The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 68: A baby on the dashboard

Episode Date: May 31, 2018

Draw up the drawbridge and draw down the blinds! We're back! Pete's seen Solo and quite liked it, and on the subject of movies we also take the time to talk a bit about the new Freddie Mercury biopic which is hitting cinemas soon. Still on a theme, there's also a departure over to Will Smith and how he nabbed the Fresh Prince gig.When it comes to your contributions, dear listeners, you excel yourselves yet again with tales of potentially the worst driver ever, as well as an extremely welcome missive from Medellin in Colombia. There's loads more, too! Give it a spin. Go on, give it a little spin. Let's have a chinwag: [e-mail] ***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I got this for free! seen Mr. Robot in the new Bohemian Rhapsody trailer? Do you know who was originally going to be him? It was Sacha Baron Cohen. Correct. It does look like it's a bit of a joke really. All the interesting parts of Freddie Mercury kind of stripped away and it's just all kind of just basically him

doing Bohemian Rhapsody and stuff like that. It's a bit of a... It looks like a bit of a whitewashing, but Mr. Robot looks like he's done a lovely job. They wouldn't even be able to fit the whole of Bohemian Rhapsody song

in the film. Mayim Balik. Balik, is it Mayim Balik? I don't know who he is. I've never seen, what's it called? Robot, Mr. Robot. Mr. Robot, yeah.

He was outside my house a couple of months ago. What, fitting your broadband? And he was just like, just going, hey mate, and he's just like just going hey mate and he's got really high squeaky voice

to his friend I gotta be over here now when you said the bloke from Mr. Robot I'm going to be honest here because the Luke and Pete show is a place of honesty people share their honest stories

the whole time and they're going to embarrass themselves it's only fair that I embarrass myself when you said Mr. Robot I thought you meant I robot

and I almost said Will Smith. And I was trying to square that in my mind as to how he's going to be Freddie Mercury. He's singing the World Cup, the official World Cup song. Ah. Which I didn't see coming at all, really. They always pull things out their arse, don't they? Normally Mr. Worldwide, isn't it? Mr. Worldwide!

Yeah. Mr. Worldwide! Will Smith's had some bangers. He's had some absolute bangers. He has had some absolute bangers. He has had some absolute bangers. Miami, banger. There was a lovely story. Getting jiggy with it, banger. There was a lovely story of when he did his first album. I think the singles went really well,

but then the album bombed sort of thing, and he didn't really know what to do. And how he actually got the role as Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is incredible, because he wasn't an actor. He did not act. But this guy was just told by, who's that famous record producer? Did all Michael Jackson stuff.

Oh, Quincy Jones. Quincy Jones. Just basically said, I'm having a meeting with this guy about Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You could be the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Go and have an audition right now. And he went,

I'm not an actor. He goes, can you, like, can we do it next week or something? So I can have like research and stuff and he goes well you could do that or you could do it right now

and stop being a fucking pussy and he did it and he got it and he was the veteran of his ballet and it just went from there I mean it helps when you're Will Smith

one of the most charismatic men of all time I know I know if I was Quincy Jones I would have said you're one of the most charismatic men on the earth you're probably going to be fine

to be in this budget sitcom because at the time they wouldn't have known it was going to be massive I heard a similar story about him with the voice of Shredder

Uncle Phil was he voice of Shredder no he was he's also in prison now because of his

part in Death Row Records of course who Uncle Phil no he looks like Suge Knight that's the joke

he's dead he's dead well we heard on Monday that Bobby Davro isn't dead did Suge Knight run over somebody he did he took someone it was honestly on Monday that Bobby Davro isn't dead did Suge Knight run over somebody

he did he took someone it was honestly I'm not weird video that isn't it yeah I am not in any way condoning the actions of Suge Knight

if you've read the great book by Ronan Rowe called Have Gun Will Travel which is about the rise and fall of death of a record it's fascinating I'd recommend it

Suge Knight's guilty of some appalling things we all know that but there was a bit in um so that crime you're talking about he tried to settle some vendetta by driving a car into i think it was a crowd of people outside of a fast food joint or something yeah because he was trying to target someone and he ended up going down for it but he had one of these lawyers you know you get those sort of american they're normally american i'm not going to say johnny cochran type because he

was obviously like a really good lawyer but you get these sort of real almost they're normally American. I'm not going to say Johnny Cochran type, because he was obviously like a really good lawyer, but you get these sort of real, almost like a Better Call Saul type lawyer. So Suge Knight evidently had one of them, right? So I think the defence they concocted for that particular crime was that, oh, Suge Knight had a sudden onset of blindness, and

he's actually really struggling for his sight now, and so it wasn't really his fault, it's the minister's responsibility, his eyesight just deteriorated really quickly, blah, blah. And he turned up for the court case pretending to be blind. With the glasses and the white stick. I think you could probably find it online. And he saw it through, but he got busted. So you've really got to applaud the ingenuity of that.

Who's there, mother? Where am I? I'm in a court. What? Brilliant. Fantastic. Is this the opticians? Not even thinking on his feet.

Why is he talking like Roger Moore? And what were you saying just before that? Can't remember. Can't remember. Oh, yes. The Will Smith story. Oh, yeah. I had a similar story about Jamila Jamil.

Do you know her? You've probably worked with her, have you? No, but I know her off her, yes. So for those who don't know who she is, she was a presenter on Channel 4 on T4, which is a sort of teenage thing that was on Channel 4 here in the UK. And she is now an actor in a comedy with Kristen Bell, Ted Danson, and one or two others called The Good Place.

It's on Netflix. It's actually quite good. I saw the first two episodes. I just couldn't get with it. Couldn't get with it. The story is that she had never acted before, but she was fed up with everything happening in the UK, so she moved to LA.

Now, of course, it helps that she is probably one of the most beautiful women in the world, so we understand that it's not going to work for everyone. But she went to LA and was told that she was too old, because I think she was 30 at the time, and it wasn't going to happen for her. But she got this audition for The Good Place, and they asked her what work she'd done before.

And she hadn't done any work before, but she thought on her feet and said, I thought, if I just say loads of theatre, they're not going work she'd done before. And she hadn't done any work before. But she thought on her feet and said, I thought, if I just say loads of theatre, they're not going to be able to check. So she just said, I've done this theatre performance, this, that, and the other, all in the theatre in London. And they couldn't check. So they ended up treating her as an actor,

but she wasn't. And she got the part. That's how she did it. She's not good in it. She's the weakest part of it. She's not a great actor. No, I would agree with that. But the thing is, it's interesting,

because you know Mimi's American. I think it's because she's got this English accent that they really love her. Oh, hugely. I mean, you can be a terrible actor and be English doing an English accent, because you sound really disingenuous anyway when you speak, when you're an English person.

Well, do you remember that great advert? I think it was for, it was certainly for a car manufacturer. It might have been for Jaguar, when they got all the classic british older british actors right and you know they always play like bad guys yeah so i had ben kingsley um might have had christopher lee oh that's right yeah at the end it was all about um being british and being like a bit of a badass which is like weird because in the uk we don't think of british people like that at all we think of us as being apology making like losers yeah but at the end they had ben kingsley it flashed up jaguar

and they had ben kingsley looking down at camera going it's good to be bad which is great this car does come in automatic version yes i drive stick and speaking of that one of the great comedy scenes of all time uh sir ianellen in the extras. Do you remember that? I don't remember that one, to be honest. So there's a bit where Ricky Gervais' character wants to go for a part in a play. And it's directed by Ian McKellen. And Sir Ian McKellen's there at the casting. And he's sat at his desk.

And he sits down. And Ricky Gervais' character expects Ian McKellen to ask him some questions about the role. And Ian McKellen just goes, how do I act so well? This is brilliant. And he goes on this mad rant about, it's just weird. It's worth watching anyway.

My favourite bit is the Patrick Stewart, I've already seen. All her clothes fall off. All her clothes fall off. I've seen everything. Is it a comedy? No.

He didn't like that apparently. Why? That's word on. Why it a comedy? No. He didn't like that, apparently. Why? That's word on. Why? A friend told us. Why didn't he like it? Oh, yeah, we did get told that. He thought he was being lampooned.

And I was like, have you seen the show? Yeah. I mean, that is the actual point. All the actors are in on the joke. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Who was it who told us?

Oh, yeah, someone did tell us that. That's right. Anyway, good stuff. Right, Pete, what have we got coming up this week? No one knows. No one knows. I'll tell you what I've done this week. I went to see Solo.

Oh, have you seen it? Seen it. That was good. That was enjoyable. What was Donald Glover like? Yeah, great. I mean, he'll probably get a spin-off or something. But it's quite a nice subversion.

Oh, God, who's the one who does Fleabag? What? Chewbacca? What? Chewbacca? No, Fleabag, the TV show. Oh, right. Is it Carrie Walder?

I haven't seen it. Oh, my God, you're missing out. You really are. Carrie Walder something or other. I can't remember her name. She's incredible. Anyway, she plays a robot. Oh, Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge. And she's some crazy double-backed monster. I have seen it. I saw an episode of it on the plane. It's incredible. And, yes, she plays a robot that is Landon Calrissian's robot, and it's a beautiful subversion of the goofy male that you see in pretty much every other TV show slash film where a really goofy male manages to enchant

a beautiful, sexy, kind of slick woman who's really confident. It's a complete subversion of that. She's like a really goofy kind of robot who's clumsy and a bit shit. And Landa Calrissian, we've clearly got some kind of relationship, is Landa Calrissian,

and there's like a goofy robot. I really like that relationship. I'd like to see more of that. How many peaks out of five are you giving it? Say again? How many peaks out of five are you giving it? It's a strong three, three really like that relationship. I'd like to see more of that. How many Peaks out of five are you giving it? Say again? How many Peaks out of five are you giving it?

It's a strong three. Three or four, yeah. Well, which? Three or four? Four. Four Peaks out of five. I'm in a good mood. And have you met any of the actors

from the film this week? Well, again, the only reason I watch films is because I got to do interviews. That's why I'm asking. What was her name Amelia Clarke

oh you met her the mother of dragons you met her who again another actor who's not great who's not a great actor I would say

but she's alright in this good in this she's very attractive she's very good on Instagram is she very good on Instagram I love that on Instagram

have you seen the first season of Game of Thrones yes so you know Carl Drogo yes She's very good on Instagram. Is she very good on Instagram? I love that on Instagram. Have you seen the first season of Game of Thrones? Yes. So you know Khal Drogo? Yes. Her character, Daenerys Targaryen and Khal Drogo get together. And it's a very sort of tempestuous, quite sort of... He's a savage.

I don't want to give too much away, but it's like a non-traditional topic. It's the first season of Game of Thrones. But anyway, it's cute because on-traditional topic. It's the first season of Game of Thrones. But anyway, it's cute because on Instagram, they're both really, obviously really good friends and they call each other by the nicknames that they gave each other in the show

on Instagram and I find it very endearing. So he always calls her my son and stars or something like that. And she says moon of my life. That's nice. Yeah, it's cute.

Listen, hello, Luke and Pete show. Hello at LukeandPete.com with your tales of Romance. What about that? She wasn't the original Dragon Queen in the pilot. Who was that going to be? It was somebody else.

They filmed a pilot, didn't they, that no one's ever seen? Was it going to be Roger Moore? Because I'd like that. It was loads of different people cast differently, and it was all kind of... Apparently, we were going to see the title sequence. Apparently, the title sequence was a lot of crows flying around and stuff

and it wasn't like the same as what we had now and it was a bit cheesy and a bit of a mess really I'd love to see like a alternate situation Pete we are two men

sat in a room on our own twice a week but that doesn't mean we're not romantic so why don't we hear tales of romance we haven't done that

we've done 60 odd shows of this how many romantic stories have we had from our listeners? Have we exhausted the boys farting in classrooms? That's all I'm asking. Can they coexist?

Can they coexist? Has anyone ever done a romantic fart? Well, there's the question. Farts at fart.com. Always the watermark where you're like, this is a relationship now.

I've done a fart in front of the other person tell us your story yeah exactly tell us your story about you doing that oh what when you dropped

your guts in front of a woman you love about a year into a relationship somebody did an accidental fart and so

it was either you or your girlfriend no I think it might have been me and I think it was you my girlfriend did a fart and yeah and it was just. My girlfriend did a fart and, yeah,

and it was just nice. It was the best fart. It's like being in with Laurence Olivier. And this was the best fart. Oh, that fart warmed me with the heat of a thousand suns.

Fart for the ages. There we go. I noticed that I watched bloody Jurassic, the new Jurassic Park. Oh, yeah, I'm worried. I'm worried about it. Is it a dog's egg? I've have to watch the new Jurassic Park oh yeah I'm worried I'm worried about it is it a dog's egg

I've got to do Bryce Dallas Howard and who's the main block Chris Pratt Chris Pratt tomorrow legend I've done him like three times now

he's really nice will he remember you do you think him and Nick Offerman always send pictures of their turds to each other oh come on

if they do big poos they send pictures of their poos to each other. If they do big poos, they send pictures of their poos to each other. So Pete, the Jurassic... But Bryce Dallas Howard, I keep on thinking I'm going to do this because it's in my head. I'm going to call it Bryce Dallas Buyers Club. I just know

I am. I just know I am. You remind me of a film about AIDS. Pete, Jurassic World, not Jurassic World, what am I talking about? Yeah, Jurassic World, the first reboot with Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard was on ITV2

at the weekend I watched it it's just popcorn fair it's okay well this is all kids perfectly served I'm worried about The Fallen Kingdom

because the trailer the trailer makes it look very very poor it's just very standard you know what I mean it's alright it's fine

I don't really I mean I don't envy you having to go in there and pretend to like films that you haven't really seen and the ones you have seen you don't like. It's hard. It's hard to do that. Yeah. But you are nothing if not Two-Face,

so that's fair enough. Massively. Hugely. Right, should we have a little break and then do some emails? Because I want to talk to you about the worst driver in history. Lovely old job.

That was a bit of a swerve. That was a swerve. I was not expecting that. You actually put me off making a note of when the time was. My dinner. Sorry, I got it. Oh, you got it.

Okay, fine. I got it, baby. Right, so I promised before that very abrupt break that we would talk about potentially the worst... What's happened? Sometimes my hip

just kind of falls out of its joint. You're falling to pieces. You are falling to pieces. How's your shoulder? From last week, yeah. Yeah. No, that was this week on Monday.

Yeah. Anyway, while you're sorting your hip out, are you okay? Do you want to do it quietly? Because this is a radio show. The worst driver in history, potentially. This is an email from Ryan from Bristol, who's got some Energizer batteries very very dull but hopefully the email won't be he says um hello luke and pete's uh loving your work although a fairly

recent newcomer to your show i have over the past few weeks caught up with all of the back catalog thank you very much for emailing in uh that is dense work if you obviously if you do want to email in it's hello at luke and peter.comcom. Ryan goes on to say, It was your most recent show, episode 64, which caused me a flashback to my school days. In the aforementioned episode, you both recounted your experiences of bad or frightening driving you'd witnessed around the world. This immediately took me back to the late 90s and a month-long expedition that myself and 30 classmates took to the Middle Eastern country of Jordan. I say expedition as opposed to holiday or trip, as it was, in a word, arduous. I'm grateful.

We were chosen to live on £1 per person per day for the month. Wow. And lived in campsites or terrible hostels and carried out a mixture of charity work, trekking in the desert, and visiting tourist attractions, such as the World Heritage Site of Petra, which looks absolutely beautiful.

I'd love to go there. We also had to source our own local transport around the country, and due to budget restraints, this often led to travelling on rickety public transport. However, on one particular journey to the more remote northern part of the country, a bus or train was unavailable,

so we sourced a private hire minibus. Okay? How's your hip? I'm on board. Is your hip all right? Hip's fine. Good. When the driver turned up outside one of the aforementioned hell holes

we had the displeasure of spending the night in, we were treated with the sight of a reasonable-looking yellow American-style school bus, which, given the context of what we had experienced so far, came as a big relief. With it being a bus being built for 50 or so passengers, it meant when we climbed aboard, we all had our own seat with room to spread out

without being buried in a stranger's armpit. On top of this, it had a stereo with a tape deck. Nice. Luxury, we thought. So, with tunes blaring and the group of us all beginning to genuinely look forward to the trip, we started heading out. The first unusual event occurred about ten minutes later when

we entered a residential area, pulled up outside a house, and it became apparent this was the driver's house, and he had popped home. No problem, we thought, as he disappeared into the house. Shortly after, he emerged again, only this time, in his hands, he was carrying a baby. Oh.

At this point, I should explain that the driver could speak no English, and the entire group of us could speak about three words of Arabic between us, and no one had thought to look up the phrase, what the fuck are you doing with that baby? The driver proceeded to bring the baby aboard the bus, wrap it in a blanket and lay it on the dashboard, before jumping back in his seat and pulling away. Despite the looks of horror from his passengers,

the driver happily drove around the city for a full hour or more, with the baby on the dashboard, grabbing for it as it slid around the dash. the dash thankfully we left the city made another unscheduled stop to drop off the baby with a seemingly unfazed family member and it was during the next leg of the journey that the memorable trip would become terrifyingly unforgettable we headed out toward the mountainous region where jordan borders israel and syria the road was of the single track windy mountain type with a precipitous drop either side of the very narrow road. The climb into the mountains put a strain

on the ageing bus and caused it to rattle and shake a bit. Nothing out of the ordinary particularly, especially considering what had just happened hours before. However, after a while in a particularly steep section of road, the vibrations caused the side door to slip its catch and the angle of the road caused the door to slide open for clarity this was the side door halfway

down the bus the door usually used for people getting off while others get on at the front the clatter of the door and the accompanying breeze now blowing through the interior galvanized the driver into action he looked back toward the door yelled something in arabic rev the engine to gain some speed and then without skipping a beat, climbed out of his seat, walked halfway down the bus, closed the door, and strolled back to the front to resume the driving seat. On a cliff?

On a mountainous road. Terrifying, that is all I can say, and that's from Ryan. Ryan, I am delighted you survived to be able to tell us that tale. At any point, that could have slipped off. That bus could have slipped off, or it could have slipped off or it could have turned. I can't even watch those YouTube videos of those drives. It makes my hands go all sweaty. Where they swing around the corners and stuff.

Oh, my God. I remember having to do a mountainous drive through California and that was quite treacherous because one of the coastal roads was out so my ex had to navigate through, you know, navigate through. Where was this, sorry? This was in California. Right. In between Big Sur and San Francisco, which is a beautiful drive.

But, God, Lord. Right. Oh, it was rickety. Well, if you can beat a story as bad as that in terms of driving, hello at LukeandPeach.com. We want to hear about it, baby. Kids,

I mean, it's only a recent thing that, you know, child seats and child safety is even being thought of. You shouldn't have a baby on a dashboard.

Well, my dad used to, I don't know, my dad used to put us on, like me and my sister on his crossbar of his bike as he weaved

through traffic after a couple of pints of beer. So, you know. How did he get both you and your sister on there? We're not big guys. We're not a big family. That's worse, though.

You were so small. You could both fit on there. We had a balance on the bloody crossbar. Our legs hanging in the spokes. Dreadful. Pictures of you when you were a kid. You were such a cute kid.

That picture of you with the chimpanzee you were such a cute kid that picture of you with a chimpanzee I'll explain to listeners another time how old were you then? I don't know I couldn't have been older than about five I reckon

you're so cute I was a cute kid made up for it ever since though unfortunately never mind I'm the same Pete have you got an email for us?

I've got an email for us I was enjoying that one so much I put my phone down and it locked up there's an embarrassing school tale by a guy called Ian that you can't look at. It's page five, I think, of the emails.

Page five of the emails. I'm not working on page two. Is it Geography Trip? Yes, it is. All right, let's do that. Ian Hawkins. Hello, Ian Hawkins. Hawko, dealing with pits.

Recent listener, recent convert to the show. I'm emailing with an embarrassing school story that I had successfully blocked out of my memory until recently. To set the stage, it's Law's sixth form, geography field trip time. We'll be 17, very much in the realms of irresponsible drinking. Which is, by the way, is actually quite alien

to our American listeners. What do you mean? The fact that we in England, as kids, would get drunk at like 15 or whatever, that's crazy to them. They can't see that. Well, they wait until like 18, don't they? And that's even still too young,

which is just strange. Mad. But then, Americans don't drink a huge amount compared to everywhere else, so it's probably on the right track, really, isn't it? It started during the day where after a mind-numbing tour

of the Norwich one-way system, we were given an hour to browse the shops. It's quite in-between, is this? That is. Instead, we went to the pub and using my brother's passport had a couple of rounds. After being dragged out of the pub

by our already fed up geography teacher, we were off to the education centre on the course where the remainder of the field trip was to take place. There were probably another 60 or so students

of varying ages from different schools staying there, so probably not dissimilar to the place you mentioned in Hampshire a few weeks back. Stubbington Study Centre. The SSC.

Yeah, you got it. We arrived early evening and somehow managed to persuade the teachers to let us go to the local. At this point, things became a little bit more hazy. Pretty sure I hit on a mate's girlfriend and probably embarrassed myself and the school. Eventually, we were kicked out and made it to bed in the dorms

and I fell fast asleep. About an hour later, I was desperate for the loo, so I wandered off down the corridor to find these shared bathrooms, then back to bed. Next thing I know, I'm being shaken awake by our massively Welsh teacher with a mad look in his eye. Hi, sir, what are you doing here? Fucking alien, you're in the wrong bed.

Bleary-eyed, I looked around around the rest of the dorm to see a load of petrified kids about five years my junior who were obviously wondering what the hell was going on and why some pissed-up 17-year-old was in one of their thankfully empty beds. I was taken back to my dorm and i immediately faded back to black 7 a.m everyone's waking up i told my mates what happened expecting a bit of a laugh at my expense turns out they had slightly a slightly worse night than me about an hour after we left the pub our teacher did the rounds just to make sure it was

lights out and everyone was in bed except i was missing because he was in bed. Lots of children, basically. For the next couple of hours, they had the whole of our school looking for me. Half the other schools were woken up. The teachers asking my mates if I was in any way suicidal. They walked along the cliffs near the centre in the middle of the night, pretty sure it was pissing down as well.

They'd already called his parents. They were getting close to call the police. There's also the not insignificant factor that I was in a room with children much younger than me. And whilst I'm certain there was no one in the bed I crashed out in, it doesn't change the perceived nonce factor when it comes to your mates taking the piss. I'm not sure I've ever wanted to be famous.

And if I did, it wasn't like this. The walk of shame through the food hall for breakfast where everyone from every school knew my name the next morning was pretty excruciating when you walk in and everyone kids and teachers is saying so which twice ian hawkins it doesn't get much better i was basically forced to volunteer for every stupid activity the next day including testing river floor in a wetsuit in the water the good thing is what happens in norfolk stays in norfolk although it doesn't because everyone had a fucking 32 10 and the whole school knew about it and the piss taking

didn't stop so yeah i got drunk on a school trip i ended up passing out another school's dorm whilst my friends and teachers thought i had jumped off a cliff ian hawkins you've packed a lot in there that is box office wonderful also something that accentuates the nonce factor is that ian your name is remarkably close to confirmed and imprisoned paedophile Ian Watkins. Indeed. So that's not going to help matters either. That's not going to help matters.

Although I understand that probably happened about 15 years before that actually took place. Speaking of... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? I'm not doing any more on Ian Watkins.

You brought in Ian Watkins. Yeah, that's enough. I'm not bringing in Ian Watkins. Okay, fine. Speaking of convicted, well, dead paedophiles, Jimmy Savile. Savile.

Yeah. We're planning on doing a special Wrestle Me on the wrestling career of Jimmy Savile. He had a wrestling career. He wrestled in several matches, and there's only one bit of footage of him wrestling. But because wrestling is so tawdry, even when he died,

even when he was, even when he, he was convicted as a, as a child molester and a, and a, and a shit, basically. No one wanted to mention, no one wanted to mention the wrestling,

which I find fascinating. So you're going to do a whole show on it? Yeah. I think so. Interesting. That'll get, that'll pat the numbers in. I think so.

Yeah, that'll be interesting. Thanks for that, Ian. And if, if, if that wasn't bad enough, you've now been mentioned in context with Ian Watkins and Jimmy Savile.

Well, yes, exactly. So there we go. What about this? An update from Columbia. Something I presume Pete is always welcomed. Yes. This is from... I have to scroll down.

I haven't got his name. That's so annoying. Oh, no. Sorry, that was me. Yeah, maybe you can look it up. Anyway, this is an update from Columbia. Regarding planes and driving, I was recently in Medellin, Colombia.

I've traveled a fair bit, but these guys take the piss. They literally, and I do mean that in the literal sense of the word, drive into each other like you might do in a bumper car circuit. They just don't care at all. Also, car doors are

musingly poorly made in colombian cars so you have to close them very softly despite all the chunks taken out by the driving or the taxi drivers become rather non-plussed now because the city is so high up and because it sits in a valley and because because the cars were in such a shit state the pollution is best described as being fucking horrendous imagine being stuck in a traffic jam in 30 degree heat with the windows open, sat between a load of old lorries, then multiply that by a million and make it all the time and you get my drift.

This means that taxi drivers in particular have huge respiratory problems and on particularly hot and still days, the hospitals are flooded with people unable to breathe. Pete, you'd struggle there, would you, with that? As long as I take my asthma medicine, I'm all right. I managed to get through a couple of Chinese cities when it was pretty bad weather.

Right. Pretty bad congestion. Oh, it's actually from Toby. I found his name's Toby. Toby goes on to say, while in Colombia, I flew because you have to fly everywhere if you want even a 10-mile journey to not take, say, a year, from Cartagena to Medellin, which I think is pronounced Medellin in South America.

Anyway, that's by the by. Behind me in the queue for the plane was a man and his dog. Let's describe the appearance of the two. He was wearing a sort of backless yellow leotard, which amply displayed his bare nipples. Nice. I can't remember what shoes he wore, but he did have big fluffy pink socks, and his hair was a cropped purple afro it was his dog however which made me look twice his dog a poodle had pink painted

toenails as you can imagine it was hard not to stare as you can also probably imagine security were onto him pretty sharpish telling him that he wouldn't be able to take his dog on the plane and he was outraged security held him back until we were all on board and just as they were removing the steps he made a run for it he reached the were all on board and just as they were removing the steps, he made a run for it. He reached the top of the steps and managed to straddle the gap between the steps and the door,

whereupon he argued for 10 minutes with the stewards. It was at this point that the passengers began chanting, let him on, let him on, let him on, in Spanish, which they eventually did, along with his dog. Oblivious to our support,

he angrily then sat in someone else's place before having to move, being clapped the entire way, complaining that his dog did Oblivious to our support, he angrily then sat in someone else's place before having to move, being clapped the entire way, complaining that his dog did not have a window seat. Unsurprisingly, the good folks at Medellin were rather perplexed to see this chap and his made-up dog leave the plane and stopped him on the runway.

Also on weird people on planes, I once was sat on the runway at Stansted for an extra hour because some dickhead decided to smoke in the toilets before we'd even left. The stewards then told us that we had to search everybody's luggage because of the security threat he posed while he was made to stand

at the front for us all to see. Incredibly, he managed to look like he didn't care. Some people have the whole world unlocked, I think. Certain people just do not give a fuck. The guy dressed weird, strangely, just running, running towards a plane and getting on.

Being allowed on is just insane. That sort of behaviour would be incredible. Did I tell you that I was once on a plane and it would have been, it was a week or so after quite a serious terrorist attack in Europe. I forget which one. And I was on a plane flying to Boston

to see my now wife, who was living there at the time. And on the plane, although I didn't know, it happened about three or four rows behind me, a woman was told that she couldn't light up a cigarette on the plane. And she wouldn't listen. She kept struggling. So they took all their cigarettes off her and everything. And she got up, legged it, and tried to open the door mid-flight, which obviously you can't

do because they're locked. But she tried. And so then the cabin crew had to pin her down and handcuff her to her seat. Now, apparently, I didn't know this at the time, and I know I had my headphones and was watching a film or something, so I didn't really notice what was going on, because you know planes are quite noisy anyway. And when

we landed, the captain came over the intercom and said, under federal law in the United States, you have to remain in your seats because US marshals need to board the plane. And I was like, God, what's happened here? So anyway, these marshals all got on, took her off. And because she was on a plane traveling to the US,

she was basically in massive breach of a lot of laws or whatever. When we turned up, because of what happened the week before, all the US media were there. So in arrivals, there were those like tanned blokes with the teeth, with microphones all the u.s media were there right in arrivals there were those like tanned blokes with the teeth with microphones and the cameras and they were they i had a microphone shoved in my face by one of these guys and i said i didn't want to talk or anything and as i got to my um now wife's parents house they were still on a loop running our flight landing at boston saying potential terrorist attack on a flight into boston which was completely untrue it was

just a drunk Polish woman. Yeah. Who got sent straight back. But whenever there's like a problem with like a landing gear or a problem with anything, like Twitter goes crazy, because obviously it takes a good 20 minutes to get a plane down. So it's like we get all of these reports and stuff where it's like, oh, this plane's in trouble, easy jet number, whatever.

So a bit of a bother, engine trouble, blah, blah, blah. And we all like go oh my god I'll get on flight radar 24 and they go there and you go it's never anything it's just somebody got pissed and was an idiot

when I turned my phone on when I landed I got loads of texts from all the American side of the family saying are you okay what's happening and I was like

I don't know you know more than me I just thought I was trying to open the door and have a fag I was trying to vape hashtag vape. Hashtag vape life.

I left my patches at home. Yeah, so that's that. Pete, have you got any more, or do you want to just wrap it up there and come back on Monday? We've got a pretty decent Mancutta for next week, so we'll bash it out then. If you want to get to the show, as always, because we live to read your emails out, quite frankly,

and they're always very good, it's Shaw. No, it's not. What? It's hello at lukeandpete.com. Out of all of our podcasts, it always very good. It's Shaw. No, it's not. What? It's hello at lukeandpeach.com. Out of all of our podcasts, it's the only one that's hello, which means I should remember it.

Yeah, you should remember it. But fundamentally, I do with the Shaws. Just right at the top of the paperwork that you send around. I'm going to write it right here. I'm going to get it tattooed on this finger. Yeah.

You want to be that? Yeah, fine. I'd love to see it. I'll pay for that. I have quite small hands so I probably wouldn't fit it on. Pete, I'll tell you something now. If you want to get a tattoo on that middle finger, I will pay for whatever you want. Oh, really? Yeah, fine. I'd love to see you get that. I'll pay for that. I have quite small hands, so I probably wouldn't fit it on. Pete, I'll tell you something now. If you want to get a tattoo on that middle finger,

I will pay for whatever you want. Oh, really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Okay. If you want to get a permanent tattoo on one of your fingers, I will pay for it.

Luke Moore as a bell. Don't care. Really? It's your finger. Wow. I don't care. It's your finger. I don't think you know how little I care about my...

I've got the cat on the hat on my leg, for crying out loud. Yeah, but you cover that up a lot. No, I don't. During the summer months I'm in shorty shorts all the time the best thing I can say for listeners

who want to picture this is Pete has got a massive tattoo of the cat in the hat on his leg and it's not the worst tattoo on his body outrageous

so it's short it's not it's hello at lukenpeachshow.com it is yeah and we'll see you on Monday

have an absolutely lovely weekend. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for being a part of this. We look forward to seeing you next week. Cheers. Yes, nice. See you soon.

Further information, Bobby Davro is still not dead. Eh, we'll see. We'll see.