The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 43: Poison/venom, Guns n Roses, and the worst Mother's Day present ever

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

Much like Thin Lizzy sang, the boys are indeed back in town and this time they're ruminating on the difference between poison and venom - the toxins, not the 80s bands. Two 80s bands they *are* talking about however, are Guns n Roses and Metallica, so stick around for that.There's also time to listen to a truly incredible email who bought his mother the *worst* present for Mother's Day that it's possible to imagine and Pete takes it even further into the gutter after that because, well, Pete is as Pete does. What is there left to say?To be a part of this crazy rollercoaster, it's: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

spring has sprung it's monday it's the luke and pete show episode number 43 i'm all over the numbers this week luke i know what day it is i I'm dressed like a commoner garden wrongan who might burgle a house. It's wonderful. That's Pete Donaldson, dressed like an 80s rent boy. I am dressed like an 80s male sex worker. Yes, that is true. And to give people a bit of a flavour, Olympiacos shirt from about 2012 or something. Christmas Nike joggers.

A pair of Nike Atraxic bottoms and a pair of old Adidas AstroTurf trainers. I can't say goodbye to these bad boys. They're just too lovely. Your heart would never hear those savage wounds. I'm, of course, Luke Moore. I am dressed relatively normally by my own very low standards. Spring has sprung, you say, Pete,

but it's been very, very cold. Yeah, it's a bit chilly, isn't it? That is why I'm dressed like a strange person this week because I thought I'll go to the gym afterwards, but I don't want to slip over on the snow wearing some kind of like slippers, my gym slippers that I wear. Well, the AstroTurf trainers will give you

very, very good grip. Yeah, I'm surprised how little i care for this weather at the moment i think i've i've crossed over into being an old man now i try to make a little snowman outside my window at work and uh it didn't um my hands were too cold and i stopped halfway through now what a depressing tale it's terrible isn't it it's like a really dreadful it's like like a Raymond Briggs story. I made the body and I thought, I can't be arsed

with a head. I was only going to make a little one and take a picture of it but my hands are too cold. We're all closer, one day closer. I know.

Speaking of hands being too cold, I went out for dinner with my lady wife yesterday and on the way back there was still snow on the ground

so on the way back I thought, I'm going to do, I'm going to drop behind her without her noticing because she's got her hood up i'm gonna roll up a snowball from the roof of her car yeah and i'm gonna ping it at her yeah um i did all those things yeah missed her right i didn't have any gloves on so my hands were then instantly freezing to the point i couldn't feel them and do it again she did have gloves on rolled up a threw it back, hit me right in the face. Luke, I think you're forgetting what part of the

US she comes from. In many ways. She's well used to it. If she was a video game, she would very much be the snow level. You've nearly adopted the snow. I was born in it. But Pete, you must have some tales of snow days and snow escapades as a kid.

I remember it being grown up in the northeast a lot snowier i don't think it's that bad for snow to be honest i think um my mom would always tell me tales ago that's not snow that's not snow you gotta you know you got when it's up up above your your waist that's when it's snow because she's from the valleys in in wales right but thing is she does have the house as warm as the tropical monkey sanctuary. Yeah. Like, mum's like it warm, and dad's get very upset when the thermostat has been changed. So if you guys have managed to kind of get past your parents messing around with the thermostat,

if you managed to kind of have the heating on all day without your parents getting angry or really pleased with the situation, do let us know because i think that would be a valuable life hack just because your dad you know your dad knows it you know it's an old trope but like there's been family guy sketches it's sort of like right someone's someone's been playing with a thermostat yeah and then all the dads from the town come around the same house going sorry is the thermostat all right steve have you got any prints can you take a print from the button? It's a similar conversation. We have a conversation in my house fairly regularly where I have to explain to my good wife,

who's very, very intelligent, far more qualified than me, an actual scientist, about the idea of the thermostat in the house. So we have this conversation quite a lot. It's actually quite weird how often it comes up. If we're outside and it's cold she'll always say

oh yeah better turn the heat on when we get in and I always say to her no the thermostat is set for the exact temperature you like right

20 degrees or whatever 21 degrees it'll always be 21 degrees because that's how the heating works the thermostat inside isn't going oh it's a bit colder outside so I better turn it up a bit

it stays at that temperature. That's the whole point of it. Yeah, but then gas companies try and sell you those kind of home hive heating things that kind of automatically are from an app, or from an app, you can kind of adjust it while you're outside. So for that very reason, really. But yeah, I agree.

I thought you were going to go some sort of big gas conspiracy then. I thought we were going to go infowars.com. Big gas. But you're not getting any scrapes as a kid with snow? Not really. I'm trying to think. I don't have any snow stories. I don't think the North East is particularly much worse snowier than anywhere else, to be honest.

Really? Because I remember a good few days as a kid, maybe five, six separate occasions, when there was some good, solid snow. And I grew up right on the south coast, like a stone's throw from the south coast. But we still had a decent amount. And there's a bit of a misnomer I think, about this whole snow day

thing, where people say, oh it's brilliant, wasn't it, when you're a kid and it's snowed and you didn't have to go to school. We never had that. That's an American thing, that's the Simpsons. But the thing is for me, Pete, is that if it was snow, I desperately wanted to go to school because that's what all my friends were. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. You don't want to stay on for that. No. Especially when you were an only child. No. I've got a sister, haven't I? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.

No, I'm not having that. No, I think I used to love... I remember running to school because I was really excited about the fact that when you get into... So basically, you spend all your time in the yard. You spend all your time on the backfield stuff, and then one day, everything's

different. Everything's white, everything's covered in white snow, and it's brilliant and exciting, and the volume gets ramped up, everyone's screeching. Oh, man! Let's go to a school! Let's not go to a school! No, let's not go to a school. Did you ever put some ice

inside a snowball and throw it at someone? No, I didn't, because you were the school bully and I wasn't. Listen, you're underestimating exactly how rough my school was. But you know what?

Once, the best ever snowball I ever threw, my snowball throwing technique and record is indescribably poor. But this one time, there was a kid who I played football with at school called Robin Gray. If you're listening, Robin, I apologise for this.

He's not really listening. I was walking down the road on the way to school with my good friend Jimmy. On the other side of the road, Robin Gray was there and he threw a snowball over us. And then I think he sort of realised that there was two of us and only one of him

and he was a bit outnumbered. So he started to leg it off. I armed myself threw a snowball over us and then i think he sort of realized that there was two of us and only one of him and he was a bit outnumbered so he started to leg it off right i armed myself with a snowball and i threw it at him and the angle he was at because he was in front of me running away meant there's no way i was ever going to get him in the face because of the way he was running away right but no word of a lie at that moment he turned around no it's better than that listen it stuck with me ever since. No one ever lied. As I ran, I threw it, and as it hit him, it hit his hand, because he was pumping his arms to run, which then hit it into his own face. That's terrible.

What an awful situation. Everything that's happened in my life since then has been a complete letdown. It's true to say I was fully opened up to the possibilities of life at that moment. His only crime was not counting how many people there were, to be honest. Like I say, rough school. Well, the Eskimos only have one word for snow.

Isn't it like, don't the Eskimos only have one? It's one, oh no, it was the Inuit people. Who are the people who only count to two and then after that it's just like lots? One, two, lots. It's possible, but I know that the rumour is that they've got like 40 words for snow. And Kate Bush did a record with the title,

50 words for snow. Yeah, I don't... I think it's kind of just different. In the same way that we said sleet and snow and... Yeah, but sleet isn't snow, is it? It's different. Otherwise it wouldn't need a different name, would it? Kind of snow, isn't it?

Yeah. Shall we get on with some emails? Yeah, you didn't do your... I think we've exhausted the snow... Oh, yeah. You didn't do your It's Been, mate. Otherwise, it would need a different name, wouldn't it? Kind of snort, wouldn't it? Yeah. Shall we get on with some emails? Yeah, you didn't do your It's Been, mate. Well, what? Are we using It's Been as a full stop this time around? Yeah, do it. All right. That's been.

That's been. All right, cool. So last week, we had emails about boys that we grew up. No, we talked about boys we grew up with called Paul. We had emails about cat burials, the Luke and Pete show drinking game, patent pending, and Stubbington Study Centre, of course. And we did a bit on Cocaine Bear. So that's the recap.

Oh, good old Cocaine Bear, yeah. Yeah, Pablo Escobar. Let's see what the wonderful community of listeners we have has thrown up for us this time around. Pete, do you want to go first? I'll go first. All right, then. Oh, should we have a jingle? Yeah us this time around. Pete, do you want to go first? I'll go first. All right, then. Oh, should we have a jingle?

Yeah, well, we'll do a jingle. We'll do a jingle. We've already had the jingle. All right. We said that spin. We'll have a jingle when we hit the ad break. All right.

Okay, mate. You're the boss. Greedy jingle boy. Hi, guys. This is from Kieran Judge. Hello, Kieran. Hello, Kieran. Listening to your recent show,

Pete asked what was the difference between poison and venom. Oh, yeah. Having just taken my son to the National History Museum in half term along with the entire population of Britain judging by the cues, despite endless weaving between push chairs and screaming children, we had

a lovely day, the highlight being when I came across a sign displayed on the wall of one of the exhibitions that states, if you bite into something, it kills you. Sorry. I can't get it right. It's neither of those things. If you bite yourself, it'll kill you.

It's poison. Yeah. If you bite into something and it kills you, it's poison. If you are bitten and it kills you... It's venom. It's venom. Yeah. So there we go.

I think that's the right way to pronounce the word venom. Venom. Venom. Because it needs to be taken seriously, you know? Isn't Tom Hardy Venom, speaking of Bane? He's been Bane and he's Venom, I think. He gets all the roles. Superhero guy, but he's a very watchable man. Do you remember

the most obviously PR'd news story of like 2016 when he was apparently, he apparently caught a burglar? Yeah, no, he was a moped thief. That's right, yeah. Did he chase a moped or something? Who was that from? Kieran Judge. Thank you, Kieran. Natural History Museum. That's right, yeah. Did he chase a moped or something? I bloody know. Who was that from?

Kieran Judge. Thank you, Kieran. Natural History Museum. Are you a big fan of that place? Yes, I am. I don't know why I talked about my favourite exhibit, but it's a very underwhelming exhibit, but I love it, and it's the first thing I look at, and it's the last thing I look at before I leave,

because it's in the big bit where they used to have the dinosaur. I think they moved it. Well, listen listen the record will be remembered that I stuck with the Natural History Museum during that difficult transition between

Brontosaurus and Blue Whale in the lobby okay so now there's a Blue Whale I've not been in since then to be honest but there's

just on one of the like the alcove bits there's this beautiful kind of tree trunk that has been in situ for such a long time. Not in the building, but it'd been there for thousands and thousands of years. And the minerals had kind of been soaked up through precipitation. And then once it becomes mineralised, it looks like a tree, but it's hard.

So it's almost like calcified. Yeah, but not in a crumbly way So it's like a hard, it looks like a tree, but it's hard, like rock. So it's almost like calcified. Yeah. Well, yeah, but like not in a crumbly way. Like marble. It's like marble. They polish the top of it.

It's like marble, but it's a tree. It's like Keith Richards. Yeah, he's been varnished, been laminated. Wow. And where can people find that? Literally the lobby of the National History Museum.

I've seen everything else. I've seen everything. I'm leaving. Well, it does not get better than this. Very good. Eat me dinner off it. Hello. Thanks for Well, it does not get better than this. Very good. Eat me dinner off it. Hello. Thanks for that, Kieran Judge, and thanks for that, Pete. This email I'm about to read, I'm going to big it up, okay?

It's probably my favourite email since the guy delivered the washing machine and there was pictures of everyone all over the walls with the eyes cut out. Right, yeah. Which was a long time ago now. Get on this, Pete, and sail it home. This is from Chris Johnson, okay? He's not said in the email that he doesn't want to be named, so I've named him, okay?

The amount of innocuous stuff we get from people that don't want to be named is unreal. This, Chris Johnson's going balls to the wall. He doesn't care. He's going balls out of the bath with this one. He says, hello, chaps. Your recent chat about deep fat fryers and the coming of Mother's Day reminds me of the second worst present we ever gave our mother.

When me and my brother, also a listener, were about 12 and 9 respectively, we bought our mother a deep fat fryer and a bag of potatoes. Nice. That's fair. It's still in the garage, and I imagine still filled with the same horrible fat. But that brings us on to the worst present we ever bought our mum this was when i was 10 and my brother was 7 the thing you must realize is that we grew up in the countryside and we barely ever ventured into the nearest big towns of grimsby or cleethorpes we still had a fragrance of youthful innocence

our mum's friend jane had come over for a cuppa and about 30 cigarettes. I don't know what that's in there. It had recently been her birthday and she was telling our mum about a wonderful spa trip she had been on, complete with a massage. Ah, we thought, here's an idea. Our mum would probably really love a massage for her mother's day. We looked in our money pots and had around

£30. The plan was made we would be the best sons around. This is already a heartwarming story. Our mum was going to burst with excitement that she was getting her own massage. It is a heartwarming story, Pete, but prepare your heart to be turned to ice and smashed into a million tiny pieces.

We got our uncle to drive us to 30 odd minutes to the only massage place we knew. A place called Nicole's in the rougher end of the ruffle-ready Grimsby. Why our uncle dropped us in the car park we don't know why he didn't take us somewhere else we also don't know but there we were nicole's massage parlor fleethorpe's road grimsby anyone listening from this part of the world will know that nicole's is not the massage parlor you send your mother to it's a top shelf massage parlor and it is now called play girls oh fucking hell a barely

disguised brothel frequented by men of the sea not picking up on any of these signs two children wandered in unsurprisingly they didn't do gift cards for a relaxing father the look on our mom's face as she opened an envelope which contained a leaflet for a brothel with 30 pounds cash stuffed in it will live with me forever. Our dad was also shocked and I guess at some point he had a word with our uncle. Oh.

Now that Wow. is an email. First of all, I love the fact that he bought his mother a deep fat fry, something you don't seem to have a problem with, Pete. No, that's alright, isn't it? No, I think it's very, very bad.

Well, no, because if you're tasked every time with frying chips at everyone, it's all right, isn't it? No, I think it's very, very bad. Well, no, because if you're tasked every time with frying chips at everyone, it's only natural to sort of go, here you go, ma'am, this'll be a bit easy, won't it? That's mean. Why's that mean? It's very 80s, that attitude. No, I'm not saying, but if that's her job,

that's what she does all the time. That's her job. You're not going to get the kids to make the chips, are you? You can't have them knocking about with deep fat. I think it's an absolute necessity of convenience if you eat a lot of chips. I'm just saying it might not be appropriate for a Mother's Day present specifically.

No, maybe not. But, you know, not as bad as a knocking shop. Absolutely not. Not as bad as a voucher for a knocking shop. Not even a voucher. They don't do vouchers. That's what I like about it. Yeah.

I can imagine them saying okay so sorry what is it you want by the way I've also just realized never said it doesn't say in the email whether she went or not so

it's true look I think we are saying for the record that maybe is it Nicole's massage parent now Playgirl's massage maybe they allow

women in maybe they have just by you by the law if you run a business you can't discriminate not the point is it you've got to give women what they want to I imagine that Chris's mother took that £30 cash

and instantly deep fat fried it because she knew there was nothing else to do with the money because it was tainted by the way I've just realised Poison and Venom are two 80s bands. Poison definitely are. Venom must be. Venom must be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see the T-shirt now, to be honest. Yeah, I can. Somebody saw a picture of a stained, not stained, stained, the band, rock band T-shirt, and it was on sale in one of those fucking boutique stores in London for like 185 quid because it's cool.

Sorry, what is it? Massive inverted commas. What was it? A stained t-shirt. A t-shirt? Been a while. Yeah, I know they are, yeah. Yeah, a t-shirt for that band,

right, on sale in like a boutique-y kind of shop for like 185, 195 quid. Oh. So like,

you could buy that t-shirt anywhere. It's a band t-shirt. It, 195 quid. So like, you could buy that t-shirt anywhere, it's a band t-shirt, it's 20 quid. Or if you're walking past the Hammersmith Apollo and they're on, you buy it for 10 quid

outside from the dodgy block outside. Incredible. So have they gone full circle and become cool or something? No, I think they're always quite widely

derided. No, I just think slightly naive youngsters, possibly usually females, in kind of boutique shops will buy t-shirts that are like kind of retro 80s t-shirts

but like standard still really that retro I read somewhere before I forget exactly where that you know that iconic Guns N' Roses logo the crucifix

with their five skulls on it they have made an astonishing amount of money from that I bet and obviously they've sold a lot of records as well Appetite for Destruction The Crucifix with their five skulls on it. They have made an astonishing amount of money from that. I bet. And obviously they've sold a lot of records as well. Appetite for Destruction still sells like 5,000 records a week or something.

Isn't that incredible? Yeah. I don't think people will pick me up on this. I haven't checked, but I don't think it's ever been out of the Billboard Top 200. Well, there's a reason why, if you ever want to know the devaluation of music there's still there are bands that don't need to give away music

and they don't need to work that hard but they're still touring which means that touring makes all the money now but I think with Guns N' Roses though particularly that is almost a sort of they didn't do it for so long because they all had big egos and stuff

and they just wanted to get involved again. And knowing that, it doesn't matter how much money you've got, knowing that you can sell out. I mean, I went to see them at the Olympic Stadium or the London Stadium, as it's now known, last summer. Right.

And, you know, I think it was like 75 quid a ticket. And how many people can you fit in there? Like 40, 50,000? I mean, no matter how rich you are for a couple of nights work you can't really be tearing that down you know

Bruce Springsteen's doing like an on Broadway tour where he just plays like a small theatre I mean it's not a small theatre it's still by his standards

yeah by his standards it's pretty good but he's extended he's made like a few million quid out of it doing like a 30 day run or something

and so he's going to extend that I think that'd be good which is good you know one of the funniest things i've seen around that sort of topic uh recently is you know metallica or roy metallica are always really um sort of derided and and and and criticized for being quite corporate and quite sort of you know they were the ones who led the fight against napster they were very corporate they wanted all the money they could get and all the rest of it i'm a fan of them as a band but that's the thing that's their thing

they're known for and The Onion did an absolutely fantastic headline which was it's a picture of Metallica looking quite pensive and it said members of Metallica

debate whether new riff will affect share price it was excellent fantastic somebody replaced you know that St Anger album where the drums are just really crappy?

Yeah. It has a very distinct drum sound. It'll probably, in the future, people will probably judge it more favourably. Somebody went back and took some of their most iconic songs and replaced it with that fucking Yorkshire Pudding sound. Kind of sound on the drums. What does it sound like?

It sounds bloody dreadful. Yeah. It sounds bloody awful. I would have to say, I wouldn't be a huge fan of their more recent work. No. But back in the day,

they were life to me back in the day. They were life to me. Metallica and Guns N' Roses were life to me back in the day. I think Heffield's doing a bit of acting now. Is he really? He's a fascinating guy. He was in...

He's very right wing. Is he very right wing? Yeah. Big time. Like Jesse, who's the fella out of, not Quiz the Stoneage,

who's the fella out, what's his other band? Who? Eagles of Death Metal. Eagles of Death Metal. That guy who's like a preacher guy.

The moustache. The moustache guy, yeah. He's a nasty piece of work. They were playing at the Batter Clan weren't they? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. That's the band you mean isn't it? Yeah, yeah, it yeah James Hetfield quite a curious character because as far as I understand it he had huge alcohol problems

for large parts of his life and he also had an estranged father and a lot of their early work I mean they're very young stuff like Kill Em All and the early records

are very very they're very young and his lyrics are decent and the songs are obviously amazing they're full of just anger and angst and all this other stuff and it essentially all comes from this estranged relationship he had with his father but as soon as he um cleaned up um he had really didn't really have anything else to write about so it became difficult but have you seen

that documentary some kind of monster no so that some kind of monster is set around some anger which is their 2003 record um and they've got this proper spinal tap in real life, most of it. It's fascinating to see the dynamic, but they've got this live-in therapist, and he sits in on songwriting sessions. That's not a bad... We should have one of him. Yeah, it's fascinating, but Pete, no word of a lie, the classic Hetfield moment is he has an argument with Lars Ulrich,

the drummer, and they're the sort of two de facto leaders of the band because Rob Trujillo is new and, and what's his name? Kirk Hammett's quite laid back. And he has a big row with Lars Ulrich about something. And no word of a lie. He just gets up and goes, well,

that's it. I'm done. I'm out of here. And he leaves. And a little bit of text comes over and it says six months later, and he comes back six months later. What have you been doing? He's like, I've been in Siberia hunting bears.

It's almost like he said, what's the most James Hetfield thing I could do? He's honestly such a character. And obviously we don't endorse hunting bears, that's horrific, but it is very, very true to form. Fantastic movie. To be fair, one of the fairer fights in the Hunterverse. Yeah, true.

We don't know what weapon he used. No, exactly. But anyway, that's a Metallica detour. That's a bit of Metallica. Yeah. Anyway. What have you got next? Do you want to do another email?

I'll do it. Steve Erickson, a little bit of... Oh, he's angry. He's angry. Who's this? Steve Erickson. Okay. Hi, guys.

American here. All right. Showing off. I think we're talking about tipping and how annoying I get when people can't tip properly. I once went out to eat at a place with a friend at a place that does not split the bill. In anticipation, I bought cash.

My half was $33. I gave him $40 with the rest to tip the waitress. That's $7. He put the entire bill on his credit card. I glanced at it and was dumbfounded to see that on the receipt, he left the waitress a $5 tip. That is unacceptable.

It's absolutely unacceptable. Isn't that amazing? If there's one thing I can't stand, it's like parsimony to that level. I understand not everyone, listen, neither of us are wealthy. $40 is not a king's ransom, whatever. You're eating out. You're already eating out. You're in for a penny.

Yeah, what do you think? Because you are famously, Pete, in these parts parts at least famously a very generous man i would say over generous if i know how do you feel about that parcel money in in in in um in at odds to that i think that's such a strange thing to do what are you getting out of that i've got friends who do that but what are you getting out of that it's that kind of uh although they'll point out or i'll put they'll be... They'll be... Usually in London, the tip will be included on the receipt. That's right, yeah.

Which is bullshit, but that's what happens. But they say it's optional, don't they? They say it's optional. No, it's bullshit because the waiters and waitresses don't necessarily say much of that. They use that to bolster the minimum wage or whatever. I always check, yeah. And yeah, so... And then I'll, you know,

if I've got some coins, I'll chuck some coins down. And like the amount of times I go, no, mate, the tips include. I go, yeah, I know. No, the tips include. I go, yeah, I know. I just put some quids down. But you are overly generous to the point where,

and as I said to you before, I hate tight people. I don't understand it. I'm not saying that I'm obviously not wealthy, but there's a situation where you shouldn't really fall into the trap of knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing. But you are so generous. Once before, you gave me 50 euros when we were out once because there was no cash point nearby.

Were we in Europe? Yeah, we were in Europe. No, you just gave me it. No, we were in Europe. And you won't remember this, partly because you were probably drunk and partly because it's just probably the sort of thing you do all the time, which is horrific because you've probably given away way too much money. What?

You gave me 50 euros because there was no cash point around. The next day, you refused to take it back from me. I had to force it back on you. It's a pain in the arse, isn't it? Yeah. Just admin. I don't like admin. That's the problem.

But he's upset. So basically, he's upset. So basically he's sort of wondering whether his friend stole $7 and tipped her $5 or did he not tip her and steal £2 from him? I literally kept this to myself for years until bringing it up with him

as a pile-on point after being annoyed about some other behaviour. Yeah, good text. That is textbook human being behaviour. I like that. I like that. I'll use this as a proxy

for something else. So he gave him $7 and the guy only tipped $5. Yeah. So he's basically robbed you of $2 straight away and his half of the tip in the first place. The only person who wins the least is the waiter. Yeah. I once miscalculated a tip in a pub in Los Angeles

and the waitress got very annoyed with me. Oh, what? You didn't put enough in well I did the maths wrong we'd been sat me and a couple of my pals had been sat in a pub

because of the time difference watching it would have been an evening game here so I guess about midday in LA and we got in there early we were the only people in there

and we ended up tying one on a bit and staying until about seven or eight and then we decided to leave and it was table service we'd just run up a bill for beers and food and all this stuff.

And I think I left a zero off the tip by accident. And I gave her a whole load of notes, which I thought ended up being a $30 tip. But it was a $3 tip. And she literally came back. I was obviously a lot younger then. It was one of the most excruciating experiences of my life at the time.

And she said, what's that? And I hadn't twigged so I went oh it's just a tip and she went well you can keep it and she put three dollars down out to grab her

going I'm really sorry I miscalculated and she still didn't believe me I think she still thought I was just trying to chance it well maybe the Brits don't have the greatest reputation

when it comes to when it comes to that but we do for politeness we talk about we talk about Japan quite a lot Japan no tipping not allowed they will run down the street with your money it's seen as so this is something when it comes to that. But we do for politeness. We talk about Japan quite a lot. Japan, no tipping. Not allowed.

They will run down the street with your money. It's seen as, so this is something you can learn about in more detail on your other excellent show, Peter, abroad in Japan. Abroad in Japan. And it is seen, as far as I understand it, as literally rude to even offer a tip.

Is that right? And also, when you get money back at a exchange in a convenience store, a konbini, they've got a little tray, they put the money down in, they don't like putting money into hands

because it's seen as, you know, like a subservient sort of thing, like a, you're the employer, you're the employee kind of thing. Is it,

let me ask you a quick question on this because I've got a feeling this might be a myth. Is, is it frowned upon to shake hands? They don't do a lot of it. Right.

I think, yeah, but I think. They bow, do they? Yeah, well, I bow when I'm there, but the problem is...

You bow when you come in the studio with me, and that's how it should be. I do a big regal bow, and I use very honorific languages. Yeah, the right honorific. When I say thank you, I say domo. No, but I think they realise that if they're shaking hands with a gaijin, a non-Japanese

person, they will bend the rules a little bit and they'll shake your hand. I thought that came from the idea of the spreading of germs and all that kind of stuff. Oh, I suppose. I mean, I think it goes a lot older than that, that kind of rule, to be quite frank. Alright, I've got another quick

email to fit in. Alright then. About laughing. Laughing? I love to laugh! Ha ha ha ha! Some would say, Pete, it's the best medicine. All right, then. About laughing. Laughing. I love to laugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Some would say, Pete, it's the best medicine. It really, really is. And I hope you've had a lot of laughs

listening to this show today. This is from James in Lyon. Lyon. Lyon. Mais oui. Lyon or Leon, as the kings of. No, he's in a Lyon.

Oh, he's in a Lyon tapping away. No, Lyon. There was a picture of this very famous Japanese video game developer. He did Metal Gear. Oh yeah, great. That's great. Snake thingy. Solid snake.

Snake solids. Snake, not solids. I can't eat solids. No, it's venom. It's venom. If you get bitten by Hideo Kojima. His name's Hideo Kojima. And he's a very celebrated guy. He had a falling out with Konami. It was this big thing.

And now he's doing other stuff with, weirdly, Daryl out of The Walking Dead. And is it Hans Mikkelsen or Mans Mikkelsen? I can't remember his name. He was a spooky guy from James Bond. And so he's this massive big deal. Anyway, he's in London at the moment. And his Instagram or his Twitter kind of pictures,

it's just him like in a Wetherspoons. Like this guy is money. This guy is like, he's one of the most famous people in the world. I mean, not to anybody really over here, but like to anyone who knows video games, he is a rock star. Maybe he just lost Brexit. Which is really weird. Like this guy

who's like this, who, you know, could not walk down the street in Japan, could not walk down the street in China or anywhere. Right. He's just in like a Wellerspoons

or a Nando's just having a bit of food. Have you gone to try and find him? There was a shot of him in the, I think it was in the Nando's. I think it's Nando's. Whatever the restaurant is

on the corner of Leicester Square. And I was like, I, there's the underground sign. Yeah. There's the Aberdeen Steakhouse. I'm right around the corner. Are you going there? Try some of your Japanese on the corner of Leicester Square and I was like there's the underground sign there's the Aberdeen Steakhouse I'm right around the corner I'm going to run around trying to solve your Japanese

Kojima! Kojima! similar things that happened I love the idea if you ran to the street Kojima-san! Don't say I'm not your guy! I saw a couple of my family in the US online

chuckling that Steph Curry who's one of the most famous athletes in the US online chuckling Steph Curry who's one of the most famous athletes in the US I mean I don't know much about it but arguably

the greatest NBA player around at the moment he was over in the UK doing something and he went to Stamford Bridge to watch a game

and after the game he hung around for autographs about 20 people there it's mad isn't it absolutely if you ever people would queue

for hours in the US you step outside your kind of bubble and well the country in which you're famous I mean either just go down

into the border of Mexico or something and you figure out what a fame bubble is effectively it's a very strange situation anyway laughing

laughing I will squeeze this in it's from James and Leon Leon I don't know how that why were you talking about a Japanese game developer when I said Leon?

Not tapping away in Leon. Okay, right. Anyway, James says, It doesn't take much Luke to be honest. No. Dear Pete and Luke, I've been a long time

listening to the excellent productions of Radio Stakhanov, mainly beginning with the OG that is the football round. We'll appreciate that, James. Radio Stakhanov is there for you to enjoy and anyone listening at home should go and check out all, James. Radio Stakhanov is there for you to enjoy and anyone listening at

home should go and check out all those shows at radiostakhanov.com. S-T-A-K-H-A-N-O-V Stakhanov. Anyway, he said he first started listening

to the show on his PSP while trying to go to sleep. PSP, Zay. PSP. Still find them. Can you still find them?

Yeah, probably, but I mean in the CEX sex shop. I got one given to me by work back in the day. I was doing an on-demand video for a company and they were doing it for PSP. He says, since then, I've been listening ever since

with the same lucid ritual of falling in and out of sleep listening to your dulcet tones. However, as I have recently discovered, your shows have had a larger impact on my life than just helping me to fall asleep. I have realised that I laugh like Pete Donaldson. Ah, dickhead. Tricked you.

He says, since I started listening to your shows roughly nine years ago, my laugh has been transformed to the high-pitched outburst of the one and only Pete Donaldson. Like Chandler in Friends with his hypnosis tape. I don't know what that means. I haven't seen Friends really. Do you know it? I'm getting sort of gloomy images of that episode.

You are so Chandler. Anyway, listening to Pete's laugh over the years must have projected itself on me. I constantly get remarks that my loud shrill is deafening to a conversation and can only assume this is due to Pete. Yes. He ends the email by saying,

I really hope this is the only characteristic I receive from him. You can't catch hepatitis over a PSP. That's all I'm saying. PSP, which ironically does sound like a venereal disease as well. You can't catch it orally, but you can catch it orally. Quite. Laughs are a funny thing because, you know, I noticed when I was reading this email earlier

that some people have a completely silent laugh. And that's the last thing you want. That's joyless. Well, when you're making a radio show and you want a bit of an atmosphere, if you had three people who all had silent laughs, it'd be very difficult, wouldn't it? It would, because people wouldn't get involved, would they?

A silent laugh, that reminds me of a really creepy bloke I knew once told a brother of another friend. Oh, God. He's just a horrible little man. He used to do swing dancing to get with girls. And he's a very little creepy creepster. And he went, yeah, I was with a girl at the moment.

She's a silent comer. Oh, for God's sake, Pete. I was like, come on. That's all right. Look, that's what he said. And people love a bit of filth. But I would argue the way that man carries himself, there was no C happening, all right?

Yeah, I could be wrong by explaining this. Yeah, there was no Pete there at all to be honest can i just say do you know what i wrote down here on this on this these notes silent comma no silent witness yeah i um i've written let's do the next show silently no i've written i've written we managed to get through a whole show without you taking it down into the gutter but we fucking didn't did we you can't come in a gutter um can i just please wrestle this back quickly and say my favorite type of laugh is that wheezy old man type laugh that Les Dawson used to do.

No, because I always think that might turn into a heart attack. It always just sounds... Well, it did with Les Dawson. Go on, rest in. Go on, rest in. I don't like those laughs. You can contract them because I think... I don't think I always laugh like this.

I think listening to the old XFM Ricky Gervais podcasts like 10 years ago like before I even started working in radio was like I contracted that laugh effectively so if you've contracted the laugh that's probably you know it's a it's a pretty I've got two little two levels like proper like and like and really kind of yeah but But you can contract laughs. I really think you can. Something I find really endearing about you is that when I'm telling a story that you can see is hopefully going to be funny, you have this expression on your face

where you can't wait for the punchline. To laugh. Yeah, and it's very, very endearing. I've got joy in my heart, Luke. I've wasted 10 years of my adult life with you, and I've not contracted your laugh. So maybe it's only contracted to some people

I don't know yeah who knows it's like when you can can you give a dog a yawn or can a dog give you a yawn if a dog yawns

if a dog yawns you can catch the yawn you know but you can catch a yawn from anyone alright who's yawning hands up

Alexa Alexa Alexa do a yawn you. Alexa, yawn. Alexa, do a yawn. You can catch a yawn from anyone, can't you? Yeah, but I watched Wayne Rooney on the telly in the ground. He was watching a football match. He was spotted in the stand, and he's with his little Ben,

and he yawned, and I caught the yawn just watching it on telly. I just love the idea of yawns being so kind of like, oh, I'll go for one of them. I'll have one of them and it costs nothing. Beautiful. Yeah, but yeah, I guess you just have to see it

because I remember sitting in a Spanish class at school and the tables were like a U shape. Did you have an El Llano? Yeah. I said,

what's Spanish for yawn? We're in a U shape so a lot of us were facing other people and I remember noticing very, very clearly that when someone yawned, everyone was yawning.

It's mad, isn't it? Yeah. Sure is. Did you learn much Spanish? Sí. Sí. Right, let's get out of here. We've got to get out of here because time is against us.

We'll be back on Thursday, you guys. We'll be back on Thursday. Don't worry about that. We've got your back. We've got your back. He's hoping for no more snow. It's really hard to get in at the moment. It's really grinding my gears, Luke.

Let's get out of here. We'll be back pretty soon. Fade up then so people know. Yeah, I know. There we go. Oh, yeah, I've got this button, see? When I press this button, it gets a little bit louder. Oh, on Thursday, we'll talk about maplings.

Don't. Yeah, because we need to address it. It's an elephant in the room. Too soon. don't yeah because we need to address it it's an elephant in the room too soon