little lamb of a student and I was quite interested in working in radio. Someone once told me one of the golden rules of radio is that you should never mention your technical equipment. Is that like a really old school way? Oh God no, I do that all the time. Do you? And that's why everyone hates me. Why do you think it's not only why they hate you, but why do you think

a guy would have said that? Because it sounds unprofessional but then this is kind of like the old radio adage of trying to be professional and sort of pretending that things aren't going wrong. The show must go on, types of thing. Yeah, well, and also, people have jobs, people work, people have problems with their machinery,

and if things are going wrong, I think it's nice to sort of let people through the curtain. And you are a friend of the machines, aren't you? And I'm a friend of the machines, and I'm still chinned off by them all the time. They're capricious. I hear, like, kind of received radio knowledge where it's like, you should never say, guys, hey you guys

we want to hear from you guys you have to say I want to hear from you it's a one to one relationship you're like oh piss off that's what Terry Wogan used to say apparently like industry dudes and stuff Terry Wogan he was like the king of radio too God rest his soul

great man apparently when he was asked in these type of industry events how many listeners do you have on your show and he'd always say just one. Just one.

Yeah. I mean empirically not true. No yeah millions. Millions. Absolute millions. I mean we could say it would be literally true wouldn't it?

Just one. Just each other. And Stephen. We've got two. Stephen and Claire. That's right. We love those guys. Yeah we do.

We love them all. Imagine if there was a Stephen and Claire listening and they'd go, they mean us, they mean us. There'd probably be more than one Stephen and more than one Claire listening if we were going to be ambitious. So it's been, Pete,

this is the time of the show. I always like to sort of give people an idea because I'm conscious that people are coming along new and they don't necessarily know our sort of cantankerous old ways. In many ways, we're both quite old now, so we just like to settle into our easy chair and just

do what we do every week. But it's important for us to let people know that this is what we're going to be doing. So It's Been is what you and I have been up to in the past week since people last heard from us. And I believe you're going to take the lead this week, Peter. Well, because it's been one week from the bare naked eddie song one week yeah perhaps thinking

about it we should have left in the one week really it's been one week yeah that would have been better wouldn't it but you can't do one week in your impression that's why it's been one week i could get the note but i just can't get it just doesn't sound right does it i'm be i'm at the risk of offending you and it's only you and me here I think that was really poor I've spent 12 years perfecting the it's been and I've neglected

the one week mate never mind you must be terrible doing that at karaoke definitely so yeah this week

what have I been up to what have I been up to launching podcasts with you and also I interviewed Mark Thomas a few short hours ago. You know the stand-up Mark Thomas?

I do. He's like political stand-up. Yeah. He's basically done this quite interesting project where he went to Jenin, which is one of the oldest cities in the world, and it's in the West Bank in Palestine. And he's basically at a theatre there,

a theatre which has been firebombed a couple of times. The director of the theatre was murdered, shot. Why were you interviewing him? I was interviewing him because basically he's brought over a couple of Palestinian stand-ups. Oh, right, OK. Basically he went over and he set up almost like a stand-up school. And so the only proviso being that you would,

there had to be a mix of women and men. So it's a very interesting kind of situation where you've got these women who've never really stood on stage and spoken about their lives before, getting on stage and doing a bit of stand-up. It sounds quite a noble pursuit, actually. It's great. And so he's doing a few shows in Stratford,

and I met the two Palestinian guys. And it really annoyed me because I, one of them was called Faisal and the other one was called Allah and I learnt both the second names and I learnt and I was like I think it's incredibly disrespectful if you don't know people's second names if you're about to interview them and I was

told at the last minute that Mark was going to be joined by Faisal and Allah and I when it came to showtime I'd learnt them perfectly when it came to showtime muffed it up. And then I'd apologise. And I know most people wouldn't be upset about that, but I think getting someone's name wrong is just dreadful.

Did you cover for it by going, goodness me? Goodness! The peak dancing catchphrase. Yes! If they were called Faisal goodness me and Allah goodness me, that would have been perfect. Brilliant coincidence. Speaking of letting people behind the curtain,

I think we talked about it a week or two ago, that you love a bit of Goodness Me. And I've been pulled up by listeners over the last week or two for saying I know right a lot. I know right. I know right. So we've all got them. We've all got them.

Probably the very, very best broadcasters don't have them. But people like me and Mortals, like you and I do. Or I think,ters don't have them but people like me and Morto like you and I do or I think I don't know I listen I say fantastic

because we've launched a couple of podcasts this week one about wrestling Wrestle Me which is you might have heard either on our other podcast

a little advert for it but basically it's myself and a man called Mark Hins who I think you'll agree is a very funny man no I didn't like it. A very clear talker.

He loves wrestling. He's an intensely funny man. He knows all the stories about the wrestlers, and I know nothing. And I listened back, and I was like, oh, I say fantastic quite a lot. But I think you're your own worst critic. Not you, but people like you.

What I would say is, that's what I say a lot as well. I think everyone's got their go-to word of phrase. I have them for like three months, and then I lose them. I think I'm the same. I what I say a lot as well. I think everyone's got their go-to word of phrase. I have them for like three months and then I lose them. I think I'm the same. I think that happens to me as well. So you've been speaking to Mark Thomas, showing off. And Mark Hens. Name-dropping again.

Is that a big name, really? It might have been in the 90s when he was on Channel 4. But you're only name-dropping Marks. Any other Marks you know? I would... Mark Morrison? You interviewed him recently? I once saw him in a nightclub in Leicester

with a big fur coat on because he's from Leicester isn't he very warm return of the mech once again you know one thing is

about Mark Morrison there in that situation I've got a couple of things to say one is in a way I admire him because he's realised that getting

something out of the cloakroom at the end of a nightclub night is a nightmare you don't want to be doing that keep it going yeah he's circumvented that but at the same time very hot of a nightclub night is a nightmare. You don't want to be doing that. Keep your coat on, yeah. He's circumvented that. But at the same time, very hot in a nightclub.

You're going to get sweaty. When I went to Poland at New Year's, I was very... Also, don't wear fur. I was very... Do not wear Leroy fur. Yeah. I was...

They insist on you taking your coat off because everybody in colder climates and hours, they wear really stocky jackets. Right, yeah. and in nightclubs they insist where's this that you take in poland right they insisted that you took your coat off when i was in poland same city as you actually uh it's bloody hot jesus it's so hot it's probably swinging it for my it's been i thought this would be quite a nice little thing to do and this is off the dome piece i didn't plan this but i thought it might be quite interesting um we've talked

about such a different array of subjects on this show and when we started the show we didn't plan this, but I thought it might be quite interesting. We've talked about such a different array of subjects on this show. Now, when we started the show, we didn't really know what we were going to do with it. We kept it a little bit, shall we say, loose. Yeah, a bit loose, and thought we'd just enjoy ourselves. I've not unplugged the iPad in this time round. That's how loose I am. Exactly. That's how genuinely pathetic you are when it comes to preparation.

No, I'm only joking. But I know that your memory is just as bad as mine, so I thought what would be fun is if you give me an episode number, I'll click on it and tell you the two or three things that we talked about on the episode. And I think it'll be quite entertaining. Okay. Episode seven.

Episode seven. Okay, I'm scrolling back down. Episode seven. Is this going to be like the Doomsday book where there's nothing there? We didn't talk about anything this time. We talked about accidentally hitting animals in their car, virtual reality, living in the Vietnamese jungle for over 40 years, and your dad putting a snooker table

in the family's front room. Oh, right, okay, that's good. That happened, that actually happened, didn't it? That did actually happen. I've been having a big old pitch start with my dad, I was going, Dad, come on holiday with me. Oh yeah, you've done it with me.

I've run out of friends. So you've decided that you'd quite like to go, you said this on WhatsApp the other day, you've decided that you'd quite like to go on holiday with your old man. Yeah, because I've never done it. And the last time me and my dad, because my mum's a write-off. She'll never get on a plane.

She'll never go anywhere. So I'm like, right, Dad, you're retired this year, or you might be. By the time it gets to late October, I'm thinking he's going to be climbing the walls because he doesn't all like hanging out with my mum. And your dad's also living on Japan time anyway. Yeah, exactly. So I was like, yeah,

like, that would be perfect. Either Canada, I'll take my dad to Japan. He'd have a lovely time and I'd get to see Japan again. You're not taking him to Switzerland, are you? That's so different.

Well, listen, you should very much keep us posted on that because I'd really love hearing about Stuart. I don't understand why he's not up for it like he was up for it when he died a couple of pints yeah and then when he saw that's what

you book it i know i know i know i should just bloody book it but yeah he was uh like the thing about my dad is like he's oh no your mom needs needs to see her like you get up at one o'clock in the morning like she doesn't see you mate no your mom really needs the idea of me being here lurking in the shadows all right give me one more episode number uh number 15 we're going early very early episode 15 we talked about um you judging a dog competition with an 80s pop star oh yeah and the origins of love hearts and everyone's favorite tongue replacing parasite look you know what i would listen to that podcast yeah well you're on it i'm on it yeah i can't start believing in podcasts you're in one because you're in so there we go that's

just a little example for again i'm a bit of a new listener's vibe today um an example of the stuff we have talked about in the past and it's important to remember these episodes are essentially quite timeless so yeah go back through the catalog exactly if you if you if you hate yourself as much as we do go back through the back catalog but there you go that's the sort of stuff we can talk about but you've been uh interviewing a a comedian a politically themed comedian so shall we say not not really my favorite um area of comedy i must say i think i've read one of mark th' books, maybe. I think he, if you look at the level of satire in England at the moment,

you sort of go, at least he's doing something a little bit more worthy than going, Donald Trump done rubbish, my like. It's almost like the Bill Hicks kind of thing, like the political commentary type, sort of social commentary that's also quite funny, really. Do you think that Bill Hicks, as you grow older, is a little bit overrated? Yes, yeah, I do, yeah. You sort of go back, and stand-ups at the time would sort of social commentary that's also quite funny really do you think that Bill Hicks as you grow older is a little bit overrated yes yeah I do yeah

you sort of go back and stand-ups at the time will sort of say like nobody thought he was that groundbreaking they just thought he was really slick as an American stand-up

coming to England like he was just his delivery was just spot on so Cars on the Table is not my area of expertise at all

no but what you're saying there rings true to me I used to absolutely love the guy when i was when i was a young guy i used to i read the book about his life i had a couple of his cds so it's like having a fight club post on you all yeah that will be my favorite film forever yeah and it never isn't um but i do think there's definitely some truth in the idea that um he was very slick very very confident quite quite combative performer which i think takes a lot of um a lot of um chutzpah and that kind of beatnik style was

incredibly uh popular at the time yeah but for me do you know what i i my um my my vibe is more like i know people will be surprised to hear this or even care but my vibe is more like a mitch headberg type of thing i like silly sort of weird sort of offbeat type stuff like vick and bob type stuff but that would be my comedy of choice really i'd have that yeah and you're the same pete i mean you dress like vick reeves so it must be something to do with it it's hard not to because he dresses like everywhere all the time i've got his accent and he dresses in all kinds of i uh there's a clip of george dawes from shooting stars singing a song about peanuts that's brilliant it. It's absolutely brilliant. I must watch it once a day. It's just a really jazzy kind of bit of library music.

And George Dawes has to stand there. George Dawes is a character. He was later in... Played by Matt Lucas. Matt Lucas from Little Britain and pretty much every other sitcom. And Bridesmaids, of course. He's on American television.

He's on British television. He lives in LA. He's brilliant. And he playedmaids, of course. He's on American television, he's on British television, he lives in LA, he's brilliant. And he played this kind of character, this kind of baby, like a giant baby in a baby drawer, on a kind of whimsical quiz show. Shooting stars.

Shooting stars. And he's got to sing this song about peanuts. Ollie's got to go, every bar has got, peanuts! But the bed, the music bed And he's got to sing this song about peanuts. He's got to go. Every bar is gone. Peanuts. But the bed, the music bed is so jazzy. He can't get the word peanuts out. And his laughing is so infectious. I'll try and stick a copy of it at the end of the show.

But wow. Please do. What a piece of work. Vic and Bob are absolutely national treasures, by the way. And we probably shouldn't delve too deep into our own sense of humours, or our own respective sense of humours, because the other night you and I on WhatsApp spent a good amount of time crying with laughter watching videos of animals,

and one of them was a dog playing the recorder, which I literally... You thought that was brilliant. That was the worst video clip. Can I just say that different people's tastes for things that make them funny aside, that was brilliant that was the worst video clip can i just say that different people's tastes for things that make them funny aside i was laughing so much and so loudly at that dog trying to play a recorder that my wife came into the bedroom and said what is happening in here i'm trying to watch tv i'm watching i'm watching a dog breathe through a tube it's so good it was so good it wasn't as

good as the other video you sent which was a a parakeet, I think, who... You know when parakeets are just docile? Yeah. They just look like little birds. Was it a cockatoo or something? A cockatoo, yeah, a cockatoo, of course. But when they get excited, their feathers get ruffled and their head kind of quiff goes up

and they just become three times their size. Yeah. It's amazing. Its owner, in front of the cockatoo, in front of the parakeet or whatever it's cockatoo cockatoo what's a cockatiel is that smaller one i don't know yeah i think so yeah uh what's those big recordings again um uh he smashes up a uh his his uh cage his bird's bird cage yeah he jumps on the bird cage and crushes it and the bird just goes really big, as if to go,

what the fuck are you doing, Clive? What the fuck? And he just starts swearing. Oh, that's my actual house. And it never stops swearing. It never stops. It is. That sort of very basic stuff is very, very good. But shall we, speaking of basic stuff,

shall we go into our listeners' emails? Yes, let's do that. Let's delve into the email berg, so to speak. We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke. If he feels sad about Mum and Dad, we'll both look after Luke. Oh, hello.

Hello, we're back again. Back again. Do you want me to do the first email, or do you want to do it? No, you do it, mate. Okay, I'm quite happy to do it, because I know we he says all the time and it's not showing off it is really to show gratitude the amount of emails we've got it's

ridiculous obscene and we're gonna have to do another email special soon um or we're gonna have to do something a bit different i think but anyway um hello at luke and pete show.com if you want to get involved on any of those subjects we mentioned a second ago or just anything that takes your fancy um or when you're listening to an old show now i'm excited to start the emails because this one from paul in montreal is very very interesting to me and it was it um enjoyed the rhyme paul from montreal um it refers to um that town we talked about last week called king of prussia in pennsylvania oh yeah the one named after a pub. Yeah. So, in fact, you know what? I'll just read the email.

So Paul says, hello, Luke and Pete. Like you, I was very impressed with King of Prussia and will, of course, be making travel arrangements over the next few days. Apparently, judging by all the other emails we've received, there's no point going there. He says, here in Canada, there are a few great names too. For example, Balls Falls.

Balls Falls. I hear they go over Gooch Creek. That wasn't worth it. The Buffins Bridge. That's in Ontario, apparently. Punky Doodles Corner. Punky Doodles Corner. Also in Ontario.

But he says, perhaps the most startling of place names in Ontario is to be found in the hamlet of Swastika. Oh, I mean, that's a bit strong. That's a bit on the nose, isn't it? He said, during the Second World War, there were plans to rename it to Churchill, but they clearly couldn't be asked.

I think they were hedging their bets. Let's see which one wins. I looked up Swastika, Ontario, and it's been a town since 1907, so way before the rise of Nazism. It's also got a gold mine, which used to be called the Swastika Mine, but it's now called the Crescent Mine.

Why don't we just move all of those alt-right, kind of 4chan edgelords there, and they can just live, all the men, not having sex with any women, because they're Nazis, and just kind of having a terrible time. What about the people who are already living there? They can be moved out.

You can put the, instead of having water through the taps, you can have Mountain Dew. That's all geeks drink. Displacement, yeah? That's your solution, isn't it? It's called swastika, for crying out loud, Luke. Pete, we talked about your appearance. You cannot be talking about that sort of stuff.

But Paul goes on to say, as much as Ontario would like to claim the best, most unusual place name in Canada, they can't because that accolade actually belongs to the town of Dildo, Newfoundland. Wow. Now, I looked up Dildo as well. There's nothing there. I hear Dildos all live in Swastika.

The most interesting thing I could find about Dildo is literally the sign for it, which just says Dildo with an arrow, which is quite interesting. A difficult Google. Apparently, it's been called that since 1711. And Paul ends his email by saying I'm currently juiced up on some Chateau batteries

Chateau we've had a Chateau yet I think they're a Canadian brand Super Croissante edition apparently don't know what

that means either probably embarrassed myself there but I don't speak French so that's from Paul I thought that was

an excellent start to the email section and I was very keen to get it in there any more place names like that are was very keen to get it in there. Any more place names like that are welcomed. They are welcomed. Doesn't have to be the words show.

Cats. You like cats. I do. I'm not as big a fan, but hi Luke and Pete. This is from Tamsin. Hello Tamsin. I was listening to your latest pod on the way to work this morning. I was interested to hear about the chap in the US whose dog was giving acupuncture. I noticed that you both sounded somewhat cynical of this approach to veterinary treatment.

I was. I don't know about you, Luke, but I certainly was. I'm unclear on the efficacy of acupuncture generally. I just thought it was like alternative medicine. It looks like you're doing something. Same, yeah. Enjoy. Basically, my cat Jasper, when he was about 10 or 11, suddenly started suffering episodes of severe pain

where we would find him lying on the floor, growling and groaning and unable to move. Oh, that's awful. He must have only been a couple of years old at most and it was really distressing. Sorry, this is when Tamsin was 10 or 11 and the cat was very young indeed. After various investigations, the vet was very concerned

that he's injured his spine or his nerves and wouldn't likely need to be put down, which is always the answer with animals, isn't it? If they get anything that they don't have a treatment for right there and then, they go, yeah, it's probably going to get pronounced. Can I also weigh in with something that is actually quite, maybe something a little bit pathetic, but as someone who genuinely had a cat called jasper who was put down right this this is

chiming very deeply with me very deeply um yeah so one vet at the veterinary uh surgery place was developing an interest in alternative therapies and suggested that it might be a trap nerve that could potentially be treated with acupuncture. Desperate to save our cat, we paid for several sessions of the treatment. It is a vivid memory of my childhood, seeing my cat sedated and splayed out flat with dozens of tiny needles inserted in his back. Like a furry hellraiser. Like a porcupine, presumably. Yeah.

That is a porcupine, actually. Do you want to take that out? Because that's got nothing to do with it. If it's kind of like drugged up and sedated could that not have sorted could that you know muscle relaxant

business well Pete herein lies the grey area repeated sedation it'll be no surprise to anyone listening that neither of us

are medical professionals no but if we were going to start practising we'd start on cats and dogs yeah

no stop it or tortoises my parents have got tortoises as well full of boss today aren't we I think yeah your name dropping marks no stop it or tortoises there's there's my parents have got tortoise as well um there's full of boss today aren't we i think yeah you're name dropping marks i met a mark today who knows some palestinians i'm name dropping shelled animals um there's a there's a um there's clearly like a feeling here certainly from what i've read that this placebo effect is really

important so you hear things like one of the most fascinating stories about it is that there was a shortage of morphine in the First World War. So when there were field hospitals laid out, nurses and doctors were going around giving morphine to every third soldier, but telling every soldier they had it. And the ones that had morphine had an M put on their foreheads

that other doctors knew. And it would help with the pain because the placebo effect is very powerful. Why has our bloke got an M on his head and I haven't yeah I don't think they can move because they're like

so injured but it's not a laugh on my mind millions died only a third was sedated yeah indeed but is it possible for an animal

maybe of a fairly low level intelligence compared to a human being like a cat to be able to understand the placebo effect so is this where

the whole placebo thing with acupuncture if it is indeed a thing and we need people to email in and tell us is it where that falls down because cats clearly aren't going to be clever enough to go oh yeah yeah i'll just believe it no and also i mean this vet is charging for this treatment if i was the owner of the cat i'd be like no you're doing this on your own dollar mate you're trying to prove something yeah you prove something yeah or the cat's getting a Saturday job once its pain issues have been sorted out.

Yeah. So, as an aside, this same cat got better, felt fine afterwards. This same cat subsequently developed a strange bladder problem

which nearly killed him on several occasions. Basically, his pee hole, technical term, thank you, Tamsin, was too small. It's funny, because where I come from

I call that a penis. What? A penis. No, but the urethra is... Thank you, urethra, that's fine. It was too small. It's funny, because where I come from, I call that a penis. What? A penis. No, but the urethra is very much... Thank you, urethra, that's fine. Alright, pee hole. Fingers crossed. Check out my pee hole. Who knows what the show's going to be called this week. Exactly, cat pee hole. And he would regularly get

urinary infections and blockages, resulting in him filling up with wee like a big balloon. Isn't that horrible? Dangerous as well. Dangerous as well. You could pop in a really horrible way um he'd be rushed to the vets catheterized and essentially just drained uh after trying lots of remedies including special diets the vets decided the best bet was an expensive operation to create a wider p-hole urethra uh higher up where the tube was wider again no idea on the technical aspects of this i'm reckoning uh drinking straw mcdonald's milkshake straw.

Not plastic now, not allowed. What? Because of the environment. People are using paper straws now, aren't they? Are they? Yeah. Oh, there's horrible ones that do it. Plastic, but then put paper around it. No, just paper, I think.

How does that even work? I think you can't leave them getting wet for too long. Like a grandman. Well, my wife's got metal straws because she's very environmentally conscious and they're reusable and you put them in the dishwasher. It looks too much like cocaine abuse for me. You can't use a metal straw in a cat's urethra.

I remember there was a shot of... Who's the actor who played Lovejoy? Ian McShane. Ian McShane. He was back in the 70s. Cocaine abuse was so big, but it was a very new thing. 70s, early 80s. But you could buy in, like, gentleman's magazines

this kind of, like, really pricey, premium kind of products for keeping your cocaine dry and keeping it potent, and also some kind of, like, silver and gold-gilded kind of spoons and straws and things like that. Where would you buy these from, the back of magazines or something? Yeah, so it was kind of like paraphernalia type thing yeah paraphernalia

I mean I just get I guess it's still legal but it's just not as popular so Ian McShane would be Ian McShane was there's a beautiful shot of Ian McShane with his beautiful rug

and his beautiful tanned looks and he was a good looking bloke back in the day and he still is I guess he's still in good shape now still in good nick and he's clearly wearing like a necklace,

pendant sort of thing, with like a cocaine-sniffing straw. Dreadful behaviour. But a wonderful kind of like image from the past. Do you know what, Pete? I bloody love to have a image hang on this show. On cocaine. Deadwood.

Love that. Deadwood, brilliant in that. What was he in? He's also brilliant in Sexy Beast as well. Yes, he is brilliant in that. He also brilliant in um sexy beast as well yes he is brilliant in that he's brilliant any uh american uh tv show he's been in the last 15 years he's been fantastic this email from townsend ends with jasper the cat who's um 18 years old now yeah i'm very very happy and healthy and and having a good life um i love that i love that that's how the email ends

because i'd be very interested to know who had the oldest pet of all our listeners. The oldest pet. I'd love proof. 18's good for a cat. That's excellent for a cat, isn't it? Yeah, it's good. Dog 15's good for a dog, isn't it? I'm not really sure.

I don't really know much about dogs. It depends on the breeds, doesn't it? Bigger breeds die quite young, don't they? Bless them. Oldest pet would be good. Bless them. Thanks for that, Tamsin. No.

No battery devices near Tamsin, apparently, she says. Do you want another? Oh, really? I find that hard to believe. I find that hard to believe. I find that hard to believe. What about... This is going to go to the point where we're asking people to pry open, jimmy open their mobile phones and check out what lithium-ion batteries they've got in there.

Don't do that. Don't do that. They're very explosive. If you pierce them, they explode. Do it if you want, but we're not being responsible for it. Here's an email from Andrew. Have we got time for this one from Andrew? Yes, we have, mate.

Yeah, good. Okay, he says, Dear Luke and Pete, As a self-confessed history nerd, I'd like to point out a mistake made by the Beeb, which could explain why Pete was so disappointed with his hometown's appearance in the 1980s Doomsday book. We talked about that.

Was it called Doomsday Relaunch, the BBC project? Yeah, that's the one, yeah. Where we researched our own hometowns and stuff. The north of England, apparently, according to Andrewrew was a hostile place to southerners even back in the 11th century and therefore the actual doomsday book recorded very little further north than south yorkshire however an alternative was commissioned in the early 12th century by the archbishop of durham hugh de pousse known as the bolden book one of the buildings mentioned in the document can be found within the Beamish Museum.

Well worth a visit for anyone interested. So there you go. There was an alternative Doomsday Book for you Northerners. You've always got to do it differently, haven't you? We do. I reckon that when Andrew says, oh yeah, that North of England was hostile to Southerners, I reckon what probably happened there was

all the Northerners thought, oh, Southerners are doing that book, they'll probably fuck it up. They won't do it properly. Pansies, they'll probably fuck it up. They won't do it properly. Pansies, they won't do it properly. We'll do our own

one. We'll invent the railway, mate. So there you go. The Davy lamp. In time for next time, Pete, you're going to need to

look up the Bolden book. As long as I don't have to read about Beamish again. Beamish Museum, I don't know if you're familiar, it's like a

museum slash mining town. It's like an old mining town from, I think, Victorian era. And they basically preserved it. And kids at my school went every fucking year right without fail to look at the same things to look at the same

way they used to do dentistry to look at the same way people used to buy flour the only things that spent more time at beamish were the wasps of which there were a million what's in there that's good wasps that was the most exciting wasps i looked at mine were a million. What's in there that's good? Wasps. That was the most exciting thing, wasps and a mine. I did look up and it looked absolutely massive. It is, yeah, it's sprawling. And I will be honest, I love a museum. I don't know why you bothered to put it in there, because you just walk into it.

It's a town. And because the world hasn't changed, is there? That's unfair. I love a museum. I've talked to you a lot about the Mary Rose Museum, haven't I, which is absolutely fantastic, but that one does look fairly boring, I have to say. Well, speaking of theme parks.

Oh, can I just, before you do that, can I just really quickly say, you know, you said you went there every year. Right. That was a school trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was that because I went to Catholic school, that and the Lords. Oh, okay, right. We used to come back with little vials of holly water.

Yeah, that's child abuse, that, isn't it? What do you mean? I don't like the idea of indoctrinating children into religion. That's a different story. But what was I going to say? Yes, so the idea of a child's school trip. It's funny because at our primary school, every year, they would go to this thing called Stubbington Study Centre.

Stubbington Study Centre? Yeah, yeah. The SSC. What do you imagine it to be like? Very much like the manga museum that I went to in Kyoto, where people are just reading shit. Well, what apparently it was like, and the reason I was saying apparently there,

because I never got to fucking go, was you'd go and it would be about wildlife and stuff, and then you'd get to stay up late and observe like badgers in their sets. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it was wicked, right? And the logo is a badger. Going, come and have a look at me at night. But I think because... Come and gaze upon my teabee-infested fur.

Stop it. What? That's not right. The badger cult was a bad thing. We haven't got time for that now, but what? You sound like a queen guitarist. I look like one. But apparently, I think it was because the year ahead of us behaved so badly

that we weren't allowed to go. Banned! That's absolutely gutted. Banned. Absolutely gutted. That is magical. We used to have college parties, and that got banned after the police were called. And I remember a mate getting chucked in the back of a police van,

still wearing the sort of wig you never see anymore, like a multicolored rainbow afro as he was nice what year we're talking 94 97 it was a six-fold thing i think oh okay right okay fine uh and everyone was pissed and yeah people got arrested um speaking of that on that on that subject it's just reminded me my sister went he's younger than me went to a um a local party um and it was organized by the police it's like a sort of um community outreach type thing it was like come and have fun with us we're not we're not we're not squares and all that stuff but i don't think my parents knew that it was run by

the police and my sister just said she was going to a party with her friend i think she's about 15 or 16 anyway uh to cut a massively long story short what transpired was she her dress split and it ripped and um it was terribly embarrassing for her and the police a police officer a female police officer there said oh don't don't worry where do you live and she went i'll just live up there and the police officer said oh that's just down the road i'll give you a ride back to your house you can get changed and i'll take you back to the party again very nice thing to do anyway of course it went completely wrong because as soon as my sister turned up in the house with a police car

at like 8.30, my mum was like, well, what is happening here? And my sister would be like, oh, no. Mum was like, I don't want to hear it. Thank you very much. I was like, good night. So I took her in. Get to bed.

We'll talk about this in the morning. Classic. One of my favourite family memories. That is magical. Yeah, it's great. I like it when mums get so angry you can't get out what you need to get out. I remember somebody threw a tomato, it was me, at a wall. At a wall, there was a tomato all over the wall.

And my mum, like the greatest detective that ever lived, walked in the room and went, I threw it at my sister, she ducked it, it hit the wall. And my mum went, someone's just thrown a tomato at the wall. I was like, yeah. I'm going, well, I'm about to wipe it off, but you're so angry, I'm going to pretend it isn't me. Yeah, my sister's got such, well, I did have such a bad temper on her

that once she threw an entire mixing bowl of Angel of Delight at me. Magic. Which missed, smashed against the wall and put Angel of Delight all down the wall and down the carpet. And on that particular note... I licked it off. No, no, no. On a separate note,

but related, I once came home from the pub when I was living with my parents and got a curry on the way home. Right. Too involving for a boozy... I know. After booze,

kebab, chips, nothing else. Like, waiting for a boozy i know after booze kebab chips nothing else you're like waiting for a curry i was young and foolish and and what happened was i i was drunk in the kitchen got the curry out rice sauce meat everything put it on the plate went to carry it into the living room and i dropped it right but it landed plate down and nothing was spilt. And I was like, but I couldn't see because it was dark. So I went to go down and pick it up, put my hands in the curry

and then... That was your night then. Trying to find the light switch and put my hands all over the wall. So there was like curry hamperings all over the wall. I was thinking, how is this even possible?

How have I done this? So anyway, that had to be repainted. I can't remember if I paid for it or not. Probably did, knowing my mum. But there we go. I went back to a hotel room that I was sharing with a friend who'd got lucky with a lady who was on her time of the month and it was fucking everywhere.

Which, more horrifying than the curry story, but certainly a little bit more visceral as well. Where's that come from? You put curry on the light switch? It was family fun, that. That was family fun. And from you put curry on the light switch it was family fun that that was family fun i've put explicit on it now it looked like a crime scene right anyway i've got i've got a mencarta i'm wrestling this away from you it was every i don't know how she did it pete i'm taking the conversational football okay away from you yep i'm not taking the ball home as yet

right so this carries on, I will. I'm going to take it to Men Carter. Let's have Men Carter. It's very natural. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. It's one small step

for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with with hope good morning right thank goodness for that thank goodness we're out of that section um that was worse than the uh that's fine doesn't matter it's up there i've got a good mencarta pete and i'm excited for it yeah have you and i hope you haven't have you heard of the Straw Hat Riot of 1922? No, I haven't.

This is brilliant. Are we talking boaters or just random straw hats? Ah, we're talking straw boaters. We're talking straw boaters. I think we're talking straw boaters. My knowledge of hats isn't very good. So listen, check this out. In 1922, in New York City, some particularly

feverish young men decided to wear the traditional summer straw hat past September 15th, which is a very big unwritten rule in New York at the time. Is that right? Yeah. Apparently, summer's over, change your hat out. You don't wear that. You put the straw border away and you put your normal hat on. Some people just flying way too close to the sun, freestyling all over the sartorial rules of the era.

But where are the changes? Huh? Where are the changes from year to year? All the time. Well, listen, arbitrarily or not, arbitrarily or not, September the 15th was when you should no longer be wearing a straw hat in New York City in the year 1922.

But some people did it. As a result, some particularly easy to offend ladies and gentlemen, and I have sympathy for them here because one does need to maintain some sort of sartorial standard, started removing their hats and stomping on them. So basically the entire, and while I say that you've got to maintain some sartorial standards, of course, this reaction to it is wrong. Seeing someone with a hat after September the 15th, taking it off their head and stamping on it in front of them. This is absolutely true. These were hats made of

straw, as you know, so they're particularly easily perished. And the key trigger event to the Straw Hat Riot of 1922 appears to be when a group of youth targeted the straw hats of a large team of dockers. And dockers are traditionally hard. Yeah. Traditionally hard.

Everyone knows that. Why would you do that? Yeah. Oh, hello, a massive brawl on Manhattan Bridge. A massive brawl ensued. And then teenage gang members started heading out with baseball bats or sticks with nails through them on that night

and targeted some of these straw hat motherfuckers and shit got real. I just want to see a single border just floating out to sea. Probably blood on it.

Blood on it? Yeah. And sort of ending up in China where they have different kinds of straw hats and they go, I've never seen

one of these before. Is this a sign? Anyway, apparently the brawl was breaking out in pockets all over New York, and it went on for a couple of days.

And one theory as to why people stopped wearing straw hats was because of the Great Depression caused by the Wall Street crash in 1929. People started to think of them as a symbol of irresponsibility and reckless abandon, so they started to wear other types of hats instead. Taking holidays. Yeah. But there's a great resource. There's a great resource online,

the New York Times, there's a great archive section. This is where I found this. But there's a fantastic headline about the incident in the New York Tribune, which was, Straw hat smashing orgy bears heads from battery to the Bronx.

Oh, gee. Fantastic. That is magical. It's good, right? So imagine that. That's how it started. The key, for me, the trigger event here is the dockers. Yeah, never attack a docker.

They've got hands like buckets. For me, a docker's always wearing a flat cap. Yeah. Anyway, why is it wearing a straw hat? I don't know. Why hats were so big back then, I don't know. Milliners must have been, you know, besides us. When I was in New Orleans last New Year's

day my mate went to buy a hat a like a fedora no it would be a

fedora what do you wear down there whereabouts in New Orleans like a nice hat basically yeah

fedora it's very involving I had no idea because I don't wear a lot I've never worn a hat I just didn't know there was that much in it.

Speaking of milliners doing a roaring trade, you know that's where the phrase mad as a hatter comes from. Right. Because they used to use mercury to seal the hats.

Is that right? And they sent them crazy, yeah. Oh, I think I learned that on another podcast called Serial? Never heard of it.

Never heard of it. Won't catch on. Anyway, the Straw Hat Rite of 1922 in New York City is my Men Carter entry of this week, and I hope you bloody enjoyed it, because I did. And it's a fitting addition to Men Carter, which is an online encyclopedia we are concatenating,

collecting together. Compiling when we can be bothered. Yeah, when we can be bothered. But Pete, that is just about it from me. I've got nothing more for you. Well, let's get out of here. Any notes, parish notes me I've got nothing more for you let's get out of here any parish notes? I've got a parish notice

following on from what I said earlier I think from next week let's do two slightly shorter shows a week that's what I was thinking too so we'll get through more emails that way we'll get through more emails that way it'll be slightly shorter, bite size Luke and Pete's show, we'll do one at the start of the week

and one at the end of the week. That's a date. That's a date, Luke Moore. That's a double date. That's a double date. Cool. I like you so much, I want to see you twice a week. I already see you a billion times a week anyway.

Yeah, and notice for me is listen to the two podcasts, Wrestle Me, which is me and a friend talking about wrestling. If you don't like wrestling, it doesn't matter. I don't like wrestling, but I certainly listen, and indeed, I'm involved. I don't have a particular strong feeling on wrestling either way,

and I really love that show, so I would echo that. And we've also got another show out at the moment, which you've seen the trailer for in your RSS feed, called The Winds Are Not, which is a fantastically funny show about the royal wedding, the upcoming nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. So do subscribe and check that out as well. And check out RadioStackHalf.com,

which is our podcast network, where we are bringing loads of wonderful new shows into the world, some of which at least, hopefully, will be of interest to you. Yeah, the Windsor Knot one's a very good example of a podcast that is about a subject that you might not care about, but you sure as hell will enjoy the podcast

because the two lads I do, Joe and Daniel, are very, very funny men indeed. And we poached them from another podcast, which is very good. And if anyone knows anything about talking about things that people don't care about, it's you and I.

It's us. The Windsor Knots, check out thewindsornot.com and online at, on Twitter. And while you're doing that, don't forget your old pal the Luke and Pete show I know yeah we can just

delete all of the podcasts yeah just download on the continent the football one the football ramble Luke and Pete show Winsor Notts

and Wrestle Me you almost forgot them all already then there's not many yeah anyway that's it for us for this week we'll see you next week

for a double helping double wham wham like me in the cake shop it'll be two slices of what'll see you next week for a double helping double wham wham like me in the cake shop it'll be two slices of what what do you usually go for in a cake shop I love this

Blackbird Bakery in the immediate a great spiced apple cake spiced apple cake if you're going to go go for proper clart go for a vanilla slice We'll be right back. Fides! Fides!

Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides!

Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides!

Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! Fides! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE George is you know! George, it's time now. Peanuts! Peanuts! Peanuts! What's the song about?

Bad Peanuts! All right, all right.