The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 78: Fly away Peter, fly away Paul

Episode Date: July 5, 2018

Straight off the bat, The Pete is accusing The Luke of wearing Bermuda shorts, an accusation that shouldn't be taking lightly. After that we hear of Peter Crouch and a kids' illusion that confuses The Pete to this day.There's time for actors that have appeared in one movie and then never again, the pleasing sound of things hitting bald mens' heads, and another love letter to Anthony Bourdain. And make sure you stick around for a Pete Donaldson special story about a blocked drain and a shower curtain. You *will not* regret it.Got a tall tale? Or even a moderately short one? It's: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Johan Gudmundsson that's how you say hello in Icelandic no it's not yes it is I've just found it somebody left a sticker of Johan Gudmundsson

who plays for Burnley FC I saw Sean Dyche in the VIP area at the Alouette Festival. Stop talking about... You're never going to meet it. Oh, you're never going to meet John Dyche? He didn't say hello. He's very tall.

Why don't you marry it if you love it so much? If he's very tall, how can he eat the worms? Who knows? Who knows? That's what contributes to his tawness. Episode 77 of the Luke and Pete show. You're very welcome here. I'm Luke, and this is the Pete over there.

Shush, shush, sh there. shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. I'm enjoying that. Do you remember in Camden, drug dealers used to sell their wares

by going, yes, yes, yes, yes. There was a guy outside Highbury and Islington Station the other day,

who I bloody enjoyed, I have to say. He was an older guy, raster guy. Is he the one selling out Drum and Bass? Drum and Bass! Yeah,

but he also, he does Drum and Bass, Drum and Bass, Drum and Bass, and then he goes, Roots and Culture. Roots and Culture. Which and Bass! Yeah, but he also, he does Drum and Bass, Drum and Bass, Drum and Bass, and then he goes, Roots and Culture. Roots and Culture. Which I love, which I love. Yeah, he's a bit of a legend around the Holloway area.

Legend. Legend in the game. Yeah. How have you been, Luke? I've been all right. I'm sort of curious as to know why, over the last three days, your sunburn hasn't really subsided. Because we recorded two shows together.

Oh, you fucking wanker. You're a wanker, Donaldson. Yeah. If anyone's a wanker, you are, mate. And you're Bermuda shorts still. Why are you wearing the same clothes, mate? They're not Bermuda shorts. They are Bermuda shorts.

They're just short. They are. Have they got a drawstring? I'm going to stand up. No, they haven't. Have they got belt loops? No, they haven't. They haven't got belt loops.

Still Bermuda. That's Bermuda as fuck, mate. Franklin Marshall. Why are you lifting your shirt up? Why are you shirt lifting? No, none of that. God, it's just going to be easier to get it out, isn't it? I was talking about the term shirt lifting.

A gaysler. There's no bones. Make no bones about it. But somebody made the point that shirt lifting it sounds quite literary it's probably something from the Victorian times shirt lifting sounds quite Oscar Wilde

but I always thought rather naively the shirt lifting was the front of the shirt rather than the back like you wanted to see a man's belly but obviously it's lifting at the back of the shirt to gain access to um the treadsman entrance which is like which but i think it's wonderfully naive of me i went through the hall of life until quite recently thinking that

oh you're a shirt lifter you want to see a belly button i mean that is an idea about what on the scale of one to naive that is quite naive yeah i mean that is to be honest it's quite quite sweet in a way the modern gay man there's a lot of love for the abs so you know abs probably weren't such a big deal so yeah

there's probably more front shirt lifters that's a terrible thing to say there's probably more people lifted up the front of a shirt than ever before

in many ways let's have an ad break and that's ads Jason Cundey that's ads that's how you do it oh man unbelievable so peter now you've let people behind the curtain and told them that occasionally under the shirt we do we do stop it we need two shows instead of one yeah uh when we record what are you now gonna make up for what you've been up to recently? What have I been up to recently? Oh, yeah. I've been hoisted by my own shirt there, haven't I? You have.

Yeah. You've let yourself down already, Don. I'm looking around the room now. I've noticed that in... I said to bring more football into it after I mentioned Sean Dyche and a couple of other things. Oh, saw Peter Crouch at the Isle of Wight Festival. No, you didn't.

He was at the Isle of Wight Festival. He was a fixture at the Isle of Wight Festival and he was being driven around in a golf buggy because he's so tall. Like, he doesn't really fit in a golf buggy. It was like when, you know, when the Simpsons go to a drive-in and Dino sticks his head on the roof.

It was like that. That's the Flintstones. What did I say? Sorry, the Simpsons. The Simpsons is when they got... Dino was in the Simpsons. They got that really tall guy who's in that really small car.

Yes. This was the biggest car I could afford. Yeah, that's right. So Peter Crouch, did you speak to him? No. Was he having his nachos?

He was not having his nachos, but he was enjoying Kasabian, not watching Depeche Mode though. So if he tells lies about enjoying Depeche Mode because to try and sound like a cool cat, that's bullshit.

That sounds like something you would do, Donaldson. Yeah, I didn't even watch them. Welcome to the second part of episode 76, which is what this sounds like. Last time around, Donaldson. Yeah, I didn't watch them. Welcome to the second part of episode 76, which is what this sounds like. Last time around, we talked a bit about the beer flood. Beer flood!

Watch out, mate! You just built my beer factory! There's beer coming! Brilliant! No, no, it's not brilliant. People are dying. If anything, there's too much beer. Dying pissed.

And I worked out that it would have indeed at least consumed the lower... Oh, you've only got one floor on your flat, haven't you? What do you mean? So you're on the first floor. I'm sitting there with a fancy ladle going, I know people are dying, but Donnie's thirsty. Yeah.

And you would also... Ugh, stout. Gross. You also would have said, Oh, it's not as tasty as a beer you can get with beer 52. This is 52 pints at least. Can I just say something funny?

It sounds to be a fine thing to make. When I was asked to proof the landing page for beer 52, someone had called it Luke and Paul show. Right. I knew you'd be pissed off about that. That's a dig. They get confused with the birds.

Remember like Fly Away Peter, Fly Away Paul? Oh, do you reckon that's why? Come back Peter, come back Paul. Yeah, my grandmother

used to completely confuse me with that when I was a kid. What do you mean? You know how it used to work? Yeah. So you put little

pieces of paper on your index fingers and fly them away but you bring your middle fingers back down and you wouldn't know. I can never work out what was happening.

I'd be looking behind my grandmother's head what's he done with him? Oh, what's he done with the what? The bits of paper? Yeah. And you wouldn't know. I can never work out what was happening. I'll be looking behind my granddad's head. What's he done with him? Oh, what's he doing with the what? The bits of paper? Yeah. Do you know how it works? I don't remember the paper.

I don't remember the paper. So the game works. I'll bring you up to speed. The game basically works with you get two pieces of small pieces of paper. Yeah. And you prick stick them

onto fingernails of your index fingers. Right. And you place your index fingers on the side of a table. Yes. And you've got a small child sitting opposite you. And you say, of your index fingers. Right. And you place your index fingers on the side of a table. Yes. And you've got a small child sitting opposite you. And you say, this one's Peter, this one's Paul.

Yeah. And then you say, fly away, Peter, fly away, Paul. You put your fingers behind your head. Yes. And you bring back down your middle fingers, not your index fingers. So it looks like the birds have disappeared. I see. And what's actually happening is the pieces of paper are still on your index fingers,

which are now beneath the table. I think my... No, I didn't have a granddad. Who was that man in my life? Who was that old man in my life? Stuart. Who was that? He was doing...

I think he did it with, like, corns or something on his finger, like little paper corns. You can do it with anything. Yeah. Fly away, Peter. That's the trick. That's the trick.

Come back, Peter. Come back, Paul. All right, then. Let's shut up and do some blamming emails. Yeah? Does that sound good? Sounds right to me, Peter. But that's the trick. That's the trick. Come back, Peter. Come back, Paul. Not the old job. All right, then. Let's shut up and do some blamming emails. Yeah? Does that sound good? Sounds right to me, pal. You want a slice of this, do you?

Yeah, I'll take a slice of that pie. I'll piece that, mate. With a side... I was going to say with a side order of sass. So the first step is to find the right position for you. Put your hands down and lower your chest to the ground. Just do that and pretend that you're holding poop in and it should sound a lot like this. That was a boy on the internet doing something we've discussed on more than one occasion on this show. He sounds a bit like the

actor that plays Joffrey. I would love to have seen the scene in Game of Thrones. I would love to have seen the scene in Game of Thrones where he showed his complete lack of empathy by sucking in a fart and blowing it out. Yeah. Yeah, baby.

That's for Westeros. That kid who plays him, I think he's... Nice in real life. He comes across as a lovely chap, but he's very, very good in that show.

And he's also said that he's got no interest in acting again. Oh, really? Yeah, I think he's gone back to university and he's's also said that he's got no interest in acting again oh really yeah I think he's gone back to university he's in a study and he's got no interest in being an actor

that's what who was Queen Amidala in Star Wars I realise she's done way better things Natalie Portman Natalie Portman she went to

not Havana what was the university we were talking about Harvard Harvard yeah isn't that lovely that word inhabits some part of my brain, Havana and Harvard?

It's confusing, I imagine, for you. But she's acted before and since. She's in Annihilation. Yeah, but she took four years out to do her degree in Harvard. I think Weezer did it as well. Good theme theme that. Actors who have been in iconic roles

but then never acted again. I've got another one for you. What? The kid in The Shining. He's never done anything again? Nope. He's a teacher in Middle America. Holy moly.

He was told also because they didn't want to scare him or frighten him as a boy. They told him they were making a comedy. So he didn't appear scared or anything. so he acted completely normally, and that makes it even more sinister. But I'm fairly sure, we might have even talked about it on this show, that he's never acted

again. In the film, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, the actor called Robert Redford has never acted since that film. Is that right? Yeah. And he didn't do anything since either. I'm fairly sure that's the case. Not handsome enough for the movies anyway.

Not handsome enough for the business. Paul Newman. I just love a bit of Paul Newman. Paul Newman is... Kool-Aid Luke the Hustler. Minnesota Fats. Minnesota Fats. Minnesota Fats.

I mean, he's not sexy. He's very much the bad guy in The Hustler. You're a fan. God. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Newman. Towering Inferno. in The Hustler but yeah you're a fan God Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Newman I like Towering Inferno

he's possibly the most handsome man in Hollywood history yeah I would say he's just beautiful yeah definitely he is a knockout

yes email in hello at lukeandpeach.com if you've got anyone else who's in an iconic role in a movie but has not acted since then or has

recused themselves in Jeff Sessions style from the business afterwards well you sort of tell yourself that did the young girl

out of Matilda ever act again was that a big because she's always on Twitter saying stuff and people are like that is a very good point

I'm actually going to google that because I saw that on TV the other day and it's quite a cute movie and I wonder if I've seen her in anything since people

were really um surprised because uh the woman out of uh was it not kelly lebrock who was in top gun with um tom cruise it was kelly mcgillis kelly mcgillis uh she was seen uh well basically a paparazzi caught a picture of her sold the pictures because she looks like a normal 50 odd year old woman uh and basically went, doesn't she look different to Tom Cruise? Basically, she opened an acting school, I think, and she teaches acting. But usual Hollywood TMZ crap. Basically said, oh, doesn't she look rough?

Well, she looks like a normal 50-odd-year-old woman who hasn't invested in certain things, let's say. This will be interesting to you. Mara Wilson, who plays the title role, Matilda Wormwood in the film Matilda, is a voice actor on BoJack Horseman. Oh. There you go.

That's what she was. That's what she's doing at the moment. There you go. So that answers your question. She's also in Miracle on 34th Street and Mrs Doubtfire. Oh, so she did do a few. That's before. That's before. That's before. That a few before that's before that's before

that's before that's before that's before let's just relax guys different relax relax your way into emails let's have an email

um have you got something else to say first I was going to say the windbag Pollyanna what who was the grandmother

of Crispin Mills Hayley Mills was the grandmother of Hayley of Crispin Mills from Cooler Shack Hayley Mills was the grandmother of Crispin Mills. Hayley Mills was the grandmother of Crispin Mills from Cooler Shaker. Hayley Mills was the actor, and Crispin Mills was the son who was in Cooler Shaker, singer, songwriter, guitar player. What about it?

I can't remember. Okay. Good stuff. Again, it just happens to be part of my mind. It's just good radio. It's just good stuff. I think I was trying to get around to a story that I can't tell on the

radio so i'll tell you it later so good okay well listen that's nothing to do with either of those people but i'll tell you later all right okay you look out you look forward to that all right i will do mate yeah you get that little smile i mean i'm terribly terribly sorry to interrupt this do you mind if i do an email? Yeah, all right. Good. Here we go. What do you fancy? I'll tell you what, I've titled them because I quite like doing that.

Okay. And you've got a choice between the following. Okay. George W. Bush, a liar, a love letter to Bourdain, or an unlikely tale

about a snake in Bradford. Ooh, let's have a bit of George Bush. George Bush. Okay, this is a short one and it's from Mark Chilton, who I think has emailed him before. Okay, let's have a bit of George Bush. George Bush. Okay, this is a short one and it's from Mark Chilton who I think has emailed him before. Okay, Chilton. Hello to you, Mark.

He says, Hello, gents. I was listening to your latest pod when you briefly mentioned that Keith Floyd claimed he joined the army because of the film Zulu even though it was released

the year after he enrolled. And also that Tony Blair supports Newcastle because he seems to have vivid memories of things that clearly didn't happen like watching Jackie Milburn play. Milburn retired when Blair was four years old and at that time living in Australia.

Fast forward a couple of years later and Tony's old mate, George W. Bush, was asked what his favourite book from his childhood was. He answered, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. The answer doesn't sound so strange until you discover that book was published when George was 21. Keep up the great work.

All the best, Mark. And that's quite a famous story about George W. Bush. What I would say, an absolutely iconic moment in history when George W. Bush is told that the two towers have been hit in New York and he's reading a book. He's reading a child's book.

Yeah, to a class of children. Honestly, hairs on the back of your neck, stunningly fascinating moment. Devastating moment, of course, but a fascinating one nonetheless. But anyway, that's from Mark Chilton. Thanks for that. Have you got one ready?

There was an oft-Photoshopped image of George Bush in that same classroom, but he's reading in the books upside down. But that wasn't strictly true. It was a Photoshop. It was a Photoshop. Not only was it not strictly true, it wasn't true. It was a Photoshop.

That's how it works. Are you going... People will be dying to know, Pete, after the unbridled success of last show, of episode 76, are you going back into the classic email bin beneath the Bose speaker? I can do, yeah.

Or I can have one of yours that you sent over. All right, let's have a classic one. All right. Sartak. Sartak, or Sartak, rather, Matravadia, which is fantastic. Great name. Great name. If indeed I'm saying it correctly.

Emailing in from work, as I came across a story potentially worthy of Mencarta. So can we do a Mencarta this early in the show? Well, you've pulled out the bin, mate. The bin is the bin. All right. The bin is the bin, so we'll move Mencarta to a little bit earlier in the show? Well, you've pulled out the bin, mate. The bin is the bin. All right. The bin is the bin, so we'll move Mankata to a little bit earlier in the show.

And I'll do the Bourdain after. Okay. Let there be justice for all. Let there be peace for all. It's one small step for man. You don't understand. Willie was a salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope.

Good morning. Duh! It feels odd to have a good quality made and rendered jingle. Don't be rude. Do you ever mind mazing in Carter? It was like a kind of little video game inside Mankata where it was like a maze and at every turn you'd get a bit of information or have to do a quiz or something. I remember the basketball video. Mind made.

So, you want to play some basketball? Mind made. Emailing from work as I came across a story potentially worthy of Mankata. Before we get into that though, the batteries in the projector remote at work. Rayovac TM. Rayovac. Yeah, it's nice. They sound brilliant.

I like Rayovac. They've got radium in them. They're one of my favourites. For those who are tuning in and don't know anything about this, we just discovered a while ago at some point that batteries that you get when you buy electronics, consumer electronics, they're always weirdly branded. They never give you a Duracell. They always knock off Chinese crazy brands with words like Matador on them.

And everyone's got them. Everyone's got them. It's something that unites us all. So if you think about it, from everyone who's got a consumer electronic good, so anyone from Donald Trump in the Oval Office on his VHS, VCR, whatever it is. He's quite an 80s man, so he's probably got a VCR. In his remote, I bet he's got a pair of Lusties, super Lusties. Lusties!

Well, he's known for it. Possibly even some Gritties. Some Gritties. And then your Nan. By the same token, your Nan known for it. Possibly even some gritties. Some gritties. And then your nan. By the same token, your nan. Your nan. In her little radio, she's probably got a... My prayer.

Come on. Come on now. She's probably got a pair of, I don't know. Runkles. A pair of runkles. A pair of runkles. A pair of runkles. A pair of pear deers.

Pear deer industrials. I present to you the story of Matt Souter. Hello, Souter. The man who survived the longest tornado-aided flight. Hang on a minute. Tornado-aided flight should not be a sentence that you hear. When I first heard it, I thought, like, the tornado doesn't mean the aircraft, but clearly not.

In 2006, the 19-year-old Missouri native was in his grandmother's trailer home when the weather became rowdy. Rowdy. I like that. Another battery brand. In an attempt to shield himself from the storm, Suter was standing on the sofa and attempting to close the living room window. Suddenly, things got ten kinds of crazy.

The noise became unbearable. The floor of the trailer started moving just like jello. A massive force hit the trailer, tearing the doors from their hinges and generally wrecking shit. Furniture went into poltergeist mode, flying around and smacking at the suitor. At this point, it was clear that the storm was a twister. Wow. Why was he wearing his underpants? Why aren't you wearing yours? What do you mean?

He said wearing only his underpants. He was in his trailer. Oh, okay, fine. People are allowed to wear their underpants. Maybe he was going to bed. All right, fair enough. Maybe he had just finished copulating. That's a fair answer to my question. It was utterly unsurvivable,

except that this man totally survived. By the time Suter regained consciousness, he was lying four football fields away from the remains of his trailer. That is incredible. Isn't that amazing? The Twister had been hurling him around until he ended up in a grass field

almost a quarter mile away and across a barbed wire fence. He survived the 150 mile per hour ride with just minor cuts and bruises. The astonished agents of the National Weather Service measured the precise distance of his flight at 1,307 feet, which is the longest tornado-aided

flight a human has ever survived, especially with such minor injuries. That's 400 metres for our metric cousins. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah, it's terrifying. I wonder if he remembers anything about it. No, probably not. It'd be an interesting sensation,

wouldn't it? I wonder if he's still alive. We can only hope. I was sucked out of my trailer in my pants., wouldn't it? I wonder if he's still alive. We can only hope. I was sucked out of my trailer in my pants. He wouldn't say pants, would he? In my drawers. That happened to me at a place I was over the weekend where the man in the hotel I was staying in, he's from Bulgaria, and he went,

you have left your pants in the room. And I said, I will bring them down. He was like, no, you don't have to touch my pants, they'll come up. They were trousers. Oh, okay. So, a little bit of knowledge there

about Bulgaria. Is it knowledge about Bulgaria? It's important if you're ever in Bulgaria. You find yourself in that situation, rest assured that Pete Donaldson

has the experience. Damn right. Here's a love letter to Anthony Bourdain from Stacey Miller-Bruzek of Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeehaw! That's not how they talk.

Minneapolis is more sort of, like Norwegian type. Norwegian? Yeah. Kurt Baker. You know Kurt Baker? He's from Minneapolis. He is.

He is. And his wife is of Norwegian descent. And they've moved to Norway. They have, haven't they? There you go. See, there's a link. Oh, so his wife isn't even truly Norwegian. You want a picture of that part of the world?

Fargo. Yes. Fargo. Right. Okay. But busier. Near Chicago, innit? I don't know.

Stacey says, Hey Luke, love the show. Just caught up on the last few pods and wanted to send a quick note about Bourdain. There really are reasons people are still so gutted about his death. His shows, Parts Unknown and No Reservations were so much more than food shows. Hardly food shows at all, really,

and much, much more than the standard-issued travel shows. Honestly, they were about really digging into a country's culture, indie music scene, history, socioeconomic, political reality, but not in a heavy-handed, pedantic way. Combine that with Anthony's edgy, prose-poetry style of narration, his shockingly gentle and warm approach with the villagers, tribes, and families who invited him to the table, and sometimes achingly stunning videography, and these shows were truly unlike anything else we've

sometimes compared anthony to 80s slash 90s michael palin only because they both share a uniquely authentic approach to travel documentaries never polishing over the rough bits but still just so respectful and grateful for the opportunity to meet and share time with the people who welcome them but much as i love michael bourdain was singularly, heartbreakingly in a class all of his own. I just didn't want you to miss out on some truly unique and beautiful television. Start with the Cuba episode from 2015. It's a classic. The husband and I really do love the show.

Thanks, Stacey Miller-Bruzek. Ah, thank you, Stacey, and husband, I guess, by association. A lot of love for Bourdain out there. A lot of love for B. Dogg.. A lot of love for B-Dog. One of the emails I picked out. I've got an email about a snake in Bradford, but you're going to go in one first, aren't you? Well, why don't I just read out the snake in Bradford?

Go on then, Peter. You've got it as well. Did I send it to you? You did, yes. I normally like to hoard my favourites. Cheeky boy. I'm not showing you one. This one comes from...

God, this is a long email. John, hello, John. Pleasure to have your email in our box so to speak it's an unlikely tale about a snake in bradford i don't know how much of this is true but at the same time i don't care haha um oh i'll start by issuing my dismay you're questioning my poo on a bed story i can assure you here and now that it definitely did occur and paul would probably be happy to tell you all about it he's not shine coming forward or indeed shitting on beds i don't remember that i don't that, but it sounds very much like us.

One of the annals. If I woke up one day and a policeman was telling me, you know, something from last night, I'd go, yep, that sounds like me. Anyway, I'll cut to the chase. I was reading a story on Ladbible today. I know this is frowned upon, but the headline just jumped out at me and helped me through a particularly stubborn situation. He says turd again.

I'm not going to read out turd. John, you should not be emailing like this. Even I'm not getting involved. The problem with you emailing this sort of thing is that people read it out. Yeah, because this is the best I've read it.

The story was about a snake on the loose and it reminded me of a wonderful tale I heard whilst travelling in Latin America. One night after many beers my fancy and me sat down

with two guys from England and exchanged all manner of funny stories. Most of it was fairly tame stuff. And then David, a former teacher from Bradford, dropped a slithery bombshell on us. He told us that as a child he'd had a pet snake. Unfortunately, due to the tonias I'd drunk,

the beer of Nicaragua, I can't remember the type of snake. It was a Texan something or other. And he described it as not deadly but very aggressive. One day, to his horror, he spotted that his snake had escaped the family, frantically searched the property, and no sign of it could be found. It was winter in Bradford, so they didn't think much of it and assumed it wouldn't

last long in the cold conditions. Lo and behold, nearly 12 months later, it turned up in David's garden. They were bewildered, but assumed it had found shelter outside a nearby takeaway. It could have been a Texan indigo snake, which is apparently non-venomous. All right. Could have been. Absorbingigo snake. Stop googling snakes. Which is apparently non-venomous. All right. Could have been.

Absorbing the heat from the kitchen and feasting on rats and mice, which is obviously next to a takeaway. About four months later, they lost it again. And for some unknown reason, again, decided not to alert the RSPCA or the authorities. This time, the weather was beginning to heat up and three or four houses down from them, the elderly neighbours were enjoying a cup of tea in the garden.

Gazing up, the husband noticed a bird of prayer flying above with something long and black dangling from it david claims at this point the bird dropped the snake and it fell down harshly and clunked the man on his bald head naturally you'd be alarmed at this random aerial snake delivery but not this man he demonstrated the grit and hard work that millennials can only dream of he picked up the snake and wrestled it into a bag for life and took it to David's house, knowing his family were the kind of oddballs that kept exotic snakes. The snake was fine and, from what I understand,

lived a fairly straightforward life from then on. I still question the validity of this story, but I hope to God it's true. If you'd like to hear a better explanation, you can find the said snake over on our own Facebook. It's called David Narayan Lee, and I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you about it because he seemed to have told it numerous times before.

John, hell of a story even if it came from Ladbible to be quite frank. No, he said that inspired that story. Oh, sorry. It's not from Ladbible.

Oh, fair dues. And I also like the idea, I mean, everyone loves the idea of a snake falling from a great height and clunking onto a man's bald head.

Why is it funnier when things hit bald men's heads? It's the noise. It is. For example, if you're walking along and you've got a fine head of hair, Pete, and a bird takes a shit on your hair, which has happened recently, I believe. Yes, it has. Yeah, it probably didn't make any sort of sound or have too much of an impact. If it's hitting a bald pate...

It's this. It's that. It's that. It's going to make a... sound, isn't it? That's too loud. How big is this bird? It's an egg. I've got lots of hair, right?

If a bird poo is splattering on my head, this is the sound it's going to make, right? Yeah, not as... If it hits a bald head... It doesn't feel viscous. I'll use the back of my hand as an ersatz bald head. It's better. It's much better. Now think of what a snake would do.

When we talk about snakes, it reminds me of a story I read on Twitter recently where it's too weird to not be true. A motel had a blockage in a toilet uh and this story's been shared um far and wide so apologies if you've already read this but it really really made me think and worry and be scared um basically this toilet was blocked in a motel and um so they got and they kept trying to unblock this thing and it wouldn't get it wouldn't the blockage would not be cleared um so basically they got this specialist plumber out who had this big,

long kind of grabby thing that was kind of flexible and stuff and they could operate with a lever. Right. And sort of grab, grab, grab. Like a dynarob toilet. Yeah, like a dynarob sort of thing. So anyway,

so they pushed it down the toilet for ages and ages and grabbed what they thought, well, they grabbed a blockage basically that was stopping the water from clearing. And they pulled and pulled and pulled. A whole shower curtain. Somebody had flushed down the loo.

So they were like, oh, my God. What? How is that even possible? But the weirdest thing... Well, I mean, you could get a shower curtain. You could jam it down, couldn't you? And it would make a blockage. You wouldn't be able to get anything.

You wouldn't be able to pass anything through. And they normally made of plastic as well, so they weren't deteriorating. No, but the weird thing was, the shower curtain was still there in that room. So either two things had happened. They'd flushed the shower curtain, panicked about losing the shower curtain. They'd gone out and bought another shower curtain and put it up.

Yeah. Or they found a shower curtain from somewhere else and flushed that down the loo, not using the shower curtain that they had. What actually had happened was, the man had put the snakey snake that down the loo, not using the shower can that they had. What actually happened was the man had put the snakey snake thing down the loo. It'd come out of a toilet elsewhere in the hotel. Fuck off!

Grabbed the shower can. Grabbed the shower can from there. Come out the toilet, grabbed the like flailed around, witnessed by the tenant of that hotel room. Witnessed by no one. It didn't happen.

This snakey thing coming out the toilet, grabbing the shower curtain and pulling it down through the toilet and out the other toilet. And that's why there was another toilet. Get Sarah Koenig on. Because I'll tell you something now, that is,

if that is anywhere near true, which it fucking isn't, that is amazing. Imagine being in that toilet and going, just seeing this snake come out the, come out the loo, grab your shower curtain and fuck off with it down the loo.

That is unreal. That is absolutely chilling. That can't be true. Well, Unreal. It's such a weird story. Unreal. It's such a weird story.

Speaking of that, I thought, I thought you were going to say, and wrapped in the shower curtain was like a, an adolescent crocodile or something. Right, yeah. And, and that reminded me of, say wrapped in a shower curtain was like an adolescent crocodile or something. Right, yeah. And that reminded me of, I mean, that shower curtain story is ridiculous.

It's doable. But they would see that the shower curtain's brand new. What? If it's come out of a toilet, grabbed a shower curtain, taken it down with it, it's going to only have been in this pipe for like 10 seconds. So it's going to be a brand new... Yeah, but it could have been in that...

Yeah, but the blockage has only just appeared. So the shower curtain, as far as they're concerned, has only been in the toilet for at least a day. So what was the blockage then? So what was the blockage?

They didn't find it. So there wasn't a blockage. It sounds like there was no blockage. Crazy, huh? I need to speak to your doctor. Wild. What a wild story. Anyway, if it was going to be

like an animal... Snopes.com. Let's get on that. Yeah, we should. It's a a wild story. Anyway, if it was going to be like an animal. Snopes.com. Let's get on that. Yeah, we should. It's a shark-hunting story. Hello at LukeandPete.com with any story of that nature. Shark-hunting. But, you know, Pete, I don't know if you saw this,

but a while ago, and I mean years, not that long ago, but certainly you would measure it in years, I remember seeing either some sort of documentary or VT on The One Show or something like that where they were doing, um, exploratory work on the London underground.

So more, more London underground chat. And, um, I think I'm right in saying, and again, this is a Snopes.com. And if you know different than please do get in touch.

They were talking about having little stun guns, little tasers because the rats had got so big. They're actually quite threatening to, to your safety. Right. And they were talking about them being the size of small pigs. And I'd love to know if that was true. And it was either London or New York,

in the subway in New York. Because you know there's people who live full time in the subway in New York. There's a documentary about it. Right, yeah. Can't remember what it's called. But that sort of stuff is troubling, to say the least. Well, have you ever seen a mouse

bigger than a fingernail on the tube there's never it they're always that's a mouse i've had a rat in my diner in my cats brought in which was the size of a of a trio bounty yeah but like the length yeah but the thing is like you um you actually don't see that many rats on the on the tube no you don't know you see mice a lot yeah but the rats are down in the tunnels that's why there's there's um near where i live my local pub is as are the bins across this little side street if you're walking down there to cut through to go to the train station you can occasionally see quite large rats running around and i've also told you before um a friend of mine

i was walking to work with him and he trod in something and he thought and he thought oh guys a dog shit and it was a it was a dead rat what's better and i shit a dead rat and i also yeah it's a good question i also told you about a little lake near my parents' house which flooded and all those water voles came out onto the pavement. Aww. So it does happen. They're all around us. Well, you're in London.

You're never more than six feet away from a massive dickhead. Yeah, that is true. And that's just in this studio. I would very much encourage people to get in touch. Hello at LukeandPete.com. Tell us what you think of Pete's shower curtain story. I think very much encourage people to get in touch. Hello at Luke and Pete show dot com. Tell us what you think of Pete's shower curtain story.

I think it's definitely true. If you I mean my goodness me get in touch with your theories. That's all that's all I'll say.

But that's about it from us isn't it Peter? Let's get out of here. Let's do it. Let's do it back on Monday.

Hello at Luke and Pete show dot com. What are you talking about? I've just said hello at Luke and Pete show dot com. You're mucking about

your buttons. Yeah I am. I get distracted. Hello at Luke and Pete show dot com is the email. Not what I just said hello at lucanpeach.com and you're mucking about your buttons. Yeah, I get distracted. Hello at lucanpeach.com is the email, not what I just said. And we'll see you on Monday. Have a lovely, lovely weekend and thank you again for listening. Do leave us a review on iTunes

and tell all your friends. Oh God, I'm sweaty. Outro Music