The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 52: How did Jesus die? No seriously, how did it happen?

Episode Date: April 5, 2018

We realise in this episode that we've sailed through Easter and not even mentioned it, so the start of Episode 52 involves us taking the time to go back over last weekend's festivities. After that, there's a trip down memory lane involving Nirvana and Dave Grohl before it's EMAIL TIME, which this week involves, silly string, GI Joe/Action Man and arguably the funniest 'stupidest things you've ever heard' OF ALL TIME.There's time for a quick Mencarta too, so make sure you listen out for that...Tell us, tell us everything: [e-mail]. We're @lukeandpeteshow on social media too!*Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!* Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Luke, do you know what this robot man's saying in the Luke and Pete show theme? He's sort of going... Is that what you're saying to me? I think so, yeah. I mean, it's clearly a vocoder of some sort, but this guy... Oh yeah, hang on. Let me ask you something. I got this for free, maybe? Wow, you're laughing. You are laughing,

but the song is actually called I Got This. Oh. Oh, laugh on the other side of your face now, Donaldson. I didn't know what the theme was called. I didn't requisition it. No, I did.

I got this for free. I'm the one who rolls my sleeves up around here. I got this for free. There you go. That's going to be the new It's Been. Did we pay for the theme? No.

Yeah, there we go, exactly. That's Pete Donaldson. I'm Luke Moore. This is episode 52 of the Luke and Pete show. It's going to be one of those, is it? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Pete's been on the frozen...

Pete's been on the frozen sausages again. I'm off my face, I'm butt flying sausages. And those of you who listened on Monday will hopefully have recovered from the horrific tale of Mr. Dave Clements,

who is alive and well, I can confirm, and living in Scotland. He could have died in between emails. That email sent last week, Luke, you don't know, man. Anyway, it's Thursday,

you're almost through the week. By the way, it was Easter last week and we didn't mention it. Yes, it was. We didn're almost through the week. By the way, it was Easter last week, and we didn't mention it. Yes, it was. We didn't mention it because we are being disrespectful to a man rising from the dead and going up to another man saying, told you. Told you I'd rise again, dickhead.

Yeah, that's how you know that Jesus was a proper human being, because the first thing he does, as far as my rudimentary understanding of the Bible goes, the first thing he does when he literally comes back from the dead is to go up to someone and go, Thomas, told you I was a fucking son of God, didn't I? I am having...

And that's the first thing I would do, Pete. I'm having a bit of an educational crisis. Okay. When Jesus was killed on the cross, did he rise again after that moment? No, he was buried on the cross and he did he rise again after that moment or no he was

buried in the tomb he was buried in the tomb yeah but was he he rolled away the stone and came out yeah I know but I thought he was buried in a tomb

after he died because he must have died to get buried in a tomb he died for three days and he came back yeah I know but how was he killed in the first instance

on the crucifix alright so we're talking this is the end game yeah are you aware of the story of Jesus Christ I'm really not I went to Catholic Was he killed in the first instance? On the crucifix. All right. So we're talking this is the end game. Yeah. Are you aware of the story of Jesus Christ? I'm really not.

No. I went to Catholic, so I got an A star in religious studies. This is not my area, but it's more my area than yours by the sound of it. As far as I'm aware, he died on the cross. Yeah.

Someone came along and stabbed him in the side with a spear. Yeah, yeah. So I thought the rolling away the stone, because it's not much of a parable. Everyone listen, I think this might be about to get good. Let's just give him enough rope. Let's just give him enough rope, okay? It wasn't a rope.

I'm not going to say anything. It wasn't one of the ropey ones. It was a nearly one. So he got nearly, and then they took him down, put him in the thing, and he rolled away the stone, and then he came out. Bearing in mind that I'm familiar with stories about Caesarea Philippi and the transubstantiation of the Catholic faith and stuff,

but the actual building blocks of the actual story, I'm a little bit, clearly a little bit... He didn't die twice. He died once. He rolled away the stone. Then where did he go? He ascended to heaven. Right. Why is everyone sort of... How is that building a religion on,

how can you build a religion on that? We've got half an hour. We've got half an hour here. Is this what you want to do? I just think it's very low stakes. If he's died and he can roll away the stone, he goes, yeah,

told you, see you later. Yeah. And, and, and, and, and,

and everyone talks about God. And if you're in the Catholic faith, God and Jesus, very much the same thing, if I remember rightly, because of the transubstantiation, I believe. And, yeah, when Jesus goes to heaven, so God's basically saying, I give you my only son. I was like, well, for a bit.

Then you took him back. Yeah, then you took him back. What would you have preferred to have happened? I would have preferred if Jesus pulled a skid, killed a kid, and then hurt his knackers on a dustbin lid. That would have been

a better story and a better way to start a religion. Shall we get into the show? There's not enough time. Let's get Marcus. We should have a little corner

where Marcus from the Football Rambler teaches about Jesus. Yeah. We're not going to do that. We're not going to do that. Listen, everything I planned to talk about for the first part of this show, episode 52,

is now gone to absolute pieces. Memories from Catholic school, I think I'll... Let's not open that Pandora's box but that was that was an interesting start this is episode 52 it's Thursday

you've made it through the week the Easter thing I shouldn't have brought it up I should have known better where do the eggs come in where does the rabbit come in well the eggs symbolise new life shut up

I don't know about the Easter the Easter rabbit Easter bunny not sure but in case my in case our nieces are listening Pete we don't want to ruin their time, so we won't.

Are kids that asked about the Easter bunny? They like the bloody chocolate, don't they? I mean, they like the bloody chocolate,

but I don't think it's as real. Here's one for you. This will be interesting for you. I would argue, in between the tooth fairy and

the Easter bunny, I think they're more asked about the tooth fairy. Yeah. I wrote a letter to my mum as a kid because my

tooth got knocked out at school and I couldn't find it again. So I, on my own, wrote a letter to my mum as a kid because my tooth got knocked out at school and I couldn't find it again. So I, on my own, wrote a letter to, I was only about 16, wrote a letter to my mum saying... My first is in tooth,

but not in truth. Yeah. No, I wrote a letter to the tooth fairy via my mum, who was the tooth fairy's messenger in our house. Sure, yours was the same.

My dad couldn't have been less bothered. I said, can I still have 20p because I did lose a tooth and if you don't believe me you can check the gap but I can't find it

and I can't remember if my mum gave me or not 20p I'm not sure but I was going to say to you very quickly here's a bit of a dilemma

for you right so you know it's quite a famous internet sort of right wing trope where people who are

idiots on the internet go oh why don't um why don't easter eggs have easter on them anymore why are you trying to sort of whitewash our culture why why can't we talk about easter is it because we don't want to offend minorities and all the rest of it which i always assumed was complete nonsense and i saw on twitter last week the build up to easter uh cabri uh replying to a lot of people saying no there is it does Easter. It does say the word Easter on our Easter eggs, blah, blah. Check this out, though. I've got no dog in this fight.

I don't have any interest in Easter at all. I quite like eating loads of food. It's bad for me. That's as far as my relationship with the Easter holiday goes. When I looked at all the Easter eggs I bought for my family, none of them, and I mean none of them, had Easter on them. It's a marketing thing, isn't it? Easter's not cool.

But why are they saying it does? Chocolate eggs. Why are they saying it does? Chocolate eggs. Why are they saying it does? Well, because, I mean, presumably it's someplace on the packaging. It says Easter eggs. No, it says chocolate egg. Right. On the back it says, in very small writing,

in the literal legally required instruction, it says Easter. Is it or is it not on the packet? Yeah, but come on. You know what I'm getting at? Well, no. Well, Easter doesn't sell, but eggs do. You know, Easter's just not a cool word, I'm afraid. Oh, man, coming back from the dead?

It's a brilliant story. Yeah, nobody wants to think about that when they're bloody eating the chocolate, are they? Oh, dead people. No, thanks. All right, fair enough. Well, listen, maybe our list is hello at lukeandpeach.com. Could come up with a solution to that. but LukeandPetra.com could come up with a solution to that.

The fact that a denominational celebration has permeated and penetrated society to such an extent that capitalism has got involved, I think the Christians should be just happy with their work. You know what I mean? We all eat Easter eggs. We all have Christmas. Muslims have Christmas. The Jews have Christmas. We all celebrate Christmas, by and large. We all get a day off. We all have Christmas. Muslims have Christmas. The Jews have Christmas. We all celebrate Christmas, by and large.

We all get a day off. We all enjoy ourselves. So, fuck off, alright? What voice is that? I don't know. It's like a Bernard Manning type of voice. Angry David Attenborough. It sounded a bit like Bernard Manning. Listen, hello at LukeandPeteShow.com if you want to get in touch with us about anything at all, we'd be absolutely delighted to hear from you.

For the next however many minutes it is now, we're going to tell some of your stories. But before we do that, Pete, you better give us a bloody jingle. All right, then. I've deleted some of my jingles. Why? I said why. We've got to leave a space. Talk into the mic. People can hear it then.

We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke. If he feels sad about mum and dad, we'll both look after Luke. It's time for some emails with Pete Dawson and Luke Moore. The Pabst Show. Pete and Pete. That'll be one week when you can't do it.

The Pabst Show, where I just go through Pabst Mears. Results. Why would you need me to do it? Not cancerous, not cancerous. Well done, ladies. Yeah. You carrying on with that? Yeah.

That's how Pat Smear got his name. That's probably quite obvious, isn't it? Yeah. It's not his real name. Good. No, it's not his real name. He was in a band with, who sang? Bloody Carlisle.

Was he? Yeah, the Go-Go's, right? Yeah. Yes. He wasn't in the Go-Go's, was he? He wasn't in the Go-Go's. No, not the Go-Go's right yes he wasn't in the Go-Go's was he no not the Go-Go's what was that punk band

where did he get his start Google Patsmere oh the germs the germs she was in the germs briefly was she really I didn't know that and Patsmere is looking

older and older but he still looks young young old man is he knocking about with the Foo Fighters now yeah he plays with the Foo Fighters

I don't think he even wanted to continue with the Foo Fighters, but Dave Grohl kind of made him. Oh, and they say he's the nicest man in rock. Yeah, he's got a slave guitarist. Holding Pat Smear against his will. He was playing with bloody Nirvana in Life in New York, wasn't he? Yeah, he was, yeah. My favourite piece, well, it's not really a favourite piece of trivia,

but a good piece of trivia about the Germs, influential punk band, was that Dar really a favourite piece of trivia, but a good piece of trivia about the Germs influential punk band was that Darby Crash, the lead singer, planned to commit suicide to elevate himself to this some sort of like posthumous legacy

for the band. And he did so. And it was never really picked up on. They never really got any of the traction he wanted to get for the band.

And they remain fairly obscure to this day because John Lennon was murdered the same day. Yeah. There we go. any of the traction he wanted to get for the band and they remain fairly obscure to this day because John Lennon was murdered the same day yeah there we go wait until the end of the day

did you already know that yes disappointing yeah wait until the end of the day no but the thing is 1981 was it around it was 80

it was 80 yeah I think it was December 80 I think yeah because just a couple of months after I was born because my mum always talks about it she remembers where she was and all the rest of it

because she was a massive Beatles fan. She's a massive Jams fan. No, she doesn't know who he is. It's proving the point. Pat Smear was in both bands, is what I'm saying. All right. He wasn't in the Beatles.

No, he wasn't in the Beatles. No. But if I was going to do a... I might do like a... Imagine if you did like a fake documentary about Pat Smear. You know, like Kurt and Courtney, the documentary.

Is it Nick Broomfield? Nick Broomfield? Yeah. Where they couldn't use any music from Nirvana so they used that Top of the Pops performance where Kurt Cobain sort of sang

Come As You Are in a soothing voice. That's the only music that came to mind. It was Smells Like Teen Spirit wasn't it? Oh yeah, maybe it was,

yeah. Nick Broomfield, who I admire greatly as a filmmaker, really lost his way in that movie. He started like, he took it in such a direction where he was essentially interviewing old alcoholics.

He was talking about killing, it was mad. It was quite mad, which is disappointing. It made his name though a little bit, didn't it? It furthered his name. I think, yeah, it definitely furthered his name, yeah. Emails, emails from... Pat Smear did not kill either people. We've got an email here from Pat Smear.

How dare you saying I actually quite enjoyed playing the guitar Dave Grohl was a nice man and if I wasn't touring with the Foo Fighters I'd probably just be

sitting around watching Unplugged in New York on a DVD that I've got these things come in three so watch out DG yeah what do you think

what do you think the dynamic is between like Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins the drummer for Foo Fighters? They seem to get on, don't they? Yeah, well, they do seem to get on. But when you see, say, I've seen the Foo Fighters live a long time ago.

Last time I would have seen them would have been on the TV. Maybe they headlined Glastonbury or something. Something like that. And for one or two of the songs, Hawkins gets up and does a bit of singing. And Grohl plays the drums. What's the dynamic? Oh, right, because Dave Grohl was a drummer. He's a very well-respected drummer and one of the greatest bands of all time.

Some people would say the greatest band of all time. How does that suit you? If someone said to me and you, you're going to be in a band and you're going to play guitar in the band, Pete, because Steve Vai wants to start singing. Right, okay. And you're going to play guitar for him.

Do you feel comfortable in your job, is what I'm saying? Well, I'm not a confident performer, Luke, as you well know, so I don't back myself very often. So I probably wouldn't be able to deal with that situation. If you did back yourself off and you would be dangerous the

Dave Grohl first two Foo Fighters albums are the only ones worth anything in my opinion and

Dave Grohl played Ollie in the first album that's why he brought in all of the other members I think one of them might have come from

the punk band Noise For A Name you know oh really the story around him Sh members. I think one of them might have come from the punk band Noise For A Name, you know. Oh, really? The story around him... Shifflett, is that one of them? Don't know. The story around the first Foo Fighters album

extends from Dave Grohl being very insecure in his job in Nirvana because Kurt Cobain had a propensity to fire drummers all the time. Right. So he wrote songs on the side thinking, right, if I get kicked out of this band, which is inevitably going to happen,

I'll start my own band. And a lot of the songs on the first Foo Fighters record are from that because I think Cobain had a lot of monopoly on writing songs in Nirvana. Well, he,

well, actually, Dave Grohl played a couple of songs to Kurt Cobain that he'd written and Kurt Cobain genuinely said, genuinely said, oh, well, that's great.

Now I don't have to write my that's great now I don't have to write my own songs now I don't have to write all of the songs because I'm not around that much have you ever said there's a promo

one of the first videos that Nirvana ever did Dave Grohl's not on drums but the main two big players are playing and it's in like

a Tandy they filmed their first music video in a Tandy I think I might even have mentioned it on this show is it Chad Channing on drums dig it out it's in like a Tandy. They filmed their first music video in a Tandy. I think I might even have mentioned it on this show. Is it Chad Channing on drums? Dig it out, yeah. Dig it out.

It's just them leaping around a Tandy's or a radio shack for you American listeners. There's a really interesting... So underwhelming. We'll move on from this in a sec, but there's a really interesting phenomena with Nirvana, who obviously were so good that it goes without saying,

but there's a video of them doing a cover of son of a gun which is the vaseline song talk about vaseline last week sorry earlier in the week slightly different circumstances um brilliant scottish band vaseline i'm sure everyone's heard of them but um we'll do son of a gun live and there's a just an audio recording of it on youtube there's no footage but you can hear it and it sounds amazing right but if you break it down

to its component parts Cobain forgets pretty much all the words all the instruments are out of tune it's not in time but it's still amazing and how can you put

your finger on why that is it's really weird all of those kind of they were a punk rock band weren't they they were just like not fun

but they were just intense but it's amazing they don't take any of those boxes but they still sound great. What are the songs that they sang? It wasn't Jesus Don't Want Me to Summon Me, that's a different song,

isn't it? But which ones of that band did they play? Which covers? Oh, Meat Puppets. No, which ones of the...

The Vaseline. The Vaseline. Yeah, Jesus Don't Want Me to Summon Me is a Vaseline song. It's a Vaseline song. Son of a Gun, Son of a Gun,

Molly's Lips. Molly's Lips. So Molly's Lips Molly's Lips so Molly's Lips was a reference the title was a reference to a Jackanory character so Kurt Cobain singing about Jackanory

it's amazing yeah Vaselines are amazing I really really I really like them behind the music with the Luke and Pete let's do some

let's do some emails before we disappear off our own arses and our music opinions which everyone probably disagrees with and fair enough do you want to go first?

An anal pat smear. Yeah, that's how it started. You talk about blooming smears. Well, they're important, ladies. They are. Yeah. Kerry, do you want to go first or not? You go first.

Okay, I'll do a real quick one. All right. This is from Chris, who lives in Hamburg, showing off. Hello, Chris in Hamburg. I love Hamburg. Yeah, I know you do, yeah. Reaper van. Hi, guys in Hamburg. I love Hamburg. Yeah, I know you do, yeah. Reaper Vaughan.

Hi, guys. In the latest episode, you mentioned military use of silly string. This is quite an old email, I think. To detect tripwires. My immediate thought was that silly string seems far too whimsical a name for the purpose, and I bet Luke, Pete, or your army of listeners

can come up with something much more fitting. As a start, I offer Tactical Twine. Batteries, brass sonic, extra heavy duty. Cheers, Chris. This is when we talked a while ago about soldiers using silly string to detect tripwires and stuff. And they have to buy their own

effectively because it's not allowed to be delivered or something. What would you call it? I mean, the obvious would be soldier string, wouldn't it? Soldier string. Yeah, string just wouldn't it? Soldier string. Yeah, string just doesn't seem... Soldier string sounds like the thing you put

on the back of a... What's it called? A G.I. Joe. Yeah. What do we call G.I. Joes? Stephen. No, you know, what they call them

on the mental block. I think we have G.I. Joe. We had G.I. Joe, didn't we? Yeah, but we had like proper army men with a little string at the back. I can't remember

what they're called. What about tripwire twine? Tripwire twine, is that one of his? He's a tactical twine. The only other thing I can think of is Army Aid. That sounds weird. Well, I planned on coming up with some, but I've just written down one now.

Warspray Fibre. Yeah, Warspray Fibre. Or just War Fibre. Get the War Fibre out, Corporal. Action Man is what I'm thinking of. Action Man. What's the difference? I think Action Man's a lot bigger.

G.I. Joe! G.I. Joe was an all-American hero, so I imagine it probably didn't translate particularly well. There was an excellent... Back in the day, I was obsessed by Eric Fensler, a man called Eric Fensler, who later went on to work on the Tim and Eric Awesome show style, the videos and Eric Awesome show style,

the videos and stuff, and the editing. He used to do, you know, at the end of every G.I. Joe, there was a public service announcement. He used to get that quite a lot in every American TV show. He used to get it at the end of the Hurricanes, the soccer-based cartoon. He used to get it at the end of, like, Cap'n Planet, where he'd go, listen, guys, ignore my weird green mullet and the fact that I hang around with children. You've got to save the planet.

And it all starts with you crunching up your bottles of water and putting them in the recycling. Oh, really? Like Captain Planet. So there's a little kind of like public service announcement at the end of every show telling kids to not be dicks. Sure. And at the end of G.I. Joe, there was one where similar sort of things.

They're going, don't play with electricity, kids. Oh, make sure you press the fire alarm whenever you see a fire and leave the building. things. They're going, don't play with electricity, kids. Make sure you press the fire alarm whenever you see a fire and leave the building. And this guy would edit these things, Fensler films they were called, and he just edited G.I. Joe

into the most wonderful, hilarious kind of situation. So he'd like kind of overdub a man sort of giving someone a stick. And he's going, oh, give him the stick. Oh, don't give him the stick. I'm explaining it terribly, but it's wonderful. Can we have a listen? Fenslerfilms.com It's going to take a the stick oh don't give him the stick I'm explaining it terribly but it's wonderful can we have a listen

Fenslerfilms.com it's going to take a bit of time for me to get it up I thought you might have had it queued up no maybe we'll stick it on the social media

G.I. Joe would that be similar to when Mr. T did that song about respecting your mother that type of thing well yeah that kind of thing alright go on

what's the next email alright the next email comes from Colin hello Colin um of thing yeah all right go on what's the next email all right the next email comes from um this comes from colin uh hey look pete batteries eneloop don't get too excited i ordered them on amazon as they're rechargeable i'm emailing from manhattan the upper east side to be specific i'm trying to tie in a few themes from the show one school trips stubbing study center two odd places in the US that are very interesting things, King of Prussia Mall in PA.

And Mankata, cool stuff. And four, Pete's Ponchon for petrifying computer games. I present to you Centralia, Pennsylvania, aka the real life Silent Hill, or the City on Fire from the Sweeney Todd. Oh, I love this. I went there while I was in college with my geology class. I'll let you read about the details and check out the pictures

from Wikipedia and Google. Basically, it's a mainly abandoned ghost town in the US, which went from a population of more than 1,000 in 1980 to 63 by 1990, a mere decade later. Why? Well, it was a coal mining town until the mine caught fire and has been burning underneath the town

since the early 60s. The zip cord was even discontinued by the Postal Service in 2002. In 2013, there were seven people still living there. Some things I remember from my school trip. One, the ground still smokes and releases toxic gas. Two, the ground is very warm to touch. Three, the roads and buildings in and around the town

are all cracked as a result of the crumbling ground beneath it. I hope this is of some interest, even if you don't include it on the show. Love the show, etc. Yeah, Colin, thank you. This is amazing. I've seen, I've looked this up, and for those of you struggling with the geography of it,

it's about a three-hour drive west of New York City in Pennsylvania. It's been burning since at least May 27th, 1962, and it's suspected to be from deliberate burning of rubbish in a former mine in the mine which ignited a coal seam I mean

the wisdom of starting a fire which has essentially got endless fuel is I mean I know you need oxygen

to maintain a fire but presumably it's got that somehow from some of the shafts and stuff it's incredible and I did take

Colin's advice and looked up the photos online one of the pics I and stuff. It's incredible. And I did take Colin's advice and looked up the photos online. One of the pics I saw of it, someone has actually graffitied Welcome to Silent Hill on the Palmer, which is great. But I would love, this is a long shot,

but I would love if one of the people living in Centralia, or the seven people listening to this show, what's it like? Tell us. If you've been there. I can't imagine they have mobile phone coverage or broadband. If you've been there or you can't imagine they have mobile phone coverage or broadband.

If you've been there or you know anyone living there, drop us a line, hello at lukeandpeach.com. There is a town in the US which sits on top of a 56-year-old fire which is still burning.

It's one of those things where it happens quite a lot, actually. I think it's five or six of these situations all around the world where someone's accidentally ignited something.

So for comparison, it's been burning almost as long and almost as fiercely as the burning in your heart for Maplin. Yeah, I think so. What's the deal with that big hole in Kazakhstan? The Ring of Hell or whatever it's called. Oh, yeah. Was that lit by people? The Ring of Hell is in Africa, is it not?

The big hole in Kazakhstan is the world's deepest hole, no? No, it's burning. Oh, is it? It's the Ring of Hell is in Africa, is it not? The big hole in Kazakh science, the world's deepest hole, no? No, it's burning. Oh, is it? It's the Ring of Hell, so it's because it's burning. It's like Dante's sixth ring or something like that. Wow, okay. Spooky, though, isn't it? Like, don't set fires up.

Johnny Cash sang about it. I remember being in Broccoli once, which is in southeast London, and I don't know what was going on underneath, but I think there was some kind of electrical problem because there was horrible burning kind of, it wasn't a burning smell, but it was like a buzzing sound, like something had gone wrong somewhere.

And I remember walking past, for three days running, the floor was really hot and it was smoking. And it sounds like a fairly problematic electrical fault, but I went over there, touched the floor, I was going, it's so hot! And then the next day it rained. So that part where the water would fall

on this bit of pavement, the steam would come off the actual pavement and no puddles would settle because it was steaming hot. Would you ever find out what it was? I think it was just an electrical fault. Because Broccoli isn't actually... Broccoli's almost central London.

Yeah, it was just an electrical fault. But that's isn't actually... Broccoli's almost central London. Yeah. Yeah, it's just an electrical fault. But that's what I would have surmised anyway. I mean, I shouldn't have been touching the floor because I could have been electrocuted. But you don't play by the rules. I don't play by the rules, mate. I just wear rubber shoes. Don't care.

You used to eat frozen sausages and fly kites next to power lines. What have we got here? This is from Emma in Sheffield. I'm about to open a potentially half-closed old wound here, Pete. Make no apology for that. Pop a bot fly in. No, not that type of wound.

Emma says, good evening, gents. Loving the new format of two shows a week. I recommend your pods to anyone who pays attention to me. I digress. I'm a keen runner, currently training for a half marathon in April, and eventual full marathon later this year. Good luck with that, Emma. That sounds like a daunting task.

She says, following recent episodes of the football ramble and having run out of adult froobs, I decided to give the humble Jaffa cake a go as my fuel this morning on a 12 mile run. I just wanted to let you know they did the trick. I'm always keen to discover running food that isn't jelly babies or energy saving energy gels.

So thank you. The main point of this email is to share my enthusiasm for a Jaffa Cake Off between the two of you and also put it out there that I'd be willing to challenge the winner. Take it easy, Emma.

Now, for those of you who listen to the show, we've got a few who don't actually listen to the Rambler. We talked about Pete and I eating Jaffa Cakes and I actually quite rate myself

as a Jaffa Cake snaffler. I said to Pete, get a box, I'll get a box, we'll sit down and we'll see who finishes a box first. And I'm up for it, but Pete keeps not buying Jaffa Cake, so we can't do it. No, I'm very forgetful, so I'm not an admin details kind of person,

but also, my situation was, the actual agreement was, that you said you could eat as many Jaffa Cakes as I could, but I was allowed to use tea. And that's just... That's how you extended it. Now, definitely a tea, I said you could eat as many Jaffa Cakes as I could, but I was allowed to use tea. That's how you extended it. No, definitely a tea. I said I could smash back loads after tea or during tea,

and vibing at the same time. Do you want to do it? Okay, look, we're going to do it. We'll get it on social media, so follow us, at Luke and Pete Show, and you'll see it there at some point. We will do it. We've got an office, which is expressly designed for the purpose. If we can't do Jaffa Cake eating-offs, what's the point of having an office?

That's what I say. Exactly. Lovely. All right, you got any more? Well, should we do a men Carter? Can I do one more email before we do? Because it's absolutely amazing. Fine.

Okay, this is from Mark in Barnsley. This really is good. He says he's got Raymax and Mustang batteries in his remotes. Mustang Sally good slow your Mustang down there you go

yeah thought I'd Mark says thought I'd share the stupidest thing I've ever heard because we called for that didn't we

after the Teletubbies IVF thing yeah Mark says one night at work eight years ago a group of us were casually chatting

when the conversation turned to the ongoing situation at the time with the trapped Chilean miners now you guys listening will obviously know what that is and one of the people at his work said it's a real shame but I'm not surprised given how many miners are

down there this was strange considering that there were only 33 miners trapped I asked them what they meant and they replied with, well, a trillion miners is a hell of a lot of people to cram in a

mine. It was then that we realised that they meant a trillion was a measure of number greater than a trillion. I'm having that.

In her mind it went million, billion, trillion, trillion. Now that is one of those things, it cannot be made up. It cannot be. And it also taps into something I've often felt a little bit aggrieved by.

Sort of things that annoy you, but you don't really know why. The pronunciation of, in the UK, of the country Chile and Chilean. It should be Chile and Chilean because that's how it's spelled. Yeah, but I... We all say like Chile Con Carne. Yeah. But it's Chile. Do people say Chile or do they say...

I know they say Chilean but do they say... In the US they say Chile. They say Chile. Yeah. Ooh la la. That's France or as we call it,

Frankie. Anyway, thanks a lot, Mark. That really brightened my day but now it's time for Men Carter. Do you want a quick Pog Sandwiches G.I. Joe public service announcement?

Yeah, okay. This is what I grew up on, basically. Do you want me to fill while it's loading? Sorry, I'll get there. You're not cooking. Yeah, I do. Pork chop sandwiches. Oh, shit.

Get the fuck out of here. What are you doing? Go, bitch. Get the fuck out of here, you stupid idiot. Fuck, we're all dead. Get the fuck out. My God, did that smell good. You detect it.

This is no going, and You tell me do things. I've done running. It's like a bad lip reading, isn't it? It is, but it's... I just grew up on those things. I enjoyed them immensely. What year did they come out, Pete? I think they were probably around 1998.

Okay. There you go. When you were a mere slip of a lad of 30. G.I. Joe! Right, Men Carter. Yeah. You got a jingle for me,

Pete Donaldson? Yeah, just load up the jingle machine. Pete Diggory Donaldson? We've got it here, we've got it here, baby. Let there be justice for my people.

Let there be justice! Let there be peace! One small step for man. You don't understand. Where I was a salesman. Say simply. Simply. Very simply. Very simply.

With hope. With hope. Good morning. Good morning. That's an impression of me at the end. Yeah, it's very convincing. Yep. What have you got for us, Pete? I'm at

bated breath here. I have no idea what it is. You know what? You'll probably know this one, because I remember hearing about it and reading about it a few times because it's very popular. It's harrowing and disgusting, but just an example of big business fucking other little guys. I recently began, this is from Greg

King. Hello, Greg King. I recently began, this is from Greg King. Hello, Greg King. I recently began reading The Emperor of All Maladies about the history of cancer research. In it, Dr Mukherjee has some stories about the times shortly after the discovery of radiation. Imagine not knowing about radiation. Is it fair to say human beings learn about the dangers of radiation the hard way? Yes, I'd say so.

Over and over again. I'd say so. Around 1917, a company called US Radium thought it would be a good idea to put radium in paint and make glow-in-the-dark watch dials. Because obviously it was great for watch dials. It was luminous.

While aware of the many side effects working with radium, they told the young women tasked with painting the dials the paint was harmless. They even encouraged them to frequently lick the brushes with their tongue to produce sharp lettering. In a totally foreseeable turn of events, many of the women's tongues were burned

from the radiation and their jaws began to die. When tested, some of them were found to be glowing with radiation. This became a national news story and the girls were dubbed the Radium Girls. A group of them eventually sued US Radium and won their case. Few settlements were collected, however, as most of the women were already dead or dying of cancer.

Now, I first heard of this, I think, on An American Life, about five years ago. It's elephant's foot all over again. It is, but it was one of the stories that the fight, I think some of the women are still out of pocket, or their families are. It was such a long fight. And US Radium and their subsidiaries,

they kept rebranding, I think, as well. The subsidiaries were so horrible when it came to paying up on that. It's one of the only things you won't eat, isn't it? Radium? Yeah. Radium sausages. Can you imagine your jaw dying

no and you just you know just basically your jaw coming off because you've had too much radium some of our casual listeners

would possibly hope that happened to us at some point oh that's not very nice is it well I'm just saying a lot of women died so

of course yeah terrible never mind I'm trying to find another you have promised people two Men Carter, so I'm just sitting here watching you squirm

until you deliver. I don't know where the other Men Carter is, to be honest. It's very... Oh. Yeah. No. Hang on.

No, I've lost it. Do you want one that's not a Men Carter? Well, hang on a minute. You're running roughshoddle over the rules here. Yeah. The rules that you invented. Yeah. With your jingles and everything like that.

Why don't we just save it for next week? All right, we'll save it for next week then. Yeah, something for people rules that you invented. Yeah. With your jingles and everything like that. Why don't we just save it for next week? All right, we'll save it for next week then. Yeah, save it for people to look forward to. Yeah. They're used to you

over-promising and under-delivering. They're used to both of us doing that. Yeah, I can't find it on my sheets, never mind. I'm going to step in here. Because my printer didn't work, that's why. This is an intervention.

Hello, Luke and Pete Show, if you'd like to get in touch with us and contribute to this menagerie of nonsense that we do twice a week. We hope you've enjoyed the show. You're very welcome. We love having you listening to it.

Do help us out and make it easier for other listeners to find us by sending us a review on iTunes. Be very, very helpful or wherever you get your pods,

of course, if there's an option to review us somewhere else, please do that too. We'll be back on Monday. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com again is the email address if you want to get in touch. And we will see you then.

Yeah, I'm not ending the show here, Luke. You motherfucker. Ha, ha, ha, ha! I found something that you might like. I don't have who sent it, but I found it. Right, basically, this happened. It went viral at my university at the dawn of the internet, this mystery person says.

So really people just passed the medical journal article around. The medical journal basically said that a man stayed behind in machine shop during lunch to basically masturbate by running his penis along one of his machine's belts. Oh, God. He gets a little bit too into it and he rips open his testicle. Pouch. Pouch.

As we call it. Testicle sack. So his balls fall out basically he grabs a stapler and he mends the sack right up with a stapler yeah i mean he's doubled down there he's got look i'm not going to dot for this i'm just going to solve it myself stapler though i mean you're already in agony aren't you i would probably the idea of my testicles not being where they should be genuinely haunts me horrible and I because they're all little wires

I just think they might unravel we could have ended the show yeah could have ended the show didn't so so his balls are falling out grabs his deal

amends it reports to the doctor several days later the ball bag swallowed twice the size of a grapefruit the doctor fixes him up from the doctor's case report finding himself alone

he had began the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. Can I just stop there? Regular practice.

He's doing it all the time. Oh, God. He should have known he has sailed to... He'd been flown way too close to the sun there. One day, as he approached our guys

and he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley wheel and the drive belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he'd lost his left testes and perhaps too stunned to feel too much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned his method of self-gratification.

Snopes has it all. Even called the actual doctor to confirm the story. That happened. A man put his winky on either a running machine or a machine that, I don't know, polishes things. He got a good polishing. The thing is, you know, those sort of things, I know what you're saying,

they spoke to the actual doctor and it's real and it happened. I do understand why you're saying that because the internet has loads of nonsense out there, but there is nothing new under the sun. No. Even if that's not been reported, it's probably happened more than once. It's probably happened loads of times.

Men will put their penis in anything. It's probably happened to one person in this room. Have I put my penis in anything? Oh, come on. No, I don't think so. Maybe Hoover when I was a kid. What's wrong with that?

Every kid's done that. Carry on. Not as... Every kid has put their penis in a hoover. I'm just saying. Grow up. If you had

tried to... We've got the next advert now. We can crop that for the next advert. If you were trying to tell me that you've never put

your penis in a hoover when you've been, I don't know, fucking 14. I'm not trying to tell you anything. Pathetic. Dereliction of

duty from Luke Miller there. Outrageous. I mean, obviously mine doesn't fit. Right, let's get out of here. This has been the Luke and Pete show. I think I did that.

Oh yeah, now we're ending the show. Yeah. Now we're ending it. All that stuff I said earlier, that still counts. Right, lads, if you put your penis in something weird... Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com Hello at LukeandPeteShow. To be honest, I'm surprised it's taken us this long to get to this stage.