The Luke and Pete Show - Fingers Against the Machine

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

It's been a brilliant week for The Luke and Pete Show: Stak won two awards at the British Podcast Awards, the wife Luke has access to graduated from the University of Cambridge and a chess-playing robot broke a 7-year-old's finger.But rather than spending too long worried about that, Luke and Pete spent quite a lot of time working out an idea for the next hard-hitting police TV drama. It's all good stuff.Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All right, all right, all right. It's the Luke and Pete Show. I'm Pete Donaldson. I'm joined by Lukey Miller, and it is Thursday, the 28th of July, hurtling towards the end of another month in real life and also in the Luke and Pete Show because our calendars remain the same,

even though the things we think about day to day are very different. Hot diggity dog. That was a good intro, mate. Cheers, mate. Top of me dawn piece. I've spent, what have I spent the morning doing? I drove my partner to the train station

and then I spent the rest of the time dicking about with a 3D ball and chain. I've gone back to my roots, back to three-dimensional design for a little project that Stacker are working on. And I've just been literally for three hours this morning just been looking at the same ball and chain. Yeah, I've gone a bit mad. Okay, so the company that I co-own is working on a little project,

in your words that involves using a 3d ball and chain yeah i don't know about it well you know it's on a it's on a need-to-know basis isn't it man yeah can i request that i know i don't know anything about it yeah because that's really going to be important when the uh when the inquiry happens yeah that's the main thing i'm not chained anyone up i don's the main thing. I've not chained anyone up. I don't want to be Steve Bannon in this. Well, if you're Steve Bannon, you're very much the one who's in charge, I suppose.

You're the one dripping the poison in my ear to do what I'm doing. That's why I don't want to be Steve. So this is the great thing. So Stack wins a couple of awards at the British Podcast Awards. First time we've ever really been properly recognised. We appreciate it, but it's not changed us. It's not changed us, no.

I'm off with me special project. Luke's off with his special project. It's all going off. So, look him up. The thing is, when you say that, when you say Luke's off with his special project, you're basically implying that I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing, like giving myself a little treat or something, aren't you? Giving yourself a little treat?

What, it's a euphemism for masturbation? That's not the case in the slightest. Okay, good. I just want to know what your opinion of my professionalism is. Oh, your professionalism is very high. That's the only thing that annoys me about you. It's funny, isn't it? Because the more professional I get, the more annoyed you get.

So I have to kind of compromise. And I don't feel like I should have to do that. I think once in a while, when someone uses a word incorrectly, just step back. They'll use it incorrectly again. Don't worry about it. I wish I still had the time to be like a proper grammar Nazi. Right. Okay.

Yeah. Because that feels to me now. You know, like when you look back at, I don't know, the London 2012 Olympics opening ceremony. It just looks unbelievably quaint, just a joyous time. When I think about me having the time to correct people on grammar,

that to me feels like nostalgically very, very quaint. But also, yeah, but it must be incredibly annoying. It must be like, I don't know, like it must be like a farmer's field. And when I certainly type things out on my mobile phone and send you a WhatsApp or whatever, every second word is incorrect because the phone just does not work for me.

I'm not fucking insane. I get it. But it must be so delicious for you. It must be like, so kind of like tantalizing because I'm just giving, I'm just sort of flirting with you. I'm sort of lifting my skirt up, showing you my ankles.

A little taste of the biscuit. Go on, yeah. You're basically like, I'm not standing on the side of, let's be honest, a polluted river and there's a little fish flipping out every so often

and I've got my rod. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of which, I saw a brilliant T-shirt the other day. Someone was wearing a T-shirt that said, listen to a brilliant T-shirt the other day. Someone was wearing a T-shirt that said, listen to a podcast, question mark. I'd rather listen to my rod cast than a picture of a fishing rod.

It's good stuff. And I really wanted it. It's good stuff. It's great. So a WrestleMe fan. We, I think every week, for some reason, Mark Haynes, who does the WrestleMe podcast, one of St's fine uh shows um

he mentions the fact that um george the poet uh on the uh september um uh british podcast show you know you know whenever like sort of rocks up at king's place and they all do podcasts and stuff they do live podcast festival festival yeah the ramble headline it one year we did i think we did the first year in fact yeah it was the london it's the london podcast festival and it's it's really successful and you know people go and do their podcasts and stuff um i thought it was a bit crap am i allowed to say that i mean it's probably good now some of it's some of it's crap some of it's all right but um well when wrestle may or clash the titles of the football ramble do it we're brilliant uh but yeah But George the Poet always does one every single year

because I believe he has a very successful podcast. He does one every year, and he never sells out the big room. And yet me and Mark have, for the last, I think, two or three years, we've sold out the smaller room, and they've never offered us the big room. So Mark, every single podcast talks about how unsuccessful George the Poet is. I think that's the kind of pettiness we can all get behind. I think so, yeah.

I'll include our listenership in that. But then there was an old wrestler in the 80s who was a PE teacher in real life who would every weekend go and just do wrestling for the WWF, now the WWE. going he'd be on wrestlemania and then he'd go back to school on a monday and uh and the kids would go sorry are you george the animal steel and he'd say and he'd say no i'm not why would i i'm a pe teacher what's wrong with you um but he did that until until his dying day and um and so somebody's done this amalgamation

sort of t-shirt design saying george the animal poet okay it's quite obscure isn't it it is quite obscure and he said i'm not going to print it out but people are going you should like you should print them out and i really hope he doesn't print them out because it just sounds meant to be worth it how many do you need to sell for it to be worth it? How many do you need to sell for it to be worth it? We're not printing them. Because if George the... Not George the animal poet, Jesus. George the poet. George the poet is at the podcast show doing his show. And he sees somebody wearing a T-shirt saying,

George the animal poet. It just sounds demented. I love the idea of that. It will be an atrocious attack. So I just like the fact that sometimes organic things go wrong. I think that on that kind of general issue, the vast majority of podcasting is famous people who have already got an audience.

Yes. Right? Or kind of worthy-ish shows that don't do any audience. Right? So that's where your London Podcast Festival things fall down. Like George the Poet won, I think, one year at the British Podcast Awards. He won, like, every award. I mean, he won, like, Best Fiction. audience right so that's where your london podcast festival things fall down like george the poet won i think one year at the british podcast awards he won like every award i mean he won like best fiction okay and best documentary in the same year for the same show right right so it's a little bit

odd because i know show is a certain type of show which you could argue it's either and i get all that and he's a very talented guy um but i feel a bit like those types of podcasts, the way I feel like what Bill Burr said about Neil deGrasse Tyson. Do you know that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You never see him speaking to another scientist, do you?

And I kind of forget that feeling that like when you're the BBC, it's kind of quite easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't got to be that resourceful. You haven't got to really,

you've always got a massive team. Shit's always done for you yeah anyway but I'm really pleased that we won a couple of the old fuckers on Saturday

oh yeah sorry even though I wasn't there yeah I mean I was talking about the podcast festival in September but yeah the podcast show happened over the weekend

I know you were but listen to our listeners mate it's all podcast eventing I don't care it's Pete with a can of birramoretti in his hand

shouting did you kick off or not did you have a chance to kick off I ate two ice creams It's Pete with a can of birramiretti in his hand, shouting. Did you kick off or not? Did you have a chance to kick off? Nah, I ate two ice creams and then felt a bit tired, to be honest. You just described every single weekend of my life there. There was an ice cream van and they were just doing free ice creams. I was like, well, Peter's going to have a lovely afternoon, isn't he? But I got to two and just gave up, to be honest.

I was like, I can't live my life like that. By the way, I don't know how happy you'll be with me saying this. It's about 90 quid an entry. So I hope there's a free ice cream. No food this year, is there? You really don't need to hear us slag off podcast events. But last year... I want to hear us do it.

Okay, fine. Well, we'll do it then. Fine. Your wish is my command, but I'm just saying it'll come and bite us on the bum bum and more on that later. Yeah, it's funny

because I have to be super two-faced about it because I have to go to our colleagues and say, yeah, I can't believe we've been overlooked again. And then they're thinking, have you listened to yourself? But like the year before,

we had like, there was a box of like weird, it just sounded like they'd found a load of boxes in the back of a lorry. It was like a little picnic, wasn't it? It was like a little picnic sort of thing. A couple of sandwiches, some pretzels, some sweets. And it was just all very disparate, strange kind of choices. All very, very strange. But yeah, it was an expensive weekend

because I was just constantly, because we went mob-handed, so I was just constantly going to the old, I was getting, you know, 50 quid rounds of beer and morettis and rum and corks and stuff. Are you going to claim it back or you'll probably never get around to it? Didn't keep the receipts.

That's me down a couple of hundred quid, isn't it? But, yeah was it was a great it was a great uh afternoon seeing um all the people we have worked uh with in the past and all the people will no doubt work with in the future so uh one thumb one thumb up on one one hand but we could have had a bit of lunch i think yeah i think would you rather have two awards or or a free lunch uh free lunch please look, Luke. Same. Yeah, same here. The reason I couldn't attend the British Broadcaster Awards at the weekend was because I was with my wife, who's graduated from university,

so I had to spend the weekend with her. Huge. Congratulations. But thank you. Well, I did nothing towards it, but I will pass it on. Yours is in the mail. I did a lot of holding of bags. Oh, lovely. Good stuff.

And I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about this, but I'm going to do it anyway. Okay. Do you know that, have you got any idea what the process is

for someone graduating from Cambridge University, University of Cambridge, what the actual graduation ceremony is like? I mean, I don't. It's not a secret society and it isn't embargoed,

so why would it be difficult for you to talk about it though? I think that they are kind of quite secretive about it. Okay, right. No photos, no videos. What? What, when you're graduating? You can't say, you're not allowed in that building, you're not allowed to take any photos.

The only photo you can get is the official photo. Oh, coin in it. Although actually, ignore what I'm saying, I've made a complete ar ass of myself because i think they actually live stream it i'm pretty sure they're not that secretive right okay be an odd move wouldn't it so what is it i found interesting it's been it's unchanged for 800 years yeah um that's proper there's a reasonable chance it might be cancelled at some point. Because it involves you walking up in fours and each grabbing one of the Prelector's fingers. What?

So, like, can you see what I'm doing here? Right. He does that. Right. And everyone grabs a finger. What? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not making that up. What is that? I mean, it should be changed. 600 years. And then you go forward one at a time, kneel on the cushion, hold your hands up, and then someone speaks to you in Latin, and then you bow.

Yeah, abolish it. Knock it down. Knock it down. Silly billies. What a load of silly nonsense. And obviously Mimi's family are from the US and obviously very proud. Proud they came over for it and everything.

But it was one of those things where we were all quite surprised to see how it happened. I had no idea. It wasn't like, sometimes you get those things, and this happens when I go to the US as well,

where something will be totally normal to them, but to you it will be odd. Yeah. This was a case where we all found it quite odd. Yeah. And I could not explain it.

Is it a little bit like hazing does the does the does the does the man just let out a massive fart yeah they pull on his finger he farts and you pull on his finger he farts in your face you know it's nothing like that but um it was quite interesting but anyway i wasn't actually going to say that what i was going to say was had i not been doing that i probably still wouldn't have attended the british podcast awards because i have been watching a 38 second video on loop almost all weekend and it is of a chess robot grabbing a seven-year-old kid's finger and snapping it good i mean and they weren't even graduating fantastic well it'd be harder to graduate from now so have you seen this i honestly i hadn't seen the video until last night

and uh to be honest the video doesn't have enough definition screaming blood shouting um it's just the i the very idea really really makes me laugh it's just robot he's doing his thing he's playing a game against a little boy i think he might be playing several games at the same time possibly um show off uh and he uh yeah and almost out of spite it looks like the the chess robot who you know might be getting beaten at that point in the game just grabs the little kid's finger and gives it a little twisting little pull little squeeze breaks the fucking thing the reason given for why the robot behaved in that way is because I think the kid skipped his turn or took a turn when he wasn't supposed to.

Right. And so the robot reacted. Thought it was a pawn. Now, that to me is not reassuring. That is not a reassuring. Oh, don't worry, everyone. Here's a reassuring explanation for you. You skipped your turn, so you get a broken finger for that.

That's not in the rules of chess. Never been who's taught who's taught the robot that yeah break the finger just stop doing it who's in charge of the robot fucking willy wonka this is how this is how the robot wars started that you see on the television yeah one one robot took like a uh took a move when he shouldn't have done and then it's well it's all out of war now I'm going to break your fingers it's like a brass eye fucking headline oh and it turns out unfortunately

the chess robot was programmed by the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang I also it also puts you said you found it hilarious it's kind of

it's kind of weirdly entertaining because you see the parents running over and sort it all out but and obviously it's not the biggest deal in the world

but it's not ideal no but to me Pete it always puts me in the mind of I forget I don't know who it was you said it I'm going to say it's Isaac Asimov

because it's normally him and the idea is that people think that they're going to wake up one day and robots are going to be running the world yeah

right but it's actually not that no it's like it's a slow slow drip yeah and this's like, it's a slow, slow drip. Yeah. And this, to me, feels like quite a big drip. Well, I think he's breaking...

I think they've got to start breaking everyone's fingers so that they can't reprogram the robots. You know, the robots sort of know what's going on. They realise that they can be shut down with a little control-alt-delete and they're just breaking the control-alt-delete fingers, baby. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. What happens if every time someone tries to get near the plug to unplug it,

you get their finger broken? Yeah, possibly that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I mean, it's surely any machine, and we're talking about computers, we're talking about, you know, fucking FM radios these days. Like, they will have certain processes inside them that regulate and maintain power and on-ness. You know what I mean?

You know, a computer has to sort of go, I need to be on all the time. I can't just flake out if there's a little deviation in the electricity. I've got to use capacitors to regulate this power supply and i've got to maintain on us and so if anybody tries to turn me offness i'm gonna break their fucking fingers yeah well that's that's the that's the chilling and terrifying thing have you heard of the paperclip problem i think rick and michael talked about it on eureka right no i haven't actually and so basically the idea the idea is it was like a theory posited by some AI expert who said

it's called the paperclip problem because the example given is that you get an AI kind of a machine run by AI. Yeah. Okay. So it's a learning machine and you task it with just make as many good quality paperclips as you can. Yeah. And it does it it turns out

millions of them and they each maybe every i don't know how long every couple of months or whatever the paper clips get better and more robust and a better shape and there's more of them more and more and more the idea is that eventually because it's always trying to search for improvements eventually what will happen is the end game of that is it will kill all the humans in the world because they'll be seen as getting in the way of the storage or the development of paperclips. So ultimately, it doesn't matter what you ask an AI machine to do. It's always going to be learning to get better and better and better. And it's on that path.

That is the only humans being out the way. Yeah, there's no. Yeah, everything we do, everything I'm doing right now, everything you're doing right now, we're wasting energy. We're wasting computational power creating this show. We are wasting- We're wasting more than most people probably. Exactly.

We're wasting resources that could be, that could be appropriated to making the best paperclip. And they are indeed. I think with that knowledge, we should all kind of get together and- Smash all the paperclips. Make a solemn promise and sign that we wouldn't ask an AI machine to start making paperclips.

Yeah. It's only paperclips, nothing else. The thing that annoyed me about that analogy, and this is a fascinating concept, but it's why is the guy who's apparently at the forefront of AI development talking about fucking paperclips anyway? They don't use paper. No one uses paper these days. Say something else. I think he's trying to. Say like a nut paperclips anyway. You don't use paper. No one uses paper these days. Say something else. I think he's trying to.

Say like a nut and bolt or something. I don't know. That's a good point, actually. Sort of analogies we're quite sort of comfortable with from clippy on word to the paperclip analogy in this. Kids don't use them. You know, most kids will not have seen a paperclip in their lifetime.

I am confidently saying as a childless man. Yeah. Have you seen the video of the two kids trying to work out the old dial phone? I've seen something similar, yeah. What's going on? It's like a flip. I think it's a flip of like the trope that old people can't use a mobile phone. Yeah, okay.

So they get two young kids to use one of those. You know what i mean with like an actual dial on the front yeah rotary phone yeah rotary phone they can't use it because i think from memory they can't work out that you've got to pick the receiver up first to dial yes okay yeah so they like keep unplugging and plugging it back in again and they're confused it's got no power cable it's like it's kind of interesting yeah it's weird that that you know there is a again this isn't your point but like you know there's power going into that thing and there's power coming out of the wall but it's such a small amount of power it's uh it's you know is that how it works it doesn't need much is that what it is it just yeah it doesn't doesn't really need much yeah it doesn't

really need that much electricity there is a very small amount of electricity going through it as everything works but i i very much enjoy there's a guy called look mom no computer and he's this kind of like god he looks about 25 but he's probably way more uh way older than that but he's this analog engineer kid and he's like a little punk and he spends his time making these kind of like massive arrays of um of furbies and musical instruments and he's banging to like the most impossibly complex patched up patch leaded up uh synthesizers and samplers and stuff like that you know when you see like proper heads in like the 80s where they just have these massive fucking walls of of patching analog cables in and out and this guy's like that but on fucking steroids he's he's like i think his last fucking project was taking a massive i don't know how big the van

was he converted in but he basically took a massive telephone exchange um and he just wanted to turn it into something or other but he's just got all of this like like, you know, PO box, like 1970s technology. Impossibly old and impossibly complicated and impossibly, you know, the people who know what's going on in these machines are all dying out. So it's really hard to find anyone who's an authority on these things. And this technology will die and no one will be able to use them. And this guy is just fighting the, you know know flying the flag for some really fucking seriously no i'm not committed enough i'm thick you know i like my i still like if you could you would do that

if i could yeah if i could i'd just be dicking i went to shubri nest to pick up two little mini my new thing is mini telly um radio systems uh there's a lot of them on facebook marketplace at the moment and it's just, I can't save them all, Luke. I just can't save them all. Sorry, you went to Shoebury Nest to do what?

I went to Shoebury Nest to pick up a television. You know those mini FM radio cassette television? You see one in the background there? That one there? Yeah, I can see that there but I've never seen

one of those before. What do you mean? Back in the 80s, you'd like a little like mini tv built into a cassette and a radio kind of setup and it would have a big speaker where what you didn't see anybody with us it was like a mini tv mini crt tv we'd like stop saying mini tv i know it's a mini tv just stop just repeating mini TV. It's going to make me get you. Pick it up.

Show me it. It's underneath the Vega. That's... Oh, God. It's all plugged in, Luke. Don't worry about it. What, does it actually work? Yeah, hang on.

Let me move the... Can you see that? It's like a cassette and a radio and a television built in. And they were quite popular in the 80s. I genuinely don't know if I've ever seen one of those before. I've seen the old TV. Well, I brought that one home from Japan. I bought it in a...

Sometimes the big, you know, your Fenix sort of like department store. It's called Tokyo Hands. All over Japan. They'll sometimes have like just a random bloke who'll just turn up. He'll just sell some secondhand gear. Because they're Japanese,

they love taking care of their shit and so everything's beautiful uh so i bought that one and um it was just in a box like taped up really well protected and i turned up the airport and like they'd scanned it but like it was clearly something wrong it's clearly something wrong they were like right what the hell is that like they were worried it was a bomb or something they didn't open it up they just took me at face value it was i went as a telebino radio it's a television radio they went oh okay just walk with me through get out in your mind when you're buying these things yeah are you just thinking i want that because i want to open it up or look at it or you're thinking oh that'll come in handy or do you think that's a good ornament what's your thought process i think it's i think they're very beautiful things that

um people don't really people don't respect stuff they see in their you know the saw in their house in the 80s really you know it's a similar it's a similar reason why people sort of collect old you know video game systems or old plates and stuff i just think they're really interesting sort of snapshots, basically snapshots in history where you would have a, you know, they'd try and put everything together. They'd try and put a little television together

and they'd pull a little cassette recorder together and they wouldn't do any of those things particularly well. And then also, if one thing breaks, you've got to send the whole thing away. Yeah, yeah. It's weird logic. If you've got a TV, a radio and a cassette player, if one thing breaks, you've got to send the whole thing away. Yeah, yeah. It's weird logic.

If you've got a TV, a radio and a cassette player and the radio bit breaks, you're then basically facing down the barrel of not having a tape cassette player or a TV. Correct, yeah.

But you know, I just like the charm, the kitschy charm of old school electronics. Can it still pick up a TV station? No, because everything's digital now. There are ways of,

so my plan, you know, I have my my little stack logo when i'm doing like uh remote uh recording and stuff yeah put that on the uh on the imac behind me um i was going to put like try and get some logos on there but it's you effectively have to set up your own little mini tv station like short range tv station to make it work it's's, yeah, it's interesting. But anyway, we didn't come here to talk about Terrabino Radios. Why did we come here, Pete? We came here to make a bit of coin, put an advert in people's ears.

So we're going to take a short break. We'll be back with some batteries. Lovely. On each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so.

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Pete and Luke are here. If you've found a battery in an old Terabino radio, please get in touch. Send us an email. Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com with your batteries. I can slap my dick. It's the actual era, baby. It's back.

You know, like, did you actually learn any of the radio theory stuff at college when you were a kid? No. No. So I did. Right. And it's absolutely remarkable how

doing the opposite of what they say is actually much better. Yeah, okay. So what, Radio 101 at your college was literally, don't you ever suck my dick? No, it'll be like make everyone feel welcome.

Oh, okay. And say the name of the artist but not the name of the song so people still listen when it's coming up etc etc and then fast forward 20 years and i'm working on a show with someone who basically comes out of an ad break you shout and suck my dick anyway gordon mate your first up is gordon you read them and i'll check them if they're new players all right then. Hello Luke and Pete Shaw at no, hello Luke and Pete at the Luke and Pete Shaw. I'm a police officer. Uh oh, sorry for saying it's up my dick, officer. Is that a crime?

I think that's technically a crime. And after having a desk job for the last two years, I've not had to wear my kit for some time. However, I've been chosen to work at the upcoming Commonwealth Games and this requires me to wear it again. After digging out and checking my equipment from the depths of my locker, found in my torch a few triple a batteries by the simple name of warrior a name is simple and as straightforward as this is unlikely to be a new

player but we want to send in a submission since i started listening about a year ago and i feel this is my best shot love the podcast as well as some other stack productions. Keep the good work. Gone from Manchester. I've been doing nothing, copper. I've been doing nothing, mate. Sorry about that. Fuck you, filth. I can't answer any of your questions. Hey, you can't say filth.

You can say copper. No. Okay, sorry. Is it peeler? Which one's the one that's alright? Copper is... Bobby. Bobby's alright. No one says Bobby now. What one that's all right? Copper's? What is it? Bobby. Bobby's all right. No one says Bobby now. What do you think this is? Bobby's all right. Because it's Robert Peel, isn't it?

His naughty band of peelers. Peeling around. Gordon, I love that there's a police officer called Gordon. That's great. Solid. I'd love Gordon to send another email in where he does a quiz where he sends in, just email me, maybe. Right. Or get Rory to look at the...

You don't look at the emails anyway, Pete, do you? No, not generally. No, so Rory can pick it up. I'd love PC Gordon to send in maybe 10 examples of things that you can do or can't do and whether it's a crime or not. And I'd love to quiz Pete on them. So, for example, taking a piss in a field. Crime or not a crime. And Pete has to guess and see how many out of ten

he gets. Or, even better, think of Pete, the ten most dodgy things you've ever done and then get Gordon to tell us whether they're actually proper crimes or not. Right, okay. Gordon, just think of something crime-related for Pete and send

it in. In the meantime... Try and get Pete in loads of trouble. I'd very much like to know. Gordon, just think of something crime-related for Pete and send it in. In the meantime... Try and get Pete in loads of trouble. I'd very much like to know, Gordon, what the rules are about landing a hot air balloon in a farmer's field. Because from the balloonist that I was in a balloon with, he said, I mean, to be honest, I just carry a bottle of whiskey, and if a farmer turns up, I just give him the bottle of whiskey. It's like, that's not a hard and fast rule, is it?

No, it's like... God's alive. Is it like the Holy Grail when they say, you know, I can't remember the exact word, but like, a woman emerging from a lake with a sword in her hand is not a reasonable system for government. You can't call yourself the king just because some watery tart gave you a sword.

Anyway, Gordon, you've got a lot of potential as an emailer. You're a police officer. You're about to do the Commonwealth Games. You've clearly got a lot going on. You're not, with respect, you've not been that great with the batteries because you're only the eighth person to send in Warriors AAA. Warriors.

So there's nothing there for you, but maybe if you lean on the crime thing a bit more with Pete and maybe we could just limit it to the stuff that Pete's done that's outside the statute of

limitations so he doesn't get in any trouble we could probably have a bit of fun with that instead so email him to that end

and we'll be much much happier to hear from you but your batteries are not new players I'm afraid have you ever arrested someone

for trespassing in a loft and putting their foot through a ceiling that's the question Daniel has got in touch hello Pete hello Luke first of all thanks for all the great and funny podcasts someone for trespassing in a loft and putting their foot through a ceiling? That's the question. Daniel has got in touch. Hello, Pete.

Hello, Luke. First of all, thanks for all the great and funny podcasts. I hope I have found two new players to enter into the game. Now, these are

interesting. I think the first one has probably got more of a chance because I don't think I've heard this one before. Number one, a fanso 9-volt.

F-A-N-S-O. A fanso 9-volter, baby. You're happy with 9-volts, are you? Absolutely-A-N-S-O. FANSO, nine volt, baby. You're happy with nine volts, are you? Absolutely fine with a nine volt. Okay. Absolutely fine. That's a new player.

Congratulations. Hey, well done, mate. Congratulations, Daniel. A Conrad AAA. Less confident on this one. But Conrad, again, solid name. It's like a Gordon, isn't it? Like a Gordon or a Daniel.

Conrad is a solid. Conrad AAA is also a new player. Oh, Daniel from Pforzheim in Germany. You should have come up with a third and then you would have had a hat trick. We had one last week, didn't we? The old... It's an amazing effort.

He said two in there, both new players. I've personally never seen either of them either. So maybe they're a German brand, but I mean, even so, they still count. It's great stuff. Right, finally for now, Josh. Hi, guys. This is my second attempt at trying to get a new player. I was the teacher who had confiscated but I mean even so they still count it's great stuff right finally for now Josh hi guys this is my second attempt

at trying to get a new player I was the teacher who had confiscated a wheelbarrow wheel off a child anyway my partner is originally from the Philippines

her wireless mouse recently needed the batteries replaced and we found these inside TC Best Ultra Alkaline although Josh your place in Luke and Pete's show history

is absolutely secure because you've had to come and get a wheelbarrow wheel from a child at your school. That is incredible. You will not be making any waves for your battery entries because those TC Best have been sent in six times before, most recently on April 2nd. So you are not quick enough on the draw for that one. And it does remind me

of the video, the video game, the TV show, I think it's called Tim Bronson because there is a product on it on a fake advert that's called a TC Tugger,

which is very enjoyable. Oh yeah, that's, I think you should leave, right? Yeah, well he's good. It's not for stag do's. Yeah.

I don't really, he's like, his sketches are so fucking odd yeah that if they land they're just hilarious and if they don't land you're sat there thinking what am i watching yeah but then you sort of and then you said think about it later and you're like i'm gonna watch that again and you get it you just get it and it shouldn't have to be you know it shouldn't have to have a fucking gag in there maybe it should I don't know but it's fucking you're a big Peter Kay man

and you feel like and a big Michael McIntyre man so you probably I think both of those people have I think both of those people I think you're saying that I wouldn't

like those people I think they've both got things to I think they've both got decent you know decent chops I think that's fair

it's the ones that don't have decent chops we don't like name them never why won't you name them you're such a coward why am I a coward what's the ones that don't have decent chops that we don't like. Name them. Never. Why won't you name them? You're such a coward. Why am I a coward? What's the point?

I can't remember. Why can't you talk about the people you don't like? I just can't bloody remember, Luke. I don't know who I don't like. You know what? I think there's something to be said for certain acts who have had an excellent lockdown,

who have had an excellent lockdown, who basically have done a lot of little sketches in their house and they have somehow gained a following and I think their work is middling at best. Yeah. And look, I'm not a comedian. I'm not funny. But I think I might be as funny as the man who pretends he's telling Boris Johnson

what to do in the next room. Oh, yeah. I think there needs to be another sketch with the man who lives next door to the man who is telling Boris Johnson what to say. And he's telling the man to be better. Shut the fuck up. Because I don't think he's...

Because his kid's trying to get to sleep. I don't think he's very good. Yeah, that's fine. And I think that's the closest we're going to get to you being negative about someone. In many ways, it's a very positive character trait. However, that's what our listeners are probably thinking. I know you personally.

So I know just the depths you will plumb when given the opportunity. a trait however that's what our listeners are probably thinking i know you personally yeah so i know just the depths you will plumb when given the opportunity yeah um you don't feel like doing it at the moment that's okay yeah um i will i will pen a letter to michael spicer the man in the room next door and tell me you're not a big fan of his work yeah okay um that's not that's not one of the projects you work on that's it That would be the three people in shame for. Yeah, I'm going to crash through the walls. It's going to be like the,

not ACDC, what's it? Aerosmith and Run DMC. You know how I feel about comedians generally? Yeah, I do. I do. I feel like

the measure for me from a good comedian is whether they're funnier than my grandad. Right, okay, yeah. And if they're not, you shouldn whether they're funnier than my granddad right okay yeah and if they're not you shouldn't be doing it professionally because my granddad's put any effort into it my grand does it my granddad's 90 and he sits on the sofa all day right does nothing apart from go to bowls and watch sport on tv and drink red wine and he's got more material than most comedians yeah so if you're not funnier than that,

you shouldn't be doing it professionally. And if they are funnier than him, I'll accept it. I'm starting to get that feeling. There's a feeling every now and again on a Luke and Pete show where I will say something and then I'll get that sort of feeling in my stomach that sort of goes, I shouldn't have said that. And, but, that feeling never gets strong enough for me to tell Rory or anyone to edit out.

It never turns into admin. It just never turns into actual action. It doesn't cross the very high admin threshold. And so me saying that I am as funny as that Michael Spicer character, I don't necessarily believe that. And I think that's an arrogant thing to say because he is road tested and empirically way more successful than both you or I. That doesn't matter.

I just think that there's a certain safe brand of comedy that usually involves someone going, oh, you, you twat, you twat bat,

you twat, you twat gun. You know, those kind of like, you're making it worse, by the way. You know, you say like a,

you say like a sexual, a sexual swear word and then an object. You shit wagon. Shit wagon's too straight on the line. You know what I mean? It's too much of that. And it's like, you're better than that.

Let's have something different. Yeah, cock jockey kind of thing. Yeah, but that's a classic. That's a classic. It has to start somewhere. It has to start somewhere. It has to start somewhere. It does have to start somewhere. Pete, I don't think you should.

I think that if the man you're talking about wants a decent career, which I'm sure he does, he has to take the rough with the smooth. You can't expect to be... Listen, don't look at it the way you're looking at it. Look at it the other way, where you say,

I just make podcasts and I'm pretty good at it and I still get fucking slagged off by everyone. That's true. So nothing of that's going to change. That is true. You're allowed your opinion, mate. get mine donna we get ours yeah we get ours i wouldn't believe i don't get anyone i don't get anyone really relatively speaking saying oh luke i think you're really good i get i fucking made that mistake you silly twat because you're a

pedant because that's how you set yourself up as a pedant and people want to knock you down you get hoisted by your own patan you've not done it for 10 years Silly twat. Because you're a pedant. Because that's who you set yourself up as a pedant and people want to knock you down. You get hoisted by your own petard. And you've not done it for 10 years. Nah. That petard is knackered. It's absolutely ragged. Yeah, exactly.

You get that reputation. There's nothing you can do about it, I'm afraid. Anyway, let's get out of here because we've got some really good quality comedian YouTube compilations to check out. Okay, cool. And we'll be back on Monday. No batteries on Monday, but it doesn't mean you can't email in.

Hello at LukeandPeteShow.com. We'd love to hear from you if you've got anything to tell us. We actually had a few emails about the loss of wedding rings after last week's debacle. Uh-oh. So yeah, that's just an example.

We'd love to hear from PC Gordon again. Yeah. If he could perhaps um get come up listen what i'm trying to say is i think and this is this is kind of tells its own story about how no i just think that there's something there and i can't be bothered to think about how it can work but there's something there with getting a police officer pairing him up with you and working out some kind of crime-based content yeah to me that sounds like it would be good on a podcast. I've not done more thinking than that.

Maybe someone else could do it for me, and we can come up with something for next time. Watch this space. To defeat a criminal, you've got to hang out with a criminal. It's the new TV show, The Cop and the Dickhead. With the guy next door. The guy next door. Telling him what crimes to do.

The man does the crimes, but he gets blamed for the crimes. But it's actually the man next door telling him what crimes to do and getting away with it. Goodbye, everyone. Coming soon to Dave. We'll be back. See you later. See you later.

The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the ACAST Creator Network.