The Luke and Pete Show - How to become a cowboy

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

What comes first, the problem or the Donaldson? Pete has been complaining that his house constantly needs work at the moment. Do we believe that it isn’t his fault? He also just smashed his phone, but we’ll let you decide.Elsewhere, we spend far too long reading a coroners report and we try to decide whether age should be a factor when becoming a cowboy.Want to get in touch? Email: [e-mail] or you can get in touch on Twitter or Instagram: @lukeandpeteshow. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the Luke and Pete Show. It's Monday. It is Monday. There's no denying it. Monday the 28th. If you're listening to it on a Monday, you could be listening to it later. Or we heard the back end of the last show on Thursday, a lad who'd listened to like fucking 10 hours of us in a row or something wild like that.

I think it was a bit longer than that. Good Lord. Lord have mercy. Lord have mercy. Monday the 28th of November, we are hurtling towards another Christmas period and at this moment in time, you will be in America or you'll be in kind of... Pre-recording this one because I'll be in the US. We got to.

We can't record it after the show comes out. That wouldn't work because of time. So we've got to record. I mean, everything's a pre-record, really, isn't it? It is. We would usually get them out a bit quicker. It is. And what I wanted to say,

do you want to know one of the last things I did before I flew out? Put your hand in. As we record. You were in the airport and there was like a sharps bin. So people could throw their diabetic needles on you. You just jammed your hand in it and went. This is a pre there was like a sharps bin so people could throw their diabetic needles on and you just jammed your hand

and it went. This is a pre-record. I haven't gone yet. Oh, sorry. You've confused yourself with the timeline of how the world, the universe works.

Okay. So what you've said there would have been in the future. Okay, so you don't even know what you're doing. So do that then. I'm giving you advice. Put your hand in the diabetic needle

syringe thing if you're going to answer using those parameters it's going to be a really tricky show slap the captain yeah no what I did

I'll fly out tomorrow as we're time recording I went to go see Stuart Lee on Wednesday oh yeah cool it was great lovely

it was really good it was brilliant what is the title of the show have I seen it listened to it illegally I think it's just called no it's brand new it's brand new yeah I know to it illegally? I think it's just called... No, it's brand new. It's brand new.

Yeah, I know, but people fucking bootleg stuff. It's insane. They're always very keen to bootleg and put it on YouTube, but they're always... They are not on nodding toes with modern recording devices.

They're like iPhone in the pocket. They seem to think that's acceptable. It's like saying you're going to go and arm rob somewhere, but just use a banana. If you're going to do it, do it properly. How big is a Zoom recorder

these days? Tiny. It's quite actually. No one's frisking, yeah? No, they're not. I think it's called Tornado, I think. Okay, yeah, yeah.

You heard it? I think I have heard bits of it. It's really good. I would recommend it. I know it's boring hearing other people talk about stand-up comedy but I am not generally

a stand-up comedy fan. You hate stand-up comedy. What's going on there? Well, I do like Stuart Lee though. You're going loopy. Well, I just fancied it. Right, just fancied it. I thought I'd trip myself to a night out, mate. What's going on there? Well, I do like Stuart Lee, though. You're going loopy. Well, I just fancied it. Right. Just fancied it.

I thought I'd trip myself to a night out, mate. It's not just you who likes to go out painting the town red all the time. By which I mean going to a stand-up comedy

show at seven, having one beer and being home by quarter to ten. Which is basically what I did. But it was good. Good.

Really good. He spent quite a lot of his time taking the piss out of other comics, which I liked. Yeah. Because you don't like them. Yeah, but he's got that stage of his time taking the piss out of other comics which I liked yeah again because you don't

like them yeah but he's got that stage of his career now where he doesn't give a shit yeah which I think

is always enjoyable but I think he does everything with a bit of a I don't think he does it with a tug on the cheek I just think he's done

so much slating of people people don't seem to mind I don't think so do you reckon he spent a lot of his time

well not a lot of his time but a bit of his time slagging off Richard Herring, his erstwhile comedy partner. I did some Googling. It was very funny. I did some Googling after.

I was trying to work out if there's a legitimate feud or not, but I couldn't work it out. I'm sure they're fine. I'm sure if anyone's going to take an offence, it's going to be a not see the bigger picture. I would say it's probably Richard Herring. Because he does have... I remember...

Who was that guy you used to do a six music show with? Who? Stuart Lee? No, no, Richard Herring. He was kind of like... He was kind of like a Stuart McCorney character. But he used to do a radio show with that guy. Oh, was it Andrew Collins?

Andrew Collins. And they had like a little duo going. And obviously, like, Richard Herring has other things on. You know, he's a stand-up. He's got different eyes on his fire. But I remember they had a bit of a falling out because Andrew Collins is a straight DJ. And when there was cover over Christmas or whatever,

they gave Andrew Collins solo cover. Because it's expensive. And they fell out over it. And I think they, you know, they got back together. But it was just a very public bit of fucking like two men one man getting upset about the other one and obviously a lot of his stand-up was talking about how he was the lesser successful one out of him and stewart lee and the less talented and and and i think richard herring did a joke on uh his lesser square podcast and he's very good.

Since fucking Fist of Fun, I love that duo. And I love what they both do. But he got very upset. He upset Stephen Merchant. Because he had Stephen Merchant on the show. And Stephen Merchant basically said, Richard Herring said to Stephen Merchant, what's it like being the least successful one of a comedy duo?

Obviously being self-effacing because he's also the least successful one of a comedy duo. Obviously being self-effacing because he's also the least successful one of a comedy duo. And he didn't clock, that's what he was talking about. Or maybe didn't know that he used to be in a comedy pairing with Stuart Lee and got really, really sour about it. It's just men. Men just being offended. It's just men.

Because I've started watching Grand Designs a lot. I love Grand Designs. I love Grand Designs. And it's just McLeod going around, going, well, I mean, just at the start being quite positive about it, but then suddenly going, I mean, this isn't going to be finished for Christmas, is it?

I mean, rubbish. But that's the secret to the success of that show, in my view. Because, I mean, on that Collins and Herring thing, yeah, I just looked it up and Richard Herring released a statement saying, we're not doing it anymore down to me being slightly offended

by something he has done and then Andrew Collins saying Richard is cross that I've agreed to do a show on six music without him and that was it like we fucking hell but anyway on the Grand Designs thing I've suspected that about Herring

I'm not really a big fan of his I like Stuart Lee but I don't really like Richard Herring anyway the Kevin MacLeod thing on Grand Designs I watch it all the time and what it struck me once as to why I watch it all the time. And what, it struck me once as to why I liked it. And it's great looking at the big houses, it's nice,

it's an interesting thing anyway. Yeah. And it's always beautifully shot, and it's a really painstakingly put together show, I think. But the reason it's so successful is exactly because of what you just described there. No one else on TV making sort of lifestyle programs is anything other than like saccharine

sweet nice all the time and he's actually really honest yeah sometimes even back in the day and then he still does this i haven't seen him do it for a while mate back in the day he would walk into a home built across two years at a cost of two million pounds half a million pound which was over budget with two stressed normal people with two right, as normal as you get being on Grand Designs, and you go, well, I don't like this. It's the last thing

you want to hear. It's the last thing you want to hear. So I don't know whether this is a different kind of Grand Designs because they revisit things that have gone fucking

a right shit state. Is that what normal Grand Designs is? No. Right. They have an idea, they plan it, they make it,

it's stressful, it takes longer and costs more than they expect. But these ones are like, I visited them five years ago or 10 years ago or 15 years ago. And this is what a shit state it still is or a shit state it's not still is or he's managed to rescue the thing. And so all of this season has just been, and I assume that's what Grand Design was,

men who will not fucking walk away from their own egos, they've got a plan, they're going to fucking do it, and they're going to tank their relationships with everyone they fucking know. The best part, the great kind of red flag is they'll plan it at the start, and they'll go, right, and there's somebody

who's going to be a project manager for this, and then they couldn't get a project manager, and then they go, and this is the face of fear and they'll go I'll just do it myself you won't do it yourself because those three massive hairy arse

Bulgarian builders over there are pouring the concrete they don't respect you and they can do whatever they want and it's not going to be even when it's done

and you won't even know whether it's not you won't even know whether it is or not and it's always a cut to the whole family and extended family putting wattle and daub on the wall.

You're going, well, I mean, the builders have left and the weather's turned and it's just a building site and now everyone has to put dirt and straw on the wall because I wanted an eco-home, Luke. Jonty has since given up his job as an independent financial advisor and is now running the project full time. I mean,

to be fair, these lads, they have no fucking history in this thing at all. They usually fucking work in the city or whatever and because they are bigger boys

they just go, right, I'm going to fucking do it and they fucking do it themselves most of the time. But it takes everything they've got.

Every last penny, every relationship. There's so many divorces where they've divorced and they're selling off the property because they can't afford it anymore. And it was just like, oh mate,

what are you doing? Just walk away. Cut your losses. You've fucked it. I would approach the building of my own home the way that Boris Johnson approached being a prime minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

I want to do it. I want to have done it. But I don't want the bit in the middle. Yeah, exactly Northern Ireland. I want to do it. I want to have done it. But I don't want the bit in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah. And the budgeting. Like, just budget for twice what you think it's going to cost. And just budget for the time.

You are not going to be in that house by Christmas. It never fucking happens. And the weather always turns. You're in bloody England. Yeah. You're in bloody Britain. It's going to be shit. I would pay a decent proportion

of my own quite small wealth to see you build your own home. Oh, that'd be brilliant. I've got fucking I just just Because even if you did it well,

the end result would still be hilarious to me because your idea of what a good house is would be amazing to me. So many plug points. Yeah. Plug points on every

Is anyone ever done a wall which is just power points? You know that 50 hertz hum you sometimes hear? There'd be so many wires points. Yeah. Plug points on every... Has anyone ever done a wall which is just power points? You know that 50 hertz hum you sometimes hear? There'd be so many wires in the wall. It'd be warm. It'd be like underground heating

but it'd just be electricity. It'd be 240 volts grey wiring. Oh my God. It just gets really hot. But like, I was looking at fucking roof ladders

this week because the TV aerial's come down. It's just, it's so windy on the coast. Who could have known?

And the TV aerials would get up the coast and I was flapping around. I'm like, oh God. Why have you still got an aerial on

your house? Well, we don't necessarily need it to be honest. I don't think. I don't think anything You're just going to get it down there

basically. Well, yeah, take it down. Well, yeah, you still, I think it's still nice

to have a little bit of a backup because internet can go down can I have a theory can I just give you a theory about what I think is happening here oh I'm going to fall off the roof

and die no no I'm not saying you do the full fucking rod hole but you might but I've never known someone to speak

so often about things that have gone wrong with their house when they've bought it right I've never had to worry about it before but I think you are

confecting them I think certain things are happening and you're just manifesting them yeah well I'm glad I made that guttering

just absolutely I can definitely imagine you being in the I'm not saying you have done this but I can definitely imagine you being in the living room

and the part that you've got access to is out all day and you're a bit bored you're like Alan on bank holiday and uh rather than go to the bp garage and buy 40 glass you know bottles of windscreen washer fluid you've seen a tiny little um loose piece of wallpaper yeah and you've and it's preyed on your mind for about an hour you've gone done other stuff but you've kept coming back to it and eventually after a few

hours you just pulled it and you've pulled all the wallpaper off, the plaster off. That was a Lord Baring bit of wallpaper. And it's become a project. And then you come to me and go, do you know what? Bloody nightmare of the weekend. I had to re-plaster the living room.

Yeah, but why? You're not saying why you've had to do it. I've said it before. There's just always, like there's, and you talk to any dad and they go, why would they do that? That's ridiculous.

Toilet door, just as there's three hinges, I've spoken about it before, and they put one screw in each rather than the requisite six in each hinge. So just put more screws in there. Why do they do this? Why is there only one screw? They went, one, two, three.

That's a hung door. Later. See you later. Peace out. I guess because they're saying it, they don't want to waste any screws on an old house but be honest with yourself though

are you exacerbating a lot of these problems you think no I genuinely don't think I am I'm doing my best and I'm learning stuff I'm learning that with mixed

concrete because if the TV aerials come down that's one thing but if it's come down because you got up on the roof trying to mess a wrestling move onto the trampoline and you kicked it that's one thing. But if it's come down because you got up on the roof trying to do a wrestling move onto the trampoline

and you kicked it, that's your fault. Don't have a trampoline. I like that very clearly. Because it's been the picket fence. It's now the TV aerial. Lots of stuff. But these are all things

that it's just maintenance. They've not maintained it or they've maintained it and they've done it cheaply. So now I'm having to fucking deal with someone else's cheaping out. Why are you taking the jacket off? I'm fucking angry.

It's like going to karate chop it. That's a nice lining on that jacket, by the way. Yeah, it is actually. Where'd you get that from? River Island. It's actually very nice. It's quite nice, yeah.

Yeah, very nice. Don't mind it. I've just, we just decided that we're going to decorate four rooms in our house. What's your quote? I'll beat it.

I'm not interested in you beating it. I'll pay more. I want to pay more. I'm going to fill it. I'll pay more. I want to pay more. I'm going to fill a water balloon with gloss ped. I want to. Maybe on the phone.

Pete's outside. Pete's outside the house. He's got a ladder. He's got a broom with a brush on the end. I think it's Pete.

I can't see under all the dust sheets. But we also, we know we had our bathroom done. A lot of it's settled and stuff. Right.

Shower tray? No, it's in it was a bit of it settled and stuff. Right, yeah. Shower tray? No, because it's in the bath. Bath. Is bath settled? No. Toilet? Do you need a shim in your toilet? Do you need a shim?

Level it up so it doesn't wobble around? Stop doing this. But anyway, so it's under warranty and stuff. There's a couple of bits that need doing. Called up the guy who installed it, and he answered. He goes, oh, yeah, I've had the contract with Wix terminated, so I can't help you anymore. You need to speak to them. Brilliant. Great. it, and he answered. He goes, oh yeah, I've had the contract with Wix terminated, so I can't help you anymore. You need to speak to them.

Brilliant. Great. Brilliant, yeah. Great. So I've got to go around the houses, take photos of all sorts. I wonder why it's been terminated. Exactly, yeah.

It's funny you should mention that. That's why I'm calling. My bath's in the fucking front room. That's not subsidence or settling. It's just falling to the fucking floor. Absolutely. I've got to try and ring up a fucking consumer rights

in its watchdog I've got I took out an insurance you're Dominic Littlewood an insurance but who's that it's a little fellow with a ball

little ball fella I've not watched a watchdog in just a long time Dominic oh the ex-burglar is he yes oh okay

I didn't know that if it's who I think it is is it ex-burg it ex-burglar? Ex-burglar. Let's type that in. Let's find out. Feet the burglar. Oh, he employed the services of an ex-burglar.

I thought he was the burglar. He's just a journalist, I think. Ah. Just what are you thinking? Because he's little and he can get through gaps. I thought he might. He looks like a... He's from Southend.

I know, yeah. He's right. Right. Short of talks like that. So I presume he... Because he was always talking about beating the bloody... Beating the house with burgling. I thought It was the right, right, short talk, short act, so I presume team, because he was always talking about beating the bloody, beating the house with burgling.

I thought he was the burglar. What were you going to say? You've got to call someone? Say again? You said you've got to call someone. I've got, I've got my big heavy Samsung Galaxy folders.

I've dropped it loads of times and it's smashed everywhere. But I took out an insurance on it doing just that because I know what I'm like. Oh my God. And I don't generally respect phone cases

and now I've got to ring a number and go through Allianz Insurance and go What phone are you using at the moment then? I'm using the same one

I've just not got round to ringing it to be honest It's just I don't know how do we live our lives We're just constantly You're so summing You shouldn't be paying I was fucking be paying a lot of money for...

I've ordered a ladder, it didn't turn up. So I've got my guttering, I've fixed my... Oh, it's the guttering now, is it? I told you about my guttering, I showed you a video of the water pissing out of it. Yeah. And then that's making damp downstairs. All this stuff, buy it beware.

Where was that on the fucking survey? How did the guttering break? I don't know, I think we just had a few too many torrents apparently didn't put enough they didn't put enough like you know like you have those gutterings

and you have these big bulby bits that help it helps alleviate the pipes so you're not just getting loads of water down the pipes at the same time

it gives you a bit of protection there's none of that installed right you know last time I had a problem with leaking it cost me three and a half grand yeah that's what I mean

I'm trying to stop I'm trying to prevent that to be honest I'm trying to keep the water off the wall I'm trying to keep the water off the wall I think you are exacerbating

these problems I'm not I'm just looking at them and doing the best I can you shouldn't have three problems at the same time at all times with your home

yeah I made a reference earlier that you laughed at me for right where I said it's like the money pit with Tom Hanks. Yeah. And you laughed and said no one in the room can remember the money pit because we don't remember the money pit. We don't.

We were watching it on television. So that would have been five years after it came out. When did it come out? 1986. 1986? Yeah. That's late. Wow.

Okay. Fair. One of the few examples of a poorly reviewed Tom Hanks film. Okay. What was that sexy one he did? Yeah, you kept talking about that. Whenever I think of, bearing in mind he's been working since the 80s to the 2020s, like ages, and all I can think of is a shitty film in the 80s he did about a stag do, and he, yeah, it was...

When I typed that into Google, the first result I got back was an article about a stag do and he yeah it was when I typed that into Google the first result I got back was an article called the curiously sexless

Tom Hanks where he never really does stuff bachelor party sex film oh yeah I forgot about that a sex comedy film

from 1984 you're completely right I forgot the film revolves around a bachelor party that a group of men throw for their friend Rick on the Eva's wedding

and whether he can remain faithful to his fiancée Debbie. Yeah, because he's the bachelor in it, I remember. Yes. It's kind of like an 80s, like 80s kind of Saturday Night Live Belushi type romp in the style of Very Bad Things in the 90s. Yes, yeah.

Oh, the woman out of it is dead. She died of a... Oh. Dialysis cardiomyop dead. She died of a... Oh. Dialysis cardiomyopathy. Let's have a break. We're back! I hope you enjoyed those adverts for metazepine,

alprazolam, acetaminophen, cragabalin, and hydrocodone. First of all, don't read out the medication report of a woman who's died. I will. The Orange County Coroner's Office needs to know about their fine works. Don't do it in that accent.

What accent was that? You changed it about four times. It was like a robot Popeye. Because when I read Japanese words. I read it syllable by syllable because that's how they write it. So I'm usually better at reading stuff out. But that was, yeah,

that was a shit show, that. Japanese isn't relevant either. A prazolam. A cetaminophen. A cetaminophen. A cetametophen. It's a... A what?

A seta... It's like a settling alcohol. A cetaminophen. A cetaminophen. What are you doing? It's paracetamol. I know. That shouldn't be in the coroner's report.

It's got to be a paracetamol in them. What did you do on the Luke of Peter? I read out coroner's reports. Like, really? Fucking, that'll be the next thing. So after true crime, true coroner's reports. Arguing about coroner's reports. Goodness sake.

Out of all of those drugs I read out, what do you think was the most important there was a brilliant Tim Key poem the other day it was about podcasting and it was obviously

a it was obviously it's a parody poem it's a comedy poem that he writes and I genuinely thought to myself

that would make a good podcast I'd be up for that I love his poems they're really good yeah it's brilliant should we do an email while we're here? What about our friend Paul, who's been in touch?

Do you want to read that one, Peter? Yeah. Paul... Don't say yeah if you're not going to do it. I'm still looking at the coroner's report. I think it's metazapine. I think one of the pains... Before we lost the dog,

the dog wasn't eating quite so much, so they give them antidepressants to stimulate their appetite a little bit. Yeah. And I had one. It's fine. Fell asleep. Right. Hey, look at Pete's.

After hearing about the person swallowing all the batteries, I thought I'd share some of my wife's stories from her job working in a gastrointestinal lab. We now live in Fort Worth, Texas, and while her job largely deals with nasty things, it does have some cool aspects. For example, did you know that when they're sticking a camera up and down your insides, if they find a polyp, they laser it off and then tattoo your insides

so they can see if there's been any further growth since the last time they looked? Incredible. That's clever. Very good. Clever, clever, clever. I was in a thing where a woman was, she didn't describe it, but she said, I couldn't do a certain thing because I had medical malpractice.

You know, I experienced some medical malpractice, right? And I could only think of that bad surgeon who used to cauterize his name on the side of people's livers. Do you remember that guy? Wow. He would use a cauterising wand, like, you know the thing that just burns fucking

squares of shit? Yeah, I know what that is, yeah. He would put his initials on someone's liver. Or kidneys, or whatever. That's one of the most egotistical things I've ever heard. It's amazing, isn't it?

Amazing. He got struck off for that, presumably. Yeah, yeah, when they found it. I mean, you would only need... How would you find that, though? I mean, I guess if it's really heavy scar tissue, could you see it on an x-ray?

You probably could, couldn't you? If it was quite deep. Not a perfect crime, then, is it? No, exactly. no exactly i mean if anyone else you've already got trouble there if someone opens it up to to to fix it you've got someone's bloody initials there just on the s they used to do on the desks in um exams i would have drawn a little nausea yeah anyway the story i really wanted to tell paul says uh is uh one day as her shift was coming to an end they got an emergency case arrived from the ER. Someone had swallowed

nine nails, the sort of nails you would hammer into a wall and they needed to get them out. Rather than cut the person open, they put a long magnet with a camera

down the person's throat and very carefully removed each nail one at a time while trying not to cut the person on the way out. I thought this might be in your wheelhouse.

If you're ever in Texas, come down to the stockyards for some cowboying. I'd love to see you cowboying. I hope it's just, well, I mean, that could be anything. Is it a sex movie? It sounds, it sounds, it sounds like a cowboy. You do in sort of like a lot of cities, and certainly in Texas, like they'll just have bars that are just cowboy bars. Yeah.

And weirdly, it was skew younger than what you think you would imagine like older people line dancing but it's not young kids with fucking stetsons and full double denim i'd like dancing around with their fingers looped through their belt it's their culture it's mad don't it it's mad but young people we don't just become a cowboy at 60 do you no but it's kind of like you would think that they would it wouldn't be cool you know what i mean what do you know about being cool i don't just become a cowboy at 60, do you? No, but it's kind of like you would think that it wouldn't be cool. You know what I mean? What do you know about being cool?

I don't know. What do I know about being a cowboy? I don't know. I do not know. So I think being a cowboy is actually a profession. It is, yeah, but not in downtown Houston, you would imagine. Well, I've just popped in. You don't live in London, but you're here today.

That's true. You live in Leon C c miles out of my country piles rapidly falling to bits around me yeah you're not one of those old aristocrats has got no money but loads of land in the state and you're just rapidly trying to put your fingers in dams all over the place trying to fix stuff if only i had no money i could i wouldn't be able to ruin all of the things in my house francis fulford that's you remember him francis the things in my house. Francis Fulford. That's you. Do you remember him? No. Francis Fulford. A family called the Fulfords.

And there was a Channel 4 documentary called the fucking Fulfords. Right. And there were these awful, aristocratic, hapless families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who had inherited this. Well, because I think what happens is, I might have got the details wrong here, but I think I'm right in saying what happens here in these kind of situations is they are they will just get left a country

a seat a rural county seat or whatever and they had this like 14th century castle that had just been given to them by so they were aristocratic

but they're completely hapless they've got no trade no job nothing and they wouldn't even know a god because they wouldn't even know where to start

no exactly but the castle in this case had fallen into such disrepair, I think they were only using like four rooms anyway. And then the

documentary film crew would go into one room and it'd just be full of like, I don't know, like mice and soil. No floorboards. And like animal

droppings and stuff. Magnetism. And so it was all about them having ideas about how to raise money to restore the estate. Right.

That's probably why they were doing the documentary. Yeah, exactly. So they would do like a car boot sale, but then like four cars would turn up and it would be like £10 a car or something. They were just completely hapless. Right. That's how I imagine you when you get on the train back to wherever you're going. Yeah.

Go back to my little house. Yeah. I mean, I think it fits the bill perfectly. So what I'm trying to say is cowboys, it's a profession. So they're on the ranch. Some of these ranches are huge, right? Yeah. They've got to try and rustle some cows.

Not rustle them, because I think that means steal them. But get them going. Peter, there's also an email here from our friend. And the reason I want to read this email out is because I don't know, based on what I've read and how he's written it, whether Dom has missed the most extraordinary detail of an email that is possible to miss. He says, hello to Luke and the Pete. Love the show.

Been listening since the beginning. Unless this was mentioned in an episode or two I may have missed along the way, can I request that it's time to cover Dads with Swords? I think about this video probably once every six months, usually after a few beverages, or two I may have missed along the way. Can I request that it's time to cover Dads with Swords? I think about this video probably once every six months, usually after a few beverages, and when you reach that level of tipsy, your brain starts searching for the nonsense that makes you giggle. I think this is right up the Luke and Peacho family street.

Dom. And it's a video of Dads with Swords to the tune of Girls on Film by the great Duran Duran about a load of middle-aged men throwing swords around in an infomercial style. It's very, very odd. Jesus Christ. They cut different pigs up.

They cut leather. They're just swinging swords around and saying, buy a sword for like $200. It's mad. I don't think that Dom knows that you did that video. He must do. That's why he's writing into this, surely. No? But he doesn't say that in the email.

He just says, I think you guys will like it. Well, we do like it because Pete did it. Pete invented it. I've just looked on the YouTube. 100,000 views. That's the most successful video you've ever done. Yeah. Is it?

Well, it took 11 years. Don't worry about it. Well, share it in the social media. 100,000 views. That's wild. Didn't put the ads on. Imagine that. You'd be like,

imagine if you just checked your bank account one day. Yeah. Oh, that sweet ad revenue dropped in. I think you'd get about 100 quid. I'm surprised it hasn't been taken down because it's to the tune of Girls on Film. Certainly is. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. Why would the YouTube algorithm not have scraped it? I don't really know. I'm surprised it hasn't been taken down because it's to the tune of Girls on Film. Certainly is, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Why would the YouTube algorithm not have scraped it? I don't really know. It's so kind of, it's so sort of spotty and bitty. I never understand. And it's very much like, we have a running battle on the rest of my YouTube where we just sort of, we'll put something up

and then two days later, WWE will notice that it's up. And then they'll go, well, you need to tear that down. And then we'll go, we'll copy and paste the legal argument that it's fair. And then they'll go, well, you need to tear that down. And then we'll copy and paste the legal argument that it's fair use, et cetera, et cetera. And they go, oh, okay. And they do it to every video we put in.

Every video we put in. And it stays up. And it stays up, only because Michael Banyabat is very good at arguing the toss. But I don't know why they've got an intern. Can you get money from it then? I think we could do, yeah.

Again, it's fair use. We're just kind of looking at something that exists. I mean, they more get upset because our video that we just done yesterday is the one where Rowdy Roddy Piper blacked himself up and the WWE kind of don't want to see that, to be honest. They've tried to wash their reputation. They've tried to wash their hands of that, to be honest.

Did they not do a storyline once where one of them got a brain tumour and it made him really unpatriotic that kind of rings a bell oh that sounds about right might have been Hacksaw what so he got a brain tumour

and he I mean he's always like he's had numerous spouts of cancer so right that's almost he's still knocking about

life in the tent yeah we met him yeah he just rang the bell for the all clear for the second or third time bloody hell lovely old man big old hands

beautiful massive massive mitts before we go finally for now let's finish up with this email from Ben who says

dear Luke and Pete I've attached a picture of my recently tidied wire drawer I needed slash was asked by my lovely wife to sort it out prior to moving

house next month. The wires and stuff on the left got binned and the other wires I couldn't bear to part with. They are the wires that I love. So they stayed neatly coiled and never to be used for at least another four years. P.S. These are just the wires she knows of. Cheers Ben. Cheers from Ben.

Soon not to be in Cambridge. Picture there Pete can you see it? Do you want to have a look at what he's done there it does look like a pretty good pretty good job I actually made it bigger because I wanted to look I wanted to get a good look

at his wires chucking away a kind of wireless internet router there yeah I mean that's an old Virgin

box or maybe I can't remember or BT maybe chucking out a Roku remote as well, by the look of it. Roku remote and a Now TV box. A lot of coaxial cable kicking around. You've got a dual coaxial signal booster there. You've got a rechargeable battery charge.

You've got a couple of wireless charging batteries there. Is that the aerial? It looks like a little aerial. Sorry, that's the stuff he's keeping. That's the stuff he's keeping. On the right, he's chucking away stuff. He's put stuff in the drawer that he's chucking away. It doesn't make any sense.

But that includes some old energizer batteries and what looks like some curtain hooks. Yeah, fair. Or I think they're the ones that you nail into the wall to hang a light painting, I think. There we go. Good stuff. Good to see.

Listen, it's the everyday Flotsam and Jetsam of life that we like to hear about from our listeners. Get it in a landfill! Shove your e-waste in the floor! There we go. For generations to come. There we go.

Poison the well. Peter. What? Don't salt the earth. Not on this show. We will be back, of course, on Thursday for more of this stuff.

For more of this mountains are terrible stuff as the northern boys would say you send that to me so constantly for those who want to look inside the curtain

I take great pleasure in messaging Pete so he sees a WhatsApp notification from me and goes oh I wonder what that is maybe it's work related

I better look at it and it's just a screenshot of that quote from the northern boys going shoveling mountains are terrible stuff terrible stuff terrible stuff and now you don't

really even reply you just kind of let it go well I just know it's coming it's fine yeah and also my

meme game these days is quite a lot bigger better than yours isn't it I mean all we both do is send each other pictures of Trash Can Paul's

Instagram profile where he finds the best ones and Shithead Steve Shithead Steve not seen him no I follow a few that get a bit sexy sometimes.

Like, hey, I found this girl's OnlyFans. I'm on the train. Yeah, I also... I didn't need that. I don't like it when they do that

and I don't like it when they try and sell you a product. I sometimes need that. Sell you a product, don't they? Like what? So they'll go, oh,

you know... Oh, I have this t-shirt. Yeah. I have this Christmas jumper. Yeah. Are we still doing Christmas jumpers? It's a cost of living crisis.

You just don't wear a Christmas jumper. No, it's why you should do one. So you don't have to put the heating on. That's true. That's true, actually, yeah. Fine. Do a jumper. Do a jumper.

Save some money. All right, Peter, take us out of here. Oh, bye, everyone. We'll be back on Thursday for Battery Brands and Stuff. Why did you sound like you'd never done an outro to a show before? Oh, bye, everyone. I need a poo. You sound like Garth when Wayne an outro to a show before? Oh, bye everyone. I need a poo. You sound like Garth

when Wayne doesn't come back after the ad break in Wayne's World. That's exactly my vibe. Yeah. Exactly my vibe.

You'd miss me if I was dead though. Hello at lucanpeach.com, at lucanpeachshow is the social media. Thank you for sticking with us.

Leave us a five star review wherever you get your pods. You have actually been doing that and I do actually want to end by saying that I was actually very surprised and touched when I saw on Spotify

the average rating for the Luke and Peter show went up recently. Good. At 0.1 of a percentage point. Lovely. Which I think is something to be celebrated, isn't it, Peter? I think so, yes.

I'll tell you what it is now. I'm just going to get it up. It is right up there now. 4.9. I think so yes I'll tell you what it is now I'm just going to get it up it is right up there now 4.9 4.9 he went back and edited this in the luke and pete show is a stack production and part of the acast creator network