The Luke and Pete Show - Front Door Gadget Scammers

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

On today’s show, the boys parachute into their own parish council meeting to discuss the latest on local door-to-door scamming, before Pete shares news on his plans to move house. Elsewhere, Luke has an exciting countdown to make before we review some dodgy Dad behaviours and get to some of your emails. Don’t miss out!Have you had any interesting scammers visiting your front door recently? Let us know over at [e-mail] or drop us a message on [e-mail] you've scrolled down this far, make sure you head over to Apple Podcasts and drop us a review. 5 stars will do. Cheers! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. It is a Monday, the 8th of February. We are chomping up 2021, aren't we, Luke Moe? Luke Moe's with me. How are you doing? Pretty good. I've tweaked a muscle in me back, but other than that, listen Pete, age doesn't come by itself, as they say. i've tweaked a muscle in me but other than that i'm okay i was astonished the other day to read that we are i think i'm right in saying 10 through 2021 already i'll take that i will take that i cannot wait to be um sort of vaccine passport in hand heading to departures at gatwick where are you going where are you headed i'm gonna hijack a plane smash it into the sea the sea yeah why not that'd be something that's definitely worth getting a vaccine for i'll say this for him i'll be made to be enrolled out doing the um doing the news the news bit afterwards i I'll say this for Peter.

What he's done is unspeakable, but he was vaccinated. He was vaccinated. He would not be giving any of the flora and fauna at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean COVID. You say what you like about Pete Donaldson, but he didn't infect a single person on his way to the sea. Eat clean, train dirty, smash a plane into the sea.

Yeah. That's my... How are you anyway, Peter? As the snow flurries... Can you see the snow flurries behind my window? You probably can't, but it's coming down a little bit still. Yeah, it's kind of like little sort of itty bits. It's not going to lay as well as it was before.

It's a bit more sleety than usual. I was on the old... Oh, I was watching Match of the Day on the old cross trainer at seven o'clock this morning. Wow. And then once I finished at home, doing my prep for the Ramble this morning, and then I had to go back to bed

after the Ramble because I was so exhausted. Yeah, that always happens. Perfect. I always, I was a very, I would like, if possible, just to make it easier for me to organise my day, I would like to be able, just to make it easier for me to organize my day,

I would like to be able to get up and start functioning at like six every day. But it's just not possible. My body clock just doesn't let me really get going until about 7.30. So it's a good effort that. But you tied yourself up to such an extent that you were hitting the hay again in the afternoon. Yeah, well, that's what they say about us modern athletes. Sleep is very very very important and um we've got a producer uh that we work with called tom and he is a big cyclist uh he works a lot of staccato stuff and he is a keen cyclist

and he said that he was going to go on i don't know what what cyclists have but it's like a sort of trainer bike for you for your legs yeah and your soul and your brain um, but it's like a sort of trainer bike for your legs and your soul and your brain. I think it's just a bike put on a little stand. Yeah, a little stand for your bike, isn't it? And he, my God, he said he was going to go on there for an hour and a half and he wanted recommendations of films that he wanted to see. Now, that made me think,

look, I can do 20 miles on a cross trainer that I've assembled myself in the garage at seven o'clock in the garage at seven o'clock in the morning turns out i can't we'll be doing it again may as well just push it into the road and let someone take it why is why is everything that you own in the garage um is a lot of it smells bad a general funk to it that that can't be be can't be in the home really yeah it's worse than the dogs

you know when you know when Alan Partridge says to Sonia that he wants her to move in but it turns out that he means he wants her to move into the caravan

next to his house yes yeah yeah is that what your partner's done to you I want you to move in to the garage pretty much with all the wrestling figures yeah pretty much

yeah well we've put a bid on a house Luke may very well congratulations yeah I mean that's the easy part hang on what did you bid

a tenner congratulations won't be in order if you only bid like a hundred quid mortgage Barocca said in no uncertain terms

that he would not accept proof of funds from a bitcoin account very very old school from here very what a grandad! Unacceptable! It's 2021!

Elon Musk just dropped a billion and a half quid into Bitcoin. Unbelievable. Elon Musk isn't your mortgage partner, is he? No, no, he's not. His advice is just buy another car. Elon Musk could give you a mortgage

like that without even thinking about it. He wouldn't even have to think about it. That wouldn't even be the most, that wouldn't even be the biggest decision of that morning. I reckon, I've said this before, I don't understand why young men and women have this obsession with tech entrepreneurs. They love them, don't they? What is it? Are they not the rock stars? Well, I think they're just kind of like the thinking man's influencer in many ways. Like they can get, they've got such an astonishing amount of money to draw from. What is it? Are they not the rock star? Well, I think they're just kind of like the thinking man's influencer in many ways.

Like they can get, they've got such an astonishing amount of money to draw from. But my point is that it's all, none of it's fluid. Everything's just stocks and shares and homes and stuff. He couldn't, I don't think if I said, Elon, Elon, listen, show me 20 quid now. He'd go, I don't have 20 quid. I don't have 20 quid. I'm full of Bitcoin. I know what you mean. So what you're saying is, for example, when people say that Jeff Bezos is worth 100 billion,

but the process of which he embarked upon to actually get his hands on that money, he wouldn't be able to get anywhere near that because the penalties and the fact that it's all locked up in stock. Yeah, and everybody go, Bezos needs some cash to make rent. Let's put our shares down. Is Bezos worse off than you and I then, do you reckon? I think, yeah.

I think fundamentally, yeah. I could go to an old laptop case underneath the sofa behind me and grab upwards of £40 in yen, loose yen. Well, you'd have to be quick, though, because as soon as you pulled it out from under the sofa, your partner would put it in the garage. And she'd be well within her rights to do so, quite frankly. So it is an interesting topic,

because you do hear of those confidence tricksters who, as soon as they start moving in those circles, it becomes pretty clear straight away that no one kind of questions it so for example like i know it's probably not as extreme as this but if you and i were to wear like a nice suit well two suits we could both fit in the same suit two suits and go to monte carlo right and run up say a 200 000 pound bill in a cocktail bar and when they asked us for the money just really confidently just go yeah all right cheers and just walk out i'll pay you next week no one would or you wonder whether anyone would check it because once you're in that circle

of a circle of moneyed wealth yeah are people questioning you because they don't want to insult you you know i mean it's almost a bit like when you walk through a hotel lobby. Even if you don't stay at the hotel, no one's going to stop you. No, exactly. And you're more kind of out there than me. You would happily kind of employ subterfuge and deception to just hang out in a hotel lobby, whereas I would be terribly self-conscious,

and I feel like I'd upset someone. And as soon as anybody said, would you like the lift, sir? I'd say, no, I shouldn't be here. I'm sorry. And just run out screaming and wetting myself. I would not make a very... Sorry, I'll leave now.

I'll just leave now. I read so much John le Carré, you know, about spies and people who run spies in the former Soviet Union and beyond. And all the way through, I just sort of think, I wouldn't even get past the first hurdle. They go, what's your name? I go, it's not what I'm going to tell you it is.

Bye. I'm going to have a big cry. Never mind. Terrible spy. I think in another world, I could, I think in another world, I could, because I'm quite, I'm quite, I'm going to choose my words carefully here. I am quite a deceitful coward. I think in another world I could, I could be, I could be probably quite a good trick, confidence trickster.

If I lived in like, if I lived in like Victorian times, I reckon I could be quite a good confidence trickster and make off with your building society book, no problem. If you were going to take one object to aid you in medieval times in your quest to be a real shit, what would it be? A yo-yo. Why a yo-yo? Does it look really

magical? That's just the first thing I thought of. I don't know. I mean, the problem is, see, you're automatically ruling out any kind of electronic item because you won't be able to plug it in so that's the thing we've talked about this before see like like the thing is we'll even if we talk about how much we love technology and we can purport to know about it and you know much more about it than me like if you had to go back to medieval times and explain like a mobile phone and they would say okay well how does it work you'd have to say well i don't actually know how it works i just turn it on and it works i said have you got a charger mate yeah so i think it'd have to be

something that wasn't too advanced but at the same time would be impressive to them so it's a really difficult question to answer maybe some kind of rudimentary glider i mean you wouldn't even need a like an iphone 11 would you or a 12 you could just you probably make do with a with a with a samsung or a huawei or something like from 10 years ago i think they'd be snake is gonna blow their mind absolutely blow their mind to bits yeah you'd want to you'd want something that had a really, really long battery. And if you're in that situation where, because you don't need to show a certain amount of people, you'd have to show like a king or a queen, and then you'd become their kind

of like, you know, the person who wants to hang out with them. You'd probably make a lot of money like that. But yeah, I just bring like a really decent gun. I just go town to town shooting people. Yeah. They'd be astonished. They really would. That's a good shout, actually.

Just a big, a nice, good gun. Not the shooting the people, but yeah, gun is a brilliant shout because it is something that is immediately going to demand respect. It is something that is immediately going to demand respect. But if you run out of ammunition, though, you are going to be probably burned as a witch. I think they'd probably be wondering whether ammunition even existed. They'd be like going, well, he's pressed a button.

He's done something with his weird metal, metallic little kind of lump in his hand fires come out of it and a man's died does he as long as you don't show them that you've got ammunition and it needs ammunition i think you get away scot-free personally i would probably i would probably assemble the biggest group of people possible only use the gun once and say if you don't do if you don't kind of respect me i'm going to use it again but then probably never use it again almost like a sword of damocles just hanging over people and then you've got straight away you've got room to maneuver that's the best thing you could take back there's nothing else i can think of that you could take back that would be anywhere near as good apart from possibly a car and a full tank of petrol pornography uh yeah i mean i completely agree i i think i think we'd have a good few weeks of fun

and we'd be uh we'd be worshipped like a god uh and a legend um but then i guess things start to go wrong but after that i'll just drive off exactly, just go to the next town and do the same old nonsense. Yeah, a car. I would definitely choose a car because then if things went wrong, it's a getaway, isn't it? You can't do anything about a gun. You can't run off with a gun. No, you really can't.

So it's a good idea. So anyway, presuming you're not moving to the 11th century, but you're thinking about moving house, how have you found the house purchasing process so far? I've never attempted to become a disgusting land baron, as I've called you on more than one occasion. Yeah. And I'm doing it on the eve of my 40th birthday.

So hopefully I'll know, yeah or no, whether I am a man of means at 40 or not. I didn't think it would happen, but it might happen. You know my theory that I've shared with our listenership about how you either think of things not at all or too much. Does it ever occur to you that in successive months now, you've moved out of London, bought a scooter, bought a car, and now buying a house?

Why are you truncating everything into like three months? Why do you have to spend all of like your 20s and your 30s doing all this nonsense where you could just squeeze it into like five months? Stressful months. It is stressful and the thing that i don't get is like that um it is the most stressful thing you can possibly do and the most expensive thing you can possibly do and you work with the the biggest liabilities you're always working with someone who doesn't

know how to attach things to an email it just just seems like, you know, it seems bigger. They should have lawyers on this. People who know how to dot the I's. Well, you should be using a lawyer, I mean, first and foremost, to buy a house. I mean, having said that, even the lawyers, I mean, when I bought my house, the lawyer left the company without telling me.

In the middle of it. I like that. I wouldn't necessarily attach people being lawyers to the fact that they know what they're doing yeah i mean well i mean luckily luckily i'm by we're trying to buy a house off someone who actually works for the estate agent and if you think that's emotionally fraught like try buying something from an estate agent oh they're on it then If that money's going back in their pocket, oh, they're on it.

Yeah. Lordy. They know exactly what's going on now. Peter, before we take a quick break, kind of related to the purchasing of property, I think our listeners deserve your take on the Hanforth Parish Council video. And that's an old meme now. But you must have seen it you must have an opinion um who did you relate to which one of them was your spirit

animal probably the one that said read the standing orders and understand them he was really your favorite one wasn't he well he just cuts through all the bullshit i didn't actually watch the extended version but i just thought that guy broadcasting for an ipad he just had everything going from him for him really and and and read them and understand them he had a lovely kind of um sort of manchester accent it just he he he's very me i would say uh psychopathic he's doing he's doing the council under duress he don't want to fucking do it he somehow made himself the vice chairman and now he's just do off. Do we know what the vice chair what's about?

What are they getting done? What are they arguing about? I couldn't actually tell what they were on about. No, I couldn't either. I think that there's definitely a chaotic element to that guy who was on Alan's iPad that wasn't actually Alan. Because

I thought to myself, all the others seemed quite I don't mean to be rude because I'm sure they're doing a really important job and it's got to be done obviously but all of the others you saw them and heard them and you were like yeah they're definitely in a parish council right I kind of get it yeah this guy where's he come from I mean what's he doing the normal meetings just shit himself and throw the shit around like some kind of chimp. He seems to be sort of like operating. He's like the heavy for the other guy. He's the heavy for Alan effectively, isn't he?

Alan was just laughing. Alan was just giggling, wasn't he? It's just an astonishing kind of for American listeners who probably sort of are nodding in terms of this particular meme and this this little video that went around it is a beautiful kind of um cross-section and kind of vertical slice of just that kind of like bubbling anger and horror and that a lot of people have in britain like you don't see it very often it rarely comes comes to the surface, but when it does, it sounds exactly like that.

People not wanting to make a fuss, but then also making a big fuss about things. Yeah. It's got a real good undertone of like British eccentricity about it as well and kind of curtain twitching neighborhood watch style vibes about it. But if I was running that meeting based on what I saw there, because I think Jackie Weaver, the famous Jackie Weaver, I think she was brought in to oversee that meeting

because I think there were problems with the parish council itself. And that's where the friction comes from. Now, I don't want to have a pop at Jackie because she did quite a good job under quite difficult circumstances. But if I'm being parachuted into a problematic parish council and I've got to do a Zoom meeting, the first thing I am doing is I am saying, I'm being parachuted into a problematic parish council and I've got to do a zoom meeting the first thing I am doing is I am saying everybody we're starting in five minutes please take the

time to put your zoom on mute and turn your cameras off and I will bring you in one at a time it's just chaos otherwise it's an absolute battlefield of bureaucracy and people can't keep their fucking mouth shut yeah it was an astonishing bit of work and people can't keep their fucking mouth shut. Yeah. It was an astonishing bit of work and just very enjoyable to see. And the kid who was like recording it is just some lad from, I think, I want to say Golds Green or something. Yeah, he's just passionate about parish council meetings. Just passionate about parish council meetings. And he managed to come up with an absolute banger.

But if that turned out to be the latest Chris Morris show, you wouldn't be surprised. No. It would probably have a little bit more direction. It was just people getting very, very angry. Yeah. It was very enjoyable. And I think there's probably going to be some more on that.

I think there'll be a follow-up or something. I can't imagine that they've not had other more acrimonious meetings as well. So we'll watch that with interest. Peter, should we take a quick break? When we come back, I've got a very, very exciting countdown to do for you. Lovely. Stakhanov's award-winning football mockumentary, The Offensive, is available to listen to now.

After securing Premier League survival last season, Ashford City have a new boss. The new manager, Sen Goran Eriksen. I am delighted to be the new head coach at Ashford City Football Club. But unfortunately, the same old chief executive.

Oh, fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck. Stupid comments from an ex-player chanting, make Ashwood great again. Big fucking deal. You know, if he thinks that any of those empty words have had even the slightest impact on Patrick Nolan, MBE, then he is dreaming. Stupid, big, idiot, twat, fucking, wank, wank, bollock face.

Follow Ashwood City on and off the pitch every Premier League match week. I can't even get easy peelers in my local M&S at the moment, Sven, let alone a fullback from Real Sociedad. I just have a list of players I'd like to bring into your squad. OK, well, let me know when you have a list of players you'd like to bring out of the squad. Described by The Guardian as a must-listen for football fans. We lied about

the corona test result. We isolated our two informed players to stop them playing for England and now we've asked Man City Football Club to bribe the Premier League

on our behalf. I didn't actually ask them to. I asked if they wanted to. It's the same fucking thing. Search The Offensive on your favourite podcast player and listen now. And we're back.

It's the Luke and Pete Show. I'm joined by Luke Moore. My name is Pete Donaldson. And Luke has got some kind of countdown for us. A countdown. Yes. Luke, on a Monday. Yeah, yeah.

It's called Richard Whiteley. Last week we talked about dad behaviours, didn't we? Some people got in touch about certain dad behaviours, certain behaviours that are typical of dads of a certain age. Well, Nat followed up on that by posting something on Instagram where there was a vote among our listenership who follow us on Instagram, which is at LukeandPeteShow.com, and they voted on the most examples that were listed of dad behavior.

And I've got a top seven for you here. I don't know why it's number seven, but we're going to go down from seven to number one and you can have a little say on Pete on what you think of them. So basically coming at number seven in the top seven dad behaviors rundown, number seven was always trying to make one's food hotter

by adding extra chili sauce or hot sauce to absolutely everything. Yeah, I agree with that. Their taste buds died in the 70s, and they're just trying to take it out on their tongue. So yeah, I completely agree. That happened quite a lot in my house. Number seven, that 44%. Coming in at number six with 45% of people voting in the affirmative.

Every Saturday, without fail, going to a DIY shop. Yeah, yeah, my dad does that quite a lot. And he's been doing it under lockdown, which is annoying because he's not had the jab. He's high risk, he's clinically obese, and he's got terrible asthma. And he's just going down. It's not a necessary trip, is it, to buy some screws? He bought some roof felt for the shed.

It's full of nothing. There's nothing in there. He doesn't use anything in there. It's just tools, just crappy tools. A rake, maybe a shovel or two, a tin of paint. And, yeah, the shed roof is leaking a slight amount, and he's going back and forth to town to pick up roof felt and tar and stuff. It's not good enough.

How long is the trip? Well, I mean, he can't walk. He's got to get a taxi into town. So he's in a taxi with a bloke. He's in a taxi that's obviously filled with people who've been in taxis all day. I don't know, man. But as they get older, parents,

But as they get older, parents, they become increasingly fluid and increasingly hard to sort of tell off. You can't tell off your mum and dad because they just go, fuck you. And I understand why, but that's very much what my dad said. He said, fuck you, I'll do what I want. It's like, all right, fine, good. I think that you're coming up with some quite large resentment there because I think what you think is you went through the first 18 years or so of your life being told off by them and you want to do the payback now,

but it's being denied to you. Yeah. They don't like the brow beating. It's very upsetting. No. All right, well, that's number six. Number five, which is a bit rogue, actually. I'd never really heard of this one before,

but it came in with 61% of the vote. Sorry, 61% of people voted yes to this one. Putting anything at all in soup, even if it's out of date. My dad's never made soup. Oh, mate, yeah, this is a big one from my dad. And more than anything else, he will get a lot of stuff out of bins. Oh, where's that come from? If someone throws a chicken carcass in the bin, he will go pull it out of the bin.

Your house's bin, not like a house down the road. No. Yeah, he wouldn't eat other people's chickens that are in the bin. But, yeah, the kitchen bin where all the food and stuff gets shoved, he will pull it out of the bin, strip it, and put it in a soup and then add a load of hot sauce to it. I mean, I don't know what he expects. In a DIY shop on a Saturday.

He's taking all the boxes. Mix it around with a big drill. Yeah, it's not right. But yeah, my dad's got a cast iron stomach or my stomach's got a cast iron dad. I don't know which one. Yeah, he will eat anything out of bins. Disgusting, disgusting.

All right, number four, with 70% of people voting yes, signing off every text with the word dad. That's good. Number three is something that you and I won't be able to share because neither of our dads are particularly into football,

but 79% said their dad swore at football matches proclaiming they'll never watch them again, but watching them again anyway. Sky News. My my dad watching sky news i'll never watch again i'll just watch what i do is i like to rotate al jazeera sometimes then uh russia today then he'll do rotations and then by the time he's not watched sky news for a couple of days he'll be back on it he'll be back on your dad be interested in Andrew Neill's new venture? GB News? Well, they're just so underrepresented, aren't they?

Yeah. The fascists. Yeah, I mean, Andrew Neill, he's been underrepresented. He just doesn't really feel like he can have a say in the media after 15 years presenting a flagship BBC show, 12 years editing the Sunday Times. But he sort of said, he was sort of saying, oh, look, all of this is great. I can't remember what was, some fucking palaver was times you know he's sort of saying they were sort of saying oh look

all of this is great at carmel was some fucking palaver was going on and he sort of said oh this is great uh this is great um advertising for um andrew neil's uh new new tv venture then he replied on twitter saying yes it is i'll i won't have to spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on on marketing i guarantee andrew ne, you're not spending anywhere fucking near 10 grand on marketing this shit. This is just London today. I've already guaranteed as well that he's had more fucking platforms without in John's wardrobe.

So I don't know why he needs a fucking other one. But anyway, we'll look forward to how GB News turns out. If the name is anything to go by, it's going to be abysmal. Number two, complaining about drafts from windows left open upstairs. Yes, that is a big yes from me. My dad always used to talk about that. And number one, with 87% of people voting in the affirmative, the number one dad behavior, as per our listeners who follow us on Instagram, at Luke and Pete Show,

was switching the lights off when it's already bright enough outside, quote unquote, and then making you sit there in the dark. Yeah, and he'd do it. He'd do it. He'd turn it off. And you're sat there going, this is such a waste of both of our times, dad, because I'm just going to get up. I'm going to turn that light back on again.

Yeah. And you just will have wasted your time. I'm just going to get up. I'm going to turn that light back on again. Yeah. And you just will have wasted your time, but he just needs to know in his heart of hearts that he's done something, that he's done something to affect his, his surroundings, his environment, so to speak. Yeah.

I also, a couple of things I would add that I've been missing a huge, a hugely disappointing lack of dire straits in there. And secondly, that we have a routine. We always had a routine in our house where if something broke, my dad would have a go at fixing it. And to be fair to him, he would occasionally fix things,

but it almost always ended up in him getting one of his mates around to fix it in the end because he fucked it up. So that's all your dad behavior as per the Luke and Pete show Instagram feed. Should we move on to an email, Peter? Do you want to do an email or do you want me to do one? Works for me. I'll get an email up. Yeah.

I mean, we did have a few emails about dad behavior. I think it's worth kind of continuing this thread for a little while. So hello at LukeandPete.com is the email address, of course. Yeah. Andrew says, here are some of my favorites about my dad. My dad passed away five years ago now, so any excuse to remember his habits and mannerisms is always welcome. Already having a double garage in which to keep and restore two classic cars,

but needing a separate workshop built next door. Yeah. You don't need that many classic cars, but needing a separate workshop built next door. Yeah. You don't need that many classic cars. Or just buy two very similar classic cars and you can reuse the parts. There's a bloke down the road from us and he's got like one of those kind of off-road kit cars and he's got a little kind of, they've extended, he's extended his house just so he can have a little kind of, a little wee garage where he puts the wheels on the wall and he's made like a

little kind of kit version of like a formula one car he doesn't put his own car in there um and he's just constantly i think he's actually been banished from the main house because he's always just walking around with his baldy bonce walking up and down in front of our house i'm not sure what his game is every time i walked past him there's that fucking guy again why is he not allowed in his own house um so yeah i yeah there's there's a lot of that going down on on our street uh deliberately doing mundane household tasks very badly uh so as to ensure he was never asked to do them again do you remember your dad ever washing up i don't ever remember my dad washing up terrible terrible workplace i think somehow it's weird because in my house growing up when my mum would generally cook and then me and my sister would have to wash and dry up because we

didn't have a dishwasher yeah i really think my dad was involved weirdly maybe he just felt like he felt like he um he'd worked hard all day and maybe he just didn't want to do the any more tasks because my dad worked in the factory so he's probably knackered but um do you remember we had someone email this in once on this show saying that their dad i might be misremembering this but their dad used to dunk their face in like cold water in the morning to wake him up or something what to extract money from them what i don't know what the point is i was speaking of that weirdly the other night right i'm not i mean i live in london so maybe this isn't that surprising but i'd never had this happen to me before in 15 years of living in london the doorbell went at about eight o'clock

at night and obviously we weren't expecting anything i know sometimes you can get like a delivery at that late these days but we weren't expecting anything they obviously weren't expecting any visitors because we're in lockdown it's a bit weird so i went down um went downstairs answered the door i opened up and there's's a broke there right just he's just like all right i was like yeah what's up he's like yeah it's just um it's just really cold out here tonight and uh i haven't got anywhere to stay so one of you can give me 50 quid and i was like what i was just confused like what what what's what do you what do you mean like i didn't really know what to say and it it was like he had expected me to say no,

because obviously I'm probably not going to give him 50 quid on the doorstep. So he just walked off. He doesn't even have that kind of cash. Exactly. I legged it upstairs to look out the window, and he was going around everyone's house asking for money. Fair dues.

Yeah. Look, out of all the hustles, money like fair dues look you'd have given him 100 hustles i spent 37 quid on three household items from a a mank who came around a mank man what and sold me some very underwhelming chinese uh kitchen appliances a knife sharpener uh and a couple of your house yeah they did yeah it's i think it's um tax, because, you know, I rent a fairly nice house and I'll never stay in such a nice house again. But we rent. And from the outward looking in, we're probably quite well off

because we've got a nice house. But, I mean, it's not our house. And so, you know, I think it's a tax on some very rich people who could afford, you know, I think it's a tax on some very rich people who could afford, you know, a house that's probably cracking on for 700, 800, 1,000. So, yeah. Someone just came to your door and sold you a load of gadgets? Yeah, just sold me a load of, like, gadgets.

And I was like... He cannot believe his luck. Getting Pete Donaldson, I mean, if every customer was like you, he would be a billionaire oh I spent so much money and when he actually sort of gave me the items I was like wow I've even for me I've been absolutely done

this wouldn't this my knife when I introduced the knife sharpener to the knife my knife just went Peter come on what are you doing I was five quid from Tesco as this knife your knife went I'd rather be blunt, to be honest. That is a disgrace. How dare you?

I can't remember what else there was, but it was certainly, I just remember it being very cheap and very underwhelming. I think it was a saccatares. I think it was some saccatares that would probably cut one rose. So you know I used to have a job. I told you I used to have a job selling door-to-door stuff. Right, yeah. It was awful.

It was like this, but I presume you didn't do a story about his daughter that he's not seen in ages. I was about 21. I didn't have a daughter. I don't have a daughter now. I don't think he did. If his idea of honesty is selling me a 50p knife sharpener for 10 quid, I mean, come on.

But it's the convenience, isn't it? It's the convenience. He's brought it to you. He's brought it to you. Look, usually I'd have to go on Amazon and buy or Wish.com and buy that kind of shit.

Yeah. And be underwhelmed by it when it comes. Finish your email because I think Andrew deserves a fair crack. Or is it finished? Yes.

Here's some more things that Andrew's dad did. Walking around the house in greasy overalls with a stank of oil and just watching my mum try not to lose it. That's classic. That is classic, yeah. The sort of overalls that are a little bit like

have you got like a pair of oven gloves that have got like chicken grease on them or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are never clean. No matter how many times you clean them they're just always just solid with oil. It's disgusting. Pausing the television whenever me and my mom spoke especially during coronation street he would then proclaim well i

missed that before rewinding it to find out the misled had been someone ordering a tea and echoes case from royce rolls i don't think of i don't think of coronation street has been a dad show really no wait now to say i said i know for a fact that people have been talking about Roy's Rolls. Do you reckon that's like a parody of like Rolls Royce? Roy's Rolls? Yeah, of course it is. Yeah, of course it is. Sorry.

Sorry. I just passed that in my head. But people have been talking about the fact that under lockdown, Roy, is it Roy Clipper or his fucking name? I think so, yeah. Something like that. He's, every time they show a shot of the interior of Roy's Rolls, despite being closed due to COVID,

there's another person working behind the till. And he's not being seen for ages. So they're speculating that Roy's made a ridiculous amount of money somehow under lockdown, although his shop is closed. What's going on, Roy, of Roy's Rolls? The official on roy of roy's rolls well if you can't i mean the official instructions are you must work from home if you can yeah so maybe this guy can't prepare yeah exactly but and finally for now uh getting the lyrics wrong to every song pretty much constantly i mean to be honest i think that like that's what i do now so i think i'd make a

perfect dad on on that nord. And the thing is you, you got to spare a thought for us, like people like you and IP who aren't technically dads, but do, um, regularly indulging that what we would know as bad behavior, like making a noise when you sit down, uh,

telling people not to put their coat on too soon before they leave the house or they went for the benefit, you know, all that kind of stuff. So I found myself the other day sat in my car for no reason. I didn't really think about it. I caught myself doing it, waiting until the entirety of the windscreen was clear of condensation

before I even thought about driving off. Safety first, mate. Yeah, but I was never like that before. I used to be much more exciting than that. I'm enjoying it. I'm enjoying it. Anyway, I think we should probably wrap up for

today's show. But thank you very much. This has been a dad-themed show. Dad special. I've enjoyed it. The twist in the end is don't spoil anyone, but it turns out, actually,

I can give you the big reveal now, that Pete is actually my dad. And that's what we we talked about the whole time yeah exactly i just want to tell me that he loves me i've got the hairline i've got the hairline for it your hairline's all right isn't it yeah have you been doing that thing where you've been looking at um hairlines again because you sent a picture of us back in the day didn't you send a picture of yourself back in the day which interviewing someone famous yeah who has like a picture of us back in the day. Didn't you send a picture of yourself back in the day, interviewing someone famous? Yeah, who has like a kind of Groucho Marx kind of,

not like Groucho Marx, it was a Harpo Marx, which one of the Marx Brothers has a wild do. It's kind of just, it's a- Like a Larry David back in the 70s. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So yeah. You've got a bit of a widow's peak now, that's pretty cool. I've always had one, always had one. I'm moving with the times by just growing my hair

very long at the back and not washing my hair we spoke about this before doesn't it get greasy though I don't really know what to do with it you look like someone you look like an incel who's obsessed with American Psycho

I'll take it I'll take anything in 2021 get us out of here peter all right um this has been the looking peach show you've been very good for sitting down and listening to this i've such a a long time you've really behaved me and your mom are really proud of you um if you want to get to the show it's hello at looking peach show.com and do check out instagram uh which is uh if you want to type in the full URL into your Chrome browser, it's Instagram.com forward slash Luke and Pete Shaw, or just look for Luke and Pete Shaw, or just let the algorithm do the business. Just let it do it.

Before you do any of that, though, make sure you do your homework first. See you on Thursday. This was a Stakhanov production and part of the ACAST Creative Network.