The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 83: Careful of the laburnum

Episode Date: July 23, 2018

We start this episode as every podcast should begin - with Tom Jones impressions. After that we keep up the music theme by finding out that Pete has been hobnobbing with Franz Ferdinand's Alex Kapranos and bonding with him over Graceland.Once we finally get past the name-drop section of the show there's time for an email from Brunei, some more weird baby names, a discussion about LiveJasmine, some more Jurassic Park chat and much, much more courtesy of you, the lovely listener. What ho!Join us by telling a tale of your own: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's Luke and Pete Shaw! How are you doing Luke Miller? From the depths of the sea back to the block, it's the Luke and Pete Show. I'm well, how are you? I'm good. I... well we just put a pin in the World Cup football ramblers, of course, so we're feeling very relaxed, aren't we? Stick a fork in me. I am done. I am done. How have you been, Luke Moore, this week? Been okay.

Been okay? Been busy bee? Yeah, World Cup and all that kind of stuff. But one thing's really been sort of getting on top of me is this lack of rain. Yeah, Soho has not recovered from pride. It still smells like a Red Bull and a condom. It's absolutely disgusting. And how long ago was that?

A week ago. I don't think, I've not looked into this scientifically, but being a Brit, I am obviously obsessed with the weather. Yeah. And I don't think we've had any rain in south london where i live for i think tomorrow it'll be five weeks oh i mean we had a big thunderstorm yeah you guys did we didn't have that north and central had that we didn't have that holy moly so the i mean i'll tell you what if you're a kid that was born at exactly the right time um so you're now starting to sort

of take an interest in things and have a look around and start to get your neural pathways connected, you probably think that grass is yellow, not green. And you'll be thinking, why is Tom Jones singing the green, green grass of home? Yeah. Is he drunk?

When in fact it should be yellow by Coldplay. Yeah. Why is Tom Jones' hair white now when it used to be black and it changed overnight? I feel an impression coming on. Oh,

I sang with Elvis. I sang with Elvis. Did he sing with Elvis? Yeah, he always says that. I was chatting to, we'll get on to my movement soon, but I was chatting to

Alex Capranos from Franz Ferdinand and he'd just been to, he'd just got back from Graceland. Hobnobbing again, Pete. You've been to Graceland, haven't you? Yeah, and hence the conversation flew like wine.

Unusual for you, eh? Yeah, exactly. He told me the point that his house is like, he's just a normal bloke who really liked to party. So the house is just a big party house, and it was. It was like a really humble house and it was it was like a really humble abode it wasn't massive why were you there why was i there yeah i was on holiday okay right uh that was a couple years ago now but it was i just remember sort of thinking he's got

a lot of tellies around uh he's got a lot of like cool statues and stuff and people are saying oh this is a dreadful kitschy house and i was thinking what i'm going i quite like this this looks amazing how big is How big is his telly? Well, just the normal size of the day. Because obviously he died back in the day. But his tellies were only about this big. What's that, a 30-incher maybe? Yeah, I suppose it wouldn't have had anything better.

It would have been a big-backed TV as well. He wouldn't have believed how small televisions, how thin they've got. He doesn't strike me as a man who enjoyed anything other than the giant and kitsch. Didn't he famously shoot a telly? Yeah. Some of the tellies in the house were on, which I thought was rather strange

because I was thinking, you're going to have to fix those. You're going to have to replace those cathode ray tubes. You're going to get a lot of screen burning. You'll probably struggle for parts now. Yeah, exactly. Is it true what they say about Graceland,

that there's carpet on the walls? Yeah, there's carpet everywhere. It's uh it reminded me of my first school they had like this kind of um i thought you should call it like a pit where you used to have like the kids reading their books and stuff and going for sleepy time and stuff um they would have like a dip in the floor and it was all carpeted and it looked so nice very heavy shag carpet yeah i like that i like that i'm not really a big fan of the old wooden floor. No. I always fear spelks. Do you? And so I've heard people say when they move into a new home,

the first thing they want to do is remove the carpet because they can't deal with the amount of dirt and skin cells from old people living in there. But they're the same people who can't handle tube seats. Have you ever got a tube seat on the London Underground and smash your hand on it? Why would you do that? There's so much dust.

So many skin cells, just kind of like a cloud. But why are you doing that? What? Why are you doing that? To make a point. No wonder you've got allergies. To make a point. I want everyone to see me.

Why won't you see me? And what did Alex Kapranos think of... He was very impressed. Obviously, front man of Franz Ferdinand. Yes. Very painfully skinny man. He's very painfully skinny. He was...

They were just off the... I was basically at a festival, NOS Alive in Portugal over the weekend. It was wonderful. My first European festival, to which I realised, why am I bothering with the English ones? The line-ups are generally not as good

as the European ones on the continent. And you don't get ripped off. You probably didn't pay, did you? No, I didn't pay. But the tickets were, it was incredibly corporate. There were Asus, the laptop manufacturer, and McDonald's and other brands, very much part of the festival,

very much like making these kind of boutique-y experiences. So it was like a really kind of like off-brand McDonald's that they'd kind of like designed like a weird kind of shack. And it looked good, but it was very corporate. But the like a, like a weird kind of shack. Um, and it looked good. Um, but it's very corporate. But the thing is, um,

the line, it was amazing. Like the, the money they spent on the lineup compared to how much the punters were spending. It was like 60 euros for a day pass. Now what's that? 45,

50 quid on a good day for the pound on a bad day for the pound. It's about 55, 60 quid. Um, and like, that's good for a day festival and also the weekend pass for like 160 so that works out about 140 and for an english festival that is insanely cheap because they they are so expensive nowadays talk to me about the no vip no kind of like golden circle bullshit pete talk to me about the accommodation options

in that environment well the accommodation options it's not a camping festival, so you've got to get an Airbnb or a little hotel. I happen to be in a very... The tourist board of Portugal were spending a lot of money on getting a load of Rolling Stone journalists and in turn spending money with my radio station, so we did a couple of shows out there and interviews

and stuff. And Jack White was in my hotel. Yeah, I was very excited. Snappling the breakfast cheese. I was very excited when you told me that he's the sort of guy, one of my favourite ever songwriters and I don't get how uncool that makes me sound but he's also I think you know that makes you cool. Uncool, it makes me sound uncool I think. I think he's a bit uncool these days

Well, maybe we're both uncool but he's one of those guys who comes across as quite intimidating and so I'd find it hard to talk to. I don't generally go up to people anyway. No, I've never approached anyone ever, I think. The last person was Zezzy I4, who was a character off T4,

who was not good. And I enjoyed her work immensely. How was she in comparison to, say, the great Autis? Autis Dealey. Otis Dealey is very much a better presenter. Yeah. He got mugged off by an autocue. A lack of an autocue.

A lack of an autocue. But I was surprised when he was saying that, what's his name, Jack White has an all-analog feedback loop on his ears. So his mixing desk on stage is all analog, which means that the roadies probably fucking hate him.

Yeah, he won't go digital of anything and he won't, I don't even think he's got a car or a mobile phone. Oh, really? No, I think he's one

of those type of anachronistic type guys. But anyway, Luke and Pete's show is the show where we talk crap for a while and then tell some of your, the listeners'

stories as well into the bargain. And I just, Pete, want to do my recently on Luke and Pete if that's okay? I can tell you a bit about our Noz Alive story, so I mean, you know, that's the thing.

Oh, yeah, a little bit, yeah. The problem I have with it is it wasn't getting to a crescendo. Is there anything, is there a payoff at the end that people can look forward to? Alex Kapanos died. Oh, he did it!

Franz Ferdinand were playing a festival in Madrid the night before. Right. Massive Attack were scheduled to play on a different stage and Massive Attack cancelled because Franz Ferdinand were playing a festival in Madrid the night before. Massive Attack were scheduled to play on a different stage and Massive Attack cancelled because Franz Ferdinand were too loud. That cannot be true. International noise, Asbo terrorists, Franz Ferdinand, shredding their way through their set.

Too loud for Massive Attack, so they cancelled. Massive Attack also refused to get involved in any Bristol community events because of Bristol's, in their view, Bristol's lack of dealing with the history of slavery in the city. I see. Yep. That's another true fact for you. Recently on the Luke and Pete show,

for those of you who haven't heard it yet, Pete attempted the most amount of its bins in a minute. More on that later. That was less interesting than a was alive chat for me. Oh, I thought it was great. It was one of my highlights. Someone chucked a huge amount of sodium off Skegness Pier in the 80s. That was good. Satisfying, that's good.

A bit of camel urine. Yeah, not as good. A bit of Japanese trains. Excellent. Some puncture repair kit. Right. Someone met Don King. That's true. No, they didn't. Well, they did, but they spoke in Italian. Yeah, refused met Don King. That's true. No they didn't. Well they did but they spoke in

Italian. Yeah refused to speak English for some reason and a man ejected from a plane into the middle of a thunderstorm.

That's what we've been talking about recently. Go back to Nostalife Pete. Go on. I'm empty. You're done.

You're running on fumes. I had a lovely time and I recommend that festival. I recommend any festival that isn't

in Britain. Right. This is Friday night's line-up. Brian Ferry, then Nine Inch Nails, then Snow Patrol, and then the Arctic Monkeys. Where else are you going to get that? Brian Ferry's followed by Nine Inch Nails. Pearl Jam had such heavy security

that there was a man employed just to watch Eddie Vedder's guitars. Insanity. A.K.A. the guitar tech. Well, no. That's a different guy, isn't it? Is it fair for me to point out a slight discrepancy in the cost of European festivals that don't include camping when, of course, your Glastonbury and your Reading and Leeds

does in fact include a space to camp which may affect the price? Is that fair? No, because it's twice as expensive and camping is miserable. I agree with that how much are you looking at for a for a ticket to Glastonbury next year

it's into the 200s now isn't it it's ridiculous yeah he's got to stop pretending that he's a farmer I've said this before tarmac the fucking thing

stop pretending you're a farmer stop pretending that the environment you ruin that field every two years every year every year well they've got a year off

it's a fallow year they have a fallow year in five I believe yeah I think they make so much money out of it the exposure they get

from the BBC dictates that all of the big acts don't take home so much money in pay so they get their acts cheap and I know they give a lot of money to charity

but they still make a hefty profit there you go tarmac it tarmac glass I'm going to rename this show Real Talk with Pete Donaldson get their acts cheap. And I know they give a lot of money to charity, but they still make a hefty profit. Tarmac it. Tarmac Glass Marine. I'm going to rename this show, Real Talk with Pete Dawson. Real Talk with Pete Dawson. Tarmac it,

Evus, you slag. I can see you getting an ITV2 about 10am midweek show with these sorts of opinions. Yeah. And I'd have a little pen, I'd twiddle it around. Yeah.

What's on the phone, Sophie? Yeah. Who's on the phone, Sophie? Yeah. Oh, it's that.

It's a man trying to do a crank call. There's more people with mental health problems. Great. Just to show you all once and for all how little interest I had in your festival chat, I took the liberty of just checking on my computer and apparently in 1893... I had no sir in my area.

Yeah. It was a pop-up. It was a pop-up. It was a pop-up. It was a live Jasmine pop-up it was a pop-up um it was a live jasmine pop-up jasmine has anyone if anyone balls out the bath here guys has anyone ever used live jasmine for anything i think it's cam girls isn't it has anyone has anyone spent anyone on live jasmine because their marketing spend is obscene the way you said that was like it can be used for a variety of things what to help you do your home shopping?

Looking at people's homes for inspiration. Yes. That's a side project they do. Exactly. They move the camera into different rooms and they show you

decorating options. And that's what you say to your wife. I was trying to look for a new look for our front room, darling. Our rumpus room. A.k.a. it was a pop-up.

In 1893, Pete, there was no rain recorded whatsoever from the end of February to mid-May, mile end in East London. And mile end, in fact, holds the record for no rain. 73 days from March the 4th to May the 15th. 120 years, well, 125 years ago now.

Unbelievable. All that I can say is that my life is something, something. That's not great, isn't it? And I like too much the puddles gathering.

Yeah, it's not Blind Melon. I hate Blind Melon. He sadly passed away earlier. Did he? Yeah. The old heroines. The old heroines.

Shall we? Rock stars love heroin. They do. It's very Moorish. I've been spoken about a guy from Sublime. Apparently his mum said that he died from heroin

because he tried it for the first time. I'm calling bullshine on that. If anyone would know about his sort of drug habits, it would definitely be his mum. Yeah. My mum know about mine. My mum know about mine. Sorry, my mouth's numb for all this cocaine I'm rubbing into my gums.

People are notoriously honest with their parents about the drugs they're taking. It makes sense. What was your technique for getting past your mum when you were absolutely pissed out of your mind? Mine was yawning, because you don't have to... If you're really tired, you don't actually have to form words, because you just... How long can you really sneak that up for? Every time you speak.

I'm so sorry, mum. I'm not drunk. I'm tired. Your mum with mum would end up taking you to hospital if you had some sort of brain injury. He's got the yawn. He's got a brain injury. I would,

what would I do? I would, I would invariably sort of make sure I got back after they were in bed. Yeah. That would be

number one tactic. Not my mum's up and about. She's worried. She's worrisome. My dad would never give a shit. I'm going to turn up on my mum and dad to see dad would never give a shit. I'm going to turn up. My mum and dad are up to see my sister and the baby.

And I'm going to turn up on the doorstep again. I love surprising my mum. It's brilliant. What does she do? She panics because she hasn't got any food in. Except she has. She's got a cupboard full of food, which is not something I have in my house.

What does Stuart say? He goes, all right, so what are you doing? You moved away, didn't you? Have you been living in the attic? Yeah. I thought London was miles away. Very nice.

Well, listen, we'll look forward to hearing about that. Pete, should we have a little break and then do some of the stories that our listeners have kindly sent to us? Fuck it. All right, then. So, Sheikh,

you're telling me that drinking camel's urine is part of the thing? Ach, you don't get me wrong. Ach, you don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. Oh, we did this last week. Yeah, we did.

What do you want? I've got a few... Do you know what? Before we go into the emails proper. Oh, we did this last week. Yeah, we did. What do you want? I've got a few. Do you know what? Before we go into the emails proper. We're on the precipice, are we? We've carried you over the... This is an email, but it's a very brief one. Okay.

It's from Ben Doohan. He says, all right, chaps. Doing an email here. Yeah. I counted 94 itch bins. Wow. So well over the 50. Mate, I smashed it.

You did. You almost doubled it. Wow. He says, I literally, I fuck all better do. So he's counted them, Pete, and you managed to do 94 in a minute. How many? If you didn't have that break towards the end. What was the thing that I kept saying?

Spin it. Spin it. Spin it. Yeah. How many spinnets were in there? Yeah. Probably the same amount, right? Yeah.

Probably the same amount. So that's from Ben Dewan. So he starts off the email section with that little fillip. Have you got an email that you want to do, Peter? I've got an email. It's not strictly for the Logan Pete show, though. But it was kind of long, and it was a lovely story. So I thought I'd whack it in.

It's for the Football Ramble, but it's kind of not football-related, really. Okay. Hi, guys. Last week was the one-year anniversary of my father's death. And for whatever reason, this football-related memory popped up. I think you're talking about England and the 96 Euros. I thought you'd all enjoy it. The year was 1996, and as you remember, England were a decent team,

and many believed they could actually win the Euros. At the time, we were living in Brunei with my parents teaching there. We talk a lot about displaced youths growing up in weird places. I think it's quite interesting. The diaspora. The Sultan had a bit of a thing for England, and so we had radio broadcasts of what I assume was BBC Radio or something on the radio. I was about 10, so not all of this will be perfect.

We would listen to it every day in the car and hear all of the excited chat about the Three Lions, and I vaguely remember the song Three Lions on a Shirt. It was called Three Lions, wasn't it? It was called Three Lions, wasn't it? Anyway, as I write this, I realise the tournament was somewhat a point aside, but relevant to the esteem that the English players of the time were held in. Some of the teachers at my school my dad taught at were in a local team that happened to play in a league that also had the

Sultan's team in it. He didn't play, of course, just there was some vague affiliation. Anyway, when the two teams clashed, the teachers came out victorious. They were asked to have a rematch, which of course was accepted, because who says no to the Sultan? For the rematch, the teachers were going to be a player or two short

and asked Dad, a sportsman in other disciplines, to fill in for them. He declined, but later regretted that decision because, as the teams were warming up for the rematch, the teachers' side looked over to see a few new players jogging out for the Sultan's team. Imagine, in a basically social league, seeing jog out to play you in 1996, Teddy Sheringham, Paul Gascoigne and Alan Shearer. The Sultan had paid them God knows what.

He was the richest man in the world at the time to fly in and play this game to ensure his team won. Needless to say, they very much did. That's the incredible stuff. Can you confirm the veracity of that? Well, this man is saying it. It would be a weird... I think footballers do these kind of hooky little jobs all the time. Rock stars do as well, you know. The Sultan of Brunei, the current one, has got 12 kids. There you go.

While that is the football-relevant bit, it is not the first literal royal fuck-up my parents made in our time in Brunei. The Sultan was also a fan of Michael Jackson and flew him in for a concert. For whatever reason, my dad was tutoring one of the Sultan's nephews and such was given tickets to the show. I say again, tickets to sit in the row behind the royals at a Michael Jackson concert still in his prime. Yeah, brilliant.

The problem, they gave us three tickets and we were a family of four. Instead of discussing this with us or saying, hey, we don't care, but what an experience, so one of us will take you kids, they decided to give the tickets away. Oh, that is ridiculous. To another family of four. I still bring this up with my parents as the most unforgivable thing to have ever happened to me.

That is almost literally unforgivable. Yeah have ever happened to me. That is almost literally unforgivable. Yeah. You're talking about arguably, I mean, we've opened the show talking about Elvis and his residence. Exactly. But Jackson's up there. Jackson! Jackson! Jacko in his prime. He does finish the email by saying, please don't give my full name. The Brunei government harassed us

for years after we escaped, in inverted commas, and it may be best to take a zero-risk approach to being found. What, for giving the tickets away. What was that offending? You've been mugged off. Yeah, maybe that is. Well, great email. Thank you very much for that.

That was the right thing to do, Pete, so you can have it as a Luke and Pete show. The Cholson of Brunei was the go-to richest man in the world chat in the 80s,

wasn't it? Hugely. Now it's all about Zuckerberg's and Bill Gates followed him. Yeah. And now it's all about Zuckerberg. And Bill Gates followed him. Yeah. And now it's all about...

Well, he's not flashy with it, though, is he? I think the Sultan was a bit more... He'd spent a penny every now and again, so to speak. He was just held up as the guy who was the one, wouldn't he? Why don't we talk about Ayatollahs anymore? No.

I miss the Ayatollah Khomeini. Do you? No. He's just one of those... It's just those words that you'd hear so much. No. I miss the Ayatollah Khomeini. Do you? No. He just won't talk about it. It's just one of those words that you'd hear so much. And I realise why we don't talk about it anymore. But, like, you know, when you're a kid, you hear, like, Radovan Karevich and Kreutzfeldt's Yakov's disease.

We don't talk about these things anymore, and I miss them. They were an essential part of my youth. It's all terrorism now. It's literally all it is. Terrorism, Brexit, and Trump are the only three things that I've ever talked about. Fucking dull, innit? I'll tell all terrorism now. It's literally all it is. Terrorism, Brexit and Trump are the only three things that I've ever talked about. I'll tell you something now.

Not a choc. Not a choc. What was it? Not a choc. I think that I haven't done this as a test but if you do this as a test and you need help

every time I've turned the news on for the last two years the opening story has been about either Brexit or Trump with no deviation no deviation at all well it's big it's big tings isn't it

it's I mean it's almost like the whole of news has been crystallised into like two or three subjects we should be saying while we're all

dicking about and worrying about terrorism and Trump and Brexit China are having a lovely time they're having a lovely time mate

we're sending we're sending our ambassador over to the Far east again aren't we next week me? yeah I've got a career and a little bit in Japan

that's your cover story but you're going over there yeah what about an email here from someone who wants to be anonymous so has referred to himself as Domingo in little Oakland lovely Alan Partridge reference there

now we talked a lot over the last week or so about names you can't really call your children these days lovely alan partridge reference there now we talked a lot over the last week or so about um names you can't really call your children these days if you have a baby you're unlikely to call it a certain amount of names that um that we are all i suppose blessed with now things like keith anyway this is from domingo he says lads just wanted to email in a story off the back of your keith chat last week where you discussed in detail some names that you wouldn't call a child in this day and age i worked in a popular high street budget fashion retailer and during my tenure i've gathered up several funny stories of which this is one of

my favorites as the way with budget retailers we do tend to attract a certain quality of clientele often bringing in their horrendous children with them and one, a young mother was trying to get her two little grot bags under control. They were a boy and a girl, probably aged between four and six. As they ran around, presumably jacked up on red Smarties, who knows? That's an assumption. The mother shouted, Oi, you two!

Come over here! They ignored her. She tried a sterner approach. Will you stop misbehaving or you'll be in big trouble. Still they ignored her. Finally the mother snapped. Shakira! Colin! Get over here right now!

Shakira and Colin! Come on! And Domingo says, I'm not sure if I feel more sorry for Shakira or Colin. In fact, definitely Colin, the little shit. She was playing Lebanon last night and did well, I think. And also, that's incredible, Shakira. I mean, which has come first there? Colin.

I need a bit of a zhuzhing up. Colin, you're boring. Yeah, I like the thinking. It's either if Colin came first, it's like, oh, we can't call our kid that boring a name again. And they've gone way too far the other way. Or it's the opposite. His middle name is Copernic, though.

And his last name is Smith. Yeah, it is. That's right. Wonderful. Fantastic stuff from Domingo and Little Oakley there. What have you got one there, Pete? I've got one here. Actually talking about

things you don't hear very often anymore. I was obsessed when I was a kid with laburnum seeds. What are they? They're literally a seed that grow on trees in England that are highly poisonous

and it was quite a popular way of poisoning people back in the day. And it was in a lot of Agatha Christie mysteries and stuff back in the day on ITV. So I have heard of it. Laburnum seeds. Grind them up, put them in somebody's food, and it kills a man or woman.

What, and they were just growing around? They're in trees. You can get laburnum trees. How did I not know about that as a kid? Crazy, isn't it? We should have been warned about that. I think I remember being, but I think, again, i think it's just because it was in um you know hetty wainthrop or something i'm lucky to be here you're a big seed eater yeah um there's very few

things we can just eat off of eat off trees and bushes in it brambles were quite a black breeze we used to go picking blackberries and there was a strawberry farm down the road from our house okay you're in the south though, we got none. Yeah. We can't even eat the fish. No. I remember the, my dad's mate used to fish in a particular spot in the North Sea

and it was basically right next to the outlet pipe of London Power Station. Now that water goes across uranium rods. Wow. But it was warmer because it had passed across

these white hot uranium rods. Well, green hot, I suppose. If you've watched Simpsons. White hot, green hot uranium rods. And so the water

would be hotter and so the fish would flourish. But unfortunately, like, you don't want that fish. But this guy would just pull these massive fish

out the sea and go delicious. Well, I think it's recommended not to do it really close to the outlet pipe, but this guy would just love being around the outlet pipe. Did you eat them?

No, I didn't eat them, but my dad was like, God, he's a young bloke. I don't know why he's doing that. He's killing himself eating that fish. Yeah, that's a bit full on, isn't it?

Yeah, a little bit. Hello to, I haven't got the name for this one, so apologies. After introducing you two to the little apple of death, I'm coming back with the cutely named the gimpy gimpy tree wow that's cool i like that it lives in

australia where else yeah um it's also known as the suicide uh plant so fuck cuteness says the uh emailer um basically take an ant sting and compare it to a hornet or a nest of hornets with synchronized thrusters your skin and that's probably underselling it. It's been described as having hot acid poured on you and then being electrocuted at the same time. There's a story of a man using it as toilet paper and shooting himself in the face as the pain was so severe, hence the name.

Moral of the story, Australia's full of evil entities, but you fucking knew that. Yeah, that is unbelievable. Incredible, isn't it? Yeah. It would be Australia. Painful stingers in the world apparently there was a um there was a story in the news the other day about um some some scientists were um asked to go and look someplace in the midlands about a couple of spiders they saw someone saw spiders they thought they were tarantulas so they were like a pet that

escaped or whatever or and then somehow they were breeding obviously they've been an invasive species and they can be dangerous so they went and checked it out but the story took a turn when it said, but unfortunately one of the containers holding the tarantulas fell over and was knocked over and they just scattered off into the woods so basically, what they've done is

they've taken a potential disaster and just ensured it I had horrible dreams about hands turning into tarantulas as a direct result of me reading in a Kazuyo Ishiguro book yesterday about hands turning into tarantulas. That was horrible. So you mentioning tarantulas really upset me. My good friend of mine gets dreams when he has a heavy weekend of drinking.

He gets what he calls mathematical dreams so he drinks so if he goes to the pub after work on friday and has a bit of a weekend session a sort of young man's session bit an old man's body because he's my age when he gets to sunday night when he doesn't have anything to drink and he gets to get up early for work so he gets anxiety about going back to work he has mathematical dreams dreams. And I asked him what sort of form they took. And he said, it's almost like slicing air and putting it in boxes while his mom in the background shouts at him, what about that?

What about that? Wow. What about that? The same one every time. That's wonderful. It's quite a weird dream, isn't it? I get Monday morning anxiety, kind of like I go into the studio and none of the buttons are

working oh i've heard that it's quite a that's quite a common one for radio anxiety dreams i mean it's not much different to my actual show as i've probably made that point before but yours are more experiences than dreams what about this from dan hello to you dan he says um hi pete hi luke uh i recently listened to podcast 72 so i'm a bit behind because of the holidays, the World Cup and Extra Ramble You were discussing how Luke's parents paused the sex scenes out of Top Gun when recording the TV and said how do you like that Luke

but apparently presumed they were okay with the homoerotic volleyball scene they were, that wasn't really registered You can ride my tail and all that stuff You can be my wingman any time but that's at the end The volleyball scene is them playing volleyball with their tops off didn't really sort of register for some reason. You can ride my tail and all that stuff. You can be my wingman any time, but that's at the end. The volleyball scene is them playing volleyball with their tops off while the tune playing

with the boys plays in the background. So wonderfully good. Dan says, this reminded me of when my uncle would get the VHS of Jurassic Park out and as I would become excited to watch the famous scenes with the T-Rex, he would quickly fast forward through this, much to my disbelief, as my cousin wasn't allowed to watch them due to the T-Rex. He would quickly fast forward through this, much to my disbelief as my cousin wasn't allowed

to watch them due to the nightmares he may have. Very disappointing. That's difficult, isn't it, if you've got two people in the room with vastly different ages.

Maybe one was a bit younger, yeah, that's how it goes sometimes. Very upsetting! I remember watching Jurassic Park at the cinema. Probably one of my favourite films and I remember seeing it at the cinema and thinking...

And so we had this amazing cinema on the South Coast. I think at the time, it's not there anymore, it was called The Ritz and at the time it was the biggest screen on the south coast proper old school like flea pit cinema and i'd never and jurassic park come out in what like 93 or something yeah and i'd been to the cinema loads of times with my parents by then i would have been 12 and i'd never once seen the upstairs circle bit open because it was like a proper theater yeah

and when i went to the jur Jurassic Park I looked at the ticket and we went in and they ushered us upstairs and I was like wow this is a the fuck this is a big event upstairs at the Ritz is open

that's why you like Jurassic Park so much probably is yeah my wife walked down the aisle to the Jurassic Park thing what and you came out

as a velociraptor ha ha yeah you're already standing at the front and you're the bloke. Oh, yeah. But I did have a little growl. I have to admit.

No, of course not. There, thanks for that, Dan. Lovely one. Do you want to do one more before we shoot off? One more, yeah. Hello to Andy Vaughan. I started reading this. I've not really looked at what it's about,

but let's just go on. You're freestyling. Hello, gents. Admittedly, the gruesome details of this one are at what it's about, but let's just go on. You're freestyling. Hello, gents. Admittedly, the gruesome details of this one are more in Pete's wheelhouse than Luke's.

I read this bit and I don't like to encourage him, but having heard the shower curtain bullshit. That was bullshit, by the way. Absolute nonsense.

I felt I had to share my own drain blockage story. I have recently moved to an old Georgian townhouse where the kitchen is in the basement. So we have an outlet and drain just outside the kitchen window, which connects to the main sewer with a grill slash cover at ground level.

So you can see down to said drain. I should also note that we live at the bottom of a terrace of about 20 or so houses. So the drainage flows down past our house on the way into the main system. Having been in the house for a few months, we noticed that every time we emptied the sink or the washing machine finished draining, the drain outside the kitchen window would back up as the water drained there. It was a grey sludge beginning to amass, which was gradually getting deeper. This is not going anywhere nice, is it? I called out the drainage people to investigate,

assuming the sludge was a billet of detergent slash food waste, etc. How wrong I was. So every time we were releasing water into the system, it was forcing up excrement into the bit outside my kitchen window, and the grey colouring was from detergent. Fortunately, it didn't smell too bad until it was disturbed, at which point it was fucking rancid. The poo-a-fellas spent the best part of an hour on their knees

in my neighbour's poo, trying to find the cause of the blockage, pulling through various items, including wet wipes, sanitary towels and tampons. They estimated we were a minimum of five years old. Various bathroom items that you probably shouldn't be flushing, although they were too small to be the culprit. They finally managed to snag the blockage, which was none other than a full mop head.

Down the toilet? Not down the toilet, guys. You shouldn't be flushing anything. That's so mental. Other than toilet paper. Who does that? Unless you've done it accidentally. But why you've got a mop head in the loo, I don't know.

Well, unless you're cleaning with it, I suppose, and it's gone down there. Straight away, straight away. You've got no business getting a mop head down there. That's ridiculous. That's poor form. I gave them a cuppa and gave them an extra 20 quid for their troubles as they no doubt earned it.

And I'm pleased to report I've had no issues since. Cheers, Andy Vaughan. People assume that as soon as you flush your toilet, it's in the sewer. It's done. It's not. No. I always remember being in Paris.

Gay Paris. Every time I flushed the toilet, human excrement would come out of the shower drainage. It would just burp shit. And I emailed, and I was like, oh, typical France day. And I emailed the Airbnb lady, and I went, look, I know we were there when you came to clean the apartment past curfew. But to be fair, guys, and also we lost some keys.

To be fair, guys, when I flushed the toilet, human excrement did come out. I think she went, it's not human excrement. You are confused because it's a different sewage system. I'm going, what is it then? What is it then? It smells like shit. It looks like shit.

It's coming out of a system that I am all too aware of how it works. No, that was actually the Mars bar dispenser. That's how we do things in France.

You would know that, you British savage. Yeah, I know, right? Oh, dear. There we go. Disgusting. On that note, I think we should leave it.

Let's get out of here let's come back next week burping shower or later in the week yeah alright then we'll see you soon bye

if you want to get in touch with the show hello at lukeandpeachshow.com don't I was doing the introduction to your email I don't trust you to do it I don't trust you to do it

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