The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 77: Candy cigarettes and camel urine

Episode Date: July 2, 2018

The Pete is back from working the Isle of Wight Festival and is sunburnt. He's also sporting a rather snazzy Transformers tattoo. And, having managed to perform a bungee jump and survive it with both retinas intact, he's also in a chipper mood.He and The Luke discuss more weird sports team names, find out about a 19th century beer flood, hear of a school brawl involving over 100 people and an irate PE teacher, and discover some fart-based embarrassment. All in all, a pretty packed 35 minutes or so. Don't say you weren't warned.To inject those sweet emails directly into our veins: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

you're right rasters pete olsen look we're here for the luke and pete show wagwan wagwan guys wagwan are you eating a banana luke i'm gonna try and eat a eat a banana. Listen, I'm so busy. So hungry. I'm so busy at the moment, I need to eat during shows. Your potassium levels are dangerously low. I like the way you've torn off the entirety of the top of that banana like it's some kind of, like an egg, an egg cup. Do you know why I did that?

Why? It's strength a reason. It doesn't need to be a reason. It's brute human strength a reason. You've had too many bananas, bananas mate I did it by accident I'm off to the south of France soon so ooh la la

get a nice little break ooh la la yeah mais oui is that why we're recording on a what day is it? Tuesday yeah

I'm terribly sunburnt and ill yeah you are you do look like you've caught the sun my friend I was at the Iloite Festival over the weekend did a bungee did a bungee yeah I think I said before you, say yes to stuff in radio

because chances are it never comes off, but then you find yourself up a fucking crane, don't you? Yeah. Have you still got mud? Is that mud on your right bicep? No, it's brute strength for a reason. No, it's actually a Transformers tattoo. All right.

I bought some candy. Candy cigarettes. Candy cigarettes are the one candy that's never changed in like probably about 70 right. I bought some candy. Candy cigarettes. Candy cigarettes are the one candy that's never changed in probably about 70 years. I thought they were banned now. Well, no, no. Now they're still around, but they probably don't call them candy cigarettes.

They probably call them candy sticks. It's just tapioca and hooves. I noticed that there's still beef gelatin in them as I try to give them to a vegan friend. Hey, have one of these. How do you know that someone's a vegan? Is this a joke? Yeah.

Take a lead bomb? They tell you. They instantly tell you. It's like people who grew up not watching television. People who don't know how to tell you. Yeah, they'll tell you. There's a great... I mean, it's not great.

There is a list of jokes which are essentially interchangeable with that type of punchline. Someone who's literally doing good in the world. Yeah. That's their only crime. But do you know what? And you can do it. It works with universities as well.

How would you know if someone went to Cambridge University? They tell you. They tell you, yeah. And I was on a train once in New England before I met my now wife. It should be called England 2.0. That would be good. Yeah, that would be good. England Redux. Before I met my now wife. It should be called England 2.0. That would be good. England Redux. Before I met my now wife.

Hang on, you were just messing around in New England before you met your wife? Yeah. Was she in New England? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really weird. I think it might have even been the trip I met her. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

The point isn't going to be that. The point is that I was sat on a train next to someone. Bothering women. No, no, no, no. Bothering random women. One of them was just so tired, she just let you into her life. Yeah, that's it. And that's the joke.

And that's the joke. Hello, father of the bride. And you are at that level of tiredness now, aren't you? Yeah, I'm very malleable. You could push me into a box and I wouldn't complain. I could take you to the top of a crane and you wouldn't complain. Fuck me, that was horrible. Anyway, the point was just going to be that I was chatting to someone on the train

and I said to them, and they mentioned they went to Harvard. And I said, how do you know if someone went to Harvard? They'd tell you. Because they had already told me. And they didn't get the joke and they thought it was very funny. But there you go. I immediately didn't get the joke anyway. If you've learned one thing about me, Pete,

it's that jokes that don't land do not deter me. I once stayed in what can only be described as a frat house in Harvard. Really? Really weirdly. I was on a holiday. We started in Boston, sort of drove up to,

where is Harvard? It's kind of in between that. It's in between Boston and... Yeah. It's in Massachusetts now. Up to, is it Cape Cod? You can sort of drive through up to Cape Cod.

We stopped off for a few days there. It's in Cambridge, isn't it? In Massachusetts. Yeah. I just remember everyone was drinking Miller Lite and I was like, this doesn't taste like beer. I'm very young, but this doesn't taste like beer. How old were you?

22. No, maybe a bit older. You would have started drinking at about 14. That's why my arms don't work. That's not the only reason. No.. You would have started drinking at about 14. That's why my arms don't work. That's not the only reason. No. But you would have started drinking. Heroin.

Speaking of which, I saw Depeche Mode at the weekend. Did you? Wow. A perishing thirst for heroin. Those guys are an advert. You know, like David Boyd did every drug. He certainly was a big coke fiend for quite a while. He sort of got, yeah, he still looks good.

Depeche Mode, very different story. Oh, they look rough. All the eyeliner in the world. There's a Martin Gore that looks terrible. He looks like someone's tried to clone using an 80s computer, Keith Richards. Yes. Doesn't he?

It's the eyeliner though. Get off the eyeliner. Hell of a voice though. Beautiful voice. Oh, what's that? A steampunk Keith Richards. Yes, please. Let's develop him. Excellent. Well well recently on the luke and pete show i am of course the luke and that is the pete and you're a stab go for it last time on dragon ball z there you go i don't know

what dragon ball z is what do you mean you don't know i'm vaguely aware of the graphic of it like a manga cartoon graphic it's the most accessible anime. Is it? Okay. Next to Pokemon. Well, recently on the Luke and Pete show, we have talked about Pete having a meltdown slash domestic fight with his then-girlfriend in Eminem's world. Yes. That's something that happened, isn't it?

Eminem world sounds normal. Eminem's world sounds like the rapper Eminem. Yeah, I think it was. Yeah, it does. But the name is Eminem's world. The possessive. sounds like the rapper Eminem. Yeah, I think it was.

Yeah, it does. But the name is Eminem's World. The possessive. I had a chat with Joel, who was our colleague, about whether it's Eminem World or Eminem's World. It is Eminem's World. Yeah, and I found out

it was Eminem's World. But it sounds so unnatural. I think Mackie D's needs to be a little less, you know, forceful about how their trademark is used because people don't use trademarks.

You know, you're part of our world. We should change your goddamn trademarks if you want to. Where's this come used because people don't use trademarks. You're part of our world. We should change our goddamn trademarks if you want to. Where's this come from? I don't know. Okay. That led on to a wider... Don't like M&M's world.

That led on to a wider story about American candy in general. And speaking about M&M's world, when I was speaking to Joel about it, he said, because we talked on this show, that M&M's world in Leicester Square in London doesn't actually do many flavours of M&M's at all. If you go to a communal garden grocery store in the US, you're going to have loads more flavours.

So Joel said he was speaking to someone who's working in M&M's World in Leicester Square, London, and said, have you got any peanut butter M&M's? And the guy said, nah, to be honest, you only really get them at specialist stores. Specialist stores? This is M&M's World. World!

Yeah, that's like the HMV. If you go to like, you know, the other record store, the Sister Ray of M&M's world, I think it's because they just don't sell

those things officially here. If you go to any London kind of grocery store, you'll have like a little collection of kind of US candy,

won't you? Yeah, and they sell them everywhere now, though. They sell peanut butter M&Ms. They sell them in an American-themed shop in either Shepherds Bush or out that way, which I've been to before with my wife, and it's decent. But they have a couple of them on Oxford Street now,

the main shop in Thoroughfare in London. And for a small packet of peanut butter M&Ms, which would be 80p here, it's literally £5. Yeah, it's crazy. The import prices are amazing. Anyway. But what I'm saying is that the internet has made the world so small. And again, the naivety of the marketing people,

the naivety of the companies that think these are the only ones we sell here, except down the high street. So you get to a point where M&M's World doesn't have 80% of their own product, which is really weird

because they don't officially release them here. Yeah, it's just colours, it's not flavours. Yeah, I know you're upset about the colours versus flavours business, but... Yeah, it's stupid.

Anyway, that... I want to eat red! That led on to a... I want to eat red things! Red doesn't taste of red. Anyway, that... I want to eat red! That led on to a... I want to eat red things! Red doesn't taste of red. Red? I want red colour! Like blood!

Do you remember Smarties, the only ones that tasted different were the orange ones that actually tasted of orange? Yeah, I mean, in a rough approximation of orange. Do you remember when

blues turned up? That was a big deal. Yeah. Do you remember Vice Versus? Yes. Do you remember those? Oh, what was it now? It was like a little nest

A little chocolate nest It was a bar But it was a chocolate nest With like a kind of Mallow kind of cream In the middle And it was And it was like

I do vaguely remember that It was Cadbury's And they were very nice But very They just looked impossible To make They were like Her parents chocolate bar

Her parents chocolate bar But your parents would choose that Yeah As the As the margaritas start to flow and the night falls. It gets a bit sexy. And they've opened another bottle of Taboo. I was vomiting a lot on Sunday. Where's that come from?

Because the England match was on. So I always vomit. It's like Pavlov's dog. I get so excited. But it was good vomit rather than always vomit. It's like Pavlov's dog. I get so excited. But it was good vomit rather than bad vomit. But I started the day by, because I was working, I started the day by watching the match, but the only food I could get at that time

was the most disgraceful approximation of chicken wings I've ever seen in my life and some chips. And for a man with IBS, there's no way to start a day. And it just got progressively worse from there in, to be honest. I'm very sorry to hear that, Peter. But it just made,

but I had three enjoyable interviews with Travis, Nicky Wire, and Peter Hook. Even though, What a 90s day. Even though, all the way through it,

I was going, I might be sick on you. That might be sick on you, because you're mine. That's C6 Steve, isn't it? Can I please just finally get through what we've been talking about recently? What? Badly edited movies, usually by parents not wanting their kids to see inappropriate stuff. You announcing that Christopher Lambert of Highlander fame is legally blind.

And has to do his scenes without glasses, I don't know, it's true I don't care, but speaking of which there was a film coming out with Jeremy Renner and there was an interview with, I can't remember, oh John Hamm was the interview and I read it in one of the newspapers and he said that Jeremy Renner broke

both his arms in a scene but the shooting schedule meant they still had to shoot so what they basically were doing was he had temporary casts on both his arms and when they're about to roll the film and say action do you get off they take it to take him off yeah and apparently it was some some stunt i guess how is he going to um do his boar isn't he the boar man in the popular superhero films it wasn't that film he is but it wasn't that film

so Christopher Lambert Legally Blind which is a film featuring Reese Witherspoon yeah two for that one I've done that joke before and Jeremy Renner

Two Broken Arms whatever film comes out next he had two broken arms doing it so try and spot it Daniel Krupa from the Windsor Knot

Windsor Knot podcast which weirdly got reviewed again on the AV Club Onion AV Club best podcast of the year

yesterday even though the Royal Wedding is very much finished recommend listen we're still a recommended listen oh I imagine

it'll have good listening value and it's not really about the wedding it's about life and cakes but he looks very much like Jeremy Renner

he does even people who have even like people like Scarlett Hansen have commented in the past that he much like Jeremy Renner. He does yeah. Even people who have, even like people like Scarlett Hansen have commented in the past that he looks like Jeremy Renner and he broke his leg really badly at the Emirates.

Who, Daniel Krupa? Yeah. People who look like Jeremy Renner and Jeremy Renner are very malleable bones. Hello at Luke and Pete show. Two people who look like each other but also broken limbs. Yes. And finally, we talked a bit about the darkness and how you allegedly almost joined their five-a-side team.

And we talked about people fighting on the London Underground, which I think is interesting because people who are listening to this show from outside the UK, if they know anything about the London Underground, they'll probably know that it's very old, but also that people don't talk to each other

and British people are generally very polite. So fights on the London Underground is a'll probably know that it's very old, but also that people don't talk to each other and British people are generally very polite. So fights on the London Underground is a bit of a thing to see. I don't want to be muddled with that. I would not want to have a fight on the London Underground now. No, too sweaty, too hot. It's so hot at the moment, I can't sleep.

It's too much. I can't dream of Tia standing here with me. What was that, was that Dido? I had a bit of a... A woman nobody ever talks about. No. She doesn't get

mentioned anymore. Dido. Sheryl Crow was on the bill. This isn't a review of the Isle of Wight Festival but Sheryl Crow was very much on the bill. Right.

57. She looked amazing and sang amazingly. Were there any modern artists booked on this festival? What was the headliners? Blossoms were playing,

I guess. Never heard of them. Oh, I've heard of them. I haven't heard them. Blossoms. They're really hard to guess. I've never heard of them. Oh, I've heard of them. I haven't heard of them. Blossoms. They're really hard to interview. There's like six of them. And they all want to talk at the same time.

They're from Stockport. Two artists I've been listening to recently. One, The Sundays. Very enjoyable, melodic, sort of indie pop, 1990-ish. Oh, yes. What was their big song? Here's where the story ends. Yeah, okay.

And it's you and me in the summertime. That's them as well. And a band called, let me get this right, Rolling Blackout's Coastal Fever. Australian indie band. Quite good. That's the be-all and end-all of what I've been listening to recently. But anyway, that sums up, I think, quite nicely

what we've been talking about recently. I think so. If people want to get in touch with us, as I've just mentioned, hello at lukeandpeter.com is the place to do so. We welcome all your emails. If you're new to listening to the show, you are very welcome. Come into our bosom, although don't get too close, because it is hot and we are very sweaty.

And our bosoms are ample. My bosom is sunburned. Got a transformer tat on it. You've got a t-shirt suntan here, though. You're not sunburned on your's got a transformer tat on it. You've got a t-shirt suntan here though. You're not sunburned on your torso are you? A little bit.

I briefly Oh you are. I had like literally about an hour between interviews and I took my top off and laid down on the floor and then a man

from the band Cordaline a very tall man came over and went you alright Pete? And I was like completely topless

and sweaty and he gave me a big hug and he was like oh you're all sweaty I was like yeah. You shouldn't be taking your top off when you're working. Yeah, that is unprofessional.

It is unprofessional. But then... Unless you're perhaps a professional swimmer. Or wrestler. Or wrestler. Imagine if someone went on the... Oh, the horror if a wrestler came on topless. Everyone was like...

The answer's going, get this man off me, this filthy pervert. Cover him up. You're no shame. Speaking of wrestlers, did you see that big van vader died yeah he did yeah passed away

in the prime of his life he's like 68 or something massive still wrestling yeah we spoke about that on wrestle me another podcast I know we're deviating

and sort of I don't mind this being a bit of a round up of other podcasts yeah we had wrestlemania 10 which was actually quite good

so well done us well done them no the show was good or the Wrestlemania itself was good both a little bit

I think we added a little bit of spice to that particular well good for you talk to me about Sunburn because I'm almost

phobic of it I take decisions which are very very cautious when it comes to Sunburn because I get I've got very

fair skin some people I've noticed and certainly at the weekend, because it was a very hot festival, very, very rare. Not a drop of rain the whole weekend. Not a drop of rain. It was just wall to wall sun. Not a breath of wind.

Not a breath of wind because I think they didn't do it on Glastonbury weekend, which is always the kiss of death for any festival. If you do it on Glastonbury weekend, you're going to be fucked. But there's no Glastonbury this year, is there? No. This would have been Glastonbury weekend, would it not? No.

They do it earlier earlier like sort of the 12th I think it's like the first or second weekend of the month okay and it always chucks it down

but yeah got a little bit lucky but yeah you do see people kind of almost exclusively sort of hiding in the potter cabins

and like being yeah making decisions about what they do with their and it's sort of like and I'm not I'm not phobic of the sun, but I do just burn and then I'll tan eventually. But people just generally just like,

I can't go outside. I just can't. And it's like, oh, that's sad. I'm very fair. That happens to me, really. I have to be very, very careful. It's funny because I can remember... God, my memory's terrible.

It was either a festival I was at in the 90s or someone told me about it, that one particular Reading festival was so hot that these Scally guys were essentially selling places in the shade. So there would be like a big tree with shade under it only available for a certain amount of people and they would form a sort of border around it

and charge sort of £10 or whatever for people to get in there for people to actually get in this shit that's hilarious you used to see that

a lot more in festivals like Glastonbury you'd see a lot of I'm going to say Liverpool based crimcrims popping down crimcrims

crimcrims popping down and just basically just wandering around causing trubs and stealing shit but you don't see that quite as often anyway

no you don't and I remember my first ever Glastonbury we had paid I mean we talked about this before but I think it was about £70 for a ticket but when we got there

it was literally in the middle of nowhere Glastonbury isn't it there were a bunch of like Liverpudlian kids probably about I don't know a bit older than us

so like late teens I suppose saying look come with us we've got a rope ladder 10 quid and you've got a ladder you can get over the fence

I was like I've already bought my ticket I ain't going to pay you an extra 10 hours to climb over the fence that's the thing with Glastonbury though isn't it

it's kind of like you are in a situation where the actual festival is absolutely gigantic and the actual arena itself there there's no arenas. You just sort of walk from place to place. And that's the beauty of that.

It can take like 45 minutes to walk from one stage to another. Yeah, but Reading, Jumping the Fence, Fence wouldn't really help because obviously you still have to get into the arena, which is a much smaller space. I would have Reading Festival. I mean, this is an outdated old man's opinion, but I would have Reading Festival at the bottom of my major festival

heap. Really? Yeah. What do you mean? Right at the top for me. Right at the top. Is it really? No, it's exactly what it is. Right, fair enough. There's a rock day, there's a, you know, well, it used to be like metal day, rock day. Sunburn day? The day where sunburned. The funniest thing I ever saw

well, in my sort of teens, Reading was my first festival, so maybe I've got like a bit more warmth to it than you, but arriving and seeing a man with really long hair, like an old rocker, and he had taped to his topless body the centrefold from a rather aggressively sexual pornographic magazine. Right.

A woman completely, you know, spreading. And he just taped it to his torso. And I thought, that's art. That's a pervert. Well, yeah, it is. But he's going, this is me. I've got pornography taped with black electrical tape to my torso.

And everyone look at me. You can tell a lot about a person by who they're drawn to. I'm like a dirty moth. You are. You dirty old moth. And he is your flame. Right, let's have a little break, and after this we'll do some emails from you, the listener.

So, Sheikh, you're telling me that drinking camel's urine is part of the din? Ach, you don't get me wrong. What the hell was that? It was in relation to somebody who flew a Dubai route, I think. One of the pilots was talking about transporting camel urine. Oh, right. So that was a...

You dug that out. Some kind of minister who was talking about whether drinking camel urine is in the Quran or not. But he seems to be very pro-drinking camel urine. I think that people want to hear, we'll both look after Luke, Pete, so have a think about that. You haven't got that on there, have you?

Because you've wiped it all off for your World Cup jingles. So, Sheikh, you're telling me that drinking camel's urine is part of the deen? Ach, you don't get me wrong. Ach, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong.

You're feeling like drinking camel urine. I don't even know what the second line to that is normally. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Right. You're feeling like drinking camel urine. I don't even know what the second line to that is normally. Don't get me wrong. I should know. I should know. I play it every bloody day. No, I don't know. Do you want an email from Chris Radford?

Oh, fuck yeah, all right. So we had a... This reminds me of Ronnie Radford. It gets me sad. We had a bit of a chat last week about funny American team names. Funny American. That's the jingle. It was part of a TV show presented by Jeremy Beadle called

America Has the Funniest Team Names. Look at this guy. He thinks he's king of the team names. And if you want to get in touch with us, of course, just one more time, hello at lukeandpeachshow.com. Chris Radford has been in touch. Not Ronnie Radford, just one more time. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. Chris Radford has been in touch. Not Ronnie Radford, although they may be related. Perhaps Chris can confirm or deny.

He says, long-time listener, first-time emailer, batteries, a disappointingly middle-of-the-road energizer. Well, we're not reading the rest of his email now. That's it, you don't pass mustard. Delete email. Following on from your sporting team name chat in episode 75, I wanted to bring you to the attention of the wonderfully named Montgomery Biscuits. Montgomery Biscuits.

Which basically just sounds like a biscuit factory, not a team. An affiliate of the Tampa Bay Rays baseball team. Yeah. Extensive research, brackets a scan of their Wikipedia page, indicates that their name was chosen from a list of over 4,000 entries and during games, biscuits are shot from an air cannon into the stands. Now, down that part of the world, a biscuit is not a biscuit like we have. It's like a little scone type thing.

So it might conform to the confines of the pipe that is used to propel said biscuit. I hope they're wrapped. Yeah, same. I hope they're wrapped up. I saw, is it Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode use a t-shirt cannon? Very on Depeche Mode. I'd never seen Depeche Mode live.

I was like going, I didn't expect them to use a t-shirt cannon. They shouldn't even be talking between songs, let alone doing a t-shirt cannon. I just like that he fired out. It was really exciting.

It went absolutely miles. I've never seen one before. I was like, it can really go. And I like to think... Should buy one off the internet. Say again? Should buy one off the internet. again should buy one off the internet

I wanted to catch I wanted to see what he was firing out it's like a big big balled up t-shirt a bit of little black tie heroin wrap

in the middle yeah have a bit it's like pass the parcel with heroin have a lovely weekend are you going to

buy a t-shirt for any upcoming round of live shows smash it in oh we could do that yeah exactly anyway I'll leave that with you

apparently Chris goes on to say the rest of the show is just going to be me goog Yeah, exactly. Anyway, I'll leave that with you. Apparently, Chris goes on to say... No, the rest of the show's just going to be me Googling. Okay, I'll pick it up. I'll pick it up. Montgomery Biscuits mascots... Montgomery Biscuits! ...are apparently Big Mo and Orange Beast that loves biscuits.

And Monty, an anthropomorphised buttermilk biscuit. In 2014, a new live mascot was introduced and was also chosen for a naming contest. The winner, a micro-mini pot-bellied pig named Miss Gravy, Duchess of Pork. Without wanting to besmirch the home name of the good Mrs. Moore, this could only happen in America. Fantastic. What's wrong with that?

A bit of fun. Miss Gravy, Duchess of Pork. Do you know what I think? It works because Duchess of York isn't really a thing in America. It's Fergie, isn't it, your Duchess of York, as she used to be? She's in Black Eyed Peas. you're not Fergie it's Fergie isn't it you're just a Yorker

she used to be she's in Black Eyed Peas I think what happens with in the UK is that we take sport very very seriously so this fun stuff

that goes all around we are sort of a bit sneery about it a bit deriding of it a bit derisive of it I don't think they need to be like that enjoy it

embrace a day out embrace the silliness if there's one thing I could advise British people just generally embrace a day out unless you're at the cricket don't If there's one thing I could advise British people, just generally, embrace a day out. Unless you're at the cricket.

Don't worry about being ironic. I reckon someone from the stands at cricket should fire a T-shirt cannon at a cricketer and see if he can hit it with a ball. Well, they do have bowling machines, which are essentially T-shirt cannons, but for cricket balls. Have you ever done a baseball bowling machine

that just smashes a fucking baseball? When I was a kid and I was terrible. Absolutely. After a while, your thumb, I'm probably gripping it incorrectly, bowling machine that just smashes a fucking baseball When I was a kid and I was terrible Absolutely after a while your thumb I'm probably gripping it incorrectly but like

your thumb starts to absolutely ache because I'm whacking them all over the place mate I'm hitting everyone mate When I was a kid

I went on holiday to Florida and there was a I can't remember where it was but there was an opportunity to Yeah one of those

kids were here Florida My dad got made redundant My mum and dad spent it all taking us to Florida Yeah that's genuinely what happened an opportunity to yeah one of those kids yeah Florida my dad got made redundant my mum does my mum does I'll take us to Florida yeah that's genuinely what happened

your dad sounds like me yeah father anyway just very very briefly and there was an opportunity to bat in a batting cage and I remember being

I think I was about 11 never hit a baseball before because I was British and they started firing them out of the machine at the lowest setting. I couldn't hit a single one. To the point where they pulled up this little stand,

which they only probably use for the idiot kids, put the stand there, like a little tube stand. I say, that's what Little League uses, isn't it? Yeah, Little League. The ball on top of it. And I still couldn't even hit that. So there we go. There we go.

Not the finest moment of my sporting career. And it is a packed list. Were you shouting when a player runs past you and you give them a little kick and they fall off and you go, they're too fast for me, right? Yeah. It wasn't a little kick, was it? It was the ball.

It wasn't a little kick, was it? No, it was a kick out. Yeah. Which is very different. Yeah, do you say, oh, the ball was too fast for me. The ball was too fast for me on his little plinth. Outrageous. Well, basically, you've chosen new emails from the email box.

And I thought, every time we finish a show and we don't manage to squeeze in an email, and I've had the foresight to print them out, what I've been doing is just sort of tearing them up and putting them in a box, a secret little dirty box. I'm calling classic emails. Where is the box? It's underneath our Bluetooth speaker

that John from the Stakhanov Radio situation has named Tunes O'Clock So every time you connect it via your iPad or your iPhone or any other Bluetooth enabled device, you've got to search out and connect to Tunes O'Clock

which I find unedifying and it upsets me more than the fact that my waterproof Bluetooth speaker that I use in the shower is called Shower Party. That sounds wrong. Sounds like water. So the classic email box

is under the Bluetooth Bose. Yes. Okay, good. Exactly. But either way, so this might be on themes we haven't discussed in a little while, so I thought it'd be quite interesting

to just sort of dip in and just do a couple of ones that we didn't use. Brad in Long Island. New York. Gentlemen, long-time listener, multiple-time emailer. Boring-ass Duracells at home,

just as boring Panasonic's and the TV remote at work in my corporate training classroom. Sad face. That's a poor return, that. He's got an axe to grind there. My previous submissions were all slightly too long

and meandering to be considered, but that has not deterred me from having an email read on your fine programme. Thus, carrying on from your chat on episode 68, I submit to you the first fart. What? The first fart. Remember we were talking about...

Farting jars? Farting in front of loved ones for the first time. It's an important... Oh, sorry. It's an important seal to break, so to speak. While with my ex-girlfriend, I stumbled upon an ingeniously clever cover for when I had to fart in front of her. Upon the moment of release, I would loudly clear my throat.

Even for a man like me who can hit high decibel numbers with his farts, this would drown out the sound perfectly. Fast forward to my next girlfriend and I continue to use the same ruse, proud as I can be of my clever methods of deception. Six to eight months into our relationship, after another fart coupled with a perfectly timed throat clear, she turned to me and said, you do know that I

know you're farting every time you clear your throat like that, right? I was like a kid being told there was no Santa Claus. Being embarrassed, foolish, naive and more, I accepted defeat. Turns out the throat clear was no match for the other characteristics of my farts. They're at all times terrific smell.

Yeah, that's the problem. A real Bronx cheer. So never mind, that was the first fart. Who's that from? Say again? Who's that from? That's from Brad in Long Island. He now farts without the throat clearing, which is wonderful. All the way from Long Island though. The universal language of

farting. It must be quite satisfying expelling gas at the same time from each area of the body. I shall try it. Where would be the most surprising part that air came out of your body? It comes out of your eyes, doesn't it? Have you seen that? If you hold your nose. When I did the bungee jump for a couple of days afterwards,

my eyes really hurt. They say that you can detach the retinas quite easily. Why people fucking do that? I don't know. Do they advise you to keep your eyes closed then? Why are you blinking so much? I was just checking. I was just checking what I could see.

I was like, no, I think I saw most of it, but... You know Christopher Lambert's legally blind. He would know you're doing a bungee jump. Cut the bungee jump,

that's what caused it. What, do they advise you? Do they advise you to keep your eyes closed then? No, they were just like, one, two, three, jump, keep your arms out.

It was screaming at one bloke. He had hold, I think, of the actual bungee cord. He put his arms down and grabbed the bungee cord. It was really weird. He was panicking. Don't do that. You're going to break your arms? You're going to do a Renner?

Yeah, Jeremy Renner. That's how he did it. You have to film all year. Imagine being at a music festival with two broken arms. It'd be awful. If you've had that happen to you, hello at

LukeandPete.com. This is a good email, Pete, I selected with you in mind. Okay. And it's from Mark in Sussex.

And I've entitled this email, Beer Causes Carnage in Central London. Okay. And Mark says, battery's gritty. Gritty.

Gritty palitty. Yes, good. Gritty palitty. He says, chaps, heard about this incident in a pub I work in and immediately questioned whether or not it was real. Okay. A bit of digging and I found it to be entirely true. Hope it tickles your intrigued bone as much as it did mine.

I've copied and pasted the Atlas Obscura entry I found on the subject, aka Pete's homepage. On October 17th... I used to use that site a lot. I don't anymore. Right. Well, Mark's doing it for you.

On October 17th, 1814, that site a lot. I don't anymore. Right. Well, Mark's doing it for you. On October 17, 1814, about 610,000 litres of beer flooded out of the Mew and Company Brewery in a 15-foot high wave of porter. The wave roared through the streets of Tottenham Court Road, flooding cellars and dragging debris, leaving a path of foamy destruction in its wake. The flood was caused by a ruptured vat,

which created a deadly domino effect that tipped the other vats into spilling their contents and creating a beer wave of death what a mess i looked this up and it's been reported there's actually more than 1.4 million liters of beer not 610 000 as mark says but either way it's a lot of beer in central london in the early 19 century, the flood destroyed two houses and claimed seven lives, five of whom were attending a wake for a child that had died the previous day. While there are rumours, there are no written records of the citizens taking advantage of the free drinks

and subsequently no recorded deaths of alcohol poisoning on account of the flood. Not like in Dublin. Remember we talked about that happening in Dublin with the whisky flood? Oh, yeah. That is a stronger drink, to be fair. True. Oh yeah, that is a stronger drink to be fair. True. It's assumed that when a 15 foot high

wave of anything is rolling down the street, there's not really enough time to weigh the pros and cons of taking advantage of getting to higher ground. Do I want some of this in my mouth? The brewery's been demolished, but get this. The Dominion Theatre now stands in its place. So the one we used to have Freddie Mercury outside.

While there is no plaque or memorial to signify the beer flood a local tavern the Holborn Whippet which is not a pub that I know actually no I imagine it'll be

up New Oxford Street won't it serves a special porter that commemorates the beer flood once a year on the anniversary of the event

ah that's nice that's a nice ale story 1.4 million litres of beer flooding down Soho aka a night out with Pete Donaldson. Oi, oi! Would it get to...

I'm on the second floor of Old Compton Street. Would it get to me? 15... How high was it? Let me have a look. 15 foot high? It wouldn't be that much,

but it still sounds pretty spectacular. Well, 15 foot would be high enough, wouldn't it? I can't believe it destroyed two houses, though. You might finally get running water in your shower.

That's a great story have we not featured that before I'm thinking probably the I think the first episode was the great molasses flood we did we've done the we've done a lot of floods

we've done great molasses flood we've done Dublin whiskey flood now we've done the London beer flood all the major food groups all the floods yeah

um hello to this is another classic James Kettle Kettle it's from the classic box this is from the classic box uh hey guys uh your story Luke about Hello to... This is another classic. James Ketto. Ketto. This is from the classic box. This is from the classic box. Hey, guys.

Your story, Luke, about the teacher you fronted on a pupil. Fronted. Oh, yeah. Got me thinking about the time a similar situation happened at my secondary school. As was the norm, we had a pretty fierce rivalry with another local school. Normally, this involved sporting events and GCSE grades. However, one year, the rivalry boiled over. I can't remember the circumstances that led to this story, but one lunchtime, a friend came running over the playground

and shouting, there's a riot in the basketball courts. Without question, we all followed him like he was the Pied Piper, and what we saw was cataclysmic, around 100 people fighting each other. It then came to our attention that some kids from the other school had been stealing jumpers from our students and had snuck into school to start trouble. This obviously made it a nightmare

for the teachers to distinguish who didn't belong. A PE teacher, who I won't name, grabbed one pupil from Malay and then was punched straight in the face. Without blinking, he decided the best course of action

was to headbutt the child, knocking him out cold. Wow. It was a pretty weird day and funnily enough, we never saw that teacher again. I bet. A hundred people in one basketball court having a fight.

Just having a big old scrap and people being unable to calm it down. That's a lovely sort of thread. What's the biggest fight you've ever seen? Yeah. It's hard when there's no one to stop it. I remember sort of ending an 11-a-side Sunday League match where everyone started fighting. Really?

You liked it, didn't you? I had all of it because they were chasing after a lad, our striker, who just punched their goalkeeper in the face. And we're not that kind of team, but this lad was drafted in at the last moment to much derision from our team. But yeah, he was chased by about 20 lads

and I had hold of one lad. And it was like he was running and I had hold of him. I was on the suspense, gosh. And I had my arms around him in a tweed jacket, and he was sort of running, but with me around his waist. Why were you wearing a tweed jacket? Because it was cold.

You're wearing a normal jacket. You're playing football. It was my jacket. Right. It was my winter jacket. And he turned around. He sort of slowed down because I was on his back, and he sort of turned around and went,

what are you doing? Did he? Yeah, and we sort of squared up a bit and did the swinging, but there he sort of turned around and went, what are you doing? Did he? Yeah. And we sort of squared up a bit and did the swinging. But there was plenty of punches swung. Is this on Market Road? Yeah. But when there's no police or stewards

or any authorities to break up, it's actually quite hard to stop a fight like that. Oh, definitely, yeah. I mean, I can remember playing at Market Road and they'd have to put all the bags, everyone's bags, into the back of the goals so they'd be protected by a net because otherwise people

would just nick stuff out of them. Oh yeah, it used to be dreadful. They've definitely improved it since then. Right, Luke, let's get out of here. We've got other things to do, to be quite frank. We'll be back on Thursday? Yeah.

For episode... 77. 77. All right then. If you want to get a touch on the show, how do people do that, Luke? I've said it a hundred times today, haven't I?

Hello at Yarny I know sorry it's been busy hello at LukeandPeteShow.com to get in touch we'd very much like to hear from you I've just noticed

you're wearing Bermuda shorts radical dude cowabunga We'll see you next time.