The Luke and Pete Show - Heil Peter

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

Last week we commented on the fact that Pete is starting to look more and more like a certain fascist dictator. Well, unfortunately, his new haircut hasn’t helped the situation…Elsewhere, we hear about some deviant pudding behaviour from a potential US presidential candidate… And speaking of deviant behaviour, Pete then admits he would put a listener's fingers in his mouth. Nice.Do you have any deviant pudding behaviours? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow.We're also now on Tiktok! Follow us @thelukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You cannot, please don't tell me you asked for that haircut. You what? That is not a 42-year-old man's haircut. I asked for my usual little cheeky undercut, but he's given me, with this moustache, what can only be described as a furorific do. If that level of undercut is the medium with which he shows you how much he likes you that hairdresser fucking hates yeah it's not ideal it doesn't look good i think the glasses soften it you never saw him in glasses that's all i'm saying uh this is the lucas peach you're about to go to california for a week and you're like that you're going to be marching on charlottesville that's what you're going to be doing.

It's the Luke and Pete show. I'm Pete Donaldson. It's Thursday the 30th of March. How the devil are you doing? Luke E. Moore. Mr. L.A. Moore. Like L.A. Knights. Is it L.A. Knights or L.A. Knight?

I don't know. L.A. Gear. I thought it was a rap called L.A. Knight. No, it was a wrestler called L.A. Knight. Ignore me. It doesn't matter. So people who are listening

who don't know what Pete's talking about, welcome to the club. But no, on this particular occasion... A club I'm also a part of. Yeah. President, we're recording on... remotely, right? It makes you put a name in.

But the first time I recorded using this particular piece of hardware, this machine, as Pete would say. This rig. It took my... It took my name from my credit card account or something. Right. So it just says Mr. L.A. Moore and I can't change it. Mr. Los Angeles Moore. I'm Mr. L.A. Moore, so there we go.

I'm a gumshoe detective coming to your town. My mate Al used to get his little baby sisters, like little toddlers, to call him Mr Saturday Night and Mr Rock and Roll and stuff. So every time I went round his house, I'd say, is Alex there? What? Is Mr Rock and Roll there?

You are Mr Saturday Night, Pete, even now. I am Mr Saturday Night, even though this Saturday night, I didn't do anything apart from go to sleep, wake up an hour earlier than I thought I was going to wake up. And I've basically given myself two hours doing stuff I didn't need to do. I'm absolutely at sixes and sevens. It does give you a little, as you get older,

it does give you a little tiny bit of jet lag. Yeah, a little tickle. Girl clocks. A little tickle. I was up really early this morning off returning another rug doctor. Yes, I do have a young puppy. Yes, he will insist on pooping on the carpet.

Yes, I am. What point do you need to purchase your own? I don't know. I mean, I think the ones you can buy for the home, I think they're like kind of cut down versions. I want a proper big boy rug doctor. I need it to be housed in a separate cabin that is just for the rug doctor.

When I had my carpets fitted recently, the guy who fitted them obviously sat me down and gave me the old care instructions. Yeah. And he said, don't use anything, any chemicals, anything.

Just use a hoover and use water-based wet wipes on any stain. That's all you can use or it ruins the carpet. Well, you bought the wrong carpet there, haven't you? You're in the pocket of a big rug of big rug doctor no yeah my cup is actually made of my cup is actually knitted together with um eggshells and porridge so that's basically why it's more

expensive it looks great it's just mercury it's just this really weird mercury flubbing around oh yeah and uh so you you've recently got your hair cut, which is what we started the show talking about. And I don't like, I know you don't like it when I kind of comment on appearances and all that kind of stuff. A lot of it is because I'm genuinely interested in another human being.

It's not because I'm trying to be mean. Right. And I am also continually... But it does happen like that. And look at me. You know, you're right to say I look like a badly stuffed sofa. I've got the jowl now as well.

That's happening. You keep talking about this jowl, but I just don't see it personally. There's no more jowl now as well. That's happening. You keep talking about this jowl, but I just don't see it personally. There's no more jowl than there was 10 years ago. Just look there. Look. That was there 10 years ago, Luke. You were just busy with other things.

That's wounding. That is wounding. Yeah, I was busy with other things. Yeah, I probably was. But you do, if you don't mind me saying, I hope you don't mind me saying, and I don't mean this in a horrible way,

but you do make like an endless line of baffling decisions about your appearance right like it's like you sabotage yourself because you looked amazing a couple weeks ago with the mustache and the hair now you've got this absolutely i'll tell you what you look like you look like if um robert carlisle was asked to play hitler Right, yeah, yeah. I think I've gone back up Undercut Boulevard because I think that's my hair now forever. And I've hit 41, and that's what I'm going to be like forever. Hang on, you're hitting 42 in like two weeks' time.

You haven't hit 41. I'm still reeling from 41, look. I'm still dizzy. There's little birds tweeting around my head. It's crazy. But yeah, I'm still reeling from 41, and. I'm still dizzy. There's little birds tweeting around my head. It's crazy. But yeah, I'm still reeling from 41. And now I'm just like, well, look, it looks tidier than any other haircut. I have very shit hair.

It's very non-versatile. But the problem is I could see, I'm fairly certain the manager of the Turkish barbers was taking a picture of me surreptitiously while I was getting my hair cut. Because the guy had combed... What, to get Tinder profile? The guy had combed my hair right across one side of my head. So it was completely over one side. Yeah. One side parting.

And I've got the moustache. And I don't look very well. And I didn't have my glasses on. And so he... I think he was taking pictures of me because he looked like he was doing Hitler's haircut. So that's what I look like right now. That's what I look like right now. And so I'd like to apologise for anyone who sees me

in the next few days. You've got your haircut ahead of going to the US as well, right? Because that's probably why you're doing it, isn't it? Because you're going away for a week. I don't think it's, I mean, will I really stand out in US as well, right? Because that's probably why you're doing it, isn't it? Because you're going away for a week. I don't think it's... I mean, will I really stand out in a wrestling crowd, Luke, dressed as a fascist? No, but I'm just saying that...

Like, for example, when I go and get my haircut, when I'm paying at the end, they book me in, like, two months' time, whatever it is. Yes, OK, yeah. But is that what you've done, or have you had this haircut on purpose because you're going away tomorrow? No, no, I was returning a rug, Doctor. It is that what you've done? Or have you had this haircut on purpose because you're going away tomorrow? No, no, I was returning a rug doctor.

It was getting a bit sized. It was getting a bit long. Two birds with one stone. Getting a bit long. And I see the hair doctor. So I popped down the road and there was a Turkish barber. Because Turkish barbers, they are everywhere except when you need them.

Like they're on every high street and there's five of them. And you just always walk past one, them like they're there and on every high street and there's five of them and they and and and and you just always like you're always like you always walk past one but you never have one i've never walked into one ever really you've never gone to a Turkish barbers look at this barnet yeah i just don't know what to do with that i just like the way that that that Turkish barbers they're not afraid to touch you like oh, yeah, mate. They're very tactile. I'm surprised that you're upset. He'll just be doing the fire thing with my ears.

You know the ear hair thing where you're... And you set fire to ear hair. I've never done that one either. It's very exciting. It stinks. Especially when you get to... Especially when you're reeling for 41 and the hair's just coming out of it all the time.

Yeah. And they're just like... And he's just always got his hands like on my chest or on my back it's great stuff i love it i thought you hated that kind of thing you're very kind of gauche about that kind of stuff if i can get away with it in in in modern in common our garden you know just just day-to-day life i think i get something out of it a little kinky little kinky thrill you're sticking with that are you yeah i think i think you just sort of, I think you just sort of get to a point where you're just like, oh, I just did quite enjoying this.

I'm quite enjoying that he's sort of touching my hair and his hands are quite cold. And, oh, it's quite nice. How much did you pay? How much did you pay for it? It was 18, 20. That's decent. It's all cash in it.

So it's always, they didn't have a cash machine, a card machine. So I had to get out of the bag out of the trousers i had in the back of my car oh we talked about this last i had a 20 pound note so yes i can get my good job those good good job those banknotes are waterproof these days because that car my goodness for me i um i convinced myself some time ago that because i've basically got a really dense thick curly bouffant haircut that only a only a kind of salon that specializes in like women's hair can deal with my hair right okay yeah yeah you know like basically there's a lot there's a lot of detail involved but a lot of times when women get their hair done right yeah yeah yeah you go in there so I go

into that salon near me and I like it in there they're nice it's a good place to go and I go there every time I'm not trying to make a sexist point here what I'm trying to say is every time I go in there there's one or two women in chairs having some kind of procedure done that I don't fully understand well

it's kind of so they've got a high technical detail level yeah so me they've got a high technical detail level. Yeah. Which, for me, is comforting. It's comforting. It's comforting. Okay, but I would say that with, like, Lassa's hair and Sarah's hair, like, she'll go and get it cut

and then there's someone else who does colourings. Like, it's a colour person. It's a team. Yeah, and then there's... But sometimes she'll get it cut and then she'll go somewhere else to someone's house to do, like, the chemicals and stuff and she'll come back with new hair she'll go somewhere else to someone's house to do the chemicals and stuff and she'll come back with new hair. It's wild.

She's taking drugs. She's taking drugs. By the way, speaking of that, did you see that the government just tweeted that they're about to make nitrous oxide, NOS, illegal? Yeah, I mean

because of the littering of our local park. They've just run out. Is littering the best idea for the Misuse of Drugs Act? But they're just thrashing around, aren't they? To anything that they think might move a needle, they really are

just thrashing around. Yeah, because I think you've got a bit of Dominic Cummings energy about you. A a bit chaotic. I can see you walking into an office in Whitehall and going, do we really need shops? Yeah, let's get rid of them. And people going,

oh, look at him, he must be creative. He definitely knows what he's talking about. Yeah, yeah. And you could pull down half a million a year for that, I reckon. No, I don't think... Firing ideas out with your shoes off. With this hair, this moustache,

I don't think I can go into a room in politics and say do we need i just think i just think it's a slippery slot you'd be welcome in with open arms well yeah exactly yeah sorry yeah yeah i would absolutely thrive um the i think if you i think if the government released a story that you were um was like a think tank doing some kind of government policy and the photo was you as you are now, I reckon the Guardian would fold. I think it's a little bit like, yeah, it would be a little bit, I'd be like the new Dominic Cummings. I think it would be like, yeah,

it would be good stuff. I think you'd be more coherent than Dominic Cummings and I do not say that lightly. Can I just also say, by the way, that if you can hear me shuffling around, I'm not doing anything furtive. I've repurposed the rug in this room and now the wheelie chair is on a wood floor and it slides around a bit and i didn't anticipate that before we started so i don't apologize if you hear me shuffling around yeah trundling is the right word in it but i don't i

don't know so you you think the government are doing that just because they want to because how many people can they how many of those like swivel-eyed like proper right-wing weirdos up in like the countryside in just slightly south of the midlands how many of those people can they actually appeal to they can't win i can't win them the general election no and and also i think so so they're kind of going after the little silver canisters. Do you remember when I went to that Airbnb in the middle of nowhere? And clearly there'd been a big, no, not that one.

There'd clearly been a bit of a party. There'd clearly been a bit of a ding-dong a few weeks before. And in a cavity wall, I found an entire box of these little cream canisters. And I took them home because I wanted it to be cool and then someone was coming around my house. I just wanted everyone to be cool and then someone came around the house

and I panicked and threw them in the bin. And so like this has come hot on the heels of Donaldson disposing of his cream canisters, of his ether, of his laughing gas. Well they're doing it at the exact same time that they've stopped using the fucking silver canisters

and they're using the big, big old, you know, family-sized fucking silver-crane hairspray-sized can of laughing gas. You can buy them in big ones now. You don't even need the little silver capsules. So the littering point is moot. And all of the government, the drug advisors are saying, this is just a waste of time. Everything that they've got an issue with is covered

everywhere else. And it's not a drug. We might be a drug. Having a government advisor on drugs, and not just now, but historically, is essentially just a bit like having a health and safety person. They have to be there there yeah no one talks to

them no yeah well actually um we've got a lot of studies that say this isn't the case yeah but voting you forget it's about devoting doing it it's a lick the thick of it so it's covered it pretty well they're one of the um people in the thick of it it's like oh i've got this advisor who said this for around policy and he's like well you've done that that's not what you want to do i could get you another i've got another advisor tells me the opposite it's like well have you he said no but i'll get one by the end of the day that's how it works so i just thought it was strange i saw that pop up in my news feed today thinking oh we're really doing this kind of thing still is this what's happening but it's just it's really how we're kind of running like government policy now, is it? Well, we're not always thrashing around, aren't we?

Like they always do. They always get, we said before, they are kleptocrats, they steal, they lie, they thieve, and it always ends like this. And they just thrash around going,

oh, that's why I like them. That's why I like them because I like to see a bit of them in me. Desperate, lashing out, thrashing around, not really sure what they're doing but they'll play the hits they'll play the silly cheeky donaldson lines were you have would you would you consider a

rich and fulfilling career in politics i think it would be um i think it would be fantastic just spending all my time in the house of commons eating um subsidised foods, having a big steak and ale pie every Monday. Oh, lovely old job. I've actually... I just want a steak and ale pie, Luke. That is all my aspirations. I've got to 41, shuffling on to 42, and I just want a steak and ale pie.

Where can I get a steak and ale pie from? That's available to you. I know, I know, but it just... There's never a good time for a pie in my life. I never go, let's have a pie. I sometimes feel like if I go out, so I never make a pie at home. No. But if I go out for lunch, lunch, you can't have a pie at lunch.

Too heavy for lunch. Too heavy for lunch, yeah. And at dinner, if you go out for dinner and you order a pie at a restaurant, it feels like a bit of a waste. Yeah, there's more meat per pound, you know. There's more food per pound you can buy. Because, I mean, if there's something like, if I've got a nice restaurant and there's something

that's like, I wouldn't normally eat, like suet or something, and I sort of go, ooh, I'll try a bit of that, because that was... Hang on. You even know what you're fucking doing here. A nice restaurant. What are you talking about? A nice restaurant.

You go to a nice restaurant and you see something on the menu like suet. I went to a nice cocktail bar once and it was, I mean, admittedly, it was in a public toilet. So they knew they were just pissing about with the form. But they, in Kentish Town, and they made like a strongbow reduction cocktail where they just reduced strongbow, boiled strongbow down. You're in a public toilet drinking strongbow that you cooked down some kind of camping stove with some other people. That's not a cocktail bar. It's me and the bread guy.

Me and the bread guy. Oy, oy, oy. So what happened? Where's the suet come in? I'm just saying that when you go to like a posh restaurant, they'll have like British standards. You know, they'll be playing with, you know, black pudding. They'll be playing with like British standards. Reimagined.

Yeah, reimagined. And you sort of go, oh, I bet that's really nice. And then you try it and you go, there's still limited things you can do with suet. There's still limited things you can do with black pudding. It's still going to taste like black pudding, Pete. Put your cock away. If I went to a restaurant, say I was treating myself,

or I was going to the Wi-Fi... Treating yourself, just walking in by yourself. Yeah. Lukey's treat. This is my treat. Just grabbing my hand, just scooping up big puddings

from people's bowls. If I went for dinner and um they said we're gonna we've got um we've got like a deconstructed load of uh suet yeah tasting menu yeah i'm i'm at best you wouldn't get involved i'm not ordering it at worst i'm going somewhere else no by the way do speaking of that, did you see that, so you know, you're like professional, and by the way, he is a professional weirdo, Ron DeSantis.

Yes. I know it's not that helpful to use phrases like weird or weird because everyone's different. I get all that. Is he the one who's waging war on Disney? The place where he got married? Yes. Yes.

Okay, cool. But if we are going to, if we are going to, you know, ring fence and maybe protected species the word weirdo, I think we could all be comfortable with it being used about Ron DeSantis. I think all of Florida at this point could fuck off, could just be sent away, could just be like, they're just being too silly.

You're not talking about periods. You're not talking about tampons. All of this weird stuff is happening in Florida. We knew it was mad, but we didn't know how mad their political class could get. Surely.

We've got, I mean, I'm going to distance myself from that because we've got about... You look at the figures. Yeah. And we've got about

14,000 listeners in the US. They know. And some of them have to be in Florida. They know what they are. They know what they are. They know what they are. Anyway, Ron DeSantis,

I didn't know you were going to advocate like sinking Florida into the sea. Yeah. No, they're going to have it.

They should float away. Well, they're going to do that themselves with their climate policies. That's absolutely clear. But Ron DeSantis has,

you know, he's tentatively dancing around whether he's going to be run for president or not. We all know that. Just to establish that. And what's happened is a lot of people who know a lot about American politics have said, you know, he's really popular in Florida. He does this thing.

He's got great approval ratings. He wins these elections really easily. But on a national level, no one's fully prepared for how odd he is the fact that he's quite small and he's quite charisma free and he's a strange chap right and and never has a truer word been spoken when the week after people assumed he was going to make a presidential run he spent the whole news cycle denying that he ever ate a chocolate pudding with three of his fingers straight out the bowl that's something that actually happened that's nice did he get sidetracked did someone ask him that and he and he just he just went off on one like trump style you know when he's got something

at b in his bonnet about something he just sort of because he's more disciplined than that it's just i think he is quite a strange guy um but essentially the whole news cycle Was him talking about fingering a pudding? Was it? Yeah, because the Daily Beast basically picked up that in 2019 when he was flying from Florida back to Washington DC

on a private plane he, according to a source quote unquote enjoyed a chocolate pudding dessert by eating it with three of his fingers. And then Piers Morgan interviewed him and said, because Morgan will do any old shit, won't he? I mean, the guy will just do whatever.

And he just fired him a question on what was essentially ostensibly like a serious news item. And said, have you ever eaten a chocolate pudding with three of your fingers? And he just didn't know what to say. He was like, I don't remember ever doing that. I might have done it when I was a kid. I'm not really sure.

And it was just like, welcome to the big leagues, Rhonda Santis. This news cycle is not going to end if you don't successfully debunk the theory that you've eaten a chocolate pudding with three of your fingers. I mean, is it a cake? Like, if you can avoid touching any of, like,

the fudge chocolate sauce i think you could probably say that most puddings are mainly cake based in the chocolate arena but if you if you talk about one of those like all one of those orbs that you pour hot chocolate or fudge onto that kind of melt um like a melting death i love them they're great stuff they're great value but i would say like you could probably get away with picking one of those up. I just think anything source-based or source-punctuated, you can't be fingering it. A goo pot? A goo pot?

No way. You can't be fingering one of them? It's deviant behaviour. Down to the knuckle? It's deviant behaviour. And the thing is about this is, when I studied American politics for a bit, everyone would be like, oh, the dumbing down of this. I can't believe this is what the news are reporting.

I would be secretly sitting there thinking this is the fucking good stuff. This is the only reason I'm here. This is what it's all about. I'll tell you why. Because people make decisions about who they want to vote for for lots of different reasons. We know that. I'll be pocketbook this and I like that party that

and I identify as a conservative or a liberal, whatever it may be. But on a human level, every single one of us is going, he shouldn't be doing that. Yeah. I'll back him because I like him, but in my mind, I know he shouldn't be doing that.

It's Miliband's bacon sandwich. It is, exactly that. It's the man on the tube I saw eating a cream egg with five separate bites and two sheets of kitchen roll. It's just... It's the ex-girlfriend I had who used to eat a whole apple and then pick her teeth with the stalk.

That's just responsible eating, I would say. It's very socially conscious, very environmentally conscious. Definitely, yeah. But at the same time, if you're running for high office, do you want to be seen doing that? That's all I'm asking. So that's been an amazing thing.

And I actually think that following the widespread public understanding of just how weird Ron DeSantis gets will be joyous. Yeah. Because people have already been warmed up for that with Trump, right? And he's gone obviously from strange

to obviously very, very problematic quite quickly. Do people want a refresh? Do people want to go, do you know, obviously very, very problematic quite quickly. Do people want to refresh? Do people want to go, you know what? I'll just stick with the communal garden pudding deviant. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that's fair. Would you own it?

I think there's an element of you, if you were running for High Overs, you would own it. You get up there, do your big stump speech. First thing you do, put out a pudding from your inside pocket. Yeah. Yeah. Make a joke of it. Make a joke of it.

Get everyone to do it. Dish them out for free. There's a goo pud underneath all of your seats. Some of them have been left out in the Florida humidity and swampy heat. But you just get your fingers in it or you're not a Santus boy. De Santus boy. The goo pudding vibe is quite interesting because they've gone from millionaire pots to billionaire pots,

and now they're on zillionaire pots. Where do they go next? What have they added each time? It's a good question, but the zillionaire ones are, I think they're like chocolate and salted caramel cheesecake. And before it was just shortbread and chocolate.

Right, I see. Because I'm a big fan of... They wrap it up every time. I'm a big fan of anything salted caramel cheesecake. And before it was just shortbread and chocolate. Right, I see. Because I'm a big fan of... They wrap it up every time. I'm a big fan of anything salted caramel with a biscuit base. Oh, great stuff. Great stuff. You can't really go wrong there, can you?

You can't really go wrong. You can't really go wrong. Let's have one of those in the break that we're about to have, Pete, because when we come back, we've got... Speaking of lovable eccentrics who do strange things,

we're going to talk about the battery brands we've been sent in to the show this week by our lovely listening family. And by the way way before we go to the break have a think about this in the break everyone listen to this do you have any deviant pudding behaviors you want to share with us if you do hello at luke and peter.com it can only accentuate your chances of winning high office at some point in the country in which you reside yeah it's the look of Pete Show.

I'm Pete Donaldson. Join my Mr. Lukey Moe. If you enjoyed those adverts, I hope they were of a relatively decent volume level for you because it's literally something we can't fucking control. Have a dig at them. Have a dig at them. Have a dig at our external partners, Pete.

They do my fucking not in. No, because everyone shouts at me. Everyone shouts at me, Pete, Pete, the volume of the ads is too loud or too quiet. And sometimes one ad next to the other is quieter than the other one and it's loud and it's quiet. I can't do it. I can't fix it.

I can't fix it. I can only deal with what happens on the shows that I produce on the Stack Universe. That's all I've got. I've got no control anywhere else in my life, okay? And it annoys you a lot because that's your kind of bread and butter, the volume. Exactly! That's the one thing I can

control. Sound quality. Although I am using a slightly worse mic this week so apologies. I haven't even noticed. I know nothing about all that stuff. What I do know is that I had a big old a big old, I thought respectful, harsh but fair dig at one of our

colleagues in our industry this week. Because it just fucking annoyed the shit out of me. The stuff that he comes out with about establishing world-class basics and getting up at five in the morning every morning and all this fucking crap. I think we all know who we're talking about.

Yeah, well I don't need to say anything, do I? But do you know what really kind of, you know, this is what annoys me about it. Even Rick Edwards is having a go at him. Pardon? Even Rick Edwards is having a go at him from Eureka. Even Rick Edwards? Even Rick Edwards.

Never short of the video. But, yeah, I know. Oh, famously shy and retiring Rick Edwards. What are you talking about? Yeah, but Rick has presumably has mutual friends, has kind of a, you know, he works for the BBC on Five Live Breakfast. Like, you assume that you have to kind of of a you know he works the bbc on five live breakfast like you assume that you have to kind of keep a you know an even keel and keep it quite you know it's a very

political job that kind of thing but he just no but rick is best understood rick is best understood as a more handsome more clever more successful me we're from the same town, we're the same age, and we're the same height. Yeah. He'll be annoyed with this. He would be annoyed about this. It's like, I'm the prototype, but they ironed out all the shit, and then Rick was the finished article.

Yeah, okay. You are similar heights, I suppose. But Rick isn't known for not having opinions, is he? No, but it just surprises me when one fellow professional sticks the boot in another one, even when they're being absolutely stupid. It's because you've got no balls, that's why. I just don't care enough.

Jake is an idiot. I don't know what you're talking about. He is an idiot. He says stupid stuff all of the time. Can I make a semi-serious point here? And I hope it's kind of taken the spirit which is intended. Is that as you know, Pete, and you do know this to be a fact, I do actually spend quite a lot of my time speaking to

and trying to help young people in the industry. Is that fair? Yeah. I mean, less creepy than it sounds but yeah no i do sliding the dms what's going on no i mean as in like i so for example a few months ago i was at london college of communication because next colleague of mine asked me to go there for a graduate's open day and talking about podcasting right didn't put it on fucking linkedin didn't fucking talk about how it's a world-class behavior and i was up at 5am making notes about what i was gonna achieve that day i just did it and a lot of the stuff that

comes back from that when you speak to people who are making their way in the world and finding their way in an industry they want to work in is that they're fucking scared right they're scared they're not gonna be good enough they're scared that they're gonna have imposter syndrome they've got no confidence they've got no confidence. They've got no experience. No one's going to hire them. And this shit that people put up online like that stuff. Is unhelpful.

It only serves to further alienate a younger generation you're purporting to help. You're not helping them. You're just boasting about your own shit. That's all you're doing. Exactly. It's just kind of like, oh, and my company's got 100 players.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And I'm more prone to what I would call that kind of thing than you are. You're deeply insecure and unhappy with everything. I'm not sure I enjoyed the word deeply there, but yeah, carry on. Ironically.

I feel penetrated, strangely. So anyway, I had a good old pop at someone this week. Right. But I'm opinionated and that's just how it is you've got to be as ironically as those guys would say

you've got to be comfortable with who you are and I'm a cunt he didn't respond no of course he didn't he doesn't know who I am he's busy the rarefied

stratospheric air that he's breathing is coming nowhere near the fucking sewer you and I are in mate you're not you're not about 5 o'clock nah with all of the fuck what I liked about the piece that really got everyone He's coming nowhere near the fucking sewer you and I are in, mate. You're not up at five o'clock.

Nah. With all of the fuck. What I liked about the piece that really got everyone stood up to attention was he was saying that I'm up at five o'clock before my family. I'm the only one up. And it's like, that's what my dad does. And he's having a terrible time. My dad goes to the pub at 10, which sounds bad, but he's been up for 10 hours.

Yeah, but no one knows that. Nobody knows that. It just looks bad. Anyway. I said that in my post. I said, look, listen, I don't get up at five. Don't worry about it. I sometimes get up at eight.

What's wrong with that? I sometimes feed the sparrows too. Darren has come in with a battery brand. We should just start like a kind of self-care waffle kind of Instagram or something. You had a self-care podcast at one point. Did not go well from what I remember. Well, I wasn't providing the self-care, was I?

I would have made it fucking brilliant if you were. I wasn't involved in it. It was someone else. Darren is coming. We should just do like a battery Instagram where it's just like self-care through batteries. You know, hunting out, like, you know, like people build Lego. People hunt out rare batteries for the Luke and Pete show.

Yeah, we're already doing that, some would say. Yeah, exactly. Powering through, we could call it. Evening, chaps. Long time listener, First time emailer. I believe is the salutation required. I started midway through the Luke and Pete box set, caught up, and now I've gone back to the beginning for the full experience.

Anyway, just at work and very bored, so I took the batteries out of the remote I have access to, hoping to contribute a new play to the game, Lighthouse Alkaline. And what I like about Darren is that he's at work and he's wearing some quite heavy-duty-looking gloves. Yeah. On a very tight jean, on a lovely jean. No, that's a car seat to me, Peter.

Oh, do you reckon? Car seat, yeah. It could be a car seat background. Not your car. There's no stains on it. Well, it's not stains anymore. I've had a rug are they called a rug doctor in the back of it which sounds disgusting when

you think about it I've had a rug doctor in the back of my car any interest in that you know the David Brent

movie which everyone hated right I actually didn't mind it it was a couple of alright moments but it was mainly

shade oh can you see my cat up on the side in the background there? He's trying to get out of the tap. I can see his bum. Yeah, trying to get out of the tap. There's a really funny joke in it, which really made me laugh, where David Brenton's obviously playing the travelling salesman. He's selling these cleaning products, right?

And he says to one of the guys he's trying to sell this brush to, he goes, there you go. That's as stiff as you like and it won't damage your rug. Well, that's what I told him anyway. Anyway, sorry, that just tickled me. Lighthouse. With your rug doctor chat. Lighthouse Alkaline.

Darren, thank you for sending them in after that massive build-up. I'm afraid to say they're not new players um we have had at least one person send them in before our friend sean sent them in in around this time last year and but while searching for the lighthouse batteries and i also come across a story that our friend chris sent in way back in 2020. And he says he was basically talking about a lighthouse that has been painted like Mr. Blobby in

New Zealand back in 2001. There's a lighthouse in a place called Pencaro. I like it. Pencaro Lighthouse. They painted it up as Mr. Blobby. That came up in the search for lighthouse in the emails as well. So a little bonus for you there. But the salient point is this. That is not a new player.

No. Oh, unlucky. Never mind. Hello to Evan. Chateau Super Heavy Duty AA's. Hi, lads. For this one, I have no idea where this battery came from, but it showed up on my living room table the other day.

Given the French name, I'm guessing it showed up because of my... How would you say that? Quebecois? Quebecois? Quebecois, I think. Que showed up because of my... How would you say that? Quebecoy? Quebecois? Quebecois, I think. Quebecois. Quebecois flatmates. I present to you a Chateau Super Heavy Duty AA. I like the name Chateau. I like the branding.

I like the colours that they've used. Beautiful sky blue. It's just good stuff. I like it. Chateau Super Heavy Duty. I think this one's a new player. I do as well. It is a new player. We've never seen it before I've never heard of it before it is remarkable to me that we're still

these are still turning up I compliment Evan on a Chateau battery I also compliment him on his deliciously clean fingernails all in all fantastic submission

you know what I would break from tradition here Evan and pop every unless the other fingers are disgusting and you've just got three clean fingers for the photograph I would pop every last one, Evan, and pop every, unless the other fingers are disgusting, and you've just got three clean fingers for the photograph, I would pop every last one of your digits in my mouth.

And suck tenderly. And suckle tenderly. Dean, speaking of which, Dean Chu. Hey, look at Pete. I was walking out of my apartment building in the Philippines. Pete calls his mouth his rug doctor as well. Rug doctor. Get this in the rug doctor.

Come on. Because of your moustache. Because of your moustache. Because of my moustache. Thank you. Good. Clarification. I was walking out of my apartment building in the Philippines. I like the idea of your apartment building just being in the Philippines.

Where's your apartment? The Philippines. He's written that. It's like, I walk out of my apartment building and I was in the middle of the Philippines. When I went to bed, I was in Wolverhampton. And found this guang guang neng with a weird

backwards g battery just discarded on the side of the road after no doubt countless years of service the poor guy was just left to the elements I'm hoping it is

my fourth new player to restore some dignity to the tireless power provider Dean chewy chew with a guang neng it's kind of

gone kind of trying to change it into some weird backwards palindromic monstrosity of graphic design yeah I am Chewy Chew with a gown Neng. They've gone and tried to change it into some weird backwards palindromic monstrosity of graphic design. Yeah, I like the fact

that Dean is always emailing us in to hear from him. I also like the fact that his email profile picture is him looking very smart in a shirt and tie. He's obviously got some kind of professional job. And I also like the fact that he's sent in a new player. Gao Neng is a brand new player to the game.

So congratulations to you, Dean Chui Chiu. Yeah, I'm trying to think of it like this. If you turn it upside down, it's Gwen... No, that doesn't work. I thought they might be doing something with the backwards upside down. Anyway, Dean Chui Chiu finishes the email and indeed the show with,

I was at the Crypto.com arena the other week to watch the Warriors versus Lakers game. I'm not sure if Luke has been to an NBA game before, but whilst my jaw dropped with the sheer spectacle of the lights and sounds of sorting my sentences, I found myself nodding my head in agreement as Luke's voice kept internally stating, everything in the US is an extension

of the entertainment industry over and over in my hungover brain. It is. Everywhere is. You see a standard Commonwealth Garden Vox Pop on a local news station in the US and the person being interviewed would be

easily capable of presenting television in the UK. Easily able to present Man or Man or Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway. Hang on, that was a tarot vehicle. Ant and deck are by far and away the best presenters on british telly aren't they um they're certainly the most rewarded i think that's a very diplomatic answer i don't think

you can ever got peak tarrant um no he was good i guess he was one of those ones where like when i moved out of london i didn really know who he was, but then you join radio and, like, everyone says he's massive, and it's like he was the bloke who used to do, like, a foreign advert TV show on ITV every now and again. Yeah, because back in the day, radio wasn't really respected, and so they would

have to do these TV gigs. Like, you remember Steve Penk, who was absolutely massive on the radio? Yes. And he would only ever do, like, shit versions of You've Been Framed and stuff. Yes. He couldn't get anywhere on telly. They tried to do the same with Moyles. They tried to get Moyles on telly all the time

and it never worked. Yeah. So, you know, it can happen. Anyway, I just think that everything in the US, like whether it's the court system, politics, sport, it's all just entertainment based. That's just how they do things. I don't think it's a bad thing, necessarily.

I mean, that's probably a conversation for another time. To extend that to our universe, I'd say they look a bit sure. Right, we'll be back on Monday with more fun and games. We're doing games, aren't we? Yeah, we can have a game if you want. A game or something. We'll be back on Monday for more of this. Have a great weekend and enjoy the rest of your evening,

morning or afternoon. Look you in the mirror. Say goodbye. Bye bye. The Luke and Pete Show is a Stack Production and part of the Acast Creator Network.