The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 7: An Email Special!

Episode Date: July 17, 2017

After being bombarded with an extraordinary amount of correspondence, Luke and Pete decide to take you all on and get through as many as they can in one episode.So, expect chat about accidentally hitting animals in the car, motion sickness, virtual reality, animals in the army, living in the Vietnamese jungle for over 40 years and, among other things, the time Pete's Dad put a snooker table in the family's front room.To enable us further, get in touch here: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Luke and Pete Shaw, episode 7, back in the habit. This is the episode where we go to Moscow. Mission to Moscow. Yeah. We've had quite a few Moscow stories to be fair on this series, so we could go to Moscow. When you said Back in the Habit, I was thinking which one of us is Whoopi Goldberg?

It's me. It is you. You're the adorable ginger lady. And then in one foul swoop, you're comparing it to the Peace Academy movies. Yeah. Was Mission Moscow, was it something to do with a video camera

filled with diamonds? I think that might have been the situation. I can't remember any of the plots of any of them. No. But I can remember watching them all quite intently at university. Who was your favourite character out of? Oh, Mahoney.

Uh, why? Gutenberg. Why? What's wrong with Hightower? Why have you got to guess Hightower? Or the little woman who squeaks and then when she gets angry she sounds like a monster i like high tower i like zed is that her name i like i like lassard but mission to moscow is actually the seventh one i think it's police

academy please academy to their first assignment yes please academy three back in training please academy four citizens on patrol please academy five assignment miami beach which i think is their first assignment. Yes. Police Academy 3, back in training. Police Academy 4, Citizens on Patrol. Police Academy 5, Assignment Miami Beach, which I think is either the first one without Steve Guttenberg or the last one with him. Police Academy 6,

City Under Siege. Police Academy, not given a 7, just Police Academy, Mission to Moscow. Right. So the weird thing about Police Academy is

there was a point where Steve Guttenberg kind of dipped out. It was quite an adult, sexy, bawdy romp of a series, but they had like a kid's cartoon of it. They did, yeah, they did.

Which is very strange. I've just loaded it up on the computer. Do you want to have a guess at how much money, in total, the Police Academy franchise, and it is a franchise, got nailed at the box office? We'd be talking, I reckon, five,

six hundred million. Come on. What? It's Police Academy. Would you basically, everybody watched that film. Do you know when you do that thing when you ask someone

to guess the quiz and they go massively over? You've done that. Well, how much would it have cost to, I guess, in old money, I mean, what would that have cost to make?

Ten million? I don't know if these figures I've got in front of me are adjusted for inflation, but the box office total so far, I presume it's so far. Yeah, that's going to be screaming ahead, isn't it? I think this is up until 2009, apparently. It's $239.6 million.

That was quite close then, wasn't it? $600 million? No, I think my first guess in my head was $300 million, and I neglected to say that. I don't want million. Oh, yeah. I think my first guess in my head was 300 million. And I neglected to say that. I was never... I don't want you forecasting revenue at any company I work for. My aforementioned father, Stuart Donaldson, he wouldn't let me watch both Robocop and Police Academy.

But then I was just trying to get one past him, basically. I said, look, let me watch one or two others. So he's basically choosing between sex and violence. Yeah. What, did you say Police Academy or Robocop? Yeah. There's no real sex

in Police Academy though. No. No it's not Robocop. It's so sexy. Wipe clean Robocop.

No. There's a little bit of sex. There's boobs in it and stuff. And they go to a gay bar at one point.

Yeah. That's called the Blue Oyster Bar isn't it? Yes exactly. And I once watched Police Academy around a friend's house but

I was still trying to get access to the film at home I said dad just let me watch it even though I'd already seen it secretly

and I was really scared he was going to know that I'd watched the film at my mate's house because I started humming

the and all of that and speaking of the fact that the first one, well, I suppose all of them, but particularly the first one you're referencing there, it was a little bit sexy. Do you know who the sort of love interest

slash sexy lady in quotes was? Oh, Kim Cattrall. Kim Cattrall from Sex and the City. And that pneumatic woman, tall lady. She was a bit like Red Sonja. Yeah, I can't remember who that was, but I definitely remember Kim Cattrall. Well, didn't she play Man that was, but I definitely remember Kim Cattrall. Yeah, anyway, Steve...

Didn't she play Mannequin, didn't she? Mannequin Skywalker in the film Mannequin. She did play Mannequin Skywalker, yeah, in what was it called? The Phantom Menace. Do you know there was apparently a saying in the 80s in Hollywood among the producer fraternity

that if you couldn't afford Ted Danson, get Steve Guttenberg. Is that right? That's a diss, isn't it? I know, but it's fair enough, isn't it? It's like Steve Coogan always says that I always want to do more serious acting roles, but I always get down to the last two and then Michael Sheen gets it.

If you're behind Michael Sheen, I mean, he's doing well, but not that well. He's a great actor. He's a fantastic actor, and I like the fact that he backs himself as well. He really fantasies himself as a fantastic actor, as he should. I'd love to have seen him in Police Academy. Michael Sheen playing the... Oh, who's the fella who directed that film?

He drives a car and talks like this. Like the crazy man. He comes in in about Police Academy 3, Bobcat Golfway. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. You sort of talk like that. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how you sort of talk like that. Oh, isn't that Bubba Smith? No, Bubba Smith was Hightower, wasn't he? Oh yeah, he's Hightower.

Yeah, that's right. You're the one with the computer you frantically googling the police academy. He plays Zed, doesn't he? Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Bob Goldthwait is correct Pete. And he is a director now and he's directed some decent films and written some decent films as well I recommend them Okay, good

I haven't seen any of them, I don't think Um, Luke Yeah We really should get on with the show How have you been, alright? I've been okay You've been alright? Mostly just watching the police academy movies

No, I've been good I've been alright It's been a fun week Yeah Are we slipping into that, are we? It's been Yeah That's your bit

It's been a fun week Since I last saw you. But yeah, the reason that we're back here today is, of course, because we're contractually obliged to be so. Yes. But one thing we did discuss, Pete, and you've agreed to it, so I'm going to announce it to the listeners now, is we've been absolutely inundated with emails. Now, I know people think we're going to say that just to show off and show how popular

we are, but honestly, we've had like 300 emails, and we are disappearing under the surface and not keeping up with them. So what I suggested we should do, and you agreed, is episode seven, which we're doing now, of course, should be an email special just for listener content. I mean, what has bulked out the email list of content is two things. The fact that, yes, it was death of a salesman, thank you. Oh, yeah. About 150 of them. I'm going to stop asking questions on the podcast because I get in a date

and stupid ones at that. But I get in a date with obviously people going Donaldson sort your stuff out but for the last two weeks we've been in a date with people

basically saying it's Arthur Miller's Death of a Servant. And you're referring to the main Carter jingle which takes the original end Carter jingle. But what people

can't tell us though lots of people have got in touch saying it's Death of a Servant and Arthur Miller did that at school. Fine. what people can't tell us though, lots of people have got in touch and said it's Death of a Seldom and Arthur Middleton did that at school. Fine. No one can actually tell us which production of Death of a Seldom it is.

The actual one. Yeah. The person who came closest was the football writer Jonathan Wilson who DM'd both myself and you on Twitter. I'm going to find this.

And he went through about five different versions on YouTube and they were all slightly different and they were all slightly incorrect. Do you know what I think, Peter? You even know more about this than me, but I think that what they did in a sort of show of strength Microsoft type way is maybe good at recording, especially for

that. The Windows 95 introductory kind of introduction video was two members from Friends There we go, it was Matt Perry, wasn't it? Yeah, Matthew Perry and also Jennifer Aniston. So they did a Friends kind of like skit. Javis and

Merchant also did one as well. They did. So they've got form. They've got form. They could have re-recorded it. The more embarrassing one for you, and it would have been embarrassing for me, but I'm sensible enough to keep quiet, would have been when you referred to the late great multi-award winning owner of 50 honorary doctorates, Maya Angelou, as some bloke.

Some bloke. It sounded a bit bloke-ish, I'm afraid. Don't dig any deeper, that's what I'll say. Good morning. There you go. I think the name of the poem is On the Pulse of Morning, which she read, according to many of our listeners, at the inauguration of Bill Clinton

in 1992. Well, I'm sure it was very touching, but, you know, I'm willing to own my mistakes, unlike you, Luke Moore. No, I'll gloss over them and deflect in a blatant display of whataboutery. You love a bit of gloss. I do. So, should we just take it in turns with emails and stuff

like that, as I was going to work? Basically, you've chosen seven or eight emails that you've enjoyed, that's tickled your fancy, and I've basically randomly just clicked on ones in the email box, and I'm going to read them out as well and react to them, I suppose. We're not doing any more poo ones? No more poo. There are a lot of complaints about that.

We're drawing a pooey line under the poo, and we're just going to get on with it. So, yeah, we'll just sort our own stuff out. Okay, shall I go first then? You go first. Alright, first email of the email special. Your voice sounded a bit funny there. Yeah, it's a big responsibility. I know. It sounded like Bob Goldthwait. Right. Hello gents. So this email

subject is motion sickness. Hello gents. Further to Luke's mentioning of drivers never becoming car sick. That was from episode six last week. Yes. Where we talked about the idea of control keeping you from having motion sickness and that may well be why people get air sick and all the rest okay um i thought you'd both be interested to know the physiological reason for motion sickness vehicles generally are a very recent invention in the greater scheme of things

especially when thinking about human evolution when a person travels as a passenger in say a car and has their vision focused on a stationary point, such as a book, they're sending their brain mixed messages. The fact that a person is actually in motion is detected by their inner ear, the same part of the body that's mostly responsible for maintaining balance.

When this stimulus is apparently contradicted by the evidence of their eyes that are focused on a seemingly stationary book, phone, or laptop, without the person looking outside at the passing scenery, this brings into play an interesting human evolutionary adaptation. The brain picks up on the contradictory information it's receiving, the sensation of movement without any visual confirmation,

and decides that this must be a result of the body having ingested something toxic or poisonous that's caused them to become disorientated. How about that? Naturally, the body's automatic response to that would be to expel the poison hence people becoming nauseous uh regards alex jones not that alex jones the nutter texan texan conspiracy theorist nor the welsh tv personality we'll come to that in a minute he's been nauseating yeah alex jones thanks for that i looked up and it's i just did some further reading on it it's absolutely true apparently the most recent and

accepted hypothesis for motion sickness is a natural defence against neurotoxins. So what we need is basically a way to tell the body that you're in motion while you're on your laptop. So I'm proposing like a Flintstones car, so you've still got to run along

so your body is still kind of moving. No, but that's what you don't want, not what you do want. What do you mean? You don't want your body to think it's in motion while you're looking at a laptop your body's in motion because your body knows anyway your inner ear knows that you're moving yeah so that that's to move your inner ear needs to know that but the legs might kind of give you a bit more kind of mean okay so maybe you're tricking your body to think it's you propelling yes exactly okay right ratherintstone car works well. Or like a little bike.

Yeah. A little bike wheel in the back, possibly. You could just cycle it. Yeah, just cycle it. That would be interesting. So if you put an exercise bike in the back of, say, a car or in a plane or whatever, and you just started cycling while you were reading or while you were doing whatever, would you still get motion sick? Or one of those party buses you get in like stag do towns

where you're all on a bike around a table. Oh yeah, it's called a bicycle bar or something like that. Hate them. If you normally get a

you normally get them in Germany, they're quite popular. They're all over the place to be honest. I saw loads in New Orleans. Have you ever had one? No,

never got involved to be honest. Not enough mates. Never looked like fun to be honest. No, I agree. Too much whooping. Too much whooping. Too much whooping.

What I would say is that VR makes me quite sick. Okay, I've never really tried it. So, like, the games where you are stationary, like, seated in, like, I don't know, a, let's say, a spaceship, maybe, or a car, or if you just sat down in a seat and you're just reacting to things around you.

There's quite a good game called Job Simulator, which I quite enjoy, which is quite funny. Which is weird. You've never had a job. I know. It's a nice nine-to-five experience for me. But the ones that really mess me up are the ones that are like half-lifes or counter-strikes.

You can play those with VR now. You can play those with VR, but the problem is when you're using your keyboard and stuff to make you go forward and backwards, obviously your body, you can look those with VR, but the problem is when you're using your keyboard and stuff to make you go forward and backwards, obviously your body, you can look around and stuff and it's really kind of visceral and responsive, but your legs aren't doing what your body thinks it's doing. So what you need is some sort of nightmare-esque room

where you can walk around. Yeah, and there are technologies that do that. One thing that I quite like is that a lot of people were getting sick in a particular game and then what they did was they just put a nose in front of the viewer. Because if you look anywhere, you can always see the size of your nose.

So they put a nose in game and it helped. Oh, really? Very clever. Pop a little digital nose in there. Lovely little job. I've never really tried VR. You never got involved? The only thing I can remember to that

would be going on a theme ride simulator at a theme park or something. It would blow your mind. It really is very, very interesting what they've done and what they've been able to do and what they continue to be able to do. What I like about it is the programmers have to make sure

that the programmers are so watertight and they can't flip out at anybody because sometimes games just flip out for no reason and everything goes pointy. You can't have that. People will wet themselves. Again, fall over and vomit. Have you seen the video with Ronnie O'Sullivan? No. Oh yeah, doesn't he

fall through a table? An invisible table. It's like they try and get Ronnie O'Sullivan? No. Oh, yeah. Doesn't he fall through a table? Yeah. An invisible table. It's like they try and get Ronnie O'Sullivan, the great snooker player, to put on VR goggles and play a game of pool. And he puts the goggles on and obviously immediately sees a pool table in front of him. And I guess it's just such a natural reaction for what he...

He just completely starts leaning over and just leans over and all that and just falls flat on his face. It's brilliant. It's really fun. Lovely old job. Yeah, so you've got to be able to keep up with the times, Ronnie. Keep up with the times, Ronnie, for crying out loud. over and just leans over and all that just falls flat on his face. It's brilliant. It's really fun. Lovely old job. Yeah, so you've got to be able to keep up with the times, Ronnie.

Keep up with the times, Ronnie, for crying out loud. I mean, pool is quite an old school sport, isn't it, really? Yeah. I mean, really, I'm thinking to myself, what are you getting out of that? Because you have to get a pool cue on the go anyway. So the only way it's going to help you is if you haven't got a big enough room for a pool table in your house, but you've still got to wave a cue around. Well, I mean, you can't have a smaller pool table than an actual pool table. No, exactly. It has to be exactly the same size, in fact, Luke. Exactly.

Otherwise it wouldn't work. Waste of time. It's pointless. My dad once brought a full-size snooker table into the front room, and my mum wasn't very happy. You must have a small front room. Freebie from the pub. Very good. Put it in the best room, and my mum was very happy. You must have a soft front room. Freebie from the pub. Very good. Put it in the best room

and my mum was not happy. How long did it last? There wasn't enough room to even, like, take a shot. You had to take the shot vertically. How long did it last today?

It lasted about a week and then it went straight out there. I bet your dad was like, don't put your coffee on it. No, no. Yeah, you can't use it. It's the most impractical thing

to have in front of you. So silly. So silly. That email was from Alex Jones anyway. Thanks, Alex. As he says, not the nutter you can't use it. It's the most impractical thing I've ever heard from you. So silly. So silly. That email was from Alex Jones anyway. Thanks, Alex. As he says, not the nutter Texan conspiracy theorist. Ah, Alex Jones!

I'm so angry! I'm angry! He is. That's an accurate impression. Ah! I mean, one thing I didn't know when I looked up Alex Jones is to get a reminder

of how crazy he is. Angry he is. He sells, like, supplements quite a lot. A lot of them sell end-of-the-world-world survivalist-type packs. But he also is quite a prolific film director. Is he?

Yeah. And he makes movies. I say director. Camera 2! Here's a selection of some of the films he's made. See if you can detect a theme. Right. In 1999, he made a film called Police State 2000.

Mission to Moscow. In 2000, he made a film called Police State 2, Mission to Moscow. In 2000, he made a film called Police State 2, The Takeover. In 2003, he made a film called Police State 3, Total Enslavement. And in 2007... Nobody's asking for sequels. Listen to this 2007 one.

Tell me it's a reboot. End Game, Blueprint for Total Enslavement. Wow. Yeah. That guy loves being enslaved. Oh, thinking about the end of the world. I think that was the last one to feature Steve Gutenberg.

But anyway, and the other Alex Jones who Alex himself references is the Welsh TV personality who seems absolutely lovely. Did you really Google that? She came fifth in Strictly Come Dancing apparently. Well done. Yeah. Well done, Alex. Well done. Is she married? No. No. Someone else. Dan.

Hello, Dan. Hi, lads. Related to the email about armed forces using animals on previous week's shows, I wanted to share two pretty interesting things I found out recently. The first of these is Sir Niels Orlav, and he's appended the Wikipedia article. Thank you, Dan. He's the Colonel-in-Chief of the Norwegian Kingsguard. He also

happens to be a penguin. Oh, I've heard about this. He's like the third or fourth in line, isn't he? Yeah. Is that true? If all hell breaks loose in Norway, he becomes the head of the Kingsguard. It's confused.

The enemy's on the borders. What are we going to do? Acquire fish. And he's not going to say anything. Right,'s on the borders. What are we going to do? Acquire fish. And he's not going to say anything. Right. Give him a fish. What are we going to do? Oh, dear.

Insane. Well, he lives in Edinburgh Zoo, apparently. This title began in 1972 and has been passed down for three generations. Yeah, I know it's Edinburgh Zoo because I'm fairly sure I read about it when I was up there a while ago. And every time the penguin... Did you meet the chief? I didn't.

Every time the penguin dies, they pass it on to it. I don't there a while ago, and every time the penguin... Did you meet the chief? I didn't. Every time the penguin dies, they pass it on to... I don't know if they pass it on to... I don't suppose they could be able to pass it on to the son of the penguin, but it's just a random penguin. How would you know? Maybe it's like a Dalai Lama-type vibe,

where as soon as they die, the firstborn person gets it. That's a fascinating situation, with the Chinese and the new Dalai Lama and all that business. The second is Wotjek. Hello, Wotjek. That's the Polish bear.

It's the Polish bear. Basically, in 1942, the Anders Army left the Soviet Union for Iran, accompanied by thousands of Polish civilians. A young boy in Iran had found an orphaned bear cub. One of the civilians travelling with the army was very taken with the bear, causing the people

to basically purchase the bear. So it got drafted into the Polish Army as a private because this allowed him to gain passage onto a British transport ship with his unit. Wodgetek. Wodgetek was... I think it's Wojciech, isn't it? It will be Wojciech, won't it?

Yeah. Never mind. Wojciech was used to carry ammo crates in battle. Oh, good. Thing is, bears kind of list to the left and the right quite heavily. You don't want to drop a big missile are you basing

that on the jungle book pretty much yeah I'm just imagining how a Disney bear the thing is you can't get

to do that because every so often they'll start singing and rubbing their back against the tree

and shooting the birds out of the trees apparently his favourite drink was beer and he was

also taught to salute when greeted they also had a that's like me in many ways it is isn't it

but you know a little known fact the Polish army also had a... That's like me in many ways. It is, isn't it? Yeah. But you know, a little known fact, the Polish army also had a monkey and he was the king of the swingers, the jungle VIP. Is that right, yeah? Is that right? Yeah.

Wow. I think somebody tweeted us to explain the Hartlepool myth, the monkey myth. Is that not true, the monkey hangar? I don't... That's a...

I mean... You're from Hartlepool, you should know that. We spoke about about before on different different podcasters but basically uh in the napoleonic wars uh a monkey washed up dressed in full french army regalia and um we conducted a beachside trial the harley puddlyans the clever harley puddlyans we thought it was a french spy basically but you thought you just said it was a myth is it a myth then then? I just think it's very unlikely.

Okay, right. I've never been to Hartlepool, so I couldn't... Well, the most egregious crime is the fact that most of the depictions of said monkey usually invariably becomes a chimp. Oh, yeah, you've got a funny thing about that. I'm annoyed about that. People should take the moment to understand

Pete's very precious about the difference between a monkey and a chimp. If you need a reference point, monkeys have tails, chimps do not. A chimp is not a monkey. A chimp is a chimpanzee. I get incredibly upset, but I mean, it's the only thing I know, Luke. The older I get, I've sort of stopped worrying about other

things and just worried about people misidentifying gibbons. But you've got me doing it because I was at the zoo. I took my niece to the zoo a number of weeks ago. You clipped her on the head and went, no, it's a monkey!

No, she's too young to know the difference. At Marwell Zoo, and it was a while ago, and I did hear some people saying, oh, look at that chimp and it's not a chimp,

it's a macaque. It's different. Right, okay. I didn't say anything. That's a bonobo, you idiot. Yeah, but you are known for it. Whenever I hear someone doing it, I do think of you.

But anyway, thanks to Dan for the email. Yeah, cheers, mate. Yeah, we're always interested in hearing about animals I hear of someone doing it, I do think of you. But anyway, thanks to Dan for the email. Yeah, cheers, mate. Yeah, we're always interested in hearing about animals with sort of jobs. Dogs with jobs. If you want to get involved, by the way, it is hello at lucanpeachshaw.com. Yeah, absolutely. And speaking of that, I want to bring to your attention Peter

and to the listeners at large, Alex Bartling's email. Hello, Alex. He says, hi, guys. I can't imagine you'll be eager to do another hermit-based segment. And this is referencing the last episode last week where we talked about Christopher Knight, who was the last real hermit. And not my friend from school. No, different person.

As far as we know, anyway. But he said, hearing you talk about the North Pond Hermit reminded me of a vaguely similar situation with a man called Ho Van Than and his son, Ho Van Lang. He says, I don't claim to be an expert on the matter you'll fit right in then alex so if you're interested i'll leave it to you to research the final details but i'll give you a quick overview of the case and i have researched the final details so i'll come on to that in a minute um ho van than was a vietnamese man living with his wife and two-year-old son ho van lang during the vietnam war before a bomb struck house, destroying it and killing his wife.

He immediately grabbed his son and fled to the woods where he found refuge for 40 years, Pete. Wasn't the woods where all of the battles were happening anyway? Well, I think he just went deeper and deeper into the forest. But anyway, the most interesting part of this is that the son was obviously

two years old at the time, which means that 40 odd years later when they finally were um not discovered but finally convinced if you'd like to come back into society his son was i think about 40 almost 42 years old and he had never ever known anything else and living with his father in the woods um and yes and he became a vice president of a media company yeah and and um i did a bit of further research around it and um they survived by him and his son survived by hunting foraging and living in tree houses and they all were the elder guy they just got mouses in the forest the the old the older guy the father believed the vietnam war was still going on yeah so he was wary of people and so every time a very long time, before he could have any contact with people,

he saw them, he would just flee. But they were rescued after 40 years. And three years on, according to this article I saw from 2016, the father and son had been living in a house in a village and slowly adapting to civilization. And part of the reason they were found is because one of the sons from the bomb that fell on their village, he actually survived.

Right. So he went in to discover them. And that took ages to convince the father that he was actually a son as well. But when they brought the son, the other son, who lived in the forest the whole time, back into civilization, apparently he was like, it was a really, really strange situation because he had no concept of time other than just day and night. He had no reference points.

He had no idea of any sources of energy other than fire, which they always used to use, and the sun. At the age of 41, he had never seen artificial lighting. Right. And he didn't really know about any sort of thing to do with civilization. The only thing he knew is his father had explained to him what airplanes were as they went over the sky. And the funny thing about it,

this is perhaps the most interesting point for me, his father declines to tell him on purpose about the existence of the female species. Yeah, I mean, that would be sensible, wouldn't it? He said because he would... He said the quote he used was, I want to douse my son's instincts. Which is a great way of putting it.

But apparently the forest they lived in was so plentiful, they never went hungry, they used to eat monkeys, rats, snakes, lizards, frogs, bats, birds and fish. The guy who went and interviewed them said he saw the older gentleman eating bats as though they were olives, just grabbing them off the tree. Just grabbing them off and just eating them. Yeah. I bet he's immune to everything.

Every disease, just chomping away. When they came back into the real world, or the world proper, they did start to get a little bit ill and they had to get treatment. But they were never ill properly once in 40-odd years. Well, what does that tell you?

Eat a bat, mate. But the elder gentleman was 86 years old. I mean, can you imagine, from his point of view, he thinks the whole world's ended, his world's ended. You know, he thinks everyone's still at war, the world is fire, and he's just hiding from everyone for that length of time.

It's almost a worse experience than the kid, I think, growing up. Because you know the opposite. Yeah. Because the most sort of distressing thing about it, and actually a quite sad thing about it, is that the son is adapting apparently quite well um he's still i guess sort of sort of young enough to understand uh to really sort of adapt um but apparently when i spend a lot of time on the net yeah dad you tell me this yeah you tell me about dad gangnam style it's literally

on msn.com Yeah Cheryl from Gazalouch Got a new haircut Apparently the dad Said his main ambition At 86 Is to return to the jungle Which is a bit of a shame Sad

But yeah there we go That was quite interesting That was from Alex Bartling Thank you very much Alex For that Much appreciated It's a bit of a downer That one

I quite like Hearing about her I liked it Yeah I quite enjoy it I quite enjoy her Some work with you every liked it, yeah. I quite enjoy it. I quite enjoy a herme. I'm lucky with you every week.

It's quite attractive. That'll be my luck. I'll get somehow, the situation will transpire that I've suddenly got to live into the forest for 40 years as a herme, and only the person I'll get will be you.

And then as soon as you get rescued, you'll want to run back into the forest. Yeah, and you'll have a couple of paper cups on the string. Let's do a show anyway. simon ball hello simon ball uh kind of related to a ball uh i live in kyoto in japan with my japanese wife and i asked her about those weird ghosts you talk about in episode one yeah

japanese ghost um who apparently wanted to pull a ball out of our anus this doesn't count as a poo email okay the ones that wanted to pull balls out of our anuses. This doesn't count as a poo email. Okay. The ones that wanted to pull balls out of our anuses. Apparently the balls are actually piles of hemorrhoids and these are actually kind ghosts and will relieve you of these by eating them if you go down to the river and wave your bum at them. I just want to point at this juncture.

Yeah. If you're coming to this show cold, please do start with episode one because that will not make any sense at all. That's an interesting development. You didn't read that in your book about Japanese ghosts. I didn't read that. I mean, I imagine fictional ghosts are open to interpretation.

Well, by definition. By definition. Okay, right. And he also says, I'm surprised Peter Suki on Japan is about 97% of all TV output here consists of people eating food. It's not just people eating food. It's not just people eating food. It's people like panels of audience members and people like pundits

sort of watching people eat food. I think for you, it's the fetishisation of food, isn't it? I don't like it. You know, that's quite a specific bugbear. I remember my uncle once, my mum was teasing my uncle once, saying,

oh, don't do this, don't do that. He's frightened of rats. He's like phobic of rats. Right. And my uncle was like fuming about it he he just wouldn't say anything and then my mom kept teasing him kept teasing him kept teasing him and then he muttered the immortal line i'm not phobic of rats i'm just scared of a gang of rats with one rat at the front leading them which to me is a very specific yeah

like in like a v formation yeah he reckons it's with some sort of horror novel he read as a kid or something like that. That's an example of the specificity of your sort of food annoyance. I'm so glad that I'm not that scared of specific things. Like spiders, I can take or leave. I'm not really arsed about that. Wood lice, I'm not really fond of. That's about it. But you're never going to see a big wood lice.

Well, I would say, yeah. There's a difference between being scared of something and phobic or something there isn't right yeah phobic is like it's completely irrational like you can't you your body involuntary sort of reaction to it like i saw a tv show once where there was these people who were phobic of clowns when i first started watching it i was like god it's just a clown you're just scared of clowns but when they what they did as part of their therapy um is they a couple, this woman and this guy, were put in this room, a really busy room full of people to make themselves comfortable, and there's a lot of chat going on, almost like a cocktail party, and they just walked a clown in and tried to introduce it slowly.

And I am not joking, the reaction from the woman particularly was absolutely insane. It was completely involuntary. She's like having a meltdown. Physical symptoms, sweating, couldn't stand up, she was absolutely beside herself. Imagine another human being being able to put on a bit of grease paint and to elicit that kind of reaction from someone. Are you getting ideas? Use it for power.

Use it for nefarious means. Yeah, exactly. That's awful. I don't think, I can't think of any sort of phobia I've got particularly. No. There you go. No. No. There you go. Yeah.

Good. I'll just quickly dip into the food aisle, so to speak. The food bucket. Yeah. A lot of talk on secret menus on the emails. You've got to round up some of those, basically. That's from episode two or three, I think. Yeah, we're talking about secret menus and stuff. On the whole, they seem to be fictional,

but on the whole, people seem to spend a lot of time just making their own and photographing them late at night when they're drunk. Ash made his own secret menu item, which is so underwhelming, the picture he appended to the email. Three chicken nuggets just on top of a Big Mac. That's rubbish. It is rubbish.

I'm sorry, Ash, but thank you for getting involved. When I mentioned it for the first time, I did say I'm interested, not because I'm not being sneery about it, I'm interested in Ash, but thank you for getting involved. When I mentioned it for the first time, I did say I'm interested, not because I'm not being sneery about it, I'm interested in the prospect of it, but I want to see proof of it, as in I want to see you actually being able to order it and get it. I don't want you to see...

People just make... Yeah, someone make it themselves, because anyone can do that. Or someone who just works there, mucking around behind the counter. I wanted to know if it actually exists, and that's not a good example. A lot of talk for the McGangbang,

which is a double cheeseburger with a bit of chicken in the middle but that's something that you know obviously people admit themselves In-N-Out Burger apparently they're well known for it aren't they they're well known for it that's actually

their secret menu has become part of their memory they do like animal fries and stuff don't they have you seen the have you been to In-N-Out Burger yes I have have you noticed that under like the lip of the bottom of the milkshake

and in the lip of the bottom of the milkshake and in the lip of the bottom of the soda cup... Thanks for helping me. I don't know why you said the word soda. All right. Well, it's soda. That's what they call it, isn't it? They have little Bible references. I didn't know that.

Like John 3.16. Just under the lip of In-N-Out Burger. I haven't noticed that. Big Christian. Most of the travel I've done in the US has been in the East Coast. I think In-N-Out Burger. I haven't noticed that. Big Christiana. Most of the travel I've done in the US has been in the East Coast. I think In-N-Out Burger is a West Coast only thing. Yes.

Yeah, so I haven't been there for about 15 years. There you go. There you go. Shall I go all the way back to episode one as well? All right then. And this is a reference to something you brought to the table in episode one, Pete, the great molasses flood of Boston in 1919.

I think it was 1919 anyway. Russell Buchanan just got involved and says uh luke and pete i'm an american who had the privilege of taking a tour through the uk and ireland with one of my best friends last summer as it was early june 2016 in britain our biggest struggles were studiously avoiding any discussion of politics and finding a pub that wasn't a weatherspoons while in dublin we took a break from drinking lager in sketchy pubs to drinking good whisky while touring the Teeling's distillery. In case you were not aware, Teeling is the only distillery to actually

produce their spirit in Dublin because of the incident. What is the incident, you might ask? What's the incident? There you go. Ask me again. What's the incident, Luke? The incident is the Dublin Whisky Fire of 1875. Oh, I imagine people died, but it sounds delicious. On June

18th, 1875, a fire started in the Liberty District of Dublin and Russell says, from my research, it doesn't appear the cause is actually known. Nonetheless, the fire burned down a malt house and a storage building that contained £54,000 worth of whiskey. Once these two buildings went up in flames, burning

alcohol began running through the streets. The fire brigade, recognising that water wouldn wouldn't work began spreading manure and sand throughout the area this worked and the fire was eventually tamed although it was a terrible tragedy in the economic sense the fire did not kill a single person oh that's good but but the whiskey however claimed a number of victims and many bystanders seeing an opportunity to drink whiskey they could never afford began to scoop the molten and animal shit infused liquid into hats and boots. Wow.

That's peaty. God, that's peaty. I read further around this and 13 people died from alcohol poisoning according to the Irish Times. Just because you know the story, just drink it immediately. Well, when in Rome.

When the streets are running with whiskey. If there's one person that wouldn't be making a sensible decision around that situation, it would be you. So listen, Irish whiskey is too much to resist. Thirteen people apparently passed away through alcohol poisoning. And esophageal burns. I love the idea of that, because to me it's the principle that absolutely rings true, where if you were lucky enough to go to a party where it's free alcohol, or you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet,

what person ever just goes, do you know what, I only fancy three pints tonight, or I only fancy a couple of bits of food. No, you just go, right, it's free, I'm getting as much as I can. To be honest, I've worked in the media for a good nine years or something now, and the lure of the free bar just doesn't get me anymore. I've seen work experience kids come in and just go wild. But I'll always spend money on booze.

I'll always overspend money on booze. I don't mind paying for a bit of alcohol. But a free bar, to me, just doesn't excite me anymore. I might be coming too jaded. No, I think you're out of touch with a common man. Just doesn't excite me anymore. Am I becoming too jaded? Am I becoming too... No, I think you're out of touch with a common man.

Louis C.K. did a story about, on an American radio channel, I think, and he was talking about a story he had, a situation he had with Matthew Perry. The aforementioned Matthew Perry. Yeah. A lot of channel chat on there. Matthew Perry, didn't he have problems being addicted to prescription drugs? He did, yes. Well, this has nothing to do with that.

He was also in the video game Fallout New Vegas, which wasn't very good. He basically, they were at the bar, and Matthew Perry goes, oh, put your money away, Louis. This is a free bar. It's fine. And Louis C.K.'s policy,

which I've subscribed to as well, if you're at a free bar, you give the money that you would give, maybe subtract a couple of quid maybe, you give the money you would give to buy a drink to the bar staff. In the US because they get tips. In the US because they get tips, yeah.

Yeah, okay, fine. You pay for the drink anyway because that's just what you do. And especially if you're in Louis C.K. or Matthew Perry's goddamn position. A million bucks an episode. I know. Matthew Perry would insist on going, no, put it away, Louis.

And Louis would go, I'll spend money how I like, thank you, Matthew Perry. Sounds like a shit night out. Well, it sounds like a shit conversation, a shit argument. Yeah. I can imagine it being a conversation you and I would have, because I would tip the bar stuff in the US always, because you have to, and that's

fair enough, I understand why. But you don't tell me you're doing that in the UK. No, I would. I'll put a couple of quid in the pot, if it's a would. I'll put a couple of quid in the pot if it's a free bar. What, a couple of quid every drink? Yeah. You are mental. Well, if it's a decent drink. If it's just a bottle of Heineken

or something, I'll put a quid in. I've never done that. Well, then you should. The UK bar staff don't rely on tips, do they? No. It's not how I imagine a night out with Louis CK would be. But I guess it's not really Louis CK's fault, that situation, is it? No. It's not how I imagine a night out where Louis C.K. would be. But I guess it's not really Louis C.K.'s fault that situation is it?

No. Matthew Perry was definitely at fault there. So what we're trying to get out of here then, if you were

present in Dublin in 1875 when that whisky happened, you would be seen dropping money into the gutter or

you'd be hoovering Irish whisky out of a straw. Apparently some people on that occasion were

using their boots because they had no receptacle for the whiskey. Lovely. Yeah. That's what I like to see. That's what resourcefulness is what we like to see. Thank you for that. Let me just follow the name on the email again.

Russell Buchanan. Thank you very much, Russell. Fantastic stuff. Do you want to hear a story regarding your plane illness, Luke? Yeah, I don't know. What plane illness are we talking about? I think you recounted a story where you weren't very well getting on a plane. That has happened, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. What plan else are we talking about? I think you recounted a story where you weren't very well getting on a plane.

That has happened, yeah. It's always a really problematic situation because you're like, I'm going to be on a plane for the next two or three hours. This isn't going to be good. This isn't going to be pretty.

And I've limited access to the toilet facilities. Forgive me if I told you the actual story, but I'll just brace it really quickly in case people haven't heard it. It's the story I'm thinking of.

It was a flight back from the US and it was about an eight hour flight and I was so ill that the doctor was touching me about whether they'd let me fly or not and my parents were like

oh we've got to get him on the plane anyway I ended up being on the plane it was horrific but I was fine and I'm here to tell the story today they made an impromptu boy in the bubble situation put you in a bin bag they did yeah they put me in total quarantine

well Terry's got into it she basically said Luke's plain illness story is promptly rooted. Share my own horrific one. I was flying back from a work trip in New York. The flight was due to depart at 9am. So the night before, being on my own, I went to a popular chain restaurant that includes a day of the week. I had a dish consisting of chicken and prawns.

Back to the hotel I went and to bed. I started feeling really rough and I couldn't sleep. Come 5am, I'd hardly slept, so I was pretty delirious. Halfway to JFK, I realised that I'd left my passport in the hotel safe. So I got the driver to turn around, collected my passport, and suddenly I decided I needed the toilet. That was round one. Round two, I was on the freeway back to JFK and begged the guy to pull over,

but there was a load of construction, so he couldn't stop. So he leaned down through his guts out of the window. This is February in New York, and you know what cold New York is like, which is insane. Minus 14 Celsius, this pretty much froze instantly. This guy had another fare to pick up almost immediately, and I only had $5 to tip. But the worst was yet to come.

After a few more rounds in the airport toilet, I composed myself enough to board. I was sat in my seat, thankfully with no one to my left. We then had issues with the plane and sat on the tarmac for a few hours. As the toilets were out of action, I proceeded to fill up sick bag after sick bag, culminating in the staff saying

that they would escort him to the lavatory to empty these out. As I walked through the cabin, we approached the toilet. The stewardess turned to check my status. However, in my semi-conscious state, I had continued walking, prompting her to knock the contents of the bags over two rather unfortunate ladies. That is horrendous. I mean, I would have happily been euthanised there and then. However, the two ladies in

questions were upgraded to upper class for their troubles, whereas I was made to wear a pair of pyjamas four sizes too big. Worst trip of my life, Terry. Would you take two bags of sick on your lap to get into upper class? I was about to ask you that. Yes. Upper class on virgin is very good.

Yeah. I will say. Upper class on anything is very good. I mean, we're not talking business here. We're talking similar seats. I mean, you could show yourself off if you were on it, you had, couldn't you? You could.

Yeah, you absolutely could. So, yeah. I also think that wearing a pair of pyjamas four sizes too big for you on a flight sounds all right. Yeah. That's not the worst part of that. It makes you look like a mad drunk ninja. Mine came from eating too many breaded mushrooms, which I told you about before. Which, to be honest, started a lot of breaded mushroom chat on the emails, which I have omitted.

But Terry, I would wager for a number of reasons, Terry's is worse. Not least because if it's come from seafood, that's much worse. Yeah, that's spectacular. I've only really ever had that kind of stomach and mouth and bum kind of situation once in my life, I think. Because I've got quite a dicky tummy. I think I've got IBS and all that crap that my mom's my mad but uh i've never had it properly and you sort of go oh wow this is what people talk about when they said they're actually genuinely

very ill a friend of uh both of ours once got food poisoning from eating horse meat yeah when he was overseas and he said it was so bad for about 10 days he genuinely thought he might pass away. Yeah, his plan is always, if you eat something a bit moody, just have a drink of a Coke. That's what the Spanish do quite a lot. If you've got a distressed stomach, they kind of flatten Coke. So I get a glass of Coke and start stirring it until all the bubbles are gone and knock that back. The acid just kills all of the bugs in your stomach.

Have you seen what... Terrible for acid ingestion. Isn't that to all of the bugs in your stomach. Have you seen what... Terrible for acid ingestion. Isn't that to do with the chemicals in the Coke? I think it's just the acidic nature of it. But have you seen how a Coke cleans a penny?

Yeah, it is. And you can also use it to unblock your sink and clean your toilet. It's so versatile. We go. It really is a drink for every person.

A drink for every occasion. Yeah, I think so. Good stuff. All right, do you want a little break? Let's get a good stuff alright do you want a little break let's get a little break let's have a little break hang fire

okay Luke don't gunge me mate pipe down Pete I told you never to argue with the customers there we go there you go Pete we're back

Pete spent that break arguing with the customers that's true if you weren't wondering we're back in with the email special episode 7 Luke and Pete's summer we've only got time for a few more

so let's make them good ones shall we i've got a couple of good ones actually yeah let's end with your your two because i think yours are better than mine well i've actually got three okay two are on the same subject all right well let's do all three i'll rattle through this one really quick this is a short one and then we'll get to the get to the good stuff no offense andrew andrew's andrew's been in touch saying um hey guys as you were clearly struggling for listener content, aka content. That's a dig. I know.

So very rude. That sort of email normally goes straight in the trash in the Gmail. But he said, I thought I could make this mediocre submission. As the two of you comprise of Fashionista and the president of the Fashion Police, I think he means you as the Fashionista. Yeah, and you as, and you're very much the one policing it, aren't you?

And I would like to argue that, but I am ashamed and proud at the same time to say that I was up in Yorkshire earlier this week and I saw a picture of a man dressed in 1920s golfing attire and I sent a picture to Pete. It was a pair of plus fours, checked suit, and it was a tartan suit. And I sent a picture to Pete and said,

Pete, this looks like you. And you were, yeah. I doubt that. The cap very much does fit, Andrew. He says, maybe you can help us. I've been ironing this white shirt with a lot of steam for about 10 minutes and I still can't get it line free.

How does one achieve this with a white shirt that shows all shadows? Keep up the good work. I'm enjoying your summer, Andrew. He's asking the best technique, Pete, to iron a shirt. I've seen this shirt shirt to be honest you attached a picture you attached a picture and it's uh it's I've got a similar shirt and they it's a horror show it's a real horror show I mean I'm sad and and sort of again ashamed to admit that I regularly pay a pound a shirt to get them dry clean oh do you yeah. You know what?

With the tougher shirts, it's getting to the point where I'm a communist through and through and I won't have a cleaner, but I do need a little bit of help. I might consider getting a little bit of help

when it comes to... One of the cornerstones of communism there. Getting the shirt. Not having a cleaner. Getting those shirts. Getting those shirts. I was perusing Karl Marx's

Das Kapitalis the other day and he did say in the first chapter you will not have bloody cleaners. Well, yeah, because you're all bloody mess. God damn it. There was a lovely story in the news a couple of days ago talking about a Chinese internet startup

that rented out umbrellas. 300,000 umbrellas they bought and by the end of, I think, a week they still owned about 10,000 of them. They'd all been stolen. Wow. Or nationalised. What fee did they get for the rental of them, though?

So, like, a small amount, but people were just stealing them. So it's like, isn't that the spirit of communism, though? Nationalising, like, a private company. What, stealing? Stealing the umbrellas. But, Pete, isn't there a culturealing, stealing the umbrellas. But Pete, isn't there a culture in Japan of leaving

umbrellas outside shops? Yeah. And you take them out and you use them and you leave them outside the next shop you go into? I think that's what

I thought was the case. Turns out I think I was just stealing umbrellas. What are they in the corner over there? Don't look at them. One of them's got

Trump on it. Donald Trump golf umbrella. Anyway, okay, next thing real quick. Thanks for that. We haven't given him any advice. I told him to go to the bloody dry cleaner. Well, that's not the solution, is it?

Get a bloody good iron with a good heavy base. If you can buy one from the 1970s, the better. Buy like a retro iron because they're so much better and they're so much heavier. Get a good quality ironing board as well. There are too many of those pressed aluminium horrors that have little holes in them so that if you're really pushing on a shirt,

it's not cushioned enough and it will leave an imprint on a shirt. Whack it up to full. Don't worry about it. Linen setting. Full steam. And if it needs a pre-steam, stick it in the shower. Yeah. What about a Corby trouser press?

What are your thoughts on that? I've not really used one, to be honest, before. I rarely am allowed in hotels. Can you use them for shirts? Yeah, I think you can, yeah. I thought they were just for putting pleats in trousers. I once upset a fairly high-class hotelier. Or rather, the hotel was classy.

I was going to say something else then. No, a man who was the manager of a really nice hotel in Manchester because I flooded his hotel room because I was steaming a linen jacket. How did you flood the hotel room? Because I put the shower on full, blast, went downstairs where there was a free bar. With loads of money. Loads of money.

Yeah, just tipping it out, making it rain. Yeah. And then I made it rain and the plug didn't work. It got like full. Was it bad when you went back? It was like, it was like Hormelon flooding.

It was terrible. It wasn't when we were in Manchester, was it? No, no, it wasn't. Okay. And actually, I think the hotel that we stayed in was the same hotel

and I was really worried that I was going to get chucked out. Okay, obviously you remember. Obviously happens all the time. There you go, Andrew. That's hopefully answered your question. Spray starch is good as well. Okay, good to know.

I do a lot of vining. Sounds like it. I wouldn't know to look at you, but it sounds like it. I'm going to take us back to, I think, I'm not sure actually, episode three or four I'm going to guess at.

A couple of moose-related emails here. Now, we talked a few weeks ago about what it would be like to hit a moose or indeed any other animal actually with your car. Is your extended family in moose town? They are aren't they? Yeah. That's why we got into that. But I spoke to them. My father-in-law was over a couple

of weeks ago or a week or two ago and he said he hadn't really seen a moose. And my wife saw one either on... I did say it to you at the time.ose. And my wife saw one either on... I did say it to you at the time. On National Great Geographic. It was either on the TV or it had just been there before she got there,

or something like that. But anyway, they're not that common where they are. But there's a couple of moose stories here. And this one's from the delightfully named Ziggy Zebrowski. Nice. I hope it's his real name. He says, Hey guys, I spent a lot of time in Minnesota growing up.

And the town my uncle lived in was about 20 miles south of the Canadian border and when I was 14 I watched a moose get hit by a pickup truck on a back road

the truck was in fact absolutely totaled and the moose did a minor roll before finding its way back to its feet and running off like nothing happened

so Pete moose are definitely not soft he said they're also fucking terrifying to be caught around during mating season. My cousins and I got caught in a chess match with one,

I don't think he means an actual chess match, as we tried to escape a quarry on bikes post-ski shooting. That's so American. I know, right? Wow. We flicked bears in the nose to scare them off, which I don't recommend,

unless it's a last-ditch effort, and I would gladly chance doing that again before crossing paths with another moose. That's from Ziggy. Wow. Was Prince driving that pickup truck? He with another moose. That's from Ziggy. Wow. Was Prince driving that pickup truck? He's Minnesota. He is Minnesota. Or he was. It would have been a purple one, wouldn't it?

The late great man himself. And the bruise. The purple bruise that was on the moose, you'd imagine as well. If moose do bruise. Do moose bruise, Luke. And all the bruises purple. Everything's been building up to this. Everything's been building up to this everything's been building up to this

Donaldson John Smith he says hello Luke and Pete in response to the moose chat of a few weeks ago I would like to present you

what has been described as the most Canadian news headline ever right British Columbia woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit moose

ha ha ha excellent he says personally i live in the relative safety that's vancouver island the only part of subarctic canada that is currently free of these highway predators moose were months uh were once brought over to the island but in what many ways sorry but in what may well be an apocryphal tale they immediately swam back to the north american mainland across and normally takes an hour and a half by ferry he says i say that i reserve reside in relative safety only because we all know that these creatures

could, at the day of their choosing, decide to take to the seas and swim here again, in which case I will need to curtail my own family visit. I actually took the trouble of looking into this story of a woman who hit a moose on the way to visit her sister who hit a moose. And yeah, it was... I mean, the worst thing about it

was that the moose itself was pregnant and died in the collision. Oh. Very, very sad. Any news on the baby moose? No. Don't know if it survived childbirth. Not sure if they tried to rescue it.

OK. The woman also said in a quote, I knew right away it was a moose, so I slammed on my brakes with both feet. It was like two explosions. Two explosions? Why two? Because of the baby.

It reminded me of the explosion that you had with the pigeon under the bus. Oh, yeah, that didn't make me feel very good. Imagine that a lot of times, a hundred. But, I mean, what I would say is that, like, she was on the way to visit a moose victim herself, which I quite like. There was a story a few years ago that I was obsessed with where a woman owned a cafe that she called Car Crash.

She called it Car Crash because it was in an accident black spot. And the news story was that a car hit the Car Crash cafe. And she's in the news saying, oh, it's so ironic, isn't it? No. No. You engineered that. You engineered that. You put that in your plate.

How do you even get insurance for that? Yeah. Sorry, what's the name of the company? It's Car Crash. Right, well, we're not insuring you there. What's the USP? There's loads of car crashes all the time. Any particular reason?

Well, we're not insuring your grounds. No. Absolutely so. But should we leave the last word to Jeff Knight, the spokesman for the British Columbia Ministry of Transportation? He says, Moose will often try to avoid vehicles by running along a highway. the last word to Jeff Knight, the spokesman for the British Columbia Ministry of Transportation. He says, Moose will often try to avoid vehicles by running along a highway.

If it's safe to do so, pull over or slow down until the animal leaves the road. That's nice. There was a video clip quite recently of a bear just sort of shouting from the forest. Not shouting, growling, roaring from the forest car. And a car just decided to slow down. So obviously the bear just starts charging at the forest. Not shouting. Growling. Roaring. From the forest car.

And a car just decided to slow down. So obviously the bear just starts charging at the car. Moral of the story is, don't stop when there's a bear. Stop when there's a moose. Yeah. So if it's a moose, do stop. If it's a bear, do not.

And there's also specific instructions between a brown bear, a black bear, and a grizzly bear. And I forget which one's which. One of them is to play dead. Right. The other one is to do not play dead. Just keep running. And if you get them wrong, you're in real trouble.

I've seen a video online. Play zombie? Bit more. Yeah. And also, one of them is the tactic is to drop a backpack. So that you invest against the backpack. Yeah, okay. And you can get away.

What have you done with a backpack? Well, you... Dropped your guts? Take your shirt. Yeah. Hey, look at that. Backpack. There's a backpack.

And I was just going to say, I once saw a video online of a couple of guys on scrambler motorbikes going through a sort of forest path. I think it was in... Maybe in Russia, actually. And one of them's got a GoPro on and there's a guy riding a motorbike in front of him through his dirt track

and he's behind him with a GoPro on. And from nowhere, this bear comes out of the woods and starts chasing him. And it is absolutely terrifying. They're so big and mobile. That's the most frightening thing about them. And there's nothing you can do to get away from them.

And that's the most frightening thing about you, Luke. What, there's nothing you can do? Climb a tree? The difference between me and a bear, I can't climb a tree. Don't climb a tree when a bear's after you. Turn into an hologram. Oh, hello, expert tree-climbing animal.

I think I'm going to go to your natural habitat. Oh, what's your tactic for getting away from a great white shark? Jump into the water. Swim. Swim into its mouth. That's the last thing I expect. Punch it in the tonsils. Yeah.

How does it, a little bit of movie trivia for you. In the film Deep Blue Sea, Right. how does LL Cool J's character try to fight off the great white shark? He goes, ah, shit, shit son and kicks him in the tit he doesn't say mama said knock you out I believe he gets the crucifix from his necklace around his neck and

juts it in the eye hang on how big is this crucifix it must be big enough to jam into an eye spoiler alert I think he dies I think so yeah I think well it's been real and fun it's been great

this episode of the email special of the Luke and Pete show thank you for getting involved everyone and do continue to email we will be pawing through

like crazy wild bears through the backpack that is the hello at lukeandpeetshow.com email box email box

as all the kids are calling it these days email box we'll have to do an email kids are calling it these days. Email box. We'll have to do an email special again in a few weeks' time or something. I think so. We get so many, but thank you very much for having got involved. We'll be back next week with a normal show. Can you dare I call it vanilla?

Well, listen, if it's vanilla, there are some very nice examples of vanilla ice cream. There's nothing wrong with that. People use vanilla as a byword for boring when it's not always. It depends on how you prepare your vanilla. It's the same with ready salted crisps. A good ready salted crisp is fantastic. I hate the fetishisation

You do. of food. You do. And I love I pressed the wrong jingle. Hang on, there we go. Let's get out of here. Thanks for listening.

Cheers, Luke. Thanks. That's underwhelming.