The Luke and Pete Show - Episode 91: Non-brewed condiments

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

Congratulations on your download! Your all-new Luke and Pete Show will contain the following:White ChocolateChicken ShopsFish n ChipsSweaty ArmpitsHow to assemble a band for a weddingWarning: Results may vary, do not listen to while operating heavy machinery.To prescribe us a higher dose: [e-mail]***Please take the time to rate and review us on iTunes or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!*** Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I always forget how severe and curt that click is in that Luke and Pete Shaw theme. Hello, it's the Luke and Pete Shaw. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Luke Moher. That's how the Luke and Pete Show operates around these boroughs. How are you guys doing? Yeah, how are you doing? That music can only mean one thing. It's time for some more Pete Donaldson-inspired nonsense. Well, it could mean many things.

It could mean that I'm doing another podcast and I press the wrong button. Eminently possible. Yeah. At all times. And when people say to me, what's it like doing the Luke and Pete Show? I say, and I mean this mostly in the nicest possible way it's a joy because I don't really know

what's going to happen next I start every show by going in a similar manner into the box of Lindt chocolates we got kindly sent by some guy or gal

and I always pick out a white chocolate one and I'm not a big fan of white chocolate so people who don't like chocolate it's inert it's the inert in the periodic table of of white chocolate. It's for people who don't like chocolate. Yeah. It's inert. In the periodic table of chocolates,

white chocolate is the inert gas. It's not a noble gas. It's not a noble gas. It's an inert gas. Milk is a noble gas, in my opinion, in the chocolate world. Do you know that there's a quite pretentious but oft-referenced thing among food critics

where they don't like white chocolate? Why? Where they say that it's got no subtlety of flavour. It's basically just tastes of sugar. And it's really overpowering and you can't match it with any ingredients or anything. Ah, that's a good point. Yeah, I agree.

Completely agree. But when I went to Bruges, as we talked about recently, the most perverted city in Belgium, and it's a packed list. I couldn't remember what we talked about last week. I was like, oh, why didn't I do something about Korea?

I was like, you've already done that. I was going, have I? Yeah. what we talked about last week. I was like, oh, why didn't I do something about Korea? I was like, you've already done that. I was going, have I? Yeah. Because we did it the week that I came back. I think it was the day after you came back. So you're probably on cloud nine still. Cloud nine. But we established that Bruges is the most perverted city in Belgium

because you encountered a pervert there. Oh, yeah. And it's always good to have experience-based opinions, right? So it's good to know what you're talking about because you've actually experienced it. So we've donevert there. Oh, yeah. And it's always good to have experience-based opinions, right? So it's good to know what you're talking about because you've actually experienced it. So we've done that there. So that is empirical evidence. But I went to that chocolate shop, The Chocolate Line.

Did I mention that? The Chocolate Line? Yeah. Sounds like a crazy train of some kind. Yeah. I guess it does, yeah. Apparently, the guy who, the proprietor of it, is seen as one of the best chocolate makers in the world.

Right. And they make those, I don't even know why I'm saying this, they make those macaroons, you know those Tonex type tea cakes? Oh, right. They make almost like an artisan version of those. Yeah.

And the crescendo to this story is that some of them are white chocolate. Oh. But they taste good. They taste good. I'm not having it. You're not having white chocolate at all. Some people say it tastes of sick. It tastes like it's quite sickly flavor but again it's probably your powering up flavor of uh of the sugar uh we've got to eat some more um of that

space food a little bit later on which you don't know for a photo shoot because uh sam wasn't around so we had to uh do it do our business do our dirty business well that's like people would have heard on the most recent episode, it didn't taste too bad. No. Elsewhere recently on the Luke and Pete show, your all-new Luke and Pete show, which essentially is like an unplanned half hour punctuated by people's emails, I guess. Space food.

You did a lot on conspiracy theories, Pete, because you found an article on the internet. Oh. Well, this week you got senocide, which is the murder of your parents. Is that what it's called? What? Senocide, yeah.

Is it really? Because Matricide and Patricide, obviously. I didn't know there was a group term. Well, I think it's a killing of the elderly. I don't think it's...

You don't necessarily have to be related to them. So there we go. Keep talking because I'm drinking tea then. That's right. But yeah, so that's what we've been talking about. We also heard from a huge part of this parish,

the Luke and Pete show parish, Pilot Neil. Oh, yes. Who talked to us about different bits and pieces, about I think a drug smuggler, wasn't it? Or something like that. One thing I found out this week, which I wanted to bring to the table, was that our good friend our mutual friend

John said that when he was in Togo doing some work they don't have McDonald's there they have a sort of spin-off well not really

a spin-off like a what would you say it is like a sort of ersatz McDonald's called Al Donald's and it's got one arch one golden arch

it works so well it's great I mean they're not they're not like he hasn't got more than like two or three though, has he? It's not like a chain. No, it's not a chain. In the same way that you'll get like a KFC knockoff around North London. Actually, all around London. BFC.

What's your favourite chicken shop in the whole of London? Well, the big one where I live and the one that everyone will say is is morley's right morley's okay was that where that um adidas um advert was filmed possible yeah it's quite famous in around around my ends as they say i think chicken shop connoisseur went there right okay he's got his own channel four show now hasn't he that guy has he called uh i think yeah um so morley's a bit of one but to be honest I find because I'm a horrendously

middle class man in approaching his late 30s I find them all very salty but the big one in Halvden where I lived where I used to live with my mates

and I used to go to those sort of places more often i.e. in a situation in my life where my wife wouldn't tell me off was Sam's Chicken

and they used to do two chicken burgers and two fries for two pounds I think there's a Sam's Chicken. And they used to do two chicken burgers and two fries for two pounds. I think there's a Sam's Chicken in Kentish Town, and you could get, yeah, you'd get like two servings, two fries and 12 hot wings. Oh, that was a dark period of time.

When I sort of look at my back, a bit like Alan Partridge, I've got a fat back. Yeah. It's like, I always sort of think, yeah, that's the chicken I ate in my younger partridge i've got a fat back yeah there's like i always sort of think yeah that's that's the chicken i ate i've got younger years i've got a fat front oh um pete is it fair to say for those who are listening who aren't overly familiar with london that london a chicken chicken shops are almost synonymous with london aren't they yeah hugely so if you if you live in a provincial town in the uk or perhaps a different city it may be it's the same in birmingham

or manchester or whatever but in in a provincial town i even where i perhaps a different city. Maybe it's the same in Birmingham or Manchester or whatever, but in a provincial town, i.e. from where I'm from, and it might be the same in Hartlepool where you're from, it's more about kebab shops. It's more about kebab shops and it's more about diversifying so you'll get a pizza shop that also does a bit of chicken, a bit of fish and chips and a bit of, they'll do a whole kind of range of things. But chicken shops are like, you know,

it's what people eat down here, isn't it? One of my big life tips, and they used to be called tips, and now people call them life hacks. Even my mum, dear old Mother Moore, calls them a life hack. She said to me the other day, I love a life hack. Is don't go, never, ever, ever buy fish and chips from a non-specific fish and chip shop. So don't buy one that's a kebab shop that does fish and chips from a non-specific fish and chip shop. So don't buy one that's a kebab shop that does fish and chips as well,

because that ain't going to be the experience you're after. You haven't got, they haven't got the, I don't think they've got the skill with the fryer. No, I think, I think that's right. And I think,

I don't also don't think they've got the time or the energy to do the chips properly. Like I said, slice them up and all that kind of stuff. It's like never get your dinner or your tea or your lunch from Starbucks. It's not what they're about. No, same with Costa.

Yeah, same with Costa. I wouldn't trust Costa with my food. I've never bought a sandwich from Costa. Do you remember when it was 4,000 degrees Celsius a couple of weeks ago in London and I had to go and do some work somewhere else and I didn't know if they had air conditioning or not. So I thought rather than go there, I'm going to go somewhere with air conditioning and do some work somewhere else. And I didn't know if they had air conditioning or not. So I thought, rather than go there,

I'm going to go somewhere with air conditioning and turn up like a bit later. And the only place that had good air conditioning was Costa. And I ended up having a sandwich in there. And I was disappointed. I was disappointed. It's not that thing. But going back to fish and chips,

I'll stick my neck out on the line here to you and to people listening. Say that fish and chips is my number one top fast food slash takeaway choice really yeah and now and everyone says that everyone says i was near the bottom because it's a bit greasy or whatever to which i say to them if you can go to kennedy's in streatham which to me is the best fish and chip shop around certainly i've ever eaten in london and you will change your tune if you've got a fish and chip shop that um that puts this fish on top of the chips

in your little box, it's annoying because you start, you eat all of the fish and then you get to the chips and you're like, you're just eating stodge then. No, it's not right. Kennedy's will do your fish

because I always go in the car and get takeaway, take it home. They'll do your fish fillets and each get a separate bag. Yeah, separately. Yeah. So you can then mix and match takeaway, take it home. They'll do your fish fillets in each, get a separate bag. Yeah, separately. Yeah. Right, okay. So you can then mix and match whatever you want to do.

I mean, either way, they've got to have a big dispenser of vinegar because I am a vinegar monster. Pete, I'll be honest with you right now, okay? I say yes to salt and vinegar when she asks me, and then I put more sarsens on when I get home. Sarsens? I do. Sarsens, they do. Sarsens,

they only, I know, I'm sure they do lots of different diverse ingredients. Ingredients? What would you call them? Brands,

products. Well, yeah, product. Well, I'm trying to think, it's not an ingredient if you spray it on

and something, is it? Condiment. Condiment. Yeah. But yeah, they, nobody trusts them

with anything else other than malt vinegar if i can challenge my inner partridge have you ever noticed that um when you buy some vinegar vinegar in quotes from a fish and chip shop it's always the real cheap stuff that probably due to some eu directive isn't able to be called vinegar and therefore is labeled up as a non-brewed condiment yeah that's what they have to call it. Malty acid. Something like that. They can't call it vinegar. There must be some sort of box to tick before you can cross the vinegar threshold.

Is it like the vinegar stroke? It's probably something like champagne. It's probably not from the vinegar region of Kent. Of Hartlepool. It'd be from the northeast, wouldn't it? It's like you know that they weren't able to cook. Someone said at one point, have you heard of of that fish a smoked fish called a smoky right yeah

and they're smoky's a lamb's head that that is it I think Jamaicans are quite fond of okay that's

something different then they're highly illegal well not highly illegal you can buy them in Brixham

sometimes I've never heard a policeman say that not only is that illegal that is highly illegal

highly illegal and therefore will come with a harsher penalty. Smokey, it's like a smoked fish. I think it's a kipper. Right. And they're well known for making them in Arbroath up in Scotland. So as a result, everyone started calling them Arbroath Smokies, the same way Americans call all sparkling white wine champagne.

And then I think whoever makes them in Arbroath was pissed off and said you've got to stop. And I think it was ruled in a court that no longer

could they be called Arbroath Smokies unless they're from Arbroath. Oh that makes sense. Yeah. So it happens. Arbroath is quite

remote though isn't it? It's hard to export that sort of thing. I think isn't it in the northeast of Scotland? Isn't with Brexit

we're going to be fucking ourselves off in a million different ways. But we found an extra hole for the branding of stuff like whiskey. It's in the southeast of Scotland. Sorry, carry on. India has a burgeoning, I think it's whiskey, business industry. But they can't legally call it scotch. Yeah, I think it's scotch.

They can't call it scotch, but they make great scotch, but they can't sell it as scotch. They can only sell it in the EU as some kind of other drink. So the Japanese who do a very good line in single malt whiskey, I think they have to call it single malt whiskey.

Because, yeah, for example, exactly those reasons you've stated there. But when Brexit happens, it don't matter. But the lesson we've learned here, Pete, and we can come on to Brexit in a minute if you want, but the lesson we've learned here is that it can only be called vinegar if it's from the vinegar region of Hartlepool.

Correct. Yeah. Anywhere else is a non-brewed condiment. Which goes right from Greetham to a place called Elwick. And what's the name of the street you grew up in? Emont Gardens. And is it covered by the vinegar region? We moved around quite a lot.

No, we're not in the vinegar region. We're in the Burn Valley region. Oh, yeah, okay. You're in the coal region. Yeah. The sea coal region. No, not there. Not there.

My Hartlepool geography is all over the place because you have never invited me up there. And what's more, what's more, you were actually down in the village that my parents live in a few weeks ago when i was down there and you didn't even tell me i didn't know you were down there because you live in london and you always go on about your fucking house so pop into the moors pop into the moors for a cup of tea have you got a dog no got no got no max has got big black dog and I really want to meet

him it's brown is it brown it's almost like a light brown Labrador called Winston my parents have

got a tortoise that's quite adorable you know why because my dad wanted to get my mum a pet but they love going on holiday

so he was like wait there's a good thing about tortoises you ain't got to worry about it you can't really have a nice hang out with a tortoise get a roomba yeah i should just go around every now

and again hello um good all right well um we we've skillfully swerved around brexit should we move on to people's emails uh after a quick break pete all right then i always want to hear the rest of it laziness and craziness All right, then. I always want to hear the rest of it. Laziness and craziness. I always want to hear the rest of it. I was DJing a party, Luke, this week. Oh, yeah, you told me about that.

How did it go wrong? The band fucked me up a little bit by giving me a dodgy wire that didn't work properly. Of all the things. They were the things, you pride yourself on your wires. They were the ones who were setting up the actual wire itself so that I could actually broadcast my disgraceful tunery. That's unlike you to let them do that, though. From my DJ decks. Well, they were sort of saying, is anything coming out of your thing? I was like, yeah, it is.

What's the band's name? And they're going. Shame on them. You know what? They didn't have a name because they were from an agency. So a lot of wedding bands and a lot of bands for functions, they actually come from a big agency. And what you do is you go on there, you select the songs you want,

and then they sort of assemble like Avenger style, a band to fit that particular playlist. So the singer, who also played the guitar, had never played with the other members of the band. That's unbelievable. They just knew the songs and they just knew how to play together. Isn't that incredible? And that's also, a lot of people don't know this,

but it is incredible. And it's also how the Arctic Monkeys got together. It's true. Correct. Correct. And that's why the Fat Basis isn't there anymore. Did he leave? Yeah, he left after the first tour due to exhaustion, apparently.

That's foolish, isn't it? Yeah. One of probably the biggest bands the UK has exported in the last 25 years, something like that. Oh, they're massive. 20 years. Huge. But maybe he's happier that way.

Not everyone wants to be. You know, you always hear of like footballers or musicians who just didn't really fancy it. Oh, that's not for me. I had a little taste of it. I had a little taste of the biscuit. Not for me. Gave the rest of the packet to someone else.

When I sort of talk to people, because we occasionally get through our football ramble certainly not this show but through our football ramble stuff we occasionally get spotted in the street or we sort of

you know someone says hello yeah it happens pretty much every night out now because the football ramble is quite a big product I don't really go out you don't leave the house

it happens to me I'd say like on a fortnightly basis your cat will occasionally recognise you that's all I need and emphasis on the occasional. And I've, you know,

that's been happening for the last five or six years now. And I can't imagine being on this morning. Or being a regular guest on The Right Stuff. For both those,

you wouldn't be up early enough. Or being, you know, any level above what we've got. I could not handle it. I don't think you'll have to worry about it. No. And anyone who's worked with you will know that the only chance you've got of going on either of those shows

is if you do it on Skype from your own pit. Because you are not doing any work before midday, usually. Although we are in here before midday today. I wasn't in before you, actually, this time. No. I have been appearing. Yeah, you have sometimes appearing on my new hours. We've got an email

here from Joe Pete and I'm going to read it because it's essentially directed at you so I'd like to be Joe's mouthpiece if I may. Joe says,

hello Pete, big fan of the pods. Here's a slightly insane request. I'm chipping away at a stupid little book about my odd life and my issues and

stuff i'll probably never finish it i have the same sweaty pit thing though that you do slash did hyperhidrosis it struck a chord when you mentioned it and the operation you had how bemused the other ramble boys were they didn't get it anyway i might have that up one day if i can afford it but for the moment i'm writing a little passage about my sweaty travails as a young adult and how it's bummed me out and tactics to hide it uh i.e backpack full of spare black t-shirts is there any chance i could grab a quote about how it affected you before you fixed it um it's a light-hearted thing so if i just put i reached out to broadcaster pete donson of ramble and luke and pete show who suffered the same niche affliction uh maybe you can help me realise you may not

read this or read it and find me mental but regards I'm off for a long post please help me Joe well I've actually already replied to that Luke

oh have you what a gentleman your quest to embarrass me once again has failed it's an interesting issue to me is it an interesting issue

I think so hyperhidrosis I didn't even know it had a name so it's interesting to me is it an interesting issue I think so hyperhidrosis I didn't even know it had a name so it's interesting to me give it a name you've reached out

to him I just said hang in there buddy I just said it's what was it's one of the

things that I sort of never noticed until I got to about 32 and I was like can I get this fixed yeah fuck it yeah well

and that's the thing because the reason I found this interesting. It wasn't like a long-term kind of like, oh God, this is the, it's not like a nose job or a chin job or something. No. And I think people need context here, especially people who don't know you. Chin job. The reason it's fascinating to me is because, and the other guys will back me up on this,

is because you just announced one day that you just had your armpits lasered with no context. I'd never really noticed arms up I never really noticed you as an overly sweaty man you know exactly and and that's why it's fascinating because one I didn't know the procedure existed too I didn't know you had any sort of affliction and three of course I wish Joe all the very best in his quest I think I think it's the paranoia if you've got like because I didn't because it's not about being particularly over sweaty. We sort of argue that,

you know, the lads will back us up on this. Like Marcus, who does, who hosts the football round ball. He's an overly sweaty man. He's always got a bead on. Yeah.

I'm not an overly sweaty man. No. But I only sweat, sweat head from my pits. So you have no sweat at all now ever? No, I do. But like,

it's, it's coming back a little bit, but it's been two or three years now I should have gone back for the second second treatment which they recommended but I didn't

because I thought fuck it this seems alright now and I'm very much as you well know a man who deals in the deals in the

present now and not the future talk to me about bum crack bum crack what do you mean sweatiness no not on the slightest

never never you've been too you've been too strident which makes me think that you do have a problem about bum crack? Bum crack? What do you mean? Sweatiness. No, not on the slightest. Never. Never. You've been too strident which makes me think that you do have a problem with bum crack. No, it's my fat back. Act as an awning.

I've not got a fat back. I've got a fat front. It's different. A bit similar. Go on, carry on. What's next? Thanks for that, Joe, by the way.

And we do genuinely wish you all the best. Well, what I did was I... Yes. Hello, what I did was... Yes. Hello, Luke and Pete Shaw. I printed this out extra big, so this one's spread across three pages of A4,

but I swear it's not that long. Jake Wiggins. Hello, Jake Wiggins. Following on from your conversation about paying to avoid awkward situations, I have my own story that involves my mother and my family cat. About a year ago...

Sorry, about a year after, we adopted a young tomcat named Horby, which I quite like. I have my own story that involves my mother and my family cat. About a year ago, sorry, about a year after, we adopted a young tomcat named Horby, which I quite like. I have an animal shelter. My mum noticed he had a bloated stomach, which week by week seemed to increase in size. Concerned for his well-being,

she dropped him off at the vets before work for them to have a look at and agreed to come in and pick him up on their way home. After she clocked out, she went to collect our beloved pet to be greeted by the receptionist with a strange line. It says here that you believe your cat to be Huh. We're very sorry. That'll be £450, please. Because of his age, the vet was quite certain that it was a cancerous growth in his stomach. We carried out x-rays and blood tests to confirm. These came back positive, so we put your cat to sleep. We're very sorry.

That'll be £450, please. Oh, my goodness. Imagine getting all of that news at once. I can't imagine my vet ever doing that, ever being that discourteous. You would surely call them and go, look, this cat is fucked. And also, it's three times older than what you thought. Yeah. Incredible.

Yeah, that is full-on isn't it so my local vet which i have to go to all the time because both of my cats are normally fighting um is very very like sensitive they they even have a thing where they have a separate reception for cats and dogs yeah and they have a candle and the idea being they tell you the first time you go there they give you a little piece of paper if the candle's lit it's because someone there's saying goodbye to their family pet is that it is that you posted that online no oh because i saw that i saw that online no this is my local vet well norwood uh veterinary surgery oh maybe maybe it's a common group maybe it's a common thing they uh yeah they light a candle and if you if the candle's lit you have to basically behave respectfully dead animal coming through whereas normally if it's not a candle lit, I'm like,

check out this cat. And swiping people with their claws. That's really sad. Yeah, but if you know the candle is lit, you could try and sell someone an animal. Yeah, true. It's like an opportunity. Yeah, maybe that's what I do around the back.

But you know, Pete, before you move on from that, it's reminding me, that is especially discourteous because I was with, who was I with? I can't remember. It was years ago.

I was walking down a side street near where my parents live and I saw a cat. And it was clearly like a homeless cat. And it was, to be honest, it was in a shit state. A dreadful way. Yeah, it was bad. And so I legged it back to my house and got a blanket and wrapped it in it to pick it up. It was really scared and it was shaking. It was like skin and bones.

It was awful. Took it back to my parents' skin and bones it was awful took it back to the um so my parents house and called the rspca and they said look you can give it water but don't give any food because it you know it might be it might not be able to have any food um so we gave it water and it was drinking it when the rspca turned up looks it's okay thanks we'll take it and even they called me um and said look we're gonna put it down just to let you know we're actually gonna have to put the cat to sleep it's got um lot of tumours similar to that cat but thank you very much and all this other stuff

and then admittedly about a month later they called me again saying do you want to donate some money because they were obviously like this guy's a sucker but even those guys

called me to let me know so it's a bit strange that that vet wouldn't do that for a family pet well Jake goes on and says my mum burst out into tears in apparent love for our family cat

stuck her card in the machine paid the pet's executioners and went home. Years after the incident, she told me in no uncertain terms that I love that cat, but I was crying because I just paid someone £450 to kill my fucking cat. Before you ask, yes, she was born in Yorkshire. Do you know what I'm saying?

I was at a barbecue this summer, chatting to a guy, a funny guy, a bit older, Scottish. And he said he was he was so he got oh yeah my wife's annoyed me at the moment i said why is that and he said because they've got two kids and their hamster was ill and uh he took it to the they said you have to take it to the vet and he took it to the vet and um apparently and this is why what was said as to why the family were annoyed with him because he said the best word in the world

it's a hamster it's two years old just slot it just what slot it which is like a slag but just kill it slot it

about the family pet with the kids there I think I told you about my dad about to execute one of our gerbils with a knife what

on a brick Stuart I didn't know he had it in him Stewie it got it we had like a gerbilarium I think't know you had it in him. Stewie, it got its, we had like a gerbilarium. I think we were talking about the gerbilarium before.

Vic and Bob were the first gerbils we had. That's such a great Northeastern story. It was basically an aquarium, an old aquarium filled with soil

and stuff so they could burrow like they would in the wild. Did they like it? Yeah, they loved it. How big was it? Like a big fish tank size? Yeah, a big fish tank.

Probably about the size of that cupboard over there. Okay, they loved it. How big was it? Like a big fish tank size? Yeah, a big fish tank. Probably about the size of that cupboard over there. Okay, right. That's decent, yeah. It was a good size and they would burrow and sort of, you know, have babies and everything.

Anyway, one of them got its nose caught, kind of its teeth sort of hooked over the top of the mesh that we had and for love, no money, me dad, you know, could not get,

it was just hanging basically from its teeth. Couldn't get it out at all. It just would not, the nose was jammed in so hard and it was squealing and it was just terrible. So my dad said, just got a brick and was about to chop its head off with a knife. And just

as the knife came down, the gerbil wriggled free and ran behind the cupboard. And lived a long, happy life. Lived a long, happy life behind the cupboard. That's so funny, isn't it? Did you witness that? I didn't witness the knife. My dad getting the knife, I don't know.

But I'm fairly certain I know which knife he was going to use as well. And that stayed in the family for such a long time. How old were you? How old was I? Probably about 13. Hang on a minute. You're the type of family where you've got a knife, a long time. How old are you? How old was I? Probably about 13. Hang on a minute. You're the type of family where you've got a knife,

a family knife. There's so many things in my mum and dad's house that we've had for absolutely, like towels that have existed since I was born. Yeah. It's insane.

Oh, I think when I go back to my parents and sometimes- It's still the same iron from like the 70s. If I get like a teaspoon out to stir a cup of tea or whatever, I recognise the teaspoon. Yeah, yeah, massively.

Yeah, there's a Tommy Tippy one that's been in the family for a little while. But the iron in particular, my mum's obsessed with this bloody iron. And it is a good iron, but like she says, the modern ones don't have the weight that the old ones do. I actually agree with that. I agree with that. Yeah, they're probably less energy efficient, that's why. Yeah, maybe.

But a lot of it is to do with the weight, and I find that with our iron at the moment. But part of the reason we've got Cut cutlery that stayed in our family for years is because my dad worked at a company where, you know, like back in the day, like in the seventies, where they'd have like,

there'd be like a big social club around it. It was almost like its own, like living, breathing entity. Yeah. And they had like proper full time, like chefs, canteen staff,

and they had embossed cutlery. Right. Property of the company. Yeah. Obviously my dad used to rob them. So we used to have all those in our house and we still got some of them

lovely yeah I like that a lot it was one of those things it's quite a good thread actually what did you get free from like your dad's company what did your dad bring home

every now and again like so say your dad worked for like a chocolate factory did you get chocolates I wonder if I'm going to get my dad in trouble for this what do you mean because he used to work

for an electronics company right so he used to bring home all sorts we were like the first family on our going to get my dad in trouble for this. He used to work for an electronics company. So he used to bring home all sorts. We were like the first family on our road to get, what was it called? B Sky B at the time. Oh, right, okay. He just brought him a dish,

telly, video player, all sorts. I think you work your hours and then you just, you know. I remember being at a company, Pete, and you'll recognize this, where there would be so much stuff sent to the company that it would sit there for months. And it got to the point where I would make a note on my computer and say, if that's still there in like three months,

I'm just going to take it. Usually. And that's what I used to do because no one used to want it. It was just tat. Just absolute tat would just turn up. And when you sort of start working in sort of, you know, I have a job on radio and when you first start working in radio, you know i have a job on radio and

when you first start working in radio you're just kind of like oh great guinness have sent us some hats yeah because you're like you're still a student basically and then about two years in you're like get that shit off my desk because it's just gonna sit there it's just gonna sit in the office and people just send shit off there's a big um uh there's a big stuffed shark in the absolute radio studio at the moment for the film The Meg starring Jason Statham and a big shark and it's basically

like a sleeping bag you can get in it and it looks good but every radio station and every film or video game company media company have been sent

this fucking stuffed shark it just sits there I'll just get it out it's just going to sit there for another two months and you've got it in your house now I've got it in my house now.

Is it supposed to be good, that film, by the way? It's got a tear in the mouth. No, it's supposed to be like big dumb fun. Okay. I watched, I'm really annoyed. I can't talk about that West Ham film I saw yesterday. When's the embargo on that? I think it's the 29th.

We'll talk about that later. I went to a press screening of American Animals and there was no embargo on that. Well, it depends really. There we go. Should we squeeze one more email in very quickly?

Yeah, well, some of the emails we didn't use this week included a man who worked for a police force who witnessed a person getting stabbed in the clavicle by a man who

was on super drugs and psychosis. And listen, a more uplifting one perhaps depending on your viewpoint. Oh, I forgot to tell you what my dad

got me from work alright I had severe asthma when I was a child still have it now yeah less controlled then because you're a kid

he brought me home an entire not defibrillator like a big inhaler those electric kind of pumps that pump steam

into your lungs right he brought me one of those home fixed it up and yeah did it work yeah it worked yeah it was fine You know those electric kind of pumps that pump steam into your lungs? Right. He brought me one of those home, fixed it up, and yeah. Did it work? Yeah, it worked. Yeah, it was fine. What a touching thing for a dad to do for his son. That's amazing.

Good for him. The gift of life. Is it still in the family home? No, probably not. I mean, thinking about it, it is just an oscillating air pump. So I don't know why they're so expensive. In many ways, life is just a big oscillating air pump. So I don't know why they're so expensive. In many ways, life is just a big oscillating air pump. It really is.

Do we have time for a very quick email? It's a quick one. This one's from Ben. He says, Afternoon, chaps. Hope everything is swell in pod world. Ben, the two of us need look no more. It's a song about a rat, not a gerbil.

I thought it was a spider. It's about a rat, I think. A pet rat. Oh, because I remember the word to learn in Japanese, benkyoshimasu. And I drew a little picture of a spider reading a book because I thought it was about a spider. I think it's about a rat.

That's just going to confuse me, isn't it? People will tell us if it isn't. Shit. Ben says, following on from the conspiracy theory episode, which of course was the last show out, I think, I thought I would share something I came across on Reddit, the hub of skewed opinions made for sane people's entertainment something you would use something that you very much subscribe to p um there is a theory out there that questions the financial

stability of mattress stores um based based in the us apparently anyway the question is they they pose is how are there so many mattress stores in america yet everyone claims that mattresses have a five to seven year life expectancy this individual this individual on reddit 100 believes that all mattress stores are run by mafia as a form of money laundering what makes us even more ridiculous is he calls them the mattress mafia the least intimidating organized crime subgroup i think i've ever heard not only ridiculous but an extremely mundane thought process for this person. The mattress mafia sounds like... Don't sleep on the job.

No, it just sounds like a name you give your mate because you bed a load of women. Yeah. With the mattress mafia, mate. Oh, he's out with the mattress mafia tonight. Pathetic.

But Pete, if you think about it, say there are, I think there are about maybe 400 million people in the US. Just say that for the sake of argument, right?

So how many households do you reckon that is? Cunny few, I'd say. Divided by three, it's probably 120, 130 million households. They've probably got an average of, say, three bedrooms. So that's 390 million beds. And then you've got to divide that by every seven years, I guess. Still a lot of mattresses to be bought. And every time you move house

you invariably throw out a mattress don't you can't be asked to carry it can't be asked to carry it I remember trying to get one through a loft space trying to get it into a loft by folding it

to fold it yeah yeah yeah terrible business I've got a Casper mattress and it's absolutely amazing I'd recommend it to anyone well I'm not even being paid

to say that genuinely it's amazing there are so many mattress companies now that Casper might not even be sponsoring us this week. Could be another one. You could have mucked them right off there. I'm Casper till I die.

I don't care. All right, let's get out of here. All right. I'm going to press a button on an iPad I just covered up with my notes. We'll see you next week. Hello at Luke and Pete Show to get involved. We'd love to hear from you

and we'll try and get through a few more emails next time around. We were too busy gassing this time, weren't we? Love you. Yeah.