The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 74: Excuse me, is that my farting jar?

Episode Date: June 21, 2018

As the title suggests, in episode 74 we hear about one of the more bizarre habits adopted by people in England in the 17th century. But before that there's plenty to get our teeth into, including a new jingle or two, a Mencarta entry for the ages and a man having a chip implanted into his hand with mixed results.There's also plenty more where that came from - we revisit sex education classes, Kathy Burke, and lots more.Let's be having you: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Muffs! I'm speaking into a microphone muff. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moore. Hello. How are you doing? Yeah, I'm just rapidly updating my notes ahead of the show. Yeah, decompressing. No, updating my notes ahead of the show. Yeah, decompressing. No, updating my notes ahead of the show because I want it to be a good one. I want it to be a good one. And you are fully clothed this time around, which for me is a bonus. Yeah.

It is a bonus. So fingers crossed we can remain that way. This is the Luke and Pete show. That is the Pete. I am the Luke. If you're new to the show, we talk about anything that takes our fancy and a lot of it is guided by you, the listener. If you want to get in touch, hello at

lukeandpeetshow.com. I'd say this is the journey and our listeners' emails are the compass. Is that fair, Pete? No, it's the sandwich and it's the meat. The emails are the meat. And we occasionally garnish it with our opinions, but mainly it's the meat of the sandwich, the meat, and we occasionally garnish it with our opinions,

but mainly it's the meat of the sandwich, the meaty sandwich. What sort of meat is it? It's like a meat substitute. I do a fantastic sandwich, which is a nicely seasoned grilled chicken breast, not overcooked, on a toasted brioche bun. Skin on? on what the bun yeah I keep the skin on the bun

and then some nice gruyere cheese bit of rocket and some onion chutney beautiful sandwich that lovely yeah what would be your ideal sandwich

my ideal sandwich spam I do like a BLT that Bertie the Bear sort of sausage stuff yes I haven't eaten that in years I don't think I ever ate that to be honest I do like a real tea. That Bertie the Bear sausage stuff. Yes.

I haven't eaten that in years. I don't think I ever ate that, to be honest. We were way too cheap for that. What did we talk about last time around, Peter? We talked about craft beer. We talked a bit about Anthony Bourdain. We talked about soft drinks, odd soft drinks. We talked about 90s comedians, some father-led censorship of movies in the family home.

Yeah. All sorts. Do you think if you went back to the house... So do your parents still live in the family home. Yeah. All sorts. Do you think if you went back to the house... So do your parents still live in the home you grew up in? Yeah. Okay, right. So it's an irrelevant question. For me, I...

Oh, no, no, no, they don't. Okay. No, they didn't. So I often wonder if I go... Because I saw the house I grew up in for sale about a year ago. That's emotional. I never got around to it, but I thought I'd quite like to go and see what it's like.

Two of my houses have been knocked down. Have they? Yeah. Because of the Fred Weston. Like Fred Weston. But I wonder, because my house, in my mind, that I grew up in, feels really big. But I think if I went back there, it would feel tiny, because I'm obviously much bigger. Yeah, my first house was particularly small.

We actually grew up, I was actually born, could have been born in Fife. Very close to being born in Fife. Could have been, they moved down. The Kingdom of Fife. The Kingdom of Fife. Very close to being born in Fife. Could have been... They moved down... The Kingdom of Fife. The Kingdom of Fife. They moved down quite... Like two months before I came out. No planning.

No planning. That's a bit of a ballsy move. Go from Recythe to there. And we lived on an estate, but then we moved to a house. And we had a two bed house and it I just remember it being very small, but if I walked past it today, it would still be incredibly

small. Oh, so even then you thought it was quite small? How long did you live there for? About 10 years, and then we moved to Grange Road, which is a huge Victorian house, beautiful, beautiful house that. There's some great houses in Hartlepool. Probably about 10 grand, was it? There are still houses in there.

I think our biggest house is 40 grand. Wow. And we needed a mortgage on that. Right, yeah. It's so quaint when you live in London, isn't it? But do you think if you went back there, do you think it would feel really small? The first one, yeah. The one that the drunk Seacole wagon driver

took the back of. Oh, yeah. Seacole? Even though Seacole existed driver took the back of. Oh, yeah. Seacole? Even though Seacole existed until that story. It was no bigger than the Seacole wagon, to be honest. So it was easily smashable. So in many ways, your parents might have thought about trading. No, we'll take the van. We need a house that's impervious to big lorries smashing into the back of them.

You could have been a family of travelling minstrels in a sea-cold van. Could your parents play any musical instruments? They can't fucking drive and all that, so it's not good. Neither of them can drive? No. And you can't drive? My mum can drive, but she hasn't driven for about 40 years. Can your sister drive?

Yes. Okay. She's got a little band. Oh, that band. So cute. He means baby for those listening in the US and abroad. Don't be rude. Ben is the northern word.

Scottish word as well for baby. Little Emma is such a cute. I'm not a big... I wouldn't say I go crazy for babies. Except I fucking do, clearly. Because when I see them, I'm like, baby! Dog! But my niece is lovely.

My niece is amazing as well. Every time I see her, it gives you the joy that you couldn't imagine and obviously when we become parents it will be even greater I imagine but yeah I love seeing my niece she's amazing as I spoke on this podcast before she fucking hates me

how old is she? she doesn't like male voices she just screams I won her round last time I saw her How old is she? She doesn't like male voices. She just screams. I went around after singing. I went around last time I saw her for singing the first thing that came to my head and it was a song about train Wi-Fi. So I went around by singing in a high voice.

She doesn't like deep voices. Does she listen to Absolute Radio? Not at nine months old, no. No. Why not? Stick it on. Stick it on. Start them early.

Get some Coverdale on there. Yeah. Surprisingly, Yorkshire, David Coverdale. We also talked about that last time around, didn't we? We talked about uncalled musicians of a certain period. We're still a bit behind in terms of emails, so we'll probably get some emails on that in a week or two. I think some people are probably going to suggest some that I think are cool

and it's going to make me feel a bit out of touch. Yeah. So there we go. What else have you been up to, Peter? What's been going on? What has been going on? Well, we've kind of been in the studio quite a lot because of the World Cup.

Sure. Did a job for a video game company playing Mario Tennis. Any good? Yeah, it's quite fun, actually. Quite a fun game. It's like, you know, the Wii Tennis where you sort of wave your arm at the telly and mix it. Oh, so it's like that, is it?

Why did you say it like that? Oh, so it's like that, is it? Because I remember that being a little bit clunky back in the day and it sort of put me off it. It's got better. It's got a lot better. And the Switch is such a great game system. I haven't used it properly yet.

I haven't used it. I'd like one. I'd like to play that Zelda game. I've seen the Nintendo Labo thing, which is like a... You put your Nintendo... Basically, it comes as a flat pack, massive set of cardboard leaves, basically.

Yeah. And they've got all this folding, and it's all kind of scored. Oh, I have seen that. And you fold it up, and you can make yourself a piano, and you jam your switch into it and for various

reasons, using the infrared capabilities of the controllers, et cetera, et cetera, you can make a little piano out of it. Yeah. And it's all very well.

That's really interesting. It's all very well. And it's aimed towards kids. Have you used it? I've not used it, but it's aimed towards kids. But I just look at that and I sort of go,

if you get kids anywhere near cardboard, it gets soggy. Kids get shit soggy. I mean, it's good quality cardboard, but it gets soggy kids get shit soggy I mean it's good quality cardboard but yeah that's soggy that's instantly getting sog sogs but would you

like to try it yeah I mean it's I think it's one of those things you try once and go oh good and then never play with it again Nintendo Labo slash Labo I'm not really

sure how to pronounce it a five out of ten for me Clive but you haven't even used it shut up hey y'all it's Farmer Me Mind. No, let's have this one.

My mama thinks I'm lazy. My friends all think I'm crazy. Okay. That was email. That stopped prematurely. Oh, was that email? That was email, yeah. No, was it?

Yes, it was. It should use the actual word email in it, because that's in the chorus. My mama thinks I'm lazy. My friends all think I'm crazy. I just's quite like My mama thinks I'm lazy My friends all think I'm crazy I just like it. My mama thinks I'm lazy My friends think I'm crazy.

It's quite a sort of broad scale of opinions about someone, isn't it? Oh, you know, you guys, you think I'm crazy but you know what? You'll never guess but my mum actually thinks

I'm quite lazy. You can be both things. Can you be lazy and crazy? You can be both things. It's time for emails. As I said before, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com to get in touch quite lazy. You can be both things. Can you be lazy and crazy? You can be both things. It's time for emails. As I said before, hello at lukeandpeatshow.com to get in touch with us.

What were we talking about last time around, Pete? We had a bit of, you were being very controversial about Adrian Edmondson. Yep. On the back of that, by the way,

Kieran's got in touch and said, you want a national treasure? Kathy Burke. Yeah, that's nailed on. You having that? Yeah, definitely. A very broad range

in terms of acting can do comedy can do serious she was very good I can't remember is it Millie I can't remember she played in

the John le Carré film yes she's one of my favourite characters in those books I can't remember her bloody name she plays the girl the woman who runs

the safe house yeah yeah I remember that she actually ran the circus for a little while and then I think she I don't think she ran the girl, the woman who runs the safe house. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Well, she actually ran the circus for a little while. And then I think she, I don't think she ran the safe house. I think she ran the circus at some point.

Okay. But she was very important. She's in a lot of books. She's great. Okay, I've got an email here, Peter. And it's entitled Man Implants Chip Into Hand. Ooh.

You like that? Yep. Okay. Hello, lads. It's from Tort. Good name, Tort. Sounds like a Scandinavian name. T-O-R-T-R-T-A-U. you like that yep okay hello lads it's from Tort good name Tort sounds like a

Scandinavian name T-O-R-T-R-T-A-U T-O-R-T-L-E power remember that yeah of course I do partners in crime mate yeah

spell crime how do they spell crime spell in crime K-R-Y-M-E correct textbook it's the Y that just doesn't make any sense

it's so 90s you wouldn't have got you wouldn't have got away with it I once I think again we'll get to the point where I have to

pre-see every story with I've probably talked about it in a podcast before I think people just accept that now just assume that we are too

doddery old we did have an iTunes review recently saying it used to be good but I just repeat the stories yeah sounds about right

if you do want to if you do want to review us, do pop on here. Don't say that. Don't say that. They will say that now, won't they? Balls. Give us five stars. I don't care what you write. I had that record and also Star Trek in by the firm.

Yeah, nice one. And The Young Ones, the aforementioned Ed Edmondson doing Living Doll. And they were my three favourite. And the young ones, the aforementioned Ed Edmondson doing Living Doll, and they were my three favourite, and Do The Bartman as well, my four favourite vinyls when I was a kid. Great stuff. Went home about three years ago and saw my records in the window of a charity shop.

That is outrageous. My mum has no feeling. She has no respect for culture. She has no respect for culture. She has no respect for culture or my feelings. So she's not even trying to get any money for them. She's trying to get these out the house. She's paranoid when she goes. Like, she's 65 now.

My nan died when she was 96, right? That's good. So she's got some living to do, but she's constantly worried about how much shit is in the loft because I would have to clear it out I'm going there's like one filing cabinet and three boxes of Isaac Asimov books that's all there is

and maybe some old A-level artwork that I did my mum went through a phase of whenever I went home for the weekend when I was packing my stuff to go back again she would say do you want a hand with your packing I'd be like yeah

okay great and she would always surreptitiously slip something in there that she didn't want in the house anymore that she wanted me to have and I'd get home

and be like what the hell is this like you say it'd be like four John Wyndham books and like some old records and she'd be like

oh sorry I thought they were yours what a John Wyndham sci-fi novel published in 1972 I wasn't born until 1980. She knew what she was doing. Yeah, I always get sent home with medicines from the pound shop.

I mean, how Poundland is going out of business, I don't know. Are they? Are they going as well? It's either Poundland or one of the pound's big pound brands. R.I.P. the High Street Peter. I don't understand it. Where's Mary Portis to save it when you need it? I just don't understand it because my Portis to save it when you need it I just don't understand

it because my mum buys so much medicine in there ranitidine tablets ibuprofen she sends a care package

every time I leave you are a man of many ailments as well I do have a very extensive medicine cabinet yeah it's brilliant

and a small flat so it's probably the proportion is quite difficult going back to those vinyls I recognise those singles

I used to like them as well I only knew it was my copy of the firm's star trekking because um the design because obviously they couldn't use the word star trek they had to change it to star trekking and they drew an outline of uh dr spock mr spock dr spock i always forget mr spock mr spock yeah um and they and they drew like half an outline and And as a child, I completed the outline to make the picture of Mr. Spock. And that was in the window. I was like, that's mine. That's my work of art.

Unbelievable. And did it say on it, Pete Donaldson's hands off? Poverty of Pete Donaldson. Going back to one of those particular songs, Living Doll with the Young Ones. Do you know which artist that featured? What do you mean? It wasn't just the Young Ones. It was featuring Cliff Richard.

The worst living Briton, Sir Cliff Richard. Yeah, he probably thinks he's a national treasure, but he's very much not a national treasure. When it was rained off at Wimbledon and he sang a cappella... Who's he friends with? Martina Navratilova and Sue Barker. So Sue Barker probably thinks she's a national treasure and probably a lot of people would think so,

but because of the proximity to Cliff Richard, she's been tainted. Yeah, tainted yeah she's been scorched by the unlikability of cliff richard when he sang at wimbledon when it was raining that was the worst thing a britain has done since the second world war i honestly if you put it on well i'll say my defense put it on it was absolutely outrageous people were enjoying it yeah indeed um that was that was in the middle of Hen Mania, though, wasn't it? That was, you know, it was a weird time for all of us. Tennis crowds are the worst crowds, I think. No, cricket. No way, cricket's ideal.

No, cricket. Drunk kids, drunk lads, dressed as fucking Pac-Man, getting pissed. But that's everyone. That's just young people these days, isn't it? Yeah, but just everyone just showing off. It's just, like, not even watching the yeah but just everyone just showing off it's just like not even watching the cricket just showing off

if I was a cricket fan like an extension of the darts crowd yeah if I was if I was a genuine cricket fan I would not enjoy watching cricket

but you also get a a section of the cricket crowd which are like quite older men with their sons or their friends with a cool box

having a lovely time got the paper out maybe have a snooze forget forget to put sun cream on. That's a lovely part of the cricket crowd. And that's what I expected when I went to Edgbaston. Is Edgbaston... It's Birmingham. Birmingham, yeah.

When I went to that one. I mean, I'm going off on here, but I get a text every couple of days from Edgbaston Pizza Hut saying, would you like a pizza? What's the answer? What's the answer? It's always no, because I live in London.

And you only eat exclusively through Uber Eats. Is it Uber Eats you like or Deliveroo? No, Deliveroo. Deliveroo, yeah. My Deliveroo is disgusting. Listen, Tor, we will come back to man that imparts chip into hand in a minute. But Pete, do you trust a Deliveroo to deliver you a McDonald's successfully? Because I'm always paranoid about it

what are they going to do spit in it it'll be cold it'll be all squash I mean if you're expecting decent quality fries from KFC

you ain't going to get them in KFC you're not going to get them well you'll get them soggy you'll get them really soggy because I'll give you a little insight into my thinking around it is that

this is the level the extent I'll go to if my wife and I decide we want to get a McDonald's as like a little treat or whatever. Wife, it's time

for the McDonald's. Yeah. I would rather than get it delivered, I'll actually go and get it. Don't put yourself out there.

So I'll drive like 10 minutes to go and get it and drive 10 minutes back. Yeah, I mean, that's normal. But if I'm like, you're getting

delivered because you're lazy and I'm lazy. That's true. When's the last time you actually cooked a meal? oh I made scrambled eggs

just give me the year I made scrambled eggs in the office microwave which is a most unwelcome smell for everybody scrambled eggs in the office microwave it's not cooking yourself a meal people will not have

it's a meal did you have anything with it? I brought some smoked salmon in what a popular colleague I did a nice little snack

that is worse than Marcus beef crisps Marcus beef yeah but I'm not in I'm not doing yeah it is

bad it's worse Marcus beef crisps are weird it follows them around yeah it's such an

80s flavor he's such an 80s 90s man he's really 80s bless him's such an 80s flayer. He's such an 80s, 90s man. He's really 80s. Bless him. He's late 80s. Roast Beef Crisps are very sort of

1989. I don't know where he gets them from. He's like that man who eats rations we featured once. He just found a box of Golden Wonder

from the 1990s and he keeps eating Beef Crisps. Golden Wonder. Disgusting. So you're two, if for example you are courting

a member of the opposite sex or a member of the same sex and you want to cook some. So you're to if for example you are courting a member of the opposite sex or a member of the same sex and you want to cook some dinner, you're essentially limited to scrambled eggs and smoked salmon in the microwave That's all kinds of fancy. I don't pour check That thing you do when you put a cheese over a mug and microwave

it so the rennet comes off and you eat it That is something you do isn't it? It's something I have done in the past. Okay, finally, before we come to talk, one final point, Pete. We're recording the show quite early today,

uncharacteristically early. Right. And again, I see you've got a morning boner. Your quiff is unreal today. It's wild, isn't it? Yeah. Do you just not do your hair?

If you have an agreement to get up and meet someone at a certain time, do you just agree to not do your hair? Yeah, I'm not showering. I'm off to play football later on, so there's very little point in showering. Also, my shower keeps going hot and cold. I've got to ring somebody about that.

Do you remember, I thought you had your shower sorted out. Didn't you have to move out recently because of your shower? I had to move out for a few days because the shower was done in. And it's still not working now? It was about a year ago that I do that. It's just a constant. I think the boiler might be on the blink I did repressurise the boiler though

I'm a bit handy, I can't cook but I'm a bit handy with the old DIY. Yeah you were trying to poke your neck and you ended up repressurising the boiler Okay cool so I was going to ask, oh yeah that's what I was going to say very quickly, speaking about not doing your hair because of the football, a guy I used to play football with we've talked about on the Football Ramble, Tiggie

Rainbow, he used to do his hair at half time there we go there we go taught finally taught you've been waiting on tensor hooks uh for this email to be read out it was promised and here it is to be delivered um he says hello lads further to the chat in episode 69 about one of the good reasons it's great to have emails is because it reminds us of what we've actually said yeah um episode 69 about people implanting chips into their bodies i thought i'd draw your attention to this local story sydney uh biohacker has travel card implanted into hand now i was talking about is the natural progression of a mobile phone perhaps to be just have it grafted to someone's limb at some point because people have always got them in their hands. This guy here, and you can tell what type of character he is

by the name he's given himself. Let me guess. Torrent Bitmap. Yes, that is his name. Torrent Bitmap. Yeah, okay. But he has legally apparently changed his name

to Meow Ludo Disco Gamma Meow Meow. Is that an initialization? What is his initials? M-L-D-G-M-M. No, it's not, is it? Mludgum. Mludgum. No, he sounds like one of your pals, Pete.

He's a molecular biologist and regular science party election candidate has had his travel card implanted into his arm so he wouldn't have to fish it out every time. It goes a bit south after this. Unfortunately, he was fined by the courts for breaching the terms of use of the card

and it was instantly deactivated. He has two other implants in his hand and arm including one on which he keeps documents. I don't know what the other one's for,

says Tort. Cheers, Tort. That's backfired, isn't it? Well, it's backfired because he made a big deal out of it and it does contravene

the rules of the thing. Why? Say again. Why? Say again. Why? I can't imagine I say that in the terms and conditions. Don't put it in your body. Well, don't put it anywhere. Don't put it in your body.

Remember that guy? Because all those cards are is a tiny little chip that gets excited by the electromagnetic field that the pad you put it on, and an antenna. So like that wire that you see. If you ever get bored, you have to oyster card in nail varnish remover, all it is is a chip and an antenna. So it's eminently doable, but he mugged himself off by making it so public

so then they would deactivate it. So he's probably taken out the card and put it in just as a little chip. Well, yeah, and probably the antenna as well. It reminds me of that really 90s joke, which you may not have heard, about a guy who goes to a conference and he's like this really technologically minded guy. And instead of a mobile phone,

he's just got a ring around his little finger and a ring around his thumb. Right. And it starts ringing, so he's just like that, his hand to his face. And he's showing off to all these other people and he says

oh you know I don't actually have to use my computer because I've got it implanted in my eye I just have it in my eyeball and I just do it like that and he goes through

all these different things and halfway through the conference he disappears and everyone can't work out where he is and like an hour or so later someone goes into the toilet

and he's standing there spread eagle with a load of toilet roll up his bum and says I'll be there in a minute I've just got a fax coming through I mean it took a long time to get to that it's a 90s joke very 90s because that was the time when people were on the cusp of technology and it was

like that was an exciting joke to be telling back in like 99 all right so give me a little bit of credit for that i'm getting a fax there was a guy who used to walk around London with a wand, like a magic wand, and he'd put his chip at the end of the magic wand so you'd go... Oh, I do. I've heard about that guy, yeah. I think I might have seen him

and I think I might have thought he was a paedophile because he was dressed like a magician. Yeah. Yeah, that's going the extra mile for not really much

payoff, that, isn't it? Isn't it? It is, though, isn't it? It is a little bit, yeah. Do you remember the... Oh, what was his bloody name the Peckham Terminator no

he was in a really camp angry camp possibly on drugs man who would he was on a bus and he was just screaming

at a woman but he's so tall like this and he's really angry at this woman and then he was so angry he was trying to get off the bus but the door was closed

so he just walked straight through oh I did see that on YouTube he didn't punch he just walked straight through the doors and he looked like the Terminator incredible

and they just they were filming it and they just walked off just walked off covered in glass I also saw around that time a YouTube video of a guy coming out of a shop

walking into the bus stop right and the bus comes around the corner. It's like a CCTV video. The bus comes around the corner and mounts the pavement because the bus driver's lost control. He tries to get out of the way, and the front of the bus hits him flat in the back and knocks him about five or six feet onto the floor in a way that he rolls, gets up, keeps walking and just walks straight into the pub. It looks amazing. And it was one of those perfect videos for someone to have that, what's it called?

Those sunglasses come down over your eyes. What do you call it? Deal with it. Deal with it, that's it. I've dealt with it. I'm going to the pub. There's another one where some Scottish blokes are out on the town

and he's filming I don't know why he's filming actually but this bloke gets like he goes Stuart Stuart oh for fuck's sake Stuart do you remember

he gets run over by a bus a bus really smacks him on his arse and he's like for fuck's sake Stuart he gets really angry he's Scottish yeah I've seen it

his mate's just got run over by a fucking bus. It really cracks his head as well. He goes, for fuck's sake. Good YouTube channel that could be. People being hit by buses.

If you have one more email, then you're going to do a Mencarta and then we're going to go home. This is from Gary Owen. It's more sex education chat. This is a theme that we've been running on the show for a while now.

People getting embarrassed being given sex education lessons at school and the such. Gary says, after listening to episode 71 about the guys embarrassing sex education lessons, I want to give you my own embarrassing experience. For some reason, I arrived late to my science lesson. And because of the data rights and data protection laws, I shall call my teacher Mr. H. Mr. H?

This lesson was a yearly event for Mr. H and asked me anything about sex for the second and third years. This was done by us writing our questions on A4 piece of paper and putting it in a box while he was out of the room. My first mistake was ripping my paper into three bits rather than writing on one whole sheet. Anyway, Mr. H was asking the questions. 40% of people asked about HIV.

40% of people asked if Mr. H was gay. His answer was ask Mrs. H was asking the questions. 40% of people asked about HIV. 40% of people asked if Mr. H was gay. His answer was, ask Mrs. H. And 10% was to ask if Mr. HIV was still a virgin. Again, he said, ask Mrs. H. My question, which was clearly mine, as he pulled it out on a small piece of paper, so everyone knew it was me who had written it, was, if a sperm was the size of a human,

how long would it take to swim the Atlantic Ocean? I think that is a valid, valid question. I think Gary might be a kindred spirit to you, Ed. This was met with quizzical looks all round, but I suppose it clearly showed how the prepubescent mind of Gary worked. I don't remember the other two questions

I asked. I guess they were just as weird as the first, but thankfully Mr. H ran out of time, in quotes. Many of the lads asked why I asked the question I did. I played it for laughs, but I was dissatisfied out of time in quotes. Many of the lads asked why I asked the question I did. I played it for laughs but I was dissatisfied with

the answer I got. I mean that is really exploiting the process. I mean it's not really linked to such education as it's more just linked

to sperm I guess. Could we work it out? I mean we will know how quickly sperm can swim if we sort of double that, double it

again until they get human sized you could work out how fast it would take. Hello at sort of double that, double it again until they get human-sized, you could work out how fast it would take. Hello at LukeandPete.com to do that for us, because I'll tell you now, Pete will not do that. I will not do that. And one final thing, quickly, from Glenn, who says, Hi, guys, I'd like to present to you farting jars.

In the 1600s, it was believed the plague was a miasma, and as such, doctors recommended people carry something equally potent so they could dilute the smell as soon as possible to therefore reduce the risk of contracting the plague was a miasma. And as such, doctors recommended people carry something equally potent so they could dilute the smell as soon as possible to therefore reduce the risk of contracting the plague. And thus it was recommended that people fart into jars and carry them around with them at all times. I checked that out and that is absolutely true. 17th century practice.

Happened all the time. Well, there you go. Anyway, that's the end of that. Fart jars. Time for Mencarta. Can you fill so I can re-import the Mencarta jingle? You're asking me to fill on farting jars? Yes.

Okay. What kind of jar would you use? Imagine people with that right now. You'd get people who are really organised who would buy like a mason jar off the internet. It'd be a fucking Nalgene bottle. You know it would. Mine would be a Nalgene bottle.

A lot of people would just be using like leftover drinks bottles, wouldn't they? Yeah, definitely. Is that enough time? Nearly. I can't imagine people doing that. I mean, people do do an array of disgusting things. It's Mankato. Let there be justice for all.

Let there be peace for all. It's one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope. Good morning. Yeah. Yeah, hear that?

That was someone, was that one someone sent in? No. You did it yourself? Did it myself. Oh, people are going to be gutted about that. Yeah, not bad, eh? What have you got for us? Balloonfest 86, Loke.

Oh, this is great. In 1986 in Cleveland, Ohio, they set a world record by releasing almost one and a half million balloons. It was meant to be a fundraising publicity stunt, but I've been watching

videos about this. It's the sight of a lot of people putting a lot of balloons in a big net. It looks like something out of Independence Day. The lot of balloons in a big net it looks like something out of Independence Day the cloud of balloons is incredibly large

like just obscenely large can I just say you saying like people putting a lot of balloons in their net that is not doing it justice no it is

it blots out the sky it's so large it's wonderfully large it's absolutely ridiculous I mean it's an incredible and the greatest thing about it, watching the video, is that people are doing it by hand. They've got, like, they've got plasters on their fingers

so they can tie the balloons quicker. Yeah, because the rubber really does dry out the old fingers. Everyone's getting blisters, so everyone's got plasters on so they don't get blisters. So it's schoolchildren, people from the community just blowing up balloon after balloon after balloon with helium. How would you describe the sheer volume of balloons? When they release it, it is like a swarm,

the biggest swarm of locusts you've ever seen. It's like smoke billowing out of a huge building. It looks incredible. What was the point of this? I think it was at a time where they wanted to... Cleveland was a bit of a joke, wasn't it? Cleveland was always the butt of jokes

I think who's the guy who does the prices right now I couldn't tell you he's got glasses Drew Carey Drew Carey

Drew Carey's from Cleveland I believe and he always talks very eloquently about how much of a punchline Cleveland was back in the day

so they were trying to claw that back a little bit and you have to remember this is 1986, right? So everything's reported on wonderful, close-circuit kind of local TV channels. It's amazing because back in the 80s,

local news reporting in the US, there was absolutely no consideration for what the person who's presenting the news looked like on location. So it's just basically an endless selection of quite fat, moustachioed, sweaty men

with no make-up. They're not even dressed properly. There's a really small man, my height kind of chap with a bald head and glasses and he looks dreadful.

And I think actually if we supplanted you into that situation, Pete, that would be your dream job. Like, waking up in the morning, going into the office, and them saying stuff like, oh, for example, by the way, Pete, in Cleveland, which is an hour away, they're releasing 1.5 million helium balloons into the air.

Can you go and report on it? That'd be perfect for you. I'd say, can't drive, mate. Get someone else. In America, that's not going to wash. You have to drive. So it was coordinated by a Los Angeles-based company

headed by a guy called Treb Heining or Henning. And so they just made a structure the size of like a city block out of nets. So the middle of Cleveland,

there's this big tower called the Terminal Tower. It looks a bit like the Empire State in all honesty. And basically, the balloons are next to that. They released a million and in all honesty. And basically the balloons were next to that.

They released a million and a half balloons. And I'm seeing them at a balloon. And the scene when they finally released them was something else. It was just bloody incredible. The problem is, because of the weather and the wind, most of the balloons drifted back over the city, went into Lake Erie, and most of the balloons drifted back over the city, went in Lake Erie, Lake Erie rather,

and most of them ended up in Canada. And also at the time, two men had gone missing in the lake and died because they couldn't find the life jackets

in all the balloons. What were those people, what were the two men that sadly passed away thinking was happening? Yeah. Oh, is this what happens when you die?

The balloons on the water. It was such a, it's such a weird, so two men died because of balloon festivities. Backfired. It's just incredible. Think of the littering.

Think of the littering as well. It was so many balloons. I don't know how they got clearance for it. At the very least, like there was a helicopter for the news crew, like, floating around saying,

get that helicopter for those balloons, mate, or you're going down. Popping them all. I love the idea that in 2018, and I broadly support this, 2018, you can't even have a single plastic straw in a pub. In 1986, 1.5 million pieces of plastic being released into the air just for the fucking sake of it.

Give it a Google. It's a beautiful piece of video. It is fantastic. And it firmly deserves. Balloon Fest 86. Yeah. And I like the idea that it's called a fest because really, if people go down and watch that, that is one event that happens for about 15 seconds, but they're calling it a fest.

If I was, I could not believe, the most spectacular thing is when they're actually just filling the nets. It's just, oh, wow. Check out the video. It's something else. Yeah, do. That is my Men Carter entry for this week. A worthy addition. And well done to you, Pete, for digging that out.

A fantastic video. We'll share it on the social, which is at Luke and Pete Show. If you want to get in touch, hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. We'll be back on Monday for more of this nonsense. Say goodbye to the Pete. Goodbye to the Pete. And this is me, The Luke, also saying goodbye.

See you next time. Bye.