The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 8: Next Week on Dragons' Den

Episode Date: July 24, 2017

After the chaos of the email special, our two pals head back to more familiar territory and discuss recent visits to the good ol' United States of America and the Western Isles of Scotland, including the truly fascinating tale of St Kilda.There's also time to talk about the link between small people and anger issues, an impromptu Duncan Bannatyne set piece, and yet another truly bizarre YouTube channel courtesy of Mr Pete Donaldson.You, yes you, can contribute to this by getting in touch here: [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

episode eight of luke and pete's show my name's pete i'm speaking first though lu Luke's name comes first in our title. Hello, Luke. Second the best. First the worst. And that's it. Have you watched any Police Academy movies since last week? I've not watched any Police Academy movies since last week. What are you doing with your time? I'm concentrating on the Robocop series. Were there more than one Robocop? Yeah, and there's a remake, a recent remake.

Yeah, didn't look very good. I've only ever seen the first one. The thing that used to terrify me about it was the old, is it ED-209? Yeah. And the bit in the boardroom, I don't know if this was in the remake, but in the original there was a bit in the boardroom where they're, I mean, it's preposterous to talk about now,

but it used to terrify me as a kid, where they bring this ED-209 massive, like, AI robot machine gun thing into the boardroom to show how it works. And it goes wrong and they can't turn it off. And it's going, you have ten seconds to comply. You have five seconds to comply. And you're like, just turn it off!

And it just mows down this guy. That was one of the most harrowing scenes of my childhood. I shouldn't have been watching it, Pete. If you ever tweet the word Robocop or anything relating to Robocop, you know, Ed 209 or whatever, this bot basically will tweet you saying,

I'll buy that for a dollar. Oh, nice. You know that guy in the film? Yeah. The horrible man on the telly, but he's like, I'll buy that for the dollar. I thought that was from Running Man. No, I think it's Robocop.

Oh, is it? Okay. I don't know. Could be wrong. Do you remember, I'm not sure, you probably won't remember this, but back in like episode one or two, I talked about a mate I grew up living opposite, a guy called James Wern, good guy. And he was a robot cop. No, he was the one whose house I could go to, because last week you said, oh, you watched films around your mate's house.

He was a guy whose house I was able to go to to watch those type of movies. He had, like, a load of older sisters and had a load of videos. Yeah. So that's why. I saw all of these films around a lad called Joel's House who went on to work for the God Channel. So, very ungodly behaviour in many ways. But that sort of stuff obviously turned him towards God.

Exactly. Maybe I should have watched more of it. I might have been a more constructive and decent citizen. I can't imagine you as a man of the cloth, Pete. Actually, no, I can, thinking about it. No, I've got the build. Yeah. You're a sort of missionary type of guy. You'd go over to different areas of the Cloth Pete? Actually, no, I can thinking about it. No, I've got the build. Yeah. You're a sort of

missionary type guy. You'd go over to sort of different areas of the world and preach the good word, I think. And shout at them. You still got time

in your life to go ahead and do that if you want to. If this doesn't work out for you. Now, for example. Do it now. Shall I press the button for the It's Been?

It's been. It's been one week. Well, it's not. It's been two. Because last week we did the email special. It's been. Two weeks since you did the show. It's been two, because last week we did the email special. It's been two weeks since you did the show. Proper show.

We still did a show, though. We still gave them the juicy goodness. A longer show, if anything. Yeah, well, I don't remember you hitting the button last week. That's all I'm saying. No, I didn't. Just putting it out there. It's been.

So what's been cracking your whip this week? Well, cracking my whip? I went on holiday for a while. I went on a bit of an American road trip. Yeah. I heard many terrible country songs. What part of the US were you in? I started in, I flew in and out of New York,

but then I took in Chicago. Any moose? Oh, any moose? No moose in Chicago. We drove down through Alabama, Birmingham, down to Pensacola, through Nashville, on the coast of Pensacola, through Birmingham, down to Pensacola through Nashville, on the course to Pensacola through Birmingham, and then went west through New Orleans and on to Houston.

That's a lot of miles. And then it was 3,000, would 3,000 miles sound insane? About right. Did you go to Huntsville, Alabama? Uh, no. My brother-in-law lives in Huntsville. Uh, Huntsville. Is that outside of?

Alabama. Outside of some town? I don't know. It's a big town. It's a big town in its own right. Just say no, Pete. Well, here's some of the things I saw. In Chicago, I...

Well, first of all, my favourite country song I heard was called I'm Getting Drunk on a Plane. And it's basically about a man... Close to home. It's about a man who's getting pissed on a plane.

And I won't be able to play any on a podcast because that'll be terribly illegal uh yeah but uh what i would say is that it's worth checking out i'm getting drunk on a plane and it's basically a man who was due to go on a holiday with his missus um and instead he goes on holiday by himself and he thinks everyone's having a lovely time around him. And it's just basically the story of a pissed man on a plane getting on everyone's nerves. I can see why you like this.

But he's going, I'm having a party in the first class and everyone's waving their arms and the air hostesses are flirting with me. And I'm going, none of this is happening, mate. You're getting drunk on a plane. There's nothing ironic about country music either, is there? No, no, it's straight down the line. It's the same chord progression, the same sentiment.

So he means it seriously, he's sincere. He's getting drunk on a plane. I bought a load of cigars. Okay. Don't smoke. That's par for the course for you. I don't think I've ever smoked a cigar. When you go overseas, or when you go anywhere,

in my experience, and I've had the misfortune to travel to several places with you, you do buy a lot of needless stuff. $80 worth of scars, Luke. Have you still got them? I've got probably about $30 left of them. Taking them over state land. I was handing them out like nobody's business.

You're a fugitive of justice. I gave it to the bloke who owned my Airbnb, apologising for the fan I broke. Did you? Yeah, he was off to a wedding, so there you go. Sorry I broke your fan, this will make your air quality even worse. What a terrible

gift. It's like you're taking a piss. Bearing in mind I went into this cigar shop where they call it a humidor. Do they call just the bit inside the shop the humidor or the whole thing the humidor? It's not my area. Well, it's a very moist area because it's a humidor and basically I went in and I was thinking

I know nothing about cigars. Buy him a new fan. I did ask the man what was the cigar that the baby out of Roger Rabbit had. Oh, my God. And he upsaw me to $80. So who's the idiot? Who's the idiot?

The idiot in this situation, Pete, as ever, is you. It was a road trip, so we were in a nice car, drop top. Turns out if you sit in the back of a car on the motorway, on the interstate, it's fucking horrible. Yeah.

It's dreadful. You also get, very well known, you get really sunburned because you're not feeling hot because of the wind. Right,

okay. Did you get sunburned? No, I covered myself, lathered myself in some joyless suncream. Good for you. That is very important

kids out there, Do do that. Well, you're more partial to a bit of sunburn than me, I'd say. I was out and about quite a lot a couple of weeks ago and, I mean, even in London at like 20 degrees, I have to wear it. Do you know what? I actually haven't said that. Speaking of sunburn, when I

used to play football more regularly, even on one of those really crisp... More regularly than not at all. Well, yeah. When I used to play football more regularly, even on one of those really crisp... More regularly than not at all. Well, yeah. When I used to play football, even on those really crisp, cold January winter mornings, when it's really sunny... Oh, you can really feel it after that. I used to get sunburned really bad doing that.

That's weird, that, isn't it? You don't automatically think, it's January, you're never thinking about sun cream. You can't even buy it in the shop. So it's always a danger. I saw in Texas... Oh, I shot a gun. Not proud of that, but we went to a gun shop.

And within 10 minutes of me handing over my preliminary driving licence, my learner driving licence. That's expired, isn't it? I used that for ID. Is that expired? No, I redo it so I can use it as ID. And yeah, I handed that in. I had a bloody Glock in my hand.

Incredible. A bloody Glock. And a man was explaining to me how to shoot a gun and basically he had some interesting political views, but I thought, you know what? I'm not going to try and convert a man who works in a gun shop of his political affiliation. Just enjoy it.

Drink it in. When in Rome. Nice to experience this. And how many, I think they call them rounds. How many rounds did you fire? We bought 50 and I shot all of them. So I bought like a third. It was me and some friends.

A year with your mate Al and Damo. I bet Damo was the vanguard of this, wasn't he? Damo was a better shooter. But he's trained for the Air Force and stuff. I'm not having that. But I also saw a roadside sign of Ronald McDonald's face, like a massive roadside sign in Texas. Oh, secret menu?

That had clearly been shotgunned. Clearly. It just had pellets all in his face. You do see road signs like that in the US for sure. Did you see any secret menu action? Did you see any secret menu? And the state of Ronald McDonald there. Actually, I went, when everyone else was having a burger

in a burger chain that is over here, five guys, I popped next door and I went, I'll just get some sushi. I feel a bit heavy. Where were you? I think that might have been Birmingham, Alabama. Could you possibly go any further away from the sea? Buy some sushi? Yeah, I bought some sushi and

they fried it oh did they fried sushi any good it was delicious but it was fried sushi that's not right is it when you go over to

Japan you've got to start having a word in people's ears what you want to be doing with it what you want to be doing is sticking it

in some oil it sounds like a lovely trip Peter it was a lovely trip I went to the Rosa Parks Museum in Montgomery Alabama completely empty had the run of the place clearly a shameful part of their history It was a lovely trip, Peter. It was a lovely trip. I went to the Rosa Parks Museum in Montgomery, Alabama. Yeah. Completely empty.

Was it? At the Rutherford Place. Clearly a shameful part of their history. But the National Aviation Museum in Pensacola, very busy indeed. Because guns, planes, stuff like that. Stop stereotyping my American brothers and sisters. Just weird. It was quite interesting.

But the thing is, though, Peter, I'm not going to defend anything just for the sake of it. Right. But what do you think people think when you turn up? What do you mean? Well, they think you're weird. What are you saying? I know you... Yeah, but I was one of three people

in the Rosa Parks Museum that afternoon. That's not what I'm making. The point I'm making is when people see you for the first time, it's not an insult, it's just a sort of fact of life, really. When people see you for the first time, they probably think this guy's a bit eccentric.

Well, I'm'm British aren't I they can't understand what I'm saying I've got to put on this kind of cod mid-Atlantic kind of do you do that oh god yeah

do you yeah you can't get anything done I do it down here do you a Polish woman asked me like laughed at me in a cinema once in London

because I couldn't say the word cork you said cider last week can I have a cork yeah I can remember she was like haha it's coke and I was like

well alright speaking of which though Pete I can remember... She was like, ha ha, it's coke. And I was like, well, alright. Speaking of which though, Pete, I can remember once doing a bit of work with you and I had a glass of water and it had a lemon pip in it because someone had freshened it up with lemon.

Right. And then you kept saying to me, why is there an oat in your drink? Why is there an oat in your drink? But I... You were saying... Oat. Yeah, I had no idea

what that word was. Oat. It took me ages to describe it. And I was like, no, no, it's a lemon pip. So I do understand that people are not going to understand you. I think that might be sort of a common refrain from, again, our Northeastern cousins. The interesting thing about the Rosenbach Museum,

I hate to leave out a point, but it kind of turned halfway through into a Martin Luther King exhibition, basically, because obviously he was a big part of that. And it was interesting to see in the newspaper him just being described as a civil rights leader, effectively. Well, it wasn't even civil rights. Well, black leader, basically.

Yeah, well, they used the negra word. But back in the day, seeing him being described as just another leader, effectively, and not Martin Luther King in the newspaper reports like seeing him being described as just another leader effectively and not Martin Luther King in the newspaper reports was really, really fascinating. And also how during the bus boycott, loads of people tried to discredit him

by saying that he'd bought a Cadillac with the funds that had been raised by the community. And you kind of get that a lot when everything big like that happens. They try and discredit the people who are leading the actual charge. Hashtag fake news.

Hashtag fake news. Still goes on now, mate. Still goes on now. All over the place. We spoke about Alex Jones last week. He's at the vanguard of fake news. Infowars! I'm so angry! I've slipped into the guy who is in the recent series

of... I can't remember. I've seen a video of Alex Jones on his Infowars YouTube channel where he gets so angry, I think at chemtrails, which is the conspiracy that planes are flying over, releasing chemicals to control our minds. He gets so angry at that that he actually rips his shirt off and starts beating his chest.

Brilliant. You wonder how a man, because I think he must be approaching 50 now, blood pressure? I'm terrified of blood pressure now and I'm only 36. He looks physically like he might be approaching problems, I think. He just works himself

into a right old lather, doesn't he? Every time I go past a chemist or one of those who's got a free blood pressure testing, I have to do it.

Do you actually? Because I'm worried. I'm getting towards my late 30s now. You go in looking for chemist trails? Then I look at someone like Alex Jones

and I think, I must be fine. You must be fine. He's going to blow a gasket every ten minutes. Well, just don't get as angry as him. You rarely do.

I'm not really an angry person, I don't think. No, no. I find that sort of smaller people get angrier. Alright. I don't mean you.

I do, I do. Yeah, you do. I get passionate. I don't understand why people aren't as passionate as me. Yeah,

I think we've done 20 minutes on that though, Pete. Shall we move on? Shall we get on to what you've been up to? Yeah. Alright. I think we've done 20 minutes on that though, Pete. Shall we move on? Shall we get on to what you've been up to? Yeah. Alright.

I mean, if there's time. Yeah. Probably best not. I don't care. You can cut us out if you want. I was, well, when you were in the US, the United States of America,

as some people call it. Okay. Estados Unidos, as they call it in Spain. Or Los Estados Unidos. It doesn't matter. I'm getting bogged down. I'm getting bogged down in.

I was up in Scotland. All right. Okay, so I went, among other places, I popped over to the Isle of Skye. Have you been there? No. I'm not really sure

what part of Scotland it's off. West coast of Scotland. West coast. Where there are palm trees sometimes. I did not see any palm trees when I was there. But anyway, I drove there, Pete. Right.

From what? From London? Yeah. Boring. It was a long drive. It was there. But anyway, I drove there, Pete. Right from what? From London? Yeah. Boring. It was a long drive. It was a much longer drive than I anticipated. I drove to the Lake District, stayed overnight in the Lake District. Thought, yeah, I'll break the journey up.

Break the journey up. Fine. Slept in your car. Loaded up the Google Maps the next morning. Seven and a half hours to go. So that was a bit of a backfire. But anyway. And you like to think,

because we did the similar sort of thing, like, you know, you look at the Google Maps and it says three hours and you go, we'll do it in two. Yeah. Three and a half hours every time.

That's the thing, Pete. In Scotland, north of Glasgow, there's no motorway. So it's not even the distance, it's the roads. Right. So it's single track roads.

Sometimes it's passing lanes only and stuff like that. So it can take a awful long time. And it did. What a stinker. Anyway, the Isle of Skye is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in the whole world. I used to live in New Zealand and that's beautiful. But I'd say Isle of Skye is every bit as beautiful as that.

Anyway, when I was there, I was reading up on... Well, actually, I saw a sign saying, Day trips to St Kilda. Have you heard of St Kilda? Yes. Okay. Can you pretend you haven't for the purposes of a radio show? St what? What? St Kilda. Have you heard of St Kilda? Yes. Okay. Can you pretend you haven't for the purposes of a radio show?

St what? What? St Kilda. St Kilda. Anyway, what do you know about it? Tell me what you know about it. It rhymes with Hilda. It does rhyme with Hilda, yeah.

People talk about it a lot at school. I know we're at a Catholic school. Has that got something to do with it? It would have been, yeah. I think they had a Catholic community there. Okay. What St Kilda is, for those who don't know, it's the westernmost point of the Outer Hebrides

40 miles west of the other, I think there's an island there called North-East I think it's pronounced in the North Atlantic the largest island is Hertha whose cliffs are actually the highest in the UK interestingly enough there have been people living on Hertha for at least 2000 years

but the population never exceeded 180 people and it was under 100 from the 1850s almost. There are ruins of buildings on Herta in St Kilda, which date to 1850 BC. It's been occupied for the best

part of 4,000 years or whatever. Unfortunately, in 1930, a ship called the Harebell took the remaining 36 inhabitants back to the mainland, a decision they took collectively themselves because the crops were failing and the game was up, really. It was such a difficult place to live

that they actually had to move back to the mainland. It's now only used as a nature reserve and occupied by some researchers and scientists and maybe a few military people, stuff like that. The last of the native St Kildens died in April 2016 at the age of 93. She was evacuated at the age of eight. But the island... So she was born there?

Yeah. The islands themselves are absolutely fascinating. They're basically almost completely inhospitable, although a community of people did live there. They were completely isolated. Like I say, there's been people living there for at least 2,000 years, but they're separated by such distance and weather that you can only actually travel there realistically

in certain times of the year because it's so treacherous. They lived completely in isolation from the mainland of the UK. So, as an example, after the Battle of Culloden in 1746, there was a rumour going around that Prince Charles Edward Stuart I think it was probably

Prince Charlie, right? And some of his age had escaped to St Kilda. So they sent an expedition out there, the English sent an expedition out there and made it there. They found a deserted village as the St Kildans had escaped up into the caves because they thought it was pirates. When they got them finally persuaded to come down

the natives knew nothing of the prince's existence and had never even heard of King George II. They were like, we don't know what you're talking about. Even in the late 19th century, apparently, the islanders could only communicate with the rest of the world by lighting a bonfire on the summit of the largest cliff, which, with weather permitting,

would be visible for those on nearby islands, knowing there was a problem. And they also used to do this thing called the St Kilda mail boat where they used to fashion a piece of wood into the shape of a boat

attach it to a bladder made of sheepskin and place it inside a big bottle with a message in it and just hoped it arrived in the mainland and apparently

two thirds of the messages would either be found on the west coast of Scotland or Norway and then the Norway people Norwegians would have to speak to Scotland and go by the way yeah we've got another message, Norwegians would have to speak to Scotland and go,

by the way, yeah, we've got another message from St Kilda. You might want to go and investigate it. My God, I mean, why are they making it so hard for themselves? They were like a really hardy people. They started to evolve like really big feet because they were around cliffs all the time. They basically used to only eat, essentially used to eat seabirds and seabirds' eggs.

And they were used to, apparently, each person would eat 36 eggs and 18 birds because they were used to apparently each person would eat um 36 eggs and 18 birds because they're very small right um a day um which is which is crazy um they had a daily parliament where every single adult would sit in a parliament in the main sort of little mini square and everyone would get a chance to speak there was no um leader no i guess no sort of ersatz king it was everyone was able to speak. And according to a researcher, discussion frequently spread discord, but never in recorded history were feuds so bitter

as to bring about a permanent division in the community. Oh, never go to bed angry. Check this out. This is fascinating to me as well. So in 1877, some researchers were there and they unearthed a load of various stone tools from a building that was estimated 2,500 years old. Most of the St Kildens

could recognise the tools, name them and still use them. There had been no progression since then. Fantastic stuff. And yeah, just to wrap up according to another study done in 1967, the citizens were happier than the general public that he had witnessed and they were the only people in the world who felt the sweetness of true liberty.

Theirs was not a utopian society. The islanders had ingenious wooden locks for their doors and financial penalties were exacted for misdemeanours. Nonetheless, no resident St Kildon is known to have ever fought in a war and in four centuries of history, no serious crime had ever been committed by an Islander. Two, their feet are too big. You'd know who committed the crime. Check the footprints.

Yeah, size 12 feet. What a fascinating community. I'd really, really love to visit there. There was a similar one off the coast of Hawaii that used to be quite prevalent, but it was owned by a family. And they would say who joined the community and who left the community and the amount of

people who got excommunicated effectively and had to go and live on the mainland of Hawaii. I don't really know how Hawaii works but basically they had to leave the island and no one's ever been allowed to successfully join back in the community again after they've been excommunicated.

And how many are there now? Basically the woman who owns the thing, who was the last kind of remaining survivor of that particular family and that lineage, they basically, she reckons there's like, you know, 300, 400 people there. But in reality, there's probably about 50. But it's a secret kind of island

owned by one family historically. And when that kind of family died out, basically it passed on to, I think, another family, another family, and now it's just this kind of really isolated community, just like this, but with slightly more angry people, sounds the thing.

Sadly, this one's been extinct for almost 100 years now. Would you like to visit there, or visit St Kilda? It sounds lovely. St Kilda? Kilda, I'd like to go to St Kilda. That'd be lovely. It sounds pretty full-on, but yeah, I'd brave it, I think. I've only got a Kilda. I'd like to go to St Kilda. That'd be lovely. It sounds pretty full on, but yeah,

I'd brave it, I think. I've only got a little feet. I'd have trouble. Shall we just touch on something I've been looking at this week? Yeah. Something I've been obsessed about

for quite a while. I thought, hey, this is a perfect kind of vessel for my interest, I suppose. I've given you some YouTube links. Yeah,

I've got the first one loaded up in front of me. I can't see the screen. I don't even need to see the screen because I know what kind of things are going on. If you want to just kick things off by clicking play and just getting through the ads and stuff like that, basically, what are we looking at?

Do you want me to describe it? Basically, it's a YouTube channel called Superheroes IRL, which stands for In Real Life, I presume. Superheroes In Real Life. Okay, I've gone through the advert. This video is 10 minutes long. I'm not doing the whole thing. No, just skip through. Just skip through. So, these are the advert. This video's ten minutes long. I'm not doing the whole thing. No, just skip through.

Just skip through. So, these are the things that you're looking at, basically. I'm hitting play now. Okay. Do I need volume or are you taking care of that? I'll take care of that. Okay. All right.

Here we go. There's a camera looking at a big, big present. Hello, everyone. Welcome back. And a woman's jumped out of it. Today, it's with pleasure that I will introduce you to our new family member. Take a look. Is she supposed to be Elsa from Frozen?

So. She's got a dog, man. What we're looking at here is basically a set of videos, incredibly popular videos, right? Yeah, 1.2 mil views. 1.2 mil views. Produced, I think, in Eastern Europe by a lot of people who have,

feel free to close that one and open a different one, but basically a lot of people who have, feel free to close that one and open a different one, but basically a community of people who seem to own costumes of famous superheroes, famous characters. What's big with kids, Luke? Basically, Spider-Man is the answer. Incredible Hulk is the answer. Frozen, Elsa from Frozen is very big as well. And what these people do is basically do little sketches where the kids' favourite characters do stuff, basically.

I'm looking at one now. I'm looking at Elsa from Frozen, Spider-Man, the Joker from Batman, and a woman I don't recognise on the end. Right, OK. And they're colouring in in colouring books. Yeah, and they're exceedingly at school, I think.

This is one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen. How many views has it got? This one only got 156,000. All right, well, when was it released? It came out yesterday. Yeah, exactly. So all of these videos of weird sketches mainly involving characters wetting themselves, urinating on each other,

sitting down on chairs and sitting on drawing pins and stuff. Who's watching it? I'll tell you who's watching it. Kids. Kids are watching them, Luke. Because basically, family members, you just find something on the internet that says Elsa or Frozen, and you just stick your kids in front of it and go, well, this looks innocent enough.

It's just a load of people in costumes. This, to me, is why we can't have nice things. What's happening now? It's a blackboard. It's like a school thing. Elsa,

a woman dressed as Elsa from Frozen is showing the other characters, as I said, Spider-Man, Joker and a woman I don't know how to change a nappy

on a small, cuddly toy of Spider-Man. Right, okay. I don't know how my life's turned out like this. So basically, these guys rack up millions and millions and millions of views, and it's basically just a load of chancers who've got these kind of frozen costumes, these Spider-Man costumes, these Incredible Hulk costumes,

these Joker costumes, stuff like that. But they rack up a ridiculous amount of viewage. Well, I've just clicked on another video and now I'm watching about how to make a long egg. Because I prefer that. I prefer that. Right out of it. But it's just strange that basically

they're allowed to get away with it. One of them, I've just clicked on another Elsa video and this is Frozen Elsa pregnant with twins. Yes. And looks like Spider-Man's her husband. Where did that happen? That's funny enough. The problem I've got with this, right, is that Elsa from Frozen is showing a marital bed with Spider-Man.

Now, I've seen more than one Spider-Man movie. Spider-Man does not, repeat not, sleep in his costume. I don't think we want to see what is underneath that Spider-Man costume. It's a question for all the ages. It's the weirdest man. Hang on a minute. Spider-Man's pregnant as well is underneath that Spider-Man costume. It's the question for all the ages. It's the weird man. Hang on a minute. Spider-Man's pregnant as well. What?

Spider-Man. Is pregnant as well. I don't know why you introduced me to these things. So basically, you know like we have produced video content before for various people, right? For various failed ventures. For various failed ventures. And, you know, making video views is quite hard. It turns out all you need is a load of Elsa and Spider-Man costumes.

But this is a big thing. Adults dressed as characters from Spider-Man and Frozen do violent, weird skits. It's disturbing to me. What I don't like about it is whenever you prepare all this sort of stuff, at no point do you think, oh, why don't I get something Luke might like? You just get stuff you know I'm not going to like,

or it's going to unsettle me. But they keep adding new things in to mop up that lovely, long, eggy ad revenue. They keep adding things in that kids like. Fidget spinners. Fidget spinners, Spider-Man, Elsa, stuff like that. There are loads of compilations of these videos that have fidget spinners in them,

that have these copyrighted characters in them. Oh, here's a fidget spinner one now. Yeah, and up until very recently, they were able to monetise this and make a lot of money off it. But I think recently, YouTube's changed its... Its policy. Its E-U-L-A, and now you're not allowed to do it anymore. So I

feel for these people, but they made a lot of money very quickly. Has YouTube still got... I'll close that down. we don't even watch anymore it's rubbish but it's just weird that if you google Frozen Elsa

Fidget Spinner you're going to see these videos and we'll probably put some links onto the Twitter page just for you you know delectation but it's just a weird

traffic winner for kids and I had a question for you does YouTube still have really racist comments all the time have you been on the internet? Yeah, I have, but I don't look at the comments. Yeah, I think you can pretty much get away with it.

To be fair, the proper racists are a bit more careful with their language. They're the ones that, you know... That's what I know YouTube for. Yeah. Which I guess is a bit unfortunate. Why are they sending racist comments to you? You're the whitest Nordic man ever. I don't have a YouTube channel.

But thanks for that, Pete. I really insincerely mean that. I just worry about our nation. I worry about our children. We all do. Well, let's get on to the next bit. Should we do some emails? Email.

We'll both look off the loop. We'll both look off the loop. If he feels sad about mum and dad, we'll both look off the loop. You all right? That stopped suddenly, didn't it? That was me sneezing. I was trying to work out what he says in that jingle.

And it's if he feels sad without mum and dad, we'll both look after Luke. Good, I'm pleased I know that now. Soon for the future, because we're all going to lose our parents at some point. Oh, come on. What? Very sweet. It was very sweet until you said that. Get yourself a fidget spinner.

Speaking of something that's very sweet, do you want an email about the Glasgow ice cream wars? Yes, I would. Thank was very sweet until you said that. Get yourself a fidget spinner. Speaking of something that's very sweet, do you want an email about the Glasgow Ice Cream Wars? Yes, I would. Thank you very much. Okay, this is from Luke Marshall. Okay. He says, hi. First off, good job on the new show.

I'm enjoying it so far. So far. Thanks, Luke. If you want a leave review, leave one. We've done a few episodes. Don't email us in. He said, I figure you were short on content. That's the second person who said that.

How are we giving that impression? I don't know. Well, I know. If you heard the last half an hour. He says, your chat around Duncan Bantam a couple of weeks ago reminded me of something I stumbled across a while back while deep in the Wikipedia rabbit hole, which is essentially what this show is all about, really.

Yeah. He says, the Glasgow ice cream wars. During the 1980s, there was a fully-fled the glasgow ice cream wars during the 1980s there was a fully fledged turf war between ice cream vans in glasgow it got to the point where vans were regularly set on fire and in some cases even shot at the local police struggled to keep control and ended up with the glorious nickname of the serious chimes squad chime oh chime doesn't yeah right good um perfect yeah i i've looked this. The point that's possibly being missed by Luke, or he just doesn't mention it,

is that it wasn't actually about ice cream. Basically, criminal gangs were using ice cream vans as fronts to sell stolen goods, hard drugs, all that sort of stuff. Oh, I thought it was about ice cream, because I remember this story. No, it wasn't. So I'm sure Luke does know that, but he hasn't mentioned it in the email. He says, this brings me back to I'm sure Luke does know that, but he hasn't mentioned it in the email. He says, this brings me back to a certain Duncan Bannertime,

as it's well documented that he used to drive an ice cream van back in the day. He did. He used to drive one, and he had a couple of ice cream vans in the mid-80s when this was as well, actually. He said, I remember reading about it, and he said it did get a bit hairy.

He said, but I've watched enough Dragon's Den to know he isn't the brightest spark. He once turned down a self-balancing dog bowl, claiming he couldn't see the market, despite there being well over 100 million pet dogs in the world. The product went on to make the inventor a millionaire. I mean, if it just made him a millionaire, that's upsetting.

I mean, just a millionaire. So far. I will say, Luke, I don't know anything about the provenance of your income or how successful you are. I'm sure you're very successful. So successful, in fact, you're emailing into this show. Duncan Bantam is worth £250 million. So he's doing all right.

What was this guy's name, Luke? Yeah. I mean, I've never been to a Luke gym. If Luke feels sad with that mum and dad, we'll both look after Luke. I went to a Ballantyne's gym once, and I was unimpressed. The one near Russell Square. Not so good. I'm sort of biased. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

I'll tell you why I'm out. Because this bicycle, this bicycle machine, what do you call it? Exercise bike. Exercise bike. Stinks. Bloody stinks. I think I might be able to do

a fairly handy impression of Duncan Brown, so I can hear it. Yeah, alright. I'm out. And I'll tell you why I'm out. Was that it? I fucking finished it.

You've interrupted it. I didn't interrupt your fucking boss's phone. I'll tell you why I'm out. Because Elsa is pregnant. I didn't interrupt your Mighty Mighty Boss times. I'll tell you why. Because Elsa is pregnant. I didn't interrupt your mighty, mighty boss times, whatever it was. Mighty, mighty boss times.

Smash Mouth. What? What's Smash Mouth? It's been... That's not Smash Mouth. Who is it? Why do you keep getting that wrong? Who is it? It's been...

Who is it? You know who it is? I can't remember. I can't remember. Hang on. Wait. It's coming back to me. It's been...

Chickeny China. The Chinese chicken guy. Yeah. It's embarrassing for you, isn't it? President of the United States. No, it's not there, is it? No. Anyway, can I please do my Duncan Valentine...

Bernageladies! That's it, Bernageladies. Can I please do my Duncan Valentine impression without interruption? Okay. Judge it on its merits. I'm out. And I'll tell you why I'm out. Did you mute my mic?

No. Is this the Dragon's Den music? No. Get the Dragon's Den music. John is looking for a £10,000 investment for a 25% stake in his business. First of all, he's got to impress Duncan.

I'm out. And I'll tell you why I'm out. That's the noise for USB out. That works. And that's Dragon's Den. I'm out. And I'll tell you why I'm out. Actually, that's George Ezra. Let's do a bit of I'll do Duncan why I'm out. Actually.

That's George Ezra. Let's do a bit of Duncan. I'll do Duncan Bantam. Right. Dragon's Den. Yeah. And I'll, I'll, what we'll do is Duncan Bantam will be sort of flip-flopping between being in and out. He can't really make his mind up.

Okay, right, yeah, okay. And I'll do Evan, the guy who does the voiceover. Right. And I'll do Duncan Bantam. This is very adventurous. You to the USB sound effects at the appropriate moment. Okay. So the new entrepreneur walks into the studio.

John is looking for a 25% stake in... No, John is looking for £10,000 for a 25% stake in his business. Duncan Bantine has got some questions. Right. Hey, why should I be investing in this? I'm out. And I'll tell you why I'm out. Actually, no.

I quite like it. No, you must be in. You can't flip-flop like that. Okay, I accept your offer, Duncan. For £10,000 for 25% of my business. Thank you very much. Bye. Okay, I accept your offer, Duncan, for £10,000 for 25% of my business.

Thank you very much. Bye. Next week on Dragon's Den. You're really making my play-out system work this evening. Oh, anyway, back to Luke's email. Yes. He says... It's not even finished. No, because it's the bit about the dog

the pet dog and stuff like that right he says so was Duncan Bantine the Mr Big of the Mr Whippy world or was he just a flake

that's just an excuse to put a sentence involving puns anyway there's plenty more online if it's interesting enough to include in your show we have included it

in our show the only thing I could find of interest really of Duncan Bantine is something that I've said to you before about him getting kicked out of the Navy, which I mentioned to you, for chucking an officer off a landing jetty.

He was dishonorably discharged. But I also found that Duncan Bantine suffers from an illness, or a yeah, I guess an illness, called prosopagnosia. What is that? Well, I want you to tell me. Prosopagnosia. Guess. Guess, and answer I want you to tell me. Prosopagnosia. Guess.

Pag... Guess and answer me with some sound effects. The Pagnolian dragon. Pag... I suppose... Prosopagnosia. Proso... It's got to be bum. Bum related.

No, it's not bum related. It's not bum related. It's got to be bum related. It's not. Pros... I don't know. Latin or Greek or none of them. It's an inability to be able to consistently recognise faces.

Oh, that's useless in business. Exactly. I mean, that's a nightmare. That's what, you know, clad handling is all about. I'm out. I'm out. No, you're already in business with this man. I don't recognise him.

That's Levi Roots. Yeah. Crying out loud. So prosopagnosia, how about that? I've never even heard of that condition until I read this up. I'm done comparing it recognise him. That's Levi Roots. Yeah. Crying out loud. So prosopagnosia, how about that? I've never even heard of that condition until I looked this up on Duncan Valentine. Can you also guess how old Duncan Valentine is? I think he is 56. He looks bloody well, doesn't he?

He does look very well. Did he marry someone considerably younger than him quite recently? He's 68. What? I know. Holy moly, he's been going to his gyms. He's twice my age almost. He's twice your age, Pete. No, you're 35, aren't you? No, 36. Okay,, he's been going to his gyms. He's twice my age almost. He's twice your age, Pete.

No, you're 35, aren't you? No, 36. Okay, so he's almost twice our age. Somebody tweeted me that today. It went, Pete, I always forget. How old are you? What? Is that good or anything?

Ma'am. I reckon he was trying to identity fraud me. Yeah, that's the end of the email section. One email. The problem is you do an email section one week and you've got nothing the next week. I know. Well, we've got a few emails, but we'll keep our power to drive for next week. I'm trying to think of a famous section. One email. The problem is you do an email section one week and you've got nothing the next week. I know. Well, we've got a few emails

but we'll keep our powder dry for next week. I'm trying to think of a famous ice cream. The only other famous ice cream man I know is that one in Darlington that was friends with

Jimmy Savile. We'll both look after Luke. We'll both look after Luke. If he feels sad about mum and dad we'll both look after Luke. It's worth reminding everyone if you want to get involved and email the show,

just go to hello at lukeandpete.com or rather email hello at lukeandpete.com. And if you want to look after me, if I get sad without mum and dad, do email hello at lukeandpete.com. Let there be justice for all. Nelson Mandela. Right.

Let there be peace for all. Bloody Swift, Black Man, Barzo. Right. Lundy Smith, Black Man Barzo. Batman. Neil Armstrong. Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. Say simply, very simply, with hope, good morning. Mayor Angelou, not some bloke. Right, I mean...

And you also haven't cut the bit out at the end of the jingle where you speak over it. I will never do that, Luke. I promised I was going to do that. I will never do that. Hello, sponsors. It's part of the charm. Rickety.

We're like a rickety staircase that everyone wants to climb. I've got nothing for Menkata this week, so I'm relying on you big time. All right, good. Big time. Putting the work in. I'd like to put Prosopagnosia into Menkata. Mankata. He can't remember people's bums. Putting the work in. I'd like to put Prosopagnosia into it. Men Carter. Man Carter.

He can't remember people's bums. The Men's Cyclopedia. Frank C. Bostock. Do you know, that reminds me of an excellent blues song called Charlie Bostock's Blues by... I thought you said blue song, like by the band Blue. The great C.W. Stoneking. Right.

Charlie Bostock like drinking and staying out all night long. It's a good song. I got a dunk on a plane. Can't do any more than that because of rights. Yeah, because it's so accurate, isn't it? Yeah. The singing's so accurate.

People will think that's literally C.W. Stoneking. The algorithm will pick that up, no problem. It will. Frank C. Bostock. And staying out all night long. He's credited with the discovery that lions are intimidated by chairs. I have a few questions. I'll tell you if I can.

Never invite a lion to Ikea, being one of them. C.W. Stoneking also does a song called Talking Lion Blues. Right, stop mentioning him. Fine. There's no stone kings in this story. Tell me more. But there is a sewer story. Tell me more. But there is a sewer lion. Tell me more.

Basically, Frank C. Bostock was a famous lion tamer. It makes sense because you never see a chair on the savannah. I know, you'd be like, I wonder what makes them scared of him. Even when you go on safari, they make you sit on the roof of the Land Rover. I never knew what that was. Because he's on a chair. Yeah. So basically, he became known as a famous lion tamer

and he started the whole thing of, you know, basically scaring lions with chairs. And so you can imagine he's quite a bald man, a man who liked to roll with the punches. You say bald, I'll say idiotic. Indeed. He came to prominence, though, true prominence, apart from being an incredibly famous lion tamer,

because they were like ten a penny back in the day. Yeah, very big in the entertainment world, weren't they? Back in the 19th century. And executing elephants. He was the man who lost a lion in a sewer. Right. Imagine losing a lion in a sewer, Luke, if you will. Is this in the US?

No, this is in the UK. This is in the UK, basically. This guy owned a menagerie of dangerous animals. He first sort of witnessed shows of dangerous animals in the US. Right. And he basically came back to the UK and went, I fancy a bit of that. I can tame a lion or two.

Fair enough. I'm going to have my own little travelling circus. What year? To remind me what year this was. So in autumn of 1889, he, in our very own Birmingham, lost a lion. In the sewer? In the sewer. Basically, he was preparing for a show.

One of his lions jumped over its keeper. Bearing in mind this is a lion that had already killed one man. Wow. And what I like about it is the story's kind of interspersed with his own accounts and his own autobiography, which is quite interesting. In his book, The Training of Wild Animals, the lion came across one of the openings of the sewerage system after ripping through a circus tent,

prowled off towards Birmingham city centre, probably down near the bullring or something, and climbed into the sewer. Down he sprang, looking up at the crowd of people and roaring at the top of his voice. As he made his way through the sewers, he stopped at every manhole he came to and there sent up a succession of roars,

driving some people nearly wild with terror. How did he get into the sewer? Well, I presume there was a big opening. I don't know. Maybe there was, you know, different times. The sewers were open. I mean, it was only 1889. It's not that long ago, is it?

Well, it's 130-odd years ago. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, though. I mean, I imagine the sewer system is probably pretty much the same but the openings were bigger Did someone say that he still prowls the sewer to this day? Well, I'll read on Skirting around the fatbergs of Chinatown I remember there was a fatberg

basically chopped up and extracted from a sewer outside my house in Soho the centre of Soho, Old Cotton Street, the day that the fish shop in my building opened. Now, if that isn't a welcome to the neighbourhood. Wow. Like, enjoy your first day, your big opening,

your big grand opening. Poppy's the brand was. Beautiful, beautiful shop. Lovely retro fittings and all that. And that was the day that... How big was it? It was massive. Just a congealed mass of old paper towels

and baby wipes and shit. So that's what people who aren't aware, people who perhaps don't live in the UK, that Fatburger is basically like a massive ball of fat. I mean, the name comes from iceberg, obviously. Yeah. Because people just put stuff they're not supposed to down the drains.

Cooking oil. Cooking oil, fat, baby wipes that don't buy the grade. Isn't it stuff like nappies and stuff as well? Yeah, just all this big kind of... Maybe the one that they put on Spider-Man, anyone? I don't think we get them in leafy West Norwood in South London, mate, but you obviously get them in Europe. They'll be there.

Under your house. I actually saw two rats today for the first time. Oh, there we go. That's nice, isn't it? Lovely. Just got out of bed and... No, no. It was down by the train station. I couldn't believe it. They're quite big as well. Yeah. Meaty. Yeah.

A friend of mine, I can remember, well, two rat stories if we've got time. Okay. Just quickly. Have you finished your lion story? No. No, carry on. No, carry on. Okay.

Okay, basically. Still a sewer dweller, isn't it? One story was I was walking from the train station to the office where I used to work probably about 10 years ago now. I bumped into a guy who worked in my office on the train so we got chatting and then we got off the train and walked up the road. He wasn't paying attention. He trod in something and he was like, oh God, I've just trodden a dog shit

and it was a dead rat. Dead rat, Pete, in the gutter. Partially decomposed. What will a Ninja Tiles do without him? No, splinter. Second story. They got it. Yeah. No, I like the signpost.

Splinter. I like the signpost. He's a mutant. I'm out. The second one is I went for a run once near where my parents live, and there was a massive downpour, like a ridiculous downpour. And the little pond near where my parents live had overflown. And spilled out onto the pavement and then onto the road.

And I couldn't run through it because it was too much water. And as I approached it, I saw it, and I'm not joking, probably about eight drowned rats were washed up. Are they not very good at dealing with soggy, sogginess? Can rats not swim? They can't breathe underwater, mate. No, but can they not swim?

I think they probably would have been in their holes. Oh. And the water level... And you collected them up. I'm no David Amber. Tied their little tails to a stick. They might have even been water bowls, thinking about now. Could have been, hadn't they?

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, carry on. Could have been little carrier bags. I don't know. The lion's going to get his first row of rats down that sewer, even in 1889. The lion was down there, basically. So large crowds had gathered and the line

was on the loose so everyone was starting to panic people were just going wild so Bostock he came up with a bit of a plan instead of trying to calm the volatile crowd

he basically went back into his menagerie put a second line in a cloth covered cage which makes it worse well he basically just brought that one out and went, look, blowed his horn and went, look, I've caught the lion. Oh, brilliant.

But it was a different lion. Yeah, brilliant, though, that. The lion was... Sort of thing I'd expect from a circus entertainer. Everything went off well, he said. Yeah. That was his quote. A shout went up for the crowd.

They've got him, they've got him, they've got the lion. And apparently his actions in getting the lion from the sewer made him even more famous. He was not only a lion tamer and menagerie owner he was the man who lost and then regained a lion from a sewer how did he find the original one again well that's a problem he didn't for a little while on the afternoon of the following day the chief police of birmingham visited the menagerie and congratulated bostock on his marvelous daring of getting this lion out of the sewer i bet the the uh the lion's home was like,

you don't have to worry about it, because that lion that escaped is actually very old. It will die eventually, and it's in the sewer. And Bostock basically panicked and came clean. Well, my thing with this is, I'm thinking about this now, putting myself in this position, if this happened in 2017 in London, safest place for it.

I'm not going down the sewer, fine. Well, if it could get in the sewer, if it's happening in 2017 in London, safest place for it. I'm not going down the sewer. Fine. Well, if it could get in the sewer, surely it would get out of the sewer. And also, like, I mean, you know, I mean, what you could just say is, that's not my line. I showed you the one that I took out. Oh, as an imposter. So everyone's getting in on the action. Just trying to find a man in a safari suit to blame. I just like the way this man in his book, The Training of Wild Animals,

which is basically a story about a man losing a wild animal. I shall never forget that man's face when he realised that the lion was still in the sewer. It was a wonderful study for any mind reader. Excellent. At first he was inclined to blame me, but when I showed him I had probably stopped a panic and that my own liabilities in the matter were pretty grave possibilities to face, he sympathised with me and added that any help he could give me,

I might have. Sounds like he's rewriting history there a little bit. I imagine the chief of Birmingham police was pretty upset about the whole situation. We do want to be our own critic. We do want to be the author of every single iTunes review we get. I at once asked for 500 men of the police force and also that he would instruct

the superintendent of the sewers to send me the bravest men he could spare with their top boots, ladders, ropes and revolvers with them so that should any lion appear, any man could do his best to shoot him at sight. If I'm the chief of police and someone's lost a lion, right, fine. How many people do you need? 500.

How big's a lion? And how many are there? Yeah. 500? You've only lied about it once. Yeah. At the appointed time, five minutes to midnight, so that they might avoid any crowd,

the police and so men turned out and I have never seen so many murderous weapons at one time in my life. Each man looked like a walking arsenal, but every one of them had been sworn to secrecy. You've got a fetish for killing big animals. This is your version of hunting the big five. You hung an elephant two weeks ago and electrocuted it.

Yeah, chopped off its tail and paws with it like Donald Trump Jr. Why are you fetishising the killing of big animals? I just think, well, this is a particularly interesting killing of an animal. Yeah. It's the true taming. It's a great fish out of water story, yes. It was more than 24 hours after the stooge line was paraded, the boss stock now in the sewer

saw two gleaming eyes of greenish red just beyond and knew we were face to face with the line at last. So basically they chased the line through the sewers scaring it with shouts and fireworks as well. Keep it quiet. Literally the Keystone Cops.

When the lion came face to face with Bostock, Bostock took off his boots and put them on his hands, for some reason, and was fortunately able to hit the lion with a stinging blow on the nose. Fearing that he would split my head open with a blow from one of his huge paws, I told one of my men to place over

my head a large iron kettle which we had used to carry carriages and other things to the sewer. What, for a helmet? Yeah. Where's the chair coming into it? But the kettle fell off his head and started the lion, which and I quote, turned tail like the veritable coward.

Bit fucking rich with a dickhead with a kettle on his head. So basically it ran away and it got caught in a rope lasso laid out to ensnare him. Killed?

No, just caught. Just captured. Okay. Went back to the homestead. Ah, who didn't lock the other line in? And Bostick himself died in 1912.

46 years old. 46 years young not by a big cat but the flu. And he is buried in Stoke Newington Abbey Park Cemetery with a big casket

and a lion on top. So go and check that out if you fancy it. I just go, yeah, got the best, better eventually, didn't it? Yeah.

Even though you died of the flu. I think that is a life well lived. I love, there's a certain element of sort of Victorian sort of entrepreneurialism when we're on the, as a I love, there's a certain element of, of sort of, Victorian sort of entrepreneurialism, when we're on the, as a,

as a country, we're on the cusp of all these sort of scientific discoveries and stuff. People just have these mad ideas. Yeah. I love all that. Well, it's, it,

they're basically, um, like Cupertino, um, app developers, aren't they really? Yeah, basically they are,

yeah. Yeah. And they dress the same as well. Yeah. Beards. Top hats. Yeah. Penny findings.

But Pete, I do really want to, I don't, I mean the problem is I'm worried about I'm getting guilty by association here of doing a show

with a man who fetishises the cruelty to animals. I've never harmed a single animal ever. We should next week let's talk about pets we've had.

Yeah. I've had limited pets. I'm allergic to a lot of things. I know you are but I think you're going to be quality rather than quantity. I'm making a note of that now. We're doing pets next week. Alright. Listeners, if I'm allergic to a lot of things. I know you are, but I think you're going to be quality rather than quantity. I'm making a note of that now. We're doing pets next week.

All right. Listeners, if you're listening, by definition, you are. I'm going to get two fucking gerbils left. You've got to make us do that. Just remind us. I don't believe in enslaving animals. No, I agree.

Let's go. We're way over time. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. It's been lovely. Thank you for getting involved. It's been... It's been... We're out getting involved it's been it's been we're out of here

get out of here see you later careful of the sewers on the way home I'm out.