The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 49: Watching Teletubbies from a test tube

Episode Date: March 26, 2018

We are absolutely delighted to be back in your ears for another week, and we celebrate that fact with an astonishing reveal about another version of Mencarta that exists elsewhere, a truly remarkable story around IVF treatment, another Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby-related horror story and much more.Elsewhere we hear about possibly the most resourceful Inuit ever, and get a much-overdue update on Luke's new kitchen. Something for everyone, then.To get a missive to us, it's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Monday. Have you remembered all the things that you needed for the office? Have you got everything in the bag? Have you got your inhaler? Have you got your wallet? Have you got your keys? Have you got those brownies you promised to make every weekend for the last three months? Exactly. Oh, they've got a bake-off today. It's bake-off in the office, guys. Make sure

you bring all your treats. Is it mufti day and you're wearing your proper work clothes? That's only on Friday. Oh, yeah. I'm so out of touch. Only ever on Friday. How are you more in touch than me? I know. Welcome to Luke and Pete's show, episode 49. We're heading for the big 5-0 when life begins.

Yes, it does. And that's Pete Donson, and I'm, of course, Luke Moore. It doesn't matter. We're just voices in people's ears. If you've chosen to listen to it, you're going to listen to it regardless. It's true. So I've rebranded myself to Dr. Marmaduke. Dr. Marmaduke and the Infinity Kid.

That's me. The Infinity Kid. We sound like wrestlers. We're delighted to have listeners, aren't we? We're delighted to have them here. We're happy, we're lucky, and we're happy-go-lucky, Luke. I think whether it's your first episode or your 49th, you are very welcome.

It's time to switch off the world and snuggle into Luke and Pete and the collective warmth of our bosom. Some people have gone back and listened to the entirety of our oeuvre, which is, I guess, easier to do now. The show's slightly shorter, but there are two of them. So in essence, we're doing more content than ever before. Yeah. So I'm not sure what to make of that.

You sound resentful. Just tired. Yeah, fair enough. Resentful that I'm even here, to be honest. But we like to try and understand the world together with the listeners helping us because we don't have the intelligence level required to solve any

mystery at all. Is that fair? Yeah. And I'm too busy to Google things. Okay. And the thing is, Pete, as we've discussed before these days, it doesn't matter how good you are at the old Google. Listen, I could Google, but it doesn't mean anything because, you know what? My keys are more clicky.

They are, actually. Yeah, they are. But you know what? It doesn't matter, Pete. And listeners tuning into this will be familiar with what I'm about to say. What's real on the internet and what isn't anymore? We don't know, do we? More things I've got to worry about.

Cambridge Analytica. I've got to worry about that now. You know what that Alexander Nix guy from Cambridge Analytica has got to worry about. Cambridge Analytica. I've got to worry about that now. You know what that Alexander Nix guy from Cambridge Analytica has got to worry about most? What? He looks like a five years older than you, you. Is that the whistleblower? No, the guy with the glasses and the floppy hair.

No, no. The guy running things. No. He looks like you. I'd rather look like the whistleblower, who looks like emo never happened. He looks like an emo Kevin Peterson, the cricketer. That whistleblower is everywhere like emo never happened he looks like an emo kevin peterson the cricketer that whistleblower is everywhere now at the moment like he's on a million different shows

a million different podcasts i think he's overexposed luke in a million different ways bit rich hi pete if you could be first two questions a two-pronged question if you could be a whistleblower just yes or no would you like to be one? No, because whatever I say, people have got more stories on me, I'd say. Problem, isn't it? Yeah. If you were forced... I'm not squeaky clean enough.

In a sort of, you know, in a situation where you were forced to blow a whistle... Yeah. ...because of problems with your own safety, if you didn't do it, what sort of secret... Passage would I take? No, no, what secret would you like to unveil? It's a tough question, I know.

Luke has got his willy out in front of me on more than one occasion for no good reason. Outrageous. Why is that outrageous? In the toilet. I'm not going to wee my pants, am I? No. You popped it on my shoulder once.

That was out of order. Right. This is taking a turn already. Well, don't. I'm the whistleblower. This is backfiring in a spectacular fashion. And a very different blow to the one you wanted, clearly. But Marcus said, screamed, it's on you, it's on you.

And it was on me. The correct term is blow jaw. Blow jaw? What? Blow jaw, whatever it is. Blow jaw, yeah, blow jaw. Have we spoken about that? Yeah, I can't understand your accent. I didn't know whether you were saying Blow Joe or Blow Jaw. Oh, nobody has a Blow Jaw.

That sounds like a vice. But the jaw is involved, so that's why I was confused. The jaw is involved. Where does the Joe come from? Cup of tea afterwards. Yeah, fair enough. Cup of Joe. Cup of Joe.

Last week we talked about lots of things. Yeah, spin. Oh. Not yet. This is last week. Oh, sorry. It's okay. You can do another one in a minute.

Somebody was asking on Twitter. A lad was asking on twitter he was saying where's where's it's been come from I was like oh you're in for a treat imagine never hearing

the bare naked ladies one week I thought you should have said you made it up it's my own work you can do it it's been in a minute

I was just going to give people a little praise of last week in case they've tuned in for the first time or they can't remember. And also to remind you as well, Pete, because you are famously about remembering things. You can't say it. Yeah, I can't even fucking say it.

Last week, Ken Dodd and a couple of other people, Jim Bowen and Stephen Hawking, sadly passed away. We talked about that. We talked about emus and Paul Gascoigne. And we talked about go-karts um you went off piste and went on another rant but this time about childbirth and also there was talk of sleep paralysis and um oh and the amazing revelation that you invited a strange older man around to your house to teach you japanese who turned up once and never came back. Yeah, he got

me money and he actually accused me of not giving him enough money. And I said, no, wait, it's very much, it's what I did. That's nothing, I mean, in your case, there's no way that would be true because you chuck out money like nobody's business to everyone all the time. So I

don't believe that you would be penny pinching. Delvern, his name was. Was he Japanese? No no the man who asked what uh it's been jingle but i i've just realized i was very sleepy and i've replied to uh i replied to him uh with the link to bare naked ladies one week from 2005 that's not right 2005 is it must be a reissue youtube's a bit funny that uh and i've called him Delvin. So, apology Delvone. Yeah,

Delvone. What an idiot. What an idiot I am. You've experienced a full gamut of Pete Donaldson activity there. Yeah. Give me an it's been for this week then. It's been. That was good.

The kitchen is finished in my house. The kitchen is finished in your house. Yeah. Someone was having a go at your shirt being unironed. Yeah. Disironed. Yeah. Non-iron and you was like and you were very um well i'm gonna say defensive that you started saying well you know i didn't have an iron so i couldn't iron my shirt my problem it

was under my jumper actually as you will hopefully agree um i don't tend to get involved on twitter much anymore i used to be quite punchy on it but now i don't really do anything other than retweet stuff or or um yeah what we're doing i'll talk about things we're doing in terms of shows and stuff but um the reason i i replied to that is purely because um it's a good example of someone sort of making a sort of snap judgment on on you and i know we're all out there to be judged and that's fine we do what we do and i get that but making a snap judgment on you without knowing anything about the situation you're you're in at that time.

And I thought, you know what, it might teach me a bit of a lesson to be not so judgmental because the reason I didn't iron my shirt is because one, I had to put a jumper over the top of it because two, I can't wash any clothes at the moment because there's builders in my house and I can't get access to the washing machine,

let alone the iron or the ironing board. So it's tough titty. I'm going to use a phrase that you use quite a lot. It's good you're not bothered about it. No, I'm not. I wasn't bothered about it until you brought it up again. But anyway, the kitchen's almost done. There's a thin layer of dust on everything in the house.

Oh, that is annoying, isn't it? I keep finding new surfaces that have got dust on it from a bathroom that was fitted about six months ago. Right, yeah, it's terrible. I was like, where's that come from? So my theory about dishwashers is that they're never fully new and fully operational, purely because when you get a new dishwasher fixed

as part of a new kitchen, there's so much dust everywhere, you've then got to put every single bit of cutlery and crockery you own through the dishwasher, which wears the dishwasher out by the time it's done, and you're back to where you started again. Yeah, I mean, Luke,

I've not lived in houses with a lot of dishwashers, I must admit. So to anyone who hasn't either, your little message about dishwashers. There aren't that many people around who haven't got dishwashers. Shut up, Luke. I would say... Students, and that's it. 25% of people have dishwashers in the developed nation.

25%. In the developed nation? Are you including the North East in that? I think I've had one dishwasher in my life. Have you got one now? No. God, no.

I've seen my kitchen. It's tiny. You only eat takeaways anyway. Yeah, massively. I live in the bloody centre of town. I don't need to. Matt Potter

has pointed out that Men Carter Men Carter.com spelled with a K is a place where you can find gay meeting places. Yeah, I heard about this. Yeah, but isn't that incredible? Mencarter is like, I had no idea.

I should have Googled it, really. It kind of makes sense, though. Yeah. Bless you. And it sounds about right, doesn't it? I mean, thinking about it. Well, it works. The name works, doesn't it?

Hugely. It's like an encyclopedia of, you know, a way to pick up guys. And actually some proper old school kind of, you know, meeting places. Like? I'm not going to go into it. Okay.

Dungeons. Are you suggesting a change of name? Surely not. God, no. I'm keeping it in Carter, right? Yeah, because I've come very attached to it. No, I'm talking um uh theme change field trip exactly yeah all right reviews reviews um anything else from everyone before before we get

into emails i also just want to quickly say that um i am going to see guitar wolf tonight who are a excellent bloody excellent japanese uh garage punk band. And had I realised that this would be good material for the show, because you like Japanese things, I would have invited you along, but you'd have been working anyway, right? I,

yeah, I would have been. Yeah. I'm doing a screening of my Kasumu Kenya documentary, so... Are you?

I'm going to be talking about... BFI, is it? The Kitchen at Absolute Radio. Okay. Is it really it's a nice kitchen and absolute radio to be fair

it's big it's where they do all the gigs the Mannix are in there only a few days ago playing a little session so who's invited along to your screening

I don't really know they just said can you turn up here and I was like that's all I need are you going to have to do a talk probably I'm on

I'm probably going to have to talk about my experiences I've forgotten most of them I can only think about that waiter hitting the hippo in the face. With a tray.

With a tray. And that's one of the funniest things you ever said to me. You saw a waiter hit a hippo in the face with a metal tea tray. And the thing you took away from it was you said to me, I'm never going to hear that sound again. No. I should have sampled it. Could have given the shot in the arm that hip hop sorely needs.

What did it sound like? Give us an example. It was like a door bang. Did it echo? It was like a dinner gong, but flat. Okay, so there's no echo. No. Maybe it's like a duck's clack.

Do you think you could replicate it? Well, so I'd need a bin bag full of cushions, I think. No, a bin bag full of old jerky. Of flesh. Flesh, bag full of old jerky flesh flesh yeah just heavy jerky if you bought say

10 or 15 decent sized steaks and put them in a sort of in a cellophane because it wouldn't be as plasticky and rustly

then hit that with a tea tray no you'd need you'd need the hard you know the skull wouldn't you you'd need something oh so it hit the bone?

You'd need the skull behind it to give it the depth. And what was the tea tray? It was like a silver tea tray. Yeah, very standard tea tray. Sorry, I'm looking at the middle distance. I'm right back. So that's going to be mainly my talk about my time in Kasumu. The hippo was unharmed.

The hippo was unharmed. The hippo was unharmed. It's a hippo. I mean, you could go to town for weeks with a tray and it would never even feel it. Put it off going into the cafe. It did put it off. I think it was just going, that's an interesting sound.

I'm going back. I must go back to my DIY sampling shed. So you're given a... Oh, can you do that again? I didn't press play. Didn't press record. So you're going to give a talk tonight. Have you're given a... Oh, can you do that again? I didn't press play. I didn't press record. So you're going to give a talk tonight. Have you dusted off...

One thing that long-term listeners to the show will be wondering, Pete, ahead of you giving a talk, a public speech, essentially, have you dusted off your goodness me? Goodness me! My filling sounds...

When you can't think of anything to say, you normally say goodness me. Yeah, I listened back to Rethel Me the podcast about wrestling and I noticed that there was a page change

about four episodes in I stopped saying what I would say is yeah you said that a lot you and Gary Neville it gives me a bit of time to think and I've changed it

to something else I've just replaced it with something else what is it I don't know what it is now oh okay well never mind if you do think of it

let us know because I find it very endearing that you say that. That's cassowary. Oh, cassowary, yes. Cassowary was the emu-like bird that I was trying to find last week. Murray James got in touch with that, didn't he? Murray James got in touch. God bless him.

Liam Johnson as well. Excessively vicious fuckers found in Australia, says Liam. Well, every animal in Australia is essentially going to kill you. Like, going to Australia is like playing Super Mario World in real life. Everything you touch kills you. Yeah, massively. And stamping on the heads doesn't always work.

The first thing you touch makes you really small and the second one you die. It's such a weird... What I like about Australia is that, you know, the Brits went all over there and fucked things up, as they always do. But, like But we're not historically a hardy bunch.

We like our cups of tea. And we get sunburned. Yeah, we get sunburned. We've got the hottest place where all the snakes are and where all the dangerous spiders are. You know how many people

died before we got shit together? Lots. Yeah. I guess that's how the species progresses. But you know, when I was in Australia last,

a long time ago now, I was waiting at a bus stop and i was doing a bit of backpacking so there were me and a few mates and there were some backpacks lying around at the bus stop we're waiting for this coach to come along take us somewhere else and um no word of a lie i looked down and the most gigantic spider i've ever seen was on this backpack and it was a huntsman spider i don't think they're dangerous but obviously I didn't know that at the time because it's 2003 so you don't know

anything about anything. You can't just flip out your phone on Wikipedia. I didn't even have a mobile phone and I was like fucking hell. That is the biggest spider.

It was honestly the size of I don't know the size of your face I would say. Well that's the thing with big spiders that it's like you're going why aren't you a fucking tarantula? Why aren't you I don't know, like the size of your face, I would say. Well, that's the thing with big spiders. It's like you're going, why aren't you a fucking tarantula?

Why aren't you a big, thick-legged, muscular tarantula? Why are you just a really fat-bodied lightbulb thing? What is your sort of take on spiders? Are they something that you don't particularly like? I don't mind them. When I say spider, it makes me a little bit happy. What about the... Moths, on the other hand.

We could do a whole separate podcast about my feelings on fucking moths. Yeah, they're made of sand. I hate them so much. The largest spider in the world is the Goliath bird-eating spider in terms of the heaviness of it. Does it eat birds?

Small birds, yeah. Shit. Yeah. Serious, isn't it? Shit. I'm going to Google that while you start your chat. And the huntsman spider,

I think, is the largest by diameter. So it would have been, I don't know if the one I saw was a particularly big example, but they are big. It's a crab. I know.

They are big. Jesus. They are big. And one of the also most bizarre animals I think I've ever seen. I didn't see it in the flesh, but I know they can be native to where I was. I was in

the Cook Islands once, in the South Pacific, and they have coconut crabs there. Have you seen the size of a coconut crab? No, but I'm about to. Yeah, Google image that. Coconut crab. They're so big, to give people listening a perspective, they're so big. Oh my god, that looks like a lobster.

Look how big it is. I reckon you could eat that. Oh, you probably can. They're probably very tasty, but they're so big you can actually hear them walking. That Look how big it is. I reckon you could eat that. Oh, you probably can. They're probably very tasty, but they're so big you can actually hear them walking. That's how big they are. And that is a perishing thought. Oh, sorry, coconut crab.

It is a crab. Sorry. Yeah, it's a crab, yeah. Sorry, I thought you meant spider. How is that a spider? It's gone hard. Yeah, it's a calcified spider. It's a petrified spider.

It's as big as a bin. Yeah, no, it is literally as big. The famous photo of one online with the size of almost like a dustbin, which is crazy. But anyway, should we do emails? Let's do emails. Do a little break first?

Let's have a little breaky break. Breaky, breaky, break. Sponsored by KitKat. I thought I'd do the full one. Yeah, that's much better. It gives us a little breather, doesn't it? Because the break is as much for us as it is for you listening at home. I think so.

Can I get a quick shout-out for Charlie Harris? I think I might have messaged before. Charlie, it could be a hero or a she. I'm not clicking on the picture. My host at my Airbnb in Nagoya had plastic wrapped my TV remote, thus preventing me from checking

the battery brand. A crime against all battery connoisseurs. Look what they've done. They've wrapped, they've shrink-wrapped the remote control for the television

to maintain freshness or something. Charlie needs to get a penknife out and pop that bad boy open. Oh, imagine going through all that cellophane and just finding

a pair of standard common or garden Duracells in there. It'd be disappointing. That would disrespectful. Oh, imagine going through all that cellophane and then just finding a pair of standard common or garden Duracells in there. It'd be disappointing. That would be upsetting. I want to do an email first up, if you don't mind, from John in Edinburgh.

Right, okay, yeah. This is a really fantastic... The quality of the emails have stepped up again. It's an even better batch than we've ever had before and that is saying something because you guys are fantastic.

Fan-bloody-tastic. And we're really just the mouthpieces for all your excellent stories so thank you for that but john in edinburgh hello to you john he says hello chaps i come to you with a claim to fame an anecdote a couple of questions and a vata industrial alkaline battery that i found in my tv zapper i like that he's called a tv zapper i like that he's giving us so much stuff battery brand couple of questions and an anecdote strap yourself, strap yourself in. My dad calls it the bonger.

The what, sorry? He calls it a bonger. Bonger? B-O-N-G-E-R. It's a TV remote. Why is it that? I don't know. That's the bonger.

Yeah, he does say that. He just reminded me of my dad when you said that. That's so weird. There we go. He says, this starts off pretty interesting, right? Check this out.

John says, as the first baby in the history of history to be successfully conceived using the IVF technique known as assisted hatching. Assisted hatching. I have worked my status as a bona fide medical marvel into every conversation possible since my miraculous birth. It's good to see it hasn't given you a Christ-like complex, John.

Do you want a quick pressy of assisted hatching? From you. I'm going to read it out. I'm going to read it out from the internet and then I'm going to and you're going to go, I don't know what that is. Assisted hatching is a newer lab technique that was developed when fertility experts observed that the embryos with a thin zona pellucida

had a higher rate of implantation during IVF. With assisted hatching, and embryologist uses micromanipulation under a microscope to create a small hole in the zona pellucida. I thought that was what it was, yeah. Fucking about with a pellucida, innit? Always.

That's what they're always doing, that. That's what I've always said about John. He's alright for a lad who had his pellucida fucked about with. I agree, yeah. Considering that, yeah. John goes on to say, thanks for that update, Peter. John goes on to say, thanks for that update, Peter.

John goes on to say, a few months ago, my girlfriend and I were discussing what we thought our first true memories were. I told her that mine was watching Teletubbies in a large, ornate room, which my mother had said

was most likely at the IVF clinic. She returned for several cycles of treatment after I was born. My girlfriend looked amazed and said, to think that we can even form memories from before we are born. Incredible. Alarm bells. Wow. after a couple of minutes interrogation i discovered that my girlfriend thought i had been grown to full gestation from egg to infant in a laboratory

leaving my mother free to do all the smoking booze and heavy lifting her heart desired supposedly i had not been watching telly tubbies as a three-year-old while sat in a creche but in fact as i floated in my test tube on a sterilized lab bench the scientists must she assumed have put on some entertainment for all of us unborn babies bobbing happily away in our cabinet my girlfriend was and is 25 years old wow so what these are the two questions it's a great story and these are the two questions off the back of it. Number one, John asks, what are your first organic memories? And number two, what is the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say? John, that's naughty. Well, it's his girlfriend.

He's thrown her under a bus there. He doesn't own her. He doesn't, no. He purports to love her. He doesn't name her, though. No. And to be fair, there's probably quite a lot of John in Edinburgh, especially ones who have been conceived by assisted hatching and ivf so you can't narrow it down number one

pete and what is your first organic memory and i'll be totally honest here between me and the listeners we've got high hopes for this one fourth birthday a woman at nursery saying you need to do up your buttons yourself now because you're four and that's my first memory that's very cute it's i remember looking down it was a duffel court and that's my first memory. That's very cute. How quaint. I remember looking down it was a duffel court and that's my first memory. That is so quaint. I mean I probably had

ones before that but it's the only one I can kind of date I think it's first date. Well it's easy to date obviously given the circumstances. Mine would be being stung by a bee

in the back garden on my hand and running in crying to my mum and holding my hand out and I remember her looking down on me and there were blue tiles

in the background on the wall of the kitchen and my mum said she thinks I was about two and a half when it happened but she can't remember but apparently

a lot of first memories that people insist they have are just like they've looked at photographs all their life and they feel like they can remember it but it's not actually the case

I remember it was probably around that time the Seacole wagon smashed at the back of our house Seacole I think we the back of our house. Seacole, I think we spoke about it on the show before.

No, we haven't. Well, coal seems out to sea. Coal comes in in little kind of fragments and a man with very little training can just go to Hartlepool Beach and just scoop up the Seacole and put it in the back of his van and filter it and sell it on as really crappy coal. And people did this as a job?

A lot of people did this all the time, yeah. So a lot of Hartlepool beaches are just black, basically, because it's all sea coal just coming back in. And then someone drove one of the vans into your house? Yeah, he was pissed out of his mind. My God, how old were you? I think I might have been in my threes, you know, but I remember it happening,

so maybe that was my first organic memory, but as I said, I couldn't date it. Have you asked Stuart about it? We were in the newspaper, I seem to recall, which I think was a national paper, but I'm almost certain it was like the Northern Echo or maybe just the Hartlepool Mail. What does your dad think about it, Stuart?

Well, he wasn't best pleased at having to spend money to rebuild the back of the house. No, that much? That's unbelievable. It was a proper spend money to rebuild the back of the house. No, that's unbelievable. It was a proper lorry smashed at the back of our house. We could have been badly hurt. Was the back of the house directly on the roadside there? Yeah, it was like a terraced house. We were in an end terraced house.

Do your parents still live there now? No. No, it was further knocked down later on. You dodged a bullet, well, a lorry there. Dodged a lorry there. Yeah, apparently the guy was drunk. Amazing. She called. Well, a lorry there. Dodged a lorry there. Yeah, apparently the guy was drunk. Amazing. She called.

Well, I hope he was punished accordingly. Second, what is the stupidest thing you've ever heard anyone say? I don't know. I remember Scratch and Sniff. My sister thought that you could scratch the telly and sniff the telly. That was pretty silly. Was this recently? She's a mother now.

I'm going to see Emma at the weekend. I'm very, very pleased. That'll be nice. Very, very pleased. That will be really nice. I love spending time with my niece. Anyway, I was at a party once. She's 25.

I was at a party once and someone said something which quickly informed everyone that they thought the moon was just the night version of the sun. What? Hang on. What, you what?

I was at a party chatting to some people and there was someone there who made a comment. I can't remember the exact comment, but it rapidly transpired that she thought that the moon and the sun were the same thing. And the moon was basically just the the same thing and the moon was basically the name for the nighttime sun basically nighttime i mean what a nice idea isn't it well the reason i think it's not perhaps as stupid as you would think initially is because um it's a weird

coincidence of the solar system that the sun is 400 times larger than the moon but it is also roughly 400 times further away hence you get a perfect eclipse yeah it's a weird little coincidence that actually they do appear the same size a lot of the time

so that's basically where it came from but beyond that I can't give her any I think it's rather adorable why wasn't there a moon in Teletubbies the

aforementioned Teletubbies I don't remember anything about Teletubbies I think I was too old um the girl grew up and she's at university now but

she's got the same kind of face well the baby appeared in the sun yeah the baby in the sun and did one of them die was it Tinky Winky Pete I don't know

anything about it no this is a recent news story one of the Teletubbies died unfortunately unfortunately I do think a load of kids

in a test tube kind of bobbing around watching Teletubbies is such an adorable image I'm finding it very hard to make it leave my head It is almost like quite futuristic but for some reason not that

horrific because most of the scientific technology and development you think of as being quite dystopian but that seems quite quaint really One more thing actually before we move on to the next email. I once also heard someone say about a flat tyre, it's not that bad.

It's only flat on the bottom. Oh, that's adorable as well. Some of these things are rather adorable. I'm enjoying that immensely. Do you want an email from Matt Loveridge? Yes. Hello, Matt Loveridge. Apologies for the rushed email,

but literally nobody has enough time to go into the subject further. Having visited Blobbyland in Somerset as opposed to the Markham Crinkly Bottom several times as a child. And then after it reverted back to Cricket St. Thomas. So it was Cricket St. Thomas at the start. Then it became Blobbyland, the aforementioned Crinkly Bottom slash Mr. Blobby tie-in theme park. I now consider myself au fait with the doomed venture. As recently as only 10 years ago,

you could still ride around the now wildlife park on a small train to view the animals briefly passing through tunnels still full of peeling yellow and pink paint and the wire skeletons of the now rotted blobby children. Oh my goodness. Up there with the elephant's foot when it comes to frightening things. Speaking of elephants, though, the story my friends and I knew

about the closure was a bit of a humdinger. I've tried to verify it, and the timeline works. There was a little thread on zoochat.com. I'm not going to besmirch the good name of the people who planned Mr. Blobby well, but there were elephants in situ, and they certainly were not happy in the actual... I think it's after Mr. Blobby Land happened, basically. Well, they just left them there.

They just left them there. Right. Terrible. And basically, this zoochat.com is like a forum of people chatting about the wildlife park that came after Mr. Blobby World. And apparently three elephants died either at or just after leaving the park, one of which was euthanized with a shotgun. Now, I was thinking, how do you euthanize an elephant?

A shotgun is probably the best way to do it. We heard about the electrocution and hanging of an elephant once, didn't we, in the US. It's awful, this. This is awful. What do you mean? Well, you know, Mr. Blobywell, that's what you get. Lethal injection.

How much drugs would you have to acquire? Well, neither of us know. A lot. Ironically. To kill an elephant. Ironically, you don't know. To kill an elephant. Yeah.

That's insane. Yeah. And to be honest, if you're using that amount of chemicals, that would probably have an environmental problem. So shock to the head how would you euthanise an elephant? Shaw at Luke and Pete no wait

hello at lukeandpeachshaw.com doesn't Matt also go on to say that at one point the elephant's pen was situated next to a loudspeaker playing the Mr Blobby song on a loop day in and day out in some sort of weird Guantanamo Bay-esque arrangement yeah that's worse that is a fake worse than death.

That's worse than a shotgun to the temple, isn't it? So, yeah. Terrible. If you want to check it out, zoochat.com. There's a little thread. History of the Elephants at Cricket St. Thomas. Have a look. Can I perhaps venture,

and if you need to bleep this out, you can, because it's one of those shady grey areas about whether I can say it or not. Noel Edmonds probably involved in that. Well, he was involved in it. We can definitely say he's involved, because he was very much the creator slash friend, confidant of Mr. Blobby.

The type of fella that Noel Edmonds unquestionably is, he would have been at the forefront of making those decisions, guaranteed. He was on the television a few weeks ago, wasn't he? I saw it, yeah. And he was just spouting his shit about cancer. Talking about how... Fucking Belen. He didn't regret asking a cancer sufferer

on Twitter whether they thought their own negative outlook on life had contributed to their own disease. Incredible. And not only that, at the point he was hawking some kind of fucking box of electronics or some shit that's supposed to, you know.

The people who prey on cancer sufferers are the worst. I think the worst people on the planet. Like, obscene. Do you know what I say to Noel? What? No deal. That's what I say. Let's move on to more happy subjects. I want

to tell a story which comes from Ben. All right, Ben. Okay. Ben has got a pair of Duracell batteries, but we don't hold that against him because that happens to all of us. They're one of the most popular brands around, as you all know.

Oh, by the way, didn't someone send us an email about there was a scientific test done on the most effective batteries? Did you see that? Oh, yeah. I'll have to dig it out at some point. I've seen the infographic where they made all the batteries long.

Yeah. The longer it was, the better the batteries. And they basically just put different brands of batteries into a completely identical electronic device and worked out how long each one lasted. Didn't Duracell last the longest? I think so. Or Panasonic, maybe?

Israel Putnam has just messaged in the last day, I think. He says, maybe a bit dark for you chaps, but there's an article about the Austin bombing suspect using exotic batteries, and that's kind of how he was caught. Wow. That can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Batteries are far so bad, but also a force for good in finding terrorists.

Batteries don't kill people. Rappers do. Ben, this is a good story from Ben, who, yeah, like I say, has got Duracell batteries. He said, I found this story from Ben who yeah like I say has got Duracell batteries he said I found this story from a TED talk

given in 2003 by Wade Davis who's a leading ethnobotanist and anthropologist an ethnobotanist yeah that's interesting

yeah he sounds like one of those books who justifies racism through do you know through science yeah

well just because it's got the word ethno in it. Ethnobotanist. There's a branch of science which is, I think, called exogeology, which is the study of rocks outside of Earth, which to me is absolutely fascinating.

Say that again. Exogeology is basically any sort of study of rocks which isn't on Earth or comes from Earth. Okay. Which is pretty cool, I think. That is pretty cool, yeah. Anyway. And also,

I mean, it's come from like either, have they brought back some Mars? They must have, surely. Yeah, yeah,

of course they have. So yeah, you've got Mars and Moon. Yeah. Where else could they have gone? Thanks for that valuable contribution.

No, I'm just saying, I mean, there's two places, isn't it, really? No, because it's like

meteors, asteroids, comets, all that kind of stuff. There's loads going on. There's loads going on, mate. I'm not sure if you've heard there's two places, isn't it, really? No, because it's like meteors, asteroids, comets, all that kind of stuff. There's loads going on. There's guys as well. There's loads going on, mate. I'm not sure if you've heard, but the universe is actually quite big.

What do you think about TED Talks? Because I used to think, oh, it'd be great to be like one of those people who does TED Talks one day. I bet you fucking do. Yeah, but that was years ago. That'd be shit. Everyone's got... Yeah, exactly. Everyone does them.

It's like podcasts. You could literally do a TED Talk on podcasts. Of course I could. I'm an expert. Sorry, podcasts. Podcasts. I'm an expert. Of course I could. I'm an expert. Sorry, podcasts. Podcasts. I'm an expert. Of course I could.

Anyway, Ben... Never edits a show. Ben, no. Don't need to. No point. Beneath me. Ben's Wade Davis TED Talk, he said it's probably best known for his... I'm Wade Davis.

I'm a leading ethnobotanist. That's definitely how he speaks. Howdy! Because he's called Wade. I've been to the moon! I'll have to dig out... He hasn't been to the moon. I'll have to dig out a load of village names in Dorset because

when Mimi and I went to Dorset last month you could do this great thing where you find loads of village names and they sound exactly like American fugitives. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So anyway, I'll do that next time. Wade Davis is probably best known for his studies on zombies and voodoo in Haiti,

but he tells this story about a particularly resourceful Inuit elder. This is a good story. These are Wade Davis's words. The Inuit didn't fear the cold. They took advantage of it. During the 1950s, the Canadian government forced the Inuit into settlements. A from arctic bay told me this fantastic story of their grandfather who refused to go the family fearful for his life took away all of his tools and all of his implements

thinking that would force him into the settlement but instead he just slipped out of an igloo on a cold arctic night pulled down his caribou and seal skin trousers and slipped and defecated into his hand that's a statement, isn't it? Yeah. As the feces began to freeze, he shaped it into the form of an implement, and when the blade started to take shape, he put a spray of saliva along the leading edge to sharpen it. That's when what they called the shit knife took form. He used it to butcher a dog, skinned the dog with it,

improvised a sled with the dog's ribcage, and then using the skin, he harnessed up an adjacent living dog. He put the shit knife in his belt and disappeared into the night. That is some MacGyver shit right there. That for me falls under the category of stories on this show, which sits under I don't care if it's true or not. Yeah. Why did he shit in his hand?

Why did he just shit on the floor? It's not going to freeze. Yeah, it would freeze quicker on the floor. Weird. Maybe it'd bury in the snow. He'll dig it out again. Incredible. Good stuff from Ben, that.

Yeah. So next time around, I will find a list of Dorset villages with funny names, and I'll tell you them. Let's do that. Do you want a quick Mankata? Oh, yeah, go on then.

Quick, because I don't have time to go through the whole story, but there is a fan... Unprofessional, isn't it? What do you mean? Are we out of time? No, I don't have time, as in it's a beautifully told story and... You're going to ruin it. And I will absolutely butcher it with my shit knife.

With the shit knife I've got on my tongue. The Luke and Pete show. Butchering stories since 2017. Henry Payne got in touch and it's... Hang on, let me do the jingle for crying out loud.

Where's me men car to jingle? That's not it. Peter. That was the sexy noise. I know. Why have you even got that on there?

Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. And one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope, good morning. That's the other men car noise. Yeah.

That is the way you find men. Hello to Henry Payne, Kia Ora from good lord, I don't know how to pronounce it. Aotearoa. Aotearoa. Which is the Maori way of saying New Zealand. Oh, is it? Yeah.

Just say New Zealand, Henry. And Kia Ora is hello, which when I lived in New Zealand was fantastic because remember that Kia Ora juice you used to have? Yeah. It obviously means hello. Oh no, it was Kia Ora, it was on Bongot's bit race, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah, never mind. I think Kia Ora might have been a little bit as well. Yeah, it was, yeah. I'll be your dog. Yeah. I think, yeah, the kid was... Aotearoa is how it's pronounced, I think.

Aotearoa. Yeah. Okay. After listening to your show last week, your tale of a 64-day-long flight reminded me of a story I read about where a plane in 1941 flew from Auckland to San Francisco, having to take the long way around the world because of the bombing of Pearl Harbour.

Basically, the long story short is that the plane ride in the 40s had to island hop its way down the Pacific, but as it took off on its way, the bombing of Pearl Harbour by the Japanese forced it to go another route. This led to the flight having to fly all the way around through Asia, Europe, the Atlantic and the USA to

ensure it wasn't captured by the enemy. I've added a link below and look forward to many more of your merry tales. Henry Payne. It's amazing this story. Now, I've only read the first two parts of this. The website is lapsedhistorian.com and it's long way around

part one, part two, and part three. And it is insane. It all sort of starts off, a pilot's coming into land, and he gets basically an emergency message, and every pilot at that time had this envelope they had to keep on them at all times. They had to break the seal when they heard this particular message, this particular coded message, open it up,

and in this piece of paper, it basically said, the Japanese have attacked the US territory. You've got to find your own way back, or you've got to go through all of these steps in order not to get captured by the Japanese because the plane that they were in held so many bits of technology that they didn't want to fall into the Japanese's hands. So this pilot had to go right the way around the world,

the wrong way, hiding from the Japanese effectively. It's an amazing story. It's incredible. And actually when they came to land, they'd been in the air for such a long time. As they came to land back in, I think it was... It's LaGuardia. LaGuardia, LaGuardia. I think he sort he came to land back in I think it was it's LaGuardia LaGuardia I think he sort of

came to land sort of I've come from Auckland from the long and we've gone the long way around which is insane but if you try and google

the long way around all you can find is that fucking Charlie Borman Ewan McGregor motorcycle trip and it's very upsetting he's a knob at that

Charlie Borman so lapsedhistorian.com forward slash long way around part one it's fascinating because it's very upsetting. He's a knob at that Charlie. So lapsedhistorian.com forward slash long way around part one. It's fascinating because it's a seaplane not a jet plane because of course there were no jet, I don't think there was widely

available jet engines then even if they'd been invented at all, I'm not sure. So they had to be seaplanes so they could land and refuel and it started off by flying to Pearl Harbour and it flew out of Pearl Harbour just days before the attack in 41. And the story essentially is just them trying to find places to fuel. Yeah.

Because they make it to Auckland. And then they receive the orders to strip all the insignia off the plane and everything. So it's not identifiable. And I don't think Henry mentions it in his email. But they actually end up in Africa for a bit as well. And they end up in the Congo for a bit. And it's essentially a commercial flying boat flying the wrong way around the world, 21,000 miles.

And the thing that really blew my mind about the story is that, of course, one thing I didn't consider until it was mentioned is beyond a certain point in the Pacific, they have absolutely no charts. Right. So one of the things they did in Auckland, they spent a week in Auckland, and one of the pilots, because there were quite big crews on the plane,

one of the crewmen had to go to local libraries and ask if he could borrow the geography textbooks to try and chart their way around the world. Well, there's a world war happening. And they still made it. Yeah, it's incredible. And they sort of talked about the, like he rang his wife, I think, and she sort of said,

oh, you better be home for this time because I've got a cook dinner. He's like, yeah, all right. Yeah, I'll definitely be back. Yeah. 50 days later. Yeah. Hello.

It's crazy. Absolutely amazing story. I really appreciate that from Henry. That's the sort of stuff we love. Yeah, indeed. And then half explained. If you want to get to the show, as always,

hello at lukenpeachshow.com. That's hello at lukenpeachshow.com. Head on up to iTunes, rate, review, tell your friends, tweet about us, you know, the show as always hello at lukeandpeachshow.com that's hello at lukeandpeachshow.com uh head on up to itunes rate review tell your friends tweet about us you know it's a dog eat dog world out there when it comes to podcasts it is and we had a few i had a few people get in touch about a different show saying that why do you always ask to rate and review it's purely because the better you review it the better you rate it if you like the show uh means it gives other people potential listeners a chance to actually find it uh It makes it a lot easier for them.

So it's very helpful for us if you do that. And if you like the show, it'll take you two minutes. And it's not just us going, oh, can you rate a view? Because when I like something, I often don't want anybody else to like it because it's my little niche thing that I like because I'm a deviant. But it's very much,

it's safeguarding the future of the projects. And we also, and we also, even if we do become really popular, we still love all of you out there. It's not like you're not going to lose ownership of us. We'll still be there for you. We'll still have time for you.

We'll still read your emails. We'll still read your emails. We'll still go around your house for a cup of tea if you want them to. No, I won't. All right, that's it. Let's get out of here.

Let's bloody get out of here. We'll see you next week for more fun. Bye.