The Luke and Pete Show - Have you seen my moles?

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

It’s bank holiday erm... Thursday??? And Pete is having a naughty ol’ time breaking all office (and societal) rules he can. How else should you spend your day off?Elsewhere, the lads tell us all about their memories (and traumas) of dating when they were young and PC Gordon is back to test Pete’s knowledge of the law!Want to contact the show? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk.

You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just don't talk. You haven't just Donnie. Donnie, Donnie. Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, Donnie. Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. I'm Pete Donaldson, joined by Mr. Luke Moore,

and I am... I've got a rather funny throat because I put too much sriracha in my tuna salad. Yeah, you shouldn't be eating tuna at work. That's number one. No. You also had your top off in the corridor earlier, which I wasn't expecting.

It's a bank holiday Monday. I don't care, mate. I don't give a shit. This is Thursday's show. It's bank holiday Thursday, mate. Yeah, exactly. Every day's a bank holiday for you. The problem with this...

You will not go to banks. The problem with this building is that there are too many young women in the corridors that I can't take my top off. So on bank holiday Thursdays, I have to to feel free in my body.

Is that you in the structural building meeting earlier? Listen, we'll get to that in a minute. The problem with this building is... I can't take my top off. See, sludge in the pipes. I really want to talk about the environmental sustainability, how it intersects with the architecture, and how I can take my, I'm going to be honest,

five pound Primark t-shirt off. Just in the middle of, rude, I think it might be actually top man or something, from back in the day when I was thinner, I am just loving the freedom. When the building's a little bit more quiet, it feels like it's you've got

a day off school risky business I feel like I'm in the building and I shouldn't be in the building and I'm having a naughty time but what are you doing that's naughty specifically? stealing

producer Charlie's sriracha and putting lords on it on my tuna salad taking your shirt off and telling everyone everyone who'll come past about your moles which I did hear you do

I did yeah I've got some new moles I've got some new moles. I've got some new moles, and I was like, that's never the word you want to hear. I think there might be sunspots, though. In 15 years' time, you'll be outside a train station doing that.

I've got new moles. I've got pneumonia. I've got to top off. It's all right, everyone. Peter, do you want to put your t-shirt back on yeah

and I'd be working we'll go to the community centre now be working in the Sue Ryder

shop round the corner volunteering exactly just take my top off in dinner hour

come on Peter back in you've got board games to categorise yeah how have you

been Lukey Mo it's not bad yeah two lads talking in the room yeah what's been You've got board games to categorise. Yeah. Oh, have you been looking, Mo? It's not bad. It's a looking picture. Yeah, it's two lads talking in a room. Yeah, what's been going on with you? Oh, I watched a programme last night about an NFL player and an invisible girlfriend.

Oh, yeah, it's supposed to be good, Netflix. It's really good. Is it called Untold? Yes, I believe it's a Players' Tribune joint of some kind, and they do a lot of different stories, but I think the one that's out at the moment is about a Hawaiian... It's called The Girlfriend That Didn't Exist, right? The Girlfriend That Didn't Exist.

Yeah, he was just basically catfished. And I don't think The Girlfriend necessarily was that sorry about things. It's Manti Teo, though. He was a really good NFL player. And testament to losing a bit of weight in the face and getting a nice haircut

it does a world of good he played for Notre Dame which is my American family's college team ah they were shit but then he joined and they were good again

they are sometimes pretty good it kind of ebbs and flows it's astonishing I know we've said it before but it is astonishing to see how big those goddamn stadiums are

for college football. Oh mate. And how he had the choice in the last year to return for senior year or just

fuck off to the NFL. For big money. Yeah. Wild isn't it? It's Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor.

The big house is one of the bigger ones isn't it? That holds 107,000 people. That's Glastonbury. That was Glastonbury

20 years ago. Yeah. Glastonbury is a funny Glastonbury 20 years ago. Yeah. Glastonbury's a funny one, isn't it? Because... Not in a stadium. No. The facilities might be better. Would people still go?

Yes. If it was in Michigan? It's Michigan, Glastonbury, everyone. Yeah. I want to go and watch the interpretive theatre. Well, you fucking can't. Have another hot dog and watch some men hitting each other. Yeah, so what were we talking about?

Was it good? I've not seen it. It's very good. It's very interesting how someone can... It's kind of sad because a man who just felt such loneliness at what should have been the most satisfying, gratifying part of his career, moving from college football

to the NFL, just found it very hard to get started because he had this kind of secret that he was only trying to figure out himself, who he'd been kind of, he'd been taken advantage of by another person from Hawaii. And yeah, I just didn't,

I just didn't think, the way that she spoke she's transgender so all of the people in the show didn't know at the time that she had transitioned so it was very much he did this he did that but she seemed like she sort of spoke about her

what she did as more of like her journey and sort of like this is how this is the things I learned about the things I did. And it seemed to really affect him and the whole hoo-ha really did not seem to affect her quite so much.

He seemed absolutely as well crumbled. But she catfished him. Yes, she catfished him. She pretended to be, she'd take pictures from a girl from Florida, a Hawaiian, I think, who'd moved. And yeah, she didn't seem quite as... He's still really affected by it.

I think so, yeah. It's pretty sad. Yeah, the things we have to go through. Why is she not being held accountable then? Well, I think she was held accountable. Oh, right. It was quite a long time ago. It was 10 years ago, wasn't it?

Right, okay. But she moved to somewhere in the Polynesia or something. I don't know. She went to Tonga, I think. I don't know. She went somewhere. And yeah, she seems to be quite content with her life. And the way she talks about what she did is just very much.

And then I did this. And I'm not proud of it, but I learned quite a lot of lessons about myself. And I'm like, yeah, it's pretty rough stuff, isn't it? I mean, you killed a woman twice. Something like that. That is, so there's a podcast,

I've not seen it, I will watch it. I saw it come up on my algorithm. It's very Sweet Bobby-ish. It's very, well, I was going to say, Sweet Bobby's an incredible story,

really. Yeah. It's just, if you want something to be true. Come on, it's a rival company, let's be honest, Tortoise Media.

It's more just kind of, it's more just kind of, you know, when you see people sort sort of I didn't get the feeling that he was massively taken advantage of I just thought kids just don't have any sort of relationships do they they're just like good morning darling

I love you bye they don't talk about anything it's like kids have the shittiest relationships there's nothing happening when we were kids when I was a kid, I was too scared to talk to any girls. Well, if you were in a relationship with them,

presumably you would. I wasn't in a relationship when I was a kid. I had my first girlfriend until I was about, I don't know. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. But not really anything that you would identify as a girlfriend now. I would have nightly conversations with a lass in particular a lass

a wee lass and she nightly conversations yeah like proper but what kind of what platform

the home phone the home phone the stair phone the phone on the stairs what was her name just give us her first name ma'am can you put the phone down please

give us her first name Gemma Gemma so would you call up and ask to speak to Gemma and her dad would answer sometime? I believe so. It's mortifying. Kids don't understand the struggle, do they?

Absolutely mortifying. They don't understand the struggle. Exactly. Try sexting with that. First of all... I've got my willy out. Don't take this there. You're talking to Gemma,

but you're just talking about general things. General things. General things. Like what? Just friends. The TV show Friends, etc. Yeah. But we never actually...

Were you dating? Yeah, kind of, but then... Did you ask her to be your girlfriend? Never kissed her. Did you ask her to be your girlfriend? I was fucking scared. Yes, I did. And she said yes?

Yeah. That gives you the green light to arrange a kissing encounter, doesn't it? I know. And she tried to arrange a couple, but I just was absolutely shit scared. Too scared. And your asthma, obviously. I might get too excited and have an attack. I can't breathe through my nose, so...

What are you doing to me? What movie? What are you doing to me? What is this? Can we not use our hands? What movie did you go to see at the cinema? Oh, I don't know, you know. I can't remember. Too busy getting frightened about the sexual tension in the air, clearly. But for you, it wasn't sexual tension.

It was just tension. No, it was just angina-level tension. I had the same thing. He said angina then. I had the same issue. I started, quote-unquote, dating a girl in year seven, and I would ride my bike around to her

house I think she had like an older brother and his mates would always be around there and they'd always like tease me and stuff what like sort of going oh yeah yeah

yeah you're hot stuffed here yeah that kind of stuff yeah all I want to do is play that Super Mario Brothers on the Nintendo yeah with her right okay she

could be Luigi. Yeah. Would you say she was your Princess Peach? I think I probably thought that at the time. And very much getting past the boys, her big brother, would presumably be like Bowser's, little Bowser's over and around.

Oh, Mario, you're right. I've got five Bowser's in the living room downstairs. Got one of those big bullets. Yeah. Follow me around the house. Yeah. Luke, stop eating the flowers. You're not going to be able

to fly, boys. And then I remember going on holiday with my parents and spending the whole holiday stressing about what I was going to buy her. Right. As a present.

Oh, that is stressful. Yeah. Yeah. And then, um... Later. I think it just fizzled out. Still later. I think, yeah,

I was only about 11. Ninja star. I think I had my 11th birthday while I was on holiday. Anyway, but I wanted to go out with her friend. Right. Who was my kind of girlfriend, quote, quote, girlfriend at junior school.

Okay. Yeah. Who I had a bit of a thing for all through school, really. And because obviously those of you who are listening overseas, at this time, at that time in this country, we'd leave school at 16. Yeah. So up until kind of 15, 16 I was kind of into

this other girl but she was really into boys in the year above and I'd repeated six years so I

was 22 that was a good noise that was a sriracha noise remember that was the tuna

coming back anyway but the girl the guy she was into I think he's in a bad way these days. I don't know what she's doing.

But anyway, I'm over it. One nil, Moa. It's fine, it's fine. One nil, Moa. It's fine. He's in a bad way this time. Have I had the last laugh? Yes, I have.

I've got a bloody lovely wife now, so I'm fine. Good, good, fine. Stop talking about that. What were we talking about? Oh, catfishing. So catfishing. Becoming an NFL star.

Lukey Moa, right? You always complain about when things go wrong in the studio, but I always watch you winding the bloody wires in a really tight way. It was stress from doing a show with you. I never thought you were going to say that.

I was bending them and I'm like, that's why they break, Lukey. Do they break? Yes. They're broken before I had to buy new ones. Okay. Just put the expenses in.

Exorbitant amounts of money. I heard what the expenses were and I am pleased I was sitting down for that goodness me I know I sat on my pocket what do you mean you must be skint

I am that's why I put my expense in I was like shit I've got no money is that why you're staying up all night with the dog I am tired today the dog wasn't well so I basically got a sit in the front room and let the back door open

to let the dog in and out sort of thing. So basically there's someone standing guard in case a naughty boy comes in. A bigger boy. A bigger boy comes in at three o'clock in the morning. Is it that kind of area? No, it's not, but I mean, opportunities to see an open door.

Get a little dog flap, surely. Can you do that? You're talking about Buckley? No, it's not, but I mean, opportunities are still to see. You get a little dog flap, surely. Can you do that? You're talking about Buckley? Yeah, Buckley. Buckley, you fit for a cat flap. You get different sized flaps. I guess so. Different sized flaps.

You do. Right, okay. And I think if you're staying up all night with him, I think you've earned the right to call him your dog as well. Yeah, that is fair, actually. Yeah, and I'm only up because the dog I've accessed. Yeah, you put the shift in now.

Yeah, no. Sooner or later that dog's going to tell her and go, were you legally adopted? Were you legally

adopted, yeah. Absolutely. So I'm retired and I have... Do you think your dog wishes you would go away to war?

What? Sit down a bit, peace. Like those videos when the bloke comes back from war and he sees his dog again yeah I love those

would you do a war just to come back and have that reaction yeah I mean it's over quite quickly because dogs can't remember stuff so they're just like yeah this is brilliant

I'm pleased you're back but that's as far as it goes I'm still going to do a second three does he do a second three in the morning he does sometimes do a second

can he not get any can he not get any treatment what can he not get any we've tried loads of stuff I've given him some of me malics some malics

but he's not he's not uncomfortable with stuff is he no but he will just do stupid stuff like eat bread that he finds

and it's like why is he finding bread it's your responsibility I know I try and drag him away but he finds it every time he had a he had a full slice of bloody toast

off my plate yesterday by accident. He's like, oh. By accident? He knew I was on over and he took it off my plate because he knew

I was too tight to chase after him and get it out of his mouth. Well, sit up at the table. Eat at the table. I was sitting at the table. Have you got doors on your cupboard

in the kitchen? I've gone outside. Is it like in Stafflets? That's another story. I've been DIYing all weekend. Is it like in Stafflets Flats when there's no doors on your ropes? On your ropes. I've been DIYing all weekend. Is it like in Stafflet's Flats when there's no doors, only ropes? Only ropes.

I've got all the ropes. Good stuff. But yeah, so everything's fine. So you've been doing DIY in the house as well? DIY in the house, yes. What have you been doing? Put up some solar lights in the garden. They don't work, they're terrible.

Reattached. Yeah, some of them are, some of them aren't. I reattached... Yeah, some of them are. Some of them aren't. I reattached a door handle and I reattached a door and I rewired a new switch on a light. Are you in that situation where you...

Didn't have a grounding wire. Had to get the father-in-law to bring around some wire because he's a sparky. He used to be. Well, he's signing off on your work, isn't he? Yeah, that's totally checked, isn't it? Did he have to?

Totally checked. Did you get him checked? He got one of those little stickers you put on it. Did he check it for you? It's only a light switch. Come on. But I think... Come on!

How does he... Come on! How does your father-in-law square the circle? He's an electrician and professional. He knows you. Yeah. Yeah, he exists in a world where you're doing electrical work. I'll say, Frank, you've not practiced for like 20 years so well 10 years

you you won't be up to date with all of the certificates so we're both really just you know we're just having to go out we really frank is it like like in a wild west movie where a new outlaw walks into town you just got a pair of, what are they called? Bolt crimpers. Yeah, crimpers. Did I ever tell you the story about the guy? I have told this story. I apologise to our listeners,

but I promise you I have not told this story. A Tongan man getting electrocuted in a wall. Yeah. That was fucking, that was one of the most insane things I've ever seen. I literally thought of that man as I was doing the operation. He got blown about 10 feet across the room. It was, I thought thought my initial thought was what has done that right i knew it was i knew he'd electrocuted himself yeah but i i never knew the reaction would be like that i thought it would

just be like a yeah okay on the cartoon i think it's just your it was a bang i think it's your muscles isn't it it's not like an explosion it's just your muscles all contract at the same time which obviously it's like jumping jumping in the air isn't it you know when you say you know they say that people who are drowning in real life they don't wave they're just like that ah right okay because they're tired so it's quite hard to it's quite hard to so it's quite hard to notice they're drowning because they're not doing anything. So they might just be relaxing or whatever. And people think they're waving. Hence the saying, is that person waving or drowning?

It's kind of the electrocution, how it played out in my mind was different to what I was expecting. Well, I knew that because obviously, so I needed a grounding wire and I didn't have any spare wire kicking around. So I said, Frank, can you needed a grounding wire and I didn't have any spare wire kicking around. So I said, Frank, can you give me some wire? And I installed it. He didn't ask you what it was for? Well, yeah, I said it was for a light switch.

And he's like, oh, Jesus Christ. He probably says in his mind. And I wired it up and after I went, Frank, so that grounding wire, it's basically to take the electricity back down to the ground rather than through you which is basically asking what a grounding wire was for

he must have thought oh shit so what did you do with the grounding wire well it originally it originally

had a what do you call it like a fader or a dimmer switch it had one installed but it was an old one

that didn't can't play with LEDs properly so it kind of flickers on the switch so I had to connect but this one was metal on the front

so you've got to ground it to the grounding wire as well as the back you know the little back sockety bit everything has to be grounded did it work? I'm still here aren't I?

are you staying grounded after your success? I'm staying grounded after my success got both feet on the floor you will get electrocuted exactly is that why birds I'm still here, aren't I? Are you staying grounded after your success? I'm staying grounded after my success. Got both feet on the floor? You will get electrocuted. Exactly.

Is that why birds can sit on little power lines then? What, because they're not touching the floor? I guess so, yeah. And also they're not very heavy. I don't think that counts. Does it? No, because if you grab an electrical wire, you'd be in all kinds of trouble.

Yeah, and I think they're too small for it to affect it. I think. Surely it would affect them more. Is that stuff covered? Like, is that wire like, courted? All I know is you just don't fly a kite near it.

Yeah. Because that video we watched when we were kids. Yeah. Maybe they're not courted then. Presumably that's why. We're going to be inundated with emails of people

who actually know stuff. Let's have a break. When we come back we're going to be inundated with emails of people who actually know stuff. Let's have a break. When we come back, we're going to go through your latest three submissions of battery brands to see if we can enter some new players into the game.

Believe it or not, and you need to believe it because it's true, we're still finding them. See you in a minute. I want to believe. This is the Mulder and Scully of the podcast world,

Pete Donaldson and Luke Moore. I'm Mulder because I love UFOs. And you don't believe me. I'm fucking sexy. And I'm just endlessly sexy. Oh, I've just looked at the battery. Oh, gross. Hello, Luke and Pete.

I'm Joseph. First time email, long time listener. It is with great honour that I present to you a battery, which I believe must be a new player. I found it in a remote while digging up the garden. Don't ask how it got there or why I was digging up the garden. I promise I'm not a murderer. I present AAA Micropower, and it's in an old battery pack

that is... It's seen better days, hasn't it? It's absolutely honking. It's leaked, isn't it? Yeah. Micropower, I'm afraid to say to you, Joseph, is not a new player. The first one was sent in by John

John Cairdy John Cairdy JFK who got the remedy who got the remedy on the 19th of May 2018 hello everyone is that your impression

of John Cairdy the new music guy on XFM hello everyone nice man though he's a nice man isn't he lovely bloke there is a documentary about XFM coming out

I believe are you in it are you no no they didn't ask you to be a talk in here first couple of years so obviously they just deal Lovely blog. There is a documentary about XFM coming out, I believe. Are you in it, are you? No, no. They didn't ask you to be a talker? First couple of years. So obviously they just deal with Gervais and Merchant and stuff. They just want the main ones, do they?

Yeah. I'm sure Gervais didn't want to do the interview with his old boss because his old boss is difficult to work with sometimes. Who is he? I'm not going to get into it. Can't name him for legal reasons. Tell me later. I'll tell you later. Yeah, okay? I'm not going to get into it. Can't name him. For legal reasons. Tell me later. I'll tell you later. Yeah, okay, fine.

Evening, Luke and or Pete. Nick has got in touch. Hope this email finds you well. I recently bought a cheap kitchen timer. You're a cheap kitchen timer, mate. And its first act was to check the batteries. Hope this is a new player, as I don't recall hearing them before.

Kay Rector. Welcome to the party, Rector. Extra heavy duty. Extra heavy duty. It's a new player, as I don't recall hearing them before. K Rector. Welcome to the party, Rector. Extra heavy duty. Extra heavy duty. It's a new player, Nick. Congratulations to you. Nick from Stockport. He's done us a solid and he's come up firm batteries with you.

Jevon. Jevon? Jevon. Jevon. Jevon. Ravon. Jevon. Javon. Javon. Javon. Ravon. Ravon. Javon. Hello there.

I recently changed the batteries, recently changed the batteries in my scales in the bathroom when I came across a potential new player. I've only been listening for just under a year, so apologies if they've been

submitted before. Don't worry about that, Javon. We've got Dragonhawk Super. Dragonhawk. Dragonhawk. Another new player. Really? Yeah.

Two out of three, baby. Wow. Wonderful. Dragon Hawk. It sounds like you sit around with your mates having a smoke. Someone goes, I'm starting a business. It's called Dragon Hawk. What's it going to do?

We'll start a business that sells grinders and pipes and bongs. It's called Dragon Hawk. It's going to have dragons all over the walls. Yeah. It sounds like the Far Cry DLC. Blood Dragon. Blood Dragon. Dragonhawk are a new player.

That's two out of three this week, baby. It's lovely. Two out of three. Right, Peter. I've got something for you. Yes, please. So we talked a bit about, back in the day about um crimes we're just talking about crimes okay and we talked about how i think you mentioned something around oh that's

not a crime well you can't do this this is a crime yeah and so i said so i said be great if a police officer listening to this could do pete a crime and punishment or crime and law and order quiz to see how much Pete does actually know about the law of the land. Yes. Okay. Nice. So, hello to you, PC Gordon. Hello, PC Gordon.

Who's emailed in saying, don't allow Pete to read this as it will ruin the game. So, I was confused because it just said PC Gordon there. Yeah. And then it went on to another email. I was like, what's happened here? I've got the details. Don't worry about it. He says after returning from a fantastic time

at the Commonwealth Games in Birmingham I have finally managed to listen to the podcast to find that you read out my battery brand email which brought up a few questions

and queries as I've said. Rather than answering the questions I thought I would be more entertained to play a theoretical game and throw some of the

questions back at Pete allowing him to answer and then reveal whether he's correct. I've added a few light-hearted police trivia questions based on what was asked and discussed

when you read out my email previously. This is the sort of content we should be caught up with. It's fantastic that he's done that. Thank you. So PC Gordon would like

to add a disclaimer saying the questions and answers are based on a police force that is based in the North West and may not apply to all forces across England and Wales but for the a police force that is based in the North West. Right. And may not apply to all forces across England and Wales, but for the particular police service

that PC Gordon's a part of. Right. These are correct. So these are all going to be crimes about, I don't know, scouts and, I don't know, don't pick cockles there. Don't,

what do people do in the North West? I'm not going to answer that. Because I don't know where you're going the north west I'm not going to answer that because I don't know where you're going with it it's not but mainly related to you right okay

so there's only I think there's five questions there's lots of signs in Chinese telling people not to

pick cockles where we are yeah that's Morkham Bay oh it's Leon C yeah interesting okay so the first one is a little one easy one to ease you in question one people not to pick cockles where we are. Yeah, that's Morecambe Bay. Oh, it's Leoncia. Leoncia, yeah. Interesting.

Okay, so the first one's a little one, easy one to ease you in. Question one. Do police officers still refer to themselves and other police officers as, quote, bobbies? Yeah, because it's the peelers, isn't it? Old Bobby Peel. All right, where's the button?

Here we go. Yes, correct. Bobbies are still referred to by police officers. Not a noise I've heard in Luke's game. No, exactly. Enjoyable. Question two. Can a hot air balloon be removed by police

for landing on farmland and causing an obstruction preventing the farmer from being able to farm their land? I'm going to say yes in this one, because yes. Because you're stopping him from utilising his land. What? You can't. Police officer cannot because the vehicle is on private land and not a public highway.

Ah, that's it. Of course. Police do not have the power to seize the vehicle for causing an obstruction on private land. It will be on the owner of the land to arrange and pay for the removal of the vehicle from within it. I guess the exception

would be if there was a probable cause or a warrant or something like that. Or he squished someone. So that's wrong. Question number three. Is it a crime

to trespass into someone's loft and accidentally put your foot through the ceiling? I've earned my ding. I think it's a yes. I think it is. Well, you're kind of... Yes.

And because it depends on what you do after you've done it. If you tell the owner of a damage afterwards and explain it was an accident and it's not a crime, if you do it and then do not tell the owner, it's yes, it's a crime, because the person who's caused the damage has neglected to tell the owner of the damage. It may be considered criminal damage due to recklessness

unless the person who caused it can prove they went to reasonable lengths to tell the owner but was unable to for any reason. Put it on a podcast, mate. However, Pete can relax, apparently, according to PC Gordon, knowing that a crime for criminal damage can only be confirmed by a victim of the damage and everything otherwise is considered hearsay. So you're okay anyway. Here we go, question number four.

I like learning that my crimes are actually crimes. It's nice. Will he change his ways? Tune in next week to find out. Question four, you've parked on someone's property in your car. The owner has clamped your car, stopping you from getting your lawfully owned car. You break the wheel clamp

in order to be able to take your property back and drive off in your car. Is breaking the wheel clamp to retrieve your own property from someone else's land a crime for criminal damage? Yeah, because it's private land. Yeah, that's just between

you and the owner. So you can't clamp someone's shit. No, are you breaking the law for taking the boot off? Yeah. No. Get, ah, get the sigh out.

Section 5 of the Criminal Damage Act 1971 states, without lawful excuse, a motorist who damages a wheel clamped to free his car, having parked on another's property, knowing the risk of being clamped, does not have a lawful excuse

under that act. Your final question is question five. The hit movie Hot Fuzz is a running joke that when a police officer makes a mistake, it results in a cake fine. Do cake fines exist in the real policing world? What's a cake fine? What was the cake fine?

I make a mistake, so I buy you a cake to say sorry. Ah, okay. I'm going to say yes. I reckon they do. There we go. Small and silly mistakes do result in cake fines

in the police service. Donuts are also acceptable. That's like a football club, isn't it? Yeah. A football team. Little fines, they're monetary, aren't they?

Damaging a police vehicle or accidentally handcuffing your colleague to the offender while wrestling with him on the floor can result in a cake fine. There we go. And PC Gordon puts

a little thing at the end saying all serious errors made by police officers that affect the public are of course automatically referred to the professional standards branch

and independent office for police conduct and they get a big wedding cake oh no you get a big cake you get a big wedding cake I can't remember how well you did there Pete

I suspect it was not very well no but we at least know you live the life you purport to live and you run roughshod over all society's laws and rightly so, I think.

I wouldn't know how to get a boot off a car, to be fair. So I would never commit that atrocity, but the rest of them, I'm very much in the dock for that one. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't landed a hot air balloon or something like that, have you? I have, but I wasn't in charge of it. Could you get a good hot air balloon off eBay, do you reckon?

Oh, no, you can get a bad one see how well that one flies I guess if you got a bad balloon you know almost immediately that it's not a good one

yeah that's why I thought it was weird that we said before when people shoot try and shoot them because if you don't want it on your land

don't shoot it because the hot air is going to come out of it and it's going to land so if anything you want to set a fire yeah fantastic enough

well peace of God thank you very much for that little what the hell was that in my pocket what is that it's an umbrella cover a big red umbrella cover

I've never seen you with an umbrella fuck you now well you've seen me with an umbrella alright we'll be back on Monday for more of this

happy September everyone it is indeed September now so autumn is on its way. And if you're a fan of autumn like I am, in fact, you should be a fan of autumn, I think. Autumn days when the grass is jewelled And the silk inside a chestnut shell Jet planes meeting in the air to be refuelled All these things I love so well

There we go. See you Monday. That's up. I love so well. There we go. See you Monday. Ta-ta. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.