The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 6: Selling a Gameboy to a Squirrel

Episode Date: July 10, 2017

This time around the boys rake over the old 'barrel roll in a plane' conundrum again, because some conversations just will not die. They also find time to contemplate disappearing into the woods for 27 years, and a listener gets in touch claiming to have once superglued his own mouth shut.Again, something for everyone there. And if you can't find anything to like in that lot then stick around because there's also talk about the horrific public execution of an elephant. Say hello: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

and we're back it's the luke and pete shaw luke and pete summer with me pete onison i'm joined by luke moore all right on the podcast yeah this this music makes us sound like 10 times cooler and better than we are It's like a massive aural illusion Thank you to Doc Brown for coming up with that Bit of music Grab his album I got this

Off the album Stemmer I'd like to start the show Luke by introducing our new show sponsor Gasoline Chews Solid camping fuel and a tasty jelly lozenge Good for what ails ya Did we get some for free for that? No I ate them all Okay Solid camping fuel and a tasty jelly lozenge Good for what ails you Okay Have you got Did we get some for free for that?

No I ate them all I'll bet you did I'll bet you did I'll bet you did I'll bet you did I'll bet you did I wonder what that smell was when I walked in It was petrol

Do not turn the light switch off That's what I'll say Or on Or on How are you Luke? You alright? Doing well thanks Doing well thanks

Pretty good Still reading after last week's revelations A few bits and pieces I'm still coming to grips with. Yuri Gagarin's face. As I'm sure the listeners are. The drummer of Lynn Skinner. Yeah. Lovely.

Soundwaves being responsible for ghosts. Who'd have thought that? Isn't there a soundwave you can do? Like, it was featured on South Park, where you play a note deep enough you soil yourself. The forbidden brown note. I don't think South Park is a reliable account, but it's possible. It is possible it is well what i would say is this is what i would say that's what that's the excuse

i'll be using exactly as a part of this show uh later on in this show we're going to be um featuring uh the tv show bob's burgers okay rather it came from bob's burgers and that's how i first became aware of one of the one of the um bits i'm not familiar with the show, so. Great show. It's a cartoon, isn't it? Yeah. I'll usually go for Family Guy first. No, I'm not into that. I don't know why everyone's got a problem with Family Guy. I haven't got a problem- There's been a railroading history in this one, I think. I'm not a part of- They got us through some really dark Simpsons times.

Pete, I'm not a part of an overriding anti-Family Guy conspiracy. I had no idea it wasn't very popular. I assumed it was popular because it's always on telly. It's just not something that's ever grabbed me. I do like The Simpsons, though. I bet you're an American dad kind of guy. I've never seen it. I've never seen it. Disgusting.

I do like South Park, though. How about that? How about that, then? It's been one week since last we spoke. Shall we do that again? It's been... There we go. A bit louder.

A bit meatier. What, because you didn't have the volume off on the desk? Well, I didn't have the volume off on the desk Well I didn't have the volume off on the desk because I'd faded it down to allow us to talk over

the music at the start so that's why I mean that's Radio Presenter 101 That is radio well if I had a proper play out

system that allowed me to use different faders I would have been alright but clearly not Can I venture that you are

dressed like a Frenchman today? Yes I am I've got the Breton stripes and garlic up my bum don't be that has been racism into it how is that racist just saying you dress like a frenchman well what

because i've got a stripey top on you're bringing racism into it you look like you've just come from watching a lovely new wave movie a new wave movie a bit of jean-luc basson i've been listening to a bit of yeah yeah music um so luke yeah should shall I get into what I've been looking at all this week? Yes. In one week. Okay. Listener Tom. Thank you, Listener Tom.

Basically, there's going to be a lot more listener interaction on this one, because to be quite frank, we've had a lot of emails, and I feel kind of responsible if we don't get through at least some of them. What I'll add to that is, I mean, for those who don't know, the most boring part of a radio show, making one, is the prep. Yes. And if you can get a listener involved,

if you can share the load around, because let's be honest, none of us are getting paid for this. Yeah. Let's share the load around. What? A hive mind of thousands of people is going to have better ideas than just you and me. Yeah, exactly.

You and me, two people who've got no history of any good ideas anyway. No. So it makes sense. So thanks to Tom, and I don't know what the contribution is yet, but thanks to Tom anyway in advance. It could be terrible.

Hopefully it's good. Well, basically, you know, you were talking about, kind of a few weeks ago now, about you gave the rather large capacious shout that you reckon that if you are the pilot of, I don't know, a 747 on the way to New York City or something, you could do a complete barrel roll without anyone noticing that you've done it.

Well, I've heard. I've got a friend who... I've got a friend. My girlfriend goes to another school. I've got a friend who knows someone who went on a plane once. I've got a friend who knows someone who went on a plane once. I've been told reliably, I've been reliably told that a good pilot can do a barrel roll, maintaining 1G the whole way, so essentially you would never know. So if it was night time, so there was no horizon to distract you, in theory, you would never know. I mean, what constitutes a pilot pilot when you're doing something that rarely is necessary well you can either do what you can't if you can you're a good pilot if you can't you're not okay is that your only thing is that your only if you were

running airline safety ratings.com that's all they do in the test can you do a loop-de-loop yes right are we doing you're a good pilot are we doing landing or takeoff no yeah we'll get up in the air do a barrel roll, and you're golden. The other bloke in the Chelsea... Chesley-Sullenberger trial. Yeah. That goes, did you do a barrel roll? Not a good pilot.

No, he didn't... Slap him. Doesn't Denzel Washington do any... He sort of turns the plane upside down, and that'll feel fly. I think we talked about this when we mentioned it the first instance. What are you bringing...

What's Tom bringing to the table? Well, Tom basically says, further to your barrel rolling chat, I thought you might enjoy this video. Basically, you have a pilot in the US Air Force demonstrating the rolling abilities of a transport jet

to some military slash government top brass while they're on board. Well, there you go then. What? It can be done then. Let's see the video. Where is it?

Get it up. Here it is. Click play. Oh, it's only 45 seconds. That's a nice treat. Last one you showed me was 12 minutes. I'm not watching that, is what I said at the time. 45 seconds. That's a jack-kill-it. Are you ready for me to hit play? Yeah. Can I use the

space bar? Yeah. I'm gonna use the mouse. It's Gene Suker in a co-pilot seat. I mean, this is old. This is old. This is like 1970s footage. Okay, so he's got the glass. He's put it on a little pedestal in the cockpit. Right over the instruments. That's risky, isn't it?

It's half full of water, depending on your outlook. I think it's iced tea. Okay. Oh, he's just done it! He's doing it! They're upside down, the water- the iced tea's still in there! I got some bullies to think that maybe I could even pour iced tea. And now he's pouring it while he's doing it! He shouldn't be doing that. That's reckless. Keep your eyes on the road.

Backhanded. Backhanded. See it on camera. There he goes. His nose is really diving into the horizon. I'm not liking that. I have never been more convinced that that can be done. I'm just going to close that before I play something else. Okay.

I think also, if you picture yourself in the cabin, where you're separate from the cockpit, so you've got no perspective on what the... What the cab is doing. My theory on a lot of people who are fearful of flying is, it's a control thing. You can't see. You know, in the same way,

of course, some people are just naturally scared of heights and the velocity and all that stuff, I get that, but, you know, I don't know if you... You won won't know this but i'm sure you've been told this before when you're driving you never get car sick yeah because you're always concentrating what you're doing so it never doesn't come into you looking at the horizon most of the time and you and you're in control so you can predict and you can sort of um legislate for sort of bumps in the road and stop and start you know that stuff because you're doing it but so i think with with people who are flying it's because they're not in control they have no idea what's happening they've got no semblance of of grasping what's going to happen

next the turbulence all that sort of stuff so if you if you factor that in people sat in the cabin their seat seat belts in and it's night time for example 100 someone could do that and no one would know they wouldn't know they probably do and we don't know there we go i reckon we've at least experienced it ten times each. If there's any commercial pilots listening, can you prove

that you don't do that? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Prove that you don't do that. Don't do it on our account. No. In theory,

if you're going to give us your working out on a piece of paper, that'll satisfy me. Good. So that's, I mean, why did he send that

into you and not into me? I don't really know. I mean, somebody else, Caleb says, as a licensed pilot who has done a barrel roll before. Sure, anyone could say that. I find it extremely doubtful that it could be pulled off

without the passengers noticing. What's his name? That's Caleb. I've just seen it, Caleb. No, we noticed that. We were in the cockpit, though. But what I'm saying is that what the liquid is proving is that if there was no windows

and you were just sat there, it would be exactly the same as normal. You just wouldn't know. I guess maybe because your hair would be in the same place and everything. He says, even if the G's don't actually get very high, planes that are upside down have no lift, so they fall like rocks until right at something that would probably be noted. No, but it's like a... Oh, so you'd notice the plane going down. That's not true either. Well, you do put notice planes go down and up, don't you? It can No, but it's like a cork. Oh, so you'd notice the plane going down. That's not true either.

Well, you do notice planes go down and up, don't you? It can't be, because it's like a corkscrew. Think of it like a corkscrew. It's going along. It's not just upside down and falling. Also, as a licensed pilot who's done a barrel roll before... Well, he's emailed in, isn't he? Is there a photo attachment of his pilot's license?

Well, I don't know. He says, granted, I'm not an airline pilot, but I don't think it would change that much on a big airline jet. I could have told you that. I'm not an airline pilot, but I don't think it would change much. That's like a scientific analysis for me. All right, Big Matt, what have you got this week? What have you been experiencing?

I've done a barrel roll on a plane. Do you want to see a video? I've rolled around in a barrel. I've scraped a barrel with this week's. That is more accurate. I want to talk to you about a chap called Christopher Knight. Right. I read about this.

I used to know Christopher Knight at school. He played the tuba. Tell me what you remember about him first. He played the tuba. He once put a picture on Facebook of him. He was a rather chubby chap. He played the tuba, so that's standard. Peeking over his bed, looking at his cat.

That famous photo you shared with me. Did I? Yeah, you shared it with me, yeah. Well, we've named him now, so I wasn't bullying you, Chris. I just thought it was a funny photo. He's not listening. He's probably got a proper job. He's not got time for this nonsense.

Anyway. I imagine he's playing his tuba, listening to this, and he'll probably go, all sad and that. Like Harold Bishop from Neighbours. And looking at the cat and going Don't listen to him Harry Was Harold Bishop tuba or euphonium? I think it was tuba wasn't it?

It was tuba yeah Have you seen a man I saw a man in New Orleans Playing a Is it sousaphone? Sousaphone? Which is the one that wraps around you Yeah that one

The big bad one So what's a euphonium then? In between those two? Euphonium's a tuba It's a larger tuba I think so it's in between tuba and sousaphone yeah because i used to play the cornet which is a small trumpet back at school and i changed schools and um due to austerity or something probably tory government all that um they could only provide me a tuba and to a little boy like me was hilarious looking i mean

you're struggling to even pick that i know yeah know. Yeah, with your asthma as well. With your asthma. Maybe if I'd kept it going, I might not have had such terrible asthma. Instruments I've attempted over the years. Right. Guitar. Yeah. Drums. Flute.

Flute? Yeah. Oh, you look like a 70s folk star. I wasn't born till 1980. Yeah, but you would look like it, though. You're talking Jethro Tull? I'm talking Vin Garber. Codpiece. Who died recently. Codpiece. Jethro Tull was the, yeah, but you would look like it, though. You think you're talking Jethro Tull? I'm talking Vin Garbutt. Codpiece.

Who died recently. Codpiece. Jethro Tull was the famous one, wasn't he? Did he have a codpiece? Actually, I think the band was called Jethro Tull. I think he was called Jethro Tull. He had a codpiece as well. Did he?

Like the man from, not Gunn, Cameo. Yes, actually. That's the word. Yeah, word up. What was that about? The big red codpiece? Don't know. It's the 80s.

Did he go, I mean,. It's the 80s. I mean, I've got the leather trousers. They're jazzy enough. I'm not wearing a top. But I'm still going to go for the red codpiece. The 80s were a difficult time for us all. But anyway, did you all play? The flute story is a boring one,

but did you all play recorder at school? Ever played recorder? I never played recorder, but yeah, everyone did. And they picked a few of us who were all right at recorder to try the flute

and I think looking back on it now it's probably a scam to get my parents to part with like hundreds of pounds because they're really expensive and that never happened.

Do you remember the bigger recorders that were like larger and fiercer and stupider? I don't know why people got involved with those. Mega recorder. It was like when

swizzle lollies came bigger. Those drumstick lollies. You'd get a gigantic one. Because confectionery normally goes the other way, larger to smaller, doesn't it? Yeah, if you pick up a Snickers now, I mean, it's ridiculous. It's absolutely ridiculous. Massive Palmer Violets. Remember them? Yes. The big packets? I don't, I, they're too They're too floral for me.

Um, should I go back to Christopher Knight? Who took a photo of himself inappropriately with a cat. Yeah. According to you, Pete. Well, appropriately for him. Well, this is a different Christopher Knight. Yeah. Um, who took a photo of himself inappropriately with a cat, according to you, Pete Larson. Well, appropriately for him. Well, this is a different Christopher Knight, who in 1986, aged 20, drove into the wilderness in Maine. And we talked about Maine

last week a little bit. Well, we mentioned New England. It's a similar part of that. We never show up about it. No. He drove his car along more and more remote trails until he ran out of petrol, at which point he abandoned his car and just simply walked into the wilderness. He didn't return for 27 years. Wow.

He had no compass, no map. He used a tent and a backpack, and he maintains to this day he doesn't know why he did it. Now, there's a book about this called The Stranger in the Woods, The Extraordinary Story of the World's Last True Hermit by Michael Finkel. I just ordered it off Amazon. I've not read it yet yet but what i know so far is that um it becomes a bit more of an interesting story rather than just the sort of hermit side of it because you know when people talk about hermits and there's been other examples of this type of story where people go out and they make a statement there was a great um channel four documentary i think it was called Alone in the Woods, about a nature cameraman, a documentary filmmaker, who basically just went out into Canada with a handheld video camera, and that's it.

Right. And he dropped the... He had a whole load of memory cards, and he dropped them off at an agreed point every two weeks or something. Yeah. That's all he had. Yeah. And then what he was planning on doing

was just diarising his attempt to survive. He was planning on catching salmon when the salmon season came in. He was catching little mammals and stuff. And what transpired was that it was just a disaster. He lasted about five weeks. He lost loads of weight. He mentally just completely disintegrated.

He was crying like every ten minutes. Filming it. Filming it all filming it all. And it was a compelling watch. But anyway, my point about that is that when people do this stuff, they sort of go out and they paint or they film or whatever. This guy didn't do any of that stuff.

But what he did do, and where the story gets interesting is, he started stealing from local cabins on the side of this lake. So he found a little spot on one side of a lake, completely secluded. No one was walking through there or anything. It was really, really rural. On the other side of the lake were all these holiday cabins on the side of this lake. So he found a little spot on one side of a lake, completely secluded. No one was walking through there or anything. It was really, really rural.

On the other side of the lake were all these holiday cabins. He then started, because he obviously was hungry, he started robbing, burglarizing, as they say in the US, burgling these cabins. He turned it into what has been estimated as the most prolific burglar ever. He successfully committed over a thousand burglaries and was never caught.

And it got to the point of where he was so good, people knew there was a burglar around, didn't know anything about him. He was so good, they were leaving pens and papers out for him for shopping lists, just saying, look, just tell us what you want and we'll just get it for you. Oh, what? Don't burgle our house? Yeah. Have, you know.

And they were leaving, like, stuff out for him so he wouldn't go into their cupboards and stuff like that. But there's no honour among a mad burglar, a mad forest burglar. He, um, he was, um, he, every time he found a spare key in a cabin, he took it. That's sinister, isn't it? Oh, what? To see he could return? So he would successfully chivvy his way

into a cabin and he would, um, he would To see good return? So he would successfully chivvy his way into a cabin, and he would see a spare key, so he'd take it. And over a period of time, he built up a spare key collection for every place. Oh, my God. Yeah. So, anyway... Two questions, though. One, who was he selling the shit to?

No, he was just selling... Just selling... Just food. He was a hermit who was living on the other side of the lake. What he was doing... He wasn't fencing the stuff to animals. No, no, I don't think so. I don't think there was a racket going on.

Right. I think he was just literally stealing what he needed to eat, and that was it. Selling a Game Boy to a squirrel. Yeah, no, it wasn't any of that stuff. I don't think he stole any electronic devices. But anyway, 27 years later, he was finally caught after around 1,000 burglaries. Right. He was caught stealing from a holiday camp on the lake.

I wonder where he got greedy and greedy got a big watermelon or something one big scar a massive watermelon go back across the lake you're sank he was caught only a few years ago in a book he was absolutely inundated with requests from journalists because people had sort of known about this

it's one of these sort of apocryphal stories about this guy living in the woods but it turned out to be true and he gave it, gave journalists some access to this guy Michael Finkel who ended up writing this book. It's a fascinating story. I think, I mean as the book title says, the world's last true hermit. I mean he went in 1986. He didn't live a, I think he spent one night in a cabin and he felt so guilty about it he didn't do it again. He spent every single night, and it gets cold up in Maine, by the way. I mean, it's no joke, it's snow, proper snow. And he spent every other night of the 27 years out in the elements and survived.

Incredible. Yeah, amazing story. So that's what I learned about this week, and I thought other people might be interested in that as well. Admittedly, it's no barrel roll on a plane with iced tea, but, you know, you can't have it all. You probably stole some iced tea. Okay Luke, don't gunge me mate. Pipe down Pete, I told you never to argue with the customers. Emails, uh? Good to hear you haven't been like, um, um, arguing with the customers this time

round, Peter. What do you mean? Oh, I, oh yeah, sorry. We talked about it last week, we talked about, um, you, um, did you not hear your own jingle which you produced and played then? Life passes me by sometimes. I can go days without sort of going. That's another thing about the cabins. They're all made of wood, so you're neither creaking about. Yeah. That's all I'm saying, guys.

I mean, the guy, you don't know. You must have had some close scripts. Do read the book and let us know what happened. Well, I think some of the cabins were unoccupied at the weekend or whatever. Or during the week, probably. Yeah, but anyway. We've done that now, anyway. Yeah, it's a bit of a drag back. A bit of a drag back. Let's not do, let's not do,

I mean, I talked about this last, let's not do too much poo because it gets me down. Okay. It gets me down. Adam! Well, you know what? Adam, I will do a, like a, shall I just round a ball of poo emails we've had in

basically a big let's use the word dump yeah of emails a content dump a content dump what I would like

is if you just condense them down to a series of bullets please just do that yeah like rabbits because I've got a brilliant email which has nothing to do with poo

I want you to hear it but you go first so Adam had a situation in a school where he found himself in a tech cubbyhole joined by a child's poop. Sadly, though, he didn't... Did he work there?

Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, come on. Come on. He was... I think he was working in the AV department or some kind of tech job anyway. Okay. But he...

I don't have the details because I could... As I said, I condensed these down. Yeah, fair enough. Distilled them. I requested that, so that's fair enough. Curtis Robinson. Poo on the floor in toilets. Socks ceremonially placed on top, which I quite like. What, is it like a flag?

Like a little flag. Flag, this is a flag. Ryan, in the toilet bin. Somebody did a poo. That's disappointing. Well, at least it was in a bin, I suppose. But it's in the bin in the toilet. Yeah.

It's not that you've been caught short. You're already in the toilet. Apparently it happens a lot when people get stressed out. A couple of people noted on the emails. Dean Hindle, middle of the floor in the toilet. Management Cobra meeting was called. Management came to the agreement that it was probably a fox, ignoring the fact that we do have revolving doors, security guards,

three flights of stairs, and so on. Dean does go on to say, I probably won't report it again, to be honest. No point. No point at all. Pete, did we talk on the show about the fox on the escalator at the tube station? Yeah, I think we might have done. It's just weird to see that. I see foxes everywhere on my road now.

It's rather incongruous, isn't it, seeing a fox in a... I live probably about 20 houses down the road, as you enter the road, and in that stretch I've seen four different foxes before, and one there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Incredible. It's so prevalent. They're an incredibly successful species. I think it's because they can eat almost literally anything.

They're so adaptable, they can eat anything. That's why they thrive in both rural and urban areas, I think. Like the guy in the cabin, in many ways. He was, exactly, yeah. I mean, God knows where he passed his matter. I think, because I think I mentioned, there is a couple more emails, but I won't go into them, but I think I mentioned at the time that most large businesses have instances of, like, workplace stress

and people just flipping out and just rubbing shit all over the place. That happens, basically. It's something like businesses that have over 50 employees they smear shit on the walls basically. Wow. Every now and again. It's a nilness but it happens sadly. The thing that annoys me about this Pete is I started off last

week's show asking for stories about fights. Just more poo emails. Maybe we thought you said farts. Yeah maybe. There was a guy, it's hard to remember how much stuff we've talked about and haven't talked about on this subject. I worked at a place once where someone broke back into the office, late doors, and basically had an accident on the stairwell. Oh, yes, I think you did. Yeah, I think you did do that one. But there's a quite nice story, not a nice story, but in the Rolls-Royce factory in Patchway, Bristol,

a couple of years ago. Now you're talking. I had a Google for dirty protests at work. As far as workplace planks go, I'm reading. I'm reading, mother. Smearing shit all over the place isn't the most endearing thing you can do. In fact, it'll probably get you on the fast track

to getting sectioned. But a series of dirty protests at the Rolls-Royce factory in Patchway, Bristol, is having an unexpected effect. It's bringing workers together. The £75 million facility employs 3,500 people and specialises in aircraft jet engines.

And whilst... That's worrying, isn't it? And while the culprit has struck at least eight times production, the factory will have to continue while a scatological revolt is investigated. However, rather than causing outcry at the factory, it's inspired something akin to the blitz Production at the factory will have to continue while a scatological revolt is investigated. However, rather than causing outcry at the factory, it's inspired something akin to the blitz spirit

at the plant, with workers noticing a greater sense of community than usual. It's really odd, and it's the one thing in the factory that everyone is talking about,

an anonymous worker told the Bristol Post. What I like about that is, in engines, there are plenty of places to hide a poop. Plenty of ducts, plenty of holes. It's going to be like Axel Foley

in Beverly Hills Cop, where he puts the banana in the tailpipe. Sounds to me like the shit's hit the jet engine. Yeah, hit the turbine. What a terrible situation. What a disgusting species we are. I don't care about a guy complaining, well not complaining, but observing how you say the word disgusting.

How do I say it? Just say it. Disgusting. Yeah, I don't think you normally say it like that. Sometimes I go, disgusting. No, you don't. Disgusting. Whenever somebody points something out like that to you, you sort of go, I don't know, disgusting.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. I'm just a man saying disgusting. You don't say it anywhere near like that. Disgusting. It doesn't make any sense. Just say disgusting. Disgusting I'm just a man saying disgusting You don't say them anywhere near like that Disgusting Let's make any sense Just say disgusting

Disgusting Right We've got one from Daniel Cunningham Do you want a quick one? It's kind of a cross between a Mankata entry and an email But I'm putting it in the email section Yeah, go for it Because we've got some listener interaction for the Mankata thing this week

Go for it Damien Cunningham says In another similar vein of bizarre slash tragic sideshow attractions like Magic Mike the Headless Chicken which we talked about a couple of weeks ago in 1902 a female African elephant named Topsy that was part of a travelling circus was executed publicly

by hanging to celebrate the opening of a theme park in Corny Island that is absolutely outrageous what year was that? 1902 which is grist to the mill of my theory that elephants are the most fucking miserable creatures in the universe and endure endless suffering at every turn well i'd agree with that sorry to give you such a somber note but do keep up the fine work yours earnestly damien i've got another email from a guy called damien well i well well do you want that sort of background on tops of the elephant

yeah okay i did a little bit of research. Please tell me there's some sort of decent amount of uplifting element to this. A grisly end, no doubt, but surely she had some sort of life worthy of the name before that. No, she was a bit of a shit. She killed someone.

I mean, fine, but you can't hang an elephant. No. Well, I don't know how they would bloody do it. Crane. That's the crane, isn't it? To be honest, it does get mentioned in Bob's Burgers, a TV show I quite enjoy that I mentioned earlier on. Yeah.

But I did know about that before that, so anyone who thinks I'm obsessed with television and TV cartoons, it's not true, because I only knew about this. And I only knew it through the prism of Nikola Tesla. Well, I know you well, and I know you are a professional. You're not winning any friends by saying that. So, tops the elephant. She killed someone, and she wouldn't do what she was told,

so she was sold on. And then thanks to having a bit of a pissed-up handler, she was just a bit of a nightmare. She was just a real shit of an elephant. But, you know, elephants don't belong in cities, which is what you would usually sort of say. That's an interesting point, because, of course, you know, we're brought up to believe that elephants should be respected

and they're a really important species and I'm sure they are. But I reckon you get your fair share of shits in there. Yeah, you know, like bad apples. There's bad apples in every species. Don't let them infect the whole bunch. Yeah, but the murder of this elephant, it was filmed by the Edison Company. Obviously Thomas Edison used to be involved with those guys.

Basically, the story goes, which isn't actually true, but the legend goes with Topsy is that Thomas Edison wanted to use the footage of this elephant dying, getting electrocuted as well, because basically it was hung and also electrocuted

and also poisoned in the same instance. This is how hard it is to kill an elephant, it turns out. So basically, the Edison Company wanted to use the footage to show that DC current was safer than alternating current. Because there was this big Tesla-AC versus DC Edison Company battle for a long time. Like Marvel and DC. Competing technologies. And so the Edison Company wanted to basically prove that um that dc current was uh safer than ac by running dc current sorry ac current through an elephant

find me the biggest animal i know get a moose get a moose but actually um technically it was just to use in their seaside what the butler saw machines so they filmed it just again in in in those machines, basically. That's outrageous, isn't it? I mean, who wants to look into a hole and see a dying elephant? So basically, this is what happened. Harrowing, just harrowing. Topsy was fed carrots laced with 460 grams of potassium cyanide

by the agent Charles Murray, who then backed away. At 2.45pm of the day in 1902, Sharkey gave a signal and an electrician on a telephone told the superintendent at Coney Island Station, nine blocks away, to close the switch and the Luna Park chief electrician, Hugh Thomas, closed another one at the park,

sending 660 volts from Bear Ridge across Topsy's body for ten seconds, toppling her to the ground. According to at least one contemporary account, she died without a trumpet or a groan. Were they expecting her to go... They're still having a go at her. I know.

After Topsy fell, the steam-powered winch tightened two nooses, placed around her neck for 10 minutes. At 2.47, two minutes later, Topsy was pronounced dead. But they gave her a kick again anyway. And then they shot her with a blunderbuss. Goodness me. That's horrible, isn't it? Some of this stuff is.

So if you do need to kill an elephant, that's how to do it. And know that it's, you know, gonna work. Dreadful. I've got another email from Damien and I suspect it might be the same guy. Okay. Which is an admirable amount of commitment to this show. Some would say the commitment we've not shown ourselves. But, I mean, let's just

move on from that because Damien is, if it is the same guy, he has excelled himself with a much more cheerful anecdote, one that will be right up your street, Don. What's the elephant body count, Luke? There's no elephants mentioned in it, luckily. He says, hello, Luke and Pete. I have a summer-themed story in a similar vein to Pete's. I'm not going to phrase it in the way he's phrased it.

Right. But I think episode two, going way back now, you talked about finding, in quotes, a balloon under your father's and mother's bed. Yeah. It was a real fan-favourite story for many. Yeah, it was. I mean, and rightly so.

I mean, you tried to blow it up. People can fill in between the lines there and know exactly what I mean. In between the lips, Luke. So Damien's got a similar story. He says, once when I was aged just five, I attempted to superglue my teeth and lips shut

in order to try and become a better Red Swilliquist and be more like Garfield. Hang on. Yeah, Garfield didn't open his mouth, did he? He's a cartoon though, isn't he? That's the key. I can imagine you doing something like this.

How did he get... I mean, it gets really hot, superglue, doesn't it? I mean, you would actually melt your lips. Well, the fact about superglue that everyone knows... Oh, agony. That everyone knows, but just in case there are some people that still don't know this... Right.

I'm not patronising you, I'm just saying. I'm pretty sure I'm not saying anything new here, but the reason it sticks your skin to it so well is because it was developed during the war as a replacement for stitches Ah yes People still use it as A battlefield type treatment

Anyway I remember my mother freaking out Which is in hindsight understandable Because despite all preconceived notions She does actually care about me And rushing me to the doctor A normal one Not a witch doctor

And I remember being quite Because I missed Fraggle Rock that evening As a result He doesn't say what happened. I don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't know what the treatment will be for that It doesn't mention it sadly I'd like to know what the doctor Because I mean there must be If you're a doctor I think there's a certain element of doctors GPs definitely Where they go

Yeah Okay Bear me a second And they're googling away Oh yeah 100% Every case is different But on their

In their defence I mean to be fair to them If someone walks in If some idiot And I'm sorry Damien I know you're only five But some idiot walks in And they superglue their mouth shut Right I mean, to be fair to them, if someone walks in, if some idiot, and I'm sorry, Damien, I know you're only five, but some idiot walks in and they've superglued their mouth shut, right? I mean, a doctor cannot be expected to learn about that in medical school.

They can't cover everything. They must. Superglue's a very popular solvent, though, isn't it? If you're not gluing yourself together, you're sniffing it, so. Coming up, Pete Nielsen's top three solvents. Number one, superglue. Araldite. Number two, araldite.

Number three, the one you used to husk behind the BP garage when you were a kid. Exactly. So the doctor can't be expected not to do that. Damon, if you would be so kind, I know you've had a couple of emails to us already, but if you could let us know exactly how you were treated, if you can remember, I'd very much be interested in hearing that. My favourite glues are the ones that you've got to mix. You've got two kinds of chemicals, you've got to mix them together.

Yeah, that's your purest glue right there. With a match. So they're the ones that, that's the glue that you get to do airfix models with and stuff, right? Do you remember Swarovski as well? I do remember Swarovski, yeah. Did we talk about that on the show already? No, I think we've, we've touched on it. My mate Gareth, Gareth?

My mate Gavin got some free Swarovski, or he won a competition to get a personalised tub of Swarovski and I was so jealous I'm sure we've talked about this already that he gave me a bowl a bowl with my name on it saying

always follow your dreams sorry about that Swarovski I told you because I've got some in my eyes didn't I did you yeah

it's horrible it's really bad I used to love using Swarovski because you used to put it on before you put the water on your hand there was quite a bit of novelty involved

that's what the 80s were like yeah I used to love using Torfie, because you used to put it on before you put the water on your hand. There was quite a bit of novelty involved. That's what the 80s were like. Yeah. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. And one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman.

It's all to tell you what the hell that's from. Very simply, with hope. Good morning. Good morning hope Good morning Good morning Good morning to you too Good morning to you, random man Has this got a lot Has this show got a late night feel? Because we do record it quite late in the evening We do, yeah

I mean, it sounds like it's quarter to eleven now Yeah I like the late night feel It feels a bit like Put your shoes back on Sorry, yeah It feels a bit like a You know, like a sort of, you know

Late night chat show With no callers With no callers, with no callers. Night caller. Yeah. Remember that TV show that used to feature a late night talk DJ that used to talk to women, usually, and solve crimes in the night? Give you a real kind of inaccurate idea about what overnight DJ-ery was and is. Well, you would know. Well, exactly. It's not like that, I know that.

I was going to say, upward departureage, please. What do you, on your evening shows, your night time shows, what does it do? Give people a little glimpse behind the curtain.

What do you do? I mean, you're on your own for four or five hours. What do you do? Go on YouTube and find things for this show. Yeah. Or just my own satisfaction.

Careful. There was a guy who used to, let me, can I say the radio station? There was a radio station that used to play jazz 24-7. Okay. That'll be hard to track down. Even if you're on nodding terms with the UK radio industry,

you'll know exactly which station it was. So they have these guys called Tech Ops where they basically play out pre-recorded programmes. So just to keep the radio station on air. But they're present at the time when it happens. They're present at the time, so they just play out pre-recorded programs. So just to keep the radio station on air. But are they present at the time when it happens? They're present at the time, so they just play out basically links and music and things like that.

They just keep the radio station running on Overnights and stuff like that. They get paid a minimal fee. Do they speak at all? They don't speak at all, no. Okay. No. And so one time on Overnights,

Jazz FM was on, and you could clearly hear, all of our computers are linked to the mixing desk, so you can basically play out stuff on air, like how we played the YouTube thing earlier with the man pouring iced tea in zero gravity or whatever. It was zero gravity. Well, Gs were involved, weren't they?

Yeah. Yeah, weren't they? You still working at NASA? I got iced tea in the instrument, so they wouldn't let me. What, the rapper? Yeah, and so this man was basically clearly listening or watching something a little bit illicit because over the top of this rather jazzy and, let's face it, fitting soundtrack, you can hear gay pornography men pumping away.

Really? Yeah. Okay, is he still working in the industry? So this jazzy anyway here he is oh yeah fuck please welcome

our new guest who was it I don't know who it was to be honest but I don't think he went there there was a guy

who was when he used to work for XM there was a guy who used to do tech hopping who was very keen on the website

fuckingmachines.com oh my goodness which is men who've made power drills with dildos on them yeah we don't need to know about that fuckingmachines.com we Oh, my goodness. Which is men who've made power drills with dildos on them. Yeah, we don't need to know that. Fuckingmachines.com.

We don't need to know that, do we? Yeah. No, we don't. As probably 70% to 80% of the questions I ask you, I wish I didn't ask you it. What have we got for Men Carter? Sophie. Okay. A girl.

Okay. Sorry about all things I've said earlier on this episode. Well, you should be a poison to everyone I know but it just seems more egregious when it's girls Yeah Hello boys I like amusing history almost as much as I like other stuff And Luke's talk of military blunders reminded me

Of a possibly apocryphal tale about the Lichtenstein army This is episode one stuff I know Yeah Military blunders What a delicious blunder We can all agree there really were Yeah. Military blunders. What a delicious blunder. We can all agree there really were some truly delicious blunders in that book. The story goes that during the Austro-Prussian War in 1866, 80 men went off to fight, but 81 came back.

Wow. With a foreign officer, either Italian or Austrian, depending on which version of the story you read, joining up with them on the way home. Perhaps the opposite of a blunder to actually have increased your fighting force after a war. Although ultimately pointless as the Lichtenstein army was disbanded a couple of years later. They still have no military to this day. They probably went, you know what? We've done better than we ever imagined with our 80 soldiers. We'll take the money and go.

We've had a lovely day, Chris Tarrant. We're off. But the thing is, the flip side to that is if you're actually gaining people, carry on. Yeah. Carry on with it. Keep on collecting it. Like lint on a hoover. Yeah.

Keep hoovering up people. Do you mean a dry, what's it called, a tumble dryer? Yeah. Yeah. Did Sophie mention, did Sophie say the entire Lichtenstein army was 80 members? No, that would be mad, wouldn't it? But there's not many people in Lichtenstein. Even back in 1866, 80 men went off to fight, so presumably some of the battalions went.

Yeah, okay, right. That's not, I don't care how small your country is, that's not enough people. No. The Jersey army probably has more. Even Evan Kearney sent this one. I think, I mean, is it the guy who emailed in and said his name's pronounced Carney or something. He got annoyed about it. Yeah, but he also said that some people call him Effin.

Effin. But I didn't do that. No, you didn't. So, one up. Ivan Kearney. Ivan Kearney. Or Kearney. But a little sort of tip for you.

If you email in and you talk about at great length a couple of sentences about how to pronounce your name, you're almost like legally obliged to pronounce it wrong on purpose. Yeah, I think so. So just take what you get. Well, this is another bizarre military engagement. The Pig War of 1859. I'm reading off his, well, actually not off his email. He goes into very little detail,

but I managed to find an internet page about it. But the Pig War in 1859 is perhaps one of the most obscure and unusual wars in history. It started in 1846 when the Oregon Treaty was signed between the US and the British. The treaty aimed to put to rest a long-standing border issue, but it was actually quite hard to draw up the line between the border and the set of islands situated in the southwest of Vancouver. Around this region, the treaty stated that the border had to be through the middle of a channel, but because the islands were rather strangely positioned,

it was always going to be difficult, basically. So, in 1859, the British had a significant presence on the island, bolstered with the recent arrival of the Hudson Bay Company who set up a salmon curing station. Love cured salmon. Delicious. And also a sheep ranch on the island. Meanwhile, a contingent of between 20 to 30 US settlers had also recently arrived on the same island and made it their home.

And someone arrived and burnt a million pounds on it. Yeah. £50 being found everywhere. Judging by reports of the time, both sets of islanders actually got on rather well. However, this was not to last, as on June 15, 1859, a belonging to the british accidentally wandered onto the land of lyman cutler a american farmer when cutler noticed the pig eating some of his potatoes he was incensed and he shot and killed the pig that's not an appropriate response well i don't know well the conversation went it

was owned by a british employee the Hudson Bay Company called Charles Griffin. This is the conversation that transpired between Griffin and Cutler. Griffin went to confront Cutler about shooting his pig. Cutler said, but it was eating my potatoes. Griffin said, rubbish. It's up to you to keep your potatoes out of my pig. What? I'm not having that.

I'm not on board there. Isn't that beautifully put? Cutler did, however, offer to pay Griffin a sum of $10 in compensation for the dead pig, but this was refused. Instead, Griffin reported Cutler to the local British authorities, who threatened to arrest him, much to the anger of the local American citizens, who subsequently drew up a petition requesting US military protection. That protection was granted, and a big war kicked off sort of uh until the uh

it was kind of a bit of a pitch battle but uh admiral robert l baines commander-in-chief of the british navy in the pacific basically went i am not involving two great nations in a war over a squabble about a pig so i like it oh yeah but back back in those days they're all about the war i know so yeah he didn't want to get involved with a pig war, effectively, which I quite like. I like that. Do you want one final one for the men Carter to be inducted into men Carter? Yeah, sure. This is from Tighe.

Hello, Tighe. What's the crack, lads? All right. Guess where Tighe's from. Ireland. Is he from Ireland? He's from Ireland. Yeah.

After hearing the chat last week about the great Boston molasses flood, that was actually the first episode, I thought I'd add in a lesser-known fact about another American city, Seattle. While living in Seattle during the summer of 2014, we decided to do an underground tour of the old part of the city. Originally, we thought the tour would just have us walking around the city's old abandoned sewer pipes or moving through the basements of surrounding buildings, but what the tour actually turned out to be was far more interesting. When the old part of the city was being built on the marshy land that surrounded the area, it, like most cities, was built on the coast around the main port.

However, unbeknownst to the locals, the concept of tides did not seem to enter into the grit minds of the city planners. In addition to this, it soon became apparent that marsh isn't the most ideal of foundations to build a city on, as it soon started sinking. Why do people still keep doing that, you know? This perfect storm of sinking land and disastrous planning meant that when the city's sewer lines were installed, all the sewage would be pumped out into the Pacific and brought down the coast to the neighbouring city of Tacoma during a low tide. But during high tides, all of Seattle's waste, along with the waste from Tacoma, along with all seawater, would come rushing back in, resulting in a not molasses flood, but a poo flood. Yeah.

We were told that such was the force of the sewage re-entering the pipeline that it would cause toilets to rocket up into the air. Wow. Wow! What did they do about it, Pete? Exciting. Basically, they razed the entire city by two stories they built massive 20 to 30 foot walls around blocks of buildings and gradually filled the area in with whatever they could find what you're probably thinking now is how did they get around with

giant walls surrounding the buildings well giant ladders of course i mean is this that's what he said i didn't have time to check this one out, to be honest. Is this Slip Through the Net? Well, apparently the combination of drunk men and giant ladders is not a good mix, and there's a grim old wise tale that many a drunkard may have ended up entombed in the city's foundations after suffering a heavy fall. I mean, sorry, the reason I'm getting confused is because he took the tour in 2014. This didn't happen in 2014. No, no.

That's fair enough then. A bit more... A bit confused. There's a few skyscrapers in Seattle, probably not, probably not getting involved in that kind of care. But what I would say is that,

didn't Edinburgh had, like, an underground city? Yeah. Around the train station. I think you can still do a tour of it now, I believe. Yeah, I find that, I find anything abandoned,

fascinating, tube stations, train stations, ah! There's a number of tube stations abandoned in London, of course. Yeah. And they have,

sort of, Aldwych and all those ones. You can hire them out, I think. It's right on the tube stations abandoned in London of course. They have Aldwych and all those ones. You can hire them out I think. You can nowadays. Isn't that not Aldwych? The Strand? There's the British Library. My favourite one is if you stand on the northbound northern line station at London

Bridge you can look up into a small, when it was all competing companies in the early 1900s look up into a small, when it was all competing companies in sort of the early 1900s, there was a small tunnel that used to serve about three or four stations and you can see it to this very day. Really? In London Bridge. In about 1860-ish, the first

London tube station, underground station was created, which is Baker Street. Yeah. I mean, why didn't they do another one? What do you mean? Well, because where's it going to go? Oh, right. Where's the train going to go? I don don't know i don't think the second one was built a couple years later so it's like we're definitely gonna get to that surely you've got open to at the same time yeah well they were also a very they were all competing sort of uh technologies and different gauges of the rails and stuff like that it was a great story in um i think alexander palace they basically had a

problem to get through a hill uh so they just dug a tunnel and they had uh the world's first um vacuum powered train so basically they made a seal uh like an oily seal uh through the whole tunnel and they would just use a generator to generate uh the i presume well not steam but i guess air compressed air that would push propel the train through this this tunnel that What year was that? That was like, you know, same sort of time, 1900s, I think. And did it work? It didn't work because the rats ate all the grease. Oh, really? So it destroyed the tunnels effectively.

Have you been on the bullet train in Japan? What, the... Japanese one? Shinkansen, yeah. Have you? What's it like? It's very quick. I've been on a faster train, the Maglev, that floats in Shanghai.

Right. That gets up like 200 miles an hour, maybe faster. I can't remember. 250 miles an hour? I might be going mad there, but... Does it feel like you're going faster? Yeah, it absolutely whips along. But it's very smooth, obviously, because it's...

But the thing is, it's such a space age, but it's such an advanced technology, but it only runs from the airport to just inside the city limits. So how long do you want it for? Say again? How long do you want it for? About 20 minutes? Half an hour, I think. Well, it must be quite far away then. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm just saying, why don't you just get it right into the centre of the city?

That's what I'm saying. Right, okay, right. Because on a plane, obviously, you don't really feel like you're moving along, so is it similar to that sort of experience? It is whip quick. And to be honest, the shinkans and the bullet trains very quick as well that sort of experience it's it is whip quick and and and to be honest the shinkans and the bullet trains very quick as well but yeah it's it's uh i'm only used to getting southern aren't i but what's it if the the actual ceremony of the uh of the train actually pulling into stations is actually something to behold because they've got such a long noses

yeah i mean presumably due to the aerodynamics and stuff but they've got such a long kind of they look like the blobfish you know the blobfish with the big old schnozza so is that train the fastest train in the world then? the maglev I think it is

I think the maglev is if people listen they've been on a faster train than that maybe there is one I don't know you're lying yeah

because you know we talked about paradoxes last there's probably one in bloody Qatar or something you know we talked about paradoxes last week we mentioned paradoxes briefly

I forget why it was to do with the brain the human brain well I was thinking of a paradox Probably one in bloody Qatar or something. You know, we talked about paradoxes last week. We mentioned paradoxes briefly. I forget why. It was to do with the brain, the human brain. Well, I was thinking of a paradox at the time. I've completely forgot to say it. And it was based around this. Bear with me on this. If you're sending a spacecraft to a far-off galaxy,

say, a couple of light-years away or whatever. No, longer than that, like light-years away. It's not a dead-out dog, do that, Luke. No, well, quite. You've known all about this. That's why I'm asking you. Right. And say it took, say, in real time, it took 30 years to or whatever. No, longer than that, like light years away. It's not a dead eye. Don't do that, Luke. No, well, quite. You've known all about this. That's why I'm asking you. Right. And say it took, say, in real time, it took 30 years to get there. Okay. Then, is it

not fair to assume, then, that while that spacecraft's doing that thing, within that interim 30 years, on Earth, there could have been technology built even better, which means that you would send one later that would get there quicker, so there's no point sending that one the first so would it then would it then in impede technology because you're

thinking well we spent all that money sending that earlier one there's no point sending this one it's going to get there first because it's going to render that other one obsolete so is there any point doing it well they do take a long time to um build and like once you're right though once that once they get up they're massively obsolete what i'm saying is the distances are so far and and the time is so long that it's actually very very difficult philosophically to actually justify it because you're gonna better stuff's gonna come along yeah interesting one but just put it out there what do you put your money in your pot though like oh we've given you all this money we're just waiting yeah just waiting until time is right now yeah it's now yeah yeah exactly it's hard to know when disaster stopped, but maybe it's a very futuristic

theoretical conundrum. You've travelled faster than me on Earth in the maglev. I've never gone anywhere near that fast. I wonder if either of us have gone on a faster plane than each other. Hard to know.

Did you go on Concours in the 80s? I'm so annoyed I missed that. That's the most 80s thing ever. Apart from that one that crashed in Paris. The most 80s thing to ever happen was Phil Collins getting the Concord from London to perform in New York. Do two on the same day in Live Aid. That's the most...

Nothing more 80s ever happened than that. Phil Collins, Live Aid, Concord in one story. I remember... Do you remember when the last Concord flew? I remember going to the roof of my London office. Did you see it? When I used to work for the London government, I stood on the top of the, we all ran to

the top, and I wouldn't care, I was like with three Australians who just didn't really give a toss, to be honest. Could you actually see it properly? Yeah, pretty much, yeah, I remember it coming out of the land. Not a non-chilled spine around, though, you used to work for the London Council, yeah. No, I mean, not a non-chilled spine around, though. You used to work for the London Council. God. It was for housing.

Are we out of time? We're out of time. Let's get out of here, Luke. Yeah, okay, let's do it. God damn it. We've said that every week. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. Yeah. There it is. Found it in the end, mate. If you want to get in touch, as always, just get in touch via the email system we have

here on the internet. A regularly monitored email system. It's hello at lucanpeachshow.com. We'll see you next week for more Lucan Peach Show. I'm running out of theme. Bye, Luc. See ya. We'll be right back. You've got five minutes or 50 Peloton tread has workouts. You can work in or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs,

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