The Luke and Pete Show - Has Elon Musk got enough money?

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Pete went to the arcade at the weekend and it turns out he is very good at the coconut shy. He's now rich with arcade tickets – just a shame that he can’t use them to buy his pub.Elsewhere, Luke revels in the joys of a Danish goose parade and we try to settle two mysteries: do billionaires have enough money and what really happens in Berghain?Do you know what really happens in Berghain? Email [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Feel free to give us a follow while you're there. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

it's the luke and pete show oh and we're back for more luke and pete show fun it is a monday and uh basically every monday i ask you how your weekend has been but i'm going to tell you how your weekend has been. But I'm going to tell you how my weekend has been, Lukey Moore. Go on. I am the proud owner. Check that out. Did you buy a pub?

No, I didn't buy a pub. I didn't buy a pub. Okay, what's this? Sunspot. Sunspot. What is it? I don't know what it is. You know when you go to the arcades and you get all of the tokens?

227 tickets. For being really good at the Coconut Shy. Yeah. And then you put them in the machine, and the machine chops them up. And yeah, you, complete waste of paper, complete waste of money. And you get a little receipt.

And basically, I'm going to sit on that baby until I've got to wait and wait and wait. Because I keep on going to the arcades, and I only ever get like 200 tickets maximum. And I'm very good at the Coconut Shy. Very, very good at the basketball game. And very, very good at the bowling game as well. And I get loads get like 200 tickets maximum and I'm very good at the Coconut Shy. Very, very good at the basketball game and very, very good at the bowling game as well. And I get loads and loads of tickets

and I exchange them for those little receipts and I always lose them. But I'm duty bound, Luke Moore. I'm going to keep hold of those little receipts and you and me, baby, are going to have a bear. A little bear. That's the best explanation of NFTs I've ever heard.

It is kind of like NFTs, isn't it? That's very very very clear for people listening that they'll think i don't know what an nft is yeah but now they know if you go to the arcade you're good at a game you get a certain amount of tickets and that's how much your nfts are worth and very much uh nfts are quite carny in their in their creation can i ask what you were doing at the sun sport arcade at 3 34 a.m it was not at 3.34am, you big liar. But it says the tickets are,

the validity runs from the 14th of the 9th, 2018 to the 23rd, 2025. Why bother putting them on? Nah, no point. Why have you got 2018? So if I were to walk

into that particular arcade, the Sunspot arcade, which I presume is in Leon C, or South End. Yes, that's in South End. South End, okay. If I were to walk in there

at any point, would I see you standing at the back in the corner leaning against the wall with a Tottenham kids. A can of Rio burping, just burping away. Oh, pretty much, yeah. Are you, are you, um, are you Cheeky Pete from Exit 7? And you go, oh, I said no, I haven't heard from him.

I don't think you are good at the basketball game. That's the only issue I've got here. I think you're probably good at other stuff. I don't think you are good at the basketball game that's the only issue I've got here you're probably good at other stuff I don't reckon you are good at the basketball game I reckon you're like

Machine Gun Kelly did you see that video no was he really bad at it yeah Machine Gun Kelly he's tall he should be good

at basketball and he's got tattoos some kind of celebrity MVP no all star game type thing right

ok and he was absolute dog talk well someone's cut together a video of his low lights which makes him

look as shit as basketball player I'm sure it was a bit more nuanced than that but that's how I imagine you right well he's

kind of like he's an interesting chap I don't know any of his music but from a vantage point that I have no interest in his music

or any knowledge of it is he sounds like he looks like he might be sounding a little bit like Youngblood yeah I've never heard his music or any knowledge of it is he sounds like he looks like he might be sounding a little bit like Youngblood yeah I've never heard of his music

well I mean his is Toss I mean it's pop music but it's like he's got he wears a dress sometimes and puts eyeliner on but he with Machine Gun Kelly it's kind of

he strikes me as being one of those rappers who 15 years ago would have been a ska punkpunker. Yeah, maybe. Do you know what I think? Yeah, not you mean.

A lot of the modern kind of dear-glow-coloured kind of colourful rappers. Yeah, kind of make me think that they used to be, they would have gone into the whole rock or punk rock. Do you remember there was a band called Brother who changed their name to Viva Brother? A little bit, yeah. And I heard them and I was like, that Marcus will like them. And I passed them oniva Brother. A little bit, yeah. And I heard them and I was like,

that Marcus will like them. And I passed them on to Marcus. He was like, oh no, I don't know if I will like them. And he did really like them. Yeah. The point being that

they were kind of like a Brit pop revival band. Okay. And they got a lot of press and people liked them. Fuck knows why, but they did. And then it turned out

they used to be like a emo band called Kill the Arcade. And it hadn't worked for them. And they just tore the rule book up. Guilty. Get a new rule book. Started dressing as Brit poppers and became brother and became actually, on their own terms, quite successful for a while.

I'm not going to say good. Quite successful for a while. Interesting. But it is. So it probably does happen more than you think, this kind of thing. It's quite cynical, isn't it? It's kind of like, I think, who was saying, was it Guy Garvey said you shouldn't

just dick about with genres, because you're not giving the respect that your own genre is due, which I think is a bit of a... He's a bit of an uncle at a wedding, though, isn't he? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, he's a bit like... Welcome to my room. I've got some rec records to play for you.

That is a thing that people say. Don't take stuff too serious would be my... Because I used to be very serious about stuff like that when I was young. And I kind of feel a bit cringe about it now. I am. Just like what you like. Don't worry about it. I won't play it on here,

but there's a guy who has gone through the entirety of OK Computer and recreated it using just voices and sounds from his mouth. The whole thing. In a serious way? Well, about as serious as you can when you're going... That's a really bad example

because that part of OK Computer is with the mouth anyway. He's literally going... And he's going like in the background and stuff it's all built with his mouth at some point his dad comes in

what are you doing in here and he's just doing every little leave me alone dad every little guitar part every little synth part every little drum part he's doing with his mouth

and he does like the strokes this is it and all kinds of or is this it which album is this is this it this is

that's the next album is this it this is it how you doing kids This Is It and all kinds of or Is This It? Is This It? Yeah. This Is It? That's the next album. Is This It? This Is It? How you doing kids? Yeah, I'm a big Strokes fan. What an album

This Is It is, eh? New York City Cars. Luke, I came out like 2000, didn't I? 2001. 2001. Yeah.

Any more trivia questions? So in my mind you're literally just talking to kids of 2000 and you are a kid in the year 2000 some of the people

who work at this company yeah may not have been born disgusting when that came out well they can't work here anymore that's not the only reason no

it's illegal to employ people that young so they shouldn't be here yeah exactly they shouldn't be here I wanted to talk to you. I came into the studio today, Peter, fully prepared to talk to you about that Danish goose parade.

Yes. Okay. Which I only saw about two days ago. I hate to see goose stepping in a parade at any time. Yeah. But I think this, I think. But it's actual geese. It's actual geese.

I think they're allowed to. There's your loophole. Yeah. Yeah. I saw loads of goose stepping down the main street earlier today. Oh, that's bad, isn't it?

That's bad. Sorry, the far-right researchers. Don't let them see that. No, no, they were just Canada geese. They were just geese. What I like about the goose parade, and those who haven't seen it, we shall certainly share it

on our social media. What a difficult sentence that is. We shall certainly share it on our social media. So they're sentence that is. We shall certainly share it on our social media. So they're not Canada geese. They look to me like grey geese. Right, okay. They're kind of like the... What commentator were we talking about in the ramble a little while ago

who the picture made him look like he had a big bum? Oh, it's Jeff Shreves, wasn't it? He had big Donald Trump energy, didn't he? He had big Donald Trump bum energy. But these geese definitely look like they've got a lot of junk in their goose trunk. Well, I would like someone who's listening to this show, who's maybe some kind of animal behaviourist, to tell us how that happens.

Because they're all in great formation. They're following the leader. They've got someone behind them, walking behind them to make sure they stay. There's music going on. Yeah. And it's an open street, so it's not closed the street off or whatever.

And I know that some birds, particularly corvids, can be very intelligent and are certainly trainable. Here we go. I'm not sure this brings much to it. No, not really. It's just a plate with a symbol.

You can't really hear the goose honking. No. I'd like to know how they got them to do it. What do you mean? Because they'd be everywhere, wouldn't they? They love it, though.

They love walking. They love shouting. They love walking. They love shouting. But if one of them saw a bit of bread on the other side of the road, they're going to go, aren't they? That is true, yeah. And you shouldn't feed birds bread, anyway.

They'd be like, I need to go to the card shop and get a card because they're walking down a high street aren't they oh I need I need a protective cover for my Samsung they're going to be

going into fascia mania they wouldn't use a Samsung would they why not they wouldn't hold it that is true

what would they use then where are their ears they couldn't even put a bluetooth in they um there was this just fly over there. It's really convenient.

They just fly there. They don't fly thousands of miles. They don't need a phone. If you're a goose, you're flying to Canada. That's nothing. Just fly around your mate's house. I'm going to speak to so-and-so in Canada. All right.

They're not going to call them. They're just going to fly there. They don't need it. Again, the idea of a goose in a phone shop amuses me. There was like a light installation sort of arty display in Southend a few weeks ago. And I think it was kind of like designed to get people in the shops of a Saturday evening. Yeah, okay. Why a Saturday evening?

I don't really know. It was on over the weekend and it's like, you know, on the pier, the world's longest pier, it had like a load of like, it looked a bit NFT to me, but there was like a big display of cards, like magic cards, but with different designs on them, all lit up and stuff. And then on the trees, they had loads of LEDs and stuff. And then up and down, there was this really crap plastic

kind of lit up maze that was genuinely a piece of shit. I was fuming, wasn't I? It's like they'd got basically, you know, Pret-a-Manger during COVID, they had those big plastic sheets to protect you from the, and everyone had these plastic sheets.

It's like they'd reuse them, jigsaw them out a little bit and put some lights through them. It's a terrible'd reused them, jigsawed them out a little bit and put some lights through them. A terrible thing. But I presume it was like kind of there to stimulate a little bit of the South End economy. Now it's city-staters and all that.

The only thing that was open was one peri-peri chicken shop and five barbers. Oh yeah, and a shop that sells phone covers. I was like, you had the opportunity there to sell some shit there.

Like, you could have gone down the shops like a little evening, like opening hours. Particularly if you were there. You had an opportunity from me specifically to sell quite a lot of shit today.

But why do a lot of like, why do a lot of towns have like really late opening Turkish barbers? And there's never anyone in there. And it's kind of like, well, I think a lot of, for a lot of towns have really late opening Turkish barbers? And there's never anyone in there. And it's kind of like... Well, I think for a lot of different communities of various geographic locations, the barbers is like a social hub, right?

Not in this case. Let me make that very clear. Did you say it's at the end of a fucking pier? I can understand if it was one in Brixton Open, fine. But a Turkish barber in Southend, where nobody's in it and there's just a bloke on his phone, there was five of them. No, it's not the end of the pier? There was five of them. No, it's not at the end of the pier. Because that's not convenient.

No, but Pete, it might just be that if you, the way I see it, I've often thought this about not just about barbers but about any shop. If it's your shop

and you live above it, which happens a lot. Why not just hang out? Keep it fucking open. Someone might need a haircut. Yeah, exactly. I've made a tenner there or 15 quid or whatever.

I guess that you were walking past a lot of reflective surfaces in the mirrors so you probably see your hair kept seeing yourself I'm pretty sure

one of the fish and chip shops in West Norwood and there are several one of them to protect the innocent I won't name which one it's a husband and wife couple and I'm pretty sure

they live above it and they're never in there when you ding the dinger to go in the door they just run down someone turns up I reckon they're probably upstairs above it and they're never in there and when you ding the dinger to go in the door they just run down someone turns up I reckon they're probably upstairs watching

oh I reckon they are why not yeah ding the dinger I'll come down and throw something in the hot oil I don't go in there

very often because the oil's old what's old oil tastes old sounds like they've lost a bit of love for that particular job they'll serve you

in the ad break of Coronation Street. Yeah. Watch your... I've started kind of branching out a little bit with my fish and chip orders because, you know, I've moved to the seaside. Of course you have.

You would expect them to have good fish and chips. I've not found that many shops that really turn it on when it comes to fish and chips. Do you know I always tease John because he orders, like, obviously really obscure shit. Yeah, rock. I love rock, please.

Oh, no no I like sometimes say a fish I've never even heard of oh yeah I'll wait I'll wait till I cook it one of those fish with a little light yeah

you wait from the cook it mate you're going to have to wait from the go to the fucking South Pacific by the sounds of it how do you branch out then I've started getting haddock

that's not branching out that is branching out cod is standard but haddock is kind of like if it's one of the ones I've already got ready it's not branching out. That is branching out. Cod is standard, but haddock is kind of like... If it's one of the ones I've already got ready, it's not branching out. Right, okay. I don't know.

They don't always have it ready, so haddock's always one of those things that they sort of throw in for specials, I think. Yeah. Let me talk to you about the South Empire. I always have a Wally pickle, though. What's that? A little cucumber they put in. Oh, a gherkin? Yeah. What's it called? You call it a Wally pickle though. What's that? A little cucumber they put in.

Oh, a gherkin? Yeah. What's it called? A Wally pickle? It's a brand, is it? I get yourself Wally. It's a brand, is it? Yeah, I saw a man making a pickled gherkin.

What, putting a cucumber in a jar of vinegar? Instantly in a vacuum. What? Now, I can only apologise. Thank you. Carry on. Because obviously, pickling is literally just the space

taken up with air or water it's just basically replaced by vinegar that's science that's science and if you do it in a vacuum

obviously all the air is removed from the from the cucumber and then you submerge it in vinegar and then

put the air back in and then the instant just sucks up all of the vinegar and you get into the sign-o, right? Where was that? Why are we not making gherkins at pressure? Is that what the lock-picking lawyer's up to now?

He's ranting out, yeah. It's presumably expensive. It's an expensive process but you're killing all the time it takes, though. Yeah. Look, gher're killing all the time it takes, though. Yeah. Look, Gherkin manufacturers of the world, how important and how financially expensive is your time? I don't really...

So I like pickled onions to the point where I like making my own pickled onions, which I've talked to you about. Yeah. I make pink pickled onions all the time. In fact, I just finished a batch. That does sound like a euphemism. I wish it was. I'm making pink pickled onions in the bath. In fact, I just finished a batch. That does sound like a euphemism. I wish it was.

I'm making pink pickled onions in the bath. If you think it's a euphemism, unfortunately it's just me standing in the kitchen with some cider vinegar, some orange juice, some chillies. Anyway, I do like pickled onions, but I don't really like pickled eggs that much, and I don't like pickled gherkins either. Pickled eggs can be a little dry, I think.

If you've got a bit of Tabasco on top or paprika or something. That's your answer to everything. Lovely. Just you've got a bit of Tabasco on top or paprika or something. That's your answer to everything. Lovely. Exactly. Just solve everything with a bit of Tabasco. Sorry, I interjected when you were talking about Southend Pier. Yeah, I wanted to say something that's possibly problematic. Right.

I'll do it anyway and you can decide whether it's problematic or not. I don't think it is the longest pier in the world. Wow. I just don't think it can be. Really? It's over a mile. In the entire world. Apparently it's 2.1 kilometres long,

which I'll be honest, I had no idea about. I mean, it is... There's a train that gets you up there, there's a train that gets you back, and there's fuck all at the end of it. I don't know why they bother. So it's just for... It would just be a nice walk to go there and back again.

Yeah, yeah. And you sort of see seals. Oh, nice. That's good. At the bottom, that's good, isn't it? I think there's a lifeboat place. The only thing I know about Southend Pier, and this tells you everything you need to know about me,

and you won't be surprised to hear this, is that I know that it was used for some kind of purpose during the Second World War. Like it was closed off. It was used as, I think, a convenient kind of place to launch certain boats and stuff. So further on near Shubari Ness

there's this massive construction that I think might even be longer than the pier that looks a bit like a pier but it's like this metal kind of

metal and wood kind of like it's not even a good lie then is it it's the longest pier in the world what's that just there it's not

but it's not a pier it's just like this long kind of you know like those fishermen in like rural like Malaysia and stuff where they look

like they're on stilts in the sea you know and they have these kind of like constructions it looked a little bit like that but apparently that was

to protect the Thames during the Cold War and they don't use it anymore but maybe they'll reinforce it yeah watch this space and also they would use it to stop like ships getting in that shouldn't be there. Yeah.

Oh, yo, ships, get back here. Yeah. Because there was a famous story. Have you heard the story? I mean, just to relate it back to the town, the seaside town I grew up in. Have you heard the story of Buster Crab? Have you heard the story of Buster Crab? Sounds like a start for music, doesn't it?

So Buster Crab, he, a start for music, doesn't it? So Buster Crab, he... Enemy of all crabs. This was like in the 50s, in the mid-50s. A Soviet ship docked in Portsmouth Dockyard, in like the mid-50s. And Buster Crab was like a Navy diver, right? So stupid, Nick. He's like a Navy diver.

Right. And they said to him, Buster, get yourself down on the bottom of that Soviet ship and plant some shit on it or take some photos of it or whatever. Yeah. And so we get a good bit of intel. And then he was just never seen again. It's quite a famous story in Portsmouth.

Right, okay. What, he just never came back? Did he defect? Well, there's lots of theories. One is that he was killed by the Soviets. One is that he was captured and brainwashed and then sent back as a double agent I mean he was underwater

for quite a long time so that would probably be my first port of call he's in Davy Jones' locker yeah he might well be in Davy Jones' locker but anyway he's quite a cool dude

I've got a picture of him here do you want to look at him yeah I do pretty cool dude though oh he looks cool yeah I like him I'm just glad he's

he looks a bit like George Plimpton do you know who George Plimpton is you'll have to tell me who George Plimpton is the he looks a bit like George Plimpton do you know who George Plimpton is you'll have to tell me who George Plimpton is the greatest American sports writer ever

George Plimpton this is a fucking great George Plimpton's life is amazing and I hope we've probably just got time to squeeze this in so George Plimpton

wrote loads of amazing sports books in the 20th century so I've told you about him before he wrote a book called Paper Lion where he pretended

to be a quarterback for the Detroit Lions and the coaching staff knew about it but none of the other players did and so he wrote a book called Paper Lion where he pretended to be a quarterback for the Detroit Lions and the coaching staff knew about it but none of the other players did. And so he joined a pre-season and just immersed himself in like a gonzo journalist and he ended up playing a little bit as a fourth choice quarterback in like a friendly

pre-season game. That's risky isn't it? Yeah, called Paper Lion. It's a really good book. He also wrote a book called The Bogeyman where he joined the PGA Tour. Is this, I mean, I just sort of think that this might be why Newcastle United strikers from New Zealand. He might be a New Zealand striker. Could be some kind of book come out at some point about it. But he also, so anyway, he did all this stuff.

He wrote a book called The Bogeyman. He also wrote a book where he, I can't remember what it's called now, but he tried to become an NHL goaltender as well. Yeah. Anyway, the thing that's also amazing about him, you might recognise him, people listening might recognise him, because he's one of the talking heads in When We Were Kings, one of the great sport documentaries about the rumble in the jungle

between Ali and Foreman, right? Right. But also, weirdly, he was the first person to try and revive Robert Kennedy when he was assassinated at the Ambassador Hotel in LA. He just happened to be there because he was friends with him, and he was on the scene. He's one of these people who just had this amazing life,

a bit like a Walter Mitty type thing, but it was actually real. Like a Forrest Gump type thing. Anyway, yeah, he looks like Buster Crabbe. That's it. Go to the break. Thank you very much. Welcome to Eureka, the show that gets under the skin of science in a good way. I'm Rick Edwards.

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New episodes every Wednesday. Eureka is a Stack production and part of the ACAST Creative Network. We're back with more Luke and Pete show. Nearly said a different show. A lot of shows in my mind, a lot of shows in your mind. Talk about your new show, Luke. Welcome to the shows of my mind.

Where's my jetpack? Jetpack. Don't talk about jetpack. You're not talking about your new show. To the shows of my mind. Where's my jetpack? Jetpack. Don't talk about jetpack. I'm not talking about it at all. It's a retro futuristic look at all the sci-fi we were promised in the 50s and 60s. This is all a chat I won't allow on the compete show about space and stuff. Take it somewhere else.

I found someone who gives a shit. Sarah Coddice is the main host. I just help her out a bit. It's 10 episodes and each episode is on a different kind of idea of futuristic technology that came to pass so um a flying car it's actually it actually ranges from like quite interesting like science fiction like entertainment like for example like a flying car yeah so like in the 50s when you watched an 80s so show set in the 80s everyone was flying around the cars but it never turned out so what's happening with flying cars who killed the water car who killed the electric car, everyone was flying around in cars, but it never turned out. So what's happening with flying cars now? Who killed the water car? Who killed the electric car?

We didn't do the water car. No. Electric cars are quite obviously here, so we didn't do that. That was a short ep. Didn't make the cut. It's over there. Yeah. Have you seen the new Teslas?

The new Tesla pickup trucks? Let me finish this. All right. Things like interplanetary homes, interplanetary neighbours, all the things that maybe you were promised or thought would happen in the future that never happened. I think George Jetson was born last year. The Jetsons are involved. George Jetson and his

family were involved. Jane, his wife! Sarah presents it. It's called Where's My Jetpack and it's available on any podcast app you want to use. It's well worth it. It's got lots of experts on it. I should say, we had some amazing guests on it, right? It was just me and Sarah talking,

me asking her really stupid questions and her being patient and explaining them. But also, I'd be like, I'd ask her a question about when we're going to go to Mars, and she'd be like, well, let's find out. And who's that on the line? Buzz Aldrin's son.

She knows everyone. Wow. So Andy Aldrin's on it. Loads of really famous scientists are on it. Has he ever punched anyone? Huh? Has he ever punched anyone? Andy Aldrin? I don't Loads of really famous science are on it. Has he ever punched anyone? What have you listened to? Huh? Has he ever punched anyone?

Andy Aldrin. I don't know if he's as hard as his dad. I hope he is. But he seems like a very nice man. So anyway, it's called Where's My Jetpack. Fantastic. The artwork's amazing,

by the way. It is, yeah. The artwork. Yeah. What were you going to say about Tesla trucks? The new Tesla trucks, I think they're in,

you know, they're a big pickup truck. You know, a lot of Americans love their pickups. Tesla made a pickup truck. And because of rules about what a car is, they've got to put for the windscreen, they've got to put these like windscreen wipers, right?

But the windscreen wipers are fucking massive. They're like the height of me because the screen is so big. Right. And the way it's been designed the Tesla pickup truck has to have these massive fucking windscreen wipers. They just look so stupid.

What are you doing? Just thinking about windscreen wipers? I'm just thinking about windscreen wipers. Because look, so here's the size of the car. That's the front of the car and that's how big the windscreen wiper has to be because the screen is too big. But what do you suggest

as an alternative? Lasers. I don't know. It's got to be big and now it's not going to work. It's got to be big but surely they can come up with a better fucking plan

than that. One big bloody windscreen wiper that's the size of the... What do you expect? Just a little toothbrush? Just do that little bit at the bottom?

Just have a little vibrator of the screen. Vibrate it off, yeah. That'd be nice. That'd be really good. Am I right in saying that Elon Musk doing that little bit at the bottom. Just have a little vibrator of the screen. What, so the water comes off? Vibrating off, yeah. That'd be nice. That'd be really good. Am I right in saying that Elon Musk was professing support

for that trucker protest in Canada, which is this mad conspiracy theory is kind of what I mean. Right, okay. And talking about how the truckers are the guys and showing solidarity, but at the same time developing driverless trucks. Because if that's true,

that is amazing hypocrisy. Yeah. I don't think he's got a coherent thought in his head at the moment these days. Am I the only one who thinks that he hasn't got enough money? Because a lot of people talk about how we don't need billionaires.

It's a sign of a failing society. I think we just... Give him more. Give him more money. Keep him out of the way. Give Kanye more money. Give the Amazon guy more money. Be Kanye more money, give, um, uh,

the Amazon guy more money, Bezos, uh, and then, they'll just go, they'll just go in more insane. Yeah. They'll just go more and more insane

and you'll never see them again. Yeah. That's fine. Just Bezos, don't need him. He just, so apparently someone was saying that, uh,

you know, like how Amazon, um, um, TV, Amazon films, Amazon dramas and stuff, are a bit of a, they sort of pale in comparison to some of the Netflix, you know, first party stuff.

You reckon? Yes. Okay. Well, just because of the drone shots and the fucking music. No, no, but like Netflix is celebrated for, you know, creating some good stuff. Amazon's kind of stuff is a bit bitter here and there. Stop hating on the Rooney Doc again. But they say that it's because Bezos put together this top 10 list of what every TV show should have.

That can't be true. Honestly. He started off selling books out of his parents' garage. What the fuck does he know about that? That ain't true, is it? Yeah, I'm trying to be as... What, they were off the front of the rules? 12-step guide to creating television, effectively, to create iconic TV.

Number one, a heroic protagonist who experiences growth and change. Two, a compelling antagonist. I mean, these are basics, aren't they, really? Four, moral choices. What happened to three? Three was wish fulfilment. The protagonist either has hidden abilities such as superpowers or magic.

It's number 12 and also you have to deliver it by tomorrow. Yeah. Midday. Yeah. Eight, humour. Nine, betrayal. Positive emotions. Love, joy, hope.

Ten. Number 11, negative emotions. Loss and sorrow. Twelve, violence. Is that what he wanted for his factories? I love the idea that he can only see anything through the lens of amazon prime so like there's some really like famous director on the line going yeah but jeff we can't do a tv show in a day it takes longer than that you can you've got a million you've got a five million pound budget no i can't do it in a day i can't find the actors

and get them performing in a day yeah i don't believe that's true. I don't believe that people, I don't believe that anyone thinks that Jeff Bezos can make a TV show like that. That's what they said. Look, I know what it takes to make a great show, Bezos said, the TV executive. This shouldn't be so hard. All these iconic shows have basic things in common. And then he listed off the top of his head a list of things

every show needs to be successful. Yeah, and Amazon Studios just had to send Bezos regular updates on the projects and development that included spreadsheets describing how each show had each of these elements in them. Fucking hell. I mean, you could explain that the Luke and Pete show has all of these things. Right. Heroic protagonist, growth and change, me.

Yeah. A compelling antagonist, Luke. Yeah, you never change, but that's fair enough. Wish fulfillment, hidden abilities, such as... Very hidden. What is our hidden ability? Well, they're so hidden, it's difficult to say. What's five?

Five is diverse world building. Different geographic landscapes. Sometimes I do it from home. Yeah. Four, moral choices to say the bad thing or leave it in the show. Why are we on four again? I'm moving back to four. Moral choices. Sometimes you say bad things.

Yeah. Six, urgency to watch next episode, cliffhangers, battery brands. Why can't you read these in order? Number seven, civilizational high stakes. A global threat to humanity like alien invasion or a devastating pandemic. Well, look, every piece of media's got that now, haven't they? We've been living through a pandemic. We've been living through it.

Eight, humour. We got that down. We got that now we've been living for a pound we've been living through it yeah it humor we got that down we got that locked number nine betrayal it's coming soon it's coming baby sometimes we'll do the show with the people who aren't me or you you've done it with rick edwards i've done like alexander stuff i'll say things that you think is a betrayal sometimes yeah about you you don't you don't want things to the thing is this is the we should make this clear to our listeners i'll sometimes say stuff that you don't want me to okay about you you don't want things to the thing is this is the we should make this clear to our listeners I'll sometimes say stuff that you don't want me to say about you

but you are you are also too lazy to get someone to edit it true so it'll just stay in because you've got to go do something else yeah

positive emotions love, joy and hope yeah I think we got a bit of that we got a bit of that negative emotions loss, sorrow the TV show Only Fuzz and Horses

yeah and violence yeah I mean there's people getting their bits chopped off yeah people hurting their hands

have you ever hurt your hands you're quite conversationally violent what do you mean it's like it's like the violence of the sea just kind of like

just chaotic you never know what word I'm going to use in the middle of a sentence that doesn't really need it you'll say something

when you want me to, like you did it last week. I can't remember exactly what you said now, but you will say like, you'll try and describe someone and you'll go, who's that bloke

that did a shit on that other bloke's head? I don't know where to go with that. Hey, my dog's getting right kinky in his old age, I tell you what. Oh, what's happened now? He's treating his life

like he's in a Berlin sex club. He's got a real penchant for walking behind big Alsatians when they're doing a piss and getting a bit on his head. Right kinky. Kinky bucko. Why is he doing that on purpose?

It seems to be. It just seems to be. And he's also peeing in the house. I think he's getting into something. You told us last week about him peeing in the house because you've got this new cleaner, right? Yeah. And it has a look of a shampoo,

like a carpet shampoo. Bloody hell, so keep an eye on him. I know. If that's what he's into, it's up to him, but it could be dangerous for him. He's been on the internet, I think. Yeah. And we didn't get any time for any emails this week.

Fuck it. Who cares? We got emails. We'll do some on Thursday, won't we? Let's do some on Thursday. But if you've got something to say, if you've been to the Berlin Sex Club

let us know I would actually like to know about the Berlin Sex Club I find people who are into that sort of thing fascinating you know Ryan Hun

do you know Ryan no he does Stadio and he does a load of other stuff he's with the Ringer he used to do he used to DJ at Burgoyne that's not a sex club

was it are you fucking mad what do you mean I mean but that's not a sex club, is it? Are you fucking mad? What do you mean? But that's not their main thing, though, is it? Look it up. Fucking look it up. You can't, secret mate. I'm sure there are crevices in different places

that you get up to all sorts, but that's not the design, is it? But parts of Burgine are... I'm going to go big here and say arguably the world's most famous sex club. So look it up, and your double bluff isn't going to work big here and say, arguably the world's most famous sex club. So look it up. And your double bluff isn't going to work on me, Donaldson. I've seen your easy jet ticket for tomorrow.

Burgin. Yeah. You probably can't even spell it, can you? Naughty pictures. Right. We're going to get out of here on that note. Hello at LukeandBeachShow.com for the emails. And we will try and read some out on Thursday.

Fuck, it did spell it right, didn't it? Did you? Yeah. You know what you're seeing there. Whatever you see cannot be unseen. Wow. I'm at Luke right, didn't I? Did you? Yeah. You know what you're seeing there. Whatever you see cannot be unseen. Wow. I'm at Luke and Pete Show

on Twitter and Instagram. We will be back on Thursday where we'll get to some of your emails and we'll do some of your battery brands if Pete makes it through till the end of the week,

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