The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 39: Fleeing from a neutron war and heading for Northampton

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

Rejoice! It's Monday and we're back for another half an hour of life-affirming nonsense from all over the world. This time around we fit in Valentine's Day activities, Pete's problems with the Winter Olympics and a truly amazing straw hat-related tale from a day at the cricket.There's also more old animals including one that is cheating, frankly, a brilliant pop hit to encourage people to visit a wonderful town in the East Midlands and yet more stories of school trips gone awry.And Pete's Dad fans can rest easy, as we get a mini-update from that area also.Review us, rate us, tell us what you think on iTunes or wherever you get your pods, and keep us in material: [e-mail]. Love ya!xFurther Reading:The best Northampton-related song you're likely to hear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xKjGqefH7UThe Greenland Shark: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-37047168 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Right, then I am queuing and you and five, four, three, two, one. You never say the two other one. Oh, yeah, I'll do it again. Five, four, three. No, don't go. I'm doing it on purpose. Five. Starting now. When we forget to mute the other microphones in the room,

we just unplug them. Yeah. Because we do not give a toss. How are you doing, Luke? Are you all right? I'm well, thanks, Don Peterson. We will ride into town and we will unplug your mics with abandon.

We don't care about your XLR integrity. Pop, off it goes. Pop, pop, pop. And if you are new to this show, yes, we do talk about our tech. Yes, we do. We talk about it a lot. Well, I understand it.

It's getting people excited about releasing their own podcasts. Yes, that's what we're doing, isn't it? That's what we're doing. Speaking of that, this is episode 39, of course. 39, dude. My How We've Grown. We didn't actually commemorate the 37th episode.

We're both 37, aren't we? Yeah. No, I think you mentioned, actually, 36. I think you commemorated 36 by saying you are 36. No, I'm 37, though. You're 36, aren't you? Yeah. I'm 36. You commemorated it by saying you're 36 are 36. No, I'm 37, though. You're 36, are you? Yeah. But on 36, you commemorated it by saying you're 36, Pete.

Oh, there we go. And I said yes for a few short months, I am. We have done that, and I've forgotten it, and that really is not surprising, is it? I don't like how comfortable you are with how old you are. It's weird. It's not right for a man of your age. No, but I think it's because I've achieved things

that you haven't achieved. So that brings me a certain amount of self-satisfaction which can come across as smugness we can't all have hepatitis no

no share it around yeah I was actually going to say something there oh yeah episode 38 was it about hepatitis

no it wasn't luckily episode 38 is possibly my favourite name of a show so far right part vampire part maths teacher okay because it is is possibly my favourite name of a show so far. Right.

Part vampire, part maths teacher. Okay. Because it is actually relevant to some of the stuff we talked about on the show. Rarely happens. And I think it's cool that we can talk about people's childhood memories where their maths teacher dressed up as a vampire and scared them.

I like that. Part of what this show's all about. But speaking of what this show's all about and inspiring people to make their own podcast, why don't you give us a quick line on another podcast you put out today? I'm tired, Luke. Too many podcasts. No, abroad in Japan. I'm involved with a man called Chris

Broad. He lives in Sendai in Japan and you know me, Luke. I'm a Nihonophile. Regular listeners to this show will be very well versed in some fairly inaccurate news about Japan, courtesy of this show and via you. And with Chris Broad on the periphery with you in another show,

maybe we'll get some actual Japanese news of interest. Yes, he's very good. You've probably seen him on YouTube, to be honest. He's a very popular Japanese YouTuber man. He looks a bit like Eddie Argos from Art Brute. He does, yeah. Which I quite enjoy. A young one.

He does. And I guess we're just getting to the realms of now Pete Donaldson podcasts. People like them. Let's make some more of them. Let's make some more of them. What does that tell you about regional detective shows? What does that tell you about Pete Donaldson podcasts?

Oh, endless. So search Abroad in Japan on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. That's Abroad in Japan. Right, let's get into the main business. Let's do it. It's the show. It's been. There we go.

I thought, I wonder what you're waiting for there. It's not been. I was just waiting for you to give me the jingle. I was in the car the other day and that song came on and I took a photo of it and I forgot to send it to you. A couple of people were listening to the Luke and Pete show, a lad at work, I think, and he takes his headphones off listening to the Luke and Pete show and Ben Akerlady's One Week is Playing.

Wow, that is... Wow. Have you seen the film Inception? Because he's exactly like that. You've just described the plot of Inception. And then his whole office just kind of falls in on itself. Yeah. It was incredible.

And all of a sudden he was in a dream with Tom Hardy. It's not been a week since we talked. No. Because we're doing it twice a week. So you might have to think of a new jingle.

Bi-weekly is confusing because it means both fortnightly and also twice a week. I've struggled with that in the past as well. I think I would stick with twice a week,

not bi-weekly. No. Okay. Well, when do we ever get used to bi-weekly because fortnight is there for that very reason. Exactly. You don't need it. bi-weekly. No. Okay. Well, when do we ever get used bi-weekly? Because Fortnite is there for that very reason. Exactly. You don't need it.

Bi-weekly has become obsolete in that way. So last week we took in, so people would have heard the show on Thursday, but last week generally we took in old animals, which Pete, you didn't accept, especially the koi carp, which is very, very difficult to take on board. We talked about hotel errors,

Japanese trains and the perverts within them, and you told a horrific story about a tortoise. Yes, I think I remember that. I've only got one horrific story about everything. Trains, tortoise. Tortai. What about the Winter Olympics? You been enjoying that?

God, no. Everyone's talking about the Winter Olympics, and I haven't got a bloody clue. I looked at the... Oh, I haven't got a clue. It doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it. No, I know. I've just not watched any of it. I watched... I've seen a bit of the cheerleaders

for North Korea. I saw that bit where there was a Kim Jong-un impersonator walking around in front of them. I've seen a lot of Will Ripley on CNN

on his Instagram feed talking about the Olympics and sort of going around basically Seoul and going, well, they wouldn't be used to this kind of thing

the North Koreans because here's a statue of something that isn't the leaders. And I'm going, yeah. You've not enjoyed the Winter Olympics because you've completely

missed that it's about sport. None of that list is about sport. I watched the buzz, I looked at the BuzzFeed piece about the luge men bulgers. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

One of them was particularly graphic. What about the double luge? Have you seen that? Double willies. They've got two penises. So they have... Oh, they sort of lie on top of each other, don't they?

In skin-tight lycra. I really enjoyed watching it yesterday, but I didn't know why. Do you know what's really annoyed me about it? Let's be negative about it. Let's be negative. Let's be negative about the Olympic dream. Chilly, isn't it? The thing that's really annoyed me about it? Let's be negative about it. Let's be negative. Let's be negative about the Olympic dream. Chilly, isn't it?

The thing that's really annoyed me about it is that the snowboarding commentary is genuinely the worst broadcasting I've ever seen. Is it like X Games kind of, oh my God, he fucking... Yeah, so it's one guy saying a load of unintelligible words that no one without spending more than, say, sort of 12 to 15 hours on a snowboard slope

would understand. Right. And bearing in mind that people only watch the Winter Olympics for snowboarding, really, only every four years, coupled with a co-commentator who every sort of 10 or 15 seconds just goes, Oh!

Right. Whoa! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh! Like that. That's it. I mean, that is the X Games, or 15 seconds just goes oh whoa oh like that that's it I mean that is the X Games

that is the extreme sports community it's just shouting isn't it going oh he did a and then also

saying he did a kickflip to a Benyana Benny Hanna so I know that that's skateboarding terminology isn't it the only parts

of that I know I've picked up from Sean White's Snowboarding game, Dave Meara, the late Dave Meara's BMX game. Sad that he passed away,

by the way. Very strange. Possibly he overdosed or something like that, I can't remember. With apologies to his family. And Tony Hawk's, several Tony Hawk's games.

Tony Hawk's is class. Classic, mate. The soundtrack alone is absolutely fantastic. Tony Hawk's is brusater 2, Lag Wagon, The Swinging Utters. I think Dave Mirra might have committed suicide, sadly. Yeah, very sad.

But Tony Hawk was a staple game of my university first year. I think Sean White's a skateboarder as well, is he not? Is he? I believe he might be, yeah. So anyway, that's not really been a sort of light in my fire but other other olympic um winter olympic sports have right figure skating is very good uh the yellow snow eating yeah i've been doing a lot of that yeah it's difficult snow eating yeah because first of all you have to manufacture the snow then you have to piss on it and then you have

to you know just get some of that stuff you get in hamleys where you've always got a block around about november time um with basically this powder that stuff you get in Hamleys where you've always got a block around about November time with basically this powder that you put water in and it just basically expands and makes snow. Turns into fake snow. And you sit there all day just sifting snow. It's probably quite relaxing, to be fair. I can't wait to get to the stage in my life

where in a restaurant, I pretend that I'm not going to give a financial tip to a waiter or waitress. Actually, probably a waitress. Right. By saying, here's a tip for you. Don't hit the yellow snow. Wink. Is that what people do?

You'll be doing that in a few years' time, mate. Don't worry about that. I just over-tip and then run away as soon as possible. Awkward, isn't it? Awkward. It is awkward. Tipping is awkward. And I'm also, with apologies in advance, before we get into emails, I'm also very interested in how you spent your Valentine's Day, because for me, you're one of the only men you spent your Valentine's Day because for me

you're one of the only men of my age who's sort of single. Right. That little comment has not gone unnoticed Luke. No, seriously though, how did you spend it? I recorded the Abroad in Japan podcast with Chris Broad. Did you really? A man who has a girlfriend. Okay.

She happens to be 2,000 miles away. A man who has a girlfriend. She happens to be 2,000 miles away. Where is she? In Japan. Is that 2,000 miles away? I don't know to be honest. No, it's not. What is it?

4,000. London to Japan in miles. 4,000. I'm going to say 4,000 miles. You've already doubled it. I was just saying a large number. You're still way out.

If you typed it into a calculator and times it by like 100 it's still going to say E, isn't it? You're not going to get it on a small calculator. Well, listen, mate. The joke's on you

because if you go 2,000 miles, you're going to probably be in Western Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. I've ruined it. Hoisted by his own baton. Kazakhstan. Japan is actually 5,870 miles away.

Well, 4,000. That's close, isn't it? So that would get me to Korea. Don't be an astronaut or a pilot. I only need to go up with an astronaut. So you didn't do anything for Valentine's Day apart from making another podcast. That is admirable professionalism and dedication.

To the Radio Stakhanov network. Yes, which people should always subscribe to. Any Radio Stakhanov show you see, just subscribe. Don't ask any questions. Don't ask any questions. Don't even care if you listen, just subscribe. Don't ask any questions about a company named after a famous Russian miner. Yeah.

Yeah, probably fine, isn't it? Yes. So, shall we get on with some emails? Oh, we can. Just quickly before we do. No! The email. It's the email time.

They're not going anywhere. Email time. Very quickly. I was on a shoot last week. Right. And I had a clip mic on. Yes. Okay.

And this is no word of a lie. And I thought of this show. And I'm hoping the listeners are going to enjoy this. The had a clip mic on. Yes. Okay. And this is no word of a lie. And I thought of this show, and I'm hoping the listeners are going to enjoy this. The clip mic batteries run out really quick. Right. Really quickly. Really quick.

And so the producer was like, I'll just take your mic off, pop the batteries out, and I'll give you another pair. And popped them out. What did I see? A pair of Pro-Lex. Pro-Lex. Never seen them before.

I'm not surprised they run out of juice. That's what I thought. Not very professional, is it? Have you ever heard of that brand before? God, no. Pro-Lex. I've got a picture. I seen them before. I'm not surprised they run out of juice. That's what I thought. Not very professional, is it? Have you ever heard of that brand before? God, no. Pro Alex. I've got a picture. I'll Instagram it.

But then the producer had to run to the shop and get some Duracell. So there's a moral in that story. That is so unprofessional. What is this two-bit operation you're working for? Unbelievable. Don't want to name them in case they give me more work. Right, it's email time. Not that.

Jesus Christ, Donaldson. We'll both look off the loop. We'll both look off the loop. Mail time. Not that. Jesus Christ, Donaldson. Can I just say that at the end again? There we go. I'm unrepentant. It's almost a trope now. It's become part of the fabric. Yeah.

Can I just say, take this opportunity before I get into the first email, that you are a human tornado of madness. How many podcasts have I done this week? You don't even know. How many podcasts have I edited this week? How much production

for podcasts have I made this week, Luke Murray, is the question. I mean, it is your job, though, isn't it? I know, but still. You go first on the emails because I've talked too much already.

All right, darling. I've got a few. If I head on over to here. Callum Fuller. Hello, Callum Fuller. Hello, Callum Fuller. Oh, Callum didn't make my shortlist. Wow, that's great. We were going to put him in a couple of weeks ago,

but we didn't have time. Hi, chaps. Hello. First things first, my TV remote came with a pair of EverReady batteries. Standard quality, a little bit 80s. I'm having it. I like that that particular manufacturer of electronics goods

have put a pair of decent quality batteries in there. It's the extra mile, isn't it? I think Everready might be one of those companies that almost went to the wall back in the 90s, but then somebody just bought the franchise because it's quite a strong name and sort of built it back up again. I've been listening to your dulcet tones

on The Ramble and The Luke and Pete Show for years, but this is the first time I've actually got in touch. Well, thank you for doing that, Callum, for getting in touch. Your BBC Doomsday Project chat reminded me of a delightfully bizarre piece of local history that re-emerged fairly recently. I grew up in a tiny village in Northamptonshire and I recalled hearing about a project that took place in the 1980s

designed to encourage Londoners and people in other large cities to move to and invest in Northampton. Oh, I've heard about this. Bafflingly, the method chosen to attract people to the town by the Northampton Development Corporation was to release a single called Energy in Northampton, performed by Linda Jardim. I thought we talked about doing this on the show before. Well, I don't think we really got round to it.

Did we not play the song? No, I think we played it on the Football Ramble inadvertently because of my amazing production fingers. Busy hands. Pretty weird, one would think, but it gets stranger. Not only this is a literal pop song about Northampton, but its lyrics actually imagine aliens landing in Northampton and concluding it is the ideal place to settle on Earth.

In the words of BuzzFeed, I am here for this. Check this out. Silently, a camber night Attracted by a growing light Their scanners led them to the time Northampton Their scanners led them to Northampton because of the energy. We're lost in space Needing help from the human race Their scanners led them to Northampton because of the energy.

And it just goes on like that for ages. What year did you say that came out? Oh, I don't know. I've lost the email now. It sounds pretty 80s. Oh, yeah. It's very EL. No, I would say that's late 70s.

I'd say that's very ELO. That production's pure ELO. It's got a bit of ELO feel to it, but I think it's also got a bit of a mid-80s production. It's got a bit of a video called the Radio Star production. Oh, 1980. It was a cock-on. One foot in both decades, really. Thanks was a cock-on. Okay, cool.

One foot in both decades, really. Thanks for that, Callum. Yeah, thank you for that. That's fantastic work. Very enjoyable. The thing I like about that is that's the sort of thing that would everyone, well, everyone listening at home or wherever they are, you and I would have gone through our entire lives.

We could have lived our lives a hundred times and never know that happened. Well, it kind of links in with the Hartlepool, sorry, Teesside kind of theme that I was obsessed with. We are Teesside. We're the future. We're the pride. Yeah. Regional sort of marketing songs is a very good, rich trope, isn't it?

I think I mentioned it at the time. This American Life did a piece about... Never heard of them, mate. Never heard of them, mate. Big dogs. Big swinging dogs. They did a piece about songs that were for different cities in America, but they all had the same tune.

They just changed the words in it. So it was like, Denver, it's the best city in the world. And then the next town over, it'd be like, Missouri. It's a state. Well, no, there'll be a Missouri in Missouri. You know what it will be. You know what America is. They've run out of places to call things.

I get what you mean. And that Denver thing just reminded me of the theme tune to the children's cartoon, Denver the Last Dinosaur. He's my friend and a whole lot more. There's something funny about that. What, and a whole lot more friends? You may as well have said, Denver the Last Dinosaur, I'm friends with benefits with all of your children.

Yeah. I'm fucking your kids. Yeah, Denver the Last Pedosaur. Really? You want to go with that? You just said I'm fucking your kids. Yeah, but ped last pedosaur. Really? You want to go with that? You just said I'm fucking your kids. Yeah, but peed is just an horrible word, isn't it? Pete, I thought you were going to say,

but people expect that of me. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm here for. You're here to tidy up my dirty mess. The amount of tweets I get every week based around this show, my favourite part of the Luke and Pete show is when Luke has to wrestle something back

after Pete genuinely surprises him with something you're too scared happens all the time I'm not too scared I'm just responsible I'm married now I own my own home this is Norrell's radio

Norrell's radio the point I was going to make about Denver the Last Dinosaur isn't even that the tune is absolutely brilliant it's a really catchy pop tune yeah it goes

Denver the last dinosaur he's my friend and a whole lot more. Yeah, claps as well. Yeah, you're right. Hand claps. And he plays what can only be described as a flying V guitar at one point. He does. Absolutely. So I've got an email or two here. Do you want

old animals? Do you want cancelled school trips? Do you want straw hats at the cricket? Or do you want cancelled school trips? Do you want straw hats at the cricket? Or do you want expressions in other languages? Can we have... Oh, God, there you are. Apologies. Can we have the cancelled school trip, please?

Yes, we can. Okay, this one is from... Didn't take his name. Sorry about that. I'll find out in a minute. He says, Hello chaps, definitely a few memories

of cancelled school trips this end. I remember for years my school was forced to endure endless trips to the significantly less fun Thorpe Park

instead of Chessington World of Adventures because of some scandalous behaviour from the year above. Our year had their own tricks up their sleeve though and on the second annual trip

aged about 12 or 13 were on the kids' fantastical indoor boat ride. No idea how else to describe it. Think Pirates of the Caribbean with loads of washing-up liquid. Two boatloads full of kids from my year jumped out of the boats into thigh-deep water in the large mirrored bubble room and pursued to have a bubble fight.

God knows what our water-borne diseases are in that thing, but suffice to say it worked out quite nicely as we were bound from Thorpe Park and the teachers somehow managed to swing it that we went back to Chessington the following year. Magic. There was a Professor Burp's Bubbleworks at Chessington. That was Chessington, I remember that, yeah.

Have you been there? I've been to Chessington, I've been to Thorpe Park. We were doing a radio feature in Thorpe Park and my co-host and friend hurt her neck on the first ride we went on, so we couldn't go on any more rides. Oh, dear, that's not good, is it? Regretful.

Yeah, and I can remember this email. This is from Chris Gower, by the way. I just found it. I can remember, I don't know if you remember this, Pete, but this reminded me of in the 80s, there was a ride at Thorpe Park called Rumba Rapids. Yeah, Rubber Diggy Rapids. But the only reason I know is because I saw on the news

that a kid in about 1988 went on that ride and somehow lost an ear. How did he do that? Some sort of accident. Right. And it was reported on the children's BBC show Newsround. Right. And it really scared me.

I thought, I can't go on the ride anymore, because I might lose an ear. So it happens, guys. It happens, people. Thanks for that, Chris Gower. And any more stories of school trips or cancelled school trips is welcomed. Actually, the same person who hurt her neck on that ride, she showed me

a video of, basically, outside Disneyland in Florida. This is part of Disneyland that's been shut down. I think it's like some kind of river land or something. It's like some kind of river land or something. It's like a water-based river. It's not Typhoon Lagoon

or something, is it? It's a similar sort of thing. It's basically like... Is it where you go in your swimming trunks or it's like an actual... I think you can bathe in the stuff like that, yeah.

Yes, there's like little kind of water rides and stuff. Water rides and also like little pools and stuff and you just sort of dick about. But apparently, but it got closed down so there's loads of people

who just explore the place just film themselves with really nice cameras that's to be said 60 frames per second 4K footage people of like abandoned

parts of Disney that's just so spooky can you imagine the damage you'd be able to do with that bit of kit mate

you see the paws on my nose it'd be disgusting let me do this email about old animals, just because I know I'm the... Old animals. I'm the only person in the room interested in this, but...

You are an old animal. That's probably why. It's a really good email. And this is from Ben, who says, please don't use my surname. Like, okay, well, you're not going to get in trouble for emailing us about Greenland sharks, mate, but I won't use your surname.

Fair enough. He says, I heard you this week talking about old animals. This reminds me of a story I read late last year. See attached. A Greenland shark has been carbon dated to between 272 and 512 years old, which means she was born between the years of 1501 and 1744. What? Scientists believe the shark is probably about 400 years old.

But I saw a documentary about these. They've got some sort of defect where they're all blind as well which is odd and the way they're able to age the shark

was because for some reason parts of their eye don't regenerate as cells they're just essentially a static cell that they can just really accurately age

without any interference yeah that's as far as I understand it anyway but he says the Greenland shark doesn't scoop

the oldest animal award. That title is hailed by Ming, an Icelandic clam that made it to 507 years. But guess how it died? It died because scientists tried to work out how old it was and killed it.

And this is fascinating because the scientists involved in this, I found an article and a couple of quotes from him it's a guy called Simon Butler he says

it's worth keeping in mind that we caught a total of 200 ocean quahogs which I guess is a type of clam on our Iceland expedition where they found Ming the clam thousands of ocean quahogs

are caught commercially every year so it is entirely likely that some fishermen may have caught quahogs that are as old as or even older than the one we caught so basically they're eating that it's not yeah it's not even a

particularly sort of you know notable yeah clam don't lobsters technically they don't die they just do something else well there's a species there's a species of jellyfish um which is called teratopsis doronii which is is biologically immortal. So instead of dying, it simply reverts to an earlier stage in its life cycle. So there's no theoretical limit to how old it can grow. And it's obviously impossible

to verify its age. Absolutely mental. There we go. Got to take it too far, Jellyfish, haven't they? No. We're trying to find old animals. We're having a nice time

trying to find the oldest one. All right, I'm immortal, so what are you worried about? Knock yourselves out. Knock yourselves out. We don't even have eyes. Try calm down these peepers. We look like plastic bags.

They say that apparently we should start cooking with them because they are a bit of a menace in the ocean. What, plastic bags? Well, who knows? I mean, apparently they're quite delicious in a very watery way. What, jellyfish? Jellyfish. We should start eating them apparently.

Not on some of them though. You'd die, wouldn't you? Well, I presume if you cook anything, it's going to lose its poison. Is that... Okay, you're going to record that, eh? What's the difference between poison and venom? People get very upset when I kind of wank, don't they? Well, venom is what...

Venom is delivered by... It's fuma. I like your theory there, and I think when you go to Japan next, you should definitely try the blowfish. Just go... Give me the liver as well. Yeah, I'll have all of it.

Don't worry about it. So you're on record as saying that now, so if you cook anything, it's fine. Just cook everything. Cook everything. pan next you should definitely try the blowfish give me the liver as well yeah I'll have all of it don't worry about it so you're on record as saying that now so if you cook anything it's fine just cook everything

I reckon that's a good rule is there anything you could cook obviously not the poisonous part of a blowfish of a fugu

just boil it boil the shit out of it and you'll be fine boil it for a week boil it for a week and you'll be fine put it in the slow

cooker that's what my mum does put everything in the slow cooker it makes everything delicious you'll be fine. Put it in the slow cooker. That's what my mum does. Put everything in the slow cooker. It makes everything delicious. What's your mum's speciality in the slow cooker? I don't think I've had anything in the slow cooker

to be honest. We just had one for like ever. She just put in shit meat and put gravy in it. Did you have one of those shit meat and put gravy in it? I'm a bastard for a tagine

personally. I love a bit of it. I do as well. My mum and dad brought me back a tagine from Morocco. I haven't used it yet. They brought it back in about 2006. You've got too many apricots.

Here's a tagine. Did your mum and dad have one of those deep fat fry things with the handle? The sort of basket into the fat? No, Luke. We had a pan that sat on the oven, on the hob, that was full of yellowing oil forever. Reused over and over again. Over and over again.

Can we have a dad holiday update? Speaking of the Donaldson household. I've texted him three times this week saying, come on, dad, slut your shit out. I've heard nothing. No reply. He's got a phone in his pocket, probably. He's refusing to look at it.

He's teaching you a lesson, mate. Have you got another email? Well, shall we move on to Men Carter? Have you got a Men Carter? I haven't got a Men Carter. I thought you had a Men Carter. Sorry, Luke. I've got a really good email.

All right, well, let's finish with that then, yeah? Okay, it's based on Men Carter. It's like a Men Carter extension. Yes, okay. And it's from Richie Boone, which is a great name. The Booner. Richie Boone. Lamb Booner.

Yeah, the Booner. He says, Dear Luke and Pete, after hearing the Mencarta section on the straw hat right of 1922, I had a flashback to a treasured childhood memory of witnessing a straw boater-based

moment of madness at Durham Cricket Ground. Oh, goodness. Just down the road from you. Who was wearing a straw boater at a cricket match? You're about to find out. Post-1970.

Well, it may have been 19... No, apparently it was in... I can't remember when it was. It doesn't say I don't think. But he says every year since the age of 10 I've gone to watch an England cricket match with my dad every summer. Oh, that's nice. Being cricket, usually these days are pretty unmemorable. Bar 2001 when I

somehow produced a jet of bright pink vomit in the Little Chef car park after consuming one of their burgers on the way home. It remains a mystery. Anyway, one match against Sri Lanka will always remain a fond memory. It was Saturday afternoon, and by this point, much of the crowd had disengaged from the action on the field, instead of entertaining

themselves by making giant snakes out of beer cups, something you've talked about before, Pete, and generally larking about in a drunken stupor. I looked in the front row and saw a man in his 50s with his teenage son, both dressed from head to toe in incredibly smart outfits that looked like public school uniforms,

complete with matching elaborate straw boaters. That answers your question from earlier, Pete. It was a costume. Yeah, the leery crowd cottoned onto the pair's unusual attire and began what I can only describe as an extraordinary game of human buckaroo. It began slowly with the people sitting directly behind the pair gently lining the father and son's hats with a selection of their lunch goods. Pork pies, sausage rolls and ham sandwiches

were deftly interwoven into the rims of the boaters. How did they not notice that? The extra weight? With neither the dad or the son aware of the growing crowd of amused onlookers. This escalated rapidly and my dad and I watched on in fascination as spectators began creeping down the stands to add their contributions to the now teetering boaters. Scotch eggs, party rings, chocolate fingers. It was immense.

Why did people have party rings, for crying out loud? Within a few minutes, the pair looked like they were wearing the kind of fruit hats popularised by Carmen Miranda in the 1943 musical The Gang's All Here, but with saturated fat-laden beige British treats. Inevitably, the childish prank came to an abrupt end when the father finally became aware of what was going on. He stood up slowly, turned on his heel and bellowed,

Enough of this nonsense! Mate, you've just been given loads of food. At the assembled buckaroo enthusiast behind him, his outburst was met with stunned silence as all the picnic was dramatically cascaded to the floor and buckaroo had finally buckled. While I would never condone such a flagrant waste of food and borderline bullying behaviour,

it was certainly more entertaining than the action on the field. Cease this foolishness. Enough of this nonsense. Enough of this nonsense. I may be wearing a food bank, but you must cease this nonsense. I love the nod to Carmen Miranda's hat in the 1943 musical The Gang's All Here. I wonder if that fruit ever got eaten.

Who knows? I wonder if those beige, saturated, fat-laden treats got eaten. Well, not off the floor. I'm a bit upset that there was so much fruit going to waste. Pop pie. Pop pie. Your straw bottle would be upside down, waiting. As a bowl.

Use it as a bowl. Just hand it out. Pass it around. Put something in and pass it on, like a church collection. Love your job. Let us get out of here. We'll be back on Thursday

for more Luke and Pete Shaw. And in the meantime, do listen to Abroad in Japan or any other Radio Stakhanov podcast you like the look of, which should be all of them. All of them. They're so sexy.

See you on Thursday for episode 40. See you in a bit. ..