The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 60: A man in a rocking chair

Episode Date: May 3, 2018

Pete's been to the good ol' US of A and admits that he is essentially the worst travel companion ever, as well as recounting a frankly quite horrific story of his AirBnB involving a random stranger in a rocking chair. In addition to that we listen to some of your stories about, among other things, attempts to solve the now infamous Bo Bedingfield Mystery, a few more terrible band names, and a quite underrated story about Noel Edmonds. Again. You can't keep Edmonds out of this show.To get involved in this foul jamboree, email us: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

two strong boys ready to wrestle with the issues of the day on the luke and pete show pete donaldson with you luke muir is also with me hello hello to Hello to you, Pete. Two strong men wearing very tight T-shirts. Yes. You can see my nip nips. I've been on holiday, Luke. There's no getting away from it. And we'll probably talk about it further.

But I've put on so much weight. It's taken me four months, three months to get rid of, to shift about half a stone. Yeah. And I've put on three or four pounds

in one week. Going to the United. One week. It's been one week since you were four pounds lighter. Yeah. and I've put on three or four pounds in one week. Going to the United States. One week. It's been one week. Since you were four pounds lighter. Yeah. Going to the United States of America and not putting on weight, are it possible?

I don't know how the hunky boys become hunky there because it's so hard to eat. Even the salads, they put cheese on them. They put cheese on them. They put cheese on them, they put clart on them, they're just, oh my dish. They are the size of a house,

the salads over in the United States. Crazy. And that is the custom in the United, when we talk about the United States, of course, we have to talk about it in a one-size-catch-all fashion. Yes.

Even though, when someone talks about any other country, and they mention it in those terms, it's like, oh, that's a bit xenophobic, you can't tarot people with the same brush. Apparently with Americans, you are and as do that, which I personally don't agree with,

but there we have it. The United States is like Europe-sized. Indeed. Nobody talks about that. You are now. I am now. Pete, this is I Am The Luke and You Are The Pete, and this is episode 60, would you believe?

Whoa. It's Thursday. It's almost a weekend for people. We like to welcome them in. Don't we be welcoming and friendly and say, you know, whatever's happening in your life, tune in to us. We'll hopefully make the world seem a little bit better by delivering some nonsense and some ill-advised and ill-thought-out opinions and interpretations of events.

Last time around, you guys will, just in case you don't remember, and I do this feature to recap, but really it's for Pete. It is for Pete. I mean, it is just for me. I'm not forgetful, but I am forgetful, but there's a veneer of not caring as well.

Yeah, there is. It's not just a veneer. Carefree, carefree nature. I think it runs all the way through you. I'd like to do a recap for people ostensibly, but really for Pete. And last time around, we talked in great detail,

Pete, about a man who was half swallowed by a hippo. We heard from a chap who was a drug detective in Baltimore. We listened to a little bit about a mystery, the bow bedding field mystery, when a man saw some Japanese chaps at a gas station in Nowheresville, USA, and wanted us to solve the mystery.

A couple of emails on that, either today or Monday, we'll see. And on the email front, actually, and before we go into your trip to the US and perhaps even deliver, furnish our listeners with a Duncan Bannatyne update, I should say, we are normally about two weeks behind on the emails because we get so many

and we do genuinely read every single one of them that you might find a bit of an inertia when we talk about subjects and then you guys respond to it because it takes us a while to get there. So do bear with us. We might not hear from the Baltimore drug detective again for a week or two. It's just how we roll. Just relax, sit back,

don't be too highly strung about it. Take Pete's advice and do not care. Be carefree. Do not care. And what I would say is that if I was doing the emails,

I probably wouldn't have a Duncan Bannatyne update. It's not in the emails, I'll sort it out myself. I'll be honest with you, Pete. You'll source the news yourself. I've got a Google Alert for it. You've got a Google Alert

for Bannatyne. DB. Yeah, I have. DB. And also, one final piece of admin before we press in and hear about your trip. You are fresh off the plane here. I'm fresh off the plane. I've done... How many Valium have you had?

I might have had a couple. Yeah, so you are in a bit of a... I'm low energy. You're in a bit of a shit state. No, no, I'm not in a shit state. I'm quite free. I'm quite free. I did, while I was away,

we basically, there's a few different stories, but we locked ourselves out of our car. So where specifically did you go? We started in Denver, Colorado. The last dinosaur. He's my friend. And a whole lot more.

Which sounds a bit... A bit much, isn't it? Like they're fucking... They shouldn't be doing that. And, well, is it fine? I don't know. If the dinosaurs are doing the fucking, who knows? Well, the other bit is,

it shows me a world I never saw before. A dinosaur's penis. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. What in the world? It started in... Ripley's, believe it or not. It started in Denver, Colorado, went down to Colorado Springs,

headed down to a place. How did you get on with the altitude in Denver? It was all right. My lungs were fine. It was very snowy, though. Oh, it was snowy. As Luke and Pete show's most notable asthmatic. Yeah, it was very snowy.

I did notice a tightness in my chest but not too bad because we went to Johannesburg once that's quite high isn't it yeah I wonder which is higher carry on I'm going to find out

which is higher well Denver's a mile high I know that yeah because they've got Milehall Stadium but we went down to Denver Colorado then we headed down to

sort of heading towards New Mexico went to a place called Taos Taos Taos Johannesburgos? Taos. Johannesburg's higher. Which was, oh, is it?

Yeah. How high? How much higher? About 100 metres. 100 metres. How high? Well, we ended up in Austin and the state capital building,

which is beautiful, when Texas obviously joined the Americans. Oh, yeah, did you defile it on Instagram? Defile it? What do you mean? Like, send a few pictures. I took a picture of myself of it. In the Instagram stories and made some jokes.

One of the floor designs looks like a penis, so that's their business. That's right. That's what it was, yeah. That's very much their business. You're just pointing it out. Apparently there's a rule that the state buildings aren't allowed to be taller than the Senate buildings in Washington. But what they did in Texas was they made it a couple of inches shorter than the state building in Washington. But what they did in Texas was they made it a couple of inches shorter than the state building

in Washington. But then they added like a little statue of a lady, make it taller. Dicks. Dicks. Isn't that partly what, for a while, the world's tallest building race essentially was? People just put in massive aerials and stuff.

Started in Colorado, went down to Colorado Springs and a place called Taos, which was like a weird kind of art, commune, Mexican-themed sort of place. It was really weird.

It was like this kind of old kind of Western Mexican sort of town that they put a roof, the hotel we stayed in, it was like the town square, but they put a roof on it and made a hotel out of it.

It was brilliant. We just, you know, chanced upon it. Did you stay there? Fantastic, yeah, we stayed there. There was brilliant. We just, you know, chanced upon it. Did you stay there? Fantastic, yeah, we stayed there. There was a genuine goth, like, lady wearing, like, a white wedding dress.

I don't think you can really go with black clothes down there because it gets rather hot. But she had the full kind of, like, white lead face paint and she was playing the harp and it was beautiful. Difficult instrument to play, the harp, of course. Yes, and we got locked up. But before that, we basically went, we visited a place, I can't remember where it was, but it was just basically on,

because we didn't go down any of the interstates or any of the motorways, we just took little roads. And we happened upon this beautiful kind of Native American museum run by an American bloke who was like this classic kind of 70 year old eccentric lovely bloke like he spent so much time uh with us explaining about the um the scottish influence because we had a scotsman with us a scottish influence around um uh new mexico and places like that and how um basically where he grew up and and what where he does his hunting eats a lot of bear apparently and he goes up north and he hunts bear and he does his hunting, eats a lot of bear apparently, and he goes up north

and he hunts bear and he does all this stuff and he's this fascinating character. And he spent ages and he genuinely had a real warmth towards us because they don't get that many visitors. There's a lot of that in the US though, isn't there? Yeah, and it's just kind of like old eccentric bloke and he was selling like, you know, just odds and sods, old tomahawks and shit.

And a parrot that would say hello and goodbye. And it was just like this great eccentric but but then so he took pictures of us and I go can I get a picture

of you guys and you know we all took pictures he was 70 years old but he was sprightly as hell still goes hunting all that stuff and

as we pulled out from the driveway of this really kind of quaint little runown museum he'd made of just odds and sods and nonsense. I love a self-run museum. Brickabrack, I'd call it.

Basically, we'd visited a Walmart some miles behind us, and I'd bought four sticky letters to antagonise the driver of our car, Matthew and I'd written the word FART in big letters on the back in form lettering on the back of our car and we looked back as we pulled out of his museum

as him and his family waved at us and they just saw us read the back we just saw him and his family read the back of our car saying the word fart after we'd had this kind of life-affirming moment and we just saw his face drop a little bit. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. And the thing that annoys me about that.

Fart. You never have to see him again. No. But the thing that annoys me about that is, in a way, you are representing me there because we're both British. Fart. We both love to travel. we both like to fart yeah that is true you particularly it was in this studio big whimsical letters fart um why did you do that is this like an extension of your farts at farts.com no obsession no i just went to what we went to walmart i was buying a big pillow because i whenever i take a long trip i like to make a little manger in the back and have a little snooze.

So I bought a big pillow. You regularly like to go on holidays with your pals where you fly to the US and drive around all over the place, taking advantage of the cheap car hire rates, but you can't actually drive. Yep. So if we ever do something together like this, I'm going to have to do all the driving.

Yep. Unless we want to literally die. I reckon, to be honest, Matthew is a very good driver, but he does get distracted very easily. Can I just say, Matt, I've never met you. If you listen to this show, that is not what Pete was saying before we came on here. What do you mean?

You didn't say he's a very good driver. No, I said he gets distracted. When he sees something. He sort of drives up in the rumble strips. But that's part of driving, isn't it? That's part of not making you a very good driver.

No, he's good in the cities. He's a good driver. He drove us for like a thousand miles across the US. I think you should be very grateful, yeah. I am very grateful. And you were so grateful that you put farts on the back of his car.

And your particular own version of support is buying a load of soft furnishings to make a manger on the back seat so you can get your head down. Helping. I'm not a great map reader either. God bless him. I don't know how he put up with it. But, and we, then we went, then we were laughing our heads off so much that we, Then we were laughing our heads off so much that Alex, one of my older friends, he locked the keys of the car inside the car. How is that even possible now?

Well, we managed it. We managed that feat. Well, I thought nowadays, we're like modern kind of hire cars. They're all on GPS and stuff. You can get them remotely unlocked and stuff by the hire company. Turns out, not the case. I wouldn't be able to lock myself out of my car because the only way I can lock my car is by pressing the button.

And if I haven't got the button, I can't lock it. Yeah, apparently it automatically locks. So then what happened? You didn't see Bo Beddingfield, did you? No, we had to ring the hire car place and then wait in the sunshine in a place called

Fort Galveston or something like that. Fort Galveston, Oh, Galveston, Texas. No, it wasn't Galveston,

it was New Mexico. Fort Worth, now it's Dallas. Fort Worth is Dallas. But Fort, something or other, and we had to sit not a million miles away

from where the fart situation, because we were from where the fart situation, because we were laughing at the fart situation, went to get some gas, locked our, basically had to wait about three hours

for a man to come with a little, I do like the way they do this because it's the same way that people used to steal things out of my girlfriend's, ex-girlfriend's car in Highgate.

They just pull on the, they just get their fingers on the actual car door and just pull it until it's bent. Then they get their hands in and open it up and then steal the shit that's in there. But how do they bend it back then? Well, so these guys do it slightly more delicately. They've got this little kind of slidey thing

and they slide it in between the car and the car door and they just inflate it with a little pumper and it gives you enough room to slide like basically a court hangar in which and you can flip up the

um flip up the the child lock things and then get in how much did they charge you for that we don't know yet oh it's still in the post

still in the post uh presumably Matt's been relinquished of any fee fee paying because he's driving the hotel has he yeah but I mean, yeah,

well, it was a mix between him and Alex who locked the thing in the door, but it was an interesting experience. But at that time, because Colorado, you can buy weed legally, you can just walk in, and there was a dispensary right next door. So we went, all right, we'll buy some bloody edibles then, because we're not smokers.

Did you even want them? Not really, we were bored. I was bored out of my bloody mind. So we bought these little cookies. I don't really understand that sort of thing, but I had half of one and I giggled. I started giggling immediately. Now, that's not right.

They shouldn't work that quickly. Psychosomatic, probably. I don't think it was because I could not stop smiling. There's a lot when people drink alcohol-free lager, but they think it's alcohol in it and they just pretend to be drunk. I don't know, man. There had to be something because I could not keep it together at all. And then I fell asleep and had mad dreams.

But, you know, if it works for people, it works for people. So you went to a small local museum, you locked yourself out of your car, you bought a house cookie. I bought drugs. And you got upgraded on the way home. Did you try and get into a cockpit? No, I don't think that's... No, yeah, you were just here like,

can we go to the cockpit? No. It was very prompt, a very prompt leaving of the place, which I really appreciate because we had a lot of... How did you get your upgrade? People at home will be dying to know

how they can swing it themselves. No, I think it's because I paid 60 quid to choose my chair on the way out. They call them chairs now. Right. But we drove all the way down to a place called Abilene. Right. Abilene.

And we got to an Airbnb. It was the only Airbnb in town. Got there, big, big house, like a big rumpus room with a drum kit. We got in, we started bashing the drums and stuff. It was about like 10 o'clock at night. But it was a semi-detached house. And he's got a drum kit, so room with a drum kit. We got in, we started bashing the drums and stuff. It was about like 10 o'clock at night, but it was a semi-detached house, and he's got a drum kit, so it's fine. And then me and Matthew kind of explored the rest of the house

because this was a sprawling house, and there was just a guy asleep on this chair. What, in the house? In the house. That is horrific. And the lights were off, and I was like, what the flip is going on here? He scared the shit out of me.

So they hired you out of B&B and they left someone in there? And I was like, yeah, right. I mean, it was a late booking. So what had happened is the brother of the guy had just been in, just watching telly. But he was just sat there watching telly in the dark. And it spooked the shit out of me. I would absolutely shit a brick if that were me.

This Latino bloke just going, hey, bro, I'm sorry. I couldn't get out. I didn't shit out of me. I would absolutely shit a brick if that were me. This Latino bloke just going, hey bro, I'm sorry, I couldn't get out. I didn't lock out the thing. That's how they talk. That's how they talk. So he just didn't realise there was a bucket? He didn't realise there was a bucket, so he just sat there watching telly

on like a really spooky rocking chair, which is even worse. Did he keep popping up again? Did he leave? But it was in a room. No, he left immediately, said sorry. Well, he didn't say sorry, he just went, I? Did he leave? But it was in a room. No, he left immediately. He said sorry. Well, he didn't say sorry.

He just went, I've got to leave now. Not even his house. He should be apologising. He should be apologising. But the room that he was in, watching telly, was this,

had a room, weirdly had a picture of Cheryl Cole on the wall. Cheryl Cole and the nuclear testing bikini at a hall. What, the mushroom cloud? Yeah, the big mushroom cloud. What a combo. What a combo. And also in one of the cupboards,

about as much live ammunition as I've ever seen in my life. Couldn't find a gun to shoot them, but yeah, incredible. That will happen in that part of the world. I know, but still, don't rent out your house if you've got bloody shotgun shells and pretty hefty, pretty large kind of big seven, is it seven millimeter, seven inch, it can't be seven inch. I know what you're thinking about.

Big, long, sharp, gullet bullets. But I told you once that I visited a, that's a wonderful price of your trip. Appreciate that. I once visited a house, a friend of a friend or whatever in the US, and the guy had an actual rocket launcher in his house. Wow. Which is obviously not legal.

Nice. I mean, a rocket launcher is just a pipe though, isn't it? It's very much the rockets that are naughty. I said to him, what are you going to use that for? He said, I don't know really. He just had no idea why he had it or why he was going to use that for? He said, I don't know really. Yeah, he just had no idea why he had it

or why he was going to use it. It's a great, it's not animated gif, but it's like a little video of, on the internet you occasionally see and it's just like

all these, all these guys and girls just sort of coming out and sort of saying, I'm a, I mean, my name's Steve.

I'm a, I'm a gay man. And then it's like, my name's Sophie. I'm a transsexual woman uh my name's um you know it just goes on like that and then the clip after that is a guy with a rocket launcher and he could and he sort of goes i'm a n-word with a rocket launcher which i really hate what's this on it's just a good i don't know it's a gift it's a gift on the internet yeah which is it just cuts this guy with a rocket launcher he goes i's just a, I don't know. A gif. It's a gif on the internet. Yeah. Which is, it just cuts this guy

with a rocket launcher. He goes, I'm just a, with a rocket launcher. Could be the same guy. Could be the same guy. Can you maybe furnish me with that

as part of your monthly meme dump into my WhatsApp, which you graciously do every month? Can certainly do so. Appreciate that, Pete. Can certainly do so. A great pricey of your trip away.

I've also been away a little bit, but I'll maybe talk about that next time around. Before we go to emails, shall we have a quick break, Peter? I think so, yes. Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers.

Never argue with the customers. It's email time. I've collated a load of them for us because you were away, Pete. Shall I start off with the Bo Beddingfield mystery? Further strings to that particular Bo. Yes, please. So last time around, if you've not heard it, go back and check it out. Episode 59.

Check it out. Check it out. Episode 59. Steve Brule. I know you are, yeah. Check it out. I was doing the Beastie Boys. Bo Bedingfield saw a particular weird occurrence

where he was at a gas station, petrol station, to you and I in the UK in the middle of nowhere, and he saw a load of what he presumed to be Japanese people picking up an elderly gentleman from a car and putting him in the back of a van. We asked our listeners to solve this mystery, and to be honest, it's been quite slim pickings. It has been slim pickings.

A couple of emails here, one from Steve and Ryan. Hi, Luca and or Pete. Everyone's thinking it. I'll just say it. Executive gangbang. Oh. What do you mean, executive gangbang? I don't know what you mean.

What is that? That's all he says. Is he the bangy, the old man? Who knows? I don't know what he means. What is that? That's all he says. Is he the bangy? The old man? Who knows? Because the old man got in the car rather than the old woman. Yeah, it was the man.

So that's what Stephen thinks. Someone else has been in touch. I didn't take their name. Sorry about that. Definitely not the only one who's going to say this, but my only thought is that they were Yakuza, although feared they do have kind of responsibility for politeness and respect.

Probably way off the mark, but it's the only thing I could think of. I don't take the name down, who that was. Let me just check. That is from Gavin Cook. That's his idea. That's the only suggestions we've had. Yakuza or executive gangbang? Why can't it be both?

I was about to say that. Why not combine both? So that's the Bo Bedingfield mystery as it currently stands. If Bo Bedingfield wants to get back in touch and give us some more information, if you think of us like detectives, we need more information about the scene of the crime. Even if it was a crime, it might not be.

Putting your hand up someone's bum would be easier with fewer fingers. True, that is true. It's the little finger they tend to lose, isn't it? Little finger, yes. Not to be confused with Littlefinger from Game of Thrones. I think we've spoken about this before, but there's a guy who makes Littlefinger replacements for Yakuza who've done something wrong.

And they give you three or four different versions of it for how tanned you are during the year. It's a real giveaway if you're under suspicion for something, isn't it? Yeah. I've often thought that. But, yeah, if Bo Bedefin wants to get back in touch or someone else wants to email, have you got an idea?

Go on, go on. Well, it was a thrift store and there were two items. It was a thrift store in a place near San Antonio and I nearly bought a really old 70s false leg. How much was it? It was like 30 quid. It was between that and a Birklight phone

I bought neither in the end but it was this kind of really antiquated how was it with the back? false leg what? you put it in your suitcase in my suitcase

you had room in there yeah prosthetic leg room what else did I bring I took a full scale iron out there full scale? full scale I took my home iron out there

because you can never rely on the irons in Airbnbs. You got your fingers burnt in Naples. Yeah, oh, Mike, that was a nightmare. That horrible iron I thought.

Yeah. Have you still kept that? No point. No point. No point. I let her throw $15 down the drain.

Disposable iron. Disposable. Have you got an email there? I've got an email. I'm going to kick off with Ben Wicks. Thank you, Benny Wicks.

This is a great email. Thank you for pulling this one out. Luke. Hello. Hello. Listening to episode 55 and talk of Turkmenistan reminded me of the existence of my favourite dictator. Come on, we've all got one.

Sap Amarat Niyazov, who ruled from 1985 in varying capacities until his death in 2006. Not a bad little reign. Yeah. 21 years. Guilty of lots of horrendous human rights abuses. Not a bad little reign.

What made him my favourite was the many and varying batshit things he did, including naming days of the week and months of the year after various things, including himself. I mean, that is just an admin nightmare. I understand. So I understand. That's going to cost you in the long run.

It is. The mentality of a dictator, I try and sort of empathise with that. I understand how they get to where they get to. And they're mad power crazed. But if there are any dictators, would-be dictators out there listening, do the sort of mad stuff that gives you the least admin footprint. Because if you're going to name every day of the week about something different,

I mean, they are just automatic, those. We learn those when we learn to speak. If we have to start remembering, he's not even going to remember himself. And he's going to look ridiculous. Carry on.

He changed the national anthem to include references to himself. So that's a bit more manageable. A bit more manageable. Banning lip-syncing at concerts. I kind of stand by that.

I think that's alright, isn't it? So the actual artist himself? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be in favour of that. No, I don't think

we're going to like concert goers. You never know. He's known the days of the week differently. Banning dogs from

the capital city. I'm not having that. I don't agree with that. Not having that. Banning news anchors from wearing make-up because he personally

struggled to discern men from women how much makeup were the men wearing you have to wear camera makeup don't you yeah

and also like I mean they would presumably would they still be wearing western dress like suits and dresses and stuff surely not sure

don't know have a google and most interestingly of all says Ben Wicks he banned smoking in public in 1997 not on the grounds of public health but because he'd had Have a Google. And most interestingly of all, says Ben Wicks, he banned smoking in public in 1997, not on the grounds of public health, but because he'd had to give up smoking himself.

See, that's another problem I've got there. Another basic error. It's almost like he doesn't care, and I'm sure he didn't. If you are going to do that for that particular reason, just say it's for public health. Yeah. It's an easy win. Damn right.

You don't just say, oh, by the way, I'm not allowed to smoke anymore, so you guys aren't. You're going to be unpopular doing that. However, the best thing he did was in the attached photo. I've noticed that you did not attach the photo. Oh, I've seen it. It's very good.

No self-respecting dictator should be without a statue, right? Well, this one was made of gold and was slowly rotated throughout the day so that Niazoov always faced the sun, which is magnificent work. I think it's fair to say. There it is, Peter.

You want to look at it? There you go, mate. Oh, it's quite broad. It's quite solid, isn't he? Yeah. He looks like, it's almost kind of like Russian futurist, kind of like, you know,

that Yuri Gagarin statue we saw a little while ago. Keep up the good work. You're doing plenty to inspire my curiosity, though previously that extended as far as Mr. Blobby. Oh, we'll do something on Mr. Blobby again in a minute. Or Noel Edmonds, anyway. I looked into Niazov and he also

fired his chief of police live on television and said, I cannot say you had any great merits or did much to combat crime. That's like when they fired the now Portuguese manager not Portuguese

Belgian manager oh Martinez Martinez on television didn't they well they'd fire him he found out no it was Gus Poirier

Gus Poirier completely different man I think they're sort of similar I'm allowed to make so many mistakes on the football side of things on this show

because not the football is it when you're on Valium do you find that people all look the same um what about this one from toby he says afternoon gentlemen a band i was a part of way back around 2003 once supported the wonderfully named rectal hemorrhage they were bloody shit is that a pun yeah it is a pun but it's true or not. This is obviously on the old band names

we were talking about. Slow Dive were playing in Austin and they were on my flight. It took ages to get all their equipment through, obviously,

because they're a band. I've never really been to them myself, the Shoe Gaze, but they're very highly respected. They reformed fairly recently,

I think. A few years later, Toby says, I looked Rectal Hemorrhage up, hoping to prove to a friend of the band's existence, and I came across a band called Anal Bead, and a man who called himself Dave Watson Infernal Keyboard Emperor 3000.

I like the 3000. That's a good admission. And this is why the... Anal Beard was the name of the thing. You said Anal Bead, which is very different. Oh, Beard, yeah. They sometimes interact. They do.

I included this email, not for that fluff at the beginning, but for this particular bit. This is the crux of the email right here. He says, also, on the Mr. Blobby front, Noel Edmonds once visited my dad in his helicopter in the early 90s at the height of house party fame for advice on how to run a business despite the fact that we lived in a caravan my dad told me not to tell anyone at school because of the potential local media circus and i was almost as good as my word i instead

elected to tell one of the classroom assistants that noel had brought his party to my eight uh to my eight wheel static only years later did I consider how an adult must have reacted to a seven-year-old boy telling her that Noel Edmonds was at his caravan asking his dad for advice. I'd like to have him on the show, Noel. I know you hate him, but would it be good to have him on the show? I would like to film myself hitting him with a stick. And that would be great content.

Where would you hit him? What? Would you hit him where a Spanish policeman hits someone so it doesn't bruise? No, face and hands. In that order? That was always the rumour when you went on holiday to Spain

as a teenager. Is that a threat? Is that actionable? If I say I want to hit Noel Edmonds? Is it? I think he is quite litigious. Yeah. Probably. But then he's come out with some outrageous stuff himself so it's tit for tat? I think he is quite litigious. Yeah. Probably.

But then he's come out with some outrageous stuff himself so it's tit for tat, I think. Didn't... A man died on his watch, effectively, on Noel Edmonds. Now that probably is actionable. Yeah.

What are you going to do? Have you seen that classic YouTube video of... A man dying on Noel's watch? No, no, no. Right. It's Lionel Blair. Let me get this right.

Lionel Blair, Bobby Davro, and someone else. If you're listening from the US, I mean, your guess is as good as mine. Look it up. These are like 80s and 90s light entertainment characters. Very light. Quite tragic in their own way.

Bobby Davro, I think, has sadly passed away now. But anyway, I don't know about Lionel Blair. It's like this light entertainment type show, and they're obviously filming it ahead of time, not pre-recording it. Yeah. But it's in front of a studio audience. And you know those joke medieval stocks?

Yes. That people go in. So you've got your head through one hole and the two arms through. Yes, I have seen this. Yeah, well, shall I just carry on describing what happens? So Bobby Davro is sort of,

God rest him, is like a tragic sort of character anyway. He's in these stocks and the idea is they're throwing wet sponges at him but the the stocks aren't secured properly yeah and so what happens is he moves around a bit and it just all tilts forward and because his arms his hands are trapped and his face is trapped he just face plants in the most horrific place way possible yeah into the stage uh and it is awful to watch, but it's almost compelling. You can't really take your eyes off it.

And also you've got Lionel Blair, who's a very camp man. Oh my goodness, Bobby! Oh, Bobby! And what results is one of the most watchable videos on YouTube. Oh, it's something else. It's up there with Mr. Blobby not being allowed to go to New York. Yeah, I still don't really understand that. Do you understand? Well, no, I understand it happened,

but I don't understand what they were thinking at the time. Oh, what do you mean? Well, they were kind of selling the fact that they were going to New York. They were selling the fact that the Nose House Party was going international. And, yeah, they were setting up the conceit that Mr. Blobby wasn't allowed to go.

I noticed that those pictures that were taken of Mr. Blobby's old house went viral this week on the internet. Mr. Blobby's old house, as in... You know, the sort of dilapidated old Nose House... Yeah. Blobby's old house went viral this week on the internet. Mr. Blobby's old house as in... You know, the sort of dilapidated old... Yeah, Blobby World thing. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, that's the Noel Evans update.

I'll give you a Duncan Bantam one on Monday, I suppose. Okay. Any more emails, Peter? Do you want one more? Yeah, I'd love one. Okay, then. Hello to... Oh, God.

I'll save that one for next week because it's a chunker. Bad, bad names. Talking about that stinky one we had a little bit earlier on. Alan says, hello, chaps. Energizer batteries for me. Depressingly middle of the road. They really are, Alan. You've let yourself down there, mate. On the subject of bad band names, here are but a

selection of bands I was in when I was younger. Regurgitating Francis. That's so 90s. That is good, isn't it? Deep Blue Rose Thorns. That doesn't make any sense. Deep Blue Rose Thorns. The Life Nocturnal. That's not too bad. I don't mind that one. That's really

pretentious, though. What sort of music would they make? They would make, like, it would be The Life Nocturnal. It would be almost like Counting Crows type stuff. Do you reckon? It would be almost like Counting Crows type stuff do you reckon la la la la la la la it would be Blind Melon No Rain

yeah it would be a bit like Blind Melon yeah I'll let that get insane yeah yeah Diaspora

not as I remember it Diaspora No More we're going through a Rage Against the Machine esque Diaspora No More political phase but thereafter shortened to diaspora, basically.

I'm getting married next year and hope to get a diaspora reunion going for it. Keep up the good work, Alan. Well, Alan, I hope you're not a resident of the spectacular county of Somerset in the southwest because I did some research and there's already a fairly successful, well, what appears to be fairly successful,

Irish folk band called Diaspora. Oh, no. Diasporamusic.org. Their website has a lovely picture of them with a boron and a few banjos. We have been described as a long-established feel-good Irish band which celebrates the music and traditions of the historic Irish diaspora and entertains with an eclectic mix of folk and other influences. Listen to our music.

Read about us. Judge for yourselves. I don't think the Cornwall people need any more. Listen to our music. Read about us. Judge for yourselves. I don't think the Cornwall people need any more rabble-rousing. Somerset. Somerset? Yeah. Is that the same place? Nah.

Good. Not even bordering. Devon's in the way. Devon's in the way. Don't forget about Devon. Creamy Devon's always in the way. It always is in the way. Right, let's get out of here.

We have got to bring you some more Luke and Pete show on Monday there's loads more to get through so do listen out for Monday as well we've got loads to get through we'll see you next week if you want to get

in touch with the show how can people do it hello at lukeandpeetshow.com send us all your favourite anecdotes stories requests

comments all that kind of stuff and we'll see you on Monday have a spectacular weekend let's have a good one.