The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 45: Neckbeards and their craft ale, they make me sick

Episode Date: March 12, 2018

Luke's been to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child but is duty bound to #keepthesecrets, and Pete uses this episode as an opportunity to get right up on his soapbox and rant and rave, Alex Jones-style, about the evils of craft ale, much to Luke's chagrin. #neckbeardsSpeaking of Alex Jones, he gets a decent bit of airtime too, here's hoping YouTube don't give us a strike. Not that we care, we're not even on YouTube.Elsewhere there's another twist in the acupuncture-does-it-doesn't-it-work saga, we learn more than we'll ever need to know about toxins, and Pete regales us with yet more of his ailments.To contribute to this madness, bombard us here: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are you doing? It's Luke and Pete Shaw, number 40, you told me off air but I've instantly forgotten, 45. Wow, that's a number isn't it? That's a number isn't it? It is, I'm Luke Moore. I'm Luke Moore. That is Pete Donaldson in case you're? It is. I'm Luke Moore. I'm Luke Moore. That is Pete Donaldson. I'm Luke Moore. In case you're new round here.

I'm Luke Moore. No, you're not. I'm Luke Moore. You never will be. What? 45 is the episode number. Pete, could you tell me instantly now, impromptu little quiz question for you. Right.

Who is the 45th president of the United States? Eisenhower. It's Donald Trump. Oh. The current sitting incumbent president. I should have known that because he has it monogrammed on his wrist. Scalp. He has it monogrammed on everything he owns.

Number 45. Yeah. And I'm slightly worried that he might be blamed slash... Credited. Credited. Yeah. With the North Koreans coming back round the table. I was thinking that this morning. Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?

It's annoying, isn't it? Yeah, well, everyone knows it was actually Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer's work. Jack Bauer's sanctions, international sanctions. Working exclusively under a Mr George Smiley. You've been reading a lot of John le Carré recently, haven't you? I have, haven't I? You've been enjoying it immensely.

And for the record, I realise Jack Bower is not a John le Carre character. Are you sure? Oh, what? I don't think so. I'm trying to think of... There's a guy who I was really obsessed with who might have played one of the characters in the second season of 24. I've not seen a single episode. Can I just put it out there?

What? I've never seen it. What? Nope. What? You heard me. how are we going to learn how to he puts his hand inside the man's stomach and pulls out a file or something I know you to do that stuff

I've got you around I don't need to worry about that I know what a bod people do not put your hand inside my stomach you know what you'll find it'll be like that scene in Jaws

when the number plate comes out it's a lovely little it's a battery it's a battery so anyway episode 45 I know, right?

This is the show where we talk about whatever takes our fancy, really. So if you are new to the parish, then I don't suppose you have to go back to the beginning, because that would seem a bit daunting, but you might not get some of the jokes. I mean, you probably won't get half the jokes anyway, because Pete and I aren't as funny as we think we are. No, not important to, I would say. Yeah. I've got a tweet. I don't normally get... Actually, I didn't get involved,

but I don't normally pay any attention to it, but I got a tweet the other day saying, oh, Luke Moore, having a go... I can't remember who it was now. Having a go at someone else for being arrogant and outspoken. Oh, ironic. And I thought, hang on a minute, you subscribe to my opinions, I haven't subscribed to yours.

It's hard to get upset about you when you've been doing it for a long time. Like, why now? It's like suddenly in 2018 March going, Donald Trump's a bit of a bell, isn't he? Yeah. How have you just realised that? What's the straw that broke the camel's back there? Presumably, yeah.

I'm so old, well, you as well, we're so old that we've been doing this so long that you're either on board or you're not by this point. I don't know why you would even care one way or the other. But anyway, I'm not naming him because I'm not giving him the oxygen he so blatantly craves. I had loads of things to talk about in my it's been. We're into it's been.

Yeah. But unfortunately um i was woken up by a fire alarm and then i went to the coffee shop and i forgot my wallet and then i had to go back to the house and i'm just a bit flustered to be honest so maybe by next week sure i'll have remembered what the hell is going on sorry what part of my life what part of that is not like a normal morning routine for you well fire alarm. I mean, fire alarm in the situation where it's not you setting off the fire alarm. No, well, I got an email.

It said, oh, we're doing a routine fire alarm. Oh, that's rubbish. It is rubbish. 9.30 in the morning. Yeah, you work nights. No, I work nights, exactly. What would Stuart Donaldson think about that timing of the fire alarm?

He'd be gutted. No, he'd be fine with it, 9.30. He's up and about. I thought he goes to bed at like 4 and he gets up at 1. He goes to sleep at 6 in the evening. Oh, 9 in the morning, of course. Yeah, so he'd be up. He'd be well, yeah.

But I was like, I had to pretend that I wasn't in because they insist on you leaving the building. So I had to sneak around pretending I wasn't. It's no way to live your life, is it? No. While a fire alarm is blaring, hiding in my own home. How do you'd you like living there yeah it's great but um i shouldn't really be there i can't make any noise um speaking of that i at the weekend i went to meet my parents who were up to take in a show and meet the parents yes we went out for some food and um i said i'll walk you to

um to the theater you're going to see your show in because it's not, you don't know London that well. I went past Donny's house. I was probably in that house. Got a photo outside the front door. Got my parents to pose like it was a proper tourist attraction.

Where the sadness happens. My dad was absolutely delighted. He was so happy. And then my father-in-law was delighted as well when he was taking this photo outside your house as well. I'm going to get a blue plaque on there

yeah I think so when I do my deeds when I complete my deeds yeah I went to the theatre as well I went at the weekend I went to see Harry Potter

and the Cursed Child does that count as theatre trip or does that count as whimsy it's both I mean to be fair it's a six hour show

isn't it it's a long old long old schlep it's the best producer I've ever seen it to be fair, it's a six-hour show, isn't it? It's a long old schlep. It's the best produce show I've ever seen. It's so well done. It's brilliant. And I wouldn't even... Oh, actually, if you're not a Harry Potter fan, you probably won't enjoy it,

because as you said, it's a long old slog. But it's absolutely fantastic. It was brilliant. There's a moment where something gets sucked into something. Yes. And apparently that's very impressive. It is. But they give you all this...

But I only want to watch that bit, because I no interest well yeah that is worth it that is worth it but there's a bit there's a whole thing about it is when you go in there's hashtags everywhere saying keep the secrets as in don't tell everyone what happens um so i'm going to adhere to that because i think that's a cruel thing these days it's a cool thing right in the world of spoilers that's quite a cool idea it's quite a cool initiative so i'm going to stick to that but you're absolutely right without getting into too much detail that is a genuinely jaw-dropping moment because you're so used to seeing things happen on movies where you're like oh yeah that's cgi probably or or there's some even things like lord of the rings which is like amalgamation of

actual scenery but cgi as well um to see something genuinely mind-boggling on stage in front of you i think is actually very good to see sort of stagecraft inoggling on stage in front of you, I think is actually very good. To see stagecraft in any sort of way. Have you seen that clip of the opening scene of Birdman? No, I've not seen the film. So Michael Keaton floats into scene, and instead of using CGI to get rid of wires or whatever,

basically an extra from behind, he's walking behind him in the street scene, just puts his arm out and unhooks the tether. And you don't, because you're not looking for it. When someone's gone, like it's taken two years for this to come out, really. Then somebody went,

have you noticed that extra unhooks his flying costume so he can walk underneath an awning? Do you think that's a mistake? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's definitely deliberate. I mean, it's so obvious

when you know it's there. It's like, oh, wow, that's really cool. Yeah, it is. A mutual friend of both of us went to see the Harry Potter show. Name him. Chris. He thought he heard a racial epithet about... Is Hermione played by a black actor?

Yeah, she's played by a black actor. He thought he sort of half heard somebody reference that in a not a very nice way. Yeah. And he couldn't concentrate on the rest of the rest of that. I mean, that almost certainly didn't happen. Well, I don't know. Yeah. You don't know what people are like.

No. Racists can enjoy Harry Potter too, Luke. And should they be able to? No. Hello at Luke and P. Show. Hashtag race hates. Hashtag Harry Potter. Hashtag keep theates. Hashtag Harry Potter. Hashtag keep the secrets.

Oh, nuts. So, it's been a busy week. We've had loads of emails. We had loads of emails last week. We're kind of, we're drowning in a sea of emails. I think last week was the creative high of you, the listener. Because this show is a community show it's it's it's fueled and and it runs on your guys input and last week i listened back to the shows last week and thought

god i'll drone on a bit but i also thought that is a such a great selection of people's stories from around the world i'm very very proud to be a part of it so thank you very much and if you do want to get involved before we get into the email section hello at lukeandpetecher.com that bit earlier about racist was a joke what do you mean yeah we don't want to hear

from you I mean I'll feel free to get involved and we can tell you why you're wrong well then you're making it worse I'm not I man the emails

did you see that alt-right celebrity Richard Spencer got outed as having 12 people or something at his latest chat talk. Nice.

I like that. Did you see Milo? Not Milo Yiannopoulos. That's someone completely different. Milo... It is Milo, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know. Milo, the alt-right kind of poster boy idiot.

There's just too many men on the internet, and it is frequently men, who just have opinions for money. They don't believe it. They're just imbecilic. They've got enough education to rap in fancy language, and that's why people on 4chan think it's incredibly enchanting. You're obsessed with 4chan. You're going to get absolutely ripped by 4chan if they ever find out.

4chan is the root of all evil. And memes as well. And I love a meme. Yeah, I do. The one thing about what you're saying there as well to just to add to that is that when you're a bit longer in the tooth i know you know by some people's standards we'll still be young but by a lot of people listening we'll probably be quite old when you're long enough in the tooth to have been around a little bit and worked in the game we work in you realize so quickly they're just so

obviously just those attention seeker kids at school they're only doing it to get attention and they could be saying anything but they just they are electing to say the thing that's going to get

the most attention in the quickest amount of time possible and that's really all there is to it it takes one to know one isn't it yeah and I know

because I've been there I've been there you know I just went down the sort of football whimsy related avenue rather than the horrendous racist avenue.

Yeah. Yeah. Which frequently is one and the same. That's the thing. Anyway, go on. What are you going to say? Uh,

he was selling supplements on, um, he was on Infowars with Alex, you know, Alex Jones's channel. And, uh, he's just,

he's having to like pop pills and go, I do feel more, uh, like, uh, this create this powder that I've pills and go mmm I do feel more like this this powder that I've been eating I feel more powerful

and more man's got to eat Alex Jones then rips his shirt off presumably and screams something yeah crazy what a world we live in eh

YouTube have categorically said that they're not going to be removing Alex Jones' channel he got a couple of strikes apparently he got a couple of strikes but basically

but yeah but that plays into Alex Jones' they're trying to get rid of us! Ah! You choked the new world order! Trying to get rid of us! John saw us! Trying to get rid of us!

He sees a danger around every corner, doesn't he? Have you read the John Ronson book where he meets Alex Jones? No. I think it might be called Them. I like John Ronson. I didn't like him at the start, but I can't get past his voice. I've never heard him speak. I've only ever past his voice. I've never heard him speak. I've only ever read his books.

I've never heard him talk like this. Yeah, I can imagine. He wouldn't survive on this, Mike. Barely get past the noise gate. But the thing is, Pete, is that that's funny, isn't it? Because you would probably, I've never really heard him speak. I've seen a picture of him. But on that basis, you'd probably think,

oh, he seems like a bit of a sort of flimsy type guy. But some of the stuff he gets up to shows that he's actually a very brave writer and a very interesting one. And he deserves credit for that. I've read four or five of his books

and I enjoyed every single one of them. So there you go. All right, then. There you go. Two thumbs up. Shall we go on the emails? Yes. All right, then.

Let's get on the emails. Do you want to do one first? You should go on first. I'll do it first. I'll do it first. This is one that we couldn't squeeze in last week. Matt, on the subject of Pete boiling the crap out of anything poisonous, I guess he's thinking of the fact that microbes are killed by boiling,

but the toxins they produce and or toxins that aren't produced by microbes will just sit there waiting for Pete to wrap his chops around them. Pete, please heed this advice so that we can enjoy the podcast of the Pete Empire going forward. And it is an empire, Luke. It is an empire. I feel that it would have been handy for you to know that a lot earlier in your life because you would have avoided all the ailments

that have befallen you since. All of my ailments recently, since I've started going to the gym again, have been muscular. Right. I've not really got a cold for quite a while. I think going to the gym, getting a bit of exercise probably helped me a little bit.

But yeah, that's probably not the case. Doctors are probably going, nonsense, don't talk nonsense, Donaldson. I think it's known to keep exercising regularly is important, but I think part of the reason you might get colds a lot is because you like to travel. Picking up all sorts of microbes. And listen, if Brexit has taught us one thing

is that you can't trust those bloody foreigners, mate. You know, microbes. Unfamiliar microbes. Can't boil them. Can't boil them, says Matt. You can't boil yourself. You can't fight the moonlight.

You can't boil the moonlight. And someone, remember, this is just sort of speaking a little bit earlier about Alex Jones and those other sort of maniacs, has made me remember to say,

do you remember when the internet was good? Yeah, I remember when it was fun. I remember it was exciting. I remember when there was something interesting around every corner. I remember when Space Jam had a website. That's still up. We've talked about it before on this show. Oh, yes.

It's a Geocities one. It's like a really naff-looking animated gift shop. But I was just going to say, I saw someone on Facebook. This is probably possibly indicative of the way the world's gone recently. I saw someone on Facebook say, oh, there's a lot of videos being shared about children, young children choking.

This is what you need to do when children are choking. I guess that's probably quite an important public service message. And someone wrote as a joke, but do you know what to do if you see anyone choking on an ice cube what you're supposed to do

is pour boiling water down their throat and I thought that's quite funny and then about a couple of seconds after that I thought

oh hang on a minute someone's going to do that now because it had been shared about five million times it's mad isn't it it's like that one you wonder which batshit lunatics actually write this crap like um i saw one quite recently where it was like but

this guy writing it was genuinely was to do it as a joke it was a joke it wasn't on purpose but i mean that it was a joke but you could understand some people you know you okay hun question mark those types of people going oh well the deal was pour boiling water down his throat yeah and he's dead you know so i'm just saying the internet used to be a fun place but now things just go awry so often I saw one where it was like if you are about to be attacked by someone at a cash machine

if you type in your pin number backwards it will not give you the money and it would call the police to your location and it's just like and again that gets shared like a million times. Oh, better be safe. Oh, sorry.

All these kind of things. And people snatching kids in this particular car park. So watch out. Yeah. The pin number thing is... And that's how I got away with it. The pin number thing

is so outrageously untrue. But it's somebody, and I hate saying we're too much time on our hands because I abhor that kind of thing, but somebody just kind of was just daydreaming one day and went, you know, I'm going to... Wouldn't that be nice if that happened? Wouldn't that be nice if that was

a situation? I'll put a bit of spend behind that. Get it past the Facebook algorithm. But you know, I know for a fact, because I worked at a bank for ages, as people who listen to this show regularly will know, no one knows your printer apart from you. It's literally computer generated, printed onto a piece

of secure paper that you have to open up and posted to you. Yeah, or you can nominate your own. Yeah, and then you're supposed to change it straight away anyway.

So no one's going to know. Nobody ever does that. No, I don't know. If you've nominated your own pin number, you're a sick person. We've got an email coming up either later

or later in the week about passwords. Someone listening are having a dig at you so we'll get into that a bit later. Let's not get into pins.

No. Let's not get into pins because most of my if anyone wants to hack my emails it's mainly ex-Newcastle United footballers so get involved.

Why are you saying that? Why? What do you mean? You put a number in there at least. Yeah. Not a number to play

a war. That would be so obvious. It's Shearer 9. It's alright though because I've got a 3 for the year. Right, here we go. What about anyone here?

Enjoy spelling Nicky Patherslip. Yeah. Can't even say it. Here's an email from Chris. This is quite good. Let me just turn the brightness up on the old Lappy T

because I'm trying to save battery. I'm trying to save battery. That's why I'm doing it. I've got a busy day today. So yeah, Chris has been in touch. Hello to you, Chris. He says, Good morning, Luke and Pete.

Good morning. Love this show and all the others you're both involved in. Thanks. Saved me on my long commutes to Essex and Cambridge. That's not too bad.

I suppose it depends where you're coming from. Cambridge is a lovely part of the world. Anyway, I wasn't going to send this as I thought I'd missed the ship on this one,

but Pete exclaiming, it's never too late to send in, spurred me to type it up. That was probably Pete begging for a good quality email. Never too late, never too late, late. There we go. Just wanted to weigh in on the small discussion you had on acupuncture,

as I have a story that's very relevant and proves its worth. Again, my problem with this, and i will read the email out and it's a good story but as we've said before it's all anecdotal i need a doctor in it i need a doctor i need stats i need a doctor to come in here and stick a load of needles in pete's body and my testicles yeah yeah all in my testicles please and and uh yeah so he said the morning of my mate's wedding um and and I had the horrific task of being best man.

To my horror, I woke up without the ability to move my head. What? Or slept in a vice again. He says, I must have slept in a weird position, but my head was stuck in a cramp, and I couldn't move from the looking right position. Oh, I know what that is. I had that.

But it wasn't just being stuck in the right position. You sort of looked doing like that. It's called wry neck. And nobody knows how it happens. People have sort of speculated that it might be. I know you did it. People, honestly, it is the most, maybe he didn't have the excruciating pain that went along with it, but I generally felt like I'd broken something or my head was going to fall off.

I vaguely remember this happening to you. I was screaming. I was screaming, crying with agony. You know when you experience pain and you're like, well, this is new. I didn't think my body had this in me without me passing out because it was just excruciating. It would sort of come on in waves.

So it's effectively like a sprain of the neck. You couldn't get painkillers involved. And I couldn't, well, I had to go to the hospital because I was like. Did you not reach your mouth because your head was so badly twisted? I was crying, but when I knew the pain was sort of coming on, I was going and making like a really pathetic noise. Yeah. Like a wounded dog.

And like, I remember being in the ER, the emergency room slash triage or whatever. And I was just making these horrible and I remember this little kid just stood next to me and he was looking up to, like, it's scary when an adult

is making horrible noises or crying. And I was on the verge of crying. I was like, and the man went, he took one look at me and went,

the doctor, took one look at me and went, you've got Rynek. Right. You've got Rynek, here's some Valium, go on. The only thing is, Here's some Valium. Go on.

The only thing is, I bought some Valium illegally on the internet a little while ago. Don't say that stuff. I mean, legally on the internet. Thank you. Thank you. The man assured me he was a doctor, which is great for long-haul flights. I think I know where you bought it from. Don't tell me.

And I had that in my house you know just again for long haul flights but that would have sorted me right out but instead I got an Uber all the way to guys and Thomas's

like miles away from my house over every damn there are a lot of speed bumps in London and every time the Uber went over the bloody speed bump

I was screaming absolutely screaming I should have used a black cab because I know the routes without speed bumps. Honestly,

if you mention Uber on the radio, the amount of black cabbies get involved. Oh, my word. Yeah, which is surprising because apparently there's none of them left. But anyway,

this is not about you. This is about Chris Green. No. Anyway, Pete's now, for those listening at home, Pete's now adopting the head right position just to help emphasise it.

He said, Chris didn't take help emphasise it. He said, Chris didn't take your path, Pete. He apparently quickly drove to the osteopath he uses, walking into the building sideways like a crab. I don't know how he drove with his neck in that state, but anyway, he did. I bet he did a signal manoeuvre.

Maybe that's all he was doing. He told me he had a solution. He suggested acupuncture. He hastily chucked a load of needles into my neck, tendons, and muscles. I guess tendons and muscles. Neck, tendons, and muscles. And he said if it wasn't enough,

he then proceeded to electrify each one, which spasmed my neck, and incredibly, I regained 90% of my movement in my head and neck. This ensured I could then scan the room and take in the bored and uninspired faces as I did my best man speech. So I am all for acupuncture and its results.

So there you go, that's from Chris. Maybe we should try that. I mean, I'm writing the version of Chantown and that's all they do and copying as well. See, that's Gwyneth Paltrow business, isn't it? Is it? She does that. And it's all pseudoscience nonsense. What, acupuncture is... I think acupuncture, as far as I know,

I'm a bit of a sceptic on this sort of stuff, and as far as I know, it's not. It doesn't work. But people are emailing in their droves. He also says his batteries he's got to hand are alkalisk, which he believes are IKEA's own, and they don't last very long. I bet they use the battery to electrify the needles.

I mean, an osteopath, I don't really know much about osteopathy, but if you go to a medical professional and they say, yeah, don't worry, and they pull out some Chinese medicine, which is what acupuncture is, are you happy with that? Would you have accepted acupuncture there and then in that state you're in? No, but, Luke, I don't think osteopaths are that well... Regarded. That well managed, let's say.

What's the difference between osteopaths and chiropractors? No, chiropractors, you don't necessarily need that amount of training. So remember, I went out with a girl once... But osteopathy is a type of... Sorry, osteopath is medicine. Sorry, I'm thinking about chiropractors. No, it's a type of alternative medicine, osteopathy. Which one's chiropractor then? I think they both are. Which one I'm thinking about chiropractic. No, it's a type of alternative medicine, osteopathy. Which one's chiropractor then?

I think they both are. Which one cracks your back? Chiropractor. I'm fairly certain osteopathy is a legitimate... Yeah, that's about body and joint realignment and that kind of stuff. I think they're both sort of... Are they both a bit...

Different sides of the same coin. Right, okay. Well, I remember sort of going out with a girl whose sister was a chiropractor who would go where... She used to do the cracking of the back and stuff, and everyone was very satisfied with that particular malarkey. And then she went away to a retreat, and this guy was selling, they looked like old kind of 1980s computer black and white scanners,

hand scanners. Scanners didn't used to be flatbed. They used to be like you used to run them up and down documents. Very old technology. I used to have one for my Amiga. I used to import my animations into Deluxe Paint 5

slash 4 slash 3. You're about to release a retrospective of your work, aren't you? And she got this, like, it just looked like

a hand scanner. It was just like this kind of, like, quackery that she rubbed up and down the back and basically this

graph would sort of show how much, like, caffeine you got in your system just absolute squawking bullshit but because i was in a family you know environment i couldn't go i'm 22 and i think this is bullcrap yeah so yeah not with apologies to uh my ex-girlfriend yeah don't don't make any don't make any apologies no i think that's fair you're absolutely right absolute bullshit um what have you got next peter with apologies to my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, don't make any apologies. I think that's fair. I think you're absolutely right. Absolute bullshit.

What have you got next, Peter? What have I got next? Let's have a look here. I've got a really good one about rabbits that I want to do, but you go first. Ooh, lovely. Hello to Bashar. He's in Amman in Jordan. Hello, Luke and Pete.

Well, basically, he's got batteries, Tinko Super Heavy Duty. Nice. He's got long-time listener, check. First-time emailer, check. Opinion of the show, love. Thank you, Bashar. All the boxes tick, quite literally.

He says name, Bashar, not that one. Yeah, but I think that might be a football ramble trope. Oh, is it? Right, okay, sorry. We don't talk about the football ramble here. Never heard of it. Hello, Luke and Pete. I'm somewhat glad I delayed emailing my story

to someone in the school year above me ruining something for the rest of us because as it turns out, the protagonist was Paul. We got a lot of emails about Paul, but I don't recall why we were talking about Paul last week. Because it was something to do...

I've got a friend who grew up near me. He was a year older than me called Paul and he was a good lad, but he was mental and tough. Right. And so I said, oh yeah, but back in our day,

people of our age growing up in sort of small towns and what have you would have known lots of Pauls. So if you've got stories about people called Paul who've done mad stuff, get involved.

Why are you yawning while I'm saying that? I'm not yawning. I was like yawning out the side of my mouth so nobody could hear it. You've done your neck again. So anyway, Paul's got involved and that's how it. You've done your neck again. So anyway,

Paul's got involved and that's how it happened. Right, that's how it happened. And now people are getting in touch about people with Paul. Well, Paul was an American expat in the air above me

and an avid player of foosball, as he called it. Table football, right? Well, we call it babby foot. Babby foot. Like the French call it. We would call it table football

then, wouldn't we? Yeah, exactly. Paul, being the imperialist that he is, he started running a weekly table football tournament in't we? Yeah, exactly. Paul, being the imperialist that he is, he started running a weekly table football tournament in our school common room, in which money was involved. As you can imagine,

disagreements suddenly soon started piling up, and the school caught on to his little American scheme. Don't forget how taboo gambling is in this world, which is a very good point. You can't really gamble in the US either, really, outside of the casinos and stuff. I never understand sports books and stuff, where you can kind of, you know... Yeah, you can't gamble online in the US either, really. Outside of the casinos and stuff. I never understand sports books and stuff, where you can kind of...

Yeah, you can't gamble online in the US. I think it's illegal. Really? Yeah. So outside of... So like they just... Well, New Jersey, Atlantic City, Vegas, outside of those places,

it's very, very difficult to put a bet on. It's not part of the culture like it is here. Buy a lottery ticket, though, can't you? Yeah, you can. So yeah, obviously, gambling's very taboo in that part of the world. They promptly removed the ball table and suspended him and the rest of us were left with nothing

to do during a breakdown. What an idiot! Since I believe I'm the first Arab emailer, that can't be true, surely. I don't think so. I figure I could add an untranslatable phrase. Now this is kind of the reason why I include this email because I like it a lot.

Taberni, or taberni. It translates to the equivalent of you bury me, but it's an expression of love that's so deep that it would last beyond the grave. So if you want to say it to your loved one, you bury me. It sounds like it would work here. I wouldn't say that to my wife. You bury me.

Also, we call cotton candy... Girl's hair. This is very anemic, isn't it? We don't call it cotton candy. We call it candy floss. Girl's hair. Girl's hair, yeah. Yeah.

So if you feel like visiting Jordan before it falls victim to more Pauls, feel free to get in touch. They're everywhere, Pauls. They are everywhere. We're sleeping on Bashar's floor when we get to Jordan. So there we go. We have no Pauls working with us, though, do we? No.

No, weirdly enough. Paul Bettany was very good in the TV show. He was the Unabomber. Unabomber? Was he really? Ted Kaczynski is a Unabomber. Yeah, I think that was him. That was very good.

I once interviewed him at Isle of Wight Festival. You interviewed the Unabomber? I interviewed the Unabomber at the Isle of Wight Festival. I interviewed him at the Isle of Wight Festival, and he was a bit of a silly. Okay. He was very drunk. But that's, I mean, that is very, very hypocritical of you saying that.

No. Half the interview you do, you're drunk. When you are told by five different PRs, you're not allowed to mention the fact that you used to go out with fucking Billy, right? I don't care. I don't. Like, being told something you don't care about. Can you not mention this? Can you not mention that? Mate, I don't care. I don't. Like, being told something you don't care about. Can you not mention this?

I don't care. I'm not going to ask about some frivolous fraff from the world of celebrity. I don't care, mate. I'm about rock and roll. Talk to me about guitar pedals, Paul Bettany. Paul Bettany was married to Jennifer Connelly, right? Oh, was he? Yeah. Right. He's done very well. He's done very well for himself,

though. What? Was he the guy who played the albino in The Da Vinci Code? Yes. Yeah, okay. Yeah, he was made for Jennifer Connelly, I think. He was the guy who... He had one of those braces that... A salise belt.

A salise belt. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Dangerous stuff. Shall we hit a quick ad break and then come back? Oh, good idea. I forgot about the ad break.

Lovely old job. Okay, Luke. Don't conge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. We're back, baby. Yes, we are back. And I want to talk to you, Pete, about an email we received from...

Personal hygiene. No, we haven't got time for that. Jack, this is from Jack. He says, hi, chaps. I just read a book called The Omnivore's Dilemma. And he said, I looked into having some rabbit as it's a nice environmentally friendly way to eat meat. Now I looked into The Omnivore's Dilemma and it's quite interesting.

I might read it. It's a non-fiction book about the food industry. So what, rabbits are just kind of like running around? Because we don't farm rabbits quite so much, do we? I've not read the book, i i imagine it's he probably comes to a conclusion that maybe rabbit is the most environmentally friendly meat to eat or something like that okay and he says but in my half-assed research i came across a case of a lonely isolated arctic explorers um that kept mysteriously dying of malnutrition even though they were eating

a healthy diet of arctic wildlife right so arctic hairs they figured out the only uh really ate wild hair and rabbits and um because they are such a pure meat that don't can really contain any minerals or vitamins it's literally just protein and carbohydrates it meant they died of malnutrition um and i looked this up and um eating only rabbit can lead to a thing called rabbit starvation or sometimes, depending on what part of the world you're in, caribou starvation because that type of meat is very lean and doesn't contain any nutrients or fat, just protein. Wow, so people who bodybuild should be eating that all the time,

lots of rabbit. You would know, mate. Look at you, you're buff. Mate, Guns All Tuesday. It surprises me to hear that because in my layman's understanding of, of, of Arctic wildlife, you'd think they'd have good layers of fat to keep themselves warm. Yeah. But apparently not.

Well, I mean, but the fat itself, I mean, that's, I mean, that's just protein, isn't it? Fat is still protein, isn't it? Mate, I mean, isn't it? No. What is it then? I don't know, but it's not that. It's made of protein, isn't it?

It's all protein. We're all made of protein, aren't we? We're going to get a load of emails on it then? I don't know, but it's not that. It's made of protein, isn't it? It's all protein. We're all made of protein, aren't we? We're going to get a load of emails on that. Can we say protein again? We're going to get a load of emails on that. I had a lovely rabbit leg in an Italian restaurant the other week. Beautiful. We don't eat enough rabbit.

I remember eating a lot of it when I was a kid. My dad would occasionally come home from the pub, and he'd have a rabbit. There we go. He'd have a rabbit under his arm and we'd eat it and they never could get rid of all the lead shot

I'd always be chomping on bloody lead which is not something a child should be eating I'd be crunching away at

bloody lead it's not it really is groom up northern it's no wonder my teeth are in a state did your parents

ever put 20 pence pieces in the Christmas pudding we never had Christmas pudding. Why? I don't know. Why are you saying it like that?

We just never had one. We rarely had turkey, to be honest. It was weird shit like pork. Or rabbit. Or rabbit. My nan used to put 20 pence pieces wrapped in tinfoil into the Christmas pudding. Right. And then she used to quite sweetly make sure that me and my sister got all the 20-patch pieces oh that's nice and then i

used to play uh my cat my uh all the men in my family at cards and gamble with them and lose because the menfolk in my family when no wind near is nice my nan used to um when she used to have like a kind of seven up or something um from the milkman um the uh she would, if she was half finished it, instead of like using cling film to cover up the hole in the can, because the can was metal, I thought it was really adorable

that she used to use tinfoil. What, you'd put cling film over the top of a can? Well, basically, she was stopping it from losing its fizz or stopping it from the air. Get it.

Because she was my nan. She only drinks half a can of 7-Up. So I want to go up my dead nan. Get a little can. Get a little flip side on from Woolworths. Get the stoppies.

She used to put tinfoil over it. She used to put tinfoil over it because she kind of figured that it was the same material as what the can was made of. I suppose so.

I thought it was kind of adorable. I suppose so, yeah. Speaking of cans, this is really tangential even for us. I know how much you hate the craft beer revolution, Pete. I think I'd better keep my own counsel on how I feel about going into a brew dog,

sitting down and watching men dragging in their poor girlfriends and sitting them down and talking about nothing but how hoppy a fucking beer is. They're not interested. I'm not interested. And I would also extend that to any potential sponsors. I'm joking. I'm joking. Everything's cool.

I love Craft Ale. Mmm, delicious Craft Ale. It's not the Craft Ale. It's not the drink itself. It's the people who fucking love it. It drives me wild. There was one called fucking... What was it called?

Can I please just get to the point? No. That hooded one that I got annoyed about on Twitter. I'm not getting into it. The peanut butter stout. I'm not getting into it. It's got a fucking clan hood on it. And they're sort of saying,

oh, you know, it's two fingers up to have a fucking yellow belly stop swearing no I'm angry two fingers up to the clueless clan make a donation to a BME charity then

you pricks the point I was going to make feels like it's a bit irrelevant now what I like Craftdale the point I was going to make is so like tepid and so like irrelevant that

I'm probably I mean I am still going to make it and it waspid and so like irrelevant that um that i'll probably i mean i am still going to make it um and it was that i went to a pub and bought a couple of cans of craft ale yeah and i thought it was really irresponsible that they because they're trying to be fair and in many ways it taps into what you're saying they're trying to be trendy they're trying to be cool trying to be a bit different they served up the can in an old-fashioned type can where you pull the ring pull-off, which is horrendous for the environment. And I was under the impression

you weren't even allowed to do that anymore. And it made me not want to drink the beer, but I'd already paid for it, so I did. But, I mean, that shouldn't be... In the interest of just trying to be a bit wacky, you shouldn't be able to be like that. I don't think that's too far for me. I've got no problem with the like that. I think that's too far for me. Very strange.

I've got no problem with the clanhood. I'm just joking. But that's the level of ire I had for it. Yours is probably a bit more noble. But anyway, it struck me as surprising. Very, very strange. And I don't want any emails about it. I had a running argument with the Craftdale Neckbeards on Twitter for quite a while.

You did. It's not their fault. Pete, you don't understand. It's a really nice drink. I don't give a shit, mate. You shouldn't. Just because you can't grow a neckbeards on Twitter for quite a while. You did. It's not their fault. Pete, you don't understand. It's a really nice drink. I don't give a shit, mate. You shouldn't. Just because you can't grow a neckbeard,

you shouldn't be criticising people who can. It's the only beard I can grow. Are you going to bleep out of that swearing or are you going to just leave it in? I think...

See how busy you are. See how busy you are, yeah. See what you've got on. I'll check who's sponsoring the show this week and then see if that piece even makes it in. Well, we haven't got time

to do the last two bits now because you've gone on a rant. To be fair, it's partly my fault because I thought, how can I skirt around this without setting you off? Don't bring up... I wasn't able to.

I should have just said beer. I should have just said a beer. I should have said that word. Drop a beer. Yeah, it's a particular ring pull on it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to put that in the notes

for this synopsis, though. There we go. Sponsored by Yellow Belly, the Lucan Peach Show. I'm sure they put that in the notes for this synopsis. There we go. Sponsored by Yellowbelly. The Luke and Pete show. I'm sure they're lovely chaps. They put a beer out with a clan hood on it. All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Oh, the blog's black.

I don't give a shit. Right. Shall we get out of here? Yes. Listen, Pete. In the very, very small percentage chance that not every single listener has turned off by now, let's go. We'll see you on Thursday. We'll do Menkata next week, yeah? Yeah, we small percentage chance that not every single listener has turned off by now. Let's go. We'll see you on Thursday. We'll do Men Carter

next week, yeah? Yeah, we'll keep saying that. We've been promising so many Men Carters. We'll keep saying that. Somebody made a new jingle for us as well. Did they?

Yeah, I've got it. Listen to it next time. Yeah, all right. Outro Music