The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 63: Abducted by Concorde

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

Pilot Neil is back in the Luke and Pete Show cockpit and he doesn't disappoint, the boys get excited about terrible 90s boy bands (most notably the great E-Male) and Pete reveals yet another remarkable childhood skill, arguably more impressive than eating frozen sausages and not dying.We also delight in emails about party tricks that have gone wrong, Pete's pet hate (ankles) and a Mencarta involving a mass poisoning in southern France. TAME!hello@lukeandpeteshow is where we live, come visit us.***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it is time for the lukin peach show where we basically take a look at your emails and read them out do you even know what episode number this is fuck off mate nah don't hold him back sorry if you're in the car with your kids don't put it they can fuck off too don't be listening to this with your kids don't be listening to his kids how'd your kids how'd your wife pete doesn't even know his kid i'm that guy how'd your kids how'd your wife because they're raping everybody up in here oh i wonder what that man's doing now. Brilliant. That is brilliant. Of course, I remember it. But there's also, I was introduced to two really good, do you know when people on YouTube, and probably at this point I should say, that's Pete Donaldson, I'm Luke Moore, we are the

Luke and the Pete on the Luke and Pete Show. I saw two videos yesterday, just yesterday. Wow, two videos. Shut your fat mouth. They were both of people reviewing food products on YouTube which is a thing right

that's a thing and one of them was it's a hang one of them was the famous and I hope you remember this

the famous guy reviewing five guys burgers and fries oh yeah damn damn damn

that guy but the other one was this woman reviewing I think it was a woman might be a man reviewing the patty labelle sweet potato pie. Have you seen that?

No. Oh, it's good. No. It is good. Sweet potato pie. It's either a very effeminate man or a woman. Right. I forget which.

And he or she turns into Patti LaBelle. What? They're singing all their songs and everything while he's eating the pie. It's fantastic. Fantastic. If we were a properly joined up coherent show, we'd have had the video there,

but we haven't. Do you remember the, who's the guy who goes around, I can't remember even his bloody name now, but he goes around, oh, he says something's peng. He's the chicken guy.

Oh yeah, chicken connoisseur. Yeah, chicken connoisseur. He's like 25, but he looks about 10. He is so media trained as well. No question about it. Well, no, is he? I don't know.

His charisma is incredible oh he's incredible but then didn't he fall foul of probably the Daily Mail or something because he was basically in this chicken shop

with his mates and one of them was a convicted paedophile oh Jesus not great not ideal no that is not good if that's not true

I mean is he going to have that much money to sue us I don't care to be honest yeah I'll say we're being sued by the chicken connoisseur no news True. I mean, is he going to have that much money to sue us? I don't care, to be honest. Yeah.

I'll say it. We're being sued by the chicken connoisseur. No news is bad news. No news is bad news. As long as you spell our name right. We start on the show with a threat, with a challenge for someone to literally sue us. A legal worry. Good.

Pete, it's been a long time, or it feels like a long time, since episode 62, when we talked about the steel city of Sheffield, snooker. You had a couple of astounding admissions, as usual. A boy going through probably the most psychologically damaging part of his childhood

that is possible to imagine, being taught sex education by his mother, who was also a teacher, in front of all his friends. Yes. And that brings us to where we are today. What have you been up to over the last few days, mate? A few days.

A few days. I've turned to the Big Brother guy. I've been sort of walking around doing bits and bobs. He's sorting me fence. What have I been doing? Not a lot, really. I interviewed Clive Owen. He's in a new TV show called Anon, I think.

Seems a nice chap. Yeah, he's a bit dull. Is he dull, yeah? Oh, think seems a nice chap yeah he's a bit dull he's dull yeah he's a bit dull but he's he's a bit rich but he's incredibly attractive I could just

yeah he's got those big lovely eyes do you know that's a nice little theme that's a nice little theme to talk about actually because

if I remember when I worked in music for a bit I had to sit in on a listening session for the Scissor Sisters second album right remember the Scissor Sisters' second album. Right.

Remember the Scissor Sisters? Animatronic. I was watching a random bar in Japan and the Jake... Cheers? Yeah. Oh, maybe Scissors? Cheers?

Yeah. Whoa. You okay? No. Anyway, so it's just me. Never. It's me and a couple of people that I worked with at the time

at the label and the Scissor Sisters, basically. And so there's about, I don't know, 10 people people in the room put the record on and I'm sat there with the music playing and I know I really cared about my opinion but I just had to be there for whatever reason and Jake Shears I'm looking at him and I'm thinking that is the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life I have never seen a more attractive person men or women man or woman so instantly attracted it was almost like the face equivalent of a really catchy pop

song. And at that point I thought, yeah, this will work. I get why this is successful. Because he is so attractive, so instantly attractive, and the music is so instantly gratifying that people just love it. It's like junk food. And he is the most handsome man I've ever seen. And I think the only thing I would add to that

is I don't really get starstruck when I rarely meet someone famous. But the one person that starstruck the shit out of me once was Shane Ritchie. Shane Ritchie, wow. Just so much charisma. But seeing someone who's so familiar to you because he's been all kinds of different things,

just seeing, like, you don't have to be handsome or you don't have to be good looking. You just have to be iconic. You have to be around. You have to be familiar to people. You're like, like, you don't have to be handsome or you don't have to be good looking. You just have to be iconic. You have to be around. You have to be familiar with people. You're like, oh my God, it's you.

But you, because you see this person in three dimensions, you kind of, they seem otherworldly. You know what I mean? It's like seeing a football for the first time.

I remember doing, I remember doing the red carpet at the Brits and I did everyone that you'd usually get, you know, just usual, like, red carpet fraff coming up, over the red carpet that we'd be interested in. And then, in rapid succession, St Vincent and Janelle Monáe came up.

Oh, brilliant. And I didn't know they were going to be turning up. I'd prepared questions for bloody Ed Sheeran, all the usual nonsense we play. But, um, great shoes. Oh, we play. But then, but then and then St Vincent and Janelle Monáe

two of the most interesting artists and striking women you'll see and I just add nothing the only thing I remember

St Vincent can do a she's quite good at football she is yeah that's all I've got those two women Janelle Monáe's gone

look your heart is good those two women take every box have you seen Janelle Monáe's performance on Jules Holland? My goodness me.

It is like James Brown reincarnated. No, it's about five years old. Oh, what, the tightrope one? Yeah, tightrope, that's it. It's that song, tightrope. Yeah, check it out. It's worth looking at. So I wanted to bring something to the table before we go in

because I've got exciting news for everyone who's been listening for a little while. And that is that Pilot Neil. We're stopping stopping pilot Neil has dropped in right with another belter yeah so we've been wondering where he's

been all will be revealed and no we're not stopping the show because you've got nothing else to do he's been in the air he probably has been the whole time

I haven't tried to break that 850 wangs record I forgot about that from last week Pete I was looking someone sent me imagine if that was

the first listen imagine if that was someone's first listen I always say stuff to you like that I said to you it's not conducive to having a successful show

if someone just randomly listens to a show and all of a sudden you're talking about getting an erection at six years old in front of a nurse somebody said

somebody emailed in that they were listening to one of the other finds the Garnov productions abroad in Japan, and he was just confused about what we were. But he was enjoying it, so there we go.

I'm continually confused at what we are. Hello, that person. Hello at LukeandPete.com to get in touch. Anyway, Ewan Flynn is the man I want to get to. All right, Ewan. He's a friend of mine. I know him. He emailed me with a fantastic shout.

And what he had done, and I've got a bit of a fascination and I know you have Pete too and I've forwarded this to you and you seem to enjoy it I've got a bit of a fascination with tragically bad 90s boy bands there was loads of them, they're not all take that well that's what I mean, when take that

sort of came out, everyone wanted a crack didn't they it was in America, NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys led to... God, who was that three-piece... Three Latino lads. Three T? And they sang... Where do you go, my lovely?

But they weren't a boy band, were they? I want to know. Yeah, they were. They were good-looking young lads, weren't they? Just wanted a good play of the guitar. I can't really remember them that well where do you go my lovely anyway one of i would i'll be very interested to listen uh to to people listening in uh suggestions but you and put me uh put me in touch with you put me in touch with made me aware of a 90s boy band called email right i think i can't believe you weren't

aware of this rabble because i think about this lot a lot and you sent me a video of them and i forgot one particular piece of information that's quite pertinent they're all on rollerblades all the time yes exactly and so they're called e-mail spelled e-M-A-L-E it's like a 90s pun on email yeah and they've all got names beginning with E so what they've done

and it turned out what's happened is they've taken five good looking chaps from the west okay they've taken five chaps yeah

from the West End musical smash hit Starlight Express and as a result their gimmick their angle have they actually done that? Yeah.

Oh, they did. They took what? They just went into the crowd and went, find me four lads who can skate. No, because Starlight Express is on rollerboos. Yeah, I know. Sorry. Yeah. That's their brief.

Where do we go? We either go to Hyde Park and see the lads doing that. You know what I mean? I don't like that. I don't like that. It's a bit weird. It is a bit weird. It is. It's really weird. I don't know what it isde Park that? I don't know. A bit weird. It is a bit weird. It is, it's really weird.

I don't know what it is. Because every trick they do is a bit shit. Yeah. Lots of you do it, mate. I can barely kick foot. So they've basically found five men from

Starlight Express. Express Chorus line or something. And they've put them in a band and their angle is they're all on roller boots in the band. Fair play. I mean, they've gone out with a brief and they've got the right place because they're all on roller boots in the band. Fair play. I mean, they've gone out with a brief,

and they've got the right place, because they can all rollerblade. Yeah, that's that box tick, because that will be tricky. And they can all sing, so kind of. Sort of. And Ewan put me in touch with a YouTube video, which is, and this is delightfully 90s as well, is the CD-ROM extra feature from the CD single.

It used to happen every now and again. You'd get a CD, but there'd be a CD-ROM little track that would be like an extra. You'd have the music video on it, wouldn't you? Yeah, exactly. That's right. Exactly right. This is like extra content on the back of a terrible single. And everything would be programmed in a package called Macromedia Director,

which was a precursor to, or a more permanent fixture when compared to Flash RIP. So good digression. So what happened was they clearly thought we need to tell the throngs, assembled throng of masses of fans that are going to love this band a bit about people who are in the band. And they've given them all names. They're called Easy, Elusive, Ego, E-Ments and E-Nigma.

Nice. It's good, isn't it? And what happens next is this. Hi, I'm Adam, Easy. And if you think it's easy, then it is easy. Hi, I'm JP, Elusive. Catch me if you can. Hi, I'm Adam, EZ, and if you think it's easy, then it is easy. Hi, I'm JP, Elusive, catch me if you can. Hi, I'm Chris, Ego, always expect the unexpected. Hi, I'm Julian, alias E-Ments, think big.

Hi, I'm PT, Enigma, and be a mystery to everyone else but yourself. Right, what was the second one? I can take it back. Take it back, do it again. I just like the way he says it. I'll take it back for you, mate. Hi, I'm Adam. Easy. And if you think it's easy,

then it is easy. That's not a phrase. That's not a fucking saying. Second one. Hey, I'm JP. Elusive. Catch me if you can. Ooh, catch me if you can.

What do you think of that one? Ooh, catch me if you can. On me rollerblades. Hi, I'm Chris. Ego. Always expect the unexpected. Hi, I'm Julian. Alias, immense. Think rollerblades Hi I'm Chris Ego Always expect the unexpected Hi I'm Julian Alias Ements Think big

Hi I'm PT Enigma And be a mystery To everyone else But yourself It's so 90s Shit

It's so unbelievably shit Dig it out if you can It's dreadful And what I like about this is Like I've been obsessed with email For a while Because I

Don't remember any of the I think one of their songs is We Are Email. We are email. We can not fail. Yeah. I mean, they had one single and they did fail. But they say that they sort of, because I just like the pun and the email is exciting.

Like, they could have been called, like, America Online or something like that. They could have been called. Alta something like that. They could have been called Alta Vista. CompuServe. Ask Jeeves. But they sort of went with that. And I like the fact

that you say that they sort of went to Starlight Express. It just sounds and looks. The way they speak, the way they deliver those lines, it's as if they've never been in showbiz before

in their lives. It's as if you've gone to a builder's cafe and just got five people. went just got five blocks because they look like they look like laborers yeah they do every last one of them and my final big my my phone catch me if you can my final um if you can my final uh piece of trivia about this band which i think is even more amazing is that so back in those days in the 90s because everyone was obsessed with take that e17 all the rest of it and there was money to be made, and the internet

didn't ruin the music industry at that point, and all the rest of it. They were just scrabbling around for any group of men, or boys, or whatever, teenagers who could just be in a band, right? And they obviously sat on this gimmick with the rollerboots, and because they were signed to, I think, East West Records, because anyone could get signed

there, they obviously had an industry launch party. I looked into into this and they invited all the good and great of the media and music industry and everything to get everyone excited about email who were going to come out and do a performance on roller boots and the roller boots thing was a big thing right um they invited people and guess how they invited them it's going to be through post, isn't it? They sent, physically sent, one roller boot with an invite attached to it saying, if you want the other roller boot to get your free set, come to this show. That's great. That's great marketing.

You like that? You like that? You get sent crap all the time. But then you are just walking through Soho with two roller boots. Yeah. If you want the other one, if you want to make, because the thing, the deal

with, if I was like a coke-addled exec, I'd be like, right, I go to this, I get a full set of rollerboots, and the wife can't get annoyed at me

staying out all night and getting, you know, getting off my head. I'm thinking. Because I've got the kids some rollerboots.

I've come out with some rollerboots. That's the end of your point, is it? If you want, I off my head. I'm thinking, because I've got the kids some roller boots. I've come out with some roller boots. If you want, that's the end of your point, isn't it? If you want, I'm thinking it

from the other side. I'm thinking, if I'm the guy signing off the money for this, I'm thinking, this is costing me a hundred quid a head.

Because roller boots aren't cheap. So, it's a big gamble for a band who are clearly no good. I don't think they were premium

roller blades. No, they can't have been. They cannot have been usable. And also, I can't think they were premium rollerblades. No, they can't have been. They cannot have been usable. And also, I can't think of anything that would less incentivise me to go to an event than saying, you get some free rollerboots. Actually, I mean, I guess they'd be adjustable,

wouldn't they? They'd come in shoe sizes. They'd have to be roughly the right size. It's just all a mess. That's the nice one. And I think, in summary, before we move, guys. And I think, in summary, before we move on to emails, I think, in summary,

and thanks for putting that to us, Ewan, but in summary, I think, if you want to understand the 1990s, I think you would do well to read up on the story of email. And vanilla. Who were vanilla? Vanilla were a list of... Oh, phenomena.

Yeah. Okay. Don't get fresh with me and bad boys inc bad boys inc let loose if let loose can't make a success of it I don't think email's got much of a chance

to be honest because let loose crazy view was a banger but um can I do it or not no do we need that

I did it I was doing it down what's up to you yesterday you were um and for very very quickly finally there was a BBC documentary

it went out quite late on BBC Two, where they, obviously the BBC became... Well, it's similar. They became obsessed with the idea of putting together boy bands and how they were assembled and all the rest of it. And they did a documentary series called A Band Is Born, which resulted in a band called, a boy band called Upside Down becoming made. They flopped. But one of them, I I think is now quite a celebrated

writer of historical fiction. Oh, I see. Can't remember his name. Anyway, should we have a break and then do emails? Yeah, it's just nice to find out where George RR Martin got his start in many ways. In a crappy boy band. Hang on, I've got to wait for

the system to load up. George RR Martin. This is a joke. Okay Luke, don't gunge me mate. Pipe down Pete, I've got to wait for the system to load up. George R. R. Martin. This is a joke. Okay, Luke, don't gunge me, mate. Pipe down, Pete. I told you never to argue with the customers. Oh, you're having a terrible time, aren't you? I've got to... I do apologise to anyone listening.

The cough is annoying them, but there's nothing I can do about that, I'm afraid. Still got the lurk. Andrew sent us an email. Andy? Does he like to be known as Andy? Andy email. Hello, chaps.

I'm going to listen to Pete talk about his flawed ankles and his aversion to seeing injuries to them. I can maybe help explain why I'm so prone to them. I myself am similarly afflicted and have spent an ungodly number of hours in Glasgow's A&E rooms waiting to be seen. On my last trip, I was offered some insight into why it keeps happening

and it's apparently due to the ankle bone being chipped and worn down with each sprain as the ligament moves over it. That means that the ligament is now able to move more freely than being held in place by the bone when put under tension. Yeah, I saw this email.

I didn't think you'd want to read it because I thought it might make you squeamish. It's upsetting, isn't it? Well, I've done it over the weekend. I roll my ankle. Just a little one. Just a cheeky one. Need to put some supports on there, mate.

Yeah, but like I'm walking normally like with my shoes on and then I'll just roll my ankle. It's weird. Why do you feel you're walking on air? I think that's

Bad Boys Inc. Is it? I think so. It's one of them. Step by step. Ooh, baby, that was New York Kids of the Month.

Yeah, but they are different class compared to us. They are different class. I like the song Tonight from that band. Good. Well, group.

Tonight, night, night, night, ding, ding, ding, tonight. A little bit before my time, but I still enjoy it Well I guess we're on our way After all

That's tonight's night Oh yeah Every time we hear the curtain call Down down down down See the girls with the cars And the hey yeah That's what I mean It's quite a complex song

Tonight If you listen back to the Early New Kids stuff It's all put together by Morris Starr, I think from Five Star, I think. And the production is so tinny. It's so bad. Honestly, you can actually hear, Pete,

when NSYNC and Backstreet Boys come in and revolutionize that American boy band movement, they sound so much more professional. It's like night and day. But I used to like New Kids. Cover Girl is an absolute belter. New Kids. Cover Girl. Cover absolute belter. New Kids? Cover Girl.

Cover Girl? Oh, she's my cover girl. Oh yeah. Is that the same tune as WrestleMania? Yeah, a little bit. Pump it up, pump it up.

Anyway. Go on, Andrew. Thank you very much, Andrew, for that message. Actually, speaking of wrestling, Stuart Stent says, the oddest party trick you've ever seen. When I was seven, a lad who stood

on my street with his grandparents tried to impress the local children by putting the head of his Razor Ramon wrestling toy in his arse. Still attached to the body. That's funny. Dildoing your arse with a wrestling figure to impress people. Is it wrong to say

that I could absolutely... I've had some dates go wrong. I could imagine you doing that as a kid. What, me jamming? Yes. To my arse. It's funny you picked that one out, because I picked one out. I'm going to get to Pilot Neil in a minute.

I picked one out from Mark, who has a similar sort of theme. He says, hello, in year nine, we had a supply teacher in our art lesson. And as we were quite an unruly school, he decided that he wasn't going to get any real work out of us. So he settled for a class talent show instead. What a great idea. Um, I mean,

he shouldn't be in an educational job if he's going to do that, but he said, I proudly, I proudly told everyone I could regurgitate sweets as I discovered years earlier that I could basically half swallow a small object and hold it at the back of my throat. No one had one, but for some reason, one of the girls offered her rubber for American listeners eraser. I placed it into my mouth and attempted to do the trick,

but I just ended up swallowing it whole in front of everyone. I write that a lot. I write this. It reminded me when I was a kid, I rightly got watch this it reminded me when I was a kid I went I could do that thing you know when you spit

a little bit and then you suck up the spit like without it touching the floor I discovered I could do that and I went over to a bit of a bully and went hey watch this

and I went spat on his bag and he told the teacher he didn't even beat me up he just went straight to the teacher he's no bully Mr Wright was furious can I just finish his

email from Mark because it's a great ending he says I rightly got the piss taken out of me and the girl never got the rubber back I wasn't the biggest weirdo that day however

as another lad claimed he could fart the alphabet brackets he couldn't we had a lad who that would take some genuine self-control in the bot bot area

wouldn't it oh yeah big time we did a little one when I was a kid I to take some genuine self-control in the bot bot area wouldn't it? Oh yeah. We did a little one when I was a kid I could on my bedroom floor I remember if you'd get into how a dog would stand. Please, I just beg you

please, just think about just think about what you're about to say. It's all I ask. If you want to say it, say it but just think about it first. I just think about what you're about to say it's all I ask if you want to say it say it but just think about it first I'm just saying I could do it I could do

I could pump on demand because I could suck it in okay that's not as bad as I thought it might have been but there was a lad at school who was much better at doing it than me

and he was world famous but I never did it as a performance world famous he was like school famous that he could do it by

he would get on the floor suck in a lot of air and smash out some bangers smash out some bronx cheers

some air biscuits just for those listening at home or I imagine on tenterhooks right now can you go some way

towards explaining your technique how would you mean when you say suck in air what do you mean get on the floor now

you'd get on the floor in on all fours with your bum in the air and you would untighten your thinker and it would um for whatever reason like like you know you know in this you know when the water's gone out of a bath? It would sort of do that. And then you could let rip. Oh, my God. It would only happen very... I could only do it very rarely, but I just remember sort of doing it. Just remember doing it.

Right, so how many pairs of underwear is that? You do that on a war memorial. That isn't right, is it? Oh, my goodness me. The only thing I can remember, which is very tame, but I'll say it anyway, is it? Oh my goodness me. The only thing I can remember which is very tame but I'll say it anyway is that...

I like about last episode erection in front of a nurse. I know. It's a six-year-old. Similar sort of age. Me sucking air into my arse. Stick to what you know. That's what I'm saying.

No, I know, right? I can remember this is very tame in comparison but just because it springs to mind. I remember getting invited to a kid's birthday party when I was about nine. And I don't know why I did this,

but for some reason, the girl whose party it was, who I think I was probably quite sweet on at the time, she was called Lois. Lois! Go on, that's what she's doing now. Fuck!

I know, Lois. Weird name, right? I don't think I've ever met a Lois since. Was there a Cagney in LAC as well? Yeah. It sounds a bit like it. It's probably been the 80s. Yeah.

Lois. And she, I think I might have got there a bit late or something and she said oh do you want a drink and i said oh yeah thanks and she went into the kitchen with me and we were both on our own in the kitchen i don't know why i did this but she was like oh we've got cordial do you want cordial and i said yeah and because i was on my own with her i guess i was just trying to impress her. I said, she went, how much water do you, how much cordial, how much water do you want? And I said, I don't know why I drink cordial,

just neat. Like a whiskey. Like a saloon to where they're like gunmen. And she went, oh, okay, fine. And I was like, right. And I thought she was going to go, wow, that's really cool. But she didn't.

She just sort of said, there you go. And I just had to stand there with it and like drink it and like sup on it. It's the worst thing. I don't know why I did that. I guess that would work, I suppose. Probably would. You're immense.

Isn't it great growing up, girls and I guess boys as well, would have no idea that lads were sweet on them. They just wouldn't have any idea. Oh, no, yeah. And you'd just spend all your time trying to do the coolest thing. But the coolest thing that a seven year old

or eight year old thinks is cool you know what I mean like yeah I think it was a perfect storm between girls not realising that boys

are essentially as long as soon as they get a certain age boys are essentially for some in some cases the rest of their life

trying to show off to impress girls and at that age girls have been completely oblivious I mean that happened all the time right that was incredible I mean that happens to you a lot now doesn't it to show off to impress girls. Yeah. And at that age, girls have just been completely oblivious. I mean, that happened all the time, right? No, it's incredible.

I mean, that happens to you a lot now, doesn't it? Ha ha! Can I do a bit on, I've promised this and I should really deliver, Pilot Neil's got to get back in the mix-up, hasn't he?

Get in the mix-up, Pilot Neil, for crying out loud. Pilot Neil caused great controversy back a few episodes ago, probably about 10 or 15 episodes ago,

where he talked about taking some very precious cargo which was evidence in the cockpit of his plane for a court case and some people picked him up on it

and said it couldn't happen and then it went back and forward it went on for ages it went on for ages like that bit in the office when they wonder whether Spock is half man and half Vulcan

I had to go home let's get on with the quiz Pirate Nils got back in touch he says uh hi hi luke hi pete um oh excuse me i've got a bad cough just a quick note to let you know all is well and i'm still listening to the podcast yay you asked where i've been well if you must know i was on my hands and knees trying to scrub dog mess out of the upstairs carpet while listening to your latest episode just doing my bit to dispel the notion that the wham video club tropicana is an accurate representation of an airline pilot's

life. Someone's just thrown out the window like the detective. Oh, that's a reference for the kids, Neil. Thanks. Despite the task in hand, I was... He's a qualified pilot. He's not going to be 18, is he? Christ. How old do you think he is? I think he's... He's got a youthful vigour. 35. I reckon he's

probably in his early 40s. Do you reckon he's got that lovely pilot kind of salt and pepper i hope so i hope so oh in my mind he cuts a dash oh he cuts a massive dash and not just because he's got um uh two kilograms of uncut cocaine um despite this task in hand i was given more power to my elbow from by the messages from george in baltimore who we heard from earlier and suram in m, both giving credence to my story about transporting cocaine from London to India on the flight deck of the plane I was operating.

Happy to have those two as my wingmen. I do have a photo with me with said package on the flight deck that would dispel any doubt once and for all, but I am loathe to put it out there for obvious reasons. Out of order, Neil. We can be trusted. You've seen a sealed plastic bag. You've seen a man in

a short sleeve Wallace Arnold coach driver shirt. Use your imagination. I mean, and his nose is covered in the shit. Yeah.

It's all in his tash. He's like, say hello to my little friend. What I like about pilots is they do all wear the bus driver's

shirt. Yeah, the short sleeve shirt. Presumably because they don't want to knock any instrument buttons with their... Definitely, I think, I reckon. Hello, Pilot Neil, this is the cabin crew director. And what city are we flying to?

Anywhere you fucking want, baby! Anywhere you want, baby! You want me to go 70,000 miles high? I'll fucking hit the sub, baby! Pilot Neil, you've left the PA speaker on, so all the passengers can hear. I fucking know. I know.

I'm going to fly loop to loop. Anyway, Neil says, my ears pricked up again when I heard you discuss the topic of flight deck visits. However, and so I thought I'd share another story with you that you can call bullshit on if you like. We are indeed more than happy to have people come up and say hello before we get going or after we've arrived at our destination and it's a great way

to kill some time when there's a delay on the ground i thought i'd share the story of my mate andy he really who at the ultimate flight deck visit back in the late 80s and this is brilliant people by the way when he was just 12 years old 12 year old andy really aspired to become a pilot and learned that concord was to visit manchester airport which wasn't far from where he lived it was only going to be there as part of a static exhibition i wasn't going to be putting on a flying display but people could look at it from the outside and take photos keen as mustard my mate wrote to the airline beforehand to explain what he wanted to do when he grew up and asked if he would be able to meet the crew on the day and have a look around the inside of the aircraft to his amazement they sent back a letter and told him to present it to the crew on the day can you imagine that pete the excitement

yeah getting an official letter from uh it's british airways that ran uh concord wasn't it yeah eventually the day of the airshow arrived and he took the bus to the airport by himself as both his parents were unable to go i love that oh we're not going i know it's your passion your hobby but it's up to you you're 12 now now. Do your own thing. Brandishing his letter, he was whisked through the crowds and the barriers on board and was given a personalised tour of the aircraft by the pilots.

This was already more than he had ever expected, but his 12-year-old mind was blown shortly thereafter when the captain asked him what he was doing later that afternoon. They were just going to fly the empty Concorde back to Heathrow. And would he like to come along for the ride and sit on the flight deck?

I cannot imagine. I mean, this guy better have become a pilot. Did it say that he became a pilot in the end? Well, you're going to have to wait and see. But this is the untold story of 9-11. Was this the Air France one? Oh, no. I reiterate that he was there without his parents.

It was before the advent of mobile phones, and he was 12 years old. Imagine being kidnapped by Concord. The first his mum knew of what happened was when he called home from a payphone in London to tell her not to worry. He'd basically just been abducted, flown to London on Concord,

and abandoned at Heathrow. Brilliant. But he'd be taking the bus home shortly and would be there a bit later than expected. This being the 80s, nothing more came of it, but I stress that it wouldn't happen these days. I appreciate this sounds like a mate of a mate story,

but you'll just have to take my word on it, as did Andy. As I did Andy's. Wow. Happy landings, give up the good work. I would have lost my mind if that was me. That is the fanciest way to get abducted, isn't it?

Beats a van. Are they treating you well? I'm in first class. He's on the flight deck, for crying out loud. He concorded. And that had a tiny little nose. I bet there was very little room up there. Fellow officer,

I mean, he's 12. He shouldn't be on the controls. He can't see over the steering wheel. That's incredible. Incredible. I feel like that should have been in the news, really. Being kidnapped by Concorde. Wonderful.

I wonder if... Pilot Neil's smashing out the park once again. I think he just describes him as my mate Andy. He doesn't say whether he's a pilot now or not. Well, I hope he is if he's had that kind of start. Imagine if he just had that amazing experience and just went, nah, fuck it. Nah, I don't want it.

It's not as good as I thought it would be actually have we spoken about Concord before on this show where I think I remember going to the roof of my building for Concord's final flight what do you mean

the roof of your building the roof of my building in London where I was working on Concord's final what year was that God must have been 2000

I'm going to guess 5 or something no you didn't tell me that, I think. I was working for the Association of London Government at 59 and a half Borough High Street. The most 80s things that ever happened. Phil Collins on Goncourt, Live Aid.

Oh, yeah. It was such a quick plan. Such a quick plan. I think if you flew, I think I'm right in saying, if you flew to New York from London, you arrived before you left. Yeah, true. Oh, really? Because that's time different. Oh, yeah, they would have done. That's spooky, isn't it? I think I'm right in saying if you flew to New York from London you arrived before you left yeah because of the time oh really because of the time difference

yeah oh yeah they would have done that's spooky innit so if you kept doing that you'd actually get younger yeah and would Concord get

what happened to Concord then why did that die keep doing it Pete and then you go back to six years old and you get your old penis out again right

funny for you funny enough for you. Right, you said you're going to do a mencarta. Are you going to squeeze one in or not? I'll squeeze one in. I need to find it, so can you fill for a second? Oh, yeah, I've got a cough

and I can hardly speak, but I'll fill, no problem. Thanks for getting in touch, partner. It was nice to hear from you. I need Pete to do a mencarta because I'm struggling. Yuck, comma. Right, here's the mencartas.

Hello. A fun conspiracy theory from Mr. Philip Mann. Thanks, P-Man. Philip Mann. He just got bored of saying the rest of his name. I am a man. Hello, Luke and Pete. You may already be familiar with this, but I want to share something that I think may pique your interest. In 1951,

residents of a small village in southern France were struck down with a bizarre illness that still has experts and scientists trying to understand the official cause today. On August 16th, 1951, the rural inhabitants of Pont Saint-Esprit became overcome with mass insanity and hysteria, experiencing terrifying hallucinations featuring terrifying beasts and fire. More than 250 people were involved,

including 50 persons interned in asylums and leading to four deaths. Among the more horrifying incidents in the episode, one man tried to drown himself, screaming that his belly was being eaten by snakes. An 11-year-old tried to strangle his grandmother. Another man shouted, I'm a plane!

before jumping out of a second floor window, breaking both of his legs. That wasn't the kid he got on Conker, was it, I'm a plane! Before jumping out of a second floor window, breaking both of his legs. That wasn't the kid he got on Conker, was it? I got a plane! Who sang that song, I'm a Bird Now? Anthony Johnson. I am a bird now.

I have a very good impression of a man from the Tinder sticks. Go on. Can't remember any Tinder sticks. You don't use it often then. What was it? We travel light. We travel light.

We travel... Google Travelling Light by The Tinder Sticks. We're the patients. Things like that. Anyway, Strangler Grandmother, I'm a Plane, Jumping Out The Window. Oh, itled grandmother, on a plane,

jumping out the window. Oh, it's the live version. It's not going to work. Live version. Get stuff, mate. He then got up and carried on for 50 yards after breaking both of his legs,

which I quite like. Another saw his heart escaping through his feet and begged a doctor to put it back. Many were taken to the local asylum in straitjackets.

The magazine Time wrote of the incident shortly after. Among the stricken, delirium arose. Patients thrashed wildly on their beds, screaming that red flowers

were blossoming from their bodies, that their heads had turned to molten lead. So, an unprecedented event was eventually sought. The best-known local baker

had unwittingly contaminated his flower with ergot, or ergo, a mould, a hallucinogenic mould that infects rye grain and can cause all kinds of horrible things like gangrene and dangerous convulsions.

Another popular theory of the time, that the bread had been tainted with mercury. It's pretty spectacular. What, mad as a hatter? Yeah, pretty crazy. However, questions have persisted as to whether these organic poisonings could have been responsible for the violent outbreak of freakish behavior seen in Pensees Esprit.

No formal challenge to the accepted diagnosis of this particular situation came until 2009 when H.P. Alborelli Jr., an investigative journalist, made the extraordinary claim that the outbreak resulted from a covert experiment released, or rather

directed by the CIA. Albarelli unearthed a CIA document labelled... Oh, MKUltra. Yeah, basically, there's a document labelled regarding Ponce Saint-Espéry and F. Olsen files, SO-SPAN, France operation file, inclusive Olsen intel files, hand-carried to Berlin, tell him to see that these are buried. Berlin was David Bellin,

the executive director of the Rockefeller Commission, created by the White House in 1975 to investigate abuses carried out worldwide by the CIA. F. Olsen is Frank Olsen, a CIA scientist who at the time appointed St. Esprit incident-led research for the agency into the drug LSD in a program known as MKUltra. At the height of the Cold War,

the US experimented with a program experience on human subjects that were designed and undertaken by the US Central Intelligence... Intelligence... Let's say it. Many of which were illegal at the time. It gets hot in the studio. I get sleepy.

You know, Frank Olsen was a guy who... He was covertly given a load of LSD by his boss. And so he chucked us out our window and killed himself. That MKUltra stuff is serious. Oh, no. It's mad. Well, that's basically why we don't know anything more about it. Because Olsen did indeed get dosed by the CIA supervisor and tricked himself out of a 30-story New York City hotel room.

Yeah, mad. One of the more bizarre incidents during the murky history of the Cold War era CIA during the 1950s, 60s and 70story New York City hotel room. Yeah, mad. One of the more bizarre incidents during the murky history of the Cold War era CIA during the 1950s, 60s and 70s. Might not be true,

might be true, might be the Baker, might be Mercury, might be LS Flippin' D. And if you're interested in that kind of side of it, the CIA side of it, I can't recommend enough

John Ronson's book The Men Who Stare at Goats, which is all about that kind of thing. Very, very interesting. Was that in that? Huh? Was that in that?

The MKUltra thing is. Not the Ponce Esprit situation, which I guess people which is all about that kind of thing very very interesting was that in that huh was that in that it's the MK Ultra thing not the Ponce Esprit situation which I guess people don't really know what that was sounds like a really unlikable Wimbledon

Ultra organisation cool thanks for that thanks for that sorry for the turbo reading I got all sleepy I think we're used to it these days

we've done three podcasts today varying different flavours I've done five have you done five? on the continent mate do you do the mailbag as well? the mailbag today yeah

back it out no rest for the wicked too much Luke someone's got to keep those pencil pushes down at City Hall in line Pete yeah

George from Baltimore can't do it on his own and if they don't like it I'll chuck them a badge right we'll be back next week with more of this nonsense yeah we will and we'll hopefully have cooled the studio down somewhat we nonsense. Yeah, we will. And we'll hopefully have

cooled the studio down somewhat. We've got an air conditioner out there, but we haven't fitted it yet. Have we not set it up yet? We've got to get it in time for the World Cup. World Cup. Don't forget to check us out

on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. The Luke and Pete Show. If this is your first episode, subscribe so you never miss one again. Tell your friends, you cunts. Leave us a review on iTunes. Don't use a C-word and check out all the other

podcasts put together by Radio Stakhanov by going to radiostakhanov.com yeah a bronze band cunts I can't say that

like my bag said revisited no it'd be out of order wouldn't it no it wouldn't be out of order but I'd like I'm not involved Berkhamstead Revisited

is a fantastic show you should listen to it there you go. We'll leave it at that. Cunts. Rest of me's alright as well, isn't it?